Feb
21

Failure Calls Failure A Failure




Posted at 16:09 by HTML Mencken


Above: Hughe Hewtit award nominee, non-cancerous wife.

Shorter Newton Leroy Gingrich
Subhumans Venting Online
“Gingrich: Why Rove and Stevens are plain wrong”

  • Karl Rove and his billionaire employers have no place in a Republican party whose “grassroots” are watered by the Koch brothers and whose proper candidates are funded by Sheldon Adelson.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

184 Comments »

  1. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 21, 2013 at 16:31

    Pig Newton!
    ~

  2. bughunter said,

    February 21, 2013 at 16:32

    Ha! I read that yesterday, and laughed so hard I nearly shit my pants.

    Teh Funney:

    Republicans need to drop the consultant-centric model and go back to a system in which candidates have to think and consultants are adviser and implementers but understand that the elected official is the one who has to represent the voters and make the key decisions.

    Bwaahahaha hahahaha! HAhahaHAA–oops!

  3. El Manquécito said,

    February 21, 2013 at 16:47

    Mooby. Dick.

  4. John D. said,

    February 21, 2013 at 16:55

    Isn’t Newt Gingrich dead yet?

  5. bargal20 said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:05

    Newt’s still the fugliest ShamWow salesman out there.

  6. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:24

    Dear God. My husband is a Scot/Kraut mix, but even in the dead of winter he’d look like Denzel Washington if you put him next to NewtLista.

    Are we sure they’re still alive?

  7. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:28

    Watch the movie “Lincoln.” This was a politician who thought long and deeply.

    I.e. An intellectual. The type of politician I helped train Republican voters to regard with suspicion and hatred.

  8. Thread Bear said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:29

    Dear God. My husband is a Scot/Kraut mix, but even in the dead of winter he’d look like Denzel Washington if you put him next to NewtLista.

    You can’t be a good Republican if you’re not whiter than white. It’s a whiter shade of fail.

  9. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:39

    I wonder about the filming of Lincoln. It’s a good documentary, but I didn’t think colour photography was in use then.

  10. tigris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:42

    Hand tinting was available, but of course it was a lot of work. I wonder how they got the tintypes through the projector.

  11. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:44

    I.e. An intellectual. The type of politician I helped train Republican voters to regard with suspicion and hatred.

    exactly what i was going to say…hubbkf is a ginger…and even he’s darker than newtlista…

    so, here’s this other standout:

    As Reagan biographer Craig Shirley told me, “Commercial radio was a new technology in the early 1930?s and Reagan adapted to it. Talking movies were a new technology in the late 30?s and Reagan adapted to it. Network television was a new technology in the early 1950?s and Reagan adapted to it. If Reagan were alive today, he’d be tweeting.”

    aside from the creepiness of ronnie incessantly tweeting, ‘mommy!’…i find it amusing that it’s okay if ronnie did it (hmmmm…new wording for iokiyar?) ‘it’ being latching on to something you’re not particularly good at just to make a shit ton of money which newt strongly disapproves of just a few paragraphs earlier?

  12. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:51

    Republicans will not understand why we are losing younger Americans so badly until we realize how many of our consultants don’t have a clue and don’t intend to change.

    The consultants don’t have a clue. The consultants don’t inten to change. I do love watching them continue to flail about, grasping for something, anything to blame for their loss – something other than the real actual true reason. The real actual true reason is of course that most people think their ideas are repugnant.

  13. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:54

    WTF does it say about the GOP that their LAST GREAT HERO is older than fucking talkies?

    It says we’re lucky the GOP hasn’t (yet) reached the point where members lurch around groaning “Braaaaains!”

    But since we’re on the subject, you know what else I think? I think Reagan would not regularly blurt his deepest darkest most bigoted thoughts into the cameras and the internons and then spend a few news cycles:
    1. Claiming that’s not what he said, the liberal media is out to get him.
    2. Grudgingly admitting that was him and not his evil twin after all.
    3. Issuing one of those non-apologies that would get you smacked if you apologized that way in front of your mom.

    In short, the old DEAD guy would be better at message control than any living member of the GOP.

  14. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 17:58

    how much trouble we Republicans are in and how real the internal party fight is going to be.

    MOAR POPCORN PLIZ!

  15. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 18:01

    Shake, you’re forgetting that Newticles’ approach is to preempt that problem. “If you use my own words against me you are lying.”

  16. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 21, 2013 at 18:02

    In short, the old DEAD guy would be better at message control than any living member of the GOP.

    The dead guy made a good living as an actor before he entered politics. He knew that when the microphone was live and the cameras were running, it was time to read from the script.

  17. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 18:12

    Granted. But how fucking long does it take to adjust one’s head to the existence of a pervasive form of technology?

    Not that I’m complaining mind you, it just boggles me. I wonder if it hooks back into the mental aberrancy infected the party, at least at the national level. It never occurs to them to worry about what they say because they can’t imagine anyone would disagree, or that if people do disagree that it could have negative consequences.

    Or maybe it is the magical thinking. “I don’t want what I say to get out, so it won’t.”

    Whatever. It is weird. ‘Sall I’m sayn’

  18. Major Kong said,

    February 21, 2013 at 18:53

    I forget who said it originally, but Newt sounds like a stupid person’s idea of what a smart person sounds like.

  19. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 21, 2013 at 18:54

    As Reagan biographer Craig Shirley told me, “Commercial radio was a new technology in the early 1930?s and Reagan adapted to it. Talking movies were a new technology in the late 30?s and Reagan adapted to it. Network television was a new technology in the early 1950?s and Reagan adapted to it. If Reagan were alive today, he’d be tweeting.”

    It’s true, Reagan was always on the cutting edge of communications technology. Who alive then can forget the electrifying summer of 1980 when Reagan crisscrossed the country in a Semi Truck, giving speeches by CB radio with only an orangutang for a campaign manager?

  20. tigris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 18:55

    As Reagan biographer Craig Shirley told me, “Commercial radio was a new technology in the early 1930?s and Reagan adapted to it. Talking movies were a new technology in the late 30?s and Reagan adapted to it. Network television was a new technology in the early 1950?s and Reagan adapted to it. If Reagan were alive today, he’d be tweeting.”

    Reagan’s adaptability and openness to change are why we are on the metric system today.

  21. Philo Beddoe said,

    February 21, 2013 at 19:06

    The consultants don’t want to change. It is not in their economic self interest to do so. Is it easier to grift people when you tell them what they want to hear (basically “conservatism cannot be failed, it can only be failed”) or when you force feed them the hard medicine that they will have to change their ways (basically “your ideas suck and you need to adapt to changing electorate”)? Seriously, which path pays greater dividends to the advisor class of the GOP?

    GOP advising and consulting is very lucrative and there is enough money being paid into the system for them not to change how they do business.

  22. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 19:13

    But how fucking long does it take to adjust one’s head to the existence of a pervasive form of technology?

    They’re still trying (unsuccessfully) to program their VCRs. So I’d say the answer is ‘never gonna happen’.

  23. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 21, 2013 at 19:26

    They’re still trying (unsuccessfully) to program their VCRs. So I’d say the answer is ‘never gonna happen’.

    To go with an even older example, all of copyright law is an extended freakout over the existence of the printing press.

  24. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    February 21, 2013 at 19:27

    Y’know, Newt, you should probably watch your statements regarding ‘consultants’ when you haven’t had a fucking job for the past decade and a half that wasn’t you, as an unelected talking fathead, telling the Republican Party what it needs to do.

    In other words, ‘consultant, consult thyself’.

  25. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 21, 2013 at 19:37

    First we get:

    Republicans need to drop the consultant-centric model and go back to a system in which candidates have to think and consultants…understand that the elected official is the one who has to represent the voters and make the key decisions.

    A few hundred words later:

    A Republican candidate who was merely anti-Obamacare (and therefore seen as anti-healthcare) would lose that contest [for Latinos]. But wasn’t it Stevens’ job as chief consultant to design that before the campaign, not to explain its failure afterwards?

    So…consultants shouldn’t do their candidates’ thinking for them, but Stevens screwed up because he didn’t “design” a viable health care policy for Romney. Got it.

    What’s really scary is that this guy is considered an intellectual by GOP standards.

  26. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 19:49

    By GOP standards Newt is every member of Obama’s campaign team, Obama, Michelle AND the girls rolled into one.

    To paraphrase a famous Muppet “That, is why they fail.”

  27. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™®☢☣ said,

    February 21, 2013 at 20:37

    Got nuthin’ to add really, just wanted to say Howdy!

    Shakezula, I love yer nom de blog, and the fashion in which you cut a jib.

  28. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 20:37

    when you haven’t had a fucking job for the past decade

    Not so. Newt is a consultant and this is the payoff for whoever’s funding him.

    The problems facing the GOP are far bigger than Mitt Romney, though. “This is a Republican institutional problem,” Gingrich said, and he is dedicated to solving it. Gingrich says he is determined not to let the GOP’s systematic failure repeat itself. He’s now hiring a full-time staff to sift through the wreckage – the failed strategies, the inaccurate polls, the reams of data—and find the most important lessons this election has to teach us.

    Good work Newt!

  29. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:04

    Hand tinting was available, but of course it was a lot of work.

    Colour photography first demonstrated in 1861, following Maxwell’s 1855 suggestion.

  30. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:05

    Also, this Friday at 2pm I will teach a live online course from Mount Vernon on George Washington, in honor of his 281st birthday. You can register here to watch.

  31. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:05

    The most important lessons the election has to teach the GOP?

    Oo, I know the answer to that one:

    STOP BEING DIMWITTED, OFFENSIVE, SCREECHING NUGGETS DE FUCK

    And by the way, if you could come up with clear policies for how you will (for example) fix the economy, rather than shouting “Blar, gibber, Messicans, Socialisms, Amurichuh, Job Creaturs, Single Mothers, Blar, raar!” for several months, that might help a great deal.

    p.s. Those attempts to disenfranchise Americans? Not. Helping.

    But you know, if Newt wants to blow a wad of Republicash to NOT learn those lessons, that is fine by me.

  32. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:07

    Commercial radio was a new technology in the early 1930?s and Reagan adapted to it. Talking movies were a new technology in the late 30?s and Reagan adapted to it.

    So, wrong by a decade or so on both claims?

  33. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:12

    KDKA made the first commercial broadcast November 2, 1920

    The Jazz Singer was 1927, IIRC.

  34. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:16

    The Jazz Singer was 1927, IIRC.

    Yet not the first film with sound.

  35. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:19

    That is true, but the earlier technology sucked majorly.

  36. HTML Mencken said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:22

    The Jazz Singer was 1927, IIRC.

    Holy shit, Neil Diamond is old!

  37. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:27

    “Cracklin’ Rosie” is actually about the sound his hips make.

  38. tigris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:32

    Most folks don’t know Gertie was loosely based on Ronald Reagan.

  39. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:36

    So Gingrich has learned the key lesson from Reagan: rather than pay attention to changing technology and become aware of new media opportunities at the time, it’s easier to lag behind by decades and to invent a fictitious past in which one was an early adopter.

  40. Anonymous said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:40

    That is true, but the earlier technology sucked majorly.

    and the gop continues to think, ‘if it was good enough for st. ronnie, it’s good enough for me!’

  41. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:40

    my computer was re-formatted yestiddy…

  42. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:42

    I forget who said it originally, but Newt sounds like a stupid person’s idea of what a smart person sounds like.

    actually, didn’t newt say this about somebody else?

  43. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:46

    When Krugman said it about Newt, he referred to E$ra Klein having said it about Dick Armey.

  44. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:48

    James Fallows looked into it. http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/12/a-dumb-persons-idea-of-a-smart-person-whose-line-is-it/249932/

  45. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:53

    “Cracklin’ Rosie” is actually about the sound his hips make.

    It’s been FOREVER in blue jeans.

  46. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:57

    My husband claims that it was I who coined the line about Stephen Fry that he is “a stupid person’s idea of a clever person”. And if I weren’t a sober person’s idea of a booze-addled person, I might be more useful in remembering whether this is true or not. Whatever, it’s pretty damn good.

    aside from the fry hate, this is very true…

  47. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:58

    exactly what i was going to say…hubbkf is a ginger

    OK, cool…so I am not the only gal out there who thinks redheaded guys are cute.

  48. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:58

    Most folks don’t know Gertie was loosely based on Ronald Reagan.
    This Gertie?

  49. Pryme said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:59

    Bill O’Reilly is going to write a book re-telling the death of Jesus.

    Seriously; this is something that is going to happen…and people will buy it…people who most likely already have the original version of the story in their homes…

    This is why I shake my head whenever I hear someone complain about the lack of new ideas (in terms of entertainment or provoking thought); people are afraid of new.

  50. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    February 21, 2013 at 21:59

    Republicans need to drop the consultant-centric model and go back to a system in which candidates have to think and consultants…understand that the elected official is the one who has to represent the voters and make the key decisions.

    That “consultant-centric model” got you two terms of Reagan, dipshit. Lots of JustPlainFolks thought it was CUTE that the guy with the Nuclear Football could barely remember what year it was, let alone what his tariff policy was … fast-forward to this century & that same model gets you two terms of George “DERP” Bush. Yeah, I’m sure a model with such an awful track-record is doomed like the Hindenburg.

    Read Craig Shirley’s histories of the 1976 and 1980 campaigns (or watch the documentary Callista and I made, “Ronald Reagan: Rendezvous with Destiny”). [ <----- link to overpriced doorstop]

    “Buy my snake oil! I’m one of the GOOD consultants! Scout’s Honour!”

  51. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:01

    ,,,or watch the documentary that Callista and I made,,,

    zomg! Gingrich sextape? DO NOT WANT!

  52. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:02

    Bill O’Reilly is going to write a book re-telling the death of Jesus.

    For me, this is and will always be the definitive re-telling.

  53. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:07

    We got a Office of Religious Freedom now!

  54. tigris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:08

    This Gertie?

    Indeed. He was also the original Rarebit Fiend.

  55. HTML Mencken said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:09

    OK, cool…so I am not the only gal out there who thinks redheaded guys are cute.

    Oh hi there, may I buy you a drink?

  56. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:12

    Bill O’Reilly is going to write a book re-telling the death of Jesus.

    the man literally has no shame…

    i just hope the sex scenes aren’t as grody and creepy as the ones in his first book…

  57. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:13

    OK, cool…so I am not the only gal out there who thinks redheaded guys are cute.

    nope, there’s me…of course we may just be a couple of freaks, but we’ve been called worse, haven’t we?

    Oh hi there, may I buy you a drink?

    any time…

  58. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:13

    OK, cool…so I am not the only gal out there who thinks redheaded guys are cute

    As a soulless ginger myself, I appreciate that. Mrs. Snob is obviously another woman that thinks gingers are cute, so there are at least three confirmed sightings of elusive females like you. That’s unheard of! There should be a study done.

  59. just sayin' said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:20

    Hey, newt, with all that extra weight you’re carry in’, you wouldn’t last a week as a school custodian.

    But it would sure be a lot of fun watching you die, oops! I mean, TRY!

  60. HTML Mencken said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:20

    I’m a strawberry blonde technically but have the skin and frecks and all the rest, while the gf is full-on “pureblood” ginger. We hear plenty of incest jokes because of that and, well, Arkansas.

  61. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:21

    Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:07 (kill)

    We got a Office of Religious Freedom now!

    Wow, I didn’t know you guys had the same kind of stupid zealots we have down here. The new ambASSador seems like a real gem.

  62. Whale Chowder said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:21

    I was thinking maybe it was this Gertie.

  63. tigris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:23

    I was thinking maybe it was this Gertie.

    That was based on his intellect rather than his person.

  64. Chris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:24

    Republicans need to drop the consultant-centric model and go back to a system in which candidates have to think and consultants…understand that the elected official is the one who has to represent the voters and make the key decisions.

    The entire Republican system is designed so that elected officials don’t make the key decisions… at least when it comes to the White House. The President is supposed to sit there and put a happy smiling face on it, while the actual decisions are made by cabinet members who have a revolving door between high government offices and the interests in the private sector that are counting on them to use their office to make them rich. Bush, Reagan and Eisenhower all had that hands-off approach, enabling people like Dick Cheney and the Dulles brothers to largely make their own policy.

  65. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:27

    I’m fond of Live From Golgotha!

  66. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:33

    OK, cool…so I am not the only gal out there who thinks redheaded guys are cute.

    Wait, is this a rare sort of attraction?

    OK, it takes more than hair color for me. Stick a red wig on Newt and the reaction is still blooorgh. So does that count?

  67. El Manquécito said,

    February 21, 2013 at 22:55

    Indeed. He was also the original Rarebit Fiend.

    *Sits up, rubs eyes*

    ‘I’ll never have toasted cheese before bedtime again.’

  68. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:06

    For me, this is and will always be the definitive re-telling.

    oooh…with my love of tom robbins, how did this escape my notice?

    OK, it takes more than hair color for me. Stick a red wig on Newt and the reaction is still blooorgh. So does that count?

    okay, you can join the club…especially since you married a part scots person…

    also, too…ginger person cannot resemble carrottop or ronald mcdonald…

  69. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:08

    We hear plenty of incest jokes because of that and, well, Arkansas.

    i hope your replies include ‘red-headed step-children’…

  70. CRA said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:13

    I saw an exhibition of “Dream of the Rarebit Fiend” cartoons in L.A. (I think). Super cool. Later I was shocked to note that Stouffers makes a microwaveable rarebit. I bought one, and it wasn’t very good … you’d think cheese toast would be hard to fuck up.

    Who alive then can forget the electrifying summer of 1980 when Reagan crisscrossed the country in a Semi Truck, giving speeches by CB radio with only an orangutang for a campaign manager?

    My favorite part is when Ronnie breaks into a zoo at night to get his campaign manager laid. It shows his sensitive side.

  71. Whale Chowder said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:13

    Band names:

    Acids of Modernity
    Galloping Gertie
    Rarebit Fiend

  72. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™®?? said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:14

    my computer was re-formatted yestiddy…

    I presume that they managed to get rid of the tagfail bug?

  73. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:15

    …so the Arkansas* daughter asks to borrow the car and her dad says “Sure, for a blowjob.”

    So she does – IT BEING ARKANSAS* AND ALL – but then complains “Dad! Your dick tastes like shit!”

    Dad says “Oh right: your brother’s got the car.”

    *Canadian locale changed to protect the innocenter.

  74. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:18

    And yes, the dad used a colon.

  75. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:26

    Go stand in the naughty corner, Mr McGravitas.

  76. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:32

    also, too…ginger person cannot resemble carrottop or ronald mcdonald…

    Um. That won’t be a problem.

    Ever.

  77. We Aim to Please said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:43

    Ginger

  78. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:44

    Ginger

    he would be acceptable…

  79. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:46

    It’s Captain Carrot!

  80. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 23:48

    I presume that they managed to get rid of the tagfail bug?

    ha…in the words of a great blog, ‘sadly, no!’

    and, since the nazifacists who make up the it department at the t. denny sanford health care conglomeration have decreed that computers can no longer be personalized using themes (not even a personal screen saver!) i have protested by changing the colors i can change to pink…and i modified all my fonts…so there!

  81. Whale Chowder said,

    February 22, 2013 at 0:08

    Ginger!

  82. Major Kong said,

    February 22, 2013 at 0:29

    “Ginger or Mary Ann?”

    “Both! Why ruin a good fantasy by having to choose?”

  83. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 22, 2013 at 0:49

    Sub, would the “Canadian locale” be Newfoundland by any chance?

  84. El Manquécito said,

    February 22, 2013 at 0:51

    Go stand in the naughty corner, Mr McGravitas.

    Indeed. I first heard that as an OJ joke in the last century.

  85. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 1:01

    Indeed. I first heard that as an OJ joke in the last century.

    It was around well before then. I’m sure it’s been told as a Newfie joke, but here in Vancouver we have locals in Surrey to pick on.

  86. El Manquécito said,

    February 22, 2013 at 1:03

    It was around well before then.

    Smyt probably has a woodcut of it. It has a timeless structure.

  87. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 1:08

    The irony in the Surrey comparison is that there is no hellhole in Canada quite like the area around Main and Hastings in downtown Vancouver.

  88. bughunter said,

    February 22, 2013 at 1:38

    Mmmm…. Easy Cheese… on Giant Cheez-Its.

    Unnggghhllgh… Cheesegasm.

  89. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 1:52

    Jerry Newcombe:

    Currently in the theaters is the movie, Safe Haven, based on the book by Nicholas Sparks. In the book, the bad guy goes around quoting Scripture.

    Is quoting Bible verses indicative of a mental imbalance? To some of our cultural elites it would seem so.

    By way of full disclosure, I have neither read the book nor seen the movie. (Nor do I want to vote with my money by buying a ticket for it, saying, “Yes, Hollywood, make more Christian-bashing movies.”) However, my wife read the book and said it’s a great story about an abused wife, fleeing from her mentally imbalanced Scripture-quoting, husband, who is a bullying cop. I have no idea if the movie has mollified the anti-Christian aspect of the novel; hopefully, it has.

    My wife said, “It’s such a good story. Why should the horrible husband quote the Bible and base his irrational behavior on what he believes it to say. I’m so upset.”

    Why is the bad guy—in many a movie and TV show—quoting the Bible? Put it this way, in the vast majority of cases when a character quotes from the Scriptures, is that a cue that he or she is a good character or a bad one, or even just comic relief?

    I remember on Sanford and Sons from the 1970s a crazy aunt who would tote her Bible around and quote different verses, like, “The truth shall set you free!” She was a whack job.

    Do you know anyone like that personally?

    Here’s a nice picture of Jerry Newcombe.

  90. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:11

    Oh hi there, may I buy you a drink?

    Do the carpets match the drapes?

  91. Talullah Bankhead said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:16

    Of course I did, dear boy. You don’t think I smell like this all the time, do you?

  92. tigris said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:18

    So wait, he’s a Dr because ministry degree, but Jill Biden isn’t because she’s not an medical doctor?

    Also, Do you know anyone like that personally?

    YES. Everyone does. If you think you don’t, ask your friends, because you’re theirs. And really, “the vast majority” and your evidence is this and a fucking SANFORD AND SON CHARACTER?!! I’m 43 and I don’t even know who you’re talking about.

  93. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:23

    As a soulless ginger myself, I appreciate that. Mrs. Snob is obviously another woman that thinks gingers are cute, so there are at least three confirmed sightings of elusive females like you. That’s unheard of! There should be a study done.

    It seems like it’s taken as a given that redheaded women are hot and redheaded men are Carrot Top. Nonsense. Lotsa ginger men are cutie-pies. Exhibit A

  94. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:23

    OH, AND I SAW THAT ARKANSAS JOKE.

  95. El Manquecito said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:28

    Is quoting Bible verses indicative of a mental imbalance?

    Well Pupi does it all the time so there’s that.

  96. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:43

    To paraphrase Triumph, the Comic Insult Dog, it’s like POOP telling vomit it stinks.

  97. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:47

    Triumph seems like the kind of dog you almost wouldn’t have to paraphrase. Unless he’s deeper than I imagined.

  98. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 22, 2013 at 2:52

    You wound me, sir! I don’t do it _all_ the time.

  99. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 3:05

    Triumph seems like the kind of dog you almost wouldn’t have to paraphrase.

    It was a direct quote, but I just hate quotation marks on Thursday evenings.
    .

  100. Smut Clyde said,

    February 22, 2013 at 3:25

    Lotsa ginger men are cutie-pies. Exhibit A

    I have no idea who that is but straggly greying ginger beards are objectively a good thing.

  101. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 3:28

    I also hate clarifiers, or the cleaning of them, I should say. Now in process of cleaning #4 at the plant. Then just #1 and #2 to go!
    .

  102. Major Kong said,

    February 22, 2013 at 3:35

    Can anyone explain to me why red-haired people are called “gingers”?

  103. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 3:35

    I also hate clarifiers

    Please elaborate.

  104. Smut Clyde said,

    February 22, 2013 at 3:35

    Is quoting Bible verses indicative of a mental imbalance? To some of our cultural elites it would seem so.

    If Newcombe doesn’t like the literary tradition of bible-spouting pretend-preacher scoundrels, he’s going to throw out most American authors. Religious hypocrisy is part of American culture, like snake-oil salesmen. “Night of the Hunter” also too.

    Why should the horrible husband quote the Bible and base his irrational behavior on what he believes it to say.

    Because that’s what horrible people do. Hypocrites are hypocritical.
    Here, because I am a horrible person, I will quote some New Testamenty verses about “Pharisees” and “whited sepulchres”.

  105. Smut Clyde said,

    February 22, 2013 at 3:44

    I have no idea if the movie has mollified the anti-Christian aspect of the novel

    1. “Mollified” does not mean what he thinks it means.*
    2. The guy is equating “anti-hypocrisy” with “anti-Christian”. OK, I can live with that.
    3. If he objects to the generalisation that someone who spouts Biblical verses all the time is probably doing so to conceal or rationalise vile behaviour and motives, it would help if he stopped spouting Biblical verses all the time to conceal or rationalise his vile behaviour and motives.

    * In fact it means “removed all the punctuation from a passage of text so that it appears to have been written by Molly Bloom”.

  106. El Manquécito said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:04

    * In fact it means “removed all the punctuation from a passage of text so that it appears to have been written by Molly Bloom”.

    Here, let me tie this thread together for you.

  107. El Manquécito said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:07

    Here, let me tie this thread together for you.

    Imagine the hovertext ‘mollified’ that ruined the first link.

  108. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:32

    I’m pretty sure if this villain hypocritically quoted verses from the Bhagavad Gita, audiences would miss the nuances.

  109. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:33

    Hey Jeffraham, at least you don’t have to deal with dead bodies in your water systems:

    http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21536891

    I hope…

    (also, too, a preemptive FYiPad when that link doesn’t work.)

  110. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:48

    I got an iPad for XMas, and there’s exactly one thing I’ve used it for, at which it excels …

    Garageband (or is it GarageBand?) software costs $5 and includes a guitar amp emulator with various digital effects. For a five-spot you can emulate a Fender Twin Reverb, a Marshall Stack, a Mesa Boogie combo amp like the one in my basement, whatever (to the limits of your speakers). Plus a dozen effects pedals.

    Granted, I had to buy an external speaker for the iPad — the little internal one isn’t very loud or bassy — but that raised my total investment to $105 (the iPad was a gift) and now it beats x10 any $105 dollar rig. Plus Garageband does other stuff — drum machine, recording, other virtual instruments.

    Basically if I never use the iPad for anything else it’ll be worth the money. I reckon that Garageband software is Apple’s loss leader, to get musicians to buy the guitar and keyboard interfaces and what have you. The thing that allows me to plug the guitar into the iPad also costs $100, but that was a gift, too.

  111. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:54

    Please elaborate.

    Wiki does it better than I could, as I’m a n00b. Our clarifiers utilize both plates AND tubes. The plates run one direction at 45-degrees, while the tubes (above the plates) run perpendicular to the plates.
    .

  112. momus said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:56

    I hear that Newt is telling women attending his book signings to “call him if you hear Callista has cancer.”

  113. Shakezula said,

    February 22, 2013 at 4:57

    As it is with movies, so it is with everything for the TalEvan.

    “I haven’t seen this movie, but I’ve heard it contains something that I would find offensive, and so I am disgusted and offended! P.S. No way am I going to take the trouble to determine if my offense and disgust is warranted, that would be playing right into the enemy’s hands!”

    “I don’t know any gay people …”

    I remember on Sanford and Sons from the 1970s a crazy aunt who would tote her Bible around and quote different verses, like, “The truth shall set you free!” She was a whack job.

    1. I question what he remembers at all, because it was Sanford and SON (singular) the reason being he only had one son.

    2. The aunt wasn’t crazy (or a whack job) she was a devout Christian, a foil to Sanford and one of the few people who could flummox him. Unless of course Imposing Black Woman = Crazy/Whack job. You never know with these blithering dumb fucks.

  114. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:02

    Garageband (or is it GarageBand?) software costs $5 and includes a guitar amp emulator with various digital effects. For a five-spot you can emulate a Fender Twin Reverb, a Marshall Stack, a Mesa Boogie combo amp like the one in my basement, whatever (to the limits of your speakers). Plus a dozen effects pedals.

    Yeah, the iPad has some amazing audio apps, and tons of musicians are using them in productive ways.

    You can build your own audio input interface too (google “DIY ipad audio input” for instructions), if you don’t want to spend the $100 on a commercial one (or don’t get it as a gift). The ones that just basically take an RCA jack and wire it into the headphone input are crap, but the instructions on how to properly set one up with the correct impedance are fine.

    Pretty damn cool to be able to try out effects without having to go out and buy a bunch of pedals. Especially as a harmonica (an harmonica?) player where some effects do really cool stuff and other shit sounds like complete ass (yeah, yeah, the typical anti-harp-player “how could you tell!?” joke goes here.).

  115. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:04

    because it was Sanford and SON (singular) the reason being he only had one son.

    That son had to be as exasperated and patient as half a dozen children. He was like Patches in a way. Not in a farmwork way, but junkyardsmanship and putting up with Redd Foxx.

  116. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:11

    One of these days, I’ll have to get an iPad, then. When I hit MegaMillions.

    I used to record my own tunes. First on 4-track cassette recorders, then on a PC that I had to build from scratch (after much research) so that the motherboard and tweaky Turtle Beach soundcard wouldn’t fight the software I was using (Sonic Foundry’s ACID Pro). I miss being able to do that.

    Of course, I am down to just the one geetar, now. The one Allan Holdsworth gave me. Can’t part with it. The rest have paid rent.
    .

  117. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:18

    Can’t part with it. The rest have paid rent.

    What kind of guitar did Holdsworth give you? … and, now that you’re employed, you could buy a cheap toy here and there on the net or in a pawn shop. Good times.

  118. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:18

    I just get robots to make my music. Beats practising.

  119. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:21

    What kind of guitar did Holdsworth give you?

    It was prototype #5 of the Carvin H1 that they made for him. Picture.

    … and, now that you’re employed, you could buy a cheap toy here and there on the net or in a pawn shop. Good times.

    Eh… not so much. Lots of catching up w/the landlord yet, and other necessities. Plus, my job doesn’t pay very well.
    .

  120. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:22

    ☉☉

  121. Shakezula said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:24

    Jesus Christ CRA, that’s only one of the most depressing songs ever.

  122. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:25

    Oh I never play music with people, Substance. They’re inefficient and inaccurate and never ready when I need them. If I wanted those qualities I have them myself in spades!

    90% of my hour-a-day regimen is Jamey Aebersold playalongs. I have about sixty of those book/CD sets. The rest is little etudes I make up, reading sheet music, and finally just screwing around, which I should do more of.

  123. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:26

    You don’t find “Patches” uplifting, Shakezula? Many people seem to enjoy it.

  124. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:30

    catching up w/the landlord

    Ugh, it’s like credit card debt, only it kept a roof over your head. Here’s hoping he didn’t charge interest.

  125. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:35

    The one instrument I miss most is the one that’s now my landlord’s favorite bass. It’s an Ibanez Signature series-something-something. It cost just under $1000, and plays better than any bass I ever laid fingers on. And it looks marvy, too. Some fancy-ass wood, an’ whatnot.
    .

  126. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:35

    Super-interesting guitar and backstory, Jeffraham.

  127. 'natch said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:39

    Give me season 2 of Sanford and Son any day.

  128. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:45

    Super-interesting guitar and backstory, Jeffraham.

    It was a thank-you gift, which I got at his birthday party, oddly enough (I brought him a bottle of Blanton’s — his wife said he’d enjoy that). I started the first innertubez mailing list for his fans (prior to WWW), and then the first web site… all of which, he was blissfully unaware for the longest time. He just called me up out of the blue, one day.
    .

  129. A former mayor said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:45

    tweaky Turtle Beach soundcard

    Wow. The memories. They trickle back.

  130. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:50

    Wow. The memories. They trickle back.

    Optical S/PDIF, biotches!
    .

  131. A former mayor said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:56

    Optical S/PDIF, biotches!
    “TOUCH THAT FUCKIN CORD AND I BREAK YOUR FACE!!!”

  132. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:59

    Long ago I had a version of this which I miss. I’ve got some bullshit Firewire thing from Alesis now, and they seem to write shitty drivers.

  133. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 22, 2013 at 5:59

    Gawd getting sound and video working back in the day was a nightmare. I not so fondly remember the hours I spent around ’87 or ’88 or so getting a hi-res (for the time) grayscale Hitachi monitor and matching video card working with AutoCAD 2.something. Good times.

  134. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:05

    “TOUCH THAT FUCKIN CORD AND I BREAK YOUR FACE!!!”

    Interesting Holdsworth trivia (maybe):

    I always felt pretty bad about my relative ease in getting stuff recorded once I started working in digital. Yeah, relative, ’cause there were a lot of bumps at first (leading to the custom PC). Alesis sent Allan three ADATs, and I believe a tech to get them set up in his home studio in Vista, CA. Right after that, he got hired to do the soundtrack (or part of it) for Speed (Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock), and he recorded some apparently amazing shit (always wanted to do soundtrack work at some point), and then something went wonky with the ADAT setup, and none of it would sync. So, his name appeared on the film credits, but not a note of anything he recorded made it into the cut.
    .

  135. A former mayor said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:09

    Long ago I had a version of this which I miss

    She wouldn’t let me sell the car.
    …nor one of the kids.

  136. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:12

    So, his name appeared on the film credits, but not a note of anything he recorded made it into the cut.

    Wow that bites. Imagine trying to explain that to a studio exec … I would watch that movie again right now, twice, if I could be assured of some badass Holdsworth improv while the bus speeds along.

  137. CRA said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:18

    Sorry for the spoiler, folks: Speed featured a speeding bus. Now you know.

  138. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:25

    Aha! That Turtle Beach card I had was the Montego II Home Studio card. It did not like VIA chipsets, IIRC.
    .

  139. A former mayor said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:31

    Alesis sent Allan three ADATs

    A buddy went DCC when it came out. (He’s all acousticy n’ shit.)
    Finally bought a 6ch HDR when he couldn’t find any more blanks.
    He stopped there, and still plugs along with both. He sends me discs occasionally, and I haven’t the heart to tell him I don’t have time to screw around with converting them to listen.
    I once mentioned this thing called the “inter-net” to him and he just threw up his hands and didn’t want to hear anymore.

  140. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:34

    The irony in the Surrey comparison is that there is no hellhole in Canada quite like the area around Main and Hastings in downtown Vancouver.

    Ah, not-so-fond memories of my teeny-tiny apartment in Gastown.

    Lived for several years two blocks from Main & Hastings, & somehow got out alive, so I can say this man speaks the truth. When I first moved there, the local junkies sometimes entertained themselves by throwing their used syringes out of upper-story hotel windows into the street like demonic lawn-darts. An acquaintance had visitors from Los Angeles back in the late 90s who said they were afraid to walk the neighbourhood in the daytime, let alone after dark. Like anything, one gets used to it after long enough … although Welfare Day always turned the area into a circus of epic ugliness. I suspect it’s become a bit tamer now through sheer brute attrition.

    Parts of Surrey are just as grim, but other parts are quite lovely. Surrey is HUGE.

  141. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:39

    He sends me discs occasionally, and I haven’t the heart to tell him I don’t have time to screw around with converting them to listen.

    I’d forgotten about DCC, entirely.

    What format are the discs he sends?
    .

  142. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:44

    Guess who’s an also-ran at Breitbart?

    http://www.breitbart.com/Columnists/Ace-Of-Spades

  143. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:48

    An acquaintance had visitors from Los Angeles back in the late 90s who said they were afraid to walk the neighbourhood in the daytime, let alone after dark.

    It’s never had near the violence problem of so many bad places in America…the heroin must be good. It’s still kinda scary to see people walking by in muscle shirts with giant gaping pits in their arms.

    I used to drink at Funky Winkerbean’s now and then, back in the days when The Cambie had red velvet booths. Then came the fucking bike couriers…

  144. A former mayor said,

    February 22, 2013 at 6:53

    What format are the discs he sends?

    Gawd, I’d have to dig one out. One of the odd file formats the first HD recorders used. I tried to get him in the habit of converting to mp3 whenever he sent out stuff, but old habits die hard, I guess. I’m not even sure why he settled on the format he did. He mostly uses his stuff for himself.
    I’ll dig.

  145. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    February 22, 2013 at 7:19

    Guess who’s an also-ran at Breitbart?

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m sure that will end well, seeing as Mr. Bacon-n-Playdoh is such a contrarian goombah. MOAR POPCORN PLEASE.

    Then came the fucking bike couriers…

    Oh Jesus, THIS.
    Those trendy fucks wrecked the Old Niagara too, when it went from a peeler bar to a punk rawk club.

  146. A former mayor said,

    February 22, 2013 at 7:29

    Only ones I can find right now have the monstrous .wav files from his brother’s Zoom.

  147. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 22, 2013 at 9:43

    Funny, he’s pitching his videos in the post. Grifters gotta grift, after all.

  148. A former mayor said,

    February 22, 2013 at 9:52

    Hmm,…Norton will no longer allow me to go to Breitbart.
    “Norton blocked an attack from…”
    Hinky shit goin on there.

  149. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 22, 2013 at 10:08

    Why is the bad guy—in many a movie and TV show—quoting the Bible? Put it this way, in the vast majority of cases when a character quotes from the Scriptures, is that a cue that he or she is a good character or a bad one, or even just comic relief?

    You really don’t want to know what Linus gets up to in the final issue.

  150. DAS said,

    February 22, 2013 at 14:31

    In re male gingers being cute: I’ve always been deemed “cute” by women. What took a long time was finding women who actually found me sexy.

  151. Shakezula said,

    February 22, 2013 at 15:40

    Hinky shit goin on there.

    The Chinese Red Army Socialists have hacked NYT, WSJ & WP. Naturally Breitbart.derp is also too on their list!

  152. bbkf said,

    February 22, 2013 at 16:01

    That son had to be as exasperated and patient as half a dozen children. He was like Patches in a way. Not in a farmwork way, but junkyardsmanship and putting up with Redd Foxx.

    in real life didn’t lamont go all born again and stuff?

  153. bbkf said,

    February 22, 2013 at 16:21

    and, for the major…this is the best i could come up with re: gingers

    The Oxford English Dictionary’s first citation of the use of “ginger” to mean “red-haired” is 1525.

    1785 GROSE Dict. Vulg. Tongue s.v. Ginger-pated, Red ***** are called gingers. 1797 Sporting Mag. IX. 338 In cocking, I suppose you will not find a better breed of gingers. 1857 H. AINSWORTH Spendthrift xvi. 109 Examining the *****, and betting with each other..this backing a grey, that a ginger.

  154. Major Kong said,

    February 22, 2013 at 16:25

    I didn’t realize the term went that far back. Interesting.

  155. Shakezula said,

    February 22, 2013 at 16:36

    From the Online Etymology Dictionary (AKA the coolest website on the intertewbs):

    mid-14c., from Old English gingifer, from Medieval Latin gingiber, from Latin zingiberi, from Greek zingiberis, from Prakrit (Middle Indic) singabera, from Sanskrit srngaveram, from srngam “horn” + vera- “body,” so called from the shape of its root. But this may be Sanskrit folk etymology, and the word may be from an ancient Dravidian name that also produced the Malayalam name for the spice, inchi-ver, from inchi “root.” Cf. gin (v.). The word apparently was readopted in Middle English from Old French gingibre (Modern French gingembre). Meaning “spirit, spunk, temper” is from 1843, American English. Ginger-ale recorded by 1822; ginger-snap as a type of cookie is from 1855, American English.

    or (this one will be familiar to Pratchett readers):

    in slang phrase gin up “enliven, make more exciting,” 1887, probably from earlier ginger up in same sense (1849), from ginger in sense of “spice, pizzazz;” specifically in reference to the treatment described in the 1811 slang dictionary under the entry for feague:

    … to put ginger up a horse’s fundament, and formerly, as it is said, a live eel, to make him lively and carry his tail well; it is said, a forfeit is incurred by any horse-dealer’s servant, who shall shew a horse without first feaguing him. Feague is used, figuratively, for encouraging or spiriting one up.

    So perhaps a connection to the red-head’s fabled temper?

  156. bbkf said,

    February 22, 2013 at 17:46

    So perhaps a connection to the red-head’s fabled temper?

    which is what the oxford implies with the ginger cocks (ha) being lively and good fighters…which did not co-relate to the spice…oh, i am so checking out the online eytmology…word nerd heaven!!!

  157. DAS said,

    February 22, 2013 at 17:50

    And by the way, if you could come up with clear policies for how you will (for example) fix the economy, rather than shouting “Blar, gibber, Messicans, Socialisms, Amurichuh, Job Creaturs, Single Mothers, Blar, raar!” for several months, that might help a great deal. – Shakezula

    The problem is that there is already a center-right party with such clear policies. It is called the “Democrats”.

  158. N__B said,

    February 22, 2013 at 18:16

    Maybe people are deliberately fucking with Sully in an effort to get him to leave New York: http://wonkette.com/502253/andrew-sullivan-gets-bad-beard-trim-hates-new-york-and-its-empty-promises#more-502253

  159. Thread Bear said,

    February 22, 2013 at 18:30

    Exxon hates your children

  160. People of Chocolate City said,

    February 22, 2013 at 18:35

    People of the Big Apple should leeeeeeeave Sully alooooone.

    Because we don’t want him back.

  161. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 22, 2013 at 18:36

    Maybe people are deliberately fucking with Sully in an effort to get him to leave New York

    It’s a conspiracy! I’d gladly participate, just to fuck with his head, but 1) I live on the opposite side of the country, and 2) He might move to Portland when he gets run out of NYC.

  162. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 22, 2013 at 18:48

    I am astonished that there exists a person who is capable of growing a beard and earning a living, that can’t trim his own beard.

  163. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 22, 2013 at 18:49

    *who’s not, like a double amputee or something.

  164. bbkf said,

    February 22, 2013 at 18:57

    *who’s not, like a double amputee or something.

    uh, yeah…it’s not like it’s rocket science or anything…they make shavy thingies that are expressly for trimming the beards and nostrils also too…it shows a distinct laziness and/or snobbery on the part of those who cannot do this task themselves…without the abovementioned disclaimer…

  165. bbkf said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:00

    and thanks, n_b…i now want a fluffy coffee…of which i am going to take the recipe to our local coffee house and she if she can make it…and if not, i am going to go to the two gas stations in town that have coffee and ask them…and if i don’t get satisfaction, i am going to write a long whining blog post about it…and then shave my beard…

  166. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:08

    This is the look Andy was going for.

  167. N__B said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:10

    …and then shave my beard…

    I thought in MN that was known as “planing Marcus.”

  168. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:10

    OMG somebody took a picture of Andy’s barber barber experience!

    (warning, that link is fairly safe, but the rest of that tumblybumbly has some very NSFW (and hideous) stuff.

  169. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:11

    barber barber experience!

    I wish I could blame FYWP for that one.

  170. Shakezula said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:16

    I have to admit that I feel a short pang of envy when I come across someone whose life is such a nonstop parade of titties and ice cream that things like this throw them into a tailspin.

    But then I snap out of it.

    Also, here you have this whining man-beast who can’t get a good beard clipping search how he may. (Possibly because barbers rarely perform this service any more, but what do I know? The spouse does his face fur management at home.)

    So he can get into a major a pet about beard maintenance. BUT what happens when one of these beard mangling oaves drops his expensive gadget and BREAKS IT?

    You would expect a rage of such incandescence that the oaf and a few innocent bystanders wind up in the hospital.

    I would be mightly and loudly displeased. (However, I sure as fuck wouldn’t give a stranger my device and let them enter anything on it, so what do I know?) But instead he goes off to mutter into his latte. Why?

    This puzzled for a few moments, and then I realized he’s a passive-aggressive wuss of the first water.

  171. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:32

    BUT what happens when one of these beard mangling oaves drops his expensive gadget and BREAKS IT?

    Yeah, I doubt that really happened. I have no doubt Miss Thang gets poor service but that’s probably due to his fucking attitude. I also don’t find it unreasonable, as a commenter at teh wonkie place does, that he would enquire about wifi so he dould blog but what are the odds he was haughty and pretentious about it? I don’t even doubt that the barber would want to enter the pw – it’s NYC and they wouldn’t want people sharing the pw. But dropping it and SMASHING IT TO SMITHEREENS strikes me as the mad fantastical invention of a major drama queen.

  172. El Manquécito said,

    February 22, 2013 at 19:45

    Sully’s beard gets shaved by Occam’s Razor.

  173. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 22, 2013 at 20:02

    It is possible some random barber broke Sully’s iPad and then wanted to send it to a guy he knows for repair, that guy would probably fix it, and fence it or keep it and never return Sully’s calls. That is because some people are dishonest and Sully has “chump” written all over him in 500pt text.

  174. bbkf said,

    February 22, 2013 at 20:08

    something has been bugging me since the post about the twanker mom and her ridiculous child rearing strategery…she looks oh, so familiar and i have finally concluded why…five words: tom hulce and robin gibb…she’s a mashup…

  175. Shakezula said,

    February 22, 2013 at 20:13

    Well that is just fucked up then. However, it would explain why he named no names.

  176. smut clyde said,

    February 22, 2013 at 21:09

    or (this one will be familiar to Pratchett readers):
    Pre-Pratchett, the practice of “gingering up” is explained in Julian May’s Pliocene Saga (in The Adversary IIRC). “And so he doesn’t act too tame for the stock inspector, we’ll put a little ginger up him at the last.”

  177. Major Kong said,

    February 22, 2013 at 21:49

    Why is Sully living in an elitist coastal enclave like NYC anyways?

    Wouldn’t he happier living some place in “Real America” like Altus Oklahoma or Lubbock Texas?

  178. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 22, 2013 at 21:56

    Lubuttock would suit him jes fine.

  179. bbkf said,

    February 22, 2013 at 22:01

    holy shite…son just called from urgent care and he has been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes…fucking a…

  180. Shakezula said,

    February 22, 2013 at 22:28

    Sorry to hear that bbkf.

  181. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 23, 2013 at 1:02

    holy shite…son just called from urgent care and he has been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes…fucking a…

    Wow, sorry bbkf. Glad he’s at a doctor though — a childhood friend of mine had type 1 but it was discovered only after his parents found him comatose in bed one morning before school. He was in a coma for a week.

  182. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2013 at 3:00

    yeah, i’m glad he went in today…otherwise he had an appt here on monday morning…his blood sugars were at 442…could have been pretty scary…i just wish i could be there right now…one of his friends put a picture of him in his hospital room on fb and it’s heartbreaking for a mom…

  183. McJohn said,

    February 23, 2013 at 4:28

    Yikes! So sorry about the Type 1. There is reason to be comforted; treatments get better all the time and the thing you don’t want to have happen is a blood glucose reading below, say, 50, as that is the most likely occurrence to lead to the type of severe consequences most often associated with the common view of diabetes as a terrible, terrible thing to have. (Which it used to be, emphasis on “used to”.)

    That he’s gotten diagnosed now, rather than, say, 20 years ago, is good news. Really. Honest. Promise. You guys been rocked back on your pins, but it’s survivable and thrivable and all like that.

  184. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2013 at 4:39

    thanks mcjohn…i’m type 2…you just never expect it…and yeah, treatment has come a long ways…and i’m lucky enough to be surrounded by medical people, so we can keep an eye on him…you know how 23 year olds can be…

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