Jan
29

I Can’t Go If You Look




Posted at 8:22 by HTML Mencken

Macho retired crusader General Jerry Boykin hilariously confides to Chris Wallace that allowing women in combat roles would humiliate him “as a man,” because of, umm, “personal hygiene” issues:

“Now, as a man who has been there and as a man who has some experience in those kinds of units, I certainly don’t want to be in that environment with a female because it’s degrading and humiliating enough to do your personal hygiene and the other normal functions among your teammates.

Killing or converting Muslims is one thing; taking a piss or shitting with chicks around? Too scary! But of course nothing new. As retired United States Air Force colonel Martha McSally (as quoted in the Crooks & Liars piece) put it, “men and women have been serving together for years.” So “the privacy argument [is] a ‘red herring.’” To which General Boykin would no doubt reply ‘exactly, hehindeed’ because that monthly, as it were, red herring is the source of the other implied objection in Boykin’s and so many other masculine fossils’ resistance to integration. The thought that a comrade in arms might have to change her tampon saps morale and might as well signal surrender to the enemy. Next thing you know these moon-cycled, oozing pseudosoldiers will be replacing kevlar with Chantilly lace and tastefully arrange scented candles rather than set claymore mines. How are soldiers like the General supposed to kill a raghead if there’s an all-powerful, disarming vagina nearby?

25 Comments »

  1. bughunter said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:36

    Hey… where is everyone?

  2. bughunter said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:41

    You know, the first thing I thought after hearing this argument was, “wait, it’s because the MEN have to poop? What about the wimminz privacy?”

    And then I remember the various occasions when my sister and my wife had no qualms whatsoever “planting a rose” by the roadside, or in a parking lot after a concert, or wherever the fuck, just as long as I was there to hold up a blanket and give the evil eye to any passersby who might show any interest in the proceedings, and thought, “what a fucking wuss…”

  3. CPL Ray Person said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:44

    Jesus fucking Christ, Walt. Are you serious? My first combat jack.

  4. bughunter said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:53

    Relevant.

  5. Another Kiwi said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:57

    We just don’t realise how far and fast girly germs can spread. Imagine if one jumped up your pee-pee hole while you were taking a whizz. You’d be wearing Chantilly lace afore you knew it.

    I’m picking that the next wave of terrorists is going to be wimminz carrying poop specimen jars.

  6. Pope Bandar bin Turtle said,

    January 29, 2013 at 9:54

    But will he cum if you call?

  7. Major Kong said,

    January 29, 2013 at 10:10

    Hey, if women want to go get shot at, they can take my spot.

  8. N__B said,

    January 29, 2013 at 13:30

    No mention of the horrors of close-company, unisex farting?

  9. Cole said,

    January 29, 2013 at 13:33

    It’s not that these primitive motherfuckers are worried that women will fail in combat situations and complicate or undermine the success of any particular battle (ergo campaign ergo war ergo omygodcivilisationisdoomed)–it’s that they are really worried that enough women will prove themselves competent at killing things that these cavemen will literally have no more place in society at all.

    That’s the problem with being a one-trick-pony in the competitive circus that is the modern world.

  10. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 14:11

    Wait, this was the crux or the nub of a WSJ editorial the other day.

    WingNutz mock environmentalists, but boy are those cats into recycling.

  11. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 29, 2013 at 14:18

    Is he afraid that women will corrupt the pure essence of his piss?

  12. Slocum said,

    January 29, 2013 at 14:25

    I’m pretty sure Boykin has no trouble shitting his pants.

  13. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 29, 2013 at 14:27

    It’s not that these primitive motherfuckers are worried that women will fail in combat situations and complicate or undermine the success of any particular battle (ergo campaign ergo war ergo omygodcivilisationisdoomed)–it’s that they are really worried that enough women will prove themselves competent at killing things that these cavemen will literally have no more place in society at all.

    This just hit me… Just as creationists fall back on the God of the Gaps fallacy and find that the gaps keep shrinking, these guys find that their sexism has less room to maneuver as women enter more professions and compete competently- it’s the “God of the Achievement Gaps”.

  14. Cole said,

    January 29, 2013 at 14:41

    BBBB–the attitude is integral, if not exclusive, to authoritarians, such as masculine military types. Humans are tool makers/users, and humans as tools to authority for common security is about as basic a definition of authoritarianism as you can get.

    When you find security in being the best tool you can be for what you consider the “greater good” (too often an opportunistic authority figure), then you are bound to be threatened when another tool proves as effective at your job.

    It’s just not fair to replace the hammer with a multi-functional, pneumatic drill with a wide assortment of interchangeable heads.

    (While I say this in jest at the frustrating unwillingness of throwbacks to die off and let society progress, I do think we need to be realistic about finding ways to gently ease these types into the twilight–for the greater good, of course.)

  15. jim, in yr paradigm-base killing yr narrative-dudes said,

    January 29, 2013 at 15:41

    Obviously what these emo warriors fear the most is somebody with a VAGINA doing better in a combat scenario than them, leading to an incurable case of chronic Hurt Fee-Fees Syndrome.

    Latest trope is that the military will lower its standards to cut teh ladies some slack … yet none of these VERY CONCERNED creeps had Peep One to say back when Dubya was lowering recruiting standards left & right (it seemed like there was a new restriction removed every week there for a while) to the point where experienced soldiers were saying that it was going to be more dangerous than it had to be for vets to try to deal with & accomodate new people in their units who shouldn’t be anywhere near combat.

  16. Austin Loomis said,

    January 29, 2013 at 16:14

    (Tryin’ one again because FYWP timed out the first go.)

    bughunter skrev:

    Relevant.

    …for Christ out loud, bughunter, fucking warn a body when the mangoes are that ripe. My gag reflex isn’t what it used to be.

  17. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 17:26

    Cole said,

    January 29, 2013 at 14:41

    Hur hur. You said tool.

  18. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 29, 2013 at 18:47

    How can we win the crusade if the Musselman has superior locking-ladies-up technology?

  19. Trilateral Commissioner said,

    January 29, 2013 at 18:47

    The obvious problem is that menstruation is contagious.

  20. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 29, 2013 at 18:50

    I will refrain from AHEMming the fuck out of this thread.

  21. Hogeye Grex said,

    January 29, 2013 at 19:25

    I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

    But I… I do deny them my essence.

  22. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 19:51

    New terrorist tactic: Broadcast recordings of women giggling 24/7. U.S. soldiers will be unable to make wee-wees and dookies and run away.

  23. VCarlson said,

    January 29, 2013 at 20:40

    Humans are tool makers/users, and humans as tools to authority for common security is about as basic a definition of authoritarianism as you can get.

    IOW, Boykin’s a tool.

    Sounds right to me.

  24. momus said,

    January 30, 2013 at 4:49

    You are either a wimp or you are not.

  25. Gerald Fnord said,

    January 30, 2013 at 12:14

    ‘Real Men find women suspiciously effeminate.’

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