Jan
28

True Forced Fapiness




Posted at 13:13 by HTML Mencken

Roy strikes comedy gold written by a contributor to Mrs. Perfesser Corncob’s Basement O’Randroids:

Forgive me if this is the wrong place to put this.

But this is an observation after using Okcupid futility for a few years now. Pretty much every single women on the site is a liberal who doesn’t want to date conservatives. (They have a match question for this)

Even women who are Ayn Rand fans. Even women who are hard core Christians, anti-abortion, anti-sex before marriage, etc, etc, etc

The few exceptions are “centrists” who don’t want to date conservatives.

What gives? Is it just the web site? Are most women who lean conservative already married? Are women just more prone to be liberal?

I’ve probably always known it but my recent return to wingnutology has confirmed it: For the sad and sexually frustrated denizens of Battlestar Conservatardia, All of This Has Happened Before and All of This Will Happen Again:

Millions of Women Have Been Indoctrinated to Not Fuck Me

By Dirk Wade

Finally, somebody said it. The so-called “modern” woman is a frigid ice-bitch who hates men. Hat tip to the ol’ Perfesser for having the cojones to open up this can of worms, big time. Preach it, brother!

[Pause to note the expert interpretation by Sadlynaut D.A.'s old blog mate Mr. Wade and indeed Parrotline itself, a treasure of a blog fossil.]

That Instapundit post is full of sexual FAIL, too. I suppose if there’s any difference between then and now it’s the average fapulent wingnut’s perception of the number of women, poisoned by liberalism and identity politics, who cruelly condemn brave sofa samurai to a life of masturbatory squalor. Then it was probably most women but now it seems as if all women of a certain age not already married are repulsed if not revolted by conservative masculinity. The window has slammed shut, yet through it male winguttia can see that objects of their frustration not only hook up with liberal d00dz (or worse, other women!) but also swing elections for the Kenyan Antichrist. The most they can hope for apart from starbursting on the couch to the Moose Queen* is that wingnut welfare will provide an occasional convention photo-op whereby there might be a thrilling brush against Pam Geller’s sideboob or a chance to see Ann Coulter’s adams apple up close while she signs a soon-to-be-crusty eight by ten. Too bad so sad but then as so many conservatives say, this is the Age of Austerity.

*Not anymore.

113 Comments »

  1. Gary Ruppert said,

    January 28, 2013 at 13:51

    The fact is liberals are deliberetly diluting the American gene pool by brainwashing single women into being repulsed by geneticalley superior conservative men.

  2. N__B said,

    January 28, 2013 at 14:30

    “It takes a nation of millions of women to not fuck him.” Worst album ever.

  3. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 28, 2013 at 14:55

    who cruelly condemn brave sofa samurai to a life of masturbatory squalor

    They’re like a bunch of Hitlerettes!
    ~

  4. wiley said,

    January 28, 2013 at 15:13

    They want entirely too much credit for knowing where to put it.

  5. El Manquécito said,

    January 28, 2013 at 17:05

    masterless sofa samurai = rocking chair ronin

  6. g said,

    January 28, 2013 at 17:40

    Wait, wasn’t it just a month or two ago that we were treated to the notion that conservative women are hot babes? Where’s Dana Loesch, Sippy Cupp and la Malkin in all this?

  7. Helmut Monotreme said,

    January 28, 2013 at 17:45

    It’s not rocket surgery. If the ladies (or mates of your preferred sex and or gender) don’t want what you have to offer in the first place, doubling down isn’t going to help.

  8. ernie anastos said,

    January 28, 2013 at 17:52

    okay…i’ve been gone all weekend…just checking in now and feel compelled to say, ‘what the hell is going on here?!’

  9. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 28, 2013 at 17:53

    “Why can’t these evil bitches see that I’m a nice guy?”

    Has anybody got the intestinal fortitude to post a comment over there suggesting that they start fucking each other? Hey, they’re the ones who think that being gay is a choice, why can’t they make that choice? As an added benefit, it would help them to adhere to their “Spartan” ideal.

  10. Helmut Monotreme said,

    January 28, 2013 at 18:06

    BBBB, they would be pretty disappointed to find out, that if their Sparta fantasy were realized, that they would be helots.

  11. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 28, 2013 at 18:10

    Is politics really a thing with online dating? I tried it for a few years (with indifferent success) but don’t remember ever being asked about politics by an online form, much less an actual date.

    If it makes this guy feel any better, there are a lot of religious women out there who don’t want to date atheists. I don’t know if he’s religious, but if he is, he should maybe try that angle.

  12. N__B said,

    January 28, 2013 at 18:17

    ernie anastos said….‘what the hell is going on here?!’

    Chicken-fucking.

    Obviously.

  13. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 28, 2013 at 18:31

    BBBB, they would be pretty disappointed to find out, that if their Sparta fantasy were realized, that they would be helots.

    Yeah, I can’t imagine any of them being happy when it’s their turn in the barrel.

  14. Sophist said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:03

    It’s almost as though women can understand spoken and written language and have been noticing all the things conservatives have been saying about them or something.

  15. Jennifer said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:20

    And in this we hear an echo of the true conservative objection to evolution – natural selection in action. When women are free to choose, they tend to not go for the guy who regards them as silly bitches, so lacking in intelligence that the law must step in and govern what they do with their ladybits. Bigoted, narrow-minded men so insecure in their masculinity that they support force of law to underscore their superiority to the weak silly ladeez don’t get to pass on their bigoted, narrow-minded, insecure masculine genes. Which is why we must work to make women slaves of their reproductive systems, and if at all possible, go back to arranged marriages – arranged by men, of course. Because otherwise, the world might eventually become a better place as they and theirs are shut out of the gene pool.

  16. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:25

    What is it with you people? NUMBER of women, not “amount.” You dont fucking weigh them to determine more or fewer fer FSM’s sake. Criminy!

    Also, havimg no knowledge of OKCupid and such I must wonder whether the commenter’s observation is even accurate or just the result of a persecution complex.

    I must also say that once again Teh Gheys show how it should be done. Though I have only looked at Grindr for amusement a couple times – which is to say I have no in-depth knowledge of it – the guys there don’t give a shit about politics or religion or anything except “are you my type in the sack.”

  17. Helmut Monotreme said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:34

    What is it with you people? NUMBER of women, not “amount.” You dont fucking weigh them to determine more or fewer fer FSM’s sake. Criminy!

    Perhaps they are trying to boost their Don Juan score by measuring the total gross weight rather than number of individuals?

  18. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:36

    Paris Hilton says Grindr is disgusting. That’s good enough for me.

  19. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:41

    What is it with you people? NUMBER of women, not “amount.” You dont fucking weigh them to determine more or fewer fer FSM’s sake. Criminy!

    As a guy who likes big badonkadonks, I have to take issue with you here.

  20. HTML Mencken said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:43

    [blockquote]What is it with you people? NUMBER of women, not “amount.” [/blockquote]

    Argh you’re right, sorry. Will fix.

  21. Thread Bear said,

    January 28, 2013 at 19:48

    I thought the ultimate goal in using a dating service was a mount of woman.

  22. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:02

    I thought the ultimate goal in using a dating service was a mount of woman.

    Well played!

  23. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:08

    I thought the ultimate goal in using a dating service was a mount of woman.

    Not Grindr.

  24. ernie anastos said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:09

    As a guy who likes big badonkadonks, I have to take issue with you here.

    well, heeeeellllloooo there…

  25. bbkf said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:09

    oh bobdammit! how long have i been being ernie ansastos?!?!

  26. bbkf said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:13

    also, too…i read Okcupid futility as some bastardization of ‘occupied’ and ‘utility’ and was trying to figure out 1) why the occupied movement had a dating site and b) that the complainer felt it was a useless datesite, why he was on it in the first place and, iii)wouldn’t chicks on an occupied movement website be liberal in the first place, so…duh?

    i can only surmise that the lack of alcohol intake this weekend is causing me to have a bad monday…

  27. bughunter said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:27

    All the women who are attracted to assholes either join sororities and get married to one, or recognize the error of their ways by the time they’re 25.

    Then there are those will will fuck anything as long as he’ll be her sugar daddy. They’re called “high maintenance.” But you’ve gotta have beau coup bucks to afford a hot one. (cf: Ivanka Trump)

    The rest? Sorry. Nothing you say or write will get you in their pants as long as you’re assholes, fellas. God forbid I should encourage your gametes to come in contact with any ova but for purposes of illustration, here’s my advice – find a closeted gay republican, teach an undergrad college class and trade grades for sex, or start feeding your filthy rich aunt (and any of her other heirs) arsenic. Those things have worked for assholes like you for centuries.

  28. N__B said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:42

    how long have i been being ernie ansastos?!?!

    The over/under says twenty years.

  29. bughunter said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:47

    I’m honestly surprised to learn that so many people claim have no luck on dating services. I tried Match after tiring of the meat market (and not really having any luck there anyway), and trying for years to meet women in normal places like grocery stores, etc… which just made them react as if I was a creep.

    So I tried the free service on Match. You can post a profile but you can’t initiate any contact. I made sure I answered every question in detail. I made sure my spelling was correct. I didn’t sound like a nutjob, a loon, or a loser. In other words, I sounded like a normal, intelligent male, and I posted a real pic, taken recently.

    In ONE MONTH I had more sex than I had enjoyed in the previous three years. I am not fucking kidding. It was the most whirlwind month of my life. (And even using condoms I’m still surprised I didn’t contract anything… not even an abrasion.)

    By the end of one month, I had slept in my own bed only two nights out of the previous week. I was feeling guilty for dating three women at once. I still think about two of them from time to time. I married the third, nine years ago last week.

    Anyway, Moral of the Story: There are women on those services who are desperate to find men who aren’t just losers looking for a hookup… or who aren’t catfishing, I guess, these days. Just be yourself, treat it seriously, and put on your best appearances but don’t lie.

    Oh, and always remember, before you agree to meet the other person somewhere, insist on two things: A) That they provide a recent picture, and 2) You speak with them on the phone. Those two steps will eliminate most unpleasant surprises.

  30. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:53

    oh bobdammit! how long have i been being ernie ansastos?!?!

    I dunno, how long have you been fucking that chicken?

  31. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:54

    also, too…i read Okcupid futility as some bastardization of ‘occupied’ and ‘utility’ and was trying to figure out 1) why the occupied movement had a dating site

    I think the site is called “Zuccotti Hotties”.

  32. bughunter said,

    January 28, 2013 at 20:58

    NUMBER of women, not “amount.” You dont fucking weigh them

    Well, when I was doing the whole singles bar / meat market thing, I used to tell friends I had two standards: 1) I have to be able to lift them, and 2) I have to be able to eat while I look at them.

    And I’ve suspended one or both standards at some point. I try not to think about those nights.

  33. eataTREE said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:02

    OKCupid, upon whose lush meadows I did meet my own dear sweet wife, is well-known for being full of lonely hippie liberal weirdo freaky artist types. One wonders what a nice conservative boy was doing there and not finding his long-term, monogamous soulmate on eHarmony like a good right-winger. It’s as if he were prowling through the coffee shops of the trendy art district wondering why he can meet no uptight Christian women in pants suits: get thee to a Church mixer, sir, and leave the freaky-deeky women for us alone.

  34. Smut Clyde said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:07

    All the women who are attracted to assholes either join sororities and get married to one

    You can marry a sorority now?
    Asking for a friend.

  35. Major Kong said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:11

    Years ago I did It’s Just Lunch. This was before online dating became popular. They would fix you up for a number of lunch dates every month.

    It was a little pricey, but I did meet a few women that I dated long term that way.

  36. N__B said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:13

    I was on and off Match for years: I’d get in a relationship, let the online thing slide, then I’d break up and go back to it. Mrs__B was on it for exactly one week. She met me and knew her life was over I was the one.

  37. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:25

    Then it was probably most women but now it seems as if all women of a certain age not already married are repulsed if not revolted by conservative masculinity.

    At a certain point you have to understand that wrestling is fake.

  38. bbkf said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:26

    She met me and knew her life was over I was the one.

    i got hubbkf the old fashioned way: i stalked and hounded him until he relented…

  39. Smut Clyde said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:26

    I rate for the “volunteering as a guinea-pig in drug trials” method of meeting women.

  40. jim, putting teh esprit in jeu d'esprit said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:42

    Out of his cold dead hands, ladies!

  41. Chris said,

    January 28, 2013 at 21:43

    But this is an observation after using Okcupid futility for a few years now. Pretty much every single women on the site is a liberal who doesn’t want to date conservatives. (They have a match question for this)

    LMAO. I know a conservative who uses dating sites (might even be that one). She has a similar “no liberals” policy, only she reinforces it with “no nonwhites, no non-Protestants, no icky poor people [e.g. anyone who doesn't have a college degree].” And then complains that she’s having trouble finding a perfect match.

    The best part? Asking her liberal atheist ex-boyfriend (who also got into online dating after their breakup) how to write “I’m only interested in white people” into her requirements “without sounding racist.” Oh, the torturous insides of the conservative “mind…”

  42. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 28, 2013 at 22:16

    “honkies only”
    ~

  43. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 28, 2013 at 22:31

    Asking her liberal atheist ex-boyfriend (who also got into online dating after their breakup) how to write “I’m only interested in white people” into her requirements “without sounding racist.”

    Must be polka fan.

  44. Helmut Monotreme said,

    January 28, 2013 at 22:47

    Asking her liberal atheist ex-boyfriend (who also got into online dating after their breakup) how to write “I’m only interested in white people” into her requirements “without sounding racist.”

    There is an entire website devoted to answering that question:
    http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

  45. histrogeek said,

    January 28, 2013 at 22:50

    Some potential advice to conservative men looking to score. You could try not being total asshats*. Just a thought.

    *I realize this is an existential paradox. How can you be a conservative man and not an asshat? It’s like being a cat and not a feline.

  46. Another Kiwi said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:02

    Maybe they need etiquette lessons on relationship issues that conservatives find to be of most interest. When should you bring up the subject of Transvaginal ultrasounds? When is it permissible to call the object of your affection “fuckmug”? When can you ask her if she has friends that would like a 3-way?
    That sort of stuff.

  47. Major Kong said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:04

    How can you be a conservative man and not an asshat?

    It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

  48. fg said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:07

    i read Okcupid futility as some bastardization of ‘occupied’ and ‘utility’

    I read it as a mash-up of “futile” and “utility” – so for the conservative male, OK Cupid is a futile utility – a futility.

  49. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:12

    i read Okcupid…

    I want to know what cupid has to do with Oklahoma.

  50. M. Bouffant said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:26

    There are three people (minimum) here (who admit they) met their spouses through Internet dating sites?

    Hmmm … Not sure what, but it must mean/indicate something.

  51. kg said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:35

    I think it indicates that people sometimes meet online and get married.

  52. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:44

    Hmmm … Not sure what, but it must mean/indicate something.

    I have used that site with some success. Their algorithm seems to work properly and it’s free. Answer enough questions and at a minimum you will find some people you want to talk to, if not don the pony outfit.

  53. Shakezula said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:47

    conservative masculinity.

    FATAL OXYMORON ERROR PLEASE REBOOT

  54. N__B said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:49

    Pony not the don
    Said no one to no one met
    On site “Match.com”

  55. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 28, 2013 at 23:57

    OKCupid fail
    I want to meet a nice girl
    They all have floggers

  56. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:03

    donning the pony

  57. Major Kong said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:04

    I want to meet a nice girl
    They all have floggers

    Um, what’s the link for that site again?

  58. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:06

    Nice girls do not generally have vloggers. For most values of “nice.”

  59. Helmut Monotreme said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:11

    FATAL OXYMORON ERROR PLEASE REBOOT

    There is such a thing as conservative masculinity. Isn’t the former “ultimate warrior”, now a conservative blogger? What could be more masculine than wearing tights and rolling around on a mat with a similarly steroid addled cyborg?

    Ford F-350s are aimed solidly at the conservative masculine demographic. What’s more masculine than going muddin’ in a lifted 4×4 pickup truck gaily festooned with trucknutz?

    And what about NASCAR? doesn’t the sport appeal to masculine conservatives who like taking an afternoon to listen to the roar of engines why they watch brightly colored cars pointlessly roar in a circle while sponsored by the sort of products to remedy the kinds inadequacy which merely mentioning would get this comment flagged as spam?

    Conservative masculinity exists. if it didn’t would so much of our economy pander to its maintenance and or …enhancement?

  60. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:16

    Part of the problem might be a basic P.R. issue.

    From a purely physical standpoint, when I think of well known liberal men (even politicians) I can readily come up with a number of examples who are not hard on the eyes.

    When I think of well known conservative men*, the first thing that comes to mind is Rush. John McCain and Mitch McConnell come next. Blaargh.

    But beyond that, there’s the fact that well known conservatives are well known for being fucking nuts. They’re mean, irrational and weird. They always have a wild hair up their ass about something. It is impossible to imagine a conservative man having fun as normal people understand fun.

    So, if you didn’t know better, Krazy Ken Kuchinellli would warrant an appreciative inspection. But being familiar with his politics I always look at him and think “Yeah, and Bundy was cute too.”

    *No Ann Coulter jokes please.

  61. N__B said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:19

    Ann Coulter walks into a bar and says “Ow, my head.”

  62. Nym said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:25

    John McCain was actually pretty dashing once.

    And Tagg Romney actually has a nice face structure.

    It’s the eyes– or more importantly, what’s BEHIND those eyes– that ruins them.

  63. Major Kong said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:37

    Ford F-350s are aimed solidly at the conservative masculine demographic.

    Shorter every pickup truck commercial – “Dude, if you drive this truck you are so not gay.”

  64. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:47

    Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:16

    you do not know how much i adore you…

  65. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:50

    Helmut Monotreme said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:11

    So … Conservative Masculinity = Trying, really, really, pathetically hard to prove one is masculine, worrying one is perceived as not masculine and being ready to lash out against anyone who seems to question said masculinity. Provide the target is smaller, weaker and unlikely to strike back.

    Oh I get it! It’s the whole conservative black is white, up is down, war is peace, ignorance is strength, every day is opposite day thing.

    Poor little tossers. If I ever find myself back in the dating pool, I’d want a website that administered electric shocks to any cons who clicked on my Want Ad.

  66. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:51

    Don Knotts usually
    Donned the white pony outfit
    Except on New Year’s
    ~

  67. eataTREE said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:51

    it must mean/indicate something

    In my case, it indicates that I’m much better looking in print.

  68. N__B said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:55

    Oooh…baby…the way your serifs end your curves…

    Wanna see my descender?

  69. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 0:56

    John McCain was actually pretty dashing once.

    But now he’s merely runny.

  70. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 29, 2013 at 1:04

    Shorter every pickup truck commercial – “Dude, if you drive this truck you are so not gay.”

    They’re amateurs compared to the beer ads. Remember those godawful “Drink Miller Lite or You’re a Fag” spots from about two years ago?

  71. Babe Ruthless said,

    January 29, 2013 at 1:11

    “Okcupid futility”

    Try the fap app.

  72. Smut Clyde said,

    January 29, 2013 at 1:15

    You know who owns an Ajax Freezer? Fairies own Ajax Freezers! You know who owns a Triplecold Freezer? Commies own Triplecold Freezers! Every freezer but a brand-new Feckle Freezer stinks!

  73. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 1:21

    Miller Lite = Masculine?

    TERMINAL OXYMORON ERROR REREREREREBOOT@#)3223

    (Please note, I am not saying ML is feminine. I’m not even saying it is a beer or even fit for human consumption. I don’t know what I’m saying other than the whole thing is stupid.)

  74. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 29, 2013 at 1:29

    They’re amateurs compared to the beer ads. Remember those godawful “Drink Miller Lite or You’re a Fag” spots from about two years ago?

    I’m straight, but I think I’d rather suck off a hobo than suck down a Miller Lite.

  75. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 29, 2013 at 1:30

    Miller Lite = Masculine?

    Miller Lite–its marketing, at any rate–has always been about masculinity. That was the basis of its initial TV ads, which are now industry classics, in the 1970s and beyond. They knew perfectly well that guys would consider a weak nothing beer with “Lite” in the name something for girls. So they rounded up the hammiest tough-guy retired athletes, and others, they could find, to talk about how manly it is to not get “filled up.” It was brilliant strategy that forever established a product that is, as Shakezula says, an unknown liquid of dubious potability.

  76. El Manquecito said,

    January 29, 2013 at 1:38

    There are hot days at Jazzfest when the farking Miller monopoly runs out of everything but Lite. I’ve drunk them but cursed bitterly whilst doing so.

  77. Jennifer said,

    January 29, 2013 at 2:07

    This turn in the conversation has given me ammo for the next time Connie calls and tries to call me out on something like ragging on Thomas Kinkade. That was yesterday’s call. “But what’s your basis for saying Kinkade’s not an artist?” she says. And truly, she’s not trolling – she’s claiming that art is completely subjective…and I don’t agree with that, at all. So I patiently explain, again, why Thomas Kinkade is was not a creator of fine art.

    So the next conversation is going to be me trolling her into defending Miller Lite as a beer. $10 says I can do it, but of course, not being privy to the call, you’ll have to take my word for it. I’ll report the details when it happens.

  78. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 29, 2013 at 2:24

    This remains worth a look:

    http://crookedtimber.org/2007/05/10/in-praise-of-budweiser-contains-extended-footnotes/

  79. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 29, 2013 at 2:41

    There are hot days at Jazzfest when the farking Miller monopoly runs out of everything but Lite. I’ve drunk them but cursed bitterly whilst doing so.

    You should carry a flask of amaretto to mix with it- if you prefer Dr Pepper to pisswater.

  80. The Mayor of Upper Astroboffin said,

    January 29, 2013 at 2:49

    Budweiser has rice in it. So what? So do Asahi and Kirin of Japan, Bintang of Indonesia and Efes of Turkey, and nobody has such a hate on about them.

    Yes we do.
    Adjunct grains are The Devil.
    This isn’t about snobbish views, it’s about what is beer, and what ain’t. Rice has no business being in beer.
    I don’t like that weiss crap either.

  81. El Manquecito said,

    January 29, 2013 at 2:49

    Nah, I just take vodka.

  82. 'natch said,

    January 29, 2013 at 2:50

    Never had amaretto but ill have a pint o piss before Dr pepper

  83. kg said,

    January 29, 2013 at 2:57

    I think adjuncts can be used judiciously with good results. Of course Budweiser is not an example of this.

  84. jon said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:01

    http://addictedtocupid.tumblr.com/post/38415686662

    Honestly, there’s plenty of action for hot conservative men. The women just need to know their place, and they’ll find it.

  85. El Manquecito said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:13

    Shorter Daniel; there are other bad beers. And footie.

  86. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:20

    Comment one of the Budweiser post is about right.

  87. bughunter said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:28

    No Ann Coulter jokes please.

    Challenge Accepted.

    Ann Coulter walked into a bar. The bartender said “Why the long face?”

    Q: What did Ann Coulter say when she fell? A: “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

    Q: What do you call Ann Coulter that lives next door? A: A neigh-bor!

    Q: Where does Ann Coulter go when she’s sick? A: The horsepital!

    Q: Where does Ann Coulter shop? A: Old Neigh-vy!

    Q: Why did Ann Coulter eat with its mouth open? A: Because it had bad stable manners!

  88. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:34

    You should carry a flask of amaretto to mix with it- if you prefer Dr Pepper to pisswater.

    rilly? cuz i’m always looking for different drinks to suggest to bar patrons…if you promise it won’t make me barf, i will give it a try next time i’m at work…

  89. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:35

    One more reason to (ahem) “support” local breweries. At least in my neck of the woods, I can drink the bloody beer without having to worry whether it is genital appropriate.

    (OK, Flying Dog’s naming practices could give rise to an amusing debate. But it is funny and the chances there will ever be a multimillion dollar ad campaign for Raging Bitch aimed at any gender = 000%.)

  90. bughunter said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:39

    Then perhaps Arrogant Bastard would be a better choice?

  91. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:52

    rilly? cuz i’m always looking for different drinks to suggest to bar patrons…if you promise it won’t make me barf, i will give it a try next time i’m at work…

    If you really like Dr Pepper, mix a shot of amaretto with an inexpensive beer- the tradition is to float a layer of Bacardi 151 on top of a shot of amaretto, light the rum on fire, and drop the shot glass into the beer. I’m not a big fan of either Dr Pepper or open flames indoors, so I’ll stick to my Ommegang or Smithwicks.

    One more reason to (ahem) “support” local breweries. At least in my neck of the woods, I can drink the bloody beer without having to worry whether it is genital appropriate.

    The closest local brewery to me puts out some damn fine beers, and the proprietors are genuinely nice people. Half-gallon growler refills are about ten bucks, a price you can’t beat with a stick.

  92. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:53

    Uh… Local brewer closest to me… I’m not even drunk!

  93. VCarlson said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:53

    “Lite” beer – I’d say “beer for people who don’t actually like beer,” but I think that’s Zima (as I understand it, it starts out as beer, then they filter out the flavor and color. Why not just carbonate some alcoholic water?). I’d rather drink water than a “Lite” beer. But I like water, now that I’ve gotten over expecting it to be crunchy. I mostly grew up in SoCal, drinking Colorado River water after almost everyone else was through with it. I had a HS biology teacher who opined the liquid in the water fountains was an example of a hypertonic solution. He was joking, I think.

  94. Smut Clyde said,

    January 29, 2013 at 4:07

    So do Asahi and Kirin of Japan, Bintang of Indonesia and Efes of Turkey, and nobody has such a hate on about them.

    I have tasted Efes and I have a hate on about it.

  95. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 29, 2013 at 4:21

    I don’t have any problem with Asahi. It’s fizzy water that gets you drunk. How can that be bad?

  96. El Manquecito said,

    January 29, 2013 at 4:23

    I cAn vouch for the banality of Bintang.

  97. Smut Clyde said,

    January 29, 2013 at 4:34

    This remains worth a look:
    http://crookedtimber.org/2007/05/10/in-praise-of-budweiser-contains-extended-footnotes/

    Dsquared does not seem to hold the readership at Crooked Timber in high regard, and his posts there tend to treat them as amusing targets to be trolled. Then when people try to point out his more egregious mistakes in the comments, he is all “What do you know about it? I’m an economist! I know better!”

    Then there are the anti-science posts where he writes as a fan of Bruno Latour, with the attitude that “Knowing about the anthropology of science practice makes me more knowledgeable about any given science than any mere scientist could be.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned climate-change denialist.

  98. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 29, 2013 at 4:36

    I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned climate-change denialist.

    But you KNOW he wouldn’t be sincere about it.

  99. Major Kong said,

    January 29, 2013 at 5:17

    I have tasted Efes and I have a hate on about it.

    I drank plenty of the stuff when I was deployed over there. Didn’t think it was that bad.

  100. S. cerevisiae said,

    January 29, 2013 at 5:39

    Gotta be better than Milwaukee’s Beast.

  101. Smut Clyde said,

    January 29, 2013 at 5:56

    But you KNOW he wouldn’t be sincere about it.

    Heaven knows, we need moar brave contrarian pundits challenging the received wisdom.

  102. Shakezula said,

    January 29, 2013 at 6:17

    The Mill Beast : Beer :: The Wizards : Basketball teams. They exist to make everything else in the same category look infinitely better.

    Hey, I believe I’ve stumbled on the Grand Unified Theory of Conservative Males!

  103. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 6:24

    Gotta be better than Milwaukee’s Beastkeystone light

    truly, that has to be the worst beer ever…

    I don’t like that weiss crap either.

    come now, honeyweiss isn’t that bad if you make a beergarita with it…

    and while i’m neither a fan of dr. pepper or pisswater, i am going to test out the amaretto/crap beer mixture on an unsuspecting person…possibly on one of my regulars who likes captain morgan and dr. pepper which just sounds atrocious…

    i still rate highly for the irish beer and the surly beer…

  104. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 6:26

    bughunter said,

    January 29, 2013 at 3:28

    aaaaaand after an incredibly shitty day, these made me laff…so thank you…

    p.s. have i ever mentioned that i hate people? especially people one has to have professional relationships with?

  105. The Mayor of Upper Astroboffin said,

    January 29, 2013 at 6:32

    beergarita

    Do. Not. want to know.

  106. Fenwick said,

    January 29, 2013 at 6:36

    I enjoy your posts, HTML. Always have.

    Ann Coulter walks into a bar and says “Ow, my head.”

    N_B winz.

  107. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 7:41

    oh hey…a guy on the history channel just said that hitler suffered from projection…

  108. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 7:45

    also, hitler liked, as this historian refers to him, as ‘fighter christ’…he did not like ‘nice christ’…it has also been revealed that hitler enjoyed golden showers, which is new info to me…

  109. M. Bouffant said,

    January 29, 2013 at 7:57

    One part Bacardi or Meyers’s 151 to two parts Dr Pepper on the rocks in a tall glass. (DO NOT LIGHT ON FIRE.) Two & even a high-tolerance guy like myself is history.

    And plain old Bud in an ice-cold bottle is not intolerable.

  110. bbkf said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:06

    And plain old Bud in an ice-cold bottle is not intolerable.

    sometimes an ice-cold bottle of grain belt premium is pretty awesome…also, too…it is ‘the friendly beer’…how neat is that?

  111. HTML Mencken said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:34

    I contributed to that CT thread because I’m not much on beer snobbery in general and I have an economic and cultural (even sentimental) attachment to Budweiser in particular. I’m half Arky and half Briton and when it comes to beer the Arky side wins most of the time.

  112. bughunter said,

    January 29, 2013 at 8:36

    I’m a total sucker for some things… I just bought two tix to take my son (age 8) to see the Harlem Globetrotters… just cuz I saw a commercial on TV.

    Well, the Glenmorangie helped.

  113. Pinko Punko said,

    January 29, 2013 at 9:17

    Assparrot!!!!!!!!

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