Nov
23

How The Muslim Stole Thanksgiving




Posted at 12:50 by Tintin

Shorter Rich Lowry, America’s Shittiest Website™
Thanksgiving Dumbed Down

  • You know, I was reading Obama’s Thanksgiving Proclamation and I wondered: Do Muslims even do Thanksgiving?

I suppose it comes as no surprise that Mr. Starburst a/k/a Rich Lowry isn’t up to any good when he wanders over to WhiteHouse.gov to read Obama’s Thanksgiving Proclamation.  And it’s also no great shock that reading the proclamation didn’t cause any starbursts to shoot out from Lowry’s tablet screen all over his living room or cause him to imagine that Obama winked at him. No, it made him mad, madder, in fact, than Thomas Sowell after an unsuccessful effort to turn on a fancypants hotel teevee set.

According to Lowry, the proclamation was too much socialism and not enough God. And by socialism, Lowry means an un-Thanksgiving-like expression of concern for the welfare of anyone other than the CEOs of the Fortune 500 who, by their munificence and unparalleled generosity, make Thanksgiving possible for the rest of us in the first place.

Not surprisingly, President Barack Obama’s Thanksgiving proclamations have been particularly pedestrian and perfunctory. God is lucky to get a mention or two.

Sadly, No! In the 2012 Proclamation, God is mentioned in three of the proclamation’s five paragraphs, which isn’t that much less than the number of times (seven) that Lowry mentions God in his much longer post.  In fact, my guess is that the RDPS (references to a deity per sentence) is about the same for both Obama’s proclamation and Lowry’s, er, declamation.

But what really gets Lowry’s goat is that Obama talks about Native Americans:

What God has lost in prominence in Obama’s statements has been gained by the American Indians, in a bow to multicultural pieties. His 2010 proclamation described how a spirit of Thanksgiving “brought together the newly arrived Pilgrims and Wampanoag tribe — who had been living and thriving around Plymouth, Mass., for thousands of years — in an autumn harvest feast centuries ago.” His proclamation last year urged the country “to remember the ways that the first Americans have enriched our nation’s heritage, from their generosity centuries ago to the everyday contributions they make to all facets of American life.”

What the fuck do Native Americans have to do with Thanksgiving anyway? Is that something Obama learned in his madrassa in Kenya or Singapore or wherever it was? Every true American knows that if any redskins had shown up at the first Thanksgiving, the pilgrims would have whipped out their muskets and blown each and everyone of them into that pagan hell where all idolatrous, non-Christian savages belong.   Next thing you know the liberals will be claiming that there were Jews present at the Nativity of Our Lord.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


119 Comments »

  1. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    November 23, 2012 at 13:00

    Nice to know that at this point, even the rote, textbook-level of mentioning the existence of native Americans’ presence at Thanksiving is enough to make these assholes terribly uncomfortable and pissy.

    Is it the fact that without their existence, all of your primitive Calvinist ultra-reactionary ancestors would’ve been dead in weeks because they couldn’t do shit on their own? Thus even at the start of your fucking fantasy of bootstrappery and individual achievement, someone had to fucking bail you out and make sure you didn’t hurt yourselves?

  2. Smut Clyde said,

    November 23, 2012 at 13:26

    It’s the thin end of the slippery slope. Next thing you know, Obama will be mentioning The Workers on Labour Day.

  3. Cole said,

    November 23, 2012 at 14:07

    Color me surprised that Lowry isn’t tickled pink that our Preznit upheld the tradition of rubbing it in the faces of those folks whose “generosity” resulted in the genocide of their people.

    Woo Hoo–let’s hear it for the Murkin knack for fucking over folks who naively offer to help, calling it “boot-strap enterprise,” and then spending centuries taunting them.

    Lowry’s head would assplode if the President said what I would like to hear–an official recognition, maybe even apology, for the numerous atrocities committed against native peoples by our government. (or at least a clear expression of regret)

  4. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    November 23, 2012 at 14:48

    Next thing you know the liberals will be claiming that there were Jews present at the Nativity of Our Lord.

    Don’t Piss Him Off!
    ~

  5. bulbul said,

    November 23, 2012 at 15:25

    Oh, oh, I know this game!
    Barack Obama’s 2012 Thanksgiving proclamation:
    Total: 567 words
    God: 2
    G-rate (TM): 2/567 * 100 = 0.35%

    GWB’s 2008 Thanksgiving proclamation:
    Total: 448
    God: 4
    G-rate (TM): 4/448 * 100 = 0.89%

    Oh. My. God. A decrease of 0.54%.

  6. bulbul said,

    November 23, 2012 at 15:26

    … that’s obviously a decrease of 0.54 percentage points. Like Rich knows the difference.

  7. DAS said,

    November 23, 2012 at 16:13

    Muslims not celebrating Thanksgiving? Since when? Many Muslims even do stuff for Christmas … after all Muslims do believe Jesus was in the top three prophets and such. They just don’t believe he’s the Messiah (yet) and anyway the Messiah ain’t the important one, the Mahdi is … really … to whom would YOU kiss up? The King or the Prime Minister?

    Anyway, don’t let the righties learn that we Jews DON’T celebrate Christmas. They might rethink their support for Israel. Heck, some of us don’t even observe Halloween…

  8. tigris said,

    November 23, 2012 at 17:22

    Labour Day

    WE DON’T DO THAT HERE.

    God: 2

    Also one “Creator” and one “Lord.” But Lowry’s real complaint seems to be that there’s not enough Hellfire, not that there’s not enough God. Frankly, if Lowry feels the need to repent of his sinfulness he should just do it rather than wait for presidential exhortation.

  9. Pinko Punko said,

    November 23, 2012 at 17:34

    Not just Jews, Tintin, even animals!!!!!!!!

    Thank goodness his Popeness the Rat has written the authoritative biography of Jesus- a figure never before written about or studied.

  10. Matt said,

    November 23, 2012 at 17:36

    FFS, that Thomas Sowell piece is so “goddamn kids get off my lawn” that I thought it was parody at first…

  11. CRA said,

    November 23, 2012 at 17:42

    Lowry quotes presidents’ Thanksgiving proclamations going way back. They should include dire talk of “national failings” and “sins and perversity,” etc. and they do, through Reagan and Bush the Elder.

    But there’s a fine line and of course hippies dragged their filthy asses all up and down it. Some guy, “in rebutting the new Left of the 1960s, whose sense of the nation’s sinfulness exceeded all reasonable bounds, stated it nicely.” Nevermind how, the point is that Lowry likes when presidents badmouth the nation (Lincoln: God “dealt with us harshly for our sins,” etc.), hates when the Left does it … which brings me to Obama, who keeps it pleasant.

    Read between the lines here: Lowry would really like Obama to carry on the tradition of saying dire things on Thanksgiving, because then Lowry and a wingnut army could excoriate him. If Obama stole an old speech with a bit of fire and brimstone about God’s judgment on the U.S., they’d go nuclear.

  12. CRA said,

    November 23, 2012 at 17:50

    And that’s why Lowry’s on about, moreso than mentions of God. He can afford to be retrospective and measured, because Obama has not put him in the position of joining a tribal shit-fit:

    The words “sin” and “perverse” would set off the Left as overly judgmental and embarrassingly archaic. The Right would bristle at national self-criticism from the country’s commander-in-chief (at a time of war, no less).

  13. Nym said,

    November 23, 2012 at 18:17

    They might rethink their support for Israel.

    No. How else would they immanentize the eschaton?

  14. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 23, 2012 at 18:22

    In comments:

    Johnniebgoode • 2 days ago

    Christmas. Thanksgiving. 4th of July.

    Libs have ruined everything. I predict the National Anthem before ball games will be gone in two years.

    Go on. Have some of that gravy. It’s really good. I’ll just sit here and watch you try some. No really, it’s good! Go on…

  15. DAS said,

    November 23, 2012 at 18:22

    Yep. When liberals and especially liberals named B. HUSSEIN Obama (even if they aren’t all that liberal, their very names mark them as socialists) don’t talk about sin and evil, they are being pandering pc atheistic wienies. But when they do talk about national sins and failings, that’s evidence of how they hate America.

    As I’ve said here before, today’s reactionaries are the bullies that tell you “heads I win.tails you loose”

  16. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 23, 2012 at 18:59

    Christmas. Thanksgiving. 4th of July.

    Libs have ruined everything.

    After he said this, he ran into his room, slammed the door, threw himself on his bed, fetched his journal and wrote “Dear Diary, today the libs ruined EVERYTHING…”

  17. J Neo Marvin said,

    November 23, 2012 at 19:20

    Shut up when you eat!
    Too bad no bon appetit!

  18. tigris said,

    November 23, 2012 at 19:30

    But there’s a fine line

    Only as fine as “IOKIYAR.”

  19. Jennifer said,

    November 23, 2012 at 19:38

    Well, what did you expect, Lowry? We’ve been waging war on Christmas for over a decade now. Did you REALLY believe that we wouldn’t come after Thanksgiving, too?

    *irony alert: if anyone is destroying or waging “war” against Thanksgiving, it’s big retailers like Wal-Mart, Best Buy, etc., who are trying to turn the holiday from an obscene food orgy into an even more obscene consumer-spending-and-camping-out-in-parking-lots orgy. Yeah, Thanksgiving is under attack, but not by the taker-moocher liberals, but rather by the “job creator” titans of retail.

  20. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 23, 2012 at 19:41

    Oh. There’s a nu thred. THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW

    HARUMPH

  21. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    November 23, 2012 at 19:58

    The lemming responds with his traditional mating cry:

    jim2011 • a few seconds ago

    Hair-shirts make lousy band-aids.

    Dire Calvinistic remonstrations in regards to collective failure have have only a scarce chance of producing much social improvement or renewal post-2012 – & there’s not much concrete evidence that they ever have. Human nature equates a Mea Culpa with a karmic IOU or a mulligan often enough to – at a minimum – neutralize any beneficial results.

    That exact same cultural Calvinism ruled the roost in the industrialized world almost overnight at the start of the 1970s. The rising momentum of social progress, experimentation & cultural evolution that threatened to make humanity into a true unified Space Age society was simultaneously snuffed out, also almost overnight. Correlation is not causation – but only a fool would consider them mutually exclusive, especially in this case.

    It so happens that hair-shirts are also a suberb vector for willful ignorance.

    Obama’s invoking of God in his Thanksgiving address is about the same frequency as in Lowry’s critique of it – irony or parable?

    Yes, surely going from a nation vigorously butchering its best & brightest by the scores of thousands to one polarized but at peace is indeed “a long way down.”

    Perhaps some thanks are in order that such a tragic decline yet continues on apace.

    Spent & panting, the lemmming basks in a typical refractory miasma.
    Kleenex is sought.

  22. N__B said,

    November 23, 2012 at 20:03

    After he said this, he ran into his room, slammed the door, threw himself on his bed, fetched his journal and wrote “Dear Diary, today the libs ruined EVERYTHING…”

    Don’ wanna! Can’t make me! Don’ wanna! Can’t make me! Don’ wanna! Can’t make me! Don’ wanna! Can’t make me! Don’ wanna! Can’t make me! Don’ wanna! Can’t make me!

  23. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 23, 2012 at 20:14

    We are thoroughly enjoying being our nonanti consumerist selves today. I’m tempted to make a list of all the crap I’m not buying.

  24. tigris said,

    November 23, 2012 at 20:35

    Thank goodness his Popeness the Rat has written the authoritative biography of Jesus- a figure never before written about or studied.

    And debunked many favorite Christmas traditions. I welcome his popishness to the war on Christmas.

  25. tigris said,

    November 23, 2012 at 20:37

    Today I’m making beer and smoking a homemade mozzarella. And yes, it is hard to keep it lit.

  26. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    November 23, 2012 at 20:52

    Smoking the homemade mozzarella. { /shopworn }

    Also: *Y*I*P*P*E*E*E*E*E* !!!!!

  27. Fenwick said,

    November 23, 2012 at 21:26

    Oh. There’s a nu thred. THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW

    HARUMPH

    Add my harumph to Pup’s. Please, If you notice there’s a new thread, leave a pointer to it on the last thread.

    (Also the Rulers of Sadlyville might routinely leave a pointer when they put up a new post. Thanx.)

  28. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 23, 2012 at 21:38

    In Lowry’s defense, his mom averages a very high RDPS, what with all her screaming “oh god oh god Oh God OH God OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.”

  29. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 23, 2012 at 21:55

    Also too, just wondering how you yanks can do it. Black Friday – midnight sales followed by a whole day (if not extended into a week) of mass-hysteria consumeristic orgies. And that after a massive turkey dinner. Aren’t you guys sleepy at all? I’m glad that us Canuckistanis don’t engage in that kind of craziness.

  30. Major Kong said,

    November 23, 2012 at 21:59

    I’ve gone out of my way to avoid getting so much as near a big-box store or mall today.

  31. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    November 23, 2012 at 22:10

    That Boxing Day continues to not be a annual ritual celebration of that time a boxer fought a kangaroo is a national tragedy, bordering on holocaust.

  32. N__B said,

    November 23, 2012 at 22:39

    Boxing the kangaroo.

  33. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 23, 2012 at 22:55

    Body blow! Body blow!

  34. Interrobang said,

    November 23, 2012 at 23:02

    Ironically, and maybe pants-wettingly for the wingnuts, the only time in my life I’ve actually done American Thanksgiving was last year…

    …and I was in Jerusalem at the time!!

    (A surprising number of American ex-pats there do Thanksgiving. The coworker at whose house I was last year was thrilled this year because she found a pareve green bean casserole, so she could finally have it again, after having started to keep kosher after moving to IL 30 years ago. Being from Soviet Canuckistan, I don’t get American Thanksgiving, and green bean casserole isn’t a thing.)

    This year, I was seriously tempted to post “Birushalayim l’shana haba’a” on her Facebook page. :)

  35. Smut Clyde said,

    November 23, 2012 at 23:22

    The lemming responds with his traditional mating cry:

    Tempting, it is, to adopt a nom du beurre as a sincere Christian and leave admonitory comments at NRO, reminding them of our man Jesus’ opposition to talking about G*d in public all the time.

  36. A Very GOP Thanksgiving said,

    November 23, 2012 at 23:53

    “On this day, we thank our Forefathers for their support of Rape in all its glorious manifestations…”

  37. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 0:33

    Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Is not _about_ anything really, except for gathering together, being gluttonous and getting drunk. What’s not to like?

    green bean casserole isn’t a thing.)

    FIE on you! When you make a mushroom sauce with leeks, wild mushrooms, cream and such good stuff, mix in lightly steamed and refreshed haricots vert, then top with thinly sliced red onion dredged in a mix of rice flour, AP flour, semolina and paprika, freshly fried in peanut oil it very much A THING I assure you. GOOD DAY SIR!

  38. Another Kiwi said,

    November 24, 2012 at 0:36

    Lowry has been workin’ that pissing the liberals off seam, a little too long, ya think? I mean, counting the Gods? Parody has died, been resurrected and then run over by a logging truck as it stepped out of the tomb.

  39. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 24, 2012 at 0:38

    A lovely Linda McMahon item.

    http://boingboing.net/2012/11/23/staffers-for-millionairewrest.html

  40. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 0:43

    The Breitbarterites don’t like pie.

    As food pantries across the United States are overwhelmed by the newly poor and food stamp use is the highest it’s ever been, the Obama first family is enjoying a Thanksgiving meal with six different types of pie.

  41. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 24, 2012 at 0:47

    Mitt Romney, meanwhile, settles for shoe-leather in brine.

  42. Babe Ruthless said,

    November 24, 2012 at 0:58

    And urine-soaked cornflakes.

  43. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    November 24, 2012 at 1:18

    Just an apology for a comment I made on the last thread. I said that I would prefer it if people dressed like the 1950s and got rightly jumped on for it. It was an off the cuff remark and I didn’t consider the ramifications of it.

    In my defense, I wasn’t at all thinking of the uncomfortable undergarments of the period. You can wear retro clothes without the girdles and cone-bras. But even then, my statement wasn’t even an accurate representation of my own views. I love suits, hats and dresses that are from, or evoke the periods from the 20 to the end of the 60s, but that’s not the be all and end all of being well-dressed in my eyes.

    Honestly, one of the best-dressed dudes I know wears vintage band t-shirts, black pants, and steel-toed boots. It sounds funny, but I’ve talked about clothes with him a lot and he actually puts a lot of thought into what clothes to buy and how to match them. What he wears is a personal statement. And, really, that’s what I wish more people would think about when deciding how they dress. Instead of just going with what’s hip and trendy, or what the celebrities are wearing, or, in the case of most guys, what’s easiest to put on, I wish people could be a little more playful and experimental with their wardrobes.

    I’m also big on colour coordination. I wish colour theory was at least touched on in school outside of art class because it really can change how you think about aesthetics.

    And once again, this is just a personal wish about what I’d like to see. I don’t think anybody has to do anything. Just like saying you wish certain kinds of music were more popular and others were less popular doesn’t mean you actually want to control anyone’s taste in music.

  44. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 24, 2012 at 1:26

    You’re not allowed to listen to Creed.

  45. Nym said,

    November 24, 2012 at 1:59

    The Breitbarterites don’t like pie.

    I was expecting some kind of HURR WHERE’S YOUR HEALTH FOOD NAZIISM NOW MICHELLE?

  46. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:03

    Know what? Fuck ‘em all ’til their assholes bleed.
    .

  47. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:07

    WHERE’S YOUR HEALTH FOOD NAZIISM NOW MICHELLE?

    I think you go to American Thunker for that. can’t remember the Michellle hater that regularly pulls that shit, I think it’s from that site.

  48. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:07

    GOD WASN’T WRONG AFTER ALL!

    http://www.alternet.org/pat-robertson-admits-he-blew-election-prediction-he-got-god

  49. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:41

    I am an atheist. I celebrate Christmas. Where does NRO stand on this? Oh wait. I don’t care.

  50. Dr.KennethNoisewater said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:44

    I’m also big on colour coordination.

    As an artist (pretentious fuckface), I’m often struck by how many people don’t know anything about color–even other artists!

  51. CRA said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:45

    Spear, I was in no way piqued by your couture commentary. I’d like to have some cool suits. I’m not excited about the clothes I can afford, though, or find without much effort. Clothes that fit well would be awesome … As a young guy, I tried to show some retro style, slightly sleazy and flamboyant for gigs … well, to whatever degree it worked it depended on being much thinner than I am now. Now that I’m forty and fat, I could dig some tailored classy duds, but can’t or won’t buy and learn.

    OTOH maybe I could work looking good into my midlife crisis. Now that I’m 100% jazzer with no rock pretensions at all, suits would be the logical thing.

  52. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:45

    BREAKING AROO AROO AROO

    MULTIPLE REPORTS
    SCORES of MENTALLY ILL VOTED FOR OBAMA

    http://directorblue.blogspot.com/2012/11/multiple-reports-scores-of-mentally-ill.html

    “This guy I met said so and another woman somewhere also said it’s true CAN THE DEMOCRATS SINK ANY LOWER?

  53. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:49

    Teh Ho recently acquired a CPO jacket (an “almost CPO jacket” jacket) and is now making noises about 13 button pants. should I be concerned?

  54. N__B said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:52

    I am an atheist. I celebrate Christmas.

    As an atheist, I prefer Easter: the holiday that celebrates god being killed.

  55. CRA said,

    November 24, 2012 at 2:56

    “13 button pants”

    So uh, the buttons start at belt-line front, down to the taint and up again?

  56. Jennifer said,

    November 24, 2012 at 3:04

    I’ve gone out of my way to avoid getting so much as near a big-box store or mall today.

    Oh, I can go you way better than that: I have a tradition, dating back over 15 years, of not going to any big box store or mall from Thanksgiving until after Christmas. Why? Because I fucking hate people – especially people in the midst of consumerist orgiastic frenzy.

    My rule of thumb is that I won’t go to any store between Thanksgiving and Christmas, unless it’s Kroger, my local bookstore, or if I have to, Walgreen’s (for shampoo and other shit that I’m not willing to fight the Christmas-shopping moron hordes to buy at Target). I might pop into a small locally-owned joint in the neighborhood, but the general rule is Kroger, bookstore, Walgreen’s only. I tell my family every year to have their list ready for Thanksgiving; by this point, they’re so well-trained they already know the rules: I’ll be happy to get them something they want, as long as they tell me about it early enough for me to order it online or through a catalog. Otherwise, they’re getting something from the bookstore.

    It has worked out really well for me for lo these many years now.

  57. tigris said,

    November 24, 2012 at 3:05

    As an atheist, I prefer Easter: the holiday that celebrates god being killed.

    And yet he JUST WON’T DIE.

    Actually, I like any holiday that nets me tasty treats, whether they involve fake gods or not. Does Ganesh have any treat-filled holidays? He’s kind of cute and seems a lot more cheerful than the usual guy.

  58. N__B said,

    November 24, 2012 at 3:13

    “Pull my trunk, kid.”

  59. tigris said,

    November 24, 2012 at 3:15

    BLASPHEMER! I imagine him flying around Dumbo-style, granting boons to peanut farmers.

  60. N__B said,

    November 24, 2012 at 3:15

    Jimmy Carter FTW!

  61. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 24, 2012 at 3:41

    And yet he JUST WON’T DIE.

    They left his head on.

  62. Pryme said,

    November 24, 2012 at 3:44

    SCORES of MENTALLY ILL VOTED FOR OBAMA

    On this, the GOP has actually been more progressive: they allow their mentally ill to run for Congress and the White House.

  63. Smut Clyde said,

    November 24, 2012 at 4:10

    And yet he JUST WON’T DIE.
    You’re stabbing him with your steely knives. That’s the problem right there. You need a wooden stake.

  64. Smut Clyde said,

    November 24, 2012 at 4:15

    Does Ganesh have any treat-filled holidays?
    You’d have to check with Gentlewoman, but I was under the impression that every day is a treat-filled holiday for Ganesh Bengal Cat.

  65. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 4:21

    On this, the GOP has actually been more progressive: they allow their mentally ill to run for Congress and the White House.

    Bra-fuckin’-vo.
    .

  66. Andrew Breitbart said,

    November 24, 2012 at 4:55

    The Breitbarterites don’t like pie.

    Well, I do NOT like pie. Mainly because I’m still dead

  67. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 24, 2012 at 4:59

    PIE! (Pie.)

  68. Doctorb said,

    November 24, 2012 at 5:03

    They stab him with their Steely Dans but they just can’t kill teh beast

  69. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    November 24, 2012 at 5:14

    Obama has Thanksgiving Dinner with six kinds of pie?
    At long last … could THIS be Obama’s Katrina?

    IMP3ACH ! ! ! ! ! ! 1 1 !

  70. Major Kong said,

    November 24, 2012 at 5:15

    “Mmmmmmm………pie”

    H. Simpson

  71. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 24, 2012 at 5:16

    Obama has Thanksgiving Dinner with six kinds of pie?

    Denny’s has been rehabilitated!

  72. tigris said,

    November 24, 2012 at 5:20

    Wrong season for impeach pie.

  73. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 5:49

    Peach and mint don’t go well, together.
    .

  74. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 6:03

    Not such a good cat, but no one else wants him.
    .

  75. Fenwick said,

    November 24, 2012 at 6:05

    I love suits, hats and dresses that are from, or evoke the periods from the 20 to the end of the 60s, but that’s not the be all and end all of being well-dressed in my eyes….

    I wish people could be a little more playful and experimental with their wardrobes….

    I’m also big on colour coordination. I wish colour theory was at least touched on in school outside of art class because it really can change how you think about aesthetics…..

    Me too, Spear. I vastly enjoyed watching Poirot because of the attention to period wardrobe(s), automibles, and splendid art-deco sets and exteriors.

    I so agree with attention to color coordination. Also texture! It’s wicked-fine when a sharp-dressed person manipulates color AND texture together.

    ((Does this mean I have to gay-marry someone?))

  76. Fenwick said,

    November 24, 2012 at 6:17

    SCORES of MENTALLY ILL VOTED FOR OBAMA

    On this, the GOP has actually been more progressive: they allow their mentally ill to run for Congress and the White House. — Pryme

    He shoots, he scores.

  77. Fenwick said,

    November 24, 2012 at 6:22

    They stab him with their Steely Dans but they just can’t kill teh beast

    *applause*

  78. Helen said,

    November 24, 2012 at 6:47

    Hello Fenwick. (oh and “Andrew Breitbart”) I do not know you but I am kinda in love with you. Had a rough nite tonight. Thanks. I laffed and laffed.

  79. Helen said,

    November 24, 2012 at 6:53

    OH and you tigris and others “HE JUST WON’T DIE” Really. Get it the fuck over with.

  80. CRA said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:01

    We bought a mattress today. That was the extent of our Black Friday shopping.

    I comfort myself thinking that it was not an Xmas purchase, and also that part of our Sears was not mobbed at all. Though there was gunplay at a Sears in San Antonio.

    I got no gunplay, just chit-chat with a woman who claimed to have bought four TVs that morning. In part because, you see, the family is fucking up her living room by watching TV there, sitting on the white couch and staining the carpet and whatnot. She solved this with a 40″ TV for the family room in the basement, plus 3 more unexplained TVs.

  81. Helen said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:09

    UM – me at 6:53 – I’m agreeing – not – you know, not. Yeah it’s been a long night. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And…whatever.

  82. M. Bouffant said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:21

    “13 button pants”

    So uh, the buttons start at belt-line front, down to the taint and up again?

    Naw, it’s like the back flap from a pair of Dr. Denton’s, ‘cept it’s in front.

    As far as being concerned, how often/urgently does Teh Ho have to whiz? Having sported my father’s issue 13-button pants when I was in high school & flares were hap’nin, that can be a problem.

    Wouldn’t even be wearing pants today, let alone going outside/buying anything, but I left the bunker to check the mail (None for me!) & take out the garbage.

  83. N__B said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:26

    You carry out the garbage in your pants? Seems inefficient…

  84. M. Bouffant said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:28

    They stab him with their Steely Dans but they just can’t kill teh beast
    Yeesh, two ++sucky bands in one load of crap. The horror.

  85. M. Bouffant said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:30

    Seems inefficient…
    Single, so not much garbage. Mostly frozen food boxes.

  86. M. Bouffant said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:38

    Also, virgin & cretin Ben Shapiro: Obama didn’t thank G-d in his proclamation.

    Yet again, President Obama’s Thanksgiving message eschewed any direct reference to thanking God, making this the fourth straight year in which the President of the United States has ignored the central message of the holiday in favor of political grandstanding.

    [...]

    It’s no wonder that this President’s Democratic National Committee platform tried to remove God. He’s not a big fan of the Big Guy*. Even on Thanksgiving. After all, what need do you have for God when you’ve got the state?

    I swear to fuck I am going to go to Ben’s Valley Village “legal consulting” office & just slap him over & over until my hands or his face start to bleed.

    *“Big Guy.” Blasphemy? Disrespect? Mental age of six?

  87. M. Bouffant said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:38

    OK, only one awake or w/o a life.

  88. Fenwick said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:40

    Helen: Have you been tipplin’ this evening, darlin’? Well, just remember what Gus McCrae said, “The older the violin, the sweeter the music”

    *blushes*

  89. Helen said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:45

    Yep, darlin – I been tipplin. Lots. And you?

  90. Fenwick said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:45

    Helen: Also I’m sorry about yer Lousy Day. What did it consist of? Is it possible to build a sit-com episode around it? Characters & synopsis, pleeze.

  91. Fenwick said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:48

    No tipplin. But I been smokin the sweet smoke plenty much today. No Black Friday, for me, no-siree bob!

  92. M. Bouffant said,

    November 24, 2012 at 7:52

    Left this note for “Director Blue:”

    M. Bouffant said…
    Whereas Republicans run the mentally ill for office.

    By the way, there is a difference between mentally ill & mentally disabled. You’d think someone w/ a developmentally disabled brother-in-law would understand the difference, but Republicans just don’t understand much, especially if it involves other people, do they?

    “Multiple reports:” Two other idiots & his literal moron brother-in-law

  93. Helen said,

    November 24, 2012 at 8:00

    Not gonna tell ya about my bad day. But reeeely my life can be a comedy cuz if it ain’t it’s surely a tragedy.

    Smokin???? OMG last Tue – other than the fact that we are gonna be a SOCIALIST, COMMUNIST or whatever, the fact that CO and OR made weed legal – made my night. Also on the same note – how much do I love Nate? LOTS

  94. oh! excuse me! said,

    November 24, 2012 at 9:20

    It was CO and WA that said ‘Yes’ to pot.

    Oregon said…Sadly, No.

  95. CRA said,

    November 24, 2012 at 9:37

    “After all, what need do you have for God when you’ve got the state?”

    Obviously God is still gonna do the what the State can’t, and thank goodness! Why the other day Obama made a substandard proclamation and we’ve been fucked six ways to Sunday.

  96. Smut Clyde said,

    November 24, 2012 at 10:09

    “After all, what need do you have for God when you’ve got the state?”

    Ah, so society should be kept dysfunctional and poorly-functioning because insecurity and needs drive people back to $IDOL. Please proceed, Mr Shapiro.

  97. Another Kiwi said,

    November 24, 2012 at 10:27

    Golly, Ben has got some insane peop… oh yeah right wing god botherers, gotcha. Not so surprising.

  98. Butch Pansy said,

    November 24, 2012 at 13:22

    Thirteen-button pants: serving tray for the Marines. That’s what my sailor friends call them.

  99. Major Kong said,

    November 24, 2012 at 14:57

    I didn’t realize there was such a think as thirteen-button pants. I had to look that one up.

    Our dress uniform in the Air Force looked like something Ralph Kramden wore to work.

  100. tigris said,

    November 24, 2012 at 17:28

    After all, what need do you have for God when you’ve got the state?
    Though apparently when you’ve got God you still need the state to enforce God’s policies of slut-shaming, forced birth, bullying homos and poors, untouchable wealth accumulation and severe social stratification.

  101. tigris said,

    November 24, 2012 at 17:29

    Thirteen-button pants: serving tray for the Marines seamen.

  102. tsam said,

    November 24, 2012 at 17:51

    Ha! Watching a commercial for a vacuum machine to suck the wax out of your ears. Guy inserts cotton swab and screams in pain. Has to be a conservative.

  103. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 18:59

    a vacuum machine to suck the wax out of your ears

    That’s really stupid. A miniaturized Flowbee, which also trimmed the hair all up in there, that’s the ticket!

  104. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 19:10

    A miniaturized Flowbee, which also trimmed the hair all up in there, that’s the ticket!

    Remote USB teledildonics, so that you can trim the ear AND nose hair of a friend, via Google+ Hangout!
    .

  105. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 19:11

    … or a stranger’s, if you’re into that.
    .

  106. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 19:15

    Indeed.
    .

  107. Jennifer said,

    November 24, 2012 at 20:32

    Remote USB teledildonics, so that you can trim the ear AND nose hair of a friend, via Google+ Hangout!

    I’m sorry, but even if done remotely via internets, I’m afraid that breaks the “you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose” rule.

  108. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    November 24, 2012 at 20:34

    I’m sorry, but even if done remotely via internets, I’m afraid that breaks the “you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose” rule.

    Hence the stranger caveat.

    If that isn’t strange enough.
    .

  109. Pupienus, Doctor of Anathematics said,

    November 24, 2012 at 20:36

    TEH GHEYZ R IN UR DORMS MAKIN UR COEDS GHEY
    http://www.towleroad.com/2012/11/drag-queen-ras-are-on-the-loose-says-nom-activist-in-thanksgiving-message-video.html

    I, for one, am thankful.

  110. Major Kong said,

    November 24, 2012 at 20:52

    I was at the grocery store today (I always time my shopping to coincide with Ohio State home games) and I heard a Beach Boys Christmas song playing on the PA.

    To me that’s like a perfect storm of suck. Two crappy things that are even worse together.

    “Hey! You got raw sewage in my toxic waste!”
    “Oh yeah! Well you got toxic waste in my raw sewage!”

  111. El Manquécito said,

    November 24, 2012 at 20:53

    TEH GHEYZ R IN UR DORMS MAKIN UR COEDS GHEY

    It’s hard to understand how that could be a bad thing.

  112. tigris said,

    November 24, 2012 at 21:04

    TEH GHEYZ R IN UR DORMS MAKIN UR COEDS GHEY

    Her necklace reminds me how much God loves stiff-necked people. Also makes me wonder what roadside shrine she liberated it from.

  113. M. Bouffant said,

    November 24, 2012 at 21:37

    Our dress uniform in the Air Force looked like something Ralph Kramden wore to work.

    At least McPeak’s dress uniform that looked like an airline pilot’s was gotten rid of. (Not that there’s anything wrong w/ airline pilots, but it’s teh Air Force, not USAir.)

  114. Jennifer said,

    November 24, 2012 at 22:05

    To me that’s like a perfect storm of suck. Two crappy things that are even worse together.

    Norm MacDonald on Weekend Update, a whole lot of years ago: “Michael Bolton is releasing a new album for the holidays, called The Time is Now. Happy birthday, Jesus, hope you like crap!” (about 3 minutes into the clip)

  115. Cerberus said,

    November 24, 2012 at 22:13

    New post!

  116. Porlock Junior said,

    November 24, 2012 at 22:18

    How the fuck can you *mention* Thanksgiving without the traditional and culturally mandatory bow to the Indians? (yeah, BOW, stuff it, repubs!)

    This Lowry guy is so unAmerican I can’t believe it. Surely the piece was satirical.

  117. Guiseppe Madre said,

    November 24, 2012 at 23:50

    God is lucky to get a mention or two

    God would probably do better if He, you know, existed and stuff.

  118. daphne said,

    November 27, 2012 at 8:21

    Really? How’d I get back in? Not like I tried and.

  119. daphne said,

    November 28, 2012 at 7:30

    oh, now I get it. An old thread. Still, how’d the link manage to bypass the filter?

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