ABOVE: Ben Howe, Diarist at Red Face
Shorter Ben Howe, Red State
Google: The Democrat’s [sic] Private Intelligence Agency
- Google is reading my mail so that it can force me to vote for Democrats.
The “diarists” over at Red State, kindly put, can’t figure out how to flush a toilet without an instruction manual and hot hunky tower of manliness Ben Howe is no exception. (Actually, Ben would probably need to have the instruction manual read to him.) Even so, Ben’s notion that Google is reading his email and his attempts on Google Docs to write Hunger Games fanfic as part of some giant conspiracy to keep the Kenyan usurper in the White House really takes Red State diarist stupidity to a new level.
Remember that enormous, sophisticated data operation the Obama campaign had? The one that gave them massive daily data on public opinion trends in almost every segment of potential voters.
It’s almost as if Democrats had access to some sort of huge database of real time information about what the public was reading or writing online. The kind of breathtakingly large, real-time data that could be used for real-time trend analysis, predictive modeling and even behavioral manipulation.
Now if you think Ben is going to pause even a nanosecond between “it’s almost as if” and “it’s an absolute fact,” you have seriously underestimated him.
Now, combine Obama’s political campaign with Google’s near-comprehensive real-time data and the left’s behavioral analysis. What do you get? Beat.
You see Romney didn’t lose because he wanted to cut Medicare so his buddies could buy bigger yachts. No, he lost because he got scroogled. The almighty Google read everyone’s Gmails so that the company could turn all its Gmail users, who otherwise would definitely have voted for Romney, into mindless Obamatons who stood in line for hours to carry out commands from Great Google and the Negro Usurper.
I suppose this is not much dumber than saying that Obama won because he gave all the darkies Obama phones or because Hurricane Sandy blew all the Romney voters into the basement of a split-level in Montauk and trapped them there until the election was over.