Alternate Answer: Because Black People Inherently Scare Sheltered White Douchebags Regardless of What They Do
Remember when guys like this were the parody of Wall Street?
Maureen Farrell, CNN Money Money Money!:
Why Wall Street hates Obama
The post-election meltdown among wingnuts has been something to behold. Post after post of various true believers angrily trying to handle living in a world where they are so hated that not even cheating hardcore could save them. There’s a wealth of material there.
And frankly, Tintin has been fantastic harvesting a bunch of it. Heck, you all have been doing a fantastic job harvesting the many different flavors of juvenile temper tantrum.
And while there’s material galore there, believe me, and I could do entire posts over moments like this:
I mean, fuck, there’s so much to say about Fox News apologetically and sadly having to have their Stepford Bot wander down the halls because their con-dealer has been sampling the product and believed the bullshit meant for the rubes. From the willful disbelief in reality as it happens before them to the unfortunate moment where Fox News realizes they can’t get away with saying Romney won and is president now. It’s literally taking every ounce of my willpower to stop myself going on a 12000 word rant about that replete with elaborate new dick jokes.
But I leave all that behind and wish to rewind time a little to something published quietly and meekly on the night of the election.
Because what it covers is something we are guaranteed to hear nothing about in the coming months now that Barack Obama has won himself a second term.
Let me cut the innuendo and cut right to the turgid chorizo* of the matter:
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Rich people to Obama: “We tried to destroy you because we didn’t feel you showed the balls enough love during our non-consensual face-fuck on you and the rest of America”
You may think this is being harsh to the collection of rich old fucks who sank away half their fortunes in the desperate effort to do away with enough of the democratic process to install a known sociopath as their meat puppet.
I assure you I haven’t yet begun to get “harsh”.
Wall Street’s biggest gripe with President Obama is more about what he’s said than what he’s done.
See, it isn’t really about what he’s done, per se, seeing as how he let us get away with Grand Theft Planet with little more than a disappointed sigh and an urge to do a better job hiding the bodies next time.
But see, he didn’t worship these parasitic drains on our nation as the Lords and Masters of the Universe they imagine themselves to be, despite all they did to try and back him up, like bankrolling endless ads and surrogates to snipe every idea he ever tried to pass to fix the damage they created, trying to urge various lone wolf gunmen to get angry enough to take a shot at him, his wife, or his kids, and trying to straight up buy themselves the presidency in such a naked manner, they might as well have been teabagging him (and how).
And that’s like totally worse than the worst thing that has ever happened to them (the one time they ran over a Puerto Rican woman and the diseased sow had the temerity to bleed all over their brand new Mercedes).
“There’s been so much finger pointing. He’s made it seem bad to be successful and to be millionaires and billionaires,” said Karl Wellner, CEO of Papamarkou Wellner Asset Management, a fund with $3 billion under management.
Because it is.
It’s very bad to be “successful” “millionaires and billionaires”. You can be the most successful mafia don on the East Coast and it doesn’t change the fact that how you became “successful” was very very wrong indeed. You broke the planet’s economy and then followed it up by grinding your bootheel in the face of the 99% and asking for their pocket change.
If we all negotiated consent before hand, I’m sure there would have been at least 27% into that sort of thing, but in the real world, the only reason your heads weren’t repurposed and recycled as gate spike decorations was our willingness to let Barack Obama and his group of “meanie-heads” try and fix a few things first.
If you still haven’t got that 4 years later (especially after 4 years of you acting like cartoon villains fresh off the set of Wacky Races), then frankly bub, you’re damn lucky you lost this election.
But hey, why worry about all that, when these delicate wilting flowers can’t even bother to recall any actual instances of Barack X Guevara calling them out on their bullshit.
Outside of Obama calling bankers “fat cats,” most Wall Street professionals point to few specifics and basically say it’s more of a vibe they get from the president.
It’s not so much anything he’s done. And it’s not really anything he’s said. It’s more that we’re scared he might think about one day thinking about almost saying something and that he sometimes looks at us in something other than complete adulation. And frankly to get right down to it, sometimes we feel teeth and that just doesn’t make us feel like our sub respects us as his worshipful master.
Some may say this is because he and the American people didn’t consent to any scene play with our wrinkled ass albino dicks, but that’s just silly. They were born poor, therefore they are our consenting subs. That’s just how it works. And if more people realized that, maybe we wouldn’t have to pay our deluded true believers to rant about repealing the 15th and 19th Amendments just to be vaguely competitive in one more election.
Wellner, who emigrated from Sweden in the early 1980s, says his biggest concern is that the president appears to want to clamp down on the accumulation of wealth. It’s a sentiment echoed by many other top hedge fund managers and executives at financial firms.
Well, if you don’t like a President thinking about maybe one day slightly limiting the rate at which you can steal the entire GDP just so you can tell your frat buddies that you earned money slightly faster than them, maybe you should return back to Sweden, where-
What’s that? You don’t mind Barack Obama so much anymore? But are you sure that him thinking about maybe almost doing something to fix the glaring issues that-
No?!? You’re sure? All right.
“There’s the idea that if you’re successful you didn’t do that on your own,” said Sander Gerber, CEO of hedge fund Hudson Bay Capital Management. “Romney believes that individuals’ drive and willingness to work hard is what makes them successful.” And that’s a theme that resonates on Wall Street.
Obama recognizes that we are not actually better than regular people because we inherited a bunch of money and use it to steal money as professional gambling addicts and company raiders. The Smiler understands that soulless predators who casually destroy and impede actual human endeavor and progress are Legendary Super Men who own whatever they touch by virtue of having lots and lots of money.
People want to fuck without us personally approving? Ha ha, not with our money, which is the same as everyone’s money.
What’s that? The Smiler lost in a crushing display and all our hand-picked Senate candidates burned up like old-school vampires in the sunlight?
Ah, well, er… Obama’s BEING A POOPYHEAD BY NOT LOSING LIKE HE SHOULD!
And it’s also a big reason why Wall Street has given the majority of its contributions to the Republican party during this election cycle.
In fact, Republican candidate Mitt Romney has received more than three times what Obama has generated from Wall Street professionals, according to the Center for Responsive Politics. That’s a sharp turnaround from 2008, when Obama generated nearly double the Wall Street contributions of his then rival John McCain.
Expect to hear not one damn peep about this ever again and lots and lots of rich assholes trying to take credit for electing Obama and demanding that Obama give them something back as a show of good faith.
After all, consequences are for people who don’t casually own news networks and entire think tanks full of hacks to muddy the waters for you.
See also the various “experts” warning of a “fiscal cliff” and urging the president to “reach across the aisle” after such a “narrow and bitterly contested fight”.
Beyond the rhetoric, several hedge fund managers also say that while health care and financial regulation were in need of reform, the president tackled them in a manner that put the government too deeply in the middle of both industries.
Yes, it is odd how criminal organizations don’t often like Police being too close to their businesses either.
For much the same exact reason.
Congress passed the Dodd-Frank Act on financial reform in 2010, but many of the rules still need to be written.
Romney has criticized the law and said he would take steps to change it, and even attempt to dismantle it. Yet, many on Wall Street are simply betting that Romney would appoint regulators who would make financial reform less onerous.
“Obama would give carte blanche to heavy-handed regulators and just say go for it,” said Wellner.
Oh no, regulation. Why then, companies that actually focus on making good products and serving their customers well will be financially rewarded. And companies just focused on scamming their customers, racing to the bottom with industry-threatening cuts to labor, safety, and quality control would be financially punished.
Like in a real way, rather than we lost an hour’s profit just because we killed 50 people and poisoned a couple million more.
Cause really, after we very nearly destroyed Western Capitalism by trying to run a short con indefinitely, what could be better than a complete lack of regulation?
All the lead-lined children’s toys, Salmonella-filled peanut butter, and completely destroyed Gulf ecosystem is such a small price to pay for saving almost entire pennies on overhead!
But hey, it’s not like the victims who suffer on the bottom really exist in the traditional sense…
Wall Street’s ire comes as many still criticize the president for not pushing back on Wall Street enough and see Dodd-Frank as largely toothless.
“There’s the idea that he wasn’t willing to hold Wall Street over a barrel when he had them over a barrel,” said Jeff Connaughton, former chief of staff to Democratic Sen. Ted Kaufman and the author of “The Payoff: Why Wall Street Always Wins.”
Ah. Yes. I see. Hmm, yeah, there is still that creepily patient simmering resentment among the 99% which is only barely being soothed by The President occasionally glancing our way and politely requesting we stop publicly making homeless people barbeques.
Meanwhile, Obama’s rival has made it clear that he is in favor of regulating banks. Romney’s main objection to Dodd-Frank is that it gives big banks the implicit guarantee of further bailouts. Wall Street executives seem to believe Romney would treat the industry in a more fair and balanced manner.
“Romney looks at things more analytically,” said Wellner. “He’s more of a consensus builder. The president is dogmatic, it’s his way or no way.”
It turns out that you really can underestimate the intelligence of the American people.
Well, isn’t that an unfortunate thing to find out as we finish blowing you all the raspberry over your silly little “democracy thing”? I don’t suppose you’d all be willing to believe in austerity measures or corporate ownership of employees still?
Well… fuck. Time to engage Operation Nuke the Bridge Behind Us.**
While Romney’s experience at private equity firm Bain Capital has caused the broader American public to question whether he has their best interests at heart, many on Wall Street see Romney’s business background as a big plus.
“Romney is a consultant and looks at what is efficient, so he’ll be reasonable,” said Wellner. “He understands how business works so he’ll put the rules and guidelines in place that make business work right.”
I’d make some snark about how they’re on their way to making business into as much of a swear word as “Family” or “Traditional”, but well…
This is actually kind of importantly honest. The Smiler’s campaign of genocide against otherwise healthy companies so he could rob them of their wealth and use it to enrich himself and his cronies really is what many of these Wall Street fucks mean when they talk about “businesses”.
When they talk about business interests, we often assume they must be speaking the same language as the rest of us. That they must be talking about workplaces that create products that they hope to sell to customers to make a profit off the exchange. That even if the notion of “customer” is a bit vague or things like hedge funds get included in the list, that at the end of the day, they still agree on what is a “business”.
And they really don’t. All those idiot saps who make shit are the suckers on the bottom of the rat pile with all the 99%ers and the trash. To the “Titans of Industry” and their various mouthpieces, “businesses” are the Casino players, the Parasitical firms, and the high-stakes thieves. Being a good businessman literally means to these people the same thing as being a good Bond villain. They couldn’t be more obvious if they were actually buying up Island Fortresses to live on, and oh wait.
And despite all the bullshit that’s going to be thrown at us on how anyone with melanin shouldn’t be allowed to vote or why women need to be kept in perfume boxes until they are breeding age, we need to keep this in mind and hold these bastards responsible.
Because if we let them get away with nearly tanking our democracy the same way they got away with nearly tanking the global economy, then they are going to keep coming back with the same shit again and again.
The rich fucks of America aren’t separate from the freakshow. They are the freakshow and as Karl Rove demonstrated above, there really aren’t any Republican-supporters left of any income-bracket who hasn’t been caught sampling the product.
*Must… stop… Rove… rant…
**Yeah, we’re going to receive a whole river of shit from the House in the next 2 years and get ready for a stupendous amount of absolute stalemate and delay as the Republicans continue to throw a temper tantrum on women and brown people being allowed to vote in “Their Elections” in “Their America”.