Shorter Joseph Curl, The Moonie Times
Hip-hop legend MCA passes on; Obama says not a word
- The failure of our rap-loving mulatto President to say anything in public about the death of a white rapper is all the proof I need of his undeniable prejudice against all white people.
File the latest bout of logorrhea masquerading as political commentary from Moonie Times columnist Joseph Curl in the “Heads I Win, Tails Obama Loses” folder, which already is chock full of other examples, most of which run along these lines: if Obama eats the fried chicken, he’s lazy and shiftless; if he passes it up, he’s arrogant and uppity.
There is one amusing aspect to wingnuts playing HIW,TOL — namely that it often requires them to tread into cultural territory with which they are manifestly unfamiliar, e.g., to become an instant expert on Negro basketballers in March Madness or a connoisseur of jerk sauces or some such. So here we have the spectacle of a guy who manifestly spends his time watching the Time-Life DVDs of old Lawrence Welk shows professing some enthusiasm for hip-hop. Right. Next you’ll see me writing on some arcane aspects of sexual prestidigitation by geisha girls in Japanes bordellos or the finer literary points of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Okay, so let’s roll the train wreck:
This column is about politics. Today, it’s not. Still, there’s Watergate, Paul Revere, Edward R. Murrow, fighting for your right, so, kinda still.
Huh? Did the editors at the Moonie Times take off for a day of hot tubs, cocaine and hookers in Reno and leave the IT department staff behind to edit the newspaper’s columnists? Oh wait, that would assume that this is worse than usual for the Moonie Times. My bad.
Adam Nathaniel Yauch died Friday. If you’re age 16-66 — maybe 106 — you know him as MCA, one-third of the Beastie Boys. He was 47. Way too young. But gone.
OK, so what was your first clue that everything Curl knows about Yauch came from Wikipedia? Using Yauch’s middle name, maybe? Thinking that 16-year-olds think the Beastie Boys are cool?
Now, half-white Barack Obama (exactly my age) didn’t say a word, even though he was talking to college kids that day, but make no mistake, MCA was no Jay-Z or Kanye West.
Okay, I’m still trying to unpack where half-white came from or why Curl, while putting down his dog-whistle for a moment, didn’t just go all the way and call Obama that “ni**er.” But then he picks the dog whistle right back up and starts blowing it like crazy with the reference to Jay-Z and Kanye: presumably underlining the difference between bling-encrusted, tooth-jeweled, gang-gesturing, white-girl-dissing bad (Negro) rappers and good (White) rappers.
But nothing from the first half-white, half-black president (MSM has made him black — he’s not; he’s half-and-half. No, Trayvon Martin wouldn’t have looked like his son.)
This creepy discourse on racial purity and blood lines is meant, I suppose, to underline that Obama is not just a racist but a race traitor too — at least to his white race — which makes him even worse than normal blacks who are racist against, and oppress horribly, a race to which they do not belong.
The president took time from his busy schedule to comment on the passing of black musicians. When Whitney Houston, a longtime crack addict, died this year, the White House put out a statement.
Oh, the butthurt, the butthurt! Think of all the white, drug-free kids who will hang themselves in despair because the President made them feel worthless when he mentioned a black crack ho and not a white guy!!
And when accused pedophile and drug addict Michael Jackson died in 2009, the White House weighed in with the president’s thoughts.
That’s it. That’s the last straw. I can’t wade in this muck anymore. I’m going to take a shower, chug a bottle of tequila, snort about a pound of crushed Oxycontin, and try to forget I ever read any of this.