Ah, Wingnut Responses to the Debate, Let Me Count the Ways. 1, 2… I Guess There Were Only Two.
Ian Schwartz, RealClearStupidity:
Michelle Obama Broke Agreed Upon Rules, Clapped At Debate
We’re Too Much a Pack of Cowardly Bullies to Put Our Name to This so Close to the Suicide of Amanda Todd, The Washington “Free Like Syphilis” Beacon:
Party Girl Debate Questioner Love Joose, Hates Cops and Women Who Watch Sports”
So yeah, there was a debate last night and apparently Obama joined the rest of us on planet Earth in realizing that The Smiler is a lying sociopath who will say anything to get elected and thus was better prepared.
So how did it go? Well, nearly every sentient being on the planet (Larry Kudlow doesn’t count, being neither sentient nor a being and frankly I’m only fifty-fifty on him being on this planet on any given day) called it a win for Obama though some of the hacks did it through a veil of tears.
So how did wingnuts respond to this undeniable reality? Well, in basically two ways:
Overall Shorter A (the gnashing of teeth):
- Obama cheated so we win by default! All his victories should go to us or he’s not a legitimate president. What’s that? Romney gained his massive bump by lying like a nicotine spokesperson and promising everyone a pony and a free blowjob in the first debate? I have no idea what you are talking about.
Overall Shorter B (the burning of witches):
- We didn’t lose the debate, it was stolen to us by meddlesome bitches and now we will set all our energies to finding something, anything, we can use to publicly crucify them. This will hopefully scare all the rest of the uppity chattel into knowing their place and never triggering our cognitive dissonance again. War on Women? That’s what terrorists do? I have no idea what you are talking about.
And I picked the dumbest examples of each.
So let’s begin with a careful exploration of rules by the brain trust at Real Clear Politics who discovered a scandal that could threaten Obama’s very right to run for re-election.
At the second presidential debate on Tuesday night, a camera caught first lady Michelle Obama clapping after moderator Candy Crowley told Republican presidential candidate Gov. Mitt Romney that President Obama called the Benghazi attack an “act of terror” soon after the attack on the U.S. consulate.
Get Chief Editor Korir on the phone. We don’t need his whitey tape anymore! We’ve got clear video evidence of Michelle Obama McHiter MussoliniPants clapping, clapping like a common street jezebel! Not only does this erase the fact that The Smiler was fact-checked by a toothless MSM hack on national television after trying to soft-sell a Fox News conspiracy theory (to a crowd of cheers from undecided voters, otherwise known as the easiest marks on the planet these days), it also means that Obama needs to ipso facto some other latin phrase relinquish his Presidency immediately so we can swear in Sister Sarah as our True Conservative Goddess.
Because, um… er… that is to say… CHEATER! CHEATER! No clapping allowed!
According to the rules both campaigns agreed to, or the memorandum of understanding (MOA), there is to be no clapping from members of the debate audience.
The rule: Article 9, Section A, Subsection 7: “All members of the debate audience will be instructed by the moderator before the debate goes on the air and by the moderator after the debate goes on the air not to applaud, speak, or otherwise participate in the debate by any means other than by silent observation, except as provided by the agreed upon rules of the October 16 town hall debate.”
Yeah! See! No clapping! Instant lose, Smiler is the winner by default. What? It just says that the moderator is to tell the audience not to clap and doesn’t actually prohibit audience members from failing to heed said instruction? And that said rule is only in place because bouts of applause or audience chit chat could rob the candidates of valuable debate time and turn the whole charade of a small-d democratic event into an obvious charade of a small-d democratic event?
SHE BROKE THE RULES! STONE HER! STONE HER! And retroactively declare Romney the winner so we can hope for that last couple of points of dumbass to get us close enough to steal this election.
But really, as bad as that whole failure to understand what “cheating” means is, it’s nothing compared to the conspiracy theory we’re introduced in the middle of the post (which I skipped over for dramatic reveal):
Nearly all of the audible applause came from those sitting away from the actual debate, but when FOX News’ camera shot moved to a bird’s-eye view it became apparent that the only applause from the participating debate audience came from first lady Michelle Obama. Mitt Romney’s wife Ann was also sitting with the debate participants.
Yup. Have an additional shorter:
Shorter Random Conspiracy Theory:
- The debate audience didn’t cheer The Smiler getting fact-checked. The only cheers were from outside agitators and Michelle Obama (who cheated and The Smiler would have totally gotten infinite cheers for all his awesome points if his family weren’t such tea-totaling goody-two-shoes unlike those people). So it totally wasn’t the public condemnation it looked like.
But yeah. The “evidence” for this assertion is a Fox News clip of the “audience” in question. Or rather the section of the “audience” that isn’t actually those meaningless undecided voters this “town hall” was pretending to “serve”, but rather staffers and families of the candidates, assorted VIPs and media.
But hey, it’s not like those meaningless non-rich people are the real audience for this debate. Everyone knows that all that matters is getting the support of your immediate family members and staffers (may be the same people).
Okay, that’s pretty painfully desperate, but I mean, what can you work with when your worldview says that the President is a mouth-breathing jungle ape any white man could intellectually best while heavily inebriated and clinically brain-dead and said President just made intellectual mincemeat of the guy you’ve put all your chips behind? You’d be hard-pressed to come up with something on the spot to soothe your throbbing cognitive dissonance. At least this is the worst bit out th-
During last night’s debate, Katherine Fenton asked President Barack Obama, “In what new ways do you intend to rectify the inequalities in the workplace, specifically regarding females making only 72 percent of what their male counterparts earn?”
Oh right, the Washington Free Beacon post. Okay, it sounds like a setup to a Sandra Fluke, Graham Frost-esque hatchet job designed to punish those who dare note inconvenient realities for right-wing demagogues, but maybe it’ll be okay.
She appeared to be unaware that Obama has a history of paying women less than men.
See, it’s just going to be a nice safe romp through right-wing conspiracies about how Obama is a sexist, so therefore sexism is A-okay and doesn’t exist and not at all an attempt to make an object lesson out of a dim-witted 20-something undecided voter just because she stumbled on a standard question one would expect on the campaign trail.
I mean, sure, The Smiler’s attempt to lie his way through the question led him to spout such a bizarre stream of pure Dadaism that it instantly became a more popular internet phenomenon than “Gangnam Style”. And sure, the popularity of said meme is bringing back the spectre of Clint Eastwood ranting at a chair in ways that have to be making wingnuts nervous, but…
Oh unholy fuck, they’re going to eviscerate the poor bint.
A Washington Free Beacon study of Fenton’s Twitter profile, @Misskf,
Yeah, said Twitter profile has been yanked, probably because said woman didn’t much enjoy having the collective id of the wingnut choir unleashed on her in a continuous stream of shit. I’ll note here that all Twitter posts are presented not in actual saved tweets where you can click on names and get context for statements and see the flow of conversation that created them, but rather static pngs so that none of the mouthbreathers can possibly be illuminated.
I’ll also note that IT’S FUCKING TWITTER! It makes nearly everyone look like a mouth-breathing moron and that’s on the best of days. I’m fairly convinced that writers and comedians who gravitate to twitter do so for the same reason that some people scale cliff faces without rope.
Add the wingnut penchant for “reading the kerning”, a wicked current hate-on for women in public spaces, and the recent context of Amanda Todd and I’m finding myself halfway up the side of the mountain wishing I brought a parachute.
reveals that she has launched her own war on women, specifically women who like sports. Fenton tweeted the following public service announcement to her followers:
If you have a vagina and update about sports, I have without question unsubscribed from you. #tryless
Oh deary me, what an archaic view about girls and sports fandom, truly it is Random Town Hall Question Askers who are perpetuating the real War on Women…
Or maybe it’s a dumb twitter hash tag thing and “unsubscribing” from someone because their tweets about sports don’t interest you is about as unremarkable as anything else that surrounds Twitter, you FUCKING BRAINLESS SIMPLETONS!
I mean, I know, Twitter has been considered a golden god by the wingnuts because it reduces all conversation to bumper sticker slogans and makes it easy for online bullies to dogpile people they don’t like. And I know that wingnuts consider not listening to them as the only true hate crime, but for fuck’s sake, who the fuck cares what random lady thinks about sports fans.
According to Forbes, women make up more than a third of the 14 million-plus people who watch major sporting events including the NBA Finals, World Series, Daytona 500, and Stanley Cup Finals. Nearly half, 46 percent, of the 111 million people who watch the Super Bowl are women.
Good for them. I enjoy my share of proper footy myself. But if I started babbling about how I was worried that FC Midtjylland might have a slump season this year and I hope they don’t get relegated and people were like, boring, click, that’s really not something to get my panties in a twist over or jump on a soapbox and pretend I’m the defender of all women.
And on that note, considering that women do make up such a large part of the audience, can all the commercials surrounding said games stop being all about manly men escaping the feminazi hordes through the magic of watching other guys being physical with each other?
Fenton’s Twitter feed also reveals that purple Joose is her choice to get blackout drunk and she has a history of getting wet at happy hour.
@diDoggo purple Joose!? My all time favorite road to #blackout
@marielhun @Trish_Kayy did someone say happy hour!? I promise I won’t get wet this time.
A 20-something?!? DRINKING?!??!?!?
I am scandalized to my core by this abhorrent and unnatural action by this uncultured harridan. Why Reginald would not let his daughters be so bespoiled by the Devil’s Brew. Truly it is the End Times, where the young are carried off by loose morals. If we do not find a way to stop this wanton harlotry, we may yet see such foul deeds as hand-holding and public dancing!
I pray that we are not yet so Fallen to witness such!
Seriously? Drinking? She’s Twenty-fucking-four. Nearly everyone on the planet gets shitfaced at 24 and has gotten shitfaced at 24 for possibly the sum total of human history. Even Mormons get shitfaced at 24 (and then develop the lying skills to cover it up that leads to one becoming a serial lying sociopath as an adult).
I know I shouldn’t expect much, but for fuck’s sake, if they are going to try and randomly destroy a woman because reasons, could they at least bring their A-game? These attacks sound like the rambling phone messages you get from your senile and bigoted grandmother (and then I saw her dancing with one of them colored boys, mmmhmm. I say, this country is going to Hell in a Handbasket).
Fenton demonstrates a fondness for authority figures (dad probably forgives you).
@marielhun FUCK THA POLICE. #sorrydad
Sure glad this is a png completely divorced from context and yanked from a reply to someone else, cause otherwise I might have to use my brain thoughts and pull a muscle.
Not to mention all the dangerous context. I might wonder if the tweet being replied to was a depiction of some horrible abuse by cops that was in the news that week. Some travesty of justice that all sane people would be upset by. Or maybe just the name of her favorite NWA song. Not that I can really check or should really care.
I mean, let’s say the Beacon cowards wanted to defend this poorly-executed smear-job as some legitimate thing. What the fuck would their point be besides “We hate her for reasons”.?
If the point was that her facts are wrong or that the question was a gotcha, why all the crap about her being a normal 20-something and the simmering rage over a single moment of non-fawning reaction to a story about authority?
And I’ll note that they had to dig for even this level of weak sauce. Each of these tweets is separated by MONTHS. None are more recent than August. It’s not just smearing someone over unconnected tweets ripped screaming away from context over someone who does not and should not matter. It’s ANCIENT tweets ripped screaming away from context. At least it can’t get any worse-
She also suggested that @diDoggo and @KackRose refrain from jerking guys off in meadows. WFB fact-checkers deem this good advice.
@diDoggo @KackRose if you don’t like it…don’t jerk guys off in a meadow. #hjsarein
That’s such a stretch just to call someone a whore I’m forced to compliment wingnuts on their smears of Sandra Fluke simply for being relatively better than this.
Also, I think my “favorite” touch to all of this is the note of smug superiority and attempted snark. Hurnh, I pretend to read literal, because wink wink wink NEW EMMANUEL GOLDSTEIN IS A WHORE!
But hey, just because you’re feigning idiocy to fail at jokes doesn’t mean you can’t reveal all new levels of stupid.
It remains unclear if Fenton would marry Whoopi Goldberg, Condoleezza Rice, or Rev. Al Sharpton.
@dulhall kill marry fuck.. Whoopie Goldberg, condoleeza rice, al sharpton.
It’s kill marry fuck. That’s the order. It’s a time-waster game. It’s much like your game “Attempt to destroy the life of a ‘public example’ so that people (especially women) know their place” but with less unhinged sociopathy and getting off on bullying someone you know won’t hit back.
At least it can’t get any wors-
Fenton demonstrates a very sophisticated sense of humor on her Twitter page.
@marielhun @trish_kayy oh man just got that double entendre. Cum what may, I’m ready for Friday
@vievalavida @KackRose @marielhun @diDoggo who would you like to hump most on this #humpday?
WHEN WILL I LEARN TO STOP SAYING THAT?!?
Ugh. Yes, we get it, Whore, whore, whore, whore. Thank you Frank Miller!
At least all the bitterness at women who dare think about fucking or being aware of the existence of sex proves that said horrible abusive little shits aren’t getting any. We can only hope their horrible personalities keeps this true for a long, long, long-ass time.
I’m sorry but this is low, even for wingnuts and if I may speak honestly, is part of an escalation that’s been brewing for years now. Stepping up terrorism not just against public figures, but ordinary people. Instead of the Graham Frost incident being a fluke from a deranged meerkat wearing a woman suit, it’s become the new standard. Doesn’t matter if you’re a random low-level government official like Shirely Sherrod, a citizen speaking to Congress like Sandra Fluke, or just a woman asking a question at a Town Hall like Katherine Fenton. They will try and destroy us all in hopes that will cow us so much we all play along with their fictional reality and protect them from having to deal with their cognitive dissonance.
Fuck, this attack had nothing to do with her question. A trained monkey could have answered her question. But since The Smiler is so divorced from human reactions he can’t imagine why bragging about a binder full of women might sound like something out of a slasher movie, well, blame the messenger, right?
But at least it’s over. There’s no mo… No, need to stop myself before I say-
Fenton has officially been inducted into the Washington Free Beacon‘s binder of women.
And holy fuck, Beacon, it was already bad enough to begin with, you didn’t have to make it sound even more like a Women in Refrigerators thing.
And you know with this faux-tough-guy threat (cause, ooh so manly and tough beating up on a lone woman with an entire media outlet and not even having the ovaries to put your motherfucking name on it) that if you were to call them out on it, they’d instantly start rolling it back. Ha, ha, it wasn’t a threat, we were just making a little unfunny joke which only makes sense as a direct threat, ha ha. And besides, Michelle Obama cheated at the debate so really it is her who hates women to such a degree that it’s only a matter of time until women are voting for Democrats in the same 99% block as blacks.
And by the way, great job winning over women. I’m sure undecided Katherine Fenton is just gonna leap to your side of the aisle now.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. I also read Manboobz from time to time and see them discuss whether MRAs might break into the mainstream at some point. I’m rather baffled that no one seems to have noticed that they already have, by which I mean that the Republican Party has gone full metal MRA to such a degree that I’m expecting Ryan to set himself on fire to protest child support payments any day now. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™