Feb
20

Ask The Experts




Posted at 1:07 by HTML Mencken

Shorter The Editurds
America’s Shittiest Website
“Tailgunner Ted?”

  • Just because Democrats are unhappy that Ted Cruz smeared Chuck Hagel as the Mullahchurian Candidate, doesn’t mean Cruz is McCarthyite. We knew and loved Joe McCarthy. Ted Cruz is no Joe McCarthy.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

135 Comments »

  1. bbkf said,

    February 20, 2013 at 1:28

    ha!

  2. John Revolta said,

    February 20, 2013 at 1:42

    Curses!

  3. El Manquecito said,

    February 20, 2013 at 1:51

    Oiled again.

  4. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 20, 2013 at 1:51

    It was “truly extraordinary,” Cruz remarked, that the government of Iran “formally and publicly prais[ed] the nomination of a defense secretary.” He also called it “unprecedented” that a nation like Iran was “publicly celebrating” the prospect of a Hagel-run Pentagon.

    Dear Ted:

    It would make the government of Iran very unhappy if you blew Mitch McConnell on Iranian television.

    Expecting understanding,
    Sub

  5. HTML Mencken said,

    February 20, 2013 at 1:55

    Also, too: Since the piece contains a flatulent reference to the Romulan Star Empire, I think we know who at least had a hand (or fart) in writing it.

  6. tigris said,

    February 20, 2013 at 2:17

    Sure sure, Cruz never actually SAID Saudi Arabia and North Korea were funneling money to Hagel to influence him, he just asked the question how do we KNOW they weren’t, just like how I never SAID he stole the sad, wet noodle he calls a brain from an unflushed floater found in a soba restaurant bathroom, just asked how do we know he didn’t?

  7. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 2:24

    Meanwhile, Lindsay “Light In His Loafers” Graham (R – Closet) fights the good fight.
    “Dear Senator Hagel,” Senators Lindsey Graham and Kelly Ayotte write. “Yesterday, the Washington Free Beacon reported that in a 2007 speech at Rutgers University regarding America’s relationship with the Middle East you remarked that ‘the State Department was becoming an adjunct of the Israeli Foreign Ministry.’ According to notes posted on the internet by a Republican political consultant and supporter of yours, George Ajjan, you made the remarks during the question and answer period following the speech.”

    EXPLAIN YOURSELF MR. HAGEL!

  8. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 2:25

    Yah, that should have been blockquoted. Everything but the first and final sentences. Please apply your ample imagination to see it exactly as I intended it to look.

  9. El Manquecito said,

    February 20, 2013 at 2:48

    Everyone can understand how seductive the call of Free Bacon can be.

  10. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 20, 2013 at 3:01

    Everyone can understand how seductive the call of Free Bacon can be.

    I! N? W?

  11. bbkf said,

    February 20, 2013 at 3:06

    Senator Cruz has ably and aggressively executed his duty as a United States senator to advise on and consent to a nominee to the momentous post of civilian head of the United States military. He has not, as Senator McCarthy was reputed to have done, slandered an honorable man by cavalierly associating him with an odious and politically radioactive “ism.” But we can think of some Senate Democrats and cable-TV hosts who have.

    oh, nana nana boo boo! go fuck yourself…also, too, about halfway through reading, i had to remind myself that this was not satire…

  12. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 20, 2013 at 3:14

    Exhausterbated.
    .

  13. Major Kong said,

    February 20, 2013 at 3:18

    Shorter Ted Cruz – “Chuck Hagel doesn’t want to bomb Iran back to the Stone Age, preferably starting this afternoon. Waaaaaahhhhh!”

  14. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 3:19

    Chris Matthews is the id of the Democratic party? If so, we need a new set of desires … and I’m afraid to ask who the libido of the party is. I’m sure they’d say “Bill Clinton”

  15. hells littlest angel said,

    February 20, 2013 at 3:28

    Cruz couldn’t hold McCarthy’s hip flask.

  16. bughunter said,

    February 20, 2013 at 3:32

    So… the next time a Republican presnit nominates a hard-core regressive to the Supreme Court, progressives should *praise* the candidate in order to convince the hard-core regressive base that the nominee is a liberchurian candidate?

    So… PETA should have endorsed Roberts?

    Brilliant!

    Not.

    Just fucking stupid.

  17. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 20, 2013 at 4:04

    Also, too: Since the piece contains a flatulent reference to the Romulan Star Empire, I think we know who at least had a hand (or fart) in writing it.

    You won’t like Jenghazi Rubin when she’s angry!
    ~

  18. Anonymous said,

    February 20, 2013 at 4:42

    k-lo has a new crush

  19. bbkf said,

    February 20, 2013 at 4:45

    d’oh…anonymity…

  20. mainmati said,

    February 20, 2013 at 4:51

    Tailgunner Joe at least served, as utterly despicable as he was whereas Cruz is just a fabulous self-promoter with no depth. Huckleberry Closetcase is also determined to “Benghazi” Hegal apparently forever. The GOP is just a bunch ideological crazies with no real coherent future agenda.

  21. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 20, 2013 at 4:53

    Yeah, Teddy Bear’s gotta slander at least 50 more people before he approaches McCarthy territory.

  22. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 20, 2013 at 4:56

    He has not, as Senator McCarthy was reputed to have done, slandered an honorable man by cavalierly associating him with an odious and politically radioactive “ism.”

    Yeah, sure, Cruz and Graham and the rest of the clown car haven’t spent the last month saying that Hagel is secretly Killjew McHitler because he might-might-not do what the Israeli far right wants 100% of the time, or anything like that. It’s not like Cruz himself said Hagel took money from Iran and the DPRK

    They don’t need to name the odious -ism: it’s doing well enough going unsaid.

  23. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 20, 2013 at 4:59

    Yeah, Teddy Bear’s gotta slander at least 50 more people before he approaches McCarthy territory.

    I have a list right here of who he should slander.

  24. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 20, 2013 at 5:03

    A Liszt, you say?
    ~

  25. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 20, 2013 at 5:11

    He sounds like a promising young asshole.

  26. wiley said,

    February 20, 2013 at 5:27

    On this account, I’d like to see Obama be imperious, point out to the nation how many positions in the government are not filled because of this bullshit, let the people know the government has work to be done, and fill all those positions by executive order. If the assholes want to weep and gnash their teeth over it, then he can start closing bases in their states.

    Fuck these people.

  27. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 20, 2013 at 5:29

    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳
    ╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

  28. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 20, 2013 at 5:33

    You want Liszt? I gotcher Lizst right here.

  29. kg said,

    February 20, 2013 at 5:44

    Buyer’s remorse

  30. wiley said,

    February 20, 2013 at 6:07

    O.K., kg. Now I want to beat somebody up. This is one of the reasons that women so often don’t call the police. You let him into your room? You were drunk?

  31. N__B said,

    February 20, 2013 at 6:19

    ?????????
    ?????????
    ?????????
    ?????????
    ?????????
    ?????????
    ?????????
    ?????????
    ?????????

    You missed a spot.

  32. tigris said,

    February 20, 2013 at 6:19

    Wow, why on earth would young women want to pretend a rape didn’t happen rather than report it, it’s not like they’d be blamed for it and dragged through the mud by some scumbag lawyer. Because that never happens, right?

  33. A former mayor said,

    February 20, 2013 at 7:22

    Heikki Lunta go away.

  34. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 20, 2013 at 9:04

    Ya know, Bush was so far up Prince Bandar’s ass, he had to part a curtain of polyps in order to see out. Where was the outrage at that?

    And North Korea giving $200,000 to Chuck Fucking Hagel? Who the hell came up with that little detail?

    Hagel was a conservative Republican, it’s weird that the ‘Baggers would be so willing to destroy him, even to spite the Kenyan Usurper.

  35. not a gator said,

    February 20, 2013 at 9:15

    Ave Pupi, what’s going on with Lindsey Graham, Chuck Schumer and the provision in the immigration bill about same-sex spouses of US Immigrants. This is a BFD to my spouse–one of her friend’s wives was deported.

  36. not a gator said,

    February 20, 2013 at 9:16

    I guess the other wives stayed in the country.

  37. not a gator said,

    February 20, 2013 at 9:16

    Don’t tell my wife I made that joke because she wouldn’t find it funny.

  38. smut clyde said,

    February 20, 2013 at 10:08

    as Senator McCarthy was reputed to have done
    That’s your authentic Goldbergian evasive weaseling right there — avoid any commitment either to admitting that “McCarthy smeared people” or to the denial thereof, not wanting to annoy hard-line ideologues or reality-based people respectively. Whaddapacka small mustelids.

  39. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 20, 2013 at 13:54

    OT, but hilarious.

  40. biff diggerence said,

    February 20, 2013 at 14:32

    The McCarthy similarities are quite striking.

    Cruz has the classic boozer’s nose. The rosy tip with flushed cappillaries.

    Miserable bastard drinks himself to sleep, probably.

  41. kg said,

    February 20, 2013 at 14:36

    Curtain of polyps!

  42. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 20, 2013 at 14:51

    Curtain of polyps!

    That would be a good black metal band name.

  43. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 15:15

    BBB @ 9:04 Sadly Standard Time — being up Prince Bandar’s ass, listening to former Iran/Contra conspirators and deposing one of Iran’s enemies and pushing for “elections” resulting in Hamas controlling Gaza is being friendly to Israel so long as you can convince a couple of my fellow Red Sea Pedestrians, convinced that their religion makes them so clever that they are easy marks with more money than sense, that you are “pro-Israel”.

    OTOH, point out the same things about AIPAC that neo-cons will brag about to you if you are a fellow Jew and suddenly you are a secret agent of Iran, North Korea and Saudi Arabia who wants to destroy Israel.

  44. Major Kong said,

    February 20, 2013 at 16:12

    OTOH, point out the same things about AIPAC that neo-cons will brag about to you if you are a fellow Jew and suddenly you are a secret agent of Iran

    Secret aaaaagent Jew…….

  45. Shakezula said,

    February 20, 2013 at 16:24

    Sen. Cruz, as McCarthy might possibly have done (we can’t bring ourselves to come down too hard on St. Joe because he is our hero) did not allegedly use lies he pulled out of his ass to smear people who may or may not have deserved it.

    Cruz pulled lies that other people pulled out of their asses. So there!

    “The story as reported is correct,” Shapiro told Friedman. “Whether the information I was given by the source is correct I am not sure.”

  46. And so the penis said,

    February 20, 2013 at 16:39

    Ave Pupi

    “You think that’s bad? My owner makes me run up and down Ave Pupi every night until I throw up!”

  47. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 18:49

    From here you just take a right on Ave Pupi and follow it to the Hershey Highway.

  48. eddie said,

    February 20, 2013 at 19:36

    Yup. Hagel was a conservative republican. It does seem that obama’s choosing him and others similar might be an attempt at appeasement. Not that it was ever gonna work.

  49. not a gator said,

    February 20, 2013 at 19:49

    eddie–or very successful trolling

  50. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 20, 2013 at 19:59

    How will he ever get confirmed now that we know that Hagel took money from the horrible-no-good-and-totally-not-fake Friends Of Hamas. (ahem away if that’s been posted already, can’t be arsed, etc.)

    It’s not like any of us even wants Hagel as DefSec, but at this point I think they’d find things to hate about Palin if Bronco had nominated her.

  51. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:21

    But Virgin Ben says Friends of Hamas TOTALLY ISREAL

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Peace/2013/02/07/Hagel-Friends-of-Hamas-WH

  52. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:21

    Someone told me that Ben Shapiro is a hopeless fucking amateur whom I wouldn’t hire to write catalog product descriptions. That is a correct report of what someone told me. Whether it’s true or not I’m not sure.

  53. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:25

    The other day we were talking about the “Press 1 for English” holocaust.

    At a Portland area DMV http://i.imgur.com/JqbIlpO.jpg

  54. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:29

    WE’RE #1!

    http://www.wweek.com/portland/blog-29787-why_is_oregon_the_best_place_to_have_sex.html

    ABORTIONS FOR EVERYBODY!

  55. Major Kong said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:49

    At a Portland area DMV

    Ha!

  56. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:52

    ABORTIONS FOR EVERYBODY!

    Be sure to wait an hour after eating before swimming or getting another abortion.

  57. bughunter said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:54

    HTML Mencken gets an HTML Mention at C&L

  58. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 20, 2013 at 20:57

    Oregon earned this distinction by becoming the state with the least number of abortion restrictions in the nation. Our number of restrictions? Zero.

    Welcome to Canada.

  59. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:04

    Welcome to Canada.

    Yay, I’m Canadian now! How aboot that.

  60. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:06

    Canada is not a state.

    Oh, sure, it’s a state but it’s not a state in the way that matters. Canada is just a suburb of Detroit, after all.

  61. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:10

    HAHAHAHAAH

    And yet, finding my stride (again) as a writer of fiction has changed me in ways that I had not even anticipated when I started writing. I find that certain things, don’t bother me as once as they used to. I take them more in stride.

    Except when I feel the bite of bad government policies, I don’t feel the same rage at the arrogance of the liberal elites as I normally do, those who would dictate to us how we run our own lives.

    Perhaps this is because for those of a truly conservative disposition, politics is not the primary focus of our lives. By and large, we don’t see it as a source of meaning. We find meanings in other endeavors.

    G’won, make a guess who wrote that. AND NO CHEATING!

  62. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:11

    Oregon is the best place to have sex? I prefer the bed myself, but the couch will do in a pinch.

  63. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:13

    Pupienus @ 21:10 Sadly Standard Time: Isn’t that Kirn’s now infamous column on being a member of the gun tribe with a few changes of wording to be that of a conservative talking about liberals rather than a gun-owner talking about urbane, effete hippies?

  64. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:16

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Hollywood/2013/02/19/wwe-scorches-tea-party-racist

    Thirty years later, the same wrestling organization is using a Tea Party stand-in as its latest villain.

    Appearing on Monday Night Raw last week, [Jack] Swagger and [Zeb] Colter were booed by the crowd as they overzealously talked about the Constitution, the scourge of illegal immigration, and “true patriotism.” Other promotional videos of the two show them talking about freeloading immigrants and welfare recipients in front of the Gadsden flag, which has become symbolic of the Tea Party movement.

    The new storyline quickly drew the ire of conservatives on Twitter, especially since the WWE tried attaching Rush Limbaugh to the characters in question.

    It’s hard to imagine a bigger PR blunder. Expect a mea culpa any minute now.

  65. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:17

    Nope DAS, though I can see why hyou woul;d say that.

  66. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:17

    Yup. Hagel was a conservative republican. It does seem that obama’s choosing him and others similar might be an attempt at appeasement. Not that it was ever gonna work. – eddie

    11D chess wise, GOP opposition does make the GOP look completely bonkers. But then, if people haven’t noticed this about the GOP yet, they won’t notice it now, so I don’t know how good the 11D chess really is.

    Someone around the left side of the intertubez (I forget who and at which site) linked to his blog in which he laid out a theory that this is all actually about base closings: Hagel, being a former enlisted man, has tons o’ “street cred” and has leverage to push for base closings needed to do anything about the debt. However, for example, OK doesn’t want its naval base closed, so it’s senators are opposing Hagel the best way they know how.

  67. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:22

    Canada is just a suburb of Detroit, after all.

    Our Robocops are way more polite.

  68. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:25

    Our Robocops are way more polite. – Substance McG

    In French Canada, they have Robotcoups instead.

  69. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:25

    We often regret that we have to get involved in the messy business of politics to block policies which infringe upon our liberties and our ability to pursue happiness.

    We’re FORCING it on him!

    Yeah, that was all said by the guy who calls himself “gaypatriot” and who maintains a politics web site and who seems to have an awful lot of his identity tied up in politics.

  70. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:28

    Pup … I cheated, so I won’t say who it is, but it wasn’t who I would have thought. I would have thought it was a particular washed-up semi-famous (i.e. had 1-2 novels that sold well outside of wingnutistan) author whose name I cannot remember off hand.

    Either that or I would have guessed Orson Scott Card.

  71. tigris said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:36

    I cheated, too, and was also wrong. I thought it was sandwich guy.

  72. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:39

    I was also gonna guess Orson Scott Card — he’d been in the news recently because somebody booked him to write an issue of some comic book or something.

  73. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:40

    I assumed it was Adam Yoshida.

  74. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:42

    Also too: leftover tuna casserole for lunch. Très chic!

  75. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:43

    Speaking of D-list wingnuts, has Don Surber or Whasisname Swank said anything particularly entertaining lately? I’d google them but I’d hate to give them page hits, or have them show up on my browser history at work.

  76. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:46

    Here is what I was vaguely remembering about Card.

  77. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:46

    I thought Surber had given up, but no:

    West Virginia is eighth among the 50 states “in education expenditures relative to income,” the report by PublicWorks said.

    Teacher pay is seventh “relative to the state’s income levels” and so forth.

    [...]

    “In sum, West Virginia, unlike most similarly poor states, cannot be said to stint on education spending,” the report found.

  78. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 20, 2013 at 21:47

    Don Surber? Good God, there’s a blast from the past. Is he still around?

  79. smut clyde said,

    February 20, 2013 at 22:20

    Hagel hilarity.

  80. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 22:23

    Obligatory Orson Scott Card Has Always Been an Asshat.

  81. smut clyde said,

    February 20, 2013 at 22:26

    Perhaps this is because for those of a truly conservative disposition

    “Conservative disposition” seems to be a shibboleth in some Republican circles, to establish one’s intellectual Oakeshott-reading above-the-fray credentials.

  82. Shakezula said,

    February 20, 2013 at 22:55

    “Conservative Disposition”

    That’s a tendency towards stunning levels of bigotry and hypocrisy, right?

  83. gocart mozart said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:08

    It’s “Friends of Hummus” and not “Hamas”. It’s the Islamification of our foodstuffs. Next they will want to put it in ice cream, childrens ice cream. Think about it.

  84. Anonymous said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:10

    “Conservative Disposition”
    Seems to be used as a shorthand for “I am not a doctrinaire slave to party politics, or in the thrall of some extremist demagogue” — so popular with people who do not want the stink of Romneyfail all over themselves. People who will unfailingly vote Republican but want to be seen holding their noses while they do so.

  85. Pryme said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:15

    So I banged a colleague’s daughter and knocked her up 30 years ago while being married; the real problem are the liberal Democrats!

  86. Major Kong said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:21

    Seems to be used as a shorthand for “I am not a doctrinaire slave to party politics, or in the thrall of some extremist demagogue”

    Kind of like – “I’m not a Republican, I’m an Independent (I just haven’t voted for a Democrat since sometime around 1980)”

  87. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:27

    A Conservative Disposition. That’s a short name for a big problem. A self centered focus on one’s own status, wealth and personal comfort. A willful blindness to the suffering of those people in the wrong group. A deliberate confusion of authority with morality. A level of yellow bellied toadying to superiors matched only by the haughty contempt of everyone not in a position to give them power or money. Refusal to recognize conflicts of interest. A convenient lack of curiosity about anything that might indicate that one’s current behavior is unsustainable, unethical or ill-advised.

  88. Pryme said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:28

    Kind of like – “I’m not a Republican, I’m an Independent (I just haven’t voted for a Democrat since sometime around 1980)”

    Stephanie Miller gets at least one caller like that on her show per day, and she takes great pleasure in calling them out.

  89. DAS said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:37

    Kind of like – “I’m not a Republican, I’m an Independent (I just haven’t voted for a Democrat since sometime around 1980)” – Major Kong

    Oddly, my dad (and post-Reagan’s accent, his maternal grandparents in their final years) for a long time was the opposite: “I’m not a Democrat, I’m still a Republican (I just haven’t voted for a Republican since sometime around 1980)”

    How come you hear a lot in our national discourse from people loudly proclaiming “I didn’t leave the Democratic party, it left me” (how? by not becoming an arm of the Likud? by becoming pro-civil rights?) but you so rarely hear the counter-story, which I suspect is almost as common. I mean, Paul Krugman does have a national platform, but he rarely belabors this point in his columns and blogs. And a lot of people who feel this way aren’t even given NY Times opinion columns.

  90. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:41

    Would hummus ice cream need a pita cone?

  91. Pupienus said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:42

    I can relate. Reagan’s accent drove me nuts too.

  92. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:48

    So I banged a colleague’s daughter and knocked her up 30 years ago while being married; the real problem are the liberal Democrats!

    In his statement, Domenici refers to “the son Adam Laxalt.” If there were a contest for Most Strained Ways to Avoid the Possessive Pronoun, that would be a finalist.

  93. wiley said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:49

    Has anyone else heard that Ted Cruz is a card- carrying member of Club Al-Queda? My source prefers to stay anonymous, but —- for the record — I trust my source.

  94. tigris said,

    February 20, 2013 at 23:51

    Has anyone else heard that Ted Cruz is a card- carrying member of Club Al-Queda?

    As a matter of fact I JUST NOW read exactly the same thing!

  95. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:00

    I saw it on the Internet.

  96. French Model said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:03

    Has anyone else heard that Ted Cruz is a card- carrying member of Club Al-Queda?

    It’s all over the internet. Cela doit être vrai!

  97. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:19

    Kittehs and a mirror: http://www.wimp.com/leopardsmirror/

  98. Chris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:34

    Hagel was asked by a group of six senators, including Cruz, to disclose all compensation he has received in excess of $5,000 over the last five years, on the grounds that payments from foreign groups or ideological groups were relevant to Hagel’s nomination. Hagel refused. He was then asked in a letter by a group of 25 senators for similar information. Hagel replied that he was not legally obligated to turn over that information and thus would not do so. Cruz pointed out that while only two years of such disclosures were required by Senate rules, there was precedent for nominees’ being asked for, and volunteering, more extensive disclosures. Most recently, then-senator Hillary Clinton voluntarily disclosed every foreign donation to the Clinton Foundation as part of her nomination process for secretary of state.

    Lamenting that Hagel’s unwillingness to offer a similar level of cooperation left the Senate in the dark about the sources of Hagel’s compensation, Cruz offered a stylized hypothetical. “He could not even say that the $200,000 he received [for speeches and appearances] did not come directly from a foreign government,” Cruz said. “It is at a minimum relevant to know if that $200,000 deposited in his bank account came directly from Saudi Arabia, came directly from North Korea.”

    There’s something pretty hilarious about the people who’ve just spent months defending Ann Romney’s “we released what you needed to see, period” now whining that Democrats aren’t doing the same thing. And this isn’t quite the presidency he’s running for, either.

    Also, I was worried for a moment that the National Review had lost their “McCarthy was RIGHT!” mojo by saying that it’s not fair to compare him to Cruz, but then at the end was that “as Senator McCarthy was reputed to have done” weasel word. Phew. I feel better.

  99. Chris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:39

    Ya know, Bush was so far up Prince Bandar’s ass, he had to part a curtain of polyps in order to see out. Where was the outrage at that?

    The list of people in Washington who’re owned by the Saudis would fill several books, but it’s especially strong among Republicans – oil industry ties being what they are, and all. Ironically, both clans rest on a support base of fundamentalist freaks who hold each other as the absolute Antichrist (or whatever the Muslim version is).

  100. Chris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:41

    Obligatory Orson Scott Card Has Always Been an Asshat.

    I love that post, never gets old. And fuck Orson Scott Card.

  101. Chris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:43

    A Conservative Disposition. That’s a short name for a big problem. A self centered focus on one’s own status, wealth and personal comfort. A willful blindness to the suffering of those people in the wrong group. A deliberate confusion of authority with morality. A level of yellow bellied toadying to superiors matched only by the haughty contempt of everyone not in a position to give them power or money. Refusal to recognize conflicts of interest. A convenient lack of curiosity about anything that might indicate that one’s current behavior is unsustainable, unethical or ill-advised.

    This is a keeper.

  102. DAS said,

    February 21, 2013 at 0:51

    “I deeply regret this and am very sorry for my behavior,” Domenici, 80, said in the statement. “However,” Domenici didn’t continue, “I did have quite a good time banging Ms. Laxalt and still sometimes wish I could have done it more often.”

    BTW, how much ya wanna bet the GOoPers are more upset about Cohen (single, IIRC) having a kid outside of marriage and not telling anyone than they are about Domenici?

  103. CRA said,

    February 21, 2013 at 1:03

    Next they will want to put it in ice cream, childrens ice cream. Think about it.

    Put WHAT in children’s ice cream? Islam?

  104. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 21, 2013 at 1:08

    Put WHAT in children’s ice cream? Islam?

    Cookie-dough ‘n’ Islam has always been the best flavor! ‘Specially when the chunks of Islam are all nice and gooey.

  105. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 1:09

    It’s already pretty bad if you have ice-cream made from children.

  106. El Manquécito said,

    February 21, 2013 at 1:24

    It’s already pretty bad if you have ice-cream made from children.

    But it’s better than ice cream with Cat Stevens in it.

  107. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 21, 2013 at 1:35

    Cat Ballou ice-cream would not be so bad…

  108. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 21, 2013 at 1:59

    Secret aaaaagent Jew…….

    Secret AIPAC man!

  109. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 2:38

    Reassuring! Two top candidates for teh papacy burnish their credentials by “Blam[ing] Gay Priests for the Church’s Sexual Abuse Scandals”.

    Cardinal Turkson is particularly creepy:

    African traditional systems kind of protect or have protected its population against this tendency [the homosexual scourge].

    I think he means “we killed the queers”.

  110. gocart mozart said,

    February 21, 2013 at 2:56

    Any truth to the rumor floating around the internet that “Ted Cruz is a card- carrying member of Club Al-Queda?”

  111. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:25

    I think he means “we killed the queers”.

    That is precisely what he means. He has spoken favorably of the “Kill the Gays” bill working its way though the Uganda parliament.

  112. Pupienus said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:29

    You know what else never gets old? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYymnxoQnf8

  113. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:34

    He has spoken favorably of the “Kill the Gays” bill working its way though the Uganda parliament.

    The natural successor to the Papenfuehrer is someone who approves of the pink-triangle-armband approach.

  114. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:47

    WE’RE #1!

    re: oregon is the best place to have sex

    it’s called the beaver state…duh

  115. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:48

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but this Friends of Hamas story is providing me no end of giggles.

    However, I would feel better if Sen. Cruz & Tweezers Shapiro would address the rumors that they engage in nightly goat raping forays.

  116. smut clyde said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:48

    Also, the Catholic Church… defending universal rights in the face of cultural relativism and Post-Modernism, except “Killing Gays is our tradition“.

  117. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:53

    “I deeply regret this and am very sorry for my behavior,” Domenici, 80, said in the statement. “I hope New Mexicans will view that my accomplishments for my beloved state outweight my personal transgression.” He asked that respect be shown to the mother and son, saying that only he “should bear the brunt of this matter.”

    Michelle Laxalt attributed the pregnancy to “one night’s mistake”

    nice…kid has to feel pretty good, eh?

  118. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:53

    also, too…who just couldn’t wait for me to get here to do my french model imitation?!?

  119. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 21, 2013 at 3:58

    also, too…who just couldn’t wait for me to get here to do my french model imitation?!?

    Well… that would be me.
    .

  120. Shakezula said,

    February 21, 2013 at 4:00

    Guess whom?

    “They’re apparently expanding to eight cities, including Detroit, Michigan. Detroit, Michigan is a large ex-pat community of Muslim-Americans and sleeper cells have been detected,” … “So if you’re trying to set yourself apart the Qatari petro-dollars are backing this, you’re still developing in this area where the sleeper cells have been detected.”

    So many questions, but we’re too busy wondering what sick fuck is taking advantage of a schizophrenic woman, to ask.

  121. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 4:12

    A Conservative Disposition.

    i read this as conservative dipshition…

  122. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 4:14

    Well… that would be me.

    bon jour, sir…i said bon jour!

  123. bbkf said,

    February 21, 2013 at 4:16

    Guess whom?

    wow, she resembles pammycakes a bit…scary, that…

  124. tigris said,

    February 21, 2013 at 4:18

    “So if you’re trying to set yourself apart the Qatari petro-dollars are backing this, you’re still developing in this area where the sleeper cells have been detected.”

    Are they notably worse than the Saudi petro dollars invested in Fox?

  125. Major Kong said,

    February 21, 2013 at 4:37

    also, too…who just couldn’t wait for me to get here to do my french model imitation?!?

    C’est bon!

  126. Friends of Ben Shapiro's Groove said,

    February 21, 2013 at 5:09

    We can attest that we do not exist.

  127. tensor said,

    February 21, 2013 at 5:14

    Republicans everywhere must be secretly disappointed with “One Night Stand Mistake” Pete. I mean, their child is ipso facto proof that Mr. Family Values Guy once had extramarital sex with an adult female of our species.

  128. Major Kong said,

    February 21, 2013 at 5:17

    I mean, their child is ipso facto proof that Mr. Family Values Guy once had extramarital sex with an adult female of our species.

    Pretty tame as Republican sex scandals go. No rent-boys, no airport bathroom, no farm animals, no wetsuits.

  129. And so the penis said,

    February 21, 2013 at 5:32

    Lisa Daftari

    Damn. You couldn’t credibly make this shit up.

    Some names are just too easy…

  130. bughunter said,

    February 21, 2013 at 5:32

    ^^Nymfail!

  131. bughunter said,

    February 21, 2013 at 6:01

    Demonstrating he’s a true wingnut, witness the perfect execution of It’s Always Projection by the GOP’s newest Rock Star, the Republican Barack Obama (aka the Most Radical President Evar):

    Washington has a long tradition of trying to hurl insults to silence those who they don’t like what they’re saying.

    “Washington”?

    No. That’s a conservative tradition, Ted.

    But please do go on, we’re making shadow puppets.

  132. Barry Convex said,

    February 21, 2013 at 7:17

    Spectacular Optical has what you want!

  133. tensor said,

    February 21, 2013 at 7:22

    Hagel was a conservative Republican, it’s weird totally fucking predictable that the ‘Baggers would be so willing hell-bent to destroy him anyone, everyone, anything and everything, including their own fool selves, even just to spite the Kenyan Usurper.

    Fluxed, fer grater teabaggery.

  134. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    February 21, 2013 at 9:23

    Gotta love all that hot dipshit-on-corpse Joe McCarthy lovin’ going on in the comments over there.
    Trying to appear more sane: YOU ARE DOING IT AS WRONG AS IT CAN BE DONE.

    Whoa … when I troll NRO, all my screeds of PURE LIBERAL EVIL now go straight into their threads with zero moderation-lag.

    I rather doubt it’s due to my warmth or charming repartee.

    Is America’s Shittiest Website losing its mojo?????
    Say it ain’t so!

  135. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 21, 2013 at 20:34

    If they are scared of Al-Jazeera be sure to tell them about the evil Al-Gebra that has infiltrated the high schools.

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