Feb
5

That’s Incredible!




Posted at 13:28 by HTML Mencken

Shorter Fran Tarkenton, Three-Time Super Bowl Loser
EwwSA Today
“Tarkenton: Mickelson was right on taxes”

  • Leave Phil Mickelson alone! Leave him alone, you looters! When is it decent to bash someone who’s going through a hard time? LEAVE PHIL ALONE!

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

20 Comments »

  1. HTML Mencken said,

    February 5, 2013 at 13:36

    Finally I learn the context of Homer’s anecdote to Lisa about “that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that, when Daddy hit the referee?”

    Fran remembers.

  2. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 5, 2013 at 14:54

    HILL STREET BLUES!
    DALLAS!
    QUINCY!

  3. Jennifer said,

    February 5, 2013 at 15:36

    Mickelson should just go Galt already and withhold from us his “productivity” in knocking small white balls into cups. This will bring the US economy to its knees, hurting the looters most of all, and they will learn a valuable lesson: it’s not nice to point out to rich guys that they get 100 times as much for doing nothing or next to it as the rest of us get for busting our humps 8, 10, 12, 14 hours per day.

  4. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 5, 2013 at 15:39

    I had heard Fran had gone wingnut, and had always heard (after he retired from football) what a colossal dick he is.

    That being said, DREW PEARSON PUSHED OFF!

  5. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 5, 2013 at 15:44

    Dude could easily make up $$$$ in taxes if he could sink a putt now and then…
    ~

  6. Major Kong said,

    February 5, 2013 at 16:04

    Mickelson screws up and he’s out a bit of prize money.

    I screw up and there’s a smoking crater in the middle of a suburban neighborhood near the airport.

  7. JohnR said,

    February 5, 2013 at 16:08

    I’m with Jennifer on that – I wish to goodness all these whiners would just suck it up and “Go Galt” already. I swear to God these “Libertarians” are bigger crybabies than Boehner, Tom Brady and a roomful of Republican two-year-olds combined.

  8. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 5, 2013 at 16:44

    That being said, DREW PEARSON PUSHED OFF!

    That memory is indelibly seared into my brain. I admit that I wore a number ten Jersey as a kid. But, yeah, what Mr. Yeast said. I wish he would have gone quietly into the long night.

  9. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 5, 2013 at 16:46

    I screw up and there’s a smoking crater in the middle of a suburban neighborhood near the airport.

    I like this game.

  10. fasteddie said,

    February 5, 2013 at 16:58

    Mickleson has to pay 60% but Romney only paid 14%. (and that was after he gave up some deductions). How about we discuss THAT?

  11. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 5, 2013 at 17:04

    My favorite part of Tarkenton’s op-ed was the credit line at the end:

    Fran Tarkenton is founder and CEO of OneMoreCustomer.com, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback, and member of the Job Creators Alliance.

    Yes, those job creators are certainly on the ball.

  12. Fenwick said,

    February 5, 2013 at 17:55

    Provider: Where have you been? What have you been doing? I miss your brave plunges into the depths of swamp.

  13. Shakezula said,

    February 5, 2013 at 18:41

    When I hear some asshole complain about horrible regulations stifling the budiness man, I get a strange throbbing behind one eye. And I want to run the asshole through a sausage grinder and take the resulting product to an animal shelter.

    It is a shame that Johnny Businessman has to be told he can’t lock his workers in the factory for days on end and he really shouldn’t dump toxic sludge directly into our drinking water. It would have been nice if all the Johnny Businessmans applied universal rules of appropriate behavior to their business practices. But they didn’t, and so we had to sit down and make rules about worker safety and disposal of toxic chemicals and please don’t shit directly into the hamburger machine and so on and so on and still Mr. Businessman flouts the rules in pursuit of a few extra bucks. And when someone dies the Job Creators BJ squad looks all pious and mutters about no one being perfect and wouldn’t it be a shame if these lovely jobs picked up and went to China?

    Oh! And the complaint about energy bills? Whence came that? Isn’t that a wondrous sign of the Free Market$ at work? Perhaps I missed the memo where the Galt Brigade explained that high energy bills are caused by moocherdom.

  14. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeNamedLater™ said,

    February 5, 2013 at 18:51

    Hey there Fenwick. I had the use of a Starbucks Access point as my only convenient access to the ‘trons for the last few months. And the Sadly spam filter would not let me past the goalie.

    That has been rectified and you will see more of me.
    :)
    .

  15. Mack said,

    February 5, 2013 at 18:53

    According to Tarkenton, not only do rich people pay too much in taxes, the complex tax codes mean that they don’t pay their fair share of taxes. If this seems contradictory, then shut up no it isn’t.

  16. Jennifer said,

    February 5, 2013 at 18:54

    Good point, Shake. There’s been all this piteous mewling and crying about how “regulations” are crushing our overlords Job Creators for the past several years…but to the best of my knowledge, “regulations” haven’t really changed, aside from the odd “you can’t punch a hole in the seafloor unless you’ve verified that it’s not going to blow up and smother an entire region in oil.” A few industry-specific new regulations do not add up to iron-fisted tyranny, so they just go with the blanket term of “regulations” as if all businesses, everywhere, are subject to all of them. The few regulations that cover ALL businesses seem like they just somehow suddenly became more oppressive when Django took the oath of office.

  17. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 5, 2013 at 19:25

    Shakezula said,

    February 5, 2013 at 18:41 (kill)

    When I hear some asshole complain about horrible regulations stifling the budiness man, I get a strange throbbing behind one eye. And I want to run the asshole through a sausage grinder and take the resulting product to an animal shelter.

    Then you’ll absolutely love this column in the campus paper. The author is like the distilled essence of glibertarian perfection — a senior in “Business Administration” of course — and that particular “article” may be the worst he’s produced (yet).

  18. D.F. Manno said,

    February 5, 2013 at 19:59

    Tarkenton:

    Should a private citizen, no matter how successful, really owe the government more than half of what he or she makes?

    You mean like it was from 1932 to 1982? Hell yeah!

  19. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 5, 2013 at 20:18

    When the going gets tough, the Job Creators Alliance complains.

  20. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 5, 2013 at 21:59

    Then you’ll absolutely love this column in the campus paper. The author is like the distilled essence of glibertarian perfection — a senior in “Business Administration” of course — and that particular “article” may be the worst he’s produced (yet).

    The author seems to be unaware of the concept or ignoring the existence of negative externalities. Even if his assertion that “Environmental issues do not exist” were correct, his follow up that no laws need to be made unless it were to protect people’s property rights would still not be correct.

    This is a young gentleman that needs to spend a couple hundred hours cleaning up a polluted river, studying ethics, and volunteering at an emergency room near a superfund site. Hell even studying contract law should show him that bad things can happen from the best of intentions, and ghastly horrible things can happen from ignorance, blind cost cutting, and outright malfeasance.

    His assertion that the government shouldn’t restrain businesses and people from using soap with phosphorous, shop with plastic bags or get gay married is lazy false equivalence. As if plastic bags didn’t kill aquatic life on a global scale. As if phosphorus in water supplies didn’t pollute the water for drinking and cause even more poisonous algal blooms. He’s right about gay marriage, insofar as he even points to it as a thing the government has no business preventing. Sadly he misses his own point thinking he is arguing against all government regulation.

    I imagine the author believes he is a contrarian, merely playing devil’s advocate, as a refreshing breath of common sense into a bitter partisan debate in the role of government in public life. Instead of coming off as the devil’s advocate, he more nearly portrays the devil’s drunken half brother, down at the end of a bar at closing time on a Tuesday night, railing at the unfairness of a world where the government doesn’t let his garage dump motor oil in the creek out back or prevents him from locking the fire doors to keep those illegals at their work stations, rather than sneaking a smoke out back.

    In short if this clown is fit for employment at any workplace outside of the wingnut welfare line, it isn’t obvious to me.

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