Vote ye bastards!
Today in our crazy Belgian time, it is Tuesday November 6th, which means for those of us stuck in the Dadaist States of America, that it’s election day.
Which means, for the love of Bob, if you haven’t already voted early, you need to get the fuck out and vote. I know, you don’t need me telling you this and frankly, you’re probably wondering where the funny is. Well, I’ve got a treat for you, but you need to wander through a few more paragraphs of this bullshit first, because fuck you, that’s why.*
I know Obama is a sorely disappointing moderate and that you probably live in a state not called Ohio or Florida. But frankly, that doesn’t really matter. The GOP nominated The Smiler, openly stated they didn’t believe in democracy, have straight up brought back Jim Crow era disenfranchisement, and I fully expect a wingnut Secretary of State to be caught just straight up editing vote totals in Microsoft Excel before Tuesday is through.
Because they simply don’t give a fuck about pretense. They want to blow it all up and are hoping that raw money, media ownership, and the still lingering racism of that tiny core of bitter white men is enough to buy them a few more years to rob the last remaining shreds of this country before they retire to Europe to start tearing that continent apart.
In short, shit matters. And we not only need to ensure that the dog-torturing Transmetropolitan villain is sent back to his hair-buffing factory in Utah, but that we run up the popular vote. We need to ensure that we have as many Democrats as possible to disappoint us in slightly more sane ways than the nihilists in charge of the GOP lunatic asylum.
And beyond that, if you haven’t already, you need to research all the local and state bullshit before heading out tomorrow. So you can snipe the various wingnut welfare schemes and backdoor attempts to fuck you over and you can find those few glorious good candidates or props you can feel good about supporting until you see them bloodied and beaten by the NIMBY crowd.
Because, as is going to be more and more clear in the coming years, the wingnuts have realized they are running out of time on the Southern Strategy, on holding back decades of progress, on mattering as anything other than KKK re-enactment guilds. And they are declaring war on the notion of democracy, on the notion that we simple freaks should even count in “their” America, and on even continuing the pretense that the Civil War ever really ended.
And I can’t think of a more delicious way to punch that shit back in their face than to take this election where they have given themselves infinite money, full complete control over the airwaves, open disenfranchisement of minorities, open electoral fraud, straight-up terrorist intimidation of valid voters, etc… and just simply overrun them with votes to the point where they couldn’t possibly hope to steal it.
And as a bonus, it gives you an excuse to leave early or show up late to work! Both, if you’re a smooth talker!
I am Cerberus and I approve this message.
Sigh. All right.
So, as has been much enjoyed here on the site, wingnuts have taken to claiming that polls are a liberal lie like global warming or the roundness of the globe. Now the reasons for this are myriad: cognitive dissonance, earnest belief that reality has a liberal bias, cognitive dissonance, a setup for four years of whining that ACORN and New Black Panthers stole the election so impeach the president, cognitive dissonance, an inability to do anything but work the refs, cognitive dissonance, attempt to provide wiggle room for open election night fraud, cognitive dissonance, and of course, cognitive dissonance.
And of the various wingnut poll-denialists, none as been quite as “Bookmark it Liberals” as the lovely folks at Unskewed Polls, who on October 25th helpfully provided a handy picture for psychologists to use as shorthand for delusional schizophrenia:
Yeah, that’s Oregon and New Mexico turning red in pure embarrassment for the poor deluded Troofie wannabe who runs the Geocities wannabe site that’s become a darling to all the octogenarians who want to pretend that they’re even remotely a majority anymore.
Well, in a shock to end all shocks, it turns out that despite years of evidence to the contrary, wingnuts are, in fact, capable of embarrassment and shame.
I know, I’m just as surprised as you are.
But still, here’s the same deluded loser, refreshing his “final” map on October 28:
That’d be the graphical equivalent of a teenager clutching their diary to their chest and slowly walking away as tears begin to overflow their eyes.
I’d feel bad if they weren’t democracy hating, racist, sexist, homophobic sociopaths who would rather see my country destroyed than allow life to get slightly better for the people most fucked over.
So yeah, let’s give them something to “bookmark”, shall we?