Besides! According to the Conservative Elections Unskewed website, we won by exactly a gajillion and a half points, anyways!
Mona Charen, National Hacksplosion:
Now, while some inconsiderate and downright rude snarkmistresses and meisters may look at the blooming crop of post-election wingnut writings and sum it up with a pithy “We don wanna grow up, we wanna be a
Toys R’ Us kid bigot that still wins elections”, that’s not the only reaction wingnuts have had.
For instance, Mona Charen, previously maligned here for thinking that women really could prevent pregnancy by rape and that manly sperm really could produce more male children, has a new post that is both illuminating and startling in its raw maturity.
Allow me to condense such wisdom as best I can:
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Pout! POUT! POOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT!
Such a completely different shade of uninterrupted whining than her compatriots!
While most of her allies are one-note hacks loudly trumpeting how conservatives don’t need to change nuthin’, Mona Charen loudly trumpets how conservatives don’t need to change nuthin’ WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY bitching about how mean-old liberals are going around acknowledging that they won the election and noticing the nauseating levels of racism on display in the last election and other things that JUST AREN’T FAIR, MOMMMMMEEEEEEEE! Truly, such complexity and depth I have scarce seen since I last poured over a Shakepeare play… or possibly the last time I saw a finger-painting by a Kindergartner. Hard to say, really.
Post-election season is a time for healing, for putting aside the rancor of a long campaign and rediscovering what unites us. It has not been that way this year.
Yeah, I’m sure this has nothing at all to do with the fact that all your efforts to suppress voters and steal the election wasn’t enough to bury the voice of the people. If The Smiler had managed to steal the election, I’m sure we’d hear the exact same thing from the hack brigade about how what we need now is post-partisan healing and compromise.
Dear Bob in Himmel, is it hard to hold a straight face right now…
Prudence, one would think, if not generosity of spirit, should impel Democrats to be magnanimous in victory. Romney did receive about 48 percent of the vote.
BWAHAHAHAHA! Really? REALLY?!?
Yes, let’s show Mr. 48% the same compassion that he showed to the
48% 99% of Americans that The Smiler called Unamerican moochers for thinking they were “entitled” to food.
Or the same generosity of spirit that Bush showed Democrats in 2004 when he called the same margin of victory a sweeping mandate to completely dismantle the Bill of Rights and screw over the country so bad we haven’t even begun to put it back together again.
I mean, fucking seriously, there’s abusing the infinite good will of liberals and there is pasting a sign to your forehead reading “I am arguing in bad faith now, please invalidate your lawful election”.
Only someone who regularly loses arguments to Spellchecking software could possibly think this ham-fisted effort at a screw-job would at all sound like anything other than the mewling cry of someone who still hasn’t grasped that they really have lost.
A little modesty among the winners would seem to be in order.
Yeah, liberals! Stop pretending you won the election and that people preferred your policies even when we poured infinite money into a propaganda blitz to try and tell them that your policies cause double secret bonus cancer!
That’s just like being a sore winner!
Instead, the gloating has been extravagant.
Ms. Charen. Ooh, Ms. Charen. I know spellcheck is liberal demonology, but I’m pretty sure you misspelled “mocking” in that sentence. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t begin with an “g”.
Worse, liberals have gorged themselves on the same junk food they enjoyed during the campaign and cannot seem to resist under any circumstances — slandering their opponents.
Again with the misspelling of “mocking”. It doesn’t begin with a “s” either, Mona. I know you think it’s a liberal plot to steal your underwear, but you may just need to turn back on your spellcheck.
The smears are so casual and commonplace that we become weary of responding.
Translation: We’re giving up on ever having a valid response that doesn’t sound like the weak-ass post-hoc rationalization it is.
But we must protest, or someone new to politics may assume that we concede the point.
Yeeeeeeaaahhh. No. I don’t think there’s a single person on the planet that believes you’ll ever acknowledge reality even if the entire planet walked up behind you with a Cluehammer and smashed you into the sun with it.
I mean, fuck, not only have you continued to deny things like global warming when the evidence is literally flooding New York like a Hollywood disaster movie, but you’ve literally been at war with even the most cursory forms of information. When you’re inventing conservative alternatives to polls or factoids, there’s pretty much no hope left that you’ll ever join the community of “people who believe reality exists and are anything other than unfortunate clinically delusional people trying to drag us down into their hellish caves of insanity”.
I mean, fuck, it’s like you saw the mental health rights movement and its attempt to humanize mental health issues and went “nope, I think we can set that back a 100 years at least”.
Appearing on Meet the Press, documentary filmmaker Ken Burns attributed conservative unhappiness with the election to racism. “Race is always there in America,” Burns opined.
And the wingnuts freaked the fuck out, because they are still convinced that if they can believe that Barack Obama is a dream hard enough, he and all the other black people will just go away.
“It’s always something we don’t want to talk about. Do you think we’d have a secession movement — a faddish movement — if this president wasn’t African-American? Do you think the vitriol that came out of some elements of the Tea Party would have been at the same level had this president not been African-American?”
Ken Burns is a fine filmmaker. I met him once, and found him to be engaging and amiable. It’s painful to see him descend to this kind of defamation. Some disappointed Republicans are talking secession in Texas and elsewhere. This is proof of racism?
Yeah! Whenever else has calls for secession been caused by racial animosity? Especially with regards to black people?
And how would some fancy dancy historical expert on the only time states seceded possibly know about this made up nonexistent time period invented by liberal hippie bastards?
Where the hell are the standards among people who actually know what they are talking about?
Is this the standard of evidence Burns employs for his films?
Oops, didn’t mean to jump the gun there. I guess, this shit is just getting a little too fucking predictable over here.
But yeah, seriously, someone on the payroll of Jonah “fuck history, I think the right-wing Nazis were actually the left-wing communists they hated and persecuted” Goldberg is permanently banned from ever questioning the standards of evidence of any other historian.
Secession talk is the overheated emotional venting of the disappointed.
It’s like an emo teenager venting on Livejournal about how nobody loves him and he might as well kill himself. It’s not anything serious.
I mean, it’s not at all like this was an effort by citizens in 30 states with thousands of signatories and originated by people who really did believe that an online petition for secession would somehow mean they would get the right to vote for secession. And certainly not like one of the Republican presidential candidates (one who probably would have gotten the nomination if he hadn’t dropped out) have been calling for secession for the last 4 years.
It’s just meaningless emo fluff… that happens to manifest itself in casually racist echoes of the time half the nation fought a bitter and bloody war for the right to own and abuse human beings for having black skin… that also happens to originate from the same states that declared that war…
MOMMEEE! They aren’t buying my transparent bullshit! Make them buy it, MOMMEE! Not buying it is unlawful gloating so The Smiler is double president now. NYAH!
It is not the exclusive province of Republicans. In 2004, Jonathan Gurwitz of the Houston Chronicle reminds us, Democratic talking head Lawrence O’Donnell suggested that George W. Bush’s reelection would provoke “a serious discussion of secession over the next 20 years.” When a fellow panelist on the TV show in question asked “Are you calling for civil war?” O’Donnell replied “You can secede without firing a shot.” Bob Beckel was for kicking the southern United States out of the union that year. “Really, I think they ought to have their own confederacy.” Alec Baldwin, among others, had threatened to leave the country if Bush was reelected.
Leaving aside your apparently wider than the Grand Canyon definition of liberal and the fact that those statements were the incredibly infrequent jokes of a handful of powerless people, we just have to boggle at the statement.
I mean, ask any random douchebag about what the emo liberals were bitching about doing circa 2004 and I doubt a single one of them would have answered “calling for secession”. Fuck, we made a goddamn 8-year running meme about (all together now) “moving to Canada”.
Fuck, that’s pretty much the defining separation of liberal and conservative emo reactions to depressing electoral loss. Liberals want to flee the country to one that doesn’t suck as hard. Conservatives want to burn the country to the ground and seed the ground with salt… and bullets… lots and lots of bullets.
Burns’s flippant reference to the “vitriol” emanating from “some elements” in the Tea Party is nothing but an oft-repeated slur.
Recognizing things that are real is a slur and bigoted attack on those poor souls who have Reality Deficiency Disorder.
The late Andrew Breitbart famously offered a $10,000 reward to anyone who could produce audio or video proof that the N-word was hurled at black members of Congress as they moved through a Tea Party protest on Capitol Hill.
And then proceeded to ignore the evidence that came in, openly slurring a Civil Rights Veteran and Hero (as well as all the congresspeople with him) as a liar who couldn’t be trusted because of the color of his skin.
But hey, if you can’t trust the judgment of a drunken mess who built a career out of being a lying sack of shit and paying people to create fake videos in order to punish innocent citizens for getting within range of wingnut conspiracy theories, who can you trust?
After all, it was his unwavering respect for truth that caused Obama’s goon squads to whack him in the first place.
The accusation of racism was broadcast far and wide. The lack of proof — though hundreds of people had video cameras recording every moment — is the untold story.
Huh. And here I was off gloating in my liberal way by daring to remember that when Sir Breitbart of Douchingham came up with his “super ultra awesome rebuttal” to John Lewis’s offhand remark, it was one couple of second long video of the middle of a crowd, because that was the only segment he could find where they weren’t dropping the n-bomb like a rapper going platinum.
But hey, given the same wingnut math that turns a 3 person rally into a 3 million strong meditation on peace and freedom or electoral catastrophe into a wingnut forever victory covered up by the gay jews who run the media, I guess one brief video equals 100s of videos that ran from start to finish and covered multiple angles of John Lewis conniving on top of his Grinch mountain on how to make a bunch of KKK-re-enactors look like the racists they totally weren’t.
Someone as sophisticated as Ken Burns should know that the Tea Party protests were multiracial, multiethnic affairs, featuring speakers of every background. What united them was concern that the government stop spending money it does not collect.
Why aren’t other people as dumb as we think they are?!? MOMMMEEE! It’s not fair, mommy, them being able to see through our propaganda and see things for how they actually are. If less people could do that, we could have totally stolen the election. So really, they stole the election. MAKE THEM GIVE IT BACK, MOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!
False accusations of racism are an attempt to delegitimize those who disagree with you. Promiscuous use of the word also defangs it for actual instances of racial bias. Honest liberals should further consider that flinging the charge protects them from having to defend their ideas. It’s simultaneously ugly and lazy.
Shorter all wingnuts forever and constantly:
Being called out on racism is infinitely worse than actually suffering from racism. Black people live lives of relative ease compared to the earth-shattering, soul-eviscerating, mind-raping HELL that is being a white lazy hack enjoying unearned privileges and the automatic regard given one’s skin color and having to suffer the indescribable, almost eldritch terror that is having someone call you racist.
I mean, sure, said white people might be passing laws to make it legal to stalk and shoot unarmed black kids minding their own business on the street, actively trying to make economic situations worse in the hope that it disproportionately affects black people, and openly argue that black votes simply shouldn’t count in our modern post-racial society because black people aren’t real citizens…
But what are those paltry issues in comparison with having a historian lightly and tactfully raising up an issue of race in your general presence, kinda, almost.
Black people just can’t understand, man… the pain, it runs deep…
Kathleen Geier of the Washington Monthly writes that conservatives use abstractions because they are attempting to conceal positions that “a hefty chunk of the population” finds “icky.” That’s the reason, she explains, that they talk of “‘small government,’ ‘right to life,’ ‘states’ rights,’ ‘free markets,’ ‘right to work,’ ‘judicial restraint,’ ‘family values,’ etc.”
Are you seeing a trend with this temper tantrum? Cause, I’m seeing a trend. And fuck, it’s not like this post wasn’t already destined to fail when it began life as a “liberals aren’t allowed to acknowledge they won” post. But add in all the tired “liberals aren’t allowed to see our dirty tricks. Make them blind themselves so they don’t see our dirty tricks” bullshit, and we’ve got a whole new ballgame of fail.
But hey, at least it’s consistent with its awfulness. Considering we’re dealing with Mona “people aren’t responding the way I want them to respond to this national tragedy” Charon, we’re talking about.
Frankly, this is a step up fo-
I can’t recall the last time a mainstream American politician referred to “state’s rights,” but I’m pretty sure that whoever it was, he was a Democrat. It was the code term southern Democrats used to defend Jim Crow laws.
I really really need to stop saying things like that.
Wow. Just wow. This statement is fractally fucked up. Whenever I try and focus on one unforgivable failure, nine others are waving their hands in my face demanding equal time.
Where do I even begin? I mean, I could cover the obvious about how only the Republicans who jumped ship from Democratic to Republican in 1964 seem to be the only ones who weren’t aware that happened. Or the complete feigned ignorance of the Southern Strategy that has been the sole defining feature of Republican politics for nearly 50 years.
And then there’s her “I can’t recall” bit, which frankly, I buy entirely because Mona has already consistently demonstrated an intellect that regularly loses quiz contests with toast. But has the unfortunate aspect of ignoring, well, pretty much every speech by a Republican for the last 40 odd years.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, Reagan’s infamous State’s Right speech at the site of the murdered Civil Rights workers during the 1980 campaign has pretty much become the equivalent of the Sermon on the Mount speech for conservatives.
There’s the sudden ability to remember what a code phrase is only a single paragraph after pretending that dog whistles were an invention of mean-spirited liberals to paint innocent white hood aficionados who aesthetically appreciate the iconography of failed American revolutions based on philosophical disputes on the nature of federal control as something bad.
I think the part that grabs onto my throat and is crushing my windpipe into a fine powder would be the unmitigated gall this rancid mockery of a human being has to even mention Jim Crow laws after Republicans spent this last election BRINGING JIM CROW LAWS BACK!
Oh, Jim Crow laws were made by evil democrats who are bad forever just like we’re good forever because Lincoln, but ignore the giant fucking dead fish in the room in the shape of all the voter suppression laws we tried to pass specifically targeting minorities and making it harder for them to vote.
In ways that weren’t even pretending to be subtle. But hey, noticing the transparent screw job is just evil liberal propaganda unlawfully stealing the brown and black vote from conservatives. And not at all something that minorities noticed and punished you for, because it turns out they aren’t as fucking stupid as you!
As much as you assume they must be because “Bell Curve” also Breitbart…
Yeah, sorry for the break from humor mode, but to even write that sentence without bursting into flames, she must have gonads of such cold steel that Michael Bay wants to film them dangling over John Turturro’s face.
Three quarters of the nay votes on the 1964 Civil Rights Act came from Democrats. Conservatives, as Ms. Geier would know if she actually read them rather than relying on cartoon depictions, do talk of federalism. If Geier thinks the constitutional order providing for state and federal governments is “icky,” she should say so.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear what you said there. I was distracted by this painful grinding noise when you tried to abruptly switch arguments without a clutch.
No, no one ever uses state’s right on the right ever and besides, it’s democrats who are the racists, oh hey, all the conservatives who used to be democrats are us and have always been us, also we totally bitch about state’s rights all the time, but only because we’re too hipster for irony. What of it? You against high-minded philosophy on the nature of federalism, bitch?
Yeah, didn’t think so, liberal strawman! Mona Charen 1, Voices Inside My Head
As for the “right to life,” isn’t that a great deal more honest than the liberals’ habit of disguising a policy of unrestricted abortion up to and including birth as “women’s reproductive health”?
I like how there’s not even a feigned denial here. I mean, she’s had no trouble trying to make Jim Crow sound like a liberal plot, but when it came to the violent assault on English that is “right to life”, it’s like… “Okay, you got us, that was a meaningless marketing term to hide ‘fuck you, you bitch who dared to fuck in non-approved ways’, but hey, those bitches who dare fuck and think of women as human beings have that shit coming.”
I appreciate that, because frankly, if we’re going to purge the damage that meaningless paean to our tendency to anthropomorphize potential and dehumanize women has done, it really fucking helps for the forced birth brigade to let their freak flag fly high for all to see.
Geier further confuses her readers by explaining that “judicial restraint” means “no rights for women, gays, or nonwhites.”
Yes. I’m sure, her readers are super confused. What? Terms used by disingenuous hacks may be about a separate issue where a feigned moral stance on a meaningless philosophical issue no sane person should really care this much about when people are legitimately suffering is used to hide a complete contempt for the humanity of said people? What witchcraft is this?!?
I know it’s a new concept for hacks, but… you’ve spent decades now burning all the good faith we could ever have. And you’ve also gotten so far down the Lee Atwater spiral that your dog whistles have gone completely transparent again.
No one is left who isn’t already in your 27% clubhouse who is stupid enough to fall for this shit and not even they actually fall for it. They understand that a judge who just really believes in judicial restraint is a fan of state’s rights and a healthy respect for tradition as it were.
And shock of shocks, the people you’re fucking over understand it too. And eventually you’re going to have to learn to deal with a reality where the number of poeple you’ve spent decades antagonizing outnumber you to the point where you are nearly electorally irrelevant and getting less important by the month.
On reflection, I take it back. What liberals like Geier need is not humility or magnanimity. It’s basic information.
I take it back, enjoy your cozy blanket where the mean old reality can’t hurt you anymore. Keep being you as loudly as you can and remind all those mean minorities that they really should be as dumb as you think they are. Keep doing that as long as possible.
We’ll just sit here, off to the side…
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Doing my part to “gloat” Republicans since… almost a year ago. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™