W.T.F.

The Republican National Convention, everyone!

I was struggling. Legitimately struggling to find a way to make the RNC clusterfuck funny. There was material, yes. There was the complete abandonment of even pretending to give a fuck about reality by the Smiler’s vat-grown VP candidate. The Smiler reminding the base that he’s not above grabbing that Birther chicken and fucking it for all its worth now that the Republican Party is officially down to old white male racists. Chris Christie throwing his hat into the 2016 race.

And let’s not forget the supposed best face of the Republican Party being unable to go 5 fucking minutes in the presence of a black person without throwing food at them and saying “This is how we feed animals”.

But how to summarize the whole affair? Make it funny? Well…

It turns out I didn’t need to. Clint Eastwood did it for me. Thank you Clint, your Kaufman-esque performance truly captured the spirit of the RNC:

An old man suffering from dementia, unsure of where he is or what he’s doing.

 

Comments: 365

 
 
 

What the hell………………….was THAT?

Wait, so Mittens isn’t a lawyer now? That’s one helluvan Etch-a-Sketch he’s swingin’.

 
 

Also, SECOND!

 
 

Bob Newhart killed with that bit 50 years ago.

Sorry Clint, you’re no Bob Newhart.

 
 

This is not funny. It’s just pathetic… it’s just the typical right wing attempt at humor I wrote about yesterday, the same two schticks over and over again: rehashed stereotypes and wingnut tropes.

But it’s not pathetic to the RNC crowd, because irritable, fact-challenged, senile old white men are their fucking icons. They eat this shit up, because it reinforces their fallacy-based world view, briefly relieves the stress of their cognitive dissonance, and -most importantly- makes them feel superior.

At 6:07… (and 8:23) that might have been funny if the phrase hadn’t been made famous by Dick “Go Fuck Yourself” Cheney. But even without that it’s still just projection.

 
 

like john revolta…i have to say..WTF? i know they have to play the game, but really? i got as far as the gitmo and the mocking of trying the terrorists downtown before i couldn’t watch anymore…

you know, i’m not a huge eastwood fan…hated, fucking hated the dirty harry franchise, kinda liked ‘pale rider’, wouldn’t even consider watching b
‘bridges of madison county’ but did fall in love with him in ‘grand torino’…now i’m just sad…and really? clint you cried because 23 million people were out of work? when you’re raking in millions just to show up? fuck you…

dammit, i shouldn’t drink without eating…but martinis are soooo good…

 
 

well, fine…imma run naked one lap thru the thred and then i’m going to bed…catch ya…

p.s. still…srsly…wtf with eastwood?

 
 

Clint Eastwood was supposed to provide diversity, right? I mean he’s an old white rich Republican guy but he’s an artist and, um, he knows a lot of black people? Amirite?

 
 

I seriously think there are two Clint Eastwoods.

The offscreen reichwing idiot COULD NOT be the same guy who made Unforgiven and Million Dollar Baby. It’s his evil twin, only explanation.

 
 

Those Hollywood liberals are vexing.

 
 

From the link above:

“CNN can confirm there was an incident directed at an employee inside the Tampa Bay Times Forum earlier this afternoon,” the statement read. “CNN worked with convention officials to address this matter and will have no further comment.” There was no immediate mention of the attack on CNN’s air.

Newsworthy enough for the RNC to issue an official statement condemning the behaviour, but not newsworthy enough to prevent CNN from doing their best to bury it. I mean, yeah totes not surprising and all, but aren’t we supposed to pretend that the GOP isn’t full up on racist fuckwads? Little consistency would be nice.

Oh wait. It’s the “most trusted name on news”. Nevermind.

 
 

“We OWN this country”

…and that, as George Carlin pointed out, IS THE FUCKIN’ PROBLEM!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=%204jQT7_rVxAE

 
 

“I thought it was because somebody had a stupid idea of trying terrorists in downtown New York City,”

Yeah, that would never work.

 
 

Last time I saw Clint on (I wanna say) The Daily Show he didn’t seem all there. Said nothing odd, but was distant and slow. I chalked it up to him not liking Jon Stewart — it’s hard to imagine them having rapport.

 
Orangette Coleman
 

Eastwood provides diversity because he’s an old rich white guy who likes jazz instead of an old white rich guy who thinks Lee Greenwood is musical.

 
 

I only find the degradation of aging funny is when I had contempt for the people in question when they were younger. Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher, for example. You can like or dislike Eastwood’s work, but this is sad and the RNC should be ashamed* for doing this to him.

*Yeah, I know.

 
 

Ignore the superfluous “is” in front of the curtain.

 
 

you are the great and powerful n_b…

 
 

Fortunately, Clint Eastwood didn’t mention gay marriage – of which he thinks even having a debate is tiresome – or the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan – to which he was opposed even in the abstract – or they’d have thrown him out as a librul hollyweird faggot.

 
 

Dude PeeWee Herman was talking to chairs like 25 years ago.

 
 

A hand out is what you get from the government, a hand up is what you get from a friend.

 
 

Lolita Priest is sorry (awww…). Guess tweens aren’t horny sex succubi after all.

 
 

A hand out is what you get from the government, a hand up is what you get from a friend.

Howz about a hand job?

 
 

I used to think the most humiliating moment of Eastwood’s career was when he sang in “Paint Your Wagon.” That has now been bumped into second place.

 
 

Those Hollywood liberals are vexing.

You know, Hollywood may have more liberals than conservatives, but at least those liberals mostly have the self-awareness to realize that playing a tough guy in front of a camera doesn’t make you qualified to hold office… which is more than I can say for most of the cons.

 
 

I used to think the most humiliating moment of Eastwood’s career was when he sang in “Paint Your Wagon.”

Tried to find the Simpson’s take on this but Fox blocked it from youtube.

This is also relevant
http://i.imgur.com/obE6F.jpg

 
 

I has a disappoint. I knew Eastwood was a Republican, but I had him figured for a Governator type–a more moderate, less reactionary, more concerned with governance than idealogical dogma.
I got the idea that he was a bit of a thinker after he did those two movies about Iwo Gima, one from the perspective of the Japanese. I took a message from it about the ultimate tragedy of war, that there are no winners in war, and a sort of awe-inspiring courage shown by your average soldier on the battlefield, while the “generals sat and the lines on the map moved from side to side.” I’m not big on war porn, but I do like well made war movies like Saving Private Ryan that do a good job of conveying the rather obvious but still critically important message that NOBODY wins wars and that there is no such thing as a “just war”.

Now I see that Eastwood is just another angry old sorehead.

 
 

Dirty Harvey.

Ask and the Internets will provide.

 
 

That first hit is me.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Someone has suggested the Obama campaign counter by having Shatner sing Rocket Man.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Someone has suggested the Obama campaign counter by having Shatner sing Rocket Man.

I think that in honor of the end of “don’t ask, don’t tell” they should finally get Shatner as Kirk and Nimoy as Spock to kiss on stage.

 
 

I has a disappoint. I knew Eastwood was a Republican, but I had him figured for a Governator type–a more moderate, less reactionary, more concerned with governance than idealogical dogma.

For some reason, I had him pegged as a Goldwaterite/Paultard and an independent.

I had a sad too. I’m not especially a huge fan of the guy, but I did think he was better than this. This is the kind of performance I’d have expected from war dodging sunshine patriot and TV tough guy John Wayne.

 
 

The fact is Clint Eastwood is an American iconic chair debaiter of the first degree. When Dirty Hairy speaks people listen. Like when the world renouned actor Ronald Reagan said “Make my day”. Mitt Rmoney knows for a fact that William Munny was write when he said “deserves got nothing to do with it”. Liberal regressives will never understand that Hollywood heros are the glue that blinds us together.

 
 

a hand upjob is what you get from a friend.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

The fact is Clint Eastwood debated an imaginary Obama and lost.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

tsam if, that’s true, i need to purge about 99% of my facebook friends.

 
 

The friars expressed regret for the remarks and highlighted Groeschel’s medical history. They said he had been in a car accident several years ago, and that “in recent months his health, memory and cognitive ability have been failing.” They described the comments as “out of character.”

and:

Colleagues of Groeschel suggested on Thursday that he was recovering from a fall and was mentally frail.

The Rev. Glenn Sudano, a spokesman for the Franciscan Friars, likened him to an elderly relative.

“He said something like grandpa would say and it’s like ‘Grandpa, why would you say that?'” Sudano told Reuters in a telephone interview.

yeah…ummm…maybe he shouldn’t be allowed to…like maybe…not be a practicing priest? that might have been a good call to make, oh…maybe after the *car accident* when you first noticed he wasn’t quite right? just a thought…

oh, and:
“Obviously we don’t agree with what he said. Obviously it’s terribly disappointing that people are hurt or upset,” Sudano said. “We feel very bad about it.”

yeah…fuck you…

 
 

tsam if, that’s true, i need to purge about 99% of my facebook friends.

WHY? Just think of all the handys you’ll get.

 
 

This is also relevant
http://i.imgur.com/obE6F.jpg

this cracked my shit UP…i even snorted!

 
 

The friars expressed regret for the remarks and highlighted Groeschel’s medical history. They said he had been in a car accident several years ago, and that “in recent months his health, memory and cognitive ability have been failing.” They described the comments as “out of character.”

Whoa–that shit PEGGED my bullshit detector. Come on, fuckheads. That little rage box Donahue has said the same damn thing several times. The Pope himself has blamed it all on “moral relativism and liberalism”. You’d be a long way toward putting this behind you if you’d just fucking own up to it and make it right. But that wouldn’t be morally relativistic, would it? You’re the clergy, so the rules are different for you…? Hmmmm?

 
 

someone deserves an ahem, tsam re : handjobs

 
 

I feel rather good that I couldn’t see that guy sitting in the chair or hear him talking back. I also feel a little disturbed by the fact that a whole shitload of people there COULD SEE HIM. Scary.

 
 

I feel rather good that I couldn’t see that guy sitting in the chair or hear him talking back. I also feel a little disturbed by the fact that a whole shitload of people there COULD SEE HIM. Scary.

well, i was just finally able to watch the whole thing without hurling, and i noticed that paul ryan’s wife (does she have a name?) was wearing a SLEEVELESS dress! for shame…that is not very mrs. vice-presidential of her!

and again, and i believe this needs to be repeated often: clint eastwood, wtf?!

 
 

someone deserves an ahem, tsam re : handjobs

Oopss–sorry! If we ever meet, I’ll make it up to you with a handjob.

 
 

someone deserves an ahem, tsam re : handjobs

what? yes, i’m sure tsam ALWAYS thinks he deserves a handjob…why do you think he drives around with his fly down?

 
 

DID YOU JUST SLUT SHAME MRS. RYAN?

 
 

Shorter ‘natch @ 17:26: someone deserves a handjob.

 
 

I don’t THINK I deserve one, I KNOW SO, sister.

 
 

Don’t worry: tsam is such a nice guy that if he gets two hand jobs he’ll give you one.

 
 

Eastwood was trying to be innovative, but LOST did it first.

Ya, see it was JACOB all along.

 
 

DID YOU JUST SLUT SHAME MRS. RYAN?

YES I DID…LOUD AND PROUD, BROTHER!

 
 

Someone suggested that Eastwood’s speech was perfect: An old white sorehead arguing with an imaginary Obama.

 
 

YES I DID…LOUD AND PROUD, BROTHER!

SCANDALOUS! I LOVE IT!

 
 

Don’t worry: tsam is such a nice guy that if he gets two hand jobs he’ll give you one.

True story, bro!

 
 

Relevant, doubly so.

 
 

Ryan’s wife was obviously giving him a double hand job WITH HER MIND.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I think last night we may have seen a new star being born. Empty chair in 2016!

 
 

I liked the comment in the DU thread: she was downloading her programming for tomorrow

(And a link title “Ahem” for N__B)

 
 

The call has already gone out for Colbert to interview an empty suit on stage at the Democratic convention next week.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Heh. Gay guy to female republicans: Since you don’t care about your rights you should give them to us.

 
 

Cowardice, dementia & venality – the RNC’s holy trinity.

At his age, shouldn’t Clint be getting gently pushed to a place he can have better luck pecking for gizzard-stones?

I’m no more going to watch this flint-faced doddering artifact spewing a stream of futile vitriol at furniture than I’ll watch someone run a puppy through a blender. At least the latter would inspire a spark of worthwhile pathos. I have scant levity to spare for movie-star egotist oxygen-thieves with more mouth than common sense, & even less time. Get back to me if he ever grows enough of a fucking spine to say any of his toughguy bullshit to Obama’s face.

I wonder how many of the throng of cheering chuckleheads in Tampa were raging at Grampa Clint very recently indeed for the heretical overtones of unity & collectivism in his “treasonous” It’s Halftime In Amerika schmaltz-fest.

“We have always been at peace with Oceania, if you don’t count the warry bits.”

 
 

Fantastic. From the über-lie-berals at lie-beral biased lamestream media outfit Communist News Network:

“This situation could happen to me at the Democratic convention or standing on the street corner. Racism is a global issue,” she said by telephone from Tampa.

Both sides do it*.

*Sure it is only one side that has done it, the side that has a long history filled with these sorts of incidents. BUT it is a fundamental truth that both sides do it and therefore the other side must have done it as well. QED.

 
 

Note: I don’t mean to invalidate the CNN camerawoman’s experiences or suggest that I know better what happens to her than she does. Although, she does work for CNN so I probably do.

The point is this – I think she’s full of shit. Either that or the state of America is so astoundingly ultra racist racist racist that being pelted with peanuts and being called an animal is “average for a Tuesday”. If it’s the latter, I apologize to CNN and the camerawoman in question. And I also look forward to a complete airtime ban on any fuckwad who claims that racism is over or some such bullshit.

 
 

It’s the venue too. You’d imagine that people might behave well there as opposed to the parking lot behind the bar.

 
 

And a camerawoman from a major news outlet.

 
 

As wars of wits go, Eastwood versus Obama is a lot like Gilbert Gottfried taking on Jet Li.

 
 

Yes, yes uncle Clint, we know the president is in the chair talking to you. Mmmhmm, yah, you’re making great “points.” in your “debate”. Great job.

Wait, what are you doing? NO, keep your pants on please. Remember when we discussed this last week?

OK, no, he is not taunting you! Remember what we talked abou — dammit, no! I am not cleaning your shit off the walls again! Nurse! Where’s that fucking nurse?!?

 
 

And if R&R are elected, he’s gonna get a voucher instead of Medicare. Do you really think he’s equipped to make informed choices? That he’s not going to be conned into trading his voucher for a sammich and a key fob?

 
 

I’m just gonna paste this whole thing from The Corner:

Eastwood’s Unexpected Gift
By William F. Gavin
August 31, 2012 11:47 A.M.

I am 77, just at that time of life when I am jaded, weary, and sometimes sick of tryin’. Then along comes Clint Eastwood to remind me that I haven’t seen it all, not by a long shot. Utterly bizarre, totally mesmerizing, unintentionally hilarious, horrifying and wonderful at the same time, like a brief scene from one of those absurdist plays they used to write in the 1960?s. He forgot his lines, lost his way, and, like the life-time jazz lover he is, improvised and did a non-musical version of scat singing. Two — count ’em! — references to an anatomically impossible act — before that audience. And this at the most buttoned-down convention in memory.

All this, his geezer stutterings and mutterings, the over-80 frailness, combined with his undeniable, inescapable charisma which we have watched for 50 years or so — just an unexpected gift, magnificent, inhabiting a different time-space continuum from that of Republican delegates and Mitt Romney (who delivered a good speech very well).

— William F. Gavin is author of Speechwright and a former assistant to Senator James L. Buckley.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

As wars of wits go, Eastwood versus Obama is a lot like Gilbert Gottfried taking on Jet Li.
If its a battle of wits, I’m putting my money on Gottfried. Have you seen the video of him narrating “50 shades of Grey” as an audiobook?

 
 

You don’t wanna see a Jet Li monologue.

 
 

Gottfried was da bomb in Aladdin, yo.

 
 

Eastwood’s Unexpected Gift

Oh, come on. A title like that is just too damn easy to parody.

 
 

like the life-time jazz lover he is

My undiagnosed dyslexia read this as “time-life jazz lover,” which I think is an improvement.

 
 

Gottfried’s version of The Aristocrats was excellent.

 
 

My undiagnosed dyslexia read this as “time-life jazz lover,”

me too!

 
 


My undiagnosed dyslexia read this as “time-life jazz lover,”

me too!

Um…me as well…I totally misread “life-time” and not “jazz.” Totally. For real.

 
 

What are the odds that anyone in the audience said “wait a minute – Romney graduated from Harvard Law.”

/rhetorical question

 
 

Romney graduated from Harvard Law.”

oh, hey…that reminds me…did y’all catch this? last night?

 
 

LOLOL Eastwood was totally channeling Ron Paul’s foreign policy riffs.

 
 

Yeah, I was just watching that. While eating… which was a mistake.

It puts Brooks’ piece in Monday’s NYT to shame.

 
 

Yeah, I was just watching that. While eating… which was a mistake.

heimlich?

 
 

That he’s not going to be conned into trading his voucher for a sammich and a key fob?

Wait-what kind of sammich are we talking about here?

 
 

heimlich?

No thanks, I just had one.

 
 

a comment from sub’s nro link that somebody pulled out of their ass:

During it I really wondered if the audience would laugh at all, but they were and hardheartedly. I found many of the lines really had a point, but it was sorta mindless rambling. Afterwards, when thinking how it plays to the middle that tuned in on network TV, it was a very good move. It says that the GOP likes to have values to live by, they know what the world is and have a sense of humor. Yes, we know what sex is, we just prefer it with our spouses. Also, we don’t take ourselves too seriously.

Then these people saw Rubio speak clearly, and met Romney, the guy that is like your best teacher or the boss that saw your potential. Romney came across as that great coach that gave everyone the chance to play, but did it with the goal of winning, not for being PC.

 
 

It says that the GOP likes to have values to live by, they know what the world is and have a sense of humor.

In fact you could go so far as to say that the GOP convention should look into featuring fart jokes.

 
 

Maybe it was all part of a brilliant plan. RNC – Romney’s turn in the spotlight – a time for him to rouse the footsoldiers and check writing high-value individuals. Willard’s time to show what he can do.

And then someone realized that Mitt has about as much appeal as being on the receiving end of a solid nutpunch. Thus the birth of Operation Something Crazy Enough That Nobody Notices How Big A Failure Mitt Is At Being A Political Leader.

Or d00d is just old and crazy and most folks are too awed/starsturck/intimidated to say anything.

 
 

I think someone at Kos had it right…they thought he was gonna be Charlton Heston at the NRA.

 
 

Wait-what kind of sammich are we talking about here?

Well, since the implication is that the sandwich is offered by someone who cons seniors out of their lunchnurse money:

Underwood Deviled Ham and Miracle Whip on Toasted Wonder Bread White.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

WHOA!

Over/under on whingers trying to make a silk purse out of that sow’s anus with speculating on Clint Eastwood sabotaging Romney – FALSE FLAG!

 
 

Michael Moore’s take:

Speaking to Invisible Obama last night, in a performance that seemed to have been written by Timothy Leary and performed by Cheech & Chong, Clint Eastwood was able to drive home to tens of millions of viewers the central message of this year’s Republican National Convention: We Are Delusional and Detached from Reality. Vote for Us!

.

I’d argue that this has been their message since 2006, but yep.

 
 

Or d00d is just old and crazy and most folks are too awed/starsturck/intimidated to say anything.

big hollywood found plenny of lefties who ‘trashed’ clint for ‘daring’ to mock obama…srsly…that’s the headline here’s wah, wah, wah! in all it’s…er, glory? and really? is bigbreitblart run by a bunch of junior high girls?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

That reminds me! Just ran across a recipe for Mormon funeral potato salad. This is apparently a real thing. Sorry if you just ate.

Now, for the actual recipe, there are about as many variations to the recipe as there are people who prepare it. I, for one, am a “simple” cook. I like to keep everything simple…so here is the simple way to make them:

1 Large bag of frozen shredded hash brown potatoes (not already browned, raw)

2 cans of cream of chicken soup

1 pint of sour cream

1 small bunch of green onions (just the green part cut really fine, I just use scissors!)

GOBS of grated cheese, I use cheddar/jack combination but any is fine. (what is a GOB? Oh about 2 large handfuls, but more is good too.)

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl, plop in a 9×13 pan and cook at 350 degrees for about ½ hour.

Optional: Crushed Corn Flakes on top, or Crushed Potato Chips, or Bread Crumbs W/melted butter etc, be creative.

 
 

Michael Moore’s take:

Pfft. What does he know? He’s fat.

 
 

Optional: Crushed Corn Flakes on top, or Crushed Potato Chips, or Bread Crumbs W/melted butter etc, be creative.

oh indeed…be creative with crunched up things and butter…also, too…wow, gob and plop? i bet she’s got a very *descriptive* way of making just about every recipe sound even grosser than it is…

 
 

oh indeed…be creative with crunched up things and butter…

HAWT.

 
 

The Washington Times points out that Obama’s new campaign slogan, “Forward”, has long ties to socialism and Marxism.

oh, jesus fucking christ…i do not think i can bring myself to read this…fucking paranoid nutters…

 
 

Now, for the actual recipe, there are about as many variations to the recipe as there are people who prepare it.

So, that’d be what, one or two variations then? Ick.

Optional: Crushed Corn Flakes on top, or Crushed Potato Chips, or Bread Crumbs W/melted butter etc, be creative.

I recommend shards of glass as a topping. Ya just can’t beat that crunch!

 
 

HAWT.

yes, i suppose old mom bones are kinda crunchy and i now refuse to think about the butter…*shudder*

 
 

The Washington Times points out that Obama’s new campaign slogan, “Forward”, has long ties to socialism and Marxism.

Nahgonnaclickit. No sir.

Although I think we can all agree that one common word that is quite apt in describing everything about the GOP is:

Backward.

So y’know, “Forward” works pretty well as a slogan when compared to its opposite.

 
 

Mormon funeral potato salad

That actually sounds good.

My wife is a total foodie and would shudder at the thought of it, but I grew up eating at southern family reunions and midwestern hot dish potlucks. That recipe would fit in at either.

(I’d add black pepper before baking, and maybe some bacon fat if I was gonna serve it at a Carolina family reunion.)

 
 

Sigh. For the record, I was originally going to go with Don Knotts.

Also, since lately I’ve been doing shitloads more trolling at NRO than snarking here, eh, what the hell, I may as well bring back some of my delicious detritus from A.S.W. that’s both steaming-fresh & (ZOMG!!!!!WTF?!?!?!?) on-topic, just to balance the magical Circle Of Nature:

“Better Than Most Thought”?

Sorry. No amount of tinsel can generate the spontaneous metamorphosis of guano.

It was both pathetic & as craven as the day is long.

Those 23 million jobless put the lie to the Right’s “Job Creators” meme with a vengeance.

Who’s been arguing with a straight face that public workers don’t have “REAL” jobs? Who’s been unanimously spiking jobs bills in Congress for year after shameful sickening year? Who hoovered up billions in Stimulus Package money while declaring the program a failure, then boasted about all the jobs that money created in their districts? Who’s still trying to blame Obama for the TARP bailout that Bernanke, Paulson & Bush launched – & that Boehner earnestly sobbed for Congress to pass? Who thinks the smart thing to do in a weak economy with high unemployment is to systematically gut the nation’s already-flimsy social safety net, but equates making billionaires pay as much in taxes as they did in the 1990s with HITLER TIMES FIFTY?

The legal black hole that is Guantanamo was kept open not by Obama but by pure GOP obstructionism, a political coup which they crowed about quite openly at the time, & there was certainly no absurd orgy of gutless pearl-clutching when the original WTC terrorists were tried in NYC back in the 1990s … oops, Down the Memory Hole you go, vile heresy!

Note that Romney is every bit as much a Law School grad as Obama is. Yes, good old Clint knows those lawyer folks make awful Presidents – like, say, Jefferson or Adams or Jackson or Lincoln or Roosevelt. What a bunch of do-nothing eggheads!

Remember George W. Bush? The POTUS who’s currently gone quietly AWOL from Tampa because he’s such a lethal dead-weight around the neck of the GOP? In case you’re just now emerging from the same Ambien Fog that Bush was in from 9/11 until he got on the chopper & flew off to Houston, here’s a NEWS FLASH: you just HAD a businessman as President for eight years. Good luck recovering from that in your lifetimes, by the way – you’ll need lots of it.

Anyone seriously expecting to see viable policy or new ideas instead of surreal faux-Stalinist agitprop & embarrassing cheap-shot stagecraft in Tampa has been out of the loop for a very long time … but strange as it seems, there actually was a time when both parties cared enough about their country to put more work into a good platform than trying to get the most slime to stick to their opponent, at least on special occasions like conventions & debates.

Namaste, motherfuckers!

 
 

Okay, let me make up for turning your stomachs. I HAVE TO try this method for puff pastry because it looks immensely easier than the way I learned with the cutting the butter and making a huge floury mess and needing a chilled marble slab and …

I’m thinking of making northwest cherry, hand pies / strudel sort of thing.

 
 

oh, jesus fucking christ…i do not think i can bring myself to read this…fucking paranoid nutters…

Oh, it’s just a short screed about how lots of Communist folk used the word “Forward” in publication titles and whatnot.

Of course, they also used the word “People” a lot, as in “People’s Republic of…” and such. Does that make Republicans who constantly spout off “We the People” also Communists? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

 
 

That recipe would fit in at either.

indeed…it’s big here in western mn…lots of places have it as hash browns on breakfast buffets…

 
 

Mormon funeral potato salad

That actually sounds good.

Well yeah, the part about the Mormon funeral sounds great, it’s the food that sounds fucking awful. Here’s to hoping there’s plenty of those!

(Oooh, I let my evil liberal elminationist rhetoric slip out! I blame tsam.)

 
 

trolling at NRO

Only at America’s Shittiest Website can one troll by posting facts.

Well played!

 
Xecklothayyquou Gilchrist
 

Just ran across a recipe for Mormon funeral potato salad. This is apparently a real thing.

I can vouch for its existence. I’ve been exposed to this stuff zillions of times, having lived in Utah all these years. Like bughunter, I was raised with humble potluck food and have never stopped liking it, though I no longer eat it much what with my advanced age and cholesterol troubles and all.

 
 

When Teh Ho is asked what kind of recipes I use (I don’t really use recipes but that’s neither here nor there) he says “He runs screaming from anything that includes a can of soup.”

Also too, for whoever it was that asked t’udder day, he rarely comments anywhere, it’s just his way.

 
 

Well played!

sir james continues to amaze me with his smacking down abilities…

 
 

Also too, for whoever it was that asked t’udder day, he rarely comments anywhere, it’s just his way.

could be a pbs thang…hubbkf is same…

 
 

Also too, for whoever it was that asked t’udder day, he rarely comments anywhere, it’s just his way.

He sounds hilarious.

(Oooh, I let my evil liberal elminationist rhetoric slip out! I blame tsam.)

Ahhh, another potential cult member…Do you have guns?

 
 

Anyone got a link to the OP that Jim posited that beautiful smackdown upon? I’d love to take a gander at the aftermath (flotsam you might say).

 
 

The Washington Times points out that Obama’s new campaign slogan, “Forward”, has long ties to socialism and Marxism.

He should have gone with “Further” instead. It would look cool on the campaign bus.

 
 

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Mormon funeral potato salad

How by any definition of the term a “potato salad”? It sounds more like a casserole.

 
 

How by any definition of the term a “potato salad”? It sounds more like a casserole.

they’re mormons…they have magic undapants…do you think they’re concerned with what words mean?

 
 

also, it denotes a sort of backwardsness…

 
 

I have a potato salad recipe from a Middle Eastern cookbook that uses:

Yukon Gold Potatoes
Minced Red Onion
Black Olives (pitted)
Paprika
Cumin
Olive Oil
Parsley

Even my countrified in-laws down in Appalachian Ohio love it.

Because it uses olive oil instead of mayonnaise it can sit out a lot longer.

 
 

magic undapants

My undapants is magic too. I still care about like words n junk.

 
 

Cumin

Win!

I luvs me some cumin. And some more. OK, maybe just another pinch.

[insert me gusta face]

 
 

I can turn underpants from one colour to another in a very short time.

 
 

Ahhh, another potential cult member…Do you have guns?

Yes, several. In fact I plan to, uh, “practice proper data protection” by blowing the shit out of a bunch of old hard drives this weekend.

It’ll be interesting to see how my antique Mauser pistol compares to the destructive force of my .30-06 and .30-30. May bring the 12 gauge too. Oh, and I can’t go shooting without the bringing .22s, they’re just so easy, y’know?

 
 

can turn underpants from one colour to another in a very short time.

Well that’s why you separate your whites from your….

Oh.

 
 

Must share from reddit:

I think it’s cute that Paulites were naive enough that they thought the delegate shenanigans were going to work. You are blatantly attempting to subvert the clear choice of the majority of the party and you don’t think they are going to get mad? You think these rules, maintained by a private organization, are in any way concrete and not subject to change?

Your ass just got free-marketed! Hope you like it! This shit is what libertarianism stands for, by the way.

Your ass just got free-marketed! Beautiful.

 
 

They’re dumb enough to believe in libertarianism. Why wouldn’t they be dumb enough to not understand how politics works?

 
 

Why yes.

Where is Ron Paul’s money going anyway?

 
 

Free=market hookers and free-range blow.

 
 

I’d rather have free-range hookers and free market blow.

 
 

I left a comment on that Lowry piece wondering who was gonna be next to be banished from the NRO’s pages. I figure it’s either Krikorian or Malkin.

 
 

I’ve been blown by the free market. It’s not pleasant.

 
 

I’ve been blown in the Flea Market. It’s……………..affordable!

 
 

I hope you wore protection.

They make PENIS-sized flea collars, right?

 
 

Those must be some huge friggin’ fleas!

 
 

It’ll be interesting to see how my antique Mauser pistol compares to the destructive force of my .30-06 and .30-30. May bring the 12 gauge too. Oh, and I can’t go shooting without the bringing .22s, they’re just so easy, y’know?

That Mauser is so cool. I had no idea such a thing even existed. Don’t think it will any kind of match for the rifles, but dang fun to shoot.

.22s are best because you can shoot all day long for not a lot of money. Enjoy those things before Obama’s gun collection tsar stops and picks them up. Oregon is in the Os, so you have lots of states to get through before they come get you.

 
 

Where is Ron Paul’s money going anyway?

The Coalition to Fulfil God’s Law and Buy the Presidency for Rand 2016.

 
 

Shorter Loo Haboob: Take the sub par jobs that entire households must now subsist on and give them back to kids, because children need self esteem more than they need parents who can provide food, shelter and clothing.

He stoled that from Pig Newton! Pig seemed to think that forcing kids to clean schools and firing the janitors would build self esteem, teach them how to work and save lots of filthy lucre for the school systems. What could possibly go wrong?

 
 

Also, the Winchester 1894 is probably the coolest gun ever made.

 
 

And what the hell was that bit about losing your $22/hr job and going out and getting two $9/hr jobs??
WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS A GREAT THING TO PUT IN THAT SPEECH??
Esp. with Mittens’ past history of “job creation”?
Tone deaf morans. If the Obama campaign has any smarts they’ll run with that from here to November.

 
 

Shorter Gina Rinehart: Work More, Drink Less.

Counterpoint: Rich people are greedy, dishonest pricks.

 
 

I don’t know a whole lot about guns. I have a S&W 686 .357 Magnum and a Mossberg 550 12-gauge, and neither of them have been out of the cabinet since I moved into my house in 2003. I keep ’em locked up, and my 7-year old son doesn’t even know they’re there (and that’s the way his mom likes it). He won’t either, until the day I take him to the range and teach him firearm responsibility.

I did get to fire some semi-auto rifles once: an AR-15 and a buddy’s Chinese AK knockoff with a (now illegal) folding stock. I was amazed at the accuracy of the former, and the kick of the latter. I have to say, firing an AK-47 in full auto must be like riding a rodeo bull.

 
 

He should have gone with “Further” instead. It would look cool on the campaign bus.

😀 😀 😀

 
 

I have to say, firing an AK-47 in full auto must be like riding a rodeo bull.

I’ve fired an Uzi, Mac-10, Beretta Model 12 and an M-16 full auto.

You have fire a 3-4 round burst or you won’t hit your target.

Remember how James Bond would be running away from people shooting machine-guns at him and you’d think “There’s no way they could miss him with a machine-gun!”

Seriously, they could.

 
 

Also, the Winchester 1894 is probably the coolest gun ever made.

I want a Winchester 1886 in .45-70

The reason I want one is Mrs. Kong liked my lever-action Marlin .45LC so much that I had to give it to her.

Now I need to get another “cowboy gun” – but this time one that kicks hard enough that she won’t want to shoot it.

 
 

He should have gone with “Further” instead.

You’re either on the bus or thrown under the bus.

 
 

Also, the Winchester 1894 is probably the coolest gun ever made.
I want a Winchester 1886 in .45-70

My Model 1886 is chambered for the .33 WCF. With 200 gr. points it was an excellent deer gun, especially in light brush.

 
 

I’ve slain many a paper target. That’s about it.

 
 

I was amused to hear Bobby Jindal complaining that the FEDERAL ASSISTANCE wasn’t coming in fast enough. Yeah, the same Bobby Jindal who was going to refuse, on principle, stimulus money.

 
 

Well that’s neat! Teh Ho was going to leave work early today but had to write a press release at the last minute. KMHD, the jazz station run by Oregon Public Broadcasting, was named jazz station of the year by Jazz Week.

Kmhd.org I love Saturday mornings show Bom Dia for my bossa nova fix.

 
 

I don’t know that much about jazz and I wouldn’t even be sure where to start.

 
 

First, grab hold with both hands…

 
 

“I am,” I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair”

Neil Diamond

 
 

He looked so cranky and out-of-it.

“Mr Eastwood, it’s naptime in America.”

 
 

You darned leftists!

Bring it on, Dems and you Obama-shills in the media.

You want to criticize Clint Eastwood’s performance at the RNC? Go for it. Here’s why we can’t wait for you to mock this American icon:

Go on, click.

 
 

Oh, OK, I’ll click just for the fun of it.

But I have to point out – so they’re angry that people are mocking a guy for mocking someone else? WTF?

“No real American likes it when people make fun of someone who represents the image of American toughness.”

So apparently now, it’s more of an outrage for someone to mock a Hollywood actor with an image as a cowboy than it is to make fun of someone who represents the image of America….as in the Commander in Chief.

 
 

Christ! From the comments:

The DNC should immediately stop all comments about Clint Eastwood. To criticize him only makes them look like small children

So the DNC should step in to defend Clint Eastwood from being criticized for disrespecting the President of the United States.

It’s opposite world, people!

Oh, haha, over there:

The Disqus comment system is temporarily in maintenance mode. You can still read comments during this time, however posting comments and other actions are temporarily delayed.

hmmmm….

 
 

Nobody every made fun of John Wayne. It just wasn’t done. UNLESS IT WAS BY EFFETE LEFTISTS! (Which is all of Hollywood so nothing counts EVER.)

 
 

I thought the image of American toughness was overcooked beef.

 
 

Jeez, I never click over there, and now I know why. They are fucking deranged.

 
 

“No real American likes it when people make fun of someone who represents the image of American toughness.”

If he’s so tough, can’t he handle himself? Toshiro Mifune never needed any coddling.

 
 

Coddling the mifune.

 
 

Comments are not that different from NRO.

 
 

They are fucking deranged.

No, I don’t go to that part of the Jungle, either. Not because I’m afraid of the tigers or don’t like the mangos. Hell, there aren’t even any tigers, just snakes and insects. it’s just a fucking swamp, it stinks, and I feel horribly dirty afterwards. And the mangoes are almost all name-calling and ad-homenim anyway. No, not worth putting up with the stench and the bugs.

 
 

Oh, not to mention that the last thing I want to do is give Blartblart or any of his associates or proteges any more pageviews -and therefore money and ranking- than they already receive, which is far too fucking much. They’re a genital wart on journalism’s rectum and the only benefit to society they provide is that they (hopefully) will be such an irritation that the patient will finally go see the fucking doctor.

In that spirit, I recommend no one ever load anything from their domain.

/rant

 
 

Go on, click.

ALINSKY!

 
 

I’m wondering when the folks over at Breitbart will defend Whoopi Goldberg, that American icon of comedy, from the persecution she suffered at the hands of the political correctness of the Slim-Fast company for her courageous performance at Radio City Music Hall in 2004?

 
 

“Thank you Clint, you’re Kaufman-esque performance…”

*ahem* The “your” police are knocking at the door…

 
 

I guess I’m the only guy here who really has no use for a handjob that isn’t self-administered.
.

 
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut"
 

Shorter RNC: “THE SHERIFF’S A NI…!!!” [sound drowned out by loud train whistle]

“What did he say?” “I think he said the sheriff’s a-near.”

[frustrated] “I SAID, THE SHERIFF’S A NI…!!!” [sound again drowned out, this time by angry mob shouting “Go ahead; make my day!”]

 
 

Wow. The runners’ community is REALLY PISSED at Paul Ryan.
You’ve gotta be nuts to lie about a thing like that. Popcorn, anyone?

 
 

Ryan would have run a sub-three-hour marathon, but he was held back by the social parasites. That’s what he meant to say.

 
 

Actual running times have a liberal bias.

 
 

Actual running times always include the credits bu exclude the trailers, which I find confusing.

 
 

Nobody every made fun of John Wayne. It just wasn’t done.

Unless you were John Ford.

When they were filming Sands of Iwo Jima, any time Wayne would make a suggestion Ford would remind him (and everyone else) that Wayne had not been overseas during the war.

 
 

I go away for a while to revel (well, really not) in the marvels of the “real world” and I come back looking to see just how spoiled the mangoes are, ’cause from this perspective they’re rotten to the point of violating the abstract concept “mangoness” and what do I find but a highly amusing Transmetropolitan reference.

“The Smiler”. Too fucking perfect.

Cerebus, marry me.

 
 

Melissa Harris perry is TELLING IT this morning. Run tell ya people! Baby girl is shouting it from the mountain tops! I love MHP. she rules.

 
 

Seems pretty straightforward to me.

The party of Abe Lincoln is now the party of Abe Simpson. Brother Eastwood was merely providing an expert interpretation.

 
 

I don’t get MSNBC – at least not live, I gotta wait for someone to put it online.

But I do enjoy Melissa Harris-Perry’s writing in The Nation.

 
 

Also, been reading Prosperity For America’s Full Report on “Prosperity Economics”, it’s over a month since it made a splash in the media and I’m finally getting to it.

It sounds great, and I agree with it 100.0% so far, but it’ll never happen. It’s too fucking rational and makes too much fucking sense.

 
 

Melissa Harris-Perry:

Ryan is just as devoted to good old-fashioned moral conservatism, government small enough to fit on a vaginal probe.

SNERK.

 
 

Shorter Clint Eastwood: “Two legs good! Four legs bad!”

 
 

Romney To Homeless Hurricane Victim: ‘Go Home’

Aren’t you supposed to wait until you’re actually in office to become a vicious insensitive asshole?

How is this guy’s “likeability” rating not i?

 
 

Wow. The runners’ community is REALLY PISSED at Paul Ryan.
You’ve gotta be nuts to lie about a thing like that. Popcorn, anyone?

He had a voucher for the last eight miles.

 
 

He’s just incapable of speaking truthfully. Simply can’t not lie.

 
 

So Willard goes to Louisiana … why? Yes, I know it’s to look presidential but I’m hoping this is another unforced error. One, everyone knows there’s no reason for him to go other than to look presidential: “Rmoney politicizes disaster.” Two, he goes to meet Bobby J who complains about the federal money not coming quickly enough. Three, it gives Harry Reid and everyone the opportunity to point out that Ryan tried to eliminate that federal funding that Jindal is whining about.

But alas, the lamestream media won’t mention htose things.

 
 

Good news for all you urbane sophisticates who like to hang out in them museums gazing upon avant-garde modernistic artworks – the great Jon McNaughton has squeezed out another painting. Unfortunately, this one does not have Jesus or George Washington, but on the plus side it’s even more incoherent than usual and it features SOROS.

 
 

Lolz:

Do you suffer from Sexually Liberated Uterine Tendencies? Now there’s a treatment that can help.

 
 

Clint Eastwood is a fag. I installed two-way mirrors in his pad in Carmel and he came to the door in a dress.

 
 

he came to the door in a dress

You say that like there’s something wrong with it.

 
 

Yo ho ho! Hail the return of UBU & tickle my Broca’s Area!
Your usual deck-chair has been reserved.

He’s just incapable of speaking truthfully. Simply can’t not lie.

Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, or just schoolgirlishly crushing out on the stench of his own bullshit?
Not even his hair-stylist knows for sure!

PS: His wife would always wish she’d mustered up the courage much sooner to ask Jon McNaughton about his vast collection of tiny shoes.

 
 

tickle my Broca’s Area

I think you can get arrested for that here in the South.

 
 

Wow. Jon McNaughton is a dick.

Lookit all the galleries in Utah, Texas, Idaho and Arizona his crap is “featured” in. And Deseret Books!

And the “Blythewood Art Gallery” here in South Carolina, which appears to be in someone’s house, probably in the back with his beer can collection.

 
 

Wow. Jon McNaughton is a dick.

And an incoherent one at that.

 
 

Wow. Jon McNaughton is a dick.

And an incoherent one at that.

Also? Makes Thomas Kinkade look good.

 
 

And an incoherent one at that.

the toilet humor ‘link’ really made my day…i’ve been doing some seasonally deep housecleaning and watching ‘p.s. i love you’ which always makes me bawl…SHUT UP AND DON’T JUDGE ME!!!

anyhoo…i needed a laff…

 
 

McNaughton is deranged.

 
 

Embarrassing confession: I liked ‘PS I Love You’. Judge me and die

 
 

Love how he credits Obama with Bush’s CFL program, and also how he blames Obama for the BP oil spill while just a few inches away he bitches about how we aren’t drilling for oil enough.

And WTF about “Obama names himself chair of the UN?” It was the US’s turn to head the security council, it’s a rotation thing. It was the first time a US president did it personally, but it was just for one month and apparently consisted of one meeting, which I suppose he thought was important enough to personally attend to, what with it being on nuclear proliferation and attended by many heads of state. The whole thing was filmed and is viewable on youtube. It sure as fuck wasn’t unconstitutional or illegal, and it’s not a title of nobility, idiot.

 
 

Why do people keep believing this bullshit?

 
 

Why do people keep believing this bullshit?

because deranged dumbfucks like mcnaughton keep perpetuating the myth of evil obama and making some serious coin off of it…and the more it’s perpetuated, the more people are going to believe it…

 
 

I’ve been inundated with all the same bullshit all my life. I don’t believe it. So what the fuck is wrong with all these goddamn idiots?

 
 

Also, Mauer is on waivers…Seattle needs a stick and a new 1st baseman. If I was the manager, you’d be without your dreamboat Joey.

 
 

Why do people keep believing this bullshit?


Reminds me of this

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

 
 

I feed both wolves so that I can see the dark and light. I throw extra scraps to the good wolf.

 
 

Also, Mauer is on waivers…Seattle needs a stick and a new 1st baseman. If I was the manager, you’d be without your dreamboat Joey.

why do you want me to cry more today?!?!

 
 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Shorter GOP: “FIRST ONE! FIRST ONE! WOOOOOO!!!”

 
 

I don’t want you to cry. I want you to wish the arguably best player in twins history the opportu ity to lead an emerging club to a series title.
Actually, Thome was the best, but Mauer is a great one

 
 

So who the fuck buys McNaughton’s art anyways? Where would you put one of these things?

I mean, I hated Bush with the heat of a thousand white-hot suns, but my walls aren’t adorned with paintings showing Bush tearing up the Constitution while the Koch brothers look on approvingly.

 
 

He’s just incapable of speaking truthfully. Simply can’t not lie.

In his defense, when Ryan made the claim about running marathons plural (rather than once) at college-athletics-level speed, he was receiving a blowjob at the time which can affect one’s rigid adherence to veracity. Or so I hear.

Ryan: I don’t run marathons anymore. I just run ten miles or yes.

Hugh Hewitt: But you did run marathons at some point?

PR: Yeah, but I can’t do it anymore, because my back is just not that great.

HH: I’ve just gotta ask, what’s your personal best?

PR: Under three, high twos. I had a two hour and fifty-something.

HH: Holy smokes. All right, now you go down to Miami University…

PR: I was fast when I was younger, yeah.

 
 

The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.

Bollocks. I tell everyone that the fight inside me is between Mega Shark and Crocasaurus.

 
 

@major- I don’t get it either, because shit like that is a pretty obvious sign of mental illness. I hated bush’s living guts too, but I wouldn’t even put a bumper sticker on my car about it.

 
 

HH: Holy smokes. All right, now you go down to Miami University…

PR: I was fast when I was younger, yeah.

Get a room!

 
 

On topic, but I wrote a post about McNaughton (among other things) very recently, for those of you who don’t frequent my joint (which would be almost everyone).

McNaughton is not only seriously deranged and misinformed, he’s a shitty painter too. All of his other stuff is of the Thomas Kinkade school.

 
 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

Were you not paying attention? One wolf is kind and compassionate and the other is an evil vindictive pile of hate and anger. What the hell do you think.

 
 

First there’s a huge maple syrup heist, and now elderberries. Is there an international organization of cartoon villains planning the world’s largest pancake breakfast? How do you even move hot maple syrup and elderberries?

 
 

How do you even move hot maple syrup and elderberries?
“International House of Pancakes” has always sounded sinister to me, as if a consortium of cartoonish supervillains is gloating about their immunity to national laws.

 
 

How do you even move hot maple syrup
Also, “faster than cold maple syrup”, obviously.

 
 

Doctor Terror’s House Of Pancakes.

 
 

Also, it’s possible the evil wolf will get caught in a point-shaving scandal and be disqualified.

 
 

Sadly my good wolf failed a drug test.

 
 

In retrospect, that sounds like one of those stories from Substance McG’s “Dead Pet” generator.

 
 

Get a room!

Indeed. Reading the Ryan / Hugh Hewitt interview, it’s evident that Ryan inflated his single marathon experience with a reasonable time into an entire career of record-breaking running because, well, that’s the sort of bullshit you spout when you have a hot date clinging to your arm and gushing over your every word in a fortunately non-literal way.

But obviously he’s not going to say that now he’s been caught out, hence the quick evasions about ‘misremembered under the pressure of an interview”. Next it will be “caught out by trick questions from hostile journalists”.

How many marathons did you run?
All of them!!

 
 

The only lies I ever told a hot date were literary. I went on and on about how big and important my pen is.

 
 

I tell everyone that the fight inside me is between Mega Shark and Crocasaurus.

I blame Mrs Miggins.

 
 

When you know the background of Eastwood’s Dirty Harry character, the speech actually takes a turn for the disturbing: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021246833

 
 

Also, it’s possible the evil wolf will get caught in a point-shaving scandal and be disqualified.

Mine got caught doping.

 
 

“International House of Pancakes” has always sounded sinister to me, as if a consortium of cartoonish supervillains is gloating about their immunity to national laws.

It was originally called ‘The Internationale House of Pancakes’ and was famous as the only Marxist restaurant chain. Television ads featured singing revolutionary cadres:

Arise, the workers of all nations!
Arise, oppressed of the earth!
For justice thunders condemnation:
And pancakes expand your girth.

This is our final battle,
Let each stand in his place;
The Internationale
Will stuff your ugly face!

 
 

Their “Reddy Tetty Fresh and Bready” breakfast was pretty good.

 
 

When you know the background of Eastwood’s Dirty Harry character, the speech actually takes a turn for the disturbing

Look forward to receiving e-mail attachments where stills from the ‘Make my day’ scene have been photoshopped with Obama’s face as the recipient of the death threat, in the place of the black assailant’s. And the people who send them to you will be all “No, it’s not racist, it’s just riffing on Clint Eastwood’s joke”.

 
 

Ryan is just like Reagan in that they both talked about imaginary past lives that they had convinced themselves were real.

 
 

Righto, it’s underpants on head time, running through the thread, yehhhaaaa!

 
 

[points and laughs]

 
 

Apparently, George Will thinks all the Voting Right Act did was give lazy minorities jobs they didn’t deserve: http://mediamatters.org/blog/2012/08/30/george-will-attacks-the-voting-rights-act-for-h/189679

 
 

Bain’s under investigation for tax invasion? HA!

 
 

“The one you feed.”

I shot them both from a helicopter.

 
 

Ryan is just like Reagan in that they both talked about imaginary past lives that they had convinced themselves were real.

You mean Paul Ryan wasn’t the first man on the moon?

 
 

Just posting this to avoid accidentally posting as “Sarah Palin” in the future.

 
 

Ryan is from outer space, he works in Iowa.

 
 

“evasion,” also

/derp

 
 

Just posting this to avoid accidentally posting as “Sarah Palin” in the future.

I can see Christina Hendricks from my house!

 
 

From his house, Paul Ryan can see the finish line.

 
 

Mediaite has a clip of Melissa Harris-Perry’s smackdown on her MSNBC show this morning, along with some commentary.

I think we need more of this kind of passionate expression of a populist viewpoint on TV. Her point was accurate and insightful but all too fleeting. The sociopaths who have taken over our leadership in business, politics and the media value their profits over the lives and welfare of people, average people even, and risks to their profits take precedence over the risks to lives, health, the environment and even the long-term best interests of our country.

 
bughunter, posting nude,
 

OK, serious time is over. Now naked time begins.

 
 

“Alright, Yankees, two. Orioles, nothing. Wait a minute! A short stocky bald man is streaking across the field.”

 
 

Ryan is just like Reagan in that they both talked about imaginary past lives that they had convinced themselves were real.

This is also the theology of Scientology and yes, Mormonism.

 
 

I hate being away so long, but so many irons in the fire. Shoot, just banking enough quarters to keep up with laundry is a time-consuming battle!

I tried to do something cute to celebrate a month of Honda riding, but I really should have spent more than five minutes on it. I’ll try again.
.

 
 

“Alright, Yankees, two. Orioles, nothing. Wait a minute! A short stocky bald man is streaking across the field.”

The secret is to really grease yourself up…

 
 

The secret is to really grease yourself up…

Worthy advice regardless of context.

 
 

Underpants are only sometimes under one’s pants. And we don’t call our pants “overpants.” In AK’s place they are over his head – they can’t be underpants!

We must henceforth refer to innerpants and outerpants. So shall it be.

 
 

I’m an Emperor – you have to obey!

 
 

The Emperor has new tag fail.

 
 

The outerpants of North Carolina are frequently damaged by natural catastrophes such as hurricanes and golfers.

 
 

We must henceforth refer to innerpants and outerpants. So shall it be.

Aye laddie, if yer going ta make it that complicated I’ll just wear me kilt.

 
 

One of the more amusing conversations I’ve had in recent years was introducing my Spanish intern to the idea of long-johns.

 
bughunter, posting nude,
 

That definitely makes it simpler, by definition.

It’s a KILT; if one wears underwear it’s just a SKIRT.

 
 

If one wears a jockstrap is it a SKILT?

 
bughunter, posting nude,
 

I think if a true Scotsman found you wearing a jockstrap under a kilt, he’d just call it QUEER.

And then buy you a drink.

 
 

Arg, nymfail. Twice. I’m off to the beach, so wearing water shorts.

 
 

I think if a true Scotsman found you wearing a jockstrap under a kilt, he’d just call it QUEER.

However, if you cut the center portion out so that yer junk stuck through it…
.

 
 

I can see Christina Hendricks from my house!

“What hats do you own?”

“All of them.”

 
 

SNERK.

Since July, New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman has been issuing subpoenas to private equity firms including Bain, which he believes intentionally changed management fees into capital gains as a way of hanging onto millions of dollars that would have otherwise been taxed at a higher rate. Bain alone is estimated to have saved “more than $200 million in federal income taxes and more than $20 million in Medicare taxes.” It is unclear whether the tax strategy was used while Romney was at the helm of the company, but the Times reports that Romney is still making money on funds that are using the method in question.

No WONDER we can’t see the tax returns.

 
 

Witnessing the Jehovah, quietly.

 
 

“All I said was, ‘that fish was good enough for Jehovah’!”

 
 

Gosh, the ASL sign for “masturbate” is EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK IT’D BE.

With a male bias for the win.

 
 

Gosh, the ASL sign for “masturbate” is EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK IT’D BE.

Pointing at a copy of the republican platform?

 
 

Nice to actually know some ASL, then.
.

 
 

I assume doing the O-face with the sign is mandatory, which brings a whole new level of squick to it. Thanks, dude, just what I wanted to see.

 
 

Pointing at a copy of the republican platform?

The hell with the GOP; you can’t even get a reach-around from them.

 
 

Inner wear or outer wear
what matters is the warmth upon your ear.

Noel Coward, me.

 
 

However, if you cut the center portion out so that yer junk stuck through it…
.

A crotchless jockstrap? How would that even work?

 
 

However, if you cut the center portion out so that yer junk stuck through it

I! W! &c.

 
 

Okay, I could fuck up a wet dream. “W?”

 
 

Noel Coward, me.

Then I guess you won’t be leading the charge in this year’s War on Christmas.

 
 

underpants on head = poet’s hat
~

 
 

Oh. One other thing. The garment may be called “pants” if the wearer is going commando.

That is all.

 
 

Does anyone know if commandos go commando?

 
 

We must henceforth refer to innerpants and outerpants. So shall it be.

Yeah, you wanna know what I think about your rules? No rules means no pants.

 
 

No rules means no pants.

Throw in a belly-warmer-wide tie and you’re a Hannah-Barbera character.

 
 

Yabba dabba do your mom.

 
 

No WONDER we can’t see the tax returns.

Sir Willard Of Caymanisleshire knoweth that thee revolting Yankee peaƒantƒ need not troubleth their ƒilly little mindƒ with thee perƒonal affaireƒ of their mastereƒ, forƒ00th!

Golly … stay tuned, farce-fans: looks like those mischievous Federal Court scalawags sure are putting one cold mother of a pimpslap on the Republicans’ bold forward-thinking “2012: Pray The Democracy Away™” voter-suppression acts In Texas & Florida.

WHY DOES AMERICA HAET AMERICA?

 
William S. Rubsrough
 

intentionally changed management fees into capital gains as a way of hanging onto millions of dollars that would have otherwise been taxed at a higher rate.

This is very common. 40% of vulture capital firms do it. The AG is going after a dozen different firms, not just Bain.

Basically employees are converting their management fees (income) into shares in the firm (capital gains). It’s shady as fuck because it’s basically a combination of insider trading and income tax avoidance. If Mitt Romney wasn’t at Bain and wanted to invest his money into Bain, the money would be taxed as income first. He would also have no special information whether things at Bain were going well or not.

It’s really notable because they think they have the political moxie to finally do something about a longstanding problem. It could well be decided that these tricks are perfectly legal, though, and since the whole thing can’t be explained in some sort of rhyming slogan, they’ll just look like giant assholes for trying to go after “wealth creators.”

 
 

Does anyone know if commandos go commando?

Only after months of intensive training.

 
 

How hard can it be to apply lotion?

 
 

This is very common. 40% of vulture capital firms do it.

Whee, another reason to hate them, as if I didn’t have enough already.

Oh, Mr. IRS? These wages my employer paid me aren’t really wages but a charitable contribution to the Pere Ubu Early Retirement Foundation, LLC, so I’ll just be going and deducting them from my income now.

 
 

If you havent read Taibbi’s piece on private equity you need to do so. Hate them now, you do?

 
 

Yabba dabba do your mom.

dogDAMMIT, man! I had just CLEANED this monitor!!
.

 
 

Federal Court scalawags

Shirley you mean ACTIVIST JUDGES

 
 

My favorite part of this post is the way the title on the video was displayed. It says, quite simply; : “Actor Ass”

Few things could better sum up Mr. E’s performance

 
 

Does anyone know if commandos go commando?

That _is_ the origin of the term so I’d guess “yes.”

 
 

Teh wiki sez:

The origins of the phrase “go commando” are uncertain, with some speculating that it may refer to being “out in the open” or “ready for action”. Slate magazine’s Daniel Engber dates the modern usage to college campuses circa 1974, where it was perhaps associated with soldiers in the Vietnam War, who were reputed to go without underwear to “increase ventilation and reduce moisture.”[6] The earliest known use of the term in print occurred on January 22, 1985 when Jim Spencer wrote in the Chicago Tribune “Furthermore, colored briefs are ‘sleazy’ and going without underwear (‘going commando’, as they say on campus) is simply gross.” The term was thought to be featured in Seinfeld’s sixth season episode “The Chinese Woman” in 1994, but that was disproved upon viewing reruns in syndication and on DVD; and instead a 1996 episode of the television sitcom Friends, “The One Where No One’s Ready”, has been credited with introducing the term “into the popular vernacular”.[7]

 
 

As much as I can’t stand the republicans I find the author’s end comment about dementia being funny to be extremely nasty and tasteless. Due to this, I would guess that the author doesn’t have any personal experience of the heartbreak that dementia brings to both sufferers and their loved ones of all ages.

 
 

republicandalek.tumblr.com

 
 

Dementia has brought a great deal of heartbreak to everyone who had previously respected Clint Eastwood even a little bit up until now. The Republican fail in that video is funny, for sure, but the sight of Clint making a fool of himself is simply sad.

 
 

Dementia has brought a great deal of heartbreak to everyone who had previously respected Clint Eastwood even a little bit up until now. The Republican fail in that video is funny, for sure, but the sight of Clint making a fool of himself is simply sad.

That was exactly my take on it. Sad, all the way around. Sad in a way that it would not at all have been if the winger Baldwin brother or Victoria Jackson or Hank Williams, Jr. had delivered it, for instance.
.

 
 

Clint’s got a crappy, sappy movie coming out soon, a real waste of celluloid, and he’s got this sad exhibition. He’s going for the Irving Thalberg award! Its the only award he hasn’t got. He can dodder onto the Oscars and say something gruff and nonsensical and get a standing ovation and a statue. He’s a genius!!!

 
 

I just found out that Reverend Moon died. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to go on.

At least he’ll now be able to spend time with his good friends William McKinley and Leon Trotsky.

 
 

Don’t know about anyone else, but I can see half of these actually becoming campaign ads: http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/117896/photoplasty-1-9.4.12-campaigns-candidates-wish-they-could-run/0

 
 

Another Saturday night and I… hay, waitaminnit!
.

 
 

I just found out that Reverend Moon died.

Is that the end of the manga? And who gets the sexy costumes?

 
 

The Republican fail in that video is funny, for sure, but the sight of Clint making a fool of himself is simply sad.

Also a motivator for my calling tf;dc* on that shit. Dude called out batshit-insane stuff like DADT, ganja prohibition, fetus-worship & gay marriage for the bogus wingnut fauxtrage it is. One might even argue that the Chysler ad he did, hokey though it may have been, was a kind of sweet cheerleading schtick to offer to a nation reaching for some second wind in harsh times – sort of like Betty Grable & Bob Hope putting on entertainment for troops away from home.

Then the RNC got him to star in their Glorious Holy Tampa Rally O’ Soviet-Corporate Imagineering.

Now he’s made himself into a derogatory verb connotating hallucination &/or dementia.

The lulz (& horror) has been watching wingnuts try to spin this as ROFL DIRTY HARRY PWNED LIBZ & NOW THEY ARE FURIOUS LOL!

Uh, kids? Remember that little thing where Romney’s team honchos backstage kept wincing over & over while Dirty Harry was looking like he’d have to grab on to the podium fast if someone turned a fan on & doing his furniture-abuse-based Two Minutes Hate? Those weren’t winces of joy & triumph.

_______________________________________
* Too FUBAR; Didn’t Click

 
 

A Chysler, of course, is a special magical thing that sometimes happens when a Chyron & a mid-sized sedan love each other very very much & have a special hug together.

The Moar U Know!

 
 

A chysler is someone who chysles.

 
 

jim, you are, indeed, random as fuck. 🙂
.

 
 

I was wondering if you were putting up that old song…

 
 

A chysler is someone who chysles

I’ve owned a ’66 Newport Convertible and a ’67 Chrysler 300. Those were built back when a Chrysler actually was a nice car.

Then I had ’95 Concorde (one of only two cars that I ever bought new). It looked great on the showroom floor, but it was a mess of squeaks and rattles before I’d even made the last payment on it.

 
 

Then I had ’95 Concorde

I thought those had been restricted to Air France and BA.

 
 

I thought those had been restricted to Air France and BA.

There’s one “on a stick” out in front of Charles De Gaulle airport. It’s a much smaller plane than you think. The fuselage isn’t much bigger around than a business jet.

 
 

I grew up in Queens. They may be small but they were fucking loud.

 
 

I swear it was broken when I got here.

 
 

I saw them take off a couple times at Heathrow. They were much louder than any fuck I’ve been part of or seen or even heard of.

 
 

They may be small but they were fucking loud.

Sounds like my newlywed Philippino neighbors.

[And it was 90% her: “Ai, Ai, Ai, Ai, Ai Poppy, Ai, Ai!!!”]

 
 

I saw them take off a couple times at Heathrow. They were much louder than any fuck I’ve been part of or seen or even heard of.

I’ve never heard Concorde take off, but a B-1 or an F-111 are plenty loud. Even a B-52G doing a water-injected takeoff was extremely loud.

 
 

Companionship:

I am a Paul Simon fan in my mid thirties. As my name is Al, for the past 20 years I’ve been searching for a friend named Betty with whom I could sing the Paul Simon song “You Can Call Me Al.” Imagine how much fun we could have singing along with the lyrics and pointing at each other when our names are mentioned! We could sing it together on road trips with the windows down, at home with our stereos cracked loud, we can smile at each other knowingly when it’s played in gas stations and grocery stores and text each other when we’re apart and it comes on the radio. I’m especially looking forward to acting out our own version of the classic Paul Simon Chevy Chase music video. We can post it on Youtube!

Just to be clear, I’m not really looking for a bodyguard (that’s a lyric from the song haha!) just a friend named Betty.

If you want we could maybe sing other Paul Simon songs at some point but I’d really rather we stick with our namesakes You Can Call Me Al. Of course I want proof your name is really Betty so when we meet I’ll need to see a state issued photo ID with that name. I’ll also accept Elizabeth, Roberta or Beatrix.

Please write back soon I can’t wait to hang out
Sincerely
-Your long lost pal!!!

 
 

Companionship:

Not as good as the one from the Kinks fan looking for his Lola.

Of course, I should talk. I like to sing along with BOC’s Godzilla.

 
 

Companionship:

That’s rather, ahem, specific.

Mine was more like “Must be breathing, no felony convictions, full set of teeth would be a plus…..”

 
 

“Must be breathing….”
Waiting now for ZRM to call you out on your prejudiced & exclusionary attitudes.

 
 

I was within sight of a harrier taking off-loudest thing I ever heard and I have teenage daughters.

 
 

Sorry, but sleeping with one eye open, waiting get my branes eated doesn’t sound like true love.

 
 

Sounds like summer camp.

 
 

Is it any wonder Clint talked to an empty chair?
In “Paint Your Wagon”, he talked to the trees, but they don’t listen to he.
In “Firefox”, he wanted a relationship with an inanimate object, the airplane.

 
 

Sounds like summer camp.

And this one time at band zombie camp….

 
 

Pick the zombies without teef!

 
 

And don’t tell them where the straws are.

 
 

Avoid zombies wearing Axe Brane Spray. They’re douches.

 
 

In the early ’80s, they were still flying U2s out of Moffett Field in Sunnyvale, CA. One would take off daily at noon and rattle the windows all around the area, including where I was working “next door,” at Lockheed’s Sunnyvale location. You couldn’t NOT hear it, wherever you were.

They also flew P3 Orions out of Moffett. These were four-engine turboprop sub hunters that would patrol the Pacific looking for Soviet subs. These planes would shut down one or two engines on patrol and fly low enough that they’d get salt spray on them. Moffett had these huge spray stations where they’d rinse down the returning aircraft.

Hey, anybody got an empty chair for me to shout at?

 
 

An Air Force friend of mine flew U2s. I visited him out at Beale AFB one time and he let me sit in one (the plane itself wasn’t classified, just the electronics that it carried). It was very cramped. You just about put it on and wear it.

I couldn’t imagine spending 8-12 hours in one while wearing a space suit.

When it landed, another U2 pilot would chase it down the runway in a (back then) Ford Mustang at 100+ mph, while giving landing instructions. This was because the U2 pilot didn’t have much peripheral vision out of his space helmet, and the U2 was notoriously hard to land.

I got to ride along once while my friend drove the chase car. We were maybe all of 3 feet behind the U2’s wing while he was talking this guy down.

 
 

I am a Captain Beefheart fan in my early forties. As I am just sorta thread with a drooped body, for the past twenty years I’ve been searching for a big woman named Joan — a woman with too-small arms and hands, and a head like a ball. A woman who, like me, is too fat to go out in the daylight, who rolls around all night. I long to “set up” with you, Big Joan, wherever you are; I want to stay up all night with you. I promise I won’t droop if you won’t talk about your hands being too small … We can post it on YouTube! Of course I want proof your name is really Joan so when we meet I’ll need to see a state issued photo ID with that name. Note that JoAnne is not close enough. Please write back soon I can’t wait to set up with you to the tune of “When Big Joan Sets Up.”

 
 

In “Paint Your Wagon”, he talked to the trees, but they don’t listen to he.
I talked to the wind, but the wind does not hear. Also there is NO ANSWER BLOWIN’ IN IT. We have been lied to.

 
 

Spear. —

If I thought Mad Men was all about her, I would watch it, but I understand that it’s not. Plus I don’t have cable. We’ve been doing a Netflix only thing for going on two years now.

 
 

I talked to the wind, but the wind does not hear. Also there is NO ANSWER BLOWIN’ IN IT.

Did you call the wind by name?

 
 

I see now that Mad Men is on Netflix — dunno why I assumed it wasn’t — but still, if it ain’t about that broad I ain’t watching it.

 
 

We’ve been doing a Netflix only thing for going on two years now.

Me too; tonight is Barbarella and a butt load of Flash Gordon episodes.

 
 

When it landed, another U2 pilot would chase it down the runway in a (back then) Ford Mustang at 100+ mph, while giving landing instructions. This was because the U2 pilot didn’t have much peripheral vision out of his space helmet, and the U2 was notoriously hard to land.

You’re making that up, right?

 
 

Oh, and Mad Men is definitely worth watching.

Come for the boobs*, stay for the drama, characters, social commentary, and beautiful, beautiful clothing.

*Yeah, I know.

 
 

Can you imagine what wingnuts would say if some lefty magazine did something like this?
Good spotting on someone’s part. The NR is plagiarising repurposing a poster that declares that “The USSR is the Socialist State of Workers and Farmers!”
It must be their way of celebrating Labour Day.

 
 

“Come for the boobs*, stay for the drama, characters, social commentary, and beautiful, beautiful clothing.”

I will consider your advice. The word that turns me off is “drama.” It’s either hard to do, or hard to do in a way I like. Anyway, I avoid it.

If Christina Hendricks was enough, I’d already be watching. Sadly, maybe, if she was cast in a mediocre situation comedy, I’d probably already know all about it — my comedy standards are lower than my drama ones. TV is just stop-and-go mealtime fare for me these days, and I eat fast.

 
 

Can you imagine what wingnuts would say if some lefty magazine did something like this?

It’s actually quite a good cover, if you’re trying to say that “these guys are fascists”.
Do you think the NR editorial staff *realise* the statement they are making when they depict the Republican candidates in the style & tropes of totalitarian art? — copied straight into a Stalinist poster?

 
 

Sadly, maybe

I’m sorry, this is contradiction. You want room 12A, next door.

 
 

Do you think the NR editorial staff *realise* the statement they are making…

You didn’t have to go any further than this. The answer is “no.” They recognize nothing.

 
 

BTW, I GISed for Christina Hendricks Boobs the other day and it resulted in nothing but celebrity fakes. Some of them rather nice, but for some reason, knowing it’s just her head shooped on someone else’s body ruins the whole effect. Apparently, she’s keeping those sweater puppies close to her vest.

I had to settle for the results of redhead boobs instead…

 
 

Spearhafoc found the one image even more ironic than the latest Jon McNaughton spoogestains on canvas.

 
 

Me too; tonight is Barbarella and a butt load of Flash Gordon episodes.

Whose butt?

 
 

“Me too; tonight is Barbarella and a butt load of Flash Gordon episodes.”

For me, an evening like that would demand marijuana, of which there is none. But the basic concept is sound.

 
 

Hey, hey. What’s that sound?

Everyone knows new post is going down.

 
 

What puts me off “Madmen” is the smoking. Always always always smoking, it creeps me out. Didn’t they have anything else to do with their hands, he asked knowingly. However the lady singing Zubi Zubi Zu was interesting (ahem) is that my bunk?
Cool plane stories Major Kong and Whale Chowder

 
 

Spearhafoc is now owed many many drinks.

Let the record show that when the collective attention of Balloon Juice was called to the Socialist Realism NR cover, Spearhafoc was properly credited.

 
 

You’re making that up, right?

Nope. Here’s the wiki

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_U2

The U-2 is very sensitive to crosswinds which, together with its tendency to float over the runway, makes the U-2 notoriously difficult to land. As the aircraft approaches the runway, the cushion of air provided by the high-lift wings in ground effect is so pronounced that the U-2 will not land unless the wing is fully stalled. To assist the pilot, the landing U-2 is paced by a chase car (usually a “souped-up” performance model including a Ford Mustang SSP, Chevrolet Camaro B4C, Pontiac GTO, and the Pontiac G8 GT) with an assistant (another U-2 pilot) who “talks” the pilot down by calling off the declining height of the aircraft in feet as it decreases in airspeed.

 
 

Get Money out of politics
SWINNEY BIG THREE
A—Fed fund election—6 months-= 3 primary 3 general—No personal money—
Outside very very limited—VERY

B. since no need for campaign funds BAN all government employees accepting anything with a financial value. Present or future promises. This closes K Street Bribery

C. Progressive Flat Tax by group—14,00 income and we should be
paying our way and paying down the debt. We can do it with higher tax rate for top.
We did it 1945-1980 by Taxing wealth.
Sad but true today top 50% get 87% + of
individual income and pay 13.5% tax Rate.
It took a Tax Rate of 32% on Top 50% to balance our budget. It would require a change from (Top 1% paying 23%); (Top 10% paying 19%); and (top 25% paying 15%). The top 2% own 50% of wealth and took 30% of income.
Redistribute Wealth and fast.
HOW— by Flat Tax by group—tax income to pay our way—we have done it before.

 
 

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