ABOVE: Mr. Carrie Lukas (face and eyebrows untouched by Photoshop)
Shorter Carrie Lukas, Forbe$
Here’s How The GOP Can Overcome Women’s Trust Issues With Conservatives
- To attract more women voters, the GOP needs to convince women that they aren’t women, but instead are simply men with vaginas oddly-shaped penises.
I love the post-electoral gyrations that we’re seeing by the wingnuts claiming that the best way to get the votes from groups that they didn’t get this time around — you know, women, blacks and hispanics — is to double down on conservative positions. This is pretty much the same thing as speeding away at 90 mph from the cop who just gave you a speeding ticket. Carrie Lukas comes at this problem in a different way. It’s not enough to adjust the message and make it more wingnutty to get the female vote. You can’t simply make sure that next time around you propose imprisoning gay people or using Medicaid to fund tax credits for purchases of yachts. No, you need to go one step further and convince women that they really aren’t any different from men.
Here’s a fact: Men alone would have elected a President Romney. Women—who cast about 54 percent of the votes in this election—gave President Obama a double-digit margin, and another four years in the White House.
What this means, of course, is not that Republican positions are unfavorable to women, but that womenz iz stoopid and must be educated that the white Republican men truly have all women’s best interests at heart.
One place to start would be the wage gap. Policy wonks may know that the idea that women are paid “77-cents-on-the-dollar” for the same work as a man has been thoroughly debunked. The statistical gap between men and women’s earnings is driven by the different choices men and women make about how to spend their time, and study after study shows that the gap shrivels once factors like industry and hours worked are taken into account.
I throroughly advocate that the Republicans convert women to their cause by spending the next four years by telling women that the reason for the gender wage gap is not because they are women but because most womenz is lazy and that any womenz who don’t understand that iz plain-out stoopid. Please, be my guest, Carrie. That’s a great idea. And while you’re at it, be sure to point out that if women would stop having babies all together, the gap would entirely disappear. I guarantee you that women will be beating down the doors of local GOP offices to get in and join.
Conservatives also need to be better prepared to respond when women’s health issues take center stage. … Essentially no one questions whether women should have access to contraception: Of course they should. Those who oppose the HHS mandate simply believe that government has no business compelling people to violate their religious convictions.
Again, I thoroughly endorse this idea. Republicans should also spend the next four years telling women that their male employer’s religious belief that the pill is an abortifacient straight from the pits of Hell is the reason that insurance pays for his ED meds but not his female employees birth control pills. Please. You can’t say that enough. Women will be dying to become Republicans once that is made clear to them.