This is the exact sort of image I thought of when I thought how best to mock the real intention and meaning of the “War on Christmas” malarky. Sadly, Poe’s Law means this image is real. A real bit of photoshop by a real wingnut expressing their real emotions. On that note, happy winter festival everybody!
Michael Bresciani, Ravage America:
Atheists’ advertise bah-humbug in Times Square
Happy Appropriate Winter Festival everybody!
Whether you are celebrating with a big glass of eggnog and your annual Winter Orgy or are out on the frontlines stealing the guns from patriots for the coming of Obama’s second term as Fascist King, most of us try and take time from our busy schedules to celebrate some form of winter celebration. Whether that is some bastardized form of Solstice celebration imbued with a religion specific mythology or its secularized derivatives or some lesser holiday quickly promoted to a big deal so one doesn’t feel left out in the December rush, the holiday season is becoming something nearly every American can experience without feeling left out (sorry Chinese-Americans you still get to feel disconnected and wrong… also those with crappy families or who have increased anxiety and depression around the holidays, not to mention the-… well, you know what I was trying to say).
But of course, the fact that this winter festival season, where we celebrate the cold weather being half over, has become such a big inclusive thing is exactly the sort of thing to bother the type of nutjob who wants to imagine that Heaven is a great big gated community in the sky. And today’s fruitcake a la mode certainly doesn’t disappoint on that score.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Knowing that atheists exist ruins Christmas.
We begin with some eye-blistering myopia.
The controversial and perhaps blasphemous exclamation made by actor, Jamie Foxx, has hardly dropped off the news cycle
Yes… Jamie Foxx is all anyone who is anyone can talk about right now.
(Shake head sadly)
If there is one tiny bright spot in all the aftermath to the bitter tragedy of Sandy Hook, it’s got to be how it shines a fucking death laser on the usual dirty tactics of the right wing. All the attempts to sell some trickle-down garbage from the paymasters or smear the enemy of the week become painfully obvious due to wingnuts having never learned the strategy of editing a shtick for context.
And yeah, apparently they’ve decided that Jamie Foxx is Satan for cracking a few jokes at their expense about how conservatives think all black liberals literally worship Obama. The best part is that for their attacks they’re trying to claim that he was literally trying to worship Obama… Gotta love wingnut own goals like that.
and along comes the ‘American Atheists’ spooks with a glaring Times Square billboard advertisement
Oh dear. From History’s Greatest Monsters, the vanguard of the War on Christmas movement, this billboard must be the stuff of legends. Something like a religion-specific version of the Arc of the Covenant melting the faces of poor religious people just trying to properly worship the Lord Mammon like everyone else.
with a picture of Santa on the top and a picture of Christ being crucified on the bottom.
Uh… You worship the crucifixion. That’s kinda why the crucifix is your religious symbol and the center of nearly every Church is either a crucifix or Jesus on the crucifix.
This would be like a muslim group deciding to get upset because some detractors dared refer to Islam with a crescent shape.
Just because you think your creepy porn-like fetishism of your primary deity’s death looks bad to the outside world, you don’t actually get to call offense on that.
The caption reads, “Keep the merry — Drop the myth.”
Yes, as seen here, the “infamous billboard” is surprisingly tame. And it’s only the fact that religion has such unearned privilege in our society, that we find the signage even remotely remarkable.
Oh, and it’s also worth noting that the billboard like nearly all billboards the American Atheists try and put up has a Christian freakout response billboard next to it demanding that everyone celebrate Jesus this season.
And that’s really the issue for them when it comes right down to it. The fact that there happen to be people who are not them. Who have different ways of being and may even worship different gods or no god at all and they may do that without being constantly reminded that they are less than and alone.
Because if people can be other than they are told, then perhaps they themselves may have to question what they truly are deep down.
But all this is the usual annual bluster. Surely, someone in this clown carousel can bring something fresher, newer-
Perhaps the atheists are afraid that godless educators may have missed some students in their initial college years.
Still not new, but promising. I mean, after all, if there is anything that is trying to brainwash youths into denying what they know as true, it must be the handful of years only a fraction of them spend in godless institutions years once they are already legal adults and not the 18 or so years they spend in their most formative years having their social lives carefully governed and structured so none encounter those outside the tribe.
Obviously, this counterintuitive and not at all IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION statement holds its truth in the dastardly reality-bending powers to ensorcelate men’s minds that all atheists have due to their evil natures.
But ha ha, if that were true there would be some sign of their perfi-
Those who got out from under the peer pressure of the secularized generations manta
O! M! G! Atheists have fucking manta rays. They’re the best Bond villains ever!
Sorry to have doubted you, random nutjob. Please go on about the Giant Death Laser atheists are constructing under the sea in order to murder Aquaman and rule Atlantis in his stead!
that assures by sheer preponderance, repetition and a refusal to compare their arguments against the findings of creation science and strictly secular philosophical viewpoints
Dastardly how mean old atheist scientists fail to let creation “science” debate purely philosophical constructs that said “science” could stand half of a sliver of a chance against and instead make it debate nasty old regular science simply because it wants to be taught in biology textbooks as legitimate research. Unfair!
that it is perfectly OK to be — “myth-taken, myth-tified and myth-erable,” as the late Evangelist Vance Havner often proclaimed.
MY WORD! They have powers over terrible forced puns as well?!? They must be eliminated so none are again harmed by these weapons of wa-
What? That’s actually from your side? Oh, random nutjob, is it true? Are you the real villains after all?
The atheists, who spend their time largely fighting against an enemy, they insist is not there, don’t seem to be able to curb the will of the merchants who rake in up to one third of their yearly receipts during the Christmas season.
Apparently atheists are now personally responsible for rampant consumerism and advertising as well.
It makes sense. If such things were not the violent tools of atheists to destroy Christmas then good Christians might have to acknowledge that sometimes capitalism does bad things and maybe it doesn’t make sense to worship it as if it were their God.
And really what is a little bit of blame moving to prevent that?
Don’t worry, the merry will go on if they have anything to say about it, and the day the Christians give up the Christmas observance, the merchants will be the first to try to — ‘save Christmas.’
1) Just want to confirm something. You are saying that Christians’ claim to this all-important holiday, this thing so important that you call yourselves to war every year to defend that which is “yours” is so fragile and tenuous that a mere display in an advertising hellhole could utterly obliterate it. Could drive you away and make you abandon the object of your affection…
Cause, regardless of your response, that’s what you’re saying here.
2) Oh, poor deluded random nutjob. You really think that portent hasn’t already come to pass… Yeah, bit late to start worrying about that, padre.
This writer is not naïve; I am fully aware that Christmas is a religious holiday created by the Catholic Church and is not a scriptural mandate. We are never instructed to celebrate any birthday. It is also known today, that if anything, Christ was probably born sometime in early April, not December 25.
We acknowledge that our claim to the holiday is fictional at best and a gross theft of various pagan celebrations at worst, and that because of this, all claims to be mortally offended at Christmas being “taken away from us” should be treated the same way as a used wad of lavatory paper, but…
What disturbs the atheists has nothing to do with the day or the veracity of the appointed holiday, it is the attention that is directed to what is, and will always be, the most significant birth and subsequent history changing event in our world. The significance of that event was first proclaimed by the angelic creatures who announced Christ’s birth to the locals.
It’s such an important birth that we don’t even bother celebrating it remotely near its supposed actual event, will immediately abandon celebrating it if an atheist looks at us crossly, and only care about it as a means of perpetuating a culture war for dominance over how other people practice their faith.
Anyone who celebrates the birth of Christ is never in need of a boost from a truly mythological person called Santa
… Good for you?
merchandising barrages, office parties or tinsel draped conifers.
Again. God for you? And…?
The words, good tidings, great joy, peace on earth and good will toward men are the phrases that we feel in our hearts because of his birth and we can never accept the fleshly substitute of making ‘merry’ and the practice of overspending, overindulgence, drunkenness and general partying on an unspecified holiday as a reasonable substitute.
Okay, so you prefer to be miserable on Christmas, angrily staring at all the various households with their reuniting of families, their shared celebrations of created family, their celebration of love and giving, and even the warmth they bring together.
I guess if that works for you, whatever, but you’re kinda hard out of luck if you think that’s going to catch on half as much as people taking the notion of “good tidings, great joy, peace on earth and good will towards men” as actual things to strive for and celebrate rather than mere words to enshrine and flagellate before out of misplaced envy.
Our joy is 24/7, 365 days a year and follows us into eternity.
And I’m sure if you repeat that in front of the mirror every morning, maybe one day you’ll actually believe yourself.
The atheists have missed the point by a million miles.
Yes, those foolish atheists, trapped and envious at a time of great celebration, sneering at those others who enjoy this time of the year and the generic good feelings it ideally should bring. It must be tragic to be them. If it wasn’t for the War on Christmas, they’d have nothing at all to carry them through.
If Christmas or Christianity was meant to produce only good feelings then we may as well dump both.
Yes, why bother following a religion based in actually doing good and bringing joy into the world? Really, what’s the point if it can’t bring condemnation and misery to everyone who encounters it, filling their lives with such unnecessary judgment and bigotry that even the children raised in the culture view it as harmful and vile?
On a completely unrelated note, why do atheists keep on brainwashing our kids the instant they leave the house? Nothing else could explain why they so regularly turn on us.
Feelings may be part of the Christian experience along with celebrations that warm the heart, but it would be the saddest of all religions if it were based only on emotional responses. At the start and at the heart, real Christianity is based on a historical figure and on an actual historical event.
Well… then you might well be completely fucked.
Seriously, no one is more dangerous to the continued survival of Christianity than this particular subset of Christians. Not atheists, not muslims, not Obama, not anyone.
The thousands of surviving manuscripts are ample proof for most honest people. Then we see the Apostle Paul who after being summoned before King Agrippa to explain the gospel and the resurrection exclaimed that since the entire world was aware of the birth, life and ministry of Christ he risked Agrippa’s wrath when he reminded him that “this thing was not done in a corner.” (Ac 26: 26b)
Truly, what better proof could there be of God’s divine existence than the ability of some sexist asshole delivering a retort via anecdote… in a letter… that was randomly included in your holiest of texts as equivalently powerful to the words of your God…
The historicity and reliability of the New Testament records has been shown to the world in perfect clarity by dozens of this world’s brightest minds.
You have a link to one of these “brightest minds” whose ironclad proof consists of…
I’m going to need a shorter for this one.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- There are less copies of the texts of Pagan philosophers in existence than copies of the Bible (largely because we burned all those Pagan texts we could find and devoted centuries worth of scribes to doing nothing other than copying out the Bible). Therefore, the Bible must be 100% true non-fiction, because something being popular automatically removes all internal inconsistencies.
Yeah. But hey, now that I know that everything popular automagically becomes non-fiction I’m suddenly very concerned that a bunch of sparkly vampires are going to come and steal our extremely white women and I don’t even want to get into He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Needed.
In fact, if the New Testament is un-reliable then more than 15 of the most trusted histories will also have to be thrown out because they have less proof than the NT records.
Fuck, people do not even need to know even the most rudimentary historical facts to view the Bible (even just the NT part) as horribly unreliable as a historical record. They can just point out the various parts where it contradicts itself and in fact many have done just that.
It’s the huge elephant in the room that ensures one will have to turn to conspiracy theories and denials of reality if one wants to believe in an inerrant holy book which is literally fact rather than a series of moral lessons intended to make people act like the best version of themselves.
The historical record is not merely a cogitation to be thrown out or overshadowed by the fossil record, atheists, agnostics or those who can’t be bothered with actually examining the historical evidence.
Yeah, no fair noting all the reams of fossil, geological, and historical evidence that the Earth is older than 6000 years or eviscerating all our desperate apologetic to try and rationalize believing something in a way where it couldn’t possibly hope to be true.
Especially if you do it in response to us using our made-up fantasy history as arguments for policy.
New Testament Christianity and the Christmas story are not based on a preponderance of pure unmitigated belief;
Um… yes, that is why they are called faith. And honestly, it is good for your particular cult that they are treated that way because we have a lot more social forgiveness for people believing inaccurate and dangerous things in the name of “faith” than anything else.
it is based on the historical record. Our faith in that record and the interaction of God’s Holy Spirit with us (Which he promised) is an objective matter and does not rest on feelings, anecdotal experiences, or fellowship with others of like mind.
… That is true.
No, no, hear me out. I really believe that for this subset of Christian Dominionists that their faith does not rely on kinship and good feelings.
As they have demonstrated time and time again, what draws them, what sustains them is hatred, control, and fear. Hatred of the dreaded others who show other ways of existing, who manage to find a way to try and be happy even when everything is shit. Control over one’s life so that there is a “right way” and a “wrong way” and they can look down on anyone on the “wrong way” and control over others so they can force punishments for being on the arbitrary “wrong way”. And of course fear. Fear that things might not be simple. That we may be an infinite spectrum of potential human experience, free to claim any one of a hundred million trillion possible modes of being and living and that for the first time in their lives they might just have to accept that and really figure out who they are and what they want to be.
And that is why ranting about all those others makes up the vast majority of their Church services and intragroup communication.
The atheists might want to save the unimaginable cost of buying billboard advertising on Times Square and use the money to send a contingent of their followers to Mecca or some other Muslim center of worship with the same message about myths.
They keep on saying things like this, seemingly unaware that atheists are people who actually exist rather than Spirits of Vengeance trying to destroy them personally by making them acknowledge other people exist. Yeah, turns out atheists have criticized muslims acting poorly and hurting others in the name of their religion. Same with Eastern mystics, New Age gurus, and African tribal religious leaders.
Because it turns out those aren’t all the same face of the Global Squadron for Eliminating Christianity.
It is likely they would not come back alive, if at all, but we would have a little less bah-humbug for one Christmas season. Who coined the phrase, less is more? More so, just how seriously do they take their message, if it’s good for the goose is it good for the 1.5 billion Muslims who haven’t heard it as yet?
Ha ha, it’s funny because every single Muslim is a murderous backwoods hick with a shotgun who drives out any person who doesn’t believe their version of a holy book… er… starting to draw unfortunate parallels, might have to admit that an atheist living in the Western world has more to fear from Christian extremists than Muslim extremists… um… ooh, it’s funny because he wishes death on people simply for stating that they don’t believe in his particular religion and think people can enjoy the holiday without that baggage, which directly reveals us to be the murderous eliminationists who… uh…
It’s funny because it rather neatly demonstrates why American Atheists end up talking more about bad behavior from Christians than anyone else. Because resistance to them doesn’t have anything to do with the religion’s relative evilness, but rather that all religions react in similar ways when they become the dominant belief in society and none of them like people who enjoy pointing out a con.
Almost as hard to bear as the atheist’s Times Square Scroogy intrusion is the endless meaning of Christmas offerings of TV and Hollywood. Let’s go to the bottom line here. Nothing about the birth of Christ is about making merry, endless gifts or parties. It has always been about the love of God to man. He sent his Lamb to die for the sins of the world; God was incarnate in Christ and reconciling the world to himself. (2 Co 5: 19)
Yeah, turns out the religious garbage you tried to tack onto a Winter Feast about drinking and presents and making merry didn’t turn out to be as enduring or as popular as the Feast stuff. Boo hoo to you.
But here’s the great thing about a free and open society. You can enjoy your misery festival where you all sit in a gray windowless room and brood angrily about how Christ died for you and only you. And we can all enjoy our Winter festival about good will towards our fellow humanity, the pleasure of giving joy to our friends and family members, and good food and drink. And we can even both call it Christmas!
Isn’t that great?
Hey, wait a minute, you agree with the Billboard that started this rant.
You want there to be a separation between your “pure” Christmas celebration and our secular Feast day. For all the people who associate Christmas with lighted trees and gifts in front of a fire to drop the trappings of mythology and go full secular.
And yet you’re so angry… Is it because an atheist came up with the idea first and now you don’t feel you can support it now that they’ve gotten their cooties on it?
It was the love of God that made him endure a lowly birth, the hardness of men’s hearts and the final scourge of his death on the cross.
Yes, he so “loved” us, he raped a woman, forced her to bear his offspring, then demanded absolute control over his life, forcing the child into his line of business, before arranging for his brutal murder while blaming it all on all of humanity and demanding absolute worldwide fealty because this act of murder was apparently atonement for all of “our” sins.
If we were to take this story as fact rather than myth and were to separate it from all the unearned social respect religion is given and were instead to make this a tale of Jon and Phyllis, human couple, no one on the planet would call that “love”. They’d call it abuse.
Luckily for us, these are stories borrowing on the tropes of older myths about the birth of demigods and sacrificial heroes in order to impart messages about what people at the time thought would be good ways for people to act. Stories that still have value for many today, especially those who don’t get so hung up on the “everything in the Bible was literally true” thing that would make so many of those stories into nightmares.
Christmas is the announcement of the open revelation of that love. Having said that, there can be only one thing left to say;
Amazing, you successfully made a supposed declaration of love sound like a curse word and a threat.
You’re closer to your god than ever before.
Well, enjoy that. The rest of us will celebrate in our merry jolly Satanist ways.
Merry War on Christmas, everybody. Merry War on Christmas.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Peace and Lovin’ like a motherfucker. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™