Oct
2

A World Away From Any Reality I Know




Posted at 6:05 by Cerberus

Well with a name like that, he’ll fit right in in Australia… Monty Python is a documentary, right?

Bruce, The Quisling Report (otherwise known as GayPatriot):
A World Away

Hey, as a blog writer I get it. Sometimes you’re off on vacation, needing to check up on your white slavery ring, or just ensuring the vast machinations of your worldwide communist revolution are successfully completing the schemes within schemes needed to prepare the land for the coming of the Antichrist. And so you throw up a quick picture of combine harvesters fucking and a quick paragraph about the quality of the local rent boys.

I’m not slagging on Bruce writing up a quick open thread and posting some vacation photos to it.

I’m more baffled on the state of mind that could possibly produce this paragraph.

I see news of next year’s “fiscal cliff” is finally getting through from the mainstream media today. Well, financial concern is one of the reasons for my travel binge the past two weeks. Just in case.

And it’s not even the entire paragraph that I have issue with. Sure, the first sentence is dumb, but I can at least put together the tiny frayed end of what was once a thread of “logic”. He saw some Fox News talking head telling him to be really really scared that the Economy will super-tank unless we vote for the Party that tanks economies and he obediently soiled himself.

I get that.

It’s just this:

Well, financial concern is one of the reasons for my travel binge the past two weeks. Just in case.

How?!?

How in Bill Nye’s Satanic Centrifuge does that even begin to make sense?

Has there ever been a real human being on the planet who has ever thought that?

Who’s gone, “Gosh geewhilikers Sandra, I’m just so gosh-darned concerned that the economy is tanked, my financial situation may be precarious, and it’s very possible we could be in dire straits soon. Welp, let’s spend a massive amount of money on a huge vacation trip. Yanno, just in case?”

People in the death throes of the final culmination of their multiple syphilitic symptoms who are just randomly banging letters on a keyboard couldn’t even type these words. The last remaining synapse of their dying brain would mercifully cut off their oxygen supply before they got halfway just to protect them from the embarrassment of writing something so inhumanely out-of-touch with basic humanity.

The Smiler talking to a closed room of rich amoral sociopaths wouldn’t even say a sentence like that.

It’s so bizarrely fascinating that I find myself utterly transfixed, struggling to translate the seed of an idea that could have been twisted into this current abomination.

Perhaps money worries being stressful despite being so rich you can drop down on 2 weeks in Australia to get the equivalent of a spa trip or a long bath? Obama time-travelers are planning to steal his money on the day of the Election, but they can’t steal it if it’s already been translated into dingo kidneys (that’s the Australian currency, right?)? Planning to escape the Antichrist-induced Apocalypse by hiding among the giant poisonous spiders and over-sexed bunnies?

GIVE ME SOMETHING, BRUCE!

Sigh.

Wingnuts. Somehow incapable of posting a simple “On vacation, entertain yourselves” post without at least one psychotic break from reality.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Yeah, I’m as baffled as you are that this post ended up being the topic for today. That two sentences, man… We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

238 Comments »

  1. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 2, 2012 at 6:10

    Who’s gone, “Gosh geewhilikers Sandra, I’m just so gosh-darned concerned that the economy is tanked, my financial situation may be precarious, and it’s very possible we could be in dire straights soon. Welp, let’s spend a massive amount of money on a huge vacation trip. Yanno, just in case?”

    He’s afraid that he won’t have enough money for airfare and rent boys. He figured he had to go on a binge while he had cash on hand.

  2. Ahistoricality said,

    October 2, 2012 at 6:16

    I assume that he believes that the fiscal cliff is going to be the end of civilization as we know it. Like driving the country off an actual cliff instead of, you know, raising taxes and cutting the defense and welfare budgets slightly.

  3. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 6:31

    And so you throw up a quick picture of combine harvesters fucking and a quick paragraph about the quality of the local rent boys

    well, you know i had to click the link because of my insane desire to see a picture of combines fucking…i see a LOT of combines around here but never fucking…imagine my disappoint…

  4. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 2, 2012 at 6:37

    Who’s gone, “Gosh geewhilikers Sandra, I’m just so gosh-darned concerned that the economy is tanked, my financial situation may be precarious, and it’s very possible we could be in dire straights soon. Welp, let’s spend a massive amount of money on a huge vacation trip. Yanno, just in case?”

    Kim du Toit.

  5. stackozone said,

    October 2, 2012 at 6:46

    The really sad part, is he flew all that way to take some of the shittiest vacation photos of one of the prettiest cities I’ve ever been to. FAIL

  6. Spengler Dampniche said,

    October 2, 2012 at 6:53

    Can I be first this time? My leg got stuck in the previous thread.

  7. Spengler Dampniche said,

    October 2, 2012 at 6:57

    My suspicion is he didn’t mean the vacation might be the last he could ever afford. That’s too easy.

    I suspect he means he’s scoping out places to flee when Obama crams the hammer and sickle down America’s throats next term.

    Must be right, HAZ MOAR CONSPIRACY.

  8. Smut Clyde said,

    October 2, 2012 at 7:03

    Dire STRAITS. Harrumph.

    i had to click the link because of my insane desire to see a picture of combines fucking
    Perhaps we can arrange something at Riddled. Contact Another Kiwi.

  9. Disgruntled Lurker said,

    October 2, 2012 at 7:08

    Well, obviously this fiscal cliff will cause the United States to become a third-world country overnight.

    The obvious solution is to move to Australia.

    Because, as we all know, after 1/5 of the world’s GDP goes , Australia will be completely unaffected and remain EXACTLY like it is right now.

    I hope Bruce is stocking up on Aussies. Cause come January the exchange rate is gonna suck….

  10. another kiwi said,

    October 2, 2012 at 7:35

    How can you have uncombined fucking? I mean, you know, with another person…Ah I see Bruce’s problem. Whacking off in the bushes outside Rush Limbaugh’s house doesn’t actually count.

  11. Hogeye Grex said,

    October 2, 2012 at 9:20

    Hmmm. Faculty rules clearly state, “No Pooftahs.”

  12. Hogeye Grex said,

    October 2, 2012 at 9:24

    a quick picture of combine harvesters fucking

    I think that’s actually an opera house.

  13. stackozone said,

    October 2, 2012 at 9:31

    Hogeye Grex said,

    Hmmm. Faculty rules clearly state, “No Pooftahs.”

    Unless BRUCE wants to be in charge of the Sheep Dip – If you know what I mean and I think you do.

  14. smut clyde said,

    October 2, 2012 at 10:14

    I suspect he means he’s scoping out places to flee when Obama crams the hammer and sickle down America’s throats next term.

    That is UNPOSSIBLE, for it would bring Bruce’s support for the Republican policy on immigration — where no expense or barrier is too high to keep the pullulating foreign hordes on the outside of the electrified fence — into conflict with the expectation that other countries will welcome immigrants from America with open arms, as if Australian residency is an American birthright.

  15. bulbul said,

    October 2, 2012 at 10:24

    Also, binge? Two-weeks is your average vacation*. Does this guy have a scotch after dinner three days in a row and calls it a drinking binge?

    * Or so I’m told.

  16. Gerald Fnord said,

    October 2, 2012 at 11:21

    Alex Chilton’s AIDS song ‘No Sex’ had the lines

    Soon everybody’s gonna get it
    Time to buy some stuff on credit

    —and I’ve also read of a Japanese custom such that rather than declare bankruptcy, you and spouse (or equivalent) check into an hot-springs resort for a couple of weeks of The Good Life followed by suicide—it’s mentioned at least once in ‘Urusei Yatsura’ and is the context for ‘In the Realm of the Senses’.

  17. Stackozone said,

    October 2, 2012 at 11:48

    Well, to be fair, as nice as Japanese hot springs can be, after spending a few weeks at one anyone would contemplate suicide.

  18. M. Bouffant said,

    October 2, 2012 at 12:23

    I suspect he means he’s scoping out places to flee when Obama crams the hammer and sickle down America’s throats next term.

    Yeah, that’s it. Probably checking skin tones & the like among the Aussies.

    Hell, I knew people in the ’80s who were talking about moving to someplace called “New Zealand” where they would allegedly be welcome after everything fell apart in these United Snakes.

  19. Cole said,

    October 2, 2012 at 12:28

    If Bruce plans on retiring to Australia after the end of the world as we know it, then he better get a start on that mohawk.

  20. Cole said,

    October 2, 2012 at 12:32

    Or, perhaps in his fiscally-responsible wingnut way, he plans on spending all his money now, so he can be a burden on the rest of us in his bitchy old queer twilight.

    I mean, it IS a republican principle, isn’t it? If things are bad, there’s always hope you can make them worse by doubling-down.

  21. Anonymous said,

    October 2, 2012 at 13:37

    Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! (rent)Boy! (rent)Boy! (rent)Boy!

  22. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 2, 2012 at 14:37

    How about the youtuber?
    ~

  23. wiley said,

    October 2, 2012 at 14:39

    Because, as we all know, after 1/5 of the world’s GDP goes , Australia will be completely unaffected and remain EXACTLY like it is right now.

    The 2008 financial crisis was worldwide as well. How is it so difficult for Americans to understand that we live in the world and that all other countries live in the same world? The U.S.A. is not another dimension. I read once that the Great Depression started in Austria. Banks started failing in other countries before it hit here. We had a dust bowl to make it worse, I think, but the crisis was not limited to U.S.

    When world food prices double worldwide in 1980, Carter was blamed, but it was a global phenomenon. I’d like to see the Presidents and other statesmen make it clear to Americans that we are not an island unto ourselves. We are subject to forces that are larger than our country and larger than our leaders, which makes it a good idea not to go bat-shit and talk shit about our allies, for instance, or talk like we’re on a crusade against a quarter of the world’s population.

  24. wiley said,

    October 2, 2012 at 14:41

    talk shit about our allies in the “freedom fries” vein. Also that’s just crazy talk.

  25. Disgruntled Lurker said,

    October 2, 2012 at 14:42

    If Bruce plans on retiring to Australia after the end of the world as we know it, then he better get a start on that mohawk.

    It took me a minute to get that one, but it was worth it.

  26. Disgruntled Lurker said,

    October 2, 2012 at 14:47

    That was supposed to be:

    Because, as we all know, after 1/5 of the world’s GDP goes poof, Australia will be completely unaffected and remain EXACTLY like it is right now.

    But I put ‘poof” in chevrons, which must have made wordpress eat it.

    Mmmm…delicious chevrons….

  27. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 14:50

    When world food prices double worldwide in 1980, Carter was blamed, but it was a global phenomenon.

    also, too like we’re seeing now and such? the bacon shortage *sob* is only the beginning…

    <which makes it a good idea not to go bat-shit and talk shit about our allies, for instance, or talk like we’re on a crusade against a quarter of the world’s population.

    or the constant whining about how AWFUL we have it here under the usurper’s regime…as if paying higher taxes and ‘socialized’ medicine are worse than having fucking bombs going off in your fucking yard everyday or literally starving to death are not worse….

  28. mingo said,

    October 2, 2012 at 15:05

    oh, C’MON, bbkf!! Having to pay 3% more in marginal tax rates is EGG-ZACK-LEE like having drones blow up your house, neighborhood, and favorite bar! Also, too, the Holocaust.

  29. Pryme said,

    October 2, 2012 at 15:44

    I thought we were supposed to mock these guys, not try to decipher them. The former is easier, and won’t make brain hurt.

  30. tigris said,

    October 2, 2012 at 16:24

    Hell, I knew people in the ’80s who were talking about moving to someplace called “New Zealand” where they would allegedly be welcome after everything fell apart in these United Snakes.

    Smut and AK will totally pull out the sofa bed for us, right? Right? Right?

  31. El Manquecito said,

    October 2, 2012 at 16:26

    Who’s gone, “Gosh geewhilikers Sandra, I’m just so gosh-darned concerned that the economy is tanked, my financial situation may be precarious, and it’s very possible we could be in dire straits soon. Welp, let’s spend a massive amount of money on a huge vacation trip. Yanno, just in case?”

    Who is my ex-wife? I’ll take “Vacations in Italy” for 6K Alex.

  32. boriscleto said,

    October 2, 2012 at 16:36

    Faculty Rules One, Three, Five, and Seven!

    No Poofters!

  33. Pryme said,

    October 2, 2012 at 16:37

    The bacon is revolting.

  34. Major Kong said,

    October 2, 2012 at 16:47

    The bacon is revolting.

    I think I saw this on Deadwood.

  35. N__B said,

    October 2, 2012 at 17:01

    “Cocksucker.”

  36. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 17:11

    an awesome quote from the comments at gawker…

    I chalked it up to old men not caring if they live or die and have a newfound respect for old men that have honey-badger attitudes.

  37. kg said,

    October 2, 2012 at 17:11

    Calling Major Kong

  38. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 17:12

    “Cocksucker.”

    you know, i think one of my all time favorite youtubes is the swearingen fuck montage…i don’t have time to hunt it down, but it’s pretty awesome…

  39. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 2, 2012 at 17:20

    There is no rule 6.

  40. N__B said,

    October 2, 2012 at 17:37

    Rule 6 is obviously 1/(5 2/3) of rule 34..,AKA pedophilia..

  41. Tommykey said,

    October 2, 2012 at 18:05

    it’s mentioned at least once in ‘Urusei Yatsura’ and is the context for ‘In the Realm of the Senses’

    Thanks. I was always trying to figure out what the context was for ITROFTS. And I really did read the subtitles!

    I couldn’t understand why a guy would ditch his wife and home to spend all day hanging around with a prostitute who threatens to cut off this penis. Oh, and then that strangulation thing.

    you know, i think one of my all time favorite youtubes is the swearingen fuck montage…i don’t have time to hunt it down, but it’s pretty awesome…

    BBF, I believe it’s titled “Thank you for allowing me my full range of expression.”

  42. Marion in Savannah said,

    October 2, 2012 at 18:28

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxHU4FFEVfo

    My, that is a full range of expression.

  43. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 2, 2012 at 18:33

    Bruce is as good at photography as he is at writing screenplays. Or is that the other Bruce?

  44. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 18:37

    BBF, I believe it’s titled “Thank you for allowing me my full range of expression.”

    y’all were pretty close but this one is the one i was thinking of…and it really wasn’t that had to find…even at work…

  45. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 18:38

    Bruce is as good at photography as he is at writing screenplays. Or is that the other Bruce?

    speaking of bruces, i was just treated to a rendition of ‘sea of heartbreak’ with rosanne cash and bruce springsteen…sometimes my radio isn’t trying to kill me with horrible, horrible music!

  46. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 2, 2012 at 18:42

    Calling Major Kong

    A.W.E.S.O.M.E.!
    ~

  47. Major Kong said,

    October 2, 2012 at 19:32

    Calling Major Kong

    Very cool.

  48. Major Kong said,

    October 2, 2012 at 19:41

    i was just treated to a rendition of ‘sea of heartbreak’ with rosanne cash and bruce springsteen…sometimes my radio isn’t trying to kill me with horrible, horrible music!

    We really like Rosanne Cash. I like “September When it Comes” where she sang with her father.

  49. Xecklothayyquou Gilchrist said,

    October 2, 2012 at 19:51

    My first thought on reading that crazy sentence was the “max out your credit cards before the Y2K bug hits and you won’t have to pay them off!” interpretation, but on reflection I think Spengler was right: I suspect he means he’s scoping out places to flee when Obama crams the hammer and sickle down America’s throats next term.

    Is Australia another one of those wingnut paradises for some reason? I have to admit I don’t know much about the place.

  50. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:02

    But he has three debates, plenty of time (for speeches and ads) to fuck it up in a spectacular fashion and a public that seems willing to dump the incumbent if only it could get some assurance things will be better without him which isn’t likely to happen since most of the rest of murka hasn’t warmed up to mitt yet, either.

    the devil you know is always preferable than the one you don’t know…

  51. Thread Bear said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:03

    Mitt Romney’s problem is not that he is a bad person or lacks ideas or doesn’t have facts on his side. His central problem, I think, has been that virtually every time he has been required to think on his feet, he has failed to do so.

  52. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:04

    The best way to defend property rights and freedom (TM) is to violate copyright on somebody else’s blog.

  53. Merry Sukkot! said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:17

    OT totally, but let me rant briefly:

    If I hear one more person go on about today’s “digitally native” generation, I think I will loose it. I dunno if it’s just my students, but you can’t just point them in the direction of an online database and ask them to look up stuff — they need handholding through the whole process. And forget about asking any student who is not a computer science major to actually program or even script something on a computer. They can barely handle Excel.

    Does being able to play Angry Birds while livestreaming a video count as the height of computer literacy nowadays or is there something I am missing about computers that today’s kids know?

    Of course, the schools don’t help. We have our daughter in a (well not so fancy) private school with a computer lab and everything. And what do they do with the computers? Have lessons dressed up as games to keep the students interested. Not that there is anything wrong with keeping students engaged by making learning fun, but come-on. Back in my day when a desktop computer met an Apple IIe or a x86 (if even that), they taught all of us kids (in public schools, no less!) how to program a computer (LOGO and even a touch of BASIC).

    Nothing teaches you math, quantitative reasoning and analytical reasoning skills (well, except those involved in recognizing that Ayn Rand is b.s.) better than having to teach a computer how to do your math for you. But today’s kids don’t have a chance … and we wonder why we’re loosing the technological arms race to other countries?

  54. Thread Bear said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:24

    And forget about asking any student who is not a computer science major to actually program or even script something on a computer. They can barely handle Excel.
    Perhaps you need to get them a raspberry pi

  55. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:36

    but you can’t just point them in the direction of an online database and ask them to look up stuff — they need handholding through the whole process.

    in my experience, they are like that in EVERY class…not all students, of course, but holy shit…way too many of them…

    Does being able to play Angry Birds while livestreaming a video count as the height of computer literacy nowadays

    this is what i think is part of the problem (which i don’t espouse too often at risk of sounding codgerish): multitasking and media stimulae coming at them (and adults) constantly…we are training ourselves to not pay full attention to any one thing…of course the other part of the problem is school curriculum and/or expectations, but that’s a whole nother problem…

  56. Cole said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:50

    I’ve resented the notion of “multi-tasking” as a positive trait ever since some self-help fuckhead decided that it was an important part of a balanced resume/CV.

    If you need to multi-task more than rarely in your job, then UR DOIN IT RONG; but, try telling that to a prospective employer.

    And yes, even the supposed giants in the field of computing (e.g. facetweetbookfoistingmotherfuckers) seem to not only be fairly computer illiterate, they have no clue of the sheer brilliance of the guys and gals who invented the ideas of computers when there was no such thing are so thing.

    Today’s “innovators” have no original thoughts in their pea-brains and only seem able to recycle decades-old ideas, whether it be Broadway Plays derived from tv commercial jingles or social media brainwashing/groupthink/advertising vehicles.

  57. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:52

    Raspberry pi

    Fuck! I have a CS degree and I want one!

    Fuck! Just ordered one but they warn of possible 12 weeks delivery!

    Fuck! How am I going to port Android without a goddamn Raspberry pi?

  58. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 2, 2012 at 20:53

    I WANT PI!

  59. Pryme said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:16

    aided greatly by a compliant media

    Is that the same compliant media that swooned over GW Bush as he strutted across an aircraft career? The same media that ignored Dick Cheney when he said “deficits don’t matter?” The same media that shrugged off Mitch McConnell’s comment that his #1 priority was/is to make Obama a one term president?

  60. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:16

    I WANT PI!

    i just had a piece of home made apple pie…it was delish! i love hospice tuesdays and the little old lady volunteer who always bakes stuff for the meetings…

  61. Merry Sukkot! said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:17

    Commenting system just ate my last comment! Says I was posting them too quickly. It was a good rant. But not goo enough to remember …

  62. Thread Bear said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:24

    It was a good rant.

    FYWP never eats the bad, or even mediocre, comments. Only the good ones get eaten, especially if the are more than three paragraphs long.

  63. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:24

    I WANT PI!

    Here you go: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795 … I’ll have to get you the rest later.

    But seriously, you’ll really want the Raspberry Pi cluster in LEGO enclosure.

    Or, if you can only manage to get your hands on one, you can at least put that in a LEGO enclosure.

    I’m planning on buying one for my teenage nephew (and me, of course) when availability is a bit better. I think they’re shipping an updated version now (or soon) with some improvements.

  64. Thread Bear said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:26

    FYWP never eats comments with typos in them either. Which is why I try to include two or three typos in each of my comments.

  65. El Manquecito said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:40

    That’s a real good ‘Sea of Heartbreak’ even with it’s very high Boss quotient.

  66. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:44

    OT – Neil Young hasn’t changed a b it, it seems.

    http://www.npr.org/2012/09/19/161004028/fall-music-preview

  67. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:50

    Commenting system just ate my last comment! Says I was posting them too quickly. It was a good rant. But not goo enough to remember …

    Sadly, No welcomes another mango hunter!

    When FYWP says you are posting too quickly, it really means everybody else is posting too quickly, so you can feel free to blame somebody else. Just not tsam. That dude will cut you.

    And that is why I always CTRL-C before I hit “Submit”. Just in case.

  68. smut clyde said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:52

    Hell, I knew people in the ’80s who were talking about moving to someplace called “New Zealand” where they would allegedly be welcome after everything fell apart in these United Snakes.
    Smut and AK will totally pull out the sofa bed for us, right? Right? Right?

    Quick, AK, we need more border guards! And more humiliating, intrusive customs procedures that begin with the assumption that even casual visitors are planning to over-stay illegally!
    If only there were an English-speaking nation with experience in such arrangements, from whom we could seek advice and training.

  69. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:56

    Yeah, yeah, S.C. (IF that is your real name!)

    We all know about the Department of Hobbit Security.
    ~

  70. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 21:57

    And that is why I always CTRL-C before I hit “Submit”. Just in case.

    i find myself doing that even when it is not applicable nor appropriate…

    Just not tsam. That dude will cut you.

    word…

  71. vs does not buttchug said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:07

    Has anyone seen the trailer for “Cloud Atlas?” It gives me chills.

  72. Golem Heart said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:22

    Romney vs. Obama: The final argument said,

    Oh thank goodness, I can take the month off (final argument, you see).

    Shall I vote, or is it a done deal?

  73. N__B said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:25

    Cloud Atlas is another takedown of the iOS maps? Chilling indeed.

  74. Whale Chowder said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:33

    vs does not buttchug said,

    Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

  75. kg said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:33

    No but I semi-skimmed an Awl piece telling me to read Cloud Atlas before watching because Tom Hanks is going to ruin it for me (or something).

  76. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:46

    No but I semi-skimmed an Awl piece telling me to read Cloud Atlas before watching because Tom Hanks is going to ruin it for me (or something).

    as much as i love tom hanks, not gonna see this one…

  77. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:48

    Romney vs. Obama: The final argument said,

    The final argument? Where have I heard that before? was it in Latin perhaps? “ultima ratio” or was it “ultima ratio regum”? (the final argument of kings) Which is a little phrase Louis XIV had cast on his cannons. Since then ultima ratio has also been used as the name of a French sniper rifle. I’m not a big fan of that phrase, and I am more than a little suspicious of anyone who would use it in a username.

  78. Andrew said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:53

    Hindrocket, in a post calling Obama a Nazi:

    Consider his 983 executive orders, compared with George W. Bush’s 63 [See Update below]. [...]

    UPDATE: These numbers are all over the place; see this site for example, but I am not certain that they are correct. Everyone who has been paying attention knows, in any event, that Obama has greatly expanded the use of executive orders, most crucially using them to create or alter substantive law where legislation would be appropriate or, worse, already exists. An obvious example is his executive order announcing the selective enforcement of immigration laws, in violation of his oath of office.

    http://www.archives.gov/federal-register/executive-orders/wbush.html
    Administration of George W. Bush (2001-2009)
    291 Total Executive orders Issued

    http://www.archives.gov/federal-register/executive-orders/obama.html
    Administration of Barack Obama (2009-Present)
    135 Total Executive orders Issued

    Obviously, archives.gov has been infiltrated by liberal fascist Alinskyites.

  79. vacuumslayer said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:55

    No but I semi-skimmed an Awl piece telling me to read Cloud Atlas before watching because Tom Hanks is going to ruin it for me (or something).

    I dunno. I like Hanks a lot. Plus, he seems like an odd but good casting choice. In the trailer he just *fits* to me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll hate it, but it just looks so epic and gorgeous to me.

  80. vacuumslayer said,

    October 2, 2012 at 22:57

    vs does not buttchug said,

    Hey…I was young and I needed the position on the Supreme Court. WE ALL HAD TO DO IT! Sandra Day O’ Connor is a filthy beast!

  81. Merry Sukkot Everybody said,

    October 2, 2012 at 23:01

    Hell, I knew people in the ’80s who were talking about moving to someplace called “New Zealand” where they would allegedly be welcome after everything fell apart in these United Snakes. – M. Bouffant

    Wouldn’t it be New Zedland? I thought people in the commonwealth called “Z” zed.

  82. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 23:25

    Hindrocket, in a post calling Obama a Nazi:

    That is a big topic on which much can be said.

    wow, hinderaker is a terrible writer of which much can be said…

  83. Golem Heart said,

    October 2, 2012 at 23:27

    I’m not a big fan of that phrase, and I am more than a little suspicious of anyone who would use it in a username.

    MORE than a little suspicious. He’d have the final word on everything.

  84. Gerald Fnord said,

    October 2, 2012 at 23:33

    If Bruce plans on retiring to Australia after the end of the world as we know it, then he better get a start on that mohawk.

    Moving to Australia to avoid the End of the World?

    That’s what Mel Gibson’s dad did, which is why there were Mad Max movies, at least ones with him in, to begin-with. (Although Wikipedia claims that he did it to keep his eldest son out of Vietname, just as he evidently originally rejected modern Catholicism to avoid being sent to New Guinea or other brown places.)

  85. N__B said,

    October 2, 2012 at 23:37

    On the Beach.

    Also.

    Too.

  86. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 2, 2012 at 23:38

    This is so full of fail it may collapse upon itself into a failingularity.

  87. bbkf said,

    October 2, 2012 at 23:47

    This is so full of fail it may collapse upon itself into a failingularity.

    oh my…that little guy corey in the comments who does not understand how advertising works is just adorable…

  88. tigris said,

    October 3, 2012 at 0:32

    Oh Andrew, Andrew, did you not see that everyone who has been paying attention knows that Obama has greatly expanded the use of executive orders? You with your silly “facts” and “evidence” just prove you haven’t been paying attention and thus can be ignored. CASE CLOSED.

  89. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 0:33

    oh my…that little guy corey in the comments who does not understand how advertising works is just adorable…

    “Adorable” isn’t the word I’d use for the trolls over there.

  90. danah gaz said,

    October 3, 2012 at 1:01

    I’m not sure about dingo kidneys in general, but as far as I remember, fetid dingo kidneys were something of an un-currency.

    As in “Most leading theologians claim that this argument isn’t worth a pair of fetid dingo’s kidneys”

    Just sayin’

  91. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 1:43

    Oh Georgie, tell us how you really feel.

  92. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 1:45

    Little help here?

    So I’m finally getting around to organizing some music in iTunes. First time time I tried it a few years back it was a painful experience though I don’t recall exactly why. I hardly ever use iTunes. I actually never listen to music on my iPhone and iPad exc ept for internet radio. I would manually sync some music and change it around every now and then, manually. So I fired up iTunes this afternoon and was saw this screen. Yeah, those numbers I circled in red – WTF do they mean? I went through the tutorials and manuals and shit but NOWHERE does it say WTF they mean.

    I HATE their “documentation.” “You can do this” You can do that” But they never explain the details. It’s like when a technical writer would show me the draft for a new product manual and they’;d have something like

    Zoonfudding: The Zoonfudding button allows the user to active the Zoonfudd function.” Never say WTF the Zoonfudd function does, or WHY “the user” would want to do it. GODDAMN PEOPLE IT”S NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE!

    So, can anyone tell WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKETY FUCK THOSE NUMBERS MEAN?

    TIA

    PS – please don’t make fun of my music selections.

  93. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 1:52

    Little help here?

    It’s the track number of the song on the album. Click to change the sort to “Artist” and it should make more sense in that context. Assuming you have whole albums on there anyway.

  94. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 3, 2012 at 1:54

    Pup, I’m fairly sure those are track numbers. That’s what they are in my version of iTunes. Yours are jumbled like that because your music tracks seem to be scrambled.

    (And no, that was not a slam on your taste in music. I just meant that you seem not to have the tracks organized by album.)

  95. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 1:55

    PS – please don’t make fun of my music selections.

    OK.

    212 songs, 14.9 hours, 1.41 GB

    HAHAHAHA! NOOB!

  96. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 1:58

    Bitter Scribe is bitter. And slow.

  97. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:03

    Zoonfudding: The Zoonfudding button allows the user to active the Zoonfudd function.

    I really hate when I accidentally double-click the stupid zoonfudding button and I get double zoonfudding. It wouldn’t be so bad if you could undo zoonfudding, but no — “maybe the next release” they say. Bastards.

  98. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:08

    HAHAHAHA! NOOB!

    I burned all my CDs to a couple 500 GB drives before I moved out here, in lieu of carrying a couple hundred pounds of plastic. Like I said, I have been manually syncing some shit all along as I haven’t trusted iTunes to not fuck things up.

    So in conclusion, bite me.

  99. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:09

    And thanks for the info.

  100. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:10

    So you’re a snob about your typing skills as well as beer.

  101. McJohn said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:14

    ittgy said: We all know about the Department of Hobbit Security.

    The missus riffed on this one immediately: “Would you remove those sandals, please, sir? And all the jewelry in this little tray… now please pronounce the word ‘Precious’…”

  102. vs does not buttchug said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:14

    212 songs, 14.9 hours, 1.41 GB

    That’s adorable.

  103. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:17

    So you’re a snob about your typing skills as well as beer.

    Me? A snob? What!? The nerve! Why I aughta…

    Oh wait, yeah, totally.

  104. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:25

    I burned all my CDs to a couple 500 GB drives before I moved out here, in lieu of carrying a couple hundred pounds of plastic. Like I said, I have been manually syncing some shit all along as I haven’t trusted iTunes to not fuck things up.

    So in conclusion, bite me.

    I also got rid of most of my physical CDs long ago. Since I don’t have the originals anymore I keep two complete libraries of my music on two different machines. And each of those machines are backed up to external drives via TimeMachine.

    Hard drives are untrustworthy assholes.

  105. ckc (not kc) said,

    October 3, 2012 at 2:52

    …the best vacations are the ones where you’re trying to figure out how to deal with the end of the world

  106. Snorghagen said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:06

    Obama is Xerxes.

    How is it that I never realized that before? How could I have been so blind?

  107. smut clyde said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:09

    Ha! Recorded music is for people who can’t trust their own memories.

  108. Dr. Emmet Brown said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:17

    1.41 Gigabytes? 1.41 Gigabytes!?! Do you know what this means? It means this darn Zoonfudding button doesn’t work!

  109. ckc (not kc) said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:21

    F&S “music is defrosted architecture”

    ….recorded music is a picture of a puddle

  110. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:21

    Does that mean he’s surrounded by naked, writhing dancers all the time, and goes about in a throne carried on the backs of a dozen peons?

    Cuz if so, homeboy know how to roll, yo.

  111. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:25

    How is it that I never realized that before? How could I have been so blind?

    Him being 10 feet and adorned with gold was a dead giveaway.

    Also, Drudge revealed that Obama once said something nice about Jeremiah Wright and supported the theory that minorities might not have it so easy. This is certain to be a game-changer.

    (The odds of Mitt Romney calling Obama the n-word during the debates has just gone up by 20%)

  112. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:27

    Does that mean he’s surrounded by naked, writhing dancers all the time, and goes about in a throne carried on the backs of a dozen peons?

    It’s called, “The State of the Union Address,” duh!

  113. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:34

    Cuz if so, homeboy know how to roll, yo.

    Word

  114. Pupienus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:48

    If Obama is Xerxes doesn’t mean the NEA are homos? Yes, I bleev it duz.

  115. Pupienus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:49

    FYiP. NRA.

    Everbody knows the NEA is all queerz.

  116. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:53

    Oh where to start with this one:

    First of all – Leonidas and the Spartans, you know, got killed.

    Then there was the whole matter of the Spartans practicing slavery. Well, the NRA might not be too upset with that actually.

    The Spartans practiced infanticide.

    They were also “collectivist” – boys were forcibly taken from home at age 7 and forced into military training.

    And there was the whole sex with young boys thing.

    To sum it up – they were brave as shit but otherwise pretty much assholes.

  117. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 3, 2012 at 3:59

    But they looked so hot with the ripped abs and the sweat and the speedos and…hey, waitaminute! This movie’s not really about history, is it?

  118. stackozone said,

    October 3, 2012 at 4:49

    I never knew the NRA was all concerned about civil liberties, plain and simple. All this claptrap about guns and weapons is merely a smokescreen for their REAL agenda: Gay Marriage.

  119. VCarlson said,

    October 3, 2012 at 4:53

    aided greatly by a compliant media

    Is that the same compliant media that swooned over GW Bush as he strutted across an aircraft career? The same media that ignored Dick Cheney when he said “deficits don’t matter?” The same media that shrugged off Mitch McConnell’s comment that his #1 priority was/is to make Obama a one term president?

    Also, the same damn compliant media that spent Ronnie’s presidency cooing about him being the “teflon President” without ever aknowledging that they were the ones ensuring that nothing stuck.

  120. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    October 3, 2012 at 5:12

    Let us celebrate more than three years of pretty stable future employment for This Fuck with Two Thumbs who spent nearly four years getting his current job!
    .

  121. Just Alison, who can't be buggered thinking of something clever to write said,

    October 3, 2012 at 5:21

    Is Australia another one of those wingnut paradises for some reason? I have to admit I don’t know much about the place.

    X.G., we’re such a wingnut paradise that we have federal public healthcare for all (with private insurance for special things). We have unemployment and disability payments that don’t run out. We have taxes. We have gun laws. We’re moving up on gay marriage laws, state by state.

    I didn’t dare click on the mango linky, but if Bruce came to Australia I’m surprised his weeny brain didn’t explode.

    Or mebbes it did, and he just thought it was extra ear wax running out in the warmth.

  122. another kiwi said,

    October 3, 2012 at 5:46

    Smut and AK will totally pull out the sofa bed for us, right? Right? Right?

    Oh for sure. Except that we don’t live in New Zild anymore so don’t come looking for us there. We live in REDACTED now and very nice it is too.
    Bruce should have visited Sydney during Mardi-Gras, he would just puke.

  123. Thread Bear said,

    October 3, 2012 at 6:22

    Bruce should have visited Sydney during Mardi-Gras, he would just puke.

    The Swans win the Premiership and Sydney throws a big party! I’d heard they were gonna have a parade for the Swans, but I had no idead it would be that extravagant.

  124. El Manquecito said,

    October 3, 2012 at 6:34

    I strongly recommend David Mitchell and ‘Cloud Atlas’ is particularly good. All I know about the movie is the New Yorker article and it doesn’t sound promising.

  125. N__B said,

    October 3, 2012 at 6:53

    Breaking news: Scott Stapp is voting for Romney.

  126. Just Alison, who can't be buggered thinking of something clever to write said,

    October 3, 2012 at 7:13

    End of the world in Australia? Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!

  127. Oregon guy said,

    October 3, 2012 at 7:18

    Wait. So nobody is going to make fun of Pup’s New Order-heavy music collection, just because he asked?

    Wusses.

  128. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    October 3, 2012 at 7:37

    DERP

  129. M. Bouffant said,

    October 3, 2012 at 9:59

    Looks as if the Kiwis are clamping down on furrin visitors.

  130. stackozone, (mis)quoting Abraham Lincoln said,

    October 3, 2012 at 10:01

    “…Wait. So nobody is going to make fun of Pup’s New Order-heavy music collection, just because he asked?…”

    “People who like Pup’s taste in music will find it just the sort of thing that they like.”

  131. Smut Clyde said,

    October 3, 2012 at 11:51

    From MB’s link:
    “I’ve managed to successfully bring to New Zealand in the past 10 years President Clinton twice, the former Mayor of New York, Tony Blair, and I’m hopeful we’ll be able to bring [Tyson].”

    Imagine my happiness to see Tony Blair included in a list of opprobrium and obloquy that culminates in Mike Tyson.

  132. M. Bouffant said,

    October 3, 2012 at 12:17

    Tain’t Pup’s fault he was born too late.

  133. Lurking Canadian said,

    October 3, 2012 at 12:21

    Great news, JP!

  134. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 14:59

    DERP

    That’s sum fine Amurkin’ edumacation right there, that is.

  135. kg said,

    October 3, 2012 at 15:26

    Its been a while since we discussed butt-chugging.

  136. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:27

    Its been a while since we discussed butt-chugging.

    OK, wait…what does the butt-chugger’s orientation have to do with it? Are they trying to say it didn’t happen because they’re all straight?

  137. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:40

    re: butt-chugging press conference…

    it’s hard to determine which part is the funniest/most shameful for the fraternity and their lawyer, Daniel McGehee

    how about if we start with dude’s last name? it’s funny AND you can’t say it without sounding like foster brooks…

    also, what is ‘immoral’ about butt-chugging? to be fair though, this kid looks like a couple of stiff zinfandels could knock him on his fanny…also, too…’tour de franzia’? sounds ghey so, boom! butt-chugging denial defense is out the window…but i think my favorite part is telling the media how awful they are at reporting at a press conference where the media is present…also, too again, a fun game would be to watch the video and buttp-chug eac time the phrase ‘butt-chugging’ is used…

  138. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:43

    Breaking news: Scott Stapp is voting for Romney.

    i was just up at the high school picking up some ‘stuff’…there is a proliferation of handmade ‘mitt/ryan’ signs all over…i didn’t have time to ask, but i hope to bob that if those little fuckers actually got their shit together enough to form a young repub organization, i am totally kicking all the cool kids’ asses for letting them get a leg up on the brainwashing…i can only hope that one of the classes is doing some sort of mindfuck project…

  139. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:43

    Its been a while since we discussed butt-chugging.

    I suspect some awful person may use that audio in a mean way.

  140. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:47

    I encouraged all of you to watch the debate tonight. That would be the presidential debate for those of you not into politics at all. It should help you decide on whom to vote for. God help the USA. xo RSR(aka the king)

    that is from an email sent out to all hospital employees from the president of my board…i leave it here without any further comment…

  141. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:47

    That press conference would have been a lot more believable if they simply would have stated “I’m not going to pull your leg. The evidence suggests my client passed out from putting alcohol up his ass. That is in fact what happened. He is glad to be alive, he thinks it is the stupidest thing he has ever done, he would like to thank the doctors, nurses and emergency medical technicians that saved his life, and he will never do it again. My client is withdrawing from the university to enter treatment for alcohol abuse, and will take serious time to reflect on what his priorities are and how he should be living his life. No further questions.”

  142. Whale Chowder said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:50

    How much wine would a but chugger chug
    If a butt chugger could chug wine?

  143. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:52

    i haz a bit of a sadz today, because i was planning on linking to the ‘hooterville indigestion’ site so you could read one of the best letters to the editor ever, from a former educator…they didn’t put that one up on the site, but this one also schools crazy publisher pretty good too…it was written by another educator, who is a bit insane himself, except in a good way…i also used to work for him at my first real job…that is where i learned the phrase, ‘well fuck a duck!’ he’s also brother to the president of my board…chalk and cheese…

  144. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:53

    How much wine would a but chugger chug
    If a butt chugger could chug wine?

    is that a challenge?

  145. Thread Bear said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:55

    I was not Butt-chugging! My roomate just happend to be dispensing the box wine into our official Pi Kappa Alpha decanters when I slipped on my way to the shower.

  146. Whale Chowder said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:57

    is that a challenge?

    Don’t poison yourself.

  147. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 17:58

    I wasn’t but-chugging! I was just running backwards, naked, and didn’t see the box of wine sitting there.

  148. Thread Bear said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:03

    I wasn’t butt-chugging! My frat brothers tricked me. They said “bend over so we can get a good goatse picture for the Pi Kappa Alpha facebook page” and the next thing I knew I was totally hammered.

  149. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:06

    And I would do anything for love,
    I’d run right into hell and back,
    I would do anything for love,
    I’ll never lie to you and that’s a fact.

    But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now
    - Oh no – no way – I would do anything for love,
    But I won’t butt chug, I wont do that, anything for love,
    I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love,
    But I won’t butt chug, I wont butt chug.

  150. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:23

    OK, wait…what does the butt-chugger’s orientation have to do with it? Are they trying to say it didn’t happen because they’re all straight?

    IIRC, the police report said the kid had rectal damage resembling abuse, and there was a bloody mess in the dorm bathroom (I prefer to think that was wine). Then the denial of butt-chugging … Whatever happened (it was butt-chugging), there was a sad degree of ineptitude involved. He wasn’t abused and isn’t gay and also can’t get a tube up his own ass without making a bloody mess of it such that people might think he was an inept gay, or raped.

  151. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:26

    Whale Chowder said,
    October 3, 2012 at 17:50

    How much wine would a but chugger chug
    If a butt chugger could chug wine?

    AHEM sir, I say A FUCKIMG HEM!

  152. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:27

    So yes, we used to ask “Y kant Johnny reed?”

    Now I ask “Why can’t he put things up his butt right?”

    I mean, don’t they have the internet in that dorm? Google it, bro.

  153. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:32

    It was a perfect storm of bad timing and misunderstanding. There he was, building the world’s first box wine bong (purely as an academic exercise, we are strict teetotalers here ) while modeling for the fraternities life drawing class when Brother Flounder was returning to PKA house with the leftover lube from the charity “Lube wrestling for Luther” fundraiser we have to raise money for our upcoming celebration of the start of the protestant reformation, tripped over Brother “Last Argument”‘s commemorative civil war diorama, landed on Brother Hemingway’s skateboard careened off the wall and into the bong, box wine, and tubing, we both tumbled down the stairs and this is the unfortunate result. It could have happened to anyone.

  154. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:36

    Whatever happened (it was butt-chugging), there was a sad degree of ineptitude involved.

    this explains his rather pained expression during the presser…

    we both tumbled down the stairs and this is the unfortunate result.

    hey! you got your peanut butter on my chocolate!

  155. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:37

    Related: “Tyler (Chris Parnell) is perhaps the most well-known character from the [SNL sketch series] Appalachian Emergency Room. Every sketch, Tyler walks in and the receptionist asks, “What is it this time, Tyler?” Tyler proceeds to explain how some implausible object has wedged its way into his anus.”

  156. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:41

    These kids today and their fancy drinkin’ apparatus! In my day we got drunk the old-fashioned way. Why a guy might have had to drink 6 beers before he could get drunk. And we liked it!

  157. Whale Chowder said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:44

    AHEM sir, I say A FUCKIMG HEM!

    Jeebus, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast much less what was said last week.

  158. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:46

    Major Kong, you’re telling us the brightest minds in the air force couldn’t come up with a more advanced way to get drunk than drinking beer out of cans? Who are you trying to kid? I imagine at area 51 there’s an entire warehouse full of space age drinking apparatus. We know the air force doesn’t publicize anything until they have a more expensive, higher tech, stealthier replacement. Is it booze lasers? You guys are getting ripped to the tits on stealth booze lasers aren’t you?

  159. Whale Chowder said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:47

    Google [Why can’t he put things up his butt right?], bro.

    Not on a bet.

  160. Thread Bear said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:55

    You can explain away the rubber tube
    You can explain away the box of wine
    You can explain away the supply of lube
    But when you get to the santorum,
    They’ll all know that you’re lyin’

  161. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 18:59

    “Not on a bet,” no. But if you wanted to get something up there, we’re living in a golden age of sound advice. Or so I assume.

  162. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 19:26

    You can explain away the rubber tube
    You can explain away the box of wine
    You can explain away the supply of lube
    But when you get to the santorum,
    They’ll all know that you’re lyin’

    I like it, but you should fit Lyin’ Ryan in there. I can’t be arsed, so to speak.

  163. Thread Bear said,

    October 3, 2012 at 19:36

    You can explain away the rubber tube
    You can explain away the box of wine
    You can explain away the supply of lube
    But when you get to the santorum,
    They’ll all know that you’re lyin’, Ryan

    Easy enough to fix OBS.

  164. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 19:43

    It’s 2012 and this frat boy is jammin’ away like a caveman.

    Meanwhile an octopus can calmly take the lid off a jar.

  165. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 3, 2012 at 19:57

    Why a guy might have had to drink 6 beers before he could get drunk.

    You must have been drinking real beer. Six Bud Lights would barely make a man burp.

  166. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:01

    i can only hope that one of the classes is doing some sort of mindfuck project…

    Maybe they’re the political version of these little shits.

  167. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:03

    You must have been drinking real beer. Six Bud Lights would barely make a man burp.

    In my younger days I had friends that would down a half-case of Coors Light and then brag about it. You’re really proud that you spent the entire night with a mild buzz and constantly pissing? Cool story bro.

  168. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:22

    I finally tried switching to light beer for a couple days last month. It just made me angry, which is not what I’m looking for in a beer.

  169. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:33

    In my younger days I had friends that would down a half-case of Coors Light and then brag about it.

    I was a fan of light beer until I found out the companies initially marketed it to women during WWII because they thought it would be too strong (but they still needed to push the product). Fast-forward to now, where you have commercials of football-lovin’ cavemen openly declaring their love for light beer. Oh, and it’s healthier!

    Not to say I don’t get a bottle every now and then, but if I’m gonna drink, I’m gonna DRINK (and even then, it probably won’t be just beer).

  170. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:44

    just beer

    “Just” beer?

    You did not … Well I…

    Harumph!

  171. Thread Bear said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:45

    N/A beer, because you love the taste.

  172. tigris said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:47

    I don’t understand light beer. If I were worried about calories or alcohol content I’d drink water.

  173. Thread Bear said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:50

    Drinking light beer is like making love in a canoe – It’s fucking close to water.

  174. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:51

    Fast-forward to now, where you have commercials of football-lovin’ cavemen openly declaring their love for light beer.

    Actually, those first Miller Lite ads were classic. That was one of the most effective ad campaigns ever. They clearly identified the challenge, which was, as Pryme says, that light beer was considered wussy. So they loaded up those old commercials with the most macho guys they could find. It was brilliant—a textbook example of how to create huge demand for a product that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

  175. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 20:59

    I don’t understand light beer. If I were worried about calories or alcohol content I’d drink water.

    Drinking light beer is like making love in a canoe – It’s fucking close to water.

    a textbook example of how to create huge demand for a product that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

    as a bartender, i couldn’t agree more…i still cannot believe that in my formative drinking years, i drank miller lite…i think, prolly cause of those commercials, it was a brand i knew…anyhoo, nowadays i want to smack people who order it…especially guys…and also, i am distrusting of men who order ‘wine coolers’ to drink…or the guy last weekend who drank peach schnapps and sour…really?

    so, am i just a sexist alcoholic or what?

  176. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:01

    “Just” beer?

    You did not … Well I…

    Harumph!

    When they make a good vodka- or rum-based beer, I’ll be perfectly fine with amending my position.

  177. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:02

    HAHAHAHA “It’s a long story.”

  178. Whale Chowder said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:02

    so, am i just a sexist alcoholic or what?

    I dunno, how do you feel about buttchuggers?

    Also, too, my super-macho hunter manly-man inlaws only drink Coors Light. I have to bring my own beer to their functions or drink hard liquor because fuck that.

  179. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:03

    Also too, fuck you – I *like* New Order.

  180. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:04

    Also too, fuck you – I *like* New Order.

    word

  181. M. Bouffant said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:04

    Not on a bet.

    You owe me US$10,000.00.

  182. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:06

    nowadays i want to smack people who order it…especially guys…and also, i am distrusting of men who order ‘wine coolers’ to drink…or the guy last weekend who drank peach schnapps and sour…really?

    Yeah, the times I do get light beer, it’s double the size of a normal mug/glass/whatever.

    Wine coolers are a joke…you’d be better off with a Red Bull.

    “peach schnapps…” heh. If you’re a guy and you can’t taste the liquor, you ordered the wrong drink.

  183. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:09

    The Force is thong with this one.

  184. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:10

    You must have been drinking real beer.

    It was probably cheap malt liquor. I didn’t have a lot of money back then.

    I think we drank a lot of Mickey’s Malt Liquor and Little Kings Cream Ale.

    Today I might use one of them to degrease an engine block, but that’s about it.

  185. tsam said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:11

    Speaking of creative drinking, some author was being interviewed on NerdPR yesterday who recounted a story Jason Robards had told him. Robards was a Navy war veteran, and at some point during the cruise, the ship had run out of beer. Of course in any military setting, this is a DIRE emergency. Anyway, these guys decided to disassemble some torpedoes and drink the ethanol (fuel for an internal motor, I imagine). Robards said he woke up sitting on the mast of the ship, and that a few inches of movement in any direction would have resulted in him falling to his death.

    I thought that was a pretty respectable way to get drunk without alcohol that’s made to be consumed by humans.

  186. smut clyde said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:13

    I imagine at area 51 there’s an entire warehouse full of space age drinking apparatus.

    Best episode of ‘Warehouse 13′ EVAH.

  187. tsam said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:15

    as a bartender, i couldn’t agree more…i still cannot believe that in my formative drinking years, i drank miller lite…i think, prolly cause of those commercials, it was a brand i knew…anyhoo, nowadays i want to smack people who order it…especially guys…and also, i am distrusting of men who order ‘wine coolers’ to drink…or the guy last weekend who drank peach schnapps and sour…really?

    As a frequent bar patron, I’ll give you the wine coolers and and schnapps, and any wine or champagne for men. I drink lite beer sometimes because I fucking feel like it. Smart people don’t challenge my manhood while I’m drinking anything.

  188. tsam said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:17

    And I do drink Coors Light and Miller Light sometimes. The fact that I don’t mind the taste doesn’t say jack shit about me as a person. It certainly says better things than some fucking dudebro ordering Jaeger bombs or Irish Trash Cans/Car Bombs.

  189. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:18

    The guys in my Guard unit all drank Coors Lite. Mind you, Coors regular is about like any other brand’s light beer.

    I finally said “You guys don’t actually drink this stuff because you like it do you? You just drink it because you can put down 30 of them.”

  190. Bitter Scribe said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:21

    In the course of my long and not so lamented career as a food industry trade mag editor, I’ve toured and written articles on breweries belonging to Miller, Coors and A-B. Nice folks, all of them, but what they make shouldn’t be considered beer. If it has “adjuncts,” it’s not real beer.

  191. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:22

    The guys in the guard unit that did the flying at McMurdo when I was there 12 years ago had a still. That JATO juice was surprisingly smooth.

  192. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:29

    “You owe me US $10,000.00.”

    I can assure you, I’m not Mitt Romney. You can have an e-cookie.

    Google: “Did you mean: Why can’t he put things up his butt right?”
    Dunno why Google’s helpful correction strikes me as funny … anyway:

    I can’t believe I used to drink malt liquor (when I was young and poor). Now that I’m older, in Wisconsin, and slightly more flush, I understand that there are strong beers that taste good. These IPAs are 7-8% ABV. Bottle-conditioned Duvel is 8.5% ABV and tastes real nice (but is very pricey).

  193. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:29

    I drink lite beer sometimes because I fucking feel like it. Smart people don’t challenge my manhood while I’m drinking anything.

    oh, hey…i’m not above the light beer thing…usually when i’m partying with the girls and don’t want to be bothering with martoonis, it’s mgd cuz that’s one we can all agree on…i’ve also been known to drink a bud light but if you tell anybody i swear to bog i will cut you…it’s just that i find miller lite to be an exceptionally crappy product…although i believe it’s like the number one seller in lite beers…

    when it comes down to it, i will pretty much drink any beer depending on circumstances…if it’s free, oh hells yeah i will drink busch light out of a can even though it smells like ass…but if i have to pay for it, imma drink something i like…

  194. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:31

    I thought that was a pretty respectable way to get drunk without alcohol that’s made to be consumed by humans.

    i can’t believe that bastard stole my story!!! you totally can’t trust jason robards…what an ass!

  195. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:45

    The pub I frequent across the street from work has 12 taps of craft-beer yumminess that are constantly changing. They always make a point to have a couple “light”-ish beers (traditional real pilsners, wheat, etc.) on tap for those not ready for an double IPA, big stout, Belgian, etc. They still have to also keep bottles of Coors Light in the back for the few that insist on such ridiculousness.

    Moral of the story: you can lead a bro to real beer, but you can’t make him drink.

  196. Helmut Monotreme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:50

    They still have to also keep bottles of Coors Light in the back for the few that insist on such ridiculousness.

    You never get wistful for the commodity beers (and hangovers) of your youth?

  197. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:50

    They still have to also keep bottles of Coors Light in the back for the few that insist on such ridiculousness.

    Moral of the story: you can lead a bro to real beer, but you can’t make him drink.

    dude! do you realize how close in proximity you are to tsam? i wouldn’t poke the bear if i were you…*

    *tsam, i tease because i love…

  198. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 21:55

    dude! do you realize how close in proximity you are to tsam? i wouldn’t poke the bear if i were you…

    I’ll just run away — I’m pretty fast and he’d have to stop to pee.

  199. kg said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:03

    hey tsam, don’t want to get you in stabby mood or anything but champagne for men is absolutely appropriate. especially if its really champagne!

  200. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:04

    i wouldn’t poke the bear if i were you…

    I don’t have to outrun the bear – I just have outrun you.

  201. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:11

    but champagne for men

    brut?

  202. Pryme said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:16

    I don’t have to outrun the bear – I just have outrun you.

    That reminds me of the comments on a “healthy living” post I read on Yahoo! a few months back. As one guy put it (after a lot of back and forth about what people should weigh and what their BMI should be and whatnot): the point of being in shape is this, “If someone is after me, can I fight them off/get away?”

    While I don’t entirely agree with the logic (a weapon of any kind can negate not being in shape), I understand it. And it was more enlightening than the standard “You fatties just need to eat less and hit the gym more!

    OK; back to beer.

  203. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:17

    I drink Champagne or Prosecco (the Italian version) on occasion.

  204. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:19

    While I don’t entirely agree with the logic

    My logic is simpler: I have to run as much as I do to be able to drink as much beer as I do and not be fat.

    I mean I guess I could quit drinking beer, but c’mon, be serious!

  205. bbkf said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:19

    “If someone is after me, can I fight them off/get away?”

    in a word: no…i literally cannot run…one: my knees 2)uncoordination iii)i always hear my son’s little pipsqueak voice saying ‘run, forrest, run!’ and i crack up…

  206. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:21

    End of the world in Australia? Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!

    They don’t listen to the doctors advising, all they hear is the advertising.

    Great, now I’m going to blow a few hours hunting down Aussie punk tunes.

  207. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:21

    but champagne

    Butt champagne would add a certain “zing” to the buttchugging festivities. The foam might be a bit problematic though.

  208. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:24

    The fact is, Romney is going to win this debate with facts and logic. All Obummer has is classwar and muslims. Real Americans will vote Republican, well envious leachers will vote for more free cell phones, and black too.

  209. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:25

    I finally tried switching to light beer for a couple days last month. It just made me angry, which is not what I’m looking for in a beer.

    If you like Dr Pepper, try mixing the light beer with amaretto. For the record, I don’t like Dr Pepper.

  210. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:26

    The fact is, liberal bias in the media is why they are in the tank. Romney needs to get his message out to real Americans, who far outnumber jealous minorites and lazy, shiftless multiculti types.

  211. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:27

    The fact is, liberals, your free lunch is about to end. Real Adults will be back in charge in the white house, and the Socialests will be sent packing. Also, anti-colonialist and muslims.

  212. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:29

    The fact is, more taxes, more goverment, more abortions and gays getting married is not a winning thing. Obama does not have a chance, depsite all the disgusting, anti-American pollsters saying he does. You are not allowed to criticise him because he is black, how bias is that?

  213. Gary Ruppert said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:30

    The fact is, liberals should really study economics and learn how facts and logic work before taking on patriotic conservatives like me in debate, it is why you allways loose and freedom wins.

  214. tigris said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:31

    OK, who put a quarter in Gary?

  215. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:34

    Butt champagne would add a certain “zing” to the buttchugging festivities. The foam might be a bit problematic though.

    I grow weary of AHEMming you lot.

  216. tigris said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:35

    And back to booze, is there a chemical difference between champagne and prosecco? Because champagne ALWAYS seems to give me migraines, even really good stuff, but prosecco almost never does.

  217. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:37

    AHEM, I said. FYWP

  218. M. Bouffant said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:39

    Mickey’s Malt Liquor
    Worst shit ever. Worse than Jagerkeister. Typed as a person who, in his yout’, was known to drink Olde English 800 while sniffing Locker Room. (Just a few times for the Locker Room, but hey, anything for a rush!)

    No beer or any other alcohol on U.S. Navy ships. (OK, grain alky in sick bay. Docs & ossifers only.) Robards was lying about that part. My father, also a Navy vet, was busted making jungle juice on board his ship, which kept him from a promotion to Chief Gunner’s Mate.

    And the “can’t” in Google cracked me up too.

  219. El Manquecito said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:40

    Jeez, Gary’s running naked through the thread.

  220. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:42

    I dont know what the chemical implications may be but they are produced differently. In the Charmat (Italian) method the second fermentation is in vats, whereas the méthode champenoise does it in the bottle. FWIW, most Sekt (German “champagne”) is also produced via the Charmat method. You might want to try some Sekt.

  221. Whale Chowder said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:43

    The foam might be a bit problematic though.

    It’s bad enough when a dude foams at the mouth.

  222. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:44

    You may have to explain “Locker Room” to the crowd, MB.

  223. Whale Chowder said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:44

    You might want to try some Sekt.

    I’m afraid I’d become a sekt fiend.

  224. John Revolta said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:44

    It’s 2012 and this frat boy is jammin’ away like a caveman.

    Meanwhile an octopus can calmly take the lid off a jar.

    To be fair, I’ve had plates of calimari that were WAY smarter than your average fratboy.

  225. Substance McGravitas said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:45

    I think that was the one with the dripping cock logo. Or was that Hero?

  226. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:48

    I’m afraid I’d become a sekt fiend.

    I’ve said it before, butt sekts is addictive.

  227. M. Bouffant said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:48

    You may have to explain “Locker Room” to the crowd, MB.
    What, Google’s down?

    Ha ha. It’s one of those amyl nitrate deals, masses. (Poppers.) A friend whose uncle was a big gay party boy in those long-ago ’70s introduced me to it.

  228. Golem Heart said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:52

    Romney is going to win this debate with facts and logic

    Wait, I thought the debate was with Obama?… Well then, he’s been practicing for this debate for a long time.

    well envious leachers will vote for more free cell phones, and black too.

    These words seem pregnant with meanings to be leached out. Maybe the punctuation is off.

  229. Pupienus Maximus said,

    October 3, 2012 at 22:56

    I don’t recall what their logo was like back in the day. BTW, a google image search for “locker room poppers” returns some interesting and diverse results.

    Also, nu thred.

  230. Major Kong said,

    October 3, 2012 at 23:52

    No beer or any other alcohol on U.S. Navy ships

    I believe that on long cruises they’re allowed some measly ration of beer – something like one a month.

  231. VCarlson said,

    October 4, 2012 at 1:31

    Any believable claim to Rs being the “adults” in the WH (or anywhere else) went away when SCOTUS installed the nasty little fratboy.

  232. M. Bouffant said,

    October 4, 2012 at 4:51

    I believe that on long cruises they’re allowed some measly ration of beer – something like one a month.
    Damn. What’s this world coming to?

  233. Golem Heart said,

    October 5, 2012 at 14:32

    One beer a month, wow. If all the sailors on the ship donated their beers to me, I could maintain something like my current intake, and no man among them would be worse off for it.

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