Dec
17

Personal Responsibility Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry




Posted at 11:32 by Cerberus

Yeah, this is real… And Drudge is still the main source for universal Republican talking points… I’ve got nothing to add to that

Marion DS Dreyfus, American “Salt of the Earth”:
Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained

The wingnut response to Django Un…

Okay, I need to address some elephants in the room first. Specifically, some bullet-ridden, blood-soaked first-grade elephant bodies in the room.

The Sandy Hook shooting.

It’s what this post should honestly be about. It’s sickening that we regularly let such tragedies occur because of the paranoid fee-fees of a bunch of racist, sexist bed-wetters. And it’s gut-churning to know that even when the victims are a bunch of lily-white often blonde children, we are never going to break out of the cycle of responses to gun-violence that keep us from talking about real solutions to issues of gun control and violence against women that are central to each of these shootings.

And it’s not like I don’t have material. Ace of Spades has been terrible enough on his own to give me a hundred posts. Mike Huckabee’s attempt to blame the shooting on secular humanism not letting his goon squads harass queer youth is worth a good solid roasting. Glenn Reynolds has been perpetually topping himself in terms of ghoulishness with each new post. And some of the twitter actions to try and use other issues of violence to try and “get revenge” for being called out on Sandy Hook are enough to make one lose their lunch.

But I’m not going to write that post and it largely has everything to do with everything I try to write about it just turning into a spittle-flecked unleashing of raw hate. We know how it’s going to go down. That no matter how egregious the crime or how frequently they are now occurring, we’ll never seem to break the cycle wherein the penis-extension murder sticks are valued over innocent lives (especially the lives of women) and that no matter how many times the men committing the crimes turn out to be the same damn people, we won’t be able to address those issues either.

Instead it’s all “crazy people” “lone gunman” this and “don’t give into desire to legislate” “Obama’s taking your guns away” that.

And I’m sorry, but I’m just tired of trying to mine the dark humor from that particular seam right now… and it has nothing to do with the fact I tried and failed… besides Tintin did it better…

Anyways, Django Unchained:

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • No. No fair talking about how the slave-era South wasn’t a happy fantasy kingdom filled with magical dancing slaves who were surely happier when they didn’t have to strain their tiny nigger brains about issues of inequality. Now all those uppity escaped slaves are going to get uppity again and be less willing to smile graciously when we talk about how much ‘better’ things were back in those days.

So Django Unchained has caused the wingnuts to collectively lose their shit. I guess after so many years after pretending their fervent fantasies and love letters to one of America’s greatest shames was simply a matter of “upholding heritage”, having their noses rubbed in what that heritage means for the rest of us must have stung like nobody’s business.

Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained is a Weinstein avatar. It features the requisite sloppy buckets of scenic splatter, sometimes multiple draughts from the same “fire wall,” a dead body that serves as a guardway against a rifle, and 30-06 barrage for the protagonist, Django “Freeman,” plus the dispatch of every white person to appear on screen for longer than a cigarette draw, excessive evidences of modern-day sensibility back-retro’ed into 1848 (“two years before the Civil War,” we are legended pompously), a tapestry of evil over-depiction of the ills and debaucheries of the slave period. The PC Weinsteins and zealous bloodlusty Tarantino miss not a trick for the audience, amused and titillated by the winsome Christopher Waltz (the very same from the film this most resembles, Inglourious Basterds, for its untruthfulness).

I mean, try to read that paragraph and not picture a woman bitterly weeping as she types it.

Wah, it’s not fair, they’re lying about how bad it was. All the slaves were super happy and nobody white did anything bad ever. Make the bad fiction-writer stop lying, mommy. I don’t want to see my fantasies of a “proper society” through the lenses of the modern condemnation that era has rightfully earned. Make them stop seeing my heroes as evil, mommy!

We are, again, under a different director, being toasted over an Oliver Stone goblet of faux history. History as rewritten by nihilist jokers with an agenda. No gang of do-gooders rode in “to kill nazzies,” as Brad Pitt drawls in Basterds, just as no Django vision of justice and retribution rode the South astride a palomino, toting a Remington, with a perplexingly adorable German dentist-cum-bounty hunter.) Sensitive viewers are equally revolted by the excesses of polite rich company, represented by the arrogant-effete plantationer Leo DiCaprio and the noblesse not obliged Don Johnson as Big Daddy.

It’s not some documentary we can browbeat into “being fair to both sides” about the “War of Northern Aggression in which we shot first, seceded first, invaded first, and declared war first”, and that’s just not right. Providing cathartic release to the population mistreated by us for so many decades before and after the end of slavery is like Hitler times a million!

And why aren’t things in movies 100% accurate like the documentary Red Dawn?!?

There is a funny if anachronistic scene where precursors to the KKK ride out to the range in homemade bags with eyeholes that do not fit the 30 men bent on burning out our heroes. Funny. But again, no crowning posse of evil-wishers threw down their wife-crafted hoods because their eye-holes didn’t fit and they could see nothing as they galumphed along to rid the South of an uppity black “valet” and his mystifyingly gentlemanly dentist protector, played by the perfect-pitch Waltz.

See! We’re willing to throw you a bone and admit that the KKK might have been a bad idea, so why you got to be hating on nice innocent slave holders?!?

At 2 hours 45 minutes, it does not bore. Does it entertain? Sure does. But it cannot be said to elevate. The movie is full of colorful language more common to today’s ghetto and hip-hop palaces, but never mind. No one spent a long fortnight researching curse words of the mid-19th century. In the face of endless incantations of the sour [Negro] word, the audience endures endless violent lard, along with the half-grunt inarticulateness of Caucasian ranch hands who are barely above the Pleistocene for primitivism.

Ahem.

In A Treatise on the Intellectual Character and Civil and Political Condition of the Colored People of the United States: and the Prejudice Exercised Towards Them (1837), Hosea Easton wrote that nigger “is an opprobrious term, employed to impose contempt upon [blacks] as an inferior race. . . . The term in itself would be perfectly harmless were it used only to distinguish one class of society from another; but it is not used with that intent. . . . [I]t flows from the fountain of purpose to injure.” Easton averred that often the earliest instruction white adults gave to white children prominently featured the word nigger. Adults reprimanded them for being “worse than niggers,” for being “ignorant as niggers,” for having “no more credit than niggers”; they disciplined them by telling them that unless they behaved they would be carried off by “the old nigger” or made to sit with “niggers” or consigned to the “nigger seat,” which was, of course, a place of shame.

You were saying?

Django, the freed slave who helps his mentor kill the wanted criminals of the Southern veldt, is quickly svelte and super-civilized — reading, and speaking, and tipping his felted hat to those that need be appeased before they are shot in a lightning splatter. Did slaves shed their tempi and timorousness in a few days?

I mean, honestly, if we were really so bad back then, would one of those uppity niggers (in fiction) be able to rise out of the fear to strike at us? Hell, the existence of Nat Turner should definitively prove that not only were white slaveholders not that bad, but that they were the real victims of reverse racism and black violence even back then. Honestly, it’s any wonder that liberal Hollywood won’t let us good god-fearing “real” Americans have our brutal revenge-fantasy about those uppity, whitey-killing slaves and their untamed jungle ways.

No baddie escapes. No goodie gets an untimely end (except one).

Holy fuck, it’s a feel-good action movie?!? How could such a thing be?!?!?!?!?

However cleverly scripted, nodding to our contemporary sensibilities — an easy grab, no big adherence to the truth of 150 years ago in language and mores — this is an orgiastic spill of negativity and white self-loathing.

Goddamn race traitors, like those damn kids voting for the Obamas and the vijeo games! Where’s our big budget action movie catering to the wishful fantasies of white men wherein brown-skinned or black people are reduced to comedy side-kick roles or obvious villains? What do you mean every other movie out there? That can’t be when I live in such fear of oppression that I need to stockpile 20 arsenals worth of military grade weaponry just to feel “safe”.

The acting of all concerned is as spectacular as the vision is consistently, reliably gory. Tarantino does not spare the pyrotechnics and the multiple-massacre scene staple. Blacks will feel an atavistic delight at the earned retribution. Whites will feel the guilt and disturbance of we-told-you-so rue. As in the current Lincoln, also untrue in the main, the blacks are all good; the whites, save for Christoph’s bounty-hunter/savior, are all bad.

Yeah, oppressed slaves were super evil! Why does no one ever recognize this?

Goddamn liberal nigger-loving Hollywood queers and their historical revisionism. Nothing at all like how we try and bury the history of our ill-deeds behind a giant smoke-screen of bullshit and accusations of anti-Americanism!

Not a good movie for the start of another fairly difficult presidential tenure. It’s a too-easy grab at convulsive payback. It celebrates the uglier parts of our inner equilibrium. We know we are being manipulated to love that guy, hate this guy, delight in the suffering and well-deserved comeuppance of the hero. We’re supposed to cheer for the wrenching murder of ourselves. It’s worse than Avatar.

Hmm. Might there be a connection to why these movies stung so badly that extends beyond them being simplistic action movies that glorify violence. Perhaps some general thread of wanting to pretend away the rightful historical condemnations to policies once and still cheered. Actions against blacks, native-americans, women, queers, etc… that no longer look as justified now that everyone agrees the actions were terrible. So that, now when all the credit due your actions is given, your only recourse is to run and hide and complain about how “revisionist” it is when fiction even obliquely refers to said actions.

It’s almost like all the blather about personal responsibility is thinly veiled IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION to hide the fact that whenever your policies succeed and the consequences of them play out, you are the first to run screaming away from them crying about how it isn’t fair.

But I mean, that couldn’t be, right?

Watching it will re-ignite the angers stoked by previous such barely-veiled revenge dramas as were Amistad

Yeah, it’s only these lying fiction films that are to blame for people thinking our fervently pursued policies have real meaningful consequences.

I mean, it’s not like you have the same old evasions and angry denunciations of anything that speaks negatively about the negative consequences of your policies and actions no matter what it is. It’s not like the same angry accusations of “unfair representations” and “historical revisionism” weren’t hurled at comic books that tried to address apartheid back when only South Africa still believed that it wasn’t racist and evil.

Not like you haven’t tried to pretend racism is over at every single point since the Constitution first declared slaves non-voting 3/5 of a person pieces of property. Not like you haven’t attacked feminism at every point while decrying how stifling and fearful one feels when one is drowning in sexist, toxic notions of masculinity.

Not like you haven’t tried to hide from the consequences of your endless calls for war or tried to remove all the references to union-busting, violence against peaceful liberal protestors, or genocide against native Americans from the history textbooks.

Not like you haven’t gone running and screaming whenever your fervent support for oppression has finally soured in the public eye due to the long, slow bend of inevitable history.

And it’s not like every single time another woman-hating fucker with easy access to an armory shoots up a woman or an unarmed minority, or even a classroom filled with first graders with weapons that not even military personnel in war zones are allowed to carry unsupervised, we get the same old tired apologies and distractions and whines about your freedom to kill whoever you want.

If your policies are so horrifying, so filled with negative consequences, so unbearable in the harsh light of day, that not even your band of merry sociopaths can stand to see them without polish and whitewash…

Maybe, you should do us all a little favor and STOP FUCKING SUPPORTING THEM.

If you’re so sick of having your legacies of racism or the dead bodies of 20 first-graders shoved in your face, maybe you should stop gleefully creating them because “you want to make liberals cry”.

If the blood on your hands stings, maybe you should let us wash it off instead of jamming your arms elbow-deep in the viscera.

Maybe instead of whining about the personal responsibility us poor battered proles should exhibit, maybe you can try exhibiting just a fraction of it yourselves and accept the condemnation your history of unmitigated evil has wrought.

And maybe then, next time, you’ll think twice before you decide to continue devoting your life to making the lives of oppressed people more miserable.

Or hey, continue doing what you’re doing and continue feeling personally oppressed by movies like Django Unchained twisting in the knife like they should. It seems to be all you’re good for these days.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Being eyes deep in the viscera and sick of it is invented by every remaining sane person on the planet right now. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

272 Comments »

  1. tensor said,

    December 17, 2012 at 11:55

    Not like you haven’t gone running and screaming whenever your fervent support for oppression has finally soured in the public eye due to the long, slow bend of inevitable history.

    “The arc of history is long, but it bends toward justice.”

    Bravo, Cerb!

  2. Smut Clyde said,

    December 17, 2012 at 11:57

    The reviewer seems to respond quite personally to the deaths of white characters in a movie. But that is unpossible, for Identity Politics is a bad thing, confined to liberals and Democratic voters.

  3. mat said,

    December 17, 2012 at 11:58

    Drudge, which rhymes with sludge, the food of bottom feeders.

  4. mat said,

    December 17, 2012 at 12:07

    As in the current Lincoln, also untrue in the main, the blacks are all good; the whites, save for Christoph’s bounty-hunter/savior, are all bad.

    Manichean, schmanichean. ‘Cos, come on, in Lincoln, really, 77.543567% of whites were bad, to be exact.

  5. smut clyde said,

    December 17, 2012 at 12:32

    As in the current Lincoln, also untrue in the main
    You mean Abraham Lincoln did not have a secret career hunting vampires? I am disappoint.

  6. Barney said,

    December 17, 2012 at 12:55

    Amistad was a revenge drama? What, like Twelve Angry Men, in which an innocent man is freed, after a lengthy legal process? Or perhaps she’s thinking of revenge dramas like All the President’s Men, in which uppity reporters take revenge on Nixon by actually having the law applied to powerful men?

    @Smut Clyde – what’s amazing is it’s not just white characters she identifies with – it’s slave owners and traders, and Nazis. “We’re supposed to cheer for the wrenching murder of ourselves. It’s worse than Avatar. Watching it will re-ignite the angers stoked by previous such barely-veiled revenge dramas as were Amistad and the previously referenced Basterds.” That ‘ourselves’ shows that she got angry watching Inglourious Basterds because she was cheering for the genocidal Aryans over the Jews. In Amistad, she was crying at the wanton destruction of the slave-trading fort, and the violation of the human property rights of the hard-working slave ship owners. Hell, she could have identified with Adams or countless other white characters in the film, but since they were on the side of some black guys, she threw in with the slavers.

  7. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 13:27

    What am I missing here?

    Somebody’s actually complaining about the lack of realism in a Tarantino picture?

    Next they’ll be telling me that coyotes really don’t use anvils and jet packs to hunt roadrunners.

  8. Cole said,

    December 17, 2012 at 14:31

    back-retro’ed into 1848 (“two years before the Civil War,” we are legended pompously)

    1848 was two years before who’s Civil War?

  9. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 17, 2012 at 14:37

    Somebody’s actually complaining about the lack of realism in a Tarantino picture?

    They actually call it a McRoyal. Shame, one-ten-gee sounds pretty badass.

  10. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 15:00

    dentist-cum

    Ew. I’m never opening my mouth again.

  11. El Manquécito said,

    December 17, 2012 at 15:05

    Shame, one-ten-gee sounds pretty badass.

    Sounds like a short count to me.

  12. Hann1bal said,

    December 17, 2012 at 15:12

    Please tell me that’s ghostwritten by our old friend J. Grant Swank.

  13. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 15:14

    dentist-cum

    Ew. I’m never opening my mouth again.

    Rinse!

  14. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    December 17, 2012 at 15:22

    Somebody’s actually complaining about the lack of realism in a Tarantino picture?

    The crack about Inglourious Basterds being historically inaccurate is especially hilarious.

    *Spoilers for a movie you should have seen already*

    It ends with Hitler and the other heads of the Nazi Party getting caught in an explosion set off by a French Jewish woman and then gunned down by American soldiers. I don’t think it was going for historical accuracy.

  15. Austin Loomis said,

    December 17, 2012 at 15:32

    It’s almost like all the blather about personal responsibility is thinly veiled IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION to hide the fact that whenever your policies succeed and the consequences of them play out, you are the first to run screaming away from them crying about how it isn’t fair.

    Or, to quote at them (for the umpteenth time) one of their favorite authors: “You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil and achieved all that which you held to be good. Why, then, do you shrink in horror from the sight of the world around you? That world is not the product of your sins; it is the product and the image of your virtues. It is your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection.”

  16. just sayin' said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:04

    Hypothetical question: if slavery still existed today: would our wingnut brethren be abolitionists, or fervent defenders of slavery?

    Hmmm… Gee, that’s a tough ‘in, innit?

    http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/hottopics/msg1103142313497.html?38l

  17. Crissa said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:15

    It’s worse than Avatar?

    He was cheering on the side that was systematically slaughtering a people to get at the tasty ore beneath them?

  18. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:20

    I cheered for the humans in Avatar because I disapprove of ponytail sex.

  19. Chris said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:31

    At 2 hours 45 minutes, it does not bore. Does it entertain? Sure does. But it cannot be said to elevate.

    A Tarantino movie that doesn’t elevate. An action movie that doesn’t elevate. Hold the fucking presses. I’m sorry, was there anything about the sight of John Wayne dropping bad guys like flies while all their bullets ricochet powerlessly around him that was supposed to be any more “elevating?” Yet I assume you don’t submit the Duke to this kind of blistering complaint. I wonder what the difference might be.

    However cleverly scripted, nodding to our contemporary sensibilities — an easy grab, no big adherence to the truth of 150 years ago in language and mores — this is an orgiastic spill of negativity and white self-loathing.

    Hmm, I don’t understand. Now it’s “white self-loathing” if you’re happy to see slave owners getting their asses kicked? How does that work? Not all whites were slave-owners. Isn’t that right? Isn’t that what you tell us over and over again whenever someone tries to do something for the inner cities, that “not all white people were bad” and therefore we don’t owe them anything? Whatever happened to the old sentence “I didn’t own any slaves?” I mean, I didn’t. Neither did my ancestors – half of them were Yankees from states where it was illegal, the other half were Mississippi rednecks who could never have afforded them.

    So how am I “self-loathing” if I enjoy watching slave owners bite the dust? Was Christoph Waltz also “self-loathing” when he participated in a movie where Nazis were killed by the truckload? Or is he simply a German who isn’t a Nazi and therefore should feel no shame in making such a movie?

    Whites will feel the guilt and disturbance of we-told-you-so rue.

    You know, this “white guilt” shit is something you only ever hear from people like this. Despite the buckets of shit the National Review and PJMedia waste about this, no liberal has ever told me I’m supposed to feel “guilty” for slavery or segregation – nor has any black person, liberal or otherwise. And I don’t feel guilty – as you say, I never owned slaves. I am aware that history has granted me certain advantages that persist to this day – and race is only one of them – but that’s quite a different thing.

    As in the current Lincoln, also untrue in the main, the blacks are all good; the whites, save for Christoph’s bounty-hunter/savior, are all bad.

    I’m sorry, does anyone ever watch “Schindler’s List” and have this reaction? “Ohhh, you’re being too simplistic! There were bad Jews too! Why aren’t you showing us the bad Jews? Why aren’t you showing us the good Germans? Well, okay, you are showing us the good Germans, but my point stands, because shut up, that’s why.”

  20. Jennifer said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:32

    No gang of do-gooders rode in “to kill nazzies,” as Brad Pitt drawls in Basterds, just as no Django vision of justice and retribution rode the South astride a palomino, toting a Remington, with a perplexingly adorable German dentist-cum-bounty hunter.)

    On a similar note, there were no zombies in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. But there’s a book out there that says there were! And it’s called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies!

  21. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:39

    But there’s a book out there that says there were!

    And it’s a fucking masterpiece.

  22. Chris said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:40

    As far as the movie goes;

    I remember coming out of both “Inglorious Basterds” and “X-Men: First Class” thinking “you know, the only reason this revenge fantasy stuff works is because it’s set in the Holocaust, with Jewish survivors hunting Nazis. If you made it anything else” – and I was including plenty of things other than American racial history – “too many people would freak.” Looks like Tarantino’s pushing the envelope by basically remaking “Inglorious Basterds” in an American context, and using some scumbags from our history as the villains for a change. For that alone, I’m grateful. You can argue whether or not it’s a good thing that Hollywood uses ultra-simplified historical contexts like World War Two for gory, joyful, cathartic shoot ‘em up movies, but as long as they’re doing it there is absolutely no reason on God’s green earth that slave owners – of all people, for fuck’s sake – should get a pass.

    And the fact that every fucking time someone makes a movie targeting the slave owners in our history, people like this flip a shit and interpret it as an attack on all white people says more about their racial hangups than a million liberal critics ever could.

  23. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:47

    It’s been said before, it’s worth repeating. These fuckers don’t want freedom, they want impunity. They want freedom to act as they damn well please, freedom not to think about who it hurts and freedom from paying for the consequences. Any time someone points out that removing every mountaintop in Appalachia, letting anyone with a working credit card buy paramilitary weapons, driving an SUV big enough to tow a semi-trailer, and supporting the most murderous regimes in the world, and demonizing every other culture may have drawbacks, they fly into a mass poutrage. God forbid anyone ask them to show a little of the self control they offer as a cure for everything including poverty, obesity, and not being batman when there is some angry person with a gun around shooting up the place.

    The culture wingnuts describe and long for makes a fantastic and enjoyable video game. I just don’t want to live in their ‘call of duty’ or ‘medal of honor’ or ‘Duke Nukem’ fantasy. And that’s where that shit should stay, until we all get extra lives. I dream of a day when the NRA’s only issue is coming out in favor of spawn camping and griefing, because all of the nastiest weapons are harder to get than a good education or an abortion.

    I don’t care that guns are easy to manufacture and getting easier every day. Having seen the quality of human that is shooting up malls and preschools and Sikh temples, I doubt they have the patience to machine and drill the parts with the accuracy and reliability not to jam on the first round or blow up in their face. Make it like the EAA does airplanes. Have all the guns you want, as long as you made them yourself. Ammo too. Sure garages would be cooking off like meth labs but better we lose a few amateur armorers than another school.

  24. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:52

    Not only is she filled with nasty delusions, but this Marion Dreyfus is one godawful writer.

    sometimes multiple draughts from the same “fire wall”

    the audience endures endless violent lard, along with the half-grunt inarticulateness of Caucasian ranch hands who are barely above the Pleistocene for primitivism

    Did slaves shed their tempi and timorousness in a few days?
    “Tempi”? As in the plural of “tempo”? What the fuck is this pretentious Southern belle babbling about?

  25. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:55

    It’s enough to make one miss the elegant clarity of Pastor Swank.

  26. Jennifer said,

    December 17, 2012 at 16:57

    You come close to making a point that I never got around to making last night, Helmut, which is a response to “the black market argh blargh you can’t keep guns out of the hands of people who want them.”

    That’s probably true as far as it goes. Drug cartels and the like will find the lethal weapons they want. But your average nutcase who loses it one day and decides it’s time to take a bunch of people out? How many of those guys are so well connected with black market arms dealers that they can get their hands on a semi- or automatic weapon the day they snap? My guess is: very few to none. The problem we have with the nutters who lose it one day and start shooting up the joint is that they have easy access to these types of weapons – legally. Adam Lanza had one at his house. The Aurora shooter was able to buy them, no problem (and no questions asked). The “black market ubiquity” excuse misses the point that it’s the ready availability of weapons at the very moment these guys mentally snap that creates the lethality. If Adam Lanza had to search around for a black market arms dealer for days, weeks, months before heading over to the local elementary school, there’s a much better chance those kids and teachers would still be alive. Ditto for the Aurora nutbag, and for many, if not all, of those who do these killings, who never have to wait for the moment to pass because they can’t easily get their hands on a gun.

  27. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:04

    To quote the great Homer: “Waiting period? But I’m angry NOW!”

  28. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:06

    dentist-cum

    Ew. I’m never opening my mouth again.

    Is it safe?

  29. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:10

    And the fact that every fucking time someone makes a movie targeting the slave owners in our history, people like this flip a shit and interpret it as an attack on all white people says more about their racial hangups than a million liberal critics ever could.

    Hell, Dave Chapelle had a skit about (hater) pimps going back in time and shooting a slave owner, and apparently only him and his chief writer thought it was funny.

    But historically-speaking, Americans can only be evil if they’re selling out their country to Commies or terrorists.

  30. El Manquécito said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:26

    Maybe being named ‘Dreyfus’ turns one’s life into one long “J’accuse!”

  31. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:29

    How many movies, from “Birth of a Nation” to “Gone with the Wind” to “Cold Mountain,” have portrayed the antebellum South benignly? Yes, the black “servants” didn’t get paid and couldn’t quit, but at least they had job security, right?

    I remember the right-wing howls when “Roots” came out. Some things never change.

  32. DAS said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:40

    Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained is a Weinstein avatar. [...], Inglourious Basterds, for its untruthfulness).

    IOW, “oh noes, the Joos and Eye-talian Papists are gonna start agitatin’ until the Blacks come for our wimmins and our whiskey! Better don some robes and burn a few crosses before things get out of hand”.

  33. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:45

    Is it safe?

    zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  34. tigris said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:46

    I cheered for the humans in Avatar because I disapprove of ponytail sex.

    How do you feel about buns? Asking for a friend.

    no big adherence to the truth of 150 years ago in language and mores

    I know it’s not really a period piece, but what does she know about the language of 150 yrs ago? Jesus, the word “fuck” dates to at least the 15th century.

  35. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:47

    Make it like the EAA does airplanes.

    Even a home-built airplane requires an FAA inspection before it can be flown legally.

  36. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:49

    How do you feel about buns? Asking for a friend.

    I like my buns the way I like my women: hot and cross.

  37. El Manquécito said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:52

    I like my buns the way I like my women: hot and cross.

    Uh oh. Bunfight.

  38. El Manquécito said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:55

    At long last perhaps we can have an honest discussion about bun control.

  39. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 17:56

    I like my buns the way I like my women

    Holding meat, mustard and relish?

  40. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:01

    I like my buns the way I like my women

    Holding meat, mustard and relish?

    Now that you mention it…

  41. El Manquécito said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:06

    Relevant.

  42. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:08

    The football community comes together during this time of heal-oh whatever; y’all know the drill by now.

  43. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:10

    , a tapestry of evil over-depiction of the ills and debaucheries of the slave period

    I do not think it is possible to over-depict the ills and debaucheries at all. For it to be done evilly is quite impossible.

  44. Thread Bear said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:15

    Never bring a muffin to a bun fight!

  45. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:17

    Don’r be cruller.

  46. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:17

    I like my buns the way I like my women

    Holding meat, mustard and relish?

    Now that you mention it…

    Way better than liking your coffee like you like your…

  47. Thread Bear said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:20

    dentist-cum

    Ew. I’m never opening my mouth again.

    Rinse!

    And SPIT!

  48. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:26

    it’s worse than Avatar

    Also not possible.

  49. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:29

    it’s worse than Avatar

    Also not possible.

    How about the once and future Red Dawn?

  50. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:31

    How about the once and future Red Dawn?

    I think the original Red Dawn falls into “so bad it’s good” territory. I think a pretty good MST3K episode could be made from it.

    I haven’t seen the remake and don’t intend to.

  51. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:37

    I think the original Red Dawn falls into “so bad it’s good” territory.

    I must differ. That flick kills neurons faster than ouzo.

    GOOD DAY, SIR.

  52. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:40

    Come to think of it, I have been drinking ouzo when I watched it.

  53. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:42

    As Teh Ho was doing laundry and ironing and shit Saturday afternoon he called up on Netflix one of the most godawful wastes of celluloid video tape I have ever seen. Sooooo bad.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2175927/

  54. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:47

    So, let me get this straight. Someone made a crappy low-budget version of the crappy high-dollar Battleship movie?

  55. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:47

    Pup –

    That’s the plot of Battleship,only slightly less stupid. Plus, this one doesn’t have Taylor Kitsch in it.

  56. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:47

    CURSE YOU MAJOR KONG!

  57. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:50

    …Aaand the “Timothy McVeigh didn’t use guns” meme has started to make its rounds…

  58. Fenwick said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:54

    Also who has a name like ‘Thunder Levin’, the writer-director? Pr0n star? Pro rassler?

    —-
    Fun thread to read. Especially enjoyed commentary from Chris and Helmut. Also N_B is on an epic funnifying streak in this thread. Don’t change your lucky socks!

  59. tigris said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:55

    Hee, from the discussion board of Pupi’s crappy movie: 2. Suspending one’s disbelief is not enough for watching some movies; some movies require one’s disbelief to be violently murdered and buried in a remote location.

    …Aaand the “Timothy McVeigh didn’t use guns” meme has started to make its rounds…

    So they agree that the purchase of vital elements to the commission of the crime should be strongly regulated?

  60. Crissa said,

    December 17, 2012 at 18:56

    Why doesn’t Africa have real coffee?

  61. Jennifer said,

    December 17, 2012 at 19:12

    …Aaand the “Timothy McVeigh didn’t use guns” meme has started to make its rounds…

    Yeah, well, Timothy McVeigh also wasn’t someone who just one day cracked and decided on the spur of the moment to go kill a bunch of people. Sure, he had paranoid delusions, but his crime was entirely premeditated and not the result of just one day losing his shit.

    No one’s arguing that it’s impossible to kill people by means other than a gun. The argument is that easy access to guns make it easier for the unbalanced and impulsive to move from crazy thought to crazy action with no pause for reflection.

  62. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 19:14

    Why doesn’t Africa have real coffee?

    I blame Nelson Mandela.

  63. Fenwick said,

    December 17, 2012 at 19:26

    tigris & Jennifer (just above): Ya both hit with a might sledgehammer of thoughtitude!

  64. Fenwick said,

    December 17, 2012 at 19:27

    I might have keyed ‘mighty’.

  65. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 17, 2012 at 19:36

    Attention Democrats in Washington: Submit a sound gun-control measure. Force a vote on it. Make every one of those gun-sucking motherfuckers in the GOP go on record as opposing it. Then rub the vote in their faces in the next election.

    It’s not complicated.

  66. VCarlson said,

    December 17, 2012 at 19:59

    This McVeigh thing could be a winner. When writing to one’s elected reps, point out that after he killed all those kids, rules were put into place to make it more difficult. And ammonium nitrate fertilizers are made by petroleum companies, possibly the only group with more money and influence than the En Are Aye.

  67. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 20:02

    Heck, it’s harder to buy Sudafed than ammunition these days.

  68. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 20:04

    When writing to one’s elected reps, point out that after he killed all those kids, rules were put into place to make it more difficult.

    It was my recollection that the Patriot Act was originally a reaction to the Oklahoma bombing, but it took 9-11 for it to actually get passed. Could be wrong, though.

  69. VCarlson said,

    December 17, 2012 at 20:18

    I suspect the Patriot Act was an authoritarian wet dream waiting for an excuse. It wouldn’t surprise me if they first tried to use OC as that excuse. But it was OC, not NYC, and the bad guy was a white Murcan not brown Musselmen.

  70. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    December 17, 2012 at 20:36

    I think a pretty good MST3K episode could be made from it.

    You’re in luck. There’s a Rifftrax for it. Brought to you by the same people. Unfortunately you have to get the movie and sync up the commentary yourself (that’s how they avoid copyright issues with big budget movies), but it’s worth it – those guys are hilarious.

  71. Another Kiwi said,

    December 17, 2012 at 20:53

    I just wonder what movie these dweebs could go to see that wouldn’t bunch their knickers.
    The Sound of Music? The Von Trapps did not respect the rule of law.
    The Smurf? Rabid environmentalists.
    Bewitched? Pagan celebrations
    When Harry met Sally? Liberal degeneracy.

    Anything that is not Red Dawn or The Shrugging II?

  72. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    December 17, 2012 at 20:54

    Kiwi: I’ve actually heard that complaint about The Smurfs. Also, collectivism.

  73. VCarlson said,

    December 17, 2012 at 21:04

    I just saw this WRT Teh Holy Second: “Americans used to have a constitutional right to own other people.  Most of us think we got that one right eventually.”

    Sorry for the interruption of the enjoyable film discussion.

  74. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 21:04

    The Smurf? Rabid environmentalists.

    Relevent?

  75. smut clyde said,

    December 17, 2012 at 21:33

    German audiences really liked “Inglourious Basterds”. Apparently they missed the message that when they watched the killings of Nazis, they were “supposed to cheer for the wrenching murder of ourselves”.

  76. Major Kong said,

    December 17, 2012 at 21:42

    All I want for Christmas is a hammer and a box of Smurfs.

  77. tigris said,

    December 17, 2012 at 21:48

    Should we Fedex it to you?

  78. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 17, 2012 at 21:50

    Panicky Smurf is panicky.

  79. Another Kiwi said,

    December 17, 2012 at 21:53

    Some bad bad bad fathers have been to toy shops and put Smurf dolls into the mouths of the toy crocodiles. Then they and their equally bad daughters laughed and laughed. True story.

  80. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 17, 2012 at 22:30

    German audiences really liked “Inglourious Basterds”.

    Now that was a long shot. I just hope they don’t think we think that’s how it really went down.

  81. Nym said,

    December 17, 2012 at 22:31

    Anything that is not Red Dawn or The Shrugging II?

    The Fountainhead? The Passion of the Christ?

  82. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 22:33

    People keep telling me that 40-Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up is conservative (comedy done right).

  83. gocart mozart said,

    December 17, 2012 at 22:46

    Amistad is a revenge fantasy involving a lengthy recitation of the minutia of 19th century contract law principles.

  84. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    December 17, 2012 at 22:48

    Plan minus cunning = americanstinker.com.

  85. gocart mozart said,

    December 17, 2012 at 22:55

    Kill Bill vol. I&II were totally happened and Uma Thurmon is totally bad ass and nobody can convince me otherwise.

  86. gocart mozart said,

    December 17, 2012 at 22:57

    Captain Kirk had sex with blue women because he hated his own race.

  87. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:03

    Alan Moore has played a lot games in (comic) books with the idea that fiction is reality. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen* is the best, but he plays a similar game in The Watchmen**, and even a bit in From Hell.***

    *The very good books, not the movie that was so bad that even it’s soft-core porn aspects failed to amuse me.

    **Passable movie, but the geeks don;t like it.

    ***Terrible movie.

  88. kc said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:18

    Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained is a Weinstein avatar. It features the requisite sloppy buckets of scenic splatter, sometimes multiple draughts from the same “fire wall,” a dead body that serves as a guardway against a rifle, and 30-06 barrage for the protagonist, Django “Freeman,” plus the dispatch of every white person to appear on screen for longer than a cigarette draw

    So what’s not to like?

  89. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:21

    Not a good movie for the start of another fairly difficult presidential tenure.

    What what does that even mean? That it would be a better movie if Whitey McWhiterson had been elected? WTactualF?

  90. Anonymous said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:21

    It took a bloody Civil War to change the Constitutional right to own human beings. How many bloody school rooms will it take to change the Constitutional right to own the means of massacring human beings?

  91. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:21

    the dispatch of every white person

    Is she saying white people move quickly?

  92. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:22

    What what?

    “Wait what” — FYWP, post what I mean not what I typed! Sheesh.

  93. CRA said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:23

    I have been confused about Django Unchained. We have no cable, so I don’t see commercials for movies, but I get fragmented info. In my head, Rango became Django. I then wondered why Quentin Tarantino would direct the sequel to a pretty good animated western about a lizard voiced by Johnny Depp. OK, why not? Might be interesting, I thought … Just today I realized the true nature of things.

  94. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:24

    Alan Moore is on record that the only adaption to his work that he likes is Justice League’s rendition of “For The Man Who Has Everything.”

    But to paraphrase the guys from The Editing Room: Moore writes comic books; he needs to stop acting like he’s fucking Shakespeare.”

    *The worst thing about TLEG movie was how they decided the roles for each “team member;” Quatermain (sp?) was not originally the leader; but with him being played by Connery I can’t expect the guy wanted to spend two hours pretending to be a horny heroin-addict.

    **I agree with a movie reviewer that said the problem with Watchmen wasn’t the story or even the adaptability, it’s that the dialogue is terrible no matter how you slice it.

    ***Agreed; Depp barely makes it watchable.

  95. Pryme said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:25

    In my head, Rango became Django. I

    Well, they both seem to have a Western tilt to them…

  96. gocart mozart said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:26

    “Not a good movie for the start of another fairly difficult presidential tenure.”

    I think it means President McKenya Islamofascist X is gonna get im some idears ’bout killing him some whiteys or something, or maybe it was just a brain fart.

  97. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:26

    him being played by Connery I can’t expect the guy wanted to spend two hours pretending to be a horny heroin-addict.

    The Connery of Zardoz would have manfully taken up that challenge.

  98. tigris said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:38

    What what?

    “Wait what” — FYWP, post what I mean not what I typed! Sheesh.

    Just pretend it was a Britishism, old soup tureen old chum.

  99. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:43

    Bait butt?

  100. Another Kiwi said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:46

    sometimes multiple draughts from the same “fire wall,”
    This bit, I no understand.
    It’s many moves at a checkers game or drinks or winds under doors from a computer anti-virus programme?
    Ok, who put the semiotics software on my computer???

  101. N__B said,

    December 17, 2012 at 23:49

    Demand fullotics.

  102. Another Kiwi said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:02

    Really N_B how many otics do you need? Be honest.

  103. Pupienus said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:04

    Im not a big fan of Tarantino. Too much “look how clever I am!” bullshit. OTOH, at least he’s not making a sequel or a remake or a reboot which seem to the only other products coming out of HoWood.

  104. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:06

    Really N_B how many otics do you need?

    Do I already have otics? Yes I do.
    I am vast, I contain multiotics.

  105. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:06

    HoWood

    I would have thought that was something you were in favor of.

  106. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:07

    To avoid polluting this thread: I left a couple long winded profanity-laden gun comments at the end of the previous post, if you’re so inclined.

  107. Smut Clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:11

    a dead body that serves as a guardway against a rifle

    What language is “guardway”?

  108. Smut Clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:14

    So, let me get this straight. Someone made a crappy low-budget version of the crappy high-dollar Battleship movie?

    It’s from The Asylum. That’s what they do. Literally.

  109. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:16

    Even shorter:

    “Niggers.”

  110. Another Kiwi said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:19

    Gaurdway is Traffic Control Bucko!
    Using dead people to control traffic will lead to trouble, no disrespect to Zomboid Americans but there could be shovels involved and they don’t like them.

  111. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:20

    *The very good books, not the movie that was so bad that even it’s soft-core porn aspects failed to amuse me.

    So where would I find a copy of the books? The movie wasn’t very good but the idea was intriguing.

  112. gocart mozart said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:25

    What’s a guardway?

    About 180 lbs?

  113. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:26

    So where would I find a copy of the books?

    The internet? Or if you are a good person and not a bad person your local comic book emporium would be happy for the business.

  114. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:38

    About 180 lbs?

    Ba-dum-bum, tsssh!

  115. Another Kiwi said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:43

    OBS a righteous profanity laden rant at the end of the last thread. Well played, sir.

  116. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:48

    Well played, sir.

    Thanks! I worked way harder on the comment a couple before that, but I felt the more-thoroughly-profanity-laden one was needed as well.

  117. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:49

    Well played indeed.

  118. Smut Clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:53

    Using dead people to control traffic will lead to trouble

    Sure, like Another Kiwi has never decorated the outside of his fortified compound by stringing up corpses with “GO BACK” signs strung around their necks.

  119. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 0:58

    I heard Smut put “kick me” on Kiwi’s corpses.

    The real problem with corpse traffic control is they can’t blow the little whistles all that well.

  120. Another Kiwi said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:05

    Also we don’t criticise your Christmas decorations, Mr. Clyde.

  121. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:06

    The real problem with corpse traffic control is they can’t blow the little whistles all that well.

    Zombies were tried as well, but they can’t use the whistles either. They can wave their arms and shamble, but it’s just not as effective.

  122. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:08

    They also tend to fall apart under pressure.

  123. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:09

    On NPR the other day, I heard some think-tank type arguing against gun control, not on principle but because it won’t work.

    Asked what he’d suggest, he says better security. See, we have gotten used to security at airports, ballgames, and courthouses. Why not search people everywhere? Why not have armed guards everywhere?

    Wow. I realize that some gun control ideas are worse than others; some won’t do much of anything except symbolize our concern (that was this speaker’s earlier point). But we’ve reached the absurd point where he thinks a good moderate proposal is that every church or school however small should budget for a security goon. This is the sensible option, compared to arming kindergarten teachers (whether they like it or not)? No, it’s never going to happen, but it’s an idea that comes out of some guy’s mouth, because he can’t be caught sounding silly, talking about banning extended magazines or some such.

    Here in the U.S. we prove we’re sensible by pointing out that there’s no such thing as an assault weapon, and why don’t we just hire guards for everywhere more than three people congregate unarmed.

  124. Smut Clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:10

    Asked what he’d suggest, he says better security. See, we have gotten used to security at airports, ballgames, and courthouses. Why not search people everywhere? Why not have armed guards everywhere?

    For FREEDOM!!!

    Also we don’t criticise your Christmas decorations, Mr. Clyde.

    My pinatas are the envy of the neighbourhood.

  125. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:12

    They also tend to fall apart under pressure.

    But they do train create their own replacements, so that’s a plus.

  126. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:14

    I love Tarantino’s work, but, even if you don’t, this “Weinstein avatar” thing is complete nonsense.

    I don’t think anyone can reasonably accuse him of making movies he doesn’t wholeheartedly want to make. He plays with genres, styles, and subjects he’s absolutely obsessed with – in the case of Django, it appears to be mixing Blaxploitation with a Spaghetti Western. He’s a film buff, and his movies are love letters to films of the past. He’s his own man, and not anybody’s avatar.

  127. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:16

    See, we have gotten used to security at airports, ballgames, and courthouses.

    Yeah, freaking brilliant. That’s the way we will solve the unemployment caused by outsourcing and automation, give every unemployed person a gun and make them stand watch.

  128. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:19

    On NPR the other day, I heard some think-tank type arguing against gun control, not on principle but because it won’t work.

    Asked what he’d suggest, he says better security

    Yes, he specifically mentioned locking schools during the day, as if this one had open doors.

  129. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:24

    So where would I find a copy of the books?

    Volume One and Two are really good (Vol. 2 is about what “really happened” during H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds). There are online annotations that really enhance the enjoyment. The books are filled with obscure references to literature and Victorian culture.

    Volume three, or The Black Dossier, is about the 1950s and the first half of the 20th century. It’s interesting, particularly a prose section that’s a Jeeves and Wooster story featuring Lovecraftian monsters (titled What Ho, Gods of the Abyss?), but the overall book gets overwhelmed by its own references and the annotations are needed to know what the hell is going on. Not a good thing.

    I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the fourth volume, which just finished. Don’t really plan on getting it. Alan Moore as of late seems to have embraced the worst aspects of his work wholeheartedly.

  130. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:41

    Oh yay, more fun with Oregon weather! Last night we had power outages due to wind knocking over trees weakened by constant rain for a few days:

    Peak wind gusts from overnight:

    Mary’s Peak (Benton Co.): 101 mph
    Mt. Hebo (Coast Range): 82 mph
    Lincoln City: 81 mph
    Newport: 76 mph
    Albany: 54 mph
    Portland: 47 mph
    Eugene: 45 mph
    Corvallis: 44 mph

    And now there’s a chance of snow overnight. Should be a fun morning.

  131. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:43

    My pinatas are the envy of the neighbourhood.

    Coming, as they do, with their own sound effects?

  132. Smut Clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:56

    Coming with one’s own sound effects.

  133. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 18, 2012 at 1:59

    The muted-trombone noise always gets me there.

  134. The Mayor of Upper Astroboffin said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:00

    Hmmm…

  135. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:03

    What Ho, Gods of the Abyss?

    Mine is no God of the Abyss though he may think otherwise.

  136. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:03

    My pinatas are the envy of the neighbourhood.

    Yeah, well, beat away but DON’T EAT THE TREATS THAT FALL OUT.

    That sounded better in my head….

  137. El Manquécito said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:06

    That sounded better in my head….

    Gad, it must be hell in there.

  138. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:07

    PENIS

  139. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:08

    Not quite so warm, but all the weeping and tooth-gnashing does eventually kind of get to you. Sheesh, lost souls, pipe the fuck down already.

  140. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:09

    That winking willy is not wee.

  141. A voice in tigris' head said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:09

    Might as well be locked in a feckin’ art gallery.

  142. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:12

    Oh yeah, sorry about all the nudie pics, but be grateful you’re not expected to model.

  143. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:17

    So, was reading about pinatas because a) curiosity and 2) why the hell not, and discovered it’s almost Huitzilopochtli’s birthday. Happy birthday, sorry the world’s ending but I suppose that’s what you asked for.

  144. El Manquécito said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:26

    Huitzilopochtli’s birthday.

    Ay!! No mames gabachita! Es Mexica no Maya!

    Also, too, name is too close to corn smut.

    OK, I should translate, “Ay!! Don’t suck, gringa babe!! He’s Nahuatl not Mayan.”

  145. Nym said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:31

    Oh, Megan McArdle, can you be any more idiotic and worthless?

  146. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:32

    OK, I should translate, “Ay!! Don’t suck, gringa babe!! He’s Nahuatl not Mayan.”

    Blah blah blah. All’s I care about is does he have chocolate?

  147. A voice in tigris' head said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:37

    All’s I care about is does he have chocolate?

    And “How are his skills in the ball game?”

  148. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:38

    Oh, Megan McArdle, can you be any more idiotic and worthless?

    Don’t ask that. She’ll take it as a personal challenge.

  149. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:43

    Yeesh. From the McArdle essay:

    There’s a terrible syllogism that tends to follow on tragedies like this:

    1. Something must be done

    2. This is something

    3. Therefore this must be done.

    . . . and hello, Gulf War II.

    I gather the formula there is “Let’s never listen to me again”

  150. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 2:45

    Voice is cruelly reminding me of the Pats game, just as Nym cruelly reminds me of McMegan’s existence, both of which I had momentarily forgotten. THANKS.

  151. El Manquécito said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:01

    Blah blah blah. All’s I care about is does he have chocolate?

    I shoulda known. Aztec chocolate almost always better than Mayan. Sometimes requires sacrifice and flaying, but, still….

    Also, as well, Zapotec chocolate excellent, Mixtec too.

  152. El Manquécito said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:03

    “Let’s never listen to me again”

    Frequently used but merely tactical and always to be denied if necessary.

  153. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:13

    It’s been said, but it’s impossible to parody wingnuts. Tea Party Nation head Judson Phillips:

    “Had George Zimmerman been at [Sandybrook's] front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive.”

    I have no joke. Phillips thinks schools should be protected by “neighborhood watch”-type organizations, an idea best promoted, of course, by reminding people that George Zimmerman ostensibly served his community in that way.

  154. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:18

    Well, at least Mark Steyn and John Derbyshire aren’t sneering this time that the victims were cowards for not “rushing” the gunman. (Two of them did and paid with their lives.)

  155. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:22

    Having Zimmerman-types watch over primarily black schools would probably kill more children than it saves.

  156. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:27

    Tea Party Nation head Judson Phillips:

    The Zimmerman whose most notable achievement to date is shooting a kid? Christ.

  157. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:41

    If Arthur Zimmerman were guarding a school, the kids would be safe until Russia mobilized.

  158. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:50

    I have no joke. Phillips thinks schools should be protected by “neighborhood watch”-type organizations, an idea best promoted, of course, by reminding people that George Zimmerman ostensibly served his community in that way.

    Sadly an Oregon rep (Republican, natch) has basically said the same thing. He’s not even my representative, yet he emails me for some reason. Here’s just a snippet of the idiocy that he suggests (surprise: NOT gun control).

    To focus our consideration on school safety, the debate over banning weapons will be addressed another day. There are already 250 million firearms in circulation in the USA and assault weapons were already banned in Connecticut before last Friday’s tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. By sad coincidence a mad-man in China also entered an elementary school last Friday and used a knife to stab 22 children.

    In other words, instead of responding to the latest mass murder with calls for more gun-control, the real issue should be ensuring the protection of our children and educators from armed psychopaths. Currently, when a killer begins his rampage the only armed person in the school for at least five minutes after the sound of the first gunshot is the mass murderer.

    Training in classroom lock-down techniques is valuable, but passive. Classroom lock-down procedures alone fail to protect the children and adults who continue to be murdered before the police arrive. A police officer in every school is not the answer; a police officer would be the first target of a shooter and the cost would be prohibitive for most school districts.

    Lives would be saved by stopping the shooter. Seconds count when the police are five minutes away.

    To start the discussion, here is a simple, inexpensive way to enable immediate response after the first gunshot in a school is fired. Establish a program of Campus Responders.

    Campus Responders could be two or three responsible adult volunteers in every school (administrators, staff members, teachers or members of the community such as retired law enforcement or military personnel), who are enlisted and encouraged to obtain additional training and regular practice in the use of firearms. Each Campus Responder would have a firearm concealed on their person or locked and concealed in a secure metal gun box bolted in their desks. School district employees with prior military or law enforcement experience would be the initial candidates for this voluntary assignment. No one outside of school and district administration would know the identity of these volunteers.

    Y’know what Dennis (hmm, all one guy?): Fuck. Right. Off.

  159. Another Kiwi said,

    December 18, 2012 at 3:59

    Tengrain details his demolition of someone who wanted to arm teachers.

  160. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 4:06

    So, a cop would be the first target, but (volunteer, natch) “First Responders” wouldn’t? And aren’t cops supposed to be “first responders,” for which they get (meaningful) training – and pay? And I can see that nevernevernever would some asshole who failed a police psych evaluation want to have the swagger of being an armed “guardian” of a bunch of kids (and that’s a kind guess at the kind of character that might think such a situation would be just fine – in addition to the genuine good folk who might volunteer).

  161. Another Kiwi said,

    December 18, 2012 at 4:07

    OBS he says that properly trained people would be too expensive? Are the campus responders doing it for love, a good funeral plan, a gold star?
    Fuck me days I have some sympathy for people wanting trained professionals there but it’s gonna cost.

  162. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 4:11

    And Dan Inouye died at 5:01pm EST. Aloha back atcha.

  163. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 4:39

    The teachers locked their doors, calmed and hid the kids, and some died trying to save them. The principal, vice principal and psychologist heard a sound and went to investigate, and two of them died. One teacher died because there wasn’t enough room for her in the place she hid her students, another died draped over the bodies of children she was trying to shield. One killed teacher was a substitute teacher who’d been there less than a month. Maybe if someone had been armed and trained she would have managed to get the gun out of it’s locked box in time, or maybe she wouldn’t and it would have cost time that could have been spent hiding and saving the kids and handed the shooter another loaded weapon. At any rate, the sense I get from the “arm the teachers” talk is that what these women did wasn’t good enough, and fuck that.

  164. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 4:49

    I’m going to quote a 148-year-old speech: those women gave the last full measure of devotion.

    Anyone criticizing them is, IMO, missing a noticeable part of their humanity.

  165. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:01

    Teh Ho brought home season 3 of Downton Abbey (which you mere mortals will have to wait for, dribbled out in weekly episodical editions). I never knew Churchhill was involved in the Lindbergh baby kidnapping.

  166. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:06

    The Zimmerman whose most notable achievement to date is shooting a kid?

    Well, he also managed to get his ass kicked by the same kid so he’s a loser twice over.

  167. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:14

    Anybody here have an account at Slate? I’d like someone to post this to the commenter on this who claims the murder rate went up.

  168. Alex said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:15

    Why are conservatives who think they’re smart such uniformly bad writers? I got a perfect GRE verbal score and I’m having trouble parsing some of those sentences. Sorry, dude, throw away your thesaurus and rewrite this thing from your heart, if you can do that without making it a string of n-words.

  169. Another Kiwi said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:36

    I never knew Churchhill was involved in the Lindbergh baby kidnapping.
    He was a stunt double for the baby wasn’t he?

  170. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:38

    Hey, somebody did post it! Was it someone from here or just a weird meeting of the minds? Awesome either way. Amazing how dumb some the commenters there are, the smart ones trying to counteract the dumb are hoeing a hard row.

  171. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:41

    Campus Responders could be two or three responsible adult volunteers in every school (administrators, staff members, teachers or members of the community such as retired law enforcement or military personnel), who are enlisted and encouraged to obtain additional training and regular practice in the use of firearms. Each Campus Responder would have a firearm concealed on their person or locked and concealed in a secure metal gun box bolted in their desks. School district employees with prior military or law enforcement experience would be the initial candidates for this voluntary assignment. No one outside of school and district administration would know the identity of these volunteers.

    These aren’t bad ideas, as part of a bigger plan, but their author raises interesting questions:

    1. He seems to accept the premise that not all adults on-campus could carry guns.
    2. He seems amenable to strict criteria: training, character, subjection to regulation.
    3. He seems to favor gun safes until the moment of crisis; i.e. no concealed carry.
    4. In spite of 3., he seems to value discretion as to who is an Armed Responder.*

    My point is that since these incidents aren’t confined to schools, why not apply these suggestions to SOCIETY at large? (It’s a question for OR rep. Dennis Richardson and sympathizers.) Kids don’t muck about exclusively in schools. Q: If this is how they’re best protected, why not everywhere? A: Because that’d mean regulation?…

    *Note how I’ve changed the label: Campus Responders is bullshit. Think out of the box, man! If these are the criteria for getting busy when a gunman (not gonna use the gender-neutral term here) starts firing, why specify the school setting? Why not include churches, malls, parks, hell why not regulate the whole society in roughly this way?

    (Of course I don’t mean to endorse Richardson’s specific plan as applicable to society-at-large. That’s just what he implies by stating it.)

  172. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:42

    Why are conservatives who think they’re smart such uniformly bad writers?

    Because they think they’re smart.

  173. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:46

    would have a firearm concealed on their person

    Oops, Rep. Richardson includes concealed carry in his proposal. Still, he’s proposing regulations beyond what the gun culture/lobby currently consider acceptable. He’s doing it because kids are in schools part of the time.

  174. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:49

    If everyone became nudists, we’d know who was carrying concealed because they’d walk funny.

    That’s LOGIC!

  175. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 5:57

    If everyone became nudists, we’d know who was carrying concealed because they’d walk funny.

    Oh, I think we’d be able to spot most of ‘em even standing still.

  176. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 6:00

    The new kegel firing mechanism was genius, though.

  177. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 6:06

    Every man reading just crossed his legs.

  178. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 6:25

    at my age and thanks to gravity, i could conceal two small handguns on my person while nude…

  179. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 6:36

    You’ve got some big ears, bbkf.

  180. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 6:59

    there have been songs written…

  181. Jeffersonian Republican said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:10

    The country was better off when the niggers were kept in chains. At least we didn’t have gangs of baggy pants wearing, braided haired hoodlums roaming the streets of our major cities. It is the niggers who are barely evolved past the pleistoceine. And you nigger loving leftists don’t have a fucking brain in your heads. I think all of the mary jane you fuckfaces smoked has given you all brain damage, which is why you are too stupid to realize that the nigger is of an inferior race.

  182. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:22

    Whoah. Hey parody troll, ya went maybe a bit too far.

    BTW – Not entertaining the idea that anyone could have posted that in seriousness.

  183. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:26

    BTW – Not entertaining the idea that anyone could have posted that in seriousness.

    nor i…sadly, though i was just looking at the comments over at american stinker and they are eerily similar in content and tone…

  184. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:27

    You know it’s a fake ’cause of the lack of smarmy “my dear.”

  185. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:29

    But it’s still plenty ugly.

  186. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:29

    “the Pleistocene’s overall climate could be characterized as a continuous El Niño”–Wikipedia

    What do you make of that, J.R.?

  187. Jeffersonian Republican said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:30

    Not as ugly as the dark skin and big lips of the nigger.

  188. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:32

    i would hate to meet the person who in any way, shape or form finds that kind of trolling to be humorous…

  189. Jeffersonian Republican said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:32

    I would make of of it, that it proves global warming is a natural phenomeon. Man did not produce Co2 emissions 10,000 years ago, therefore this could only mean that global warming is a natural process.

  190. Jeffersonian Republican said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:35

    Not humorous my marxist friend, but the truth. There is nothing humorous about illiterate darkskinned thugs roaming the streets of our Nation’s urban centers and making life in those areas virtually impossible to live in.

    Yet another arguement in favor of private gunownership.

  191. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:46

    <Yet another arguement in favor of private gunownership.

    oh, that’s right…now i remember you from the last thread…you are a peaceful law abiding citizen…and i’m guessing an upright christian…funny how itchy your trigger finger is…

  192. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:49

    If parody, not funny. At all.

    If real, kindly go back under your rock.

  193. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 7:51

    So, ain’t it funny how guy’s ears keep growing as they get older?

  194. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:06

    So, ain’t it funny how guy’s ears keep growing as they get older?

    right? and what about the ear hair?!?

  195. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:08

    holy shit…dude on ‘house hunters’ showing his $20k shower…just the shower…$20k…we bought our entire HOUSE for less than $20k…

  196. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:31

    I watched so much House Hunters I’m kind of off them now. Mainly wTch the Internarional ones, as the US ones seem to be full of people whining that their starter house isn’t absolute perfection. My first house, which cost more than $20k (I think that’s what the people I bought it from paid), gave me hours of fun trying to figure out which of the nasty colored yellow carpets were original. They were both yellowish shag, but different. Turns out neither were original (original floors were asphalt tile throughout), the original owners just had a friend in the carpet business. Harvest gold appliances, too.

  197. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:35

    Of course, HHI can also be depressing if you hit a patch of rich folk buying vacation homes for a million or two. I liked the one with the pilot who bought a place in Italy for about $20k that he was going to work on himself. He seemed to be happy, even if it was still a bit … basic.

  198. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:36

    oooh…that sounds lovely…we were fortunate enough to find hardwood floors under the lovely brown shag carpeting…previous owner also had a fondness for mint green curtains…

    yeah, i’m a fan of the intl ones…the first home buyers whining about no granite countertops or his and her sinks are outdone by the people buying their vacation homes and bitching about how small the kitchen and/or the master is, lack of granite and/or stainless steel and again with the his and her sinks…what is that all about anyway? we raised a family in a house with one bathroom and one sink…i did not know we were doing it wrong…

  199. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:40

    i think my favorite domestic one is the military couple who wanted to retire in florida to be near their besties…she planned on starting her own interior design business in their house but bitched about all the work that each property was going to be to remodel to her liking…

  200. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:47

    Yeah, Mom was a single parent, and the house we lived the longest in was a 2 BR 1 bath. Shared with my sibs (bunk beds and a trundle).

    I’m just waiting for the time when granite and stainless are outdated. What can I say? Schadenfreude, I likes it.

  201. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 8:52

    I would like to see follow-ups of the places people bought with the intention of redoing, but I’m afraid most probably didn’t end well, either total money pit or breakup of the couple. There was one couple that bought a place in Slovakia, I think, that was pretty dire, but in a gorgeous setting. I think that’s why I liked the pilot – he just seemed happy to have the place, and was looking forward to a lot of puttering.

  202. Fenwick said,

    December 18, 2012 at 9:01

    I cheered for the humans in Avatar because I disapprove of ponytail sex. — N_B

    I cheered for the nifty phosporescent vegetation–especially the idea of being ‘collectively sentient’. Also the gigantic tree! I love redwoods & sequoias(*); how could I not love the Super Collossal Tree? As Sadlies know, Fenwick loves critters. Pandora’s critters–except for one–seemed biologically plausible … once I got past their biological UBS control ports. (I suppose that is some adaptation somehow related to domestication? I dunno much science or sci-fi.)

    (*) I wish J.R.R Tolkien could have seen and touched these trees, walked among groves, looked up at the canopy high above. (Speaking of being high above, Fenwick is doing fine on that score today.)

  203. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 9:13

    So did you see where the number three biggest Sequoia is now, by some counts, the numer two, as it’s been busy adding volume faster than the other.

  204. Hoosier X said,

    December 18, 2012 at 9:28

    I have to speak up in defense of “The Black Dossier” and “Century.”

    It is true that they are both dense and complicated works, but I adore them both, as much as the earlier “League” series.

    I’d hate to think that anybody decided to give them a pass merely because somebody on a blog comment said they weren’t worth bothering with.

  205. Fenwick said,

    December 18, 2012 at 10:27

    what about the ear hair?!?

    I hate it. My ears are now completely fringed with thick ugly hair that grows even faster than my beard. I had no problem with going bald or going gray. But the ear hair thing is really disgusting. I can see no evolutionary rationale for it.

  206. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    December 18, 2012 at 10:38

    I can see no evolutionary rationale for it.

    It might motivate the grandkids to reproduce faster than they would otherwise, in order to be genetically justified to die before that ear-hairy thing happens to them as well?

  207. Smut Clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 10:46

    But the ear hair thing is really disgusting.

    Face it, Fenwick, we’re transforming into hobbits.

  208. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    December 18, 2012 at 10:54

    we’re transforming into hobbits.

    Oh, so THAT’S why this whole exercise feels increasingly like “There and There Again.”

  209. Chris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 11:39

    Why are conservatives who think they’re smart such uniformly bad writers?

    I tried reading Mein Kampf years ago and gave up because it was so horrifically written. From what I’ve heard of Atlas Shrugged, I suspect the same would be true there if I ever tried to read it.

    I might try wading through Hitler’s “thoughts” again, though; been meaning to try ever since I found out there was a second book and that one was mostly about foreign policy.

  210. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 18, 2012 at 14:04

    But the ear hair thing is really disgusting. I can see no evolutionary rationale for it

    Muffles sound do you don’t have to listen to the noise that kids these days call “music”.

  211. Fenwick said,

    December 18, 2012 at 14:06

    I had started an essay about why Fenwick should not own a gun … all leading up a point about the danger of easy gun-accessability to people with mental disorders. The essay was becoming clunky, unwieldy, and way too windy–even for me–so I pitched it and decided to try again from the start…

    Observations and opinions about mental disabilities and gun access

    Had a gun been easily available–had I owned one–when I was deeply into the Black Hole a decade ago, it is quite possible likely I would have killed myself….. and thus become the most common sort of statistic: Most suicides have only one victim; the next most common is murder-suicide. Family-Killer suicides are relatively rare, but the most shocking–as children are usually among the victims. Gun accessibility is a threat to people suffering from mood disorders(*), to their spouses, their familes.

    The greatest danger, however, is from people suffering thought disorders, e.g. paranoid schizophrenia (**). Stir in some personality disorders–narcissism, sociopathy–then spice with access to full-auto assault rifles, high-capacity magazines, and specialized anti-personnel ammo…and, by golly gee gosh, there is your recipe for large-scale massacres.

    The worst possible mix is availability of guns–especially full-auto military assault weapons–and mentally disabled people. I advocate a complete ban of full-auto assault weapons (including machine pistols, and all the fun-time accessories like extended mags and military ammo). The ban should include already-owned automatic weapons, with government buy-back. Ratchet up the legal penalties for forbidden items way, way high. (I think a Sadlie suggested this earlier.) Also want laws on physically securing guns, requiring individual trigger locks AND locked racks, cabinents, safes. Gotta be limits on purchase and stockpiling ammo, backed-up with tough enforcement and nasty-ass fines. (A ‘gun enthusiast’ a block from me had well over 100,000 rounds when he was visited by the State Police four years ago.)

    I (now) understand enough about my disease to recognize that I should not own a gun.(***); but this is only my personal choice, whereas there should be thorough regulation and careful screening before the mentally disabled may purchase or own a gun. (And fuck you, you fucking libtards. Because I’m making a personal choice doesn’t mean it should be a personal choice.)

    There should be much better regulation and screening to prevent people with mental disabilities from possessing guns. (Note: NOT an absolute prohibiton! There must be an appeals process of some sort, with final say made by an board of examining psychiatrists.) There should be screening beyond ‘self-reporting’ on the application. (Hell, I would lie.) Off the top of my head, a requred form from a doctor must be part of the application.)

    This is expanding far beyond my intent: I was going to cut-and-paste wiley’s excellent comment (last thread) about the dangers of turning over too much power to psychiatrists and their labelling. I agree with much–though not all–of what she wrote. Then I was going to springboard into the important issue she raised. But I gotta clip this now, no doubt to everyone’s relief.

    —————————————
    (*) I have depression (only); I surmise this also applies to bi-polar, but I could be w-a-y wrong: I can imagine an armed bi-polar person in a manic episode could be dangerous to the public at large. Also, fwiw, I have never been a risk to other people. I have intermittent Tsam-like daydreams, of course, where I massacree some 1% assholes during the Exit. (Admit it: You’ve had some massacree daydreams, too). I’m a kind and gentle man toward others, and I so love my family and friends. Indeed, they are my last line of defense–not to cause them pain and grief. I am a threat to myself alone.

    (**) As has been rightly noted before in Sadlyville, not all schizophrenics are kah-ray-zee and dangerous; indeed there are ‘high-functioning’ schizophrenics, (And off-the-chart visual creativity!) So I’m not painting with a broad brush, y’all.

    (***) But I have fired three handguns at an indoor range, with a long-time friend who enjoys target shooting. We ‘went up the scale’ until I finished with some big-ass Dirty Harry magnum revolver deeleebob that kicked like a sonovabitch. (After I got the hang of it, I produced a decent group on the second target.) While I’m on the subject, I like DKW’s idea about target guns being STORED at the range.

  212. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 14:57

    I tried reading Mein Kampf years ago

    I read it years ago. The guy had issues.

  213. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:00

    the US ones seem to be full of people whining that their starter house isn’t absolute perfection

    I’m still living in my starter home. I dodged the whole real estate bubble nicely. Not because I’m a genius, I was just too lazy to move.

  214. Fenwick said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:01

    Ear hair and evolution (*):

    Fust off, I laughed at the Sadlie suggestions.

    But ear hair seems altogether odd, does it not? Like all human body hair, ear hair is vestigial. Some of the fuzz-like folicles eventually begin going nutzoid in middle-aged males…and transform into thick, black, and prodigiously ugly hair. (Same thing with eyebrow folicles, only here it looks sorta cool.) What’s the evolutionarly value of the folicles going nutzoid? Perhaps for mating, ear hair might be signal of age, and therefore unsuitable. But in humans, that seems ludicrous, given that graying hair is a much clearer visual signal and is visable at a greater distance.

    The middle-age ear folicle change-over in men could make some evolutionary sense if it had some survival value for the species. I can’t see how. So I’m mystified by ear hair at 8 AM Eastern. You are now cleared to return the discussion to guns and massacres and assholes like Jeffersonian Republican who should be butt-fucked with a rusty industrial-sized auger

    (*) Band name available for Tsam

  215. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:08

    Man did not produce Co2 emissions 10,000 years ago, therefore this could only mean that global warming is a natural process.

    Hmmmm. By that “logic”, since my car once broke on it’s own, that means I can’t possibly hurt it!

    Woo hoo! (steers towards nearest bridge abutment)

  216. El Manquécito said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:28

    The guy had issues.

    I’m sure it reads better in the original German.

  217. Fenwick said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:39

    (steers towards nearest bridge abutment)

    …at high speed, at night, in the fast lane of the Baltimore / Washington parkway with the seatbelt off.

    ———————
    Major: You must know the admiration I have for your writing skill and writing style. Parts 2 and 3 were wonderful to read. I learned about and vicariously experienced the training mission so far. (You have constructed the B-2 material brilliantly, imo … especially the diary-to-diary transitions.)

    Perhaps I should leave these sorts of comments at Kos…. except that I won’t “sign-up” there (or anywhere else, insofar as I can avoid it). It I was in Kos, I would be hittin’ the Recommend button all the time for your diaries. Terrific, sir.

    Suggestion: Consider the Kos diaries as future components of a larger, book-length work.

    that insofar as possibledon’t want to “sign-up” there (or anywhere).

  218. Fenwick said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:41

    Editing, what is it? Strike last line.

  219. Fenwick said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:44

    I’ve been on that road with the bridge abutments.

  220. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:50

    Man did not produce Co2 emissions 10,000 years ago, therefore this could only mean that global warming is a natural process [citation needed]

  221. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:51

    Oops – kill the tail end of that sentence please, everything after the comma.

  222. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 15:52

    Thanks Fenwick. I’m working on the next couple installments.

  223. tigris said,

    December 18, 2012 at 16:33

    From what I’ve heard of Atlas Shrugged, I suspect the same would be true there if I ever tried to read it.

    Anthem is short and still bad, if you want a taste.

    I can see no evolutionary rationale for [ear hair]

    Keeps bugs out?

    Man did not produce Co2 emissions 10,000 years ago

    I’m glad we finally evolved the ability to exhale.

  224. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 18, 2012 at 16:38

    Fenwick,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts about gun ownership and the very personal experiences with depression. Absolutely agree on the dangerous mix that is readily available firearms and mental illness. I also want to state again that mental illness is not particularly predictable and anyone can be afflicted with it. And with the stigma society places on it, many people have become expert at coping and concealing their problems. And that’s the more enlightened ones that have moved beyond outright denial.

    As to gun control – I maintain that there is no legitimate reason for any private person to have a functional firearm in their home or on their person except for a small list of very specific, highly regulated activities. Hunting, sport shooting at a range, performing official law enforcement duties or engaged in official military exercises. And that’s everything I can think of as allowable exceptions. Given that as a starting point, having gun clubs/shooting ranges be the only place where firearms can be legally stored is reasonable and greatly limits their availability in the public at large. Those and officially designated hunting areas would then be the only places where a loaded firearm would be legal.

    Note: this scheme is much much more strict than what we have here in Canuckistani land, but it is a proposed gun control scheme that would have stopped a great many of the rampage shootings that have occurred. Also it secures these dangerous pieces of hardware under lock and heavily armed guard. All those “lost” or stolen firearms floating around might not disappear but at least their numbers won’t be added to. Finally it forces gun users to become members of a community (of gun users) so that they’d have contact with other human beings whenever they wanted access to their firearms. And while that might not catch everyone on the brink of mentally snapping, it’s a lot better than the “give everyone a gun and make access to mental health services extremely difficult, embarrassing, expensive and onerous” plan.

  225. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 16:49

    CRA: “the Pleistocene’s overall climate could be characterized as a continuous El Niño”–Wikipedia … What do you make of that, J.R.?

    J.R.: I would make of of it, that it proves global warming is a natural phenomeon. Man did not produce Co2 emissions 10,000 years ago, therefore this could only mean that global warming is a natural process.

    Sheesh, my whole purpose was to provoke an attack on prehistoric hispanics, and you blew it by taking the serious route.

  226. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 16:55

    Ayn Rand wrote plenty of nonfiction, so years ago when I decided to check her out, I quickly realized that there was no reason to slog through the novels. In any case, an “Essential Ayn Rand”-type book will excerpt the protagonists’ speeches.

  227. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:00

    “Why ear hair” is an interesting question but not a simple one. Far from it.

    It is a common trap to think that _every_ phenotype has been selected for. Some characteristics are evolutionary spandrels, features that exist not because they they were selected for but are due to other features that arose through selection. Some features are vestigial – our vomeronasal organisms, for example.

    Many features have a lot of variability because, if I might inappropriately anthropomorphize, evolution only cares about the big stuff. PZ Meyers recently wrote about the variability in noses. All human noses are similar but some are small, some are long, some are broad and big. Thinking that a big nose must have been selected for, thatnthere is some evolutionary cause for your big nose is falling into the trap. PZ points out that it is mutation drift that gives me my little piggy snout and you your big honker. Neither of our nose shapes was specifically selected for, that’s just variation on a bilaterally symmetric breathing hole in our heads.

    Ear hair might be attributable to any number of factors.

  228. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:03

    Yes, I did call you “big nose.”

  229. Butch Pansy said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:04

    tigris said,
    December 18, 2012 at 6:00

    The new kegel firing mechanism was genius, though.

    PEW! PEW! PEW!

    Hahahaha..OW!…hahaha….OW! It hurts when. I laugh, too!

  230. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:06

    Barbers and those ladies who practice barbery have started offering to trim my eyebrows. They didn’t used to do that. At first I turned them down, for fear of looking metrosexual I suppose, but heck why not.

  231. Scott S. said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:15

    Bah, “The Black Dossier” is only worth reading for “What Ho, Gods of the Abyss!” The rest of it ranged from fairly dull action sequences to extremely lengthy text sequences where Alan Moore shows off how much he can write like other writers to the bit with the goddamn golliwogg doll.

    I enjoyed the first chapter of “Century,” but never bothered with the rest of it.

    I really don’t think Alan Moore’s recent material is very good.

  232. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:16

    In any case, an “Essential Ayn Rand”-type book will excerpt the protagonists’ speeches.

    I’ve never read much of her stuff. Still I think I can sum it up as:

    Producers – good, Everyone else – bad.

    Oh, and women secretly want to be raped.

  233. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:17

    those ladies who practice barbery

    They’re called “barbers.”

    Butch Pansy made me larf.

  234. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:24

    They’re called “barbers.”

    I liked Conan the Barber.

    “By Crom! I’ll hack the hair from your head!”

  235. CRA said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:30

    They’re called “barbers.”

    Are you sure? Lady barbers? And the facility has a rotating candycane pole and everything?

    (I haven’t spent much time in these shops and salons over the years.)

  236. N__B said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:31

    Barberettes.

    Barberians.

    Barberas.

    Coiffetrices.

  237. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:37

    i am eager to hear what our new friend jr has to offer on ear hair among the races…he is truly an illuminating anthropologist! he seems to know quite a bit about blacks…i wonder where he studied? it must have been a liberal arts college because he also knows a lot about science…how lucky are we to have such a erudite fellow amongst us?!?!

  238. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:41

    Are you sure? Lady barbers? And the facility has a rotating candycane pole and everything?

    I actually did know one like that. She was a very pretty young lady who’s grandfather used to cut my hair. She took over the shop from him when he retired.

  239. El Manquécito said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:45

    If the barber sign is in cuneiform they’re probably a stylist.

  240. Willy said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:46

    Barberettes.

    Barberians.

    Barberas.

    Coiffetrices.

    Jane Fonda was a Barbrella.

  241. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 17:55

    The woman I went to in NW Portland for several years was rather insistent on being a “barber.” The women at the shop in PA we went to for many years referred to themselves as barbers. In PA at least barbers and “beauticians” or whatever carry different licenses. Way back one time I asked the woman cutting my hair at a salon if she would trim my beard and she said she couldn’t because one needed a barber license to trim beards.

  242. SqueakyRat said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:06

    Endless Violent Lard would make a nice band name.

  243. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:11

    Jill Barber.

  244. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:26

    Jill Barber.

    hmmmm…i think i could really like some of her stuff…

    Endless Violent Lard would make a nice band name.

    aaaand this brings us back to the topic…aside from the whiny waah, waah, liberals are mean and completely missing the point (if there is one) to the movie, the writing is by far some of the most god-awful i have ever seen…

  245. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:36

    Unlike most screenings, this one ended with dozens of the SRO critic-audience discussing the film outside in knots of 3 and 4 people for close to half an hour afterwards.

    what does this even mean? is it good or bad? i’ve never been to a screening so i don’t know, but i do know it’s a really crappy way to end a review…

  246. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:37

    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the endless violent lard,
    No one spent a long fortnight researching the curse words (of the mid 19th century)
    And what of the truth of 150 years ago in language and in mores
    It’s worse than Avatar.

  247. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:38

    Endless violent lard is a pretty good description of my kitchen.

  248. bbkf said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:44

    Endless violent lard is a pretty good description of my kitchen.

    thanks for the reminder…i am planning on the 24 hour pork shoulder for christmas day and need to start making a grocery list…

  249. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 18, 2012 at 18:51

    I await LOLGato Barbieri.

  250. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:05

    Endless violent lard is a pretty good description of my kitchen.

    So you’re lard over all you survey?

  251. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:08

    Endless Violent Lard Fish and Chips
    Endless Violent Lard Weight Loss and Primal Scream Therapy Clinic
    Endless Violent Lard Adult Entertainments

  252. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:11

    I’m still living in my starter home. I dodged the whole real estate bubble nicely. Not because I’m a genius, I was just too lazy to move.

    This.

    Besides for also being lazy and hating the idea of moving, I don’t want a new — vastly larger — mortgage.

  253. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:13

    Fenwick — if you didn’t see it, I left you some gun-related stuff in the last thread.

  254. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:17

    Man did not produce Co2 emissions 10,000 years ago

    WTF? Besides for, y’know, breathing — back then man was already pretty adept at torching off big ol’ fires to clear underbrush and such like.

    The upsidedowners in the crowd can correct me, but IIRC the first humans to show up there torched the hell out of the place to clear land and scare up food animals also too.

    So yeah, not only racist, but stupid and racist. Huge surprise.

  255. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:18

    I seem to have a predilection for posting in threes.

    Here’s an extra just to mix things up.

  256. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:38

    Endless Violent Lard Ear Hair Removal Technique
    Breakin’ 2: Endless Violent Lardaloo
    Endless Violent Lard: From Mussolini to Hilary Clinton

  257. Cerberus said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:39

    bbkf-

    It means, hate those filthy Hollywood liberal reviewers like the Pavlovian dogs you are.

    Wingnut authors seem to have realized they no longer need to put even the slightest bits of effort into their posts anymore. We should all be fearful of what this means.

    Also, NEW POST!

  258. VCarlson said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:40

    Evolution also doesn’t “care” about anything that happens after procreation. If long ear hairs cause papa to trip and break his neck, and his kid(s) die because no one else will look after them, then the long ear hair gene doesn’t get spread around as much. If the kids don’t die because raising the kids is a group effort, well, there you are.

    On a less frivolous note, based on what I remember from a genetics prof decades ago, if you have both genes for Sickle Cell Anemia, you have it. Not good for you. If you have only one gene, you don’t have it, but your red cells are still a bit twisted, not quite as good at transporting oxygen, which makes you resistant to malaria, which is why SSA is more prevalent among people in malarial areas. It’s a trade off, and Mother Nature’s a bitch.

  259. Jennifer said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:42

    RE: ear & eyebrow hair: for women, the opposite is true regarding the eyebrow hair. Our eyebrows tend to thin out as we get older; I’ve been on my niece since she first started plucking not to pluck too much – otherwise, you get into your 50s or 60s and you’re having to draw on eyebrows. I always favored a heavier brow ala Brooke Shields & even so, I have to fill in now with eyebrow pencil. Of course, the brows following the hair in turning white isn’t helping. The hair went 20 years ago; the brows didn’t start turning until 2 or 3 years ago, at the rate of one hair at a time.

    Don’t even get me started on what happens under the chin when the hormones start tapering off. I do “whisker patrol” on pretty much a daily basis. What amazes me is how a hair that wasn’t there at all yesterday can be there today and already be 1/2″ long.

  260. Pryme said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:50

    Oops…guess liberals can’t talk about guns no more…Obama’s flirting with making some Social Security tweaks/concessions/whatever.

    Time to call him a traitor* and scream bloody murder while somewhere out there, someone is contemplating actual murder.

    *Seriously; DU’s going apocalyptic. So far, the Kos Kids are going back-and-forth.

  261. Cerberus said,

    December 18, 2012 at 19:53

    And since I’ve been terrible about actually posting about Sandy Hook, I think it’s remarkable that all the fucking fuck fucker suggestions about arming teachers and massive security and bullshit is all about punishing kids and students for having the temerity to get shot and make gun nuts look like assholes.

    Whenever some new woman-hating gun fetishist decides to go on a rampage, the universal decision everyone seems to come to is “gosh, let’s make life more unpleasant and full of hassle for their victims” because Bob-forbid we ever ever even slightly inconvenience the precious “rights” of the FUCKING TYPE OF PEOPLE WHO COMMIT THESE CRIMES.

    So no, let’s not add another bullshit “security” layer so we can hassle kids for being young in the name of “protecting them”. Let’s fucking bring some goddamn consequences down on the gun nuts who just can’t seem to stop committing a mass shooting every goddamn month.

  262. Pupienus said,

    December 18, 2012 at 21:06

    Evolution also doesn’t “care” about anything that happens after procreation.

    Oh yes it does! Got into an argument with someone on the interducts about this. I’ll try to make it as short as I can here. Evolution likes to see that the babies themselves get to procreate. The argument was in the context of the “Gay Uncle Theory” which proffers an explanation, in part, for why “gay genes” are still around.

  263. Major Kong said,

    December 18, 2012 at 21:11

    New diary:

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/12/18/1171510/-Flying-the-B-52-Part-4

  264. smut clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 21:47

    our vomeronasal organisms

    HA HA Pupienus misspelled ‘orgasms’.

  265. smut clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 22:24

    Got into an argument with someone on the interducts about this.

    UNPOSSIBLE.

  266. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 18, 2012 at 22:32

    vomeronasal organisms

    Awfuck. Nasti multicellular organisms, no doubt.

  267. smut clyde said,

    December 18, 2012 at 22:37

    A kind of nasal zoo.

  268. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 19, 2012 at 2:15

    Barberettes.
    Barberians.
    Barberas.
    Coiffetrices.

    Barberellas!

  269. Fenwick said,

    December 19, 2012 at 4:31

    bbfk: Who is ‘new friend jr’? I must have missed the story during the months I wasn’t here.

  270. Fenwick said,

    December 19, 2012 at 4:32

    New thread !

  271. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    December 19, 2012 at 5:10

    So no, let’s not add another bullshit “security” layer so we can hassle kids for being young in the name of “protecting them”.

    It’s also kind of arguing for what’s already there. When I was a kid, we had a police deputy on campus /all the time/. Had his or her own office even. Sure, they were mostly there as part of the DARE program and to offer a fig-leaf of authority to the administration searching lockers for drugs, but they seemed to be just as armed as any other cop.

  272. Lt. Fred said,

    December 20, 2012 at 3:11

    Is that review in English?

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