Nov
26

Lessons Learned




Posted at 8:49 by Cerberus

A mental photograph of the current state of the collective right-wing following the recent election.

Various National Review “Writers”, National Review

It is very tempting to get over-optimistic about the results of the last election. While things aren’t perfect (way too many people were still willing to vote for an open sociopath out of tribal loyalty, willful disconnection from reality, and bigotry), things seem to be hitting a turning point. We finally seem to have enough minorities, women, gay people, and youth to make the Southern Strategy obsolete. We finally seem to be breaking through the dim haze of propaganda and caring about issues that deserve our attention. And we even seem to be realizing all too belatedly that the bigots are in fact bigots and maybe some of those marginalized groups really are people like they keep saying.

Yeah, that might not last forever. The House can still do a lot of damage in Republican control. There is still a concerted effort to undermine democracy and delegitimize the votes of those who are not white men. And it is still possible that the wingnuts may find another previously maligned group to make “honorary white people” in order to extend the life of their hate cult. And that’s long before we factor in that the Democrats are only the sane party, not the jump up and cheer because liberalism has won this day party or the fact that every major change comes with a shit-ton of work on the ground dragging social attitudes and cultures kicking and screaming into the Century of the Fruitbat.

But if there is one thing that brings one hope in this post-election season, it is how well the right-wing is taking the election’s lessons to heart.

Shorter Entire National Review and pretty much entire right-wing media:

  • We’ve finally pissed off enough filthy minority groups that they actually constitute a firm majority the likes of which we can’t even steal the election from?!? Welp, the only thing to do is to HATE THEM HARDER and hope that they really are as dumb as we think they are!

And I could stop there and save myself work for the next three months at least, but damnitt, then where would I get my fix for writing 50,000 word mango fiskings?

So instead of a single mass shorter, let’s look at 4 single article shorters that say the same exact fucking thing.

Verbatim Jonah Loadstone, National Enraged Grue:
The GOP and Racism, Yet Again

  • If the GOP wants to win more black votes, it will need to get a lot more “racist.”

Because of course, the issue that had latin@ and black voters running for the hills like they were Native Americans in an Iron Maiden song wasn’t at all because the Republican dog whistles had become so obvious that they could have been replaced with a megaphone with no one even noticing the change. No, it was just because those meanie head liberals keep seeing things conservatives do and say as racist.

And if those poor addled brained niggers could arrive at the intellectual zenith of their white male betters, they could easily understand that they only see things like the institution of slavery, people having complete meltdowns over the existence of powerful black people, and open uncensored hate as racism because they fall for careful liberal branding.

And as soon as conservatives explain that it is actually the white male who is the Jew of Liberal Racism and that 50 years of screwing over the country and the planet just so black people are hurt more are easily solved by tricking black people into supporting segregated schools for rich white people to escape into, then everything will be fixed.

See, everyone? There is no need to do something radical, like abandon the Southern Strategy, as long as we can magically get white people to be an overwhelming majority again!

And in case you thought I was kidding, here’s some highlights:

The scare quotes are necessary because I don’t think the Republican party is racist now (and, historically, the GOP has a lot less to answer for than the Democratic party does). But that hasn’t stopped a lot of people from slandering Republicans as racist for one reason or another. Right now, many in Washington — particularly the leadership of the Congressional Black Caucus — insist that Republican attacks on U.N. ambassador Susan Rice are racist and, yawn, sexist.

If someone accuses you of bigotry, don’t actually point out why it’s in error or try and better yourself, just yawn dismissively like the opinions of black people couldn’t possibly matter less to you. That’ll convince them you’re not an entitled racist prick who lucked into a job they’d have to scramble and fight for!

Any serious attempt by the GOP to win black votes won’t involve Republicans copycatting liberal policies. It will require going over the heads of the black and white liberal slanderers to offer a sincere alternative to failed liberal policies on schools, poverty, crime, etc. The more effective that effort, the more the GOP will be called racist.

We shouldn’t even bother to pretend to give a shit about black people. This will somehow make black people vote for us.

When Romney, whose father marched with Martin Luther King Jr., spoke to the NAACP, Michael Tomasky of the Daily Beast dubbed him a “race-mongering pyromaniac,” primarily for using the term “Obamacare” — a term Barack Obama used himself.

Sure, The Smiler used the opportunity to openly antagonize and dehumanize that audience in order to endear himself to racist Southern troglodytes who rewarded him by turning out in record numbers, but that instantly is to be forgotten if anyone commits the unforgivable sin of noticing.

But hey, Jonah’s going to be Jonah, right? He’s got one shtick and sticks with it. Yeah, but, here’s a post from the same day:

Shorter Jennifer A. Marshall, National Discarded Sprue:
Poverty Thrives on the Same Old Song

  • We conservatives look like uncaring rich assholes who would gladly force people to starve in the street in order to make billionaires richer simply because we are uncaring rich assholes who gladly force people to starve in the street. The solution to this is to more loudly call for people to starve in the streets in the hopes that those filthy young people who have spent their whole lives seeing the results of our “fiscal policy” have sudden traumatic amnesia and thus suddenly willing to fall for the same old shit.

Yeah, who needs to actually suck up to the 99% by addressing even basic safety net issues? We can just whine to the refs instead.

A half century into the War on Poverty, liberals can hardly declare victory. But they can claim the dominant anti-poverty narrative: Americans seldom look to conservatives for answers to the problems of poverty.

Mommy, they are winning the message war largely because they don’t view poverty in terms of convincing working class schlubs to vote against their best interest. Make them stop, mommy!

Content. Conservatives need to offer a concrete description of our near-term objectives: We want to build on the success of the welfare reform of 1996, which reformed just one of 80 federal means-tested programs that in total are now funded to the tune of $1 trillion annually. We seek to secure the safety net for those truly in need — and to ensure that it encourages work and marriage rather than long-term dependency. And we look to civil society to transform lives and communities and restore the path to upward mobility.

Yeah, as soon as we remind them that our only real solution to poverty was a nearly 17 year old push to make life harder for people who needed help in the name of “reducing the deficit” and “reducing fraud” so we could then waste said money losing it in Iraq and giving it away to rich people who don’t need it, poor people will just fucking love us!

Credibility. Showing up, learning, and listening are top priorities.

Yes, that would probably be a good first step. Then you could practice looking like you give a damn in the next quarter. One day you may actually give a fuck and we won’t immediately associate your party with the rich deluded Snow White and the Huntsmen fearing psychotics who run it.

But hey, Jennifer is just a malfunctioning robot from the Heritage Foundation. It’s not like this is some sort of consensus carrying over from the previous da-

Shorter Victor Davis Hanson, National Dysenterial Crew:
Let Obama Be Obama

  • You might think from my title and the fact that this post is about the DREAM Act, that I’m desperately conceding the fight in the hope that all our paranoid fantasies about what happens if latin@s are treated as full human beings coems to pass. Especially as our movement can’t survive alienating latin@s at the current rate. But NAH, I’m just saying we should try and torpedo the DREAM Act with an amendment calling them wetbacks who should go back to Spanishland like the illegals they are and hoping that Democrats are down with sabotaging themselves even more to keep us competitive. Go Team Conservative!

Cause really, if white males don’t at all make a force big enough to keep the Southern Strategy viable and the only hope for bigotry is to quickly turn a socially-conservative-leaning minority group like latin@s into honorary white people, then the bestest strategy of all is to loudly announce just how much you consider latin@s inhuman scum.

After his party’s devastating setback in the 2010 midterm elections, Barack Obama was reelected earlier this month by painting his Republican opponents as heartless in favoring lower taxes for the rich. They were portrayed as nativists for opposing the DREAM Act amnesty for illegal immigrants, and as callous in battling the federal takeover of health care.

Actually addressing what the voters want is the underhanded tactics of unamerican communists, just as that unnamed person we’ll be pretending none of us actually knew said while he was campaigning to be president.

But why not make the president’s DREAM Act part of the envisioned grand bargain on immigration? Once it is agreed upon that we have the ability to distinguish those foreign nationals deserving of amnesty, then surely we also have the ability to determine who does not meet those agreed-upon criteria.

Why, then, cannot conservatives allow a pathway to citizenship for the play-by-the-rules millions who qualify, while regrettably enforcing an un-DREAM Act for others who just recently arrived illegally; enrolled in, and have remained on, public assistance; or have been convicted of a crime? Who could object to that fair compromise?

We’ll just have to exploit that last inch of good faith anyone with a brain still gives us and stand on the national stage as those fuckers who when tossed a landline with the fastest growing demographic went “hey, can we toss out the legal brown people too?”

But hey, racists got to be racists and of course they don’t want to change any of their policies.

But at least they want to do something different. Even if it’s changing the market copy and figuring out a new way to sell tax cuts as the new Brawndo… right?

Shorter Michael Barone, National Disinterested View:
The Democrats’ Electoral Edge

  • We don’t need to do anything. The electoral college will naturally swing back our way without us doing anything. Heh. Heh. Yes, it will all be a bad dream. The gravy train isn’t running out. I don’t need to get a real job using my actual skill sets. Everything is fine. Nothing to worry about. Everything is fine.

Yep, why bother even acknowledging that your policies… sold poorly when you can learn nothing at all? After all, isn’t aggressive ignorance the hallmark of what it means to be conservative in this day and age?

I’m talking about the fact that the large majority of states voted just a little bit more Democratic in 2012 than they did in 2004.

Enough to give 2012 nominee Barack Obama 332 electoral votes, far more than 2004 nominee John Kerry’s 252. But not enough to change the political balance of the nation or the various regions very much.

Sure, former swing states are now moving more and more leaning democratic and the Republicans are pretty much left with the Confederacy and the most rural states, but it doesn’t matter. The Southern Strategy is still viable because none of the Deep South swung over to the Democrats yet and they’re the only states that really count.

My tentative conclusion is that we may be back to the nearly even balance between the parties we saw between 1995 and 2005. Since then, we’ve been in a period of open-field politics, with big swings to the Democrats in 2006 and 2008 and a big swing to the Republicans in 2010.

Both sides hoped those swings would prove permanent. 2012 suggests both sides were disappointed. It looks like we’re back to trench-warfare politics at the national level.

Sure, all the writing on the wall and our open panic pretty much concludes that the times we can win by appealing to the traitorous leanings of the former Confederacy are coming to an end, but all we need to do is clap enough times to bring back Scarlett O’Tinkerbell and everything will be fine!

Please God say it will be fine. Please say we don’t have to change, grow up and join the 20th century (much less the 21st), that a party borne out of nothing but bitter resentment for the social rise of people who are not old white men can continue indefinitely and will still need eager hacks like us.

Tell us that this isn’t the final station and the smart money is already packing up and getting out while the getting’s still good.

Our fragile minds can’t take that. Not now, not ever.

We’ll just pretend it all away just like everything else and somehow…

Oh, poor wingnuts, let me tell you this, sympathetically and full of love:

Byyyyye!


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Shotgunning mini-posts so they’ll add up to a buffet is invented by me. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

307 Comments »

  1. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 26, 2012 at 8:55

    Go to Hell, Bozo!

  2. parsec said,

    November 26, 2012 at 10:15

    Segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation fawevah!
    As God is mah witness, I will nevah be out-wetbacked again.

  3. Anonymous said,

    November 26, 2012 at 13:35

    Snow White and the Huntsmen fearing psychotics

    okay, I don’t get this reference, which I imagine has something to do with that kids movie. Are the psychotics afraid of the huntsmen or snow white (or the movie itself)?

  4. Exford legs said,

    November 26, 2012 at 13:49

    Century of the Fruitbat

    Pratchett reference, Cerberus?

  5. sairarias said,

    November 26, 2012 at 14:41

    Snow White and the Huntsman fearing psychotics = http://blogs.suntimes.com/foreignc/2012/11/post-2.html

  6. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 26, 2012 at 14:54

    If the GOP wants to win more black votes, it will need to get a lot more “racist.”

    Tough love and cross burnings, beaches!
    ~

  7. JoeBuddha said,

    November 26, 2012 at 14:58

    I believe the Snow White reference was about the freak-out over a movie with strong female characters…

  8. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 26, 2012 at 15:10

    African American outreach, GOP-style

    Twaine Don Gomes was one of the people who first complained to News 8. He was handed a check, but he says, the campaign told him they were mad that he came to News 8, so he got a little something extra in his envelope.

    “Basically he handed me a check with a condom in it, told me I was screwed,” Gomes said. “That’s the rudest gesture you can ever do to a person, it’s like spitting in a person’s face.”

    His check bounced as well.

    ~

  9. LittlePig said,

    November 26, 2012 at 15:11

    The previous article was about the Snow White thing: bumpkin wingnut editor tells Sun-Times movie reviewer about how all he wants is Sands of Iwo Jima on an endless loop.

  10. LittlePig said,

    November 26, 2012 at 15:54

    Heard on the local news that gun sales are way up, in preparation for the coming race war. Sheesh.

    (in the ‘only in the South’ category: a prominent billboard on the Wilbur D. Mills advertising an upscale jeweler has this great deal, ‘buy her a diamond, get a Benelli shotgun’)

  11. J Neo Marvin said,

    November 26, 2012 at 17:02

    They’re relying on everyone’s backs being turned in 2014, after they’ve spent two years promoting an Exciting New Populist Movement That Has Nothing At All To Do With The Tea Party. It’s fun to laugh at the haplessness of the Right, but there are a lot of people who are pissed that Citizens United didn’t give them the results they were after, and we can expect them to double down on all their dirty tricks in the off-year elections.

    Their mouthpieces in the National Review are prescribing “solutions” that may seem to be shooting themselves in the foot, but voter suppression, apathy and nonstop brain-cell-killing propaganda could still win them huge gains in two years and set the stage for the next Vacant Happy Warrior Administration in four. So shit ain’t done yet by any means.

    Now back to your regularly scheduled pointing and laughing.

  12. Pryme said,

    November 26, 2012 at 17:21

    after they’ve spent two years promoting an Exciting New Populist Movement That Has Nothing At All To Do With The Tea Party

    They should call it the Super Mario Party; it will cover most of the demographics they lost through their hate agenda, plus they can get sued by Nintendo!

  13. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 26, 2012 at 17:45

    From Hanson:

    One of the brilliant themes of the 2012 Obama campaign was forcing Republicans, on principle, to systematically oppose most of the things that the administration wanted them to oppose — thereby shielding itself from the unwelcome consequences of its own ideology while winning political points.

    Yes, the dastardly, conniving, evil bastards. They wouldn’t stop talking about the differences between their policies and those of their opponents. What do they think this is, politics or something?

  14. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 26, 2012 at 17:56

    Your Local LEAFS SUCK News Update:

    1. Teh Leafs are UNDEFEATED this season.
    2. Teh Argos won hte 100th Grey Cup.
    3. Very-soon-to-be-Former Mayer Rob Ford found to have acted in conflict of interest and will be removed from office in 14 days.

  15. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 26, 2012 at 18:39

    One of the brilliant themes of the 2012 Obama campaign was forcing Republicans, on principle, to systematically oppose most of the things that the administration wanted them to oppose

    Isn’t that precious? “We had them right where they wanted us!” Or maybe “He MADE me shoot myself in the foot!” I would like to hear VDH’s detailed analysis of just _how_ the campaign worked that brilliant strategy.

  16. Major Kong said,

    November 26, 2012 at 19:04

    1. Teh Leafs are UNDEFEATED this season.

    I see what you did there.

  17. DAS said,

    November 26, 2012 at 19:27

    What do they think this is, politics or something?

    Indeed. Speaking as self-proclaimed liberals even if we have never supported any policy to the left of those supported by Holy Joe Lieberman since 1990, we must ask — how dare they engage in popular politics and not engage in serious discussions concerning achieving the bipartisan consensus we need to do the painful things all of us serious people agree need to be done to address our current fiscal situation? Hurumph. Popular politics is icky. The mere thought of the masses rising up to do anything but protest gay marriage and abortion hurts our beautiful brain. Indeed. I think I may need some smelling salts. My fainting couch. Get me to my fainting couch ( / main stream media and Village pundits )

  18. The Mayor of Upper Astroboffin said,

    November 26, 2012 at 19:33

    Fun with conservative “fact checking”

  19. Mike Francis said,

    November 26, 2012 at 19:37

    Barone: “Bottom line: Romney 315, Obama 223. That sounds high for Romney. But he could drop Pennsylvania and Wisconsin and still win the election. Fundamentals.”

    Goldberg: “I think Romney wins in an absolute nail biter. But I think he takes N.H., Ohio, and at least one of the Axelrod pornstache states.”

    Hanson: “I think Romney will win by a point and the Republicans will come up one or two seats short in the Senate. … based on independent voting and Republican turnout, I think he has just enough thrust left to hang on by a point — if he can barnstorm and give ‘em hell these last two days.”

    (I couldn’t find a prediction by Marshall.)

  20. g said,

    November 26, 2012 at 19:42

    Bookmarked it, Mike Francis.

  21. D Johnston said,

    November 26, 2012 at 20:35

    conservative “fact checking”

    So wait, there’s a whole website out there dedicated to attempting to validate the stuff on MyRightWingDad? I shouldn’t be surprised, but I kinda am, honestly. It might even be worth a visit.

  22. smut clyde said,

    November 26, 2012 at 20:40

    Yes, the dastardly, conniving, evil bastards. They wouldn’t stop talking about the differences between their policies and those of their opponents.

    Hanson’s complaint is more that it’s the Democrat’s fault that the Republicans revealed their policies at all (abortion!! contraception!! immigration!!). If it hadn’t been for those Jedi mind tricks Romney could have gone on posing as a moderate centrist, the way he did during the primaries.

  23. D Johnston said,

    November 26, 2012 at 20:44

    Okay, their front page has articles on the NOAA climate report (a “suspect organization,” per the site) and a link to Dean “the Unskewerererer” Chambers’s completely unsourced and unproven claims of voter fraud. I checked out the NOAA page; it consists of them refusing to read the report, then claiming that report fails to define terms that it actually does.

    After 15 years on the Internet, stuff like this really shouldn’t surprise me anymore, and yet it does. This is what we’re doing with it? Tossing around baseless claims rooted in willful ignorance?

    (On the plus side, all of their commenters are liberals giving them shit, so that’s amusing)

  24. Inconstant Reader said,

    November 26, 2012 at 20:58

    Hey, Cerberus, keep up! It’s the Century of the Anchovy now.

    Fortunately, it is just as willing to accept people/concepts that are kicking and screaming.

    (Pratchett is one of the best social satirists ever and I wish he was more than a cult favorite in the US.)

  25. tigris said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:07

    A half century into the War on Poverty, liberals can hardly declare victory.

    And yet righties complain about how poor people today aren’t “really” poor like they used to be, about how we keep changing the definition to things like “food insecure” rather than “starving to death on the street.” Frankly I think if the battle lines have moved, as they claim, so that what we call poverty today is not as bad as what folks used to consider poverty, that’s a pretty fucking big victory. Much more successful than their war on drugs.

  26. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:12

    Oh dear …

    • a few seconds ago

    “Acceleration toward the iceberg will continue until morale improves! Pay no attention to those Red states turning Purple behind the curtain! THE GREAT NRO HAS SPOKEN!”

    Quick, Ethyl – the Flit™!

  27. Pryme said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:20

    From the “fact-checking” linky:

    The results are, sadly, not surprising. But the situation is grave. PolitiFact (and other supposedly unbiased fact-checking sites) paint Mitt Romney as a serial liar. They also unfairly tarnish Michele Bachmann as a liar, when anybody who follows her already understands that many of her statements aren’t meant to be truthful in the first place — she simply says what she feels. …

    In other words, PolitiFact’s portrayal of Romney and Bachmann was accurate, and that gives us a sad.

    Oh, and snopes.com and factcheck.org (which Cheney once endorsed, I believe) are liberal sites now.

  28. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:27

    PolitiFact (and other supposedly unbiased fact-checking sites) paint Mitt Romney as a serial liar.

    I wonder what conclusions could be reached on Romney’s veracity by searching through the National Review? There sure are a lot of articles about how Mitt isn’t a liar there.

  29. Major Kong said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:27

    What was the Adlai Stevenson quote about “When they stop telling lies about us we’ll stop telling the truth about them?”

  30. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:38

    People who accuse others of lying are the real liars.

  31. Pryme said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:46

    Actually, this shouldn’t be surprising; Fox has “unskewed” news for over a decade. Right Wing Radio “unskews” water-cooler topics to the point where everything is the fault of [place minority group here]. They have their own Wikipedia and version of the Bible, for pete’s sake!

    It was only a matter of time before they brought polling data and fact-checking into their fantasy bubble. And the succession thing? That’s just them starting a physical journey their minds have been on years ago.

  32. wiley said,

    November 26, 2012 at 21:50

    Off topic, but I feel like countering some of the bullshit with successes of the Obama administration. The administration is cutting Medicare and Medicaid costs like crazy and isn’t going after the stripper collecting disability for back pain to do so, it’s going after white collar criminals.

    “A physician and the office manager of his medical practice, along with five owners of home health agencies, were arrested today on charges related to their alleged participation in a nearly $375 million health care fraud scheme involving fraudulent claims for home health services.”

    Today’s suspension of payments are part of efforts that recovered $4.1 billion in taxpayer dollars last year, the second year recoveries hit this record breaking level. Total recoveries over the last three years were $10.7 billion. Prosecutions are way up, too: the number of individuals charged with fraud increased from 821 in fiscal year 2008 to 1,430 in fiscal year 2011 – nearly a 75 percent increase.

    and

     …we have avoided over $20 billion in improper payments over the past two years, as part of our efforts to reduce waste and error across government through the Obama Administration’s Campaign to Cut Waste.

    http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/02/28/today-s-suspension-payments-and-affordable-care-acte.

  33. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 26, 2012 at 22:29

    Suck my cock, Bozo!

    Wait…..

  34. Pryme said,

    November 26, 2012 at 22:53

    Today we spell “irony” S-a-c-h-a D-r-a-t-w-a:

    Dratwa, 26, is originally Belgian and heads the Israeli Defense Forces new media desk, active in engaging Israel’s supporters and critics on social media.

    Something tells me that position may become vacant in the immediate future.

  35. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    November 26, 2012 at 22:54

    What did I do now?

  36. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    November 26, 2012 at 22:55

    Also, I think you’ll find that the white male is in fact the nigger of Liberal Racism.

  37. Spengler Dampniche said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:09

    My brother-in-law has an almost perfect lack of interest in current events. He knows nothing. He has no interest in knowing anything. Dirt bikes and barbecue are his chief concerns.

    Now, he calls himself a Republican, and he votes that way in elections. But he couldn’t tell you why, except he’s from the South, so fuck you. But he votes. He votes. He votes.

    I think this is why there’s such mind-chaos among the rank and file Republicans. They are almost perfectly ignorant. The trolls, who are the ones we will tend to encounter, are THE HIGH INFORMATION SPECIMENS. Think on that for a moment.

    Teh Bozoids making with the comments and the blogs and the Hussein X. Obammy cain’t swim signs and whatnot are the ones with KNOLLIDGE.

    Also, too:

    We seek to secure the safety net for those truly in need — and to ensure that it encourages work and marriage rather than long-term dependency.

    Shorter: no niggers.

  38. Jennifer said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:11

    Hey, Cerberus, keep up! It’s the Century of the Anchovy now.

    I’m not sure about the century designation, but it’s definitely the Year of the Depends Adult Undergarment.

  39. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:17

    Demon sex ISREAL!

    Dirt bikes and barbecue are his chief concerns.

    Dirt bikes and barbecue are VERY IMPORTANT THINGS, Hater.

  40. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:24

    A physician and the office manager of his medical practice, along with five owners of home health agencies, were arrested today on charges related to their alleged participation in a nearly $375 million health care fraud scheme involving fraudulent claims for home health services.

    I think we have the next governor and lieutenant governor of Florida.

  41. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:30

    So many new posts…

    Snark overload imminent…

    [thud]

  42. bighunter said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:38

    Demon sex ISREAL!

    Damn, that article reads like a blurb for the X-rated prequel to the DOOM novelized series…

    It really is becoming Poe’s Law month on planet wingnut, isn’t it?

  43. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:39

    But seriously, catching up:

    1) Maldivian War Gerbils would be a good band name. ‘Specially on a double bill with Hamster Cöck

    b) I now have one fingernail bitten down to a nub because of the Brazillian Grand Prix. Ho-lee-shit that was crazy. I fucking hate the safety car.

    III) Excellent series of KOS diaries, Major Kong.

    D) I’m ok with ’50s fashion coming back — I think my wardrobe of Levi’s 501s and t-shirts will fit in just fine.

    101) PROFIT!

  44. Smut Clyde said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:41

    the X-rated prequel to the DOOM novelized series…

    The world does not need Daffyd ab Hugh’s descriptions of sex scenes, thankyouverymuch.

  45. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:41

    From the demonic sex link:

    …a former stripper-turned-ministry leader named Contessa Adams.

    Real name or stripper name?

  46. bughunter said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:43

    Yeah, OBS, all the new content forced me back into lurk mode… I just couldn’t keep up enough to stay on topic.

    Also, obligatory HAET MOER wingnutter:

    Shorter Suzanne Venker: It’s ambitious womens’ fault that men are lazy pigs.

  47. tigris said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:43

    I once had a Jesus sex dream, which is obviously the only reason I am hetero.

  48. Jennifer said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:44

    That’s her stripper name.

    Her real name is Morticia Adams.

    Slightly related, I have a new squirrel who has shown up, very tame. He’s fat and his ears are entirely white, which makes me think he’s an elderly gentleman. Because of the way he looks from the back with those white ears, I’ve named him Grampa Munster.

  49. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:49

    Oh, look: the list of things McMegan knows less than nothing about continues to grow.

  50. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:55

    Dirt bikes and barbecue are VERY IMPORTANT THINGS, Hater.

    I like dirt bikes and barbecues.

    People that wear their hideous motocross jerseys in public make me feel all stabby. I like to think they are the ones that vote Republican.

  51. bughunter said,

    November 26, 2012 at 23:56

    Holy FSM, that Charisma magazine is a piece of work.

    Reading it makes one break out in a cold sweat of dread imagining what the country would be like if these Dominionists succeed in ascending to power.

    I mean, I remember reading Heinlein’s “If This Goes On…” as a teenager in the late 1970′s (do the math) and feeling grateful that Nehemiah Scudder’s theocratic dictatorship would never come to pass…

    But the realization that there are people actively, passionately working to bring it to reality is fucking scary.

  52. wiley said,

    November 27, 2012 at 0:07

    My response to the demon sex makes the gay is:

    “It should come as no surprise that someone is trying to make money by f**king up wet dreams.”

    I suspect that that former stripper got too old for stripping and has found a new hustle. This is the evangelical right— fucking up wet dreams and fawning over a stripper doing it for them. Is there no end to their perversity?

  53. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 27, 2012 at 0:18

    This is the evangelical right— fucking up wet dreams and fawning over a stripper doing it for them. Is there no end to their perversity?

    I remember a Chicago newspaper columnist, years ago, describing how someone brought an exhibit of porn over to Wheaton College (alma mater of Billy Graham) to show off how awful and depraved it was. The guy said he almost got knocked over by the students rushing to get at the porn. But then he’s a smartass Jew, so what does he know.

  54. wiley said,

    November 27, 2012 at 0:29

    Yeah Scribe, what town doesn’t have the evangelical hater of porn who consumes massive amounts of every kind of porn every day to let us all know how terrible it is?

  55. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 0:34

    Poor Brent Bozell had to read one of Jenny McCarthy’s books.

  56. weird harold rubin said,

    November 27, 2012 at 0:42

    You remember me!

  57. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:01

    Alan Keyes considers Windows 8:

    http://www.wnd.com/2012/11/windows-8-a-political-insight/

  58. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:14

    Alan Keyes considers Windows 8:

    Wow. He reads a review of Windows 8 and then somehow gets from there to this:

    They mean to construct in its place an elitist, consolidated, totalitarian government that will suppress both the diversity of human nature and the common moral sense that is the basis for its true community.

    That is not a sane person.

  59. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:21

    I remember Rmoney being factchecked by his fellow insects during the Republican primary debates. To a man or woman, they all agreed that he’s a flip floppin’, hip hoppin’ moderate closeted hippy who will say ANYTHING to win an election. Also he’s a Mormon and there is lots of evidence to suggest that they’re scarier than other Christians or Jews or Muslims.

    But yeah, when he’s all alone on the battlefield, suddenly he’s the model soldier.

  60. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:28

    Hey guitar playas…

    any of you ever use one of those Vox Tonelab multi effects pedals? They have a live tube in them 12AX7 tube in them, which I find intriguing. Like a power amp head you run into a PA with an XLR cable….

    I’m starting a new BAND! So let’s get some names coming, people.

  61. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:31

    imagining what the country would be like if these Dominionists succeed in ascending to power.

    It is a violation of their religious freedom to prevent them from burning witches.

  62. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:35

    any of you ever use one of those Vox Tonelab multi effects pedals?

    I haven’t, but they seem inconsistent with the Christian ideals set down in the Constitution by the Founding Fathers.

  63. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:46

    So let’s get some names coming, people.

    Cthulu’s Dominionists

    Brent Bozell’s Taint

    Lazy Pigs

    KTM Bar-B-Q

    [dusts off hands] There!

  64. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:50

    Brent Bozell’s Taint

    You need a Wah-wah pedal for that.

  65. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:50

    More.

  66. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:51

    I haven’t, but they seem inconsistent with the Christian ideals set down in the Constitution by the Founding Fathers.

    Were they snobby pedalboard and Marshall cabinet purists?

  67. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:52

    You need a Wah-wah pedal for that.

    If I can find a fat, angry ginger pedal, I’ll consider it.

  68. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:53

    So let’s get some names coming, people.

    Maldivian War Gerbils!

    Prolly should have an umlaut though. Everything’s better with umlaut.

    I don’t have a multi-effect pedal, but I do have a mini-tube based distortion pedal (“Harp Attack” if you care) for my harp and it works great. Nice controllable crunch.

  69. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 1:55

    “Härp Attack” would rhyme with “Derp Attack”.

  70. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:00

    “Härp Attack” would rhyme with “Derp Attack”.

    And you could make fun of hipsters that mispronounced it.

  71. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:04

    Huh. Yeah, NOW you admit it.

  72. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:05

    And you could make fun of hipsters that mispronounced it.

    They don’t even have to do that. I’ll make fun of them because they look like they’re trying to be in a 1967 British movie.

  73. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:11

    More.

    Pff. You don’t need more.

  74. Major Kong said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:11

    Wow. He reads a review of Windows 8 and then somehow gets from there to this:

    It’s easy when you’re spring-loaded to that conclusion. Dinners at the Keyes house must be a lot of fun.

    “Honey could you pass the salt please?”

    “They mean to construct in its place an elitist, consolidated, totalitarian government that will suppress both the diversity of human nature and the common moral sense that is the basis for its true community!”

    “Okay, I’ll just reach over here and get it myself. Thanks.”

  75. bughunter said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:13

    More.

    If your band is punk*, then these could alternately be song titles, since no one understands what the fuck the lyrics are anyway. Nor cares.

    - Bloody Glazed Knuckles
    - Meat Us On Uranus
    - Cervical Jam
    - Fertilized Egg Nog
    or just,
    - Cunt **

    (*or instrumental jazz/fusion/experimental stuff like Bozzio/Levin/Stevens, etc.)
    (**I hear that this was what Courtney Love wanted to name her band, but was dissuaded when convinced that no reputable newspaper would list her concerts in their Entertainment sections. Dunno if I believe it… but it’s a fun band name.)

  76. N__B said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:14

    Shorter Suzanne Venker: It’s ambitious womens’ fault that men are lazy pigs.

    She was a more effective Ghostbuster before the sex-reassignment surgery.

  77. bughunter said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:17

    And you could make fun of hipsters that mispronounced it.

    Härp-a-Derp?

    Brilliant!

  78. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:35

    We seek to secure the safety net for those truly in need

    Billionaires!

  79. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:51

    They mean to construct in its place an elitist, consolidated, totalitarian government that will suppress both the diversity of human nature and the common moral sense that is the basis for its true community.

    Thomas Sowell told me I wont be able to figure out how to turn it on.

  80. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:54

    More.

    Heads on Pikes

    The Dead Bankers

    Oilgarchs*

    Millionaires in Shallow Graves

    The Tumbrels

    *SWIDT?

  81. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 2:56

    Oh sure, now y’all wanna talk about freaky sex dreams.

    Well I’m “taking a stand” against it.

  82. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:01

    The Guillotines

    Does Tsam Gotta Cut a Bitch?

    Hm, maybe I need to recharge.

  83. VCarlson said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:02

    Swayve and Deboner (de Boehner?)

  84. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:10

    The Undressed Rained
    Bill Clinton’s Sweetened Kava Kava Root
    Chuck Yeager and the The Perusing Dusky Groupers
    Howler Monkey Ostracizes the Churchyard
    Irvin Whitefish Fly Believes Armenia
    Passive Budgerigar
    Phantom Spat-Line
    Razorfishes Do Oman
    Suffering Ray Charles and the Devitalizer Dictaters
    Terrifyingly Pilfered
    The Acher Six
    The Appalling Poison Dart Frog
    The Caressingly Popularizing
    The Declaiming Cleaver
    The Delectable Six
    The Desk Five
    The Detaining
    The Divergent Crawlers
    The Exemplified Six
    The Faded Three
    The Feminine War
    The Four
    The Holder Carpetsharks
    The Inspiring Six
    The Mortifiedly Shrunk
    The Obeying Certifiers
    The Paris Four
    The Patriotic Barm
    The Radioactive Four
    The Rambling Crepe
    The Rome Flight
    The Toronto Contemplaters
    The Unsmilingly Displeased

  85. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:11

    Once upon a time I met some adult males in a poorly-named band. At some point I told them my childhood nickname. Days later the leader approached me in all seriousness, asking if they could change their band name to that two-word phrase. Why of course, I said, I’d be honored.

    (I’m not going to type the phrase, because it’s unremarkable and not a good band name. Faintly catchy, yes, but WTF, guys, get stoned much?)

    I’ve also had a satirical song written about me, and performed live. Laffin’ at me, not with me, clearly, but still a good thing. Today those fellers are pros, having worked hard and chosen better muses. Again, WTF was up with that.

  86. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:19

    any of you ever use one of those Vox Tonelab multi effects pedals? They have a live tube in them 12AX7 tube in them, which I find intriguing. Like a power amp head you run into a PA with an XLR cable….

    Haven’t used it, tsam, but I approve of you buying a pedal with an actual tube in it. I see it does amp emulation too. That’s all the rage, but how many give you the tube? It speaks volumes, to me at least.

  87. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:26

    “Tsam And The Cliffotines” has a nice ring to it.

  88. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:37

    McGravitas is a dirty cheater.

  89. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:41

    w00t! Still dnruk!

    I am shocked that #TOpoli has been so fucking entertaining. Extra guffaws for Giorgio Mammoliti for a dazzling display of rat-like ship jumping. The single loudest blowhard ultra conservatard in LEAFS SUCK council quit the Mayor’s executive committee less than four hours after the ruling. Lololol. York West, you are on notice. If you vote for this guy again then we will know you got the spineless shit sucking zombies you are.

  90. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 3:42

    I dunno what that las sentence was suppose to elephant. But I do know that this drink is tasty.

  91. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 4:07

    Band names, eh?

    Slumgullion
    The Catamites
    Tsam and the Tsam Experience, Featuring Tsam
    The Aluminum Balloon
    Koi Pond
    Thirty Thousand Theocrats
    The Cyber Papacy

  92. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 4:26

    Hey sam what kind of music does this band play?

    Also: Oband

  93. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 27, 2012 at 4:34

    Creed Tribute

  94. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 4:47

    Tsam–

    And again about the multi-effects pedal, I’m sure you’ve noticed that even a good delay (and nothing but) costs a serious chunk these days. If that thingy you’re looking at is $200 and as good as it looks, it’s a no-brainer.

    This thing is on my Christmas list already, tho: the Electro-Harmonix “Ravish” [sitar pedal]. It’s a bit more than the multi you’re considering, but far more useless.

  95. VCarlson said,

    November 27, 2012 at 4:53

    I see from Digby (who learned it from Shakesville) that Little Ricky Santorum is thinking (or what passes for that, in his case) of running in 2016. Digby has a truly amazing campaign video, too.

  96. Snorghagen said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:07

    The Mysterious Odors
    The Subcompetents
    Satan’s Repairmen
    Strom Thurmond and the Eroto-Maoists
    The Mighty Flesh Abrasions
    Perfidious Monotony
    Boogers McGurn and the Wadmasters
    Soft and Soothing Tones To Relax You
    Hot Sweaty Accountants
    The Hideous Poodles
    Kipsy Bleet and the Hyperventilaters

  97. Just Alison, who can't be buggered thinking of something clever to write said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:20

    We seek to secure the safety net for those truly in need — and to ensure that it encourages work and marriage rather than long-term dependency.

    Work and marriage? WTF? Are they paying extra for teh peepuls to get married to a randomly allocated total stranger (of the correct gender, naturellement)?

    And how does marriage decrease the terrifying long-term dependency? I’d have thought it increased it, in the form of the bebbies and suchlike – after all, they’re a necessary part of gahd’s plan, amirite?

  98. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:24

    Polka ‘Til You Drop
    Anderson Cooper Clarke
    Cobbler Burger
    Autofellating Walrus
    Smell of Almonds
    Escher Staircase
    Jefferson Starscream
    Sexy Abe Lincoln

  99. N__B said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:30

    how does marriage decrease the terrifying long-term dependency?

    More murders and suicides = fewer retirees.

  100. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:40

    Pabst Blue Ribbentrop

    The CHUDS

    The Swingarms

    Stubb Toe and the Poolside Bleeders

    Weakside Blitz

    401(K)

  101. bughunter said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:40

    Creed Tribute

    Oh. Well, shit amigo, that’s all you had to say. There’s only one name you need, then.

    Incoherent Screed

  102. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:40

    CARPETSHARKS!!! WINNER

  103. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:48

    I always wanted to put together a punk polka band called Fink Penguinos. Distorted accordions and wah-wah tubas, biotches.
    .

  104. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:49

    CARPETSHARKS!!! WINNER

    First Album, “Lake Wobbegong Days”.

  105. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:51

    First Album, “Lake Wobbegong Days”.

    With the hit single, “Dishwasher Full Of Dildoes.”
    .

  106. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:53

    Bubblenut was another considered name.
    .

  107. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:56

    CARPETSHARKS!!! WINNER

    Oh sure, reward the dirty cheater.

  108. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 5:57

    Weak side blitz is pretty awesome too

  109. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 6:00

    Bubblenut is a great name. Now I want a filbert-flavored soda.

  110. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 6:02

    Chorus:

    Carpetshark, comin’ to getcha
    Gonna munch munch munch on you
    Don’t care ’bout your dishwasher full of dildoes
    If the curtains match I’ll be true

  111. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 6:04

    Oh sure, reward the dirty cheater.

    YOU code your band-name generator. Those triangular brackets are sharp and my fingers were BLEEDING.

  112. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 6:51

    Chorus:

    First Verse:

    Carpetshark, munch in the dark.
    Had more bushes than Central Park.
    My, my, babe you look fly.
    Ya got me hungry, gonna eat at the Y.

    I think tsam is going to be very, very popular.

  113. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 27, 2012 at 6:55

    The Notable Exceptions!

  114. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2012 at 6:57

    Cerb: Thanx for the new-thread pointer. Now to read yer 4-for-1 post. Then ketchup.

  115. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2012 at 7:19

    Shotgunning mini-posts so they’ll add up to a buffet is invented by me

    And a delightful sampling it was too, Cerb.

  116. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 7:41

    The Scabrous Nihilists.

  117. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 7:46

    BTW, that was the childhood nickname I mentioned earlier. I won’t be coy any longer. Mum and dad called me “Scabrous Nihilist.” I suspect on account my platinum-blond mop and precocious bon mots.

  118. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:16

    YOU code your band-name generator.

    Or, you know, don’t. Because I am a big liar over that one: I just modified it a little.

  119. The Dark Avenger said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:29

    Your Faulty Radiator

    Barnum and Bailey’s Proctologist

    Leave it in the Beaver

    Sarcasm Revisited

    Brideshead Feast

    Red Windings

    Copper Forks

    Jar-Jars of Play

    Cloudmending Extra

    Tsathoggua, Superstar.

  120. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:36

    I’m starting a new BAND!

    Righteous. What sort of instrumentation you lookin’ at? What sort of material / genres / styles you gonna use? If I remember from long-ago threads, you are a rocker, right? [Only three questions here; does not therefore qualify as a Questions Barrage.]

    Name for Tsam’s Band. Fun on this thread. And gonna be fun for the future, too. I will cogitate upon band names. And consult Eddie.

  121. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:44

    Tsathoggua, Superstar.

    Well played! If I could grant it, I’d totally give you a door to Saturn.

  122. J Neo Marvin said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:51

    Scabrous Nihilists? Say what you like about The Toronto Contemplaters, at least that’s an ethos.

  123. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:53

    McGravitas is a dirty cheater.

    I liked yours better, Whale. Yours were generated by a human–though twisted–mind.

    Luddite Fenwick has no truck with them computer-generated gizmos and cell-phones and apps and tweets and iPhones and all the other foolishness and malarky you young people get into today, just to be ‘cool’ and ‘with-it’ and ‘groovy’.

  124. Eustace P. McGargle said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:57

    The radical reich’s ONLY hope, ironically enough, is to offer free contraceptives to the poor and racial minorities along with a BIG bonus for taking it.   (They need also to keep they own wimmins pregnant, as continually as biologically possible. Caution, this involves that science stuff, man.)

    Otherwise, the demographic tide in the US will soon, mercifully, permanently sweep the vile, white-male-only GOP into  history’s political crapper.

  125. smut clyde said,

    November 27, 2012 at 9:02

    Bill Clinton’s Sweetened Kava Kava Root

    This does not work on pizza as well as I had expected.

  126. smut clyde said,

    November 27, 2012 at 9:04

    The Aluminum Balloon
    Tribute band much?

  127. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2012 at 9:09

    Eddie sez he was mightily impressed by some of the band names BBBB and Snorg suggested. I just laughed at them, tho.

  128. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 14:10

    Human, Though Twisted

  129. The Dark Avenger said,

    November 27, 2012 at 16:26

    Thanks, BBB, be you on your way now.

  130. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 27, 2012 at 16:48

    Web Economy Bullshit Generator
    ~

  131. Pryme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 17:03

    Web Economy Bullshit Generator

    Now where was this when I was taking my classes? Hmm…?

  132. SqueakyRat said,

    November 27, 2012 at 17:31

    The Bone Tones

  133. PIGL said,

    November 27, 2012 at 17:52

    Band Name: The Dilapidates.

    that is all.

  134. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 18:02

    The Shit Gollems

  135. Pryme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 18:14

    According to GOP polling data, this movie will win a gazillion Academy Awards. Bookmark It!

  136. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 18:23

    According to GOP polling data, this movie will win a gazillion Academy Awards. Bookmark It!

    Wait, that’s neither “Atlas Shrugged 2: Objectivist Boogaloo” nor is it the remake of “Red Dawn”. An apolitical film such as the one linked to, has, by its very lack of bias, failed Conservatism and, therefore, cannot win an Oscar.

  137. El Manquecito said,

    November 27, 2012 at 18:47

    I like ‘dilapidates.’

  138. tigris said,

    November 27, 2012 at 18:52

    Hannidate for oldsters?

  139. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 18:55

    I like my state’s junior senator. From here:

    “The point I would make is that I’ve said from the outset is that a test of a good proposal is whether or not you could live with serving under it in the minority,” said Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR). “That’s why the talking filibuster is the right way to go. McConnell has broken the social contract. His team, under his leadership, uses it constantly and silently, out of public sight. Really the proposal I put forward restores the basic elements that existed in the past, and I’m quite happy to live under that structure as a minority. … [That] has been part of every conversation I’ve had with colleagues. … If we’re in the minority and we’re blocking something, we should be accountable to the public.”

  140. wiley said,

    November 27, 2012 at 19:01

    Oregon haz good senators. My representative is wonderful as well. It’s a nice feeling to know that your representatives are mature, responsible people, isn’t it? Pity those who are represented by batty reactionaries with a stupid axe to grind.

  141. El Manquecito said,

    November 27, 2012 at 19:07

    Pity those who are represented by batty reactionaries with a stupid axe to grind.

    I’ll take sympathy, pity is going it a little strong v

  142. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 19:08

    Also note that Merkley tried this back in 2010 and Reid shut him down then. Reid’s backing him now. Still not a fan of Harry “sternly worded letter” Reid, but at least he’s showing some small signs of change.

  143. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 19:45

    Pity those who are represented by batty reactionaries with a stupid axe to grind.

    I’ll take sympathy, pity is going it a little strong

    Ya know, the DNC must MUST MUST run an opponent in every single congressional district. Charles Darwin received 4,000 write-in votes in protest to Paul Broun’s unopposed run… imagine what could have resulted if a real candidate were run against that troglodyte.

  144. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 27, 2012 at 19:50

    The Diogenes Club

  145. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 19:59

    Oooh, Bone Tones is cool.

    It has to be simple and easy to verbally convey. I HATE it when you tell people your band name and they go “Social bonWHAT? WTF?”

  146. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:06

    OK, this is getting fucking stupid.

    You know, I get the whole token resistance thing, but this is just completely fucked up now. If Obama caves on this, I’m going to have a MAJOR MADZ

  147. tigris said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:08

    imagine what could have resulted if a real candidate were run against that troglodyte.

    He probably would have lost by a pretty big margin, like the Dems who ran in 2008 and 2010 did. The 4000 votes were in Athens, which is gerrymandered to conservative dead zone Augusta to make sure the Dems don’t have a voice. Even so Broun got almost 17k votes in Athens.

  148. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:11

    I HATE it when you tell people your band name and they go “Social bonWHAT? WTF?”

    Yeah, be careful of double-entendres too. I’ve been told that one of the bigwigs in the blues scene around here told our bandleader that she wouldn’t promote the band under its current name, “Naked Bacon,” because it was too risque.

    It’s hurt us in getting gigs even if it’s a totally stupid problem.

  149. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:16

    It’s hurt us in getting gigs even if it’s a totally stupid problem.

    It is a stupid problem, but then you have to remember that you’re a part of a business. There’s nothing wrong with being careful about what sort of image you’re projecting, and you have to respect that…or you can play at house parties for your friends.

    I’m glad to be old enough to be past all of that phony baloney musical integrity crap. I’m also glad that kids coming up are still trying to shock and experiment with everything…I’ll let them handle that end of the business.

  150. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:20

    He probably would have lost by a pretty big margin, like the Dems who ran in 2008 and 2010 did. The 4000 votes were in Athens, which is gerrymandered to conservative dead zone Augusta to make sure the Dems don’t have a voice. Even so Broun got almost 17k votes in Athens.

    Even with that sad reality, no seat should run unopposed. A Democratic candidate may be a long shot, but that’s a shot, nonetheless. The thought of Broun being able to skate into a sinecure, and to continue damaging the country, makes me feel all crabby and stabby.

  151. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:36

    There’s nothing wrong with being careful about what sort of image you’re projecting, and you have to respect that…

    “The Shit Golems” doesn’t project the right image? What kind of band is this?

  152. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:50

    Are we still doing band names, because I have one that everyone is going to love:

    Your Mom.

  153. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:57

    “The Shit Golems” doesn’t project the right image? What kind of band is this?

    One that wants to play in front of people who want to dance and sing along and have fun. Not a bunch of mopey, overgrown teenagers who think they’re all fucking tough and shit.

  154. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:57

    DKW is stepping out of his comfort zone. Kudos, bro!

  155. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:57

    That’s thinking right in the box!

  156. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 20:58

    Behind closed doors Susan Rice should inform John McCain that he is old and stupid and that he should go fuck himself. His resulting freakout would get her confirmed for sure.

  157. VCarlson said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:06

    You know, I get the whole token resistance thing, but this is just completely fucked up now. If Obama caves on this, I’m going to have a MAJOR MADZ

    But preconceding is one of Obama’s signature moves. And the DNC’s, which is why we have them letting an obvious jackass run unopposed or torpedoing a genuine liberal in favor of a DINO.

  158. VCarlson said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:09

    John McCain has always been a stupid entitled asshole, as far as I can tell.

  159. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:12

    John McCain has always been a stupid entitled asshole, as far as I can tell.

    Yes, but he gets mad when you say it. Another tactic: “I don’t recall people voting for John McCain to be in charge of American foreign policy.” Hee hee.

  160. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:15

    John McCain has always been a stupid entitled asshole, as far as I can tell.

    You forgot “gold digging” and “incompetent”.

  161. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:15

    DKW is stepping out of his comfort zone. Kudos, bro!

    Your Mom playing to sold out audiences.
    Your Mom climbing the charts.
    Your Mom opening for Creed.

  162. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:16

    One that wants to play in front of people who want to dance and sing along and have fun. Not a bunch of mopey, overgrown teenagers who think they’re all fucking tough and shit.

    OK, fine — but you’re definitely in the wrong place for dancing-and-singing-and-having-fun names.

    Also:

    The Withered Sacks
    Angry Space Hippos
    Satanic Goldfish
    Cancer Wigs
    Assault Weapons Band
    Ginger Souls
    Olly And The Shredders
    Piqued Curiosity
    Midget Hentai Tentacles
    The Inflamed Prostates
    Electric William and the Collectors

    You’re welcome.

  163. Pryme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:17

    I’m astonished no one suggested “Great Liberal Freakout” as a possible band name. Maybe because the acronym…?

  164. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:23

    Still soliciting band names?

    Crankypants
    Vincent Price is Right
    The Romanes
    The Monologue Set
    Fight-o-Plankton

  165. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:24

    Hard Luck

  166. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:29

    Not a Bunch of Mopey, Overgrown Teenagers Who Think They’re All Fucking Tough and Shit.

    Sadly, you will be colloquially referred to as “Fucking Tough and Shit.”

  167. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:35

    Hard Luck

    Feargal Sharkey Attack
    Teenage Kickstarters

  168. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:47

    One that wants to play in front of people who want to dance and sing along and have fun. Not a bunch of mopey, overgrown teenagers who think they’re all fucking tough and shit.

    No Last Call
    The Guys That Were Here the Other Day
    Three Day Weekend
    Your Mom

  169. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:52

    The Sparrow Farts
    The Noisome Five (or whatever)
    Candiru
    Botox Bros
    Maybe

  170. Another Kiwi said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:54

    Luminous Ache
    Sadly Rose
    Nice ‘n’ Accurate
    The Unconcerned
    Tripled Confusion
    Comedy Attacked Me

  171. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:55

    Rage at the Moshing
    Arcade Fireplug
    We’re Not Nickelback

  172. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:57

    Metal Umlaut (with no umlaut)
    Liner Nötes
    The Twelve Inch Long Playing Experience
    Still Not Sober
    Your Mom

  173. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:58

    Carrion Baggage

  174. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:58

    Oops. Shoulda been Carrion Bags.

  175. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 21:59

    Teased Panthers

  176. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:08

    Looks like the kid from Two and a Half Men is pulling a Kirk Cameron.

  177. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:14

    Pun not intended.

  178. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:16

    Sucker Punchline
    Yothrick Dondarion and his Troubadours
    Brand Name Suck
    Band X
    Drunken Tattoo
    Hobo Style
    Bazooka Misfire
    the Swinging
    High Functioning Alcoholics
    Subway to Mars
    Gravy Trainwreck
    Progressive Stormtrooper
    Hobnailed Crocs
    YoYo Dynamos
    The Pollutants

  179. Another Kiwi said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:24

    Balsamic Mongoose
    Zombie Breitbart
    Brittle Geese
    Subtle Grind
    Growing Unease

  180. bughunter said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:32

    Poop!

    (Also a band name.)

    (Or you could go with the Coprolites… moar classy and shit.)

  181. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:32

    Meanwhile in LEAFS SUCK, we’re on tenterhooks as we all await Soon-to-be-Former Mayor Rob Ford’s formal statement on being removed from office by court order.

  182. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:39

    Tulle

  183. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:43

    Somebody should form a band (any style) called the Wriggles, with t-shirts in primary colors, for the purpose of stealing gigs from The Wiggles.

  184. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:43

    Here he is, 15 minutes late.

  185. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:46

    LOL. He respects the courts decision, but he’s appealing anyways. Not because he thinke he’ll win the appeal, but because he wants to extend the clock on how long he has to damage LEAFS SUCK.

    OTOH, ZOMG. I CAN NOT BELIEVE I HEARD THE WORDS I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE COMING OUT OF THE MOUTH OF ROB FORD!!!!

  186. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:47

    Stairway to the Basement
    My Favorite Band
    Cougar Bait*
    Bears Paw
    Chief Joseph’s Tribe
    Cayuse

    *especially entendre-y given the proximity of Wazzu

  187. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:48

    Somebody should form a band (any style) called the Wriggles, with t-shirts in primary colors, for the purpose of stealing gigs from The Wiggles.

    I swear Anthony’s constantly blasted through some of those videos. As he should be because they are terrible.

  188. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:50

    Ooh, The Taskmasters

  189. CRA said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:50

    I swear Anthony’s constantly blasted through some of those videos. As he should be because they are terrible.

    I can’t recall hearing them, but I poked around their site, and it looks like all of them are retiring/being replaced but this Anthony fellow. The “BIG SKIVVY HANDOVER” (really) happens soon!

  190. Another Kiwi said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:52

    WARNING: Do not watch Wiggles music, you can NEVER unhear it.

  191. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:53

    I can’t recall hearing them

    You lucky lucky person.

  192. Pryme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 22:57

    Looks like the kid from Two and a Half Men is pulling a Kirk Cameron.

    Ain’t stopping him from cashing those sweet, sweet checks I see. Funny how he found his moral center after becoming a millionaire, while Dave Chappelle was called nuts for not selling his soul.

  193. Hogeye Grex said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:04

    LOLBoehner

  194. bughunter said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:09

    On his first birthday my son was the recipient of an entire hand-me-down collection of Wiggles on VHS. The giver (my sister-in-law, mother of five daughters now ages 2 to 21) gave them to us saying, “here, take these… PLEASE!” This was a red flag… we ignored it.

    We soon regretted it. My son then proceeded to watch them obsessively for three years before I removed the VHS players from the house.

    You will never hear the phrase “fruit salad” again without forcing yourself not to respond, “yummy yummy.”

    And then… there’s this atrocity.

  195. bughunter said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:16

    From now on, when I’m travelling, I’m taking a wad of epoxy putty.

    I advise you all to do the same.

  196. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:17

    I understand it’s an emotional time for Team Ford, but the guy was fifteen minutes late to deliver a three minute prepared statement.

  197. N__B said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:21

    I’m on the train from Albany to NYC and here are some of the resulting band names:

    Storm King
    Sing Sing
    Yonk Hers
    Rhine Cliff
    Tappan Zee

  198. N__B said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:23

    Fish Kill
    Bear Mountain
    Spuyten Duyvel

  199. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:23

    I gather you were hoping for a scene right out of a gangster film with Mayor Ford yelling at the police “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!”?

  200. N__B said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:25

    West Point, but only if you like fife and drum duets.

  201. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:26

    From now on, when I’m travelling, I’m taking a wad of epoxy putty.

    Putty schmutty what about the salamis?

  202. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:27

    Riding the train.

    Nah, not euphy enough.

  203. N__B said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:32

    Training the ride.

  204. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:39

    “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!”?

    zomg! That would have been sweet. I was hoping that he’d announce his resignation and step down immediately. He certainly teased it – the guy looked more forlorn, depressed and contrite than I’ve ever seen him. And he started with “I respect the court’s opinion”.

    I think he recognizes that his appeal is bound to fail – the law is pretty clear, and the guy voted on a motion to rescind a $3150 fine issued to himself. Really hard to not consider that a conflict of interest. lulz then about him now cynically using the justice system, tying up the courts, for the sole purpose of extending his time in office. d00d had better do something pretty darned amazeballs in his borrowed time.

  205. Major Kong said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:45

    The String Cheese Incident

  206. tsam said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:54

    You guys are SO FUCKING GOOD AT THIS BAND NAME SHIT. I like it. I like it a LOT.

  207. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:59

    The Gurgles
    The Writhes (or The Writhing)
    Dennis Thorogood and the Destroyed
    The Horrifying Conclusion
    the Infected
    Brangelina
    Glory Whole
    Poke
    Weird Fluid
    Bleach Martini
    War Whores

  208. J Neo Marvin said,

    November 27, 2012 at 23:59

    There was an actual hardcore punk band in San Francisco in the 80s called Free Beer. With a name like that on the marquee and in the ads, you could pretty much guarantee a crowd.

  209. The Dark Avenger said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:05

    Three Coreys and a Live Girl

    Despicable Salami

    The C Thomas Howell Experience

    Stegosaurus Jelly

    Island Forgery, LLC

    Pensacola for Dinner

    Positronic Overload

  210. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:06

    Moar:

    Homegrown
    What Would Satan Do (but use “WWSD” and claim it’s really “What Would Sam Do”)
    The Efbaums
    Harry And The Follicles
    Gunboat Necromancy
    The Cow Orkers
    Flimsy Excuses

  211. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:10

    I like Gunboat Necromancy. Both as a policy and a band name.

  212. Suezboo said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:16

    An Other Band.
    From the extensive fanbase : Bring back Another Band.

  213. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:23

    Track list from An Other Band’s most recent studio album “The one with the red cover with the hot chick on the front”
    1. That One Song
    2. You know the song with the part where that one dudes all “baby! baby! Yeah!”
    3. Their slower song
    4. Not the strongest song on the album that’s for sure
    5. the single
    6. What were they thinking?
    7. Half-Assed cover
    8. Good Driving Song
    9. Ill advised foray into another musical genre

  214. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:26

    I like Gunboat Necromancy. Both as a policy and a band name.

    Yeah, I like that one (not just because it’s mine).

  215. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:27

    Did somebody say POOP?
    ~

  216. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:27

    10. The Acoustic Ballad

  217. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:31

    Before I ketchup, here’s an article about a possible breakthrough in sub-atomic physics.

    http://idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/11/large-hadron-collider-may-have-produced-new-matter.php?ref=fpb

    (Oh, fudge! I forgot how to transmutate links into text.)

    The article contains as superfine name for a band. There is a 4-word version and 3-word version. (My own self, I prefer the 3-word, so I’d bold it:)

    (Relativistic) Heavy Ion Collider

  218. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:31

    POOP Golems
    Frolicking Sadly
    Sparkly Unicorn PENIS

  219. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:32

    The Gigavolts

  220. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:36

    I like Flimsy Excuses, but more as a reunion tour name.

  221. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:46

    There are so many canned mangos (in heavy syrup) inside this fascinating article, I don’t know where to begin, but my favorite is this:

    Joe Dugan, head of the South Carolina Tea Party, sympathizes with the would-be secessionists and knows a number who are among the 39,572 petitioners for the Palmetto State to leave the union.

    Dugan, though, refuses to sign any of the “We the People” petitions on the White House website – and warns that those who do so are taking a big risk.

    “I am not going to put my name on any Obama website,” Dugan said. “I don’t trust the Obama administration people as far as I can throw them. I think there’s a good chance that at some point they will reference that database and there will be retaliation” against the secession petitioners.

    Yea. You’re ready to secede, but are afraid to sign your name to a petition out of fear of Big Brother Obama. Yet you’ll give your name to a reporter who’s going to reveal to the world you’re a ignorant fucking bigot.

    Oh, and also too: It’s Always Projection. You can be damn sure he’d support retaliating against Obama voters if he had their names.

  222. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:46

    Thundra: Thanx muchly for the Business Bullshit generator. Ima gonna send the link to some of friends and former colleagues from my consulting days.

  223. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:48

    Here’s different link about the LHC. It also contains a possible band name:

    Color Glass Condensate

  224. LittlePig said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:54

    Quantum Chromo and The Dynamics

  225. LittlePig said,

    November 28, 2012 at 0:59

    I know I loved it when Swish Belly and The Diddlers opened for Lovebutton.

  226. tigris said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:00

    Joe Dugan, head of the South Carolina Tea Party

    Indeed he has made it SO HARD to find him.

    at some point they will reference that database and there will be retaliation

    OOH maybe they’ll kick them out of the union to fend for themselves! Because what fate could be worse to a PATRIOT?!!! Or a moron from a state that receives $1.35 from the feds for every $1 sent to DC.

  227. Another Kiwi said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:00

    NOT THE FUCKING HOBBITS is a good name

  228. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:08

    Related:

    The Tardy Partiers
    Unsuccessful Secessionists

    Unrelated:

    Achilles’ Elbow
    The Accompanied Soloists
    Rhetorical Hypotheticals
    The Charmin’ Squeezers
    Day Short And the Late Dollars
    Generic Luxuries
    The Real Fakirs

    I should probably stop now.

  229. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:26

    There’s a local band in Columbus called Two Cow Garage

  230. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:29

    preconceding is one of Obama’s signature moves. And the DNC’s –VCarlson

    +1

  231. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:33

    I think there’s a good chance that at some point they will reference that database and there will be retaliation”

    The numerous people whose lives were destroyed over having associations with Communist Party of the US, associations with leftist associations with, associations with the Communist Party of the US, and associations with some piece-of-shit actor pissed off at you and decides to rat you out to a bunch of reactionary drunkards, closet-cases and about how you didn’t ritually boo and hiss Lenin’s name at the sound of it would like to applaud you on just noticing the precedent you set now that it could bite you in the junk.

  232. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:35

    Particularly when it’s a precedent you’re only noticing because you actually want to commit treason.

  233. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:43

    There’s a local band in Columbus called Two Cow Garage

    I know of them because an also-weirdly-named Portland band does one of their songs. The Portland band: “I Can Lick Any Son Of A Bitch In The House”

    Not a great name, but a great band.

  234. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:48

    You guys are SO FUCKING GOOD AT THIS BAND NAME SHIT. I like it. I like it a LOT. — tsam

    Agree! An EPIC thread in progress.

  235. Smut Clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:53

    Your Mom playing to sold out audiences.
    Your Mom climbing the charts.
    Your Mom opening for Creed.

    I hear Your Mom likes cover versions.

  236. Smut Clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:54

    The Cob Loggers.

  237. John Revolta said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:55

    Free Beer

    I thought about naming a band this some years ago but I was gonna name the singer “Open Mike”.

    TONIGHT!

    FREE BEER
    with
    OPEN MIKE!

    Also, I was once in a band called Open Face and another one called the Ducktones. Funnily enough neither one really took off.

  238. tigris said,

    November 28, 2012 at 1:59

    Growing up in Georgia I always thought “Live Bait” would be a great band name. You’d never have to make a sign, you could always steal one in any town you played.

  239. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:05

    Somebody should form a band (any style) called the Wriggles, with t-shirts in primary colors, for the purpose of stealing gigs from The Wiggles.

    The funniest thing about The Wiggles is their Original Series “Star Trek” uniforms. Too bad the guy in the red shirt didn’t continually get gigged by some alien horror ever concert.

  240. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:08

    Live Bait is a restaurant on 23rd St. in NYC between Broadway and Madison.

    Or it was, anyways…
    ~

  241. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:08

    FREE BEER
    with
    OPEN MIKE!

    It would indeed look spectacular on a marquee, JRevolta.

  242. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:11

    BBBB’s link to the Clark A. Smith story is chock full of juicy lovecraftian band names:

    the infamous heretics

    the ingenious agonies

    the malisons

    the Hyperboreans

    the malignant rumors

    the devotees of long discredited heathen gods

    the steaming morass

    The power of Zhothaqquah

    the heritors of antemundane secrets

    the masters of awful knowledge

    those unearthed by delving

    the compelled inquisitors

    And that’s just in the opening paragraphs…

  243. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:12

    The White House website does have a few kinks. There’s no way of verifying the residence or even the identity of any petition signers, and indeed among those who’ve signed onto the Texas secession drive, there appear to be as many who say they live outside the Lone Star State as in it.

    That’s funny, I think I’ll sign that petition.

    Christian Exodus, bemoaning “the moral degeneration of American culture,” has called on all “Christian constitutionalists” since 2003 to move to South Carolina and create “an independent Christian nation that will survive after the decline and fall of the financially and morally bankrupt American empire.”

    Oh, please, make this happen- then have surveillance drones record the ensuring hilarity/horror… horrilarity, if you will, for the amusement of ennui-plagued hipsters.

  244. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:23

    An Other Band.
    From the extensive fanbase : Bring back Another Band.

    @nother Band.

  245. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:24

    Auntie Diluvian Soup

  246. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:25

    Honore Balzac

  247. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:30

    More unadvisable band names:

    The Silent Queefs
    Horizontal Snatch
    The Prehensile Nipples
    Bionic Cock
    Mr. Magoo’s Four Hour Erection
    The Blown Seals

  248. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:35

    ennui-plagued hipsters

    Band Name!

    And, also (too) I think it would be the height of meta to name a band Dave Barry’s List.

  249. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:40

    Mr. Magoo’s Four Hour Erection

    I like it, but I might append “Dilemma” to it.
    .

  250. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:42

    Also, Strumpeteers.

    Can never allow a trumpet player to sit in, though.
    .

  251. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:45

    How about Chalkmark Cheneys?

    I like what that implies.
    .

  252. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:46

    Jubilant Executioners
    Snappy Undressers
    Piquant Aftertaste
    Phil And The Crevices

  253. Whale Chowder said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:46

    I’m impressed by the band name enthusiasm (McGravitas excepted). I judge that there is a pent-up creative force in the bunch that hangs around here that would probably provide some grad student an impressive thesis.

    For that matter, I notice Dr. Kenneth hasn’t posted. Could it be that having a creative outlet satisfies that band naming itch?

    Alternately, maybe she’s just to busy with LC and the rest of us are bored at work. Nah, that couldn’t be it.

  254. John Revolta said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:49

    Fiscal Cliff and the Deadlines

  255. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:50

    This… is Tranya

    (ob-ClintHoward-ob-Trek)
    .

  256. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:51

    Tranya!
    .

  257. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 28, 2012 at 2:57

    Moochers and Looters
    Long Form Vault Copy
    An Old Priest and a Young Priest
    Reply All
    Your Mom

  258. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:11

    Fenwick tries his hand at ten names. (Outta his own brane, with no computery stuff)

    The Invisible Hand
    Turnip Truck
    Hawley Smoot and the Tariffs
    Bullet Train to Nowhere
    The Tsam Experience (*)
    Voting Freud
    Julian Calendar and the Dates
    Tee Sam and the Knives
    Eat Your Spinach
    Tinfoil Hats

    (*) apologies if this has been suggested already.

  259. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:15

    Turnip Truck

    Independent health food stores in Nashville. Also, haz good beers in bottles, single-serve, for $2/ea.
    .

  260. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:16

    No, of course not:

    But does Obama’s victory suggest, as Chait says, that I and others were simply writing negative stuff about the workings of the Obama campaign only to switch gears afterward and praise the campaign’s technical brilliance because we’re unprincipled right-wing hacks and cheerleaders?

  261. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:17

    Moose Pudding
    The Narcoleptors
    Open Differential
    Quasimotoring

  262. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:19

    Mad Squirrel Attack

  263. VCarlson said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:22

    Far Wood*
    Deepblue Seize
    Obligatory Irony
    Eureka Sweat

    *Saw this on a sign by the road in Florida. I don’t know if they were being funny, or if they really thought that was how “firewood” was spelled.

  264. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:28

    The Roostermatics
    Atomic Pope (also works for a superhero)

  265. N__B said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:29

    Another Kiwi said,
    November 28, 2012 at 1:00

    NOT THE FUCKING HOBBITS is a good name

    Yes, but not for you.

  266. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:35

    Snookums Snugglebot
    Corrupted Filing Systems
    Hacked Doormice
    Modular Lawns
    Clearcut Hinterlands
    Photogenic Philanderers

  267. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:39

    The Men From Nantucket
    The Droids You’re Looking For
    EPIC Battle Music
    These Guys Are Even Better Live
    Your Mom

  268. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:42

    zomg. Should have guessed that it was already taken.

  269. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:45

    Snorkle Trophy
    .

  270. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:46

    That Chlorine Tang
    Aunt Flo
    Kilgore Brown Trout
    4th Hour Dilemma [for J. P.]

  271. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:47

    4th Hour Dilemma [for J. P.]

    NOICE. And no trademark issues with whomever owns Mr. Magoo!
    .

  272. Smut Clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:50

    Yes, but not for you.

    I’ll take “Are you a teacher of the heart?” for $200, Alex.

  273. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:50

    That Chlorine Tang

    That reminds me… seeing as how I have a daily, one-way ~27-mile commute on a scooter every day, some mornings, I am briefly catching a whiff of chlorine, here and again.

    It’s not always in the same place in the route, so that has me scratching my DOT-approved helmet.
    .

  274. Smut Clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:51

    Mad Squirrel Attack
    Zombie Rotten McDonald’s next band.

  275. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:51

    OT – NPH.

  276. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:52

    I’m impressed by the band name enthusiasm…. I judge that there is a pent-up creative force in the bunch that hangs around here that would probably provide some grad student an impressive thesis. — Whale

    Have you read a Poetry Slam thread? Seems like years since we had Poetry Slam thread. Haiku. Limericks. Poetic parodies (including metered), parody song lyrics. The Slam threads were as charged with energy,wit, goofiness and laughter as this one. I hope the Sadlyville bards–you know who you are!–will stoke up a Poetry Slam thread sometime. Hilarious to read. I miss them.

    The grad student would be aided by having the complete archives of SN! posts and comments going back to the very beginning. I can easily image an intriguing thesis built on a detailed case study of ONE site over years.

  277. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 3:57

    Clutter Bucket
    .

  278. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 4:07

    Earwax Reconsidered
    .

  279. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 4:12

    Snark Locker
    .

  280. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 4:20

    Snark Locker Locket

    And NOW… for something completely different…
    .

  281. the prince of death said,

    November 28, 2012 at 4:34

    “Americans seldom look to conservatives for answers to the problems of poverty.”

    I wish that were true. The truth is the main narrative I hear coming out of conservatives is “oh, woe, Romney lost, now the economy won’t get better.”

    I have to assume that if a conservative gets the flu, he attempts to cure it by shooting himself in the head.

  282. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 4:43

    Whatever name tsam’s band selects, they–being completely awsome–will surely need a first CD title. And song titles to fill it up. Also lyrics, even transparent re-workings of copyrighted songs. (Is the hook for the Bards too obvious?)

  283. Nym said,

    November 28, 2012 at 4:52

    I have to assume that if a conservative gets the flu, he attempts to cure it by shooting himself in the head.

    I don’t think we’ve been that lucky yet.

  284. Fenwick said,

    November 28, 2012 at 5:00

    RIP Marvin Miller

  285. John Revolta said,

    November 28, 2012 at 5:01

    I have to assume that if a conservative gets the flu, he attempts to cure it by shooting himself in the head.

    Let’s tell ‘em that liberals think it’s a really bad idea!

  286. VCarlson said,

    November 28, 2012 at 5:04

    I have to assume that if a conservative gets the flu, he attempts to cure it by shooting himself a poor person in the head.

    FIFY.

  287. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 5:33

    Let’s tell ‘em that liberals think it’s a really bad idea!

    I submit to you the twenty-some handwritten letters to my neighbor, Al Gore, begging him to do a PSA warning of the dangers of drinking the new Drano/vodka drink that’s all the craze.
    .

  288. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 5:39

    Btw… I did something subversive, recently.

    I was in a business that had laid out in its lobby, articles printed out from wingnut news sources about Benghazi, looming defense spending cuts and other talking points.

    I had occasion to revisit this business, and I discreetly placed among these printed-from-the-’tubes articles the one described here.
    .

  289. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 28, 2012 at 6:02

    Well, that does it for me. I have to test backflow assemblies all day tomorrow. g’nite, Sadlies.
    .

  290. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 28, 2012 at 6:49

    The Band Names

  291. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 7:00

    Bankrupt Snack Cakes
    Mitt And The Mergers
    The Unionized Executives

  292. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 7:06

    Unkempt Anthills
    The Tousled Toupees
    The Coy Financiers

  293. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2012 at 7:08

    Tumbling Twit Faces
    Pinless Interests
    The Ute Oobs

  294. daphne said,

    November 28, 2012 at 7:33

    “r tr nd bttr rslf, ” Ths s th mst rcnt tm s ‘ll s t s m tst cs. thght bnnng ws frvr.

  295. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 7:33

    The Stripper Tippers
    Unionized Tricks
    Silicone Jug Band
    Fistful of Viagra
    Electric Speculum

  296. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 8:00

    Oh, and spanish speakers will get these:

    Besos Negros
    Chupa Chupa
    Chingaladera
    Pinche Culeros
    Mariconas a Cielo

  297. Interrobang said,

    November 28, 2012 at 8:19

    Pope Pie and the Cafeteria Catholics
    Hamster Dam
    Pizza for Breakfast
    Napoleon’s Dirty Socks
    The Telephonies
    Headway
    Vaudeville Ruffians
    The Ersatz Fakes
    Mostly Not For Eating

  298. bughunter said,

    November 28, 2012 at 8:26

    And this evening in It’s Always Projection:

    Based on nothing but speculation and selection bias, the Obama Stole the Election meme is heading for market saturation, while real evidence is mounting that Republicans actively tried to suppress the Democratic vote in swing states.

    While nothing makes my heart warmer than seeing these bigoted cheaters fail and fail hard, I cannot take any consolation in it, because they’re only going to try harder next time.

  299. Babe Ruthless said,

    November 28, 2012 at 8:52

    This one’s taken by a local blues harpist:

    Harmonica Lewinsky

  300. M. Bouffant said,

    November 28, 2012 at 8:57

    Last time I started a band I sat down & made up close to 200 names in one fell swoop.

    Alas, the list is long gone, & I can’t remember most of them, but:

    Spuzzette Junior Seven
    Bent Armadillo Hotplate
    Apartment House & The Salesmen
    Norman Mailer’s Feet
    Fester Plank

  301. M. Bouffant said,

    November 28, 2012 at 8:59

    Good ones en Español, BH.

  302. Cerberus said,

    November 28, 2012 at 9:42

    I have heard rumors of a new post…

    Naturally, I deny everything.

  303. Hogeye Grex said,

    November 28, 2012 at 10:24

    A few all time favorites,

    Sorry About Your Daughter
    Buck Futt and the Rearenders
    Blind Crippled Midget

  304. smut clyde said,

    November 28, 2012 at 10:29

    Daphne and the Disemvowellers

  305. John D. said,

    November 28, 2012 at 17:51

    Grandma Farts Blood

  306. long-time lurker said,

    November 30, 2012 at 2:32

    Prolly a dead thread, but:

    the Irrelevant Tangents
    the Subdural Hæmatomas
    the Throbbing Assholes

  307. Sadly, No! » Hispanic/Cuban Outreach said,

    December 1, 2012 at 3:16

    [...] mean, take, Victor Davis Hanson, overall scumbag and leprosy enthusiast. Sure, less than a week ago, he was ranting about deporting those filthy mudbloods back to their homes in Spanishland as a [...]

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