Feb
9

The Tedium Is The Message




Posted at 2:42 by HTML Mencken


Above: Masterbaitor of marketing, left, consults with human-weasel hybrid.

Shorter DoughBob Splodepantz
Gnashunall Review
“Two Cheers for Rebranding “

  • Minorities and the poor can surely be duped into voting Republican if our same crap policies are pitched by wealthy men with friendly brown or beige faces.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

190 Comments »

  1. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 9, 2013 at 2:48

    FRIST! I WINZ!
    .

  2. mextremist said,

    February 9, 2013 at 2:50

    It’s troo! Us browns and poors just need the right spokesman to sell us our own doom.

  3. paleotectonics said,

    February 9, 2013 at 2:51

    flirts

  4. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    February 9, 2013 at 2:52

    Minorities and the poor can surely be duped into voting Republican if our same crap policies are pitched by wealthy men with friendly brown or beige faces.

    I think this all comes down to puzzlement over why the nonwhite poor aren’t as gullible as the white poor. Must be the choice of message – racist horseshit about Cadillac-driving welfare queens doesn’t sell to the nonwhite folks.

  5. paleotectonics said,

    February 9, 2013 at 2:52

    Poopy.

    Loadbob’s into necrophilia? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  6. paleotectonics said,

    February 9, 2013 at 2:54

    Minorities and the poor can surely be duped into voting Republican if our same crap policies are pitched by wealthy men with friendly brown or beige faces.

    Nein nein nein!

  7. paleotectonics said,

    February 9, 2013 at 2:56

    Sorry, not necrophilia. Christian side-hug.

    Warning – link will hurt your stuff.

  8. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 9, 2013 at 3:04

    Cantor argued for utterly reasonable conservative solutions that would improve the plight of the working poor and the middle class.

    Goldberg never goes on to say what those solutions actually are. Must have been space constraints or something.

  9. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 9, 2013 at 3:22

    OK, because I have no life, I looked up Cantor’s speech to the American Enterprise Institute, which he modestly called “Making Life Work.” This is Cantor’s (and Goldberg’s) idea of an “utterly reasonable conservative solution that would improve the plight of the working poor and the middle class”:

    A working mom could work overtime this month and use it as time off next month without having to worry about whether she’ll be able to take home enough money to pay the rent.

    Yes, a working mom who doesn’t get to spend enough time with her kids gets to work overtime and spend even less time with them so that someday, she will get to spend a little more time with them!

    How and why do these motherfuckers keep getting listened to and taken seriously?

  10. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 9, 2013 at 3:33

    Goldberg never goes on to say what those solutions actually are. Must have been space constraints or something.

    Or… fahrrrrt.
    .

  11. tensor said,

    February 9, 2013 at 4:28

    “Goldberg never goes on to say what those solutions actually are.”

    Never before has Loadberg made an argument in such detail, or with such care.

  12. Snorghagen said,

    February 9, 2013 at 5:56

    Cantor argued for utterly reasonable conservative solutions that would improve the plight of the working poor and the middle class.

    The Republicans are experts at improving plights. Those guys know how to make the biggest, strongest, and most all-encompassing plights of all.

  13. paleotectonics said,

    February 9, 2013 at 6:06

    utterly reasonable conservative solutions

    Hmmm. Words in a row. Could be an acronym – URCS, no, no, that’s not it. Umm, jumble maybe? I. H.A.V.E.N.E.V.E.R.M.A.D.E.A.N.A.R.G.U.M.E.N.T.W.I.T.H. out of letters. This makes no sense!

    I need an Enigma machine, stat!

  14. Butch Pansy said,

    February 9, 2013 at 6:24

    Yeah, wage-slave jobs allow lots of overtime and flexible time off. These dags have never worked a regular, clock-punching job in their lives.

  15. A mayor said,

    February 9, 2013 at 6:36

    Shhhh, don’t tell.

  16. tigris said,

    February 9, 2013 at 6:42

    Two Cheers for Rebranding

    Oh no, that’s not a shit sandwich, it’s a croque merdeux.

  17. tigris said,

    February 9, 2013 at 6:46

    And NO SMUT YOU MAY NOT.

  18. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 9, 2013 at 6:52

    It’s all good stuff from a great field. Indeed, while calling them the “fantastic four” might seem hyperbolic — and unfair to a few other politicians left out of the mix — Rubio, Ryan, Jindal, and Cantor are a pretty good counterargument to those who think the Republican party is doomed

    shit sandwich.
    ~

  19. Henry Lewis said,

    February 9, 2013 at 7:03

    Merdeux? Prolly one a them fancy cheeses. Worth a try.

  20. mr. mike said,

    February 9, 2013 at 7:06

    “It’s all good stuff from a great field. Indeed, while calling them the “fantastic four” might seem hyperbolic — and unfair to a few other politicians left out of the mix — Rubio, Ryan, Jindal, and Cantor are a pretty good…..shit sandwich.
    ~”
    - ifthethunderdontgetya

    Fascism goes multicultural?

  21. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 9, 2013 at 7:23

    Eddie Haskell and the Three Tokens
    ~

  22. gorram said,

    February 9, 2013 at 8:13

    I don’t want to get off the boat, but does he seriously pitch Rubio, Ryan, Jindal, and Cantor as the brown and beige faces to convince us of the GOP’s worth?

    Jindal’s the only one who would probably point blank say he wasn’t White. The rest of the country might be quick to think of Rubio as something other than White, but keep in mind that’s not how most Cubans think of themselves (and a good number of latin@s from other countries think of them as well).

    Besides, he rings pretty much like an appropriating White GOP hack – he’s not one but two generations removed from being undocumented, but that hasn’t stopped him from talking about his parents as political refugees (when, well, they weren’t).

    Other than those two, we’ve got a White guy from a wealthy family that literally owned the town he grew up in and Cantor, the fascist right’s second favorite Jew (after Bibilicious). Ah, such a deviation from their usual racial politics and presentation!

  23. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 9, 2013 at 8:43

    Could be an acronym – URCS, no, no, that’s not it.

    Weren’t Urcs the guys who tried to kill the hobbits?

  24. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 9, 2013 at 8:44

    The GOP: Always re-branding, never re-thinking.

  25. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    February 9, 2013 at 9:36

    Being liberal sucks in some aspects: teh tyranny forces me to love certain comments from approved SN denizens which I’d otherwise shun and abhor.

  26. Not quite... said,

    February 9, 2013 at 15:11

    no, the Urcs were the guys who tried to kill the Hubbits.

  27. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 9, 2013 at 16:12

    no, the Urcs were the guys who tried to kill the Hubbits.

    Derek St. Hubbits?
    .

  28. Shoelimpy said,

    February 9, 2013 at 16:24

    I’m Shoelimpy. hey. librerals here don’t make any sense, annie does.

  29. Pupienus said,

    February 9, 2013 at 17:14

    Cantor argued for utterly reasonable conservative solutions that would improve the plight of the working poor and the middle class.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  30. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 9, 2013 at 18:15

    Keep fucking that chicken, doughbob.

  31. Henry Lewis said,

    February 9, 2013 at 18:31

    Because giving poorly-considered advice is the most important thing a congressperson can do for the working poor. Fixing the multi-billion dollar problem of unpaid overtime theft, not so much.

  32. Pupienus said,

    February 9, 2013 at 18:42

    I can’t stop laughing. Every time I read “utterly reasonable conservative solutions” I can’t help but laugh. I mean c’mon, “utterly reasonable” by itself is LOL worthy but when prepended to “conservative solutions” (Help me Godwin, please help me not say it) the whole phrase becomes a spectacular train wreck of big-c conservatism jingoist memery.

    UTTERLY REASONABLE CONSERVATIVE SOLUTIONS
    UTTERLY REASONABLE CONSERVATIVE SOLUTIONS

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  33. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 9, 2013 at 18:47

    The conservative solution to Social Security is to end it. Reasonable!

  34. Pupienus said,

    February 9, 2013 at 19:04

    Utterly!

  35. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 9, 2013 at 19:34

    Ice floes for grandma are reasonable.

  36. bughunter said,

    February 9, 2013 at 19:38

    Clodberg:

    Voters aren’t children, but too many of them have the childish notion that the best policies are those that pander to their immediate desiresbest interests. The challenge for the GOP is to persuade them to put away childish thingsvote in the best interests of corporations and warmongers.

    De-obfuscated.

  37. Major Kong said,

    February 9, 2013 at 19:52

    Ice floes for grandma are reasonable.

    Global warming has made ice floes tough to find.

  38. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 9, 2013 at 19:52

    that hasn’t stopped him from talking about his parents as political refugees (when, well, they weren’t).

    To be fair, though, they were. Specifically, they were traveling in the U.S. when the Cuban Revolution occurred and decided it would be dangerous to return. IMO, that qualifies them as refugees.

    Maybe I’m a little biased because my cousin is married to a woman whose parents were in that exact situation (except it was China, not Cuba). And of course I have no use for Rubio and never will. But I have no problem with his describing his parents as refugees. In fact, I hope he keeps doing it, because it just highlights the idiotic discrepancy in our immigration policies between Cuba and the rest of Latin America. (One which, if I’m not mistaken, is resented by more than a few non-Cuban Latinos.)

  39. jim ........ now with even more entropy! said,

    February 9, 2013 at 20:18

    That Eric Cantor speech that Feldwebel Von Loadpants swooned over is at WaP00p, & frankly, I just don’t see any starbursts in my living-room so’s you’d notice per se.

    “Make Life Work” sounds suspiciously to me like “Strength Through Joy” on Ambien™.

  40. tigris said,

    February 9, 2013 at 20:29

    utterly reasonable conservative solutions that would improve the plight of the working poor and the middle class

    Now even plightier!

  41. Major Kong said,

    February 9, 2013 at 20:31

    50% more plight than your leading brand!

  42. jim ........ now with even more entropy! said,

    February 9, 2013 at 20:40

    Our plight always makes its own sauce – or you get double your misery back!

  43. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 9, 2013 at 21:26

    It’s troo! Us browns and poors just need the right spokesman to sell us our own doom.

    Sell you your own doom? Your first installment of Doom is free!

  44. Smut Clyde said,

    February 9, 2013 at 21:56

    It’s not a real reasonable conservative solution until someone praises it as “Ending the Uncertainty”.

  45. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 9, 2013 at 22:11

    Ah, I’ve missed this place.

  46. Major Kong said,

    February 9, 2013 at 22:11

    We missed you too.

  47. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 9, 2013 at 22:23

    I think this all comes down to puzzlement over why the nonwhite poor aren’t as gullible as the white poor. Must be the choice of message – racist horseshit about Cadillac-driving welfare queens doesn’t sell to the nonwhite folks.

    Well, they gulled the poor whites by demonizing the poor nonwhites, all the while blind to any coming demographic shifts. Truly, they were hoist on the own canard.

  48. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 9, 2013 at 22:25

    Yo, Dr Ken and tigris, how are you New Englanders faring post Snowpocalypse? The reports indicate the some parts of Connecticut received almost three feet of snow.

  49. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 9, 2013 at 22:29

    The conservative solution to Social Security is to end it. Reasonable!

    And the moderate Republican solution is to cut it.

    But there’s a better way.

    Duncan Black (aka Atrios):

    We need an across the board increase in Social Security retirement benefits of 20% or more. We need it to happen right now, even if that means raising taxes on high incomes or removing the salary cap in Social Security taxes.

    ~

  50. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 9, 2013 at 22:31

    Shucks, Major.

    B^4, we’re ok here. Lost some treetops, lost power, but that’s it.

  51. tigris said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:06

    Never lost power here, looks like over 2 feet with drifts up to 4 or 5. Took about 2 hours to dig ourselves out.

  52. Smut Clyde said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:09

    Blue skies. Cicadas. Gentle breeze. Time for a walk along the beach.

  53. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:10

    I’m almost embarrased by how easy I had it. We had maybe six-seven inches of snow in the City of Y______. Shoveling my place and the neighbors’ place (neighbors are a woman who retired last year and her mother) took about an hour, I cleaned off my car and shoveled the snow around it into a sewer grating (ne’er you’ll drift nae more). I then took a nap for a few hours, and had no problemwhatsoever driving to work.

  54. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:11

    Never lost power here, looks like over 2 feet with drifts up to 4 or 5. Took about 2 hours to dig ourselves out.

    Sounds like somebody’s going to get some serious x-country skiing in.

    Blue skies. Cicadas. Gentle breeze. Time for a walk along the beach.

    If you like that sort of thing…

  55. Shakezula said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:26

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Eggsactly.

    Maybe this goes back further in U.S. history, but I only became politically conscious when Carter ran. However, for as long as I can remember the Republican message has been this:

    1. Why won’t you disgusting skirts, darkies and queers run into this lovely glue trap we’ve created for you?

    2. Oh, you’re such ingrates! And you keep talking about the horrible things we’ve done to you. Which is a lie anyway. We’ll show you!

    3. [Oppress, oppress, oppress!]

    4. [Campaign Time!]

    5. Demagogueageddon!!

    6. [Election Day!]

    7. Damn it, the disgusting skirts, darkies and queers still aren’t voting for us!

    Blather, rinse, repeat.

    The only thing that has changed is the bluntness, the frequency and the volume. And now comes the next crop of fucktards and the only thing they can think to do is smile when they say the same shit.

  56. Shakezula said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:28

    P.S. To you selfish bastids hogging all the snow on the decadent liberal elitist east coast: I hate you selfish bastids.

  57. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:33

    P.S. To you selfish bastids hogging all the snow on the decadent liberal elitist east coast: I hate you selfish bastids.

    I’m sure people in <a href="http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/190472281.html"Connecticut would love to give some of their snow away.

  58. tigris said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:37

    We piled some out by the curb, free to all takers.

  59. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:51

    Joe Walsh, aka The Most Sensitive Human Being Who Has Ever Lived, is so offended by Michelle Obama.

  60. bbkf said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:55

    how are you New Englanders faring post Snowpocalypse?

    i’m glad the east coast sadlies are a-okay…here in western mn we are anxiously awaiting our snow/icepocalypse…i have done tons of laundry and housecleaning in preparation of doing absoflippinglutely NOTHING at all…i love snow days!!!

  61. El Manquecito said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:58

    Pleasant day in New Orleans. Great lunch at Cochon, had a look at a parade, resting up for some Endymion and another fancy meal. There will be booze.

    No snow.

  62. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 0:22

    We did make the mistake of only getting one growler, so are reduced to drinking bottled beer now. SEND HELP.

  63. Pupienus said,

    February 10, 2013 at 0:35

    Joe Walsh, aka The Most Sensitive Human Being Who Has Ever Lived

    He went through some changes after the James Gang broke up but that’s going a bit far.

  64. Shakezula said,

    February 10, 2013 at 0:44

    Joe Walsh seems really anxious to call attention to the fact he’s a incredibly dimwitted racist fucktard who had to have child support payments curb stomped out of him.

  65. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 10, 2013 at 0:44

    We did make the mistake of only getting one growler, so are reduced to drinking bottled beer now. SEND HELP.

    Don’t you mean SEND BEER?

  66. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 0:55

    Is there some other kind of help?

  67. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    February 10, 2013 at 0:56

    Unfortunately, he’s probably right.

  68. El Manquecito said,

    February 10, 2013 at 1:00

    He went through some changes after the James Gang broke up but that’s going a bit far.

    He Turned to Stone.

  69. Pupienus said,

    February 10, 2013 at 1:18

    He Turned to Stone.

    Well after 49 pounds of Funk who can blame him?

  70. Pupienus said,

    February 10, 2013 at 1:18

    Unfortunately, he’s probably right.

    He who? Who he?

  71. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    February 10, 2013 at 1:39

    There’s a blogpost above the circlejerking space, you know.

  72. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 10, 2013 at 2:05

    There’s a blogpost above the circlejerking space, you know.

    There’s always someone complaining about not getting a reacharound.
    .

  73. bughunter said,

    February 10, 2013 at 2:16

    Joe Walsh seems really anxious to call attention to the fact he’s a incredibly dimwitted racist fucktard who had to have child support payments curb stomped out of him.

    Clearly, he’s living a Life of Illusion.

  74. Suezboo said,

    February 10, 2013 at 2:21

    It rained a little today. This was a huge relief after the week of temperatures in the 30s. Also damped down any embers left from the wildfires; so, major thanks to Queen Modjadji, the Rain Queen.
    Speaking Original Inhabitants, Shakezula, do you take your name from the great Zulu king, Shaka Zulu?

  75. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 2:28

    This was a huge relief after the week of temperatures in the 30s

    by 30s imma sume centigrade, right? we are to get rain AND snow tonight…yay! more ice on ice!!! i do not know if any more of my joints can take those crash landings anymore…but on the upside, hubbkf and i are going out tonight so we can be right in the midst of bad weather…what could go wrong?

  76. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 10, 2013 at 2:33

    You could step in some POOP.

  77. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 10, 2013 at 2:36

    Stupid iPad. Here’s the URL:

    http://newswatch.nationalgeographic.com/2013/02/07/weird-wild-on-the-origin-of-feces/

  78. mainmati said,

    February 10, 2013 at 2:53

    This is serious denial stuff, especially the we have the right policies only no one knows it yet. Yep, we know about those policies and have been paying for them for more than 30 years. What a self-entitled moron.

  79. Jennifer said,

    February 10, 2013 at 3:05

    Seriously though:

    The reason that game is so perilous for conservatives is not that liberals necessarily care more than conservatives but that they are always willing and eager to prove their concern by cutting a check, even when all we have in the checking account is IOUs and cash on loan from China. Moreover, they are perfectly happy and eager to say that anyone who opposes more check kiting is greedy or selfish, even if what Democrats are doing is making the problem they seek to solve worse. All too often, liberals act as if government has a monopoly on compassion.

    How much does it cost to not introduce bills about shoving things up women’s vaginas to punish them for exercising their legal rights, or to allow people to vote? Loadpants is as usual taking the easy way out and relying on a conservative canard that pretends that the people taking the most away from the table thanks to elected officials are the poor, when it’s the wealthy and powerful who are carting away the cash by the barrowfull. The only “giveaway” from this administration has been health insurance reform, which first off isn’t a giveaway and secondly still was not, at the time of the election, favorably viewed by a majority – thanks of course to the conservative campaign of lies and demonization. If the only “giveaway” you can point to is one that the majority doesn’t like, it’s pretty obvious that voters didn’t base their decision on whoever wrote them a check.

    “There is always a certain meanness in the argument of conservatism,” Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said, “joined with a certain superiority in its fact.” Children often think their parents are being mean when they tell their kids to do their homework. That doesn’t make the parents mean, it makes them responsible. Eventually, the lessons of life persuade children their parents were right all along.

    I’ll see your Ralph Waldo Emerson and raise you John Stuart Mill:
    “Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.”

    Voters aren’t children, but too many of them have the childish notion that the best policies are those that pander to their immediate desires. The challenge for the GOP is to persuade them to put away childish things.

    Voters should get over their childish whims about decent jobs, pay, health care, housing, education and whatnot, and come to the understanding that rich people need the money more than they do, because they’ve got yachts and shit to maintain. The challenge for the GOP is to convince them to put away those childish fantasies of a decent quality of life by distracting them with the bogeyman, or -men, du jour.

  80. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 3:17

    we had somehow taken poop out of context, and I wanted to put it back in.

    never, ever take poop out of context…

  81. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 3:24

    The only “giveaway” from this administration has been health insurance reform

    uhhhhh…i clearly recall hearing many many screams about the free obama phones, jennifer!

    srsly, though…your comment is what i want to say to myriad people everyday…it makes me really slapphappy when i introduce the idea that, hey, ‘maybe if you conservative small government types wouldn’t clog up the process with bullshit bills’ it inevitably turns into ‘oh yeah…both sides do it, derp derp!’ and their hypocrisy goes right by them…i’ve become quite mum on the subject of politics lately…

  82. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 3:31

    they are always willing and eager to prove their concern by cutting a check, even when all we have in the checking account is IOUs and cash on loan from China.

    Good God, anyone who makes that claim after saying fuck all for the 8 years of the off-budget war president should receive a mandatory trans-anal wanding.

  83. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 3:34

    well, tig, i went mango hunting and a portion of the comments were about dubs war credit card…here’s a shocker: ALL presnits do it and iokiyar…

  84. Whale Chowder said,

    February 10, 2013 at 4:01

    I think it’s awesome that the wingiest wingnuts are finally coming out and saying that women who get abortions should be prosecuted, right out loud. You know that’s what they’ve been thinking all along and now they’re starting to just say it.

    I like it. It removes the cloak of respectability or “just honestly wanting to protect the fetus” or any of that other bullshit. They hate that women can make their own choices and they want to punish them. Always have.

    Note: 45* and drizzle here in beautiful Seattle.

  85. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 10, 2013 at 5:08

    You could step in some POOP.

    Some of us have always beeen pro POOP power.

  86. Smut Clyde said,

    February 10, 2013 at 5:38

    Never lost power here, looks like over 2 feet with drifts up to 4 or 5

    I hope you are keeping some snow in the freezer so the next time some pretentious plonker declaims “Mais où sont les neiges d’antan?” you can drag their sorry arse over to it, bring out the jar, and explain “Here they are, you fatuous nimrod”.

  87. philostopher said,

    February 10, 2013 at 6:03

    Put down the copy of ‘Catch-22′ now, Smut.

  88. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 6:07

    The Snowdens of yesteryear are also in the freezer.

  89. Snorghagen said,

    February 10, 2013 at 6:26

    New insights into human evolution: Republicans are descended from warrior overlords; Democrats are descended from feeble, dependent untermenschen.

  90. jim ........ now with even more entropy! said,

    February 10, 2013 at 6:31

    Dragging the plonker.

  91. Major Kong said,

    February 10, 2013 at 6:40

    C.M. Phillips is a former government employee and a serious student of anthropology and religion. He blogs theism101.com, where he tries to fight the crazed atheist zealots on line.

    In other words, he’s unemployed and spends his time trolling blogs? Doesn’t sound like much of a “maker”.

  92. Major Kong said,

    February 10, 2013 at 6:47

    Joe Walsh seems really anxious to call attention to the fact he’s a incredibly dimwitted racist fucktard who had to have child support payments curb stomped out of him.

    You had me at “Joe Walsh” and “curb stomped”.

  93. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 10, 2013 at 8:26

    In other words, he’s unemployed and spends his time trolling blogs? Doesn’t sound like much of a “maker”.

    Also, doesn’t “former government employee” raise any “MOOCHER” flags with the true believers?

  94. Smut Clyde said,

    February 10, 2013 at 9:39

    Put down the copy of ‘Catch-22? now, Smut.

    In fact a stolen Myles na gCopaleen joke.

  95. Smut Clyde said,

    February 10, 2013 at 9:40

    New insights into human evolution: Republicans are descended from warrior overlords

    Does he mention the word ‘Aryan’?

  96. Jonah Goldberg's Belt said,

    February 10, 2013 at 10:09

    mrrmrguh urr ooohhfh!

  97. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 10, 2013 at 11:21

    Off topic, but bellissimo!

  98. N__B said,

    February 10, 2013 at 15:26

    I’ve almost got my mother convinced there’s a drink called a Floe Gin Fizz that is only available north of Hudson Bay.

  99. Shakezula said,

    February 10, 2013 at 15:45

    Snorghagen said,

    February 10, 2013 at 6:26

    So the GOP is the powerful daddy who brings home the bacon and keeps everyone safe while they sit around at home eh?

    Sounds pretty moochery to me.

    Seriously, I thought enervating paternalism was how the Democrats were Destroying America!

  100. Shakezula said,

    February 10, 2013 at 15:49

    Random Q: Finally saw Lincoln last night and am surprised there hasn’t been a constant boom of Chest Beating from the modern day GOP.

    Could they be aware that the modern day R voter isn’t pleased about that period in history?

  101. N__B said,

    February 10, 2013 at 15:56

    Rs aren’t watching Lincoln. Too many scary brown people on screen.

  102. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:16

    C.M. Phillips is a former government employee and a serious student of anthropology and religion.

    Writing Republican “Just So” stories is not actually being “serious” about anthropology.

  103. Snorghagen said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:38

    (from C.M. Phillips’ comments section)
    I’m not sure the Alpha’s (another name for the hunter/providers the author descibes) are outnumbered yet, but all we have to do is “go Gault” or expatriate and let the parasites wither on the vine. Then when they’ve expired, we move back in. Voila. In other words, to paraphrase, ‘Let them eat their socialist cake.’

    No one wants to see parasites withering on the vine.

  104. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:39

    Off topic, but bellissimo!

    surely a sign of the end of times…

    holy snap! i have never seen so much snow pile up so fast as last night…within an hour and a half we had about 3.5 inches…and it was wet and heavy…we’re up to about 7 or 8 now and for some reason, hubbkf is trying to disperse it even while it is still coming down…but when he comes in, i am going to make him eggs scrambled with leftover steak and american fries from last night and add some onions, peppers and cheese to the mix…yumm!

  105. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:44

    Snorghagen said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:38

    yea, the comments section verily overflow with this sort of sentiment…and wow, do i LOVE being called a parasite and a moocher while i am still fucking working two jobs from which a big chunk goes to paying for some pretty fucking useless insurance…and they continue to wonder why the downtrodden aren’t buying their bullshit? yes, they truly sound like the makers and shakers to me…bastards…

  106. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:44

    Snorg, you found the real Gary Ruppert!

  107. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:48

    Finally saw Lincoln last night

    finally saw ‘downfall’ the other night…how beings like the goebbels are created and that they were allowed to breed…that they were seen as what was good and admirable in humankind is mind boggling…joan crawford is a veritable paragon of motherhood compared to old magda baby…

  108. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 17:59

    wow…somebody just posted on fb that their child has ‘infintigo’…clearly not a republican with that limited intelligence!

  109. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 18:33

    I love that women, who in many hunter-gatherer communities actually bring in the majority of sustenance in addition to being almost entirely responsible for child care, are classed with the democratic parasites. Plus I doubt that there was ever a time when hunters went out individually and brought meat back only to their nuclear family. Like the other primates we are tribal critters.

  110. paleotectonics said,

    February 10, 2013 at 18:34

    OT, but fell into the globalgrind rabbit hole referred by this pleasant young human, truly a peach, beloved by all 7 genders:

    Bitter Scribe said,
    February 9, 2013 at 23:51

    Joe Walsh, aka The Most Sensitive Human Being Who Has Ever Lived, is so offended by Michelle Obama.

    and found this little bit o’ honey.

    Disclaimer – I hate the university Greek tradition, culture, and members, present, past and future, with the fire of a really burny thing, and wish to see them go away and their organs harvested. But Jeebus, these screwballs are screwballs! Animal House was a movie, you dumb fucks.

  111. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 10, 2013 at 18:44

    but all we have to do is “go Gault”

    The collapses in Spain and Greece and Portugal and Italy have put the vision of de Gault to rest.

  112. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 18:46

    I love that women, who in many hunter-gatherer communities actually bring in the majority of sustenance in addition to being almost entirely responsible for child care, are classed with the democratic parasites. Plus I doubt that there was ever a time when hunters went out individually and brought meat back only to their nuclear family. Like the other primates we are tribal critters.

    yes, that caught my eye as did this bit:

    If food was left over, it could be shared with others. Being a good provider was the mark of successful hunter. His family thrived; he gave much to others.

    so, they’ve always been like that…IF food was left over it COULD be shared with others = he gave MUCH to others…l o fucking l…

  113. Shakezula said,

    February 10, 2013 at 18:49

    I’m familiar with Going Galt. In fact, I can’t decide whether The Rapture or The Galtening would make the world a better place. Either way, hurry up sez I.

    But Snorhagen at 17:43 posts a mention of Going GaUlt and it reminds me that I’ve seen increasing calls/threats to go GaUlt.

    A cynical person might think this is clear evidence that the gibbertarian pouty pants threatening to withdraw his productivity (ick) from society hasn’t read Rand’s hopeless magnum or any writings on the same. One might suspect he is merely parroting something he half-heard and completely failed to comprehend while listening to a person who was also hampered by a lack of a clue.

    In short, a cynical person might think the dumb ass threatening to Go GaUlt is unaware that the True Randroid regards him as a Little Brain and would leave him to starve with the rest of us parasites when the true believers troop off to that valley in Colorado.

    However, I am not a cynic. So I believe there is a sub-movement of Lubertarians who also admire fashion designer Gaultier. They plan to sit out the withering of the parasites in haute couture Randian splendor.

  114. Snorghagen said,

    February 10, 2013 at 18:50

    Does he mention the word ‘Aryan’?

    One commenter seemed to be developing the concept of a secret cabal of crafty degenerates who wormed their way into power and corrupted the righteousness of the natural leaders…

    Not all the moochers were stupid and incompetent. Some were smart and corrupt. They found they could hunt the hunters. They now own the establishment Republicans.

    … but nothing about der Juden. Clearly, this paranoid fantasy needs more work. Where is Julius Streicher when you need him?

    - – - – - –

    I love that women, who in many hunter-gatherer communities actually bring in the majority of sustenance in addition to being almost entirely responsible for child care, are classed with the democratic parasites.

    Serious student of anthropology C.M. Phillips:
    the women… who in early times waited safely in the… village while the… farmers brought back the food.

    Farm wives were infamous for spending all day languidly lounging on the coach eating chocolate-covered strawberries while their husbands did all the work.

  115. Shakezula said,

    February 10, 2013 at 19:01

    Plus I doubt that there was ever a time when hunters went out individually and brought meat back only to their nuclear family. Like the other primates we are tribal critters.

    The nuclear family is a relatively new concern because you need a fair amount of infrastructure (and people) to make it feasible. The completely independent nuclear family just isn’t possible. Honest. Even Hardy Pioneers relied on other people for supplies.

    But these fucknuggets really do envision some sort of Flintstonian society when they think of that time period. However, (here’s the kicker) in their version squishy things like the golden rule, altruism and empathy don’t exist. Hence “If I have enough, you’ll get some. If I don’t, fuck you jack.”

    Not “You have nothing today. Tomorrow I may have nothing. So I’ll share with you today and you’ll have my back tomorrow.”

    Or even “Shit dude you don’t have any food? That sucks man, come on over.”

    Nice.

  116. Austin Loomis said,

    February 10, 2013 at 19:04

    Snorghagen skrev:

    Republicans are descended from warrior overlords; Democrats are descended from feeble, dependent untermenschen.

    Old meme. (Link in the comments to the earliest iteration I could find of that particular Crazy Uncle Liberty blap.)

  117. Austin Loomis said,

    February 10, 2013 at 19:10

    Warning about the previous link: it makes the attitudes to women that some of you are finding in the mangoes look positively enlightened.

  118. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 19:26

    gosh, isn’t it good to hear from dennis again?!?!

  119. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 19:34

    …aaaand it occurs to me that since dennis does not know what my job entails, or my work ethic and was definitely absent from contract negotiations, he knows fuck-all about it and should most likely stfu…

  120. Major Kong said,

    February 10, 2013 at 19:38

    Why is it that every right winger thinks they’re the first person in history to ever do a day’s work?

  121. tensor said,

    February 10, 2013 at 20:24

    Look, Dennis, just because it takes YOU hours and hours and hours on end to produce a coherent, snotty, insulting “thought” does not imply it takes anyone else more than a few seconds.

  122. Chris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 20:55

    Republicans are descended from warrior overlords; Democrats are descended from feeble, dependent untermenschen; Republicans are descended from the sort of people who are capable of thinking of others as “untermenschen.”

    Fixed that for ya!

  123. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 10, 2013 at 21:19

    Republicans are descended from warrior overlords

    Bastards!

  124. Major Kong said,

    February 10, 2013 at 21:37

    Because when I think “warrior overlords” the first people that come to mind are Jonah Goldberg and Newt Gingrich.

  125. Smut Clyde said,

    February 10, 2013 at 21:39

    Serious student of anthropology C.M. Phillips:
    Someone notify DrDick. Surely he will have read all of C.M.Philips’ publications.

  126. Pupienus said,

    February 10, 2013 at 21:49

    Pennis’ monitor is apparently medium suitable for scrying.

  127. Smut Clyde said,

    February 10, 2013 at 21:52

    the Alpha’s (another name for the hunter/providers the author descibes)

    Ah, the readers are bringing their garbled versions of pop ethology to add to C.M. Philips’ garbled pop anthropology! (Konrad Lorentz is better in the original German). All deeply imbued with the quest for a Republican Daddy.

    If only there were an Interduct service that allowed “Republican wolf-cub seeks like-minded Akela for bite-play and guidance in the Ways of the Pack” to advertise as such without all this maneuvering on American Stinker comment threads.

  128. N__B said,

    February 10, 2013 at 21:58

    Scrying the monitor.

  129. Suezboo said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:00

    OK, Shakezula, or whatever you call yourself – just ignore me. I am only an old Third World dried-up crone, after all. Not a Republican Alpha Male.
    Women over 40 all wear the Cloak of Invisibilty.
    Yeah, I’m bitter too.

  130. Snorghagen said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:00

    Because when I think “warrior overlords” the first people that come to mind are Jonah Goldberg and Newt Gingrich.

    And let us not forget mighty Breitbart the Conqueror.

  131. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:01

    Surely he will have read all of C.M.Philips’ publications.

    soooooo…i moseyed over to cm philip’s blog…it contains 5 posts with 2 comments…one of which is his…

    his posts and his one comment reveal that he is a douchecanoe…

  132. Major Kong said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:01

    Hi Suezboo.

  133. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:02

    his posts and his one comment reveal that he is a douchecanoe…

    UNPOSSIBLE!

  134. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:03

    i know! i was just as surprised as you!

  135. tigris said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:03

    Suezboo, I’m guessing s/he missed your question. Too bad, because I’m curious, too.

  136. Coach Urban Meyer said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:18

    Wuzza-wuzzup, ya loony lib jabronis? Check it before ya wreck it, ya clowns- Great Goldberg just unleashed a SPREAD of TRUTH that you dorks just can’t handle! The funky fact of the matter is, the Republican Party is the true party for freedom-loving Americans of all stripes, whether they’re browns or yellows or normal! God, guns, and family- that’s the American way! Not what you pimp daddies are sellin!

    Now hear this- if you think that the blacks voted for Obama because the Republican Party is racist, you’re wrongarino! The dilly is, they did it because of ACORN and vote fraud and because they’re the ones who are racist! Once the blacks get over it with the thuggin’ and the muggin’, they’ll know who they can go to! ConservoMentum ’14! Badoodle-boo-yeah!

    Suck it, ya clowns! Urban out.

  137. Cro Thomas Magnon said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:27

    Okay now that Butch proved charging in alone just gets you crushed in a stampede…

    ….you four go left, we five will go right, scare ‘em off a cliff and eat the ones that die in the fall.

  138. John Revolta said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:30

    Geez, they all crawl outta the woodwork when football season’s over…………………………

  139. Suezboo said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:42

    Major and tigris, I actually just wanted to bitch at someone.Rough day.

  140. bbkf said,

    February 10, 2013 at 22:49

    , I actually just wanted to bitch at someone

    dennis was here earlier…he is always bitch-worthy…just a helpful tip to help you through a crappy day :)

  141. Major Kong said,

    February 10, 2013 at 23:09

    I actually just wanted to bitch at someone

    In the Air Force we called it “sport bitching”.

  142. kg said,

    February 10, 2013 at 23:32

    Shakezula @ 18:49 was a thing of beauty.

  143. Snorghagen said,

    February 10, 2013 at 23:38

    I could’ve spent my day doing much-needed work around my house, or I could’ve wasted my time sitting on my butt finding pictures of right-wing shitheads depicted as warriors. Guess which I chose to do.

    And also.

    Also, too.

    Not to mention.

    And in addition.

    Plus this ten-year-old gem from the Onion.

  144. Austin Loomis said,

    February 10, 2013 at 23:42

    I think Coach Urban Meyer is a poe, but I can’t be sure anymore. It used to be that, when an apparent right-wing troll actually stated the assumptions they usually leave unstated or indeed unthought* (cf. Stephen Colbert), you could safely assume it was a parody. But that assumption drifted out the window over the course of Circus 2012, with the long series of leaked videos showing that they actually do think the things we’ve always feared they were thinking, they just have better sense than to say them where they think the reality-based community might hear.

    * FTVO “thought” that William James had in mind when he wrote “A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.”

  145. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 0:04

    So much ridicule at the “Going Gault” commenter! It’s like none of you have encountered the works of well-known author Auyn Raund.

  146. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 0:50

    going gault…the gaultimate sacrifice…

  147. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:06

    Maybe if we got the “Aryan” meme going among the wingnuttosphere, and they made it known that only an Aryan candidate would do next time around, when they found themselves stuck with Nikki Haley or Bobby Jindal (Are there any other possibilities I don’t know about?) the cranial explosions would be amusing.

  148. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:15

    What? What the fuck did I do this time?

    Oh I get it, it’s because I’m black, right?

  149. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:21

    Oh, OK.

    Sorry my name has far humbler and more recent origins.

    See also.

    But you could argue that the name is a pun on Shaka Zulu so … What was the question?

    Not that you’ll see this reply because

    Women over 40 all wear the Cloak of Invisibilty [sic].

    A. Hem.

  150. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:33

    i had all but forgotten the aqua teen hunger force…hilarity indeed…

  151. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:34

    Women over 40 all wear the Cloak of Invisibilty [sic].j

    which is why i am really loud…nobody will not notice ME!

  152. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:35

    nobody will not notice ME!

    You’re supposed to boil a rabbit when you say that.

  153. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:39

    boiling a rabbit while drinking a floe gin fizz?

  154. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:44

    You’ve got be a bit older for the floe gin. And, probably, more annoying.

  155. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:46

    Meet Ron Paul, modern day disciple of Libertarianism until he wants something for free.

    http://gawker.com/5983066/ron-paul-calls-on-united-nations-which-he-doesnt-believe-in-to-confiscate-ronpaulcom

    You can’t make this shit up.

  156. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 1:55

    You’ve got be a bit older for the floe gin. And, probably, more annoying.

    shan’t ask hubbkf’s opinion…

  157. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:06

    In short, such an abrupt change would lead to
    chaos on the Internet and – at least temporarily – disrupt the message of liberty.

    ?!

  158. N__B said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:15

    Once liberty starts in on massaging my glutes, I brook no disruption.

  159. Snorghagen said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:21

    In short, such an abrupt change would lead to chaos on the Internet and – at least temporarily – disrupt the message of liberty.

    Anyone who attempts to disrupt the message of liberty will be sent to the Liberty Gulag!

  160. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:22

    Flowing gin? I knew I wouldn’t want to miss this thread.

  161. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:23

    Even though this vile old hypocrite is trying to take their fucking website, they want so much not to offend him they came up with some excuse that would convince an old coot who knows nothing about the Internons that he really doesn’t want to take their fucking website because if he takes their fucking website it would do bad things to the entire WWW and liberty and baby duckies no less.

    Poor little toad eaters. They must be so confused right now.

    Actually, I feel bad for them. Having one’s pet beliefs get bitch slapped by cold hard reality hurts enough. When the slapper is a hero … Wowzers.

  162. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:26

    Also, am I the only person here who knew what Shakezula was?

  163. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:32

    ATHF theme song is my ringtone.

    What I’m trying to say is that I am HIP. WITH IT. THE BEES’ KNEES. THE CATS’ PAJAMAS. I search the World Wide Web for things. Plus, I am always twittering. I twitter, literally, every day.

  164. Snorghagen said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:32

    Actually, I feel bad for them.

    I have to admit that I have a hard time feeling much sympathy for Paulistas.

  165. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:34

    Never knew of that Shakezula cartoony thing. I assumed the name was a take on the Zulu king.

    Also, I’m making pots de creme even as we type. MWAHAHAHAHAHA

  166. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:40

    Teh Ho dialled up on FletNix a REALLY REALLY REALLY bad flick called Turbulent Skies. The cockpit is as bad or worse than the one Ed Wood made for Plan 9. The whole movie ranks tight up there with the best of Mr. Wood’s productions.

  167. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:41

    Also, am I the only person here who knew what Shakezula was?

    I’ve watched the cartoon but I didn’t catch the reference.

  168. Smut Clyde said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:43

    I’m making pots de creme even as we type.

    IIRC Substance McGravitas prefers to store his in mason jars.

  169. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:44

    If I had to pick an ATHF watcher out of a crowd of S,Ners, Major, your probably be the last person I’d point to.

    Pup, I hope you at least have a “so bad it’s good” experience.

  170. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:46

    I’m making pots de creme even as we type.

    IIRC Substance McGravitas prefers to store his in mason jars.

    So it’s NOT just a comic strip.

  171. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:46

    If I had to pick an ATHF watcher out of a crowd of S,Ners, Major, your probably be the last person I’d point to.

    I prefer the Venture Brothers.

  172. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:47

    You’re. Also. Never liked Venture Brothers. At all.

  173. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:47

    ehhh….you can always trust wonkette to bring us teh crazy…

  174. Major Kong said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:50

    Never liked Venture Brothers. At all.

    To appreciate it you would have had to grow up watching Johnny Quest like I did. Otherwise you wouldn’t know what they’re satirizing.

  175. Snorghagen said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:56

    you would have had to grow up watching Johnny Quest like I did.

    Quality entertainment!

  176. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 2:58

    Teh Ho dialled up on FletNix a REALLY REALLY REALLY bad flick called Turbulent Skies. The cockpit is as bad or worse than the one Ed Wood made for Plan 9. The whole movie ranks tight up there with the best of Mr. Wood’s productions.

    hubbkf has dialled up ‘five branded women’…it is most mock worthy…

  177. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:06

    What’s weird, MJ, is that I know the show has fans significantly younger/hipper than I. I wonder if they all know about Johnny Quest, too.

  178. bbkf said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:24

    omg…you have to love a movie with lines such as these:

    ‘you never know what you’ll find in a shepherds hut…sometimes the shepherd, sometimes the whole herd.’

    and

    ‘soon we’ll hear the voice of our beloved fuhrer…and then there will be free beer.’

  179. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:33

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who enjoys ATHF. Although it is hard to imagine a red-blooded American who wouldn’t enjoy a send up of the McD’s Happy Meal.

    To appreciate it you would have had to grow up watching Johnny Quest like I did. Otherwise you wouldn’t know what they’re satirizing.

    This. And I think JQ was shown regionally. Mon mari is from the All American Heartland and he was not familiar with Quest. Needless to say he did NOT appreciate VB.

    OK, he thinks ATHF is dumb too. And flat out refused to watch Squidbillies. But I still say he’d think VB was funny if he’d seen JQ.

    ATHF theme song is my ringtone.

    But do you know who Tupac is?

  180. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:39

    Race Bannon was dreamy.

  181. Pupienus said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:45

    This talk has lead me to load up a yootoob of Clutch Cargo. Wow, forgot how bizarre that was.

  182. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:49

    POOP!

  183. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:50

    IIRC Substance McGravitas prefers to store his in mason jars.

    How do you fit pots in mason jars?

  184. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 3:57

    OK, that human lips thing? I’m all for weird, but that is a weird too far pour moi.

  185. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:05

    Someone say “lips”?

  186. Shakezula said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:19

    Thanks. And to whom shall I send my therapist’s bills?

  187. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:26

    It helps that Johnny Quest had a brief resurgence in the mid-to-late 90s with Cartoon Network and a revamp of the program. That’s why a younger audience can typically follow a parody of it like Venture Brothers despite having been protozoa in the 70s. Same reason they got away with Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Harvey Birdman despite their original contexts.

  188. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    February 11, 2013 at 4:34

    Fun fact: One of the creators of Clutch Cargo was Hal Smith: Otis the drunk from The Andy Griffith Show.

    I’m so old I gave up on cartoons when that Japanese pseudo-animation stuff started taking over—Johnny Speed, Quest Racer, whatever….

  189. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 11, 2013 at 21:38

    Plus, I am always twittering. I twitter, literally, every day.

    That is not the kind of thing you admit to in polite company. Which makes it perfectly fine here, if still a bit unseemly.

    I also love ATHF, but had somehow missed the Shakezula connection.

  190. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 12, 2013 at 5:11

    Guess who’s a deadbeat dad again.

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