K

So if we continue the baseball notation for all three strikeouts performed we get… oh… ohhhhhh. Awkward.

Frank Louis, The Latest We’ll Let America be Renewed to is 18th Century:
A new twist to the “three strikes and you’re out” policy: the agenda to make criminals out of law-abiding citizens

Yes.

That is in fact the real title from the article. Just in case there was a tiny little spark of hope left in you that dared to believe that what I was offering today was anything other than the sweaty drippings off Alex Jones’s conspiratorial ball sack.

Now, even then, there might be a small little ball of hope still working in you going “sure it may be crazy, but hey, maybe it is a belated acknowledgment of the way the over-expansion of the prison industrial complex has begun inconveniencing even white middle class members in its abuses” like an injured puppy trying to lick its wounds.

Let me bash that poor puppy’s brains out on the sharp rocks of reality.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Ooh be scared! They’re going to throw you in prison just for owning a gun, being a dick to gay people, or buying a house you can’t afford! Sure, not a single one of those things is even remotely illegal on its own much less in any way equivalent to actual real people who have been sucked up into permanent imprisonment because of bullshit “tough on crimes” laws, but still, we want to borrow their suffering (while acknowledging exactly zero of said suffering) in order to make our myopic whining seem principled!

And in case that stubborn ember of hope hasn’t yet been fully snuffed, it’s worth noting that those reductions of his “strikes” is me being generous.

Now, my dear sex idols, I mean readers (I said readers), let’s continue on now that you have been properly reduced to the cold soulless husks our corporate masters most desire (your employers are more than welcome, and if you have none, I’m ordered to tell you to get a job even though you’ve been desperately trying).

You’ve undoubtedly heard the expression “three strikes and you’re out” before- in baseball of course. But in the legal world as well when it comes to certain 3rd time offences (most felonies). Third offence and you are in the slammer!

The Three-Strikes Law. Possibly one of the worst manifestations of Republican and Democratic battles to “look tough on crime”. Coming from California, home to one of the worst manifestations of the law, where even misdemeanors (and where certain minor crimes could count for multiple “strikes”) could get you 25 to Life, this unbelievably fucked up and racist as shit law has been our state’s fourth greatest modern shame (fifth if you count the entire LA/Orange County region) right behind Prop 13 and Presidents Nixon and Reagan.

About 25% of current California inmates are in jail on bullshit “third strike” convictions, some for little more than a few minor theft or minor drug possession busts. We’ve had 25-to-life sentences over a single slice of pizza, less than a gram of meth, or a handful of children’s videos. And shock of shocks, it turns out that the system, promised to put away “those vile rapists”* once and for all, has mostly been used on non-violent crime or victimless offenders, especially with regards to the mentally ill, racial minorities, and sexual minorities (largely trans* sex workers).

Indeed the shamelessness of system’s abuses and the way it has entrenched prisons by inventing reasons to become more and more overcrowded when violent crime and crime in general has been decreasing statewide has been one of the central evidence for prison abolition work here.

It has been far too late that we’ve even begun unraveling this tragedy from our state laws by finally requiring that the third crime for a “three strikes” actually be yanno, violent or serious, and be something worth throwing someone behind bars for their entire lives over.

And it’s worth noting that these laws are something that conservatives have long campaigned to make the default law of the land, along with national disenfranchisement of prison inmates.

But hey, why bother bringing any of that up? Certainly Frank Louis doesn’t give a flying fuck!

So, what has happened to make this law easy to turn against average, law obeying citizens of this country?

… We passed it in the first place???

For fuck’s sake, Frank, if you just wanted to use some random bit of ephemera in order to set up your “i’m a badass rebel, abandoned by the system” pose, you could have picked something that isn’t currently being abused to all fuck to make the most minor of repeat criminals into career “felons” who have been robbed of any ability to be productive citizens.

Easy, make us all criminals. Watch out, it is coming to a courtroom near you… and sooner that you might think.

If… If it really was just this. Just Frank belatedly freaking out like the wingnuts did once white people’s junk started having to go through the Rapeocancertron 9000 at airports, (You know, shock and surprise that their many successes in stripping away their own rights would actually strip away their own rights) I would already have all the excuse needed to go on an epic rant.

But as we’ll shortly see, he’s not even freaking out about anything that’s fucking illegal yet. He’s having a pre-emptive temper tantrum about his own addle-minded fears of how things he does (besides the meth intake and child abuse) could be considered illegal unless BE SCARED, BE SCARED! And I don’t think that even with that giant gap in time between now and his feared future space society, he’d even consider just… abandoning the fucked up and abusive laws before they can be used against middle-class white “law-abiding” citizens. It’s like that parody of the henchmen death scenes in Austin Powers where the guy halfway across the room can’t dodge out of the way of the slow-moving steamroller. But infinitely more depressing and dated.

Strike One: so you bought a house in 2005 or so. Because you didn’t believe in the NINJA Loans, you put your life savings into it as the down payment.

Your entire life savings as just the down payment on a home? Unless you get a reasonable mortgage or are one of the majority of Americans whose life savings are for utter shit, that is a pretty financially bad decision right there. And I mean, it’s also worth noting that it wasn’t exactly the “liberal” side of the equation that was feeding that whole bubble in the first place. Not to mention-

Wait. NINJA Loans?!? Why would you ever turn those down?!? I would steal your house to secure one of those!

Now you’re trying to retire and the house is worth less than you owe.

Sorry, I know that there have been a number of legitimate tragedies caused by the collapse of the housing bubble. And it’s worth noting that perennial wingnut-punching-bags Occupy Wall Street have been one of the few organizations actually working to alleviate the fallout from those.

But I also grew up in Suburban Hell during the growth of the Housing Bubble and met the exact type of douchebag that Frank wants to view as the only possible victim. The fuckers who gleefully propagated the Housing Bubble by treating fucking HOUSES as “safe investment opportunities” that would only “go up in price” and got burned with all the people they fucked over when the scam collapsed on them.

Yeah, turns out treating a house like a fucking “retirement portfolio” while far too many go without basic shelter was a dumb fucking idea (oh hey, something else Occupy is trying to alleviate). But of course the same reasons I have difficulty mustering sympathy for those particular douchebag “speculators” is exactly the same reason that assholes like Frank view them as the only sympathetic victims of the crisis.

No problem, don’t retire… ever (if you have that option), work till you die.

And we’re supposed to pretend that this hasn’t been the conservative “solution” to the retirement problem for a long fucking time, because…? For fuck’s sake, they’ve been hard-selling privatizing social security for nearly a decade now simply because it’s one of the few pools of money that isn’t currently in their rigged casinos. But I guess, this is somehow our fault now, because reasons.

Also, not to belabor a minor point, but… where the fuck is even the approximation of a crime in this? Oh no, you bought a house you can’t afford and are forced to accept foreclosure and bankruptcy. It’s fucking tragic and financially crippling (not going to argue otherwise), but it’s not like we’ve got debtor’s prisons any more (though the right has certainly been hard at work trying to bring them back).

Either way, your financial life is destroyed. Foreclosure, perhaps bankruptcy awaits you as you approach your golden years.

Ah, there’s the belated acknowledgment of all that. I was wondering if he would even bother.

A big judgment is wht awaits you in my crystal ball.

…?

The fuck does that mean?!?

Typo aside, how does this even begin to relate to the subject at hand? It’s like he knew ahead of time that his second two “strikes” were even dumber, and wanted something vaguely sympathetic to blunt criticism but forgot to even bother connecting it to the framing topic.

I mean, let’s try and follow the logic. I guess, being financially ruined in the Brave New World “might as well be a crime” in the eyes of conservatives, but… Actually, given that conservatives view being poor as a crime in and of itself, I probably shouldn’t have been that surprised by this ending.

Strike Two: So you believe in the Bible. You think that it is wrong to be gay, immoral even. Even more so, you are morally opposed to gay marriage. You want to continue teaching your children and grandchildren (great grand children too???) the same traditional Christian values you grew up with.

Speaking of stupidity, we get this bit of self-victimization pablum. Oh noes! Being anti-gay is no longer the majority opinion of the nation and now majority-appeasing moderates aren’t as willing to stand in solidarity with you as you continue to champion an increasingly unpopular position you only hold because your religious leaders thought it would be good for their pew numbers a couple of decades ago. Truly no one else has ever felt such cruel and violent oppression.

Sure, there isn’t yet national protections for all queer people to be employed and secure shelter and even in locales with said protections, perceptions of “visible queerness” are still used to discriminate in hiring, internal promotion, and continued employment, but hey, I’m sure the fact that people might look at you askance when you rant about how you’re going to teach your great grand children how to hate them faggots from your nursing home bed is much more emotionally draining than having your humanity devalued to the point where your employer is willing to drive you to suicide over risking being sued over their patently illegal behavior.

Bitter? Moi? How could you suggest such a thing? I have only the deepest sympathies for what Fuckwad Frank is going through. In fact, the way the er… things are now illegal… er… Actually, sorry, which track were you trying to divert this Fail Train to again?

The ones that are now considered “hate speech.”

Holy fuck, Canada took us over and no one told me?!? I’m sorry everyone, but I need to run out right now and secure me some of that actually functional health care system. The automatic post software can take over until I get back.

Initializing

(Curse word) (Patronizing use of writer’s first name), (Overly-descriptive description of feces) (Big word) (Overused joke) (Elipses) HURGAGURDA *Smoke*

And I’m back**. Turns out that we don’t actually have Canadian Overlords, so this is either about some nightmarish future where Canuckistan conquers us with mad curling skills or it’s yet another example of conservatives using another country’s sensible laws to try and claim oppression in a country where we won’t even press charges if you engineer a genocide in another country, much less if you create a climate where huge amounts of a minority class are driven to suicide or murdered in hate crimes because of what you “preach” as “religion”.

Tough choice, but I think I’m going to go with the dystopia where we’re all ruled over by a goalie-masked Wayne Gretsky. It’s more sci-fi!

Say you own a bed and breakfast or small inn, perhaps you are a wedding photographer or maybe a baker.

See, you can tell that the Christianist fucks are the real oppressed group in all of this, because they keep turning to the same 4 or 5 “examples” of their oppression which were all bigots who were not allowed to use public funds to selectively practice their bigotry any more, but were in no other way stopped from being complete and utter dicks.

I mean, if they were faking it, they’d probably like invent a day out of the year where you just list all the people in your community who have been horrifically murdered for being who they are or something suspicious like that.

And not to belabor the point, but again, it seems like you were so eager to jump into the Lion’s Den and show off your Daniel skills, that you seem to have forgotten to even pretend to connect it to your half-arsed premise. So again, how the fuck is this illegal or soon to be illegal again?

You can’t refuse to celebrate this event, despite your religious convictions. Go ahead, turn the business down.

Yes, truly in the Obama Marxist gulags of the future, everyone will be forced to attend gay weddings and if they don’t look suitably cheerful or, GOD FORBID, reject a sexual advance from the Best Person (Political Correctness Oder Tod!), they are instantly ignited with glitter bombs. Such is THE LAW!

There are already people being prosecuted for this very thing in this country and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

And tonight in “Things That Never Happened Outside the Fevered Imaginations of Conservatives” we talk to a Hippo who has learned the secret of flight (apparently you just throw yourself at the ground and miss [Ha! Pre-emptive Douglas Adams reference]).

Just wait until you are told you are “unfit” and are court ordered to stay from your own family because of the “hate” you spew quoting those nasty scriptures.

Sigh… Why do conservatives have to keep taunting us with images of a MUCH better world with their fearful delusions?

Imagine if people trying desperately to train the next generation to hate were actually blocked from passing on those prejudices. If those future queers growing up in ultra-religious communities didn’t have to ride through a gauntlet of learned internalized shame and could just be themselves from a young age. And if those employers didn’t feel it was “their place” to enforce their “moral values” in the workplaces they run so that people could deal with the stress of a major life change without people kicking them while they’re down***. If religious child abuse was treated as it was rather than treated as the only untouchable right outside the right to arm yourself with a small nation’s entire arsenal.

Sigh…

Recently, the hit TV show, “The Bible” was aired.

I’m sorry. I seem to have gotten a bit of a case of whiplash from you switching topics on me without a fucking clutch. Praytell, dear rambling madman, how does this bit of Nielsen trivia relate to any fucking thing you’ve been talking about so far?

I don’t know if you noticed or not but the program started each week with the title “The Bible” followed wirh a statement that read “not yet rated.” Wow, did that catch my eye. When is it going to be rated “R” for violence and hate speech or receive the ESRB Rating of “A” for adults only content? Just wait. Don’t you even think about sharing it with the children. No the president has spoken. He has a way with subtleties in wordings. He has said we have the right to “worship” however we want. He didn’t say we could practice our religious convictions. “Worship” in your church or synagogue or temple (even your mosque) just keep your beliefs to yourself.

I think my brain just broke a little bit trying to follow the bouncing ball down the Mountains of Madness. So… a show entirely based in throwing away the reputation of one of the few channels left on television that used to deal at least slightly with reality in order to give you the sloppiest blowjob imaginable and which is kind enough to literally depict Obama as the devil for you is… equal to you being Christian being made illegal because… There isn’t a rating on it (and let’s not even get into the irony of you whining about the complete impossibility of it being rated adults only (as if that would at all effect anything because it’s a fucking TV show on cable) considering that fuckwad Christian pastors are responsible for rating any movie that shows a woman enjoying sex or even the tamest same-sex relationship as adults only)… and that means that somehow blocks you from showing it to kids… on the TV that is in your home and which has no real gatekeepers preventing you from showing it to your kids… Also, apparently Obama is directly responsible for Television content rating systems, because that’s totally a job handled at the top level of the Executive Branch and not at all a task given to the lowest rung in the FCC hierarchy… But hey, it’s probably because he’s the Antichrist anyways (I mean, seriously, have you seen that documentary on the History channel where the Devil looks exactly like him?!?) and sends secret messages that only deranged wanna-be martyrs can see… Also, freedom of religion exists, but doesn’t exist, but only exists in one’s religious services… except that it’s not and even if it was that would somehow be the same as not having religious freedom at all and-

Why does everything smell like copper all of a sudden?

Much being said today about historic events in professional sports. Any Christians going to come out of the closet?

Oh. Suddenly it makes sense. He’s suffering from Oppression Envy and wants to play-act like his dominant oppressive group is equivalent to the minorities whose lives they actively work to make worse because there’s whole picoseconds being given to something other than the lives of rich-to-upper-middle-class white Christian heterosexual males.

And somehow this is worse than actual oppression or actual imprisonment, but not at all because he’s an overprivileged wanker whose never had a real problem in his life, oh no!

And yeah, about those historic events… It might be because they are yanno, historic and occurring in sports where an assumption of heteronormativity has been enforced with brutal bullying, active discrimination, and a dudebro culture that desperately tries and equate the sports with a type of toxic masculinity that looks upon queerness as feminization.

And if Christians were not represented in something, but then were, you bet your ass it would be a news story as well. Like when an all muslim Egyptian National Football squad for the London Olympics was coached by a Coptic Christian, but hey, let’s not let reality get in the way of a good hard pout.

Show me one thread of scientific evidence that in anyway establishes that there is a gay gene… a gay anything. You can’t.

(Evil grin)

I believe any of the 99 links gathered here will satisfy nicely.

And yeah, I think it’s safe to say at this point, he’s completely forgotten what he was trying to argue.

But my free speech and freedom of religion as guaranteed under the constitution have just been tossed down the toilet dare I state this fact!

Which is why you weren’t able to write that complete bit of scientific inaccuracy on the blog you are paid to write for, nor talk about these issues regularly on the weekly radio show you are probably paid more than I’ll ever make to host. By saying this, you are guaranteeing that you will be thrown in a gulag, your picture ripped out of your family photo albums and burned, while former friends three times deny your name.

Truly a horrifying outcome. Even I, discriminated against for simply being who I am and asking direct permission before undergoing anything, see your plight and weep at the injustice exhibited. I will devote all my waking hours to your court case, brother. Solidarity!

Strike Three: So you own a gun or believe in the 2nd amendment.

So you gunned down an entire classroom full of kindergartners… Oh wait, no that would be related to something that would ever have a remote chance of actually being illegal. It’s just the usual “Obama gun’ grab your guns” free marketing for the firearm manufacturing companies.

I guess if all you have to go on is the tired phantoms in your head, you might as well have them trot the circle like all the other doggies.

Going to surrender them? Register them at the $100 each many “lawmakers” are discussing? This is not going away folks.

That is correct.

Tired conspiracy theories regarding even the most threadbare attempts at common sense gun control legislation are never. EVER. going away.

A sadly true statement.

Why aren’t the thousands of gun laws already on the books getting enforced?

Because the NRA works tirelessly to defang the legislation where possible and ensure that easily exploitable loopholes remain open enough to drive a truck through? Because Republicans try and underfund the ATF to the point of starvation because of decades of selling conspiracy theory bullshit to the rubes? Because the right-wing reflexively embraces as hero anyone, and I mean anyone, who violates existing law to stock illegal firearms (see the continued deification of Waco)?

I dunno, fuckstick. Take your pick.

I will tell you, because none of the existing laws accomplish what this new legislation is going to accomplish: Make everyday citizens into criminals.

That is certainly a… pick.

Yes, not enforcing laws… =… being a citizen is now a felony.

Yeah, that’s how… that… works. Yup. It’s not like with the actual three-strikes law whose legacy you’re offensively borrowing for your conspiracy theory pity party, the way it’s actually works is by over-enforcing bad laws like maximum sentence seeking on petty thefts, victimless drug charges, or Vice harassment busts of sex workers. Nope, it’s all not enforcing laws on the books or that aren’t even remotely close to being on the books or are actively banned by the constitution from being on the books. This somehow spells the actual oppression that will throw all the conservatives into the Obama Death Camps before they can discover the Weally Weally Twue Kenyan Birth Certificate.

Three Strikes… You’re Out!

Folks, you keep electing and reelecting thee people. Not me.

Yes, the elusive “they” is electing the people continuing to argue for the expansion of abusive “tough on crime” laws that ill serve the public, the people who propped up the Housing Bubble and caused the Global Financial Collapse, the people who abuse religious freedom laws in order to dictate a “correct way of living” that is punished by discrimination and dehumanization, the people who are preventing gun laws from being enforced…

Hmm, sorry there’s something on your forehead. It looks like it’s a blinking IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION sign.

In fact, fuck the projection and the whiny “I wish I was an oppressed minority so I could be in the moral right” martyr envy. Let’s look at what possible combination of these could lead someone to actually fear running afoul of the Three Strikes Law.

Strike One: Let’s leave aside obvious candidates like stealing your house while not actually being a financial institution or living in a home wherein someone you sublet to once smoked a little pot and didn’t take the bag with them when they left and instead nominate being dinged for “illegal squatting” in your home once you discovered that the bank trying to foreclose on you doesn’t actually have the mortgage they are claiming you forfeited on (by refusing to accept payment or renegotiation on it in order to justify foreclosing).

Strike Two: Well, seeing as how even actively arguing for the violent murder of queers and open discrimination is protected criminally in these United States, there’s really only one way this becomes a strike and it’s a way that’s going to fuck you even with the recent change to the law. And it’s assault, murder, or some other violent crime undertaken to “enforce morality”. Sorry, buddy, but even if you claim that God commanded you to do it, actual hate crimes are still actual hate crimes.

Strike Three: As much as I’d like to include terminal stupidity on the list of felonies and misdemeanors that could apply, the misinterpretation of the 2nd amendment (it’s pretty clearly about actual militias, I.E. the creation of the national guard and yet you fuckers keep arguing it’s clearly about letting every Tom, Dick, and Harry own his own penis-extending arsenal) still remains the most overprotected “right” in the Bill of Rights. Thus like the last one, the only way this ends up applying is if you decide to use your arsenal to strike down the “feminizing agents in our society”.

So yeah, if you really were “law-abidingly” violating these strikes, you would single-handedly be the most deserving person to ever be tried under the Three-Strikes Law and no amount of having a “law-abiding” skin tone and bank balance could possibly save you.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. No, seriously wingnuts, it’s nowhere near as fun being a hated minority as you imagine it to be. Discrimination, oppression, and the ignorance and hatred of your family and peers are not nearly the trade-off for full humanity that you seem to think they are. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


*Yeah, no cookies for guessing if California’s rape conviction rate is dramatically better than any other states or if the percentage of rapists dinged by a three strikes law is at all comparable to what was used to sell the Amendment in the first place. Also, no cookies for guessing if rape in California prisons is a less omnipresent issue than in other state penitentiaries. But hey, it helped build a fuckton more prisons and incarcerate a fuckton of black people, so let’s count it as a win anyways, shall we?

**Like I was never gone at all.

***If you want to ask, let’s just say it’s all going poorly and leave it at that for now.

 

Comments: 341

 
 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

“Worship” in your church or synagogue or temple (even your mosque) just keep your beliefs to yourself.

And Jesus sighs and clutches his head as yet another fucker decides he just needs to pray in public to show people how pious he is.

 
 

Much being said today about historic events in professional sports. Any Christians going to come out of the closet?

So far they haven’t been able to stuff Tim Tebow back into the closet even with a front-end loader.

 
 

Why aren’t the thousands of gun laws already on the books getting enforced?

It’s your lucky day sir, we’re not enforcing that particular law today. Now if you’d have broken one of these other laws I’d have to take you in.

 
 

And Jesus sighs and clutches his head as yet another fucker decides he just needs to pray in public to show people how pious he is.

Matthew 6 is apparently just as ignorable as all those sections of Leviticus that don’t deal with icky homosex.

 
Lancelot Link
 

That smeghead makes me want to bust out the world’s tiniest violin just for him.

 
 

I wouldn’t mind these guys living in their horrible fantasy world if they didn’t work so hard to make us all live in it with them. It’s like being trapped in some sort of horrible, never-ending LARP extravaganza in Guantanamo with a bunch of 400 lb schlubs all dressed as Sailor Moon. You know how it’s all going to end up, but you can’t get out.

 
 

No problem, don’t retire… ever (if you have that option), work till you die.

So, hey, Frank must be supportive of unions and their efforts to keep employee pensions and health benefits strong, right? Amirite?

 
 

You can’t refuse to celebrate this event, despite your religious convictions….There are already people being prosecuted for this very thing in this country and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Someone doesn’t understand the difference between criminal proceedings and civil proceedings.

 
 

(fifth if you count the entire LA/Orange County region)

HEY!

It’s not so bad! Well, not north of the 10, anyway…

… and east of the 5.

(And west of the 57.*)

____
* And only south of the mountains.

Aw shit.

 
 

yet another fucker decides he just needs to pray in public to show people how pious he is.

Actually, I think he wants to go down to the crossroads with the bullhorn and excoriate passersby for dressing immodestly or holding hands in public.

 
 

Yeah, Christians are just soooooo oppressed here in Babylon, just like Roman times, hide in the catacombs and dodge lions, boo the hoo.

 
 

Someone doesn’t understand the difference between criminal proceedings and civil proceedings.

Darn you for beating me to this point! So, if there were a 3 strikes rule for civil penalties, how would that work out? If you’ve been fined 3 times your wages are garnished forever? Of course, we still have to make gun ownership and bankruptcy civil crimes, but he’s totally not a gibbering crazy person for thinking we will.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

Just wait until you are told you are “unfit” and are court ordered to stay from your own family because of the “hate” you spew quoting those nasty scriptures.

Yeah. Just wait.

And wait. And wait.

 
 

This is the only goddam website where I can get a little common sense.

 
 

“And wait. And wait”

Wait until the light turns green!.

 
 

“with a bunch of 400 lb schlubs all dressed as Sailor Moon.”

Since we’re obviously in the same town, why don’t you stop by and say hello?

 
 

Psssst. hey Fuckwit Frank – had those folks “just turned the business down” they wouldn’t have been sued. But they couldn’t do that. Noooooo, they had to make a big point of saying they wouldn’t make a cake because ewwwww you’re icky icky lesbofags oppressing me by giving meyour business!

You know what this is Frank? This is the smallest violin in the world playing My Heart Bleeds For You.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Don’t you love being the voice of reason that has to point out that the only reason they have this little thought experiment in the first place is because of their enthusiastic support of ‘tough on crime’ measures? Don’t you love the delicious irony of a reactionary true believer who never thought the laws he hoped would only be used against petty criminals and drug users now could conceivably, if you squint a lot, and maybe suffered from a concussion, potentially apply to a deadbeat bigoted gun nut (like himself)? I for one, won’t hold my breath to see the first deadbeat dad, insider trader, gun hoarder, or bank executive sentenced under a three strikes law.

 
 

The projection is strong with this one.

Holy Zeus, what a nitwit. He should (but no doubt isn’t) that it sure wasn’t Obama who suggested that the Bible (the actual doorstop book, not the History Channel series which is not based on it) be rated for mature audiences only. Way back it was kept in dead languages to keep the riff-raff from reading it. Then once it got translated back into the original King James English, there was a big movement to only allow the rich dudes to have it (lest the riff-raff start reading some of those easily misunderstood passages about blessed are the poor, rich dudes pretty much never getting into Heaven, etc.). The 16th Century Internet known previously as the printing press pretty much put a halt to that plan.

 
 

Jesus, what a steaming pile. I’m just going to SO pwn this snivelling delusional twunt with the most brutal comment he’s ever read, & … HEY! WAIT A MINUTE HERE!

Where’s the comment thingy?!?

It’s almost as if RenewAmerika couldn’t handle any form of dissent whatsoever … or bear the opprobrium of every post being followed with a semi-literate chorus of “GRAR/BAAAAAW/AMEN,BRO” from folks who plainly require 24/7 adult supervision &/or the best antipsychotic pharmaceuticals money can buy.

Hmm … gotta admit, in a culture where history needs to be rewritten on a regular basis (see: The Bush Legacy) & Teh Conservative Narrative (praise be upon it) is the only thing that matters, it’s a valid position: a lot of NRO’s writers have been getting their ass handed to them by anyone with a three-digit IQ on a daily basis ever since they made the tragic mistake of allowing comments.

it’s not like we’ve got debtor’s prisons any more

Sadly, no.

 
 

Hmm. Looks like someone forgot Matthew 6:5-6.

 
 

Dammit. I was SO ready to go off on “Pere’s Rant About Jeebus Freaks” and my last 14 years on the buckle of the Bible Belt (which shows no sign of going away any time soon) and you know what? I just can’t manage it.

*sigh* Nobody’s going to take away your right to raise your children in ignorance, paranoia and bigotry, Frank, you douche. Ain’t gonna happen.

 
 

The projection is strong with this one.

Seriously. I haven’t seen this much butthurt since the proctologist convention was in town.

 
 

Seriously. WTF is the deal with the news these days?

Headline at the moment on MSNBC:

3 pals of Boston Marathon bombing suspect arrested: sources

“Pals”??? Really?

“Pals”?

 
Bitter Scribe
 

“Pals”??? Really?

“Alleged accomplices after the fact” probably didn’t fit.

 
 

*sigh* Nobody’s going to take away your right to raise your children in ignorance, paranoia and bigotry, Frank,”

Why shouldn’t every kid have a shot at becoming an ESPN announcer? It’s high-paying work, and 10% goes to Jebus on a cart.

 
 

“Let me bash that poor puppy’s brains out on the sharp rocks of reality.”

“Niewertian Eliminationism.”

Speaking of ‘three strikes’…

 
 

CSI – Special Pre-Victims Unit.

 
The Dark Avenger
 

Violent Metaphors=The Hatefulness/Group Mind of Librul Fascism and tyrannic, racist Neiwertism.

Am I getting it right, Denny?

“To run up record budget deficits?” Conservatives have often supported budget deficits, especially in wartime. Reagan used them to splendid effect, to both revive our economy and bring the Soviet Union to its knees. And those paid off so handsomely that the debt that was incurred during the Reagan years is now a trifle compared to our much-enlarged economy. Also, the current deficit is only “record-breaking” in absolute numbers of dollars; it’s historically unexceptional as a percentage of the GDP. That’s a deceptious argument, typically Niewertian, and calls into doubt his whole project. If making your point requires telling tricky lies, why should we pay attention?

http://www.randomjottings.net/archives/001128.html

A term invented by a wingnut almost 10 years ago.

That’s what I like best about Denny, is his originality.

 
 

As I recall, it was always “law and order” conservatives who pushed 3 strikes rules…

 
 

Am I getting it right, Denny?”

I think he’s gone. And won’t be back. I don’t know why I think that, but I do. And there is the old saying: “Speak of the Devil, and he will appear”

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

3 pals of Boston Marathon bombing suspect arrested: sources

“Pals”??? Really?

It’s like they don’t even care about good headlines anymore. Here, let me try:Cops “Collar Chechnyans’ Chums, colleagues crestfallen, chastened.”

 
 

As I recall, it was always “law and order” conservatives who pushed 3 strikes rules…

Well, yeah, but not for uppermiddleclasswhitesuburbanites.

 
 

“Pals” is the kind of “OMFG why is it not still the Fifties” thing I’d expect to come out of O’Reilly’s ignint piehole.

Besides, it’s hardly conducive to a proper post-9/11 atmosphere of fear and ignorance. Makes me think more of Spanky & Alfalfa than terror.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Oops, this is better:
“Cops collar Chechnyans’ college chums, colleagues cheerless, chastened.”

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

“Pals” is the kind of “OMFG why is it not still the Fifties” thing I’d expect to come out of O’Reilly’s ignint piehole.

Controversial Cognomen Confounds Commenter

…I can’t stop.

 
 

Copacetic, Charley.

 
 

IMe, I’m chopfallen.

 
 

Matthew 6 is apparently just as ignorable as all those sections of Leviticus that don’t deal with icky homosex.

Are you saying we shouldn’t eat bacon-wrapped shrimp while wearing wool-linen trousers?
~

 
 

Now this shit just totally pisses me off:

Some media outlets have suggested that fans of the classics could choose to follow their favorite oldies to streaming libraries like the Warner Archive that launched this month. But Warner Archive tweeted a response saying that they “aren’t involved in Netflix’s business decisions” and that the Warner Bros. titles dropped from Netflix are not due to appear in the library.

What in hell posesses media comapnies to sit on ready-made material in this day when distribution is so fucking effortless? Stupid me, I thought the information revolution was supposed to make catering to small numbers of interested parties easier, not harder.

 
 

holy crap…is there not a single person on the renew america payroll whose photo does NOT look like they are 1/8″ from falling off the edge of reality?

i know cerbs (hope yer okay) already covered this, but holy shit:

Strike One: so you bought a house in 2005 or so. Because you didn’t believe in the NINJA Loans, you put your life savings into it as the down payment. Now you’re trying to retire and the house is worth less than you owe. No problem, don’t retire… ever (if you have that option), work till you die. Either way, your financial life is destroyed. Foreclosure, perhaps bankruptcy awaits you as you approach your golden years. A big judgment is wht awaits you in my crystal ball.

when your rant starts out as misguidedly as this, you should perhaps keep your ranting to yourself…i mean seriously? if you are dumb enough to buy a big-ass house using all your money as a down payment a mere 7 or 8 years away from retirement, you should not be allowed to even play ‘monopoly’ you are that bad at money and life management…

and don’t even get me started on frank’s completely non-existent grasp of grammar, spelling and thesis co-hereing abilities…although to be fair, it’s probably pretty difficult to type a screed with all the spittle flying about…

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Conservative columnist creates crapheap, cognoscenti unconvinced.

 
 

this snippet from frank’s bio explains a LOT:

The Frank Louis Show “provides answers to the questions nobody is asking. And if you think we are wrong, email us at frank@franklouisshow.com and tell us why. We don’t think you can.”

i also can provide answers to questions nobody is asking:

the dog…
purple, green and yellow…
no…
yes…
maybe…why do you not ask?
hallucinogetic materials…
because they don’t like you…

it’s really pretty easy…imma gonna go make some of that sweet, sweet renew america cash right now!

 
 

i also can provide answers to questions nobody is asking:

the dog…
purple, green and yellow…
no…
yes…
maybe…why do you not ask?
hallucinogetic materials…
because they don’t like you…

it’s really pretty easy…imma gonna go make some of that sweet, sweet renew america cash right now!

Sorry, you don’t qualify for renew america cash. You got six of your seven answers correct. You need a score of minus one or less to qualify.

 
 

“Are you saying we shouldn’t eat bacon-wrapped shrimp while wearing wool-linen trousers?”

Only if you know a very competent dry cleaner.

 
 

A One-Hour Martinizing ought to do it.

 
 

I’m having the shrimp-wrapped bacon just to be on the safe side.

 
 

Having finally read through the comments here, I see that I aped Lancelot Link. I swear I did not see you tiny violin comment before I made my own.

 
 

Sorry, you don’t qualify for renew america cash. You got six of your seven answers correct. You need a score of minus one or less to qualify.

d’oh…mama always said i was too smart for my own good…

 
 

I see that I aped Lancelot Link.

i see what you did there…

 
 

Plus, this too and also. Just what you want to see when the Sleezquester is cutting staffing at the FDA.

But don’t worry! According to the derp-tastic comments over there, it’s not due to lack of food inspection or half-assed farming, just BIG EVIL GUMMINT trying to poison you with aspartame or something. Just wash your hands and never eat anywhere but home and you’re good to go! Whee!

 
 

comment mango (another dangerous food):

ok so if we all stop eating everything we knew was healthy in the first place, now we can stop eating everything so we will be able to tolerate the food we get when “nobama” puts in his encampments to suffer longer. well done Mr. president I’m sure you have your hand in every aspect of our lives and government no matter what or who says.

 
 

… we want to borrow their suffering (while acknowledging exactly zero of said suffering) in order to make our myopic whining seem principled!

… made me think of this:

Pro-gun billboard sparks outrage over depiction of native americans

That billboard is a very concentrated nugget of wingnuttery. To me, it wings nuts on so many levels, and I’m not even a native or a scholar.

 
 

“Also, apparently Obama is directly responsible for Television content rating systems, because that’s totally a job handled at the top level of the Executive Branch and not at all a task given to the lowest rung in the FCC hierarchy.”

It’s dumber than that. Hollywood rates it themselves, albeit with a “do something or else” implied threat by the FCC. Wait, isn’t Chris Dodd now a lobbyist for the motion picture industry, and wasn’t he personally responsible for the housing bubble collapse (or so the wingnuts tell me) Holy Alex Jones! It is all connected! Wheels within wheels people.

 
 

The fact is, being shiftless and lazy in USA should be a crime, not rewarded with cash payments as it is currently, especially to the blacks, but I am racsist for pointing it out?

 
 

now we can stop eating everything so we will be able to tolerate the food we get when “nobama” puts in his encampments to suffer longer.

😮

 
 

tigris said,
May 1, 2013 at 22:52
now we can stop eating everything so we will be able to tolerate the food we get when “nobama” puts in his encampments to suffer longer.
😮

Apparently, the person quoted has already stopped eating, or is eating only foods not on that list (cheetos!), and is fast losing whatever cognitive ability they had left.

So, speaking of raspberries, I saw a decal similar to this one on the car in front of me, and thought “PENIS!

 
 

Cerb done ate all the mangos and no comment section? Whatsup with that. Don’t the R’gnu Murca people believe in freedumb speech?

 
 

“Are you saying we shouldn’t eat bacon-wrapped shrimp while wearing wool-linen trousers?”

You are SO going to hell dude.

 
 

Some headlines from Cliff Kincaid

Is Tamerlan Tsarnaev the new Lee Harvey Oswald?

Progressives now want “psychedelic medicine”

So-called “medical marijuana” apparently doesn’t cure all of their ailments. Now the progressives want easy access to “psychedelic medicine,” including LSD and . . .

How pothead terrorists almost outsmarted the police

Gay propaganda campaign takes offensive turn
Corrupt media cheer for homosexual rights
Cliff Kincaid
March 25, 2013

Anderson Cooper kisses “Boy Scout” to offend traditional America
The headline says it all: “Anderson Cooper Kissed Madonna, Dressed In Boy Scout Uniform, at GLAAD Media Awards.” The CNN host did something that was sure to . . .

Another American pope candidate embraces the far-left

Black socialist pope to follow black socialist president?

With African Catholic Cardinal Peter Turkson in the running as the next pope, the media have noted that he carries the fancy title of the president of the . . .

Rupert Murdoch backs Obama’s gun grab

 
 

well done Mr. president I’m sure you have your hand in every aspect of our lives and government no matter what or who says.

OMFG HE’S TAKEN OVER OUR GOVERNMENT WHAT A TYRANT!

*headdesk*

My favortite stinky mango on the foods article is the one claiming that this is a plot to get us all to eat high-fat processed foods. DUH, yeah, y’feeb, that’s why they included instructions on safe food handling IN THE FUCHING ARTICLE. Derp.

Now, eating out is a whole different matter…

 
 

Progressives now want “psychedelic medicine”

Some do, and they’re right to want it. Using psychedelics as medicine is uber-, even paleo-conservative. Using them without some sort of meaningful and/or therapeutic context is a missed opportunity. Mildly sad, really.

How pothead terrorists almost outsmarted the police

Potheads, always almost doing stuff. I almost outsmarted many classes of people.

Gay propaganda campaign takes offensive turn

I thought all gay propaganda was offensive to the Right? Maybe this is like when you make four right turns in a row. As few as one leg of the journey could be inoffensive.

Corrupt media cheer for homosexual rights

I applaud their cheering, corrupt though they might be.

 
 

Corrupt media cheer for homosexual rights

I take it he means the media is corrupt because they do not all believe that some of us citizens deserve the same rights accorded to him.

 
 

Er, awfuk you onow what I meant. I blame it on flashbacks from the psychedelics I took way back when.

 
 

The typos I blame on my iPad and fat fucking fingers.

 
 

Gah. MS Word is pissing me off. Apparently you cannot make true parallel columns (ones that flow independently over the page breaks, instead of wrapping to the next column (newspaper-style)). You’re told to simulate parallel columns using a table, but then warned that Word has trouble with multi-page tables. Or use a bunch of fiddly column breaks.

Parallel columns have multiple uses, and the MS Word devs obviously know about them. So why not have em?

 
 

The one known as Pupienus fumbled with his iPad, fingers like sausages, his thousand-yard stare fixed almost 999 yards beyond the screen.

 
 

On second thought, that would make his arms improbably long.

 
 

You are SO going to hell dude.

I figure that I have not rounded the corners of my beard so I’m OK.

 
 

If your fingers are fucking, at least have the common courtesy to wait until they’re done.

 
 

So-called “medical marijuana” apparently doesn’t cure all of their ailments. Now the progressives want easy access to “psychedelic medicine,
Corrupt media cheer for homosexual rights

All part of “the agenda to make criminals out of law-abiding citizens” by reducing the number of laws against self-medication and consensual sexual activity.

 
 

So-called “medical marijuana” apparently doesn’t cure all of their ailments.

So-called pain meds don’t cure everything! Ban all opium derivatives and analogues! Jusrt take Tylenol! who needs a liver after all?

grrrrrrrrrrr…..

 
 

Show me one thread of scientific evidence that in anyway establishes that there is a gay gene… a gay anything. You can’t.

If memory serves, the Gay Gene has been discovered, repeatedly, though alas it’s a different gene with every announcement.

 
 

I’m sure you have your hand in every aspect of our lives and government no matter what or who says.

Is “or who” related to Dr. Who?

 
 

All part of “the agenda to make criminals out of law-abiding citizens” by reducing the number of laws against self-medication and consensual sexual activity.

Three tokes/strokes you’re out?

 
 

Do sonic screwdrivers fall under the Second Amendment?

 
 

If memory serves, the Gay Gene has been discovered, repeatedly, though alas it’s a different gene with every announcement.

Or Adam, or Steve …

 
 

Show me one thread of scientific evidence that in anyway establishes that there is a gay gene… a gay anything. You can’t.

Well, you feebs can’t seem to be arsed to see all the scientific evidence for evolution, health damage due to diet, or climate change, so why should we bother?

 
 

If memory serves, the Gay Gene has been discovered, repeatedly, though alas it’s a different gene with every announcement.

This wasn’t him?
~

 
 

Three tokes/strokes you’re out?

Tigris is banned.

 
 

well done Mr. president I’m sure you have your hand in every aspect of our lives and government no matter what or who says.

Damn, where does the Kenyan Usurper find the time to do all that?

 
 

It’s true, medical marijuana does not cure any ailments (correct me if I’m wrong), but it’s good for certain symptoms.

 
 

I saw a decal similar to this one on the car in front of me, and thought “PENIS!

With one hell of a wart on the glans!
.

 
 

“???” is the new “!!!!11!!1eleventy!!”

 
 

Tigris is banned.”

Why, cause he won two threads in a row? There’s no term limits here.

 
 

Jokes about tokes are over the line.

 
 

evidence that in anyway establishes that there is a gay gene… a gay anything.

Can’t we ALL agree that there’s a gay anything?

 
 

“Tigris is banned.”

Why, cause he won two threads in a row? There’s no term limits here.

If tig got banned for winning threads, she wouldn’t be on the internet at all.

 
Gay Gene Schlacter
 

You like me, you really like me!

 
 

I know Gay Gene, I also know Indian Art – he has all those billboards on I-40 in New Mexico.

 
 

Although the Gay Gene I knew was not named Schlacter

 
 

I went to school with a Gaylord and a Lorien who is gay, but no Gay Gene I’m afraid.

 
 

What’d be funny is if Gay Gene turned out to be an experimenter with sinful behaviors. Then you’d have to call him Gene (fundies would say) because there are gay activities but no gay people: God won’t make them.

 
 

The Gay Gene was discovered in 1973.

 
 

“Some days I suspect I’m more Farts than Man”–my CV, header & footer

 
 

Jokes about tokes are over the line.

Sweet Jesus.

 
 

“One toke over the line” doesn’t tell you much unless you know the denominator as well.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Do you suppose in Japan there’s a Gay Jin?

 
 

Jusrt [sic] take Tylenol! who needs a liver after all?

Tylenol may have mind-altering properties as well.

 
Austin Loomis
 

One toke? You poor fool! Wait’ll you see those goddamn bats…

 
 

“When is it going to be rated “R” for violence and hate speech or receive the ESRB Rating of “A” for adults only content? Just wait. ”

When indeed. If Tarantino made a movie with *half* of the wanton raping, pillaging, and outright genocide that’s depicted in the Old Testament, fundies would be suicide-bombing the theaters in protest of the “terrible filth”.

Also: “Show me one thread of scientific evidence that in anyway establishes that there is a gay gene… a gay anything. You can’t.”

Perhaps Mr. I’m-So-Put-Upon could show “one thread” of scientific evidence that he MUST be a gay-bashing asshole because of the rantings of a bunch of polygamist Iron Age sheep-fuckers. For that matter, any evidence that said sheep-fuckers weren’t just worshipping their own imaginations. By that logic, Christianists everywhere shouldn’t expect any rights *either*.

 
 

Wait’ll you see those goddamn bats…

are they scarier than the gddamn batman?

 
 

When indeed.

also, too…isn’t the esrb rating for video games?

 
 

With one hell of a wart on the glans!

Yeah, the one I saw didn’t have the wart. The thumb (or whatever) was much less pronounced. That link was the closest I could get with a quick image search.

 
The Dark Avenger
 

Then it was quiet again. My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. “What the hell are you yelling about?” he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. “Never mind,” I said. “It’s your turn to drive.” I hit the brakes and aimed the Great Red Shark toward the shoulder of the highway. No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.

 
 

We can’t stop here! This is BAT COUNTRY!

 
 

Dr. K-blow hits a home run!

Terrorism—homicidal violence of the kind that struck Boston on April 15—requires two things:

1. Clinging to a set of overvalued ideas that may approach the level of a psychotic delusion

2. Being so completely severed from empathy that the suffering of ones’ victims is either ignored or celebrated.

***********

Would it not be interesting, for example, if aggressively treating depression (especially the kind linked to irritability) in a particular group turned out to significantly impact the likelihood that such a group would spawn extremist violence?

interesting indeed…hmmmm…which group of people should we start with?

 
 

This is BAT COUNTRY!

Duck country!

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Duck country!

No Country for Old Men!

 
 

1. Clinging to a set of overvalued ideas that may approach the level of a psychotic delusion

2. Being so completely severed from empathy that the suffering of ones’ victims is either ignored or celebrated.

Do… do they have the slightest…

*sigh* of course not. Wingnuts don’t merely lack introspection, they’re evidently physically incapable of it.

 
Failure Artist
 

Depression =/ sociopathy. It’s not even close.

 
 

If the Boston bombers really did have severe depression, that says to me they were plain old generic mass-murderers who hijacked (heh) radical Islam to justify their slaughterin’ ways. Goodness knows the 9/11 posse weren’t depressed much the whole time they were hoovering back epic amounts of weed, coke & hard liquor while terrorizing titty bars across the fruited plain.

If a decent mental health care system would’ve prevented Boston – along with many another such atrocity – then what do you call the folks who keep slashing funding & stonewalling solid regulations for the establishment of said system?

ZOMG THE GOP ARE A SUPER-SECRET JIHADI SLEEPER CELL!!!!!

 
 

*sigh* of course not.

That’s exactly why It’s Always Projection. The average wingnut of the regressive right can commit no intentional, critical introspection, but yet (or perhaps therefore) can’t conceive of motives or tactics other than hir own. Rather than empathize with opponents, they reduce them to caricatures and strawmen, upon whom they can only project the same bankruptcy of ethics and objectivity.

I used to think that It’s Always Projection was an intentional tactic. And while it’s probably true in some cases, I’ve come to realize that most are unable to think otherwise.

 
 

I used to think that It’s Always Projection was an intentional tactic. And while it’s probably true in some cases, I’ve come to realize that most are unable to think otherwise.

i always imagine them with fingers stuffed in their ears shouting, ‘lalalalalalalalala’…

 
 

Can’t we ALL agree that there’s a gay anything?

I was once told that some boys like to do things with boys and some girls like to do things with girls. And then I fainted.

 
 

i find this hilarious:

This brings me to two blogs I stumbled on. Both male bloggers declare their love for Christ and state that the Bible is the standard by which they live their lives. One studies apologetics; the other is a youth pastor. They both have their Zodiac signs on display. That way if you land on aspiring apologist’s blog, you’ll know that he’s a Gemini; likewise, if you land on youth pastor’s blog, you’ll discover that he’s a Virgo. One can only assume that these young men have not yet read Leviticus 19:26, Deuteronomy 18:9-12, Exodus 22:18 and other similar passages where God commands His people to steer clear of sorcery. And yet these so-called Bible believers find time to read up on astrology?

Christians who are confronted with an evil practice must lace up their trusty running shoes and high tail it out of there, pronto! Keep away from horoscopes (astrology), numerology, séances, tarot cards, tealeaves, palm reading, crystal balls, talking boards, omens or signs. Moreover, do not get involved in wizardry, witchcraft, the study of Kabbalah, nature religion (Wicca), and the practice of yoga (its sole purpose is purely spiritual). Believers must flee from any and all pagan customs and practices. Those who are currently involved in any of the above must bring it to an end today!

Since dabbling in sorcery is a sin against God, repentance is of paramount importance. So if you’ve been dabbling, repent! And never return to any sort of evil practice – even if it’s “just for fun.”

and this!

Ask professing Christians as they flow through the doors of a Sunday worship service if they believe in reincarnation, some will give you a cavalier “Yes,” as if it’s no big deal for believers to mix Christianity with mystical beliefs. However, believing in reincarnation is a very big deal for the serious Christian. For example, reincarnation is a central tenet within Hinduism, not Christianity!

The thing Christians need to come to terms with is that belief in reincarnation goes against what the Bible teaches regarding the soul’s final judgment by a holy God. What Jesus Christ clearly taught is that unrepentant sinners are condemned to an eternity in hell. Jesus never mentioned reincarnation – not once!

more renew murika whackadoo-ery with marsha west can be found here

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

If a decent mental health care system would’ve prevented Boston – along with many another such atrocity – then what do you call the folks who keep slashing funding & stonewalling solid regulations for the establishment of said system?

Either callously indifferent or bloodthirsty warmongers. I can only assume they either can’t make the connection to better mental health care = fewer untreated violent mentally ill people roaming the streets or they can and they are either too cheap to make the investment or enjoy the occasional bloodbath and attendant media circus.

 
El Manquécito
 

In the Reasons to Go On Living Dept., a Carnegie Mellon student dressed as the Pope, mostly naked, throwing out condoms from a parade float. Bishops outraged. Gawker has the pic so it did happen.

 
 

[Christians should] keep away from horoscopes (astrology)

For some reason the parenthetical clarification makes me chuckle. Marsha West knows her readers are dumb, but what bugs her about their dumbness is how blithely they stumble into paganism, sorcery, syncretic religious practices, and so on … keeping her readers informed is like an endless game of whack-a-mole. On Monday your friend thanks you for explaining that horoscopes are astrology, which is bad; on Tuesday, he’s all “I tried this awesome thing called buttsex” and you’ve gotta warn him, “Gene, that is sodomy, like in the Bible!”

But seriously, the fundie paranoia about yoga is puzzling. You could do a ton of yoga in the U.S. and never get a thimblefull of spiritual instruction. If its “sole purpose is purely spiritual,” then the baddies who are leading most of these sessions are pretty ineffective. Obviously, the yoga instructors tailor their services to the market, and most Americans are not looking to become sadhus or whatever.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

dressed as the Pope, mostly naked

This seems…contradictory.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

what bugs her about their dumbness is how blithely they stumble into paganism, sorcery, syncretic religious practices, and so on

My childhood priest (who is, remarkably, still active and whom I respect a lot) got so annoyed with the pious old ladies in his parish who wouldn’t do anything on the 13th, feared the Evil Eye, etc. that he would almost yell, “That’s not religion! It’s superstition!”

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

But seriously, the fundie paranoia about yoga is puzzling

It’s the same fundie freakout over and over. The can’t abide any institution or activity that doesn’t beat you over the head with the suffering and death of Jesus Christ Almighty. See also the fundie freakout re: Halloween, role playing games, heavy metal, rock music, dancing, anything remotely interesting or fun.

 
El Manquécito
 

This seems…contradictory.

I thought the same but…. how would you put it? Pantsless Pope doesn’t quite do it, half naked usually implies something else. I think she pulls it off, as it were, it’s a big win for CMU.

 
 

I think this evil cyberpope illustration is pretty good. (Steve: “He’s probably got some pretty cool apps on that hat.”)

 
 

Charlie Pierce exemplifies a major reason why I still haven’t gotten a blog off the ground:

If your culture is telling you that children who have only recently emerged from toddlerhood should have their own guns, then your culture is deadly and dangerous and that should concern you, too. If your culture demands that, in the face of a general national outrage over the killing of other children, your politics work to loosen the gun laws you have, as they apparently did in Kentucky, then your culture is making your politics stupid and wrong and you should change them, too. I do not have to understand these people any more, and it is way too early in the day to be drinking this much.

Now how could I improve on that?

The last thing I want to do is what so many bloggers seem to think is sufficient: fill out a blog with entries following the formula [attribution with link] [long blockquote] [admiring and/or snarky witticism].

I can do that in comments.

 
 

Terrorism—homicidal violence of the kind that struck Boston on April 15—requires two things:
1. Clinging to a set of overvalued ideas that may approach the level of a psychotic delusion

This is why, when *we* do it, it’s not terrorism.

 
 

If the Boston bombers really did have severe depression

That would totally explain their party-loving ways and their energetic bomb-constructing.

 
 

dressed as the Pope, mostly naked

This seems…contradictory.

This seems…worthy of gouging out my mind’s eye.

 
 

This is why, when *we* do it, it’s not terrorism.

Of course not. When we do it, it’s a “targeted strike against rebel elements.”

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

That would totally explain their party-loving ways and their energetic bomb-constructing.

Cut the Dr K. some slack. He’s just trying to construct a media narrative that turns those bombers into implacable coldly inhuman super criminal terrorists, so that when we have to give up even more rights to fight them, it’s totally justified. I mean is any sacrifice too great to fight the ‘worst terrorists since 9/11’ even though one is already dead and the other is looking at sixty or seventy more years in a concrete box?

 
 

“That’s not religion! It’s superstition!”

I fail to see a distinction.

 
 

I think she pulls it off

Wait what? “she?!?!?” Though I’m not the only to have said “Ratzo gurl, you should shut your piehole” or similar, an actual woman can’t be a convincing poperator. Also, now I have no desire to see the pic.

 
 

I think she pulls it off, as it were, it’s a big win for CMU.

That’s one pope I wouldn’t mind kneeling before.

 
 

Depression makes it a challenge to make myself do anything. I imagine it would be hard to plan a bombing when you’re sleeping all day.

Apparently Mr. Obama wants to hire a black man to do a white man’s job.

Won’t they be pissed when they hear the rumours that a black guy is up for the Human Torch role in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie.

 
 

Won’t they be pissed when they hear the rumours that a black guy is up for the Human Torch role in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie.

I still chuckle to think of the response to black Heimdall in that (in other ways quite freely-adapted) Thor movie.

 
 

I still chuckle to think of the response to black Heimdall in that (in other ways quite freely-adapted) Thor movie.

Good times, I had some fun with that one. The general “Thor” stupidity was great, and provided grist for the snarkmill.

 
 

BBBB thusly –

UPDATE: As much as they express contempt for “Hollywood”, it’s mind-boggling how large it looms in American conservatives’ “minds”- I’ve come to the conclusion that they view reality through the filter of pop culture, mainly television and movies (readin’s hard). Their views of gender roles are based in 1950’s and 60’s sitcom stereotypes which were bullshit even then. They really don’t have an understanding of history, they only have what’s been fed to them through various screens. This is why they think that torture is a good way to elicit facts, that women should be subservient and docile, and that men should be emotionless golems. They don’t stand athwart history yelling “Stop!”, they stand athwart pop culture yelling “Validate ME!”

Quoted for truth.

 
 

Actually, a black Heimdall does annoy me slightly, as it doesn’t make any sense for the mythological character (referred to as the “Whitest of the gods”, was the literal father of the Norse class system, etc.), but then again, like you said, Marvel’s Thor is a loose adaptation of the comic which is an even looser adaptation of the myths.

Plus, Idris Elba is great (he’s my number one pick for the next James Bond, fyi).

 
 

Quoted for truth.

Yeah, I hate whining chauvinists.

Actually, a black Heimdall does annoy me slightly, as it doesn’t make any sense for the mythological character (referred to as the “Whitest of the gods”, was the literal father of the Norse class system, etc.), but then again, like you said, Marvel’s Thor is a loose adaptation of the comic which is an even looser adaptation of the myths.

A beardless blond Thor would bother me even more, if I gave a jotunn’s jockstrap.

 
 

Actually, a black Heimdall does annoy me slightly, as it doesn’t make any sense for the mythological character (referred to as the “Whitest of the gods”, was the literal father of the Norse class system, etc.), but then again, like you said, Marvel’s Thor is a loose adaptation of the comic which is an even looser adaptation of the myths.

I saw that Thor movie, and the black Heimdall worked fine-to-good in its context. I lacked the benefit of familiarity with the comics (and my knowledge of Norse lore is sketchy). Still, it seems clear that only white power nozzles were truly offended; I mean, good grief, to be offended by black Heimdall — but not a complete butchering of your mythos or pantheon or whatever — why, that’s suspicious! Possibly a race thing, hehe.

 
 

It’s not hard to work into the mythos. The Asgardians inspired the myths and legends of the Norse people, who were themselves pretty white, so it’s no surprise that over the centuries they would’ve retconned the beings they thought of as gods in their own image (in the same way the popular image of Jesus for us looks European even though the real person would’ve looked like a TSA profiling suspect).

 
 

Plus, Idris Elba is great (he’s my number one pick for the next James Bond, fyi).

He seems good. A top-shelf black actor would be an excellent Bond from here out — the United Kingdom is the essence of cosmopolitanism, and the right pick could enhance some very modern scenarios, without detracting from the franchise a bit. And of course the right marketing and followup could generate global interest for some time to come.

(Having not seen recent bond films, I dunno how the writing has responded to a post-cold-war world.)

 
 

I mean to say that the next Bond could, of course, be black or Pakistani or Sikh or what have you.

 
 

TPM:
Earliest American Colonists Cannibalized To Survive Winter, Smithsonian Discovers

Closer inquiry reveals that the author is unaware of American colonists prior to Anglo-Saxon ones.

 
 

i also can provide answers to questions nobody is asking:

I’m sure there’s a Janusnode for that too, or Substance is working on it as we speak.

 
 

Progressives now want “psychedelic medicine”

Oooh, is there a secret clause in the ACA I didn’t know about? Coooool.

 
 

Because I wasn’t going through enough shit right now, I’ve also got the fact that I think my parents just disowned me over coming out to my uncle…

Cause, you know, that’s helpful.

Fucking transphobia, man.

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

Dambit.

 
 

poop

 
 

I’m sure there’s a Janusnode for that too, or Substance is working on it as we speak.

haha…i was thinking that as soon as i typed my comment…i have been eagerly awaiting, but so far…

 
 

Because I wasn’t going through enough shit right now, I’ve also got the fact that I think my parents just disowned me over coming out to my uncle…

okay, cerbs…2 things:

1…confront the ‘rents to find out for sure if they disowned you…unless you were using ‘i think’ as a device and it’s actually a fer sure deal…

2ndly…if it’s possible for you, i can offer you a place to get away for a few days…nothing ever happens here, so it’s quiet and you can hole up, lick your wounds and think about next steps…whatever those may be…

this may be a weird or creepy offer to make, but there it is…you’ve been eating shit sammies for way too long now and i just want to help 🙂

 
Dennis Gene Butthurt Schlacter
 

At least they didn’t make fun of you on the Internets like DA did to my dry drunk buddy.

 
 

I think my parents just disowned me over coming out to my uncle

Like bbkf said, make sure. I know the evil power of “I think…”.

If they did, though, that’s shit. They’re the ones that made you – are they going to ask for a refund?

 
 

Intertoob hugs for {{Cerb}}.

 
 

I know the evil power of “I think…”.

i meant to say this also, too…but you know…editing/proofing…how do they work?

 
 

Cerbs, I weep. Your ‘rents need counseling to get over their shame. Are there any resources like PFLAG for transfolk that you could access? I wish there was something I could do to help.

 
 

“dressed as the Pope, mostly naked”

“This seems…contradictory.”

You obviouswly haven’t seen the Parliment-Funkadelic documentary. George Clinton does it equipped only with a bedsheet. And every indulgence he granted was fully effective.

 
 

And every indulgence he granted was fully effective.

So well played.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

Actual lead from an actual Fox News story:

Police in China have smashed a crime ring that sold meat from rats and other animals as rat meat, in a case that left the public disgusted…

If they sold it as rat meat, what’s the problem? Free markets, consumer choice and all that.

 
Golem Heart (for the moment)
 

My condolences, Cerberus.

As a young teenager, my wife was disowned by half her family for speaking out about sexual abuse. They chose to believe her father, the abuser. They caused trauma and worsened existing wounds in order to preserve the facade of a healthy family.

I hope your parents come to understand that you have the right to come out to anyone you choose. Their love or attention cannot be conditional on living a lie of their choice. This is to state the obvious, of course, but I dunno what else to say.

 
 

“So well played.”

Abso-fuckin-lutely

 
 

This is going in a bad direction. Unfortunately, I know much more than I should about disowning and inheritance.

 
littleleaguecoach
 

Dude, looks like you’re missing a couple of “K”s in your title.

Just here to help…

 
 

Actual lead from an actual Fox News story:

They fixed it, it now says it was being sold as mutton. Better than true love.

“Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.”

 
 

Ok Sadlynaughts, tomorrow is the day. Go out and garden.

 
 

… a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.

Mutton is never leaner than when it’s rat.

 
 

Ok Sadlynaughts, tomorrow is the day. Go out and garden.

Do they make SPF 4000 sunscreen? There are certain places I really don’t want to get sunburned.

 
 

Do they make SPF 4000 sunscreen? There are certain places I really don’t want to get sunburned.

ewwwww! ick! ick! a ‘naked old man wanger’ warning would have been appreciated! oh…and i’m not talking about you…talking about the site banner…och! me eyes!!!

 
 

There’s an amusing thread in the portland reddit about the return of the angry daystar. S’got everone panicky and digging out their SPF-umbrella. Not that a portlander would be caught dead with a bumbershoot when it’s raining. Portlandia is a fucking documentary I tells ya.

 
 

Do they make SPF 4000 sunscreen? There are certain places I really don’t want to get sunburned.

Be sure to apply the sunscreen before you leave the house. Otherwise people might misinterpret your actions.

 
 

Nude gardening would have other dangers.

As a child, I was stung by a bee while urinating at the side of a freeway. Maybe the bee was attracted to the stream. Maybe my reaction alarmed him. One thing’s for sure, getting stung on the penis hurts.

 
 

Nude gardening would have other dangers.

Nothing worse than when your wife catches you in the flower bed with a dirty hoe.

 
Whale Chowder
 

Cerb, nobody deserves that. Best to you, hang in there, “it gets better.”

Etc.

 
 

Headline under “Living” on MSN:

Hide your junk in plain sight

ewwww.

 
 

Headline under “Living” on MSN:

Hide your junk in plain sight

damn…hubbkf reads msn…i’ll be prepared for phone calls from alarmed townspeople now, i guess…

 
 

“UPDATE: As much as they express contempt for…”

Tell it! Oh yes! Someday, scholars will be able to point to the exact movie or TV shows (or rather, groups of them) from which specific conservative ideas arose, if there was any point in doing it, other than to develop an emetic so powerful it should only be available by prescription.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Pupienus said,
May 3, 2013 at 18:48

There’s an amusing thread in the portland reddit about the return of the angry daystar. S’got everone panicky and digging out their SPF-umbrella. Not that a portlander would be caught dead with a bumbershoot when it’s raining. Portlandia is a fucking documentary I tells ya.

When I was growing up in Seattle, I never saw an umbrella. Now, you see them all the time. It started with yuppie sociopaths in the 80s trying to keep their Armani suits dry, I think. Hey, you know what, if you’re going to dissolve like an Alka-Seltzer pill if you get wet, you really need to live somewhere else. Seriously—if you live here, all you’re going to do is bitch about the weather, and listening to that gets old after a while.

Cerb, what can I say? If we hadn’t gotten thrown out of our apartment and had to move into a 430-square-foot hamster cage, I’d repeat bbkf’s offer. But with two people, a dog, and two cats (don’t tell the manager about the extra cat), it’s kind of cramped already!

 
 

Which, you know, is too bad, cause my reaction to conservative “reasoning” could make projectile vomiting an Olympic sport. I’m just sayin’ now that the Buddy Greco Roaming Wrestling’s been dropped.

 
 

and had to move into a 430-square-foot hamster cage,

i bet running on that wheel is fun…

 
 

“Nothing worse than when your wife catches you in the flower bed with a dirty hoe.”

Look, she knew I was a rake when she married me.

 
 

Look, she knew I was a rake when she married me.

and sometimes, you just gotta trim some bush!

 
 

I’am a leaf the thread if this keeps up.

 
 

BTW, “Angry Daystar” is my new band name.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

I’am a leaf the thread if this keeps up.

If you try, we’ll pistil-whip you.

 
Whale Chowder
 

You guys and your puns, why don’t you just shovel it.

 
Scott the Obscure
 

I’m a bit surprised that no-one’s pointed out that we’re all bloomin’ idiots…

 
 

You guys and your puns, why don’t you just shovel it.

Throw in the trowel, even.

 
 

Call a spade a spade, if you have to.

 
 

If you try, we’ll pistil-whip you.

I don’t have the stamen-a for that.

 
 

“Lettuce leave now” I said crisply, And orange you glad I did.

 
 

I have taken stalk of this thread and determined that no good can stem from it. It’s time to root out the punsters, make them pack up their trunks and go.

 
 

I am SO SURPRISED to see another pun thread turnip.

 
 

I shall return to my cabin with celerity.

 
 

a ‘naked old man wanger’ warning

I think there was also some pa’s nip.

 
 

You all are a bunch of cukes.

 
Scott the Obscure
 

Okay, picking all the low-hanging fruit won’t get us to the root of the problem. This is just way too mulch.

 
 

Cerb, please ask your parents to clarify things, if they are really disowning you, then that’s a real spot of bad fortune. Kudos to bbkf for offering a place to stay.

 
 

*desperately trying to think of a pun for ‘xylem’*

 
 

Go with the phloem.

 
 

The lunatics are taking over the, uh, xylem.

 
 

omg…the puns! the puns! there is nothing arbor-trary about them…

 
 

bbkf, someone is leading you down the garden path.

 
 

Meanwhile, over on MSN:

From Animal Planet’s “Freak Encounters” comes stories of giant rats that could eat a small child.

Or if the small child is Chinese, the opposite is true.

THAT’s why we need to buy guns for 6 year olds – giant rats!

 
 

i’m growing quite frond of this crop of puns!

 
 

haha…that is three puns in one sentence…you know what i say to that?

BONSAI!!!

 
Scott the Obscure
 

These garden-variety puns are costing so much productivity, I kudzu, but I prefer the carrot to the schtick.

 
 

*waiting for conservatives to realize the potential for rat meat in school lunches*

 
 

*waiting for conservatives to realize the potential for rat meat in school lunches*

In the absence of anyone testing for it, I suspect that they realised a long time ago.

 
 

Parallel columns have multiple uses, and the MS Word devs obviously know about them. So why not have em?

Because Word is one of the shittiest pieces of shit ever shat?

I will happily write in raw HTML and CSS rather than fight with Word. And often do.

 
 

The last thing I want to do is what so many bloggers seem to think is sufficient: fill out a blog with entries following the formula [attribution with link] [long blockquote] [admiring and/or snarky witticism].

I can do that in comments.

Yeah, but can you make a comment blink irritatingly? NO YOU CAN’T!

 
 

In Texas rat is considered a vegetable in school lunches.

Along with pizza, Coke, water, and chalk.

 
 

Yes I can.

ON

 
 

“Cerb, please ask your parents to clarify things, if they are really disowning you, then that’s a real spot of bad fortune.”

Look, I’ve been through this. As I understand it, an inheritance is a gift, not an obligation. A valid will can include anybody or nobody, for any amount. Looked at from that perspective, is it a good idea to “confront” somebody over it?

As far as I know, there is no such thing as “inheritance rights”. If there is no valid will, then inheritance laws of the state take over.

It’s something I’d love to be wrong about. But as I understand it, all you can do by “confronting” them about it lose the chance to be disinterested in it,

 
 

Yes I can.

OFF

 
 

Yes I can.

ON.

 
 

Alabama, now, the schools there consider photos clipped from issues of “Good Housekeeping” as vegetables.

 
 

Yes I can.

OFF.

 
 

And if we’re talking about people who will actually change their will as a ‘punishment’ being able to be disinterested is worth a lot.

Of course if by disowned you mean an organised family shunning, that’s a very crappy thing for people to do.

 
bughunter, blinking in phase with Whale Chowder's posts,
 

I don’t see what you’re stalking about…

 
 

Of course if by disowned you mean an organised family shunning, that’s a very crappy thing for people to do.

I assumed that was what Cerb meant.

But who knows. I suppose there are parents who write you out of the will, then call you on the phone every week. Or the opposite.

 
 

Of course if by disowned you mean an organised family shunning, that’s a very crappy thing for people to do.

Be nice to your children, they’ll get to pick your nursing home.

 
 

Of course if by disowned you mean an organised family shunning, that’s a very crappy thing for people to do.

I assumed that was what Cerb meant.

is there some sort of mix-up with disown and dishinherit? i think there is…also, too…whale has a clapper!

 
 

Penis http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/

hahaha…they said, ‘head’quarters…

 
Whale Chowder
 

whale has a clapper!

HEY HOW’D YOU FIND OUT ABOUT MY STD….oh.

Never mind.

 
 

Of course if by disowned you mean an organised family shunning, that’s a very crappy thing for people to do.”

And gee, what do you know, I had a family member on the phone today, trying to organise one. Wasn’t that a fun call. I lost my usual placidity, and taciturnity, and said a few intemperate things.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

And gee, what do you know, I had a family member on the phone today, trying to organise one. Wasn’t that a fun call. I lost my usual placidity, and taciturnity, and said a few intemperate things.

What the actual fuck? life isn’t hard enough? Didn’t someone get their fill of middle school playground politics in middle school? Needless drama and the people who create it, make me mad.

 
 

I had a family member on the phone today, trying to organise one

A Shunning isn’t just something you can throw together. Look in the Yellow Pages for an experienced professional Shunning Organiser.

 
 

And gee, what do you know, I had a family member on the phone today, trying to organise one

Sheesh. I have relatives I don’t much like, I just avoid them. Why try to make sure others avoid them, too? If they’re awful, people already do, and if they aren’t awful, the only thing trying to force the issue does is put the shunning organizer him- or herself at the top of the “AVOID – ASSHOLE” list.

 
 

Needless drama…”

Yes, very much so. BIL had operation, it was a success. The argument is over how many people will impose themselves on him while he recuperates, of all things.

 
 

Sheesh. I have relatives I don’t much like, I just avoid them. Why try to make sure others avoid them, too? If they’re awful, people already do, and if they aren’t awful, the only thing trying to force the issue does is put the shunning organizer him- or herself at the top of the “AVOID – ASSHOLE” list.

THIS. Of course we avoid people. The organized shunnings are like high school shit to the thousandth exponent in terms of damage done.

My feeling is, from my experiences at least, “Enjoy your shitty clique. Don’t be surprised when it turns on you.”

 
 

“Shunning Organiser.”

It’s a tough trade. You have to start by ignoring potential clients, to show them you’re a professional.

 
 

You have to start by ignoring potential clients, to show them you’re a professional.

NO FREEBIES.

 
 

NO FREEBIES.

Whut? Don’t freebies hook people in? Hate is a drug, apparently very popular when nothing else is available.

 
 

Satisfaction guaranteed. If the customer claims to be dissatisfied, then they really get to see some first class shunning.

 
 

You haven’t been shunned until you’ve been shunned by a cat.

Actually it’s kind of hard to tell the difference from their normal behavior.

 
 

[turning my back to you]

You are not worthy.

Oh, and my food bowl is empty.

 
 

I am on the wrong side of the door.

Always.

 
 

That keyboard… you play with it too much.

I shall sit on it now.

 
Your Cat, on catnip,
 

Why, this is… OMG!

[Snuf] [Snort]

WHEEEEeee!!!!11!!

Ah Aah Ahh Oh!

Mind your own busineszzzzphblt khkhkhphblt!

[races off pursued by/in pursuit of phantom mice]

 
 

That keyboard… you play with it too much.

I shall sit on it now.

Ha! Amateur. I returned from work one evening and sat down at my computer only to find that there were no keys on my keyboard. Looking around I discovered them in a neat little pile on the carpet next to my desk. Upon further investigation I discovered that the fairly complicated latch on my cockatoos cage was unlatched. Leonard was sitting very quietly inside and doing his best to look innocent. Which was a dead giveaway because normally he gets very boisterous when I pull in the driveway. I carefully replaced all the keys, fired up the computer and discovered that he had also destroyed my mouse chord. When people meet Leonard for the first time I like to inform them that he once killed a mouse. I never elaborate further.

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

…also, too…whale has a clapper!
Sorry,…this made me giggle.
…and I’m not ashamed.

 
 

It’s after 4AM, I’m working about fifteen miles north of New York City, and a pack of coyotes is howling to beat the band, probably half a kilometer away from me.

 
 

Here’s something cute: according to the Guardian, David Stein of the LA-based “Republican Party Animals” used to be David Cole the Jewish Holocaust revisionist.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/may/03/david-stein-cole-holocaust-revisionist

“Cole’s brazen reinvention as a social networker and political pundit deceived a roll-call of conservative politicians, filmmakers, journalists and broadcasters who had no clue about his past. A falling out with a friend led to his unmasking in his social circle two weeks ago, when a group of former supporters was shown YouTube clips of Cole’s incendiary – and until then forgotten – television appearances in the early 1990s.

As a combative twentysomething with tousled black hair, he was a vilified guest on chat shows hosted by Phil Donahue, Montel Williams and Morton Downey, among others, and was depicted as a neo-Nazi on news shows such as 60 Minutes and 48 Hours.”

 
 

Here’s something cute: according to the Guardian, David Stein of the LA-based “Republican Party Animals” used to be David Cole the Jewish Holocaust revisionist.

And they wonder why the Jewish vote is overwhelmingly Democratic?

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

So, some things to pick up from that story:

A “friend” he confided with, who then had a falling out. Which translates then into a “vindictive young woman who assassinated him”.

It would be irresponsible not to speculate what a person who was in charge of basically a wine-swilling, cigar-chomping old boy’s club of California Republicans did to a young woman to drive such a magnificent act of social destruction.

 
 

all this cat talk makes me miss louis vs rick…i am off to go look at a retro kitchen table set that hubbkf found yesterday at a second hand shop…ooooh, exciting!!! i hope it is exactly what i’ve been wanting!!!

 
Rebecca Asshurt Schlacter
 

The Iron Heel of librul fascism smashes yet another innocent conservative.

Right, DG?

 
 

My cat ignores the keyboard in favor of the mouse pad, which is evidently more comfortable and just as effective.

 
 

ahahaahahaha! the kitchen table is mine!

 
 

bbkf : Pix or nix.

 
 

A quiverfull of dickishness.
http://www.alternet.org/bizarre-christian-quiverfull-movement-pushing-women-procreate-gods-army

Some mangos from “God” and his lessers.

Romans 1:27: “And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.”

“Since the word used for female is connected so strongly with the idea of nursing babies, whereas it has no connection at all with the idea of sexual activity, I believe that God is saying here that when women exchange their natural function of childbearing and motherliness for that which is “against nature” (that is, trying to behave sexually like a man), the men tend to abandon the natural sexual use of the women and turn to homosexuality. (pp. 27-28) ”

Nancy Campbell, “editress” of Above Rubies–an international Christian women’s magazine– encourages “women in their high calling as wives, mothers, and homemakers” by explaining in her book, Be Fruitful & Multiply: What the Bible Says About Having Children, that the word “woman” is a combination of the words “womb” and “man.” Woman means “womb man” or “man with a womb.”

To all you commentatrixes out there, discuss, but first ask a man for permission because God, and get the government outa ma persucution, and non marijuana stonings and so on.

 
 

Anonymous above is me.

 
 

“My cat ignores the keyboard in favor of the mouse pad, which is evidently more comfortable and just as effective.”

Arnold Schoenberg, op. 11 – I – Cute Kittens!
Invitation to blogwhore acknowledged, therefore,
http://gocart-mozart.blogspot.com/2011/07/meowsicians-for-your-ameowsment.html

 
 

the word “woman” is a combination of the words “womb” and “man.”

I call bullshit.

Folk etymologies are 99% of the time wrong as a principle.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

You are correct, Ubu. In Old English, the word is “wif-man” (Picture a macron over the “i”—I know better than to try to get WP to show it), which means “female” (German “Weib” is cognate) “person” —”man” being used for both men and women. Admittedly, male is unmarked—female has to be flagged.

 
 

ahahaahahaha! the kitchen table is mine!

Sayeth the cat.

 
 

Battleaxe– I thought these used to be another cognate word, wir-man with wir ultimately giving us words like virile as well as the were- prefix in werewolf and weregild. No?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

It would be irresponsible not to speculate what a person who was in charge of basically a wine-swilling, cigar-chomping old boy’s club of California Republicans did to a young woman to drive such a magnificent act of social destruction.

I wonder if this parallels the Nadia Naffe experience.

 
 

My cat ignores the keyboard in favor of the mouse pad, which is evidently more comfortable and just as effective.

My cat’s philosophy seems to be “What’s mine is mine. What’s yours is negotiable.”

 
 

Also, women used to be considered to be far more obsessed with sex than men were. Men were supposed to be in charge because they were cold and logical, while women were slaves to their base desires. These roles switched sometime during the Victorian era. Now men couldn’t control themselves, and women became the gatekeepers. Funny how the reversal didn’t actually change men and women’s status in society.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

BULLS WIN!!! YES!!!!!

New stadium, same old Nets.

So now the Bulls have the privilege of getting chewed up and spat out by the Heat.

 
 

“As a combative twentysomething with tousled black hair, he was a vilified guest on chat shows hosted by Phil Donahue, Montel Williams and Morton Downey, among others, and was depicted as a neo-Nazi on news shows such as 60 Minutes and 48 Hours.”

I forgot to add that I have hazy memories of Cole/Stein appearing on the blab shows; he was like a Bizarro World ADL spokesman. But then, in the early 1990s, it was common to see anybody say the craziest things in order to get on the air. David Duke left a deeper impression (of a self-serving bigoted hack) on me.

 
 

I forgot to add that I have hazy memories of Cole/Stein appearing on the blab shows; he was like a Bizarro World ADL spokesman

For me, that role will always be filled by Meir Kahane. I was walking to the Bleecker St 6 train stop after work around the time of Kahane’s murder a few blocks away.

 
 

From the department of earworms department- a song about e-mail scams. I can’t stop listening to it.

 
 

West Texas, by God!

McALLEN, Texas — The Texas fertilizer plant that exploded last month, killing 14 people, injuring more than 200 others and causing tens of millions of dollars in damage to the surrounding area had only $1 million in liability coverage, lawyers said Saturday.

‘‘It’s rare for Texas to require insurance for any kind of hazardous activity,’’ he said. ‘‘We have very little oversight of hazardous activities and even less regulation.’’

==========================

Just the way Free Market Jesus™ likes it.
~

 
 

‘‘We have very little oversight of hazardous activities and even less regulation.’’

Business in Texas is booming!

 
 

Peni

 
 

Customers are completely blown away.
~

 
 

“discovered that he had also destroyed my mouse chord”

At least your cat didn’t steal the rights to “Mockingbird” from Harper Lee!
First Capote and “Cold Blood” and now this. Count your blessings.

 
 

Oh, and “woman”? Could it be any clearer? It’s a conflation of “woe” and “man” Woman means ‘woe to man’. Everybody knows that!

 
 

‘‘It’s rare for Texas to require insurance for any kind of hazardous activity,”

Yes, and hear that those hazardous anydrous dealers are a lot like Bojangles Robinson dancing for those at minstrel shows and county fairs. They’re “throughout the South”.

Oh crap, now I’ve got an earworm: ‘Throw out the South….throw out the South…’

 
 

‘‘We have very little oversight of hazardous activities and even less regulation.’’

California has a significantly bigger economy (not to mention better this and that) than Texas, which is IMPOSSIBLE, given what conservatives “know” about how people want to live and what makes economies healthy.

 
The Dark Avenger
 

That means that the company can be made bankrupt by all the claims against it, and that the surviving workers will be thrown out of their jobs, but, hey, freedumb!

 
 

The Texas fertilizer plant that exploded last month, killing 14 people, injuring more than 200 others and causing tens of millions of dollars in damage to the surrounding area had only $1 million in liability coverage, lawyers said Saturday.

Since it’s a person can we put it in jail?

 
 

Obviously the company is blameless, seeing it’s just using its 2nd Amendment right to kill a dozen people or so through malign neglect.

You’ll get their anhydrous ammonia when you pry it from their cold dead storage tanks! WOOOOOOOLVERINES

 
 

Thread Bear said,
May 5, 2013 at 17:01
Peni

A phallustrade.

 
 

It’s a conflation of “woe” and “man” Woman means ‘woe to man’. Everybody knows that!

Not everyone. Also a portmanteau.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

‘‘It’s rare for Texas to require insurance for any kind of hazardous activity,’’ he said. ‘‘We have very little oversight of hazardous activities and even less regulation.’’

But dead peasant insurance is all the rage!

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 
 

But dead peasant insurance is all the rage!

gads, i can’t believe that’s a real thing…can they get any more odious?

 
 

But dead peasant insurance is all the rage!
Shades of “Dead Souls”.

 
 

gads, i can’t believe that’s a real thing…can they get any more odious?

As I recall, it began in the 1980s, so I blame Ronnie. As usual.

 
 

I cannot believe Jonad Pantload’s latest bout of idiocy has gone unsnarked. Hmmph!

 
The Dark Avenger
 

Check out Lawyers, Guns and Money, they’ve been ridiculing him over it for the past couple of days.

 
 

a poster shared that a convicted molester is now living in a little town in the middle of our county…his earlier post says he is now going to move his guns closer to his bed (is he worried about dude breaking in at night to molest him or does he spend most of his time in bed?)…but this one sums up a certain mindset quite pithily:

don’t get me wrong, as a Christian I am willing to forgive those who turn their lives around, but at the same time I am a proud RedNeck and WILL defend my family when i need to!

 
 

and yes, it was on the book of faces…there is much ass-hattery there today…also, i’m sick of looking at prom pictures…

 
 

I am a proud RedNeck and WILL defend my family when i need to

That, suh, is an Amurican! He will never leave his little boys behind!

 
Whale Chowder
 

That, suh, is an Amurican! He will never leave his little boys behind!

I think you missed an apostrophe in there.

 
 

Check out Lawyers, Guns and Money, they’ve been ridiculing him over it for the past couple of days.

Nobody does it better than S,N! [pout]

Any ideas for coaxing HTML off The Twitters?

 
gocart mozart
 

Siskel and Ebert trash talking outtake. Very funny
http://crooksandliars.com/bluegal-aka-fran/open-thread-576

 
 

Any ideas for coaxing HTML off The Twitters?

How about sending him a tweet?

 
 

Twitter and Farcebook are bad ju-ju as far as I can tell. You don’t think the Evil Eye has an account there? It does.

 
 

Got stuck on the freeway for nearly an hour (LA drivers can’t handle the rain!) but it was worth it to be able to listen to this:

http://www.democracynow.org/2013/5/6/michael_pollan_on_how_reclaiming_cooking

I know this is probably remedial for the foodies here on S,N! but it’s still fascinating, especially the first half where he talks about exploring the anthropological history of cooking with fire (barbecue), water (stewing and braising), air (roasting and baking) and earth (I forget, except he seemed to strain to complete the metaphor).

 
 

I think you missed an apostrophe in there.”

This is the web! We don’t need no stinkin’ apostrophes!

 
 

“and earth (I forget, except he seemed to strain to complete the metaphor).”

Poor fellow’s never been to a clambake? And, Heinrich Harrar tells me that’s the way they cook pork in New Guinea. And it comes out real good.

 
 

Plus, I think he stole that whole fire-earth-water thing from Rick Bayliss.

I suggested a podcast of the “reclaiming cooking” feature to my wife, who promptly snorted derisively (but in a very feminine and gracious way, of course) and said “Listen, my little help-meet, the only hot pot you ever slaved over was in a bong. When you reclaim a job, I’ll reclaim the cooking. ”
Sometimes her retorts leave me flummoxed and chopfallen. More often that not, in fact. I often think of very cutting replies, later on.

 
 

Any ideas for coaxing HTML off The Twitters?

Control-U works in most browsers.

[ba-dum-bum-tssh!]

 
 

Well, your wife should be informed that the complement of the prepositional “reclaiming” is not you, but corporate giants like Kraft, PepsiCo, Monsanto, General Mills, etc. They are not only unconcerned with the quality of the food and its ingredients, but are actively seeking to create products that contain as little real nutritional value as possible and are more like narcotics than food. They prefer products that trigger the reward pathways in the brain over those that nourish, because the former generate more sales…

Here, Michael Moss wrote a book about it:

http://www.avclub.com/articles/michael-moss-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-ho,96443/

 
 

http://www.avclub.com/articles/michael-moss-salt-sugar-fat-how-the-food-giants-ho,96443/

we just watched ‘hungry for change’ on teh fletnix…pretty interesting…most of the suggestions were pretty good…but i’m also pretty lazy and don’t have access to fresh produce on a regular basis, sooooo…

 
 

Yesterday, I harvested a bunch of stinging nettles, which are delicious. A few years ago, I made a resolution to not only “reclaim” cooking, but to, to some extent, “reclaim” harvesting.

 
gocart mozart
 

http://www.nowtheendbegins.com/pages/obama/obama-and-hitler-similarities.htm

Both Hitler and Obama held rallies in outdoor stadiums to excite and inflame the people’s passions. Frequently women would faint or break into tears.

Both Hitler and Obama wrote ghost-written autobiographies prior to the start of theri run for political office. Hitler wrote Mein Kampf (My Struggle), and Obama wrote Dreams Of My Father. Both men then wrote a second book talking about their goals
for German and America. Hitler wrote A New World Order, and Obama wrote The Audacity of Hope.

Both Hitler and Obama originally had last names that were changed later in life. Hitler used to be Schickelbruber, and Obama’s last name was Soetoro.

Both Hitler and Obama hid their real identies. Hiter had a Jewish ancestry, and Obama
a Muslim one. But unlike Hitler, Obama flaunted his Muslim roots in his start as a politician in order to defuse the inevitable firestorm. His ploy of “hiding in plain sight” worked very well.

Both Hitler and Obama’s supporters followed them blindly, and without question

Both Hitler and Obama used political power and coercion to conceal and hide their birth certificates from coming to public view. Hitler made his disappear, and Obama is unwilling and unable to produce his long-form birth certificate.

Both Hitler and Obama advocate using young people as a driving force to create an “army” of youth dedicated to their Ideals. Hitler had his Hitler Youth, and Obama his
Obama Youth Brigade.

Both Hitler and Obama were known for their tremendous oratorical skills

Both Hitler and Obama received Messianic comparisons, and both men had songs of adoration written about them and for them.

Like Hitler, Obama rules in direct disregard to the will and wishes of the people.

Like Hitler, Obama has an obvious distaste for the Jews, and sides with the Muslims every chance he gets.

Both Hitler and Obama were able to mezmerize the people even when it was obvious that what they were saying was not true.

Both Hitler and Obama used domestic terrorists to launch their careers. Hitler had his Brown Shirts from his beer hall days, and Obama had people like Bill Ayers, Bernardine Dohrn, and Rashid Khalidi.

Like Hitler, Obama advocates using murder as a means of population control.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

BBBB I support reclaiming cooking and harvesting, but I gotta draw the line at scavenging. No matter how fresh that roadkill is, I recommend letting it be.

 
gocart mozart
 

Or is he the antichrist?
http://www.beastobama.com/

 
 

Wow!

Like Hitler, I am a shitty painter.

 
gocart mozart
 

Lets not even get talk about our humble host.
“Each of Cerberus’ heads is said to have an appetite only for live meat and thus allow only the spirits of the dead to freely enter the underworld, but allow none to leave.[7] Cerberus was always employed as Hades’ loyal watchdog, and guarded the gates that granted access and exit to the underworld .” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerberus

 
 

Both Hitler and Obama held rallies in outdoor stadiums to excite and inflame the people’s passions. Frequently women would faint or break into tears.

ZOMG!!! the beatles were hitler!!!

 
 

Like Hitler, Obama advocates using murder as a means of population control.

how did i miss this in the zillion political ads last election cycle?

 
gocart mozart
 

Hitler was a great painter too. He could paint an entire apartment in one day, two coats”

 
gocart mozart
 

Obama advocates using murder as a means of population control. = Abortion

 
 

Both Hitler and Obama have 6 letters in their first name and 5 letters in their last name*

*Yes, I know that Hitler has 6 letters, but it still has to have 5 before it can have a 6th one,

 
 

don’t have access to fresh produce on a regular basis

Just how far out in the boonies do you live?

 
 

Both Hitler and Obama held rallies in outdoor stadiums to excite and inflame the people’s passions. Frequently women would faint or break into tears.

ZOMG!!! the beatles were hitler!!!

ZOMG!!! so were Billy Graham and all the modern popes!!! Oh, and Glenn Beck!

 
 

Just how far out in the boonies do you live?

haha…not really all that far out…i should say good produce…our local grocery stores (closest one to me is 7 mi. the other 2 are 20 mi.) buy the bottom of the barrel stuff in mass quantities so we go from produce that is ‘meh’ for a week or so followed by rapid deterioration in the following weeks…one day i went in to buy strawberries…every single package had moldy berries…there were two displays chock-full of moldy strawberries…

i just want a decent selection of produce that i don’t have to use within 45 seconds of purchasing and that doesn’t make my blood pressure rise to be spending top dollar on shitty fruit and veggies…

our farmer’s market in the warm months is picking up, though…

and on the topic of produce, who has any experience with bountiful baskets…i’ve heard and read good, bad and indifferent…

 
 

ZOMG!!! so were Billy Graham and all the modern popes!!! Oh, and Glenn Beck!

!!!

 
 

“Well, your wife should be informed that…”

Okay, whatever you say, but do it when I’m not among those present. She don’t inform easy. You don’t wanna be peered at through her lorgnette, which can be brutal.

 
 

I find it matters much more what you don’t eat than what you do. Either way, I find eating tends to affect my appetite.

 
 

You don’t wanna be peered at through her lorgnette, which can be brutal.

the nosepiece on that thing has to be massive

 
gocart mozart
 

Ooh Chick tracts

This ones for bbkf repent!
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1072/1072_01.asp

 
 

whoa…there is a whole lot to love in that tract…i can’t decide if my favorite thing is her facial expressions that go from ‘ready to hurl’ while flying with the angel (who looks a LOT like bronco bama from the back) to her supreme smugness when she is complimented for being a good wife and mom AND a good christian…or if it’s the asterisk in ‘how do you know if you’re bi if you don’t try’…all in all, it’s pretty awesome, but think i will continue my kitchen table worshiping ways…

 
 

Did you know that there are Chick tracts especially adapted for black which are totally not racist or condescending in any way.
folkhttp://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1109/1109_01.asp

 
 

who has any experience with bountiful baskets

I have the sneaking suspicion “bountiful baskets” doesn’t have the same meaning for you and I.

 
 

Did you know that there are Chick tracts especially adapted for black which are totally not racist or condescending in any way.

‘denzel’ looks like chucky and has jazz hands…

 
 

I have the sneaking suspicion “bountiful baskets” doesn’t have the same meaning for you and I.

well now i am intrigued…

 
 

There be new posts on the horizon.

 
 

We tried home delivery of local produce, but it was far more expensive than it needed to be, and the service problems made it totally not worth it.

Stay away from the “Farmer’s Markets,” especially the ones in more affluent neighborhoods. Their prices tend to be horrible. You can find them with really fresh, good quality produce, or with low prices, but finding one with both seems to be difficult.

The best value for fresh produce seems to be the local “ethnic” markets, be they hispanic or middle eastern or asian. Your available selection may vary but in LA they’re everywhere.

We break it down this way:

Produce: Ethnic markets
Meats and bulk items: Costco
Alcohol, dairy and baked goods: Trader Joe’s
Crap we buy but probably shouldn’t*: Chain supermarkets.

___
* e.g., Kraft Easy Cheese, Mother’s Taffy Cookies, Jeno’s Pizza Rolls, Vitamin Water, Diet Coke…

 
 

Sometimes her retorts leave me flummoxed and chopfallen
Your wife is a chemist?

Hitler used to be Schickelbruber
Spot the misspelling. His stepfather’s name was (as any fule kno) Schickelbieber.

 
 

bieber is hitler?!?!?

 
The Dark Avenger
 

There’s even a Cthulhu mythos version:

http://rubbersuitstudios.com/ptcct.htm

 
 

“Your wife is a chemist?”

She’s almost an alchemist! She’s amazing! We were once on a trip, and I wondered where we could spend the night, and she turned into a motel. Just like that!

 
 

the nosepiece on that thing has to be massive…”

Are you kidding? She a waif, a sprite, a blithe spirit right out of Beardsley. She has a muzzle you could span with an embroidery hoop.
True, she has aged, albeit gracefully, Ah, but what ungulate ingenue she was when we first met. Even her dewlap was dewy.

 
 

There’s even a Cthulhu mythos version:”

We’ve got a couple of pieces of Cthulu glass around the house. Up here, it’s not all that expensive,

 
 

Oh, Mr. Mooser! I might be tempted to see what Andon is doing this week…

 
 

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