Apr
12

Fun With Imaginary Negroes




Posted at 18:49 by Tintin


ABOVE: Mark Judge

Shorter Mark Judge, The Daily Tucker
The End of My White Guilt

  • Because I am absolutely certain that the unknown person who stole my bike must have been a blackity-black black Negro colored person, I no longer feel the need to worry about whether any black person has ever been subject to racism.

You may well imagine that I simply must be exaggerating when I post a shorter in which I assert that anybody, even a wingnut like Mark Judge who collects a salary from the loathsome Fucker Carlson, has written a diatribe against the entire black population of the United States based on the simple assumption, without proof, that the person who stole his bicycle was black. But I am not exaggerating. The bicycle thief that sent Judge into his fantasyland of white supremacist longings was not seen or caught. There was no evidence that the bicycle thief was black. No traces of blackity-blackness or scraps of allegedly iconic African-American cuisine were left on the sidewalk at the scene of the crime.

No, Judge simply assumed that the person was black because he knew that some Negroes lived nearby and because he was certain that white people never have stolen anything, much less bikes, anytime during the course of human history.

Worse, Judge is not content simply to fantasize about the skin color of the bicycle thief but instead uses this imaginary Negro to justify anything and everything that has ever been done to any Negro anywhere and at any time. After all, if one Negro, even a completely imaginary one, can boldly and blatantly steal his bicycle in broad daylight, well, then, they are all sneaky thieves who deserved enslavement.

The fun started when Judge went home to rant  about the imaginary Negro bike thief to his friends

When I got home I vented to my friends. I told them I was going to scour those neighborhoods until I found the bike. In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

That’s when I lost it. I had been carefully educated by liberal parents that we are all, black and white, the same. My favorite movie growing up was “In the Heat of the Night.”

I have to say that this is the first time I’ve seen anyone use the “Some of my best films are Negro” defense to charges of racism. In the same vein, I suppose somebody could claim he’s not a misogynist because he loved watching “Golden Girls” when he was a kid.

In that moment, I had a change of consciousness. Why was I assuming that the kid who stole my bike was acting out of some terrible pain, as if he had been directly under the lash of Bull Connor? What if he has a car, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend and good health? What if he is just a selfish asshole?

Now we’re not only pretending that the thief is a Negro, but he’s a rich Negro with health insurance in a big house who amuses himself in the spare time he’s not writing appellate briefs by stealing bicycles from people he imagines are white. This is, of course, much more likely than a white crack addict looking for money for a drug fix.

I decided that I’m just going to let go of my white guilt. We’re all human, we all experience pain in our lives. And black pain is no different from white pain.

I suppose it does hurt a white person just as much as a black person to be strung up from a tree limb, to be dragged to death behind a pick up truck, or to be baselessly accused of being criminal because of his skin color. And I suppose in the world of the Daily Caller where just as many white people were lynched by angry black mobs as vice-versa this argument makes sense. But what Judge is saying is even worse: getting his bicycle stolen is just as painful as getting lynched or beaten up or denied a job or falsely accused of a crime.

And that, kids, is likely the best example of false equivalence that we shall ever see in our lifetime.

419 Comments »

  1. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:55

    Fuck you. White guilt all the way. White people have a hell of a fuck of a shitload to feel guilty about, and until we admit it, literally nothing will get any better anywhere in the entire world.

  2. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:57

    And it just sunk in that this is literally “NIGGER STOLE MY BIKE”. Detonate the planet now, fuck everything.

  3. JK47 said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:06

    My sister’s idiot drug addict boyfriend happens to be a white guy. He supports his oxycontin habit by stealing pretty much everything he can get his hands on. He won’t get a job though, because he refuses to “work with niggers.”

    So, yeah.

  4. The Wingnut Mind said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:07

    Yeah, man! No more guilt!

    Like I remember how one time I got ripped off by a Jewish bicycle salesman.

    After that I realized: Hitler was totally justified…

  5. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:08

    Wait, there isn’t 50 posts here yet? Ya’ll are slacking big time!

  6. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:09

    In that moment, I had a change of consciousness. Why was I assuming that the kid bankster who stole my bike the economy was acting out of some terrible pain, as if he had been directly under the lash of Bull Connor? What if he has a car, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend and good health? What if he is just a selfish asshole?

    Fixxilated

  7. Lunch Lady said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:12

    I dunno, kid. Chicken nuggets are flatter.

  8. Jennifer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:14

    He should look for his bike in the basement of the Alamo.

  9. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:27

    I live in a ridiculously white middle class town in the Northwest. Around here we have nice bikes stolen all the fucking time. Lightning quick their locks are cut, the bikes are tossed into a truck and shipped out of state to be stripped. The owner’s only hope of any possible recovery is to keep an eye on Craigslist in the towns along I5 North and South of here, hoping to see a unique identifying part offered ridiculously cheap. The smart cyclists have cheap commuter bikes that don’t attract attention, and only ride their good bikes when they can always keep them in sight. And never leave your bike unattended on top of your car, locked or not, you fucking idiot.

    Just like car theft, there’s a profit to be made, so it’ll continue. The cops don’t do shit to investigate either, so it’s pretty low risk for the thieves, comparatively.

    Perhaps it would’ve been more constructive to actually investigate how this shit works, instead of using it as yet another reason to justify continuing racism.

    What a fucking idiot racist fuck.

  10. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:38

    Oh, Holy fuckbucket.

    I sort of figured by the tone of the excerpts that he was recounting a story from his formative childhood, or at least some fog of a dim past. Not so much.

    My white guilt died on Good Friday, April 6, 2012. That was the day my bike got stolen.

    Seriously? As a grown man, the unimaginable act of a bicycle theft in a major city gave you an immediate epiphany that now would be an appropriate moment to chuck any humanity you might have had into a ditch and shovel on the quicklime? Wow.

    I call bullshit. This petty little bigot never had any “white guilt.” I doubt that this sociopath clawing for justification has felt much in the way of guilt or shame in his entire life, which is something of an achievement being a Catholic. He’s just trying to find any episode that might let him claim that his prejudice and general dickitude are somehow defensible.

    No, you ridiculous buttnugget. Being a dick just means that, well, you’re a dick.

  11. Lawnguylander said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:40

    Whatever color the person who stole his bike is, he or she now has a bicycle that is nearly half racist wingnut and will now regularly absorb some of his mollycules so the thief is the real victim here.

  12. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:42

    When I was in college, a black kid stole the front wheel of my bicycle. (Someone saw him do it.) Guess what? I did not draw conclusions from that about black people. Or kids. Or townies. Instead, I got another wheel, started passing the cable through it when I locked my bike (as I had been advised to do before the theft, but blew off the advice), and GOT THE FUCK ON WITH MY LIFE.

    Sheesh. What an asshole.

  13. Frank said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:48

    “Hi, I’m Mike Judge. Having just turned thirty I realize that my dream of being a succesful journalist/media pundit is never going to happen., so I’ve decided to go full racist wingnut. Wingnut welfare loser gotta eat!”

  14. MarkusR said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:57

    I’m thinking he made up with liberal friend too.

    “That person needs our prayers and help,” sounds like a line from a decade old conservative fable about how liberals are bunch of bleeding hearth while conservatives recognize crime as crime.

  15. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:59

    Now we’re not only pretending that the thief is a Negro, but he’s a rich Negro with health insurance in a big house who amuses himself in the spare time he’s not writing appellate briefs by stealing bicycles from people he imagines are white. This is, of course, much more likely than a white crack addict looking for money for a drug fix.

    He’s obviously Lex Luther’s black son.

  16. Lolly said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:02

    Not to question the authenticity of this guy’s experience, but you gotta love it when wingnuts try to copy what they think is “libspeak:”

    In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

    Yeah, can’t tell you how many dinner parties I’ve been to where people talk about crime in their neighborhood and get a lecture like this one. Like characters in a Ayn Rand novel, we jump at any excuse to launch into a long, boring speech about our ideological hobby horses.

  17. vacuumslayer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:07

    A Hobbit stole my ring. I HATES HOBBITSES SO MUCH!

    But, seriously, black Hobbits are the WORST.

  18. vacuumslayer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:08

    Lolly, all their friends are imaginary, including their liberal ones.

  19. Pupienus Maximus said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:11

    Wow. That’s just … wow. Imma trust teh shorter because I don’t want to throw my monitor against the wall which is what I would probably feel like doing if I read the fuckturd’s whole thing. In lieu of throwing him against the wall, of course.

  20. Bigby said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:12

    Years ago, while traveling in whitey white white England in a rental car, it was broken into and everything stolen…200 yds from the Central Police Headquarters of Nottingham. I wuz ‘dumb’ because the stuff was in plain sight (because the rental car’s “cover” for the rear section of the station wagon was inoperable so it was like a big fuckin’ fishbowl)…but I figgered “hey, Police Station!, my stuff should be cool for an hour or two, surely”. It wasn’t.

    Now I live in Baltimore, home to many, many of the blackity black black persuasion. 12 years I’ve lived here. Never been robbed, broken into, had anything stolen from my car, back, front or side yards.

    Tell me please, Oh Wise Mark Judge, whatever conclusion shall I draw from these ‘facts’!?! Or rather, which logical fallacy shall I follow towards bigotry??

    Personally, I blamed Robin Hood for teaching those limey bastards not to know their place. That, and the Sheriff’s incompetence.

  21. Disappointed said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:12

    Quoted and reposted from the recently deceased thread, because fuck it:

    Damn it. This had such potential.

    *facepalm*

    Wish I could say I didn’t see this coming, but come on. What a stupid stunt, and a waste of a perfectly good opportunity. While he was working there he could have actually gotten his hands on some useful inside stuff if he knew what the heck he was doing.

    Now what will we get out of him? I’m sure highly useful, secret info like “Bill O’Reilly was always a big conceited jerk!” or “Boy, Ailes sure was a paranoid, dictatorial boss!” Riveting.

    Not to mention even if he did “smuggle” any useful or damaging information, it’ll now be completely ignored and blown off by anyone important using the ever popular “oh well he’s just making stuff up now because they fired him and he’s bitter” excuse.

    What a fucking joke this whole thing was. Fuck Gawker and their lame attempt at whoring hits. We have all been played for fools, ladies and gentlemen. It may as well have been a giant punk where they posted “lol but really we made the mole up” a week later for all the good it’ll do.

    If we want to fix anything in this country it starts with deconstructing the Ailes propaganda empire using whatever means necessary, and this was a glimmer in that direction that turned out to just be a jackass wanting his big break. I wouldn’t be surprised if the dumbass at the center of this turned himself in just to get out of the company so he could get started doing his media rounds and writing his book.

    What a fucking disappointment this whole thing was. I can’t even begin to really explain just how much.

  22. Robert Green said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:14

    it is true that if i were to be lynched, taken by an angry mob and hung from a tree or tarred and feathered that indeed, this would hurt me in EXACTLY the same amount that it would hurt a person with darker skin than mine.

    the thing is, though, that the likelihood in the old south that person with my skin color would be hung by a lynch mob or tarred and feathered was ,0.00001%. whereas the darker skinned person…much higher chance. much much much much higher.

    so…yeah. mark judge is a total fucking idiot.

  23. vacuumslayer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:17

    Does anyone believe that this dude ever felt “white guilt?”

  24. Spearhafoc, who is literally Hitler said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:20

    This Mark Judge person needs our prayers and help. He hasn’t had the advantages we have. Like, say, the advantage of not being a racist fuckwit.

  25. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:22

    d00d’s bike was stolen while locked up on a Catholic university’s campus – therefore blacks. His excuse that it couldn’t have been catholic university students is that they were all on Easter break – i.e. no Catholics were anywhere near teh crime scene.

    Uh, wait – wasn’t d00d there in teh first place because it was one of teh local Stations of teh Cross? I suppose that he’s teh only Catholic who that came within miles of teh National Shrine on Good Friday. Other than maybe black Catholics.

    Just to be clear – it couldn’t have been Catholics what done stole his bike since no Catholics could be expected to be near a Catholic shrine on a Catholic holy day to participate in the very Catholic pilgrimage thing that d00d himself was on.

  26. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:23

    Bike-molesting priests get moved around from parish to parish and THE POPE covers it all up.

  27. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:26

    Teh Gospel According to Matthew Mark Judge not, lest ye be judged, unless it’s a coloured, what with always with teh stealing of teh bicycles those darkies.

  28. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:26

    “That person needs our prayers and help,” sounds like a line from a decade old conservative fable about how liberals are bunch of bleeding hearth while conservatives recognize crime as crime.

    I thought liberals had no God, like dogs and redheads. Oh wait, liberals are wimps in this scenario, so they believe in Rehabilitation God.

  29. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:28

    Bike-molesting priests get moved around from parish to parish and THE POPE covers it all up.

    And here I was thinking I was the only person here who saw the movie “Doubt.”

  30. N__B said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:29

    I don’t get the point of white gilt. If it’s not gold, why waste the money and effort?

  31. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:32

    Amazing too his moment of “colourblindness” at teh end. Remember that his bike must have done got stoleded by teh Negroes since it was in a poor part of town. BUT WAIT – maybe teh Negro what absconded with his bicyle wasn’t poor! It’s racist too assume all blacks are poor! Maybe teh dark-skinned thief is just a selfish asshole with a car and a nice apartment and a hot girlfriend and good health and he just steals shit cause he’s black. Because liberals are teh real racists.

  32. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:38

    If the bicycles complain about the priests molesting them they get their bells cut off.

  33. Anonymous said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:50

    Anyone else ever have the joy of migrating folder permissions from a Novell Domain to a Microsoft Active Directory Domain?

    In other news, I am looking forward to the next time I can do something more exciting and challenging, like watching paint dry.

  34. tigris said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:54

    I used to be against slavery, Jim Crow, and continuing systemic unequal treatment until somebody stole my bike and now I’m outraged by Robert Byrd.

  35. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:55

    So anyways, Zimmerman’s first court appearance was brief and perfunctory. It was a “probable cause” hearing and went off without a hitch.

    Fuck you Sanford PD.

  36. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:06

    Oh My: http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/04/12/463104/marcus-bachmann-is-still-practicing-ex-gay-therapy/

  37. DAS said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:10

    I was going to respond to

    What if he has a car, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend and good health? What if he is just a selfish asshole?

    by saying, well, then, he’d be a Republican and/or be doing things far worse for society as a whole than stealing Mark Judge’s bike. But then I see Hogeye Grex stole that sentiment right out of my head. Is this the day my commenter-guilt died?

    Anyway, I know the old saying “a conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged”, but I thought most conservatives had the rhetorical subtlety to at least make that statement and then walk back from it with some veneer of philosophical consistency. But not Mark Judge — he starts from that idea as a premise and then goes further into the racist waters from which that statement bubbled up.

  38. DAS said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:12

    Like I remember how one time I got ripped off by a Jewish bicycle salesman.

    After that I realized: Hitler was totally justified… – The Wingnut Mind

    An oldie but goody:

    In the days of Hitler’s rise to power, a Nazi thug grabs a Jew off of his bike and screams at him: “do you know why Germany is in such a bad state? Do you know who’s fault it is we lost the Great War?” To which the Jew replied “well it’s the fault of the Jews and the bicycle riders”. The thug then responded, “why did you blame the bicycle riders?”. “Well, why do you blame the Jews?”

  39. gocart mozart said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:20

    New Herman Cain video, with killer chickens!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=V1rjf7zdD-M

  40. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:25

    New Herman Cain video, with killer chickens!

    What I take from this is that Herman Cain would rather waste money on ads like these than donate it to Mitt Romney’s campaign. And then I smile.

  41. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:26

    While he was working there he could have actually gotten his hands on some useful inside stuff if he knew what the heck he was doing.

    Well, he was there for seven years. I’m sure he knows lots of inside stuff that goes beyond “they really are assholes.” He’s probably saving it for the book he’ll now have plenty of time to write.

    What’s a shame is that if he had stayed undercover at Fox, he could have leaked some great real-time stuff about their totally fucked-up election coverage.

  42. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:27

    “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

    Judge has hit the perfecta! Imaginary Negro AND imaginary bleeding heart liberal friend!

    If he had been my friend telling me this, I would have just pointed and laughed.

  43. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:35

    Hang on…he claims the bike was stolen in the Brookland section.

    Now, when I clicked through to his “crime map” and cleared out all the violent crimes (leaving theft, theft of vehicle and more important, theft FROM vehicle), I see two crimes in the past three days within five miles of the scene of the crime. (yes, his was earlier)

    This is hardly a high crime district. Criminals rarely go outside their stomping grounds to commit crimes (which is why the lion’s share of black crime in this country is black on black crime).

    Based on the demographics of the neighborhood, it seems like Brookland is a fairly moderate-to-upper middle class neighborhood and while diverse, does not have an enormous number of poor folk.

    So, what probably happened was, this jackass put a shitty lock on his bike, some kid walked by, probably a white kid, to boot (six Catholic churches nearby, by his own admission) and decided the shiny bike would look great under his ass.

    But nooooooooooooooo, it’s all partof the vast black wing conspiracy, like riding the Metro….

  44. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:36

    I don’t get the point of white gilt. If it’s not gold, why waste the money and effort?

    White gold.

  45. AlexDe said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:38

    I loved his reasoning that it could not have been (presumably less blackity black) university students living nearby because they didn’t have classes that week.

    Cause we all know that students don’t do any bad shit during Spring Break.

  46. Chris said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:38

    I, also, live in DC. I, also, ride bikes. I’ve had a bike stolen from me twice, plus that one time when parts of it (rear wheel and chain) were stolen. All three events happened in Montgomery County, where most people are white. So whatever the hell he thinks this proves about black people applies to white ones, too.

    I join other people in calling “bullshit” on his fictional liberal friend. I have many liberal friends: none of them ever told me “dude, you gotta have pity for the man who took your bike!” If the story’s true, maybe, Mark, just maybe, the problem isn’t that you hang out with liberals but that you hang out with idiots? Not that I can’t see why you would…

    And like I said on Balloon Juice when this story came out – there’s a popular saying that “a conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged,” but a liberal who becomes a conservative simply because he was mugged was never a liberal in the first place.

  47. Chris said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:52

    Fuck you. White guilt all the way. White people have a hell of a fuck of a shitload to feel guilty about, and until we admit it, literally nothing will get any better anywhere in the entire world.

    White guilt is one of those things that has practically zero existence in real life, but that’s spawned a massive, multi-generational industry in people eager to show their daring, edgy, counter-trendiness in pushing back against it.

    By and large, white Americans don’t feel guilty in the slightest for all the things that’ve happened to non-white Americans over the years. They Americans feel embarrassed by it, but that’s a completely different thing.

  48. tigris said,

    April 12, 2012 at 21:55

    I tell you what my liberal friends wouldn’t say, and that’s “let’s pray for that poor unfortunate.” Because he’s a lying racist motherfucker, today is the day my atheist guilt died. That’s right, tough crappies, Mom!

  49. jim said,

    April 12, 2012 at 22:04

    How strange: in my younger days, I got mugged … yet I’m not a conservative (at least not the way it’s defined nowadays).

    A liberal is a conservative who looks around & realizes they’re associating with assholes.

  50. Chris said,

    April 12, 2012 at 22:35

    A liberal is a conservative who looks around & realizes they’re associating with assholes.

    That’s… more or less me. Yep.

  51. jim said,

    April 12, 2012 at 22:36

    Bambi versus Godzilla 2: Revenge Of Teh Nerd. (h/t: MetaFilter)

    I for one welcome our new celibate overlords!

  52. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 22:42

    Jim, they will both be eaten by DINOSAURS FROM SPACE!!!: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/dinosaurs-space-8036735

  53. Golem Heart said,

    April 12, 2012 at 22:46

    I remember the time my bike got stolen. It was just inside the glass side door of a restaurant my band was rehearsing in. I cannot recall if somebody let me inside, but clearly I thought that door was gonna lock/get locked behind me. Somebody staying at the adjoining ‘n’ seedy hotel musta seen the bike and had the idea to try the door so as to snatch it.

    But on realizing my loss, it did not occur to me to change as a person. Lacking imagination, or something, I just went on with the rehearsal and got a ride home.

    The thing is, though, in Palm Springs you’d assume tweakers stole your bike or whatever else. Twas a white meth addict acquaintance what stole my checkbook, for example. My brother met a white guy in his late sixties who made his living stealing bikes. People who profess to be worked up about crime, but then profile the criminals ineffectively, are the super silliest. They make it easier for the actual culprits (to state the obvious for Mark Judge’s sake, I guess).

  54. Surreal American said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:13

    Does anyone believe that this dude ever felt “white guilt?”

    I would be greatly relieved if he ever felt “white shame” at any point in his life.

  55. Smut Clyde said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:27

    Imma trust teh shorter because I don’t want to throw my monitor against the wall

    The theory of mollycule exchange means that Pupenius’ wall must be at least 40% monitor by now after the repeated collisions and the agitation of their constituent atoms.

    If the bicycles complain about the priests molesting them they get their bells cut off.
    My expectations were not high but the Dutch Catholic Church has managed to surprise me, by winding back the clock all the way back to a resumption of the Castrato tradition.

  56. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:33

    I would be greatly relievedsuprised if he ever felt “white shame” at any point in his life.

    Fixxored.

  57. tsam said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:38

    And black pain is no different from white pain

    Cool story, bro.

    That’s why I quit being black and changed to white too. I realized it’s all the same.

  58. tsam said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:44

    By and large, white Americans don’t feel guilty in the slightest for all the things that’ve happened to non-white Americans over the years. They Americans feel embarrassed by it, but that’s a completely different thing.

    I don’t know–I think there is a drive to make things right in the name of those who suffered under our oppression. You could call it guilt or shame.

    I don’t think I have white guilt, but I am nearly militant about enforcing that commie ideal of “liberty and justice for ALL”.

  59. ckelly said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:48

    I call bullshit. No way this guy has friends, let alone liberal ones. If you want to keep your bike safe, leave it in your Mom’s basement you fuckstick.

  60. tsam said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:50

    Wait, there IS white guilt all over the place. Remember when this black dude was running for president against a crotchety old gummer who liked to sing songs–taking a terrible song by a terrible band and making it even MORE terrible (quite a feat, I say) by making it about killing people and stuff? Also he had a running mate who was an illiterate, psychotic cunt? They totally should have won, but that white guilt tipped the scales. That’s what the fair and balanced news channels told me.

  61. Gary Ruppert said,

    April 12, 2012 at 23:58

    The fact is, blacks comitt most crime and are most of the people in jail. It is not PC to say this its true. Liberals think all blacks are saints while most of the ones I know are crackheads and steal cars.

  62. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:00

    All this peeing has left me dehydrated! Where’s the beer?
    .

  63. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:14

    Liberals think all blacks are saints while most of the ones I know are crackheads and steal cars.

    Blasphemer! How dare you denigrate Saint Dimebag and Saint Grandtheft! Kill the heretic! Kill it!

  64. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:16

    Where’s the beer?

    Across the street at the bar in about 45 minutes. Think you can make it to Oregon by then?

  65. eidos said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:19

    Seems like racist tirade/pity parties are all the rage these days.

  66. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:26

    Across the street at the bar in about 45 minutes. Think you can make it to Oregon by then?

    Unlikely, unless I get beamed up by Scotty.
    .

  67. Wyatt Watts III said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:29

    Italian Neo-Realists stole Mike Judge’s bike.

  68. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:35

    Nihilists stole Judge’s bike!

  69. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:37

    Hey, at least bike thievery is an ethos.

  70. Lexicon Devil said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:37

    Living in New Zealand, I’ve had two—two!—bikes stolen. So I’m confused: if black Americans can afford two grand in plane fares, why don’t they just buy their own bikes?

  71. Lexicon Devil said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:41

    Hey, nice marmot, also …

  72. gocart mozart said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:52

    Did an alien spacecraft crash in Bantam Lake?

    “Morris firefighters made several passes up and down the lake in a boat looking for a possible plane crash, but didn’t find any debris.”

    Gocart’s brother-in-law and Morris Fighter is interviewed by local CBS affiliate, poo poos U.F.O. angle.

    Is gocart’s brother-in-law part of the conspiracy to cover up proof of extra terrestrial life!

    The truth is out there.

    http://www.courant.com/community/litchfield/hc-litchfield-ufo-0413-20120412,0,3187053.story

  73. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:53

    Living in New Zealand, I’ve had two—two!—bikes stolen.

    It’s particularly hard to steal antipodean bikes, what with the seat and handlebars dragging on the ground and the chain up your ass.

  74. gocart mozart said,

    April 13, 2012 at 0:55

    “Morris Fighter” should be “Morris firefighter”

    Fuckin’ proofread how does it work?

  75. wiley said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:00

    The brand of dishwashing tabs I used today are “New Zealand Springs” scented. Either, springs in New Zealand smell like DoubleBubble and chlorine or somebody pulled that name outta their butt. Hmmm….

    Inspired by New Zealand’s south island, where springs feed glacier carved streams & verdant vistas.

    WTF?! I want the drug that inspires the inspiration. But then again, who has not taken a whiff of a natural wonder and thought, “That would be a good scent for a dishwashing detergent?”

  76. gocart mozart said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:01

    As always, the English tabloids cover this type of story better.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2128887/Is-UFO-Connecticut-Multiple-people-report-large-whale-sized-object-falling-sky—authorities-nothing.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

  77. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:04

    Hey, at least bike thievery is an ethos.

    A decidedly non-white one, to be sure.

  78. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:04

    That bike really pulled the whole driveway together, you know?

  79. tigris said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:06

    Morris firefighter

    Related?

  80. Lexicon Devil said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:06

    Everything smells better in New Zealand. Especially the verdant vistas.

  81. Thomas Crapper said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:08

    Antipodean bikes—better than a bidet!

  82. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:09

    It’s particularly hard to steal antipodean bikes, what with the seat and handlebars dragging on the ground and the chain up your ass.

    They do make ‘em funny down there.

  83. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:09

    Also relevant?

  84. Donnie said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:10

    “I am the walrus.”

  85. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:11

    SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNIE. YOU HAVE NO FRAME OF REFERENCE.

  86. Donnie said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:15

    “Phone’s ringin’, Dude.”

  87. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:19

    YOU HAVE NO FRAME OF REFERENCE.

    Does he have two wheels, handlebars, pedals, gears, gearshifts, brakes, reflectors, and a tasseled handlebar bag of reference?

  88. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:19

    I hope I’m not alone in thinking this movie is going to be AWESOME

  89. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:27

    Does he have two wheels, handlebars, pedals, gears, gearshifts, brakes, reflectors, and a tasseled handlebar bag of reference?

    No. Only comedically large tusks and whiskers.

  90. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:29

    comedically large tusks and whiskers.

    Leave my family out of this.

  91. Privatize the Profits! Socialize the Costs! said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:40

    “a conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged,”

    And a liberal is a conservative who’s been arrested for no reason and beat up by the police.

  92. gocart mozart said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:41

    Is there a UFO in Connecticut? Multiple people report a large ‘whale sized’ object falling out of the sky … but authorities find nothing

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2128887/Is-UFO-Connecticut-Multiple-people-report-large-whale-sized-object-falling-sky—authorities-nothing.html#ixzz1rsAHdrv1

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

  93. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:42

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

    Uh oh. http://xkcd.com/1013/

  94. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:42

    In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”

    Yeah, this person totally existed, just like Mark Judge’s superhot ex-stripper Canadian girlfriend.

  95. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:46

    Multiple people report a large ‘whale sized’ object falling out of the sky … but authorities find nothing

    Shya, it was only the size of a Beluga whale.

  96. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:53

    Jim, they will both be eaten by DINOSAURS FROM SPACE!!!

    I wonder if anyone has written Kirk/Gorn slashfic… I’m using a workplace ‘puter, so I dare not Google “gorn porn”.

  97. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:58

    Maybe it was a surprised sperm whale and a bowl of petunias?

  98. vacuumslayer said,

    April 13, 2012 at 1:59

    Antipodean bikes only go backwards–it’s true! I read to somewhere. Here. Because I just wrote it.

  99. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 2:08

    Maybe it was a surprised sperm whale and a bowl of petunias?

    Well played!

  100. Pupienus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 2:32

    I wonder if anyone has written Kirk/Gorn slashfic…

    I happen to know that it has been done. Alas or maybe mercifully, the one piece that I can attest to was written before Al Gore invented teh World Wide Webzez. I can say for a fact that it has never been posted on same. I can assure you that it never will, having been lost to history through use as padding a shipping case or something. Nor can I tell you how it is I came to know of this.

    OTOH, it’s probably abundant on rule 34 Island.

  101. Privatize the Profits! Socialize the Costs! said,

    April 13, 2012 at 2:39

    Hey, Tintin,

    If you ever need it, I have an idea for a new thread that would require zero effort from you.

    If interested, please e-mail me at

  102. Party Purger said,

    April 13, 2012 at 2:39

    “Hmm, racial issues are becoming a big talking point with this whole Martin fiasco, and it’s not looking good for racist white assholes like myself and the ones I’m paid to pander to… without dumbasses that read my work I’m out of a job. What can I do, when my lone skill is writing conservative filth and nothing else even marginally useful to society? Guess it’s back to the old well of making racist white assholes feel better about themselves.” sigh

    tappa tappa tappa

    “Yeah everyone knows black people steal things… we’ll go with that. But what?”

    looks around the computer, resting his eyes on an L.L. Bean catalogue

    “Sure, that’s plausible I guess. Oh right can’t forgot jabbing at a straw liberal…ah ha ha, ‘prayers and help’! That’s totally the sort of bullshit a liberal would say. Uh, finally make up some shit about ‘white guilt’ or something to hand over to the racist scum that read my shit so they feel good….and done.”

    “Phew. Another article done.”

    returns to masturbating

  103. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 2:49

    If you’re saying that none of the L.L.Bean catalog models are hot, I’m ready to throw down* right here and now.

    *Fight, because otherwise EEEEW.

  104. Major Kong said,

    April 13, 2012 at 2:56

    I wonder if anyone has written Kirk/Gorn slashfic…

    This is James T. Kirk we’re talking about here. He probably did it with a Horta at least once.

  105. Pupienus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 3:02

    Kirk/Horta strikes me as the most likely exemption to Rule 34, not that it is in fact likely.

  106. vacuumslayer said,

    April 13, 2012 at 3:08

    Remind me not to thumb through the LL Bean catalog at N_B’s house.

  107. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 3:19

    Thumbing the catalog.

  108. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 3:20

    Re: Kirk porn: in a previous gig I worked at a “business ISP” when there was such a thing. Each interested employee got their own virtual server to mess around with. As one of the admins, I saw all the traffic reports, and noticed with interest that we were moving a helluva lot of traffic through one particular employee’s server. Turns out he and his wife were way into Star Trek erotica and had built up quite a following on the intertubes. The meeting we had to discuss such things was rather amusing.

  109. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 3:39

    OBS – Were you over at Brew Station this afternoon? The Pyramid dark IPA was interesting but I liked the Imperial Red as well. Luckily I got an Old Rasputin yesterday because they ran out today.

  110. Pupienus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 4:04

    I don’t get over to SE much, never been to that Freddy’s. I asked the guy at my nearest Med Fryer and he turned me on to John’s Market which is my new favorite store. Old Rasputin braised short ribs will, at some point, appear at liveleftcookright.

  111. Doctorb said,

    April 13, 2012 at 4:43

    You human loser! Why didn’t you just buy a bike then?

  112. Major Kong said,

    April 13, 2012 at 5:07

    When I got home I vented to my friends. I told them I was going to scour those neighborhoods until I found the bike.

    Go for it dude! I mean really, what could possibly go wrong with that plan?

  113. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 5:09

    what could possibly go wrong with that plan?

    Stand your ground laws?

  114. gocart mozart said,

    April 13, 2012 at 5:20

    Apropo of nothing, Connecticut abolished the death penelty today.

  115. Pupienus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 5:33

    The death penelty was made obsolete by Viagra.

  116. Smut Clyde said,

    April 13, 2012 at 5:39

    Two Gentlemen of Lebowski.

  117. RWW said,

    April 13, 2012 at 6:19

    Can’t wait for the James O’Keefe video of a hoodied Van Jones stealing the bike and taking it to nearest Acorn office where it was stripped down to parts which were shipped to North Korea in exchange for kimchee-flavored crack to be sold in the ghetto to raise off-the-books cash for the Obama campaign.

  118. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 13, 2012 at 7:16

    Can’t wait for the James O’Keefe video of a hoodied Van Jones stealing the bike and taking it to nearest Acorn office where it was stripped down to parts which were shipped to North Korea in exchange for kimchee-flavored crack to be sold in the ghetto to raise off-the-books cash for the Obama campaign.

    You can’t prove it didn’t happen!
    .

  119. bughunter, up past his bedtime, said,

    April 13, 2012 at 8:22

    Imaginary black bike thief: check.

    Imaginary white guilt: check.

    Imaginary liberal friend: check.

    Imaginary writing talent: check.

    Imaginary imagination: check.

    I’m beginning to wonder if he even really had a bike in the first place.

  120. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 13, 2012 at 8:44

    I have decided that I will likely do a split sleep schedule once I start this job. Or try it out, anyway. I find that I rest better in 3-4 hour shifts, and I will be getting up at OMG:30 to get to work on time, so… gonna see about a nap right after I get home from work, and then a longer sleep later in the evening. That won’t always work out, I’m sure, but I seem to get better rest that way.
    .

  121. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 9:31

    my ‘miss america’ bike (totes all red white and blue) got stolen when i was 9 in 1976…my brother did recover it and subsequently tried to remove the dents in its chain guard by pounding them out with a hammer…i appreciated the effort, but my patriotic bike looked liked crap…

  122. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 9:33

    I have decided that I will likely do a split sleep schedule once I start this job. Or try it out, anyway. I find that I rest better in 3-4 hour shifts, and I will be getting up at OMG:30 to get to work on time, so… gonna see about a nap right after I get home from work, and then a longer sleep later in the evening. That won’t always work out, I’m sure, but I seem to get better rest that way.

    i do much better at my night job than i do at my day job…

  123. John Revolta said,

    April 13, 2012 at 9:57

    JP- this was, by some accounts, the normal and natural way people slept until maybe 3 or 400 years ago.

    Interesting article here.

  124. Another Kiwi said,

    April 13, 2012 at 10:00

    I bet all your upsidedownie jokes are funny at your cocktail parties with your imaginary liberal friends.
    This changes my view of liberals, from now on I will be a proud Randroid. Then no one will get any fucking bikes, hah!

  125. John Revolta said,

    April 13, 2012 at 10:00

    HERE

  126. El Manquécito said,

    April 13, 2012 at 11:45

    I’ve got that book “At Day’s Close: Night in Times Past”. It’s good.

  127. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 13:17

    Multiple people report a large ‘whale sized’ object falling out of the sky

    Film at 11:00

  128. Fenwick said,

    April 13, 2012 at 14:19

    I liked this headline. Helps make sense of freepers and similar limited-cognition apes…

    Baboons recognise words on screen

  129. Major Kong said,

    April 13, 2012 at 14:21

    I have decided that I will likely do a split sleep schedule once I start this job. Or try it out, anyway.

    What is this “sleep” of which you speak?

  130. digitusmedius said,

    April 13, 2012 at 14:21

    These tales always have that imaginary liberal in them as well, saying things that right wingers have been indoctrinated to use as “the voice of liberalism” when telling them.

  131. aravind said,

    April 13, 2012 at 14:49

    What if he has a car, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend and good health? What if he is just a selfish asshole?

    I don’t want to distract us all from the potent racism in all of this, but isn’t it also kind of fucked up that a “hot girlfriend” is listed as one of many physical possessions that would show the mythical black bicycle thief’s wealth?

  132. Golem Heart said,

    April 13, 2012 at 15:04

    “The hot girlfriend, a sharp white-black hybrid from Boston, was only 19 years old, but had already taken on great literal and symbolic significance for me. [...] I got a hot girlfriend, and she quickly became a source of joy — and efficiency. D.C. is a douche-heavy city, and the hot girlfriend made fucking around in it a breeze. I could fuck on Capitol Hill, fuck down Independence Avenue and fuck in the museums and cherry blossoms in a couple hours. The hot girlfriend was a sign of strength, of determination. Of recovery.”–Mark Judge

  133. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 15:19

    Since we’re discussing fantasies…I’ve been completing the unpleasantly large task of replacing vinyl and bad tapes with bits, and I dreamed last night that I had forgotten to purchase the Who album “A Dog’s Breakfast.”

    This raises the question, why isn’t there a Who album titled “A Dog’s Breakfast”?

  134. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 13, 2012 at 15:23

    This raises the question, why isn’t there a Who album titled “A Dog’s Breakfast”?

    ‘Cause that ethos didn’t really exist until the Sex Pistols. And their label would never have gone for it.
    .

  135. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 15:48

    Multiple people report a large ‘whale sized’ object falling out of the sky

    Tell the North Koreans that we have their third stage and communication sattelite.

  136. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 13, 2012 at 15:52

    If Odorono could make it onto an album cover…

  137. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:02

    well, i’m pretty sure i’m going to be late for work today…

  138. Golem Heart said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:08

    Then, of course, (what Judge assumes is) a black guy steals his hot girlfriend.

    “I could be pretty certain that on Good Friday a member of the Little Sisters of the Poor, which is across the street from where I was parked, had not nicked my hot girlfriend. Neither had the monks at the Dominican House of Studies on the corner.” Et cetera.

  139. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:13

    This raises the question, why isn’t there a Who album titled “A Dog’s Breakfast”?

    If I were the devious sort, I would have edited this Wikipedia page to indicate that The Who recorded the soundtrack and then posted the link for N__B.

  140. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:15

    “If.”

  141. Major Kong said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:16

    Tell the North Koreans that we have their third stage and communication sattelite.

    I’m pretty sure that rocket said “Acme” on it in Korean.

  142. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:23

    Or this page

  143. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:28

    Hmm, I seem to have lost the ability to post a link.

  144. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:39

    I’m pretty sure that rocket said “Acme” on it in Korean.

    The head of the DPRK’s space program is, after all, WY LEE IL.

  145. Chyron HR said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:42

    I dreamed last night that I had forgotten to purchase the Who album “A Dog’s Breakfast.”

    I think most record stores file it under the actual title, “It’s Hard”.

  146. Pryme said,

    April 13, 2012 at 16:50

    Markie Mark should move to Newark: http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2012/04/newark_mayor_cory_booker_taken.html

  147. creature said,

    April 13, 2012 at 17:15

    A long time ago, when living in Glover Park, Washington, DC- right next to the (old) Soviet Embassy complex- perhaps the safest, i.e., most surveilled & patrolled neighborhood in the District at the time. One of the housemates had his bicycle stolen- right outta the house!!! The recent acrimonious break-up with his evil girlfriend was cited as the cause of this terrible crime. And she was a white girl from Jersey, a college student (American U). Looks like she moved cross-town since then (20-some years ago).

    Mr. Judge, fuck you and yer bicycle, too!!! With a Harbor Freight bolt-cutter!!!

  148. 'natch said,

    April 13, 2012 at 17:21

    Funny,I always liked this guys work. Especially King of the Hill and Idiocracy. Never would have pegged him for a dickhead. Oh, and didn’t he write Office Space too?

  149. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 17:48

    OT but funny – the freepers are revolting!: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/04/13/1083009/-BREAKING-Tea-Party-comes-back-to-bite-Republican-Party-in-the-a-

    Bonus freeper mango:

    Please add Boehner to your NO RINOs list. He also is very disdainful of conservatism and the TEA Party. He has all but flushed our mandate of 2010 down the toilet. I’m so *furious* with this individual. I will NEVER kiss the ring of Boehner!

  150. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 17:52

    I will NEVER kiss the ring of Boehner!

    He would prefer to kiss the ring of Santorum.

  151. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 17:55

    I will NEVER kiss the ring of Boehner!

    Another word for ring is annulus and we all know where that leads…

  152. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 13, 2012 at 17:58

    Funny,I always liked this guys work. Especially King of the Hill and Idiocracy. Never would have pegged him for a dickhead. Oh, and didn’t he write Office Space too?

    You want Mike.

  153. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:05

    You want Mike.

    I Like Ike.
    .

  154. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:07

    Speaking of boner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJvvxEs1_pE

    Warning-if you’re at work be sure to turn the speakers all the way up so your boss can hear – that’s only polite.

  155. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:17

    I could be pretty certain that on Good Friday a member of the Little Sisters of the Poor, which is across the street from where I was parked, had not nicked my hot girlfriend.

    That’s what he thinks… Sister Tribadista lured her into the convent with promises of a religious experience.

  156. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:19

    He would prefer to kiss the ring of Santorum.

    SO… MUCH… WIN!!!

  157. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:22

    OT but funny – the freepers are revolting!:

    Come November, they’ll eat the Mitt sandwich.

  158. Pryme said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:26

    I gotcher boner right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jxCWUegUPMs

  159. Pryme said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:27

    Come November, they’ll eat the Mitt sandwich.

    I personally want to get a “Shut the Fuck Up & Vote For Mitt Romney!” bumper sticker.

  160. Spearhafoc, who is literally Hitler said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:31

    Kirk/Horta strikes me as the most likely exemption to Rule 34, not that it is in fact likely.

    Sadly, No!

  161. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:45

    <i.He would prefer to kiss the ring of Santorum.

    so, is the ring of santorum kinda steamy and smoldery like the pacific rim or more like the rings of saturn?

  162. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:58

    so, is the ring of santorum kinda steamy and smoldery like the pacific rim or more like the rings of saturn?

    More like the rings around Uranus.

  163. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 18:59

    When Chuck Norris has nightmares, Cory Booker turns on the light and sits with him until he falls back to sleep.

  164. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:00

    I would not like to kiss Santorum’s leaky goatse. Just thought I’d clarify that in case you were wondering.

  165. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:01

    More like the rings around Uranus.

    The rings are extremely dark—the Bond albedo of the rings’ particles does not exceed 2%. They are probably composed of water ice with the addition of some dark radiation-processed organics.

  166. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:03

    <i.with the addition of some dark radiation-processed organics.

    ewwww…

  167. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:03

    OT but funny – the freepers are revolting!:

    That fool IS MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

    Attention Romnaughts: GET OFFA MY SITE!

  168. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:03

    The rings are extremely dark—the Bond albedo of the rings’ particles does not exceed 2%. They are probably composed of water ice with the addition of some dark radiation-processed organics.

    Water based, with some “processed organics”… sounds like frozen santorum, alright. This truly puts the “astro” in Astroglide.

  169. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:04

    oh, wtf is with the tagfails this morning?!?!? hangover, i’m guessing…protip: a shit ton of gin and tonics should not be followed up with a slightly lesser shit ton of guinness…

  170. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:04

    That fool IS MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

    Not going to take it anymore until he swallows his pride and bends over for a good Romneying.

  171. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:06

    Added pro-tip: Avoid Guiness at all costs. It tastes like shit and promotes hobbling hangovers.

  172. tsam said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:08

    Or swallows Romney’s Romney and then takes another Romney.

  173. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:12

    Added pro-tip: Avoid Guiness at all costs. It tastes like shit and promotes hobbling hangovers.

    hey, now! that little widget makes it taste almost as good as the original! i’m just glad i didn’t go for the extra stout…

  174. histrogeek said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:14

    Obviously the thief was black. White people only steal economies and countries.

  175. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:14

    Added pro-tip: Avoid Guiness at all costs. It tastes like shit and promotes hobbling hangovers.

    only because you are a wussy…i did not experience one single hobbling hangover the entire time i was in ireland…also, it got me over my phobia of not pooping in my own toilet…

  176. Arakasi said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:14

    I’m convinced that Judge’s “liberal friend” is actually an actor who is punking him. This guy is playing Jesus in Godspell, and is just falls back into character whenever he sees Judge.

  177. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:15

    I’m convinced that Judge’s “liberal friend” is actually an actor who is punking him. This guy is playing Jesus in Godspell, and is just falls back into character whenever he sees Judge.

    win

  178. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:23

    ha…you all knew that i would have to go check out the mangoes over there, right? so, yeah…found the expected racist revisionist remarks…and then this…

    the regular posters here don’t know much about anything.

    me make sad face

    made me LOL…

  179. Arakasi said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:24

    If anyone knows Judge personally, could you ask him if his liberal friend has a giant white afro? It would do a lot to prove my theory

  180. Pupienus Maximus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:25

    Also he had a running mate who was an illiterate, psychotic cunt?

    Seen elsewhere on teh interducks this morning:

    Australia – where men call their mates cunts and their cunts mate.

  181. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:26

    only because you are a wussy…i did not experience one single hobbling hangover the entire time i was in ireland…also, it got me over my phobia of not pooping in my own toilet

    I’ve never had a hangover in Europe, and it wasn’t for want of drinking. I think there are preservatives in the booze here which mess drinkers up.

  182. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:28

    I’ve never had a hangover in Europe, and it wasn’t for want of drinking. I think there are preservatives in the booze here which mess drinkers up.

    proving that the invisible hand of the marketplace should NOT make your drinks…

  183. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:29

    damn…i just pulled a woodtick off my person…ewww…now i feel all creepy-crawly…

  184. Pupienus Maximus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:30

    Proud American conservative. Awesome satire or actual conservative?

  185. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:35

    Alert Stephen Colbert! Vermont governor chased by bears

  186. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:39

    Pup, if he was real he wouldn’t have some sissy soshulist euro-car – he would soup up some good old American V-8 steel like god intended.

  187. vacuumslayer said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:50

    Proud American Conservative

    OMG.

  188. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 19:58

    S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 3:39 (kill)

    OBS – Were you over at Brew Station this afternoon? The Pyramid dark IPA was interesting but I liked the Imperial Red as well. Luckily I got an Old Rasputin yesterday because they ran out today.

    Yes I was. I had two pints of the Imperial Red myself. I was sad to see Old Rasputin go — I got there just when the keg blew. Thankfully I managed to have a few of them over the previous days. So yummy.

    Pupienus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 4:04 (kill)

    I don’t get over to SE much, never been to that Freddy’s. I asked the guy at my nearest Med Fryer and he turned me on to John’s Market which is my new favorite store. Old Rasputin braised short ribs will, at some point, appear at liveleftcookright.

    Nice! I’m looking forward to seeing how that recipe turns out. I’ve never managed to stop by John’s Market when it was open, but it sure looks like a great spot. It’s kind of taken over for the old Burlingame market that burned down about 10 years ago, right?

  189. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:04

    the pic of the judge up top keeps reminding me of tim matheson…it’s kinda disturbing…

    also, thunder and lightening and pouring rain here! yay…i love thunderstorms!!!

  190. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:07

    Thunder and Lightening

  191. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:12

    Pirate bears, no less.

    He says he was within “three feet of getting `arrrh.’”

  192. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:14

    Thunder and Lightening

    i was thinking more like this

  193. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:16

    We had thunder and lightning last night. Pretty rare around here, unfortunately. More today sez the weather thingie.

  194. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:21

    Pretty rare around here

    where be that?

  195. Thread Bear said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:22

    He says he was within “three feet of getting `arrrh.’”

  196. Pupienus said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:28

    Shattered scowers and stunderthorms.

    OBS – I wouldn’t know, I was still a Pennyslavian back then.

  197. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:34

    OBS, I was actually trying to figure out if you were there. It’s kind of fun trying to guess what someone looks like just from what they have written in blog comments. I figure you are around my age so that eliminates most of the students but after that it’s a guess and there were several people there that I thought were possibilities. If you see someone there with a brown ponytail and a MN Wild hat it’s probably me.

  198. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:44

    OBS, I was actually trying to figure out if you were there. It’s kind of fun trying to guess what someone looks like just from what they have written in blog comments. I figure you are around my age so that eliminates most of the students but after that it’s a guess and there were several people there that I thought were possibilities.

    We’ll manage to run into each other one of these days. I was there from about 4:15 to 5:30, sitting right by the East door/steps/path in the little Northern grassy area on the side street. I was wearing a red/white Mountain Hardware running hat and a brown hoody (gasp!). I’ll keep an eye out for your ponytail and hat.

  199. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:55

    where be that?

    Sam Clams Disco.

  200. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 13, 2012 at 20:58

    Next time, tell each other what you are wearing.

  201. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:21

    The kids are growing up and dating. Where did the time go?

  202. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:24

    We probably walked right past each other. Yeah, one of these times now that they are doing the brew tour thing again. Next week is Laurelwood and I will be there – I’ll wear my white/gray UMD 2011 Frozen Four championship hat, nobody else out here has one of those.

  203. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:31

    I was wearing a red/white Mountain Hardware running hat and a brown hoody (gasp!).

    This whole hoody-fear thing has been an education for me.

    When I was growing up, every jacket had a hood—usually thin nylon—zipped up into the collar like a parachute. You absolutely had to deploy the thing and have it hanging down your back, but if you were ever caught with it over your head, no matter how hard it was raining, well <Eddie Haskell> I’m afraid the lads would really give you the business. </Eddie Haskell>

    I can’t think of anything worse, unless it would be pulling the earflaps down on a cap…but nobody would have been stupid enough to do that—that would be as much as your life was worth.

    I guess times have changed—instead of the guy in the hood having to be afraid, everybody else is so afraid of their life just seeing them that they have to take the law into their own hands!

  204. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:34

    The fucking CBC had Robin Givhan on talking about the danger of hoodies. It was awful.

  205. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:35

    Which brings up the question of what started this hoody freakout? Was it that ridiculous drawing of John Holmes in a hoody that was supposed to be the Unabomber?

  206. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:36

    Which brings up the question of what started this hoody freakout?

    Fear of men with uncircumcised heads.

  207. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:38

    Those peaks on the hoods do kind of look like a reservoir tip, now that you mention it.

  208. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:44

    eh…good bob…my mom is going on and on again about the funeral and why she’s not going…she is now realizing that what she is feeling is guilt…that she’s going shopping instead of to the funeral…somebody shoot me!!!

    i have told her at least six times that i really need to get off the phone so i can leave to go there…but she won’t shut the eff up…

  209. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:45

    Related

    The most recent hoody freakout was mostly Geraldo’s doing after the Zimmerman/Martin thing. I think.

  210. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:49

    Next week is Laurelwood and I will be there – I’ll wear my white/gray UMD 2011 Frozen Four championship hat, nobody else out here has one of those.

    Oh, I’ll be there. I’ll have to wear something more distinctive than my Laurelwood t-shirt I guess. I’ll try to remember to wear this shirt, I’ve never seen another one.

  211. histrogeek said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:51

    But really isn’t bicycle ownership itself theft?

  212. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:55

    This place is having their grand opening today. The sandwich was fine but nothing super special. I will admit it’s kinda fun saying “I’ll have a nug of Thai stick to go” for your lunch order.

  213. N__B said,

    April 13, 2012 at 21:56

    Socialist wealth distribution – as understood by the tea baggers – demands that all bicycle owners cut their machines in half so that twice as many people ca have unicycles.

  214. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:01

    But really isn’t bicycle ownership itself theft?

    OMG I hadn’t thought of it that way! I rode my bike to work today, thereby stealing the money I otherwise would’ve spent for gas and redistributing it to the sandwich shop instead! I am all horrible and liebrul and unamerican and socialest and probably a muslim! I was even wearing a hoody again. I should just turn myself in to Fox News right now.

  215. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:13

    Give back those mollycules.

  216. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:24

    ta, y’all…catch you on sunday…

  217. Major Kong said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:24

    Which brings up the question of what started this hoody freakout?

    Fear of Franciscan Monks.

  218. bbkf said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:25

    btw…here’s my audio book selections:

    running with scissors
    a collection of mystery and suspense (old radio plays)
    sizzling sixteen (stephanie plum mystery–yeah, i know but stop judging me)
    the night road

  219. vacuumslayer said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:25

    *I* wear hoodies. FFS.

  220. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:27

    btw…here’s my audio book selections:

    I recommend the Kinsey Confidential podcast for uncomfortable driving.

  221. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:27

    Drive safe bbkf…

  222. Major Kong said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:28

    I rode my bike 40 miles today. I’m training for a 100-mile ride next month.

  223. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:30

    That shirt rules, but a nug of Thai stick just sounds strange – is it a nug or a stick? Seriously though, you gotta love the menu.

  224. vacuumslayer said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:33

    I can’t get enough of this shit

  225. vacuumslayer said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:36

    (stephanie plum mystery–yeah, i know but stop judging me)

    As if I could.

  226. vacuumslayer said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:38

    Could these people be any more disgusting?

  227. Fenwick said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:45

    living in Glover Park, Washington, DC- right next to the (old) Soviet Embassy complex- perhaps the safest, i.e., most surveilled & patrolled neighborhood in the District at the time.

    It was also a handsome building, only a few blocks north of the White House. Because of my background–and because I was working on an espionage novel–I had to see it. Creature is mos def right about the surveilance and security! I took photographs and sat on the opposite curb making notes. The US guards outside looked at me closely. I don’t doubt that I was photographed or videotaped both by the US and the Soviets.

    They built the current embassy on the high ground on Wisconsin Avenue so they could get direct line-of-sight for interception of the signals from the Pentagon. I saw it under construction, but never saw the finished building. There be some fabulous antenna arrays on the roof!

  228. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:51

    Could these people be any more disgusting?

    Wait a couple of hours. They’ll figure out something.

  229. Nym said,

    April 13, 2012 at 22:54

    Could these people be any more disgusting?

    There’s a reason Fred “slacktivist” Clark is very consistent about calling him The Liar Tony Perkins.

  230. bughunter, late for a meeting, said,

    April 13, 2012 at 23:26

    Added pro-tip: Avoid Guiness at all costs. It tastes like shit and promotes hobbling hangovers.

    hey, now! that little widget makes it taste almost as good as the original! i’m just glad i didn’t go for the extra stout…

    If you don’t like Guinness but like the widget and the smooth head [VPR], then try Murphy’s Irish Stout. It’s a little less harsh and a little maltier. You should be able to find it at Trader Joe’s… I’ve found it at TJ’s in CA, NC, and IL.

    Also, consuming a four-pack of either in the evening will yield the same 7:00 am bugle farts… a rectal reville so to speak… odorless but voluminous. I attribute it to all the dissolved widget vapor.

  231. Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:03

    s. cere: I larfed muchly at the video. Loved the pompedour wig on the male singer. I’m bald and never considered a rug, but I might have to re-think it after seeing that one.

    bbfk: Multiple tagfails are even cuter. Thanx for the Amii Stewart! Takes me back to my second stint on the radio. Also I lurves thunder and lightning. One of great things about the Great Plains: I loved those wall-to-wall thunderstorms approaching, boiled up high, high, high into the atmosphere, the blast of ozone, the sudden rush of wind through the tree leaves, the cosmic lightshow and cosmic artillery. I’m miss this and the spectacular sunsets.

    tsam: You are SO right about Guinness. I couldn’t even finish a mug of this bitter swill. The only Guinness worth a damn is Alec. Great performance in every film he was in…even the weak ones.

    Major: I also laffed at the Acme third stage. And the Franciscan monks.

    histrogeek: I also also laffed at the theft of economies and countries.

    Thread Bear: I also also also laffed at the Holmes overdub.

    This whole thread is smokin’ hot funneh. Immensely fun to read.

  232. gocart mozart said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:09

    I am a horse.
    http://www.pedigreequery.com/gocart+mozart

  233. Pupienus said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:13

    Dammit they did it wrong again. All mentions of Tony Perkins (the psycho homophobe, not the psycho), the FRC, AFA and their ilk must be of the form “SPLC identified hate group FRC..” This is not a new rule.

  234. J Neo Marvin said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:14

    “Morris Fighter” should be “Morris firefighter”

    When Morris dancers go rogue…

  235. John Revolta said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:17

    Real Guinness, from a well-maintained tap, isn’t harsh at all but has a mild taste.
    The stuff in cans can be okay if it’s not too old. Avoid the bottles at all costs.

    My main beef is the low alcohol content. I seldom drink “socially” these days (i.e. in bars & such) so if I’m looking to get a proper buzz I’d need to drink hella Guinness to get there.

    Also, the stuff across the water IS different. Thicker & tastier. Fresher, I suppose. I’ve seen guys buy three pints at a a time at happy hour and stretch ‘em out for hours and it’s still perfectly palatable. Weird.

  236. gocart mozart said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:20

    “You are SO right about Guinness. I couldn’t even finish a mug of this bitter swill.”

    Now you have done and gone too far. That’s the final straw tsam. Consider yourself unfriended. I’m going to friend you on Facebook just so that I can then immediately unfriend you. Let that be a lesson to you. Harumpf. I said HARUMPF!

  237. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:28

    I’m not a big fan of the Guinness but I don’t hate it either. I’ve tried many different ones over the years, and it really changes depending on tap vs. bottle vs. can with the nitro widget, and then throw in the Extra version and it gets weirder. The bottled versions I’ve had tend to be the worst, with more of the stale/sourness than the others. A fresh batch on nitro tap is the best of the bunch.

    If you do like Guinness and ever see the aforementioned Old Rasputin, you simply must try it, right then, immediately, no takesiesbacksies. Way, way better.

  238. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:39

    I agree on the Old Rasputin -sooooooo smooooootthhhhhh. It took about 10 minutes or so for it to settle. The oyster stout on nitro down at Flat Tail is really good this year.

  239. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:46

    The oyster stout on nitro down at Flat Tail is really good this year.

    So far I haven’t had a Flat Tail beer I’ve liked. I give them a chance every now and then but every time so far I’ve bee disappointed. That said, I haven’t had the Oyster Stout…

  240. Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:47

    On-Topic: During my second stint as a radio DJ, I usually rode a bike to work. Kept it inside my house — in a blackity black black neighborhood. Never stolen. Every now and then, I drove my car to work. It was stolen by two white teenagers (who were eventually caught). Just sayin’.

  241. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:51

    I’ve bee disappointed

    Been.

    I blame the inventor of FYWP: time traveling Stalin.

  242. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:52

    Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:47 (kill)

    On-Topic:

    Talking about Guinness and Old Rasputin is on topic too. After all they’re…..

    BLACK! [gasp!]

  243. gocart mozart said,

    April 14, 2012 at 0:57

    Henri, the cat with ennui.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U
    The sequel, his ennui continues
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34z5dCmC4M

  244. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 14, 2012 at 1:01

    Most definitely off topic: OSU’s Humans vs. Zombies starts today. I bet the zombies will win again.

  245. wiley said,

    April 14, 2012 at 1:03

    So, is that poor man’s bike STILL being stolen? What horror. What Greek trag—

    Can’t wait for the James O’Keefe video of a hoodied Van Jones stealing the bike and taking it to nearest Acorn office where it was stripped down to parts which were shipped to North Korea in exchange for kimchee-flavored crack to be sold in the ghetto to raise off-the-books cash for the Obama campaign.

    RWW! I want to take this comment, hold it up high and then blow on it’s belly. PWWWTTTH.Aren’t you the cutest wittle comment? PWWWTTTH.

    You maded me to laugh. Thnx.

  246. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 14, 2012 at 1:08

    RWW! I want to take this comment, hold it up high and then blow on it’s belly. PWWWTTTH.Aren’t you the cutest wittle comment? PWWWTTTH.

    I’ve never seen a comment get a zrbtt before. Kinky.

  247. Whale Chowder said,

    April 14, 2012 at 1:10

    OSU’s Humans vs. Zombies starts today.

    My son has made no mention of HvZ at Major Midwest University. I figured it had become passé.

  248. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 14, 2012 at 1:20

    My son has made no mention of HvZ at Major Midwest University. I figured it had become passé.

    It may be — this is Relatively Minor Northwest University after all…

  249. Pupienus said,

    April 14, 2012 at 1:20

    I’ve never had McMenamin’s stout by itself but their chocolate stout milkshake is mos def tasty!

  250. Major Kong said,

    April 14, 2012 at 1:30

    Added pro-tip: Avoid Guiness at all costs.

    The last time I was in Dublin the younger people were all drinking Budweiser, of all things.

    Apparently Guiness is considered to be “Your Dad’s beer” by young people in Ireland.

  251. Pupienus said,

    April 14, 2012 at 2:04

    I can’t stop laughing. This guy kills me!
    Romney: we used to do great things, we built the interstate highway system, we built Hoover Dam. Under Obama we can’t even build a pipeline.”

    I paraphrased a bit but that’s essentially what he said. And that after he complained that Obama was destroying the ideal of the founders for limited government, making more big government. Too fucking precious, no?

  252. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 2:10

    we built the interstate highway system

    Hmmm. What was the top marginal tax rate when Ike was in office, again? Anyone? Bueller?
    .

  253. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 14, 2012 at 2:26

    He really went there? Infrastructure? Obama should answer back with how he tried to get more spending for infrastructure and jobs but it was blocked by the GOP. Or something like that. It should be a easy for him to hit that pitch out of the park.

  254. Snorghagen said,

    April 14, 2012 at 2:43

    The last time I was in Dublin the younger people were all drinking Budweiser, of all things.

    All the suffering that Ireland has endured down through the centuries, and now this.

  255. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 14, 2012 at 3:52

    OK, this is nutpicking but the level of delusion is staggering: http://news.yahoo.com/romney-scares-hell-obama-192000448.html

  256. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 4:11

    I still maintain that “Fun With Imaginary Negroes” would be an awesome debut album name.
    .

  257. kg said,

    April 14, 2012 at 4:26

    I’m reaching hissy levels of excitement because Lagunitas is opening a brewery in Chicago!

    Considering the staggering number of craft breweries in OR, etc. I realize that this news is yawnworthy to you PNWers but still : Lagunitas. In Chicago!!!!!@@!@

    We do have T

  258. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 14, 2012 at 5:04

    kg, that’s great. I’m from MN originally and it is great to see more and more craft brewing over that way. I think Bell’s Two Hearted compares well to PNW IPA’s and there are more breweries starting up all the time. Variety is good!

  259. Angry Geometer said,

    April 14, 2012 at 5:19

    But really isn’t bicycle ownership itself theft?

  260. Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 5:50

    Jeffraham: Spider bite all better now?

  261. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 6:19

    Jeffraham: Spider bite all better now?

    Yes; thanks! It’s still slightly visible, but it stopped itching yesterday. Whatever it was, it was quite poisonous.
    .

  262. Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 7:33

    Jeffraham: If you haven’t clicked on gocart’s video links (0:57), you should mos def do so. Hilarious.

  263. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 7:41

    Jeffraham: If you haven’t clicked on gocart’s video links (0:57), you should mos def do so. Hilarious.

    I think I saw those yesterday at Boon Jews. We all travel the same orbits, I reckon. ;)
    .

  264. Guerilla Voters Cadre 18 said,

    April 14, 2012 at 7:59

    From a 2009 stand-up performance by Lewis Black:

    Now, people who were overwhelmed by [Obama's] election: I wasn’t as much. And the reason is because he’s a Democrat. And that didn’t seem to me to be an improvement over Republican.

    I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking in the mirror at itself. Why would I be excited that a Democrat won? Seriously, over the past eight years, the Democrats didn’t do shit. Basically, the last eight years, the Republican stood around farting, and the the Democrats went “Oooooo, let me smell it.”

    I find it astonishing that anyone is still a loyal Democrat or a loyal Republican. I believe you’re delusional. I believe you’re seeing something that isn’t there. And we call that hallucinating. And I know about hallucinations because I took LSD when I was young…just to prepare me for this moment in time.

    Solidarity.

  265. Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 8:10

    In Russia, bicycle steals you.

  266. RWW said,

    April 14, 2012 at 8:14

    Guess Rmoney has no idea the Interstate system and the Hoover Dam are the very definition of Big Government projects. Moar socialism please! Also too, I might not be opposed to drilling all over the goddam place for oil and spoiling the environment while at it, IF that was a Big Govt project too and We The People owned the oil and got the benefit of it rather than having to BUY our own fucking natural resources back at manipulated market prices from bloodsucking profit reaping corporations which offshore all their assets and pay NO fucking taxes. Till then, Mittens can shove that tar sands pipeline up his ass.

  267. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 8:32

    Guess Rmoney has no idea the Interstate system and the Hoover Dam are the very definition of Big Government projects. Moar socialism please! Also too, I might not be opposed to drilling all over the goddam place for oil and spoiling the environment while at it, IF that was a Big Govt project too and We The People owned the oil and got the benefit of it rather than having to BUY our own fucking natural resources back at manipulated market prices from bloodsucking profit reaping corporations which offshore all their assets and pay NO fucking taxes. Till then, Mittens can shove that tar sands pipeline up his ass.

    Perfect. THIS.
    .

  268. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 8:50

    Till then, Mittens can shove that tar sands pipeline up his ass.

    Preach it, brother!

  269. Major Kong said,

    April 14, 2012 at 8:56

    Till then, Mittens can shove that tar sands pipeline up his ass.

    Testify!

  270. Major Kong said,

    April 14, 2012 at 8:57

    Jeffraham: Spider bite all better now?

    Yesterday I knocked a spider off the wall so the cat could catch it and eat it.

    Together we’re a mighty arachnid-fighting team!

  271. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 9:06

    Yesterday I knocked a spider off the wall so the cat could catch it and eat it.

    While I suspect either of my cats would dispatch a spider without getting bit, if this one had bitten one of them, I suspect I would have Dead Kitteh by now.
    .

  272. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 9:31

    Together we’re a mighty arachnid-fighting team!

    Watch out, Peter Parker!

  273. Magpie said,

    April 14, 2012 at 9:41

    I used to wonder who was leaving crunchy pubes in the bathroom, til I saw the cat eating a spider and leaving the legs.

  274. Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 11:02

    RWW: Righteous !! I want to nationalize the oil industry, healthcare, and all ‘defense’ industries. But I’m an Ebil Soshulest.

  275. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 11:32

    wonder if anyone has written Kirk/Gorn slashfic…

    I happen to know that it has been done. Alas or maybe mercifully, the one piece that I can attest to was written before Al Gore invented teh World Wide Webzez. I can say for a fact that it has never been posted on same. I can assure you that it never will, having been lost to history through use as padding a shipping case or something. Nor can I tell you how it is I came to know of this.

    OTOH, it’s probably abundant on rule 34 Island.

    Gawd, Pupienus, really struggling to wrap my head around Kirk/Gorn. (Kirk/Finnegan is more like it, well, in theory and judging by Kirk’s reaction, that is, b/c I didn’t really warm up to a charmless Polish dude playing Lucky the Leprechaun)

    But on the notion of Rule 34, this lady whose handle was “islaofhope” once posted a story slashing Kirk with Adam, the creepy hippy ringleader from “Way To Eden,” you know, the one with the toothy grin saying “we reach” and who called Kirk a Herbert.

    This story did not go over well in the Kirk/Spock forum it was posted in. (To be fair, nothing went over well in that forum at the time. Someone very near and dear to me got flamed over a drabble that contained the word ‘husband.’ That was several years ago, fast forward to a new movie and young fans who never saw TOS (blasphemy!!) and several more states passing SSM and nobody bats an eye. I’m still bitter.)

  276. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 11:43

    Gawd, Pupienus, really struggling to wrap my head around Kirk/Gorn.

    If you think that’s tough, try Kirk/Horta. You’ve been warned!

  277. Thread Bear said,

    April 14, 2012 at 13:04

    Till then, Mittens can shove that tar sands pipeline up his ass.

    There is already a tar sands pipeline into the US, it runs to refineries in the midwest. It carries all the tar sand oil that Canada can currently provide and is not yet close to full capacity. The new pipeline they want to build WILL NOT help lower gas prices in the US but will actually raise them. The whole point of the new pipeline is to get the tars sands oil to the gulf coast where it can be put on ships and sent overseas. The only reason they are pushing to build the pipeline across the US is that the Canadian government has already seen how nasty tar sand oil leaks are and are familiar with the history of shoddy work of the company that wants to build the pipeline so they won’t let them build it across Canada.

  278. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 13:45

    The new pipeline they want to build WILL NOT help lower gas prices in the US but will actually raise them. The whole point of the new pipeline is to get the tars sands oil to the gulf coast where it can be put on ships and sent overseas

    Tell that to the goddamn freepers and they’ll ask why you hate America.

    The only reason they are pushing to build the pipeline across the US is that the Canadian government has already seen how nasty tar sand oil leaks are and are familiar with the history of shoddy work of the company that wants to build the pipeline so they won’t let them build it across Canada.

    What’s the big deal? It only goes over the largest aquifer in the country. It’s not like millions of humans and a huge percentage of the agricultural concerns in the country are going to need that water.

    Hell, I imagine that a lot of “eminent domain” claims are going to be made. Don’t righties believe in the sanctity of property?

  279. Thread Bear said,

    April 14, 2012 at 13:55

    What’s the big deal? It only goes over the largest aquifer in the country. It’s not like millions of humans and a huge percentage of the agricultural concerns in the country are going to need that water.

    I can’t see a problem there. After all, tar sands oil is not like the usual crude. They have to inject it with all kinds of nasty chemicals to get it to flow through the pipes, and if it spills into a water source it sinks to the bottom rather than floating on top. Nobody has the technology to clean up a spill like that effectively. It’s only been two years since tar sands oil spilled into the Kalamazoo River and they say they are now close to cleaning it up. Of course, this statement comes amid allegations that they are not so much cleaning it up as simply burrying under a few feet of dirt.

  280. kg said,

    April 14, 2012 at 15:09

    S.c, yes I’m very grateful that Bells started distributing to IL again. Plus we’ve got Three Floyds and Goose Island is still doing some very nice things.

    I love the selection of west coast IPAs and such at my disposal but I’ll always prefer to get something somewhat local .

    THis song is always on topic

  281. Snorghagen said,

    April 14, 2012 at 15:23

    The war against kids holding hands has begun.

  282. Snorghagen said,

    April 14, 2012 at 15:26

    I saw the cat eating a spider and leaving the legs.

    Those are the best parts!

  283. Smut Clyde said,

    April 14, 2012 at 15:27

    I’ve never had a hangover in Europe, and it wasn’t for want of drinking.

    Rest assured that is possible. But if someone wants to make a Mythbusters episode, I am available to help.

  284. Major Kong said,

    April 14, 2012 at 15:28

    Tales of Sleep Deprivation -

    3:00 AM – Show for trip Memphis -> Huntington.
    5:30 AM – Land in Huntington, WV
    6:00 AM – Arrive at hotel.
    6:30 AM – Go to sleep. So far so good.

    8:30 AM – Zzzzzzzzzz…….mmmmphr…….hey, what the hell is that noise? Does the room next door have their radio on really loud?

    8:35 AM – OK, whatever it was it’s gone. Maybe I can get back to….Zzzzzzzz

    8:40 AM – YGTBFSM!!! They’re running a 5k race on the street in front of my hotel room and there’s an asshole with a loudspeaker who really likes hearing himself talk!

    Oh the humanity!!!!

  285. N__B said,

    April 14, 2012 at 17:13

    Major –

    Time to invest in a BB gun.

  286. bughunter, still absorbing caffeine, said,

    April 14, 2012 at 17:39

    Time to invest in a BB gun.

    Or an EMP projector.

    Check this illuminating reference.

    (And I mean *really* check it. I’ve found errors in it before… you can’t use too much caution when you’re playing with extremely high energy RF.)

  287. N__B said,

    April 14, 2012 at 17:52

    I don’t know bughunter. I’m simply trying to turn the Major into a sociopath, not a supervillain.

  288. Thread Bear said,

    April 14, 2012 at 18:12

    I still maintain that “Fun With Imaginary Negroes” would be an awesome debut album name.

    A good one for the Average White Band to use when they make their comeback.

  289. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 18:25

    But WHY DOES TIM MATHESON HAVE AN OCTOELMO ON HIS HAIDBONE?
    .

  290. Spearhafoc, who is literally Hitler said,

    April 14, 2012 at 18:46

    Oh God. There are these commercials here in Soviet Canuckistan trying to sell the oil sands using patriotic bullshit – crap like “Canada is imaginative and we can accomplish anything.” It seems to show at the theatre every time I go to the movies. It pisses me off to no end.

  291. Helmut Monotreme said,

    April 14, 2012 at 18:53

    But WHY DOES TIM MATHESON HAVE AN OCTOELMO ON HIS HAIDBONE?

    He’s a plushie too.

  292. Thread Bear said,

    April 14, 2012 at 18:59

    “Canada is imaginative and we can accomplish anything.”

    Then surely they can imagine and accomplish greater than oil sands.

  293. N__B said,

    April 14, 2012 at 19:13

    Next: Canada accomplishes oil sand boxes!

  294. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 14, 2012 at 19:25

    Hey, they gave us hockey and for that I thank them. Also this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKBLSkN2sRk

  295. Thread Bear said,

    April 14, 2012 at 19:39

    Hey, they gave us hockey and for that I thank them.

    My hometown Everblades outplayed the Jackals last night in Elmira, but ran in to a stone wall of a goalie and lost game one of the conference semi-finals. Hopefully they can play another solid game tonight and come back home with a 1-1 split in the series.

  296. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 19:47

    There are these commercials here in Soviet Canuckistan trying to sell the oil sands using patriotic bullshit – crap like “Canada is imaginative and we can accomplish anything.”

    It takes a real creative flight to build a bridge back to the 20th Century. Whoever wrote the Kirk/Horta slashfic did more for humanity than the PR flack who wrote that commercial.

  297. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:16

    If you think that’s tough, try Kirk/Horta.

    Thanks, BBBB. The link didn’t work the first time for whatever reason. Webring went on a power trip.

  298. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:21

    Kirk/Horta

    “Unseen tendrils”, lol

    Aw, it’s a pegging story. How sweet.

    PS: somebody on Ascem wrote a Spock/Science Console story once. So there’s that.

  299. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:22

    Thanks, BBBB. The link didn’t work the first time for whatever reason.

    I think it was the Universe Itself, trying to save your sanity.

  300. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:28

    Well, speaking of creative Canucki (Kanutsky?) or at least half-Canucki fanfic writers, have you read Lyrastarwatcher, BBBB?

    Han Solo/Chewbacca

    On a more serious note, she wrote this: Scotty and the Selkie

  301. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:39

    Unseen tendrils?

    ‘Bigger’n a barn… all made o’ squirmin’ ropes… hull thing sort o’ shaped like a hen’s egg bigger’n anything with dozens o’ legs like hogs-heads that haff shut up when they step… nothin’ solid abaout it – all like jelly, an’ made o’ sep’rit wrigglin’ ropes pushed clost together… great bulgin’ eyes all over it… ten or twenty maouths or trunks a-stickin’ aout all along the sides, big as stove-pipes an all a-tossin’ an openin’ an’ shuttin’… all grey, with kinder blue or purple rings… an’ Gawd it Heaven – that haff face on top…’

  302. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:40

    BBBB, I’ve read wayyyyyy worse fanfiction than that blissfully short, OOC, scientifically implausible romp.

    I wouldn’t say I’m immune, but I will say it takes more than that to shake me.

    And then there’s this guy. Who apparently was sneaky enough to scrub his dolphin love tale off the intarwebs so he can sell it on Amazon, lololol <3 <3

  303. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:40

    Well, speaking of creative Canucki (Kanutsky?) or at least half-Canucki fanfic writers, have you read Lyrastarwatcher, BBBB?

    I’m really not into slashfic (not that I’m knocking it- it’s a creative outlet for people and that’s a good thing), I just use it for comedic purposes… e.g. Dobbs/Buchanan slash or Blunt/Rubio slash.

    Han Solo/Chewbacca

    Seems that someone besides me had that suspicion… I came to the conclusion that Chewbacca was reallt female and that she was Han’s squeeze. I could be right… unless the Star Wars Holiday Special is considered canon (and I think it should be).

  304. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:42

    S. Cerevisiae, that is most relevant to my interests. Do you by any chance have a newsletter, to which one may subscribe, perhaps?

  305. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:44

    Unseen tendrils?

    Maybe Spock could have reconciled Armitage and the Whateleys.

    And then there’s this guy. Who apparently was sneaky enough to scrub his dolphin love tale off the intarwebs so he can sell it on Amazon, lololol <3 <3

    For a heart-seizing moment, I was afraid that David Brin had gone off the deep end. “IM IN UR PANTS UPLIFTIN UR JENITTLES!!”

  306. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:51

    BBBB, the Scotty story isn’t slash. It’s het.

  307. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:57

    I like comedic slash, too… for example, who could forget that Bush/Blair endless love video? Or the ridiculous Johnx2 fandom (so skeevy in retrospect)?

    I was a little annoyed to find out there was an entire subculture of slashing evening TV news and fake news hosts. I think the annoyance started when I ran across the chibi fanart. However, it was interesting to note that pairing a male anchor with Rachel Maddow was still considered a slash pairing.

    Okay, I will share a truly bizarre slash story. It’s K/S but that’s not the bizarre part: There’s Always Room For Captain

    Featured on Something Awful — twice!

  308. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:58

    BBBB, the Scotty story isn’t slash. It’s het.

    Is slash by definition same sex? I was under the impression that it referred to all fanfic proposing sexual relations between two characters.

    “Marco, it’s odd to see you in the Congressional steam room at this hour…”

  309. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 20:59

    I picture Lou Dobbs and Pat Buchanan slathered up in pork fat wrestling on a tarp en plein air and huffing and puffing like a “cardiac event” is immanent.

  310. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 21:01

    Had to google David Brin. I have fiction reading friends but they’ve never mentioned him. Worth a try or not?

  311. not a gator said,

    April 14, 2012 at 21:07

    BBBB, slash used to refer exclusively to same-sex pairings. Back then, het was called “GEN” even if it was pretty explicit. Double standard ahoy! In fact, there used to be a Usenet group called alt.startrek.creative.all-ages where you could post “gen” (right…. up to R rating) fic but slash (even G slash) was banned. For the children. All the little children who one encounters all over Usenet.

    I guess the word has changed because any random pairing gets called slash now. The term slash comes from the “/” so I guess that makes sense. I’m stuck in my ways, though. Which includes calling “gen” HET. Busting up heteronormative privilege everywhere, that’s me.

  312. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 14, 2012 at 21:12

    Brin’s stuff is fun- it concerns humans, with the assistance of genetically modified chimps and dolphins, trying to find a place among a ancient, largely indifferent but sometimes hostile, galactic civilization. If you read one book by Brin, I’d suggest Startide Rising- it’s a fun read, with a couple of genuinely surprising moments. Brin’s blog is a good read too, I don’t visit it nearly often enough.

    Gotta scarper off to work… I’ll be able to post in a few hours when things get quiet.

  313. Pupienus said,

    April 14, 2012 at 21:43

    Yeah, Startide Rising is probably Brin’s best. Sundiver is the first in the uplift series and is also a good read. The one following Startide was also good, but was a bit of a letdown for all of us who were hoping for more dolphins. The Postman is also worthwhile, don’t let Costner’s massacre of a movie deter you. I rank Postman as among the top two or three books most painfully slaughtered by their movies.

  314. Pupienus said,

    April 14, 2012 at 22:38

    It was dead when I got here, honest!

  315. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 14, 2012 at 23:16

    It was dead when I got here, honest!

    Could just be me, but I’ve had a dickens of a time getting the site to load, all day. It’s been up and down more than Matt Drudge on the eggman’s shaft.
    .

  316. bughunter, already well on his way to drunk, said,

    April 14, 2012 at 23:26

    The one following Startide

    The Uplift War

    Yes, also recommended. The idea of a galaxy richly populated by advanced civs, in which Humans are at the bottom of the totem pole, is rather unique in SF, and the other races are quite imaginative. As are the Terran “client” species characters.

    Don’t bother with any of the “Uplift Trilogy” books, though, unless you are really and truly enamored with the milieu, and can’t get enough of it.

    The Postman is also worthwhile

    Aye, it was a very good novel, and I even liked the movie though many didn’t… imo there was a very widespread predisposition to lampoon the film because, a) it was directed by Costner, and b) they believed it would be a film about a postman. Be warned, though, it is post-apocalyptic and can be quite dark. But I really appreciated the theme that Brin develops which proposes that females are better suited for leadership because they are less bellicose.

    I would also recommend Brin’s novel “Earth”, though I have also seen many reviews by people who found it tedious. I appreciated its insightful vision of the future… independent of the core conflict. (Spoiler: our generation becomes intolerant GOML types, wearing cameras, constantly connected to the net, and narcing on the vagaries of the younger folk.)

    Also, “Heart of the Comet” (with Benford, another recommended author) is a very good story that imo would in fact translate well to cinema.

    If you like Brin, you would also like Vernor Vinge. “A Fire Upon the Deep,” “A Deepness in the Sky” and “The Children of the Sky” together form a loose trilogy. “Rainbow’s End” however is my favorite of his. A must-read for all UCSD alums, btw…

  317. Karl The Crap Blog Detective said,

    April 14, 2012 at 23:30

    I remember reading Vinge’s novel about some libertarian paradise with privately owned nukes. Made perfect sense to my dumb teenage self. Don’t remember which one that was though.

  318. Fenwick said,

    April 14, 2012 at 23:37

    “Canada is imaginative and we can accomplish anything.”

    Such as numismatic paleontology.

  319. bughunter, already well on his way to drunk, said,

    April 14, 2012 at 23:45

    Don’t recall that one, and none of the entries on his Wikipedia page seem to correlate with your description… Unless possibly you’re talking about “The Peace War” which is about a conflict between factions in a post-USA West coast, using weapons that create stasis fields (bubbles enclosing time-stopped regions, a la Niven’s “stasis boxes”)… that setting is indeed a “libertarian paradise.”

    The Peace War was interesting but I found it ultimately not very compelling. I bought it’s sequel but haven’t read it yet… still working my way thru Stephenson’s Baroque Cycle (it’s both fun and intellectual… a rare combination).

  320. Snorghagen said,

    April 15, 2012 at 0:47

    you would also like Vernor Vinge. “A Fire Upon the Deep,”

    Funny that you should mention that – I’m in the middle of it right now. Science fiction is not my usual literary cup of meat, but you’re right, AFUTD is pretty good.

  321. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 15, 2012 at 1:25

    you would also like Vernor Vinge. “A Fire Upon the Deep,”

    You gotta love a guy who makes Norwegian the Galactic Universal Language.

    I also recommend Brin—the first Uplift trilogy especially. I always thought Sundiver would make a nice little murder mystery movie—and unlike the others, it’s probably filmable. (Although I suppose with Avatar-like technology, you can film anything nowadays, but it just looks…fakey.)

    Also, don’t forget Glory Season.

    ‘Bigger’n a barn… all made o’ squirmin’ ropes… hull thing sort o’ shaped like a hen’s egg bigger’n anything with dozens o’ legs like hogs-heads that haff shut up when they step… nothin’ solid abaout it – all like jelly, an’ made o’ sep’rit wrigglin’ ropes pushed clost together… great bulgin’ eyes all over it… ten or twenty maouths or trunks a-stickin’ aout all along the sides, big as stove-pipes an all a-tossin’ an openin’ an’ shuttin’… all grey, with kinder blue or purple rings… an’ Gawd it Heaven – that haff face on top…’

    Why dose this remind me of Galaxy Quest, when Tony Shalhoub and Missi Pyle are finally getting it on, and she reverts to her natural form? “Oh, that ain’t right!”

  322. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 15, 2012 at 2:08

    Why dose this remind me of Galaxy Quest, when Tony Shalhoub and Missi Pyle are finally getting it on, and she reverts to her natural form? “Oh, that ain’t right!”

    ‘Cos it’s kinda hot, in a hard to define way?

  323. Major Kong said,

    April 15, 2012 at 2:24

    I remember reading Vinge’s novel about some libertarian paradise with privately owned nukes.

    What could possibly go wrong?

  324. RWW said,

    April 15, 2012 at 2:34

    libertarian paradise with privately owned nukes

    Cue Paulbots in 3,2,1…

  325. Smut Clyde said,

    April 15, 2012 at 2:34

    she reverts to her natural form
    Like that never happens to you.

  326. Major Kong said,

    April 15, 2012 at 2:56

    Why dose this remind me of Galaxy Quest, when Tony Shalhoub and Missi Pyle are finally getting it on, and she reverts to her natural form?

    I’ve seen enough anime to know where this is going….

  327. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 15, 2012 at 3:40

    she reverts to her natural form
    Like that never happens to you.

    Appropos

  328. Fenwick said,

    April 15, 2012 at 3:41

    I’m out of step with the rest of the Sadlies immersion in sci-fi: I’m currently re-reading Pasternak’s Doctor Zhivago…yet another novel I haven’t read in thirty years. Back then, I never imagined myself as a fiction writer; now I read fiction differently. Pasternak’s descriptive powers are extraordinary. He uses smells in a remarkable way–perhaps the most difficult sensory effect to use in scene-and-setting.

    Perhaps I’m on a Russian Revolution jag. Next I think I’ll re-read Solzhenitsyn’s August 1914.

    Also watched In Bruges tonight. I recommend the film. I strongly recommend the town to any to travellers. Also Ghent, which I used as my base in Belgium.

    Okay, back to Pasternak now. I’m in the midst of the Arrival [in Yuriatin] chapter. FWIW, I think Robert Bolt did a superb job in adapting a complex book into a screenplay. I’m also a fan of David Lean.

  329. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 15, 2012 at 3:53

    Back then, I never imagined myself as a fiction writer; now I read fiction differently.

    Do you typically write short stories, or longer works?

  330. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 15, 2012 at 3:56

    Gotta get on a waterman’s schedule. g’nite, Sadlies.
    .

  331. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:00

    Gotta get on a waterman’s schedule. g’nite, Sadlies.

    The sea is a harsh mistress!

  332. Major Kong said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:04

    Also watched In Bruges tonight.

    If you like Brendan Gleeson The Guard is really good.

  333. RWW said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:19

    Fenwick: I agree re David Lean. Dr. Zhivago is one of my all-time fave films. The visuals especially of the vast Russian countryside are truly magnificent.

  334. Spearhafoc, who is literally Hitler said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:22

    I’m currently reading the Illuminatus Trilogy. It’s a satirical and post-modern deconstruction of conspiracy theories and a celebration of Discordianism (described by some people as “a joke disguised as a religion or a religion disguised as a joke”).

    Basically, in the book, all conspiracies are true, even the ones that contradict the other ones – especially the ones that contradict the other ones.

    Lovecraft’s works are also treated as canon, as Miskatonic University and the Necronomicon are described as real things within the world of the book. At one point, there’s a jury whose names are all taken from 30s movie monsters – say, “John Alucard” (whose name is Dracula spelled backwards). There’s also a dolphin named Howard who sings a satirical song about sharks.

    The narrator can’t seem to decide who or what he or she is, and seems to be going through an existential crisis because of it. The point of view is constantly switching from third person omniscient to the first person perspectives of individual characters, usually while retaining the same “voice”, if that makes any sense.

    It’s…a weird bunch of books. I can’t decide if it’s genius or twaddle, but I can’t say it’s not entertaining.

  335. RWW said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:23

    Oops, I know it wasn’t filmed IN Russia, but still…what was supposed to be Russia was beautiful.

  336. Nym said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:26

    The war against kids holding hands has begun.

    Relevant. Also.

  337. Spearhafoc, who is literally Hitler said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:34

    The most recent book I finished was Trilby. It’s a novel from 1895 about the lives of a trio of British artists, and a Victorian Manic Pixie Dreamgirl named Trilby, who all live in Paris in the mid century. It’s high on pretty language and a sense of how it felt to live in Paris at that time, but it’s really low on plot.

    It’s the origin of the phrase “the all together” to mean “naked”, the name “Svengali” to describe the archetype for a person who controls another for selfish purposes (Svengali is a shifty character in the book who’s in love with Trilby and ends up manipulating her using hypnosis) and the hat Trilby (it was named after the hat worn by the leading lady of the play adaptation of the book).

  338. Spearhafoc, who is literally Hitler said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:42

    Also, I forgot to mention that most of the dialogue in Trilby is in untranslated French for some reason.

  339. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 15, 2012 at 4:53

    It’s…a weird bunch of books. I can’t decide if it’s genius or twaddle

    It’s both! FNORD!

    The book is a glorious mess- I’ve never re-read the entire thing, but I’ve re-read certain sections of it numerous times. My favorite bit was the running gag about The Midget, Markoff Cheney. It is more than a bit dated, though.

    Lovecraft’s works are also treated as canon, as Miskatonic University and the Necronomicon are described as real things within the world of the book

    There’s a lot of “Weird Tales” references- the works of Robert E. Howard, mashed up with Tolkien and Lovecraft, form one possible interpretation of history and the Grand Conspiracy. An annotated version of the series would be helpful, though demand is probably not that high.

  340. Another Kiwi said,

    April 15, 2012 at 5:10

    Victorian Manic Pixie Dreamgirl VS, is that you?

  341. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 15, 2012 at 5:17

    Victorian Manic Pixie Dreamgirl VS, is that you?

    I wouldn’t describe her as a Manic Pixie Dreamgirl, but I’d describe the subjects of her art as Gothic Pixie Dreamgirls.

  342. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 15, 2012 at 5:21

    Heh, no hits for Gothic Pixie Dreamgirl.

    I call “coinage” rights!

  343. N__B said,

    April 15, 2012 at 6:12

    Mae West was more of a Romanesque Pixie Dreamgirl.

  344. gocart mozart said,

    April 15, 2012 at 7:07

    The war against kids holding hands has begun.

    Relevant. Also.

    Evidence that hand holding leads to french kissing.

  345. bbkf said,

    April 15, 2012 at 8:18

    “You are SO right about Guinness. I couldn’t even finish a mug of this bitter swill.”

    Now you have done and gone too far.

    i KNOW!!!

    last night i had some young’s double chocolate stout….om…i am in love…

  346. bbkf said,

    April 15, 2012 at 8:20

    The last time I was in Dublin the younger people were all drinking Budweiser, of all things.

    yeah, me too…and i was so fucking appalled…i guess we can just be thankful that it wasn’t busch light…

  347. Another Kiwi said,

    April 15, 2012 at 8:27

    Youth is wasted on the young.

  348. Magpie said,

    April 15, 2012 at 8:34

    Youth is wasted on the old, too

  349. A Youth said,

    April 15, 2012 at 10:52

    Man, I’m wasted.

  350. El Cid said,

    April 15, 2012 at 12:30

    A conservative with a bicycle? That’s asking a bit too much for the reader to have to believe.

  351. N__B said,

    April 15, 2012 at 14:57

    A conservative needs a bicycle like a woman needs a fish.

  352. Thread Bear said,

    April 15, 2012 at 16:18

    Conservatives often have bicycle strapped to their SUVs, so they can look cool, just like in the advertisements. They never take them down however, unless of couse they have to take their dog on a trip.

    In other news, I checked out the Brin blog linked to upthread and was lead to this fun little video.

  353. bughunter, hungover on his birthday, said,

    April 15, 2012 at 17:27

    Illuminatus!

    I’ve slogged thru that a number of times…. three or four, I’ve lost count. I first read it when I was in high school in 1982, a long-haired stoner geek.

    I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge it as one of the books (along with A Demon Haunted World, and Godel, Escher, Bach) that shaped my world view. Hail Eris.

    And it was prescient. Operation Mindfuck has become SOP in modern politics, but it uses primitive emotions instead of LSD, and therefore turns people into reactionaries instead of liberals.

    Also, it has a sister trilogy called “Schrodingers Cat.” Many of the characters and even some of the scenes are shared. It’s even more of a mess than Illuminatus!… the third wall is constantly broken, the characters suspect they are living in a novel, and the story jumps between parallel universes. All cliche today but they were avant garde at the time. Also, In the third book, all profane words are replaced with the names of prominent conservatives of the day. Thus Tits are “Brownmillers,” Fuck is “Potter Stewart” and Penis is “Rehnquist.” It takes a bit of getting used to, but accomplishes its intended effect: you’ll never hear the name Rehnquist the same way again, ever.

    If you’re interested in these, try to run down used copies of the original printings from the early 1980s… the publishers edited the hell out of the 21st century reprints, and they’re not the same.

  354. gocart mozart said,

    April 15, 2012 at 17:28

    I thought bicycles were a U.N./communist plot to infringe on one’s sacred God given constitutional right to waste gas? Color me confused.

  355. Snorghagen said,

    April 15, 2012 at 17:43

    all profane words are replaced with the names of prominent conservatives of the day.

    Rick Santorum is thankful that no one engages in that kind of silliness any more.

  356. gocart mozart said,

    April 15, 2012 at 18:42

    (found on the interwebs today)

    For every Romney action, there is an equal and opposite Romney reaction.

  357. Thread Bear said,

    April 15, 2012 at 18:43

    all profane words are replaced with the names of prominent conservatives of the day.

    Why you mother-Romney idiot! You are a complete Romney Rove! I’m gonna kick the Romney Gingrich outta you! You utter Santorun stain!!!

    Heh, works pretty well.

  358. Pupienus said,

    April 15, 2012 at 18:56

    I’ve been rereading Pohl, Kornbluth, Brunner, some others I found in free ebook form.

    One of my favorite bits of dialogue ever is in one of the illuminatus books. The midget approaches a gorgeous woman in a bar. “What do you say to a friendly little fuck?” “Hello, friendly little fuck!”

  359. Snorghagen said,

    April 15, 2012 at 18:58

    Limbaugh my Boehner, you Krauthammering sack of Drudge!

  360. Snorghagen said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:02

    My post above is in reference to the post at 18:43, and not in response to the post at 18:56. I do not, in fact, think that Pupienus is a Krauthammering sack of Drudge.

  361. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:03

    So, it has come to this.
    .

  362. N__B said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:05

    Yes it has.

    I’m heading out, but let me whore before I do: I’ve got up a tl;dr post about how the Titanic – 100 years ago today! – is all about me.

  363. Nym said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:13

    A conservative with a bicycle? That’s asking a bit too much for the reader to have to believe.

    Didn’t Gee Dub have a mountain bike? And having a 4-figure-priced mountain bike showed he was One of the Guys, as opposed to Kerry’s effete and elitist 4-figure-priced road bike?

  364. Nym said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:14

    Also, In the third book, all profane words are replaced with the names of prominent conservatives of the day.

    Huh, stole a gimmick from Gore Vidal.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myron_(novel)#Glossary

  365. Snorghagen said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:26

    I’ve got up a tl;dr post about how the Titanic – 100 years ago today! – is all about me.

    That’s an excellent post, but you failed to mention what I believe was one of the Titanic’s most significant design flaws: styrofoam propellers.

    And there’s also the fact that the watertight bulkheads were made of Saran Wrap.

  366. Pupienus said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:51

    I don’t get why they gave it such an ill-fated name.

  367. Golem Heart said,

    April 15, 2012 at 19:59

    “Didn’t Gee Dub have a mountain bike?”

    Not only that, but I seem to recall that to ride it, he dressed in the full spandex-and-helmet getup you’d think conservatives would identify as effete and elitist.

    I could be wrong, not gonna google GWB dressed to ride.

  368. RWW said,

    April 15, 2012 at 20:12

    Re “I don’t get why they gave it such an ill-fated name.”

    They were going to name it Indestructible II, but after Indestructible I sank, they thought better of it.

  369. jim said,

    April 15, 2012 at 20:13

    styrofoam propellers.

    N3VAR F0RG3T: Disaster Porn WASREAL!

  370. RWW said,

    April 15, 2012 at 20:17

    GW couldn’t handle a bowl of pretzels, what were they thinking letting him have a mountain bike?

  371. Nym said,

    April 15, 2012 at 20:29

    I could be wrong, not gonna google GWB dressed to ride.

    Seems to have favored the looser shirt-and-shorts combo of mountain bikers:
    http://www.bikegallery.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/george-bush-and-his-bike.jpg

    Here’s Kerry on his road bike:
    http://www.campyonly.com/images/rumors/2004/kerry-shimano.jpeg

    Interestingly, pictures of Kerry often, but not always, show him in spandex (which is the classic road bike outfit). Seems to depend on weather and circumstances (a bike races vs. a more casual ride).

  372. kg said,

    April 15, 2012 at 20:34

    “what I don’t like is to be beaten on a mountain bike ride by a one-legged Veteran.”

    Truequote from a recent GWB speech. Look up the link yourself, I’m on the phone here.

  373. N__B said,

    April 15, 2012 at 20:40

    It’s a beautiful day, I’m sitting on a bench on the Heights Promenade and yet I feel compelled to Sadly.

    The third ship of the group had its name changed, prelaunch and post Titanic, from Gigantic to Britannic. It was used as a hospital ship during WWI and sank like a rock when it hit a mine.

  374. N__B said,

    April 15, 2012 at 20:51

    Also, per kg’s post, a one legged man could beat W in an asskicking contest.

  375. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 15, 2012 at 21:09

    N_B, that was an interesting post on the Titanic. I read A Night To Remember when I was a kid and have always been interested in shipwrecks. I agree if they had hit it straight on the ship would likely have survived. I wonder if it was possible for them to only reverse the portside screw to turn faster? To me that would be more effective if they wanted to turn fast.

  376. paleotectonics said,

    April 15, 2012 at 21:17

    Totally OT, but TIGER ALERT!!!

    (Jen of 3WS, don’t read for 15 seconds…)

    Per the General, Clownservapedia has enshrined one of Kinkyade’s (Painter of Golden Showers) thingys in their Painted Masterpieces sections! W000ttt!!!11!elevenses!!

    And, whilst whackbushing my way through the right-wing foliage there, what did I find but the Secret Service whatsit in Columbia. Do you really need me to tell you Andrew Schlafly’s consensus?

    Too. Stuff. Also. Whacking the bush.

  377. Nym said,

    April 15, 2012 at 22:05

    So does most of their “Painted Masterpieces” section comprise McNaughton work?

  378. Spearhafoc, who is literally Hitler said,

    April 15, 2012 at 22:21

    I’m amused they included Monet’s Olympia in the painted masterpieces. Do they know it depicts a high class prostitute?

  379. N__B said,

    April 15, 2012 at 23:17

    S.cerevisiae-

    Running one engine forward and one back is a very inefficient way to turn a ship because the distance between the propellers is relatively small. In geekspeak, the moment arm of the couple is small. Modern ships have bow and stern thrusters – propellers mounted in tunnels at right angles to the main axis of the ship – which have a moment arm nearly as big as the ship’s length and so make maneuvering much easier.

  380. Pupienus said,

    April 16, 2012 at 0:09

    Pammycakes finally gets the attention she deserves.

  381. gocart mozart said,

    April 16, 2012 at 0:24

    Just watched all the youtube clips (6X10 min=1hr) of the 1965 Cambridge University debate between James Baldwin and William F. Buckley. Very interesting. Jimmy Baldwin rocked the house, while WFB demonstrated his erudite and pompous klansman skills.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/04/15/1083148/-A-raft-for-racists-The-National-Review-from-Buckley-through-Derbyshire-and-beyond?showAll=yes

  382. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 16, 2012 at 0:37

    Pammycakes finally gets the attention she deserves.

    Pamela Gellar named a hate group? Did the SPLC consider her fake boobs the other members?

  383. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 16, 2012 at 0:46

    I’m amused they included Monet’s Olympia in the painted masterpieces. Do they know it depicts a high class prostitute?

    I’m shocked that they included a nude at all… I think they only did because the painting portrays an African slave or maidservant.

  384. N__B said,

    April 16, 2012 at 1:12

    Pamela Gellar named a hate group? Did the SPLC consider her fake boobs the other members?

    Pam, her boobz, te voices in her head, the Señor Wences faces she has drawn on her hands…it’s quite the crowd.

  385. M. Bouffant said,

    April 16, 2012 at 1:22

    Looks like she drew a Señor Wences face on her face, too.

    Ha ha.

  386. N__B said,

    April 16, 2012 at 1:58

    Looks like she drew a Señor Wences face on her face, too.

    It’s only fitting to assume theres one on her ass-crack as well.

  387. Major Kong said,

    April 16, 2012 at 2:00

    Pammycakes finally gets the attention she deserves.

    That’s not even close to what she deserves, but it’s a start.

  388. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 16, 2012 at 2:02

    It’s only fitting to assume theres one on her ass-crack as well.

    Well, she’s always talking out of it.

  389. N__B said,

    April 16, 2012 at 2:06

    S’alright?

    POOP! S’alright.

  390. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 16, 2012 at 2:18

    Baby’s got back.
    .

  391. M. Bouffant said,

    April 16, 2012 at 2:49

    Will it fly?
    Non-Titanic design/engineering, & web log pimpin’.

  392. M. Bouffant said,

    April 16, 2012 at 2:51

    One more time.

  393. N__B said,

    April 16, 2012 at 2:53

    Will it fly?

    Ooooh. A manx airplane.

  394. Major Kong said,

    April 16, 2012 at 3:23

    Will it fly?

    Looks familiar. Except that’s an “H” model and I flew “G” models.

  395. Anonymous said,

    April 16, 2012 at 4:35

    egads…the daughter enjoys watching ‘fear factor’…what an inane bunch of d-bags…

  396. M. Bouffant said,

    April 16, 2012 at 5:06

    Moving pictures of the Manx plane.

  397. N__B said,

    April 16, 2012 at 5:25

    I don’t know, M. B. I watched and wasn’t moved at all.

  398. M. Bouffant said,

    April 16, 2012 at 5:48

    wasn’t moved at all

    You must have a comfy chair, then.

  399. John Revolta said,

    April 16, 2012 at 6:37

    400thst!!

  400. Karl The Crap Blog Detective said,

    April 16, 2012 at 8:15

    The midget approaches a gorgeous woman in a bar. “What do you say to a friendly little fuck?” “Hello, friendly little fuck!”

    I thought that actually happened to Harlan Ellison.

  401. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 16, 2012 at 9:17

    I thought that actually happened to Harlan Ellison.

    He never struck me as all that friendly.

  402. actor212 said,

    April 16, 2012 at 11:25

    He never struck me as all that friendly.

    The hooker hadn’t been paid yet.

  403. Thread Bear said,

    April 16, 2012 at 13:27

    Schrödinger’s candidate
    For as long as Mitt Romney remains on the idiot box, he is both a moderate and a conservative.

  404. N__B said,

    April 16, 2012 at 13:30

    And a dessert topping.

  405. Thread Bear said,

    April 16, 2012 at 14:00

    Relating to the mention upthread of David Brin and The Postman novel and movie adaptation. Here is the author’s critique of the movie.

  406. vacuumslayer said,

    April 16, 2012 at 14:16

    Good morning, everyone. I have some shameless self-promotion for you. I was interviewed here.

  407. i must have missed that newsletter said,

    April 16, 2012 at 14:48

    Aside from receiving my DD’s…

    Good morning, vacuumslayer!!!!

  408. Thread Bear said,

    April 16, 2012 at 14:59

    Practice, practice, practice. I actually kept making art ’til it ruined my back.

    Makin’ art? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  409. vacuumslayer said,

    April 16, 2012 at 15:09

    Aside from receiving my DD’s…

    Good morning, vacuumslayer!!!!

    It took me WAY too long to get this joke.

    DD, in my case, refers to “Daily Deviation.”

  410. Nosfer-Blart-Two said,

    April 16, 2012 at 15:33

    Schrodinger’s cat says “meow/not-meow”.
    Trayvon Martin had a bicycle pants clip in his pocket when he was casing that gated community. I heard it on FoxNews. Who knows how many velocipedes made it home safely that night?

  411. Thread Bear said,

    April 16, 2012 at 15:57

    It took me WAY too long to get this joke.

    It took me way too lang as well, otherwise I would have suggested it was your new DDs that ruined your bacck.

  412. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 16, 2012 at 16:29

    OK, this is just creepy

  413. bbkf said,

    April 16, 2012 at 17:02

    Good morning, everyone

    well done, you!

  414. bbkf said,

    April 16, 2012 at 17:04

    OK, this is just creepy

    romney is legion! although at first i thought the creepy part was that minnesota is for santorum…

  415. bbkf said,

    April 16, 2012 at 17:56

    what? does everybody have a case of the mondays?

  416. Major Kong said,

    April 16, 2012 at 17:58

    Good morning bbkf.

  417. bbkf said,

    April 16, 2012 at 18:00

    well, good morning to you also, major…

  418. Suezboo said,

    April 16, 2012 at 19:44

    So, where are you, trip-wise, bbkf?
    There, nearly-there, home again, on the way home.
    Inquiring minds are concerned.

  419. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 16, 2012 at 21:07

    OK, this is just creepy

    You said it. Everyone knows Ron Paul isn’t playing with a full deck!
    .

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()