Zombie Dan’l Webster Alert

Posted at 5:15 by Gavin M.

Yes, Dan’l Webster’s dead — or, at least, they buried him. But every time there’s a thunderstorm around Marshfield, they say you can hear his rolling voice in the hollows of the sky. And they say that if you go to his grave and speak loud and clear, “Dan’l Webster — Dan’l Webster!” the ground’ll begin to shiver and the trees begin to shake. And after a while you’ll hear a deep voice saying, “Neighbor, how stands the Union?” Then you better answer the Union stands as she stood, rock-bottomed and copper-sheathed, one and indivisible, or he’s liable to rear right out of the ground.

–Stephen Vincent Benét, ‘The Devil and Daniel Webster’ (1937).

So how’s Barry doing?


  1. mainmati said,

    February 13, 2013 at 5:34

    Well Dan’l it’s not much more enlightened than when you were around, Sorry, it’s a much, much, much bigger country than your day but much of the dialogue is exactly the same. Sigh.

  2. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 13, 2013 at 6:18

    Mostly the union has agreed that we need to blow up brown people, throw money at big banks, and cut entitlements.

    And spying on people who don’t agree is totes cool, warrant or no.

  3. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 13, 2013 at 6:48

    Well, eff it. Time for bed.

  4. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    February 13, 2013 at 6:59

    Nic Cage is starring in a remake of Left Behind.

    That is all.

  5. Fuckface Unstoppable said,

    February 13, 2013 at 7:54

    I have nothing to say at this point in time, this may change at some point

  6. bbkf said,

    February 13, 2013 at 8:13

    Nic Cage is starring in a remake of Left Behind.

    That is all.

    gah…i’m beginning to not want to live anymore…btw, i’ve been fighting the strong urge to netflix ‘atlas scrogs’…i am waiting for a time when i really need to lay down some slithery snark…so, it’s entirely possible that i will end up watching this abomination…

  7. Anjinsan said,

    February 13, 2013 at 8:52

    Barry’s doing aiiiiiiiiight. Could be worse.

  8. wiley said,

    February 13, 2013 at 17:21

    Don’t do it, bbkf! If you haven’t seen Compliance, then check it out. It’s streaming and it’s a well done low-budget film. Though they say it’s “inspired by true events” it’s a retelling of a true story; not one of those someone said they saw a ghost or there was a murder “inspirations”, but the fucking thing really happened and only the names have been changed. It’s stultifying! It’s gobsmacking! It’s jesus-titty-fucking-christ!

  9. Shakezula said,

    February 13, 2013 at 17:28

    I am way more disturbed by the fact they’re doing a remake of Left Behind. Let us all hope for a porn movie that spoofs the title.

  10. Jay B. said,

    February 14, 2013 at 1:55

    Gavin! Fix the Internets, already.

  11. Mooser said,

    February 15, 2013 at 22:52

    Well, it looks to me, and has for a long time, like our military and intelligence establishment has finally found the President they’d be proud to leave holding the bag.

    Does Obama think he is the man who can make the Bush “anti-terrorism” policies work? What a chump.

  12. parsec said,

    February 19, 2013 at 3:17

    I’d answer “Well, Dan’l, frankly the congress is dominated by slavemasters,” just to watch that reaction.

  13. SqueakyRat said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:59

    Rock-bottomed and copper-sheathed? Is this the Ship of State we’re talking about?

  14. Absolute Mustard said,

    March 23, 2013 at 6:57

    Washington’s Case for Aaron Gordon

    Why UW For Aaron Gordon? (Scout.com)
    By Chris Fetters
    Editor Dawgman.com
    Posted Mar 20, 2013

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    Now that Washington’s 2012-2013 season is complete, many will want to go back and dissect what went wrong. With one of the country’s top prospects still out there in Aaron Gordon, I’m looking ahead. Gordon, a 6-foot-8, 215-pound forward from San Jose, Calif. is ranked the No. 2 power forward by Scout.com, and if he were to sign with UW would arguably be their biggest signee in school history.

    The Top UW Signee Ever?: Abdul Gaddy was the No. 2 point guard behind John Wall in 2009 and Spencer Hawes was the No. 2 center ranked behind Ohio State’s Greg Oden. But in many ways Gordon’s signing could eclipse either Gaddy or Hawes because of the timing. Hawes showed up after back-to-back Sweet 16 appearances and Gaddy showed up in the middle of three NCAA Tournament runs. Now that the program has missed the Big Dance twice the inclusion of Gordon for 2013 – along with the possible return of C.J. Wilcox – would offer an immediate shot of adrenaline to a team looking for answers.

    Room to Move In Now: There’s no question a player of Gordon’s stature and ability would be an instant impact player nearly everywhere he goes. That said, here’s what Gordon faces at his position at each of his expected four finalists:
    Arizona – Brandon Ashley, Grant Jarrett, Matt Korcheck, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson (three players his class or one year ahead)
    Kentucky – Nerlens Noel (expected to go pro but hasn’t announced yet), Alex Poythress, Derek Willis, Julius Randle (All four in his class or one year ahead)
    Oregon – Ben Carter, Jordan Bell, Cristiano Felicio (All three in his class or one year ahead)
    Washington – Martin Breunig, Jernard Jarreau, Desmond Simmons (None in his class or one year ahead)
    Just looking at those rosters, it’s clear that Oregon and Washington are the two schools with the minimum impediments, so that should be something in their favor if looking at depth charts is anything that matters to Gordon at this point.

    The Hawes Effect: When Spencer Hawes turned down North Carolina for Washington at the Seattle Prep gymnasium on October 5th, 2005, UW Hoops was rolling. The Huskies had just put together their first No. 1 seed season ever and were about to make another Sweet 16 run the following spring. The season average for attendance at Hec Ed was 8844; when Hawes showed up the following season average attendance shot up to 9911, the best-ever for UW. The next year, after Hawes left, the average dipped back down to 8762 per home game. The average attendance for home games this last season was 7937, down nearly 800 per game from the year before and the lowest for any Romar team since his first two years at Montlake. A Gordon signing would immediately boost season ticket sales and turn UW Basketball into a hot ticket again. It happened with Hawes and it would with Gordon.

    Romar Puts ‘Em In the Show: If Gordon has any reservations about playing with top players at UW or his pro prospects after life at Washington he should forget all about that. Lorenzo Romar has had 22 four and six five-star signees since he stepped on campus in 2002. Speaking of signees – Bobby Jones, Nate Robinson, Brandon Roy, Martell Webster, Jon Brockman, Spencer Hawes, Quincy Pondexter, Justin Holiday, Isaiah Thomas, Terrence Ross, and Tony Wroten have all played in the show since Romar began coaching at his alma mater – an average of one per season that he’s been at Montlake.

    NWG Can’t Hurt: One of the reasons why Oregon has appeared on Gordon’s short list is his connection with former Oakland Soldier Dominic Artis, the Ducks’ explosive point guard. The Huskies have their own secret weapon in Nigel Williams-Goss, another Findlay Prep product like Artis that just happens to also be a McDonalds All-American this year with Gordon. The 6-foot-3 Williams-Goss made a name for himself this year for the Pilots in leading them to an undefeated season, beating No. 1 Montverde (Fla.) with a dagger three buzzer-beater. He scored 18 of his game-high 26 points in the fourth quarter to help erase an 18-point Montverde lead. He’s been the Pilots’ point guard during their current 42-game winning streak. It’s pretty easy to see that if Gordon is looking to Artis to get him the ball at Oregon, he can rely on NWG to find him at UW and I suspect Gordon will get a preview to coming attractions during the McDonald’s All-American game April 3 in Chicago – the same time Gordon expects to announce the school he’ll play for.

    Family Ties: Of the four programs vying for Gordon’s John Hancock, Washington seems to have the inside track when it comes to family. Romar and Gordon’s father Ed grew up in the same Los Angeles neighborhood and Romar has been a family friend as long. He went hard after Aaron’s brother Drew, who was looking seriously at Washington before ultimately putting pen to paper with UCLA. This is what WildcatAuthority.com’s Brad Allis said back on May 7, 2007 – the day Gordon made his decision for the Bruins – “Behind the scenes Washington has thought to be one of the leaders. Although the Huskies have recruited big men very well lately, they may not be loaded at the spot by 2008. Spencer Hawes will be gone and Jon Brockman will be a senior (if he is still around). The talk has been Lorenzo Romar has done a great job recruiting Gordon, and has especially made a great impression on his father. The fact that the Huskies play an up-tempo style will also benefit them.” Gordon’s Westwood career didn’t go as planned and he ended up transferring to New Mexico. Common sense suggests that Gordon’s family ties to UW could play a big role in where Aaron goes to school simply because the team that is the most successful in recruiting the parents traditionally stands the best chance of landing their son. And that leads to the final point in UW’s favor…

    Back To Where It All Began: Besides being a great Allman Brothers song, it could be the title to the story behind Aaron Gordon’s recruitment. Evan Daniels was the first Scout analyst to get Gordon to talk about teams sticking out in his mind. The interview took place back nearly two years ago (WATCH HERE), but Washington was the first favorite school that came out of his mouth. “Romar is my boy,” Gordon said when talking about UW at an AAU Tournament in Virginia. “I just love the way they play.” If you are led to believe that basketball recruiting and football recruiting share common themes, one of them could be the idea of a prospect having early favorites, going through the process and then coming back full-circle to the first school that caught their fancy. If that’s the case with Gordon, he could very easily come back to the first

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