Another one of these? Fuck it horror movie villain on the left, just kill me and get it over with… what do you mean that I’m thinking of the nice young man on the right? I see your serial killer smile!
Bob in Himmel, this election season is going to kill me.
I mean, the right-wing is usually pretty terrible overall. An unhinged band of assorted wackaloons and sociopaths all circle jerking over the latest manufactured outrage.
Now these repetitive outrage junkies are being co-ordinated. For the good of the party, they are being ordered to cover the same manufactured outrages and quote each other in masturbatory glory.
If you thought they were tiring before? Hoo boy!
So yeah, the right wing have grown tired of doing their standard “guns don’t kill people, people kill people, so let’s just kill some more people and call it a day” dance. And are starting to suspect that it’s only a matter of hours before the media are forced to circle back to talking about Mitt Romney’s Failapalooza regarding Bain Capital.
So in an attempt to head it off at the pass, they have decided to manufacture a def com 12 whine about how it’s unfair and wrong for Obama to campaign in this election.
Today’s flavor? A speech President Obama made in Roanoke, Virginia.
Now why this speech, besides convenient timing? Did he let slip the time co-ordinates cloaking his African birth certificate? Detail exactly how he’ll liquidate old people in the Obama death panels? Maybe let slip his Ryexillian heritage and how his zombie alien overlords were preparing the Harvesting Beacon as we speak?
Of course not, and besides he already detailed all of that in the weekly telepathic conference with loyal Soros Stormtroopers.
No, instead he dared note that despite all the noise by right-wing fantasists, the John Galts of the World are not actually propping up the world on their giant shoulders made of money. That every successful business has required and relied on massive public infrastructure in the form of roads, bridges, infrastructure, and often direct subsidies.
Now, you or I or a theoretical sane person might go, “well no shit sherlock”, but that’s just the problem. Wingnuts have spent decades solely on a battle to get people not to think sanely on this issue. Instead to react like Pavlov’s dog to the word “government” and bare our teeth and bark furiously. To assume that anything tainted by “public funds” must be pure evil and destroyed or at least defunded. To view the Capitalist Rapers of the Earth as demigods we must bow and scrape before begging the right to be owned… I mean employed. That criticizing these Masters of the Universe is in essence treason against the God, Capitalism, and that people should put all their faith into the “Free Market” and hope that it solves all our ills.
So, the Democrats pointing out the sky-clad erect micropenii of our Corrupt Plutocrat Overlords is a big fucking deal and a gentle reminder to an ignorant populace that no one, not even John Galt Wannabes, really want to live in a country without government. It could be a good first step in ensuring that the broken infrastructure we do have has the funds to keep operating and be repaired. It might even allow us to install new infrastructure we can all forget was provided to us by the government.
And that’s pretty much the exact reason his speech must be destroyed. So in typical Rove fashion, the call has gone out to turn this “no shit” observation into some sort of gaffe and misstep that Obama must apologize for*. Mostly by trying to make it into some sort of meta-commentary on business owners not building their businesses…
I tell a lie, it’s mostly by ranting really loudly, trusting our Bought and Sold Media to amplify it even louder, and then declaring victory and high-fiving each other.
Yeah, there’s a reason I haven’t yet put up a single post yet and that’s because finding one that wasn’t just the usual high-fives or “ipso facto” assumptions was a goddamn chore.
Hell, one post from the American Thinker has no less than 10 fucking articles from various nutjobs it quotes, two of which extensively quote some other fucker. And if you want to know how many of those posts actually included some link to the transcipt or video of the speech itself, oh, deary me do I envy your innocence.
By the time I found the Ground Zero Douchebag many of them were quoting. That being Charles Murray of the AEI, I found I just couldn’t care about his lazy sideswipe of an entry. I mean seriously, here’s a free shorter of the most quoted dickwad on the penis-pile:
Shorter Charles Murray:
- Um… uh… er… that is to say… Fuck it. Obama’s Un-American.
So with an endless display of “me-too”s and “telling the truth is the greatest gaffe in gaffe history” posturing, who wins the booby-prize of being the lazy hack featured here?
Mark Steyn, National Withdrew:
Golden Gateway Dependency
Yes, this douchenozzle again.
But I’m going to be frank. After article after article of lazy paycheck-clearing noise-filler, this bloated piece of swamp gas was a relative breath of fresh air.
Not because it actually made some sort of salient point against Obama’s remarks or actually refrained from the same tired formula. I mean, we’re not working with miracles here. But because it at least puts in effort in being the lazy dribblings of an unthinking hack trying to distract the reader.
It actually recognizes Obama’s no shit remark as the sort of thing one wants to bring their A-hack-game to.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Ha ha! You may think Libertarian Douchenozzles like I to be the fools who don’t understand that government projects built and funded by the people allow Businessmen to run their businesses, but I put forth to you that it is actually Governmental Nogoodniks like Obama who don’t understand that! Even though this whole thing is a response to his speech chiding us for that… uh… Well, fuck, I guess we’ll go with chiding Obama for not using the Governnment to do enough even though we are endlessly scree-ing over his Republican Lite attempts to do anything. And since I’m an incredible douchebag I’ll end by noting that everyone on Disability is a lying fraud who should immediately be put to work on their one good leg.
Hey, I did say their A-game. There’s only so much talent these fuckers can summon in a pinch.
On the evidence of last week’s Republican campaign events, President Obama’s instant classic — “You didn’t build that” — is to Mitt Romney what that radioactive arachnid is to Spider-Man: It got under his skin, and, in an instant, the geeky stiff was transformed into a muscular Captain Capitalism swinging through the streets and deftly squirting his webbing all over Community-Organizerman.
Well, we now know what recent blockbuster had Marky Mark here creaming his pants over in erotic dreams.
I’m just going to be over here trying to repress that knowledge with a claw hammer.
Rattled by the reborn Romney, the Obama campaign launched an attack on Romney’s attack on Obama’s attack on American business. First they showed Romney quoting Obama: “He said, ‘If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.’” And then the Obama team moved in for the kill: “The only problem? That’s not what he said.”
Indeed. What Obama actually said was:
“If you’ve got a business, you, you didn’t build that. [Interjection by fawning supporters: “Yeeaaaaah!”] “Somebody else made that happen.”
I must admit, I have great respect for modern politicians. I mean, they pretty much have to insure that each single sentence they ever utter can work independently with zero additional context and wouldn’t sound silly dragged out of context by the willfully idiotic.
Like this sentence where everyone is pretending that speeches are just so terribly hard to find in an era of nearly unlimited information on the internet. And thus everyone is prevented rewinding two seconds to the immediate preceding sentence where he was talking about roads and infrastructure.
Sure, the sentence doesn’t really make sense on its own and in fact, you really have to stretch to read it as the “business owners” don’t create their businesses shite that the right-wing is trying to mean, but that seems meaningless.
Mostly because even if we were to accept that horseshit and look at this sentence on its own and with the preferred wingnut interpretation…
It’s still correct.
Most business owners didn’t create their businesses. Most either inherited them or bought them off people who worked their ass off making them successful in order to run them into the ground for short-term profit.
Fuck, the story of the entrepreneur who raises their company from start-up to industry behemoth is so rare that their stories are big news.
No one would know this better than Mitt Romney seeing as how he has never built anything with his own wealth, instead inheriting money from his dad that he used to buy up “successful” companies and run them into the ground to earn more money to buy more companies.
Which might be why his response name-checked Steve Jobs and Henry Ford, but left his own name off.
And now I wish I could refind the one whiny post I stumbled across where one of those wingnut “small business owner” people ranted about how unfair the comment was because damnitt he personally built his daddy’s company that he inherited with nothing but his tears, sweat, and good ol’ American ingenuity.
I’m telling you, it was priceless.
Since the president is widely agreed to be “the smartest guy ever to become president” (Michael Beschloss, presidential historian), the problem can’t be “what he said” but that you dummies aren’t smart enough to get the point he was trying to make. According to Slate’s David Weigel, the “you didn’t build that” bit referred back to something he’d said earlier in the speech — “somebody invested in roads and bridges.” You didn’t build those, did you? Or maybe he was referring back to “this unbelievable American system we have that allowed you to thrive.” You didn’t build the system, did you? Or maybe he was referring to the teleprompter. You didn’t build that, did you? Well, unless you’re Rajiv or Suresh from the teleprompter factory in Bangalore, you didn’t. Maybe he was referring back to something he said in a totally different speech — the Berlin Wall one, perhaps. You didn’t build that, did you? Who are we to say which of these highly nuanced interpretations of the presidential text is correct?
I strongly suspect that the SAT test added a section about reading a paragraph for meaning entirely because the team in charge of the test read too many posts like this one.
I mean, I understand, it’s really hard getting through a paragraph like:
“If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen,” he said. “The Internet didn’t get invented on its own. Government research created the Internet so that all the companies could make money off the Internet.”
I mean, there’s all those words and thinking makes the brain go owie. I mean, if Candidates aren’t willing to give people simple bumper sticker sized slogans and tweets then they shouldn’t be so upset when we just take a sentence at random and use that instead.
It’s like those elitest Democrats expect people to have at least Middle School level education to be likely voters or something.
If this is the best all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can do to put Humpty Dumpty’s silver-tongued oratory together again, they might as well cut to the chase and argue that accurately quoting President Obama is racist. The obvious interpretation sticks because it fits with the reality of the last three and a half years — that America’s chief executive is a man entirely ignorant of business who presides over an administration profoundly hostile to it.
QED, ipso facto word salad! Who just scored 3 points? I did. Fuck, I scored all the points. I found the super secret All the Points point on the court, but you can’t use it because I already used it up and besides the game is over. Sure, it may have looked like it didn’t enter the basket so much as nail me in the crotch and bounce out of bounds, but that’s how you score on the Super Secret All Points position! Woo! Victory lap!
And yes, this is less lazy than the usual wingnut output on this one. Just let that sink in for a bit. This is the one that took effort.
But, just for the record, I did “invest in roads and bridges,” and so did you. In fact, every dime in those roads and bridges comes from taxpayers, because government doesn’t have any money except for what it takes from the citizenry. And the more successful you are, the more you pay for those roads and bridges.
Now here is a delicate tight-rope. He’s trying to argue that government projects are actually super secret funded entirely by rich capitalists. (Who are, of course, all Mark Steyn, but totally not because Libertarianism Anti-Government Theology is based in a desperate need to feel like the endless handouts of society are all a result of your individualistic hard work in order to make unremarkable lives of greedy short-sightedness seem like the well-earned reward of stalwart heroes). Because obviously the only tax money that matters is rich white tax money.
But that can be a problem. Remember the end goal is to protect the whole “Government can’t do anything” / “Government’s just stealing your money to give to brown people” racket. By acknowledging that government builds useful things we all need, including said capitalists, it might reveal that said capitalists are being greedy bastards by demanding they don’t need to pay the government anything for the goods and services they make the most use of.
And once Idiot America realizes that the Corporate America that keeps threatening to send them to jail for not paying their bills has been essentially spending the last couple of decades whining that rich people who have the money to pay their bills shouldn’t be forced to pay their bills, it’s all over for the long con.
So how will Mark Steyn avoid this potentially fatal pratfall?
So here’s a breaking-news alert for President Nuance: We small-government guys are in favor of roads. Hard as it may be to credit, roads predated Big Government. Which came first, the chicken crossing the road or the Egg Regulatory Agency? That’s an easy one: Halfway through the first millennium b.c., the nomadic Yuezhi of Central Asia had well-traveled trading routes for getting nephrite jade from the Tarim Basin to their customers at the Chinese court over 2,500 miles away. On the other hand, the Yuezhi did not have a federal contraceptive mandate or a Bloombergian enforcement regime for carbonated beverages at concession stands at the rest area two days out of Khotan, so that probably explains why they’re not in the G-7 today.
That’s certainly a… novel approach to the problem.
So I suppose we’ll start at the top by noting that they may be in favor of roads, but they sure ain’t in favor of paying for them. Especially as seeing funds for roads, highways, and basic infrastructure maintenance was the majority of the non-wingnut-state-bailout money in the woefully inadequate Stimulus package. And was the part that wingnuts most whined to be removed in favor of even more useless tax cuts to the upper class who caused the Depression.
And then I might have to play historian and note that by that definition of road, um, no. Fuck, humans have learned how to use animal trails as well-traveled pathways since the time they first speciated. And have formed their own well-trod pathways between villages since before agricultural advances made it necessary to do so as basic infrastructure.
Hell, the first stone roads that have been discovered were found in the city of Ur as part of the first known major civilization and date back to 4000 BC.
But that fail sidetrack aside, I’m not sure how this late blooming Chinese trading route road escapes being a government and culture creation just because it was constructed in service to commerce.
Especially seeing how Obama’s original point was that government builds public goods in service to commerce so that individual companies don’t have to.
I mean, yes, I get that this is all just hand-waving and parlor tricks to confuse the rubes and let them get back to going “government bad, Free Market Jesus good” in peace, but still.
In Obama’s world, businessmen build nothing, whereas government are the hardest hard-hats on the planet.
This would be the ordered spin on this one. That Obama said no businessman anywhere has ever done anything on their own while government does everything everywhere always.
And… whoops, even if we were to take them on this Straw Collosus, we run into the slight problem of it still being mostly true. Most of our “successful businessmen” these days whining about taxes being too high do absolutely nothing. Most of them either occupy middleman positions or are high-stakes gamblers who’ve found playing the Stock Market a fun way to double their wealth without effort and at the expense of actual businesses and their customers.
Meanwhile our overstressed and underfunded public sector has been trying to keep it from all falling down on everyone as best they can with no money, no support, and no respect.
Huh, not quite the response desired. Better bring in another bizarre anecdote.
So, in his “you didn’t build that” speech, he invoked, yet again, the Hoover Dam and the Golden Gate Bridge. “When we invested in the Hoover Dam or the Golden Gate Bridge, or the Internet, sending a man to the moon — all those things benefited everybody. And so that’s the vision that I want to carry forward.”
He certainly carries it forward from one dam speech to another. He was doing his Hoover Dam shtick only last month, and I pointed out that there seemed to be a certain inconsistency between his enthusiasm for federal dam-building and the definitive administration pronouncement on the subject, by Deanna Archuleta, his deputy assistant secretary of the Interior, in a speech to Democrat environmentalists in Nevada:
“You will never see another federal dam.”
Yeah, pointing out that dramatic, at the time useful, projects were accomplished by the government rather than the private industries who want to take credit for and exploit them, is totally not allowed if you don’t think infinite repeats of them would be ethical in modern times.
Cause, see, it ceases to be a government accomplishment if you aren’t turning it into a franchise with a little logo over the top of it.
That there be intellimagent private industry knowledge that knows better than those eggheads and civil engineers who made an important civic service that thousands of businesses have made use of.
Ever. So the president can carry forward his “vision,” but it apparently has no more real-world application than the visions he enjoyed as a member of his high-school “choom gang” back in Hawaii. Incidentally, I was interested to learn from David Maraniss’s enlightening new biography that, during car-chooming sessions, young Barry insisted all the windows be rolled up so that no marijuana smoke would escape. If you can seriously envision President Obama opening a 21st-century Hoover Dam, you need to lower the windows on your Chevy Volt.
This also seems to be the latest attack avenue on Obama, trying to cite his brief youthful experiences with Marijuana into some sort of Cheech and Chong movie.
I’m rather looking forward to the day wingnuts realize that those evil pot-smoking hippies they’ve been snearing at are in their 60s at this point and the wingnuts are quickly running out of generations that have anything but a positive opinion on Marijuana.
The Golden Gate Bridge? As Reason’s Matt Welch pointed out, the Golden Gate cost at the time $35 million — or about $530 million today. So, for the cost of Obama’s 2009 stimulus bill alone, we could have had 1,567 Golden Gate Bridges. Where are they? Where are, say, the first dozen? If you laid 1,567 Golden Gate Bridges end to end, you’d have enough for one Golden Choom Bridge stretching from Obama’s Punahou High School in Honolulu over the Pacific all the way to his Occidental College in Los Angeles, so that his car-chooming chums can commute from one to the other without having to worry about TSA patdowns.
A stimulus bill equivalent to 1,567 Golden Gate bridges. A 2011 federal budget equivalent to 6,788 Golden Gate bridges. And yet we don’t have a single one.
Because that’s not what Big Government does: Money-no-object government spends more and more money for less and less objects. For all the American economy has to show for it, President Bob the Builder took just shy of a trillion dollars in stimulus, stuck it in his wheelbarrow, pushed it halfway across the Golden Gate bridge, and tossed it into the Pacific.
Yeah, I said it was coming and here it is.
After doing the most frantic 3-card-monte in history to try and bamboozle his readers back into their rage sleep, he realizes that he really can’t keep his hand in any longer without giving up the game.
And so we get this little tidbit stapled on. Now, you might go, “hey, doesn’t putting the ‘wah, Obama didn’t do enough with the Government money we didn’t let him do anything with’ whine next to the ‘how dare you criticize anti-government zealots for being anti-government zealots’ kind of reveal the inherent dishonesty of both?”
Oh, your naivety brings a tear to my heart! If anyone cared about obvious dishonesty, they wouldn’t be reading J-Load’s National Review.
But yeah, this and every other example of this should be stapled onto the forehead of every cowardly Democrat shaking in their boots because “no, if we try to do things to help people, then we’ll be nailed on increasing government”.
See this? See how they are using their own obstruction to argue you didn’t do anything? See how they are using your dithering on debt relief to argue you didn’t build enough useful infrastructure and create a robust enough safety net? See how they’ve been bitching about the health care plan they wanted passed before you adopted it?
There is no magical path you can take that won’t get you bitched at, so how about you stop cowering in the corner and actually fight back so that the rest of us aren’t being forced to die so you can look “bipartisan” before a media that couldn’t possibly care less.
Instead of roads and bridges, Obama-sized government funds stasis and sclerosis: The Hoover Dam of regulatory obstruction, the Golden Gateway to dependency. Last month, 80,000 Americans signed on to new jobs, but 85,000 Americans signed on for Social Security disability checks. Most of these people are not “disabled” as that term is generally understood. Rather, it’s the U.S. economy that’s disabled, and thus Obama incentivizes dependency. What Big Government is doing to those 85,000 “disabled” is profoundly wicked.
Oh Mark Steyn, you incomparable douchebag, this is why we say Jason Voorhees has more compassion and empathy than you.
I mean, I know I should be pissed at this. He is literally saying that every single person who has applied for disability is a lying sack of shit who should be forced to work on their currently useless limbs. Oh sure, he tries to cover his ass, but he comes back at the end to use every single number in his count of the liars.
And note this is from a dickweed who a) has scored himself a job where the only chance he has of getting injured is getting a paper cut when he uses a dollar bill to cut his daily coke supply despite having zero talent and b) is part of a political movement that has been slashing federal safety regulations and blocking improvements that would decrease crippling workplace injuries.
And that’s before we note that 25% of workers will be disabled before they retire and 8.3 million workers are on SSDI, thus making that 85,000 number kind of meaningless except as a “big number” to wave around like a dickwad working a safe white collar job with extensive ironclad benefits.
Millions of Americans have looked at the road ahead, and figured it goes nowhere. Best to pull off into the Social Security parking lot. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. As the president would say, you didn’t build the express check-in to the Disability Office. Government built it, and, because they built it, you came. In Obama’s “visions,” he builds roads and bridges. In reality, the president of Dependistan has put nothing but roadblocks in the path to opportunity and growth.
That he can build. That’s all he can build.
I mean, it wouldn’t be a Mark Steyn post if it wasn’t filled with the most clinically sociopathic douchery on the planet.
It’s what he does. It’s all he can do.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. I too am every businessman everywhere and I protest my tax money not being used to fleece me out of all my ill-gotten gains. Calvinball’s in your court Markie. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*Okay, seriously, what the fuck is with all these demands for apologies? I mean, yes, I get that they are designed to try and hamstring the President from campaigning and set forth a precedent of “Democratic candidates aren’t allowed to campaign for things”. And I get they are about trying to make the notion of a black man speaking into some sort of inherently offensive thing. But I still don’t see how this is supposed to help with the mouth-breathers. I don’t see how the masculinity fetishists are supposed to look at this wilting flower pantomine and go “YES! He strokes my daddy complex to completion! He’s got my vote!” if they weren’t already so racist they’d vote for the Smiler just to get rid of the scary black man.