And Monckton has run himself over, what a great twit!
Lord Monckton of Bronchitis, Wing Nut Dyspeptic:
Obama’s ‘Inauguration’ Marks End of the Left
It could be said (by treasonous liberal commie bastards) that conservatives have had… issues handling the notion that America has re-elected Barack Obama to be our President for the next 4 years.
I mean, they threw everything they had at the guy. And I mean everything. Blocking all his actions as president, running an entirely fictional campaign, giving themselves blank checks, bringing back Jim Crow, openly disenfranchising any non-white person they could find, declaring war on poll numbers… And while they aren’t out of dirty tricks yet (the House is still gerrymandered and they are working to make all the swing states electoral votes distributed among their gerrymandered districts to try and stay relevant), it’s starting to get worrisome for them.
Not to mention, their cognitive dissonance is having to deal with the prospect of seeing a black man as president for another 4 years.
It’s only to be expected that some of the less… intellectually rigorous of the tribe, might be starting to snap under the pressure as it were.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Ha ha ha! Ok, maybe there really is a black man being sworn in as president on my TV and maybe we really can’t even steal elections anymore, but Ha Ha, moderate conservativism in the guise of a liberal presidency will um… Continents will sink, nations will fall and THEN WHO’LL BE LAUGHING LIBERALS. HA HA HA HA HA!
And apologies to the Joker for any unfair comparisons that might crop up in the course of this post.
Exclusive: Christopher Monckton of Brenchley reveals where BHO will be in 5 years
Having the embarrassment of the UK House of Lords* (and that’s saying something) drunkingly slur something on your online shit rag is an “exclusive” now?
Also. Where Obama will be in 5 years? Um, he’ll be out of the White House. If he’s like most of the other presidents in the last 40 years, he’ll probably spend most of his first year simply being retired, getting some much needed rest and possibly working on a memoir that he’ll be beginning to pimp out to the usual johns.
Not exactly the sort of thing that needs an “Exclusive” tag, as if Lord Fauntleroy were revealing the true transsexual nature of the Pope or something legitimately surprising.
There are two remarkable things about Mr. Obama’s second “inauguration.”
For fuck’s sake, people, he’s so utterly unnerved by the notion that America really did elect the black man twice that he can’t even bring himself to put down inauguration without scare quotes.
This is a broken fucking man.
First, it is remarkable that it happened at all.
Yeah, it’s almost enough to wonder if your movement’s 30 years of bad blood and exploiting racial resentments is beginning to run out of steam and that maybe the Republican Party might want to try not alienating a majority of voters next time.
Secondly, it marks not the triumph of the left but the end of the left. You heard it here first.
No I didn’t.
I mean, I know rampant narcissism is sort of a thing that the inbred blue bloods of British nobility do as a matter of course, but really, this isn’t some new thing. Wingnuts have been screaming this projection before there even was a triumph for them to claim meant nothing, Hail Endless Republican Majority!
But that’s okay, you were probably hung up on those matchsticks from earlier.
Mr. Obama has spent America into bankruptcy.
Bush, you say? Why my good man, why would you ever bring up shrubbery at a time like this? After Obama has spent 12 straight years collapsing the surplus Ronaldus Maximus gave him in 2000, it is really a rather crude attempt at distraction.
Yet the Republicans cannot beat him.
And they really, really want to beat him… and then hang him from a nearby tree. But if they did that, I’m sure the liberals would find a way to whine about that too!
He espouses fashionable but irrelevant causes long dear to the communist left, such as “gay” “marriage.” Yet the Republicans cannot defeat him.
Who wants to be the first to tell him that support for gay marriage is now the majority opinion in America? Cause I’m looking forward to seeing his head explode.
He allows unfettered immigration. Yet the Republicans cannot touch him.
Of course, which explains why Obama has actually increased the amount of deportations. But hey, why let reality get in the way of a good “poor pitiful me” rant?
He embraces every baby-butchering bill that comes along. Yet the Republicans cannot topple him.
Oh come on, he’s barely signed any NRA-sponsored legislation of late. It’s like you’re just making shit up.
He has been taken in, hook, line and sinker, by catastrophic anthropogenic climate alarm (CACA). Yet the Republicans – well, you get the point. They have become as irrelevant to politics in the United States as the dotty but costly causes Obama loves.
Speaking of making shit up…
You know, the whole bitterness over climate change among the right is kinda baffling. I mean, yeah, in the tank for oil companies, making hippies cry, and all that, but, I mean, why should they care this much.
Oh no, we believed those dastardly climate scientists and their evil worldwide conspiracy to invent hurricane machines and weather scrambling rays in order to make us believe the climate is irrevocably fucking up. Now, we’ve built this renewable energy infrastructure that produces less pollution, doesn’t run out, and makes us no longer dependable on all those countries in the Middle East we are supposed to hate because of Jesus and 9/11 and all that for nothing.
You know, other than all that, not having to worry about peak oil anymore, the boom in jobs in creating new industries that makes it so we won’t have to import them all from Denmark in 20 years and cleaning up the cities so they no longer are pollution hell-holes greatly limiting the lives of those who live in them and thus making the sterile environments of the suburbs and exurb areas much more attractive in comparison, because at least you can breathe…
I think I understand now. There really is no price conservatives won’t pay to punish urban environments and those who live in them (cough brown people and youths cough).
The second remarkable thing about this “inauguration” is that – though you may not see it yet – it marks the end of the socialist/communist/fascist left as a global political force.
… Um, wouldn’t something need a beginning to “come to an end” as it were? You know, outside of Jonah Goldberg’s fervent masturbation sessions?
But hey, I guess that old rotted chestnut is better than spewing out some tired old birther sh-
Here is why.
The Republican Party has deliberately, carefully failed to do anything about the in-your-face bogus “birth certificate” Mr. Obama endorsed and posted on the White House website almost two years ago.
Totally forgot that Lord Felch Snifter was the birther that all the other birthers point to because they’re stupid enough to believe that if a member of Britain’s nobility agrees with them that makes them more likely to be correct.
All right, so this explains the dumbass tagline. So let’s see, think like a wingnut, one second (whrrrrrrrr) okay, brain’s starting to dribble out now. Me think Obadmana be in jail 4 year in 3 years, errr!
And I’m back, thank Bob for inheriting Wolverine’s mutant healing factor.
How, you may ask, does the failure of the Republican Party to take even the most elementary steps to get rid of an unlawful “president” mark the end of the left?
I dunno? Space aliens? It’d make about as much sense as anything else you’ve written here today.
Simple. The longer Mr. Obama holds office, the more certain and visible will be the resulting national bankruptcy.
Ooooooohhhhhh, scary fiscal cliff that’s totally real will… um… Hey Cato Institute! What’s my line?
And if he is allowed to serve out his second four-year sentence, nobody but the left will get the blame.
Shyeah, right. If the IMF doesn’t get the blame for completing fucking up Europe’s economy with their bullshit Magic Capitalism bullshit, I don’t see how liberals would get the blame for the greedy banker’s-
No, wait, I totally see how they would. I forgot Axiom 1: “It is always a liberal’s fault when conservative ideas fail”.
For this reason, some Republicans did not want to win this election, which is why – for the second time in a row – they carefully chose the one candidate unquestionably incapable of beating him.
Yeah, kinda already got that. You weren’t particularly subtle with your whole, tank everything, prevent Obama from doing anything to fix it and then using it to argue that we should never ever elect black people or liberals ever again has literally been your only strategy for like 4 years now.
You don’t need to spell it out. We’re not actually as dumb as you.
This faction argues that the huge damage he will cause will be less harmful in the long run, because once he is gone the left will be discredited.
You know, some liberals had this belief before Reagan and again before Bush II, Emperor of the Wal-Mart. That if we just let these retrogressive fucks plummet America into their ground with their terrible policies and fascist additions to the government, it would sour everyone from conservative ideas and we’d be a liberal paradise forever more.
30 years later as we only just begin to start rolling back the extensive damage done to our country and where the “liberal” idea is usually just a bad conservative idea from 10 years ago that looks better than the current crop, I’d say Monckton’s nightmare of liberals fixing everything and ruining the scam isn’t very fucking likely.
The majority faction are simply too scared of the damage the left would cause to their reputations if they dared publicly to question the legitimacy of “Black Jesus,” as his staff call him. For the hard left have long used a simple and effective tactic to protect their criminals. They follow Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals, not the least of which is that the right have all the best arguments, so do not argue with them. Instead, make it plain that if they dare to speak out you will relentlessly destroy their reputations.
I’m going to print this paragraph out on a page somewhere so that if the power goes out, I’ll be able to find my way to the fuse box by the searing IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION coming off this page.
Seriously, I should put up burn warnings lest careless or slow scrolling burn a hole in someone’s monitor.
The Republicans, frightened for their reputations, have funked it. So you are now stuck with Mr. Obama for another four years.
All you had to do was steal one little election, but noooooo, you had to fuck it up for all of us!
Here is what will happen. He will continue to be soft on Islam, and Americans will be killed, and opinion will harden against Islamic terrorism.
If we just keep squeezing, we can get a little more blood out of this stone! C’mon, it’s our only chance against guaranteed electoral irrelevancy! Well, besides learning how not to act like racist, sexist, homophobic assholes willing to let the country burn if it pisses off some hippies somewhere, but really, what’s the fun in that?
He will continue to overspend catastrophically, and the Republicans, after a token show of dissent, will continue to let him get away with it.
He will continue to inflict crippling taxes and regulations in the name of Saving The Planet from “global warming” that has now been conspicuous for its unpredicted absence for almost two decades.
So let me see if I understand Evil Space Obama’s Master Plan here. He’s going to “overspend”, but not, you know, in the totally good “Reagan proved deficits don’t matter” way Bush von Bushinstein and Reagan did. And he’s going to “inflict” crippling taxes… which would offset any new spending and would be the way by which we would actually solve the debt if anyone on the fucking planet actually did give a fuck about this meaningless distraction. And then… make things cleaner and better for people in the name of evil Anti-religion science, but not in a way that would make people grateful for the clean air and lack of quagmires in the Middle East…
And this will somehow be worse than using his massive New Black Panther Army and control over the world’s jihadists to just, I dunno, slaughter everyone over the $250,000 income bracket…
Sigh, wingnuts have no goddamn imagination.
He will continue to argue that the corrupt United Nations and the European tyranny-by-clerk are a good thing.
Yeah, see, cause here. Here, we get that Tim LaHaye Rapture “The Anti-Christ uses the UN to form the One World Government” crap. So, what? Obama is either in league with or is the actual Antichrist, Destroyer of Worlds, and he’s going to do this by not killing enough muzzies to give wingnuts hard-ons and slightly increasing the tax rate on capital gains?
Sorry, my life isn’t nearly moribund and fruitless enough to find that shit even remotely frightening.
Europe as a boogeyman? You’re fucking European, you goddamn assclown!
In short, Obama will continue to embody and to espouse every shibboleth, totem and sacred cow of the communist left. And every one of those totems is going to come tumbling down over the coming decade or two.
A) I wish. I wish Obama and the other Democrats actually responded to the fact that people keep supporting real progressive laws and policies and governed accordingly rather than continuously chasing the hemlines of the “reasonable centrist” crowd down in Washington.
B) Oh noes, liberals want to pass new liberal laws like they, you know, won the election or something. I mean, I know it’s par for the course for British nobility to be against American democracy and all, but seriously, we both put our plans for America on the table and the public, despite all your efforts, still went with the progressive option. If things get more liberal and less shitty for people, that’s what’s supposed to happen, just like we deserve to get drill-fucked in the spleen every time we lose enough long-term memory to put conservatives in power.
Islam, which the left courts because there are enough Muslim votes to make a difference, will have to learn to curb its own terrorists or be ostracized.
This financially irresponsible presidency will mark the end of the welfare state as a viable or desirable model. In the end, a welfare state is always a bankrupt state.
Regional and global tyrannies such as the U.N. and the EU will fail, as the climate continues not to warm at anything like the predicted rate and the Eurozone continues to collapse.
Immigration will once again be brought under control, because no Western nation can any longer afford to indulge it as the left have done.
Oh my god. He’s actually out of right-wing boogeymen.
I… I’ve never seen this before. I mean, the right-wing has an infinite supply of boogeymen. If a grocery store clerk takes a second too long unraveling their spooge-soaked shit-smeared dollar bills, you can bet they’ll be listed as the reason that abortion exists and why our education system sucks.
And yet, Monckton can’t manage to keep more than 4 in his head without triggering a hard reboot.
That’s just… sad.
The left, personified by Mr. Obama, have the reverse Midas touch. Everything they touch – everything he argued for in his mawkish inauguration address – is already turning to ashes. Daily, the failures of the left are becoming more visible and more complete. Soon, the Marxists and fascists will be one with Nineveh and Tyre.
There are times when IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION is comforting. Here, where the wingnuts are desperately begging and pleading the cosmos for liberalism to be on its last dying gasp, inches from fading into long-awaited obscurity, is one of those times.
And remember this. Once Mr. Obama is gone from the White House, you will no longer need a state’s attorney general to persuade a federal district court to order Hawaii to disclose the original “birth certificate” and hand it over for forensic examination.
A) At which point it’ll matter, because…? I mean, it’d be satisfying if Bush and Cheney were dragged before the Hague for their many, many war crimes and outright breaking of international law, but it wouldn’t really matter. The Bush years would still have happened and I doubt it would affect modern conservatism in the slightest. Even if your idea wasn’t dumb, it’d still be dumb.
B) Yeah, sure, President Obama is totally going to be arrested for failing to disclose the thing he’s disclosed in like 5 different ways (including the one you requested) while Bush and company remain free. Yeah, the day that happens is a day when so many things have collapsed, we won’t even have a Justice System anymore to try him.
C) Really? Yeah, ok, give that a try. Let me know how that turns out for you.
In five years’ time, Black Jesus will be in the Big House (unless his Republican successor pardons him).
Hmm, I’m not sure if I’m more amused by the open admission that a Republican President would be the only one corrupt enough to pardon Antichrist, fake-birth Obamahitler or the tacit admission that he and his class view the Prison system simply as a tool to lock up uppity black people so they can’t inconvenience the “right society”. I mean, talk about proving prison abolitionists right!
The darling of the international left will have fallen victim to the corruption endemic within the left itself.
The darkest hour is just before the dawn.
Dude, if I wanted to read your masturbatory author-insertion fan-fic fantasy novel, I would have bought it in a seedy downtown sex shop.
Also, as we’re prone to say here: Sadly, No!
In fact, that’s the real issue that has you hyperventilating into the barrel of your final checkpoint pistol. America and the UK are getting “darker” and not because it’s leading to some mass white power renaissance, but because that’s just the way the demographics are going. The “other” is mattering more and more and people who have cloistered themselves from any contact from them are becoming less and less to the point of complete extinction.
And even scarier, every year brings us farther and farther from the years where being the inbred breeding stock of Europe’s greatest idiots somehow made you better than the rest of us.
And frankly, given this appalling display, all I can say is good riddance.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. I’ll stop putting the boot in when wingnuts stop giving me so much schadenfreude. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*Without ever, apparently, being a member of said House, which is doubly impressive.