Nov
28

Quit Acting Like You Won, People Who Actually Won!




Posted at 9:41 by Cerberus

Besides! According to the Conservative Elections Unskewed website, we won by exactly a gajillion and a half points, anyways!

Mona Charen, National Hacksplosion:
Sore Winners

Now, while some inconsiderate and downright rude snarkmistresses and meisters may look at the blooming crop of post-election wingnut writings and sum it up with a pithy “We don wanna grow up, we wanna be a Toys R’ Us kid bigot that still wins elections”, that’s not the only reaction wingnuts have had.

For instance, Mona Charen, previously maligned here for thinking that women really could prevent pregnancy by rape and that manly sperm really could produce more male children, has a new post that is both illuminating and startling in its raw maturity.

Allow me to condense such wisdom as best I can:

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Pout! POUT! POOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT!

Such a completely different shade of uninterrupted whining than her compatriots!

While most of her allies are one-note hacks loudly trumpeting how conservatives don’t need to change nuthin’, Mona Charen loudly trumpets how conservatives don’t need to change nuthin’ WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY bitching about how mean-old liberals are going around acknowledging that they won the election and noticing the nauseating levels of racism on display in the last election and other things that JUST AREN’T FAIR, MOMMMMMEEEEEEEE! Truly, such complexity and depth I have scarce seen since I last poured over a Shakepeare play… or possibly the last time I saw a finger-painting by a Kindergartner. Hard to say, really.

Post-election season is a time for healing, for putting aside the rancor of a long campaign and rediscovering what unites us. It has not been that way this year.

Uh huh…

Yeah, I’m sure this has nothing at all to do with the fact that all your efforts to suppress voters and steal the election wasn’t enough to bury the voice of the people. If The Smiler had managed to steal the election, I’m sure we’d hear the exact same thing from the hack brigade about how what we need now is post-partisan healing and compromise.

Dear Bob in Himmel, is it hard to hold a straight face right now…

Prudence, one would think, if not generosity of spirit, should impel Democrats to be magnanimous in victory. Romney did receive about 48 percent of the vote.

BWAHAHAHAHA! Really? REALLY?!?

Yes, let’s show Mr. 48% the same compassion that he showed to the 48% 99% of Americans that The Smiler called Unamerican moochers for thinking they were “entitled” to food.

Or the same generosity of spirit that Bush showed Democrats in 2004 when he called the same margin of victory a sweeping mandate to completely dismantle the Bill of Rights and screw over the country so bad we haven’t even begun to put it back together again.

I mean, fucking seriously, there’s abusing the infinite good will of liberals and there is pasting a sign to your forehead reading “I am arguing in bad faith now, please invalidate your lawful election”.

Only someone who regularly loses arguments to Spellchecking software could possibly think this ham-fisted effort at a screw-job would at all sound like anything other than the mewling cry of someone who still hasn’t grasped that they really have lost.

A little modesty among the winners would seem to be in order.

Yeah, liberals! Stop pretending you won the election and that people preferred your policies even when we poured infinite money into a propaganda blitz to try and tell them that your policies cause double secret bonus cancer!

That’s just like being a sore winner!

Instead, the gloating has been extravagant.

Ms. Charen. Ooh, Ms. Charen. I know spellcheck is liberal demonology, but I’m pretty sure you misspelled “mocking” in that sentence. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t begin with an “g”.

Worse, liberals have gorged themselves on the same junk food they enjoyed during the campaign and cannot seem to resist under any circumstances — slandering their opponents.

Again with the misspelling of “mocking”. It doesn’t begin with a “s” either, Mona. I know you think it’s a liberal plot to steal your underwear, but you may just need to turn back on your spellcheck.

The smears are so casual and commonplace that we become weary of responding.

Translation: We’re giving up on ever having a valid response that doesn’t sound like the weak-ass post-hoc rationalization it is.

But we must protest, or someone new to politics may assume that we concede the point.

Yeeeeeeaaahhh. No. I don’t think there’s a single person on the planet that believes you’ll ever acknowledge reality even if the entire planet walked up behind you with a Cluehammer and smashed you into the sun with it.

I mean, fuck, not only have you continued to deny things like global warming when the evidence is literally flooding New York like a Hollywood disaster movie, but you’ve literally been at war with even the most cursory forms of information. When you’re inventing conservative alternatives to polls or factoids, there’s pretty much no hope left that you’ll ever join the community of “people who believe reality exists and are anything other than unfortunate clinically delusional people trying to drag us down into their hellish caves of insanity”.

I mean, fuck, it’s like you saw the mental health rights movement and its attempt to humanize mental health issues and went “nope, I think we can set that back a 100 years at least”.

Appearing on Meet the Press, documentary filmmaker Ken Burns attributed conservative unhappiness with the election to racism. “Race is always there in America,” Burns opined.

And the wingnuts freaked the fuck out, because they are still convinced that if they can believe that Barack Obama is a dream hard enough, he and all the other black people will just go away.

“It’s always something we don’t want to talk about. Do you think we’d have a secession movement — a faddish movement — if this president wasn’t African-American? Do you think the vitriol that came out of some elements of the Tea Party would have been at the same level had this president not been African-American?”

Ken Burns is a fine filmmaker. I met him once, and found him to be engaging and amiable. It’s painful to see him descend to this kind of defamation. Some disappointed Republicans are talking secession in Texas and elsewhere. This is proof of racism?

Yeah! Whenever else has calls for secession been caused by racial animosity? Especially with regards to black people?

And how would some fancy dancy historical expert on the only time states seceded possibly know about this made up nonexistent time period invented by liberal hippie bastards?

Where the hell are the standards among people who actually know what they are talking about?

Is this the standard of evidence Burns employs for his films?

Oops, didn’t mean to jump the gun there. I guess, this shit is just getting a little too fucking predictable over here.

But yeah, seriously, someone on the payroll of Jonah “fuck history, I think the right-wing Nazis were actually the left-wing communists they hated and persecuted” Goldberg is permanently banned from ever questioning the standards of evidence of any other historian.

Ever.

Secession talk is the overheated emotional venting of the disappointed.

It’s like an emo teenager venting on Livejournal about how nobody loves him and he might as well kill himself. It’s not anything serious.

I mean, it’s not at all like this was an effort by citizens in 30 states with thousands of signatories and originated by people who really did believe that an online petition for secession would somehow mean they would get the right to vote for secession. And certainly not like one of the Republican presidential candidates (one who probably would have gotten the nomination if he hadn’t dropped out) have been calling for secession for the last 4 years.

It’s just meaningless emo fluff… that happens to manifest itself in casually racist echoes of the time half the nation fought a bitter and bloody war for the right to own and abuse human beings for having black skin… that also happens to originate from the same states that declared that war…

MOMMEEE! They aren’t buying my transparent bullshit! Make them buy it, MOMMEE! Not buying it is unlawful gloating so The Smiler is double president now. NYAH!

It is not the exclusive province of Republicans. In 2004, Jonathan Gurwitz of the Houston Chronicle reminds us, Democratic talking head Lawrence O’Donnell suggested that George W. Bush’s reelection would provoke “a serious discussion of secession over the next 20 years.” When a fellow panelist on the TV show in question asked “Are you calling for civil war?” O’Donnell replied “You can secede without firing a shot.” Bob Beckel was for kicking the southern United States out of the union that year. “Really, I think they ought to have their own confederacy.” Alec Baldwin, among others, had threatened to leave the country if Bush was reelected.

Leaving aside your apparently wider than the Grand Canyon definition of liberal and the fact that those statements were the incredibly infrequent jokes of a handful of powerless people, we just have to boggle at the statement.

I mean, ask any random douchebag about what the emo liberals were bitching about doing circa 2004 and I doubt a single one of them would have answered “calling for secession”. Fuck, we made a goddamn 8-year running meme about (all together now) “moving to Canada”.

Fuck, that’s pretty much the defining separation of liberal and conservative emo reactions to depressing electoral loss. Liberals want to flee the country to one that doesn’t suck as hard. Conservatives want to burn the country to the ground and seed the ground with salt… and bullets… lots and lots of bullets.

Burns’s flippant reference to the “vitriol” emanating from “some elements” in the Tea Party is nothing but an oft-repeated slur.

Recognizing things that are real is a slur and bigoted attack on those poor souls who have Reality Deficiency Disorder.

The late Andrew Breitbart famously offered a $10,000 reward to anyone who could produce audio or video proof that the N-word was hurled at black members of Congress as they moved through a Tea Party protest on Capitol Hill.

And then proceeded to ignore the evidence that came in, openly slurring a Civil Rights Veteran and Hero (as well as all the congresspeople with him) as a liar who couldn’t be trusted because of the color of his skin.

But hey, if you can’t trust the judgment of a drunken mess who built a career out of being a lying sack of shit and paying people to create fake videos in order to punish innocent citizens for getting within range of wingnut conspiracy theories, who can you trust?

After all, it was his unwavering respect for truth that caused Obama’s goon squads to whack him in the first place.

The accusation of racism was broadcast far and wide. The lack of proof — though hundreds of people had video cameras recording every moment — is the untold story.

Huh. And here I was off gloating in my liberal way by daring to remember that when Sir Breitbart of Douchingham came up with his “super ultra awesome rebuttal” to John Lewis’s offhand remark, it was one couple of second long video of the middle of a crowd, because that was the only segment he could find where they weren’t dropping the n-bomb like a rapper going platinum.

But hey, given the same wingnut math that turns a 3 person rally into a 3 million strong meditation on peace and freedom or electoral catastrophe into a wingnut forever victory covered up by the gay jews who run the media, I guess one brief video equals 100s of videos that ran from start to finish and covered multiple angles of John Lewis conniving on top of his Grinch mountain on how to make a bunch of KKK-re-enactors look like the racists they totally weren’t.

Someone as sophisticated as Ken Burns should know that the Tea Party protests were multiracial, multiethnic affairs, featuring speakers of every background. What united them was concern that the government stop spending money it does not collect.

Why aren’t other people as dumb as we think they are?!? MOMMMEEE! It’s not fair, mommy, them being able to see through our propaganda and see things for how they actually are. If less people could do that, we could have totally stolen the election. So really, they stole the election. MAKE THEM GIVE IT BACK, MOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!

False accusations of racism are an attempt to delegitimize those who disagree with you. Promiscuous use of the word also defangs it for actual instances of racial bias. Honest liberals should further consider that flinging the charge protects them from having to defend their ideas. It’s simultaneously ugly and lazy.

Shorter all wingnuts forever and constantly:

Being called out on racism is infinitely worse than actually suffering from racism. Black people live lives of relative ease compared to the earth-shattering, soul-eviscerating, mind-raping HELL that is being a white lazy hack enjoying unearned privileges and the automatic regard given one’s skin color and having to suffer the indescribable, almost eldritch terror that is having someone call you racist.

I mean, sure, said white people might be passing laws to make it legal to stalk and shoot unarmed black kids minding their own business on the street, actively trying to make economic situations worse in the hope that it disproportionately affects black people, and openly argue that black votes simply shouldn’t count in our modern post-racial society because black people aren’t real citizens…

But what are those paltry issues in comparison with having a historian lightly and tactfully raising up an issue of race in your general presence, kinda, almost.

Black people just can’t understand, man… the pain, it runs deep…

Kathleen Geier of the Washington Monthly writes that conservatives use abstractions because they are attempting to conceal positions that “a hefty chunk of the population” finds “icky.” That’s the reason, she explains, that they talk of “‘small government,’ ‘right to life,’ ‘states’ rights,’ ‘free markets,’ ‘right to work,’ ‘judicial restraint,’ ‘family values,’ etc.”

Are you seeing a trend with this temper tantrum? Cause, I’m seeing a trend. And fuck, it’s not like this post wasn’t already destined to fail when it began life as a “liberals aren’t allowed to acknowledge they won” post. But add in all the tired “liberals aren’t allowed to see our dirty tricks. Make them blind themselves so they don’t see our dirty tricks” bullshit, and we’ve got a whole new ballgame of fail.

But hey, at least it’s consistent with its awfulness. Considering we’re dealing with Mona “people aren’t responding the way I want them to respond to this national tragedy” Charon, we’re talking about.

Frankly, this is a step up fo-

I can’t recall the last time a mainstream American politician referred to “state’s rights,” but I’m pretty sure that whoever it was, he was a Democrat. It was the code term southern Democrats used to defend Jim Crow laws.

I really really need to stop saying things like that.

Wow. Just wow. This statement is fractally fucked up. Whenever I try and focus on one unforgivable failure, nine others are waving their hands in my face demanding equal time.

Where do I even begin? I mean, I could cover the obvious about how only the Republicans who jumped ship from Democratic to Republican in 1964 seem to be the only ones who weren’t aware that happened. Or the complete feigned ignorance of the Southern Strategy that has been the sole defining feature of Republican politics for nearly 50 years.

And then there’s her “I can’t recall” bit, which frankly, I buy entirely because Mona has already consistently demonstrated an intellect that regularly loses quiz contests with toast. But has the unfortunate aspect of ignoring, well, pretty much every speech by a Republican for the last 40 odd years.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, Reagan’s infamous State’s Right speech at the site of the murdered Civil Rights workers during the 1980 campaign has pretty much become the equivalent of the Sermon on the Mount speech for conservatives.

There’s the sudden ability to remember what a code phrase is only a single paragraph after pretending that dog whistles were an invention of mean-spirited liberals to paint innocent white hood aficionados who aesthetically appreciate the iconography of failed American revolutions based on philosophical disputes on the nature of federal control as something bad.

But, no.

I think the part that grabs onto my throat and is crushing my windpipe into a fine powder would be the unmitigated gall this rancid mockery of a human being has to even mention Jim Crow laws after Republicans spent this last election BRINGING JIM CROW LAWS BACK!

Oh, Jim Crow laws were made by evil democrats who are bad forever just like we’re good forever because Lincoln, but ignore the giant fucking dead fish in the room in the shape of all the voter suppression laws we tried to pass specifically targeting minorities and making it harder for them to vote.

In ways that weren’t even pretending to be subtle. But hey, noticing the transparent screw job is just evil liberal propaganda unlawfully stealing the brown and black vote from conservatives. And not at all something that minorities noticed and punished you for, because it turns out they aren’t as fucking stupid as you!

As much as you assume they must be because “Bell Curve” also Breitbart…

Yeah, sorry for the break from humor mode, but to even write that sentence without bursting into flames, she must have gonads of such cold steel that Michael Bay wants to film them dangling over John Turturro’s face.

Three quarters of the nay votes on the 1964 Civil Rights Act came from Democrats. Conservatives, as Ms. Geier would know if she actually read them rather than relying on cartoon depictions, do talk of federalism. If Geier thinks the constitutional order providing for state and federal governments is “icky,” she should say so.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear what you said there. I was distracted by this painful grinding noise when you tried to abruptly switch arguments without a clutch.

No, no one ever uses state’s right on the right ever and besides, it’s democrats who are the racists, oh hey, all the conservatives who used to be democrats are us and have always been us, also we totally bitch about state’s rights all the time, but only because we’re too hipster for irony. What of it? You against high-minded philosophy on the nature of federalism, bitch?

Yeah, didn’t think so, liberal strawman! Mona Charen 1, Voices Inside My Head 9,346 0.

As for the “right to life,” isn’t that a great deal more honest than the liberals’ habit of disguising a policy of unrestricted abortion up to and including birth as “women’s reproductive health”?

I like how there’s not even a feigned denial here. I mean, she’s had no trouble trying to make Jim Crow sound like a liberal plot, but when it came to the violent assault on English that is “right to life”, it’s like… “Okay, you got us, that was a meaningless marketing term to hide ‘fuck you, you bitch who dared to fuck in non-approved ways’, but hey, those bitches who dare fuck and think of women as human beings have that shit coming.”

I appreciate that, because frankly, if we’re going to purge the damage that meaningless paean to our tendency to anthropomorphize potential and dehumanize women has done, it really fucking helps for the forced birth brigade to let their freak flag fly high for all to see.

Geier further confuses her readers by explaining that “judicial restraint” means “no rights for women, gays, or nonwhites.”

Yes. I’m sure, her readers are super confused. What? Terms used by disingenuous hacks may be about a separate issue where a feigned moral stance on a meaningless philosophical issue no sane person should really care this much about when people are legitimately suffering is used to hide a complete contempt for the humanity of said people? What witchcraft is this?!?

I know it’s a new concept for hacks, but… you’ve spent decades now burning all the good faith we could ever have. And you’ve also gotten so far down the Lee Atwater spiral that your dog whistles have gone completely transparent again.

No one is left who isn’t already in your 27% clubhouse who is stupid enough to fall for this shit and not even they actually fall for it. They understand that a judge who just really believes in judicial restraint is a fan of state’s rights and a healthy respect for tradition as it were.

And shock of shocks, the people you’re fucking over understand it too. And eventually you’re going to have to learn to deal with a reality where the number of poeple you’ve spent decades antagonizing outnumber you to the point where you are nearly electorally irrelevant and getting less important by the month.

On reflection, I take it back. What liberals like Geier need is not humility or magnanimity. It’s basic information.

I take it back, enjoy your cozy blanket where the mean old reality can’t hurt you anymore. Keep being you as loudly as you can and remind all those mean minorities that they really should be as dumb as you think they are. Keep doing that as long as possible.

We’ll just sit here, off to the side…

And “gloat”.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Doing my part to “gloat” Republicans since… almost a year ago. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

365 Comments »

  1. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 10:28

    Frist.

  2. smut clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 10:32

    If only there were some convenient internet abbreviation for inviting Ms Charen to end her existence in an incendiary event.

  3. Hogeye Grex said,

    November 28, 2012 at 10:43

    Post-election season is a time for healing, for putting aside the rancor of a long campaign and rediscovering what unites us.

    Yes. Like making up and widely disseminating stories about how the outgoing staff stole all the “W” keys off of every keyboard in the White House just to be dickish.

    Oh, wait.

  4. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 10:44

    It’s like an emo teenager venting on Livejournal about how nobody loves him and he might as well kill himself. It’s not anything serious.

    I understand it’s only a comedic trope, Cerb. But sometimes it IS serious. Just a guess off the top of my head but there must be a thousand teen suicides in the US every year. (Maybe tens-of-thousands for all I know.)

    I urge people not to treat teen suicide signals lightly. Actually I urge people to be sensitive for suicide signals in anyone.

    —–

    Again, thanx for the pointer, Cerb. That was how I got to be Frist. Super post. You seem to be on a roll of late.

  5. smut clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 10:53

    What would also be nice is a convenient and familiar intertubes acronym to explain why it was fine in 2004 when Peggy Noonan wrote her column about “So much to savor” in an election victory for G.W. Bush.

  6. Hogeye Grex said,

    November 28, 2012 at 11:21

    Would that be the year that Bush said, “Elections have consequences.”?

  7. El Manquécito said,

    November 28, 2012 at 11:46

    States rights now means Strawberry Kush/ Mr. Swiss hybrids. At least in some laboratories of democracy.

  8. N__B said,

    November 28, 2012 at 13:59

    Actually, the continuing vote tallying now has the Smiler at 47%.

  9. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2012 at 14:33

    Back in 2000 I was told that 5 electoral votes constituted a mandate.

  10. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 28, 2012 at 14:40

    What we really need is an Internet acronym for “go away” so that we can indicate the consequences of not revealing one’s breasts.

  11. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 28, 2012 at 14:41

    Die in a fire.
    ~

  12. N__B said,

    November 28, 2012 at 14:42

    I support equal rights and marriage equality, but apparently not as much as the repubs, who never stop talking about their man dates.

  13. teetop said,

    November 28, 2012 at 15:38

    It’s always impressive when someone so hateful finds a way to seem even more so.

  14. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 16:24

    My guess is the photoshop shows Moana operating her spellchecker.

  15. JohnR said,

    November 28, 2012 at 16:37

    Warning – rat-bastard pedant mode engaged:

    “..I last poured over a Shakepeare play..”

    Poured what, O Cerberus the Great and Powerful? Syrup? Motor Oil? Fuming Hydrochloric Acid? Tell us, oh tell us – Inquiring Minds Want To Know!

    also, too, w/ reference to smut clyde @2, I prefer ESAD to DIAF, simply because I feel that fire is too good for the likes of her. Has anyone else come to the conclusion that it is impossible to rank the Conservaloon Punditocracy because they’re all so far off the upper end of the Rank scale that making any sort of relatively subtle distinction as #1, #2, #3, etc., is like trying to distinguish between different flavors of Pi based on the value at [infinity] – 1?

  16. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 16:55

    “Honest liberals should further consider that flinging the charge protects them from having to defend their ideas. It’s simultaneously ugly and lazy.” — Moana</blockquote

    Crap, I was wrong about the photoshop. Clearly Moana is operating a vintage Projection machine of some sort. I image some strike-throughs could fixxor this…but I’m dull and stupid before I’ve been properly caffeinated.

  17. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 16:57

    Fooey. Shoulda prooft bedder: for “/blockquote” read instead “Blockhead”.

  18. Cerberus said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:06

    JohnR-

    Mostly glue, entirely so I can set up a bevy of bad puns based on “not being able to put it down” in order to punish people I feel have wronged me in some way.

  19. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:09

    This statement is fractally fucked up. Whenever I try and focus on one unforgivable failure, nine others are waving their hands in my face demanding equal time. –Cerb

    Applause for this, especially the b/f phrase. Imma gonna steal it!

  20. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:11

    Some disappointed Republicans are talking secession in Texas and elsewhere. This is proof of racism?

    Um, yes.

  21. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:16

    I will be exactly as gracious as George Bush supporters were.

  22. DAS said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:42

    I heard Mitch McConnell on the radio this morning having a sad over the fact that,rather than sitting down and “negotiating” (i.e. capitulating) with him (he’s not even the majority leader FFS), Obama is out “campaigning” to sell the Democrats’ plan (which is itself a compromise). Holy ghost of Teddy Roosevelt: has ol’ Mitch never even heard of the bully pulpit? If only Obama would have been so proactive about selling health care reform …or had an actual liberal plan to sell to deal with the “fiscal cliff” … or health care reform for that matter.

  23. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:44

    I will be exactly as gracious as George Bush supporters were.

    Simply by voting for Obama, you are already being more generous than George Bush supporters were. After all, you want to give them health care and not take social security and medicare away.

  24. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:46

    True enough. I am nothing if not kind. TO MOOCHERS.

  25. N__B said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:52

    Party at Noisewater’s house!

  26. Andrew said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:53

    OT, but what’s with this Zero Hedge blog:

    http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2012-11-27/when-work-punished-tragedy-americas-welfare-state

    Is it some sort of libertarian thing because I see a lot of leftists link to it once and a while.

  27. Pryme said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:00

    Obama is out “campaigning” to sell the Democrats’ plan (which is itself a compromise).

    Remember after GWB’s re-election when he just sat around the Oval Office wishing really hard that people would want to put their Social Security on the Stock Market?

  28. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:05

    Party at Noisewater’s house!

    No Irish.

  29. N__B said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:13

    No Irish.

    Black Russians are an acceptable substitution if you’re out of Irish coffee.

  30. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:22

    Ooh, I like the way you think, polar bear.

  31. LanceThruster said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:22

    Moana knows how to turn things around for goppers.

    Mona Charon said things would get better if there were an organized effort to get conservative comics to tell eveyone how cool they were. Seriously.

    http://www.aliciabaylaurel.com/node/1193

  32. Spengler Dampniche said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:29

    Flarst!

  33. Spengler Dampniche said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:31

    Zero Hedge blog

    Cousin to the money badger

  34. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:35

    The White Man is the Jew of Liberal Fascism, part 1 bazillion.

    Not a single woman will lead any of the major House committees in the 113th Congress.

    After a day of meetings closed to the public, the House Republican Steering Committee announced an all-male slate of committee chairs, including 12 returning lawmakers who will head up some of the most important panels in Washington.

    P.S. Of course they’re all white guys. Why do you axe?
    ~

  35. D Johnston said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:35

    @Andrew: Yeah, Zero Hedge is a libertarian site. The trick is that like many sites of its ilk these days, there’s straight news and analysis mixed in with the wingnuttery. I linked to it a time or two before I found out just what kind of place it was.

  36. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:42

    Leave Britney conservatives alone!

  37. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:52

     But speaking of the little guy, this election has clarified to a remarkable degree which party is actually the party of ordinary Americans. George Soros, Michael Moore, moveon.org, Whoopi Goldberg, Ben Affleck and a few other plutocrats spent a reported $200 million attempting to defeat George W. Bush. They had the energetic assistance of The New York Times, ABC, NBC, NPR, CNN and particularly CBS. They retain (for how much longer is open to question) the power to shape the national debate. But the Bush campaign (guided by the insight of Karl Rove) focused on church-attending, conservative, hard-working middle class Americans whose only form of protest against the power of the mainstream press is to tune in to talk radio and the Internet. Well, they do have one other form of power, and they exercised it at the voting booths last Tuesday.

    How magnanimous.

  38. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 28, 2012 at 18:58

    Yeah, those Koch brothers are humble, Main St. folks.

  39. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 28, 2012 at 19:37

    Yeah, those Koch brothers are humble, Main St. folks.

    How many main streets must one own before this is true? One of them already owns a replica old west town out west someplace, and I’m sure that Koch industries are the financial engine of a community or two, some of which may even be in the U.S.

  40. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2012 at 20:02

    Yeah, those Koch brothers are humble, Main St. folks.

    Plus the Scaifes, Coors, Olins, Bradleys plus a rogue’s gallery of casino and pizza chain owners.

  41. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 28, 2012 at 20:04

    Also, ESADIAF is most apt.

  42. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 28, 2012 at 20:09

    Secession talk is the overheated emotional venting of the disappointed.

    Sooooo… enraged teabaggers talk about secession and it’s “overheated emotional venting”, elated liberals point at enraged teabaggers and laugh, and it’s worse than Stalin and Mao together. Got it, Mona, you’re not a moral relativist.

  43. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 28, 2012 at 20:24

    BOOBIES!

  44. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 28, 2012 at 20:26

    Is it some sort of libertarian thing because I see a lot of leftists link to it once and a while.

    It’s the economist’s version of a Rick roll.

  45. Jennifer said,

    November 28, 2012 at 20:27

    Jesus Fucking Horseshit, if I have to hear “it was the DEMOCRATS who were against civil rights in the 60′s” again, I’m going to go on an axe-murdering rampage, because, uh…yeah, and those particular Democrats who voted against civil rights are WHERE now? Because the ones still living have had an (R) plastered behind their names for the past 40+ years now…and there aren’t that many still living.

    Seriously, the answer to this shit should be, every time, “so what? How many members of today’s Democratic party were in office back then? How many were of voting age? How many were even BORN yet? Oh, ok, so you’re talking about DEAD PEOPLE and bad stuff they did? So what is your point, here? Oh, you don’t have one, I see. Except “hey kids, pay no attention to those emails we sent around featuring Obama in a watermelon patch – look over there! RACIST 60′s DEMOCRATS who have been dead – or Republican – for 25 years or more! THAT’s the REAL outrage!”

    Or for a shorter: “When are you going to stop pointing at the actions of people who have been dead for decades to distract attention from the actions people in your party are committing TODAY?”

  46. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 28, 2012 at 20:50

    But, but, Robert Byrd was in the KKK, or something!

  47. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 28, 2012 at 21:08

    My friend here is quite disappointed with the dull results of a google image search for jesus fucking horseshit.

  48. Jennifer said,

    November 28, 2012 at 21:20

    My friend here is quite disappointed with the dull results of a google image search for jesus fucking horseshit.

    Speaking of band names….

    Since I missed that thread, let me also suggest:

    Foreskin Holocaust and
    Balloon Animal of Righteous Indignation

  49. The Principal Contributt said,

    November 28, 2012 at 21:25

    I’m personally surprised that a woman of such clearly advanced age has somehow failed to progress beyond the emotional capacity and ability for self-reflection (in this case, lack thereof) of a six-year-old.

    Conservative values sure make you an…interesting…person.

  50. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 21:36

    Foreskin Holocaust and
    Balloon Animal of Righteous Indignation

    Oooh, nice. Also, too:

    The Photoshopped Sammiches

  51. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    November 28, 2012 at 21:39

    Very disappointed … it’s a post called “Sore Winners” … & all I get is ONE clown-haired film-maker politely griping about the GOP being racist? That’s not just false advertising – it’s a severe schadenfreude-boner killer.

    Needs more cruel & relentless gloating.
    MUCH more.

  52. Jennifer said,

    November 28, 2012 at 21:40

    The Shithouse Trolls

    …their breakout hit, of course, is Scuse Mah Fingahs.

  53. smut clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 21:43

    INVISIBLE BOOBIES.

  54. Jennifer said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:08

    Also too:

    Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself and
    The Grampa Munsters

  55. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:08

    See if you can spot the delicious coincidental juxtaposition of two words:

    JONAH co-director Arthur Goldberg promised Bruck, then 17, that “JONAH could help him change his orientation from gay to straight,” according to a consumer fraud lawsuit filed Tuesday against JONAH, Goldberg and a JONAH counselor.

  56. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:35

    My friend here is quite disappointed with the dull results of a google image search for jesus fucking horseshit.

    For Pup’s freind, there

  57. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:35

    Friend, even…

  58. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:38

    I’m personally surprised that a woman of such clearly advanced age has somehow failed to progress beyond the emotional capacity and ability for self-reflection (in this case, lack thereof) of a six-year-old.

    Are you referring to Mona, or the lady possessing an unenviable relationship with the Vacuum Cleaner Man?

  59. JohnR said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:56

    I’m a Proud Conservative Liberal, so
    Brown Boobies!

  60. Chris said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:56

    Worse, liberals have gorged themselves on the same junk food they enjoyed during the campaign and cannot seem to resist under any circumstances

    “I never gave them hell. I just told the truth and they think it’s hell.”

    Liberals spent the run-up to the election pointing out things like Romney’s parasitical career at Bain Capital, and wingnuts thought these inconvenient facts were somehow the equivalent of their claims that Obama was born in Kenya or was secretly a Muslim.

  61. Chris said,

    November 28, 2012 at 22:57

    It’s like an emo teenager venting on Livejournal about how nobody loves him and he might as well kill himself. It’s not anything serious.

    It really is. Somone on BJ pointed out that the common point for most of the conservatives he knew was simply a failure to mature, I’d say that’s true.

  62. Chris said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:03

    I can’t recall the last time a mainstream American politician referred to “state’s rights,” but I’m pretty sure that whoever it was, he was a Democrat. It was the code term southern Democrats used to defend Jim Crow laws.

    AHAHAHAHA –

    So, just so we’re clear. When my wingnut uncle posted, a couple days ago, that “our republic was designed to function best with strong sovereign states and limited federal powers” – he was actually using a code term to defend white supremacist laws and institutions?

    Good to know.

  63. Chris said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:05

    Three quarters of the nay votes on the 1964 Civil Rights Act came from Democrats

    The other quarter came from the conservative minority of the Republican Party, with Goldwater at its head. You know, the same group that went on to take over the party and kick out the Rockefeller type pro-New Deal moderates and liberals who voted for the CRA and VRA.

  64. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:05

    Teh Ho informs me that the leave Britney alone kid has appeared in an all-male pornography flick. Teh Ho further informs me that, given what he saw of his, er, freshman effort, he is unlikely to appear in a sequel.

  65. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:15

    Speaking of band names

    OMG. After teh last thread Mrs bughunter is quite tired of me spouting off band names that pop into my head… even the ones that aren’t deviant sexual references.

    Someone suggested a poetry jam, which is nice but i can only write poetry when I’m either heartbroken or morbidly depressed. How about we attempt something less traveled… like maybe nightclub names…

    Or breakfast cereals!

    How about:

    Nut’n'Yousouldevouringharpy
    Honey Bunches of Thistles
    Gays & Bran
    FiberEleventyOne!!1!!
    You’d Rather Have Waffles But This Is Easier

  66. El Manquécito said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:27

    I’m actually working on restaurant/bar names but we’ve got it under control and I’m not asking for suggestions.

  67. kg said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:36

    Honey Bunches of Thistles

    I believe we’ve got a smooth pated sadly who’d be interested.

  68. JohnR said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:40

    Oops! Missed your response, Cerberus – sorry! You sound like my old Dad – one time when I was complaining about how hard it was to get started on the early novels like Tristram Shandy and Tom Jones, he told me that I could manage to get through any literature, no matter how dense and tedious it seemed, if only I’d stick to it.
    Thank you! Thank you! I’m here till Thursday! Try the veal!

  69. El Manquécito said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:42

    Honey Bunches of Thistles

    It’s a Pooh and Eeyore mashup.

  70. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2012 at 23:48

    Or breakfast cereals!

    Fruit and Femurs (ZRM’s favorite)

  71. tsam said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:02

    I’m with Jennifer.

    The Democrats ejected those racist Dixiecrat fucks in 1968. They all (Strom Thurmond, Trent Lott, et al.) became Republicans. If I had gotten to DC in time, I would have shot Byrd in his fucking assface head myself.

    So yeah, nice try, conservadix, but NO. What Democrats were before the South changed from a blue bucket of shit to red bucket of shit is irrelevant.

  72. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:03

    I’m actually working on restaurant/bar names but we’ve got it under control and I’m not asking for suggestions.

    You think that’s gonna stop this lot?

  73. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:15

    Jonah Loadpants is infuriated that people don’t know who the REAL racists are.

    I find the effort to claim that criticism of Susan Rice is racist or sexist to be offensive, ridiculous and damn near lunatic. According to this theory, Republican racists waited in the tall grass until Rice had a shot to be the fifth non-white-male Secretary of State in a row and then decided to pounce. That even the Washington Post editorial board has succumbed to this idiocy, and in such a cowardly way, is almost as sad as it is infuriating.

    “Waited in the tall grass”? I can’t imagine what he means by that. Izzat some kind of code?

  74. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:18

    Honey Bunches of Thistles

    It’s Pooh and Eeyore mashup slash fiction.

    F’d for the furries.

  75. tigris said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:20

    It’s Pooh and Eeyore mashup slash fiction.

    F’d for the furries.

    Pooh gets stuck and Eeyore is sad about it?

  76. daphne said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:26

    Great. I finally come across a current item in which to note:

    “try and tell them that your policies cause double secret bonus cancer!”

    No more filter? The IP changed? Not like I tried and.

    ‘Bye for now, clever college kids. And don’t forget to think: infinitive.

  77. tsam said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:28

    How lucky we are to get a free grammar lesson. Was Daphne the hot one or was that Velma? I think it was Daphne. How about a boob shot, Daphne?

  78. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:40

    daphne said,

    Oh look, a pedant. How droll.

  79. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:45

    I suspect she elected the GTFO option in anticipation of tsam’s request.

  80. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:48

    I was in a band called HOT SILHOUETTES
    but that’s a Beefheart lyric, I can’t take credit.

  81. tsam said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:50

    I think a fuckload of band names are a word or three from a favorite song.

  82. tsam said,

    November 29, 2012 at 0:50

    I suspect she elected the GTFO option in anticipation of tsam’s request.

    I’m just guessing, but I’ll bet that’s a win for us.

  83. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 29, 2012 at 1:04

    For Pup’s freind, there…

    Thanks. I was expecting a certain Holbytlan to provide a more apt image. Was I hoping for it? I’ll ruminate on that.

  84. Shakezula said,

    November 29, 2012 at 1:28

    If anyone cares about this woman they will not allow her to watch the inauguration. The sight of Obama arrogantly taking the oath while hordes of liberals gloat. …you’re talking a major coronary event.

  85. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 29, 2012 at 1:30

    Enough with the band names. It shuts cleverness-challenged people like me out of the thread.

  86. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 2:10

    I think a fuckload of band names are a word or three from a favorite song.

    Yeah, then the people who “get it” can feel extra cool.

  87. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 2:31

    I’m-a gonna find band names in Beefheart Lyrics until I lose steam:

    (The) Frownland(ers)
    Dove-Winged Hat
    Hot Red Bulbs
    Diamonds ‘n’ Lice
    Bimbo Limbo Spam
    Fast ‘n’ Bulbous
    Mrs. Wooten & Little Nitty
    Lifebuoy
    Carbon Cum
    Brody Knob Amber
    Forever Amber
    The Formaheap
    Hominy Snatch
    Mercury in the Wind
    Fedlock’s Waddlin’ Feast
    Archaic Faces Frenzy
    Limp Damp Rows
    Mucus Mules
    Whalebone Farmhouse
    Stirruped in Syrup
    Furry Crawlin’ Brow
    Red Velvet Balls
    Merc Montclair
    Pies Steam Stale
    Diamondback Time
    Caramel Mask
    Tremelo Car
    Ant Man Bee
    Filthy Chatter
    Painless Parker
    The Wooden Tits on the Goddess
    High Hat Beaver Mustache Man
    Banana Bin
    Bubblin’ Fish
    Hobo Chang Ba
    The Drazy Hoops (Whir)
    The Nothing Wheels
    Special Jellies

    …Whew. That’s just one album. I included very few song titles.

  88. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 2:34

    I should point out that those names are perfectly good for bars and restaurants. Some of them particularly so.

  89. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 2:47

    Holy fuck, Pat Robertson is craftier than I thought: … Admits Dinosaurs, Earth Older than 6,000 Years

    He’s realized, like others, that there’s no reason Christians have to take that position … The problem then becomes, can they be textual fundamentalists part of the time? Not credibly, no. You’d have to revert to the old-school exegesis. Read some of the Bible as literal, some as figurative, and have a non-arbitrary reason to go either way, verse by verse.

  90. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 29, 2012 at 3:14

    This is proof of racism?

    That bit there is just terrific. She must make her confederates proud.

  91. Major Kong said,

    November 29, 2012 at 3:15

    She must make her confederates proud.

    I see what you did there.

  92. The Principal Contributt said,

    November 29, 2012 at 3:17

    As far as band/group names, I’d still prefer The Hyena-Like Men feat. The Cum Eunuchs.

  93. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 3:27

    As far as band/group names, I’d still prefer The Hyena-Like Men feat. The Cum Eunuchs.

    That sounds like an awful lot of guys onstage. Enough to pull off the manly, tight arrangements of composer (etc. etc.) Frank Parlato Jr.

  94. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 3:30

    What I still don’t get, and never will, is how Fundies can’t or won’t recognize that there is spirituality in science. There are awe-inspiring wonders of natural science, mathematics, cosmology and high energy physics, cellular and molecular biology, electronics and engineering… everything that requires advanced education to understand reveals that there’s even more we don’t yet understand… but what we do know about the universe has revealed countless examples of elegance, symmetry and structure that spans orders upon orders of magnitude… things that can excite the same circuits in the brain that are stimulated by prayer and faith. AND you don’t have to invent some anthropomorphic Big Brother or believe in fairy tales told by a musty old tome written in another language so long ago you have no means of examining the motives of the authors. Nor do you have to believe some choir boy buggering curmudgeon’s version of the truth.

    The ONLY thing you don’t get is convenient answers to questions. You have to admit “I don’t know” sometimes… but the other side of that coin is that you can be confident that there is an answer, one true answer*, you just have to go out and find it.

    (*OK, sometimes two. Thomas Young had to go and ruin everything.)

  95. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 3:32

    Well-put, Bughunter.

  96. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 29, 2012 at 4:04

    Fool Injection

    Aw, fuck. A thread late and two dollars short (Powerball!).
    .

  97. Eeyore said,

    November 29, 2012 at 5:19

    Pooh gets stuck and Eeyore is sad about it?

    Umm, it’s not how it looks. Pooh was stuck and I was trying to push him through.

  98. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 5:24

    ‘sup?

  99. Gary Ruppert said,

    November 29, 2012 at 5:52

    The fact is, I will listen to God and GOP before faggot scientists about how to run the world and live my life, unlike DemonCraps who want everyone to worship the Usurper and pay more taxes.

  100. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 6:02

    the fact is, ian fucking mcshane is going to be on ahs next week…color me thrilled!

    and yes, gary, listen to an imaginary being and a group of rich old white men who don’t give a fuck about you but for your vote…sounds like a great plan…let us know how that works out for you…

  101. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 29, 2012 at 6:29

    Faggot Scientists FTW.
    .

  102. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 6:31

    ass goblins has always been and will be my favorite band name…

  103. Jennifer said,

    November 29, 2012 at 6:40

    Jonah and the Turdburglars

    Kind of a NRO version of Jose and the Pussycats.

  104. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 29, 2012 at 6:43

    What’s the NRO version of “jam a lit sparkler up Jonah’s dickhole”?
    .

  105. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 29, 2012 at 6:46

    What’s the NRO version of “jam a lit sparkler up Jonah’s dickhole”?

    The Corner.

  106. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 29, 2012 at 6:52

    The Corner.

    WIN.
    .

  107. Smut Clyde said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:02

    Thanks. I was expecting a certain Holbytlan to provide a more apt image.

    IIRC Holby only blogs at Crooked Timber.

  108. the prince of death said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:03

    “I mean, for fuck’s sake, Reagan’s infamous State’s Right speech at the site of the murdered Civil Rights workers during the 1980 campaign has pretty much become the equivalent of the Sermon on the Mount speech for conservatives.”

    Mitt Romney gave a speech in Sanford, Florida, where Trayvon Martin was lynched, on the eve of the election.

    I think Paul Ryan was there too, but I think he didn’t give a speech… he was just looking for little kids… TO SNACK ON!

  109. the prince of death said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:11

    “OT, but what’s with this Zero Hedge blog:”

    Yeah, it’s some flavor of libertarian. It means they might occasionally make antiwar or anti-bailout noises, but they are still the bad guys.

  110. Fenwick said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:14

    bbfk: Glad you are back from Dakota. Can you regale us nifty stories about hubbfk’s mad skillz as a hunter? Didja have fun in the cabin?

  111. the prince of death said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:21

    @bbkf

    [SPOILERS, sort of]

    I think the Republicans want to run Dr. Arden for President, with Dr. Threadson for VP in 2016!

    You read it here first!

  112. Another Kiwi said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:26

    Oh hai bbkf, you been away somewhere? You have missed many humourous band names.
    Also, Mona’s gotta moan. Well actually it’s piteous whining but that does not work.

  113. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:27

    Honey Bunches of Thistles

    I believe we’ve got a smooth pated sadly who’d be interested.

    Heh, indeed! Get ‘em while they’re young, pick and peel them with care, and thistles compare well with artichokes.

  114. Another Kiwi said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:32

    is there not a Kernel in the middle of the Scottish thistle which is very nice? I have heard this but lack the bravery to test it.

  115. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:32

    I think the Republicans want to run Dr. Arden for President, with Dr. Threadson for VP in 2016!

    oh ho! finally! a ticket that’s less creepy than romney/ryan!

  116. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:34

    Oh hai bbkf, you been away somewhere? You have missed many humourous band names.

    hello…i was in the wilds of south dakota, our crazy cousin to the west…also, too…i have contemplated perusing the threads since i’ve been gone, but holy crap! once again, you people have been prodigous!

  117. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:38

    I think a fuckload of band names are a word or three from a favorite song.

    Hmmm… are you saying that Stiff Little Fingers got their name from Stiff Little Fingers? Far out!

  118. Another Kiwi said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:40

    I remember now, you were going to get drunk in a cabin with your sister (in law?). A noble cause amongst Black Friday Frenzy.

  119. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:42

    “Faggot Scientists”

    For when you want a rigorous explanation delivered with attitude and style.

  120. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:46

    I remember now, you were going to get drunk in a cabin with your sister (in law?). A noble cause amongst Black Friday Frenzy.

    ’twas indeed enobling…also, too…i found some super cool rock like things along the river…i will post to my blahg and maybe some smartypants’ can tell me what they are…

  121. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:56

    Super Cool Rock Like Things would be a great band name.

  122. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 7:59

    good call…

  123. CRA said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:01

    “Super Cool Rock Like Things”

    If you’re a geologist, though, don’t get caught saying this. Also not a good dissertation title

  124. Another Kiwi said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:03

    Super Cool Rock Like Things would be a great band name. Yeah some sort of a stone being rolling down a stream or something could be a good name.

  125. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:09

    gather no moss…

  126. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:09

    Rumpus Junket

    Name for sale.
    .

  127. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:11

    If you’re a geologist, though, don’t get caught saying this. Also not a good dissertation title

    yes, perhaps i shouldn’t have spent most of my time giggling over vaguely naughty sounding terms…after all, i did not do well on the exam where i copied ‘they might be giant’ lyrics as an answer to an essay question…one would think a professor who teaches a class referred to as ‘rocks for jocks’ would have a sense of humor…

  128. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:13

    Rumpus Junket

    i am going to work that phrase into as many conversations as humanly possible…

  129. Smut Clyde said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:22

    and thistles compare well with artichokes.

    Or to put it another way, artichokes are domesticated thistles.
    Every so often one will hear the Call of the Wild, and a gardener disappears.

  130. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:42

    Or to put it another way, artichokes are domesticated thistles.

    Cardoons are a variety prized for the stalks, not the flowers.

  131. Nym said,

    November 29, 2012 at 8:48

    I think a fuckload of band names are a word or three from a favorite song.

    Death Cab for Cutie named themselves for a Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band song. Pity they turned out to be such mopes.

  132. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    November 29, 2012 at 10:10

    America: getting fucked up the p00per without benefit of lube, from the inside out … LITERALLY.

  133. Eeyore said,

    November 29, 2012 at 11:43

    Cardoons are a variety prized for the stalks, not the flowers.
    Cardoon and jardoon seek third rhyming word for rude limerick purposes.

  134. Eeyore said,

    November 29, 2012 at 11:57

    POOP.

  135. smut clyde said,

    November 29, 2012 at 11:58

    Who is this ‘Eeyore’ guy who has been commenting on my emergency back-up computer?

  136. El Manquécito said,

    November 29, 2012 at 15:08

    Confess, smyt, it’s the button-on tail that does it for you.

  137. Pryme said,

    November 29, 2012 at 15:40

    Please, Santa; please…I’ve been a good boy this year.

  138. El Manquécito said,

    November 29, 2012 at 15:44

    I agree with Pryme that a Saxby/Earwig Earwigson Thunderdome match would be a Good Thyng.

  139. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 15:53

    America: getting fucked up the p00per without benefit of lube, from the inside out … LITERALLY.

    wow, that is soooooome hot tub….

  140. El Manquécito said,

    November 29, 2012 at 16:18

    Earwig Earwigson

    Also, too; Airwick Airwickson (solid!)

  141. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 16:49

    Also, too; Airwick Airwickson (solid!)

    isn’t he aka ‘gross mcgrossperson’?

  142. Fenwick said,

    November 29, 2012 at 16:59

    third rhyming word for rude limerick purposes.

    doubloon
    bassoon
    Cancun
    ?

  143. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 29, 2012 at 17:08

    I like to call him Earache Son of Earache.

  144. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 29, 2012 at 17:12

    Irky Irksome.

  145. VCarlson said,

    November 29, 2012 at 17:15

    Pantaloon
    Poltroon
    Spitoon
    Maroon

  146. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 17:35

    macaroon….mmmmmmm….

    anyhoo, comment mango!

    Liberals are the most disgusting people to know in person, with a few exceptions. Oh, they can be nice, compassionate, friendly, but when the chips are down, the nastiness, envy, race-baiting, pettiness, and ignorance come out. They will gossip about you behind your back, put you down to your face, and go blithely about as if that is their perogative. And I come from a family of liberals, I should know.

  147. El Manquécito said,

    November 29, 2012 at 17:36

    Spitoon

    Back to band names again.

  148. Fenwick said,

    November 29, 2012 at 17:40

    Band name specially reserved for bbfk:

    Bag of Tits

  149. Fenwick said,

    November 29, 2012 at 17:47

    Saxby Chambliss is odious creature who defeated Max Cleland in 2002 by morphing Cleland’s face into bin Laden. Decorated war hero missing three limbs and confined to a wheel chair. Tells you all you need to know about Saxby Chambliss.

  150. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 29, 2012 at 18:08

    Oh, they can be nice, compassionate, friendly, but when the chips are down, the nastiness, envy, race-baiting, pettiness, and ignorance come out. They will gossip about you behind your back, put you down to your face, and go blithely about as if that is their perogative. And I come from a family of liberals, I should know.

    “Gee, Gary, you really need psychological help, we’re worried that you’ll hurt someone” does not constitute a put-down.

  151. 'natch said,

    November 29, 2012 at 18:11

    “Gee, Gary Mike, you really need psychological help, we’re worried that you’ll hurt someone” does not constitute a put-down.

    All he wanted was a Pepsi.

  152. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 29, 2012 at 18:49

    All he wanted was a Pepsi.

    Gary should be institutionalized.

  153. Whale Chowder said,

    November 29, 2012 at 18:52

    Moar band names because now I can’t stop:

    Steptoe

    Cashup (after Cashup Jones, who ran a store that took only cash near Steptoe Butte back around the turn of the previous century)

    Chief Joseph’s Tribe

    help…me…

  154. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:00

    Bag of Tits

    i would allow ‘rumpus junket’ to open for bag of tits…killer billboard…

  155. N__B said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:01

    Helping the Chowder

  156. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:05

    help…me…

    OK:

    Baldy’s Haircut
    Sieg Heil Marys
    Seasoned Cookware
    Wild Boar Sweaters
    Shiner Steak
    The Band Books

  157. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:05

    from an email:

    I’m tired of being his “escape goat”

  158. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:06

    help…me…

    I know. The band name thing is worse than an Earwörm…

    OMG! Band name!

  159. El Manquécito said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:07

    ‘escape goat’ + band names = Stampede of Kaus

  160. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:07

    Naming the band.

    (or did somebody do that one already? Ahem away, can’t be arsed, etc.)

  161. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:09

    May I suggest a candidate for the next post.

  162. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:09

    ‘escape goat’ + band names = Stampede of Kaus

    Also:

    Tipping Kaus
    The Göat Blöwers

  163. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:11

    May I suggest a candidate for the next post.

    Well, they generally are pretty bad at Photoshop. Maybe Dr. K. could help?

  164. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:12

    Tipping Kaus
    The Göat Blöwers

    also:

    the goatse of the mind

  165. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:14

    Sex Box

  166. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:15

    Kant, B. Arsed
    Confusing Emoticons
    Final Precipitate

  167. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:18

    What all these have in common is that they are clown images — laughable, easily caricatured, and, like all clowns, sinister and menacing at base.

    succinctly sums up a conservative’s world view in a nutshell…peanut, if you will…

  168. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:20

    like all clowns, sinister and menacing at base

    I can go along with that part. Clowns are awful.

  169. Lonny Martello said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:26

    THE RANTOUL ILLINOS PRESS IS REPORTING THE EXPLOTSIVE RESULTS OF A JOINT INVESTIGATIEN FROM ITS POLITICLE AND ENTERTRAINMANT REPORTERS ABOUT TEH FUCHING FERRETS PLAN TO CAPTOUR BOTH JOHN MCCANE AND LINSEY GRAHAMCRACKER AND FINELLY DISPENSE THERE BUCKWHEATS OF FACE GANAWING AND SHISHKEBAB CONVERSION. LINSEY GRAHAMCRACKER IS CONSERNED ABOUT HIS CAREER IN THE SENET AND IS CONSIDERING A SECOND JOB AS THE NEW THINKING MANS PETER ALLEN. ONE OF HIS FIRST PROJECTS WAS TO RECORD A MUSIC VIDIO OF ALLENS TUNE I GO TO RIO. TEH FUCHING FERRETS HAVE POSED AS A BAND CALLED MITT AND THE MERGERS TO PROVIDE BACKUP FOR LINSEYS SINGING AND GENERALE PRANCING ABOUT IN TIGHT TROUSERS AND SHIRTS WITH PUFFY SLEEVES. THEY HAVE PROVIDED FAKE PUBLICITY PHOTOS SHOWING CLEAN CUT YOUNG GENTALMEN IN SHORT SLEAVED SHIRTS AND BLACK TIES WHICH WOULD PROVIDE A CONTRAST TO LINSEYS COLORFUL ANTICS. JOHN MCCANE OFFERED TO HELP LINSEY AS HIS MANAGER AND GENERALE PURPOSE SVENGALI. AS THE FUNDS FOR THE PROJECT HAD TO BE DEVERTED FROM THE SENET OFFICE SUPPLY FUND THERE WAS NO MONEY FOR STUDIO TIME IN NEW YORK OR LOS ANGLES. THIS PLAYED INTO THE FUCHING FERRETS HANDS AS THEY PROPOSED USING A NEWLY CREATED ENTERTRAINMANT COMPLEX IN RANTOUL ILLINOIS. IN RIALITY THIS WAS ONE OF THE CONVERTED CHEEP MOTELS TEH FUCHING FERRETS WERE USING FOR WHEREHOUSING THE CONSERVETIVE COMMENTERS ROUNDED UP IN THE MOUNTEN DEW COUPON SCAM OF 2008. THEY HAD CREATED A SPECIALE WING FOR LINSEY GRAHAMCRACKER AND JOHN MCCANE AND WOULDVE LOCKED BOTH OF THEM AWAY WHEN THE ENTOUREDGE ARRIVED IN RANTOUL.

  170. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:31

    Dude, caps or italics. Not both.

  171. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:43

    Lonny Martello has an italics/caps license in order to deal with the fuching ferrets.

  172. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:52

    omg…scribe’s link is a gift that keeps on giving…the original post is just chock full of dissonance and projection, but the comments take them and times them by eleventy…this mango, which is my current favorite nicely sums up their current poutrage:

    amerigal1
    OMG! Romney has agreed to have lunch with the Marxist at the WH on Thursday. We were played people.
    I have lost any respect I had for Romney, who is now agreeing to meet with the Marxist crapweasel.
    Where is that roll of duct tape? I feel another head explosion about to commence.

    Ranger+Joe
    I wonder if he’s going to offer him a cabinet position. He might blackmail him Chicago-style with a photoshopped image of him drinking a beer or cavorting with hookers. It’s the Don Corleone “keep your friends close…your enemies closer” Machiavellian policy of all scheming power pukes.

    amerigal1
    The article is on PatDollard’s site. hussein stated they had had a fierce campaign, but how they both DEEPLY LOVE this country. GAG. Duct tape on cranium, steadily bulging…..bulging…..BOOM!

  173. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 19:55

    Thanks bbkf:

    Marxist Crapweasels
    Duct Taped Cranium

  174. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:00

    bulging…bulging…boom! has a nice nihlistic ring to it…

  175. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:00

    Conspiracy Hypotheses
    Mad Tinfoil Hatters

  176. bbkf said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:01

    He might blackmail him Chicago-style with a photoshopped image of him drinking a beer or cavorting with hookers.

    the earnestness with which this is written, tickles me…

  177. N__B said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:10

    bulging…bulging…
    Boop be doop be hoop
    Who wrote the book of nuts?

  178. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:19

    With Mitt Romney, the choice of stereotype was obvious: that of the rapacious cold-blooded businessman derived from Gordon Gekko, J.R. Ewing, and the little man on the Monopoly cards.

    Yeah, I have no idea where that came from.

  179. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:22

    I contend that much of the problem with current right-of-center electoral efforts involves conservatism as currently practiced. This has nothing to do with conservative principles, or any public preference for moderation in politics. It has to do with how conservatism is expressed, and can be summed up as conservatism’s failure to sell itself.

    I’ve been seeing that theme a fair bit. Highly amusing. WE NEED TO MARKET OUR SHIT SAMMICHES MORE EFFECTIVELY!

  180. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:24

    Governor Sarah Palin, a reform politician of high reputation, was selected as GOP vice-presidential candidate.

    [snip]

    Palin’s case marked the nadir of character assassination by the left and in a saner epoch will be looked back on as a milestone in the deterioration of American progressive politics.

    Wow. Just… wow.

    That’s not a bubble. It’s a bathysphere.

  181. tigris said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:25

    Romney has agreed to have lunch with the Marxist at the WH on Thursday

    Do any of these people know the first thing about Karl Marx besides his name? Because I’ve never once read one say anything like “I really disagree with Marx on his concept of use values” or what have you, it’s just name-calling out of complete ignorance.

    Also: Gary and The Fact Is

  182. N__B said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:30

    The Bathysphere Submerges

    It’s a band name, an album name, AND a masturbation reference.

  183. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:34

    Great FSM, Scribe… you really did hit the mother lode of Conservatives In Denial and It’s Always Projection:

    Most of Romney’s vote deficit involved middle-income voters in the $30,000 to $50,000 range, apparently fully convinced by the portrayal of Romney as a corporate looter. (The sad irony here is that it is precisely these voters who have suffered most — and will suffer further — under the Obama regime. There are few other cases where the American public has so clearly voted against its own interests.)

    Nope. I can’t think of any other cases. None at all…

  184. Pryme said,

    November 29, 2012 at 20:39

    I’ve been seeing that theme a fair bit. Highly amusing. WE NEED TO MARKET OUR SHIT SAMMICHES MORE EFFECTIVELY!

    OW noticed this as well.

  185. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:12

    OW noticed this as well.

    That’s a default tactic for conservatives. It’s what makes that whole article so ironic, because starting with Reagan the right wing became adept at putting the marketing above the content – and perfected it with Gingrich and Rove. It’s a reflection of the state of America in general since the eighties… substance and content is not important, just the packaging.

    The vast majority of products on American shelves these days are designed only as a vehicle for packaging that will entice you to take the item off the shelf and to the cash register. The item inside is usually poorly made, unrepairable, and scarcely addresses the role that it is supposed to fulfill. It will soon break and you will be forced to seek another one… which is also intended.

    Similarly, I recall a Romney surrogate being interviewed on NPR Morning Edition a day or so after the “Foreign Policy Debate,” criticizing Obama’s response to Iran’s “nuclear weapons program.” The host asked this person, should Obama go to war with Iran? The response was, it doesn’t matter; he should have sent a message to make them fear we will. Several times, the reporter pressed the question, asking whether we should go to war with Iran, and the response was reiterated more firmly each time: the only important thing is sending the message that we will.

    In other words, the packaging is all that counts. It could be a turd inside, as long as the label makes the consumer ring it up at the door. As K.W.Jeter put it in the SF/noir novel appropriately titled Noir, a turd in a can.

    And that kind of thinking keeps biting them in the ass, and they still haven’t learned. ORCA was all marketing and never intended to work… it made some folks a lot of money and that’s all that they ever intended.

  186. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:17

    and perfected it with Gingrich and Rove.

    “Perfected” is maybe not the word as it didn’t help Gingrich after a certain point. He gets credit for, if not innovating with it, the major share of the pollution of the word “liberal”.

  187. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:30

    Yea. Okay. Maybe not “perfected” as much as “became dependent on.”

    Also “vast majority” was a bit hyperbolic. A wee bit.

  188. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:47

    The farce is strong with this one, and she projects like a light saber.

    For the past four years, the Obama administration has created a Franco-German welfare state whose sole purpose is to forge a majority political coalition wedded to the Democratic Party.” The explosion of food stamps, the bailouts — all translated into an ‘I got mine, not gonna’ worry about anybody else’ mentality that has ruptured this country into two camps.

    It’s not hard to see how those who restrict their reading to sites like American Stinker and RedState, etc., are convinced that in only four years we’ve become a “Franco-German” socialist hell. Despite the fact that in their real lives, the one they drive to work and shop and watch reruns of “Laverne and Shirley” in, hasn’t changed one fucking whit.

  189. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:49

    all translated into an ‘I got mine, not gonna’ worry about anybody else’ mentality

    *faints*

  190. smut clyde said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:50

    conservatism’s failure to sell itself.
    Conservatism? Fail? SHUN THE UNBELIEVER!!

  191. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:58

    band name:
    The Apocryphal Quotes
    Album title:
    What this country needs is a little Law and Order!

  192. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 21:58

    The item inside is usually poorly made, unrepairable, and scarcely addresses the role that it is supposed to fulfill.

    Yes — but with regard to the highlighted part: while a lot of stuff is truly unrepairable, a lot of stuff can still be fixed, just necessarily as easily as it should be and not many people know how to do it anymore. My university recently started a monthly “Repair Fair” where volunteers help fix broken stuff for people to both help them save money and keep stuff out of the landfill.

    I’m fairly handy and this is the first time I’ve been tempted in many years to actually volunteer for something. (Last time I volunteered for something I got fucked over by it and swore I’d never volunteer for anything again.) I think I’ll check it out next month and see what it’s like.

  193. The Dark Avenger said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:07

    The Book of Going Forth by Day with Lindsay Lohan.

  194. Major Kong said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:34

    I got bumped from my Friday AM trip, probably because they needed to put someone on there for training.

    The good part is, I get paid for doing nothing (socialism!). The only thing better than getting paid to fly is getting paid to not fly.

    Now, the dilemma. I no longer have a “crash pad” in Memphis. since I was almost never there and didn’t need to spend the $330 a month any more.

    This leaves me with two options – find a hotel and waste a day in Memphis (I still come out ahead on the money) or jumpseat home in the morning and then jumpseat back to work in the evening.

  195. Fenwick said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:37

    May I suggest a candidate for the next post.

    Scribe: I agree. The Crazy is strong with this one. Also Projection. Also the Reality Void.

    It is neverthless also a potential challange to the Sadly Overlords. I can’t imagine a succinct title for the post. Moreover, there is SO MUCH that is SO WRONG in the piece, that a Shorter would be almost impossible to write. (Probably needs several Shorters.)

  196. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:40

    find a hotel and waste a day in Memphis

    See how many people you can piss off by asking “Where’s the Grand Ole Opry?” and “This doesn’t look anything at all like the show. Where’s the Bluebird Cafe?”

  197. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:40

    Oh man, I should not be surprised when someone here cites Noir. That said, I thought it was crap. Forced myself to finish it and regretted that.

    The kids are all agog over Iain M. Banks but I never read any so I recently got Consider Phlebas. Was halfway through it before I recalled where the title came from. How fucking pretentious. So anyway, it had all sort of plot hiccoughs, long tangent passages about peripheral characters which passages turn out to be largely irrelevant, unbelievable semi-major characters, tortured and nonsensical plot twists, not very believable and incoherently written action scenes, and in the end the main character (who is, in a daring twist, not the protagonist – there is no protagonist as far as I can tell) dies. And the prose is … workmanlike is being generous.

    I recall the early David Brin, for example, being a bit rough around the edges and he improved over his career (until he plateaued then jumped a space shark). So tell me, should I bother with any more Banks?

  198. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:46

    Pachyderm pending. Portland has come to a standstill as everyone paces and watches.

    http://oregonzoo.org/news/category/baby-elephant

  199. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:46

    Was Daphne the hot one or was that Velma? I think it was Daphne. How about a boob shot, Daphne?

    Not Daphne, but…

    More Band Names:

    Wave Function

    Nilbog (“It’s Goblin spelled backwards!” from Troll 2)

    Moneypenny

    Umbra

    Mr. Fahrenheit

    Lord Antediluvian

    The Diogenes Club

  200. The Principal Contributt said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:53

    I was this close to perfecting my Projectometer, a device that would quickly and accurately measure the amount of projection a person was exercising when speaking.

    Unfortunately, the prototype exploded recently, and all attempts to repair it have resulted in just another explosion. The only explanation I can come up with is that the vast, concentrated amount of projection being exerted by conservatives since Nov. 6th has poisoned the entire time/space continuum and made the operation of such a device impossible, likely for decades to come.

    It was just a little hobby of mine, but I’m still a little disappointed. Then again, I was still deciding what to call the unit of projection it measured. Perhaps thinkers would have been a good name, with 1.0 thinker being equal to the average quantity of projection in one american thinker article.

    Of course, this leads to the issue where other everyday sources of projection would likely have to be measured in millithinkers or even nanothinkers, sort of like how calories as we know them in lay terms are really kilocalories. Hm.

  201. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:53

    So tell me, should I bother with any more Banks?

    I like Banks and have read all of his work that I can get my hands on. If you didn’t like “Consider Phlebas” you probably wouldn’t like any of his other stuff any better, with the possible exception of some of his short fiction anthologies.

  202. N__B said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:54

    Pup –

    You’re reading Banks’s worst novel. You might hate his bets, but that was the wrong place to start.

    Try The Steep Approach to Garbadale.

  203. N__B said,

    November 29, 2012 at 22:54

    You might hate his best, too.

  204. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:07

    Gratuitous redhead photo.

    I have no idea who this is.

  205. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:16

    The elephants at LEAFS SUCK zoo have become a serious contentious issue. Three years ago, they lost their matriarch and then the new matriarch in rapid succession. Both were 40, a pretty old age for zoo elephants. The three remaining elephants are also all fairly old for zoo elephants. In a round of Rob Ford gravy train cost-cutting last year, the elephants were identified as an unreasonable expense (around $600K per year) and then a whole convoluted hooferawferee yadda yadda. Here’s the story as told by someone who actuallly researched it.

  206. bughunter said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:43

    Oh man, I should not be surprised when someone here cites Noir. That said, I thought it was crap. Forced myself to finish it and regretted that.

    The kids are all agog over Iain M. Banks but I never read any so I recently got Consider Phlebas.

    I thought Noir was schlocky, shallow, and ended poorly, but it had a lot of very memorable ideas. Thus my reference to it.

    As for Banks, I started with Consider Phlebas also followed by Look to Windward, and later realized that it was perhaps the worst choice of an entry path. I’d recommend Excession or perhaps Matter in retrospect.

    If you wants you some Space Opera, you’d do well with Peter F. Hamilton’s Night’s Dawn trilogy or Commonwealth saga. Avoid the Void books until you’ve read the latter, and then only if you liked it. Hamilton does not seem as pretentious as Banks’ or Alastair Reynolds’ works, though I enjoyed Reynolds’ perhaps more than any other.

    Just cracked open Vinge’s The Children of the Sky last night and wondering if I shouldn’t go back and re-read Fire Upon the Deep first… it’s been 10 years.

  207. The Dark Avenger said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:46

    Major Kong: Your best bet is find something like a Motel 6 that’s near some good barbeque place or places, that’s what I’d do in your shoes.

  208. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:46

    Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R’lyeh said,
    November 29, 2012 at 23:07

    Gratuitous redhead photo.

    I have no idea who this is.

    Then how do you know she is gratuitous?

  209. Jennifer said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:48

    Pecksniff Pederasts

    Band name, that is.

  210. Jennifer said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:51

    Major Kong – I was gonna suggest a trip to the Rendezvous. Or if you have a car and an hour and a half to kill, take 1-40 west to Biscoe, go south a few miles to US 70 and continue west to DeValls Bluff – there you’ll find Craig’s Barbecue in a shack on the south (left) side of the highway. It’s barbecue nirvana. I hear the sliced pork sammiches are heavenly, but since I had the ribs the first time I ever stopped in and they are better than anywhere else on earth, I’ve never tried the sliced pork sammich.

  211. Chris said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:54

    Liberals are the most disgusting people to know in person, with a few exceptions. Oh, they can be nice, compassionate, friendly, but when the chips are down, the nastiness, envy, race-baiting, pettiness, and ignorance come out. They will gossip about you behind your back, put you down to your face, and go blithely about as if that is their perogative. And I come from a family of liberals, I should know.

    That’s it? That’s the worst they can come up with? That’s the great crime we liberals are responsible for? We gossip about them behind their backs?

    I mean, I find conservatives repugnant because whether or not the chips are down, most of them are racist, elitist fucks who dedicate their entire participation in civil society to ensuring that the people who aren’t like them are fucked in every possible way – denied their citizenship rights, denied any basic services, denied a voice in their own government, all the things they think they’re entitled to but no one else should be. I don’t give a fuck what they say about me – of course human beings gossip, water is wet, and Popes shit in the woods with bears who are Catholic.

    Is this one of those “white people problems” I keep hearing about?

  212. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 29, 2012 at 23:57

    Haven’t read Children yet so I can’t advise. Teh wiki sez it takes place entirely on the Tine world so it might be a good idea to refamiliarize yourself. If i had a copy of Fire I’d reread it but i dont so I won’t bother whenever it is I get around to Children.

  213. daphne said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:08

    Thanks, Oregon and bug, for missing the point. As opposed to the reference, which is what you focused on.

  214. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:10

    that’s what I’d do in your shoes

    Unless one is willing to practice voluntary emesis, one can only eat BBQ for so long… no matter how good.

    Now, on the other hand, with a 12-pack of microbrew, a day’s supply of vicodin, and a copy of Civ V*, the day will pass by before you’ve even known it… you can even have your BBQ take out.

    (*or, if you’re not into games, then take a laptop with a HD full of porn and a jar of lube.)

  215. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:11

    Someone owes tsam a photo of her tits.

  216. Mehitabel the Abyssinian said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:15

    that’s what I’d do in your shoes.

    You don’t want to find out what I would do in your shoes.

  217. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:21

    The Book of Fucking Up the Forth Time ToDay by Lindsay Lohan.

    Fuxxored for currency.

    (bonus: redhead shot of LL for Spear)

  218. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:24

    my blog ‘rocks’ right now…

  219. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:29

    Close friends are the pregnant mothers of superstitions.
    It’s amazing how easy it is to create affirmative action poster boys.
    Not many philosophers live in the classroom.
    When you’re going for failure everything is your responsibility.
    He who is not a giant Sumatran rat to himself doesn’t know himself.
    Don’t trip on your own carapace.
    It’s not the bureaucrat that makes the fool: it’s the fool that makes the bureaucrat.
    It’s amazing how hard it is to create bimbos.
    If you think wahoo is expensive, try hyper-wahoo.

  220. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:31

    Don’t trip on your own carapace.

    i have done this…my advice: don’t…

  221. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:46

    The Book of Fucking Up the Forth Time ToDay by Lindsay Lohan.

    Does she program in it or just fuck up the people who do?

  222. Whale Chowder said,

    November 30, 2012 at 0:55

    Ooh:

    Poster Boys
    Carapace
    (Bag of) Spear’s Obsession

    Also:

    Lonny Martello!!!!! Squeee!

  223. Fenwick said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:07

    Moar band names because now I can’t stop:

    Steptoe

    Camel’s Toe

  224. Fenwick said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:08

    Okay as long as I got my mind all lustful and such…

    Pink Taco

  225. Fenwick said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:18

    Sum purdy fish.

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/barack-obama-now-has-a-fish-named-after-him

  226. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:19

    Frampton’s Camel Toe side B, Lines on my face.

  227. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:27

    Not many philosophers live in the classroom.

    Where the hell else do you find them?

  228. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:29

    my blog ‘rocks’ right now…

    You sure it’s not just stuck in amber?*

     
     
      
     
     
     
     

     
     
     

     

     

    *What?

  229. gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:33

    Back on topic . . .
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/joe-biden-goes-to-costco

  230. gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:37

    WRONG! The classroom is the natural habitat of philosophers. They are well known to not be able to survive for long in the wilds, like in a mall or something. This is a true fact.

  231. gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:44

    “Camel’s Toe”

    Fucking Arabs and their weird fetishes.

  232. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:47

    Not many philosophers live in the classroom.

    Where the hell else do you find them?

    In the dining hall, frequently.

  233. The Mayor of Upper Astroboffin said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:48

    I ran in a severely musical crowd as a ute. Occasionally we’d all rent a hall and have a super double throw down hootenanny. Since there were many effed up playas about, no one stayed on stage for long. Since listing all the various pickers and bangers on the flyer would be unwieldy, we would get an unscientific poll ‘mongst said layabouts to name the forthcoming cacophony.
    “Free Beer” was used once, and discarded once it was discovered to be a lame ripoff of a whole bunch of other ripoffs.
    My favoritees?
    Rumpelforeskin.
    Stumpy Bobbitt’s Short Shot Blues Band.

    You’re welcome.

  234. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:48

    WRONG! The classroom is the natural habitat of philosophers.

    I thought the JanusNode had come up with an “I refute it THUS!” for the eggheads.

  235. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:48

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/joe-biden-goes-to-costco

    The picture with him at the checkout is priceless. He has the typical “WTF, the total is HOW much? Holy shit, I shouldn’t have grabbed that fourth giant pack of muffins.” look on his face.

    I like that Costco actually tries to pay their workers a living wage, but do Americans really need giant mega sized packages of everything? My mother-in-law goes there all the damn time and I swear her house looks like she’s some sort of survivalist hoarder with the amount of crap that was “just such a good deal!”

  236. The Dark Avenger said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:49

    Toadfish and the Lash.

    Macedonian Apple Farms.

    If the Cornstalk Shrinks.

    Hastur and the Crocodiles.

    Universal Plant Factory.

  237. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:50

    #gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:33

    Back on topic . . .
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/joe-biden-goes-to-costco

    Imagine Mittens (or Paul Ryan!) getting mobbed like that. What’s really killing the wingnuts is how much the general public loves these people—Joe Biden and the Obamas.

  238. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:55

    Imagine Mittens (or Paul Ryan!) getting mobbed like that

    Well, if it was at a douchebag convention, I can imagine it. I can’t imagine either of them actually shopping at a Costco, that’s what the help is for.

  239. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:55

    Also:

    Lashing the toadfish.

  240. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 1:58

    Imagine Mittens (or Paul Ryan!) getting mobbed like that. What’s really killing the wingnuts is how much the general public loves these people—Joe Biden and the Obamas.

    Did you not notice that all those fawning moochers are niCLANGs?

    /whingnut

  241. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 2:05

    I got a Costco membership some years back just to buy a huge plasma TV. Discounting the $50 fee I still saved some Franklins versus any other local store. Then I would go walk through the store and not buy much because I had no use for 64-packs of whatever. Nor room for it at home. I’d end up with some pretty cheap lamb loin chops and a couple bottles of wine. I stopped going at all after a couple months.

    CONSUME! CONSUME! CONSUME!

    No thanks.

  242. gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 2:12

    The anti-Costco

    Wal-Mart’s reputation as a Christian company has been one of the reasons the retail giant has been notoriously hard to organize. The company embedded itself in a particular brand of free-enterprise-friendly Southern evangelical Christianity that, as historian Bethany Moreton pointed out in her book To Serve God and Wal-Mart, helped win the loyalty of its massive corps of service workers.”
    http://www.religiondispatches.org/archive/culture/6615/wal-mart_faces_a_new_round_of_historic_strikes…_but_why_now

  243. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 30, 2012 at 2:34

    I have to say, as much as I like Biden, I like him even more after seeing a boxed set of Beverly Cleary books in his shopping cart.

    I’m looking forward to “Beezus and Biden”.

  244. CRA said,

    November 30, 2012 at 2:56

    “Rumpelforeskin.”

    That reminds me, RUMPLESTILTSCOCK

  245. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:02

    I like that Costco actually tries to pay their workers a living wage, but do Americans really need giant mega sized packages of everything?

    Not everything. But some things are a good bargain, and not too large for a family of four.

    I highly recommend the meat dept. Costco is the only grocer that requires ALL of its ground beef to be tested for microbial contamination. I won’t buy ground beef anywhere else. And the rest of the meats are very good quality at a good price.

    If you can resist buying the 15-lb package of Kosher Hot Dogs, the 3 gallon tub of mixed nuts, the 72-pack of hot pockets, and the 200 bars of Kit Kats, when all you really need is 5 lb of ground beef to put up in the freezer and a couple of flats of Diet Coke, then it’s worth it.

    I have a family of three, and we spend about $100/mo at Costco, mostly on meats, cheese, and canned goods. And liquor.

    Some people just go in for a $5 pizza or rotisserie chicken.

  246. Major Kong said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:15

    Wal-Mart’s reputation as a Christian company has been one of the reasons the retail giant has been notoriously hard to organize.

    The thing that most grates about Wal-Mart is how they pass themselves off as “Aw shucks! We’re just a l’il old down-home retailer.” instead of a multi-gazillion dollar mega-corporation.

  247. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:22

    Now you know why Andre Gurode, Chicago Bears Center, wears his cup in the back.

  248. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:27

    Some people just go in for a $5 pizza or rotisserie chicken.

    People are always recommending that I fork over $50 to the new one right around the corner from my house. I remind them: my vehicle is a scooter, people.
    .

  249. Nym said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:27

    Even for a household of 2 you can make it work, mostly with nonperishables like toilet paper, white vinegar (for cleaning) and suchlike.

    And those big bastard chicken pot pies they sell are not only delicious but yield 3-4 meals per person.

  250. Just Alison, who can't be buggered thinking of something clever to write said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:38

    With almost clockwork timing, 22 years later Governor Sarah Palin, a reform politician of high reputation, was selected as GOP vice-presidential candidate.

    Reform? High reputation? Lord tunderin’ Jaysus, what is this person on?

  251. eataTREE said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:46

    I haven’t always been the biggest fan of Joe Biden, but I will readily admit that he’s one of the few politicians with a “regular guy” image that is entirely genuine.

  252. CRA said,

    November 30, 2012 at 3:48

    From that American Thinker piece:

    Running for the Senate in 2006, [George] Allen drew attention to a Democratic stalker named S.R. Sidarth, at a rally, calling him “macaca”, a word of West African origin, evidently derived from the macaque monkey and meaning a silly or trivial person (certainly apropos in this case, since Sidarth wore his hair in a Mohawk and dressed with similar flamboyance). Although the term has no discernible racial content, the Washington Post, followed by the media sphere as a whole, accused Allen of racism — Sidarth was Hindu and thus, although as Caucasian as Willy McGilly, an honorary “person of color.”

    Here is a photo of S.R. Sidharth. He’s simply not Caucasian. A type of English racist would call him a black and a wog. These paragraphs (there are more) about Allen are chock-full of lies… The term “has no discernible racial content”? At the time someone explained where Allen probably learned it (his mom), and he was obviously using it as a racial epithet, i.e. he used it in the sense he learned it. Not to mention, does the Right really want to keep relitigating the whole callin-people-of-color-monkeys-ain’t-racist bit? Some of ‘em do, recent memory tells me. They never win that one, unless you mean they win points with full-throated racists.

  253. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 4:16

    And those big bastard chicken pot pies they sell are not only delicious but yield 3-4 meals per person.

    I suppose. I almost never buy highly processed foods. I will cop to snagging a rotisserie chicken at the Safeway and using it for enchiladas or pot pie that evening, but that’s about as far as I go. Its not difficult to lay out a pastry crust (make extra, it freezes beautifully), make a veloute (if you have some version of PM’s awesomely good brown poultry stock in the freezer use it for an amazingly good dish) then throw some veggies – froze peas are great, some cubed potate, chopped carrot – and cooked chicken in it and toss in the oven which has been preheating while you futz about with the prep and have a glass of wine or a beer or a cocktail you can have a fabulous pot pie on the table within 60 minutes. Take two minutes to make a nice vinaigrette, toss with some greens and voila, wonderful, easy, quick, and CHEAP meal.

    Pick the carcass clean and make chicken salad sammies for lunch. Use the rest for enchiladas or something. Three meals from a $6 chicken. Total cost for three meals (for two) and a lunch under $15.

    Our food budget is remarkably small given how well we eat. Our booze budget, in fact, is usually larger.

  254. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 30, 2012 at 4:19

    What about bacon?
    .

  255. N__B said,

    November 30, 2012 at 4:28

    What about bacon?

    I respect bacon and enjoy its company, but “love” is too strong a word.

  256. The Dark Avenger said,

    November 30, 2012 at 4:41

    Then there’s the crossover episode involving the Worlds’ Fastest Man and the Three Stooges: “Run, Soddenly, and the Flash.”

  257. Jeffraham, Warm Cave said,

    November 30, 2012 at 5:08

    Then Rayna and Juliette wrote a song together, played it at the Ryman, and lived happily ever after!
    .

  258. tensor said,

    November 30, 2012 at 5:19

    Do any of these people know the first thing about Karl Marx Jesus besides his name?

    F’zd., ironically for more communism.

  259. VCarlson said,

    November 30, 2012 at 5:27

    Even for a family of one, Costco works. Mostly nonperishables, but I can pick up fruits I can’t get anywhere else, like figs in season, and milk. Other stuff I’ll buy the flat of whatever, take some for myself, and give the rest to the food bank, along with some stuff specifically for the food bank. I buy most of the rest of my food at a local grocerystore chain.

  260. tensor said,

    November 30, 2012 at 5:51

    “I remind them: my vehicle is a scooter, people.”

    You have a MOTOR? LUXURY!!1! My vehicle is a bicycle, and I live in a small apartment. My Costco membership pays for itself; one trip a year each for TP, toothpaste, laundry detergent saves me plenty time in shopping at the local markets. Plus, I haul snacks to my office for my co-workers; great exercise, and they tell me how much they appreciate my effort. And I’m not surrounded by hungry, cranky people.

    Not to mention Costco is a liberal company, paying high wages and great benefits to their workers. What’s not to like?

  261. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 30, 2012 at 6:26

    And those big bastard chicken pot pies they sell are not only delicious but yield 3-4 meals per person.

    Whoa, they’re using my name, and not paying me royalties?

  262. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    November 30, 2012 at 6:28

    Not to mention Costco is a liberal company, paying high wages and great benefits to their workers. What’s not to like?

    That really is nice to contemplate. This area has given the world some of the most sociopathic corporations in the history of the world: Boeing, PACCAR, Micro$haft, Amazon….

    (Yeah, I know everybody likes to hate on Starbucks, too, but I ain’t giving them up.)

  263. Pupienus said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:11

    Pfah. I’ll bet your bicycle has wheels. Looxury! I have to carry my bicycle on my back.

  264. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:25

    Pfah. I’ll bet your bicycle has wheels. Looxury! I have to carry my bicycle on my back.

    Wouldn’t that make it a backcycle?

  265. Mr. Loopner said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:29

    Pfah. I’ll bet your bicycle has wheels. Looxury! I have to carry my bicycle on my back.

    You have a back? Looxury! I was born without a spine.

  266. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:37

    I’m with ya on leftover rotisserie chicken, Pup. Used to make chicken pie and chicken salad, it rocks.

  267. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:39

    It’s technically the next day, so here’s my second gratuitous redhead:

    Karen Gillen on Craig Ferguson being hilarious, gorgeous, and singing in Gaelic.

    Even ignoring the colour, she has the best hair ever. Those tresses constantly falling over her shoulder, and her brushing them back…

    I’ll be in my bunk.

  268. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:49

    Spear, old chum, I’m beginning to suspect you have a thing for redheads.

  269. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:49

    By “Gaelic” you mean Erse? Or Scots Gaelic? (Can’t get youtube right now.)

    The Irish don’t like the name “Erse” and insist on calling it “Gaelic”, which is confusing as hell.

  270. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 30, 2012 at 7:56

    I have no idea what kind of Gaelic it was. She said it was Gaelic, but even she admitted she had no idea what the words actually meant.

  271. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 30, 2012 at 8:04

    If she’s moving to NYC, Seamus Blake will set her straight, even help her with that outrageous Dalriada accent.

  272. Major Kong said,

    November 30, 2012 at 10:31

    Decided to jumpseat home for 14 hours. I didn’t feel like looking for a hotel in Memphis at Midnight.

  273. tensor said,

    November 30, 2012 at 10:35

    I’m beginning to suspect you have a thing for redheads.

    You say that like it’s a bad thing!

  274. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 30, 2012 at 15:30

    How’s everbody doing this morning?

    If you’re lookin for some good reading, B^4 has a post up abou the phenomenon of Gangnam Style.

  275. Pryme said,

    November 30, 2012 at 15:51

    Historical awesome.

  276. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 30, 2012 at 17:30

    LEAFS SUCK Mayoralty Update:

    Judge Hackland has revised his ruling to remove any ambiguity about Rob Ford’s eligibility to run in a by-election. He is now definitely eligibile to run – meaning the chances of a by-election just increased dramatically. Between Ford’s abuse of process to extend his vacated term and time enough for a truncated campaign, we could be going to the polls as early as summer 2013 – to vote for a mayor who will finish their term at the end of 2014. At a cost of around $7 million. Awesome.

  277. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 30, 2012 at 18:00

    With Rob Ford cleared to run, the conservative councillors who might compete will thin out. Brother Doug was only going to run if Rob wasn’t – Karen Stintz who expressed interest has previously stated that she doesn’t want to run against Rob. I can’t see Deputy Mayor Doug Holyday stepping up against Rob. Of the right-leaning councillors that leaves Denzil Minnan-Wong and Giorgio Mammoliti, both members of Ford’s Executive Committee (although Mammoliti quit four hours after the court decision).

    Outside of council, John Tory is being floated. He’s more of the establishment money-con as opposed to Rob’s rabble rousing populist approach. Tory’s been dying to be mayor for decades, throwing his hat into the ring at every opportunity.

    On the left, there’s a lotta pressure on Jack Layton’s widow to run – they’ve even conducted polls with various Olivia Chow match-ups, and she handily wins all of them. Personally I think we’re better served with her in an Elder Statesman role in federal politics, but I wouldn’t be upset by having a non conservatard mayor for a while.

    Ford has a hearing on whether he will be granted a stay of the decision while he appeals it. That is on the 7th and the appeal itself is scheduled for early in the new year.

  278. LittlePig said,

    November 30, 2012 at 18:15

    Historical awesome.

    Wow. Awesome ain’t the half of it.

  279. Pryme said,

    November 30, 2012 at 18:51

    He just doesn’t get it:

    “Why would anyone want to get rid of a person that is born and raised in the inner city, third of four generations in the military—just an American success story?” asks West, from the living room of his Palm Beach Gardens home overlooking a pool and golf course. “I’m not some guy that came from a rich political family or anything like that,” he says. “I’m just an everyday guy, but I have a passion for my country.”

    There are other reasons of course (he’s a crazy jerk), but I thought “Guy with pool and access to a golf course calling himself ‘average’” was funny.

  280. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 18:55

    Babby pic!.

  281. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 30, 2012 at 18:56

    BOOBIES!

    TITMOUSE!
    ~

  282. El Manquécito said,

    November 30, 2012 at 18:57

    I’m making angel food cake (layered with Meyer lemon curd [picked the lemons myself]) so, while I haven’t done any kenyan gay abortions today I’ve spent some time beating the whites.

  283. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:04

    I’m shocked SHOCKED!
    http://www.thenation.com/blog/171529/saudi-led-oil-lobby-group-financed-2012-dark-money-attack-ads#

  284. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:10

    El, if there were a way to send you my drool, I would. Of course, I don’t know why you’d want it.

  285. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:28

    The thing that most grates about Wal-Mart is how they pass themselves off as “Aw shucks! We’re just a l’il old down-home retailer.”

    last night a friend said, ‘those fucking walmart semis should just drive to the nearest landfill and just dump their fucking loads in them…that’s all their shit is good for…throwing in the fucking trash…’

    there may have been a few more f-bombs in there…

  286. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:35

    I’m making angel food cake (layered with Meyer lemon curd [picked the lemons myself]) so, while I haven’t done any kenyan gay abortions today I’ve spent some time beating the whites.

    i have an aunt who was briefly married to a chef and he once made us an angel food cake concoction wherein he hollowed out the innards of the cake and filled it with chocolate whipped cream…and then of course frosted it with such…it was divine…meyer lemon curd would be equally so…damn it…i have yogurt and fruit for lunch today…sigh…

  287. El Manquécito said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:36

    VS; please to keep your saliva. If you want to take my place at what promises to be a stultifying, soul destroying dinner party you can have all the cake you want.

  288. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:43

    I’ve used my pressure cooker three nights this week, whereas I average maybe once a week. I don’t know why I don’t use it more often, the things are a marvel. Tender beef stew, pulled pork sammies, less than an hour start to finish. Made a big batch of garlic confit too – wonderful stuff to have a jar of on hand.

    Meanwhile Chucky Kraphammer is urging the GØØPers to throw the country off the fiscal cliff. Go Chuckles go!

  289. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:49

    I’ve used my pressure cooker three nights this week, whereas I average maybe once a week.

    funneh…i was thinking of dragging mine out…just might do that this weekend…i have decided that i am going to make the 24 hour pork shoulder you linked to in a previous thread for xmas eve…since i have to work some of that day and we have to attend church with the inlaws, it should be pretty hassle free…also, if i decide to have potatoes with it, i’m going to go easy there also…cut up a bunch of spuds, put in the crock pot with heavy cream…last year’s ethnic roundup with the sauerbraten and knoephla soup was pretty hectic for me…i wanna spend this year relaxed (read: wine) and able to hang with the fambly…

  290. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:53

    put in the crock pot with heavy cream…

    And butter! Lots of butter. And some garlic braised in butter.

  291. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 19:58

    And butter! Lots of butter. And some garlic braised in butter.

    oooooooh…never thought of that!

  292. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 30, 2012 at 20:12

    Viral load = high
    Two days in bed, bleh.
    .

  293. Pryme said,

    November 30, 2012 at 20:14

    Bill O’Reilly: Insulting Christians and non-Christians alike.

  294. Whale Chowder said,

    November 30, 2012 at 20:16

    “Using the pressure cooker”

  295. El Manquécito said,

    November 30, 2012 at 20:22

    Stay in bed JP, I’m on day 5 and still have significant thud-head.

  296. Major Kong said,

    November 30, 2012 at 20:32

    I’ve used my pressure cooker three nights this week, whereas I average maybe once a week.

    It’s funny how many people are afraid to use a pressure cooker because sometime back around 1948 their grandmother accidentally launched a pot-roast into low earth orbit with one.

  297. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 30, 2012 at 20:48

    Stay in bed JP, I’m on day 5 and still have significant thud-head.

    14 hrs. in bed out of the last 24. That’s about my limit.
    .

  298. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:01

    I can’t tell if the backache is from being in bed too long, or the virus.
    .

  299. Anonymous said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:02

    Remember to always check your facts.

  300. Hogeye Grex said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:02

    meh

  301. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:07

    Bill O’Reilly: Insulting Christians and non-Christians alike.

    the comments over there are priceless…my f.i.l. who is a faithful fox newser as well as missouri synod luteran-er, gave me an insert from their sunday service to read because, ‘boy, isn’t that the troot!’ it turns out it’s a billy graham thing:

    ‘Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to those who call evil good,’ but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable… We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor’s possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from sin and set us free. Amen!’

    With the Lord’s help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we once again can be called ‘One nation under God!’

    i read it and made no comment…he eventually put it away, also with no comment, but i’m pretty sure with a prayer for my soul…i think it was his way of expressing his unhappiness with hubbkf and i not attending any church in lo, many these months…

    i find a sadness in any belief system where we are continually condemned as sinners, we should continually plead for forgiveness and where the world is seen as a filthy, horrible place…

  302. Major Kong said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:08

    Remember to always check your facts.

    The bubble is strong with this one.

  303. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:12

    for jp

  304. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:17

    Wouldn’t you be a better fact checking site if you actually checked some of the facts? This one take about 30 seconds worth of careful Googling to de-bunk or maybe 5 minutes of actually reading the constitution or half an hour of discussion with a constitutional law scholar.

    that is some funneh stuff…

  305. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:19

    Conservatives investigate ways to destroy their influence.

    I heartily endorse this comment:

    LoyalJetFan • 6 hours ago
    As Branch Rickey said to Ralph Kiner, “we finished last with you, we can finish last without you”. Never was there a keener moment to hold Republican feet to the fire.

  306. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:31

    Chucky Kraphammer is urging the GØØPers to throw the country off the fiscal cliff.

    I prefer the fiscal Norm. He’s more laid back.

  307. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:32

    Sub, is that link title a vampire or a werewolf?

  308. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:34

    Conservatives investigate ways to destroy their influence.

    this should come with a full frontal bozell warning….

  309. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:42

    full frontal bozell

    Even with foreshortening perspective, that man’s hands are tiny!

    I’ll leave the anatomical inferences as an exercise for the student.

  310. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:51

    If you’re lookin for some good reading, B^4 has a post up abou the phenomenon of Gangnam Style.

    Thanks for the plug!

  311. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:53

    It’s funny how many people are afraid to use a pressure cooker because sometime back around 1948 their grandmother accidentally launched a pot-roast into low earth orbit with one.

    My great grandmother had a still blow up in her kitchen in the Bronx. She was European, so she wasn’t down with any of that Prohibition bullshit. Had to scrape mash of the ceiling for weeks…

    Heh, scraping the mash…

  312. tigris said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:55

    We have exploited the poor and called it their own fault. We have rewarded corruption and called it merit pay…

  313. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:56

    It’s funny how many people are afraid to use a pressure cooker because sometime back around 1948 their grandmother accidentally launched a pot-roast into low earth orbit with one.

    In 1948 it would have been my mother, who I take after, a bit. There was nothing accidental about it.

  314. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:57

    Sub, is that link title a vampire or a werewolf?

    Hmm, I’d say your horizons need some expanding. Wait, maybe hemispheres?

  315. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:58

    Attention: the new iTunes loses iTunes DJ. If that matters to you then don’t upgrade.

  316. VCarlson said,

    November 30, 2012 at 21:59

    and where the world is seen as a filthy, horrible place…

    Hear! Hear! I find it interesting that many of the people who so loudly express their belief in God (I wonder who they’re trying to convince) are also so convinced the world their God created is such an awful place, and that, furthermore, they are entitled to make as big a mess of our world as possible.

    And that whole “One Nation, Under God” thing came in during the 1950s to score points off those godless Commies.

  317. bbkf said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:03

    Hear! Hear! I find it interesting that many of the people who so loudly express their belief in God (I wonder who they’re trying to convince) are also so convinced the world their God created is such an awful place,

    the church my in-laws attend is just horrible…nothing but doom and gloom…you would think that at christmas time, they would lighten up a bit, but no…grimmest songs in the hymnal all night long…seriously, ‘silent night’ is the most uplifting thing about the service…well, except for the time the rookie minister accidently poured wine from the common cup down a young lady’s cleavage…and when my non-member mom and asshat husband went up for communion…the collective gasp and head swiveling were pretty comical…

  318. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:11

    its so easy, anyone can do it!
    We have left a ring of oil around the gulf of Mexico and called it energy independence.
    We have given hateful right wing loudmouths airtime and called it fair and balanced
    we have given money to televangelists and called it charity
    we have taught intelligent design and called it education
    we have embraced self righteousness and called it morality

    I bet the Janus node could do it better though…
    hint
    hint

  319. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:24

    we have taught intelligent design and called it education

    Limbaugh: Proposed Student Loan Reform Rewards Colleges For “Indoctrinating More Democrats”

    Noted dropout Commander Pillpopper don’t need no edumacation.
    ~

  320. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:34

    Okay, the Moana bit appears to be a thing. Check out Nooners

    You watch and wonder: Why does it always have to be cliffs with this president? Why is it always a high-stakes battle? Why doesn’t he shrewdly re-enact Ronald Reagan, meeting, arguing and negotiating in good faith with Speaker Tip O’Neill, who respected very little of what the president stood for and yet, at the end of the day and with the country in mind, could shake hands and get it done? Why is there never a sense with Mr. Obama that he understands the other guys’ real position? [my emphasis]

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate where the problem is there, Peggers.

  321. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:38

    hemispheres?

    Perhaps? Not seeing the usual on that last one… it reminds me more of this.

  322. smut clyde said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:40

    We have made a dessert and called it peas.

  323. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:45

    Or maybe this….

  324. gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:50

    There is a special place in hell for you bughunter for posting that link.

  325. gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 22:54

    For the R.E.M. fans – 1981 concert
    http://www.salon.com/2012/11/30/early_r_e_m_set_surfaces/

  326. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:04

    So there’s this young man who has an overprotective mother. She convinces him not to mess around with girls because “they have teeth down there and they’ll bite off anything that comes near it.” Of course, he believes his mother and as a result, spends his youth being both obsessed with and frightened by vaginas.

    Not entirely surprisingly, the young man grows up to be a dentist.

    Despite this handicap, he finally meets a nice, understanding girl and they get married. On their wedding night, they go to bed and nothing happens. His bride says “Aren’t you going to make love to me?”

    He says, “No, I can’t. You have teeth down there and they will bite off my penis!”

    After overcoming her incredulity, she convinces him to inspect the goods for himself to prove that she indeed has no teeth in her vagina. He dives down under the sheets, and spends a good deal of time examining her.

    Eventually, he surfaces and says, “Well, it’s no wonder you don’t have any teeth… your gums are in horrible shape!”

  327. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:08

    Perhaps?

    Apparently this is about as subtle as it gets.

  328. Whale Chowder said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:10

    Eventually, he surfaces and says, “Well, it’s no wonder you don’t have any teeth… your gums are in horrible shape!”

    The version I heard included a woefully underinformed minister, his frustrated wife, a broken bottle, and his son on the couch with a comely young miss.

    The punchline: “Get ‘em now, son, before they grow teeth!”

  329. bughunter said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:17

    OK, maybe it’s Safari for Mac, but I ain’t seein’ that.

  330. tigris said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:19

    Thanks for the plug!

    GET A ROOM YOU FREAKS.

  331. J Neo Marvin said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:27

    OMG! Romney has agreed to have lunch with the Marxist at the WH on Thursday. We were played people.

    It’s as if he thinks he’s entitled to food or something.

  332. El Manquécito said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:34

    Yeah bug, it’s your Mac. I was on an HP for the first time in years recently and it makes a big diff as to how Subby’s hovertext appears.

  333. gocart mozart said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:37

    “So there’s this young man who has an overprotective mother.”

    There is a special place in heaven for you bughunter for posting that story.

  334. Fenwick said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:44

    Other stuff I’ll buy the flat of whatever, take some for myself, and give the rest to the food bank, along with some stuff specifically for the food bank.

    VCarlson is a good person.

  335. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 30, 2012 at 23:45

    Oh damn, forgot to post the Thanksgiving stuffing.

  336. bbkf said,

    December 1, 2012 at 0:00

    Oh damn, forgot to post the Thanksgiving stuffing.

    oh damn is right…

  337. Fenwick said,

    December 1, 2012 at 0:48

    Here are band names derived from Sadly comments in the last eight hours or so. Well done, peeples.

    Douchebag Convention …. (sort of Manhattan Transfer with zero talent)

    What About Bacon?

    Simply Not Caucasian …. (sort of Simply Red tribute band?)

    Jumpseat Home

    Viral Load

    Keep Your Saliva

    Bunch of Spuds

    Destroy Their Influence

    Plot Twists

    Fiscal Cliff

    Special Place in Hell

    Stuck in Amber

  338. Fenwick said,

    December 1, 2012 at 0:52

    Bug: Liked yer dentist joke.

  339. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 1, 2012 at 0:54

    Also: Entitled To Food belongs on the growing band name list.

  340. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    December 1, 2012 at 1:01

    Wouldn’t that be Thanksgiving unstuffing?

  341. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 1, 2012 at 1:07

    So here I am checking the weather, only to find out there are flash flood warnings in effect for the SF Bay Area. I’m getting concerned; potentially scary shit, right? So after some more searching, I discover this article, and make the grievous error of reading the comments. Lo and behold, MANGOS!

    rbf51 says:
    How much is California in debt? $70 BILLION? Make that $80 BILLION now! They will blame it on republicans, Romney and ask “Uncle Barrack” to make it all right. Barrack will turn around and propose a “fair tax” for Texas, Arizona and all the “really belligerant red states. IS there anyone left in California, haven’t a MILLION+ people left the “socialist utopian state” in the last ten years to avoid the anti-business climate and mega-taxes????? LEARN TO SWIM!!!

    ballwyllo says:
    I haven’t seen the blame assigned yet. So here goes, it is Bush’s fault!

    onegodofpsp replies:
    Also, Israel!

    ad_iudicium replies:
    could be the republican house that seems absurdly determined not to let the democrats just print money… and I just bought a new wheelbarrow for hauling the dough to the grocery store for a loaf of bread….

    My favorite: “Is there anyone left in California?” You mean the most populous state in the country? Sheesh, there be some bitter nasty old fucks out there in Trollville…

  342. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 1, 2012 at 1:08

    Hoping to stay dry. My wife and I live about 18 blocks from the beach…

  343. bughunter said,

    December 1, 2012 at 1:14

    Band name:

    Vagina Periodontitis

  344. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 1, 2012 at 1:20

    Wouldn’t that be Thanksgiving unstuffing?

    It can go either way.

    10 STUFF
    20 UNSTUFF
    30 GOTO 10

  345. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 1, 2012 at 1:30

    Link. FYWP.

  346. Major Kong said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:00

    These idiots don’t even realize just how conservative much of California is. Orange County, San Diego, the San Joaquin Valley are all very conservative.

    Helloooooo, Orange County was called “Reagan Country”.

  347. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:06

    Yes, Reagan, who rose to prominence in the all-American state of…where was it again?

  348. Fenwick said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:20

    My wife and I live about 18 blocks from the beach…

    Neo: Am I right in assuming you are on the Pacific Ocean side? (ARE there any beaches in the Bay?) So what is your nearby inland topography like? Got a basement? (I’d better close down before this turns into another idiotic Fenwickian Question Barrage….) Hope you and other Bay Area and NW Sadlies all stay dry and keep your electricity. It sounds like a fuckton of rain.

    Btw, climate change is a myth. The West Coast has always had a Monsoon Season.

  349. Another Kiwi said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:23

    Their underpants are permanently bunched by San Francisco because it is compulsory to have gay abortions there and Pelosi.
    I think that we are coming to the realisation that we are not dealing with folks in possession of the full deck of cards.

  350. Another Kiwi said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:25

    The West Coast has always had a Monsoon Season. The liberal media have kept it quiet is all.

  351. The Lord's Sword said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:37

    The rain is God’s Punishment on San Francisco’s homosexuals. But not even this holy deluge can wash away such sin and perversity. I pray the rain only the first of MANY pastalances Our Lord will visit upon San Francisco.

  352. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:45

    PASTA LANCES

    W.I.N.
    .

  353. Fenwick said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:46

    N_B: You show lots of bridges on your blog and talk about their engineering and aestheics. I imagine you’ve already about the NJ bridge collapse this morning. Possible idea for a future post: Engineeer’s post-mortem with pictures and so-on. (Like the nifty posts about Christchurch after the earthquake in Upside-Down Land.)

    http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/11/30/1262291/jersey-bridges-are-falling-down/

  354. N__B said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:46

    If you boil your pastalance, it will droop.

  355. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:59

    Truly LOUSY video of two awesome kittehs.
    .

  356. CRA said,

    December 1, 2012 at 3:07

    “But not even this holy deluge can wash away such sin and perversity.”

    True, in fact they’re singin’ in the rain. Just singing in it.
    Dancin’ around in it like a gaggle of gay Gene Kellys.

  357. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 1, 2012 at 3:15

    Pizza, poker and flu! YAY!
    .

  358. Cerberus said,

    December 1, 2012 at 3:17

    Nude Post!

    Also new.

  359. Fenwick said,

    December 1, 2012 at 3:18

    Wiki’s List of Bridge Failures.

    ((BTW, I encourage Sadlies to donate, if you haven’s already.))

    My fave (so far): The Broughton Suspension Bridge over the River Irwill collapsed in 1831. The reason?

    Bolt snapped due to mechanical resonance caused by marching soldiers

  360. Fenwick said,

    December 1, 2012 at 3:18

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_bridge_disasters

  361. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 1, 2012 at 4:08

    Fenwick:

    On the ocean side, and yes, there is a beach called Ocean Beach that’s beautiful but cold (we have surfers, but they all wear wetsuits) but we’re quite a ways uphill and there are no major creeks/rivers in our neighborhood (the Richmond district). The big threat is probably if the sewers get backed up, but we’re on the second floor. Probably the worst thing is that our garage might get fucked up. The bay side of SF is probably more dangerous, since so much of downtown is bay fill. All of those businesses in the Financial District that the CBS trolls think don’t exist anymore are the ones who probably ought to worry the most.

    I’m not too worried, really. I’m thankful I don’t live in New Orleans or New Jersey. It’s less that I’m scared and more the way it hits home that wow, these people hate their fellow Americans SO FUCKING MUCH. It’s amazing.

  362. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 1, 2012 at 4:10

    Bolt snapped due to mechanical resonance caused by marching soldiers

    As I recall, this is the reason soldiers are commanded to “break step” when crossing a bridge.

  363. El Manquécito said,

    December 1, 2012 at 9:16

    Those interested in SF Bay sea level changes are encouraged to check out searise.org. A friend of mine does their radio documentaries and is a real journamalist.

  364. mr. mike said,

    December 6, 2012 at 3:12

    “Major Kong said,

    December 1, 2012 at 2:00

    These idiots don’t even realize just how conservative much of California is. Orange County, San Diego, the San Joaquin Valley are all very conservative.

    Helloooooo, Orange County was called “Reagan Country”. ”

    The trick with California is that the cities are Blue and the interior gets
    more and more Red the closer you get to the Nevada or Arizona borders. San Diego (a coastal city) is in a situation where the area is going from Red to Blue; they just voted in Bob Filner as mayor, ending years of Republican rule. However, within San Diego county, you see the same slide from Blue to Red the farther East you go.

  365. best selling book on premature ejaculation said,

    June 9, 2013 at 5:13

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