ABOVE: K.T. McFarland, comedian and defense analyst
Roger Ailes is very, very mad at K.T. McFarland. So mad, in fact, that he ordered her into his office and dictated a column that she would have to write under her own name ‘splainin’ how that conversation she had for him with General Petraeus that was taped and leaked was just one big funny haha joke, just joshin’ around you know, and not to be taken seriously, even if K.T. did spend almost 13 minutes trying to convince Petraeus to run for President at Ailes’s behest. Of course, if you listen to the tape, and you’ve not been living somewhere on the rings of Saturn for most of your life, you will quickly realize how absurd it is for McFarland to claim that this was all just ribbin’ and joshin’ and funnin’ and none of it was meant seriously.
But to avoid your having to waste 15 minutes of your life listening to a sycophantic and obsequious K.T. plant big sloppy wet kisses all over Petraeus’s sagging face (there’s a brain bleach image for you!), here are the relevant parts of the transcript.
McFarland: I’ve got something to say to you, by the way, directly from Roger Ailes. … He says that if you’re offered chairman [of the Joint Chiefs of Staff], take it. If you’re offered anything else, don’t take it, resign in six months and run for president. Okay? And I know you’re not running for president. But at some point when you go to New York next, you may want to just chat with Roger. And Rupert Murdoch, for that matter.
Petraeus: Well … Well, Rupert’s after me, as well. …
Q: I’m only reporting this back to Roger. And that’s our deal. … So what do I tell Roger when he says …
Petraeus: Tell him I don’t… I mean, I don’t know what they’re going to offer me, anyway. I really don’t know.
Q: Okay. But there are only two. … So I can say something along the following lines …
Petraeus: Well, but don’t — that has to be off the record.
Q: There are potentially two jobs that you’d be interested in. His deal with me was that I was only supposed to talk to you.
Petraeus: Yeah, okay. …
Q. No, but can I just say that — can I just tell him what I’ve suggested, and that we’ve discussed …
Petraeus: Yeah, sure.
Q: … is that next time you go to New York you’re going to stop by and see him?
Petraeus: I’d be happy. I would love to see him. I haven’t seen him in a while, so …
Q: I think he would very much appreciate the conversation.
Petraeus: I would love to see. … Yeah. He’s a brilliant guy.
Q: He is simply brilliant. I don’t know if you’ve ever …
Petraeus: He is. Tell him if I ever ran [laughs] but I won’t …
Q: Okay, I know. I know.
Petraeus: But if I ever ran, I’d take him up on his offer.
Q: Okay. All right.
Petraeus: He said he would quit Fox.
Q: I know. Look, he’s not the only one.
Petraeus: And bankroll it.
Q: Bankroll it? [Laughs]
Petraeus: Or maybe I’m confusing that with Rupert.
K.T., if that is your idea of jes’ jokin’ around, don’t quit your day job, such as it is, to go into stand up. Because, frankly, that conversation is about as funny as watching kittens explode in a microwave. Of course, the absolutely most hilarious part is K.T. pressing Petraeus for an answer that she can take back to Ailes. If you actually listen to the transcript, you’ll hear them rolling on the floor and peeing in their pants at the humor of it all.
I realize conspiracy theorists have used this off-the-record interview to claim it was some plot to put Petraeus in the Oval Office. But it was little more than one defense analyst (me) trading some political gossip and laughs with one of the country’s most important military leaders (Petraeus).
No, K.T., sweet T., that’s not what anyone’s claiming. This interview is simply proof (as if more proof were needed) that Fox isn’t a real news organization. Nobody believes Roger Ailes or Rupert Murdoch could make anyone President. Their last effort certainly wasn’t what I’d call a roaring success.