Oct
25

Polls Are Still Dentistry Iz Theft




Posted at 3:59 by Cerberus

This was the photo that accompanied the post. I believe its attempted statement is: “How could a sissy man like Nate Silver ever know anything with such a faggy lady brain?” Sadly, its real statement is: “Maybe if we stopped being terrified that facts make our balls shrink, we’d actually be able to demonize our enemies without knocking ourselves repeatedly in the dick”.

Josh Jordan, National Argle Bargle:
Nate Silver’s Flawed Model*

So as the campaign season winds down, the right-wing finds itself desperately trying to reconcile the fact that everyone they know in KKK-ville, Crackersas are faithfully voting against their economic interests to get rid of the nigger, with the fact that the 2012 election may end up being too far away to steal. Well, if 100% of the idiots you listen to plan to vote for the Sociopath with the serial killer eyed son and reality disagrees, then that only proves that reality has once again showed its crippling liberal bias.

And any foolish person who dares note reality as if it was some uncaring arbiter of the way things actually are, is obviously just as biased as the reality they claim to “study” and “comment on”.

And since declaring liberal bias on everything from national news media to ice cream flavoring has won them nothing but people who should know better bowing and groveling before their feet, why not keep it going? And declare as enemy any who refuse to play your game?

Shorter:

  • Polls are LIES! Unless they agree with us, then they are the only thing that is true. So if Nate Silver refuses to bend over backwards to break his accurate model of calculating what the polls mean for us, then he’s an unamerican poopy head who doesn’t know what polls mean. Even though no one knows what they mean, because of them being lies in the tank for Obama.

So yeah, the enemy du jour is Nate Silver, of Five Thirty Eight fame for the unconscionable crime of knowing how polls work at a time when Republicans are declaring them lying socialist foot-soldiers working for the devil in partnership with the evil teacher unions and the Girl Scouts.

And the post is all the dumb you’d expect, showing a complete failure to understand even the most basic concepts of statistical analysis and a desperate latching on to Gallup’s recent *cough* departure from the land of the sane as the one last vestige of sanity now that even Rasmussen refuses to show the infinite Smiler victory they know everyone must support.

What’s most amazing about this most recent war on polls is how self-destructive it is.

Okay, yes, everything wingnuts do is self-destructive. And yes, the point of these types of posts is to help sell the “ACORN voter fraud stole the election, because we’re the Moral Majority and we’ll still be the REAL TRUE MAJORITY even when we’re literally only the 27% and nothing else” myth. But still, disbelieving in polls and acting like you don’t need to do anything because you’ve got it sewn up when you’re so behind you might just need divine intervention? The only possible group that could hurt is them. It’s not like they can even remotely hurt liberals by arguing that polls are lies.

But I guess for a group of old racists exploiting the power of White Resentment, the sheer terror of having to face up to being a shriveled core of meaningless fossils of an era we’d all like to pretend never existed is far too much for one psyche to take.

Better to pretend that the vast majority still have your back. Yeah, permanent Republican majority, everyone hates how black Obama is…

And hey, if that doesn’t work, you can just go full fascist. I mean, it’s not like your utter disdain for democracy and the notion of free and fair elections has been particularly subtle lately. Now, if we could only figure out a symbol that speaks to your unflagging jingoism, fear of communism, racial resentment, and deep Christian roots for you to march behind…


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. I’m not even getting into the meat of the post, but if you want to dive in and see someone knock themselves out with just how out of their depth they are, it’s worth a laugh. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*I believe his post could better be titled: “How my Statistics for MBA Mouthbreathers class left me woefully unprepared for real Statistical Analysis”.

336 Comments »

  1. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:10

    This is reminding me of how hysterical the Nixon people were getting about polls in the 1968 election, as recounted by Joe McGinness in “The Selling of the President 1968.” Harris substituted a ward full of Negroes for a ward full of Catholics to make it look like a Humphrey trend was developing, etc. It really was quite comical.

  2. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:10

    The fact is, numbers is a liebral conspiracy.

  3. CRA said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:21

    On September 30, leading into the debates, Silver gave Obama an 85 percent chance and predicted an Electoral College count of 320–218. Today, the margins have narrowed — but Silver still gives Obama a 67 percent chance and an Electoral College lead of 288–250, which has led many to wonder if he has observed the same movement to Romney over the past three weeks as everyone else has. Given the fact that an incumbent president is stuck at 47 percent nationwide, the odds might not be in Obama’s favor, and they certainly aren’t in his favor by a 67–33 margin.

    Josh Jordan seems reluctant to concede that 47% of the popular vote might coincide with an estimated 67% chance that Obama will win the election, given the electoral college.

    Strangely, when Silver notes that Obama’s electoral college count estimates have gone down, Jordan wonders whether Silver has observed precisely this, that Obama would likely earn fewer electoral votes if the election were held at that poll time. Yes, Josh, “he has observed the same movement.”

    Its almost like Josh Jordan wants to obscure or even “spin” what the polls are telling us.

  4. the prince of death said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:33

    Racists! How can you say that! Why just look at this!

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/24/us/politics/strident-anti-obama-messages-flood-key-states.html?_r=3&

  5. Anonymous said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:33

    Its almost like Josh Jordan wants to obscure or even “spin” what the polls are telling us.

    What sort of madness is this you speak of? Morality, patriotism, etc, et al.

  6. paleotectonics said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:36

    Bastages. Anonymous were me.

  7. Smut Clyde said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:36

    Why is that man sniffing an iris? THEY HAVE NO SCENT.

  8. paleotectonics said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:39

    Given the fact that an incumbent president is stuck at 47 percent nationwide he lost the popular vote, the odds might not be in Obama Bush’s favor, and they certainly aren’t in but the Supreme Court was in his favor by a 67–33 margin.

  9. paleotectonics said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:41

    Nym-fail, tag-fail. I’ll be here all week, tip your writer.

  10. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:58

    Poles!

    Never forget!
    ~

  11. Nosfer-Blart-Two said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:58

    Why is that man sniffing an iris? THEY HAVE NO SCENT.

    Iris’ do have a scent, but only dogs can smell it.
    Scientists speculate it smells like “brussels sprouts in the fourth dimension”.

  12. El Manquecito said,

    October 25, 2012 at 4:58

    October 25, 2012 at 4:36

    Why is that man sniffing an iris? THEY HAVE NO SCENT.

    Good call, with a quick look I had assumed it was a narcissus.

  13. Nosfer-Blart-Two said,

    October 25, 2012 at 5:01

    Someone said “once a woman is impregnated by rape, Republicans consider them procreation machines.”
    So Romney is Tleilaxu ??? That explains so much.

  14. CRA said,

    October 25, 2012 at 5:02

    Scientists speculate [irises smell] like “brussels sprouts in the fourth dimension”.

    OK, so they smell pretty farty.

  15. N__B said,

    October 25, 2012 at 5:04

    Irises have no scent; repubs have no sense. A coincidence? I THINK NOT.

  16. Anonymous said,

    October 25, 2012 at 5:25

    What’s all this chatter about Poles? There’s nobody more Irish than Barry O’Bama!

    Also, while The Donald may not be chump change, he proves once again he is a chump.

  17. another kiwi said,

    October 25, 2012 at 5:26

    Nate Silver is smelling a scentless flower and calling an election that is not real!!

  18. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 25, 2012 at 5:53

    Iris scent ISREAL!!!

  19. John Revolta said,

    October 25, 2012 at 6:00

    So9 le3t5′s say6 so9me3body6 w2as t5o spi8ll a ti8ny bi8t5 o9f t5ea o9n hi8s
    co9mpu7t5er4 ke3y6bo9ard…………..w2hat5 sho9uld he3 do9?

    AFAt5F.

  20. another kiwi said,

    October 25, 2012 at 6:10

    Check the warantee!!! Veal all week

  21. John Revolta said,

    October 25, 2012 at 6:46

    got5t5a lo9ve3 t5hat5 u7psi8de3[-do9wn hu7mor4

  22. bbkf said,

    October 25, 2012 at 6:48

    So9 le3t5?s say6 so9me3body6 w2as t5o spi8ll a ti8ny bi8t5 o9f t5ea o9n hi8s
    co9mpu7t5er4 ke3y6bo9ard…………..w2hat5 sho9uld he3 do9?

    put it in a bag of rice? i dunno…i suck at story problems…

  23. bbkf said,

    October 25, 2012 at 6:50

    holy crap…american horror story is fricking scary and awesome as hell…all i can say is i am glad i was not locked out of my house tonight…i would have ruined my tights in more ways than one…

  24. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    October 25, 2012 at 6:58

    Oops.

    Well, I guess you really had to be there …

  25. another kiwi said,

    October 25, 2012 at 7:05

    In the real world I would unhook the keyboard and put it upside down on a paper towel. Maybe then leave it in the drying cupboard over night.

  26. John Revolta said,

    October 25, 2012 at 7:23

    dry6i8ng cu7p0bo9ard……………….what5 i8s t5hat5, so9me3 ki8nda o9scar4 w2ilde3 thi8ng/

  27. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 25, 2012 at 7:46

    Some note that 2008 was a wave election, where the enthusiasm and underlying fundamentals were so favorable to Obama that the outcome was easy to foresee

    Black guy with the muslim name: what wasn’t to like? He was a shoo-in.

  28. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 8:11

    That is a suspiciously short post. Who are and what have you done with Cerberus?

  29. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    October 25, 2012 at 9:24

    I actually got that DVD claiming Obama was a Communist’s son. Once again, disappointment that I don’t live in the reality the far-right spends most of their lives in washed over me.

  30. VCarlson said,

    October 25, 2012 at 9:37

    Once again, disappointment that I don’t live in the reality the far-right spends most of their lives in washed over me.

    Why? I assume it must be terrifying. My reality, in which a bunch of right wing nutcases are trying to roll society back to some alternate version of the ’50s, is scary enough. Theirs seems much worse.

  31. Smut Clyde said,

    October 25, 2012 at 9:52

    underlying fundamentals were so favorable to Obama

    “Underlying fundamentals” is such a nice alternative to “Republican incompetence and malfeasance too recent to be easily ignored”.

  32. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    October 25, 2012 at 10:03

    Why?

    Just imagine the kind of United States they live in, where a communist-affiliated individual actually not only stands a chance in politics, but has the capacity to reach the peaks of national statesmanship.

    Instead, we live in a reality where Red Scare bullshit still works in 2012 and the CPUSA is so rump-party that we’ve basically been telling people to just vote Democratic because we can’t even afford the belief that we’d run someone for presidential election since like, 1988.

    The disappointment is constant.

  33. vacuumslayer said,

    October 25, 2012 at 12:22

    Oh snap. Ohio is looking good for O. One poll has him up 5%. Now somebody tell that to my knotty stomach.

  34. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 25, 2012 at 13:59

    The fact is,

    http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/bal-rachel-marsden-how-the-election-could-go-wrong-for-romney-20121024,0,5775410.story

  35. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 25, 2012 at 14:07

    My reality, in which a bunch of right wing nutcases are trying to roll society back to some alternate version of the ’50s, is scary enough

    Alternate version of the 1450′s that is.

  36. Comrade Rutherford said,

    October 25, 2012 at 14:16

    Irises have no scent? First I’ve heard of that. We have purple irises that smell like grapes. We discovered that because of the smell that kept wafting into the house. Since there were no grapes near us, we finally went on the search. And it was the purple irises.

  37. N__B said,

    October 25, 2012 at 14:18

    Liz Taylor smelled like grapes?

  38. Thread Bear said,

    October 25, 2012 at 14:23

    Liz Taylor smelled like grapes?

    Moby Grapes or Gilbert Grapes?

  39. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 25, 2012 at 14:24

    Irises have no scent? First I’ve heard of that.

    Irises have no scent, but pupils smell faintly of angostura bitters.

  40. Real American said,

    October 25, 2012 at 14:54

    “National Argle Bargle” almost made me choke on my oatmeal.

    10/10 would read again

  41. Whale Chowder said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:09

    pupils smell faintly of angostura bitters.

    The pupils I’ve met smelled like fear and pot. The teachers didn’t smell much better.

  42. tigris said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:11

    “Underlying fundamentals” is such a nice alternative to “Republican incompetence and malfeasance too recent to be easily ignored”.

    The sad part is that apparently 4 years is beyond a lot of people’s memory threshold.

  43. vacuumslayer said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:38

    Liz Taylor had scented eyeballs?

  44. vacuumslayer said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:40

    Great. Now some marketing genius will convince women their eyeballs are stinky, and we’ll all have to start wearing eye cologne in scents like “Morning Mist.”

  45. vacuumslayer said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:41

    “Sure that chick was hot, but did you smell her eyeballs?”

  46. N__B said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:41

    Great. Now some marketing genius will convince women their eyeballs are stinky

    This has been true for years, but men are too solicitous of women’s feelings to point out your eyeball stinkiness.

  47. Thread Bear said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:50

    Warning: I have stink eye!

  48. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    October 25, 2012 at 15:50

    Ironically, the chemical composition of “eye cologne” will actually be indistinguishable from your various chemical spray weaponry.

  49. JohnR said,

    October 25, 2012 at 16:04

    VC: “Theirs seems much worse.” That’s only because everything in it is terrifying. Even the women’s eyeballs smell faintly of angostura bitters. In a Proper Reality, they’d smell faintly of bourbon and cigars.

  50. Thread Bear said,

    October 25, 2012 at 16:04

    Good news, my stink eye has been cured. Thanks to the friendly officers of the UC Davis campus police my eyes now have a fresh minty peppery scent!

  51. vacuumslayer said,

    October 25, 2012 at 16:17

    Stink-eye is catching; you can give it to other people.

  52. Pryme said,

    October 25, 2012 at 16:19

    Guess there’s some voter fraud going on afterall.

  53. CRA said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:07

    and we’ll all have to start wearing eye cologne in scents like “Morning Mist.”

    It would sting like hell, but could still catch on, like heels, girdles, tweezing, and other unpleasant lady stuff I’m forgetting.

  54. tigris said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:13

    Eye cologne nothing, EYE DOUCHING. Bookmark it, libs.

  55. El Manquecito said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:31

    Many years ago I was at a party where a young woman gave a demonstration of eye bonging. She filled the column with smoke, fixed her open eye to it and inhaled through her eye. Seemed very effective for her.

  56. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:35

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eyewash

  57. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:42

    Try new and improved Misty Eye for that alluring look! Five new captivating scents!

  58. Whale Chowder said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:43

    “Ever worry that your eyes don’t have that fresh mountain meadow feeling? Try new Misty Mountain, the eye douche with resin!”

  59. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:46

    Ever worry your eyes don’t have that country-style, farm fresh feeling? Try our new milkweed alfalfa and clover eye douche!

  60. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:53

    Now somebody tell that to my knotty stomach.

    Naughty stomach! No cookies for you!

  61. Gerald Fnord said,

    October 25, 2012 at 17:57

    and we’ll all have to start wearing eye cologne in scents like “Morning Mist.”

    I first read that as ‘Mormon Mist’…which attempts to reproduce either the look in Mr Romney’s eyes when he contemplates his money and the money to come, or that through which one must see the world through for L.D.S. to seem reasonable….

  62. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 25, 2012 at 18:00

    Many years ago I was at a party where a young woman gave a demonstration of eye bonging. She filled the column with smoke, fixed her open eye to it and inhaled through her eye. Seemed very effective for her.

    But did it leave her with bloodshot eyes?

  63. El Manquecito said,

    October 25, 2012 at 18:05

    Like two cherries in a pail of buttermilk.

  64. Thread Bear said,

    October 25, 2012 at 18:31

    She filled the column with smoke, fixed her open eye to it and inhaled through her eye.

    Apparently that’s not a new thing.

  65. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 18:32

    No surprise but it is interesting to note just how fucking petty Willard is.

    http://www.bostonglobe.com/news/politics/2012/10/24/mitt-romney-overruled-state-agency-and-rejected-new-birth-certificates-for-children-born-gay-parents/TqOHBb99V98H6nGQqUQrjO/story.html?camp=fb

  66. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 25, 2012 at 18:42

    No surprise but it is interesting to note just how fucking petty Willard is.

    If the father raped the mother, can they make a handwritten note of that on the birth certificate too?

  67. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:02

    If the father raped the mother, can they make a handwritten note of that on the birth certificate too?

    But that wouldn’t be be gay. That’s the will of god, telegraphed directly from Kobol Kolob so it’s just hunky dory!

  68. Pryme said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:08

    Shorter Walter Russell Mead: I’m going to ignore what Mitt Romney did in Massachusetts, what’s happening in conservative states in the South, and examples like left-leaning Maryland to blame Obama and liberalism for what’s going on in Illinois. Also, blacks would be better off if if the black guy wasn’t president.

    (h/t )

  69. DAS said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:11

    A Romney quote (from prepared remarks … he wasn’t just speaking off the cuff here) from Pupienus’ link:

    The children of America have the right to have a father and a mother

    A right? Even if you are committed to the household=father+mother+2.5*kid+dog+cat+3 bedroom house in the ‘burbs model of the nuclear family, how would you say this is a child’s right. If a child is born to a single mother, does the government, acting to promote the child’s right to a father and a mother, force the mother to give up the child to a married couple or force the mother to get married?

    Either Mitt “smaller government” Romney supports a sort of coercive government beyond the imagination of the most wild-eyed New Deal Big Government “Nanny State” Democrat or Romney really doesn’t mean what he is saying about that right. Or … well, I guess it can be both — the GOP’s complaints about “Big Government Democrats” are just so much projection and the GOoPers don’t really mean what they say about the rights of kids or the un-born but are just in it to be assholes and expand the coercive powers of government over women, gays, et al.

  70. Thread Bear said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:12

    I just watched a clip from the Rachel Maddow Show that showed that there is a possibility that we could end up with a Romney/Biden or an Obama/Ryan administration. Or even, gods forbid, a Boehner administration. I’m going to go drink heavily now.

  71. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:13

    But that wouldn’t be be gay. That’s the will of god, telegraphed directly from Kobol Kolob so it’s just hunky dory!

    At this point I won’t even be surprised if they turn this into some sort of “snowflake baby” bullshit and pretend that a rape babby is somehow MOAR BETTERER AND SOOPER SPESHUL.

  72. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:15

    Or even, gods forbid, a Boehner administration.

    WOO! Boehner for Oompa Loompa King! Chocolate for everyone!

  73. DAS said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:15

    “Good call, with a quick look I had assumed it was a narcissus.”

    How do we know it’s not a narcissus? What about the kerning?

  74. DAS said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:16

    Scientists speculate [irises smell] like “brussels sprouts in the fourth dimension”.

    OK, so they smell pretty farty.

    IOW, dogs would like that smell

  75. tigris said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:22

    The children of America have the right to have a father and a mother

    This just in: orphans plan class action lawsuit against Death.

  76. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:32

    IOW, dogs would like that smell

    Good point! They have no scent THAT WE CAN PERCEIVE!

    I should have thought of that myself. I recently read Inside of a Dog which encourages the reader to imagine they are experiencing the world from their cute cute dog‘s perspective.

  77. bbkf said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:36

    “Some gays are actually having children born to them,’’ he declared. “It’s not right on paper. It’s not right in fact. Every child has a right to a mother and father.’’

    uhhhhhhh…they DO have a mother and a father dipshit…does mitt not get biology? and as for the ‘right’ which is what first caught my eye (smells spicy & pumpkiny in honor of the season), what DAS said upthread…

  78. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:39

    You should eye douche with Terrier water, sparkling water from the centre of the dog.

  79. bbkf said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:40

    Or … well, I guess it can be both — the GOP’s complaints about “Big Government Democrats” are just so much projection and the GOoPers don’t really mean what they say about the rights of kids or the un-born but are just in it to be assholes and expand the coercive powers of government over women, gays, et al.

    couple of things: 1. yes, it’s always projection b. this is amply displayed once again here in mn with the marriage amendment…same sex marriage is ALREADY illegal in mn (sadly) so we don’t need a constitutional amendment against it…so much taxpayer expense has unnessecarily gone to promoting more government intrusion into citizens’ lives, which you know, is more fucking government…GAAAAAAAAH!

  80. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:41

    That explains why all those iDouches only drink fancy imported bottled water.

  81. LittlePig said,

    October 25, 2012 at 19:42

    “And on the deodarant, it says ‘do not put in eye’. Is this a problem now? I mean how often does it happen – Ladies, you know how that guy is nice and considerate, but he just has that ol’ stink eye…”

    Bill Engvall from about a dozen years ago. Can’t find a clip here behind the Borg.

  82. bbkf said,

    October 25, 2012 at 20:17

    very shortly i’m off to tend to the last minute details of tonight’s fundraiser…we’re hosting 115 ladies at our first ever fashion showcase fundraiser…as it’s a first time event, i’m fairly nervous…vs is not the only one with a knotty stomach…it was cold enough to snow a bit overnight and we have the threat of rain, so i hope it doesn’t keep our guests away…anyhoo, there will be wine…and chocolate, so there’s that…catch y’all later!

  83. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 25, 2012 at 20:21

    This just in: orphans plan class action lawsuit against Death.

    No, they’ll just start drafting unmarried men and women to marry widows and widowers. Have a spouse die? Wait 3-6 weeks and your Republican small government spouse will be delivered to your door. In chains if necessary.

  84. Thread Bear said,

    October 25, 2012 at 20:32

    On election day I’m going to wear a small official looking sticker that says “iVoted” and see how many people ask me where I got the app for that.

  85. Pryme said,

    October 25, 2012 at 20:47

    Let me count the ways

    (Are these really humans? I mean, from Earth?)

  86. Thread Bear said,

    October 25, 2012 at 20:59

    Let me count the ways…

    “if you go down that road, some girls, they rape so easy.”
    –Republican State Representative Roger Rivard (WI)

    This sounds like he’s giving directions. I picture him following this up with “and if you go down this road you’ll find a great deli”.

  87. Smut Clyde said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:01

    The children of America have the right to have a father and a mother
    Few people know about the ‘matrimony draft’ designed to fill the gap in the event of parental death.

    I recently read Inside of a Dog
    You took a torch?

  88. Smut Clyde said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:02

    I will AHEM myself to save Helmut Monotreme the trouble.

  89. Smut Clyde said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:04

    “Some gays are actually having children born to them,’’
    Don’t tell Mitt that his own sons are having children born to them through surrogate mothers.

  90. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:09

    In chains if necessary.

    Not my thing, but I’m fine with it as long as it’s consensual and there are clearly agreed-upon safewords.

  91. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:12

    Don’t tell Mitt that his own sons are having children born to them through surrogate mothers.

    Is this because the Romney bloodline is so thin that without heroic medical intervention, his diseased and dissapated spawn cannot produce viable heirs to the Romney fortune? It would be irrepsonsible not to speculate!

  92. Anonymous said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:28

    Forget Nate Thilver and Long Duk Wang, here’s the real electoral math:

    (Gallup likely voter daily tracking + Rasmussen) * the White Horse factor / the Curse of Ham = ROMNEY VICTORY

  93. gocart mozart said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:37

    How many snowflake babies die per one live birth?
    Google Research!
    https://www.sartcorsonline.com/rptCSR_PublicMultYear.aspx?ClinicPKID=0

    If I’m reading the stats correctly, about 3 embryos die per one live birth. IVF is MURDER!

  94. Zombie Groucho Marx said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:42

    I recently read Inside of a Dog
    You took a torch?

    AHEM!

    http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/713.html

  95. tigris said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:43

    Is this because the Romney bloodline is so thin that without heroic medical intervention, his diseased and dissapated spawn cannot produce viable heirs to the Romney fortune?

    Modern handmaidenry? 21st century polygamy? Polygamy in Mormonism was always about squirting out enough offspring to populate that planet you’re god of with your spirit babies, after all.

  96. bughunter said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:46

    eye bonging

    At least it wasn’t Eye Chugging with Boxwine.

  97. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:52

    Modern handmaidenry? 21st century polygamy? Polygamy in Mormonism was always about squirting out enough offspring to populate that planet you’re god of with your spirit babies, after all.

    No, not sinister enough. The spiritual bullshit was always cover for a money making or power grabbing scam. They are clearly siring and raising a secret army of cloned surrogates and raising them in underground installations all over the American west. They will be used in a totally unexpected power grab, or as disposable coal or uranium miners.

  98. another kiwi said,

    October 25, 2012 at 21:52

    Blind drunk?

  99. CRA said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:01

    “Some gays are actually having children born to them,’’ he declared. “It’s not right on paper. It’s not right in fact. Every child has a right to a mother and father.’’

    Protip: “born UNTO them” sounds more biblical.

    This guy has not given a moment’s thought to the difference between biological parentage and the parenting that a child might receive. That’s conservative thought for you: it looks like the first feeble, bigoted grope toward an understanding of something, but it’s not, it’s the assertive voicing of a stillborn process.

  100. Zombie Groucho Marx said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:04

    Kill all liberals for freedumb

    http://www.wnd.com/2012/10/how-to-disarm-the-mainstream-media/

    It is improbable that the framers of the Constitution anticipated a situation in which the press were entirely given over to seditious, anti-American policies. If they had, it is likely that their modus operandi would be similar to that for any faction found guilty of high crimes. Trials for treason and the requisite sentences would apply, and I would have no qualms about seeing such sentences executed, no matter how severe.

  101. gocart mozart said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:04

    That was me

  102. CRA said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:05

    Eye bonging is the stupidest stunt I’ve heard of in a long time. Smoke in your lungs is unpleasant. The bong is there to make the smoke more pleasant to inhale. Smoke in your eye is unpleasant. By extension, a proper eye bong would make the smoke less irritating to the eye. I don’t think that’s possible, though.

  103. tigris said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:06

    They are clearly siring and raising a secret army of cloned surrogates and raising them in underground installations all over the American west.

    Mountain Meadows Massacre II – this time it’s personal. But we’ll baptize you into our faith after, so it’s all good! For us.

  104. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:06

    a proper eye bong

    Let us go shopping.

  105. gocart mozart said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:13

    It’s true, everyone/everything has a facebook page

    http://www.facebook.com/eye.bong.9

  106. CRA said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:14

    “Wrong Eye Bong? Please try again”–FaceBook

  107. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:20

    “And on the deodarant, it says ‘do not put in eye’. Is this a problem now?

    Could be….

  108. tigris said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:20

    What’s ironic is the extent to which Americans’ free speech is under assault at present. While this is more evident among the non-liberal, non-secular folks among us, this oppression is just part of a design that will ultimately stifle all of our speech and liberties to varying extents.

    Laughing at conservatives, pointing out their lies and hypocrisy: oppressive stifling of speech.
    Jailing and executing members of the press as a tool to utterly remove remove liberals and progressives from the political process: what the Constitution and Founding Fathers REALLY MEANT by freedom of the press, of speech, and equal protection.

    And the he has the balls to call the clear, obvious interpretation of the first amendment “Orwellian.”

  109. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:42

    Speaking of bacefook pages for everything, for Spearhafoc.

  110. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:52

    The fucking Salt Lake City Tribune endorses Obama.

  111. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:01

    iBong.

    Shirley I can’t be the first to think of it?
    ~

  112. Lancelot Link said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:08

    Don’t tell Mitt that his own sons are having children born to them through surrogate mothers.
    I think you’ll find the proper term to be “sister wives”.

  113. Major Kong said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:15

    And on the deodarant, it says ‘do not put in eye’. Is this a problem now?

    You’ll put your eye out kid.

  114. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:19

    Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:42 (kill)

    Speaking of bacefook pages for everything, for Spearhafoc.

    AHEM! (on behalf of Spearhafoc)

  115. gocart mozart said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:34

    AWESOME!
    Stephen Colbert Offers Donald Trump $1,000,000 to Charity ‘If You’ll Let Me Dip My Balls In Your Mouth’

    http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/scarce/stephen-colbert-offers-donald-trump-1000000

  116. Gerald Fnord said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:36

    There was an eye-bong in my martini
    An high bong with a twist! [...]

    Eyebongs, eyebongs, eyebongs
    Eyebongs everywhere
    Eyebongs, eyebongs, eyebongs
    Floating through the air

    Also reminiscent of Dennis Leary his last funny moment:


    For years pot was just joints, and then bongs came out and bongs were ok too, but then bongs weren’t good enough for some people. “Neeehhhhhh!” Remember that friend in high school wanted to make bongs out of everything. Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit? Come in one day and find your friend going, “Hey! Look man, I made a bong outta my head! Put the pot in this ear and take it outta this one! Good! Take a hit!

    (My guess: most of the absorption is still in the lungs, not enough retinal vein surface-area and the vessels aren’t nearly as transparent to interesting chemicals as the alveoli.)

  117. bughunter said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:39

    Fun tease for those of you who, like me, are entertained by arbitrary Proper Nouns, contrived geography, and lots of boobies all rolled into one.

  118. Pupienus said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:41

    Bitter Scribe said,

    October 25, 2012 at 22:52 (kill)

    The fucking Salt Lake City Tribune endorses Obama.

    AHEM!

    As for OBS, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO REMEMBER SHIT FROM FUCKING WEEKS AGO!

  119. gocart mozart said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:46

    Heh.
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeedpolitics/obama-says-ayn-rand-is-for-teens
    Q: Have you ever read Ayn Rand?
    Obama: Sure.

    Q: What do you think Paul Ryan’s obsession with her work would mean if he were vice president?

    Obama: Well, you’d have to ask Paul Ryan what that means to him. Ayn Rand is one of those things that a lot of us, when we were 17 or 18 and feeling misunderstood, we’d pick up. Then, as we get older, we realize that a world in which we’re only thinking about ourselves and not thinking about anybody else, in which we’re considering the entire project of developing ourselves as more important than our relationships to other people and making sure that everybody else has opportunity – that that’s a pretty narrow vision. It’s not one that, I think, describes what’s best in America. Unfortunately, it does seem as if sometimes that vision of a “you’re on your own” society has consumed a big chunk of the Republican Party

  120. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:57

    As for OBS, DON’T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO REMEMBER SHIT FROM FUCKING WEEKS AGO!

    Sounds like somebody needs a hit from the eyebong.

  121. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 25, 2012 at 23:59

    Shorter Fox News:

    “Stand your ground” laws are awesome but only as long as the people getting killed are NI[CLANG!]s.

  122. Pupienus said,

    October 26, 2012 at 0:01

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeedpolitics/obama-says-ayn-rand-is-for-teens

    Rats, he didn’t say anything about Orcs.

  123. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 0:16

    AHEM!

    Discussion of what one can expect to remember is perfectly appropriate in the eyebong thread.

  124. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 26, 2012 at 0:19

    Aww, I was hoping that would be pictures of Christina Hendricks instead of a reminder of my own public humiliation. Oh well.

  125. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 0:23

    Shorter Fox News:

    “Stand your ground” laws are awesome but only as long as the people getting killed are NI[CLANG!]s.

    Wow, that’s awful. You’d think that an eye witness contradicting the shooter’s “charging” story would be enough to at least warrant a little more investigation. Fucking gun morons.

  126. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 0:24

    Full interview here:
    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/obama-and-the-road-ahead-the-rolling-stone-interview-20121025

  127. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 0:25

    Currently that National Review article conveniently lists items from around the web that I should pay attention to, and they want me to take Vice’s advice and watch Harmony Korine’s new film.

  128. Rip said,

    October 26, 2012 at 0:51

    In Bizarro world Nate Silver am always wrong and Dick Morris am always right. Romney win election because he lose to Obama. Long live Htrae!

  129. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 1:31

    Man, I just don’t know.

  130. Pupienus said,

    October 26, 2012 at 1:43

    Man, I just don’t know

    Perhaps it is the execrable, non-explanatory writing and the numerous typographic and grammatical errors that lead to your confusion. I telz ya, them TPM folks need an editor.

  131. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 1:45

    Yes, that really sucked.

  132. Pupienus said,

    October 26, 2012 at 1:54

    interesting chart.

  133. Buttchugging said,

    October 26, 2012 at 1:59

    “Eye bonging is the stupidest stunt I’ve heard of in a long time. ”

    How quickly I’m forgotten.

  134. paleotectonics said,

    October 26, 2012 at 2:14

    Buttchugging said,
    October 26, 2012 at 1:59

    “Eye bonging is the stupidest stunt I’ve heard of in a long time. ”

    How quickly I’m forgotten.

    Don’t worry, BC, everything has its time. You’ll return, lil’ dude. I mean, look, the 80′s saw a 60′s revival, ABBA saw the A-teens, teh NFL did throwback uniforms.
    I suspect you’ll be back after hyperdermic needles and Mt. Dew Xtreme Guano Flava. So, no tears, bud, no tears.

  135. Both Sides Do It said,

    October 26, 2012 at 2:41

    INTERNET FOUL

    Using the term “argle bargle” to refer to anything besides a certain glibertarian Daily Beast columnist with a heated mixer fetish.

    The snark is all we have, we can’t devalue it through muddled overuse. We must remain secure in the purity of our precious insults.

  136. N__B said,

    October 26, 2012 at 2:47

    I have one word to describe why buttchugging and eyebonging don’t go together: backwash.

  137. VCarlson said,

    October 26, 2012 at 2:47

    Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
    October 25, 2012 at 14:07

    My reality, in which a bunch of right wing nutcases are trying to roll society back to some alternate version of the ’50s, is scary enough

    Alternate version of the 1450?s that is.

    There’s a reason I didn’t specify century.

  138. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 2:57

    OK, OK. Eye bonging is the stupidest stunt I’ve heard of in a very short time.

    Truth be told I’d rather butt-chug.

  139. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 26, 2012 at 3:06

    Don’t worry, something even stupider will come down the pike in about 3 seconds.
    ~

  140. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 3:08

    Buttbonging is the new eyechugging.

  141. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 26, 2012 at 3:11

    I’ve heard of putting cocaine in your penis/vulva.

  142. Pupienus said,

    October 26, 2012 at 3:15

    Not in MY penis you haven’t .

  143. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 3:42

    I call your attention to prior art on head-bonging.

    Prior to reading it, I had not been aware that “The record [for ‘squirting milk from the eye’] is currently held by Mike Moraal of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. The record is for distance and Mike managed 8.745 feet in 2001.”

  144. another kiwi said,

    October 26, 2012 at 3:58

    Apparently, talented faux Scottish chanteur Roderick Stewart has revealed that he took cocaine anally or “up the jacksie” as it is more correctly known. This was to guard against nasal rot. I read it in “NME” so it must be true

  145. another kiwi said,

    October 26, 2012 at 4:05

    Let me see now, where are the instructions that Thunder sent me on how this intertubes thing works? I must have forgotten them. Wait on….NME

  146. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 4:19

    If someone posts the stuff-found-up-asses list I will have circumnavigated the web.

  147. bughunter said,

    October 26, 2012 at 4:31

    Only if the list includes a box of wine.

  148. paleotectonics said,

    October 26, 2012 at 4:35

    If someone puts goatse up their ass I’ll be impressed

  149. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 4:45

    “I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor… And I have never had my stomach pumped, either of naval-issue semen nor of any other kind of semen.”–Rod Stewart

    Naval-issue, LOL. His autobiography might be fun.

  150. another kiwi said,

    October 26, 2012 at 4:49

    I am wondering about the current levels of naval issue sperm. How does it stack up beside the 1916 benchmark?

  151. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 4:57

    I am wondering about the current levels of naval issue sperm. How does it stack up beside the 1916 benchmark?

    The Romney camp warns of our 1916-level total squirt numbers,
    but Obama has countered that, at 50% of world total sperm volume,
    our navy has more blast power than the rest of the world combined.

  152. M. Bouffant said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:13

    I can think of several easier & less disgusting ways to save one’s septum from various powders than butt-chugging.

    Obvs. Rooster Rod the Mod just wanted to shove stuff up his ass.

  153. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:16

    the stuff-found-up-asses list

    Worst pinata EVAH.

  154. paleotectonics said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:18

    I do not recommend watching this.

  155. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:20

    Did someone say ass?*

    *Note: I swear it’s not Goatse.

  156. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:52

    What would you make if you had to cook something with apples and crabs?

    Would you rather lose your leg or your eyeball?

    How much money would you want to build a collage of a curtain within the next 109 hours?

    How would you make art out of boobies and kiwis?

    Would you prefer to die from a respiratory tract infection in a cellar, or by being boiled to death in a changing room?

    What is the best way for us to minimize the role of disaster in our lives?

    Discuss this saying from Vanuatu: “If you need to stagger to a pencil case full of felt, don’t call a walu”.

    What could we do right now to understand the role of pure cowardice in our lives?

    Which is a better band name: ‘The Monstrous Swan-Icky’ or ‘The Flew Bali-Anus’?

  157. another kiwi said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:58

    How would you make art out of boobies and kiwis?
    I’d probably glue some feathers from each onto a macaroni picture and spray some sparkly shit on it. people like that stuff.

  158. S. cerevisiae said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:59

    How about Kiwis with boobies?

  159. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 26, 2012 at 5:59

    Eye bonging is the stupidest stunt I’ve heard of in a long time.

    Oh, wow. I knew a few stoners back in the early 80s who did what they called “eye hits” that were this same thing. A bit later, after he’d gone straight, one of them said that that was what made him realize he’d gone too far with the whole pot thing. I asked why they did it in the first place.

    He said that “it made your eye feel all weird.”

  160. The Flew Bali Anus said,

    October 26, 2012 at 6:00

    We’re putting the band back together, man.

  161. Whale Chowder said,

    October 26, 2012 at 9:17

    How about Kiwis with boobies?

    Obligatory.

  162. Whale Chowder said,

    October 26, 2012 at 9:18

    Um, let’s try that again.

  163. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 9:34

    What would you make if you had to cook something with apples and crabs?

    Oh noes, pizza again.

  164. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 9:39

    How about Kiwis with boobies?
    Aaand we’re back to Rod Stewart.

  165. M. Bouffant said,

    October 26, 2012 at 10:44

    What would you make if you had to cook something with apples and crabs?
    If life gives you apples & crabs, make crabapples.

  166. M. Bouffant said,

    October 26, 2012 at 10:45

    Rachel Hunter is a registered Republican.

    Feh. She’s dead to me.

  167. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 12:40

    If life gives you apples & crabs, make crabapples.

    Life gave me duct tape, but this here tapenade sure doesn’t taste right.

  168. vacuumslayer said,

    October 26, 2012 at 14:18

    Don’t worry, BC, everything has its time. You’ll return, lil’ dude. I mean, look, the 80?s saw a 60?s revival, ABBA saw the A-teens, teh NFL did throwback uniforms.
    I suspect you’ll be back after hyperdermic needles and Mt. Dew Xtreme Guano Flava. So, no tears, bud, no tears.

    But when will MC Hammer pants come back in style? AFAF.

  169. vacuumslayer said,

    October 26, 2012 at 14:22

    Hey…question for all your computer geeks out there. I’ve switched from Firefox to Chrome because Firefox has gone wonky on me, and I’m looking for a right-click rich editor extension for Chrome. I had one for Firefox, where I could right-click to add html tags like italics and blockquote to my text…but I cannot find any such commensurate addon for Chrome.

  170. vacuumslayer said,

    October 26, 2012 at 14:23

    Feh. She’s dead to me.

    MB is no longer in love with Stacy’s mom.

  171. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 26, 2012 at 14:35

    Funny, I switched back to Firefox after I got tired of Chrome’s “dead tabs” syndrome.
    ~

  172. vs only buttchugs classy wines like Riunite Peach said,

    October 26, 2012 at 15:26

    Well, fuck you, thudner!!

  173. g said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:17

    Why is that man sniffing an iris? THEY HAVE NO SCENT.

    It’s not an iris. It’s a dietes iridiodies and it also has no scent. FWIW many iris have scent.

  174. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:18

    I use Quicksilver’s shelf plugin to drag tags into fields. It sits in an area off screen and only appears when you put the mouse on the edge of the screen. It also means it works across applications.

  175. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:21

    Gee, first writing of the morning is bad. So:

    The Revolution will be emitted!
    There will be no nymphs of bath or asininities of feelings.
    The Revolution will not be disassembled, brother.
    The Revolution will not tax the joke, brother.
    You will not be able to twin the stork.
    The Revolution will not be clamped.
    The Revolution will not be strangulated, brother.
    The Revolution will not wreck the bitch, brother.
    The Revolution will not cut off the boob.
    The Revolution will not tattoo absurdities onto the disease, brother.
    There will be no brassieres of powers, brother.

  176. tsam said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:28

    Stacy’s mom lives about 2 miles from me. Her son plays hockey for the Spokane Chiefs.

    That’s how cool I am.

  177. Thread Bear said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:31

    Do not answer Subby’s questions, he’s just trying to discover if you’re a replicant or not.

  178. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:35

    How much money would you want to build a collage of a curtain within the next 109 hours?

    I would do this for no money, just the necessary supplies.

  179. bbkf said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:36

    OMG…my fundraiser last night was a HUGE success!!! imma post pics on the foundation website if you want a looky later on…but this is much sadness for our little town’s main street…for pics of it in what it looked like, look here. it was in the process of being rehabbed…

  180. tsam said,

    October 26, 2012 at 16:36

    Let me tell you about my mother…

    SIT DOWN, DKW.

  181. tsam said,

    October 26, 2012 at 17:05

    We must remain secure in the purity piety of our precious insults.

  182. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 17:07

    Alicublog on the evolving right-wing response to Lena Dunham’s innocuous ad.

    It’s not yet clear from Roy’s posts, but the fact that Vladimir Putin once ran a “lose your metaphorical virginity by voting for Vlad” ad might become a big scary deal on the right, if they can tear themselves away from the racial angle for a moment or two.

    Putin, of course, invented the use of virginity in figurative language … It would be fun to find a clip of Romney saying “The proof is in the pudding” or some such phrase, then find Hitler or Pol Pot saying the same thing, then we could all act serious about the present danger.

  183. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 26, 2012 at 17:32

    I am wondering about the current levels of naval issue sperm. How does it stack up beside the 1916 benchmark?

    Dammit. There’s a joke here about horses, penises, semen and bayonets. I know there is.

  184. Pryme said,

    October 26, 2012 at 17:33

    These guys have more Daddy issues then a Spielberg movie.

  185. bbkf said,

    October 26, 2012 at 17:44

    Wow, that’s awful. You’d think that an eye witness contradicting the shooter’s “charging” story would be enough to at least warrant a little more investigation. Fucking gun morons.

    are they fucking serious, here?!?!? i couldn’t get much past the twat with the black hair screaming, ‘that is murder!’ so i don’t know how the rest of that clip went…i like to think the dissonance was so extreme that their was a triple whiplash incident…

  186. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 17:55

    Dammit. There’s a joke here about horses, penises, semen and bayonets. I know there is.

    Don’t forget our nation’s brave seamen, and other service “members.”

  187. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 17:57

    Colbert asks the tough questions about Obama
    http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/420540/october-24-2012/nonstop-libya-gate-questions

  188. El Manquecito said,

    October 26, 2012 at 18:49

    Dammit. There’s a joke here about horses, penises, semen and bayonets. I know there is.

    Smyt probably has a woodcut of that though it may include cephalopods.

  189. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    October 26, 2012 at 19:17

    Eyebongs?
    EYEB0NGS???

    ϯ ϵ Ϧ____ ϝ ϥ Ͼ Ϗ ?!?1?

  190. paleotectonics said,

    October 26, 2012 at 19:22

    ? ? ?____ ? ? ? ? ?!?1?

    Atchally, the trick is in the exhale. Bellybutton.

  191. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 26, 2012 at 19:32

    SIT DOWN, DKW.

    That’s what she said whilst gyrating her magnificent double wide hips.

  192. Pryme said,

    October 26, 2012 at 19:58

    her magnificent double wide hips

    Band…Song (specifically, the hook)

  193. paleotectonics said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:05

    whilst gyrating her magnificent double wide hips.

    Dear Forum,

    I’m an apprentice embalmer, and although I’ve seen many corpses, I never thought this would happen to me.

  194. tsam said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:10

    eyebonging, buttchugging, sex with moms…

    How fucked up are you when the regular old ways of getting hammered just aren’t doing it for you?

    Fucked up much, that’s how much.

  195. Pupienus said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:20

    I tried making something with crabs once but they’re so small and hard to remove I gave up.

  196. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:20

    Wait, you can get hammered by having sex with somebody’s mom? Does it work if she’s an adoptive mom? Does it work if you use protection?

    Details, man! We can’t rely on DKW for everything.

  197. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:26

    Berlosconi sentenced to prison for tax fraud.
    http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/10/26/us-berlusconi-mediaset-idUSBRE89P0PZ20121026

  198. Another Kiwi said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:43

    Bunga bunga baby!
    Oh Noes Lena Dunham haz destroyed civilisation, agen! Why will the Kenyans not leave us alone!!!

  199. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:48

    It’s not an iris. It’s a dietes iridiodies
    A member of the Irideae tribe is GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

  200. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 20:59

    At least Obama didn’t call Romney a “goat fucking child molester”. Imagine the vapors that would have caused at RedState?
    http://www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2010/03/cnn_and_right

  201. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:05

    Did somekiwi say babby?
    ~

  202. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:15

    There’s a disturbing lack of ass on this thread.

  203. Major Kong said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:20

    There’s a disturbing lack of ass on this thread.

    Not sure who that is, but I’ll be in my bunk.

  204. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:27

    Did somekiwi say babby?

    Dammit, jigs up.

  205. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:27

    Julie Newmar, best known as Catwoman on the 60s Batman show.

  206. Major Kong said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:28

    Julie Newmar, best known as Catwoman on the 60s Batman show.

    meeeeeeeoooooooowwwwwww!!!!

  207. paleotectonics said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:29

    There’s a disturbing lack of ass on this thread.

    Ummm.

    Oooof.

    Not sure who that is, but I’ll be in my bunk.

    Good call, Major.

  208. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:29

    To protect and serve.

  209. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:38

    To protect and serve.

    It’s a cookbook!

  210. Pupienus said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:39

    HAHA Smut fails the Interwebz.

  211. tsam said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:48

    Wait, you can get hammered by having sex with somebody’s mom?

    Hammered has multiple meanings…dig a little deeper.

  212. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:51

    ,,,dig a little deeper.

    That’s what your mom said.

  213. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:52

    Did somekiwi say babby?

    OK that is AWESOME.

  214. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 21:53

    Bunga bunga

    Unga bunga bunga G.

  215. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:31

    Ben Shapiro talks about John Kerry’s penis. No, really.

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2012/10/25/HBO-star-ad-Obama-voting-first-time-sex
    “Yes, she just compared sex with voting. And she mocked virgins – “No, I didn’t vote, I wasn’t ready.” And she said that Barack Obama’s the guy she’d rather have sex – er, vote – with. She actually saved herself for Barack Obama (she’s 26) – she could have swiped her V(oting)-card with John Kerry, but he was too limp a candidate, apparently. A real flip-flopper.”

  216. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:32

    HAHA Smut fails the Interwebzwas sabotaged by S,N hamsters.
    http://boingboing.net/2012/10/25/nypd-officer-planned-to-kidnap.html

  217. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:36

    I finally watched that commercial. Makes me wish I had HBO so I could see this “Girls.”

    As for Ben, what can you say about someone who makes a (stupid, unfunny) impotence joke in the middle of a rant about someone else’s (very clever) virginity joke?

  218. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:37

    Over at alicublog, mds linked a Reagan quote for the pearl-clutchers: “I know what it’s like to pull the Republican lever for the first time, because I used to be a Democrat myself, and I can tell you it only hurts for a minute and then it feels just great.”

    VAPORS, I HAZ THEM.

  219. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:37

    Goddamnit. Forgot to set my nym back from my last Fake Gary.

  220. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:38

    Too bad, I was liking the new Gary.

  221. lobbey said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:49

    been away for a bit, so can someone fill me in, any; ‘… bookmark this, libs? ‘ to date

  222. Pryme said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:51

    Execute Order 66.”

    You’d think a person so comfortable with lying would have a better Photoshop Team.

  223. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:52

    Wait, wingnuts are still on the “John Kerry is a flip-flopper” meme? Are they…not aware of the guy they’re currently running?

  224. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:55

    been away for a bit, so can someone fill me in, any; ‘… bookmark this, libs? ‘ to date

    Trolling has been light except for some 9/11 nitwittery every once in a while.

  225. Pryme said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:58

    I finally watched that commercial. Makes me wish I had HBO so I could see this “Girls.”

    Except for the fact that the male characters are one-dimensional, the stars are all celebrity offspring and minorities are ridiculously absent (despite the setting), I understand it’s a decent show.

  226. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 22:59

    Breaking: TBogg steals ideas from Cerberus!
    http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/

  227. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:00

    There was also that racist dude a while ago. The one saying the Chinese were winning Olympic medals because of racial purity or some such crap.

  228. gocart mozart said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:03

    Oops, different shitheel.
    http://www.examiner.com/article/the-far-left-turns-to-nate-silver-for-wisdom-on-the-polls?cid=db_articles
    Also, “human gravy manufacturing plant Dean Chambers” is a keeper.

  229. Lancelot Link said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:10

    been away for a bit, so can someone fill me in, any; ‘… bookmark this, libs? ‘ to date
    He’s occupying Balloon Juice this election.

  230. bughunter said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:13

    When it’s not “It’s Always Projection,” then it’s “IOKIYAR.”

    From TPM: Reagan joked about his first time 32 years before Dunham did.

  231. Smut Clyde said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:18

    You’d think a person so comfortable with lying would have a better Photoshop Team.

    Goodness. The last time I saw that kind of visual disaster was in the middle of a migraine scotoma.

  232. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:18

    Brent Bozell once again demonstrates how awful Hollywood is by listing all the sexy details in their shows.

  233. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:23

    [...] she could have swiped her V(oting)-card with John Kerry, but he was too limp a candidate, apparently. A real flip-flopper.

    What these people want is a face-slapper. Thwap! Thwap! went the candidate, and I pulled his lever.

  234. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:24

    “These people” being Ben Shapiro and his team, not the young woman with the commercial.

  235. Another Kiwi said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:33

    For an abject lesson in 14 year-old-schoolboy tweeting haz a look at Bent’s Twitter. At the best he’s a “poo-poo is funniez” man

  236. CRA said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:41

    To be clear, even if I liked Romney’s views (whatever they are), it’s still 100% clear that a vote for him says you want to be dominated by a world-class prick.

    That’s the main sense in which he’s a known quantity, and it’s the part nobody in the big conservative tent has ever had any problem with.

  237. Alice Joans said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:41

    Trolling has been light except for some 9/11 nitwittery every once in a while.

    Nitwittery, say ye? Well perhaps you haven’t studied the science, good sir!

  238. tsam's Jaxie said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:43

    100% clear that a vote for him says you want to be dominated by a world-class prick

    There are worse things in life…..

  239. tsam's Jaxie said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:45

    Also, I think swiping a girl’s V is uncalled for and impolite.

  240. tsam's Jaxie said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:48

    Dean Chambers has a colossal spare chin and is not afraid of Jedis.

  241. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:50

    “Execute Order 66.”

    OMG Helmut totally called the Romney clone army!

  242. tigris said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:51

    And ahem, bughunter, AHEM I SAY.

  243. M. Bouffant said,

    October 26, 2012 at 23:59

    He’s occupying Balloon Juice this election.
    All of which makes me suspect well-known troller Metrosexual DougJ.

    Also, been Chroming for five, six yrs., never had this “dead tab,” & I sometimes reopen over 40 tabs.

    On occasion a YouTube tab that’s been closed & reopened will advise “an error has occurred” if I get around to trying to play it, but it only needs to be refreshed.

  244. Smut Clyde said,

    October 27, 2012 at 0:15

    a YouTube tab that’s been closed & reopened will advise “an error has occurred”

    Well, yes, you went to Youtube.

  245. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 27, 2012 at 0:23

    Well, yes, you went to Youtube.

    Youtube.com and redtube.com are just so easy to mix up.

    Uh, I mean that’s what I hear.

  246. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 27, 2012 at 0:23

    HMPH!

    I thought you said you had the same thing happen, on your blog that you have, at your place.
    ~

  247. paleotectonics said,

    October 27, 2012 at 0:23

    Brent Bozell once again demonstrates how awful Hollywood is by listing all the sexy details in their shows.

    The pause/rewind buttons are worn to nubs on his DVR, the floor of his office littered in pencil shavings.
    Empty bottles of Jergens…

  248. Another Kiwi said,

    October 27, 2012 at 1:24

    Please! I do not wish to think about Bozo’s nubs.

  249. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 1:29

    Bozell’s take on The Sessions:

    The movie is based on real life, where the disabled man consulted “Father Mike,” a young, bearded priest from the neighborhood church who “told me Jesus was never big on rules, that he often broke the rules out of compassion.”

    Hollywood wants to remake God in its own image, full of its version of “compassion” and shattering every traditional value. This mission is too important to weigh down with authentically Christian characters instead of wise-cracking and cartoonish propagandist puppets.

    So to recap, the real-life Father Mike and the disabled man who sought his advice were not authentic Christian characters. Helen Hunt’s having sex with him was not compassionate. Beards are bad, Jesus good, but Jesus was not cool and rebellious and would never break a rule, or call for fewer rules. Plain language and jokes are lefty NewSpeak, etc.

    Maybe Bozell should spend a few decades paralyzed, for ex., and then every week instead of a nice lady chatting him up and gently fucking him, a sadistic crone could lecture him for hours about God’s precious gift to him, a lifetime of immobility and chastity.

  250. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 1:38

    tigris are you coming down with something?

    Also, I think swiping a girl’s V is uncalled for and impolite.

    Always swipe a girl’s V from back to front.

  251. LittlePig said,

    October 27, 2012 at 1:43

    Always swipe a girl’s V from back to front.

    Wow I knew credit card readers were being miniaturized, but I had no idea….

  252. LittlePig said,

    October 27, 2012 at 1:48

    way OT: I am still getting a major kick out of this comic cover that Mr. Bogg posted with this loverly bit of happy.

    (as typing, a gunshot from the park. And another. Oh boy, crime scene time! there’s another doing the tags. Friday’s are great)

  253. LittlePig said,

    October 27, 2012 at 1:51

    Oh pooh. 9mm fire (might be a .38) makes my pluralization facilities fail. corrected: Fridays are great.

    Them several Miller High Lifes (sorry, OBS, i’d be Pilsner Urquell if money allowed) might be contributing as well

  254. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 1:52

    way OT: I am still getting a major kick out of this comic cover that Mr. Bogg posted with this loverly bit of happy.

    Yeah that cover is keen. How about that “sword fight” caption– Those guys don’t even have swords! Unless maybe she just dropped their swords outta the frame.

  255. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 2:21

    If you’ll notice, her hands are hiding both their swords.

    (Or, as is implied, Afrodesiac has the sword. Ronald just has a toadstabber.)

  256. tsam said,

    October 27, 2012 at 2:21

    Haha! Halloween party tomorrow night! I have a Lt. Jim Dangle costume which will be awesome because my legs are SCARY.Its Halloween ya know. There will be a keg of beer, which I will drink until I make some bad decisions.

    Also, sununu just needs to be killed. Racist fuck. Seriously, he needs to die.

  257. Major Kong said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:22

    Also, sununu just needs to be killed. Racist fuck. Seriously, he needs to die.

    I vote for “Gnawed to death by rabid chipmunks”.

  258. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:22

    That’s what she said whilst gyrating her magnificent double wide hips.

    The Onion: “I hope the guy who got knocked out by American thighs in that song is OK.”

    “I’m no doctor, but the man in the song said his mind was aching and the earth was shaking, and that sounds an awful lot like a concussion to me. [...] And just listen to what he’s saying. He’s practically incoherent. Why would she tell him to come if he was already there? He’s not making sense. And he thinks this woman with the American thighs is a fast machine? With a clean motor? I’m not sure he’s even talking about a person.”

  259. Pupienus said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:29

    I vote for “Gnawed to death by rabid chipmunks”.

    Skullfucked (post buttfucked) with a 14″ ion powered ice augur would be my preference butnthen I am _so_ eliminationist.

  260. Pupienus said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:34

    This is America after all.

    /what ever happened to Friday musicaliciousmess?

  261. Pupienus said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:34

    It IS Friday, ain’t it?

  262. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:34

    Friday Music Link FROM H3LL.

    See if you have low enough self-esteem the balls to beat my time of 46 seconds! Watching the whole thing = GOD TIER.

  263. Major Kong said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:38

    See if you have low enough self-esteem the balls to beat my time of 46 seconds!

    I wouldn’t touch that link with a 10-meter cattle prod.

  264. Smut Clyde said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:39

    It IS Friday, ain’t it?
    NO.

  265. Another Kiwi said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:40

    Friday is like so yesterday

  266. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:44

    “Skullfucked (post buttfucked) with a 14? ion powered ice augur would be my preference butnthen I am _so_ eliminationist.”

    I have bad thoughts about fucknozzles like Sununu (see Bozell above), but here’s the wierd part: I have an ongoing desire to not shake their hands. That’s right, I fantasize about situations in which Romney (for example) wants to meet me on civil terms, even just as a voter. He extends his hand, but then I put mine behind my back or whatever, because I don’t think he’s a decent person. What if I was photographed shaking his hand, smiling? That would be like the photo of Rumsfeld shaking hands with Saddam Hussein, except nobody cares about my reputation … well I do. I’d go to my grave a little happier for not shaking that hand.

  267. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 27, 2012 at 4:58

    Would you prefer to be more or less queer?

    Why might you want to study nudists?

    Would it be better to die from pancreatic cancer, or from occasional diabetes in Uzbekistan?

  268. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 27, 2012 at 5:00

    As long as it isn’t Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan. That place is a dump.

  269. Pupienus said,

    October 27, 2012 at 5:13

    Please sir, more?

  270. Pupienus said,

    October 27, 2012 at 5:15

    IT’S FRIDAY IN AMERICA!

    If there was no movie with that title there should have been. And maybe will be.

  271. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 5:50

    TGIFIA! and goodnite

  272. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:01

    Them drum machines ain’t got no soul!

    Crank it.

  273. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:01

    I’d go to my grave a little happier for not shaking that hand.

    I actually did that to Jim Cooper, last year, and I’m still proud of it.
    .

  274. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:06

    Of course, Jim Cooper will have that House seat as long as he wants it. The fucker.
    .

  275. Ghost of Troofies Past said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:23

    Is it still too soon for a “This is how I will go down!” reprisal?

    I only know the one joke and waiting four years to deploy it makes me antsy…

  276. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:35

    Anybody have a link to the original “bookmark” post? I was lurking at the time, but I failed to actually bookmark it.

  277. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:39

    This is how I will go down!

    Not quite how I remember it, but it’s more fitting.

  278. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:43

    Anybody have a link to the original “bookmark” post?

    The closest I’ve found was this:

    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/13994.html#comment-719109

    I couldn’t find the original from there; possibly Troofie had gone over the edge on the original thread and gotten all his shit deleted?

  279. Another Kiwi said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:51

    Might be the original, it’s 2008

  280. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:58

    Might be the original, it’s 2008

    That was posted almost a month after the election, though.
    .

  281. Spearhafoc, who waits dreaming in his house at R'lyeh said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:58

    Funny that it evolved from “bookmark it, liberals” to “bookmark it, libs”.

    It’s like the Sadly, No! equivalent to “Play it agin, Sam” or “Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well”.

  282. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    October 27, 2012 at 6:59

    “The Truth” blabbered on 10/28:

    Is it a date?
    .

  283. M. Bouffant said,

    October 27, 2012 at 7:08

    Here’s an earlier reference to El Troofo; still ain’t spotted the orig.:

    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/13419.html#comment-712976

  284. M. Bouffant said,

    October 27, 2012 at 7:25

    Quite the walk down memory lane there. Did you know that at one time there might have been several items posted on the same day, rather than several in one wk.? (I kid. One Cerberus item is equivalent to several items from the old days.)

    And it’s hard to believe how many of the losers that commented here four yrs. ago are still commenting here.

  285. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    October 27, 2012 at 7:36

    And it’s hard to believe how many of the losers that commented here four yrs. ago are still commenting here.

    If by “here” you mean on current posts a few hours or days old, I can certainly one-up the losership by now commenting almost exclusively on post(s) which are several years old.

  286. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    October 27, 2012 at 7:47

    One endearing thing about S,N! is that any of us can avoid the comment section for a year or three, then suddenly get that wild impulse, show up and drop to the bottom of the newest thread.

    Then scroll up and read about five or six of the preceding comments, and Presto: you’re perfectly current and good to go again!

  287. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    October 27, 2012 at 8:01

    –However, it’d be nice if someone could point me toward a Pupienus comment on abalone butchery, if that’s ever happened. Haven’t tried ab since I lived for a year in coastal Cali as a 6-7 y/o, and I remember it as ambrosial, even at that palate age.

    They have ‘em live at the local Korean market for a few bucks apiece, but I’m kinda limpet-wristed as regards cleaning and preparation.

  288. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    October 27, 2012 at 8:21

    *Yawn* ‘Kay, the current Pacific Timezone weak ‘n’ weary midnight contingent has out-apathized me. Back– Whenevermore!

  289. Sue said,

    October 27, 2012 at 8:36

    Engorged Limpet, May I recommend lurking? It worked for me for several years before I girded up my loins (as it were) and commented.

  290. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    October 27, 2012 at 8:44

    Yes, Sue: The fact is, I lurked for a decade ago before commenting as well. U-R a probly a noob troll who should be bained!

  291. g said,

    October 27, 2012 at 9:19

    As for Ben, what can you say about someone who makes a (stupid, unfunny) impotence joke in the middle of a rant about someone else’s (very clever) virginity joke?

    Speaking of impotence jokes, what of Sarah Palin and her apparent obsession with the turgidity or lack thereof of politicians dicks? Its a constant theme in her press releases – oh, sorry, I meant Facebook posts.

  292. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    October 27, 2012 at 12:26

    And it’s hard to believe how many of the losers that commented here four yrs. ago are still commenting here.

    It’s even more shocking to consider how many of us losers were here years before that. I recall when Gary Ruppert was fresh and new as a toy to play with. As opposed to now, where he’s kind of shopworn and smells of vomit and baby oil.

  293. N__B said,

    October 27, 2012 at 15:22

    Scalzi strikes again: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/10/25/a-fan-letter-to-certain-conservative-politicians/

  294. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    October 27, 2012 at 17:23

    It’s like the Sadly, No! equivalent to “Play it agin, Sam” or “Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well”.

    Nicely said!

    I think what happened is that it was just such a prize piece of Troofus dumbassery that we needed a quick way to type it. Might also have been mashed up a bit with the Urban Meyer “wazza-wassup, loony libs?”

  295. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 17:29

    OK, so after Rmoney loses, in addition to all of the poll malarky to pre-justify wingers’ collective failure tantrum, we’re also gonna have “Hurricane Sandy Interfered with the Election” malarky, which is also being pre-established as fact.

    And they can all go to hell. Because if the vote came out the other way, their attitude would be “It was God’s will.”

    Just like that young woman’s rape pregnancy.

  296. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 17:31

    Oops, meant to include a link in the last post.

  297. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 27, 2012 at 17:48

    Hi friends? My two-headed hellish guardian hound just died. What she had was an irritated piehole and if I had the money she would have lived many more months. I’m sure you know a two-headed hellish guardian hound asks for open-heartedness but I had no open-heartedness left.

  298. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 17:49

    [Sigh] This is like the 10th day in a row that Wingnut blogs get the dominant headlines on almost every story on Memeorandum.

    They’ve clearly learned how to engineer memeorandum results the way spammers engineer their google results, principally by linking to each others’ stories in widespread unison. Glub knows, if that’s all it takes, then they own it, because the echo chamber is what they do best.

  299. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 17:52

    My two-headed hellish guardian hound just died.

    If that means what I fear it does… I has a very big sad.

    Let it not be so.

  300. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:03

    Here is a link to troofus’ original comment, and a quote of same.

    It is not going to happen, liberals. Your echo chamber is reverberating now with your shouts of victory before you’ve won a single state. I almost feel badly for you, because when McCain wins, your astonishment will be overwhelming. I say “almost” because your ideology is nasty, anti-free speech, and absolutist, and every decent person will sigh in relief when it goes down to defeat once more.

    Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

    My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

    Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

    Troofie posted his famous prediction on October 28, 2008, but the original ended up getting deleted (which is why my old link to his comment doesn’t show it).
    ~

  301. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:07

    This link still works.

    Where are Lonny Martello and TEH FUCHING FERRETS when we really need them?
    ~

  302. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:09

    Somebody please tell me that SM was talking about Orthus, or maybe some other Cerberus.

    Cuz Salmonella is serious business…

  303. tigris said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:14

    I think it was a pet death Janus node output. There was something that triggered that a while back but I don’t remember what.

  304. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:29

    It was that asshole RB’s fault. Threads were getting all Eschatony.

    And here we are.

  305. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:31

    Be it proposed on this the 27th day of October in the year of Our Lard 2012 THAT: future references to visibly defective Photoshopping be hence yclept Romneyshooped. “

  306. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:41

    Turns out there’s a home video of Obama being born in Kenya! … Man I hope the interview is all this funny:

    Their excerpt of an interview with the film’s distributor is just as hilarious and worth reading. Ex: “[Yes the baby is huge but] most of the general public has no idea how big infants are in Kenya.”

  307. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:42

    Hmm my link didn’t take:
    http://crooksandliars.com/mugsy/omg-birther-morons-tout-hilariously-faked-vi

  308. bughunter said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:49

    OMG, CRA, that’s friggin hilarious.

    (Made even more enjoyable by realizing the error of my inference.)

  309. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:49

    Q: What?
    A: You might think the US is a fat society, but in Kenya they are born big and then they become light. Which is evidenced by the fact that today, Obama is really light and fit. That’s just the way it is.

  310. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 27, 2012 at 18:51

    AHEM, CRA…
    ~

  311. vacuumslayer said,

    October 27, 2012 at 19:10

    SO. Has anyone here been doing the obligatory October horror movie-watching thing? Or do you plan to? Seen any good horror lately? Or ever?

    I’m feeling very Halloweenie.

  312. vacuumslayer said,

    October 27, 2012 at 19:11

    Scalzi strikes again: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/10/25/a-fan-letter-to-certain-conservative-politicians/

    That was pretty great. Some of the comments, though…

    Ya know, I think the “I’m pro-choice, but I WOULD NEVER have an abortion” type people are possibly more obnoxious to me than the anti-choicers. I dunno why.

  313. vacuumslayer said,

    October 27, 2012 at 19:14

    AHEM, CRA…

    omg. That is hilarious.

  314. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    October 27, 2012 at 19:37

    Whoa … whuddevadafuck Romney’s been doing this weekend, he REALLY REALLY needs to stop: electoral-vote.com has both him & BHO losing seats into “TIE” status, but Teh Kenyan Usurper is only off by 10 … while Willard is off by 24.

    *creaking bulkhead & adorable kerplunky rat-sized splashes*

  315. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 27, 2012 at 19:56

    vs, M.B. has been posting some lonks.
    ~

  316. Major Kong said,

    October 27, 2012 at 20:04

    Ya know, I think the “I’m pro-choice, but I WOULD NEVER have an abortion” type people are possibly more obnoxious to me than the anti-choicers. I dunno why.

    I don’t think it would be possible for me to have one.

  317. tofubo said,

    October 27, 2012 at 20:07

    the wunderz of fotoshoppe

    http://thespacegoat.tumblr.com/post/32612180285/so-here-is-a-picture-of-mitt-romney-and-paul-ryan

  318. tigris said,

    October 27, 2012 at 20:28

    Has anyone here been doing the obligatory October horror movie-watching thing?

    We’ve been watching the classics and the craptastics all month long. Worst so far: Invasion of the Star Creatures. Seven minutes was a stretch. Son of Frankenstein was not bad, and seeing all the bits directly copied by Young Frankenstein made it extra fun. A Place of One’s Own has been the favorite so far.

  319. vacuumslayer said,

    October 27, 2012 at 20:52

    We’ve been watching the classics and the craptastics all month long.

    Craptastics, huh?

    Pressie for you.

  320. vacuumslayer said,

    October 27, 2012 at 21:13

    vs, M.B. has been posting some lonks.

    You want horror from MB’s blog? I’ll give you horror from MB’s blog.

  321. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 21:26

    A Halloween puzzler for you:

    If you can’t see your skelington, how can you be sure it DOESN’T have eyeballs? (Figure 1)

  322. Pupienus said,

    October 27, 2012 at 21:44

    Watching Near Dark on IFC right now. Does that count?

  323. tigris said,

    October 27, 2012 at 22:10

    Pressie for you.

    That was great. Watched Bride of Funkenstein too, which was also awesome. NOOOOOO!

  324. CRA said,

    October 27, 2012 at 22:24

    Ya know, I think the “I’m pro-choice, but I WOULD NEVER have an abortion” type people are possibly more obnoxious to me than the anti-choicers. I dunno why.

    If this is just an imprecise way of saying “I would probably never be party to an unwanted pregnancy,” then that’s great … In the VP debate, Joe Biden got all serious and basically said (IIRC) the statement you’re put off by.

    Nobody bugs me like the anti-abortion wingnuts who have been party to abortions. I just wish they’d find some private way to work through their issues. They’ve identified themselves as people with grievously poor judgment, but conveniently, that’s behind them. Now their judgment is not just good, it’s perfect for everyone. Because God speaks through them or something.

  325. Major Kong said,

    October 27, 2012 at 23:07

    I’ve aborted a few takeoffs over the years. I’m not sure if that counts.

  326. Major Kong said,

    October 27, 2012 at 23:08

    Watching Near Dark on IFC right now. Does that count?

    I love that movie. Now those are some scary vampires, not twinkly angst-filled Twilight vampires.

  327. vacuumslayer said,

    October 27, 2012 at 23:18

    You know what was on the other night? “The Lost Boys.” That’s a gooder so far as vampire movies go.

  328. vacuumslayer said,

    October 27, 2012 at 23:19

    That was great. Watched Bride of Funkenstein too, which was also awesome. NOOOOOO!

    :D

    Always thought Mad TV was an uneven show, but their blaxploitation parodies were sooooo funny.

  329. N__B said,

    October 28, 2012 at 1:15

    Seven Psychopaths was a great disappointment to me.

  330. vacuumslayer said,

    October 28, 2012 at 2:03

    All seven? Was at least one of them not disappointing?

  331. Pupienus said,

    October 28, 2012 at 2:26

    Not in MY penis you haven’t.

  332. vacuumslayer said,

    October 28, 2012 at 2:41

    I’m officially confused.

  333. M. Bouffant said,

    October 28, 2012 at 3:57

    Has anyone here been doing the obligatory October horror movie-watching thing? Or do you plan to? Seen any good horror lately? Or ever?
    Nope. Not a big fan of the horror genre. I mean, I’ll fucking murder stupid people at the drop of anything on which gravity has an effect, but I’m too squeamish to watch that stuff. Ghosts, ghouls & goblins are very silly, & I already know how awful just plain still-living humanoids can be.

    Plenty of James Bond activity on the telly in conjunction w/ the new release & have seen some of those again.

    Here’s an entirely un-silly Hallowe’en horror sneak preview for ya though.

    (What the hell, did YouTube recently jack up their base or default or whatever volume by about 75%? ‘Cause the linked tune had to be set at about 25% of the YoutTube slider, & I don’t have the stereo home theatre volume up very high.)

  334. M. Bouffant said,

    October 28, 2012 at 4:07

    If I gave a shit & had US$10.00 to spare I’d probably be here instead of boring all here.

    This may be starting now in some sectors.

  335. M. Bouffant said,

    October 28, 2012 at 4:17

    Ya know, I think the “I’m pro-choice, but I WOULD NEVER have an abortion” type people are possibly more obnoxious to me than the anti-choicers. I dunno why.

    I know some Cathlick-raised women who have that attitude, & it’s OK by me. I think they vote decently. None of them are in much danger of unwanted pregnancy (age, not chasteness) now anyway.

  336. M. Bouffant said,

    October 28, 2012 at 4:17

    Hey, new thread?

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