12
The Blatt-o-Rama Continues
I really was going to give America’s Dumbest Homosexual™ a rest for a bit, until I saw his latest efflorescence of internalized homophoia in which he takes a look at the bright side of the vote in North Carolina. Dan does this in a post titled — and you can’t make this shit up — “Where Real Marriages Find Their Support.” At this point, when Blatt is referring to North Carolina as “where real marriages find their support,” you have to ask yourself whether he is really some kind of performance artist on the payroll of the American Family Association.
To make his point he cites a “beautiful commentary” on Facecrook from a college classmate
Regarding North Carolina, my second thought is… I have been with Eric for nearly seventeen years. Whatever we have we got from ourselves, our families, and our friends. Whatever we still need we will get from those same sources. At this point, I honestly cannot imagine feeling any more married than I already feel.
It now seems perfectly clear that if some Republican pistol-whipped Dan while calling him a depraved cock-sucking fairy, Dan would pick himself up, prance off as fast as he could to the nearest computer, and write a post explaining how being pistol whipped while being called a depraved cock-sucking fairy was actually a character building experience.
Thread Bear said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:08
Hey now, just wait a minute!!! If it is a sin and an abomination for the college roomate and Eric to be married then I am pretty sure it is also a sin and an abomination for them to feel married. Either way, they’re making the Baby Jeebus cry.
Bozo the Cocksucker said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:11
There is something literally wrong with him. He genuinely needs extensive therapy to deal with his Stockholm Syndrome.
Thread Bear said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:13
Or perhaps he is just arguing that a religious ceremony and/or a legal document are not neccessay and are indeed a hinderance to “real marriage”. In that case perhaps we need an amendment banning all marriages to make this country great again. I’m sure Gingrich could get behind that.
S. cerevisiae said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:18
Lord almighty how dense can he be? Is he deliberately being obtuse?
I know, I know.
It’s like they can’t comprehend that life may throw them a curve and they might just need some of the legal rights that marriage provides.
But no, their universe is static.
Major Kong said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:21
Can I watch?
Jeffraham Prestonian said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:24
Haw!
Congrats JP!
Thanks, UNE. Employment feels very good.
.
Thread Bear said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:25
This morning I honestly couldn’t imagine feeling any richer than I already felt, so I went down to the exotic car store to buy a Ferrari… They just laughed in my face.
Major Kong said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:28
This morning I honestly couldn’t imagine feeling any richer than I already felt, so I went down to the exotic car store to buy a Ferrari
Never really wanted to own one, but I’d like to drive one just once.
Cock-sucking Fairy said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:28
But I like being pistol whipped by big strong Republicans. Why are you so mean to me?
Major Kong said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:30
But I like being pistol whipped by big strong Republicans
I’m sure there’s a 1-900-pistolwhipme out there somewhere.
Cock-sucking Fairy said,
May 12, 2012 at 18:36
I’m sure there’s a 1-900-pistolwhipme out there somewhere.
I tried that, until I found out that it’s run by weak Democrats. It’s just so hard to tell over the phone.
vacuumslayer said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:05
Gah.
vacuumslayer said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:08
When I’m doing a fantasy manipulation piece with a cock-sucking fairy, I never know which color wings to put on him. Pink seems too obvious, ya know?
gocart mozart said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:14
Jim Treacher gets a woody.
http://dailycaller.com/2012/05/03/robotic-prostitutes-could-replace-human-prostitutes-by-2050/
Thread Bear said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:15
Pink seems too obvious, ya know?
Also a bit too ordinary. Any self-respecting cock-sucking fairies would insist on mauve or fuchsia.
jim said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:18
That particular speck of shit just done creeped me right out … & I enjoy surfing 4chan.
It’s as if Jon Stewart began shilling 24/7 for Stormfront.
HOLE. E. FUUUUUUUUCK.
gocart mozart said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:21
Good thing Dan Blatt can’t marry, he would just divorce his husband for being gay.
exford legs said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:27
& I enjoy surfing 4chan
I KNEW IT
gocart mozart said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:27
You may have heard about the school that forfeited a game because they didn’t want to play against a girl . . . well they are crazier than you thought.
“Highlights from the Society’s own website include: “Defense of the Inquisition”, “Galileo: Victim or Villain?”, and “Rhythm: The Unhappy Compromise” (1948 condemnation of so-called Natural Family Planning).”
http://www.democraticdiva.com/2012/05/11/the-nazi-sympathizing-weirdos-behind-the-phoenix-school-having-the-vapors-over-the-girl-baseball-player/
Major Kong said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:37
What’s 4chan?
gocart mozart said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:43
What’s 4chan?
A surfer term: I think it’s a type of gnarly wave.
Cerberus said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:44
gocart-
I dunno. It may be possible for a robotic alternative to meet a minority of needs (like Glenn Reynolds). But there are still going to be those who go to those services for actual human companionship more than anything. And of course, the disturbingly large number of johns for whom, the degradation of an actual person is the whole point for them of purchasing a woman (think the johns funding the underground underaged prostitution rings in places like Amsterdam where regular prostitution is legal and regulated).
So unless we find a way to make a robot sentient enough to suffer… well, in that case, they could also replace the role of Daniel Blatt.
exford legs said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:46
4chan is people thinking up Pink Frosted Animal Cookie body wash
vacuumslayer said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:49
Well, I just went and checked out “handsome men” at 4chan and got myself a nice eyeful o’ buttsex. I guess these are not the “handsome men” I was looking for.
vacuumslayer said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:53
Major, it looks like its just a bunch of random losers posting images. Of all sortsa stuff. I also saw ponies.
bughunter, who could be wanking but instead wrote this, said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:53
What’s 4chan?
You know what Goatse is? 4chan is that place thru the Goatse hole. Everyone is anonymous,for obvious reasons. Young people love hanging out there and posting nekked pictures of themselves… especially young underage girls on Friday nights. And it’s the place where all the most popular memes originate… not to mention entire social movements, like Anonymous and LulSec.
Don’t go there. It is a silly place.
Major Kong said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:56
Young people love hanging out there and posting nekked pictures of themselves… especially young underage girls on Friday nights.,
Just the sort of thing you want cached on your hard-drive when the FBI comes to visit.
Substance McGravitas said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:56
Other handsome folks.
IIRC one of the sponsors for the last Cronenberg thing I went to at the Toronto Film Festival was the Handsome Boy Modelling Co. which turned out to be – surprise! – an escort service.
Jennifer said,
May 12, 2012 at 19:57
Eh, don’t knock 4chan. I don’t go there myself, but a lot of good dark humor has come ouf of that place – including Something Awful, Encyclopedia Dramatica, pedobear…like 4chan there’s a lot of chaff associated with its offspring but also some really funny stuff – if you’re the type of person who finds general delinquency funny…as I do.
Major Kong said,
May 12, 2012 at 20:08
if you’re the type of person who finds general delinquency funny…as I do.
It’s a sick world and I’m a happy man.
bughunter, who could be wanking but instead wrote this, said,
May 12, 2012 at 20:08
I should say, most of us are specifically referring to the /b board on 4 chan. The inhabitants refer to themselvs as /b/tards, and indeed, its is the most retarded humor you can imagine — except for the moments of savant brilliance. Imagine combining the Mos Eisely cantina with Monty Python’s Camelot, and throw in a touch of Caligula and Disneys Fantasia.
If you’re concluding that it might best be enjoyed under the influence of hallucinogens, you wouldn’t be far off.
gocart mozart said,
May 12, 2012 at 20:13
So unless we find a way to make a robot sentient enough to suffer… well, in that case, they could also replace the role of Daniel Blatt.
Cerberus, I will have a lot of compassion/pity for any robot unlucky enough to be forced to have relations with Dan Blatt or Jim Treacher, sentient or not. Let us hope it never happens.
bughunter, typing left handed, said,
May 12, 2012 at 20:19
It’s a sick world and I’m a happy man.
Bumper sticker!
S. cerevisiae said,
May 12, 2012 at 20:43
OK, this is inspired: http://www.dependablerenegade.com/dependable_renegade/2012/05/coming-soon-to-a-theatre-near-you.html
alec said,
May 12, 2012 at 20:48
4chan knows your secret heart.
uho! ii otoko . . .
wiley said,
May 12, 2012 at 20:54
Talk about robot prostitutes always reminds me of an Anais Nin story in which a sex doll gives an entire ship’s crew syphilis.
Robert said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:00
It’s not just Treacher, alas. I check in at ManBoobz.com every so often to read Futrelle’s mocking of the MRA/MGTOW crowd, and semi-sentient sex robots are a BIG NON-EFFIN’ DEAL for some of those people.
Tangent – there was a Cracked piece recently about how currently available tech could theoretically be combined to create such a thing. It was disturbingly plausible, unlike the potential customers, who are plausibly disturbing.
wiley said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:05
This is entirely too much
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/05/11/catholic-bishops-investigate-the-girl-scouts/
alec said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:14
It’s like saying flying cars are plausible with current technology. Flying cars and vidya phones and robot hookers are really fuckin’ dumb ideas and if they wasn’t there’d have been a market for each of them in the 60s when they became feasible. Similar ideas which are less dumb are in practice already exist, and there’s a fairly minimal market to remove selectivity from teleconferencing or impersonality from masturbatory aids.
People want robot hookers because robot hookers are creepy singularitarian wongnuts’ idea of Das Futur. It removes the whiff of exploitation from actual prostitution, but this is not a bug but a feature for the MRA types – so the “killer app”, I guess, is to make it struggle and cry, which I expect will be a political impossibility anywhere on this Earth unless the LDP inexplicably regains power.
alec said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:17
Will no one rid me of these turbulent tweens?
bughunter, who can only blame himself for his current mother's day obligations, said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:18
Talk about robot prostitutes always reminds me of
Talk about robot prostitutes always reminds me of Charlie Stross’ novel Saturn’s Children.
It’s by no means a stellar example of the genre.
But it has robot prostitutes.
And tits on the cover.
Thread Bear said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:22
And tits on the cover.
If only it had a bag of tits on the cover then I’d buy the book.
Jennifer said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:26
Relevant.
bughunter, who'd rather have a robot chauffeur, said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:33
I have to say though, the idea of a robot whore doesn’t do anything for me… just like the idea of a whore doesn’t do it. Or even strippers.
Obligatory sex doesn’t turn me on. Even in porn, its boring if it’s obvious that the subject if just doing it for the money.
I need my partner to want it. To be compelled on a reptilian level to need to be pleasured. That’s the turn-on. If they’re just going thru the motions because they feel like they have to, or because they’ve been paid, or because they’re just a robot, then it’s missing something essential. I’d get more satisfaction out of a fleshlight and a recorded image of a woman satisfying her urges.
And I’m sure I’m not the only one. Though I suspect we’re a minority…
Tommy said,
May 12, 2012 at 21:45
In the 1990s there was a short-lived zine “Better Homos and Gardens”, which changed its name after pressure from the publishers of the title they parodied.
gocart mozart said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:05
Colbert on McNaughton
http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/40338_Stephen_Colbert_on_Sean_Hannitys_Favorite_Artist?tw_p=twt
gocart mozart said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:12
There will be robot sex in the future. Bank on it.
Spearhafoc, who loves Jesus but is not in love with Jesus said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:21
Come on, I can’t be the only one who grew up wanting to fuck Rosie from The Jetsons…
C–can I? …
Spearhafoc, who loves Jesus but is not in love with Jesus said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:24
Er, that was a joke, just to be clear.
I already seem perverted enough from my comments on this blog.
Major Kong said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:35
Come on, I can’t be the only one who grew up wanting to fuck Rosie from The Jetsons…
No, but I had a thing for June Lockhart on Lost in Space.
alec said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:39
DON’T BE A FAG BEEP BOOP
vacuumslayer said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:49
I wanted that segment to go on and on forever.
alec said,
May 12, 2012 at 22:57
A little disappointed they didn’t notice that McNaughton’s Jesus is always, always, always Mormon Jesus.
Jennifer said,
May 12, 2012 at 23:09
don’t look now, but North Dallas IQof30 has raised his pointy little head over at the Putzriot’s again.
tigris said,
May 12, 2012 at 23:11
The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has opened an official inquiry into the Girl Scouts to determine if troops may continue meeting at local community churches, according to a report published Friday.
Girl Scouts are a threat to traditional pedophilia.
Jennifer said,
May 12, 2012 at 23:35
The Girl Scouts should just cut them off at the pass by finding other places to meet. I’m pretty sure the Presbyterians or Methodists would be glad to have them.
Smut Clyde said,
May 12, 2012 at 23:56
Talk about robot prostitutes always reminds me of Charlie Stross’ novel Saturn’s Children.
It’s by no means a stellar example of the genre.
But it has robot prostitutes.
Fritz Leiber’s “The Silver Eggs” is (I believe) the first detailed exploration of cyber-courtesans.
gocart mozart said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:11
“Er, that was a joke, just to be clear.”
That’s exactly what I would expect a robot fetishist to say.
Wyatt Watts III said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:16
The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has opened an official inquiry into the Girl Scouts
So they finally got bored with their many, many inquiries into Cub Scouts?
Spearhafoc, who loves Jesus but is not in love with Jesus said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:17
I don’t care what the media say, I did not have a torrid affair with Callista Gingrich!
gocart mozart said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:17
Rand Paul calls Obama a big gay poopyhead.
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/05/12/rand-paul-obamas-views-on-marriage-could-get-any-gayer/
gocart mozart said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:20
Let’s all hope that future robot prostitutes are more lifelike than Callista Gingrich.
alec said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:35
Hey-o!
Spearhafoc, who loves Jesus but is not in love with Jesus said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:40
Hot!
Wyatt Watts III said,
May 13, 2012 at 0:41
Let’s all hope that future robot prostitutes are more lifelike than Callista Gingrich.
I make the call now that Newt’s next wife will either be Rosie from The Jetsons or Richie Rich’s robot maid Irona.
Golem Heart said,
May 13, 2012 at 2:33
“Flying cars and vidya phones and robot hookers are really fuckin’ dumb ideas and if they wasn’t there’d have been a market for each of them in the 60s when they became feasible.”–alec
David Foster Wallace put some good riffing on video phones and related developments into Infinite Jest. It seems like, having created an alternate history for other purposes, he had a wicked bit of fun shitcanning the idea in passing.
Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 2:43
Flying cars end up being something that’s a shitty car and a shitty airplane at the same time.
Nym said,
May 13, 2012 at 3:04
Talk about robot prostitutes always reminds me of an Anais Nin story in which a sex doll gives an entire ship’s crew syphilis.
Not exactly fiction.
alec said,
May 13, 2012 at 3:05
I love that it was tried, and was exactly as bad an idea as everyone thought. And twice as ugly!
Golem Heart said,
May 13, 2012 at 3:06
Ugh. I had vague ideas about Anais Nin that were nothing like all that.
Then again, maybe I woulda kept reading if that theme had surfaced. (I picked her up and put her down.)
Pupienus said,
May 13, 2012 at 3:14
Thanks for the tip, S.! Cock Inyerhole road, or whatever the fuck it was, was lots of fun. Just the thing I needed after droning along SR-14. The ride up 142 to Klickitat, Glen—something—Dale?—Wood? put a big smile on mah face.
Just got back. Now off to pick up that chunk of meat I talked about yesterday and some Spargles. Caesar salad (of fucking course I make my own dressing). Wonderfully charred flesh – prolly strip or ribeye but I’ll see what looks good – with kickass Bearnaise, grilled Spargles, maybe Hasselback potates, maybe just baked and smothered with sour cream and chives. I shoulda made ice cream.
Also, Auntie BruceDan needs serious therapy.
alec said,
May 13, 2012 at 3:24
You may want to get tested.
At least there was a sort of morbid pugnaciousness in the head of the Log Cabin Republicans saying “why did no gay liberals celebrate Dick Cheney?” – shit-eating, basically false, and aggressively smug, but at least intended to look like something a gay human could think. (I mentally finished the picture with “Mourdock, aspiring Witch-King of the Hoosiers, offered a bounty of fifty fine gold dollars for ‘the head of the sodomite Clark’.)
By contrast, Dan Blatt is resorting to playing “stop hitting yourself” as a way of fondly looking back on when he used to get attention from boys.
alec said,
May 13, 2012 at 3:28
Stop hitting myself! Stop hitting myself!
Golem Heart said,
May 13, 2012 at 3:33
“You may want to get tested.”
I recall finishing W.S. Burroughs books at that time (c. 1990), and a schizo range of other stuff. Not sure what happened. I picked up her diaries is all: maybe I shoulda started elsewhere.
I was a busy disturbed feller, dropping lots of acid and playing guitar in my shitty little band when I wasn’t working. It was not Anais Nin time, I guess. In retrospect I’m suprised I got so much reading done.
vacuumslayer said,
May 13, 2012 at 4:01
I was peeling carrots tonight and managed to make a nice gouge in my left forefinger. It bled so much the kitchen looked like a crime scene.
Good times.
Spearhafoc, who is Bunk and McNulty investigating the crime scene in VS' kitchen said,
May 13, 2012 at 4:05
Fucking…
Fuck.
Motherfucker.
Fucking A.
Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 4:08
Sorry to hear that vs. I’ve done it, and it’s no fun.
The Dark Avenger said,
May 13, 2012 at 4:11
I had a thing for June Lockhart on Lost in Space.
That’s the genius of Irwin Allen, putting a MILF in a tight-fitting silver space suit.
She seems to be a ‘normal’ human female.
Smut Clyde said,
May 13, 2012 at 4:19
Now expecting a poem from VS.
Pupienus said,
May 13, 2012 at 4:31
Now expecting a poem from VS.
I was expecting something like this
S. cerevisiae said,
May 13, 2012 at 5:02
Glad you enjoyed it, Pup! What a day, eh?
As always, your food pr0n makes me drool so I am very glad to give you a worthwhile tip on a ride – hell that’s the least I can do.
Spearhafoc, who is too old for this shit said,
May 13, 2012 at 5:05
Food porn.
creature said,
May 13, 2012 at 5:10
Danny Boy demands to settle for less, even though the rest (at least, most) of the country wants him to enjoy the same joys and miseries that all us straight married folk enjoy.
Goddam idiot!
Kitchen accidents suck! I sliced the end of my thumb nearly off once- it didn’t really hurt until the orange juice hit it.
Governor Brewmeister (Hickenlooper) sez- special session- civil unions & reefer into levels for DUI, dammit! Hooray!
jim said,
May 13, 2012 at 6:16
What is 4chan?
A Suicide Hot-Line … that will tell you to DO IT FGT.
A wretched hive of scum & villainy. Trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls trolling …
Before there was ICanHazCheezburger, there was Caturday, & Caturday came from 4chan, along with many other strange things. Pedobear lives there, yet /b/tards have been known to expose & torture real-life pedos without mercy – & it’s common knowledge that cat-abusers who post videos of their hijinx online have much to fear from them. It’s also one of the best places online to save awesome jpegs & gifs – if you have the stomach for its more, er, colourful content.
PROTIP: Keep some eye-bleach & Gravol handy.
Attempts to troll there are referred to as “pissing into an ocean of piss” because if it doesn’t backfire & lead to the troll being trolled, it goes nowhere fast.
If you can successfully troll channers, U WIN ALL THE INTERNETS.
PROTIP 2: Glowing testimonials from /b/tards notwithstanding, deleting System32 will not make your computer run faster – DO NOT DO IT.
sugarpie said,
May 13, 2012 at 6:18
Smut Clyde said,
May 12, 2012 at 23:56
Fritz Leiber’s “The Silver Eggs” is (I believe) the first detailed exploration of cyber-courtesans.
One of the few Sci-Fi paperbacks I regret letting slip away during my book purges of the 90′s. Hilarious and creepy.
Haystack Calhoun said,
May 13, 2012 at 6:31
cyber-courtesans
You’re one classy dude, Smut.
alec said,
May 13, 2012 at 6:33
Me poor long-suffering old lady was slicing a block of cheese shortly after we made it to PDX and she got the index fingertip (on her artin’ hand) caught in the cutter: one of those sucky middle-of-the-road situations where a visible amount is cut off, but not enough to stitch back on.
Closest I’ve ever gotten is tearing the flesh off of the front of one pinky and stupidly making some exuberant test cuts in hard plastic with a new box cutter and cutting clean into the pad of my hand. No loppings, though.
Haystack Calhoun said,
May 13, 2012 at 6:36
Best thing about robot hookers?
ACTUAL HEART OF GOLD!!
Jennifer said,
May 13, 2012 at 6:51
Well, I finally got ND-30 AND Live_Wire to run away, run away on not one but TWO Putzriot threads.
As I said in one comment over there, I shouldn’t engage. It’s like quail hunting with Dick Cheny – it’s just not sporting.
Hogeye Grex said,
May 13, 2012 at 7:04
Oddly, I just ran across this bit out of the blue.
Nice punchline.
paperbagmarlys said,
May 13, 2012 at 9:03
…always, always, always Mormon Jesus…
Thanks, alec. I learned, learned, learned so much watching that.
S. cerevisiae said,
May 13, 2012 at 10:09
Enter the Dragon still fucking rocks the world – Bruce Lee; Fuck Yeah!
S. cerevisiae said,
May 13, 2012 at 10:23
After Bruce Lee, damn near everyone else looks like a poseur. I think of what might have been with him as Kwai-Chaing Caine (sp?)
Another Kiwi said,
May 13, 2012 at 10:31
Best thing about robot hookers?
ACTUAL HEART OF GOLD!!
They play Neil Young at you? Canadians will, of course, find this tremendously arousing, others, not so much.
exford legs, neckbeard who should LURK MOAR said,
May 13, 2012 at 13:13
jim, one time you started a post of sharp snark with ‘HA HA HA! OH, WOW’. And I thought CaptainHaddock.jpg
4chan cooking forum /ck/ has a style similar to Pupienus’ BROWN THOSE ONIONS! WHAT ARE YA? SCARED?
And before I done saw attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I saw pedos get baited only to get their personal info anonymously sent to their local police force, and also a .gif where a gymnast does a running jump onto a trampoline, curl and flip into Goatse’s arse. Yes, it is a silly place.
Scott said,
May 13, 2012 at 13:37
A letter sent by Bishop Kevin Rhoades, who chairs the committee leading the investigation, reportedly noted some “problematic relationships” with other groups like Doctors Without Borders or Oxfam.
That’s the bit that gets me. The Catholic Church has basically formalized its opposition to the Girl Scouts, Oxfam, and Doctors Without Borders. They’re becoming cartoon supervillians right before our eyes…
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
May 13, 2012 at 13:40
That’s the bit that gets me. The Catholic Church has basically formalized its opposition to the Girl Scouts, Oxfam, and Doctors Without Borders. They’re becoming cartoon supervillians right before our eyes…
Next up, an encyclical against kittens and apple pie.
Thread Bear said,
May 13, 2012 at 16:38
That’s the bit that gets me. The Catholic Church has basically formalized its opposition to the Girl Scouts, Oxfam, and Doctors Without Borders. They’re becoming cartoon supervillians right before our eyes…
Oh be fair, everybody knows that helping poor and sick people without the proper proselytizing is just wrong!
Gay Democratic Patriot said,
May 13, 2012 at 16:56
I’m one of Dan’s friends, but I do support what you do here, generally. You are pretty funny, too.
However, it is not nice for you to use pictures of my friends sitting on toilets, it implies all kinds of things that are nasty. Please stop using that picture of Dan and take it down. It’s inappropriate, and considering the caption, libelous.
tigris said,
May 13, 2012 at 17:03
Next up, an encyclical against kittens and apple pie.
Included: a recipe for kitten pie.
Scott said,
May 13, 2012 at 17:26
However, it is not nice for you to use pictures of my friends sitting on toilets, it implies all kinds of things that are nasty.
YOU HEARD HIM, SADLYNO, STOP IMPLYING THAT PEOPLE POOP. YOUR INAPPROPRIATENESS WILL BE REPORTED TO THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY.
Jennifer said,
May 13, 2012 at 17:32
GDP – your loyalty to your friend is admirable, but you should be aware that photoshops of conservatives on toilets is, as the kids say, “an internet tradition” here at Sadly,No! industries. Sadly,No! has been planting conservative asses on a wide variety of toilets for almost 10 years now. While it IS disrespectful, it’s not really PERSONAL. Sadly feeds data into its patented Tshop™ generator, and when a certain threshold of stupidity, bigotry, or other bassackwardness is detected, Tshop™ spits out the appropriate image. The proprieters of Sadly,No! then dutifully append the image to their trenchant analysis of the subject piece used by Tshop™ and a new, never-before-seen potential internet tradition is born.
It’s really a miracle of creation – you should see the Tshop™ generator – very steampunk, kinda “Rube Goldberg meets Dr. Suess.”
Dan is fortunate to have a friend as good as you, so he must be a nice person. You’ve gotta admit though, Dan says some really stupid stuff, stuff that draws the Tshop™ like a homing pigeon. Tshop™ is programmed to find that kind of stuff – it only finds what is said, it doesn’t go looking to persecute any individual.
Mirabel Tacobao said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:00
Libel doesn’t apply to a snark blog.
Thread Bear said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:17
In this case S,N! is safe from libel anyhow as there is no toilet in this particular photoshop.
N__B said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:20
No-toilet toilet libel!
S. cerevisiae said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:20
BREAKING POLITICAL NEWS!
http://weeklyworldnews.com/politics/47509/bat-boy-to-be-romneys-vp/
Jennifer said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:28
Pupienus said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:35
Thing is, that’s not a picture of your friend sitting on a toilet. I should say that I am not 100% certain it’s not an actual photo of Dan, maybe one that he sent to Tintin out of his twisted desires, his lust and longing for Tintin to shit on him. I am not a Pyhotoshop expert, you see, unlike so many of the conservative commentariat.
I do claim some expertise in identification of toilets. I can say with certainty that the photo above includes no toilet. Oh sure, it’s possible that I have never seen a toilet that looks like what not-Dan is perched on up there but I’ll go on record saying that whatever it is not-Dan is sitting on up there does not appear to have any of the functional elements of flush toilets as we understand them.
Your plaintive comment makes me wonder whether you are in fact a friend of Dan’s (I suppose it’s possible he could have friends, it just doesnt seem likely) or, more likely, an S,N! Regular playing concern troll. It seems likely because you assumed “toilet” somewhat automatically without even bothering to examine the photo in the least detail. That is, you saw what you expected to see. Fess up now, which one of you is playing concern troll?
Newt Gingrich's Campaign Manager said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:57
Except for Richard Nixon, there’s never really been a mutant running for office.
Ahem.
Pupienus said,
May 13, 2012 at 18:59
So I shoulda refreshed before commenting. Big whoop. I so wanted to the party POOPer. Naw, wasn’t much of a party but still, a boy has to aspire to something in life.
Scott said,
May 13, 2012 at 19:01
I bet Dan is poopin’ on that office chair. So it’s like a toilet, just an office chair.
OMG, my imagination is libeling Dan Blatt with office-chair toilet poopin that may or may not actually exist, but likely probably does exist because Dan Blatt poops on many things.
Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 19:08
I bet Dan is poopin’ on that office chair
Well, when he writes, he’s basically pooping on a word processor.
Pupienus said,
May 13, 2012 at 19:22
Well, when he writes, he’s basically pooping on
a word processorteh intarwebz. Amirite?Bitter Scribe said,
May 13, 2012 at 19:53
Except for Richard Nixon, there’s never really been a mutant running for office.
Herbert Hoover
Thomas Dewey
Robert Taft
Mitt Romney
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 19:59
It’s like they can’t comprehend that life may throw them a curve and they might just need some of the legal rights that marriage provides.
But no, their universe is static.
I’m sure that the not ever having to worry about having kids might have something to do with it as far as the log cabby set is concerned. ’cause I am damn near certain that the Blattopussians are not likely to adopt. Otherwise I just cannot fathom why they could not comprehend “the legal rights that marriage provides, if only to cover the concept of property transfer at the very least. One would think that a gay republican worth his salt would appreciate and be concerned about property rights and not want to end up on the tail end of a fight with the partners family over the dispensation of the partners estate.
Welcome JP, good to see you ’round! :)
.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:03
Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 19:50
Seems a bit outta character, to me anyways.
/strokes chin pensively
.
N__B said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:03
Major Kong – Let me be the first to congratulate you on your nym-jacking.
N__B said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:04
Okay, second.
Pupienus said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:04
It is a cautionary tale about the future where Islam is not faced and combatted.
Even without reading it I suspect I am largely in agreement. The problem for me is that I haven’t seen anyone explain just how Islam can be “faced” much less “combatted.” What does that mean, exactly?
FWIW, I feel much the same about Xianity and most other religions as well.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:05
Mister Kong has clearly been nym-jacked. We might need to assemble a squad and put on a production of Operation Entebbe.
.
N__B said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:05
Pup – Point and laugh.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:06
Fucking third! Or maybe first.
.
N__B said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:07
You were first, P UNE.
vacuumslayer said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:22
Everybody poops.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:22
I wanted that segment to go on and on forever.
Could someone link to the segment itself and not a link to little green dingbats (and yes i know that charlie has come back from the dark side, but he ain’t my father so fuck him).
Imma trying to catch up on the thread here and am a couple of hours behind.
Also too, thinking about copy pasting an entire comment thread into a comment, not really.
.
Spearhafoc, who is too old for this shit said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:24
Rosie from the Jetsons doesn’t poop.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:25
So they finally got bored with their many, many inquiries into Cub Scouts?
LOL,
So we’re calling it inquiries these days eh? Always good to keep up with the latest lingo.
.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:29
Flying cars end up being something that’s a shitty car and a shitty airplane at the same time.
This!
Some multi purpose items serve thier purposes well, like my axe with a hammer head on the other end, or for another example, a baseball bat, or a pitchfork………
.
John Revolta said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:33
Well, I’m certainly convinced.
Scott said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:36
I once had a fundie insist to me that Jesus never pooped. I’ve been told that’s A Thing with some of them — describing all the ways Jesus must’ve pooped is a great way to make them freak out…
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:39
I was peeling carrots tonight and managed to make a nice gouge in my left forefinger. It bled so much the kitchen looked like a crime scene.
Ouch honey, been to that party, and have done my best to avoid the invitation to the party again, though I have failed on an occasion or two. At least as far as the bloodletting in the kitchen was concerned…Which reminds me i really need to sharpen (hone actually as it is not actually dull) my Chefs knife before an accident happens.
PROTIP 2: Glowing testimonials from /b/tards notwithstanding, deleting System32 will not make your computer run faster – DO NOT DO IT.
This is hilarious, and I pray to god it is a gag.
Now as long as you had good backups and maybe windows was acting up doing so would force a wipe and reinstall, which can always be a good thing if you are using windows.
.
Thread Bear said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:41
I once had a fundie insist to me that Jesus never pooped.
So they believe that Jesus really doesn’t give a shit then?
jim said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:41
Don’t worry, fellow mammals, we’ll get the good Major back out of that silly POOP-trap before you can say “nuke it from orbit, just to be sure” twice!
Also, trolling via copypasta is V3RY POWERFUL BUSIN3SS!
Spearhafoc, who is REM said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:42
Everybody poops, sometimes.
Bitter Scribe said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:45
How fucking terrified of your own shadow do you have to be to post endless OMG THE SCARY MUSLIMS ARE COMING TO KILL US ALL diatribes under someone else’s name?
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:46
The Catholic Church has basically formalized its opposition to the Girl Scouts, Oxfam, and Doctors Without Borders. They’re becoming cartoon supervillians right before our eyes…
Ha, Brilliant! :)
nice to see you in these parts Haystack!
Gay Democratic Patriot said,
May 13, 2012 at 16:56
I’m one of Dan’s friends, but I do support what you do here, generally. You are pretty funny, too.
However, it is not nice for you to use pictures of my friends sitting on toilets, it implies all kinds of things that are nasty. Please stop using that picture of Dan and take it down. It’s inappropriate, and considering the caption, libelous.
Hey there, Gross Domestic Pidgeon, i got a shiny new, more authentic law degree for sale, in a gilded frame even, that would look mighty nice on your office wall. “I am one of Dan’s friends”. Sir I am inclined to ask the following question, WTF is wrong with you?
.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:51
…or, more likely, an S,N! Regular playing concern troll.
if that were the case it would, I think, be a better example of the genre, or at least I hope so.
.
Thread Bear said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:53
Everybody poops, sometimes.
Everybody does it
vacuumslayer said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:54
I’ll link ya in a second, Provider.
Thread Bear said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:55
Dammit, second try…
Everybody does it.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 20:58
I’ll link ya in a second, Provider.
Thanks sweetie!
I have finally caught up.
Thanks for the Cosby Link about the Shelby, whoever that was.
.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:00
“And I put on my italian Racing shoes…”
Back in the day Cosby was one funny dude. I will give him that
.
vacuumslayer said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:02
Here ya go, Provider: Colbert on McNaughton
Jeffraham Prestonian said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:03
It’s the little thangs.
I am perhaps more immune to food pr0n than I would like, owing to the past four years.
.
Spearhafoc, who is an REM snitch said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:03
Everybody blurts some crimes.
Jeffraham Prestonian said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:04
Everybody poops.
And if they don’t they’re an android
And should be destroyed
.
Spearhafoc, who is REM making a drink said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:08
Everybody squirts some limes.
Bitter Scribe said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:19
Back in the day Cosby was one funny dude. I will give him that
Yes, before he became Ronald Reagan’s Favorite Black Person®.
Spearhafoc, who is REM as a gassy dog said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:20
Everybody burps some Iams.
Spearhafoc, who is an REM miner said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:22
Everybody works some mines.
Jeffraham Prestonian said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:23
I also got new specs, yesterday (frist eye exam in 10+ years, sigh), and have the main pair — bifocals — coming in the next 14 days.
That $2.12/pay period saved me $500, yesterday… and I’ll get all the out-of-pocket expenses but $18 back on the whole shebang, as STES pays $150 every two years towards polycarbonate lenses and frames.
I splurged and has the digital retinal scan done ($30; not covered by insurance). Didn’t wanna ride back home with dilated pupils.
.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:23
A mango from the comments @ the Colbert link VS so kindly provided (but is seeming to take forever to load).
Hey Colbert, thanks for the publicity for Jon McNaughton. I think he’s great, as for the few negative opinions. How many paintings have they done lately that’s hit the news. Lastly, what the hell do you call, what is happening to our U.S. Constitution that this country was built upon, if it’s not being burned in the name of Socialism?
Dumb and Dumber meet Dunning and Krueger! It is no surprise that a guy who would post that on a comment board would think that Colbert was a fellow traveler. I have heard about conservatives not getting the gag, but this is one of the first times that I have seen it in the wild.
me to the commenter and not expecting an answer: When I suggested to your father to hit you with a clue stick, I did not expect him to beat you nearly to death with it.
.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:24
There we go!
woooohooo!
.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:25
Everybody’s heard some rhymes.
John Revolta said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:26
Seriously. No more hummus & kebabs for this boy. After the last time, when the Communists came and took away Mom and Dad and made me spit on a crucifix, I said, Fool me once, Can’t get fooled again.
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:28
“Boullion cubists”
fucking hilarious
.
vacuumslayer said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:28
I’ve heard there are wingnuts out there who don’t get Colbert’s shtick but it’s really hard to believe. Do you think this guy could be sarcastically pointing out that Colbert is “giving McNaughton clicks?’
Major Kong, who is Spearhafoc said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:36
The lizard people are ruling the world! Wake up, sheeple!
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:36
Yes, before he became Ronald Reagan’s Favorite Black Person®.
Presactly!
Do you think this guy could be sarcastically pointing out that Colbert is “giving McNaughton clicks?’
You really are a very sweet person, but in this case i think that the answer to your question is Sadly, No! I think the Hey Colber, is a shout out to Steve, and the rest, just wingnut fapdoodle. he probably sniggered at the “who gave the slave a suit” while thinking to himself “that’s so true, ha ha.”
.
vacuumslayer said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:37
We are all Major Kong now.
Dragon-Major Kongchuck said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:39
<Ctrl-V>
Provider_UNE_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:40
While I have had a temporary* internet stalker, I have yet to have a nymjacker.
*Pro tip: set phasers to ignore, and or talk about and around them without engaging them directly, actually switch those two. Works with trollys as well.
.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:41
Imma looking for Sparticus, anyone have the 411?
.
Another Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:42
You’re never alone with a clone
Dragon-Provider_Wangchuck_UNE_TotesNotANymjacking said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:42
FRIST!
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:43
I think that old lady from Nebraska or where ever has a grandson who recently discovered the internets, and that a sizzearch on the gizzoogle for the word poop lead him here.
.
Major Kong, who is Spearhafoc said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:46
Rectum? I hardly knew him!
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:48
Youse guys are killing me. I think everyone should jump in. In any event I cant wait to see Sparticus’s (The real Major) reaction when he rolls back into the thread.
Unfortunately I won’t get to witness the reaction in real-time.
.
Jonah Goldberg said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:50
How fucking terrified of your own shadow do you have to be to post endless OMG THE SCARY MUSLIMS ARE COMING TO KILL US ALL diatribes under someone else’s name?
Cowardly, lazy and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:50
Some people are in serious fucking need of a constructive hobby.
But this explains the search rankings at Conservapedia, perfectly.
.
Major Kong, who is Spearhafoc said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:53
Conclusion is the most depraved homosectional activity by far! Much worse than Fisting, Sadism and Human Waste.
Dragon-Major Kongchuck said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:54
ε. Pointing and Laughing
Homosexuals are known to openly mock and shower derision on earnest and well meaning conservatives. This hurts our feefees. Worse than a million HITLERS with Zombie Kim Jong Il chaser.
'king Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:54
Amoeba? I hardly knew her.
Another 'king Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:55
Some gayboys do not respect authoritah!! And this is very hurtful
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:56
Anybody up for a copy pasting of a technical electronics manual or three?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Didn’t think so.
Jeffraham, love the shots of the Ducks. I have some friends that have a house on a lake that I get to hang out at on occasion, anyhoo lots of geese, ducks, the occasional bald eagle or three. Anyway a couple of summers ago there was a talkative black and white duck which I dubbed Duxedo. Upon hearing the name my buddy just dropped to the ground in laughter. Thanks for reminding me of that funny bird, I miss that duck.
.
Another 'king Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:58
Also, I not wish to have a derision shower. The shower rose laughs at you? “hah hah,you call that a wily? Gayboys would point and laugh” This is not hygienic.
Dragon-Major Kongchuck said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:59
But it is also because there are fewer lesbians than gay men,
Wait. That’s not teh Intarb00bs I know!
Bitter Scribe said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:59
Tears can occur, along with incompetence of the anal sphincter.
We need more competent sphincters!
Major Kong, who is Spearhafoc said,
May 13, 2012 at 21:59
Okay, okay! Bashing gay guys is one thing, but don’t you dare speak bad about hot girl-on-girl action, particularly when both of them are freckley redheads.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my bunk…furiously masturbating.
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:00
Jeffraham, love the shots of the Ducks.
We have all the aquatic fowl nearby, as I’m right on the Cumberland River, and 100 meters from a marina that was carved off the south bank many moons, ago. Geese always flying to and fro… ducks, I rarely see up here in the complex. One ugly duck managed to get into the swimming pool a year or two back… can’t recall the name of the thang, but it had an ugly red wattle on its bill (which I’m sure it never paid, heh). The nesting pair of Mallards is the first time I’ve seen them strolling around the complex, unconcerned at the many respectful humans keeping their distance.
.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:01
But this explains the search rankings at Conservapedia, perfectly.
xactly, also reminds me of a really cool chart that tracked the states and how they ranked with respect to searches for free gay porn.
Worse than a
milliongoogelplex of HITLERS with Zombie Kim Jong Il and Polpot chasers.FTFY
i am also Loving the DragonTheWanderingNymchucking that has been on display. :)
.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:04
I was really hoping when we got to conclusion with the buttsecks we would be done forawhile. I just pray that someone does not get ahold of an online version of the Machinery’s handbook.
.
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:06
I was really hoping when we got to conclusion with the buttsecks we would be done forawhile. I just pray that someone does not get ahold of an online version of the Machinery’s handbook.
It’s like knowing what a dog is thinking, 24/7. “Jeebus FUCK! I’m so hungry!”
With conservatives, it’s “BUTTSECKS, BUTTSECKS, BUTTSECKS!!!!”
.
vacuumKongslayer said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:07
My, aren’t we obsessed with deviant sex acts?
Which, btw, some straight people engage in too…
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:10
Which, btw, some straight people engage in too…
Apparently, not nearly enough conservative wives are into it, though… which is why conservative husbands constantly think about it with rent boys like that Guckert fucker.
.
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:10
JimmyJeff GannonGuckert?
.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:13
With conservatives, it’s “BUTTSECKS, BUTTSECKS, BUTTSECKS!!!!”
I think it might actually be more about “I have a sinking feeling that other people are having sex, but I am not, so fuck them (figurative speaking of course)!
Now if you ever really needed something to take down a raging boner…
[even with that warning someone is bound to bite]
.
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:13
UNE: At the water plant, we also have the oldest known nesting pair of osprey. They’ve set up house in a cell phone tower on the property. Bald eagles have also been seen around the lake, but I have yet to see one. I see the osprey allatime.
.
Dragon-Major Kongchuck said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:14
2. Reckless Sexual Behaviour
What if teh first wetsuit springs a leak?
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:15
Kongslayer……Awesome!!! As is Prestonikong!!!
You are murdeerers all of you, each and every last one. :)
.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:17
Someone c&peeing* a list of all of the names for groups of things (ala gaggle, murder, etc) would actually be really cool.
*notEntirelyVPR
.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:24
UNE: At the water plant, we also have the oldest known nesting pair of osprey. They’ve set up house in a cell phone tower on the property. Bald eagles have also been seen around the lake, but I have yet to see one. I see the osprey allatime.
Very cool. while not a “birder” I do love it when I see the unusual ones, especially ones I havn’t seen before. My favorite is the killdeer, which I saw for the first time a few years back when a nesting pair hung out near a place I used to work. they are hilarious, do that broken wing dance (because they are ground nesters) and have the cutest chicks imaginable. Plus they are white with a pair of black racing stripes. Thier nests are very difficult to spot, but the eggs are beautiful if you should be lucky to find them. They do such a good job with the ‘flage that it is easy to lose them if you look away. Robin sized with long spindly legs, I call them “walking birds”.
.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:25
What if teh first wetsuit springs a leak?
That is why it is always reccomended that you wear two!
.
Major Suezboo said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:27
Jeffraham, the thought of you skipping down the food aisles, swinging your little basket warns the cockles of my blackened heart.
Yay for lovely food.
Major Suezboo said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:28
warms
Karl The Crap Blog Detective said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:33
Everybody should watch this. It’s nothing political, just awesome and heartwarming.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:39
Karl, that was just as you described. Thanks.
.
Andrew Breitbart said,
May 13, 2012 at 22:56
Yup. Still dead. Nearly sober and sweating my balls off. It’s fuckin’ hot here.
Major_Kong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 13, 2012 at 23:38
Yup. Still dead.
As is apparently, this thread.
.
Another 'king Major Kong said,
May 13, 2012 at 23:44
Reckless Sectional behaviour indeed!
The end scene (credits rolling) with Rourke riding a double yellow line, switching from the wrong side of the road to the right, symbolizes Rourke’s new found conformity.
Only fapping to butsecks magazine in the toilet for him, now.
PupiKongenus said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:05
To be fair, we fags may well be orgiers. With knowing what baseline she uses it’s hard to say whether we are orgier or not.
The other thing I want to mention is that with the sole exception of sticking a dick in a man’s butthole (oooh lawdy I gots ta stop thinking about that RIGHT NOW!) nothing on that list isn’t enjoyed by het couples all the friggin time.
So bite me.
Wyatt Watts III said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:16
Another gay man named Vince, who had never before had anal intercourse without a condom, went to a sex club on the spur of the moment when he got depressed, and
had unprotected sexsaid “I’m here for the GoProud meeting– do the Tea Partiers use lube on us or do I need more poppers?”Fixed.
Gay Democratic Patriot said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:24
I may be gay, but I am not suicidal. I do not engage in reckless behavior, Not do I ask society to sanction it. Therefore, like my friend Dan, I cannot support gay rights, as they diminish everyone.
Gay Democratic Patriot said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:25
Also, i know he is sitting on on office chair, but to imply he is pooping (his p[ants are down and he is reading a newspaper) is what is auctionable. You could be sued for this. Please remove this picture.
Smut Clyde said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:34
to imply he is pooping [...] is what is auctionable
Bidding starts at $5.
Bitter Scribe said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:35
Also, i know he is sitting on on office chair, but to imply he is pooping (his p[ants are down and he is reading a newspaper) is what is auctionable.
I’ll bid twenty bucks to start.
tigris said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:35
His pants are down and he’s reading porn, but it’s not libel because we can see both hands. Unless it’s libel BECAUSE we can see both hands…?
Bitter Scribe said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:35
Curse you and your nimble fingers, SC!
Major Kong, who is Spearhafoc said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:41
Also, who poops with their underwear on?
…
If it’s you, please don’t answer.
PupiKongenus said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:45
What are we bidding on, the right to be sued by Auntie BruceDan? I’m in for fifty.
Major Kong (who sees that he got nym jacked while he was out today) said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:46
OK, what the fuck?
I go to the movies and suddenly there’s like 10 of me, except they’re not me.
Another 'king Major Kong said,
May 14, 2012 at 0:57
I’ll put up $20 for not-Bruce, not pooping his pants in an office chair. Eeeeew imagine if it’s a spinning office chair, helicopter baybeee!
Major Kong (who sees that he got nym jacked while he was out today) said,
May 14, 2012 at 1:13
Anybody pretending to be me, please answer the following procedures from the Pilot’s Flight Manual 1B-52G-1-11
Note – I still have these memorized, and I trained on the aircraft in 1989, so they should be easy ones.
Aborted Takeoff
1.
2.
3.
4.
Ejection
1.
2.
N__B said,
May 14, 2012 at 1:28
I was with the family..,why is a conservatard giving us play by play instructions in gay sex?
Dragon-Major Kongchuck said,
May 14, 2012 at 1:53
Aborted Takeoff
1.
2.
3.
4.
No duh. You’re supposed to count down to take off.
vacuumKongslayer said,
May 14, 2012 at 1:57
I’m not sure, but I’m sure he’s not titillated at all. Nosiree.
Major Kong (who sees that he got nym jacked while he was out today) said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:05
Aborted Takeoff
1. Throttles – Idle
2. Airbrakes – Six
3. Drag Chute – Deploy
4. Brakes – Apply
Ejection
1. Arming Levers – Rotate
2. Trigger – Squeeze
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:23
I re-arranged the furniture at the catblog, btw.
.
tigris said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:24
You have cats?
Sorry, had to get in on the action.
ProviderKong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:28
OK, what the fuck?
I go to the movies and suddenly there’s like 10 of me, except they’re not me.
I have to admit that in my “can’t wait to see Kong’s reaction to the nym Jack thread”, I had planned, but then canned a bit of dialouge that I thought he might use when discovering the situation.
Major, you did my vision proud. and I scared the cat once again. You sir, have arrived!
The red carpet is this way.
:)
Oh, crap that was good!
By the way, just watched what might have been the finest EPL soccor match in quite awhile and think I have narrowed my my new favorite team (haven’t yet picked one out to two. Manchester City beat the Queens Park Rangers 3-2 to win the championship, while the QPR nearly managed to avoid relegation in thier first season in the EPL in 15 years. Man City last won the title in ’68.
It was a bit like watching the Cubs battle the Red Sox in the World series say in ’51. You can watch a replay of the match on ESPN3. Brilliant drama, and a well played game. The Rangers were down a man for the last 30 minutes or so and were up 2-1. City was held scoreless in the second half until stoppage time. Any true Scotsman (fotball fan) should watch the match. at its conclusion the fans stormed the pitch like they did when Indiana beat Kentucky in December.
An awesome game to watch even if you know the outcome. Then to roll in here and see the reaction of Major Kong to the initial nymjack and then to the “we are all Sparticus” situation that ensued has made the day a fucking Joy!
:)
Ps check out the game, even if you are not a big fan I think you will be held captive.
I am really leaning toward QPR at this point. If anybody has anything i might want to know that might sway the decision in City’s favor, i am all ears.
…
ProviderKong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:32
Aborted Takeoff
1.
2.
3.
4.
Ejection
1.
2.
Dammit, i was gonna at least try, and as I now see fail miserably, though I might have guess the throttle bit ( yesterday I watched a couple of WWII training films about the F4U and the P38), but had no idea (though now it seems obvious) about the chutes.
…
ProviderKong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:39
You have cats?
Sorry, had to get in on the action.
Thanks tig, that silly little gag seems to always crack me right the fuck up, in fact it has not failed me yet. If I was on my deathbed and in some pain, say with broken ribs, and someone whispered in my ear “Jeffraham has cats? Who knew. I would still laugh. I think it would actually be a fitting end.
By the way Manchester city vs Queens Park Rangers on espn3 (click the tab that says replay) You will not be dissapointed…Brilliant!
Prestonikong you know I love you, right?
…
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:48
Prestonikong you know I love you, right?
In the most manly, bi-racial way possible. Of course!
;)
.
ProviderKong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:48
Jefframajor, nice work. The place looks nicer (not that the previous endevour was bad in any way). Lurve the pawprint background and the transparency .css hack. very well done.
.
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:51
Lurve the pawprint background and the transparency .css hack. very well done.
Blogger provided the hack — the only thang I really added that took some coding smarts was dropping the bullets from the list items.
.
ProviderKong_NotExactlyAlexanderTheGreat said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:51
In the most manly, bi-racial way possible. Of course!
;)
.
If Loving v Virgina isn’t right I wouldn’t want to be wrong.
;)
…
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:56
I really hate that fucking fauxhawk, that the kids are a-sporting these days…Get offa my lawn jockey!
.
Jefframajor Prestonikong said,
May 14, 2012 at 2:56
If Loving v Virgina isn’t right I wouldn’t want to be wrong.
I’m gonna freeze this moment in amber. And have it bronzed.
:lol:
.
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:01
I’m gonna freeze this moment in amber. And have it bronzed.
I currently am in a state wherin I can’t top this, though I figure there will be a moment sometime in the future when I come up with one.
Well played, sir!
/doffs cap and bows
Cerberus said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:03
Rancid copypasta hauled to the trash.
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:04
Prestonikong, for a moment, i was considering a gag that included the emptiness of the room, the lack of anyone in or on or under the vicinity of the bleachers, making out…but then I thought it better not to.
…
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:08
Rancid copypasta hauled to the trash.
Thanks, that was Cerbalicious! does that mean we have to quit the “we are all Sparticus” gags now?
Actually, Major Kong should be the judge on that account. Major?
…
Smut Clyde said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:08
Ejection
1. Arming Levers – Rotate
2. Trigger – Squeeze
I do not recall this exact sequence from James Bond’s Aston Martin, so I call ‘Fake Major’.
Another Kiwi said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:08
Phew, it was getting hard to be all sensible like Major Kong.
One deploys the drag chute when Aborting? There is more to it than I had realised.
Cerberus said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:14
So for the idly curious, today’s copypasta originated from the Catholic Education Resource Center. As you can see by their form and web design attempts, they have heard of the concept of scientific and academic rigour, but have only ever approached it from quite a ways away.
And so there are endless numbers of priceless fails thrown in, as someone trying to squint and caper over their desk to read their neighbor’s test.
But it quickly dissolves like gossamer threads in the morning dew under even the slightest scrutiny. Like how the other “articles” of this supposed sciencey journal of science are all standard wingnut opinion piece. The complete fail to understand the Hippocratic Oath in the first paragraph, and the desperate attempt to cover their ass against the obvious bigotry by arguing for equal treatment for gays right before they rip into copy-pasted screeds from recognized hate groups and Scott Lively with absolutely no scientific analysis or data.
I almost feel sorry for them. They so want the respect and respectability of actual hard work and accomplishment and facts, but are so adverse to actually having any contact with them. It’s like watching the Boy in the Plastic Bubble if John Travolta was a shit-covered howler monkey.
S. cerevisiae said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:26
Who the hell needs a Hippocratic oath anyway? Those damn things are always hungry.
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:29
Who the hell needs a Hippocratic oath anyway? Those damn things are always hungry.
Plust they swim with the Crocs and Alligators with seeming impunity.
.
tigris said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:31
One deploys the drag chute when Aborting? There is more to it than I had realised.
Sea anchor for when the water’s too rough for a simple decision like row v. wade. IOW, drogue induced.
Major Kong said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:35
Actually, Major Kong should be the judge on that account. Major?
I thought it was pretty funny actually. I am easily amused, however.
The Dark Avenger said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:36
I’ve heard Hippocrats kill more people in Africa than lions and crocodiles combines.
Jeffraham Prestonian said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:37
Okay, back to mornal.
.
Spearhafoc, who not Major Kong but is Merkin Muffley said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:40
You mean he’s not?!
Major Kong said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:40
Here’s a picture of one with the drag chute deployed. Usually the day you really needed it was the day it decided not to work.
http://i46.tinypic.com/309u0c4.jpg
S. cerevisiae said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:42
Nobody ever wants to nymjack yeast because then they would have to prove that they are smarter.
Jonah Goldberg said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:48
It’s like watching the Boy in the Plastic Bubble if John Travolta was a shit-covered howler monkey.
Best re-make EVAH.
Brettanomyces bruxellensis said,
May 14, 2012 at 3:51
Nobody ever wants to nymjack yeast because then they would have to prove that they are smarter.
S. cerevisiae is a BIG POOPY-HEAD.
Spearhafoc, who not Major Kong but is Merkin Muffley said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:20
It always comes back to poop on this site, doesn’t it.
Colonel Jong said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:26
Everybody sharts.
Spearhafoc, who not Major Kong but is Merkin Muffley said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:29
Poop.
S. cerevisiae said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:34
Ahhhh, but our poop makes humans very happy.
Another Kiwi said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:38
Hey Brettanomycyes! No one cares about your substituted tetrahydropyridines.
Spearhafoc, who is not Major Kong but is Merkin Muffley said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:41
Typo in my nym. Most embarrassing.
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:55
I thought it was pretty funny actually.
I had hoped you would like the gag, and am glad you did.
:)
Brettanomyces bruxellensis
Isn’t that the shit they use in Lambic’s and other Belgian sours? Smatypantaloon’s?
It always comes back to poop on this site, doesn’t it.
Well, given the generally very serious nature of the blog, what else would you expect?
…
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 4:59
Hey Brettanomycyes! No one cares about your substituted tetrahydropyridines.
This simply proves that we are (and without a doubt were) a bunch of smartypanted iconoclastic weasels.
I seriously doubt that any of our fourth grade through high school teachers would disagree. I would posit that everyone of them can remember each and every one of us. At least the one’s who did not end up in therapy.
.
Another Kiwi said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:01
In the tradition of great seriousness
The Periodic Table of Swearing
Really NSFW unless you have headphones.
Lunch Lady said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:13
Dragon-Major Kongchuck said,
May 14, 2012 at 1:53
No duh. You’re supposed to count down to take off.
Have a cookie, kid. You earned it.
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:16
Really NSFW unless you have headphones.
Oddly enough in about 90% of the places I have worked in the past, that would fall under the category of P*SFW and is freakin’ ‘ilarious as well.
*perfectly
…
Colonel Jong said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:21
Not Much Shorter Althaus = This raw deal is for your own good! Vote 4 that guy you haet plzkthx!
John Revolta said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:23
Ooooo I know this one!!
Aborted takeoff
1. Poopy pants
2. Religious conversion
3. ???????
4. Prophet!!
S. cerevisiae said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:27
Aborted Takeoff:
1. Ummmmmmmm…
2. Maybe we should…
3. This is fucking bad…
4. Oh fuc
Colonel Jong said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:35
Aborted Takeoff:
1. Shut ‘er down!
2. Get up, turn around & moon teh control-tower peeps.
3. ?????
4. UNEMPLOYMENT!
Spearhafoc, who is not Major Kong but is Merkin Muffley said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:39
Oh, on a serious note, I just came across a blog post in which there were some complaints of the male-gaziness of a lot of my posts here. Sorry about that. Mea culpa.
Believe it or not, I actually have a lot of trouble talking about my sexuality in real life. Most people I know think I’m asexual or closeted or whatever. I guess I overcompensate too much in an online environment. I’ll try to tone it down in the future.
jim, now back into his old Quantum Gargling regimen said,
May 14, 2012 at 5:42
I was thee walrus. Koo koo k-choo.
Smut Clyde said,
May 14, 2012 at 6:02
Brettanomyces bruxellensis
Isn’t that the shit they use in Lambic’s and other Belgian sours? Smatypantaloon’s?
I’ve consumed a number of beers — usually dark ones — that the brewers have brettanated by aging them in old wine barrels. If you like to drink beers strained through a rugby player’s jockstrap or with a horse blanket over your head, it is a convenient way of achieving the same result without the paraphernalia.
Also.
‘Paraphernalia’ was of course an annual holiday in which the Romans celebrated the god Paraphernus.
John Revolta said,
May 14, 2012 at 6:19
Rough couple of weeks for the rhythm section
I haz a sad.
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 6:20
I just came across a blog post…
Where, providing you don’t mind?
Most people I know think I’m asexual or closeted or whatever.
I have always been amused when I have caught wind of rumors that I might be gay are rolling through town, though I think it has been due to a couple of things: part the first is that I have generally (in retrospect) demonstrated a fascinating inability to determine if I am being hit on by a girl (back in the day) or a Woman (here in the present), part the second, I exercise an extreme amount of discretion and don’t blab on and on about any “conquests” Only my most trusted friends might get a few flattering details, because I grew up and live in “Gossip town”…Closing the deal might represent a third issue.
One might say, that as a sappy sentimental gentleman scientist, I might have been (in retrospect) too cerebral about the process, part the fourth, in general i don’t do anything when intoxicated that I would not do sober ( I can’t seem to put that pesky assed super-ego to bed, before I get there myself)
As far as accusations of male-gaziness are concerned, you are in your early to mid twenties?
When I was that age a gentle summertime breeze following a beautiful young lady might put me into a potentially embarrassing position*, indicating the need to find a chair, with a table, and such.
Seems perfectly natural to me…I wouldn’t sweat it, or if you will anyway, attempt to strive for a middle ground.
/.02
…
*VBR
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 6:57
I’ve consumed a number of beers — usually dark ones — that the brewers have brettanated by aging them in old wine barrels. If you like to drink beers strained through a rugby player’s jockstrap or with a horse blanket over your head, it is a convenient way of achieving the same result without the paraphernalia.
Ha! I remember when i was working in the brewery (I was a mule, cleaning kegs, working the bottling line, etc.), there was this pretty cool and comprehensive book on the history and nature of beer in which I was introduced to IIRC the concept that a proper rendition of a particular brew might contain farmyard or “horsey notes” when expressing the bouquet. Nearly dropped me to the floor when I read it.
One of these days i must blog about the story about the time that one of those wine barrels filled with a kiwi lambic blew up in my lap, right after I noticed a bunch of tiny bubbles emerging from around the bung stop. Needless to say, there was a pressure release valve issue involved, and a three inch hole punched into a five gallon bucket by a chunk of white oak 20 feet downrange. I only ended up about 5-10 feet away. A coworker who was in the bathroom at the time thought that a bomb had gone off. After lifting my shredded t-shirt and finding no blood, I was like “Fucking A” and within 20 seconds I picked up the nearest squeegee and got in a stroke or two, before the brewmaster stopped me and suggested a trip to the Hospital. After a quick discussion about the matter, I told him that i thought I was fine,and that I was gonna have a smoke before i made my decision, by the time I was finished with the smoke it was clear to me that the concern of my female friends at the place, trumped my judgement, and recognised that if I did not go, they would all have a bad shift due to their concern for me. Anyway, it is a damn good story and i should work on a proper recitation of the whole.
So what were on about?
…
Cerberus said,
May 14, 2012 at 7:42
Not Much Shorter Althaus = This raw deal is for your own good! Vote 4 that guy you haet plzkthx!
Alternate shorter Althaus:
Gray Davis who?
Apparently, it’s only problematic when liberals do it. It really is amazing how they’ve convinced themselves that the Constitution really does say that they’re supposed to win everything and their opponents are supposed to tie their hands behind their back and throw themselves off the bridge to save them the trouble.
What’s that? Don’t like your elected officials being recalled for the real reason that recalls exist other than your bullshit end-runs around the rule of law? Well, gosh, maybe you shouldn’t have had such a public misuse of the power in the recent past reminding people that we have that fucking option.
Either that or not taking our high-road maneuver of going “sure, fine, we don’t need to enforce any laws against your war criminals” and going balls to the wall abuse of the spirit of the law to destroy us for our “weakness”.
Or fuck. Maybe just stop openly acting like minor dictators who ignore the letter and spirit of the law all over the country until the people have no other option but to topple the statues and storm the mansions.
But no, if the liberals actually remember they exist and have rights, it’s unfair and dangerous and why won’t the liberals listen to the obvious bad faith concern trolling! IT’S NOT FAIR MOMMEE!!!!! MAKE EM STOP!!!!!!
Cerberus said,
May 14, 2012 at 7:42
And I’ve got a new post written, but I’ll probably wait to post it until tomorrow when I can edit it in a state of mind that isn’t 90% cold medication and feverish delusions.
John Revolta said,
May 14, 2012 at 8:10
when I can edit it in a state of mind that isn’t 90% cold medication and feverish delusions.
I call fake Cerberus.
S. cerevisiae said,
May 14, 2012 at 8:19
Oh c’mon Cerb, live a little!
S. cerevisiae said,
May 14, 2012 at 8:22
Do what thou whilst, so to speak…
Ya know we loves ya.
There are so many ripe mangoes right now it is like walking around in Costa Rica.
ProviderKong_HatingOnTheFauxhawkThatIsAllTheRage said,
May 14, 2012 at 9:14
It really is amazing how they’ve convinced themselves that the Constitution really does say that they’re supposed to win everything and their opponents are supposed to tie their hands behind their back and throw themselves off the bridge to save them the trouble.
I think all of that is due to the fixation they have on the “tyranny of the mahjority” written by Madison (I think) in the Federalist papers (I think, and in both cases am to close to bed to be bothered to search) and a grudging hatred of the fact that the 13th and 14th ammendment (although the latter gave them corporate personhood [or rather a wiley clerk if the court at the time did]) did away with the 3/5th rule and codified into law that niggers were human beings with rights. And of course somewhence 55 years or so later another horde of terror was unleashed when the women obtained the franchise.
Of course and right on cue, they tend to cherry pick the hell out of the bible to justify thier pathological homophobic rage, justify the destruction of the earth, and the accumulation of enormous amounts of wealth while standing on the backs of the “least among us.”
Sweet dreams all!
…
Cerberus said,
May 14, 2012 at 9:35
Well, if you insist. New post.
Now to collapse back into blissful unconsciousness.
MajorThread BearKong said,
May 14, 2012 at 12:51
Late to the Major Kong nym-jack World Cup, but I’m gonna compete anyways:
Aborted take off
1. Alarm clock rings
2. Hit snooze bar
3. Alarm clock rings
4.Call in sick
Ejection
1. Boss calls to find out why you’re not at work
2. Tell boss to go fuck himself
Majorsmut Clong said,
May 14, 2012 at 14:33
Relevant!! (courtesy of Captain Lockheed & The Starfighters).
Thread Bear said,
May 14, 2012 at 15:45
Also, too if you want to do it right it must be a gay aborted take off.
Austin Loomis said,
May 14, 2012 at 20:52
Cerb skrev:
“The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it.”
My Sharia Moor said,
May 14, 2012 at 22:59
Wow…
I didn’t think this was an actual website, but smack me silly, it is.
Christ on a cracker, man…this “tintin” fellow licks balls cleaner than the Mocha Messiah.
I’m kinda turned on, here.
Kill the infidels said,
May 17, 2012 at 5:35
I’m hiding under your bed tonight, Christian dog.