ABOVE: The most widely-mocked facial hair not on a Taliban
Shorter Mr. Mustache, The For Chrissakes New Fucking York Fucking Times:
Look In Your Mirror*
- I know you are but what am I?
Alternate Shorter Mr. Mustache, The For Chrissakes New Fucking York Fucking Times:
Look In Your Mirror*
- So’s Your Face!!
Second Alternate Shorter Mr. Mustache, The For Chrissakes New Fucking York Fucking Times:
Look In Your Mirror*
- But, Dad, they started it!
Shamed perhaps finally out of building entire columns from the things that imaginary, but oddly perceptive, cab drivers allegedly told him on the autoroute between Charles de Gaulle Airport and the George V, Mr. Mustache is now basing columns on signs he has seen Arab demonstrators hold up on the TeeVee. And they have made Mr. Mustache very mad.
[O]ne of the Egyptian demonstrators outside the American Embassy, Khaled Ali, [was] justifying last week’s violent protests by declaring: “We never insult any prophet — not Moses, not Jesus — so why can’t we demand that Muhammad be respected?” Mr. Ali, a 39-year-old textile worker, was holding up a handwritten sign in English that read: “Shut Up America.”
Because Mr. Mustache, as one of the very important people, is pretty much the same thing as America, Mr. Mustache takes this sign very personally.
[W]e need to make two things very clear — more clear than President Obama’s team has made them. One is that an insult — even one as stupid and ugly as the anti-Islam video on YouTube that started all of this — does not entitle people to go out and attack embassies and kill innocent diplomats. That is not how a proper self-governing people behave. There is no excuse for it. It is shameful.
Yea, because Obama was like totally sympathetic to the people who killed the ambassador and said that due to his own Muslim beliefs no action at all would be taken against his fellow jihadists. In fact, Obama said that he was planning to invite the assassins to spend a night in the Lincoln Bedroom and attend Muslim prayer services in the Oval Office on the following morning complete with the ritual beheading of a few Crusaders from the State Department. You know, Mr. Mustache has said lots of idiotic things but saying that Obama hasn’t condemned the assassins clearly enough takes not just the cake but the whole fucking platter and table that the cake is on and the whole fucking room where the table is.
And, second, before demanding an apology from our president, Mr. Ali and the young Egyptians, Tunisians, Libyans, Yemenis, Pakistanis, Afghans and Sudanese who have been taking to the streets might want to look in the mirror — or just turn on their own televisions. They might want to look at the chauvinistic bile that is pumped out by some of their own media — on satellite television stations and Web sites or sold in sidewalk bookstores outside of mosques — insulting Shiites, Jews, Christians, Sufis and anyone else who is not a Sunni, or fundamentalist, Muslim.
It is at this point where you seriously have to wonder whether Mr. Mustache is an adult or an eight-year-old. If you have a deranged lunatic waving a hand grenade, this is not the time to demand that the lunatic apologize first.
Of course, it’s all too easy for Mr. Mustache, from the safety of the Times offices in Manhattan, to throw more fuel on the fire and endanger Americans actually in the Middle East (and not ensconced comfortably in Manhattan as the Great Mustache is) by insisting that the Arabs apologize first. You don’t have to be a very important person with a very important mustache and a sinecure at the New York Times to figure out that this is a time when we put on our big boy pants and try to discourage our own crazies from disseminating inflammatory rhetoric even if their crazies are doing the same thing or worse. That is because the adult thing to do is to think of the safety of our compatriots and not nurse some school yard grudge because the other guy said that Moses molested baby goats or secretly liked bacon. Just because Friedman has the mustache of a sixty-year-old man can’t hide the fact that he thinks like an eight-year-old child
*Here is a link to the column that is not behind the NYT’s paywall