Apparently it’s a good thing for the world when Jack Cashill is focused solely on Barack Obama’s birth certificate.
Jack Cashill, American… No. Just no.:
Why Florida Persists in the Zimmerman Persecution
Because he shot and killed a child in cold blood.
That’s why he’s being prosecuted. Because he killed someone. Or more importantly because he’s been accused of killing someone. Cause that’s what happens when you’re accused of committing a crime.
For someone who spends so much of his time whining about how “having a few small questions about the Satanist plot to brainrape anyone who knows about Obama’s secret Kenyan abortion doctor birth certificate” doesn’t at all make him a racist, Jack Fuckwit here is not doing himself any favors by literally boggling at the concept that the legal system isn’t actually just for keeping the niggers and the faggots down.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- I’m selling a book, so please take the time to listen to my incredibly belated attempt at white-washing and dime-store legal ninjitsu on why Trayvon Martin actually used his tentacle mindrape powers to make Al Sharpton snipers take fire on poor huddled George Zimmerman before breaking out tiny Skittle bayonets and stabbing him over and over forcing the confused and harried Zimmerman to shoot an unarmed teenage boy.
And somehow, despite his Johnny-Reb-come-lately attempt to corner the KKK bookworm market, he still manages to find a way to be more offensive than the psychopaths who turned George Zimmerman into a cult conservative hero in the first place*.
I mean, this is how the post begins, for Bob’s sake:
Prodded by a president with a weakness for racial agitation and enabled by a politically complicit media, the State of Florida persists in a prosecution that can come to no good end.
Yes, somehow, Obama used the same time-traveling magical voodoo he uses to hide his True Birth Certificate and College Transcript from Satan University & Nursery in the Late Triassic Period, to totally force George Zimmerman to shoot a kid in cold blood and then convince the racist police force to try and ineptly cover it up and fail to even put on the show of an arrest and arraignment in blatantly illegal and corrupt fashion. Then he sent a psychic message to various unrelated civil rights organizations to totally invent various unrelated negative reactions among black people to the blatant racism and neo-lynching so that he could make an innocuous statement. Cause he knew damn well that that would totally trick conservatives into making themselves look every bit the racist psychopaths they are by rallying to the child murderer and sending said murderer huge amounts of money and acting like the real tragedy was that someone who killed someone else had to like explain in court why he did it. I mean, what if he can’t keep his lies straight in the courthouse? Then he might have had to like, pay, for his crime or something. Even though everyone knows that killing black people totally doesn’t count.
The defendant is neighborhood watch captain George Zimmerman.
I like how Jack Cashill puts this here like some fucking badge of honor. Yes, George Zimmerman won a Yellow Pants of Honor for bravely holding the line against a schnauzer that looked cross-eyed at him. Truly, his belonging to a paranoid twitch-curtain faux-police-force designed around harassing youths makes him America’s True Hero! And yeah, no mention of how he kinda sorta, wasn’t even that, because he turned out to be too crazy for even that bunch of panty-sniffing wanna-be fascists.
The charge is the second-degree murder.
Which is already a bit of a giant win for His Lordship Captain Child Killer right there. There is no way in the cold reaches of Hell that a race-reversed situation would have resulted in anything less than first-degree (also a trial that would last about 3.5 picoseconds if it had even a fraction of the evidence acquired for this modern lynching). Conservatives are so far removed from experiencing actual oppression that they think not having your balls fondled lovingly enough is male genital mutilation.
The potential outcomes range from major injustice, if Zimmerman is convicted, to mayhem in the streets, if he’s acquitted.
Yes, I imagine that there will be some righteous fury if and sadly, probably, when he’s acquitted (given the actions of the local law enforcement so far and the additional pressure the shit-town judge will be under now that Zimmerman is considered an honorary conservative saint in addition to the relative of another judge).
And if it’s anything like the “mayhem” exhibited by the protests when said law enforcement was refusing to even ape the motions of a trial, then it’ll be infinitely better behaved than anything conservatives have ever thrown up to and including the Annual Hoverund three wheeled race and Tea Party barbeque.
And the state plods on as though the angels were on its side. They are not.
Yeah, seeing as how The State couldn’t have been more corruptly unwilling to prosecute if it was run by actual cartoon mobsters, I can pretty well guarantee they aren’t “on the side of angels”. Unless you mean on the side of “Angel Lips” Gambheri.
[Fictional Account of Trayvon Martin slaying redacted]
What follows is 1, 2, 3… 24! paragraphs of KKK revisionism trying to play armchair lawyer about as well as wingnuts have played armchair general or Cashill personally played armchair investigative journalist in his hunt for the Secret Obama Birth Certificate Conspiracy.
It hits the usual Cashill notes of accepting every single right-wing conspiracy as indisputable fact and discarding hard reported facts as “disproved rumors”. Because if you’ve only got one shtick, you might as well milk it until the cow keels over.
What’s impressive though is the attempt to spin that with the general wingnut conspiracy of Trayvon Martin, psychic Skittles assassin, leads him to numbering various witnesses into the double digits to try and discredit all the ones that sounded blackest (but not due to racism, oh no). Which just sort of underlines how there is no way in hell that a race-reversed or even a race-matching case with that many witnesses and that clear of a sign of intentional slaughter would not be done and dusted within microseconds.
But because Trayvon Martin was unlucky enough to be a black boy in a paranoid white suburbs home to a complete fuckwit like Zimmerman, he was murdered and his mother needed to fight with every ounce of her being just to have the fucker arrested. And since then, she has been receiving death threats and all the hatred that the South Will Rise Again crowd can throw at her for doing so and probably will decades after Zimmerman ducks out of doing anything more than a couple of hours of community service or a handful of years in rich white man prison.
And people like Jack Cashill, will be producing books and probably making a decent living preying on that pain and trying to make it worse because he can not stand that a black man he hates for totally not racist freakout reasons once empathized with her.
There’s no joke there. Jack Cashill is scum incarnate and his attempt to rewrite the Trayvon Martin killing is obscene to say the least. And in true wingnut fashion, the worst part of it is the Tigers in the comment jungles who are eating up every piece of red meat on offer and arguing over exactly which black stereotype that all black people must be like explains their ninja psionic powers.
And I don’t wish him ill-will because of it. In contrary, I hope he lives a long full life. So long that he watches as his racist little band of customers slowly die off and leave him alone. And just long enough to see the first biracial lesbian elected president. It’s more than he deserves.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Being oppressed by my main employer apparently makes me mean. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*Which serves as one of the starkest examples of the hero gap between liberals and conservatives. Liberals often lionize people who performed great acts of bravery in standing up against oppression and bigotry, slowly moving the gears of history forward for the betterment of their people. Conservatives instead lionize murderers, terrorists, war criminals, and rapist cult members. People who, at the very least, performed evil acts that are only deniable by the truly delusional. Maybe if conservatives want us to stop viewing them as equatable to the dog shit left smeared on the front steps, they should stop applauding every travesty of justice and stop canonizing every penny-ante child murderer and tinpot dictator that comes their way.