NOOOOO!!! Not another lame ‘first’ post!!!

Sadly, yes! 🙁

Root. For. Injuries.

Pray. For. Video.

The thing that always strikes me about Newsmax is that the ads are clearly for dumber, more gullible people than most. I get around the net a bit, and I do see plenty of ads by grifters and scammers, but you go to certain places and it just hits a new low.

and it just hits a new low

“Damn, man” – P.T. Barnum

If you want to read something horrifying. Not for the faint of heart. In case you wanted to know what my worse nightmare reads like:

UPS 747 Dubai final report

what does rep. king have against people with big hands?

That’s one of my worst fears–knowing you’re going down in a plane and having a couple of minutes to think about it. NO THANK YOU.

“9. The Captains blood sample was positive for ethylalcohol with a concentration of (11 mg/dl). ”

Talk about foul language. 80mg/dl is considered bad for driving. Less than fofty is considered safe, tho the phrasing is negative.

That’s one of my worst fears–knowing you’re going down in a plane and having a couple of minutes to think about it. NO THANK YOU.

Yeah. At least the pilots had something to do and some hope that they could pull it out. I read once of a passenger plane that (I think) had something like six minutes of chaos before they crashed. That would be pretty much unbearable.

“38. The oxygen selector position cannot be viewed whenthe mask is on…”

Raise your hand if you’ve been sexted by Anthony Weeeeeener.

I haven’t gotten like 24 texts from him, I’m just asking.

*raises hand*

I never get to sit with the kool kids.

*kicks dirt*

If only Gov. McDonnell were sending selfies showing the Rolex and cashola, maybe his case would be getting more attention. He may be one helluva crook, but he’s not much of a narcissist.

Well that’s embarrassing. I misread tsam’s comment to be “Raise your hand if you haven’t been sexted by Senor Dick.”

Fucking reading comprehension, how does it work?

It looked like this: 8====)

It looked like this: 8====)

E-Stop button with multiple mechanical interlocks?

E-Stop button with multiple mechanical interlocks?

TECHNO WIENER will not be amputated. Actually, maybe he should put an emergency stop on his phone camera…

Racial Warfare was a 1970s Roger Corman production, was it not? I think it was double-billed with “Whitey, You Stink!”

Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. Steve Jobs pimped his relationship with Dalai Lama instead of emailing selfies surrounded by that sweet sweet cash to every .mac user on the internets.

(When Jobs died it was revealed that he never gave money to charity, one more sign among many that he was NPD all the way baybee.)

Rick Scott, otoh, is an NPD who thinks that cash absolves all sins, so any horrible thing done to acquire it will be justified in the blood of that gargantuan net worth–and so far he hasn’t been wrong. I mean, as long as he surrounds himself with toadies (he even replaced his dog!) and never exposes himself to unfiltered local news coverage.

YOU FUCKERS HAVE BEEN BUSY!
.

Rick Scott, otoh, is an NPD who thinks that cash absolves all sins

Tell me about it! I used to work for that sad motherfucker.
.

The thing that always strikes me about Newsmax is that the ads are clearly for dumber, more gullible people than most. I get around the net a bit, and I do see plenty of ads by grifters and scammers, but you go to certain places and it just hits a new low.

You mean I CAN’T add $152,000 to my Social Security benefits with a weird trick?

(Why are there never any “normal” tricks?)

(Why are there never any “normal” tricks?)

Cuz at $200 an hour I don’t expect vanilla…

BS, it’s a variant of the original “one weird tip” ad campaign for losing weight:

Online Ad Scams, Part 1: Tip for a Tiny Belly and Other Snake Oil

By Pam Baker
E-Commerce Times
09/16/11 5:00 AM PT

In time, the FTC will likely make the ubiquitous “1 Tip for a Tiny Belly” ad toxic — the equivalent of a sign that says “Hey Feds, I’m a Crook” — and the ad will no longer be profitable. When that happens, the criminals will not abandon the tactic, though. Instead, they’ll just make and replicate a new ad.

You’ve seen the ad a thousand times on the Internet: “1 Tip for a Tiny Belly” says the hand-lettered headline above the crudely drawn swelling-and-shrinking belly. “Cut down a bit of your belly everyday following this one weird tip,” it goes on to say.

If starvation caused by having funds continuously siphoned from your bank account counts as a weight loss program, then maybe the ad lives up to its claim. But otherwise, no, it’s a scam, according to the FTC.

“The recent actions of the FTC against a number of ad scams relating to diet and weight loss products is the latest in a long line of such actions,” Steven J.J. Weisman, an attorney and senior lecturer at Bentley University, told the E-Commerce Times.

And yet, the “1 Tip for a Tiny Belly” fraud continues to this very day.

It should be noted this article is 2 years old, the “One weird tip” got smashed by the FTC, but, as you noted, variants are allowed to florish.

A wingnut and his money are soon parted by internet grifters, IMHO.

MOAR KITTENS

KITTEN JUSTICE!

I CAN COUNT TO POTATOE!

SOMEBODY TAKE THE WORMS OUT OF MY BUTT!

WHERE DID I LEAVE ME MEDS?

News flash for Rep. King of the Dingbats: No one has bought Mexican (or Colombian) reefer since the mid-1980s, at the latest. Not that I’d know, mind you, but I hear it all comes from someplace called “Humboldt County,” which is, I think, in Oregon, & points north of there.

Tweety Matthews noted today about the pride of Iowa & creepy-ass crackers everywhere: “This isn’t some slur out of anger when you’re driving in traffic & yell at somebody. This is a guy who sits down & thinks through how he can describe in the worst way the people he has no respect for.”

That’s one of my worst fears–knowing you’re going down in a plane and having a couple of minutes to think about it. NO THANK YOU.
You too will be dead, & you have (we hope) yrs. & yrs. & yrs. to think about it. (I know I’m always thinking about it.) A few mins. thinking in a plane is sweet fuck all compared to a lifetime of existential agony. And in a plane dropping from the sky you know the end won’t hurt for more than a sec. or two.

The thing that always strikes me about Newsmax is that the ads are clearly for dumber, more gullible people than most.

Feature, not bug:

“Dear NewsMax Reader,” this appeal began, leaving no doubt that whatever trust that publication had built with its followers was being rented out wholesale. “Please find below a special message from our sponsor, James Davidson, Editor of Outside the Box. He has some important information to share with you.”

Here’s the information in question: “If you have shied away from profiting from the immense promise of stem cells to treat disease because of moral concern over extracting stem cells from fetal tissue, pay close attention. You can now invest with a clear conscience. An Israeli entrepreneur, Zami Aberman, has discovered ‘an oilfield in the placenta.’ His little company, Pluristem Life Systems (OTCBB: PLRS) has made a discovery which is potentially more valuable than Prudhoe Bay.”

Weep for poor P. T. Barnum, born over a century too soon.

MBouf– there is a certain comfort in going down slow.

An Israeli entrepreneur, Zami Aberman, has discovered ‘an oilfield in the placenta’

Always with the salt dome envy.

Thanks tensor, that’s a terrific link.

You too will be dead, & you have (we hope) yrs. & yrs. & yrs. to think about it. (I know I’m always thinking about it.) A few mins. thinking in a plane is sweet fuck all compared to a lifetime of existential agony.

Sure……………..then there are those of us who long– long I say, for Death’s sweet embrace!!

I made out with a vampire gal……….felt real good, but look at me now!!

I made out with a vampire gal……….felt real good, but look at me now!!

She dresses up in black and wears a red rose in her hair, I know she is a demon, but somehow I just don’t care.

An oilfield in the placenta. Some thoughts:

1. Yuck you very much.
2. Great, the dumbfuck GOPs who read NewsMack will claim women don’t need birth control or welfare because they can support their families on money earned from placenta squeezings.
3. I imagine there’s an extra appeal to these sick fucks in the thought of getting rich off pregnant women.
4. When the money fails to come in, there’s a greedy Jew waiting to take the nlame.

BLAME.

And in a plane dropping from the sky you know the end won’t hurt for more than a sec. or two.

The last thing to go through your mind in a plane crash? – Sheet metal.

An oilfield in the placenta. Some thoughts:

Drill Baby Drill!!!

placenta squeezings

Godsdammit, now I can’t finish my extra pulpy orange juice.

Placenta squeezings aren’t pulpy. You’re thinking of placenta puree.

Bottoms up!

OOH I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Do you need a straw? Or a spoon?

As a distraction from this placenta talk:

For reasons I think* were to do with having come from the sporking of the female MRA**, I initially read Whale Chowder’s stage direction “*kicks dirt*” as “*fucks dirt*”.

You’re welcome.

* But that’s just a guess. I have no idea what was in my head, apart from “This female biped’s article is proof that humans, as a species, do not deserve to continue existing, as our every breath is an active theft of oxygen from life-forms that might one day become intelligent beings, an attempt at which we have miserably failed.”
** The long-suppressed collaboration between Joanna Russ and John Norman.

That’s one of my worst fears–knowing you’re going down in a plane and having a couple of minutes to think about it. NO THANK YOU.

Which is why if the inevitable came to pass and a steward-person came into the cabin asking if anyone had flying experience, my hand would shoot up immediately, as I would rather spend the time attempting to learn the finer point of landing the plane, rather than obsessing about imminent death.

Also, too, happy to see some of the former blogging over-loards return to the fold!!!

Woooooohooooooo!!!
…

a certain comfort in going down slow
Sho’ nuff. Soon as I typed it I thought of this.

“Please write my mother …”

Holy moly, Major Kong, that is one scary-ass linky you posted. That’s going to give me nightmares, and my dad the commercial pilot has been retired for years. Also, too, is it just me or is that scenario just a leetle too close to Swissair 111 for comfort?