Apr
25

Buttrocket Launches, Explodes, Falls In Pieces Into The Ocean




Posted at 23:28 by Tintin


ABOVE: The Buttrocket prepares for the launch

Shorter John Buttrocket Hinderaker, Power White Blog
If You Don’t Look Like Obama’s Son, No One Cares

  • It’s Obama’s fault that a white guy in Mobile was beaten up by some blacks. This statement is not racially divisive because only the black racism of Obama, Eric Holder, and the blacks that beat the white guy up is racially divisive.

Good fucking grief. Some white guy in Mobile flings around the n-word and threatens some black kids with kitchen knives and when he is regrettably attacked over this, the right wing grasps its collective butts in pain, rolls around on the ground like a guy who just chewed and swallowed an Indian ghost pepper, and whines about an imaginary race war fomented by the Negro race and their chief instigator in the White House.

Naturally, ole Buttrocket, never one to pass up a good opportunity for public butthurt, trots this story out as if a gang of crazed Negroes, all besotted on crack and malt liquor and following the secretly transmitted telepathic instructions of the Negro-in-Chief to avenge Trayvon Martin, went roaming the streets of Mobile looking for the first white guy that they could find and then beat him up.

Is that what actually happened? Sadly, no. The victim and the chief attacker had been engaged in racially charged feuds for several years.

Hinderaker starts off quoting Fucker Carlson lackey and chick magnet extraordinaire Jim Treacher, who blames the Mobile assault on Spike Lee (a favorite white-wing bogeyman) and, for good measure, ABC and NBC. (The only real surprise here is that Jim didn’t add Oprah to the list of honky-taunting race baiters, but he probably simply forgot how to spell her name.)

Hinderaker is quick to add Obama to the list

Obama has been an extraordinarily divisive president; neither he nor others in his administration, like Eric Holder, have ever hesitated to foment race hatred when they thought it would serve the Democrats’ political interests.

(If you are wondering about where Holder fits in here, you have obviously forgotten about when he hired the Black Panther Party (all two of them) to ride their Hoverounds to a polling precinct in Philadelphia and threaten white people with their canes.)

For those of you who are thinking about gathering mangoes in the comments to Hinderaker’s post, don’t say I didn’t warn you. A sample:

I’m sure Trayvon did look like Obama’s son. After all, he was pounding a half Jewish, half Hispanic guy’s head into the concrete, wasn’t he?


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

197 Comments »

  1. Major Kong said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:29

    Frist!

  2. gocart mozart said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:47

    Oh oh, you mentioned Little Jimmy Treacher age six! You have now summoned him from the Gates of Hell.* Expect him to show up here in 5 , 4, 3, 2, . . .

    *The Gates of Hell are now located under Tucker Carlson’s left nutsack.

  3. Crissa said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:49

    You yell slurs and threats at your neighbor, you’re gonna get beat up. What’s the mystery here?

    At least police seem to know what’s up, and the assailant is in jail, but the right-wing noise machine isn’t at all desirous of facts.

  4. alec said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:54

    rolls around on the ground like a guy who just chewed and swallowed an Indian ghost pepper,

    What, spraying shit from every orifice? Sounds about right.

    Obama has been an extraordinarily divisive president; neither he nor others in his administration, like Eric Holder, have ever hesitated to foment race hatred when they thought it would serve the Democrats’ political interests.

    Well, loath as I am to accept Hinderaker’s point, I do wonder if giving Willie Horton the Presidential Medal of Freedom while screaming “black dick for all! black dick for all!” in a red bowtie and black sunglasses, one fist in the air, mightn’t have been crossing the line.

  5. gocart mozart said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:55

    Also, fruden that shaden
    http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/04/24/governor-kasich-car-accident-no-injuries.html

  6. Chris said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:56

    It’s Obama’s fault that a white guy in Mobile was beaten up by some blacks. This statement is not racially divisive because only the black racism of Obama, Eric Holder, and the blacks that beat the white guy up is racially divisive.

    I had never heard of this outrageous cover-up by the Liberal Media, so I did a quick news search for “Matthew Ownes Mobile Alabama.” He’s the very, very first thing that came up in the news: Arrest Made In Racially Tinged Beating Of Mobile Man.

    What’s the key word in there? If you said “arrest,” you win a prize!

    I’ve already read dozens upon dozens of assholes linking to this or that case of a white person/persons being beaten or killed by savage black mobs, with the invariably accompanying comment “HEY OBAMA, I GUESS YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE GUYS, CAUSE YOU’RE BLACK AND YOU HATE WHITE PEOPLE!” And in each and every single one of these cases they were linking to – the Savage Black Man/Mob had either already been arrested or had an arrest warrant out for him.

    As opposed to the guy who killed Trayvon Martin, who went completely free for two goddamn months before public pressure from around the nation finally compelled the local cops to treat him like they would any other suspect. They’re just absolutely determined to make this about anything except the actual cause of the outrage, namely, that a killer was walking free.

  7. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:57

    1) Did somebody say “Obama eats dogs Jim ‘the Pirate’ Treacher”?

    2) Bunnies.
    ~

  8. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:57

    That is an excellent photo of the Assrocket — it really captures his essence nicely. He should make that his Christmas card.

  9. Spearhafoc, who is a General in the KISS Army said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:57

    To anyone who doubts the violence and terror of the Black Panthers, just take a look at this!

  10. Chris said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:57

    ETA:

    If you said “arrest,” you win a prize!

    ^ => Not intended to be a factual statement.

  11. alec said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:58

    Oh oh, you mentioned Little Jimmy Treacher age six! You have now summoned him from the Gates of Hell.

    Yeah, considering the fact there’s literally no mention of his name he won’t stoop to respond to if he notices, probably. I mean, if he cared how vain it made him look he would have stopped doing it years ago, right?

    If anything, we should feel sorry for the little shaver. Here, here’s a free irrelevant comment for him to latch onto and pretend is the actual topic of discussion: let’s all raise money – on Kickstarter maybe, why not – so all white men can be destroyed and all white women married in great harems to Negro sultans, the better to miscegenate the coming generation and usher in a thousand-year Democrat Party reich.

  12. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 25, 2012 at 23:59

    Obama has been an extraordinarily divisive president

    Yeah, he insists on being black.

  13. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:04

    1) Did somebody say “Obama eats dogs Jim ‘the Pirate’ Treacher”?

    Black power! The Canaanites were generated in a lab by a sorceror as a warrior slave race! Mao-mao mao-mao mao-mao! Word is bond! Word is bond!!

  14. histrogeek said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:05

    Just adding to my list for my denunciations. These assholes should thank their non-partisan god that they don’t live in the police state of their imagination. I’d say they’d have a schedule for the guillotine except that they would almost certainly brown-nose the new regime, such is their power-worshipping.

  15. tigris said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:05

    Don’t let this attack, and similar attacks across America, bother you. If you had a conscience, we never would’ve heard of you in the first place.

    Only applies to black folks, Treacher and Assblaster can bitch all they want.

    It certainly won’t bother Barack Obama.

    I’m sure it bothers him as much as any attack on any citizen does, but we can be sure people will ask him, as if he’s some sort of Negro in Chief, to address and to denounce it as they always do whenever anything remotely having to do with race comes up.

    incidents like this one, which have multiplied all across America

    Why they may even have crossed into the double digits, though of course he only discusses the one.

    As it turned out, Obama’s election represented a setback for race relations in the United States, an outcome that virtually no one foresaw.

    Well, folks suspected you assholes would pimp everything as RACIAL DISCORD and blame Obama, but no one could’ve realized just how low you’d sink as it seems to defy physics, but there you go.

    Now, according to WKRG, one arrest has already been made in the Owens case and they’re still investigating. How the quick work and immediate news coverage in this case makes it look like “no one cares” contra the foot dragging bullshit in the Zimmerman case is a mystery to me, but I’m sure it’s the fault of Obama and Holder because NEGROES.

  16. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:06

    TIME TO SIT IN FRONT OF MY COLOR TV AND VOTE THE STRAIGHT DEMOCRATIC TICKET FOR THAT SWEET WELFARE MONEY

    PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

  17. Djur said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:11

    Just another part of Barack Obongo’s Marxist race war! Saul Alinsky would be proud! Breitbart lives! One Big Ass Mistake America!

    Can someone get me some water? I think I took some bad acid.

  18. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:14

    “DOCTOR” KING PLAGIARIST AND PEDOPHILE / BLACK JESUS / NOT A REAL JESUS / BUT A BLACK JESUS

  19. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:14

    Here, here’s a free irrelevant comment for him to latch onto and pretend is the actual topic of discussion: let’s all raise money – on Kickstarter maybe, why not – so all white men can be destroyed and all white women married in great harems to Negro sultans, the better to miscegenate the coming generation and usher in a thousand-year Democrat Party reich.

    That’s not nearly crazy enough for them to believe. Add some Jews, throw in a dash of OMG UN/One World Government, and a sprinkling of “they’ll confeska… confuske… confuzx… … take mah guns! Then maybe you’ll be ready for a spot on Fox News. Add an additional bit of survivalist mumbo jumbo and BUY GOLD!!! and you’re ready for Glenn Beck’s show. Throw in aliens and UFOs etc. and you’ll be ready for a prime spot on radio.

  20. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:16

    BUY GOLD!!!

    LET’S PRINT MONEY TO PAY FOR DEFICITS FOR “ENTITLEMENTS” AND “UNEMPLOYMENT” FOR SHIFTLESS BLAHS TO URBAN IT UP

    WITHOUT SOUND MONEY WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE (ALSO NO TAXES)

  21. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:18

    DID YOU BUY A TIVO WITH SWEET SUCKER/TAXPAYER MONEY AND USE IT TO TAPE THE SECRET BET SHOW ABOUT GANG SIGNS AND RAP MUSIC

    I SURE DID!!! LOOTERS / MOOCHERS / HUMAN BIODIVERSITY 4EVA

  22. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:20

    Whoo! Sorry, inhabited by Breitbart’s ghost for a moment there. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve slapped together some tapes so that uppity negress at the DMV says “FUCK HOES, ROCK ICE, THROWING UP GANG SIGNS” for two hours. Obama is in for it now!!

  23. Anonymous said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:43

    If killing niggers “fucking goons” is murder, then why does the Constitution specify that they only count for 3/5 of a real person, huh? Obviously Zimmerman should be only be charged with Murder 1-point-2.

  24. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:52

    Fuck. DO NOT read the comments over there. They’re positively nauseating. Funny how a completely ridiculous race argument brings the psychos out in droves.

  25. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:53

    Obama has been an extraordinarily divisive president

    Yeah, he insists on being black.

    What a jerk. Everything would be fine if he would QUIT IT.

  26. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 0:54

    Also, pasty and stupid right wingers should be banned from being naked. Even if the nudity is Photoshop induced.

  27. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    April 26, 2012 at 1:19

    Looks like Treacher quit on us.

    What a fuckin’ quitter.
    ~

  28. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 1:27

    Looks like Treacher quit on us.

    What a fuckin’ quitter.

    Oh, right! “Treach”. Love that man. LOVE that man.

    Love his work, love his reich.

  29. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 1:32

    Looks like Treacher quit on us.

    But what will the cat (that being I) play with now? The mouse is gone!

  30. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 26, 2012 at 1:39

    Man, as much as I fucking LOVE my new job, I sure can’t keep up with my blog peeps very well, now.

    Rest assured, my plan for World Domination is proceeding as planned. Third day, and the HMFIC of North American Ops now knows of my Big Idea, and has issued the edict that my supervisor and I are to be issued the appropriate smartphones to see what we come up with.
    .

  31. Another Kiwi said,

    April 26, 2012 at 1:48

    One is conflicted between laughing derisively at the bogans or selling them the 2,000 Lee Enfield rifles with no firing pins that my dad “found” in North Africa.
    (Warning: I just made up the rifles but it’s cash on the nail, bucko)

  32. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:01

    Jim Treacher, who blames the Mobile assault on Spike Lee (a favorite white-wing bogeyman)

    Ah, yes, putting the noire in Bête noire

  33. Pupienus said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:18

    The news story is horrifying: after a trivial encounter with a group of youths who were playing basketball

    OMG! That’s fucking awful! And then the Trayvon thing, why hasn’t anyone been arrested? It’s obviously a hate crime!

    Meanwhile, Mobile Mayor Sam Jones said that the city has reached out to the FBI and U.S. Attorney Kenyen Brown to conduct their own investigation into the incident, including the possibility that the beating was a hate crime as defined under federal law.
    Numerous media reports have said that at least one person reported hearing references made to the Trayvon Martin case in Sanford, Fla., in which a  community watch officer killed an unarmed black teenager in a gated community. 

    “So far that is an uncorroborated report,” Hargrove said. “This involved two neighbors who lived on the same street who’d had problems in the past and who got into a fight over kids playing basketball.

    “It is our understanding that the person who made the claim about the Trayvon case was not even on the scene Saturday night.”

    BUT … BUT … WRIGHT! BLACK PANTHERS! CLARENCE THOMAS! Er, strike that last one wouldja?

  34. Dr. Squid said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:18

    What? They didn’t use this opportunity to call John Thompson a racist for recruiting African American to G’town?

  35. SoVeryConfused said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:20

    “Obama has been an extraordinarily divisive president.”

    “Yeah, he insists on being black.”

    Even worse, being president while black.

  36. The Principal Contributt said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:22

    Despite being white myself, I’m quickly learning to expect hatred boiling up inside me whenever a white guy opens his mouth lately. How strange.

  37. jim said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:22

    This is, what, the fourth or fifth lousy counterexample they’ve tried to float now? Fail once, shame on you, fail over & over again, shame on YOUR MOM for raising a dipshit. This narrative would surely rock like a hurricane … if only law enforcement weren’t quite so, er, vigorous in apprehending perps of colour.

    AHA! They keep doing it just to make wingnuts look bad! Solid proof that teh cops are all working for Obamahitler TOO!

  38. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:36

    “So far that is an uncorroborated report,” Hargrove said. “This involved two neighbors who lived on the same street who’d had problems in the past and who got into a fight over kids playing basketball.

    The real takeaway is that the residents of Alanbamistan are a violent, violent lot. Armed societies are polite, my ass! Also, the fact the paint cans were used as weapons is a bit of a mind-blower. Who’d a thunk to use a paint can as a weapon? I am reminded of the story of Tonya Harding attacking her boyfriend with a hubcap… all I could think on reading it was, “Who the hell has a hubcap lying around the house?”

  39. Major Kong said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:41

    So this is the “polite armed society” I was promised?

  40. Another Kiwi said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:49

    First you gots to shoot all they impolite unz” Duh!

  41. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 26, 2012 at 2:58

    This is your father’s can of paint, a more elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.

  42. Red Nique said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:06

    I don’t feel that these paint colours express my rage at an uncaring and inconsistently unfair universe. Plus he’s black.

  43. Spearhafoc, who is a General in the KISS Army said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:08

    Saddam probably had a lot of paint cans. War justified!

  44. wiley said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:10

    Instead of recommending a gun to deal with an attackative dog, the officer should have recommended a powerful squirt bottle filled with white vinegar. It’s a strong acid. It takes effect immediately. After that, you could just show the dog the bottle and he’d probably run. Dogs learn.

    Escalating to a gun to deal with a dog is excessive. What about calling Animal Control? You’ve got to be smarter than the dog.

    It’s irresponsible for a police officer to advise someone to get a gun to deal with a dog. Since half of all gun deaths are suicides, an officer shouldn’t be giving that advice to anyone. The problem with this “Stand Your Ground” law is that it’s all out of proportion. It fuels unreasonable fears and encourages the use of lethal force. At the very least, the police should not get to decide whether or not justifiable homicide has occurred based on the testimony of the shooter when someone is lying dead in public.

  45. TBP said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:20

    @ Chris: I basically agree with you, but would like to nitpick a bit: people weren’t so much outraged that a killer was walking free per se as they were outraged that he was walking free without a proper investigation into whether or not the claim of self-defense was justified. If there had been a real investigation, and if the conclusion, whatever it was, was reasonable, given the evidence, I doubt most people would ever have heard of this.

  46. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:30

    Wiley, that’s the part that strikes me as strange. Why would any law enforcement officer recommend someone shooting at a dog in a residential neighborhood when like you say a squirt bottle of vinegar would be more effective and not have a chance of killing some random bystander?

  47. Major Kong said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:36

    Instead of recommending a gun to deal with an attackative dog, the officer should have recommended a powerful squirt bottle filled with white vinegar.

    I prefer a halberd. It’s got that old-school charm.

  48. N__B said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:45

    I particularly recommend the white vinegar method if the dog is composed of french fries.

  49. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:54

    He should just think of it as justice for Kenneth Gladney.

  50. El Manquécito said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:55

    I thought this was pretty cool.

  51. Major Kong said,

    April 26, 2012 at 4:02

    I got chased by a very mean-looking farm dog while riding my bike in Altus Oklahoma.

    It didn’t bark, I didn’t know it was there until I heard its toenails clicking on the pavement – about a foot from my rear tire. When I looked back it had its teeth bared and it was snarling.

    It spooked me so bad I jumped about 2 feet off the seat – then I sprinted for all I was worth. I hit 32 mph on level ground and the damn thing kept up with me for almost longer than I could keep up that pace. Finally it got bored and wandered back across the road to its property.

  52. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 26, 2012 at 4:10

    I didn’t realize that the fearless investigative reporter who broke the Obama-ate-dog story read it in Obama’s memoir. Fearless investigative reporting isn’t what it used to be.

  53. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 4:14

    Wiley, that’s the part that strikes me as strange. Why would any law enforcement officer recommend someone shooting at a dog in a residential neighborhood when like you say a squirt bottle of vinegar would be more effective and not have a chance of killing some random bystander?

    The advice was basically specious anyway. The idea that pepper spay is too slow to be safe against a dog attack is ridiculous, and this idea that a dog would take several seconds to break off an attack after being blinded by a million scoville units was obviously a pretext for the answer to be buying a gun and killing the dog. That’s the problem with self-defense obsessives – there’s always a way for non-lethal means to fail, and that’s not cause to avoid self-defense situations but cause to buy a gun and aim for the brain.

    Zimmerman could have called that cop with concerns about a baby eyeballing him and gotten the same answer.

    I’m fairly confident the answer was straight-up BS, but it might be based on human response time. Problem with that is this:

    a) Humans have way more willpower, fundamentally, than a dog. A sufficiently motivated human could plow through chlorine gas to attack someone, let alone pepper spray.
    b) Humans, especially humans in a position to attack other humans, can and do voluntarily dose themselves up with substances that dramatically reduce response time from the nerves. There might in fact be an argument for tasing rather than macing a very agitated and violent drunk.

    I mean, for fuck’s sake, have these people never heard of bear spray? That’s an animal where handguns literally have insufficient stopping power, and pepper spray will stop them in their tracks, because being maced fucking hurts in a way the brain can’t ignore.

    The problem with the modern gun lobby is that it’s as much concerned with marketing as it is with advocacy, and the modern gun lifestylist starts seeing guns as a solution to every problem, and the kinds of problems guns exist to solve as lurking around every corner. It’s a culture that exists to make you afraid, and sell you a solution to that fear.

  54. Pupienus Maximus said,

    April 26, 2012 at 4:16

    I thought this was pretty cool.

    YOU CAN’T PROVE THE SIZE OF RUSSELL’S TEAPOT!

  55. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 4:17

    Of course, if you haven’t heard about bear spray, you won’t get the story about the guy who heard a bear alert on his radio and so decided to use some to go with the Off he already had on; and if you have, you’ve probably already heard it.

  56. A Journal of the Plague Year said,

    April 26, 2012 at 5:04

    “…all white women married in great harems to Negro sultans, the better to miscegenate the coming generation and usher in a thousand-year Democrat Party reich.”

    Yes, but who will these Negro sultans be? Will the white women be divided up between, say, Larry Fitzgerald, RGIII, Denzel Washington, and Henry Louis Gates, Jr. (among others)? I for one might consider welcoming our new Negro sultan overlords if the occasional Date Night with Ildris Elba is thrown in…

  57. gocart mozart said,

    April 26, 2012 at 5:34

    “Meanwhile, Mobile Mayor Sam Jones said that the city has reached out to the FBI and U.S. Attorney Kenyen Brown”

    I bet Barry Hussein has a whole Kenyen Brown army.

  58. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 5:36

    holyfuckaroo! this is THE best tittyfucking night ever!!!
    why, you might ask?
    because I got ALL MY WRITING BACK!!!
    ain’t that a big ol’ bag of tits?!?!?

  59. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 5:39

    April 25, 2012 at 23:56

    It’s Obama’s fault

    WHAT ISN’T OBAMA’S FAULT?!?!?

  60. gocart mozart said,

    April 26, 2012 at 5:42

    Oddly, the person he replaced was named Birfy McLongform

  61. gocart mozart said,

    April 26, 2012 at 5:45

    What happened, someone take your writing?

  62. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 5:59

    What happened, someone take your writing?

    No…my MacBook, Maxine didn’t like the water our dog so nicely gave her and we couldn’t get anything off her hard drive…until tonight…and no, I did not have a backup…but I do now!

  63. John Revolta said,

    April 26, 2012 at 8:42

    Therrrrrre’s a plaaaace for usssss……………………

  64. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 26, 2012 at 9:05

    ManGlaze Santorum

  65. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 11:12

    that’s awesome. is it wrong that I like the glossy style better?

  66. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 11:15

    ALEC, you win today with the funny comments. You might want to have your fillings checked if that happens again.

    I usta live in a ‘hood with an AM radio station and mah phone would pick up the channel… gotta imagine if it were a dental appliance I’d be Counselor Troi in THE SURVIVORS.

  67. El Manquécito said,

    April 26, 2012 at 14:08

    YOU CAN’T PROVE THE SIZE OF RUSSELL’S TEAPOT!

    Good one PM.

  68. The Tragically Flip said,

    April 26, 2012 at 15:38

    Here’s my grand list of black people who got away with crimes in America:

    1) OJ Simpson
    2) Those 2 black panthers at a black majority voting place

    And I think that’s pretty much it. How do white Americans live with this rampant lawlessness?

  69. kg said,

    April 26, 2012 at 15:56

    Louis CK on being white :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4f9zR5yzY

  70. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 16:23

    a) Humans have way more willpower, fundamentally, than a dog.

    you do not know my dog and her disdain of certain dry dog food…she will hold out for days until you give her canned dog food…which…eck…

  71. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 16:38

    The Tragically Flip said,
    April 26, 2012 at 15:38
    Here’s my grand list of black people who got away with crimes in America:

    1) OJ Simpson
    2) Those 2 black panthers at a black majority voting place

    And I think that’s pretty much it. How do white Americans live with this rampant lawlessness?

    C) Hermann Cain, pizza pimp and playa from the Himalaya…

  72. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 16:44

    C) Hermann Cain, pizza pimp and playa from the Himalaya…

    i would like to respectfully add one lloyd marcus…his *writing* is indeed, a crime against humanity…

  73. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 16:54

    The advice was basically specious anyway

    Cops who aren’t dumb get all shaky at the idea of a guy trying to shoot an attacking dog in a suburban neighborhood. Too much opportunity for a bystander to get drilled by a panicked victim who closes his eyes and empties a 15 round magazine all over the block.

    Guns are SEVERELY overrated for defense for several reasons:

    1) Good guys don’t LIKE to shoot people, and will likely hesititate in those circumstances. That moment of hesitation is all that is needed to ultimately get shot by your own gun.

    2) Guns pose a danger to the owner and his/her family. All the statistical data proves this beyond any reasonable argument.

    3) MOST people who are in a life and death struggle don’t even realize it until it’s too late. Like I told my daughter, if ANYTHING feels wrong, you take this can of spray and empty the motherfucker up the guy’s nose and get the fuck out of there. Who cares if the guy wasn’t intending to harm her? He’ll LIVE.

    4) You face criminal liability (in most cases) for defending yourself with lethal force.

    5) Guns require intensive training to use in defense, and that training and practice has to be kept up. A can of pepper spray can be used by anyone, even a conservative.

    6) Pepper spray DOES work just fine on dogs. It works immediately. I’ve watched our local mailman nail a dog that is constantly running loose in our neighborhood several times. It has the same effect every time: The dog runs like hell.

  74. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 16:58

    But Clint Eastwood didn’t use a can of pepper spray in Dirty Harry. How are gun fetishists supposed to feel manly with just a can of pepper spray?

  75. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:02

    FUCK YOU WORDPRESS FUCK YOU HARD LIKE THE WHORE YOU ARE

    I forgot;

    7) Introduce a gun to an altercation, and that altercation is likely to become a situation wherein the loser dies. That’s not really defense. If you’re the sort of sociopath that is comfortable with shooting someone when you could have just painfully subdued them with pepper spray (hell, there’s enough spray in those cans to torture them a little bit, which I would gleefully do if I were forced to use it), then I’d like to introduce you to my can of pepper spray.

    Also, I have a dick and I’m not self conscious about the size of it, despite it’s relatively small size. Therefore, I feel no need to carry around a fucking metal tool to make myself feel tough and brave. I can handle myself in a fistfight and I’m not a scaredy cat little bitch.

  76. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:03

    They could put it in their pants.

  77. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:06

    My post makes more sense after Helmut’s.

  78. Pryme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:06

    I thought Louis CK was producing Stephanie Miller’s TV show now. He’s still doing standup?

  79. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:08

    I can handle myself in a fistfight and I’m not a scaredy cat little bitch.

    I probably can’t handle myself in a fistfight.
    I may be a …. that other thing you said.
    I still think that pepper spray is a better way to resolve a violent situation than a handgun.

  80. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:10

    Also, I have a dick and I’m not self conscious about the size of it, despite it’s relatively small size. Therefore, I feel no need to carry around a fucking metal tool to make myself feel tough and brave. I can handle myself in a fistfight and I’m not a scaredy cat little bitch.

    tsam is, like, the only likable Tough Guy in the world. It’s not an easy to thing to pull off.

  81. The Tragically Flip said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:20

    It’s really about applying the 1% doctrine to all personal altercations. Now that yelling match with another driver at an intersection becomes a LIFE AND DEATH self-defence situation because you both have guns and must assume the other intends to kill you, rather than just yell at you and bang on your hood.

    Now that barfight becomes a fight to the death. The other guy *might* have a gun, so when he swings at you, you’re entitled to use lethal force.

    Now when you feel threatened for any reason, you pull your gun and point it at the threat, who also now feels threatened and can pull his gun and point it back at you, and have your own little Cuban Missile Crisis.

    Every dispute in America now is essentially escalated automatically past argument, annoyance, aggravation, abuse and assault right to attempted murder.

  82. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:24

    I probably can’t handle myself in a fistfight.
    I may be a …. that other thing you said.
    I still think that pepper spray is a better way to resolve a violent situation than a handgun.

    Even if you can’t handle yourself in a fistfight, there is an AWFUL lot of things you can do to stay out of fistfights. I haven’t had anyone pick a fight with me in years because I just make it a point to not be a a dick when I’m out. I don’t cut in line at the bar, I don’t mean mug people, I say excuse me even if I’m not in the wrong, and just generally carry myself in a manner that doesn’t project an “I wanna fight” vibe. I’m also really good at minding my own godddamn business. I don’t carry any weapons with me, including pepper spray, though it’s probably not a terrible idea to have some with me.

    tsam is, like, the only likable Tough Guy in the world. It’s not an easy to thing to pull off.

    Aww, thanks! All it takes to be a likable tough guy is to know that if you’re a friend of mine, or even an aquaintance, you’ll never fight me and I’ll be right there in a fight if you need me.

  83. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:27

    Every dispute in America now is essentially escalated automatically past argument, annoyance, aggravation, abuse and assault right to attempted murder.

    we like to call that ‘exceptionalism’…

  84. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:27

    Even if you can’t handle yourself in a fistfight, there is an AWFUL lot of things you can do to stay out of fistfights.

    My entire life is filled with those things I can do to stay out of fistfights.

  85. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:31

    Every dispute in America now is essentially escalated automatically past argument, annoyance, aggravation, abuse and assault right to attempted murder.

    It’s really sort of always been that way, from Hamilton/Burr to the rashes of roadside shootings. Before the law showed up out West, it wasn’t uncommon for a bar dispute to end with someone shot up. Until the 80s, however, the law was bent toward ending that. Since then, it’s going the other direction, which is pretty scary.

    The idea of the legal use of lethal force to protect your fucking POS truck from someone trying to jockeybox it is absolutely insane and entirely uncivilized. As the victim of several stereo thefts (I have no clue why, they were ALL cheap, shitty decks), I can say that as angry as I was about not having music for a few weeks, it never occured to me to KILL the (presumably) teenager who sold the deck for $10 worth of meth or pills.

  86. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:36

    I may be a …. that other thing you said.

    No you’re not. You’re more of man than a douchy asshole carrying a fucking gun around to make him feel like a tough guy. Letting your fears control you is really the core of the psychological defect that makes someone feel like they need a gun with them when they go to a bar or to the grocery store.

    My life is filled with avoiding altercations too, because I just don’t need it. If my fucking nose gets broken one more time, it’s going to be touching one of my ears.

  87. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:40

    it’s going to be touching one of my ears.

    HELLO!

  88. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:51

    I dunno, TinTin: a guy threatens kids with a knife, he deserves a beating.

    At least that’s what I think. What do I think?

  89. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:53

    I dunno, TinTin: a guy threatens kids with a knife, he deserves a beating.

    If they’re putting that up as a counterpoint to the Martin case, I’d say he needs to be arrested, despite deserving a beating.

  90. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 26, 2012 at 18:00

    Oh oh, you mentioned Little Jimmy Treacher age six! You have now summoned him from the Gates of Hell.* Expect him to show up here in 5 , 4, 3, 2, . . .

    Nah. He’s too big a coward. His MO is to incite discussion of his name, then lurk for a few days until the thread dies down, then throw what he thinks are scintillating bon mots at the commentariat, thus WIN!

    Innit that right, Sean old boy?

  91. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 26, 2012 at 18:01

    If they’re putting that up as a counterpoint to the Martin case, I’d say he needs to be arrested, despite deserving a beating.

    I’m not sure the cops can get their fast enough. After all, isn’t that the right wing rationale for bearing arms?

    Well, same diff: a guy threatens a kid with a knife, I don’t care if it’s right outside the precinct, you get him to stop threatening, then you sort out the problem with the police.

  92. Whale Chowder said,

    April 26, 2012 at 18:29

    Cops who aren’t dumb get all shaky at the idea of a guy trying to shoot an attacking dog in a suburban neighborhood. Too much opportunity for a bystander to get drilled by a panicked victim who closes his eyes and empties a 15 round magazine all over the block.

    I was thrilled to find out that Washington is becoming one of the most heavily armed states in the nation. Yay. *sob*

    In my state, you stand a 1-in-14 chance that any stranger around you is armed. Isn’t that special?

  93. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:04

    Now one in 14 Washington adults is legal to pack concealed heat — nearly triple the rate of the gunslinger state of Texas.

    UGH. That’s fucking depressing right there. I don’t like an excuse to make fun of Texas being ripped from my cold, dead hands.

  94. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:05

    @WC;

    I always figured that East of the Cascades was like that, but the population percentages mean your side has be a huge part of the problem too. WTF?

  95. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:12

    vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 17:03

    They could put it in their pants.

    THERE’S NO ROOM IN MINE!

    Booyah! Badum dum tshhhhh!

    Thank you, thank you. I’m here all week. Bring your hot sister to tomorrow night’s show.

  96. Major Kong said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:36

    I can think of few situations so dire that I need a concealed handgun – yet not so dire that I’m still in any kind of condition to employ the handgun.

  97. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:36

    That’s fucking depressing right there. I don’t like an excuse to make fun of Texas being ripped from my cold, dead hands.

    It’s a good excuse to shoot Texans though.

  98. bbkf said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:36

    THERE’S NO ROOM IN MINE!

    skin-tight skinny jeans?

    no, seriously…we’re looking for entertainment for next year’s gala…would you be interested?

  99. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:43

    Skinny jeans…*shudder*

  100. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:45

    Also, everybody click my name and read today’s entry. I feel like crap and am in need funny comments.

  101. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:50

    Link-happy. Actually, this is not happy.

  102. Pupienus Maximus said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:53

    In my state, you stand a 1-in-14 chance that any stranger around you is armed. Isn’t that special?

    In my state you stand a 1-in-4 chance that any stranger around is a hipster. Isn’t that special?

    There’s also a 1:4 chance they’re carrying. Dope, that is.

  103. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:54

    In my state you stand a 1-in-4 chance that any stranger around is a hipster.

    Okay, Salem and Eugene and Portland, but Rosedale is a different story.

  104. smedley said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:55

    “It’s a good excuse to shoot Texans though.”

    Hey!

  105. smedley said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:56

    But, I’m not a real Texan. I only live here because it is where my job, wife, son, daughter and cat reside.

  106. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:58

    My mom always said that if you go to the playground and someone shoots you, you shoot him RIGHT BACK.

  107. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:59

    I always figured that East of the Cascades was like that, but the population percentages mean your side has be a huge part of the problem too. WTF?

    I can’t find it in myself to be too pissed off at people with like a million guns if they live somewhere where they can fire a warning shot or miss a wild animal without hitting anything with a price tag or a pulse. The concealed thing is goddamn unaccountable, though.

    Isn’t Aryan Nations country like 30% of the Washingtonian population? This could be explained by the unwashed hordes outside of Tacoma getting concealed carry permits for stupid/wingnutty/Mormon reasons.

    Also, everybody click my name and read today’s entry. I feel like crap and am in need funny comments.

    ROWSDOWER!

  108. Major Kong said,

    April 26, 2012 at 19:59

    What if you don’t shoot the Sheriff, but you just shoot the Deputy?

  109. The Tragically Flip said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:09

    Are we at the point yet where if a kid throws a handful of lit firecrackers into an NRA event, the result would be a self-perpetuating slaughter comprised of Law Abiding Responsible Gun Owners all drawing their guns in alarm, seeing a room full of drawn guns threatening their lives, and then employing Stand-Your-Ground doctrine to simply begin shooting in legal self-defence?

    I know it’s wrong, but my freude would definitely schaden if this happened.

  110. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:10

    Okay, Salem and Eugene and Portland, but Rosedale is a different story.

    So where exactly do hipster country and meth country meet? I’ve been both places and think I prefer hipster country.

    (Also I’m really not liking having to drive to Vancouver, WA for sudafed.)

  111. Robert Green said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:12

    there have been times in my life where a handgun would have given me an opportunity to change history. not quite “shoot hitler in 1932″ change, but reasonably close. and it’s good that i didn’t have access to one due to being raised by hippy lefty marxist professors.

    also, when is austin going to secede from the rest of that stateodouches?

  112. Whale Chowder said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:14

    the population percentages mean your side has be a huge part of the problem too. WTF?

    Outside the core of the Seattle-Tacoma-Everett metro areas, the necks get redder damn quick, including the brown ones.

    You don’t have to drive more than half an hour from Pioneer Square in just about any direction to think you were in Pennsyltucky.

  113. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:15

    Isn’t Aryan Nations country like 30% of the Washingtonian population?

    NO. It was about 0.002% of Northern Idaho at one point, but they’re mostly gone since Morris Dees came up here and took all their shit away from them and Richard Butler joined Hitler in whatever hereafter hopefully includes hourly anal rape with chainsaws and bleach.

  114. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:17

    skin-tight skinny jeans?

    No, it’s all meat up in this bitch

    no, seriously…we’re looking for entertainment for next year’s gala…would you be interested?

    Does it require lewd conduct? If so, then book me now, because I’m in high demand.

  115. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:18

    You don’t have to drive more than half an hour from Pioneer Square in just about any direction to think you were in Pennsyltucky.

    Folks out east just don’t seem to get this, do they? Like, every state west of the 100th parallel has at least one baffling hepster oasis and one swath of hateful antebellum pine barren, and the only way the hateful pine barren can stop the march of demographics in the wrong direction is being so terrible no one wants to be in the same set of borders as it.

  116. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:20

    Outside the core of the Seattle-Tacoma-Everett metro areas, the necks get redder damn quick, including the brown ones.

    I know Issaquah and North Bend is full of choads.

  117. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:22

    NO. It was about 0.002% of Northern Idaho at one point, but they’re mostly gone since Morris Dees came up here and took all their shit away from them and Richard Butler joined Hitler in whatever hereafter hopefully includes hourly anal rape with chainsaws and bleach.

    Dogg I am aware that the Aryan Nations are just the second-worst product of Sandpoint, ID; I was dismissively characterizing the Slough of Despond and Amphetamines on account of its intense, obsessive whiteness.

    Also, the Seattle metro and other cities with living human beings in them come out to 4 million and change and WA to 6.8 million, so I was about right (~40%).

  118. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:37

    It’s a good excuse to shoot Texans though.

    That just skews the numbers in their favor even further!

    I think I’ll shoot Alabamians. They deserve it, and our power balance with Texas remains undisturbed.

  119. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 20:43

    So where exactly do hipster country and meth country meet? I’ve been both places and think I prefer hipster country.

    There’s a point on the drive between Corvallis and Albany you just see the change

  120. gocart mozart said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:00

    Is this the most inneffective political ad ever made? I hope Crossroads runs this anti-Obama ad often. It can only help Obama

    http://nomoremister.blogspot.com/

  121. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:00

    El Manquécito said,

    April 26, 2012 at 3:55 (kill)

    I thought this was pretty cool.

    That was very cool!

    I even learned that the only beach ball that isn’t fun is the beach ball of death, so, bonus.

  122. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:07

    There’s a point on the drive between Corvallis and Albany you just see the change…

    It’s pretty obvious, it goes from inbred mouthbreathers in flannel with taped up horn rimmed glasses to pretentious douchebags in flannel with taped up horn rimmed glasses. Also the music goes from sucking earnestly to sucking ironically.

  123. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:08

    Dogs bark on the road
    Young fruit hang from northern trees –
    Spring spreads like old blood

  124. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:19

    It’s pretty obvious, it goes from inbred mouthbreathers in flannel with taped up horn rimmed glasses to pretentious douchebags in flannel with taped up horn rimmed glasses. Also the music goes from sucking earnestly to sucking ironically.

    The hipsters also have better skin.

  125. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:23

    I was just guessing. I’ve never been to the pacific northwest. The sum of my west coast time is about 24 hours in LAX total on 3 separate occasions over a decade ago.

  126. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:37

    I wouldn’t call the new black panthers Black guys went free–from my understanding they’ve gotten in hot water a number of times for their stupid hijinks.

    It’s like a weird intersection of performance art, aspirational protest, and stupid.

  127. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:39

    godDAMN it, alec

    no, i did NOT click on your links, I mouse-overed–that was quite enough!

  128. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:41

    The hipsters also have better skin.

    Oh, and the hipsters have their fixies (fixed-gear bicycles for those not cursed with knowing of them). The only bikes tweakers have is the one they stole from their neighbor to ride to the dealer.

  129. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:44

    Fanny packs change to messenger bags…

    AKA purses if you’re not a douche.

  130. Pryme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 21:54

    Why didn’t anyone tell me about these things?

  131. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:03

    Fucking fixies.

    I don’t know what it is about hipsters… maybe they get downloads from the mothership (Portland), but I was reading the alluringly cynical Bike Snob blog last year and right out cue as I was quickly moving through the weekly farmer’s market crowd (hint: not a real farmer’s market, as they sell produce from elsewhere, see I have a secret informant who works in produce supply, but the hipster clowns don’t know that, btw, it’s really sad that there are dumb people in a state where agriculture is the #1 industry who will gleefully buy produce from Michigan or Cali and not even know it) and I heard a skinny, well-coifed hipster PROUDLY declare that his brakes-less fixie was a wonderful new experience in bike riding and you learn an entirely new way to ride.

    :::shudder:::

    I ride shit bikes and sadly they get stolen all the time despite multiple locks, etc. However, I walked to the bookstore during the height of the fixie madness and saw a no-brakes fixie–on a frame probably worth a few hundred clams–propped up against the building with no chain, right in the heart of bike-stealing ground zero (the ‘hood near the Taco Bell, I know because I wasn’t the only one to have their bike stolen) AND NOBODY HAD TOUCHED IT.

  132. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:04

    Pryme, that one has been around for a while. Yes, it is awesome.

  133. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:04

    You could also carry a universal remote and surrepticiously switch the hospital waiting room tv away from fucking FOX noise.

  134. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:04

    We didn’t know turning things off turned you on?

  135. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:06

    It’s like a weird intersection of performance art, aspirational protest, and stupid.

    “Aspirational protest” is my new favorite phrase. It’s officially moved into my head to replace the phrase I had to use before it, “Shepard Fairey”.

    no, i did NOT click on your links, I mouse-overed–that was quite enough!

    The Rolling Stone piece is pretty worth reading, if only to be reminded that the Culture War™, like any other fantastic fake war we are supposed to be chuffed to bits about, occasionally has the inconvenient side-effect of killing people.

  136. Pryme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:06

    Helmut,

    I’m a complicated cat, what can I say.

  137. Pryme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:10

    Also, HA!

  138. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:11

    alec, I’m trans. Believe me, I know that hate kills.

    Also, the Northeast seems more transphobic than the South. I blame Catholicism. Although Judaism isn’t much better on that score.

    Also, patriarchy.

    This is not to commit tu quoque* or anything, because there’s the small chance of getting beat up/stabbed versus the everyday grind of not having any legal rights. So there’s that.

    *both sides do it!

  139. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:18

    Been listening to this a lot lately:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gec1fzhLdF4&feature=related

  140. Major Kong said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:18

    Oh, and the hipsters have their fixies

    Just call me silly, but I think brakes were a good invention.

  141. Smut Clyde said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:21

    How are gun fetishists supposed to feel manly with just a can of pepper spray?

    Buy a VERY BIG can. A backpack with a nozzle.

  142. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:37

    Just call me silly, but I think brakes were a good invention.

    Yeah, and, y’know, and gears and freewheels and such as and also too. You know, things that make cycling fun — like coasting. Coasting is neato. Especially down a big hill, after using a lower gear to get to the top. Quite pleasant, really.

    I’m fucking surrounded by the douchebag fuckers on this fucking campus too. Also: fuck.

    Other than that I really don’t have an opinion on the subject.

  143. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:40

    On the plus side, there is always the hope that a hipster will win a Darwin award while he and his dumb friends (not to discriminate, females are often involved too, although they tend to be seen at awesome events like naked bike rides, which piss off all the right people, rather than mugging for “epic” videos of lame bike tricks a 13-year old with a bmx would snigger at) stage and film their “EPIC” bike skillz video.

  144. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:41

    Remember, these are the same douchnozzles who “drop” videos and “curate” them on their blogs, because “post” and “link” are not pretentious enough for them.

  145. not a gator said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:42

    fuckity fuck I fucking hate hipsters anyway. One part trustifarian, three parts wannabe hangers-on, 100% USELESS TITS.

  146. kg said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:43

    USELESS TITS.

    No such thing!!@!@!

  147. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:47

    Yeah, and, y’know, and gears and freewheels and such as and also too. You know, things that make cycling fun — like coasting. Coasting is neato. Especially down a big hill, after using a lower gear to get to the top. Quite pleasant, really.

    Also they are total posers. Real retro cyclists ride a penny farthing bike.

  148. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:47

    Remember, these are the same douchnozzles who “drop” videos and “curate” them on their blogs, because “post” and “link” are not pretentious enough for them.

    I’m still pissed that people “create” things instead of “make” them.

  149. 'natch said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:50

    I used to talk a lot but now I hold forth. MOAR pretension.

  150. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:51

    Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:18 (kill)

    Been listening to this a lot lately:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gec1fzhLdF4&feature=related

    Nice!

    Completely different vein, but I just listed to the album this is the title track to for the first time in quite a while. It’s a bit slow but I still like it. I’m not sure why it isn’t in my rotation more often.

  151. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:52

    Hipster Harriet:

    “You don’t know about The Railroad? Probably because it’s so underground.”

  152. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:52

    Just call me silly, but I think brakes were a good invention.

    Sure, but that’s before they sold out. You know, to Big Bike.

    Also, the Northeast seems more transphobic than the South. I blame Catholicism. Although Judaism isn’t much better on that score.

    I am the right kind of conspiracy-minded little rabbit that I can’t help but wonder if that’s not as much as anything the result of two generations of GLAAD et alia gaining forward momentum mainly by pitching strategic queers under the bus.

    Also, the small town in question is mainly noteworthy because it’s in the Northeast, sort of – it’s a distant Third Coast exurb which produced for America’s benefit Michelle Bachmann and has been actively militating against the gays for some time now.

    Mostly the haiku (as well as being an exhibition of the canonical form, which is not just about syllables) is about being stuck in a sea of bullshit, unable to swim and unwilling to drown. We are tumbling headlong into darkness and all anyone seems to care about is dogs – beautiful fuzzy puppies all over, in a field of flowers or on a roll of toilet paper maybe, fluffy beady-eyed pop-tongue minuscule dogs, blonde dogs, dirty blonde dogs, platinum dogs – dogs, dogs, dogs. Dogs in the morning, dogs in the evening, dogs at suppertime.

    It’s like screaming at the top of your lungs from the bottom of a well.

    Also, patriarchy.

    Well, obviously.

  153. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:55

    Remember, these are the same douchnozzles who “drop” videos and “curate” them on their blogs, because “post” and “link” are not pretentious enough for them.

    I suppose they “procure” lattes and epic parts for their epic fixies.

  154. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:55

    Remember, these are the same douchnozzles who “drop” videos and “curate” them on their blogs, because “post” and “link” are not pretentious enough for them.

    My friend and co-blogger Djur has a term for this kind of thing: “slick professional Mormon”. They look like hipsters, but that’s protective camouflage. Their main passion is using marketing gimmicks to swindle decent people out of money.

    Look in their messenger bag. Is there an iPad in there? Bam: SPM.

  155. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:56

    I agree that brakes and gears are good things. I have seen some fairly clever cycles around town, the most memorable was one that had two frames welded one on top of the other with the result being a kind of stilt-bike. I wondered how they got on it.

  156. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:58

    I’m still pissed that people “create” things instead of “make” them.

    I hear you, but some of the self-identified “maker” crowd can be real douchebags too. I mean I do enjoy some of the fun stuff in Make magazine and such and have been known to dabble annoy my wife to death with all sorts of fun mechanical and electronic DIY projects. Still, people that are all about “ooh look, I cracked open an old pager and glued the buzzer motor and battery to a bent paperclip to make a ‘robot’! I’m a maker!” annoy me.

  157. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 26, 2012 at 22:59

    Completely different vein, but I just listed to the album this is the title track to for the first time in quite a while. It’s a bit slow but I still like it. I’m not sure why it isn’t in my rotation more often.

    Rate the music!

    You might like the last Mogwai album.

  158. alec said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:00

    epic fixies.

    Sing, O muse, of this rad hoopty / whose seat, son of DIY / condemned my bozack to a swelling / &c

  159. Major Kong said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:04

    Real retro cyclists ride a penny farthing bike.

    I actually saw I guy ride 50 miles of TOSRV (Tour of the Scioto River Valley) on one of those things last year. Pretty impressive.

  160. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:04

    I wondered how they got on it.

    There was an article in The Barometer a couple years ago about that guy and he explained how he got on. Might be on their website but I can’t be arsed to look right now.

  161. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:10

    I actually saw I guy ride 50 miles of TOSRV (Tour of the Scioto River Valley) on one of those things last year. Pretty impressive.

    When they called the first, fixed gear, shitty-braked bikes after the penny farthing the “Safety Bicycle” you get an idea of how hardcore those things were. I would not want to “take a header” on one of those.

  162. El Manquécito said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:11

    Because it’s always fun to talk about pasties.

    With swede or without, luv?

  163. Pupienus said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:15

    There was quite a fuss here a while back when the cops were citing the fixie riders for not having proper equipment (brakes). After laughing heartily about it I paid it no more attention so I have no idea what ever became of it.

  164. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:16

    How long until somebody rubs the UK’s austerityFAIL in Orange Bonerman’s face and he comes back with some variation of THERE DOIN IT RONG? 5….4….3….

  165. tsam said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:17

    LOL–I’ll bet hipsters even scream about oppression in a pretentious and bitchy manner!

  166. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:23

    Rate the music!

    I know, I know. Insert lame excuse here.

    For continued listening pleasure, here’s another song from that album that’s a bit more upbeat.

    You might like the last Mogwai album.

    Thank you, I will look into that…

    Man that ute oob sure is handy — there’s a playlist for the new album right there.

  167. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:24

    Sing, O muse, of this rad hoopty / whose seat, son of DIY / condemned my bozack to a swelling / &c

    [slow clap]

  168. vacuumslayer said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:48

    I rate for rating music.

  169. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 26, 2012 at 23:58

    I rate for rating music.

    [hipster mode]
    Back in oh I think ’86(?) I wrote a database application in Paradox on my AST 286 (20MHz and 4 whole megabytes of RAM baby! Wooo!) to store my album (mostly vinyl but I had a couple of them new fangled CDs at that point too) collection.

    It had ratings.
    [/hipster mode]

    I guess what I’m saying is, no, there really isn’t any excuse for me not to do this now.

  170. vacuumslayer said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:04

    Question: where is the key to turn on Hipster mode? I can never find it.

    OH! There it is.

    [Its not gonna happen, vs] SHIT! [/You're too old]

  171. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:09

    The only example I can find of my current favourite happy discovery is on a ringtone site:

    WAR TRIBES ON PROTEST!

  172. Thread Bear said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:14

    My local minor league hockey team are in the playoffs in the quest for the Kelly Cup trophy. I just learned today that they had t-shirts printed up at the start of the playoffs that say “15 wins – 1 cup”

  173. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:14

    on a ringtone site:

    That would definitely get your attention as a ringtone.

  174. A Journal of the Plague Year said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:40

    When I discovered the “Stuff White People Like” blog, I would amuse myself by silently noting how closely nearly everyone in my humanities reference class (this was part of my now useless MLIS degree: the Great Crash of ’08 did away with all the jobs) resembled the Classic White Person: all the girls had bangs, everyone had the Right Water Bottle carefully displayed, everyone had the Right Tattoos, the Right Vintage Clothing, everyone listened to the Right Music (jazz and/or that small band the hadn’t sold out). I always wondered how many could claim to have a transgender best friend…

    It was simultaneously funny, irritating and sad: all these people proudly expressing their individuality by…uncritically adopting socially-approved norms of personal presentation.

    And a word to young people thinking of becoming a librarian: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Really? The $35,000 (minimum) that it will cost will be more useful as wallpaper.

    And a second word: if you insist on that library science degree, please don’t buy into the desperate “Librarians are COOL, dammit! We have tattoos and body piercings and play in an indy band!” nonsense. If you are cool, it is *despite* being a librarian.

    Also, if you have to vigorously assert your coolness through cliched externalities (blonde dreadlocks FTW!), you’re probably not cool. Though you are most definitely White.

  175. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:47

    This thread was a cavalcade of whiteness.

  176. Major Kong said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:50

    At my age I’m incapable of being hip and would only look pathetic for trying.

  177. tsam said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:52

    Also, if you have to vigorously assert your coolness through cliched externalities (blonde dreadlocks FTW!), you’re probably not cool. Though you are most definitely White.

    I would call unhideable tattoos the actual winner, but yeah, white people dreads are hilarious. They look more filthy and gross than cool.

  178. tsam said,

    April 27, 2012 at 0:56

    At my age I’m incapable of being hip and would only look pathetic for trying.

    Me too. Though I don’t do the mom jeans with the tucked in T-shirt and terrible tennis shoes, so there’s that.

  179. alec said,

    April 27, 2012 at 1:11

    And a word to young people thinking of becoming a librarian: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Really? The $35,000 (minimum) that it will cost will be more useful as wallpaper.

    I once characterized the Decembrists as music for girls who were depressed there were qualifications for librarianship besides wearing a big sweater and big eyeglasses and a big deer-in-the-headlights look.

    And a second word: if you insist on that library science degree, please don’t buy into the desperate “Librarians are COOL, dammit! We have tattoos and body piercings and play in an indy band!” nonsense. If you are cool, it is *despite* being a librarian.

    I have a friend/ex in library science and she’s about the farthest thing from ‘cool’, but a more interesting person for it.

    At my age I’m incapable of being hip and would only look pathetic for trying.

    Is there anything sadder than the sixty-something man who looks like an extra for Easy Rider gone to pot? I submit there is not.

  180. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 27, 2012 at 1:14

    [Its not gonna happen, vs] SHIT! [/You're too old]

    I would like to be absolutely, 100% clear: I’m way too old to be a hipster.

  181. alec said,

    April 27, 2012 at 1:29

    I would like to be absolutely, 100% clear: I’m way too old to be a hipster.

    At 24, I am at peak hipster age.

  182. tigris said,

    April 27, 2012 at 1:49

    No hating on bangs, dammit. I grew them out once and looked like warmed-over crap.

  183. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 27, 2012 at 1:54

    Is it a hipster quality to hate lots of stuff? Because YOU’RE ALL IN TROUBLE.

  184. tigris said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:06

    I hate hating stuff.

  185. N__B said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:08

    Major – at our age we’re closer to breaking hips than being hip.

  186. alec said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:08

    Is it a hipster quality to hate lots of stuff? Because YOU’RE ALL IN TROUBLE.

    I hated before it was cool. Before hate sold out and forgot about its roots. You “scene haters” wouldn’t understand.

  187. Nym said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:14

    Did Bo Derek kill the idea of white people cornrows, I wonder?

  188. Suezboo said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:16

    Re : Stuff white people like et al :
    You know what I hate ? I hate when blogs that are really funny and great, just as I am getting really into them, get a book deal and fold. See : People Who, Hyperbole and a Half, My kid is Gifted, and many more. If the Bloggess closes shop, there will be A Backlash.(She’s No 1 on the NY Times list this week).
    And Texts from Dog, I’m watching you.
    Don’t you hate that?

  189. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:17

    Did Bo Derek kill the idea of white people cornrows, I wonder?

    NO.

  190. Nym said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:18

    I thought Hyperbole and a Half folded because the author went into a depressive tailspin? (I mean, I know she had a book deal too, but given the last post that was there I don’t think it was as much of a factor.)

  191. vacuumslayer said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:27

    I’ve tried bangs. It gave me a nice escaped mental patient look.

  192. Golem Heart said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:31

    “And a word to young people thinking of becoming a librarian: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Really? The $35,000 (minimum) that it will cost will be more useful as wallpaper.

    And a second word: if you insist on that library science degree, please don’t buy into the desperate “Librarians are COOL, dammit! We have tattoos and body piercings and play in an indy band!” nonsense. If you are cool, it is *despite* being a librarian.”–A journal of the plague year

    You know this stuff, but for the others:

    The MLIS degree (which I have) is widely derided as something like a “union card” that one needs to get professional-level jobs. Which is to say, the paraprofessionals get paid even less, but are spared the expense of a masters. This being a masters that opens up low-paying jobs, a few really cool ones, and a very few actually good ones outsiders might envy.

    Now for the part that pisses the constructive side of me off: resistance to attempts to make the MLIS programs all-around better. There are too many applicants and educators who seem to WANT these programs to suck balls. Try to get them to teach or learn about, say, metadata in a serious manner? Write more and better papers? Integrate relevant knowledge from other fields?… You will meet a degree of resistance. It takes a special type of dip-shittery to seek refuge in libraries and archives without being willing to learn the rather tricky business of making yourself valuable to an organization in the 21st century. Part of the problem is that a second area of expertise is a given/prerequisite, therefore the temptation to define oneself as X but also with an MLIS degree, meaning you’re an X-flavor librarian or archivist or information pro, however defined — as long as it doesn’t involve sticking your neck out and learning distasteful technical and theoretical stuff for a 40K job. That’d be so earnest and sad!

    So no, the degree is not generally worth its cost. But if you’re gonna get one, for crying out loud, try to get at least a fraction of your money’s worth. I took six “MLIS” courses from Phil Agre before he dropped out of society. That alone was worth it. If we’re all such cool young people (and 2nd career types) we can make some lemonade, no?

  193. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:43

    My ex-wife got her MLS while we were dating, back when Algore was inventing the Intertoobz. (Yes, I’m an old fart.) She realized that it would be the end of reference librarians as we knew them, and she was right. I used to call a reference librarian at least twice a month back then; I literally can’t remember the last time I called one.

  194. Golem Heart said,

    April 27, 2012 at 2:54

    Yeah, B.S. So the new blood that isn’t prepared to transform that budget line? Call them what you will. There will always be a few jobs for people that are subject specialists and information-savvy. Let’s have all the saps out, I guess.

    I’ve been a jack-of-all-paraprofessions for thirteen years, now rehired as an archivist at a museum, and will be teaching cataloging and classification in the fall as an adjunct.

  195. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 27, 2012 at 3:09

    GH: Oh sure. I said reference librarians as we knew them. I’m sure that the smartest, ablest librarians will always find ways to be useful.

  196. Golem Heart said,

    April 27, 2012 at 3:16

    Yup. And at the end of the day, esp. having vented a bit already, I am no longer eager to type about it.

  197. Cerberus said,

    April 27, 2012 at 3:34

    New post.

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