Feb
4

Samurai Slash Fiction




Posted at 6:00 by HTML Mencken

Holy sweet Jebus, I’m gone for a couple of years and look what I miss: crown jewels of wingnuttery! Our old pal Adam “Shove them into human-sized microwaves” Yoshida has become an author of military science fiction or, as he likes to call it, future history. He’s already written two novels, A Land War in Asia and A Blast of War, and considering Yoshi’s previously stated desire to glennocide pretty much everyone in the world apart from American Republicans and British and Canadian Tories, I can well imagine the content of these books.


Above: Uncle Yoshi wants You to join the U.S. Wankery

Apparently he’s sold a few copies and is therefore letting his fertile imagination run wild with ideas for future volumes. One idea is a story about how genetically and politically superior humans on Mars are forced to show the likewise inferior humans (liberals) left on Earth just who’s boss when an alien presence threatens the solar system. Another story will focus on a plucky young billionaire conservative who recruits an army of mercenaries and topples dictators in Africa (I take it Yoshi is a fan of Mark Thatcher); I modestly suggest the title Heart of Fartness. As for his third idea, I’ll leave it in our favorite Japanese-Canadian fascist’s own words:

The Memoirs of a Confederate Samurai:

This is really a case where it would all be on the cover: a Japanese guy, a disgraced Samurai, finds his way to antebellum Los Angeles, where he falls in with a group of soldiers in the local US Army garrison. When the Civil War breaks out, he decides that he is morally obligated to join the, and travels with them across Arizona and New Mexico to Texas, where he joins the Confederate Army.

I don’t have the whole story down – and I’d have to do a damned lot of research to have it done right – but I want to set it in the Western Theatre, which isn’t featured in Civil War fiction as much as it ought to be. I imagine him first being a personal friend of – and being directly advanced by – Albert Sidney Johnston. Then, after Shiloh, I imagine him winning the respect of and riding with Nathan Bedford Forrest until the end of the war.

This would be the hardest to write. And I’d really want to get this one right because, as I see it, it would have the potential to be a genuine bestseller. I’d just want to make sure that we really got the cover right.

Wow, just wow. I’m guessing Yoshi is happy to believe the most awful (best, for him) stories about the Fort Pillow massacre and the novel’s set-piece will show Forrest’s samurai lieutenant at that location, gloriously eviscerating various Yankees and Negroes with, ahistorically but crucially, a few socialist journalists thrown in for good measure, who are of course righteously decapitated. Or maybe a time machine will be involved and Adam can at last utilize his ingenious fantasy technology of human-sized microwaves to logical conclusion. I suggest he set up a sequel in which, after annihilating the Yankee menace, he takes his katana and jumbo microwave to Europe and uses them to single-handedly slaughter everyone in the Paris commune, after which he retires to Germany and joins the Junker class, becomes BFF with Moltke the Elder, and convinces Bismarck to change his mind about the welfare state. Later in life the samurai marries a nice young Aryan girl and they have an artistic son named Adolf.

Also, too, from way back in the Sadly filez: en hommage to Yoshi…

78 Comments »

  1. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:09

    Ah yes, the Ku Klux Ninja.

    Sure to be a best seller.
    ~

  2. blowback said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:16

    Do you think Adam thought Iron Sky was a documentary?

  3. James Clavell said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:25

    The Memoirs of a Confederate Samurai

    Starring Richard Chamberlain!

  4. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:44

    Go whole hog. Make it a 30 foot tall cyborg terminator as well. with a plucky young Japanese sidekick named …Radam Roshida or something.

  5. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:44

    Ah yes, I’m sure the notoriously racially-accepting Confederate soldiers would have been overjoyed to have a “dirty Celestial” in their midst.

  6. N__B said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:50

    “Memoirs of a Confederate Geisha” would sell better.

  7. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 4, 2013 at 6:58

    I thought I read somewhere that the practice of seppuku’s frequency has been exaggerated in history, but it seems there would have to have been about 4 or 5 “so, I’m reduced to this” moments, before a disgraced samurai would have ridden with and fought together with Nathan Bedford Forrest.

  8. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 4, 2013 at 7:12

    I am inspired by Adam’s work and will start on my own fanciful alternative natural history novel “Memoirs of a Namibian Walrus”

  9. D Johnston said,

    February 4, 2013 at 7:13

    So, so many things to say. Let’s count them off.

    1.) Those are some sexy covers on those books. You know, most self-pubs at least grab some royalty free stock art, but I guess MSPaint works too.

    2.) I’m not exactly an expert on Japanese history, but I’m pretty sure that the shogunate was basically gone by the time the American Civil War had broken out. Apart from a revolt or two, there were no samurai anymore. That might be the kind of thing Yoshida could work out in his oh-so-meticulous research.

    3.) Yoshida’s books have several reviews apiece, so I have to assume it’s his fans buying them, because who else would? But that just leads to another conundrum – Adam Yoshida has fans?

    4.) Things like this just convince me that if I want to move my own books, I should come up with some excuse to market them as “conservative.” It would be bullshit, but it would work. Did I mention that one of my books is currently free? And that it’s available under my link? Is this degree of self-promotion unseemly?

  10. Jennifer said,

    February 4, 2013 at 7:15

    I have a better idea for Yoshida’s next book.

    It would be about a talking rectum, which pulls down big bucks for fomenting resentment against the innocent among the stupid.

    The bonus is, Yoshida won’t have to do any research at all; in fact, to satisfy truth-in-advertising standards, he should probably call it a memoir.

  11. D Johnston said,

    February 4, 2013 at 7:27

    Oh, wow. I’ve been flipping through his book and he has Mark Steyn being elected Senator of New Hampshire. If you had any doubts as to whether on not this thing had any wish fulfillment in it, there’s your answer.

  12. The Mayor of Upper Astroboffin said,

    February 4, 2013 at 7:40

    – and I’d have to do a damned lot of research to have it done right –

    Pfft,…why start now?

  13. D Johnston said,

    February 4, 2013 at 8:07

    So here’s the rundown on Yoshida’s opus, or at least the part that’s freely available (because fucked if I’m going to pay for this thing). It’s his future history of the 21st century.

    First, by this year (remembering it was written in 2011), all the manufacturing jobs leave China (and presumably all the other countries that make our shit, but they aren’t mentioned) and return to the United States and Canada. Actually, “jobs” is a bit of a misnomer, as they’re robot factories – a fairly standard spec-fic trope, although I’m amused he thought we’d achieve absolute industrial automation in two years. Also, there’s some more shit he swiped from Steyn, although Yoshida fell short of having the PRC invade Russia to steal its women.

    After that, we’re back in the states. Obama defeats the unnamed “Republican nominee,” because our far-sighted visionary wasn’t willing to predict whom the GOP would run the next year. Yoshida is careful to point out that the nominee only lost because of a phony third-party run by a RINO. The Tea Party is very powerful in his universe, you see. He only got 37% of the vote, while Republicans handily retook both the House and Senate (wish fulfillment!).

    Anyway, the economy is in shambles, which is funny because I thought we had this new super-duper industrial base, but never mind. There’s a bunch of other generic right-wing tripe about Social Security and Iran that you could probably smell from a mile off, so I’ll skip ahead.

    Now we’re in Europe. After a depression in the Euro zone, German leaders cook up a plan to buy the continent, in so many words. The German people vote them out of office but because Yoshida is a great writer, the new leaders have the exact same scheme. Blah blah, random shot at France for no reason at all, everyone hates Germany, and that’s the end of the first chapter.

    It’s at this point I’d like to note that Yoshida steadfastly refuses to give actual names to any individuals or groups. No, it’s all “one senior Congressman” this and “left-wing magazine” that. Oh, and the guy that wants to do a period piece combining two nations was apparently too lazy to look up the name of the Saudi Prince on Wikipedia. Really filling me with confidence, here.

    Okay, Chapter Two opens with Mexico invading the United States. Yes, really. A group of special forces and/or drug cartel soldiers (Yoshida really can’t make up his mind about that one) enter Arizona and kill some dudes. This is part of some convoluted scheme to get the U.S. to attack Mexico, thereby generating some kind of anti-American backlash, and by this point I don’t even know what-the-fuck.

    We then jump back to the homeland for a minute, where there are apparently mobs of pothead liberals roaming the streets terrifying people. Of course there’s a shot at the legalization movement, because Yoshida has to work in every right-wing bugaboo of the last decade.

    Back in Mexico, the soldiers/drug lords/whatever are firing rockets into the United States as part of the same scheme. Of course, the President doesn’t do anything about this (it’s not like drones were made for this sort of situation or anything…), so the Texas National Guard starts running air patrols. Yeah, there’s a fucking No-Fly Zone outside of El Paso. After this, 20,000 U.S. soldiers are dispatched to Mexico after a request from that nation’s government. And that’s Chapter Two.

    What do you think? Wouldn’t you love to read a hundred thousand more words just like these?

  14. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 8:20

    I’m guessing Yoshi is happy to believe the most awful (best, for him) stories about the Fort Pillow massacre and the novel’s set-piece will show Forrest’s samurai lieutenant at that location, gloriously eviscerating various Yankees and Negroes with, ahistorically but crucially, a few socialist journalists thrown in for good measure, who are of course righteously decapitated.

    I prefer the version where the Confederate Samurai brings his “knife” to a gunfight and gets cut down by a conscript from Maine, who taunts the dying aristocrat by saying, “The peasants won this victory.”

  15. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 8:35

    Go whole hog. Make it a 30 foot tall cyborg terminator as well. with a plucky young Japanese sidekick named …Radam Roshida or something.

    Adam Yoshida in “Kenny” style short-shorts? HELL, NO!

  16. John Revolta said,

    February 4, 2013 at 8:42

    Oooo! I wanna be a terrifying pothead liberal in the movie!

    “Flee, man! Like, flee my total liberal awesomeness, puny squares!

    “CHEECH SMASH!!111!!11!11!!”

  17. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 8:52

    Of course, the President doesn’t do anything about this (it’s not like drones were made for this sort of situation or anything…), so the Texas National Guard starts running air patrols. Yeah, there’s a fucking No-Fly Zone outside of El Paso.

    I imagine this is a ham-fisted attempt to create a heroic Vietnam era narrative for Dubya… well, he COULD have been a war hero!

  18. Smut Clyde said,

    February 4, 2013 at 9:34

    The Memoirs of a Confederate Samurai

    From the Continuing Adventures of Mary-Sue.

  19. Smut Clyde said,

    February 4, 2013 at 9:55

    I’m pretty sure that the shogunate was basically gone by the time the American Civil War had broken out
    I make no attempt to understand the downfall of the shogunate during the 1860s because it was a horribly messy affair, but lotsa disgruntled samurai were involved. The oligarchs running the Meiji Restoration regime didn’t cut the samurai class off at the knees until they were feeling a little more secure, in the 1870s.

  20. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 10:42

    The Memoirs of a Confederate Samurai

    From the Continuing Adventures of Mary-Sue.

    Haikus to Penthouse:
    I never thought that it would
    Happen to myself.

  21. jim x / another jim said,

    February 4, 2013 at 11:13

    An idea already done, and so much better, by the legendary Clutch. Back in 1992.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tIzP3Te05E

  22. Smut Clyde said,

    February 4, 2013 at 11:41

    Not to be outdone
    Unsheathing the katana
    The Divine Wind blows

  23. Babe Ruthless said,

    February 4, 2013 at 11:43

    My next novel is Memoirs of a Ruthless Confederate Babe about a camp follower who wins the respect of General Sherman after servicing half the rebel army.

  24. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 12:09

    My next novel is Memoirs of a Ruthless Confederate Babe about a camp follower who wins the respect of General Sherman after servicing half the rebel army.

    That’s not so far-fetched.

  25. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 12:27

    Adam Yoshida
    Types turgid prose one-handed
    Faps with other hand.

  26. Smut Clyde said,

    February 4, 2013 at 12:37

    Pizza delivered!
    Nudity and breath-play. We
    Hope you like fugu.

  27. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 12:42

    Nuke North Korea
    My Japanese relatives
    Want superpowers.

  28. mat said,

    February 4, 2013 at 13:23

    That’s odd that Mr. Yoshida imagines such a story, because back when I was a (heavily) pot-smoking teen in the late 70s I wrote a script for a cartoon called Chop! An All-midget Kung-Fu Heavy Metal Musical. The character names were the key, of course: Stumpy Wong, Itty-Bitty Chu, Wee Wang, etc.

    It looks like you’re livin’ the dream, brother Yoshida.

  29. Cole said,

    February 4, 2013 at 13:48

    “African American servant”

    Although that link from B4 is self-described as a “true story,” there are interesting hints that it is, as we say, le bullshit. Most pointed is this: “As he handed the note to the elderly African American servant, he told him ‘Say to your mistress for me that she might have remained in her home in safety; that she and her property would have been protected. Hand her this when you see her.’ ”

    Since we all know that the American Civil War was fought over slavery, and that all the racists live in the south, why would a terrific Union fellow like Sherman leave an “elderly African American servant” (ie SLAVE) imprisoned by his persecutor, and even claim to the fellow’s face that he was marking him as “protected property” all because Sherman had the hots for his college roommate’s sister?

  30. Cole said,

    February 4, 2013 at 13:55

    I imagine this is seen as a masculine romantic gesture in the Adam Yoshida fabulist world (I know he didn’t write this, but it smells of the sample D. Johnson kindly summarized).

    They live and breath a world of the strong terrorizing the weak and offering special dispensation out of whimsy, and like any fantasists they dream of this becoming “real life” for everybody, because they figure since they know the rules, they will be either on top or the butt-buddies of those on top.

    Same as it ever was.

  31. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 14:09

    Wingnut Samurai:
    “Cheeto farts are martial arts!
    Call me sensei, bitch!”

    It could also work as the basis for a traditional (though execrable) Western poem:

    “Cheeto farts are martial arts,
    So call me sensei, bitch!
    Got no nunchucks, but Koch Bro bucks
    Will someday make me rich!”

  32. Major Kong said,

    February 4, 2013 at 14:18

    Then, after Shiloh, I imagine him winning the respect of and riding with Nathan Bedford Forrest until the end of the war.

    Wow, that’s………that’s spectacularly bad.

  33. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 4, 2013 at 14:32

    Wow, that’s………that’s spectacularly bad.

    You’re not down with some Nathan Bedford Forrest/Miyamoto Musashi slashfic? Of course, Musashi lived two centuries before Forrest, but what’s a simple matter of time when it comes to love?

  34. JohnR said,

    February 4, 2013 at 16:26

    “I’d have to do a damned lot of research to have it done right ”

    Or, hire Jonah Goldberg to do the research for you. His crack cadre of ex-George F’ing Will sidekicks* should have the job done in no time flat.

    *cf The Tick: all sidekicks were named “Johnny [whatever]“, and tended to be nubile young male orphans with full, pouting lips. The only choice for your dedicated “Conservative” pundit**

    ** except, of course, the female ones***

    *** which leaves Ms. Coulter somewhat out in the cold, I suppose.

  35. mextremist said,

    February 4, 2013 at 16:40

    Heart of Fartness: Apocalypse Cow

  36. g said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:04

    finds his way to antebellum Los Angeles,

    Antebellum means before the Civil War. So he’s in LA in 1859 or thereabouts, and hangs out with US Government soldiers, but travels across hostile Indian territory with them so he can fight for the Confederate army??????

  37. g said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:05

    but I want to set it in the Western Theatre, which isn’t featured in Civil War fiction as much as it ought to be.

    But it won’t be set in the Western Theatre, because you just described your narrative as him leaving the West and going back east to fight?????

  38. Pryme said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:23

    Wolverines!…are about to fade away.

  39. Shakezula said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:43

    Working title: A Fist Full of Throwing Stars

  40. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:45

    So he’s in LA in 1859 or thereabouts, and hangs out with US Government soldiers, but travels across hostile Indian territory with them so he can fight for the Confederate army??????

    It doesn’t matter. It can still be a bestseller IF THE COVER IS JUST RIGHT!

  41. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:48

    Just a ripoff of Akira Kurosawa’s Southern Samurai.

  42. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:48

    Needs some vampires.

  43. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 4, 2013 at 17:49

    Hey,. Jennifer, when are you getting your domain name back?

  44. tigris said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:02

    1.) Those are some sexy covers on those books.

    Why is worried about getting it right, there are tons of colors left in the world? Maybe Edo brown.

  45. Shakezula said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:16

    But that just leads to another conundrum – Adam Yoshida has fans?

    Yes, and they have names like Yoshi Adams, Mady Ashida and Mom.

  46. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:18

    who publishes these thrilling adventures? Sock-puppet press?

  47. D Johnston said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:30

    Now that I’m rested, I decided to take a gander at book two of the Amazing Criswell Yoshida Predicts. I’d give a breakdown, but it’s really, really boring and not much happens. Yoshida abruptly drops the “future history” concept and switches over to a narrative style where people with vaguely Asian names have conversations about nothing in particular.

    But here are some highlights:

    -The PRC invades Russia, so apparently Yoshida really is following the Mark Steyn (sorry, Senator Mark Steyn) playbook.

    -The United States is now being harassed by a revolutionary terrorist group called – and I feel dumb typing this – the Aztlan Liberation Army. The Army handles them by building a fake black site in Mexico and luring them into an ambush. Andy why not? If the Empty City Ruse worked for Kongming in the 3rd century, why the hell can’t the Green Berets of the near future give it a shot?

    -Democrats continue to show up just to act like wimps. As any good writer knows, you have to depict your bad guys as ineffectual and/or corrupt 100% of the time or else your audience will forget who they’re supposed to hate.

    -The PRC decides to blow up every satellite they can hit. This finally rallies the American people because – and may I quote for posterity – “It was one thing for the Chinese to invade their neighbors and to sponsor nuclear attacks. Now, however, they had knocked Facebook offline.” Biting social satire from Adam Yoshida.

    -It turns out that the PRC has been arming Mexico as part of a proxy war, I guess. Not Brazil, with whom China has extensive economic and military ties, but Mexico. Presumably this is because, with the possible exception of Venezuela, South America really doesn’t factor in to any right-wing fever dreams. That’s how you know you’re reading a well-crafted thriller – the parts of the world the author doesn’t care about never even come into play.

    Well, that was fun. I’m off to hype my own projects because I refuse to live in a world where a Z-list conservative Canadian blogger is more successful than me.

  48. jon said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:34

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picacho_Peak_State_Park

    With all the super-duper exciting Civil War battles in the American West, a historical bestseller is just ripe for the picking. Throwing a samurai warrior in would just make it more awesomer. You won’t leave your seat during the exciting chapters in which the Confederates travel East. The vignettes of Arizona, New Mexico, and Western Texas will create breathless moments that unfortunately will not lead to unconsciousness and death. The triumphant recruitment chapter will thrill you as the Confederate officer will totally not be racist because he allows a Japanese guy be cannon fodder for the failing war effort!

    What’s the Southwestern US version of “Wolverines!”?

    Coatimundi!

    Almost sounds like something a samurai would yell. Almost.

  49. tigris said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:39

    The climax is when we discover Abraham Lincoln is really Aku.

  50. HTML Mencken said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:39

    Thank you, D. Johnston, for getting out of a boat I won’t even leave. You deserve a medal for all that.

  51. Kordo said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:41

    Is there anything so fine as a wingnut-chickenhawk blog with an un-moderated comment board? I left some suggestions, but I’m sure this crowd can do better.

    There was a time (so I’m told) when they’d confine people like this for their own safety, but I think this is much more fun.

  52. Jennifer said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:47

    Bitter Scribe – wish I could tell you. Beth purchased the domain name originally, and has since decided it’s bad for her job to be associated online with the likes of me. She’s been talking about pulling her name and all her stuff off the site for about a year and transferring ownership over to me, but hasn’t done it. So now it’s expired, and I can’t renew it because…technically, it’s not my site.

  53. Major Kong said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:48

    The PRC invades Russia, so apparently Yoshida really is following the Mark Steyn (sorry, Senator Mark Steyn) playbook

    Um, I think Tom Clancy actually did this already. I’m embarrassed to admit I actually read this:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bear_and_the_Dragon

  54. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:48

    Surely you’re not suggesting that the time is right for a certain wingnut in the prime age of soldiering eligibility go make his samurai in Afghanistan dreams come true?

  55. John D. said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:53

    “That’s odd that Mr. Yoshida imagines such a story, because back when I was a (heavily) pot-smoking teen in the late 70s I wrote a script for a cartoon called Chop! An All-midget Kung-Fu Heavy Metal Musical. The character names were the key, of course: Stumpy Wong, Itty-Bitty Chu, Wee Wang, etc.”

    Don’t forget their Master, the venerable Hung Low.

    Heh, heh. Uh, sorry.

  56. Kordo said,

    February 4, 2013 at 18:53

    My vote:

    Nuke North Korea
    My Japanese relatives
    Want superpowers.

    -BBBB

    “Heart of Fartness: Apocalypse Cow”

    See? I knew I’d be outclassed here.
    fuckin’ show-off, mextremist…

  57. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:01

    HTML, I’d love to see a Wingnut All Star-style post for Jenghazi Rubin.
    ~

  58. nipsen said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:01

    genetically and politically superior humans on Mars

    So.. does he actually acknowledge that this is fiction. And go into detail about how this magical and fabulous genetic engineering project will happen.

    Or.. did I miss something and the politically and genetically part wasn’t the actual science fiction he was interested in at all? Or.. that it wasn’t even science fiction in the first place?

  59. KWillow said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:17

    Perhaps a time-traveling Richard III (he’s in the news these days) somehow ends up leading a confederate army, along with Lee and whosis… Imagine Richard III vs. Ulysses S Grant. Ha! “My Kingdom for a slave!”

  60. Fenwick said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:28

    Don’t blame me; you people wrote them…

    Pillow Massacre
    Namibian Walrus
    Convoluted Scheme
    Disgruntled Samurai
    Divine Wind
    Fabulist World
    Johnny Whatever
    Tons of Colors
    Empty City Ruse
    Coatimundi

  61. mainmati said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:30

    Oh yes, I am just imagining Nathan Forrest of the CSA gladly welcoming a Japanese guy as his No. 2 because we all know that the CSA was a group of enlightened non-racist idealists.

    The ahistorical stupid, it truly burns bright in this lad.

  62. D Johnston said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:33

    No sweat, HTML. I’ve become a bit of an aficionado of bad self-published literature over the last few years, and right-wing thrillers are consistently among the best/worst. My personal favorite was the one where the guy created an alternate timeline where Barack Obama lost in 2008, only to have a completely different biracial, raised by a single parent in Hawaii, Democratic politician with an African name win in 2012. It was the first time I ever broke out laughing reading one of these things.

  63. Fenwick said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:38

    You deserve a medal for all that.

    D. Johnston is awarded the coveted Quelle Frommage.

    My vote:

    Nuke North Korea
    My Japanese relatives
    Want superpowers.

    -BBBB

    My vote too, Kordo.

    Will this thread have a Poetry Slam strand? We have super haiku. Needs some limericks…

    ——————————-
    Needs some vampires.

    Also zombies.

  64. HTML Mencken said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:41

    HTML, I’d love to see a Wingnut All Star-style post for Jenghazi Rubin.

    No can do. Alas I didn’t keep up with her much when she starting polluting the internets and now it’s too late to begin a dossier. A shame. OTOH I have several hundred links each for the Pods, and in NPods case, I’ve even acquired books to plumb for awfulness.

    That’s impressive wingnuttery, D. Johnston.

  65. Shakezula said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:46

    mainmati said,

    February 4, 2013 at 19:30

    It’s a mistake many non-black minorities make and a classic example of post hoc ergo what the fuck? reasoning.

    If they aren’t an active target of hatred at this moment in history, they must have always been accepted by the white man. Oh, and pay no attention to that little internment incident much later in U.S. history.

  66. Scott the Obscure said,

    February 4, 2013 at 20:19

    You know, I knew Adam Yoshida back when he was a wee ickle troll on USEnet. And he’s still cribbing plots from the net.kooks that swarmed soc.history.what-if. I expected bdtter of him, really I did….

  67. jim, in yr paradigm-base killing yr narrative-dudes said,

    February 4, 2013 at 21:08

    For that is not dead which can forever lie ……..

  68. tigris said,

    February 4, 2013 at 21:25

    From jim’s link: Ann Romney’s inspiring battle against multiple sclerosis and her star turn on the GOP convention stage turned her into a popular national figure, especially among women voters in Massachusetts.

    White women in Mass went for Obama 63% to 37%.

  69. Smut Clyde said,

    February 4, 2013 at 21:25

    Needs some vampires.
    Needs moar ninjas.

  70. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 4, 2013 at 21:28

    Will this thread have a Poetry Slam strand? We have super haiku. Needs some limericks…

    There are some excellent limericks’ over at thundra’s place right now.

  71. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 4, 2013 at 22:03

    limericks’

    A useless apostrophe, found
    Fake cries of “FYWP!” abound
    The author, chagrined
    Wishing he could rescind
    Instead with verse will expound.

  72. Thomas Beck said,

    February 4, 2013 at 22:13

    “One idea is a story about how genetically and politically superior humans on Mars are forced to show the likewise inferior humans (liberals) left on Earth just who’s boss when an alien presence threatens the solar system”

    Umm…has he never heard of Jerry Pournelle?

  73. Yoyo said,

    February 4, 2013 at 23:17

    He went with a samurai slash,
    Totes not in it for cash.
    With a cover sublime,
    His sales are so fine
    But his fap hand is getting a rash.

  74. Spaghetti Lee said,

    February 5, 2013 at 4:31

    This thing still on?

  75. deering said,

    February 6, 2013 at 1:51

    I write book cover copy for a living, and have an ongoing collection of titles I am fervently grateful have never crossed my desk. Looks like five more for the list…

  76. Anon said,

    February 9, 2013 at 22:04

    I don’t want to sound like I’m defending what is surely a godawful book premise, but you really can’t make fun of this guy’s grasp of history, then turn around and act like the Confederate army was all white, or that there were no samurai in the 1860s, or that “all the racists live in the south”.

    Even the Hitlerjugend and the Wehrmacht were not all-white, for that matter. Just because an organization or society is racist, that does not make it all-white.

    You folks never heard of this guy?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stand_Watie

  77. D Johnston said,

    February 9, 2013 at 23:37

    Why is it that guys like this only show up in inactive threads? I mean, it’s not like this post is a year old or anything, but couldn’t you have noticed that the last comment was three days ago before lecturing people who are no longer here? Hell, the only reason I’m here is I suddenly started getting clicks from this page.

    Oh, and for the record, the samurai were already being phased out by the 1860′s. By the next decade they were gone except in name, and the last of them were stamped out by the numerically and technologically superior Meiji army a few years later. Oh, and I suspect that Cole might have been a little sarcastic. Just maybe.

  78. ll said,

    November 27, 2013 at 22:39

    ahistorically but crucially, a few socialist journalists

    Maybe Yoshida’s muse could figure out a way to work Karl Marx into the story: Marx grows weary of writing about the Civil War from London and decides to go out into the field, etc.

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