1. You’re a Slut. 2. Your slutty sluttiness. 3-10. SLUT! WHY ISN’T THIS MAKING YOU GO MAKE MENFOLK SAMMICHES AS IS YOUR PLACE?!?
Jeannie DeAngelis, American UnghUnghUNNNNH!!!:
Sextra Credit and the Rehabilitation of Sluts*
Oi. This election season. I mean, every time the Smiler opens his mouth is a wonderful gift from Snark Heaven, but boy howdy is it tanking the usual output from the psychotics and the sociopaths. So many endless reams of run-of-the-mill IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION as the right wing loses any and all hope of convincing themselves that they are going to stop the endless gulags of our Nigger in Chief.
It’s not that these posts aren’t still insane. It’s just that they are so very defeated, not bothering with the interesting novelty that makes right-wing dementia so… unique to behold. Where is that old can-do moxie?
Oh, hey, what’s that? It’s our old reliable friends at American Thinker with some fine aged wisdom for us.
Shorter (or the second to last port before Jungle):
- Slut slut slut slut. Slut slut slut slut. Sluttity slut, sluttity slut!
Alternate Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Ignorance is the best defense against unwanted pregnancies and STDs. P.S. Every single woman who admits sex exists is a dirty filthy slut who must be climbing into every rubbish bin she can find to sate her insatiable thirst for cum.
So I see Republican outreach to women voters is going strong.
So what’s the origin of this week’s crusade against the vagina-wielding infidels?
Once again the left has inadvertently vindicated Rush Limbaugh.
Of course it is. King Rushbo helped lead everyone off the cliff in the first place by trying to Michelle Malkin Sandra Fluke in service to declaring the Pill an enemy of the People. And now that the drug-addled pederast has won himself… attention for declaring that feminazis are responsible for his tiny penis, we apparently get a repeat of dimwitted C-listers following their hero into the What the Fuck singularity.
All right, take us down the rabbit hole, cap’n!
On the Facebook page “Planned Parenthood Info for Teens,” there is a link to a Planned Parenthood site with a page called “Info for Teens.” In the “Ask the Expert” section, our tax dollars are used to school kiddies on after-school activities like masturbation, oral sex, and “blue waffles” (more commonly known as sexually transmitted diseases). For visual learners, there are also links to colorful roadmap-type “diagrams” of male and female genitalia.
So if you’re a sane person, you might see a description like that and think “huh, that sounds suspiciously like a run-of-the-mill sex-education FAQ**, which wouldn’t at all be out of place on the website of a sexual health service like Planned Parenthood”.
If you’re sane and not boringly pragmatic, you’re probably stuck on the “blue waffle” line with your mouth permanently stuck in “what the fucking shit” mode.
If you’re sane, not boringly pragmatic, and too curious for your own good, I don’t need to tell you the context cause you’ve already clicked over. For those of you with functioning survival instincts, it turns out “Ask the Experts” is far from the porno holocaust promised and the “blue waffle” question referenced is a question from a scared teenager asking about it and Planned Parenthood calmly explaining that it’s an urban myth created mostly due to kids not having much access to sex education resources that aren’t complete fundie crap.
Apparently, our genius in residence here couldn’t make it through an entire FAQ entry intended for children and thus mistakenly categorizes the debunked myth as not only real, but a euphemism for all STDs everywhere.
But really, I see no evidence that we’re woefully lacking sex education resources in this country.
Obviously, PP should be ashamed of themselves for admitting sex exists and providing some small outreach for scared kids trying to understand what’s happening to their bodies and what to watch out for as they explore romantic relationships for the first time.
One Facebook post asks the question: “Why are girls who have sex with a lot of guys called sluts and guys called players?” In response, the unofficial guide to Savage U, MTV Extras Sextra Credit teacher Francisco Ramirez, obliges truth-seeking high school students by providing answers to questions on the fine art of sluttery. Francisco reminds confused teens that “there is a little bit of slut in all of us,” so why not just embrace our inner sluttiness?
(flip flip flip)
I’m sorry, but did I skip a page somewhere in here? We were just ranting about Planned Parenthood’s sex education site and now we’re suddenly talking about a random MTV show***. What’s go-
This is just a random enemy’s list Jeannie threw up on behalf of her fellow sexphobes so they can react like the market audience for the “Movies movies” (“Durr, I recognize that reference. Iz funny!”)!
Okay, let’s see if we can predict the list of dog-whistle targets for our Two Minute Hate.
Well, first up’s gotta be Sandra Fluke.
Speaking of Sandra Fluke,
Yup, no credit there. But bonus points to Jeannie for trying to invent a joke so devoid of humor that it nearly formed an anti-joke destroying all humor which might come near.
Let’s see next… hmmm, I’m going to go with “slutty co-eds” or something else from porno land.
instead of attending Class 6 — “The Reproduction Right” — in the Statutory Rights of Copyright Owners fall series at Georgetown Law School
I’mma count it for half credit. Also I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that the link she provided goes to a class on copyright law. “Reproduction right” is on the legal right to reproduce a work with and/or without consent. I’d call it an attempt at humor, but frankly that would be too low a blow even for me.
the reproductive rights advocate should have played hooky and joined the kids in Sextra Credit w/ Francisco. If only the War on Women’s Joan of Arc had done what the Facebook teaser suggests and occupied “a seat in the class and let Francisco school [her] with his lecture on slutty slander!,”
Jeannie has an odd medical condition where she is apparently so utterly tormented by her life-long dry spell that she is unable to read any sentence but in raw sexual single entendre. So copyright law becomes Impregnation 101 and a random MTV bonus video on why the word “slut” has no real meaning other than sexphobic abuse becomes… some sort of S&M thing, I guess. Honestly, I’m used to traversing the damaged sexual psyches of many a wingnut, but this one is a whole new entity entirely.
I’d say she’s got a mind like a sex-obsessed Labyrinth, but I’m afraid she’d use it as an excuse to post Minotaur hentai.
the entire Rush Limbaugh slut imbroglio could have been avoided.
Of course. If she… learned that slut-shaming existed (or maybe Jeannie honestly believes that “slutty slander” was some sort of endless gangbang sex dungeon)… she surely wouldn’t have told congress basic facts in counter to an attack on women by clueless old white men in funny hats and thus wouldn’t have earned a permanent place in the “Women we must destroy at all costs” penalty box.
Cause it’s just not quite victim blamey enough unless you can feel Logic’s spine snap in your jaws.
For the record, the sexpert/provost of Savage U is Dan Savage,
NO, really? I thought you meant Michael Savage or one of the many other men with the last name Savage who are high enough on the sexphobe hate list to get second-billing Satan to Planned Parenthood.
the gay activist who, at an anti-bullying speech, told students in the audience to “learn to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about gay people.” Savage then bullied the offended Christian students who walked out by calling them “pansy-asses.”
Yeah, how dare he try to reduce teen suicide rates among young queers and stand against cowardly bullies who hide behind religion and children to commit their hate crimes. Truly he is the Darth Maul to Planned Parenthood’s Darth Sidious.
Sandra Fluke, who took on the pansy-assed Catholic hierarchy on abortion and contraception, would likely accept as gospel Dan Savage’s faculty member Francisco’s evolved definition of the true meaning of the word “slut.”
Hey, you said it, not me. But yeah, while she was whipping the butt of the Child Molester Crime Syndicate and their attempt to try and claim ownership and complete dominance of every employee everywhere, she probably was fully aware of how the word “slut” is used to try and dismiss any woman in public who gets on the bad side of sexist men.
And if not then, she probably found out immediately afterwards when the entire right-wing decided that their only response to the liberal bias of facts was calling her a slut over and over in the hopes that would make her decide to give up her lady-bits to the Stepford Men’s Association.
Apparently the right-wing is still baffled that this strategy didn’t work.
In Ramirez’s S.L.U.T. class, the sexpert stresses that “people who feel judged, isolated and weird about their bodies and about sex” are usually the ones who interpret being called a slut in a negative way. If Ms. Fluke felt “vilified by Limbaugh’s” comments, it could mean that Sandra’s view of her own sexuality is in dire need of positive reinforcement.
The story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Monday, September 24. It was cold in Los Angeles. We were working the Logic slaying case out near the La Brea Tar Pits. I was on my way to work, 11:18 PM, when I got the call. The final missing pieces were found. Corner of Main and 4th, the 12th dumping ground in less than a week.
Seriously, I’m surprised she didn’t pull something trying to strain her brain like that.
During his slut class, Mr. Ramirez says that calling girls who have a lot of sex sluts “makes zero sense” and lacks “fairness,” and that sluts everywhere should “stand up for equality [and] stop the slut-shaming.” Francisco also provides context by teaching a chapter on the history of sluts. If Ms. Fluke had been up to date on her slut history, the feminist would have known that “400 years ago [slut] was an affectionate term for a housemaid.”
Considering all this new information on sluts, it could be that Sandra Fluke and the whole “war on women” contingency misunderstood what Rush Limbaugh actually meant. It may be that Limbaugh’s reaction to Sandra’s demand for truckloads of free contraceptives wasn’t an insult at all, but rather a complimentary acknowledgement of Fluke’s healthy proclivity for playful promiscuity. Wasn’t it Ramirez who pointed out that “[c]alling someone a slut is good”?.
Well of course, in much the same way as a white-hooded redneck yelling “Nigger” at the President is easily understood as a commiseration on the role hip-hop has played in African-American musical expression…
Or maybe, we, unlike you, are not mentally 12 and understand what reclaiming something means and we understand the difference between a bigot being a douchecanoe and an attempt by minority members to blunt a historical weapon against said minority group.
But then, that might be hard to grasp for a group that is still bristling at the injustice of Lil’ Wayne being allowed to use the word nigger when they are no longer allowed to lynch any black person who dares earn themselves a middle class lifestyle even though they are totally “ruining the neighborhood”.
Furthermore, even President Obama could tone down his “slut-shaming” a bit. After Rush Limbaugh insulted Fluke, Obama took time out of his busy day to call the law school grad. The president praised Ms. Fluke on her commitment to citizenship and mentioned to her that her parents should be proud their daughter demanded free contraceptives on national TV.
If only America’s most ardent Planned Parenthood president had attended Francisco Ramirez’s class prior to making that call, maybe he would have shared how proud he would be to have his own young daughters referred to in similar terms. And for reasons other than “speaking out about the concerns of American women,” he could have congratulated the Fluke family on having a daughter associated with a word some liberals apparently feel “should only be used for good.”
And so, after a nationwide hullabaloo over calling Sandra Fluke a slut, we come to find out that the insightful conservative radio talk show host may have actually complimented the Georgetown coed — which leaves Rush once again being vindicated by the very progressives who consider him their arch-nemesis.
If Planned Parenthood, Barack Obama’s beloved abortion provider, approves of the word “slut” being used as a tribute to sexually liberated women, it’s Rush Limbaugh who deserves the public apology, not Sandra Fluke.
Naturally. By not being gullible morons who are unable to handle linguistic complexity harder than “See Dick… rule over Jane his entire life with an iron fist”, it is truly liberals who are the facists of Liberal Slut Shaming.
See what I mean about the wingnuts not bringing their A-game? A mere couple of months ago, there’d be an angry treatise on Slutwalk and how only slut-shaming can stop the gay abortion welfare queens calling the New Black Panthers to take away everyone’s guns.
Now they can’t even be bothered to finish their reflexive women-hatred and Rush-worship with anything other than a pathetic “nuh uh, you” retread.
While I may have drunk deep of the bounty that has been The Smiler’s implosion, I fear it may only signal a coming fallow season for the next month and a half as the syphilitic in-breds of the right come to terms with just how utterly alone their band of malcontents are in this country.
Pray for rain, people. We’re going to need it.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Seriously, though, it’s spooky out there. You can tell that there’s not a wingnut welfare recipient out there who isn’t feeling like a complete chump at the moment. I think getting marching orders to claim a 1998 inoffensive video about a no-duh beat a couple month video declaring nearly half of America untermenschen has broken most of them. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*Someone desperately needs to get laid.
**Every time I read a wingnut melting down with regards to our already weak standards of sex education in this country and claiming it’s all how-to guides to performing triple anal in the bathroom stalls, I find myself wishing their nightmare world was real. Imagine a world where teens actually got comprehensive education resources on how sex works and how to safely explore things. Something to allow them to experiment and see what they like and don’t without having to wade through internet misinformation like “blue waffle disease” or “rinsing your vag with coke will totally prevent pregnancy”.
Fuck imagining things. Send every teen and pre-teen you know a link to the Midwest Teen Sex Show instead. It provides comprehensive real sex education information about actual sex topics in a snarky informative way that understands kids and doesn’t think that keeping them ignorant and afraid will prevent hormones from existing. Cause fuck the fucking prudes and their denial-based approach to sex education.
*** It’s Dan Savage. It’s MTV. And oddly enough, the only thing she could find to freak out about was a random other guy on an extras vid explaining why “slut” is kind of a meaningless insult because there is no real definition of what is a “slut” or why being a “slut” should be so shame-ridden. But then, given the freakout over Slutwalk… and hell, the freakout over every reclamation effort ever, I guess there’s nothing that winds up bullies more than having one of their favorite toys yanked away by their victims and turned into a badge of pride.