Holy sweet Jebus, I’m gone for a couple of years and look what I miss: crown jewels of wingnuttery! Our old pal Adam “Shove them into human-sized microwaves” Yoshida has become an author of military science fiction or, as he likes to call it, future history. He’s already written two novels, A Land War in Asia and A Blast of War, and considering Yoshi’s previously stated desire to glennocide pretty much everyone in the world apart from American Republicans and British and Canadian Tories, I can well imagine the content of these books.
Above: Uncle Yoshi wants You to join the U.S. Wankery
Apparently he’s sold a few copies and is therefore letting his fertile imagination run wild with ideas for future volumes. One idea is a story about how genetically and politically superior humans on Mars are forced to show the likewise inferior humans (liberals) left on Earth just who’s boss when an alien presence threatens the solar system. Another story will focus on a plucky young billionaire conservative who recruits an army of mercenaries and topples dictators in Africa (I take it Yoshi is a fan of Mark Thatcher); I modestly suggest the title Heart of Fartness. As for his third idea, I’ll leave it in our favorite Japanese-Canadian fascist’s own words:
The Memoirs of a Confederate Samurai:
This is really a case where it would all be on the cover: a Japanese guy, a disgraced Samurai, finds his way to antebellum Los Angeles, where he falls in with a group of soldiers in the local US Army garrison. When the Civil War breaks out, he decides that he is morally obligated to join the, and travels with them across Arizona and New Mexico to Texas, where he joins the Confederate Army.
I don’t have the whole story down – and I’d have to do a damned lot of research to have it done right – but I want to set it in the Western Theatre, which isn’t featured in Civil War fiction as much as it ought to be. I imagine him first being a personal friend of – and being directly advanced by – Albert Sidney Johnston. Then, after Shiloh, I imagine him winning the respect of and riding with Nathan Bedford Forrest until the end of the war.
This would be the hardest to write. And I’d really want to get this one right because, as I see it, it would have the potential to be a genuine bestseller. I’d just want to make sure that we really got the cover right.
Wow, just wow. I’m guessing Yoshi is happy to believe the most awful (best, for him) stories about the Fort Pillow massacre and the novel’s set-piece will show Forrest’s samurai lieutenant at that location, gloriously eviscerating various Yankees and Negroes with, ahistorically but crucially, a few socialist journalists thrown in for good measure, who are of course righteously decapitated. Or maybe a time machine will be involved and Adam can at last utilize his ingenious fantasy technology of human-sized microwaves to logical conclusion. I suggest he set up a sequel in which, after annihilating the Yankee menace, he takes his katana and jumbo microwave to Europe and uses them to single-handedly slaughter everyone in the Paris commune, after which he retires to Germany and joins the Junker class, becomes BFF with Moltke the Elder, and convinces Bismarck to change his mind about the welfare state. Later in life the samurai marries a nice young Aryan girl and they have an artistic son named Adolf.
Also, too, from way back in the Sadly filez: en hommage to Yoshi…