May
17

Benghazi Bites




Posted at 1:18 by Cerberus


If only we could have relief from wingnuts using our complicit media to gin up non-stories that displace genuine news… Oh fuck, that’s not funny, that’s just sadly true… I think I need to do some introspection on my life choices.

Sally Zelikovsky, American Idiot:
Obama thinks liberals are stupid

Benghazi. Benghazi. Benghazi. Benghazi. BENGHAZI!!!!!

It’s been pretty painfully obvious what the money men have been ordering all the winged monkeys to rant about for their wingnut welfare as of late. In possibly the most obvious case of manufacturing a story out of nothing in… well, months… maybe, every Tom, Dick, and Hairy Nut Sack on every wingnut blog has been cranking out post after post about Benghazi and how this is totally going to impeach Obama.

Which is impressive, because if Benghazi were any less of the story, it’d be… well, probably the oh noes, IRS looked into a Tea Party organization story that some of the more desperate wingnuts are hoping will lead to impeachment. And all attempts to manufacture something out of this story just make me think more and more about the genuine intelligence failures that lead to 9/11 or the various cover-ups done about the intelligence for ginning up support for the Iraq War and torture. Which, of course it should, seeing as how the only reason that wingnuts are pretending to care is a) out of open revenge for how liberals commented on that shit during Bush’s term and b) because having finally accepted the reality of a black president, they are now committed to manufacturing whatever BS excuse they can to impeach him away.

So, unless the wingnuts come up with something spectacularly batshit, this will be my one and only post on this made-up non-story, because fuck right-wingers getting to dictate the national “topic du jour” whenever they damn well want just by being loud and crazy.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • My dear, foolish, liberals, I have proved my intellect fierce on this day for I have noted the impossibility of someone knowing that something was terrorism and saying so and then later, by which I mean, the same sentence, not know who did it or why they did it. And as we know, when it’s terrorism, it’s impossible to not know who did something and why if we know it occurred. QED.

Which yeah. That’s pretty much it.

And what makes it even more amazing is that this article was written AFTER the Boston Marathon bombing in which everyone, including right-wing websites like the American Thinker, knew that it was terrorism but didn’t know how or why they did it until days afterward.

I mean, I can understand writing an article like that back when Benghazi first happened… maybe… if you had suffered a traumatic brain injury. But a handful of weeks after the Boston Massacre and I’m left wondering if this was just sitting in the can waiting for when the marching orders to pretend to give a fuck were passed down or if that Daily Show joke about conservatives being unable to remember history beyond a week is sadly, true.

And yes, for added fail they quoted the president saying this:

“The Day after it happened I acknowledged that this was an act of terrorism.”

“What we have been very clear about throughout, was that immediately after this event had happened we were not clear who exactly had carried it out, how it had occurred, what the motivations were. It happened at the same time we had seen attacks on the US Embassy in Cairo as a result of this film.”

“Nobody understood exactly what was taking place during the course of those first few days.”

“Suddenly, three days ago, this gets spun up as if there’s something new to the story. There’s no “there” there.

And followed it up by saying this:

Obama claims to have known the day after the attacks that they were an act of terrorism. (He’s claiming that his Rose Garden comments about terrorism in general amount to a statement that the attacks were terror-related, but this is not the case. However, for the sake of, ahem, clarity, let’s assume it is.) So, thus far, we have:

Day After. Obama. Terrorism.

But, immediately after it happened he wasn’t clear who did it, how it occurred and the motivation. So:

Immediately After. Obama. Unclear.

Obama knew it was terrorism the day after, but immediately after, it wasn’t clear. When exactly does “immediately after the attack” begin and end before it becomes the “day after”? Isn’t the “day after” it happened pretty much the same as “immediately after” it happened?

And somehow she thinks this will reflect poorly on Obama, because… conservatives really are that stupid.

But hey, why stop there. If this is the only post I’m going to be doing on this non-story, might as well crack all the nuts.

Bonus Paid Whore

Rich Lowry, National Pretense:
Benghazi Patsy

I lied when I said there were two main reasons that the wingnuts were circling around Benghazi. There are three. And the third is absolute reflexive anger at the notion that the actions that wingnuts take could possibly have any meaningful consequences. So when it seemed at the time like the Benghazi attacks were connected to related protests about a piece of right-wing Christian hate about Muslims produced by one of the Evangelical psychopaths we’re so damn good at manufacturing, it made all the other Evangelical psychopaths a wee might twitchy and self-introspective.

And Bob-damnitt, they will never ever forgive Obama for ever making them think about the consequences of their actions.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Free Mumia! I mean, that guy who violated his parole in unnecessary fashion in order to make a hate film about muslims that he didn’t even have the balls to stand behind with his real name.

Yeah, Nakoula Basseley Nakoula is a right-wing hero now for daring to make a cheap little propaganda flick about the evils of muslims in order to fleece the Evangelical rubes. Which given some of the right-wing hero choices of late like Anders Breivik and George Zimmerman, this is sadly a step up for them.

And since wingnuts apparently only love law-and-order when it’s being used to illegally detain brown people and hate it when it actually responds to illegal activity by rich people or honorary conservatives, they’ve decided that Nakoula being busted for straight-up violating his parole on 8 separate occassions is somehow a moral outrage.

A parole which was part of a laughingly tiny sentence for multi-million dollar bank fraud in which he was convicted in 2010, but was already out and wandering around being a dickwaffle by 2012 and in which he was supposed to not use the internet without permission or use a fake name again (both easy things to avoid that he failed amazingly thoroughly in order to make his hate video).

But if you hear the wingnuts wail, you’d think he was the last of the true political prisoners, jailed for merely speaking truth to power with a journalist’s eye. No seriously:

You won’t find that anywhere in the charges against him, of course. As a practical matter, though, everyone knows that Nakoula wouldn’t be in jail if he hadn’t produced a video crudely lampooning the prophet Mohammed.

Violations of parole would never be enforced if they weren’t punishing him for having the rare wit to rant about the evils of Islam for an hour. And he’s serious about that…

Which I guess makes sense. Conservatives have repeatedly demonstrated that they earnestly believe that laws simply should not apply to “their tribe” of rich conservative assholes. And I can only imagine the outcry if a poor black writer even loosely approximated saying the same.

The second is that he has a history of fraud. A few years ago, he was sentenced to nearly two years in jail on bank-fraud charges. Using a false name, Nakoula gulled actors into appearing in his video on the pretense that it was a desert epic. He is not going to win any good-citizenship awards, and he violated the terms of his probation by using an alias (something Nakoula admits).

A violation of probation, though, usually produces a court summons and doesn’t typically lead to more jail time unless it involves an offense that would be worth prosecuting in its own right under federal standards. Not for Nakoula.

Since when? You go on parole as a “good behavior” thing (usually accomplished by claiming you found Jesus in prison) in lieu of serving out the rest of your term. If you fuck that up by immediately returning to the behavior that got you tossed in jail in the first place, you are sent right back to prison to serve out the rest of your sentence. That’s the fucking point of parole.

But hey, I guess parole violations are another thing that’s OKIYAR.

And I lied again earlier when I said there were three reasons. There are actually four

Shorter Every Other Wingnut in the Jungle:

  • Wah! Benghazi was supposed to be our Iran Hostage Crisis preceding a glorious new Reagan era in The Smiler and his unholy reign. And you fucking liberals cock-blocked us. We would have totally won if you hadn’t cock-blocked us, so ipso facto, you cheated and we ipso facto, actually won the election, so depart naer do well and apologize to your white proper master for not letting him steal the election as he was supposed to.

And since this is pretty much the real shorter of the other three reasons as well, this is why I can’t be bothered to waste any more neurons on this made-up bullshit.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Unless it turns out that all the Benghazi conspiracy theories can morph together like Voltron, I don’t see myself giving a single fuck in the near future no matter how loudly they scream. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

193 Comments »

  1. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 1:26

    Furst?

  2. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 1:26

    Hahahahahaha fuck you Bozo!

  3. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 1:30

    I have been quite amused to see them dancing around frantically, making wild oral gesticulations, spinning themselves furiously, desperately trying to find something in the Benghazi slory – ANYTHING DEAR GOD PLEASE ILL TAKE ANYTHING – to use as a political weapon. The media is so funny that way. Oh, yeah, the whingers are craycray funny too.

  4. gocart mozart said,

    May 17, 2013 at 1:40

    “A violation of probation, though, usually produces a court summons and doesn’t typically lead to more jail time unless it involves an offense that would be worth prosecuting in its own right under federal standards.”

    Maybe on planet wingnut this is true, but here on planet Earth people have their parole or probation violated (which is it, parole is stricter) for things as minor as failing a drug test, missing a counseling sessions, moving without notifying your parole officer, or violating any condition of their parole.

  5. gocart mozart said,

    May 17, 2013 at 1:42

    And the burden of proof is only >50% and if you’re V.O.P.ed you go to jail.

  6. gocart mozart said,

    May 17, 2013 at 1:43

    Also too, stop casting aspersions on my asparagus!

  7. Smut Clyde said,

    May 17, 2013 at 2:02

    Isn’t the “day after” it happened pretty much the same as “immediately after” it happened?

    Ah. If someone admits to not knowing the full facts immediately after some event, there is no way that the information-gathering resources available to the US could have provided him with any facts within the next 24 hours.
    Therefore Obama does not get any credit for describing the Libya attack as terrorism, because he must have been lying.
    This person is genuinely not sane.

  8. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 17, 2013 at 2:10

    I cast aspersions on them leaving their stinky asparagus pee all over our political discourse. We’re on Year Five of the Great Eight Year Shitfit at this point, and it’s a good thing I’m not a gun-totin’ patriot or the next time Lindsay Fucking Graham pops up on my TV screen I’d be forced to channel Elvis.

  9. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 2:20

    “That must have been one really bad pilot”

    –G. W. Bush, pre-9:00 am, September 11 2001

  10. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 2:33

    What galls the shit (or shits the gall or whatever) out of me is apparently the news media is willing to allow these eeedjits to come on and spew about HOW BENGHAZI IS MORE WORSE THAN ANYTHING EVER and nobody fucking calls them on it, not that I can tell anyway.

  11. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 2:34

    Admittedly I pay very little attention to the new lately, this very issue being one of the many reasons.

  12. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 2:40

    Probation is a sentence. Probation means you behave gud and you won’t have to go to the slammer. Parole is release from prison before the full sentence is served. Violate the conditions of your parole and you are generally sent back to teh hoosgow to serve the remainder of your original sentence. If, in violating parole, additional crimes are committed the perp will have the senetences for those ADDED to the sentence.

  13. jim, in yr paradigm-base killing yr narrative-dudes said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:03

    Sometimes the truth slips out.

  14. Major Kong said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:11

    Sometimes the truth slips out.

    Oh dear, I read the comments.

    Why oh why did I read the comments?

    (curls up in a fetal position and starts sobbing)

  15. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:12

    The worst part of this story if it’s true is the crack cocaine abuse. But just slightly less worse is that all sorts of people will have to apologize to Sarah Thomson.

  16. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:24

    madisonian larsmadsen • a day ago ?
    Why did the Obama administration see to it that the producer of an opinionated video be put in jail, after falsely blaming that video on a deadly terrorist attack that killed four American officials?

    Oh, I seeeee.

    It was merely an “opinionated” video, a regular fucking CBS documentary. Right. Totally not an epic attempt by evangelicals to troll Muslims. Nope.

  17. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:32

    Whups. Didn’t mean to go so far OT so soon. Although crack cocaine abuse might help explain the reactions to Benghazi.

    Although it never went so far as naming names and burning sources, this is indeed a big change in the behaviour of the press. Unless there was some sort of “both sides do it” follow up.

  18. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:32

    Right wing crayzee – the new normal.

    Hey! Lets play the fave whingnut game of dictionary definitions.

    the persecutory type of delusional disorder, which is also called “querulous paranoia” when the focus is to remedy some injustice by legal action.

    < OH MYYYY!

  19. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:35

    FYWP &lt; does NOT mean unknown tag. There’s a “George Takei ” tag there gawdfuckingdammit.

  20. Shakezula said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:42

    I heard that if you play his speech backwards you’ll hear the whitey tape!

  21. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:43

    If only Chief Editor Korir was here he would get to the bottom of this!

  22. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:47

    UMBRELLAGATE!!!!

  23. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:48

    BROLLYDOOR!

  24. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:49

    BUMBERSHOOTHATCH!!!

  25. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:50

    Also, moussaka tonight. YUMMERS!

  26. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:57

    Teh Ho informs me that a post at freeperville has almost 40 replys. Another post about a possible Uzbekhimsnistanstan terrorist in Udaho has one reply. In the UMBRELLAGATE thread someone says “this is the most impeachable offense of all.”

    They’ve gone completely insane.

  27. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 3:58

    FYWP and FYiPhone. The hot topic with the freeps is UMBRELLAGATE.

  28. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 17, 2013 at 4:03

    Of course wingnuts are shrieking their heads off about b.s.

    They agree with the actual bad things our government is doing.
    ~

  29. jim, in yr paradigm-base killing yr narrative-dudes said,

    May 17, 2013 at 4:25

    Oh dear, I read the comments.

    Heh heh … I just added my two bits’ worth.

    tl;dr: STFU & TAKE YER FRICKIN’ MEDS.

  30. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2013 at 4:53

    Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, that umbrella shit is crazy. Who the fuck really cares? They made less of a big deal about shameful conditions at Walter Reed Medical Center during the Bush maladministration than they are at this nontroversy.

  31. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 5:50

    UMBRELLAGATE?

    Did I miss something?

  32. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2013 at 6:28

    Where’s DKW to talk about Rob Ford?

    http://gawker.com/for-sale-a-video-of-toronto-mayor-rob-ford-smoking-cra-507736569

  33. VCarlson said,

    May 17, 2013 at 6:31

    UMBRELLAGATE?

    Did I miss something?

    I googled it. Apparently, while Obama and another head of state (I forget who), were speechifying outside, it began to rain. Obama called/signaled for umbrellas, and pictures were taken. Drudge cropped out the other head of state, and released the shitweasels. Apparently, Obama should have checked the weather and scheduled for inside if rain predicted, and has DELIBERATELY!! 1! and CRUELLY!! 11! required Marines (delicate flowers that they are) to stand in the rain, and EVEN WORSE, caused them to hold umbrellas, which they are apparently forbidden to do (though, if true, I suspect they are forbidden to hold umbrellas over themselves while in dress uniform, not forbidden to hold umbrellas over heads of state).

  34. Thread Bear said,

    May 17, 2013 at 6:51

    Umbrellagate!

  35. Another Kiwi said,

    May 17, 2013 at 6:53

    I think that what we are seeing here is yet more proof that the only thing that stop bad rain is a good man with an umbrella.

  36. Eustace P. McGargle said,

    May 17, 2013 at 8:26

    All seriousness aside, for a much more accurate analysis of the current Benghazi debacle: http://tinyurl.com/aocxt7d

  37. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 17, 2013 at 10:41

    And I lied again earlier when I said there were three reasons. There are actually four

    Our chief weapon is projection… and pettiness. Our two chief weapons are projection, pettiness, and reflexive anger at self-analysis. Our three chief weapons are projection, pettiness, reflexive anger, and throwing a tantrum when our October Surprise didn’t work..

    Our four chief weapons are…, y’know, I’ll just come in again.

  38. Stackozone said,

    May 17, 2013 at 11:58

    Pupienus, you had me at BUMBERSHOOTHATCH

  39. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2013 at 12:22

    Where’s DKW to talk about Rob Ford?

    AHEM.

  40. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2013 at 12:27

    Also too,

    the LEAFS SUCK Star has seen the video in question

  41. Matt said,

    May 17, 2013 at 13:46

    In re: the photo at the top, if you rub Ben-Gay on Issa and Gohmert will they disappear? Because they’re the two most INFLAMED ASSHOLES I’ve ever seen… ;)

  42. Shakezula said,

    May 17, 2013 at 14:50

    Things like Umbrellagate reveal that the places these Brave Patriots frequent on the internons are never visited by members of the U.S. military.

  43. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 14:52

    Apparently, while Obama and another head of state (I forget who), were speechifying outside, it began to rain. Obama called/signaled for umbrellas, and pictures were taken

    migod.

    the…. the TYRANT!

    . . .

    *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

  44. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 15:10

    wait –

    you know, isn’t the mere fact that Congress is allowed to even TALK about impeachment proof that Obama isn’t a Stalinist tyrant? I mean, who could have ever talked about removing Stalin from power without disappearing?

    . . .

    I’m over-analyzing this, aren’t I?

    Marines holding umbrellas! IMPEACH! IMPEACH!

  45. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 17, 2013 at 16:38

    In re: the photo at the top, if you rub Ben-Gay on Issa and Gohmert will they disappear? Because they’re the two most INFLAMED ASSHOLES I’ve ever seen… ;)

    I think you mean Preparation H. I really, really would not recommend rubbing Ben-Gay on an inflamed asshole unless you’re into a localized and highly painful form of masochism.

  46. JohnR said,

    May 17, 2013 at 16:55

    “I really, really would not recommend rubbing Ben-Gay on an inflamed asshole unless you’re into a localized and highly painful form of masochism.”

    No pain, no gain.

  47. Shakezula said,

    May 17, 2013 at 16:55

    Yup. It would be a shame if big dollops of BenGay wound up in Gohmert’s or Issa’s underpants.

    Yup.

  48. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 17:20

    Cripes, is kindergarten out already this morning?

  49. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 17:29

    Plus, too, I remember Bush out-and-out lied about why 9/11 happened (“They hate us for our freedom”) and I don’t recall anyone getting their tighty whiteys in a bundle over it.

  50. Get Chutney Love said,

    May 17, 2013 at 17:50

    Dennis, Google “Fog of War” and then FOAD.

  51. Dennis said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:15

    Right noise.
    We’re gonna get real speedy
    You gotta wear black all the time
    You’re gonna make it on your own.

    Cos we dig
    Cos we dig
    We dig
    We dig repetition
    We dig repetition
    Repetition in the music
    And we’re never going to lose it.

    All you daughters and sons
    who are sick of fancy music
    We dig repetition
    Repetition on the drums
    and we’re never going to lose it.

    This is the three R’s
    The three R’s:
    Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

    Oh mental hospitals
    Oh mental hospitals
    They put electrodes in your brain
    And you’re never the same
    You don’t dig repetition
    You don’t love repetition

    Repetition in the music and we’re never going to lose it

    President Carter loves repetition
    Chairman Mao he dug repetition

    Repetition in China
    Repetition in America
    Repetition in West Germany
    Simultaneous suicides

    We dig it, we dig it,
    we dig it, we dig it

    Repetition, repetition, repetition
    Repetition, repetition, Regal Zonophone

    There is no hesitation
    This is your situation
    Continue a blank generation
    Blank generation
    Same old blank generation
    Groovy blank generation
    Swinging blank generation

    Repetition, repetition, repetition….

  52. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:24

    I know it’s early in the thread to go OT, but I can’t resist dragging in this. Kevin Williamson—you know, the guy who called Gabrielle Giffords’ speaking about the gun vote “a childish display”—gets kicked out of a theater for grabbing and tossing the cell phone of a woman who annoyed him, and might face criminal charges. And he’s PROUD of it.

  53. Get Chutney Love said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:30

    Bush wasn’t using that reasoning as reluctance to announce that 9/11 was the result of a terrorist attack, though.

    Nice smear, Dennis. When did Obama not announce or not use the word “terrorist” or “terror” when talking about the attack?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDANcaPx1xg

    I know it’s out of fashion
    And a trifle uncool
    But I can’t help it
    I’m a romantic fool
    It’s a habit of mine
    To watch the sun go down
    On Echo beach, I watch the sun go down

    From nine till five I have to spend my time at work
    The job is very boring, I’m an office clerk
    The only thing that helps pass the time away
    Is knowing I’ll be back at Echo Beach some day

    On a silent summer evening
    The sky’s alive with light
    Building in the distance
    Surrealistic sight
    On Echo Beach
    Waves make the only sound
    On Echo Beach
    There’s not a soul around

    From nine till five I have to spend my time at work
    The job is very boring, I’m an office clerk
    The only thing that helps pass the time away
    Is knowing I’ll be back at Echo Beach some day

    Echo Beach
    Far away in time
    Echo Beach

  54. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:31

    So – according to the SAME DAMN PEOPLE who told us 16 years ago that we had to impeach the President for spliiting hairs with the English language, we should now impeach the President for insufficently splitting hairs with the English language.

    Righty-ho, then.

  55. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:32

    The account I heard on the radio had the woman using her phone to surf. She wasn’t speaking or making any other disturbance. What. An. Asswipe.

  56. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:34

    Pennis must immediately refudiate the actions of Kevin Williamson.

  57. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:35

    C’mon, Pennis, why have you not condemned such outrageous and illegal behavior?

  58. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:42

    Mangoes! Fresh rotten mangoes for sale!

    UNREAL: MSNBC is writing an article “Does Capitalism make us Evil?” in the midst of the conversion and collapse of our economic system as we move towards socialism. I have an answer for you MSNBC. Get rid of capitalism and our industrialized economy that has been our hallmark since we began. Then you and all your buddies can join the rest of the unemployed, move into government owned housing, have the same house and car (if you are lucky) as everyone else, and live on a subsidized government income and do nothing to contribute to society. THEN I want to her what you have to say about how horrid capitalism is. I want to hear you rip our way of life, free enterprise, democratic society run by people and businesses when you are immersed in an oppresive disempowering government system. Oh, wait. You won’t be able to say much of anything without government approval. Keep talking about how ‘bad’ we have it, until we don’t have it anymore. Newsflash: I’d rather have our economic system (when it is unrestricted and able to grow and function without the restraints big government has put on it, rendering it disabled), with the occasional corrupt CEO, the golden parachutes, and all the other problems than come with it, than ANY other system; socialism, Marxism, communism–YOU have no idea how good you have had it…so shut the $^ up and, do your JOB while you still have one and report some NEWS instead of bashing the system we have (had). Better yet, take on the President’s REAL job, since he doesn’t seem interested in doing it and come up with ways to improve our system, instead of ‘changing’ it..

  59. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:46

    The account I heard on the radio had the woman using her phone to surf. She wasn’t speaking or making any other disturbance.

    That’s a disturbance in a dark theatre. It’s a tale of two shitheads.

  60. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:56

    Capitalism can not be improved upon.

  61. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 18:58

    Yeah, the woman was an ass, no doubt. Doesn’t justify vigilantism.

  62. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:00

    I’m assuming Cthulhu will be showing up momentarily, slightly damp.

  63. Shakezula said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:01

    And he’s PROUD of it.

    I predict a negative correlation between pride in being a fucknugget and distance from court date. Other factors may include frequency of mischievous gnomes fucking with him and his belongings.

  64. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:01

    Also, too:

    While the water is still being analyzed for signs of microorganisms, it does contain hydrogen, nitrogen, and methane in forms that could support life.

    Wow, water with hydrogen in it! Zowie!

  65. Mooser said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:04

    “Oh dear, I read the comments.”

    I’m never getting on an airplane again. If I can’t depend on the operator to make good judgments….
    I hope at least you didn’t read them within eight hours of departure.

  66. Cerberus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:08

    What makes Benghazi extra forgettable as a media-created “scandal” is just how useless it is on every level.

    I mean, let’s spin to a world where Obama didn’t say the magic terrorism word immediately after the attack or where Bush didn’t have his many failures of intelligence or his straight-up manufacturing of the War in Iraq.

    Oh noes in that make-believe world, Obama didn’t say it was terror. So what? How does that affect… anything? Is not saying something is a terror attack change anything except for wingnuts who believe in the magic power of words and think that the word terror is their excuse for the country to act like a bad 80s action movie star? No, it’s a fucking word and no one besides people who already hate Obama for being black could possibly give a shit because it doesn’t in any way affect anything real on any level.

    Even if we grant them huge swaths of reality there’s no there there.

    And also, frankly, if it’s suddenly a crime to not call a terror attack terrorism in wingnut land, then let’s lock up every conservative and media hack who ever lived and the way they go out of their way to downplay any terrorism attack committed by a white guy, especially if it’s against minority victims. And hey, let’s forget the whole “ooh, if he waited 3 minutes it proves he’s muslim” conspiracy theories. Most of those fuckers can never be brought to admit that even obvious acts of terrorism done by white people are terrorism years after the fact, much less immediately after when all information comes to light.

    And that’s what’s so infuriating about this made-up crap. It’s the conservatives standing in a corner and going “ooooooooooh, you’re in trouble” and seeing if that on its own is enough to legitimately take Obama down a peg even if they don’t actually have a legitimate criticism or scandal. And if this is successful, then we’re in for a joyous amount of even more petty schoolroom bullying anytime there’s a democratic president.

    Well… given how much of the media is literally owned by right-wing propagandists, that’s already pretty much a given. Fuck our “national dialogue”.

  67. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:11

    i don’t get it either. I think it goes something like this for them: … Nope, I have no clue.

  68. Mooser said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:13

    “I think that what we are seeing here is yet more proof that the only thing that stop bad rain is a good man with an umbrella.”

    Nice to think that that umbrella has led them to a vow. All that summer, they’ll impeach him, no more sheltering now! That umbrella they’ll employ it, by August he’ll be OUT!!!!

  69. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:14

    Mooser said,
    May 17, 2013 at 19:04

    The Major flies chickens, as we all know, but to date I am unaware of him ever having moose passengers.

  70. jim, in yr paradigm-base killing yr narrative-dudes said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:16

    Webster G. Tarpley is a trip & a half … but he sure pops up a seriously fragrant point of interest:

    If Petraeus was DCI during B3NGHAZ1G3DD0N(!!!!!!!!!!!!!) – & the consular crib that got smoked was a known CIA clubhouse … why in the name of Bob Alrighty isn’t this Issa twunt (or anyone else) busy grilling him?

    Or even just asking him one single lousy fuckin’ question?

    Watergate 2.0 my shiny metal ASS.

    Even shitfaced as a judge, I could make a better inquiry than Issa has been doing with a tin bucket, a St. Bernard & 20 kilos of ground chuck, & it’d take a lot less time to boot

  71. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:17

    Wow, water with hydrogen in it! Zowie!

    Sure, drink the hydrogenated water and wait for your heart attack.

  72. Hogeye Grex said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:20

    Speaking of George Takei

  73. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:20

    According to the Marine’s spokescritter, Marines are dissuaded (not clear if it’s an actual requirement or merely a preferred behavior) from carrying umbrellas because it might interfere with saluting. As far as I can tell there is no prohibition of them _holding_ umbrellas over their boss . That is to say, the honor guard is not prohibited from honoring the person that they are homor guarding.

    Also FYWP.

  74. Mooser said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:23

    “The Major flies chickens, as we all know, but to date I am unaware of him ever having moose passengers.”

    Well, many people tell me I don’t really look moose-ish. Of course, I once told the Rabbi I was a Democrat and he said “Funny, you don’t look blue-ish!” So it’s hard to tell sometimes, except that the Major is probably fussy about trim.

  75. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:23

    Oh dear – homor guarding sounds like fun!

  76. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:24

    YMMV

  77. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:25

    They’re talking about free hydrogen. FREE HYDROGEN NOW!

  78. kg said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:26

    homor guarding

    kg runs to urban dictionary, returns dejected…

  79. kg said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:26

    dang. too late AND tagfail.

  80. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:28

    We ripped Bush so it’s their turn to rip this fool we democrats voted in.

    Oh, of course.

    Because they’re EXACTLY equivalent.

    Snerk.

  81. kg said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:29

    MORONS

    I believe MORANS is preferred for greater intertron memebility.

  82. Shakezula said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:32

    Formor guarding would be more appropriate in this context.

  83. jim, in yr paradigm-base killing yr narrative-dudes said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:33

    Today, we are ALL probably fussy about trim.

  84. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:40

    Speaking of George Takei

    President Obama should give him a Presidential Medal of Freedom (went through internment, helped migrant farm workers avoid getting cheated, fights for human rights)- could you imagine the wingnut headsplosion if George Takei received a Presidential Medal of Freedom?

  85. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:51

    Oh fuck it.

    Because obviously lie1 = lie2, no matter the impact of the lie. Even if it isn’t a goddamn lie to begin with. Because blah blah fiddle faddle yadda yadda BENGHAZI!!!!!!!!! ack gag floop bingo orange linoleum piddle shizola.

  86. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:55

    I always vote for appalling social style.

  87. Get Chutney Love said,

    May 17, 2013 at 19:56

    B^4, watching Michelle Malkin have a warp core breach on Faux News would be so awesome.

  88. John Revolta said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:03

    WTF? I go away for a couple of weeks and when I come back this place is totally infested with creeps and vermin. What’d I tell you guys about letting the dishes pile up in the sink?

  89. Major Kong said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:12

    “The Major flies chickens, as we all know, but to date I am unaware of him ever having moose passengers.”

    Just the occasional race horse. They normally travel with a couple of handlers. There’s a lot of money involved. Those horses are usually insured for some serious $$$

  90. 'natch said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:13

    What’d I tell you guys about letting the dishes pile up in the sink?

    They’re easier to clean later if you let them soak. .

    ya the wife doesn’t buy that one either

  91. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:17

    B^4, watching Michelle Malkin have a warp core breach on Faux News would be so awesome.

    Malkin’s entry into wingnut world was a book in defense of internment… George Takei was interned as a child. A Takei-induced Malkinsplosion would have a lovely symmetry.

  92. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:18

    WTF? I go away for a couple of weeks and when I come back this place is totally infested with creeps and vermin. What’d I tell you guys about letting the dishes pile up in the sink?

    Cerb comes in periodically and cleans house- it’s quite cathartic.

  93. Pupienus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:23

    B^4, watching Michelle Malkin have a warp core breach on Faux News would be so awesome.

    I’d give my left nut to see that. If I had a left nut.

  94. VCarlson said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:26

    [Puts on Nerd hat]

    The saying is “it’s one *and* the same.”

    [Takes off Nerd hat]

    And, no, not remotely the same. And what is this, kindergarten? It’s their turn, because it’s all about being nice and taking turns? Not when the GOP has so clearly turned things over to the poop-smearing toddlers, it’s not.

  95. Les Gals said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:29

    They kept telling us wimminfolk to make them sammiches and sech, so we just left em to waller in their own filth.

  96. tigris said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:33

    I go away for a couple of weeks and when I come back this place is totally infested with creeps and vermin.

    All. One. Guy.

    Just the occasional race horse. They normally travel with a couple of handlers.

    Moose would do fine, then, they’re just like horses with a couple of handles. Or hantlers, your pick.

  97. bbkf said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:36

    They’re talking about free hydrogen. FREE HYDROGEN NOW!

    free hydrogen?!?!? can i get that with my free obamabphone?

    I’d give my left nut to see that. If I had a left nut.

    me too!

  98. Cerberus said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:41

    ~Dishes, dishes, doing the dishes~

    And yeah, “all” those trolls? 1 guy. Maybe, 2 if I’m generous and count each email address as a different person, but yeah, not exactly the grand army of disruption he wants to imagine himself as.

    And hardly a nuisance to clean up either.

  99. VCarlson said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:51

    I really like B^4′s suggestion of Gorge Takei for a Medal of Freedom. Those are excellent reasons he gave.

  100. Sophist said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:54

    I always vote for appalling social style.

    If I didn’t have appalling social style, I wouldn’t have no style at all.

  101. bbkf said,

    May 17, 2013 at 20:54

    I’d give my left nut to see that. If I had a left nut.

    i did hear quite recently that i could grow one, though…

  102. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 17, 2013 at 21:23

    It’s another entry in the Pupienus/Hitler similarity list.

  103. tigris said,

    May 17, 2013 at 21:23

    i did hear quite recently that i could grow one, though…

    Need a pretty big yard, except for the lil ones. You know, like filberts.

    What?

  104. El Manquécito said,

    May 17, 2013 at 21:35

    It’s another entry in the Pupienus/Hitler similarity list.

    Bimler had something simler.

  105. gocart mozart said,

    May 17, 2013 at 22:01

    From Tucker Carlson’s House of Fucknuts

    “Obama breaches Marine umbrella protocol”
    http://dailycaller.com/2013/05/16/obama-breaches-marine-umbrella-protocol/

    UMBRELLA-IMBROGLIO-GATE-GHAZI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  106. El Manquécito said,

    May 17, 2013 at 22:03

    Wonkette deals with the brollygate issue pretty well.

  107. gocart mozart said,

    May 17, 2013 at 22:04

    greywulf1064 • a day ago

    “He’s acting more like Pharaoh than President”

    The ancient Egyptians had umbrellas? Learn sutten new everyday.

  108. bbkf said,

    May 17, 2013 at 22:13

    I’d give my left nut to see that. If I had a left nut.

    duh…what do you think they put in their drinks if not papyrus umbrellas?

  109. bbkf said,

    May 17, 2013 at 22:15

    seems relevant

  110. Thread Bear said,

    May 17, 2013 at 22:53

    For the sake of the dignity of the office, real presidents hold their own damn umbrellas.

  111. Thread Bear said,

    May 17, 2013 at 22:58

    I’d give my left nut to see that. If I had a left nut.

    The word from a very reliable troll is that you ARE a left nut.

  112. tigris said,

    May 17, 2013 at 23:04

    So now all the righties are asking if the IRS leaked Romney’s really real tax returns and that’s how Harry Reid knew Romney paid zero in taxes for a decade? But I thought Harry lied because NO WAY was that true?

  113. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 23:20

    “He’s acting more like Pharaoh than President”

    See, in Wingnuttia World the Pharaohs were Arabs, because yadda yadda pickle mango flibbety dingo, which proves Obama HOOOOSEEEEEIN is a dirty Kenyan Communist Muslim atheist tyrant q. e. d.

  114. Pere Ubu said,

    May 17, 2013 at 23:22

    Oh, and it’s been years since Sunday school, but I seem to recall the Pharaohs were mean to Jews or something and thus Obama is the Antichrist and will be establishing cattle cars for Christians any day now, blerg spume narble yataghan pixies.

  115. bbkf said,

    May 17, 2013 at 23:31

    oh, i forgot to report this: our illustrious local newsrag publisher referred to bronco as ‘our muslim president’ in his *column*…in other news, he reports that while his lung cancer has been miraculously cured, he now has incurable liver cancer…i’m pretty sure god is trying to tell him he is a horrible human being…

  116. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 17, 2013 at 23:48

    Happy May 2-4 you hosers!

  117. El Manquécito said,

    May 18, 2013 at 0:17

    We’re all working for the Pharaoh.

  118. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2013 at 0:54

    I’d give my left nut to see that. If I had a left nut.

    So… you a swingin’ single?

  119. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 18, 2013 at 0:54

    in other news, he reports that while his lung cancer has been miraculously cured, he now has incurable liver cancer…i’m pretty sure god is trying to tell him he is a horrible human being…

    Don’t be ridiculous, horrible tragedy is only a message from God when it happens to people who aren’t you. When you are afflicted with cancer of the everything, it’s just a sign of your perfect virtue which the Devil is attempting to destroy, but when those people die of drowning, exposure, and/or being shot by neighboring town sheriffs when the levees break, it’s symbolic of God’s anger at the gays and destitute parasites.

  120. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2013 at 0:55

    I really like B^4?s suggestion of Gorge Takei for a Medal of Freedom

    Anybody have any experience setting up petitions at WhiteHouse.gov?

  121. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2013 at 1:01

    Ya know, throw one in for Nichelle Nichols as well, for her role in promoting civil rights, science education, and opportunities for women and minorities in NASA.

    Maybe they could reenact this scene in the Rose Garden.

  122. 'natch said,

    May 18, 2013 at 1:16

    With Michelle playing Uhura, natch!

  123. wiley said,

    May 18, 2013 at 1:30

    Reading the comments supporting Bill Atkinson, “the Christian”, for helping his pedophile son cover up his crimes of sexually assaulting Honduran orphans is just like reading any other right-wing defense of one of their’s no matter how egregious the crime.

    http://blog.al.com/live/2012/08/sentencing_guidelines_in_atkin.html

    We all remember the defenses of Sandusky, right?

    A few days ago I was telling my mate about the evangelical preachers getting busted with gay prostitutes and doing drugs, and he thought I was joking. They do this stuff repeatedly, but keep getting welcomed back into the fold and start preaching against everything they do again, as if they hadn’t done it. These people work hard to get fleeced.

    Being “Christian” means having a get out of jail free card, cause JESUS. It’s incomprehensible, yet predictable.

  124. bbkf said,

    May 18, 2013 at 1:57

    the final sentence is heartwarming, though…

    Will Atkinson is in a Honduran jail awaiting trial.

  125. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 18, 2013 at 3:26

    Have you seen the “Jerome” Vine loops?

    Ivy made me do this. Then she cackled the rest of the afternoon.

    She has issues.
    .

  126. Pere Ubu said,

    May 18, 2013 at 3:44

    I must be missing something.

  127. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2013 at 4:41

    A testicle?

    HITLER.

  128. jurassicpork said,

    May 18, 2013 at 5:21

    Mike and Doris recount Obama’s worst week ever (Benghazi, AP, IRS, oh my) in my comic strip Good Times at Pottersville.

  129. Lurkim dweller said,

    May 18, 2013 at 5:24

    Apologies for completely off topic so soon, but if the Sadlies that be feel like helping me understand the cis and trans appropriation of terms I’d appreciate it. The only place I’ve seen it is here since I don’t get out much and from a chemistry sense it seems a bit off to me. Is it widely use in the trans community and do pedants like me take issue with the opposite vs. other mismatch?

    OBS can probably back me up that chemists can’t even agree how to pronounce diacetyl so it’s probably just a personal preferences thing. But I can assure you it’s not just a set up for a RACEMIST! joke. That would be insensitive & wrong.

  130. Major Kong said,

    May 18, 2013 at 5:42

    Ivy made me do this.

    My last few remaining shreds of human dignity would prevent me from doing such a thing.

  131. Helmut Monotreme said,

    May 18, 2013 at 6:26

    I’m getting married Saturday. Wish me (good) luck!

  132. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 18, 2013 at 6:31

    My last few remaining shreds of human dignity would prevent me from doing such a thing.

    Well, since I was swilling tea out of a half-gallon jug, it only seemed fitting.
    .

  133. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 18, 2013 at 6:51

    I’m getting married Saturday. Wish me (good) luck!

    Break a leg!
    .

  134. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2013 at 7:14

    Apologies for completely off topic so soon, but if the Sadlies that be feel like helping me understand the cis and trans appropriation of terms I’d appreciate it. The only place I’ve seen it is here since I don’t get out much and from a chemistry sense it seems a bit off to me. Is it widely use in the trans community and do pedants like me take issue with the opposite vs. other mismatch?

    For me, it finally “clicked” when I recalled the distinction between Transalpine Gaul and Cisalpine Gaul.

  135. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2013 at 7:14

    I’m getting married Saturday. Wish me (good) luck!

    Many happy returns, old chum!

  136. John Revolta said,

    May 18, 2013 at 7:21

    Mazel tov!

    If you find just half the happiness that I have with Mrs. R, then that means that we’re twice as happy as you.

    (Seriously, congrats, long life & much joy to yez.)

  137. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 18, 2013 at 7:41

    IT’S A TARP!
    .

  138. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 18, 2013 at 8:10

    And hardly a nuisance to clean up either.

    And a lovely job you’re doing, too. Only thing is, after a mop-up, all the snarky responses to the trolly stool samples end up as goofy context-free non sequiturs.

    In other words, a typical Sadly No thread. Give praises unto Jah.

  139. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2013 at 8:19

    It’s another entry in the Pupienus/Hitler similarity list.
    Bimler had something simler.

    It were my right testicle that is now prosthetic.
    It is a source of lasting regret that I did not get to bring the original home in a jar of alcohol to use in cocktails put on the mantelpiece, but it ended up being preserved and sliced and checked by histologists.

  140. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2013 at 8:20

    For me, it finally “clicked” when I recalled the distinction between Transalpine Gaul and Cisalpine Gaul.

    Or indeed, Transylvania and Cisylvania.

  141. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2013 at 8:22

    Ivy made me do this.

    IV made me do all sorts of bad things.

  142. Another Kiwi said,

    May 18, 2013 at 12:27

    I’m getting married Saturday. Wish me (good) luck!

    Good luck young monotreme. Hope you find a nice burrow to lay your eggs in.

  143. Another Kiwi said,

    May 18, 2013 at 12:32

    I thought Cisylvania was next to Pencilvania which was rubbed out by Al Capone in the War of Northern Impressions (his Al Jolson stank apparently).

  144. paleotectonics said,

    May 18, 2013 at 13:50

    @HM
    I’m getting married Saturday. Wish me (good) luck!

    You poor bastar-
    WONDERFUL! May you be touched by His Noodly Goodness! Best luck!

  145. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 18, 2013 at 14:29

    I thought Cisylvania was next to Pencilvania which was rubbed out by Al Capone in the War of Northern Impressions (his Al Jolson stank apparently).

    The movie based on the war was rated R due to graphite violence.

  146. tigris said,

    May 18, 2013 at 15:43

    Best wishes on the nuptials, Helmut.

  147. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 18, 2013 at 16:48

    Good luck and remember it’s a party. Except you can only hit on one other box turtle.

  148. Pupienus said,

    May 18, 2013 at 18:49

    It is a source of lasting regret that I did not get to bring the original home in a jar of alcohol to use in cocktails put on the mantelpiece

    I had not thought of such a thing at the time. OTOH when we assisted our vet friend in spaying Vasco and Socrates (pronounced Sew kraits) we put the trimmings in a kimchi jar (under formalin, of course) and kept it on the open pentry shelves in the kitchen.

  149. Pupienus said,

    May 18, 2013 at 19:01

    I’m getting married Saturday

    To a Panigale R? ‘Cause id so mech marry that in a Yew Nork minnit.

  150. El Manquecito said,

    May 18, 2013 at 19:24

    I admit that I used to ignore DKW when he’d go on about the Mayor but damn didn’t he come up trumps. Ain’t that a Mayor though!

    Good luck with that matrimonial thing 77south.

  151. Pere Ubu said,

    May 18, 2013 at 20:44

    Congrats on the matrimonia, Helmut.

    Will this make you a Bitreme?

  152. El Manquecito said,

    May 18, 2013 at 20:51

    I guess everybody’s at Helmut’s wedding. In food news, we were working in the field last night when a Peterbilt car carrier hit a doe out on the road. I used my flatbed as a work table and took the two whole backstraps and a bunch of haunch and round. Half in the freezer, venison mole on the agenda.

  153. Major Kong said,

    May 18, 2013 at 21:04

    Helmut – I’ll let you in my secret to a happy marriage.

    My wife and I have an agreement:

    I don’t try to run her life and I don’t try to run my life.

  154. Chris said,

    May 18, 2013 at 21:24

    I have an answer for you MSNBC. Get rid of capitalism and our industrialized economy that has been our hallmark since we began. Then you and all your buddies can join the rest of the unemployed, move into government owned housing, have the same house and car (if you are lucky) as everyone else, and live on a subsidized government income and do nothing to contribute to society. THEN I want to her what you have to say about how horrid capitalism is.

    Wait, really?

    You’re going to let us do that?

    You’re not going to fight it anymore?

    You’re okay with that now?

    For real?

    You’re sure?

    … gee… Thanks!

  155. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 18, 2013 at 21:39

    So, married yet? Happy bestest.

  156. Chris said,

    May 18, 2013 at 21:59

    Being “Christian” means having a get out of jail free card, cause JESUS. It’s incomprehensible, yet predictable.

    That’s not all Christianity, but it’s pretty much American fundiegelicalism in a nutshell.

    The basic idea is that humanity is a fallen, sinful race (“original sin” plays into that), utterly unable to redeem itself and really so objectively filthy that even the Hitlers and Stalins of the world are only a little bit deeper in the mud than the rest of us. So we can’t save ourselves.

    Luckily, Jesus loves us anyway and is willing to take us into heaven – we just have to accept it (e.g. “accept him as our Lord and Savior”) and he’ll… just… sort of ignore/forgive all these bad things in your life.

    It’s a tiny step from there to a completely tribal vision of morality, where “good” and “evil” don’t exist in any objective sense, they’re just words to distinguish Jesus tribe from everyone else. (Which, in turn, easily blends over with other tribal worldviews – racism, nationalism, even the Democrat vs Republican thing).

  157. Smut Clyde said,

    May 18, 2013 at 23:08

    Helmut Monotreme said,
    I’m getting married Saturday. Wish me (good) luck!

    What kinda monotreme? Coz if you’re an echidna, your spouse deserves good-luck wishes too.

  158. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 18, 2013 at 23:35

    Oooh, MSNBC hates capitalism! Yeah, if you’re simple-minded and don’t have the slightest understanding of how governments or economies work. (A given for the conservative commentariat, of course.)

    Not the biggest Lawrence O’Donnell fan as a whole, but I like the way he demolishes this whole mindset by pointing out how much so-called “socialism” is taken for granted in our country, and how we have always had a mixed economy, balancing capitalism and socialism, like any civilized nation. (Though we could use a damn sight more socialism than we have now.) Of course, most center-to-right Americans are stuck in a Manichean concept of pure capitalism vs. pure socialism which keeps them from seeing how corporations are doing more to destroy their own “liberty” than any mere gummint bureaucrat ever could.

  159. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 18, 2013 at 23:37

    Aagh. Just strike “own” from that last sentence, mmmkay?

  160. Chris said,

    May 18, 2013 at 23:51

    Not the biggest Lawrence O’Donnell fan as a whole, but I like the way he demolishes this whole mindset by pointing out how much so-called “socialism” is taken for granted in our country, and how we have always had a mixed economy, balancing capitalism and socialism, like any civilized nation

    Have we actually always “balanced capitalism or socialism,” or is it just that we’ve always had government intervention in the economy?

    The people who’ve patented the “capitalist” label in our country have just redefined the field of economics to the point that any intervention by the government in the economy, for any reason whatsoever, is considered “socialism” (though of course, any government intervention to help the capitalists gets swept under the rug – subsidies? What subsidies?) Simply having government intervention isn’t “socialism” or even “mixed economy” so much as just “any economy that’s ever functioned in the real world.”

  161. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 19, 2013 at 0:00

    I guess I’m talking scare-quotes socialism as opposed to actual socialism, yeah.

  162. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 19, 2013 at 0:51

    To me, the even bigger problem is the conflation of capitalism and socialism with political systems. “Capitalist” sure as hell doesn’t mean “free and democratic”.

  163. Chris said,

    May 19, 2013 at 1:32

    To me, the even bigger problem is the conflation of capitalism and socialism with political systems. “Capitalist” sure as hell doesn’t mean “free and democratic”.

    Yeah, for real. But it’s their get out of jail free card – they claim capitalism is better than communism because capitalism brings democracy… eventually. Just be patient. Just put up with the jackboots for a little while longer…

    The conflation of capitalism with efficiency is another huge problem, but that’s another story.

  164. Taboo Cao said,

    May 19, 2013 at 2:05

    Efficiency is not what drives capitalists’ decisions. Never has been.

  165. Get Chutney Love said,

    May 19, 2013 at 2:27

    Exploitation is the capitalist creed. If it can’t be turned into profits/shareholders’ dividends, then it isn’t worth anything. If workers’ safety and health has to be compromised in the pursuit of the Almighty Dollar, as in West, TX, so much the worse for such unprofitable pursuits.

  166. Chris said,

    May 19, 2013 at 2:35

    Efficiency is not what drives capitalists’ decisions. Never has been.

    No, it’s what legitimizes capitalism as the official ideology of the planet – the claim that it’s the most efficient economic system ever, or at least the most efficient one that’s possible for the human race. (And, by extension, that the more capitalist things are – e.g. the less regulations, the less taxes, the smaller the role of government – the more efficient they’ll be). Two things that are at the very least debatable (especially that last one).

  167. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 19, 2013 at 2:50

    But exploitation isn’t exactly the capitalist creed either. Where there’s an opportunity to buy off workers with a smidge of a benefit, the benefit can’t be the solution. It’s about a form of justice and judgment.

  168. Taboo Cao said,

    May 19, 2013 at 3:17

    The economic and social collapses in Detroit, Cleveland and many other US cities didn’t happen because production was inefficient there. Mention that fact to your typical wingnut and he’ll look at you like you’re from another planet.

  169. Major Kong said,

    May 19, 2013 at 3:57

    There’s a saying going around Russia these days:

    Everything the Communists told us about Communism was a total lie.

    Unfortunately everything they told us about Capitalism turned out to be true.

  170. Chris said,

    May 19, 2013 at 4:43

    Interesting how Russia’s turned out. It went from being an object lesson in the dangers of socialism and state-controlled economies to being an object lesson in the dangers of deregulation, privatization and the anything-goes economics of the post 1980 era.

  171. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 19, 2013 at 10:27

    Interesting how Russia’s turned out. It went from being an object lesson in the dangers of socialism and state-controlled economies to being an object lesson in the dangers of deregulation, privatization and the anything-goes economics of the post 1980 era.

    Or as one of my friends put it, “government in the hands of Russians will inevitably sink to the lowest level possible.”

  172. bbkf said,

    May 19, 2013 at 11:04

    we are in the midst of a thunderstorm and young maeve is trying to coax luci out of hiding next to the bathtub…

  173. bbkf said,

    May 19, 2013 at 11:05

    and congrats to the monotremes! i hope you are at least half as happy as hubbkf and i have been…

  174. Smut Clyde said,

    May 19, 2013 at 13:40

    Or as one of my friends put it, “government in the hands of Russians will inevitably sink to the lowest level possible.”

    Do not blame Russians for the fact that a series of corrupt feudal dictators have succeeded in seizing power from one another. Or if you are going to blame them, ideally the criticism would come from a country where kleptocrats are not in charge.

  175. Pere Ubu said,

    May 19, 2013 at 16:21

    MSNBC does another story on food stamp cuts and, quelle surprise, the vermin turn out in response:

    Damn straight the food stamp program needs to be OVERHAULED.

    When EBT debit cards are being abused by cash back to then purchase cigarettes, beer and lotto tickets and used at STRIPPER CLUBS..

    This is a NO BRAINER.

    ’cause poor people are all alcoholic addicted perverts, natch.

    And this gem:

    We live in a culture where cockroaches thrive and lions die.

    Nope no racism there!

    Oddly enough, though, at first look there was a pretty good proportion of reasonable comments; turns out the wingnuttery was hidden through DEVIOUS MACHINATIONS:

    I suspect that the reason so many comments are being collapsed is because people on welfare have lots of time on their hands, and don’t like the subject being discussed and debated.

    This comment will likely be ‘collapsed’.

    Guess which comment wasn’t?

  176. Pere Ubu said,

    May 19, 2013 at 16:23

    Christ, is it time to do the dishes again ALREADY?

    You think some people would learn they aren’t welcome when they leave garbage everywhere.

  177. Pere Ubu said,

    May 19, 2013 at 16:24

    “Capitalist” sure as hell doesn’t mean “free and democratic”.

    One word – Singapore.

  178. Helmut Monotreme said,

    May 19, 2013 at 16:51

    Thanks for all of the well wishes! We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day, the crab apple trees were blooming and my bride was (and is) loving happy and gorgeous. My friends and family all pitched in to set up and clean up and the home brew beer was delicious. As far as I could tell there were no screw ups or emergencies, and the photographers took lots of great pictures.

  179. Pere Ubu said,

    May 19, 2013 at 16:57

    Yay Helmut!

  180. Mooser said,

    May 19, 2013 at 18:39

    “I’m getting married Saturday. Wish me (good) luck!”

    So much for a garage full of Laverdas.

    AT any rate, I hope the path of you true love is not as rocky as mine. About a year after we got married (Lo! these many years ago, withal) I heard my wife had shot her first hussband! I didn’t even know she had a first husband, nor did I know that firearms were involved in the breakup.
    I have since then looked up the transcript of her trial, which was not reassuring.

  181. Mooser said,

    May 19, 2013 at 18:43

    For God’s sake, Helmut, whatever you do, get the can out to the curb on time. Umbrellas may lead us to vows, but late cans can lead to attempted murder! (And, oddly enough, to acquittal!)
    At any rate, I’m sure you will do well under marital law!

  182. Mooser said,

    May 19, 2013 at 18:47

    “Luckily, Jesus loves us anyway and is willing to take us into heaven – we just have to accept it”

    Gosh, that sort of leaves me, being Jewish and all, in a sticky spot. I mean, wow, willingly, knowingly and consciously rejecting salvation! What on earth can you do with people like that?

  183. Get Chutney Love said,

    May 19, 2013 at 18:59

    No guests, hungover or otherwise, who had to be untied and led up from the cellar?

    A definite win.

  184. Major Kong said,

    May 19, 2013 at 19:03

    but late cans can lead to attempted murder

    It’s been said that no husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

  185. VCarlson said,

    May 19, 2013 at 20:13

    Yeah, look what we’ve been doing, forcing bigots, bullies, and fundies to hit their fists with our faces, sometimes literally.

  186. VCarlson said,

    May 19, 2013 at 20:16

    And I realize SC was probably snarking, but it could so easily be in earnest, especially under another nym.

  187. Cerberus said,

    May 19, 2013 at 20:35

    New post!

  188. suezboo said,

    May 19, 2013 at 20:55

    I may be a tad late with this but Congrats and mazel tov on your marriage, Helmut. I also think you are way too young to be settling down .
    PS How old are you, anyway? Nah – WAY too young.
    PPS> Good Luck to both of you, anyway.

  189. Dark Avenger said,

    May 19, 2013 at 21:31

    Chutney Love made my taco smell.

  190. Mooser said,

    May 19, 2013 at 22:51

    “It’s been said that no husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.”

    Possibly not, but I’ve sure seen the Moosette’s trigger finger twitching when silverware comes out of the dishwasher with egg still on it.

    And she didn’t shoot him because he didn’t get the can to the curb on time. What kind of woman do you think she is? The gun accidently discharged when he said the garbage truck would come back for it! I mean c’mon, I don’t know what he expected when he pulled that line, but I could have told him, it wouldn’t be good.

  191. Mooser said,

    May 19, 2013 at 22:55

    Anyway, when I got married, twenty-two years ago next July 15th, I promise my blushing bride this: “My dear, we may have very few material possessions, but all of those will be of the cheapest quality”

    And I have kept this vow, steadfastly.

  192. eddie said,

    May 20, 2013 at 23:30

    And you know what Benghazi is arabic for? Acorn. FACT!

  193. Gerald Fnord said,

    May 21, 2013 at 15:18

    After hearing that Mr Obama were going to Oklahoma in the aftermath of the tornado there, I predict these responses:

    1.) (A lot of these) ‘Obama _loves_ natural disasters and other tragedies, they’ve been very good for him…how dare he?!!!!’
    2.) (A lot of these) ‘Obama _loves_ natural disasters and other tragedies, they assist his Socialist Agenda…how dare he?!!!1!!!’
    3.) (A very little, but >0 instances.) ‘Obama _causes_ “natural” disasters
    . a.) ‘…with his weather machines.’
    . b.) ‘—why _else_ would he support gay marriage???!!!!111!!!!’
    (No ‘how dare he?’ for these two variants, as one never asks that of [respectively] a Bond villain or The Antichrist.)

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