Feb
11

Consmarmative? Conswervative? Conpervative? Conslaxative?




Posted at 4:27 by HTML Mencken

Shorter Terry Jeffrey
Clownhall.com
“Karl Rove Is Not a Conservative”

  • During the George W. Bush administration, which was highly unpopular among Republicans, the government collected taxes, funded a Department of Education, and blew up Iraq in the name of democracy. Ergo, Karl Rove can’t be a conservative.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

246 Comments »

  1. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:32

    Will the Last Conservative please turn out the lights?

  2. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:34

    If the argument now is no conservative can be part of government, I look forward to the emptied-out House of Representatives.

  3. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:45

    Blort!

    He also tried to give his White House counsel, Harriet Miers, one of nine votes on the Supreme Court. She was not a legal scholar, but in 1988, at the age of 43, she had contributed to Al Gore’s presidential campaign.

    Yes. It wasn’t that she was pathetically unqualified for her role, it was that she gave money to FATALGORE.

    Note: If you go digging you can find Towel Boy Jefferey did not like Mier back in 2005 because she gave money to FATALGORE and because he wasn’t convinced she’d be a Scalia-Thomas Constitutionalist.

    I wonder how he feels about the guy who did get the post?

    BLORT!

  4. M. Bouffant said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:47

    emptied-out House of RepresentativesThey’ll leave the House intact, but hollow out every other part of gov’t. that isn’t “defense.”

  5. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:49

    Karl Rove lost an election for us. Therefore, he is not a conservative.

    There, fixed.

  6. tigris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:59

    Also, and let’s be honest about this, just like Al Gore and Michael Moore Karl Rove IS fat….

  7. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:00

    He also tried to give his White House counsel, Harriet Miers, one of nine votes on the Supreme Court. She was not a legal scholar

    In other news, Cheney denounces Obama’s ‘second-rate’ nominations.

  8. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:15

    Cheney denounces Obama’s ‘second-rate’ nominations.

    Was there ever anyone in that administration who rose to the level of second-rate? Or third-rate? Fifth? Anywhere in single digits?

  9. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:17

    Was there ever anyone in that administration who rose to the level of second-rate? Or third-rate? Fifth? Anywhere in single digits?

    Heckuva Arabian Horse, Brownie.
    .

  10. VCarlson said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:17

    In other news, Cheney denounces Obama’s ‘second-rate’ nominations.

    So it’s probably safe to guess that ol’ Darth is also against careless shotgun handling, is against torture, and is positively death on invading countries that have done us no harm, to name a few

  11. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:17

    oooh…this looks like it could be a good thread…however, we are going to watch american werewolf in london…scared the crap out of me back in the day…does it still have it?

  12. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:18

    the George W. Bush administration, which was highly unpopular among Republicans

    Except for all the Republicans who, you know, voted for him!

    Seriously, where are all the people who actually voted for Bush? Did they disappear like all the people who bought disco records did in 1980?

  13. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:19

    Yes. It wasn’t that she was pathetically unqualified for her role, it was that she gave money to FATALGORE.

    FATAL GORE! Sounds like a poorly-translated attack from a Japanese fighting game.

  14. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:22

    Except for all the Republicans who, you know, voted for him!

    I must have imagined all those pickup trucks with the creepy “W The President” bumper stickers back then.

  15. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:36

    I must have imagined all those pickup trucks with the creepy “W The President” bumper stickers back then.

    We still have ‘em, here.
    .

  16. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:38

    Thank each and every one of you for not saying a gaddamned word about some awards broadcast, of which I could not give less of a fuck.
    .

  17. "W" stickers salesman said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:40

    sniffle

  18. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:44

    some awards broadcast, of which I could not give less of a fuck.

    Did I miss the IgNobels again?

  19. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:45

    Did I miss the IgNobels again?</i?

    I'd have to watch that, if someone were to turn me onto the tube that had it.
    .

  20. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:46

    Well, frak.
    .

  21. parsec said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:47

    Another example of the dictum that conservatism cannot fail, but can only be failed.

  22. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:49

    Another example of the dictum that conservatism cannot fail, but can only be failed.

    For as terrified they are of the Bolsheviks to this day, they could not do a better job emulating their fuck-ups.

  23. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:53

    Thank each and every one of you for not saying a gaddamned word about some awards broadcast, of which I could not give less of a fuck.

    I only watch these for the cleavage.

  24. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:54

    I’m objectively pro-cleavage.

  25. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 5:54

    Do you cleave unto cleavage?

  26. tigris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:06

    Uh oh, the Major didn’t hear about CBS’s “Standard And Practice Wardrobe Advisory” email.

  27. Cleavage said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:06

    Hey buddy, quit looking at her eyes and check me out!

  28. tigris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:08

    “Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.”

    OH NO NOT FEMALE BREAST NIPPLES!!!

  29. "Puffy" Bare Skin said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:11

    Peek-a-boo!

  30. Alexander von Humbug said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:17

    I can see you. And I know what you do. ‘Cause I do it, too.

  31. Alexander von Humbug said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:18

    DON’T LOOK UNTIL I SIGNAL!

  32. VCarlson said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:20

    “Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.”

    Since only female bits are being objected to, would a guy showing up with a sheer shirt, or with shirt open down past the navel, or wearing a thong, be A-OK with them? I know I would not care to see certain persons dressed thus, but others might be worth watching a tiresome awards show for.

  33. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:25

    I’d really like to hear more about these civilizations that were toppled by the sight of Female Breast Nipples.

    Here’s my thinking. For gazillion of years mankind was able to coexist with visible FBNs.

    On many parts of the globe very nice people who have never dropped a bomb or polluted an ocean or destroyed a rainforest or rounded up lots of other people and murdered them in many inventive ways, or you know, been EVIL FUCKS, still go through the day with FBNs in plain sight.

    And even in the more evil fuck intensive parts of the planet gazillions of people get on a start on becoming doctors or ballerinas or even evil fucks by nursing, an activity that requires really close contact with a FBN.

    And yet, some how after the age of what? Two, FBNs become these scary things that can cause riots and mayhem. It’s fricking psychotic.

    NB: I may be biased because I am licensed to carry not one, but two of the dreaded FBNs. Fear me!

  34. VCarlson said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:31

    NB: I may be biased because I am licensed to carry not one, but two of the dreaded FBNs. Fear me!

    But that licensing comes with some onerous requirements, and getting more onerous every day, if certain Taliban-type guys (including guys who wear lace tablecloths to go with their Prada slippers) continue to have their way.

  35. tigris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:33

    would a guy showing up with a sheer shirt, or with shirt open down past the navel, or wearing a thong, be A-OK with them?

    Obviously male breast nipples are allowable but thong type costumes remain problematic. All buttocks and buttock cracks are RIGHT OUT.

  36. jim said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:35

    OH NO NOT FEMALE BREAST NIPPLES!!!

    GADZOOKS!!! Heaven forfend!

  37. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:48

    I am intrigued by the idea that there may be female nipples someplace other than the breasts.

  38. VCarlson said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:52

    I am intrigued by the idea that there may be female nipples someplace other than the breasts.

    (Doubtfully) A cow’s nipples are located on her udder, but that could get messy and awkward on stage.

  39. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 6:58

    For some reason this thread is reminding me of Wendy O Williams, of whom I have not spared a thought in many years.

    aaaand… I’ll be in my bunk.

  40. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 7:01

    Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic.

    Nuh uh!

  41. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 11, 2013 at 7:01

    Careful, N__B.
    ~

  42. Irion said,

    February 11, 2013 at 7:07

    “History teaches that revolutions are very dangerous things, more often destructive than benign and uncontrollable by their very nature,” he said. “Upending established order based on theory is far more likely to produce chaos than shining uplands.”

    Take the American one for example…

  43. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 7:09

    Take the American one for example…

    Ours was great. Just no more after that.

  44. Snorghagen said,

    February 11, 2013 at 8:02

    Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack.

    What’s the source of that quote? Is it in reference to Dick Cheney?

  45. John Revolta said,

    February 11, 2013 at 8:05

    Geez…………………maybe I should’ve been watching these shows after all.

    no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.”

    Or maybe not. Is that guy still popular?

  46. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 11, 2013 at 8:59

    Tonight, live in concert, Genital Region and the Female Breast Nipples!

  47. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:02

    It may be time to nipple this train of fraught in the breast bud. Can’t we move on to sidebrooding?

  48. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:05

    I just had to get off the boat for mangoes- I’m a sucker for GOP circular firing squad narratives. Here’s a nice, juicy mango:

    Karl Rove is not a Conservative but a Log Cabin Republican. The Conservative Victory Project takes it name from the Victory Fund which to elect leftist homosexuals and bisexuals to federal, state, and municipal government.

  49. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:07

    Revisionist history (remember all those right-wing e-mails you’d get from your wingnut relative or co-worker?):

    Karl Rove, the man who brought us such great candidates as Bob Dole, John McCain, and George Bush, the man most of us voted for while we were holding our noses.

    Fuck, I remember these assholes screaming that any questioning of the president was treasonous.

  50. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:35

    It wasn’t noses that they held so tight and close in those recent yet strangely distant times…

  51. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:41

    I am objectively pro Female Breast Nipples.

  52. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:42

    Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.”

    Must be a typo…

    Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic.

    WTF? No sideboob? What is the Huffpo going to do?

    It wasn’t noses that they held so tight and close in those recent yet strangely distant times…

    Not after the “Commander Codpiece” photo op, at any rate.

  53. mat said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:45

    Goodness gracious these crazies are jumping new sharks every day now. Normally it would be amusing, but these wackos have a lot of guns and not enough meds. Shudder.

  54. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    February 11, 2013 at 9:48

    (remember all those right-wing e-mails you’d get from your wingnut relative or co-worker?

    I’ve seen simpatico souls make such observations for many years, and must admit to being a Bubble Boy: no.

    No right-wing relatives or forced “friends,” co-workers or whatever. I don’t even know anyone who’s voted Republican in recent decades. All of my political stress is vicarious, thanks to the idiotic MSM and y’all.

  55. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 11, 2013 at 10:01

    Heckuva Arabian Horse, Brownie.

    Not to mention Doug “dumbest fucking guy on the planet” Feith.

    John fucking Bolton.

    Hans von Spakovsky

    David Safavian

    John Negroponte

    Yeah, ok, pretty much all of them, Katie.

  56. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 11, 2013 at 10:03

    …conservatism cannot fail, but can only be failed.

    Therefore anyone who fails cannot be conservative.

  57. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    February 11, 2013 at 10:16

    “Successful” liberals are figments of cryptozoological imagination.

  58. wen said,

    February 11, 2013 at 10:30

    I may be biased because I am licensed to carry not one, but two of the dreaded FBNs. Fear me!

    Are those ASSAULT nipples?

  59. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 10:46

    No right-wing relatives or forced “friends,” co-workers or whatever. I don’t even know anyone who’s voted Republican in recent decades. All of my political stress is vicarious, thanks to the idiotic MSM and y’all.

    I used to work with a guy who used to send out wingnut e-mails. I haven’t received one in a while. I imagine the 2012 election cycle broke what was left of his brain.

  60. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 10:51

    Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic
    Precisely what problems are involved?

    Obviously male breast nipples are allowable
    Just the lady tits

    I am intrigued by the idea that there may be female nipples someplace other than the breasts.
    SCIENCE.

  61. Shwell Thanksh said,

    February 11, 2013 at 10:58

    It is obvious that the entire purpose of these “Standards And Practice Wardrobe Advisory” is to protect the vulnerable chirdren who might be in the audience, especially the very youngest most vulnerable. Can you imagine the trauma that a one-year-old child, nay, a 6-month-old infant, might experience were they to be confronted unawares by the shocking site of Female Breast Nipples?!
    Why o why does the rest of the world seem to be so unconcerned with this prospect leaving only America(TM) to defend the morality of our youths?

  62. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 11:54

    Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic

    Belatedly reminded of a book I read 35-odd years ago on ‘The Making of Star Trek’ or such as, in which the author touched in passing on the clashes between the scriptwriters and the network. The scriptwriters (and the audience) wanted scenes involving distant, technologically-advanced alien societies where ladies tended to not wear clothes. The network bosses had a different agenda. The upper slopes of lady boobs were acceptable, it seemed, but the underside were strange and dangerous territory which could not be shown on TV.
    There was speculation on the reason for the taboo. “Perhaps they think moss grows there,” was one suggestion.

    I can’t be arsed going back into the corridors of memory to find out more about the book. It’s a long walk there and back.

  63. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 12:42

    Puzzled now. According to Dick Cheney, the posts of Defense Secretary and CIA head are so crucial to America’s security that it is an INSULT to nominate second-rate candidates to fill them. Yet over on the other side we have Lindsay Graham who evidently regards both positions as so unimportant that he doesn’t care if they go unfilled; he doesn’t have any issues with the competence of Hagel or Brennan, but is threatening to put holds on both nominations if he doesn’t get his way on an unrelated trawl for impeachment material vendetta.* Shirley they cannot both be right. Please advise.

    * Some might describe this use of the Senate’s confirmation process as “extortion” but I cannot possibly comment.

  64. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 12:44

    The scriptwriters (and the audience) wanted scenes involving distant, technologically-advanced alien societies where ladies tended to not wear clothes

    Now, that’s a future I can get behind!

  65. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 12:53

    Shirley they cannot both be right. Please advise.

    Welcome to the world of cognitive dissonance, old chum.

  66. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 13:47

    Ex Benedict.

  67. Henry Lewis said,

    February 11, 2013 at 14:14

    Not a conservative??

    Even if they want to take back his platinum membership in the bugfuck club, he should at least be allowed some kind of honorary status based on his towering cynicism and his ability to manipulate the zeitgeist to the point where, even now, as the repubs are bleeding votes, the crazies get a control over the political process that’s wholly disproportionate to their percentage of the population.

    They are nothing without the likes of Karl Rove.

  68. Anonymous said,

    February 11, 2013 at 14:30

    SCIENCE

    (“pseudomamma”)

    Wasn’t that a Ten Years After tune?

  69. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 14:42

    (“pseudomamma”)

    Wasn’t that a Ten Years After tune?

    Maybe, but “pseupseupseupseudomamma” was by Phil Collins.

  70. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 14:55

    N_B, please check your email. I’ve sent you some naked photos.*

    *note: I did not say of whom.
    SPOILER ALERT: It’s Smut.

  71. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 15:38

    Of course our Righteous Friends were holding their noses when they voted for Dubya. They were holding them so close to his anus all you needed was a sewing needle and a few inches of thread to create a human cephalopod.

  72. Alex said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:08

    “Big government conservatives, Barnes explained, “simply believe in using what would normally be seen as liberal means — activist government — for conservative ends. And they’re willing to spend more and increase the size of government in the process.”"

    As cerb would say: It’s always projection!

  73. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:11

    Naked Noisewater is, by definition, Smut.

  74. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:31

    I am intrigued by the idea that there may be female nipples someplace other than the breasts.

    Perhaps the nipples can slither off independently of the breasts.

  75. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:33

    no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure

    what the flip is puffy bare skin around the genital region?!?! this brings up unpleasant imagery…so, i guess i would agree with this one…

  76. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:33

    “February 11, 2013 at 16:11

    Naked Noisewater is, by definition, Smut.”

    THAT PICTURE OF ME SPREADING MY ASS CHEEKS IS VERY TASTEFUL.

  77. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:37

    His name, Terry Jeffrey, puts me in mind of the rag doll the neighbor’s dog insists on carrying in its mouth while going walkies. His writing puts me in mind of the doodies the dog deposits on those walkies.

  78. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:39

    what the flip is puffy bare skin around the genital region?

    In my experience it gets puffy when one blows on it.

  79. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:42

    what the flip is puffy bare skin around the genital region?!?

    I prefer gentler imagery…the genitalia went grazing in the woods.

  80. Pryme said,

    February 11, 2013 at 16:51

    That didn’t take long, did it?

    I mean: seriously? The Tea Party is what passes for “conservative” now, and if you’re not on that train then, “See ya later?” Sheesh.

    Meanwhile, Ron Paul is showing what a petty hypocrite he is.

  81. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 17:02

    I prefer gentler imagery…the genitalia went grazing in the woods.

    Again with the Vagina Dentata jokes.

  82. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 17:09

    the Vagina Dentata

    I don’t mind the Lion King but I hate that song.

  83. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 17:28

    THE CIRCLE OF KNIVES!!!

  84. LittlePig said,

    February 11, 2013 at 17:31

    Meanwhile, Ron Paul is showing what a petty hypocrite he is.

    I know, right? Between that and Benny turning in his two week’s notice, I’m expecting Cantor to announce he’s been a member of CPUSA the whole time…

  85. LittlePig said,

    February 11, 2013 at 17:32

    I remember someone calling the tradition of Hindu wives to immolate themselves in their husband’s bonfire The Circle of Wife.

  86. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:04

    I can’t be arsed going back into the corridors of memory to find out more about the book.

    No, your memory didn’t fail you, it was The Making of Star Trek written by Stephen Whitfield with help from Gene Roddenberry, and given a very difficult to remember title.

    And you also remembered the funniest part of the book… it’s pretty dry for anyone but a Star Trek fan. When I was 8 years old, I inhaled that book and then started over… I barely remember it, but it is certainly responsible for facts in my head that I can no longer attribute.

    Star Trek was racy for that era. Like if they showed Game of Thrones or Homeland on NBC today. In comparison, ST:TNG was disappointingly staid.

    I’m now waiting for Oglaf: The Movie.

  87. Chris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:09

    “History teaches that revolutions are very dangerous things, more often destructive than benign and uncontrollable by their very nature,” he said. “Upending established order based on theory is far more likely to produce chaos than shining uplands.”

    Yeah. That’s why you try to get ahead of them by addressing the problems that might otherwise lead to them – you know, civil rights preempting race wars, social-democratic reforms preempting communist revolutions, abolition preempting slave rebellions, etc.

    Oh, wait. That, and not revolution, is what you guys really have a problem with.

  88. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:11

    The NRO says…

    MSNBC on Pope’s Resignation: Will Church ‘Come Back Toward the Middle’?

    What liberal gay islamocommie said that?

    With news of Pope Benedict XVI stepping down still emerging, the Morning Joe panel was quick to politicize the resignation and his successor. “It’s going to be a watershed moment for the Catholic Church. Where do they go?” asked Mike Barnicle. “Do they go right? The pope took the church even more to the right. Or do they come back toward the middle with the American church in their minds?”

    I guess conservatives have to recruit from the ranks of True Scotsmen.

  89. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:15

    Bagoas sometimes doesn’t stay still when doing his doodies. Which causes me to sing “The Circle of POOP.”

  90. Chris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:15

    (remember all those right-wing e-mails you’d get from your wingnut relative or co-worker?

    One of the earliest moments of political awareness I remember having was when my grandmother told me that my relatives in Appalachia were praying for a Bush victory in 2000.

    Not hoping. Praying.

    Later, after Iraq, torture, warrantless wiretapping and Valerie Plame, I heard that the same grandmother had put an “Impeach Bush” sticker on her car, and that the patriarch of the same Appalachian family had threatened not to let his kids stay with her over break unless it was removed.

    Now, of course, it’s all “I had many disagreements with Bush.”

  91. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:17

    When will they announce the discovery of the bodies Benny buried under the Vatican.

  92. wiley said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:18

    Star Trek was racy for that era.

    Oh, so that’s why my uncle called it Star Sex

  93. Chris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:20

    Shirley they cannot both be right.

    Hadn’t considered that. Look, let’s compromise and blame Obama. And don’t call me Surely.

  94. tigris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:21

    I hate Mike Barnicle.

  95. Chris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:25

    “Big government conservatives, Barnes explained, “simply believe in using what would normally be seen as liberal means — activist government — for conservative ends. And they’re willing to spend more and increase the size of government in the process.””

    I love how they’re pretending that they’re all only now having this epiphany. Eight years of Reagan spending like a drunken sailor while cutting taxes and skyrocketing the deficit and they don’t notice. Eight years of Bush spending like a drunken sailor while cutting taxes and skyrocketing the deficit and they don’t notice. But after four years of Obama and two stinging electoral defeats, then they finally realize that they “weren’t true conservatives.”

    (Yeah, yeah, I know. They totally did realize it back then, and protest it! You know, retroactively).

  96. Chris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:31

    With news of Pope Benedict XVI stepping down still emerging, the Morning Joe panel was quick to politicize the resignation and his successor. “It’s going to be a watershed moment for the Catholic Church. Where do they go?” asked Mike Barnicle. “Do they go right? The pope took the church even more to the right. Or do they come back toward the middle with the American church in their minds?”

    Just a guess, but I would imagine that they’re going to pretty much give up on the secularized Catholic congregations in the West, double down on the right wing nutjobiness, and hope that the third world will still provide them with a solid base of believers who’ll support their Saudi-style social values. I’d like to hope that a shift towards the third world would mean they’d also start paying more attention to their own teachings on social justice (helping the poor, preventing exploitation, etc), but somehow I just doubt it.

  97. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:33

    At the risk of being hyperbolic, events like this illustrate how normal, nice people nod approvingly at some evil shit.

    Their desire to live vicariously through the Biggest Man on Campus is aided and abetted by a warped sense of loyalty and a slightly higher than average ability to elide memories that don’t fit with one’s self image.

    Thus: I am not a loser.
    I don’t associate with losers.
    A louder, scarier, more famous non-loser says X is a loser.
    Ergo, I never associated with X.

  98. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:41

    Another advantage is to give conservatism the “never been tried” label. It’s a never-reached paradise, like the withering away of the state.

  99. Gerald Fnord said,

    February 11, 2013 at 18:43

    Next: James Webb declares Rove “No true Scots-Irishman.”

  100. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 11, 2013 at 19:06

    I endorse Sarah Palin for pope. She’s no quitter.

  101. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 11, 2013 at 19:13

    Another advantage is to give conservatism the “never been tried” label.

    Libertarians, in my experience, are the ones who insist on that label. Whenever I point out to a libertarian that no society has ever existed that held strictly, or even loosely, to libertarian principles, he (it’s always a he) claims that this is central to his point.

  102. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 19:17

    Why is that supposed to be a winning argument?

    Really, try it in any other context and it fails, miserably.

    “If you’ve never tried gargling Drain-o, how can you be so closed minded about doing it?”

    “I don’t know why you are adverse to throwing your child out of the window, you’ve never tried it before so how do you know it is a bad thing?”

    “Sure, no one has ever had sex with me but -”

    Oh, I get it now.

  103. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 19:59

    my thoughts exactly…i mean, i’ve never tried to perform brain surgery, but i’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be good…

  104. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:00

    Super Sarah, the Power Pope?

  105. DAS said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:00

    Another advantage is to give conservatism the “never been tried” label. It’s a never-reached paradise, like the withering away of the state. – Substance McGravitas

    My dad’s mother’s family was conservative. Whenever I said anything not positive about conservatives, my parents were very careful to point out that today’s conservatives are not actually conservatives but reactionaries. Pace those who would point out the “No True Scotsman” issues with my parents’ point as well as Chesterton’s arguments about conservatives having to be reactionaries, my parents did have a point: today’s so-called conservatives are really, in their fundamental mind-set, communists.

    In fact, as Albert O. Hirschman points out in The Rhetoric of Reaction, Lenin himself was as much influenced by Italian conservatives such as Pareto and Mosca. So, even if today’s conservatives are hardly conservative in that they are (far from being anti-communist as may be adduced from their opposition to even the spectre of socialism) Leninist communists by nature (isn’t the libertarian ideal the same as Lenin’s claimed ideal?), communism itself (as implemented by Lenin) can be argued to be a movement of the right as much or more so than a movement on the left.

    So take that Jonah! If we’re fascists, then you guys get to be communists. And this argument HAS been made before with even more care (i.e. c.f. The Rhetoric of Reaction).

  106. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:01

    i’ve never tried to perform brain surgery

    I am disappoint.

  107. DAS said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:05

    Take the American one for example…

    A true conservative, like Samuel Johnson, would be against said revolution. Of course, OTOH, Johnson loved him some slave revolutions, and was not averse at all to any political violence as long as it involved slave-holding hypocrites getting wounded or driven off their (stolen) lands. I wonder how modern, American “conservatives” would feel about Johnson’s taste in revolutions.

  108. tigris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:06

    My attempt at rocket surgery went swimmingly. The resultant sogginess did present ignition issues, though.

  109. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:07

    FATAL GORE! Sounds like a poorly-translated attack from a Japanese fighting game.

    And “Fa Talgo Re” sounds like it could be a “Yo La Tengo” cover band. Or a not-particularly-appetizing food. Or perhaps a Skyrim shout.

  110. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:19

    I am disappoint.

    doesn’t mean i can’t try…why don’t you come over later?

  111. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:22

    With a little inventiveness, the right drugs, and a mirror you can perform brain surgery on yourself and the results are edcrfvtgbnyhn

  112. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:33

    ok. that was funny

  113. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:42

    I wonder how modern, American “conservatives” would feel about Johnson’s taste in revolutions.

    A long time ago, the National Lampoon did a parody of (I think) the New York Review of Books. I still remember, after all these years, the mock bio of one of the “contributors” (but not, sadly, his name):

    [Whoever] hates all wars unless they’re against Arabs, loves all revolutions except those that have actually happened, and is a fat douchebag.

    That’s stuck in my mind because it’s a perfect description of those who would go on to become “neocons.” (Except, in some cases, for the “fat” part.)

  114. Anonymous said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:42

    If we’re fascists, then you guys get to be communists.

    Why not? They’ve already turned “Better dead than Red” on it’s head.

  115. Sirius Lunacy said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:43

    For BBKF just in case N__B comes over later.

  116. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:44

    With a little inventiveness, the right drugs, and a mirror you can perform brain surgery on yourself and the results are edcrfvtgbnyhn

    I didn’t know Substance was a member of ITAG. Protip: there’s a newsletter you can subscribe to.

  117. DAS said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:47

    Why not? They’ve already turned “Better dead than Red” on it’s head.

    My dad, who grew up during the height of the red scare (and spent a lot of time with his aforementioned conservative grandparents), still cannot get over the use of “red” to identify Republican states.

  118. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 20:59

    The supposition here at ITAG has been that every advantage should be available to anyone choosing to retain and improve their mental functions through their life span and thus assure their fullest participation in this one certain life, for their own well being and for the well being of the entire world population.

    if that means persons could make better deisions, then i move that the dipshits who think more guns in more hands = good idea can have their damn guns if they undergo mandatory trepanning…

  119. jim, putting teh esprit in jeu d'esprit said,

    February 11, 2013 at 21:33

    Controversy swirls unabated around the newly proposed ban on extended clips for assault-model Female Breast Nipples.

  120. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 21:46

    That’s Seven Sisters whore house to you, buddy!

  121. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:02

    Whenever I point out to a libertarian that no society has ever existed that held strictly, or even loosely, to libertarian principles, he (it’s always a he) claims that this is central to his point.

    True socialism libertarianism cannot survive when surrounded by non-socialist non-libertarian enemies. This is why we must internationalise the message of Freedom before bringing it to fruition in one single place.

  122. Iris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:09

    Of course Karl Rove isn’t a conservative; he is, rather, one of the true blue voices of Appalachia, those Reagan Democrats who form the spine of true America. Unlike the oh-so-conservative Messiah in Thief, Obama, and his multiple minions and beloved frog chorus. These are the true conservatives, the kind who would put their boots on the faces of me and other true blue Hillary fans. The kind who will take their own boots and leave Obama’s Pity Party, and who will join Rove and fight for a true Reagan Democrat future. Will you join us, Sadly, O!? I suspect not. Shame.

  123. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:11

    With a little inventiveness, the right drugs, and a mirror you can perform brain surgery on yourself and the results are edcrfvtgbnyhn

    Candid photograph of Substance McG.

  124. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:12

    Ah, Denny in the last one, and now Iris. It really is like old times around here these days.

  125. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:14

    and especially those who fancy themselves the leading thinkers of our generation, such as the men and women who attend this filthy institution

    that made lol in much the same way as this:

    Messiah in Thief, Obama

  126. tigris said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:20

    I heard the Frog Chorus had croaked.

  127. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:27

    To me the Reagan Democrats were the guys who picked on any black man unlucky enough to land as an apprentice in their fucking union—pissing in his lunchbox, dropping tools near (or on) his feet, etc.—and then retired to a bar after work to grouse about those lazy black bucks on welfare.

  128. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:33

    Kind of surprised Wet Burrow is aware VC is co-ed.

  129. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 22:46

    ACTION ALERT!

    Everyone needs to hie thy arses on over to Pluto Rocks and vote for “Cerberus” as name for one of the two heretofore unnamed satellites of planet/quasi-planetary-object/cartoon-canine Pluto.

    Images taken by the Hubble Space Telescope in 2011 and 2012 revealed two previously unknown moons of Pluto. So far, we have been calling them “P4″ and “P5″, but the time has come to give them permanent names. If it were up to you, what would you choose?

    [Acheron | Alecto | Cerberus | Erebus | Eurydice | Hercules | Hypnos | Lethe | Obol | Orpheus | Persephone | Styx]

    Feel free to come back, but please do not vote more than once per day, just so everybody gets a fair chance to make their opinion known. We will take your votes and suggestions into consideration when we propose the names for P4 and P5 to the international astronomical community. Voting ends at noon EST on Monday, February 25th, 2013

    Whee! Vote early, vote often!

  130. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:03

    Something about the contents of this post makes WP **refuse** to post it. Third try, without tags:
    ~

    ACTION ALERT!

    The SETI Institute* is soliciting votes for the names of heretofore unnamed Chthonic sattelites P4 and P5, and guess who’s on the list!

    [Acheron | Alecto | **Cerberus** | Erebus | Eurydice | Hercules | Hypnos | Lethe | Obol | Orpheus | Persephone | Styx]

    http://www.plutorocks.com/home

    Click on the Link and vote for your favorite S,N correspondent!

    “Ground Rules: Feel free to come back, but please do not vote more than once per day, just so everybody gets a fair chance to make their opinion known. We will take your votes and suggestions into consideration when we propose the names for P4 and P5 to the international astronomical community. Voting ends at noon EST on Monday, February 25th, 2013.”

    Whee!

    Vote Early and Vote Often!

    (Also, too: FYWP.)

    * Why SETI Institute and not IAU I dunno…

  131. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:07

    I’ve tried three times to post and FYWP. Anyone else?

  132. WP said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:17

    No, FY!

  133. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:18

    What you want to fuck me too? I don’t think so.

  134. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:19

    OK, breaking it up to find the nasty, nasty word that breaks WP. Nth try, without tags… lost count after five or six:

    ACTION ALERT!

    The SETI Institute* is soliciting votes for the names of heretofore unnamed Chthonic sattelites P4 and P5, and guess who’s on the list!

  135. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:20

    I bet it’s the pipes…

    [Acheron | Alecto | **Cerberus** | Erebus | Eurydice | Hercules | Hypnos | Lethe | Obol | Orpheus | Persephone | Styx]

    http://www.plutorocks.com/home

  136. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:23

    http://www.plutorocks.com/home

  137. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:26

    Wow… it’s one of the candidate names that breaks WP.

    Cerberus is on the list.

    Go vote for her! Multiple times is permitted.

    I fucking give up trying to post something well-composed.

    FYWP, sideways, with an astronomical object.

  138. bughunter said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:29

    What you want to fuck me too?

    It depends…

    Are you under 100 kilos and not so disgusting that I can manage to eat a meal in your presence?

    I have low standards.

  139. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:41

    THAT PICTURE OF ME SPREADING MY ASS CHEEKS IS VERY TASTEFUL.

    You should have sent that one to Substance McGravitas.

  140. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:41

    Well under 100 keys and I’ve been told that I am not all disgusting to look at. My habits however might make you vomit to observe.

  141. WP said,

    February 11, 2013 at 23:57

    FYWP, sideways, with an astronomical object.

    Ooooh, baby! I like it when you talk dirty.

    Are you under 100 kilos and not so disgusting that I can manage to eat a meal in your presence?

    Hang on, let me get rid of my less savory denizens.

  142. tigris said,

    February 12, 2013 at 0:00

    Hang on, let me get rid of my less savory denizens.

    So you’re just keeping the more filling ones? Size-ist.

  143. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 12, 2013 at 0:06

    You should have sent that one to Substance McGravitas.

    All this time I thought I could win his heart by being witty and charming.

  144. tigris said,

    February 12, 2013 at 0:10

    All this time I thought I could win his heart by being witty and charming.

    And I thought I could do it via competitive synchronized haiku yodeling. Durnit.

  145. WP said,

    February 12, 2013 at 0:49

    Wanker ze Tanker!

    A spokesperson for Stockman’s office told DCist the congressman invited [Ted] Nugent “because he is a supporter of the Second Amendment and American values.”

    “We thought he would be a good representative,” spokesperson Donny Ferguson said.

  146. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:02

    “We thought he would be a good representative,” spokesperson Donny Ferguson said.

    Translation: We expect him to do or say something that will further erode the credibility of gun fetishists and the NRA.

  147. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:03

    Have y’all voted for Cerberus yet?

  148. g said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:05

    “We thought he would be a good representative,”

    Wow.

  149. g said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:08

    How does it work, being a Congresscritter’s guest at the SOTU? You don’t sit with the Congresscritter, do you? You sit up in the Gallery?

    Will the Nuge be sitting alone up there or will he be sitting with a group of the Congressman’s guests? Typically the cameras don’t go up there, they go only as far as the FLOTUS’s seating area.

    How is the Nuge going to vie for attention?

  150. Gerald Fnord said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:16

    I am intrigued by the idea that there may be female nipples someplace other than the breasts.

    I haven’t seen it, but evidently there was an episode of the television programme “House” in which a woman’s problem was precisely that she had a ‘knee-tit’ (exogenous active lactogenic tissue on the underside [?] of a knee) with no nipple.

  151. tigris said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:30

    “[Ted Nugent] is a supporter of … American values.”

    Like pooping oneself to dodge the draft? Serial pedophilia? Treason and president threatening?

  152. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:35

    I once dated a girl who had a superfluous nipple. It looked more like a mole, or maybe a dog’s nipple, located under her right breast, in the mossy underboob area.

    She said it was sensitive, too.

    I could tweak it but she wouldn’t let me suck on it.

  153. bbkf said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:42

    somewhere along the way, i saw pictures of a lady with a nipple on the bottom of her foot…i would think walking would be painful…much like being exposed to the nuge…

  154. DAS said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:48

    bughunter … do I have to be the one to post the required “pictures or it didn’t happen” response to your revelation?

    *

    How is the Nuge going to vie for attention? – g

    Occasionally they do reaction shots to see how the peanut gallery is responding to the POTUS’ speechifying. No doubt the Nuge will do something outrageously inappropriate (*).

    Like pooping oneself to dodge the draft? Serial pedophilia? Treason and president threatening? – tigris

    Are you implying those aren’t ‘Murkin values? You liberal, coastal elitist …

    * my wife has decided that “inappropriate” is an all purpose catch-word for, well, things that are inappropriate. It works wonders: if your kid decides to test you out by repeating the latest curse-word she’s heard from the big kids on her bus (well, when we had busses prior to the current bus strike), rather than telling her it’s wrong, you say it’s “inappropriate”. That way when she wakes up in the middle of the night and catches you watching Deadwood on DVD, you don’t get to hear from her how wrong their language is — because at midnight, when it is not appropriate for a kid to be up, it is situationally appropriate for curse words to be playing on the DVD player. Such is the moral relativism with which we urbane, liberal types raise our kids …

    … but it still comes back at you. My daughter was commenting about how an older boy is always picking her up and how “inappropriate” his behavior is. So my wife says “well, tell him not to pick you up”. To which my daughter responded: “but I LIKE it when he picks me up”. Her teenage years are gonna be fun …

  155. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 12, 2013 at 1:56

    Isn’t Nugent supposed to be dead or in jail?

  156. Anonymous said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:04

    Dead or in Jail

  157. DAS said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:05

    Isn’t Nugent supposed to be dead or in jail? – Bitter Scribe

    I’m sure he’ll figure the SOTU will be his chance to get himself dead or in jail. Or maybe not. Someone who pooped himself to dodge the draft will go to great lengths to keep himself alive and out of jail. So no doubt just not keeping his word on being dead or in jail is much easier than all the things the Nuge has done in the past to keep himself alive and out of jail.

  158. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:18

    You should have sent that one to Substance McGravitas.

    All this time I thought I could win his heart by being witty and charming.

    And I thought I could do it via competitive synchronized haiku yodeling. Durnit.

    Sillies, the way to that man’s heart is through animated gifs, or “Wide Open Ass” pictures, IYKWIMAITTYD. Don’t make me link! Ah, who am I fooling? I haven’t got the intestinal fortitude to link to that post.

  159. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:20

    I could tweak it but she wouldn’t let me suck on it.

    Well, yeah, you’re not the devil.

  160. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:26

    somewhere along the way, i saw pictures of a lady with a nipple on the bottom of her foot

    Although usually presenting on the milk line, pseudomamma can appear as far away as the foot.

    do I have to be the one to post the required “pictures or it didn’t happen” response to your revelation?

    Sorry, DAS. Some things I regret not photographing.

    Here, you can refer to this [NSFW!!!] instead.

    Also, too, this [kinda NSFW?] for bbkf.

  161. Just Alison, who can't be buggered thinking of something clever to write said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:32

    Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure

    Has no one mentioned the pubic hair? Oh, the shame, oh, the ignominy, if the pubic hair were to go public.

  162. Pupienus said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:34

    lady with a nipple on the bottom of her foot

    Well that gives “toe cheese” a whole ‘nother meaning.

  163. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:34

    There is no more pubic hair in Hollywood.

    At least not any that isn’t affixed to muslin strips with beeswax.

  164. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 2:48

    Jeezus. If we have to push peak wingnut any higher, it’ll be geostationary.

    From ground zero of Obama era conspiracy theories comes the conspiracy theory to top them all: that CIA nominee John Brennan is himself a Muslim.

    Yes, it’s as fucking looney as you expect.

  165. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:00

    Will the Last Conservative please turn out the lights?

    Are you kidding me??? They’ll flip every switch on the way out of the house…I know, it was rhetorical…

  166. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:05

    Jeezus. If we have to push peak wingnut any higher, it’ll be geostationary.

    Peak Wingnut and associated concepts have moved their office’s to the wsingularity at the center of the galaxy. they will never be seen, only the gamma rays from the winghole and jets of gas will prove that they exist…

  167. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:08

    Thanks pup. And to think that the concept of toe cheese could have remained outside my ken for life as well as ancillary foot nipples.

    I guess it’s time for din din.

  168. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:13

    After reading bughunter and Allison (who can’t be bothered) It really is time for dinner, before I do any research into hair (pubic or public/ or god forbid, both)… Not sure I need hamburger flying out of my nose.

    brb

  169. Just Alison, also licensed to carry two nipples, albeit non-incediary ones said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:14

    Shakezula said,
    February 11, 2013 at 15:38

    Of course our Righteous Friends were holding their noses when they voted for Dubya. They were holding them so close to his anus all you needed was a sewing needle and a few inches of thread to create a human cephalopod.

    Yes indeedy. Funny how the world has changed in retrospect, ain’t it?Quite Orwellian: “we have always hated Karl Rove. And George Bush. And whomever else is the enemy du jour”.

  170. bbkf said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:18

    oh jaysus flipping christ…just saw this on fb:

    SHARE THIS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.

    Micro Chip Implant Coming March 23, 2013
    The New Health Care (Obama care) law H.R. 3590 Also HR 4872 requires all US citizens to have the RIFD implanted

    This evil plan is being launched by America. its a micro chip injected in your hand. it will contain all your personal data heath and bank accounts etc. its also a GPS device being monitored. they can deactivate it at any time if they find you suspicious or not loyal to their government or go against them or their system and you will lose everything you ever had. soon this device will be made common just like they did credit cards, turning paper money into digital money. means nothing is physically in your hand. it will be made a must for every citizen with time according to their plan and then they will spread it outside America so they can monitor and control as many people as they can and turn them into slaves with their digital technologies.

    this device is the future or slavery

    BEWARE of this EVIL DEVICE. if you don’t believe me do your own research before you come to argue or debate.

    warn more people create this awareness do more research on your own and save yourself from this NEW DEVILRY.READ THE OBAMACARE BILL then google a class 2 medical device. Then say to yourself this is not going to happen,

    i weep for humankind…

  171. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:21

    “we have always hated Karl Rove. And George Bush. And whomever else is the enemy du jour”.

    And that torrent of semi-coherent yet credible death threats against the Dixie Chicks were all from liberal infiltrators trying to make conservatives look bad.

  172. Matt said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:23

    OH NO NOT FEMALE BREAST NIPPLES!!!

    So CBS is only worried about “female breast nipples”. What about SHITTING DICK NIPPLES? (for the love of Dog, don’t Google that)

  173. tigris said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:30

    Then say to yourself this is not going to happen

    I’m just going to skip straight to this.

  174. N__B said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:31

    The way to a man’s heart is with a rib spreader. Or, for fans of Randolph Mantooth, a porta-power.

  175. Smut Clyde said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:31

    the way to that man’s heart is through [...] “Wide Open Ass
    Certainly one way, but far from the most direct.

    a lady with a nipple on the bottom of her foot
    And now for something completely different!

    SHARE THIS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.
    I MUST SHARE BUT OBAMACHIP IS CONTROLLING MY PC

  176. Smut Clyde said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:32

    Damn those fast-typing polar-bear paws.

  177. N__B said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:35

    The flu has focused my attention on this little glowing screen…

  178. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:36

    I just had a POOP that made me feel like I’d slept for 12 hours.
    .

  179. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:44

    I’m just going to skip straight to this.

    And I am glad that the burger and fries are safely past the duodenum. Also, too, I will be following this sage advice.

    :)
    ….

    /Thanks for the grin

  180. Provider_UNE_AndBowelMovementsToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:45

    Jeffraham!!!

    /wagging finger.

  181. bbkf said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:48

    I just had a POOP that made me feel like I’d slept for 12 hours.

    pics or it didn’t happen!
    .
    .
    .
    .
    …oh…wait…

  182. bbkf said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:49

    The flu has focused my attention on this little glowing screen…

    so now we’re having flu gin?

  183. bbkf said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:51

    hubbkf is now enchanted with soft core french porn…is this just a phase? should i be worried? or should i reap the benefits?

    house of pleasure is really pretty good, btw…

  184. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    February 12, 2013 at 3:56

    How could a thread about boobs at the Grammy’s miss this picture of Ellen doing a double take at Katy Perry’s boob-tastic dress? I am shocked and appalled at all of you.

    Also, Pluto’s moon should be called Yuggoth. End of story.

  185. Provider_UNE_AndBowelMovementsToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:01

    That way when she wakes up in the middle of the night and catches you watching Deadwood on DVD,…

    DAS, have I mentioned how much I love your mind?!?!?!?

    To which my daughter responded: “but I LIKE it when he picks me up”. Her teenage years are gonna be fun.

    You may be in a spot of trouble, but I am sure that you are raising a sharp kid and have instilled a sense of critical thinking and awareness of boundaries. You may, however wish to take a visit to the nearsedt six flags, Coney, or King’s Islands and prepare yourself by taking a few roller coaster rides…

  186. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:04

    Soft core french porn is a gateway drug. Before he knows it, petite breasts and fleeting glimpses of pubic hair won’t be enough. He’ll need full frontal Italian prime time pornography, then Swedish ethnographic schlick flicks, Czech silicone-enhanced lesbian cunnilingographies, American megaphallic anal gonzo, hardcore Russian teen gangbang epics, and eventually German scat bondage.

    My recommendation is to just short circuit the entire slippery slope… tie him up and sit on his face.

  187. Provider_UNE_AndBowelMovementsToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:05

    …or should i reap the benefits?

    I’m looking really hard at the third door, bbkf. Reap away sister!!!

    We can catch back up in an minutehour or two…
    ;)

  188. Provider_UNE_AndBowelMovementsToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:06

    gagfail™ is my new trademark.

  189. Provider_UNE_AndBowelMovementsToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:08

    My recommendation is to just short circuit the entire slippery slope…

    There was a reason I missed this place, I just couldn’t quite put my finger on why…
    :)

  190. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:10

    Pitchers and Catchers should be hitting spring training soon!!!!

    WoooooooToTheFuckingHooooooooooo!!!

  191. bbkf said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:11

    Soft core french porn is a gateway drug. Before he knows it, petite breasts and fleeting glimpses of pubic hair won’t be enough

    well, he’s already moved on to ‘anatomy of hell’ which is…failry hard core…i need to go find some rope…

  192. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:24

    well, he’s already moved on to ‘anatomy of hell’ which is…failry hard core…i need to go find some rope…

    I recommend the Brows Held High episode about that movie.

  193. N__B said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:27

    Soft core french porn

    Come with me to the casbah, we will make beautiful music together…

  194. Smut Clyde said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:28

    short circuit the entire slippery slope

    Electricity and personal lubricants are a bad combination.

  195. Smut Clyde said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:33

    Also, Pluto’s moon should be called Yuggoth. End of story.

    These are two additional moons. Yuggoth and Mi-Go, then.

  196. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 12, 2013 at 4:59

    My glutes got a workout, today.

    See, to scrub the collection tubes (which are at the top of the clarifier; 16′ long, 18″ wide PVC pipes with 3/4″ holes drilled into the top of them every 6″), one must stand atop the clarifying tubes, which are an array of thin, paper-like membranes inside a frame that is made of aluminum… about the thickness of your average beer can. So, you can’t stand directly on this array, no — you’d crush the fucking stuff. No, you use something like snowshoes to walk on this — pieces of plywood, to distribute the weight.

    Dragging/scooting these pieces of plywood with a leg, boot-tip or broom handle is pretty exhausting.
    .

  197. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:04

    … for an old, fat guy, anyway.
    .

  198. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:12

    Spear, I made it to tampon tea…I know he had to go there, I just chose not to stay.

    Thanks for the link BTW.

  199. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:14

    YOG_SOTHOTH!

  200. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:16

    The boss said, “Tell him to try the weld IF he thinks there’s enough material there to make it last 14.5 years.”

    “What happens in 14.5 years, boss?”

    “I retire.”
    .

  201. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:16

    Dragging/scooting these pieces of plywood with a leg, boot-tip or broom handle is pretty exhausting.

    I am glad this is not a daily part of your job, but your ham’s will be happy with the help.
    :)
    .

  202. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:23

    I am glad this is not a daily part of your job, but your ham’s will be happy with the help.

    If I had known that desk jobs were going to be impossible for me to get in 2012, I might have started taking better care of myself in 1980.
    .

  203. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:41

    Guess who’s a deadbeat dad again.

  204. tigris said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:57

    Job creator Joe Walsh has gone Galt. Will anyone notice that he’s removed his productivity? Besides his ex-wife and child, I mean.

  205. Confused Catholic said,

    February 12, 2013 at 6:31

    Who’d a thought the pope had a retirement plan?

    ..and who did he submit his resignation letter to?

  206. Jennifer said,

    February 12, 2013 at 7:27

    Extra nipples

  207. John Revolta said,

    February 12, 2013 at 7:47

    Speaking of which, where the hell are Katy Perry’s nipples? Inquiring minds want to know.

  208. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 8:31

    where the hell are Katy Perry’s nipples?

    Apparently she does have them [NSFW, technically], they’re just not particularly prominent…

    Her cameltoe, on the other hand: memorable.

    (This may be the “puffy bare skin around the genital region” that CBS prudes wished to spare us.)

  209. tensor said,

    February 12, 2013 at 10:11

    Like pooping oneself to dodge the draft? Serial pedophilia? Treason and president threatening?

    Like turning himself into a perfect piece of skeet for Sadlies to shoot:

    Nugent recently became “an exclusive WND columnist,” and told Media Matters that he was attracted to the website’s audience of “bold, straight truth-logic celebrants with whom I share honest American common sense.”

    We wish birther loons, Rapture-ready Xianists, and one-world-government yahoos were the only ones:

    Despite Nugent’s history of making inflammatory comments, often in the context of race, he has been treated by mainstream media as a credible source of information in the gun policy debate.

  210. Major Kong said,

    February 12, 2013 at 10:22

    where the hell are Katy Perry’s nipples?

    I volunteer to lead to the expedition to find them.

  211. VCarlson said,

    February 12, 2013 at 10:29

    I dunno. In what sane universe are “Ted Nugent” and “credible source” of any information in the same sentence without a resounding negative?

    I know, I know. WingnutWorld is its own universe, and standards of sanity and logic do not apply.

  212. VCarlson said,

    February 12, 2013 at 10:56

    where the hell are Katy Perry’s nipples?

    Apparently she does have them [NSFW, technically], they’re just not particularly prominent…

    Oh, my. That poor woman looks as though her boobs were installed by someone who thinks Frank Miller draws from life.

  213. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 12, 2013 at 11:12

    I remember someone calling the tradition of Hindu wives to immolate themselves in their husband’s bonfire The Circle of Wife.

    Was it Barbara Walters?

  214. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 12, 2013 at 12:29

    Oh, my. That poor woman looks as though her boobs were installed by someone who thinks Frank Miller draws from life.

    You mean Frank Miller of Charlie Brown fame?

  215. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 12, 2013 at 13:53

    What’s weird is that Katy Perry’s are real. She is like an old-fashioned pinup girl.

  216. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 12, 2013 at 14:29

    Hey, what up?

    I heard that there were Female Breast Nipples and I had to go check it out.

    PS. Is it true that Benny’s stepping down in preparation for Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate? Looking forward to hunting some Deviljho with Josef Ratzinger.

  217. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 12, 2013 at 14:34

    What’s weird is that Katy Perry’s are real. She is like an old-fashioned pinup girl.

    The funniest description I ever read of her was that she was a “trashy version of Zooey Deschanel”.

    PS. Is it true that Benny’s stepping down in preparation for Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate? Looking forward to hunting some Deviljho with Josef Ratzinger.

    I heard he was joining the cast of “Glee”.

  218. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 12, 2013 at 14:43

    wev. Dude is going to have the best business cards.

    Joe Ratzinger, Pope(retired)

  219. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 12, 2013 at 14:45

    Joe Ratzinger, Pope(retired)

    I think his buddies will call him, Smoking Joe. Now, will a retired Pope be called “Your Ex Holiness”?

  220. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 12, 2013 at 14:53

    Ex Benedict?

  221. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 12, 2013 at 15:05

    Lemme start teh ball rolling.

    Robert Silverburg for Pope.

  222. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 12, 2013 at 15:06

    The funniest description I ever read of her was that she was a “trashy version of Zooey Deschanel”.

    That *is* funny, though I don’t her particularly trashy. I looooooooooooooathed Katy Perry’s first hit, but have enjoyed some of her pop confections since. She kinda won me over when I saw her fairytale-themed vid for “Wide Awake.” It’s so me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0BWlvnBmIE

  223. Shakezula said,

    February 12, 2013 at 16:10

    Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 12, 2013 at 14:53

    Ex Benedict?

    [Love]

  224. tigris said,

    February 12, 2013 at 16:33

    PS. Is it true that Benny’s stepping down in preparation for Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate? Looking forward to hunting some Deviljho with Josef Ratzinger.

    I heard he was joining the cast of “Glee”.

    I read he’s going to coach football for Penn State, and I read it on the internet so it must be true.

  225. french model said,

    February 12, 2013 at 16:48

    I read it on the internet so it must be true.
    bon jour!

  226. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 12, 2013 at 16:50

    French model, I love your work.

  227. bbkf said,

    February 12, 2013 at 17:01

    o my…abc news has revealed that teh pope had a secret pacemaker for years…isn’t that like lying? and what does that say?

  228. Pupienus said,

    February 12, 2013 at 17:04

    Pitchers and Catchers should be hitting spring training soon!!!!

    The porn motif has hit this thread pretty hard.

  229. bughunter said,

    February 12, 2013 at 17:07

    I looooooooooooooathed Katy Perry’s first hit, but have enjoyed some of her pop confections since.

    Me too, also. I nearly sprained a muscle rolling my eyes the first time I heard it and was glad it didn’t last long. But I thought California Girls was a brilliant bit of pop – perfectly engineered audio candy.

    Music is like food. Some music is like steak, some like a potluck casserole, some like fine haute cuisine, and some is like junk food. There’s good and bad examples of each…

    And Katy Perry is like Skittles.

    Sexy skittles with crazy eyes and hawt bewbs.

  230. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 12, 2013 at 17:11

    I HATE “California Girls.” But am 1000% behind the rest of your post.

  231. Shakezula said,

    February 12, 2013 at 17:11

    bbfk, I think it says “You leave him alone, he’s got a weak chest!”

    Because only a heartless monster would bother a sick old man with questions about aiding and abetting pedophiles, don’tcherknow.

  232. Austin Loomis said,

    February 12, 2013 at 17:13

    So, bughunter, where on the slope does Futanari Village fall? (Link is NSFW, may be NSF the neurotypical brain.)

  233. VCarlson said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:06

    You mean Frank Miller of Charlie Brown fame?

    Probably. Frank Miller, the subject of this Styrofoam Tits post at Making Light.  it’s so old, the triggering illo link has gone bye-bye. 

    When searching for that post, I learned a new thing. I used “squeaking boobs” for my search in the search machine, having a vague memory of squeaking being mentioned in the post, and discovered that implants squeak enough IRL to come up on that search. I feel very sorry for the girls of today, getting bombarded with the unreal as the ideal. 

    Also, my apologies to Ms. Perry, if those are indeed real, for assuming her boobs are the result of Art, not Nature. I’m still kinda sorry for her – they look very uncomfortable. I’ve never heard her sing – I’ve avoided “Idol” and its kin on principle. I saw one of the early eps in an arc once, realized they were choosing bad singers too, to laugh at, and didn’t like the cruelty. 

  234. Anonymous said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:20

    and SLEEP(15)–

  235. Anonymous said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:20

    “);SELECT+SLEEP(15)/*

  236. Anonymous said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:20

    );BEGIN+DBMS_LOCK.SLEEP(15);END;–

  237. Anonymous said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:21

    “;waitfor delay’0:0:15′–

  238. VCarlson said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:32

    Lemme start teh ball rolling.

    Robert Silverburg for Pope.

    Wonder if he’s still nominating himself. He’d certainly be an impressive looking Pope, and I think he has the ego for it. The Roman Catholics could do a lot worse (and have – the Vatican, not so much). Too bad they’d never go for it, him not even being a Christian and all; though, by their actions, I’d say most in the halls of religious power aren’t either.

  239. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:33

    Hah! Anonymous SQL injection fail. Wotta maroon.

    Also:

    Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 12, 2013 at 15:05 (kill)

    Lemme start teh ball rolling.

    Robert Silverburg for Pope.

    I think we should start a rumor that somebody figured out that you don’t have to be catholic to be pope (due to some fake ancient illuminati text or some shit), and then get a bunch of wingnuts fighting about which current dumbass evangelical should be the new pope. Maybe we can get AIPAC in on it too — Joe Lieberman for pope!

  240. VCarlson said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:42

    Joe Lieberman for pope!

    Think he’d try to use the Vatican as a base for nukes? They certainly have the resources to buy a few.

  241. tigris said,

    February 12, 2013 at 19:51

    Madonna could be pope, she’s already got the holy-sounding name and sparkly wardrobe.

  242. VCarlson said,

    February 12, 2013 at 20:05

    Madonna could be pope, she’s already got the holy-sounding name and sparkly wardrobe.

    She’d lose in the morals department. She has too many. Also, she’s an uppity female.

  243. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 12, 2013 at 20:19

    FYI: Our hosts have bestowed a new thread upon us…

  244. Anonymous said,

    February 12, 2013 at 20:33

    );BEGIN+INEPT_ATTEMPTS_AT_SQL_INJECTION(15);END;–

  245. Smut Clyde said,

    February 12, 2013 at 21:26

    Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
    Ex Benedict?

    AHEM.

  246. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 12, 2013 at 22:39

    Dammit Bimler. Leave some easy ones for teh rest of us.

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