Yeah, you hold that gun real high there, champ. That’ll prove your masculinity isn’t a glass flower, ready to shatter at the slightest cough.
Kevin D. Williamson, National Enraged Grue:
Frank Rich Is Wrong about Civil Rights
All right, let’s play a quick game of make-believe. Okay, let’s say you are a hack, specifically hired by a pack of racist dickweasels to help obfuscate the terrible social ills your party and ideology have foisted upon the world, especially against minority groups. Sure, every single post you write is a direct cash-in of your soul, a painfully obvious whitewashing of recorded history for the purpose of encouraging the continued ignorance of wannabe-intelligent dumb white hicks from the suburbs in ways that will continue to deny black people long delayed civil rights and public recognition as full human beings. It may be a terrible job, but hey, some whores weren’t born with a gifted mouth if you know what I mean.
Then imagine someone in the sane world notices and calls attention to the fact that you are a cheap sell-out deliberately trying to trade misinformation about black history in service to a squadron of historical revisionists without the balls to stand by the conviction of the ideas and actions they fought so hard to preserve and frankly, still fight for to this day. Imagine the pained rage at having your head forced against the mirror eyes locked on exactly what you said you’d never become.
Imagine trying to sputter out a feeble self-defense for your crimes. Imagine it sounds something like this:
Slightly Shorter (or the port looks nice this time of year):
- I shall defend against your scurrilous accusations of rewriting racial history in service to my paymasters by rewriting racial history in accordance to their whim. Did you know that the Party Switcheroo on race didn’t occur around the Civil Rights Act as lying reality might maintain but rather because of a refreshing grape soda in the 90s? Also, the only reason blacks and whites swapped places during the 60s is because blacks are welfare queens willing to part with their humanity and support bigots just for a taste of government dependence and white people are just moral enough to be appalled by that… what’s that? You can see my soul divorcing my body as I speak? How dare you notice that!
Even with that grueling exercise in empathy, is there even a remote chance you don’t want to kick ol’ Kev in the balls until he fully recites the Southern Strategy’s effect in exploiting racism for temporary Republican electoral gains?
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. It turns out I actually am capable of performing a quickie from time to time. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
It’s also worth noting that Kevin Williamson is on record knowing damn well when the switch over between the parties happened. But hey, if they were intellectually honest, they wouldn’t be conservatives.