Apr
10

Time Traveling Stalin Killed Trayvon Martin!




Posted at 22:16 by Cerberus

The post title is a bonus alternate shorter. I’m not kidding.

Jack Cashill, American No You’re the Racists:
Editgate, Spittlegate, and the Left’s “Race-Gating” Tradition

Hey, remember Jack Cashill? Well, it seems ol’ Jack has realized that he can’t just rant about Time-Traveling Bill Ayers every single week at his new gig at Our Favorite Material Generator.

Luckily for him, generating racist conspiracy theories that explain why inconvenient reality should be ignored is a skillset that can be applied to a number of events.

And Bob help us all, he’s decided to apply said skills to the Trayvon Martin case… I think I need to ready a cyanide capsule for this one.

Roll the shorter:

  • It’s really mean of liberal racists to beat up on poor Mr. Zimmerman simply because of a word he may or may not have said on his 911 call. It’s not like anything else happened. Oh also, Waco.

Honestly, I’m surprised it’s taken him this long to jump in. I mean, when you’ve spent the last 4 years trying to explain why Time Traveling Bill Ayers erases Birth Certificates, school records, childhood friends, the State of Hawaii, birth anouncements, and an semblance of common sense, why not try tackling the shooting of a teenager in cold blood?

Besides, the “plight” of George Zimmerman seems to hit a little to closely to home for the deluded racist prone to acts of fantasy.

But we’ll let him get into that.

The phrase “Editgate” established itself virtually overnight. It fit so well.

You don’t say?

Well, why don’t we see for ourselves? Google seems to say it’s mostly been the rejects trying to keep Breitbart’s empire floating (and yeah, the irony of anyone even remotely connected to Breitbart trying to accuse someone else of malicious editing has not been lost on me) plus you and a handful of other Lifers in the Birther Parade.

Truly, it is the Law of the Land from Sea to Shining Sea!

This useful compound merges “edit,” in reference to NBC’s incendiary editing of George Zimmerman’s 911 call, and “gate,” the catch-all suffix used to describe a corrupt mess of deception and obfuscation.

Um, -gate isn’t a suffix denoting scandal. It was the name of the fucking hotel (The Watergate) where Nixon sent a bunch of Secret Agent wannabes to try and break in. It’s only even remotely connected to scandal because said morons got caught and the resulting investigation kinda sorta discovered the Dirty Trick that finally was able to take that bastard down.

And yes, the Right thwacking -Gate on the end of all their Not-a-Scandals and wild conspiracy theories totally disguises that all these half-hearted witch hunts aren’t just poorly thought out “revenges” for Ol’ Nixy finally getting caught.

And the fact that the media hasn’t laughed every one of them out of the building, but has instead been all-too-eager to have their own -Gate is probably one of the strongest evidences that the “liberal media” shit is complete and utter bullshit.

Also, apropos of nothing, but the actual Watergate investigation saw amazingly comprehensive tracking of the money trail and multiple leads in one of the greatest examples of investigative journalism in history, whereas all the Right seems to do is whine about the kerning until the media throws them a bone to shut them up.

Just saying.

Already “Editgate” is being used more expansively to include other distortions in the Trayvon Martin case, including ABC’s compression of the police videotape to obscure Zimmerman’s head wound and CNN’s absurdly imaginative translation of the Zimmerman word “cold” into the nearly archaic “coons.”

Ah, there’s that old Cashill magic! Verifiable evidence everyone has access to proves how full of shit the conservative case is? Proof of a dastardly conspiracy to obscure the truth from every known record.

Obviously on the Long-form Videotape, Zimmerman’s head gushed like a cartoon geyser over his many Skittles-related injuries. Unfortunately Time Traveling Bill Ayers was able to erase those tapes and replace them with reruns of Hogan Heroes!

Together, these three deceptions — and there will be more — have established Editgate as the most consequential high-level fraud in the left’s long history of what might be called “race-gating.” By this, I mean the purposeful media corruption of a racially oriented story.

Sure, he believes that the media fabricates every instance of racism in order to make White Americans look bad, but that doesn’t mean he’s racist.

I mean, do we really know that a Time-Traveling Brian Williams wasn’t the real shooter of Martin Luther King Jr? Check the Kerning! Al Sharpton is behind 9-11!

The media’s willingness to lie for the cause should shock no one to the right of Bill Ayers. What is particularly troubling about Editgate is that the major media, which once served as a firewall against fraud, now seem eager accomplices in its commission.

In the “original” post cited by Msr. Cashill, pretty much every single media outfit was organized into a cabal to edit the 911 call to make Zimmerman, a man so not racist he used pictures of his supporters defacing a Black Cultural Center on his website, look like a feeble-minded racist.

And apparently this one 911 call is the only reason that anyone would have to take issue with Zimmerman’s actions. This is like trying to prove the Hindenberg crash never happened because you believe one of the passengers had the wrong type of mud on their boots.

“Spittlegate” is a case in point. In March 2010, the media conspired with the Congressional Black Caucus to portray a group of well-behaved Tea Partiers protesting ObamaCare as a veritable lynch mob.

Apparently years spent trying to prove that Obama couldn’t be born in Hawaii because Bill Ayers’ mailman saw a black man in Chicago has made him believe this is how most evidence works.

I believe the sky is red on one specific appalling act of racism out of many from the painfully racist Tea Party, thus no racism ever and you’re the real poopy-heads.

Also, wasn’t that event, even if we were to erase the appalling treatment of a former Civil Rights Activist, slightly less than “well-behaved”? I suppose naturally, you’d argue that the Chicago Riots were a well-behaved and civil airing of grievances.

Oh wait, no, there’s something about the hue of that event, isn’t there?

To be sure, the alternative media deconstructed the incident to show that no one had used a racial slur as charged

Forgive me if I’m mistaken, but wasn’t the supposed “deconstruction” a random video edited down to about 10 seconds that didn’t happen to include the racial slur for that particular segment?

And yeah, believing a hero of the Civil Rights Era is inherently a liar on all matters of race when he had no need to lie is totally not racist in and of itself.

, let alone spit on a congressman. No matter. The mainstream media let the original story — “Tea Party Protestors Scream ‘Nigger’ at Congressman” — stand as reported.

The media stood by their story just because it happened to be true!

That’s totally unfair and against the clearly written law in the Constitution that goes “Conservatives win everything forever! Nyah Liberal Poopyheads!”

Oh sure, the media still ran endless hours of our meaningless and proof-bare whining so that “both sides could share their stories, but that doesn’t count because they didn’t personally beat Rep. John Lewis to death in contrition. So there!

As a result, the racial wound the media opened has continued to fester.

Oh yes, if it wasn’t for the media, blacks would never have figured out that the Tea Party was made entirely of Neo-confederates having a very public freak out at the very notion of a black president.

After all, there were nothing else to clue them in on that fact.

Also, is it just me, or has most of the Right shifted from whining about how liberals are the real racists because REASONS to whining that the fact that liberals caught them being naked racists is proof that liberals are the real racists because REASONS?

True to the “Gate” legacy, there has been little hint of apology in the “clarifications” the Editgate networks have offered. ABC, for instance, finally did produce an enhanced video to show Zimmerman’s two head wounds, but, incredibly, it headlined that story, “George Zimmerman Video Shows Little Evidence of a Broken Nose, Doctor Claims.”

Said video has no evidence of said head wounds, but damnitt, it’s True to Them! And that’s all that matters! Santa does exist! Market Forces too! And they’re going to bring them a pony! Two ponies and a rocket sled! And they won’t let you ride them! You’ll see! YOU’LL SEE!!!

After cleaning up the audio of the 911 call, CNN’s Gary Tuchman now only concedes, “It does sound less like that racial slur.” In fact, it sounds nothing like a racial slur, and it never did. One hears a long “o” sound as in “cold” — it was raining and 63 degrees — not an “oo” sound.

After all, when I am describing how cold I am, I always say Coonld.

And obligatory Simpsons reference.

Although the level of media complicity is unprecedented, the style of attack is nearly a century old. The left’s first major exploitation of a criminal case can be traced to about 1925, when the newly ascendant Josef Stalin directed his international propaganda arm, the Comintern, to discredit the idea of the American dream.

Makes sense to me. Please, go on.

The Comintern found its poster boys in convicted murderers Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti, both foreign-born Italians. The two had been arrested for robbery and murder in 1920 and tried before the jurors even knew that they were radicals. As the appeals process dragged on, the Comintern directed its various front groups to fabricate new facts and create a worldwide myth around the pair’s presumed innocence. Almost immediately, “spontaneous” protests sprang up throughout Europe.

Wow, there really is zero racist event in American history that he hasn’t taken personally as a slight against white people, is there? I’m simultaneously appalled and curious to see his post on how we only believe slavery occurred because mean Northern blacks were trying to smear innocent Southern farmers.

So, yeah, Sacco and Vanzetti, the infamous case wherein two anarchists of the, at the time, hated Italian minority were rushed through a show trial with balls all in evidence beyond “they’re anarchists and guidos and therefore scary”. Not only is this apparently all orchestrated by Cyborg Stalin atop his Throne of Bone, but is a perfect metaphor for a white identified person not even going up for a trial for shooting a black teenager in cold blood.

And not in the sane obvious way you or I would make the parallel, but rather as evidence that Cyborg Stalin has time-jumped past his death to smear Zimmerman with commie media-controlling waves.

Rather than dictating media response, the Comintern preferred to create theater and allow the actors to find their way to the parts.

Yes, they exhibited the most scandalous method of direct control!

Complete absence of any.

I know!

No wonder Stalin’s robot army took over all Governments everywhere and destroyed the Free Market in the Wall Street Crash of 29!

The casting call for the Sacco and Vanzetti protests attracted a who’s-who of literary leading lights. Prominent American authors Upton Sinclair, Katherine Ann Porter, John Dos Passos, and Edna St. Vincent Millay not only protested the seeming injustice, but also created literary works around it.

And obviously anyone who sees, say, injustice and is appalled by it, couldn’t genuinely be appalled by injustice. After all, injustice is like a warm summer breeze letting the filthy others know their damn place, no one could take offense to it.

And thus, if they ever do take offense, they are merely under the influence of commie brainwashing rays.

It really is shocking how universal this is. Civil Rights Activists of the 1960s? Well duh on commie mind-control rays! Feminists of the 1970s? Another slam dunk for Team Commie! Northern Forces in the Civil War? Well, Lincoln sounds like Liberal which is just another word for Time-Traveling Commie mind-control! Founding Fathers rebelling against the good and proper British crown? COMMIES, COMMIES, COMMIES!

Wait-

Each of the progressive authors who wrote about the Sacco and Vanzetti case began his or her work with the a priori assumption that the pair was innocent and, as today, ignored all evidence that contradicted that thesis.

Well, besides the fact that there was painful little evidence they were actual you know, guilty, which the court of law is supposed to actually, you know, prove, there is the little problem that most of said authors mostly took issue with the unfairness of the trial itself.

You know, like how this case isn’t so much about whether Zimmerman goes home every night to masturbate into his KKK hood, but rather about how he didn’t even have to prove in a court of law how Skittles nearly killed him and made him fear for his life. And thus was allowed to go home free with no trial after fucking shooting a kid in cold blood as the kid’s death cries echoed over the 911 call, you fucking reprobate piles of shit.

As the August 1927 execution date approached, the Comintern whipped up rallies and riots. On the night of the execution, August 22, an outpouring of rage and grief swept the world and left common sense buried in its wake. The French Communist daily Humanité published an extra edition with one word on the front cover: Assassinés.

And so, as conservatives declare themselves on the side of injustice, inequality, and the deaths of anyone making less than a million a year and call anyone who disagree with them a filthy communist, they simultaneously wonder why people are starting to have a more and more favorable view of things like socialism.

I mean, seriously, if you weren’t still holding a torch for the days when we were having a bet with Russia on how many times over we could destroy the planet, would you interpret this as anything other than a damn fine endorsement of communist activists?

As the final hours ticked down, Pulitzer Prize-winning author Katherine Ann Porter stood vigil with other artists and writers in Boston. Ever the innocent liberal, Porter approached her group leader, a “fanatical little woman” and a dogmatic Communist, and expressed her hope that Sacco and Vanzetti could still be saved. The response of this female comrade is noteworthy for its candor:

“Saved,” she said, ringing a change on her favorite answer to political illiteracy, “who wants them saved? What earthly good would they do us alive?”

She then twirled her black mustache and tied a woman to some train tracks.

Also, as we’ll see in the next paragraph, this will be Cashill’s only proof that liberals don’t really care about minorities and only pretend to care about things like injustice and broken justice systems because they hope that conservatives will beat them and make martyrs of the minorities.

Now, first off, bullshit times a thousand, but second off…

Um, how is this supposed to work. Liberals take the side of hated minorities when no one else will, even trying to argue in the defense of people publicly called criminals even though they’ll be called all sorts of names over that. Argue for their cases, take the social stigma that comes with that…

All to make conservatives look bad. Even though the only way for conservatives to look bad would be to make martyrs of these people by rushing them through show trials and grave misuses of the justice system while reveling in their hatred for minorities and openly championing injustice.

I mean, is it still supposed to count as setting the other guy up if they needed to be a moralless fuck for the setup to work?

Sacco and Vanzetti were the first in a long line of ethnics whose exploitability interested the left more than their innocence. Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, Leonard Peltier, Geronimo Pratt, and Mumia Abu-Jamal, like Sacco and Vanzetti, were all convicted of their crimes, but the evidence mattered little to those who wanted to spank America before the world.

Ha! Bet you thought I was kidding when I said there is literally zero racist injustice Cashill hasn’t taken personally as a slight against white people.

But not at all racist, nosiree.

With the passing of the Comintern, America’s homegrown radicals picked up the playbook and directed their own game plans. Thinking anti-racism a more viable strategy than revolution, they expanded the definition of racism to include more behaviors against more groups, requiring more and more invasive remedies.

Yeah, they started recognizing racism against all sorts of groups. Guidos, spics, spades, micks, reds, chinks, japs! Even towelheads! It’s like they recognize other races as people or something!

Really is there any better proof that commie liberals are complete scum? Can I get an amen?

Among those remedies, as George Zimmerman has learned the hard way, is that old Stalinist standby, “ritual defamation.”

Yes, poor old George Zimmerman was doing absolutely nothing wrong, just minding his own business, when all of a sudden, the Liberal Racism’R'Us chain got bored and decided to harass this guy out of the blue and accuse him of all sorts of mean stuff.

Even calling him a racist, which everyone knows is 20 times worse than any bullshit oppression those damn untermenschen whine about!

I mean, people are acting like he shot someone or something!

Why can’t they just leave that poor man alone?!?

To be sure, there is a curious selectivity about who gets defamed. On March 15, 2012, just a few days before the story of Trayvon Martin’s killing in Florida became a national sensation, Jose Carranza, 32, was quietly sentenced to 155 years in prison for brutally executing three innocent black college students in a Newark, New Jersey playground.

And do you see any difference between the two cases that might explain why the response to that case is so much different than the Trayvon Martin case? Any difference at all?

I’ll give you a minute to think about, what might be different and thus getting people upset?

Really think about it. It’s a tricky question-

Like George Zimmerman, Carranza is of Peruvian descent. Ironically, what protected Carranza was the fact that he was “undocumented.” The headline “Illegal Alien Kills Black Innocents” appealed to no one in the Media-Democrat complex. In the leftist narrative, one that Stalin himself could have written, illegals are victims of America, not the villains.

…!

…Why not? Yup, people are just mad because Zimmerman wasn’t some eye-legal that the Right could cite as proof of how them darkies is always gunning down each other over drugs or some shit.

Definitely that and not…y’know…the fact that the undocumented immigrant was instantly put into the justice system and given a quick trial putting him in jail for longer than life while a “white-identified” kid of a conservative judge gets to walk free without so much as a never mind after shooting a kid in cold blood.

That said fucker isn’t even having to have a trial to demonstrate his BS rationalization for gunning down an unarmed kid in the middle of the sidewalk and in fact, the local police department and the entire right-wing media have been going out of their way to try and bully witnesses, bully the family and invent all sorts of BS reasons why one of the most nakedly obvious injustices in the last 5 years is totally the reverse of the well-documented reality.

Nope, must be our hatred of white folks, even though you keep trying to stress how non-white and non-conservative he is. Either that or Time-Traveling Stalin! Why not! It’s the only way those last 10 paragraphs made even the remotest amount of sense. Hey, why not make Bill Ayers the real killer! No, even better, Bill Ayers is the voodoo priest who oversaw the body-switching ceremony before Trayvon Martin stole Zimmerman’s body and shot him and is now running a smear campaign against Martin in Zimmerman’s body in order to make racists more than willing to jump on the side of injustice as long as a black person is getting screwed, look like bad people.

Maybe my tie is made of cheese? Why not?!? I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob-

(Please excuse this break from sanity. We’ve now given your writer a massive dose of horse tranquilizers to calm her down. We apologize for the inconvenience).

I feel cooooonld!

Twenty years prior, the decision-makers in that complex had even less use for a headline that read, “Clinton Tank Attack on Religious Community Kills 26 Blacks, 13 Other Minorities.”

I wasn’t aware that Clinton was a tank-driving Harlem serial killer.

Though I think I might have seen that movie. I think it was starring Dolemite.

So they fully suppressed the race angle. I doubt if even Al Sharpton knows that most of those killed at Waco were minorities.

Waco.

Waco.

Um… no.

The super-ultra-conservative Texan cult who thought the fucking coocoo-for-cocoa-puffs Branch Dividians were socialist sellouts was in no ways a minority hotbed. You’re thinking of Jonestown.

And not to press a point, but the Waco Clusterfuck had at least 76 victims.

And while we’re on the subject, might I just note that on the same post you are openly dismissing the outright murder of an unarmed teenage boy who, even if he had attacked, would have been well within his rights under the same “Stand Your Ground” law currently being used to try and sweep away his pre-meditated murder…

You are claiming as eternal martyr a group of fucking nutcase criminals who decided to open fire on federal officers and burn down their own facility killing themselves, children, and cult members who wanted out, because the leader didn’t want to be arrested for openly breaking the law by stockpiling illegal weaponry. I mean, sure, the ATF could have handled it better, but it’s not like they were personally responsible for anything other than trying to give a nutcase an opportunity to turn himself in peacefully and not being fast enough on the draw to rescue the nutcases from themselves.

I’m not sure this comparison does your side many favors. We champion the unchampioned, the screwed over and voiceless, you champion a cult run by a rapist who wanted to overthrow the government and shot and killed federal officers before killing women and children.

Just saying, Jackie.

In 2007, Syracuse University commemorated the eightieth anniversary of the execution of Sacco and Vanzetti as a way of highlighting, in its own words, “not only the creative response to the perceived injustice of the prosecution and sentence, but also the decades of continuing protest over what Katherine Anne Porter described as ‘the never-ending wrong.’”

Yeah! Fucking liberals remembering shit that happened in history as a reminder to be vigilant good citizens today!

What’s that shit about?

No matter what the evidence says about George Zimmerman

Um, like it matters. I mean, we have “evidence”. More evidence than is usually ever seen in a case. So much evidence that usually prosecutors would be gunning each other down to head this case because it’s a complete freebie.

But see, none of that matters, there won’t be a “the evidence says about George Zimmerman” because he went home without even a fucking case being filed against him.

And since you’ve spent over half the post writing about another miscarriage of the justice system, you can’t really claim ignorance of the parallels or why people might be the slightest bit upset that Zimmerman doesn’t have to defend his weak ass shit in fucking court.

in the minds of the faithful, his exoneration will remain a “never-ending wrong.” And this time, the “wronged” will not satisfy themselves with attending exhibits at Syracuse University.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Go fuck yourself!

Yes, us liberals aren’t just content to sit and mope about how the system is corrupt and are actually trying to fix and call attention to it.

Why can’t liberals just accept injustice as something to put in a museum while overpaid Klan members try and pretend injustice is just the figment of liberal’s imagination?

Yeah, sorry, to disappoint you fuckers, but people who care are going to speak out about it and not everyone is like the media who you can bully around with accusations of liberal bias.

If you were hoping we would just go away and let you win forever and shoot as many black kids as you want to justify your paranoid racist delusions, I gotta tell you Jackie boy:

Sadly, No!

316 Comments »

  1. calibre97 said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:31

    As I shall be employed shortly, I shant ever have the opportunity to stumble upon a fresh thread again!

  2. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:31

    1st!

  3. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:31

    d’oh!

  4. calibre97 said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:32

    Aw, sorry bout that bbkf, but since you were so happy for Jeffraham yesterday, can ya spare a waawho for me anyway? Job starts next week. You’ll have other firsts.

  5. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:36

    kudos to cerbs for hitting on one of my major peeves: adding ‘gate’ to every *scandal*…i will continue reading now…

  6. N__B said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:36

    You’ll have other firsts.

    You never forget your first first.

  7. calibre97 said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:38

    It’s such a trope now to add gate to everything (Antennagate, Heatgate for the iPhone and iPad respectively), I have to admit I hadn’t known it was a righty thing to do. It’s more of a mainstream meme now. Still annoying for sure.

  8. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:38

    Aw, sorry bout that bbkf, but since you were so happy for Jeffraham yesterday, can ya spare a waawho for me anyway? Job starts next week. You’ll have other firsts.

    why yes, indeedy! i read your post too hastily and didn’t really register the job announcement…so calibre…that is the best tittyfucking news i’ve heard all day! and truly, it is :)

    but…but…two sadlies getting hired in the same week?!?!? more proof that obama is _____________!!!

  9. Suezboo said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:40

    calibre, my kudos to anyone who manages to get and keep a job in today’s market. Well done, kiddo. Live long and prosper. Etc.

  10. Another Kiwi said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:40

    It was very skilful of the Comintern to get the judge of the S+V trial to say that he would “get them good and proper”

  11. kg said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:41

    I’d like to invite our dear readers to guess who said this gem.

    “What I don’t like to do is be beaten on a mountain bike ride by a one-legged veteran, but it’s likely to happen”

  12. Another Kiwi said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:42

    Well done calibre97! Old George Sorso is looking after the sadlies at last!!

  13. Another Kiwi said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:43

    George Sorso? Well in the anarcho/labourite/kenyan ursurper groups there is no higher comptroller.

  14. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:44

    into the nearly archaic “coons.”

    he’s kidding with this one, right? i mean, he knows it’s still in vigorous use, right? he’s just trying to express his true poutrage…right?

  15. wiley said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:48

    Jobs is good. Hurrah, calibre!

  16. Thread Bear said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:53

    Once again we get strawmen and misdirection from the wingnuts. This story is not a national news story because a white guy killed a black guy. This is a national news story that is sparking protests because it’s all about a city police force and a states attorneys office that apparently decided that the death of a black kid was not worth an investigation. Everybody knows (including the Jack Cashills of the world, though they’d never admit it to themselves or to others) that if the victim had been white, Zimmerman almost certainly have been arrested, charged and held while a thorough investigation was completed. If the shooter had been black and the victim white that would be an absolute certainty.

  17. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 22:57

    Leonard Peltier,
    oh. he. did. not. just. go. there. did he?
    …worthless fuck fucker fucking an abscessed fuck!

  18. bughunter, risking his lurker status, said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:06

    Note how the Gold Double-standard always applies. Highly ranked public officials and well-credentialed public service organizations can be taken down entirely by creative editing of recordings in order to completely inverts the content, and those committing the lies become paragons of rightwing journalism, nay even martyrs after mortally succumbing to the inevitable constant stress of maintaining the complex web of deception that their life has become.

    But yet one “liberal bias mainstream” editor try something similar in kind but comparatively infinitesimal in degree and it becomes a scandal. It inspires weeks of blarghosphere screeds and screeching, all about the sheer hateful unfairness of the instance of minor editing, all employing the oh-so cliche suffix, all declaring it an offense only punishable by termination and blacklisting, and all decrying it proof of how there was no racism or hate crimes except those committed by the left.

    And all of this screeching and fang-bearing and chest-pounding and shit throwing gets treated by the Village idiotboxs as serious testimony and pertinent evidence in counterbalance to the facts, merely because they don’t want any screeching or shit directed at them.

    When is this fucking circus going to fucking end? What sort of catastrophe is it going to take before people wake the fuck up and treat these screeching monkeys like what they are: an ignorant, bigoted minority with voices far, far out of proportion than either their number or their veracity?

    tl;dr: If you’re already covered in shit, no one can tell when any sticks. But if you’re clean, one little speck is a disgusting stain.

  19. vacuumslayer said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:11

    I had a joke all queued up for the last thread. I’ll give you a hint: it was about busting up chifferobes.

  20. histrogeek said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:13

    Why did this scuzzbag mention the MOVE assault in Philly? I mean a government official ordered the police to attack a religious group, just like Waco except the official in question was black. Right?

    Wait what’s that? The victims were black too as were all the people who lost their homes?! Surely that doesn’t make a difference to Mr. Cashill.

  21. Fenwick said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:27

    Huzzah and felicitations, calibre !

  22. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:27

    Leonard Peltier,
    oh. he. did. not. just. go. there. did he?

    No shit. I was hoping Clinton would finally pardon him but the fucking FBI will never let him out – they need someone to blame and he was AIM.

    A political prisoner of the United States government.

  23. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:33

    No shit. I was hoping Clinton would finally pardon him but the fucking FBI will never let him out – they need someone to blame and he was AIM.

    i was too…just another reason i despise clinton…

  24. Major Kong said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:37

    Everybody knows (including the Jack Cashills of the world, though they’d never admit it to themselves or to others) that if the victim had been white, Zimmerman almost certainly have been arrested, charged and held while a thorough investigation was completed. shot 47 times while “resisting arrest”.

    Fixed for accuracy.

  25. bbkf said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:38

    bughunter, risking his lurker status, said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:06

    i dare you to post this in the comments section over there…once again, i made the mistake of reading them and was sucked in by all their paranoid, racist, indignant, sanctimonious venom…

    we need to come up with two words: one to denote the above described comments and then one to denote the immense chagrin and regret hangover one has immediately upon reading them…

  26. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 10, 2012 at 23:47

    My favorite comment from over there so far:

    Do not conflate Florida ex-Cubans and Latinos from Latin America and the Caribbean with Mexicans….Cubans are very much descendants of the Spanish (European) while Mexicans are basically Indians.

    So THAT’S why Cubans vote Republican.

  27. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:01

    Well, it seems ol’ Jack has realized that he can’t just rant about Time-Traveling Bill Ayers every single week at his new gig at Our Favorite Material Generator.

    The hell he can’t! How many “American Thinker” authors trot out the same old tired narrative, with a few words changed to maintain an illusion of freshness?

  28. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:02

    My favorite comment from over there so far:

    yeah, that is a pretty good one…he just throws down on the mexican/indians don’t he?

    this one has some lulz:

    Jack, as always, you are fearless when it comes to the wrath of the braying, leftist mobs. You tell the truth, wherever it may land. A crap on their heads.
    It is especially refreshing, for those of us living in the eye of the Islamic storm, to read no holds barred journalism. As such, you deserve to take a bow.
    Not to be overlooked, since things can become very tense here in the Middle East, your way with words are much appreciated, they keep me in stitches.
    Thanks for a great read!
    Adina Kutnicki, Israel

    but i think this is my fave:

    The Media in America has become so corrupt and dishonest that our founders would turn over in their graves, if they knew. The FREE PRESS no longer exists at the nation’s dieing newspapers and the dieing alphabet networks! You have to even be careful with Fox as they have guys like Shepard Smith. He’s the JERK who began calling Trayvon Martin “Little” Trayvon. The Bottom Line however is that our American Press is virtually nothing more than a Liberal Socialist PROPAGANDA machine. Stalin and Hitler could have never wished for MORE. Our Liberal Socialist Media has done it free of charge, willingly and with vim and vigor! I think that the majority of AT readers KNEW from the beginning of the “Little” Trayvon Martin shooting, that almost NOTHING that the MSM was reporting was true. It was lies, obfuscation, deceiptful and dishonest. All to whip-up the Blacks to gain votes for the Kenyan. Our so-called “journalists” KNOW the truth but PURPOSELY avoid the truth in order to meet POLITICAL AGENDAS they hold personally, or those political agendas of the owners and directors of the given PROPAGANDA organ.

  29. Guerilla Voters Cadre 18 said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:09

    another reason i despise clinton

    The Cadre formed two years into Clinton’s first term.

  30. rosebuddear said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:11

    Wow. Just wow. Finest rant ever, Cerb, you……..(I was gonna say “you magnificent bastard” but since from this post it appears you could be a girl, I’ll make that “magnificent biatch”. Meh. WEV. Either way, magnificent.

    Save some of those horse tranqs for me. I think we’re going to need them and the cyanide more and more as these nutters get more bugfuck crazy.

  31. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:19

    [The] American Press is virtually nothing more than a Liberal Socialist PROPAGANDA machine…. Our so-called “journalists” KNOW the truth but PURPOSELY avoid the truth in order to meet POLITICAL AGENDAS they hold personally, or those political agendas of the owners and directors of the given PROPAGANDA organ.

    Fixxored.

  32. Chris said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:21

    Jack, as always, you are fearless when it comes to the wrath of the braying, leftist mobs.

    The fanboy love of the readership at American Thinker, PJMedia, RedStates and all the rest, and their need to hand out medal after medal to their writers (for their fearlessness, their balls, their sheer strength of character), is one of the more amusing and pathetic parts of the right wing blogosphere.

    What the hell do they imagine these guys are risking? They get paid by people who agree with them to write things for the benefit of other people who agree with them – it may be the single easiest and most risk-free job on the face of the Earth. It’s not like they’re storming beaches in Normandy or standing up to tanks in Tienanmen. They’re not risking death by IED or getting run over by a tank. They’re not risking their reputations. They’re definitely not risking their jobs. They’re not even risking a couple of bruises at the hands of cops or rival demonstrators – that shit happens in the streets, well away from the air-conditioned apartments where their “work” takes place.

    This is what passes for “fearlessness” in their little world.

  33. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:24

    Like George Zimmerman, Carranza is of Peruvian descent. Ironically, what protected Carranza was the fact that he was “undocumented.” The headline “Illegal Alien Kills Black Innocents” appealed to no one in the Media-Democrat complex.

    Protected from what? D00d was sentenced, and will never leave prison alive. The reason it didn’t make current headlines is because the murder took place in 2007, which is practically ancient history in our media culture.

  34. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:33

    rosebuddear: bbfk has had some sad news: Her cousin’s husband committed suicide; she is going to the funeral. From you own experience with your sweetie’s death, you might be able to give her some suggestions on how to she might help her cousin through this awful pain.

  35. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:36

    Don’t mean to be a downer, peeples. bbfk is very much in my mind.

    (We return you now to your regularly scheduled Sadly No snarkfest.)

  36. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:40

    bughunter & Chris: Excellent commentary.

  37. rosebuddear said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:45

    Fenwick: omfg I wish I had some suggestions, for me it has been being able to talk through the pain with with good friends. Some friends I didn’t even know I had until Patrick’s death. That have been very comforting to me. Oh honey, bbkf, I know just what it means. I’m so so so sorry.

    I normally don’t put my personal stuff out on the Intertubes, but I will post my email address in here if you want to talk, bbkf.

    And you will want to talk. I still bore everybody to death with my stories of Patrick. Some people will be patient with that and some will get not-so-patient and tell you to “suck it up and get over it”. Ignore them. And make fun of them, if you can. They don’t know what the hell they are talking about, and deserve scourging.

    Big hugs, bbkf. And thanks, Fenwick, for the heads up, and for remembering who I am, about me and Patrick, I mean. That was awesome.

  38. Smut Clyde said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:46

    Porter approached her group leader, a “fanatical little woman” and a dogmatic Communist, and expressed her hope that Sacco and Vanzetti could still be saved. The response of this female comrade is noteworthy for its candor:

    “Saved,” she said, ringing a change on her favorite answer to political illiteracy, “who wants them saved? What earthly good would they do us alive?”

    Teh Google reveals that (1) Cashill has recycled this episode 3 or 4 times in various books and articles, and here is engaged in self-plagiarism; and

    (2) The aging fabulist only invented remembered her group leader’s words fifty years after the events, in 1977, when she was trying to re-write her past by denouncing her youthful enthusiasms (at the same time as she returned to the fold of Catholicism).

  39. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:47

    kudos to cerbs for hitting on one of my major peeves: adding ‘gate’ to every *scandal*…i will continue reading now…

    Also a pet peeve of mine.

    While we’re at it, all these fucking MSNBC buttholes and Move On could kindly stop referring to Repig nostalgic, misogynistic control fantasies as a War on Women.

    Seriously–didn’t the “War on Christmas” make this idiotic fucking trope toxic? Dumbasses.

  40. The Principal Contributt said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:48

    to read no holds barred journalism. As such, you deserve to take a bow.

    Journalism?

    JOURNALISM?!

    There is someone (or several someones) who looks at this rambling, logic- and reality-free, hallucinatory, racist-humping masturbatory rant with the intellectual weight of a helium-filled balloon and thinks this is within the same goddamn solar system as journalism?!

    This disgustingly filth-encrusted pile of ginned-up, misdirected hatred for those disgusting “others” who have some sort of soul or humanity left in them and dare to feel things for other people or have a sense of injustice wouldn’t even make it onto the opinion pages of the sleaziest rags, the only reason this rancid, humanity-corroding bile even exists is because of the internet where you can put whatever the hell you want on it. And some people are so unabashedly broken and mangled inside that they can call this journalism with a straight face, without instantly being disintegrated from the inside by raw, vaporizing self-loathing?

    I am disappoint. I am so fucking disappoint.

  41. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:50

    (for their fearlessness, their balls, their sheer strength of character),

    This seems like an odd way to describe the character traits of a sniveling crybaby who just makes shit up to complain about.

  42. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:53

    As such, you deserve to take a bow.

    And while you’re down there, have a lick offa my ball sack, ball-sack-licker.

  43. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:56

    I had a joke all queued up for the last thread. I’ll give you a hint: it was about busting up chifferobes.

    Want me to get that box down for you?

  44. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 0:58

    for those of us living in the eye of the Islamic storm

    He must be talking about Nebraska.

  45. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:00

    What the hell do they imagine these guys are risking?

    Don’t be so naive! Obviously, they are risking the Obama Death Squads!

    There are substances, that in tiny quantities (millionths of a gram), can cause illness, cancer, strokes, nerve damage (e.g., Rush’s hearing loss), mental confusion (e.g., Rick Perry’s sudden dementia), bizarre behavior, etc.

    There are THOUSANDS of such substances. Even a top quality autopsy may not discover them. Just looking at natural plant alkaloids, there are many thousands of substances that cause a variety of harmful effects. Think of how easily medical researchers create a particular cancer in lab animals.

    This is 21st Century assassination. It is done quietly by highly paid professionals. The democrat party has plenty of contacts with organized crime figures and foreign intel services.

    Every conservative leader needs to be extremely conscious of this threat. Poisons can be delivered by food, drink, inhalation, or skin contact. For example, an assassin could put a tiny amount of poison on something that the target will touch. It could be delivered by a handshake at a rally!

    From one of the funniest Freeper comments ever.

  46. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:06

    Poisons can be delivered by food, drink, inhalation, or skin contact. For example, an assassin could put a tiny amount of poison on something that the target will touch. It could be delivered by a handshake at a rally!

    AHA! Never shake hands with a guy who’s already dying of hand poisoning!

  47. tigris said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:08

    This useful compound merges “edit,” in reference to NBC’s incendiary editing of George Zimmerman’s 911 call, and “gate,” the catch-all suffix used to describe a corrupt mess of deception and obfuscation.

    Ooh, it’s practically the old “the dictionary defines” gambit, the mark of a truly great writer.

    Together, these three deceptions — and there will be more — have established Editgate as the most consequential high-level fraud in the left’s long history of what might be called “race-gating.”

    Dream big, crazy man.

    the major media, which once served as a firewall against fraud, now seem eager accomplices in its commission.

    Oh for the days when Puritan typesetters carved words out of bark to print the REALLY REAL TRUTH about witches.

    And Sacco and Vanzetti, JESUS. Honest historians admit we STILL DON’T KNOW for certain whether or not they were guilty, but the fact that somebody else confessed makes it look doubtful. And even the government’s recent release of classified evidence made Ethel Rosenberg look like an innocent woman punished for the sins of her husband. Geronimo Pratt’s conviction was vacated when it came out the prosecution had concealed evidence and he received millions of dollars to settle a false imprisonment suit. So yeah, there is certainly SOMEONE who doesn’t give a shit about evidence.

    Ironically, what protected Carranza

    WAS BEING TRIED AND SENT TO PRISON. Thanks for joining the cause to have Zimmerman tried! WHICH IS ALL ANYONE WANTS FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

  48. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:11

    the best tittyfucking news

    Warning: Perv trigger.

  49. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:17

    The Comintern found its poster boys in convicted murderers Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti, both foreign-born Italians.

    WHERE ARE THEIR 911 CALL RECORDINGS?

    This is relevant and central to a racist murderer’s POINT, dammit.

  50. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:18

    we only believe slavery occurred because mean Northern blacks were trying to smear innocent Southern farmers.

    I will not look at the freeper cage
    I will not look at the freeper cage
    I will not look at the freeper cage

    bloody mary bloody mary bloody mary

  51. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:18

    Confession time, I’ve been having a bit of difficulty restraining myself from saying, “Sweet tittyfucking Jesus!” as an interjection.

    Thanks, Sadlynaughts!

  52. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:21

    but…but…two sadlies getting hired in the same week?!?!? more proof that obama is _____________!!!

    Ummm, hm.

    Immantizing the eschaton?
    Responsible for the worst economy since the Hundred Years War?
    Ozzie Guillen?

    I got nuthin, bbkf…

    Oh, wait!

    The producer on the classic album Trout Mask Replica?

  53. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:22

    more proof that obama is _____________!!!

    KENYAN!

  54. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:24

    And congrats, calibre!

    Why, we’ve never met anyone of your (gets the (___________ before he drops a Maxim rate joke…)

  55. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:25

    Awww, fuck, tsam! Lucky guess grumblegrumblegrumble

  56. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:26

    more proof that obama is _____________!!!

    a not-so-secret furry!

  57. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:28

    Confession time, I’ve been having a bit of difficulty restraining myself from saying, “Sweet tittyfucking Jesus!” as an interjection.

    Why would you restrain yourself from saying that? Sweet tittyfucking Jesus, it’s glorious! Pious also and too.

  58. El Manquécito said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:30

    The producer on the classic album Trout Mask Replica?

    I don’t think so. Cpt. Don wasn’t known for putting up with centrism and compromising.

  59. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:30

    we need to come up with two words: one to denote the above described comments and then one to denote the immense chagrin and regret hangover one has immediately upon reading them…

    I propose: brain grenade, and “I did what?”

  60. vacuumslayer said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:33

    “Want me to get that box down for you?”

    Sure. Tell it a sad story.

  61. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:38

    we need to come up with two words: one to denote the above described comments and then one to denote the immense chagrin and regret hangover one has immediately upon reading them…

    I thought we had that already: mangoes and the resulting tiger attack… And he threat of dysentery and malaria also too.

    Stay. On. The. Boat.

  62. acrannymint said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:38

    Just had to share some works of a Punk poet from the UK.
    On Illegal Aliens, Socialized Medicine and Duck’s nuts

  63. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:40

    Someone mentioned something about “getting down” and a box?

    Ermph, let me get comfy here.

    OK, proceed.

  64. acrannymint said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:40

    oops – the one on socialized medicine has the piece on illegal aliens

  65. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:41

    rambling, logic- and reality-free, hallucinatory, racist-humping masturbatory rant with the intellectual weight of a helium-filled balloon … rancid, humanity-corroding bile …

    But how do you really feel about it?

    I am disappoint, too, Principal.

  66. acrannymint said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:43

    And just for fun a song about Thatcher

  67. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:46

    Acrannymint, from the Thatcher vid comments…

    As Frankie Boyle said “When she dies, if you hand her body over to Scotland we’ll dig a hole so deep? we could hand her over to Satan ourselves”.

    Wheeeee!

  68. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:47

    BBBB: Wow. Omigosh Wow. This must be added to all paranoia parody.

    You are a brave, brave man to dive into such a cess-pool! I’m buying drinks on the lounge deck. What’s your pleasure, sir?

  69. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 1:55

    a Maxim rate joke

    500 rounds per minute?

  70. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:01

    Don’t be so naive! Obviously, they are risking the Obama Death Squads!

    eh…that would be death SQUARDS to you, sir!

  71. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:02

    I thought we had that already: mangoes and the resulting tiger attack… And he threat of dysentery and malaria also too.

    this is true…they just don’t seem powerful enough anymore…

  72. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:04

    Fenwick,

    Are you a history buff? Curiosity rears it’s head…*

    *Not over Alaska

  73. Nym said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:05

    Zimmerman’s lawyers just dropped him.

    Oh, and http://www.therealgeorgezimmerman.com/ altered its front page. Surprise surprise.

  74. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:05

    “Sweet tittyfucking Jesus!” as an interjection.

    heh…and as obs says, why would you want to refrain? i have been using the hell out of ‘tittyfucking’ but never thought to add ‘jesus’ to it…consider that omission remedied…

  75. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:07

    Oh, and http://www.therealgeorgezimmerman.com/ altered its front page. Surprise surprise.

    yeah…i was just reading that…and omfg, what an ugly, ugly website! yipes, i hope he uses some of those gracious donations to hire a web designer…

  76. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:08

    i have been using the hell out of ‘tittyfucking’ but never thought to add ‘jesus’ to it…consider that omission remedied…

    That’s one of the little-known translations of the Bible, The King James At 12 Years Old version. I think the Gideons use it.

  77. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:16

    That’s one of the little-known translations of the Bible, The King James At 12 Years Old version. I think the Gideons use it.

    you do know that the next time i’m in the cities imma insist we get together don’t you? you just crack me up…although your commenting system on your blahg is really starting to whizz me off…all i wanted to do was tell you that i read your whole ghost ship ballad to the tune of the edmund fitz, but the bastard won’t let me…ain’t that a bag of tits?

  78. That Girl said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:30

    I’m simultaneously appalled and curious to see his post on how we only believe slavery occurred because mean Northern blacks were trying to smear innocent Southern farmers.

    This is not even satire at this point.

    Also, “coolnd” needs to become a meme.

  79. J Neo Marvin said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:32

    Whenever I see some wingnut trying to pull out the old red scare card, I can’t help remembering the last days of the Soviet Union, when the hardline Communists in the Kremlin who fought perestroika and glasnost every step of the way and ultimately pulled off a failed coup against Gorbachev.,,what was the common term used for them? “Conservatives.”

    And if you were born on the other side, you’d be lifting your sword for the other side…

  80. J Neo Marvin said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:36

    omfg, what an ugly, ugly website!

    Wingnutlandia differs from Portlandia in that in the former you put a FLAG on it rather than a bird.

  81. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:42

    And if you were born on the other side, you’d be lifting your sword for the other side…

    nice…i see you are more than just a blogosphere wit…

  82. Nym said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:42

    BTW, I don’t know why my link for Zimmerman’s lawyers looks like plain text.

    Try this one instead.

  83. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:44

    bbkf, if’n it became a possibility I’d happily buy you a barley soda of your choice!

  84. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:45

    This is not even satire at this point.

    Can we appeal Poe’s Law or something? I’m both fascinated and repelled by the thought of googlyisming that phrase, it will show up in some freeper swamp. At least, I wouldn’t lay money against it.

  85. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 2:54

    bbkf, if’n it became a possibility I’d happily buy you a barley soda of your choice!

    you bet!

  86. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 11, 2012 at 3:17

    “Sweet tittyfucking Jesus!”

    That’s even better than “Leaping, creeping Jesus!” I read that one in a novel once and it just cracked me up.

  87. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 3:27

    Are you a history buff? Curiosity rears it’s head

    Yes indeed, especially military history. It has been a central thread in my life, actually.

    In the last decade, I’ve also become keenly interested in geology. (My brother is a chem-geo professor at U of Oregon, specializing in volcanic processes. His main field research venue is Iceland.) I’ve always been interested in surface topography. Now I’ve added tectonics, vulcanism, and most especially hot spots: The Yellowstone Caldera and the Empress-Hawaiian chain.

  88. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 11, 2012 at 3:46

    I’m simultaneously appalled and curious to see his post on how we only believe slavery occurred because mean Northern blacks were trying to smear innocent Southern farmers.

    I’ve seen posts on how Ebenezer Scrooge and Henry F. Potter were misunderstood heroes. Simon Legree would fit right in.

  89. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 3:52

    Fenwick said,
    April 11, 2012 at 3:27

    Gentleman, scholar, and mixologist! Damned if it ain’t a bag of tits to know ya!

  90. Liz212 said,

    April 11, 2012 at 4:31

    You’re a really hardcore conservative xenophobe if you’re still maintaining Sacco and Vanzetti’s guilt. I didn’t even know people tried that shit anymore.

  91. Magpie said,

    April 11, 2012 at 4:31

    jesus tittyfucking christ on a mug

    http://www.zazzle.com.au/custom_urban_dictionary_mug-168422380300109771

  92. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 4:38

    jesus tittyfucking christ on a mug

    i think we all know what we are getting each other for christmas…

  93. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 4:59

    Most of the pictures of Jesus show him as sort of flat-chested. Titty-fucking him would be like jerking off with a washboard.

    Not, you know, that I have that as a point of comparison.

  94. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 5:16

    Most of the pictures of Jesus show him as sort of flat-chested. Titty-fucking him would be like jerking off with a washboard.

    Not, you know, that I have that as a point of comparison.

    sorta relevant?

  95. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    April 11, 2012 at 6:21

    AHA! Never shake hands with a guy who’s already dying of hand poisoning!

    Abundant evidence of this tactic and its pitfalls are shown in Kevin Smith’s dire warning to real America, “Mallrats”.

  96. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 6:40

    “Sweet tittyfucking Jesus!”

    Most of the pictures of Jesus show him as sort of flat-chested. Titty-fucking him would be like jerking off with a washboard.

    Of course, there is another possible visual interpretation of the phrase…..

  97. Another Kiwi said,

    April 11, 2012 at 6:57

    Sadly, Thom Kinkade died before his “Sweet Tittyfucking Jesus” painting was released.

  98. Golem Heart said,

    April 11, 2012 at 7:17

    I suppose if Zimmerman said “it’s fucking cold,” that changes everything. NOW analysis of the recording can stop, having achieved optimum truthiness.

    He’s just said “These assholes. They always get away,” meaning that Zimmerman never gets to “stand his ground.” Something he’d never want or cause to happen, but that almost happened alot (“always”), until it did happen. Coincidentally.

    I am oddly reminded of a classic op-ed in The Onion: Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,10861/

  99. creature said,

    April 11, 2012 at 7:59

    I prefer to envision it as ‘jeezuz getting a tittyfuck from one o’ them strumpets in one o’ them bibble stories’. Now that is a velvet painting I’d be proud to display!

    Racist subhumans- meet ‘em everywhere. Not that many, now, actually. All that paranoia and anger has to be working brutally on the internal organs of these ‘people’. Look at Blightfart. Self-inflicted venom- get some!

  100. Golem Heart said,

    April 11, 2012 at 8:07

    When we think of Jesus coming back, we’re generally preoccupied with big-picture stuff, like Armageddon. But who can doubt he’d get all sorts of attention from the ladies? Is it that hard to believe some starstruck dame wouldn’t drop to her knees and push her tits together for Jesus? I mean, one minute you’re praying, but then he’s standing right there in front of you, in a loose robe, staring down the front of your shirt.

  101. Magpie said,

    April 11, 2012 at 9:03

    Or Jesus might come back as a woman

  102. Nym said,

    April 11, 2012 at 9:52

    Oh, hee hee hee! Hee hee! Oh, hee hee hee!

  103. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 11, 2012 at 10:22

    “Want me to get that box down for you?”

    Hmm. I know goose down, and duck down….

    Wait.

    I’ll be in my bunk.

  104. Hogeye Grex said,

    April 11, 2012 at 10:34

    So, refreshing myself on Waco, I came across this lovely bit in teh wikiland.

    After the death of Lois and probate of Lois’ estate in January 1987, Howell attempted to gain control of the Mt Carmel center by force. George Roden had dug up the casket of one Anna Hughes from the Davidian cemetery and had challenged Howell to a resurrection contest to prove who was the rightful heir to the leadership. Howell instead went to the police and claimed Roden was guilty of corpse abuse. By October 31, 1987 the county prosecutors had refused to file charges without proof and so on November 3, 1987 Howell and seven armed companions attempted to access the Mt. Carmel chapel with the goal of photographing the body in the casket. George Roden was advised of the interlopers and grabbed an Uzi in response. The sheriff’s department responded about 20 minutes into the gunfight. Sheriff Harwell got Howell on the phone and told him to stop shooting and surrender. Howell and his companions, dubbed the “Rodenville Eight” by the media, were tried on April 12, 1988; seven were acquitted and the jury was hung on Howell’s verdict. The county prosecutors did not press the case further.[6]

    While waiting for the trial, George Roden was put in jail under contempt of court charges on March 21, 1988 because of his use of foul language in some court pleadings threatening the Texas court with AIDS and herpes if the court ruled in favor of Howell. The next day, Perry Jones and a number of Howell’s other followers moved from their headquarters in Palestine, Texas to the Mt. Carmel Center.

    In mid-1989, a Davidian named Wayman Dale Adair visited George Roden to discuss Adair’s vision of being God’s chosen messiah. Roden killed Adair with an axe. Roden was found guilty under an insanity defense and was committed to a mental hospital. Shortly after Roden’s commitment, Howell raised money to pay off all the back taxes on Mt. Carmel owed by Roden and took legal control of the property.[7]

    On August 5, 1989, Koresh (at that point still legally named Vernon Howell) released the “new light” audiotape in which Koresh stated he had been told by God to procreate with the women in the group to establish a “House of David” of his “Special People.” This involved married couples in the group dissolving their marriages and agreeing that only David Koresh could have sexual relations with the wives.[7]

    Just in case anyone else had forgotten what a bunch of nutters they were.

    Resurrection contest, complete with fresh corpse? (WTF is this, anyway? Two freaks enter – one three freaks leave?)
    Check.

    Axe murder?
    Check.

    All your wives are belong to us?
    Check.

    Yep. Just good ol’ wholesome American values type of folks.

  105. Smut Clyde said,

    April 11, 2012 at 11:04

    Just had to share some works of a Punk poet from the UK.

    Let the record show that I had the pleasure of seeing Attila the Stokebroker performing at the Reading festival in 88 or 89. He was suffering from hayfever something chronic, but recommended huge quantities of cider as a sovereign cure for the condition.
    He also demonstrated to the receptive crowd that “Ace of Spades”, what with being an statement of Existentialist philosophy, sounds better when sung in a French accent.

    In the last decade, I’ve also become keenly interested in geology.
    There has been Geomorphology blogging at Riddled in the past. It may happen in the future.

  106. BringTheNoise said,

    April 11, 2012 at 11:12

    Yep. Just good ol’ wholesome American values type of folks.

    If y’all were REAAAAL MURRRIKANS, y’all would unnerstand the importance of resurrection contests and ax murderin’ to y’all’s hurritage, y’all. HERITAGE NOT HATE, hippies!

    …Ugh, I feel dirty now. Time for a coonld shower!

  107. actor212 said,

    April 11, 2012 at 11:26

    Yes Jack, he only murdered a poor kid. Nothing to see here, move along, move along.

  108. paleotectonics said,

    April 11, 2012 at 13:03

    There has been Geomorphology blogging at Riddled in the past. It may happen in the future.

    Peachy!

    Want the Hippocrene Falls track. Australia, the land where everything will kill you….

  109. Cole said,

    April 11, 2012 at 13:20

    Aren’t these the same diseasedmutherfuckers who are always crying about how unfair hate crime laws are, because “we already gots laws against beatin’s and killin’s” and “you cain’t be arrestin’ folks ’cause of what they’re thinkin’–only what they done” or some shit like that?

    Suddenly, the fact that a large man lie in wait, stalked, confronted, and then murdered an unarmed, lone, teenager who was minding his own business and committing no crime is irrelevant to whether the perp may or may not have called the victim a “coon” before he blew him away?

    By the way, I simply adore the racist argument that if you are “really scared” by someone of color it isn’t racist to kill them. Let’s apply that to other situations: “I am really scared by those capitalist Americans, so I will fly a plane or two into their major cities and kill thousands.” or “These Jews make me nervous; let’s start a genocidal program to systematically murder millions of them so we can sleep at night.”

    This sure makes things easier for police. Just ask every perp if they are racist before you make an arrest.

  110. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 15:15

    Hey congrats calibre. Wishing you teh tittyfucking best in your new position.

  111. Pryme said,

    April 11, 2012 at 15:28

    Heh: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002543259

  112. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 15:53

    Sweet IPU. Does d00d have no concept of due process and fair trials? Teh outrage over Zimmerman is related to teh fact that Sanford PD conducted almost no investigation whatsoever. That the limited look-see they did take had the chief investigator recommending charges and arrest – which was overturned by teh higher ups. Zimmerman stalked, chased and shot an unarmed teenager – and he was released after something like four hours. Concealed carry permit intact.

    Sacco and Vanzetti does have some relevance here.

    The Supreme Judicial Court also said: “It is not imperative that a new trial be granted even though evidence is newly discovered and, if presented to a jury, would justify a different verdict.”

    I don’t care how guilty Cashill thinks the Italian Anarchists were – this is clearly a failing of the justice system. I can’t imagine how anyone would think otherwise. Unless their hatred of Italians or Anarchists is so great that it completely overwhelms the idea that the courts are supposed to be fair.

    The fact that Trayvon was a completely innocent teenager with nothing in his past that can even suggest a tendency towards violence isn’t relevant. Well, I suppose it highlights how absurdly ridiculous Cashill is and how far he has to twist reality to fit his delusional and racist worldviews. But even if Travon were the scary no-good hoodlum crack-dealing thug that Cashill wants him to be, it don’t matter. Zimmerman stalked Trayvon, following him from inside his truck. then he left his vehicle despite instructions from 911 not to. He chased Trayvon – a minimum of a hundred feet. And then he claims self-defense. w.t.f.

    Regardless, it comes down to bullshit stupid fucked up garbage – like 1920′s era Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court procedures preventing them from ordering new cases even when there was a reasonable liklihood that not doing so would result in a travesty of justice. And like Florida’s “Shoot First And You Won’t Have To Ask Questions Later” law which lets murderers walk free without even being arrested if they claim self-defense. And apparently regardless of how unbelievable the claim is.

  113. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 16:06

    The Law is supposed to be fair*. The prohibition against killing others – murder, manslaughter, whatever – it applies whether or not Cashill thinks the person getting killed was the right sort of people or not (and holy fucking shit, fuck him if he thinks Trayvon “deserved” this in any way whatsoever).

    That this farcical claim of self-defense is being considered as anything other than the sick joke it is – that’s what the travesty is about. The issue is that Zimmerman could claim such nonsense – and that his clearly unbelievable self-defense claim immunizes him from criminal proceedings because Floridian Republicans cling to their guns so much. All this talk about letting the facts come out and investigating and such – THAT’S WHAT WE’RE ASKING FOR! FFS, if it weren’t for the “manufactured outrage” this would be all over – and Zimmerman would be back to patrolling his gated community, on the lookout for more hoodie-wearing teenagers to hunt.

    * Yeah, I guess I’m still a bit of an idealist. At least the Law is upposed to pretend to be fair.

  114. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 11, 2012 at 16:15

    The Law is supposed to be fair

    WATERSPIT

  115. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 11, 2012 at 16:20

    Congrats, calibre97!

    My own offer letter and authorization for prying into my past on behalf of the Department of Homeland Security hit my Gmail at about 7:45 p.m. last night, local time. Start date is not tentatively set as 4/23/2012. A Monday in the 21st Century.

    I spent most of yesterday hanging out with the old East Side Scooters crew, individually, and last night, hanging with the scooter gang at Pizza Perfect. A good day.
    .

  116. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 11, 2012 at 16:23

    NOW tentatively… sheesh. I’m even having coffee today, unlike yesterday!
    .

  117. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 11, 2012 at 16:26

    Oh, and… a round of tittyfucking for the house, on me!
    .

  118. Pryme said,

    April 11, 2012 at 16:55

    The Media in America has become so corrupt and dishonest that our founders would turn over in their graves, if they knew. The FREE PRESS no longer exists at the nation’s dieing newspapers and the dieing alphabet networks! You have to even be careful with Fox as they have guys like Shepard Smith. He’s the JERK who began calling Trayvon Martin “Little” Trayvon. The Bottom Line however is that our American Press is virtually nothing more than a Liberal Socialist PROPAGANDA machine. Stalin and Hitler could have never wished for MORE. Our Liberal Socialist Media has done it free of charge, willingly and with vim and vigor! I think that the majority of AT readers KNEW from the beginning of the “Little” Trayvon Martin shooting, that almost NOTHING that the MSM was reporting was true. It was lies, obfuscation, deceiptful and dishonest. All to whip-up the Blacks to gain votes for the Kenyan. Our so-called “journalists” KNOW the truth but PURPOSELY avoid the truth in order to meet POLITICAL AGENDAS they hold personally, or those political agendas of the owners and directors of the given PROPAGANDA organ.

    Was I the only one who read this in the Dr. Orpheus voice?

  119. Thread Bear said,

    April 11, 2012 at 17:01

    When we think of Jesus coming back, we’re generally preoccupied with big-picture stuff, like Armageddon. But who can doubt he’d get all sorts of attention from the ladies? Is it that hard to believe some starstruck dame wouldn’t drop to her knees and push her tits together for Jesus? I mean, one minute you’re praying, but then he’s standing right there in front of you, in a loose robe, staring down the front of your shirt.

    The second coming? He shall rise again!

  120. Golem Heart said,

    April 11, 2012 at 17:13

    “Or Jesus might come back as a woman”

    This is a great idea. It’d really make a statement. Are you listening, Jesus?

  121. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 17:23

    ,,,staring down the front of your shirt.

    A bit of tittyfucking is how it starts – and then he’ll ask you to turn the other cheek. My suggestion for teh End Times is to get some really good lube.

  122. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 17:48

    Why was Tom asked to bust up all those chifferobes anyway? How many goddamn chifferobes did that little whore have anyway? Why did she want them busted up? Where the fuck did she get them?

  123. Thread Bear said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:11

    You can’t tittyfuck a chifferobe unless it’s busted.

  124. Pupienus said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:11

    Jesus fucking Christ!

  125. tigris said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:18

    a round of tittyfucking for the house, on me!

    JEFFRAHAM’S GOT MOOBS!

  126. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:25

    Jesus fucking Christ!

    a little warning woulda been nice…

  127. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:39

    a little warning woulda been nice…

    Whaddaya mean? The description of the link was perfectly accurate.

  128. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:50

    Whaddaya mean? The description of the link was perfectly accurate.

    accurate and abundantly clear once clicked…

  129. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:52

    Could Jesus make a Christ he couldn’t get his weenie into?

  130. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 18:55

    While we’re discussing perversions, I’ve got syphilis. On my blog, I mean.

  131. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:22

    a little warning woulda been nice…

    We ALL know your right clicked and saved that one for the next evening you’re home alone. Don’t even try to deny it.

  132. Kenneth Almquist said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:23

    “after fucking shooting a kid in cold blood”

    Not in cold blood; at the time Zimmerman shot Martin, Zimmerman was engaged in a physical altercation with Martin.

    Sorry for interrupting with a factual correction. We now return to our regular programming.

  133. kg said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:25

    mine is 37°C which is not very cold, I’m told.

  134. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:26

    a factual correction

    You know something that no one else does? Zimmerman claims there was an altercation, but he’s got a good reason to say so whether or not there was.

  135. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:29

    STOP JUDGING ME!!! THAT’S FOR ME AND JESUS FUCKING CHRIST TO DO!!!

  136. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:36

    Wingnut world, where assumptions are actually facts if you believe them!

  137. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:37

    Don’t act like you don’t like being judged.

  138. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:40

    You know something that no one else does? Zimmerman claims there was an altercation, but he’s got a good reason to say so whether or not there was.

    indeed, i wasn’t aware that martin being the agressor in any altercation has been substantiated…

  139. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:40

    Don’t act like you don’t like being judged.

    and just what are you wearing under that robe, your honor?

  140. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:41

    Oh come now. You can’t REALLY think that shooting an unarmed teenager would be a good motivation to make up a story. I mean shit, that would be dishonest.

  141. tsam said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:44

    and just what are you wearing under that robe, your honor?

    Step in my chambers and I’ll show you…

  142. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:50

    In Troll-quist’s defense, there is an anonymous eyewitness account of a struggle. That’s pretty definitive. Plus, without the autopsy report being released, the funeral director’s observation that Trayvon’s body showed no signs of struggle carries no weight at all.

    And also, just because you stalk a guy from your truck and then engage in a foot-chase before shooting him in the chest – that could totally have been done in the heat of the moment.

  143. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 19:57

    there is an anonymous eyewitness account of a struggle.

    But that could be anything. Without reports on Zimmerman’s supposed injuries (broken or bloody nose, injury to the back of the head) and the Martin autopsy, I’m doubtful of there having been a real fight.

    Also, the police station video of Zimmerman didn’t show a guy who looked like he’d had a fight, let alone lost one.

  144. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:01

    Anonymous eyewitness account! I can’t believe you’d doubt the unassailability of anonymous eyewitness accounts. What could possibly have more weight than that?

    Anyways, struggle or not here’s the important question – is there probable cause to believe that Zimmerman did not shoot in self-defense? I mean considering the whole stalking and chasing thing. And the much smaller unarmed victim.

    Note – the important question is not whether or not Zimmerman actually acted in self-defense (although that’s also a pretty easy question to answer) – but whether or not there is probable cause to believe that he might not have.

  145. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:03

    Another one bites the dust at NRO. This time they’re allowing comments. Go wallow, if you have the time and temperament. Pretty funny.

  146. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:05

    anonymous eyewitness accounts. What could possibly have more weight than that?

    Anonymous eyewitness accounts from a blind man.

  147. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:08

    i have been using the hell out of ‘tittyfucking’ but never thought to add ‘jesus’ to it…consider that omission remedied…

    That’s one of the little-known translations of the Bible, The King James At 12 Years Old version. I think the Gideons use it.

    Heh… Getiton Bible…

  148. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:10

    Clarification to my last: It’s NRO that’s allowing comments, which you can see by clicking over from the Wonkette site I linked to. Assuming you have the morbid curiosity.

  149. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:10

    Anonymous eyewitness accounts from a blind man.

    in the dark in the pouring rain…

  150. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:11

    That anonymous eyewitness could have been blind. He could have been in another state even. Also, “John” heard two gunshots. And since Zimmerman only fired once, that means Greedo Trayvon must have shot first. Who’s the real racist now? Liberals. QED.

  151. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:14

    Resurrection contest, complete with fresh corpse? (WTF is this, anyway? Two freaks enter – one three freaks leave?)

    Coffin Breakin’ 2: Theocratic Boogaloo

  152. Major Kong said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:15

    This time they’re allowing comments. Go wallow, if you have the time and temperament.

    Sorry. My haz-mat suit’s at the cleaners.

  153. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:16

    Assuming you have the morbid curiosity.

    sh’yah! like you don’t know that i do…

  154. Substance McGravitas said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:16

    Assuming you have the morbid curiosity.

    Oooh, I have that!

    Um…I think you missed my attempt at humor there.

    And this is easily distinguishable from the Derbyshire situation:

    1) Weissberg hardly had any posts at NRO, and only ever on this side-blog. If it weren’t for the current controversy, the yanking of his posting rights wouldn’t have merited any mention–or been noticed–at all.

    2) Have you looked up that American Renaissance outfit? I should think–should hope–that even Derb’s most fervent supporters here would be creeped out by that particular group’s website and conference

    Bardamu
    04/11/12 10:02

    Considering the Derb has expressed a wish to continue writing for outfits including AmRen, I don’t think his supporters here would be much bothered by their slime.

  155. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:16

    That anonymous eyewitness “John”

    Why not ask his prostitute if she saw anything?

  156. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:28

    is this for reals?

    If we’re going to start throwing offensive and racist conservative contributors to the National Review overboard, where does it end? Practically the whole deck will be cleared … with Rich Lowry and Ramesh Ponnuru sitting there by themselves. The whole point of this website is to be offensive and irrational. If National Review denies itself the right to be that, what’s the point of reading?

    emphasisi mine…

  157. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:28

    Heh: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002543259

    Schadenfreep:

    Notice: FR is and will remain a pro-life, small government conservative site.
    April 10, 2012 | Jim Robinson

    Posted on Tuesday, April 10, 2012 3:29:15 PM by Jim Robinson

    To: Jim Robinson
    Y E S!!!

    Before, I only wanted to get “O” out of the WH in the next national election.

    I am so angry and affronted NOW that I want him OUT in the most embarrassing and telling avalanche of American Conservatism in the US history of Presidential elections.

    I want a landslide so overwhelming that “O” will spend the rest of his life having gravel surgically removed from his a$#!

    I want Liberals humiliated.

    I want the score settled.

    I want Liberalism to reel for decades.

    I want Liberals to consider long and hard about EVER again defrauding and insulting Americans in this way

    He’ll swallow his pride and eat the Mitt Sandwich.

  158. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:32

    That anonymous eyewitness “John”
    actually, i’m pretty sure the eyewitness is a gurl…

  159. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:35

    hi! i’m a dumbass!

    I think Rich Lowry should go all the way and implement book burning of any writer who ever wrote, said or thought anything RACIST and this would include most editionis of National Review before 1990.

    Just think how much fun you will have burning the worlds of William Shakespeare (Merchant of Venice), Charles Dickens (Oliver Twist), Mark Twain (N word in Huck Finn), also Thomas Jefferson and even Honest Abe Lincoln made some comments questioning Black Americans ability to be full American citizens.

    Yeah, go for the book burnings and don’t worry too much about losing NR readers as few read NR these days.

  160. Pryme said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:36

    I want the score settled.

    WTF? Is he a Fugees fan? The real-life version of The Monarch?* What “score” has to be settled?

    Seriously, what f’d up reality do these people live in where perceived slights warrant political retaliation on a national scale?

    * = yes, my second Venture Bros. reference today. I love that show.

  161. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:40

    Not in cold blood; at the time Zimmerman shot Martin, Zimmerman was engaged in a physical altercation with Martin.

    You seem to know a lot about this occurrence, were you the real shooter?

  162. not a gator said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:42

    “No, YOU’re the racist. You’re racist for thinking what I said/did was racist. Only a racist would think that was racist.”

    Put this on modern conservatism’s tombstone.

  163. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:46

    Seriously, what f’d up reality do these people live in where perceived slights warrant political retaliation on a national scale?

    i know! it’s these whackadoodles who make me question my perception of reality…and history. you know how they are always making comparisons to nazi germany and ‘oh, no! this is exactly what hitler did!’? yeah, i’m beginning to feel like i can totally relate to the non-nazis who were NOT down with what hitler was doing…and the wingnuts are the ones spouting the crazy rhetoric…after all, they are the minority who keeps talking about taking over the country and returning it to what they perceive as a perfect time and a perfect nation…

  164. Pryme said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:51

    I think Rich Lowry should go all the way and implement book burning of any writer who ever wrote, said or thought anything RACIST and this would include most editionis of National Review before 1990.

    Because the writings of people when racial issues were being discussed early in American history is the same as the writings of people after those debates were had, a war was fought, and laws protecting racial minorities were passed.

  165. Pryme said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:55

    after all, they are the minority who keeps talking about taking over the country and returning it to what they perceive as a perfect time and a perfect nation

    Except the times when they say that a majority of America is really conservative, and people just vote for liberals out of sympathy (Sideshow Bob was right!).

  166. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 11, 2012 at 20:57

    (Sideshow Bob was right!)

    “You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever! And once they’re in, I’m right back on the street! BWAAAAAAHAAAHAHAHAHA!”

  167. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:01

    I think Rich Lowry should go all the way and implement book burning of any writer who ever wrote, said or thought anything RACIST and this would include most editionis of National Review before 1990.

    It certainly would include Bill “Those Little Birmingham Girls Were Probably Killed by a Negro Agent Provocateur” Buckley. Why is that drunken bigoted shitbag considered this great lion of conservatism today?

  168. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:04

    Because the writings of people when racial issues were being discussed early in American history is the same as the writings of people after those debates were had, a war was fought, and laws protecting racial minorities were passed.

    i know! what cracks me up is that this commentor prolly feels like he made a very salient point…it’s the nuance…always escapes them…

  169. tigris said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:16

    Apparently Zimmerman is going to be charged.

  170. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:20

    Why is that drunken bigoted shitbag considered this great lion of conservatism today?

    Because he could express the most vile thoughts in a high-falutin’ Eastern Establishment Moneybags accent?

    His ascent meant that the racists had “arrived”.

  171. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:33

    Because he could express the most vile thoughts in a high-falutin’ Eastern Establishment Moneybags accent?

    mayor quimby? chowdah?

  172. not a gator said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:50

    So, yeah, Sacco and Vanzetti, the infamous case wherein two anarchists of the, at the time, hated Italian minority were rushed through a show trial with balls all in evidence beyond “they’re anarchists and guidos and therefore scary”. Not only is this apparently all orchestrated by Cyborg Stalin atop his Throne of Bone, but is a perfect metaphor for a white identified person not even going up for a trial for shooting a black teenager in cold blood.

    Sacco and Vanzetti. I mean, wow. Just, wow. Yeah, one of them had radical views, although the crime was probably committed by some other guy (all Italians look the same), while the other one didn’t even know the other guy, didn’t speak English, and got railroaded in a botched and biased trial.

    I guess Stalin also orchestrated the “spontaneous” protests by citizens in Massachusetts over the last capital case in the Commonwealth. (He also organized the Dred Scott riots in Boston. Stalin really gets around.)

  173. Suezboo said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:50

    Hey ! Back away from my man Will Shakespeare, you fking bigot. He showed, in Othello, that he considered scheming racists the real bad guys. It was their damn conspiracies that doomed the big hero who was, you know, black.
    Merchant of Venice may sound anti-Semitic to our sensitive 21st century ears but, for its time, it was pretty damn sympathetic to Shylock the Jew.
    That there are still people who can read rags like yours and others of its ilk can hardly be blamed on Literature Thru The Ages. Other than sheer tittyfucking stupidity and paranoia, I have no explanation for the phenomenon.

  174. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:59

    Other than sheer tittyfucking stupidity and paranoia, I have no explanation for the phenomenon.

    +1*

    *nice use of tittyfucking…

  175. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:07

    Pee test anytime before 10 a.m. Nashville Daylight Time!

    Urine love!
    .

  176. Pupienus Maximus said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:11

    Dr. Robert Spitzer Renounces Infamous ‘Ex-Gay’ Study

    What took him so fucking long?

  177. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:26

    I am so angry and affronted NOW that I want him OUT in the most embarrassing and telling avalanche of American Conservatism in the US history of Presidential elections.

    And come November 7, this poor soul will swallow the largest, bitterest load of bile in recorded history.

  178. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:27

    I am so angry and affronted NOW that I want him OUT in the most embarrassing and telling avalanche of American Conservatism in the US history of Presidential elections.

    And I want a date with Shania Twain.

  179. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:28

    Not in cold blood; at the time Zimmerman shot Martin, Zimmerman was engaged in a physical altercation with Martin.

    Sure. After was specifically told by the cops not to stalk Trayvon, he stalked him, and called him a coon.

    Cold fucking blood, trollboy. Cold fucking blood. Hope you liked your stack-o-facts. Did you want some bile to wash it down?

  180. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:31

    According to Zimmerman’s former lawyers, he tried contacting the Special Prosecutor on his own. Apparently the Special Prosecutor’s office rebuffed him and did not want to speak with him without his lawyers present. But with the lawyers out of the picture,,,

    Plea bargain? I’m thinking negligent homicide or some other low-culpability manslaughter charge and minimal or no jail time?

  181. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:32

    I’m thinking negligent homicide or some other low-culpability manslaughter charge and minimal or no jail time?

    A lawyer would try to get him aggravated assault, I’d wager. Might not get it, but it would lower the bar substantially.

  182. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:34

    Maybe Papa Magistrate Zimmerman reassessed the situation and resigned himself to the fact that there were no strings left to pull to save his boy. This might also explain why the Grand Jury was dismissed.

  183. Pupienus Maximus said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:39

    Should I be happy or sad that the four GØP candidates who said God told them to run are all out now?

  184. tigris said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:43

    Man, do NOT bet on tips from God; his odds are worse than the lottery’s, even he is more likely to be struck by lightning than to win.

  185. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:43

    Special Prosecutor Angela Corey is a Republican. I don’t know what her position on “Stand Your Ground” is – as a prosecutor, you’d assume she’d be against but as a Repub she’d probably be for it. Add in that there’s probably a lotta other Stand Your Ground supporters and NRA donation recipients that have a vested interest in this one case not being the one where Stand Your Ground is tested in court.

    It smells like a plea bargain.

  186. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:44

    What I don’t understand is why she’s so dead set against a grand jury. Isn’t the purpose of a grand jury to investigate?

  187. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:48

    What I don’t understand is why she’s so dead set against a grand jury. Isn’t the purpose of a grand jury to investigate?

    some say the evidence is so cut and dried either way that she feels a grand jury would be a waste of time…others say that since she’s an elected official, she is taking on the duty of making the ‘tough call’ of whether to prosecute or not on her own as a way to court voters…

  188. jim said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:49

    Time for yet another thrilling episode of Dipshit-Gate: Teh Double-Dippening!

    Let’s be fair: Time-Travelling Stalin killing Trayvon is EXACTLY as credible as Bill Ayers ghost-writing Obama’s books – so there’s no doubt Jack “Definitely Not Going Broke Underestimating The Stupidity Of My Fellow Americans” Cashill is exhibiting rock-solid consistency.

    To be exact, the consistency of babyshit.

    Also, SWEET TITTYFUCKING WOW. A Sacco-&-Vanzetti analogy, for THIS case? Guess I somehow missed the arrest … or the trial … or the confession to the killing from someone else … or the admission from insiders that a retrial would probably change the verdict. You gotta huff a lot of lead-based paint-chips for that comparison to even begin to parse.

    Wacko Jacko must bust about three wheelbarrows a week hauling those titanic balls around.

  189. Another Kiwi said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:53

    The thing is that these shitbags got the law made so that they could get away with this sort of crap. Sweeping inconvenient shootings under the carpet without having to have those pesky investigations and shit.

  190. Fenwick said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:55

    Isn’t the purpose of a grand jury to investigate?

    Yup. But a grand jury can go beyond the Zimmerman-Martin case (at least as I understand GJ proceedings). That could lead to nasty places. Like the Sanford PD, prosecutor’s office, tampering by Zimmerman’s ex-judge father. Wouldn’t that be a bag of tits?

  191. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 22:55

    The thing is that these shitbags got the law made so that they could get away with this sort of crap. Sweeping inconvenient shootings under the carpet without having to have those pesky investigations and shit.

    and also makes is so much easier for them to yell, ‘but blacks kill blacks and nobody cares about that!!!’ and other racist nonsense…

  192. Golem Heart said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:25

    This case is as good a litmus test for racism as could be devised. Who would bet on Zimmerman’s character and truthfulness? No amount of blather about the media and liberal perfidy is gonna change Zimmerman himself. He’s gonna keep demonstrating that he’s awful, delusional, and stupid. Using this case as a focal point for furtherance of conservative causes or media “analysis” is a terrible idea; ideally, you’d want the story to go unreported or unexamined. You might say, this is not what we’re about, etc. Unless you’re a full-stop racist.

  193. not a gator said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:35

    but…but…two sadlies getting hired in the same week?!?!? more proof that obama is _____________!!!

    the party that rocks the body?

  194. Titties said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:47

    Jeez guys, take it easy, I’m getting sore over here.

  195. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:54

    Don’t get sore, get even.

  196. Shopworn Titties said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:54

    Dammit, now look what happened.

  197. John Revolta said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:57

    What I don’t understand is why she’s so dead set against a grand jury. Isn’t the purpose of a grand jury to investigate?

    The Grand Jury is only for 1st-degree murder cases. Which there’s no way.

    Also it would slow up the proceedings immensely. And also too, you can never tell what a bunch of Florida yahoos is gonna come up with.

    IOW: feature, not a bug.

  198. N__B said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:57

    Rule 34 guarantees that there’s a market for shop-vac titties.

  199. bbkf said,

    April 11, 2012 at 23:57

    Don’t get sore, get even.

    only surgery can make this possible…

  200. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 0:01

    omg…i am watching alan partridge kmku whilst running invoices and laffing myself silly…

  201. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 0:11

    Annnnddd he’s in the can.

  202. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 0:14

    Annnnnnnddddd linkfail.

  203. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 0:21

    tigris said,

    April 11, 2012 at 21:16

    Aaaaaannnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddd ahemmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  204. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    April 12, 2012 at 0:33

    Whoa, mur-dah. Not a plea bargain then. My bad.

  205. Smut Clyde said,

    April 12, 2012 at 0:35

    Also, SWEET TITTYFUCKING WOW. A Sacco-&-Vanzetti analogy, for THIS case? Guess I somehow missed the arrest … or the trial … or the confession to the killing from someone else … or the admission from insiders that a retrial would probably change the verdict.

    Cashill has already published the paragraphs about Sacco-&-Vanzetti + K.A.Porter in a couple of books and articles… and he believes in self-citation recycling self-plagiarism… so those are the paragraphs he’s going to use, however irrelevant they may be in this context.

    To put it another way, all Cashill’s articles are ghost-written by an earlier Jack Cashill.

  206. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:02

    To put it another way, all Cashill’s articles are ghost-written by an earlier Jack Cashill.

    Yeah, but every My Mother The Car was about how his mother was a car, and that was a classic, yah!

  207. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:14

    Geez, I knew the wingnuts’ brains had been sucked into Mr. Peabody’s Wayback Machine™, but I thought it was some imaginary version of the ’50s they were living in. Sacco and Vanzetti? Seriously? Didn’t anybody see The Male Animal? The people getting their panties in a twist about Sacco and Vanzetti were figures of fun 70 (titty)fucking years ago!

  208. Another Kiwi said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:25

    No no no, Very reverend, there is a direct causal line between Sacco and Vanzetti that runs through the very marrow of something or other. And makes history repeat itself again and it’s alllllll liberal’s fault.

  209. Pupienus said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:44

    Geez, I knew the wingnuts’ brains had been sucked into Mr. Peabody’s Wayback Machine™, but I thought it was some imaginary version of the ’50s they were living in

    That’s what I thought, based on Allen West’s “I know of 80 Democrats in the House of Representatives who are card carrying communists!”

  210. Nym said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:48

    So what kind of shitfits are being thrown now that Zimmerman’s in custody on 2nd-degree murder charges? (Mind you, what we really need is a deep investigation into the Sanford police dept. but that probably isn’t going to happen.)

  211. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:50

    That’s what I thought, based on Allen West’s “I know of 80 Democrats in the House of Representatives who are card carrying communists!”

    Red-baiting is sooooo 1956. Next we’ll be driving cars with tail fins.

    Oh wait:

    http://i41.tinypic.com/nocaw6.jpg

    (yes, that’s really my car)

  212. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:50

    french people chomp on on onions and go ‘onh-hee, onh-hee, onh!’ that’s a fact!

  213. Smut Clyde said,

    April 12, 2012 at 1:55

    (yes, that’s really my car)

    Oh noes! Major Kong’s catamaran is upside-down!! Those neighbourhood kids…

  214. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:00

    Sacco and Vanzetti? Seriously?

    I have it on good authority that Woodrow Wilson was worse than 20 Hitlers.

    And don’t forget JANE FONDA!!!11!!11!!1!1!!
    !!!!11!!!11!1!1

    !!!111111!!1!

  215. Nym said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:00

    Kong: That’s, uh… that’s impressively green, that is.

  216. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:00

    french people chomp on on onions and go ‘onh-hee, onh-hee, onh!’ that’s a fact!

    K. I’ll bite.

    What the tittyfuck, huh?

  217. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:00

    You know what I don’t like? City-dwellers owning Stoopid Big Trucks and Egomanic SUVs. I’ve got no problem with trucks owned by people who genuinely need them for their work. Or for hauling boats or motorcyles. Also perfectly fine in places with lower traffic densities and wider streets….towns, rural communities, farms.

    No, I’m talking about Stoopid Big Trucks and SUV’s that seat four and are all tricked out with every luxury option and accessory available. Forget the gas-guzzler stuff for a moment. The sheer size of these Ego Trip Machines makes CITY parking and CITY driving a royal pain in the ass.

    In the Baltimore neighborhood I live in–Highlandtown, Hon!–the rowhouses are 12 feet wide and curb space is very limited. (Not only do the Big Stoopid Trucks and SUVs eat up space, but the assholes who drive them deliberately park them to eat up even MORE space than the vehicle needs.) One the streets and in parking lots, these Ego Trip Machines block the view of people driving normal cars.

    The final irony is that these Manly Men drive like absolute wussies. With all their Semi-Hemi-Omigosh horsepower, and spayshul off-roads suspensions and 4 WD and other useless shit, the tippy-toe oh-so-gently over railroad tracks and poorly-patched pavement.

    The macho, outdoors, bold names of Stoopid Big Trucks and SUVs provide a perfect signature for assholes who drive these Ego Monsters around in cities.

    So that’s what I don’t like. End of rant.

  218. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:02

    Fenwick.

    Compensating.

    That is all.

  219. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:04

    Kong, you look like you could do a Flying Nun with those tailfins.

    (Also, what’s with the “For Sale By Owner” in the window? Is that you too?)

  220. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:04

    Would someone move my job to the Eastern Time Zone so I can go home, plz?

  221. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:05

    what we really need is a deep investigation into the Sanford police dept

    Nym nails it. Also the county prosecutor’s office.

  222. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:06

    the assholes who drive them deliberately park them to eat up even MORE space than the vehicle needs.

    Oooo these people truly need to die.

    But not before JANE F***KING FONDA!!!11!111!!1111111

    !!1!!!11!!!11

    P.S. 11

  223. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:06

    More accurately, move the Eastern Time Zone to my job?

  224. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:06

    Kong: That’s, uh… that’s impressively green, that is.

    The previous owner painted it that color. It was a $4500 ebay purchase.

    Scribe – the ‘For Sale’ sign is one of the condos next door.

  225. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:08

    Isn’t it appropriate that the pilot has the car with tailfins?

  226. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:12

    Major: That’s a beautifull, eye-popping machine. Is the interior as nifty ? How many miles? Someone surely spent some time and dedication on the restoration project. You got a steal deal !

  227. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:16

    I need something pointy.

  228. vacuumslayer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:20

    Hello. I am here.

  229. N__B said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:26

    Prove it.

  230. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:27

    Also, doesn’t Ohio have ‘Historic’ plates? It’s a DeSoto after all, and the whole brand is long gone. (Couldn’t read the fin ID chrome.) Do you garage it or tarp it? Cars with wing-vent windows as s-o-o fine. Carries me back, it does.

  231. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:39

    Yo! Dis guy’s toast.

    Stick a big fat fork inim.

  232. Another Kiwi said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:40

    I’m mightily impressed by the 81 card carrying commies claim. If you add it to the number of Marxists and the Kenyan Devil-worshippers, the US is getting a truly diverse congress.

  233. HS said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:45

    ….mmmmm fat toast.

  234. 'natch said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:47

    “deep investigation” indeed..like my boot two feet deep in their ass!

    Oh I went there

  235. Jennifer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:48

    Fenwick – I call those “pussy trucks” – in fact that’s what I’ve been calling all SUVs since, forever, because they are marketed as rough tough macho mobiles but…get into a 5 mph fender-bender in a parking lot and you’re looking at $4 K in repairs.

    I’m still in awe of whatever marketing genius figured out that you could take a station wagon, plop it on a truck chassis, and market it as the “in” vehicle. I’ve always hated those fucking things.

    Major Kong, that’s a sweeeeet ride. I’ve always had a yen for an early sixties Lincoln convertible with suicide doors, but I figure they probably get about 10 mpg and with gas being $4 and going nowhere but up, it will remain an unrealized dream.

  236. 'natch said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:51

    Relevant?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1XLOLUSrHw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

  237. Pupienus said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:54

    paleotectonics said,
    April 12, 2012 at 2:16

    I need something pointy.

    Ask and ye shall receive.

    vacuumslayer said,
    April 12, 2012 at 2:20

    Hello. I am here.

  238. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:58


    K. I’ll bite.

    What the tittyfuck, huh?

    the great alan partridge

  239. paleotectonics said,

    April 12, 2012 at 2:59

    Ask and ye shall receive.

    I meant to ask for something stabby. Is tsam around?

  240. acrannymint said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:01

    Let the record show that I had the pleasure of seeing Attila the Stokebroker performing at the Reading festival in 88 or 89.
    He appears at Glastonwick every year. Not that I have ever made it over. My friend’s hubby is one on of the organizers.

  241. acrannymint said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:06

    My own offer letter and authorization for prying into my past
    As some one who actually had a secret clearance at one point, I was surprised to learn that there clearances more rigorous than top secret recently. Hopefully, you don’t have to go through that level.

  242. Chris said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:08

    Fenwick said,
    April 12, 2012 at 2:00

    My dad’s been saying similar things about Humvees for as long as I can remember – with the additional “I’m not a real soldier but I really want to feel like one!” factor that your basic SUV doesn’t have.

  243. vacuumslayer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:16


    Prove it.

    how many polar bear jokes do I have make before you believe I’m real?

  244. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:17

    I’ve always had a yen for an early sixties Lincoln convertible with suicide doors, but I figure they probably get about 10 mpg and with gas being $4 and going nowhere but up, it will remain an unrealized dream.

    The Desoto gets around 15 mpg, but I only drive it at most 1000 miles a year.

  245. acrannymint said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:17

    In the Baltimore neighborhood I live in–Highlandtown, Hon!
    Fenwick – you will appreciate this

  246. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:19

    Also, doesn’t Ohio have ‘Historic’ plates? It’s a DeSoto after all, and the whole brand is long gone. (Couldn’t read the fin ID chrome.) Do you garage it or tarp it?

    I don’t put historic plates on it, because that only allows you to drive it to car shows or in parades.

    I keep it garaged. I used to keep it in a storage unit, but decided that paying $100/month to store a $4500 car wasn’t very smart.

  247. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:24

    How many miles?

    It has 60k. I bought it ten years ago with 48k miles. It was owned by a 76-year-old man in Pennsylvania. I don’t know how many previous owners. The seller had maintenance records going back to 1970.

  248. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:25

    As some one who actually had a secret clearance at one point, I was surprised to learn that there clearances more rigorous than top secret recently.

    When I was in SAC I held a Top Secret/SCI, which was two levels above a Top Secret.

    You really don’t want the feds crawling that far up your ass.

  249. acrannymint said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:39

    When I was in SAC I held a Top Secret/SCI, which was two levels above a Top Secret.
    I think that my friend mentioned she had two levels as well. She was a chief in the navy.

  250. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:48

    Anyone who had access to the SIOP (the big plan to nuke the Russkies) was required to have an SCI clearance.

  251. Golem Heart said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:48

    “The macho, outdoors, bold names of Stoopid Big Trucks and SUVs provide a perfect signature for assholes who drive these Ego Monsters around”

    Then there’s the IQ portion of the test — whether the owner proceeds to bitch about gas prices. But then, it is apparently impossible to ferry two small children around in anything smaller than a hummer. So I’ve been told.

    I am getting 50 tittyfucking MPGs on my new 35-mile commute, just as manly as you please in my paid-off powder-green Prius. Laffin all the way to the credit union. Well, I’m insolvent but still.

  252. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:49

    I was always hoping to run into the beautiful Russian agent who would trade me sex for secrets. With any luck she’d have to torture it out of me.

    Never could find her – dammit.

  253. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:52

    “The macho, outdoors, bold names of Stoopid Big Trucks and SUVs provide a perfect signature for assholes who drive these Ego Monsters around”

    Shorter every pickup truck commercial – “Dude! If you drive this truck you are so not gay.”

  254. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:52

    Major, she was too busy chasing moose and squirrel.

  255. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:57

    As to the truck thing – as a bona fide northwoods outdoors motherfucker I couldn’t agree more about the suburban weekend warriors with a truck that has never seen mud or water over four inches deep. Hell, when I bought my Ranger I didn’t even want carpet – IT’S A FUCKING TRUCK! Sorry.

    But yeah, fuck these fake trucks and their owners.

  256. acrannymint said,

    April 12, 2012 at 3:58

    I was always hoping to run into the beautiful Russian agent who would trade me sex for secrets
    The best annual security training I ever received was when I worked for a DOD research facility (before 1995). He showed us pics of the moving roof features of the USSR embassy roof, how the Russians would hang out at the local watering hole, and a great story about a trip to Moscow. His story was that we has hanging out in a bar in Moscow hotel. An attractive woman approaches him offering him a good time which he declines. A few minutes later an attractive man shows up offering the same thing.

  257. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:06

    As to the truck thing – as a bona fide northwoods outdoors motherfucker I couldn’t agree more about the suburban weekend warriors with a truck that has never seen mud or water over four inches deep. Hell, when I bought my Ranger I didn’t even want carpet – IT’S A FUCKING TRUCK! Sorry.

    But yeah, fuck these fake trucks and their owners.

    lately around here i’ve noticed that it is obviously mandatory for farmers to have a brand new f-150…

  258. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:18

    I can remember when trucks were utilitarian vehicles driven mainly by farmers, hunters and contractors.

    We actually have that rarest of all cars in the US – a station wagon (Audi). Holds almost as much as an SUV but drives like a car and gets decent gas mileage.

  259. Golem Heart said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:19

    “An attractive woman approaches him offering him a good time which he declines. A few minutes later an attractive man shows up offering the same thing.”

    The next thing he should’ve done is introduce them. “I know just the girl for you, my friend–”

  260. N__B said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:19

    I was always hoping to run into the beautiful Russian agent who would trade me sex for secrets. With any luck she’d have to torture it out of me.

    Never could find her – dammit.

    I married her before she figured out that she had more interesting secrets than I do.

  261. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:20

    Canyonero!!

  262. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:26

    I gotta weigh in on SUVs. I hate hate HATE those fucking things. I hate them with the intensity of a hundred white-hot suns. They guzzle gas, hog the road, completely blind normal drivers and make parking a nightmare. Plus at least half are driven by assholes who have no idea how to drive or park, and figure that if they crowd you out of a driveway or take up two parking spaces, it’s YOUR problem. Skullfuck whoever exempted them from fuel economy standards.

  263. Golem Heart said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:28

    It would be worth it to watch the two Russian agents play it off.

    “I … I do not know this woman. Of course. And perhaps I was not clear. I am, how do you say, homosexual.”

  264. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:29

    But CAFE standards are SOSHUIZUM!!!!111!!!

  265. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:32

    Plus at least half are driven by assholes who have no idea how to drive or park

    I usually call their bluff. I figure they’re not going to put a scratch on their $50,000 truck.

  266. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:32

    acrannymint: That was wunnerful! I live on a main-line bus route, so the snowplows run early and often. They throw up a massive amount of snow on the street-side of the car. If you don’t clear it pretty quick, the day-melt + night-freeze soon turns it into an ice wall. In Highlandtown, everyone pretty much knows that If you CLEAR the parking space you OWN it. As a reminder (mainly for new residents), we put out simple objects to ‘hold’ the space. (e.g. cheapie plastic chair, upside-down garbage can). In 20+ years, I’ve never had ABIB’s problem with a stolen space.

  267. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:42

    the great alan partridge

    FUCK ALL THAT! ANDY PARTRIDGE, biotches!
    .

  268. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:45

    OK, Perkins strikes out Pujols (poo-holes heh) on a nasty slider – can the Twinkies actually win a game or will they find a new way to grasp defeat from the jaws of victory? Stay tuned!

  269. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:47

    As some one who actually had a secret clearance at one point, I was surprised to learn that there clearances more rigorous than top secret recently. Hopefully, you don’t have to go through that level.

    Naw; they just wanna make sure I haven’t donated to MEK (well… sorry, THAT’S OKAY!), et al, and that I haven’t had a DUI in the last three years (never) or two or more moving violations on my driving record in the last six months (no issues). Plus, they wanna make sure I have not smoked the Evil Weed in the past 45 days (haven’t).
    .

  270. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:48

    Nasty slider to poo-holes – double heh!

  271. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:48

    So now that the Rorschach-wannabe is finally going to stand trial, what’s the under/over of us being inundated with “Zimmerman is our OJ” screeds?

  272. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:50

    Dammit leave Perkins in! Capps makes me nervous. Not Ron Davis nervous but Eddie Gudardo nervous.

  273. John Revolta said,

    April 12, 2012 at 4:51

    If you CLEAR the parking space you OWN it.

    Dunno how it is now, but in Chicago in the ’70s this “rule” was still not firmly established. As a result there would be at least a couple of shootings every winter over it(Chicago gets LOTSA snow, or did anyway).

    Yeah, good times.

  274. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 5:01

    Well they damn near blew it but the Twins actually won! I had better enjoy it because I doubt there will be many more.

  275. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 5:02

    Capps makes me nervous.

    i KNOW! CAPPS!!! grrr…

  276. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 5:14

    On clearances (from Wiki).

    Information “above Top Secret” is called either Sensitive Compartmented Information (SCI) or special access program (SAP). It is not truly “above” Top Secret, although that phrase is often used by those in the news and entertainment media. SCI information may be either Secret or Top Secret, but in either case it has additional controls on dissemination beyond those associated with the classification level alone. In order to gain SCI Access, you will need to have a SSBI Investigation. Compartments of information are identified by code names. This is one means by which the need to know principle is formally and automatically enforced. Only persons with access to a given compartment of information are permitted to see information within that compartment, regardless of the person’s security clearance level.

    My clearance was TS/SI…signifying access to Special Intelligence. (It was so long ago that maybe the category has been merged in SCI.) I worked in a ‘code name’ environment; the codewords were themselves classified. So each document had to have a cover page marked either ‘Top Secret’ or ‘Secret’ with a separate marking saying ‘Appended documents contain Special Intelligence’…to protect the codewords as well as the actual contents. (There were different codewords for Top Secret and Secret.)

    We also had other dissemination restrictions, e.g. NOFORN meant we couldn’t give it to any foriegn national; CANUKUS, meant the Brits and Canuckistanis could have it. Also restrictions on distribution to ‘contract personnel’ (e.g. civilian consultants). I had a stamp carousel on my desk with maybe 10 security-marking hand-stamps. Because I was generating material, I had to pay careful attention to dissemination restrictions, which were based on the intelligence source(s).

    TMI? Just thought I’d add another oddball Fenwickian comment into the mix….

  277. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 5:27

    Well they damn near blew it but the Twins actually won!

    Yay! Now there are no more 2012 threats to the Woes legendary 0-21 start! Baltimore OWNS that record, bitchez!

    Woes started by sweeping the Twins; tonight got swept by NY-Evil. So they’re playing .500 ball. (R-i-g-h-t. Like that will hold up during time 10-game road trip….)

  278. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 5:37

    time = the I blame time-travelling Stalin!

  279. S. cerevisiae said,

    April 12, 2012 at 5:40

    Fenwick – were you ever code name Hard Hat?

  280. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 6:59

    Nope. I was code name High Hat.

    ((drummer and pot-smoker joke))

  281. tensor said,

    April 12, 2012 at 8:37

    Now that Zimmerman is being charged with second degree murder, the wingnut welfare queens can really turn it up to 11. (Peak Wingnut can never be achieved, because it is always being achieved. The inflection points can be interesting to observe, though; it’s good to recall that while wingnut feedback is both a moronic and monotonous function, it is not a monotonic one.)

    Compensating.

    Back In The Day when civilians were first getting hummers made of metal*, my friend and I were enjoying a rare day of sunny Spring weather at the Bellevue Galleria, a mall with outdoor seating in the center of the largest suburb of Seattle. She was, at the time, the head of the language department at a local high school. Upon seeing one of those monstrosities roll by us, she pointed and started giggling like one of her students might, exclaiming “teenie weenie” the entire time.

    Being myself a man of the dullest heterosexual variety, I noted that jibe was common, but asked her if it was true. “It’s *always* true,” she gasped through giggles, “and car dealers should be required to tell their male customers what buying one of those things really says!”

    *Veiled OUCH reference

  282. Nym said,

    April 12, 2012 at 9:06

    The Honda Element is considered a SUV, but it does make a good postal delivery vehicle even in a mostly-urban area (it will, obviously, hold lots of mail and even quite large packages, and putting the gearshift up on the dash lets you lean out the right window to deliver at curbside mailboxes more easily).

    And my goodness, is it nice when you need to move.

  283. Fenwick said,

    April 12, 2012 at 9:38

    The Honda Element is considered a SUV

    It can’t be a true SUV because of massive name-fail. ‘Element’ sounds all science-y and stuff. To be a real Manly Man vehicle it needs to have a name like Denali, Yukon, Pathfinder, Bronco, etc. Also no rams-head hood ornament.

  284. Magpie said,

    April 12, 2012 at 9:47

    there was an ad for a big 4WD here in Oz once that specifically showed mum taking the kids to school and how she didn’t have to slow down for speed humps – that was one of the selling points!

  285. Another Kiwi said,

    April 12, 2012 at 10:05

    . A few minutes later an attractive man shows up offering the same thing.
    And after him, a guy with a donkey?
    Hello magpie, fellow antipodean. A Collingwood supporter??

  286. Nym said,

    April 12, 2012 at 10:20

    I suppose the Element’s also on the small side to be the kind of failmobile you guys are discussing. I must say I rather like ours, though.

  287. not a gator said,

    April 12, 2012 at 10:22

    If the shooter had been black and the victim white that would be an absolute certainty.

    Ummm, yeah. It kind of floored me that the special prosecutor charged 2nd degree and not 1st degree. Taking a gun to a confrontation makes it 1st degree… if you’re black and your victim is white. I guess.

    http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090613/ARTICLES/906131006

  288. Magpie said,

    April 12, 2012 at 11:37

    Hello Another Kiwi! Not even Victorian. I just squawk a lot :)

  289. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 14:12

    I suppose the Element’s also on the small side to be the kind of failmobile you guys are discussing.

    The Element is what’s called a “Crossover”. It’s built on a car chassis and mechanically is closer to a Honda Accord than anything else.

    A true “SUV” is something like a Durango or a Suburban, which is built on a truck chassis.

    An Element weighs 3500 lbs and has a 4-cyliner engine that gets 20-25 mpg.

    A Suburban weighs 5600 lbs and has a V8 that gets 15-20 mpg. That’s with the smaller engine. The optional engine gets 10-15 mpg.

  290. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    April 12, 2012 at 14:17

    Meanwhile, a Kymco People 250 weighs 367lbs., and gets 65MPG. :)

    AND I’M RIDING ONE TO THE PEE TEST IN DURN COLD WEATHER!
    .

  291. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 12, 2012 at 15:05

    Yeah, I have less contempt for people who bought original Hummers—of course I think anybody who imagines they need a Hummer when they’ll never set foot offroad are just idiots—than I have for people who bought H2s or H3s; in other words, just large or mid-size Chevy pickups with ugly-ass cladding all over them. “Look at me! I’m a real tough guy!”

    I gotta admit, I would like the feature of the real Hummer that you can pump up (or down) the pressure in each of your tires from the driver’s seat; or climb steps higher than the hubs. (I’d probably never benefit from the fact that they breathe through snorkels, and thus can ford water obstacles higher than the hood, but who knows in Seattle?) And being diesels, they get much better mileage than people think they do.

  292. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 15:41

    You really wouldn’t want a Hummer H1 unless you were planning on doing some serious offroading.

    Even with the diesel it gets 16 mpg. For as big as they are, they’re not all that roomy inside. The drivetrain takes up a lot of interior space.

    And you have the potential embarrassment of having a glacier beat you from 0-60.

  293. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 15:44

    The Crazy Conservative Cloning Factory has a new model coming out: http://jezebel.com/5901132/meet-the-rising-republican-star-who-would-love-to-punch-hillary-clinton-in-the-face

  294. N__B said,

    April 12, 2012 at 16:06

    I tried to have a glacier beat me, but using the safe word “freeze” was a mistake.

  295. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 16:07

    Well they damn near blew it but the Twins actually won! I had better enjoy it because I doubt there will be many more.

    it’s going to be a long season, innit?

  296. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 16:12

    You really wouldn’t want a Hummer H1 unless you were planning on doing some serious offroading.

    brock lesnar had a white hummer and i once saw him take it offroad…off the highway, through the ditch and into the club parking lot…he used to come to the club a lot…he would always order the steak for two and make us watch him wrestling on teevee…

  297. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 12, 2012 at 16:38

    Major:

    Yeah, anybody who buys a Hummer thinking it’s going to be a babe magnet, hasn’t really thought it through when you see the barrier between the seats. No “S. O. S.*” in that vehicle!

    *S. O. S.= “Slide over, sweetie!” Am I dating myself?

  298. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 16:43

    *S. O. S.= “Slide over, sweetie!” Am I dating myself?

    only if you regularly take ‘opportunity corners…’

  299. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    April 12, 2012 at 16:46

    bbkf: Yeah, the sudden right turns…only really works with a bench seat, though.

  300. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 12, 2012 at 17:11

    Damn it. This had such potential.

  301. Pryme said,

    April 12, 2012 at 17:31

    Damn it. This had such potential.

    I think it was his “neeener-neeener” post that did it. And the fact that Fox News is crazy paranoid.

  302. Bitter Scribe said,

    April 12, 2012 at 17:44

    I think it was his “neeener-neeener” post that did it. And the fact that Fox News is crazy paranoid.

    Well, to be fair and balanced (snort), I can’t really blame Fox News for wanting the guy out. I just wish he’d managed to last a while longer. I wonder how much trouble he’ll have finding a job now? (He’d written earlier that working for Fox made him radioactive to real news orgs. Will this reverse that effect or make it worse?)

  303. Suezboo said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:02

    Speaking of Hillary Clinton, have youse guys read “Texts from Hillary” at Tumblr? Hill-arious.
    Also, too “Texts from Dog”.
    Recommended by the Bloggess – and with cause.

  304. bbkf said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:08

    Speaking of Hillary Clinton, have youse guys read “Texts from Hillary” at Tumblr? Hill-arious.
    Also, too “Texts from Dog”.

    i haz a sad, though because as soon as i got hooked on ‘tfh’ they decided they were done posting…sigh

    also, the fox mole getting canned? again, i was soooo looking forward to hilarity and now it’s gone…

    perhaps i am some sort of internet black widow…this could explain the lack of new episodes for louis vs rick, but doesn’t explain the continuation of facebook…

  305. Pupienus said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:15

    When my brother moved to Colorado he wanted a vehicle to haul the dirt bikes and stuff and do other off-road/bad road stuff. He didn’t get an SUV, that would be too mundane. No, he got a Pinzgauer. Look it up.

  306. Major Kong said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:39

    He didn’t get an SUV, that would be too mundane. No, he got a Pinzgauer.

    Well, I suppose if you want to drive on the interstate listening to your tires go “rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!” at 130 decibels then that’s your vehicle of choice.

  307. Jennifer said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:47

    It can’t be a true SUV because of massive name-fail. ‘Element’ sounds all science-y and stuff. To be a real Manly Man vehicle it needs to have a name like Denali, Yukon, Pathfinder, Bronco, etc.

    Or be named after one of Sarah Palin’s kids.

  308. acrannymint said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:50

    Not only do the Big Stoopid Trucks and SUVs eat up space, but the assholes who drive them deliberately park them to eat up even MORE space than the vehicle needs.

    Tales from another Baltimore row house community

  309. acrannymint said,

    April 12, 2012 at 18:59

    I can’t believe (well yes I can) that I posted the same link twice. That’s what happens when you come back to threads not remembering where you stopped reading the comments.

  310. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:03

    http://i41.tinypic.com/nocaw6.jpg

    (yes, that’s really my car)

    It was a $4500 ebay purchase.

    That thing is awesome and especially so for $4500!

  311. jim said,

    April 12, 2012 at 19:57

    The Crazy Conservative Cloning Factory has a new model coming out

    Geeze, that was one poorly-written piece. PROTIP: when you’re mocking someone for their crap writing, don’t make yours just as weak. If AutoCorrect fucks up what you wrote, fix it &/or nuke the bloody thing if you can. Doesn’t anyone actually read what they’re writing any more?

    But I forgive Jezebel, because they led me to Henri.

  312. Disappointed said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:06

    Damn it. This had such potential.

    *facepalm*

    Wish I could say I didn’t see this coming, but come on. What a stupid stunt, and a waste of a perfectly good opportunity. While he was working there he could have actually gotten his hands on some useful inside stuff if he knew what the heck he was doing.

    Now what will we get out of him? I’m sure highly useful, secret info like “Bill O’Reilly was always a big conceited jerk!” or “Boy, Ailes sure was a paranoid, dictatorial boss!” Riveting.

    Not to mention even if he did “smuggle” any useful or damaging information, it’ll now be completely ignored and blown off by anyone important using the ever popular “oh well he’s just making stuff up now because they fired him and he’s bitter” excuse.

    What a fucking joke this whole thing was. Fuck Gawker and their lame attempt at whoring hits. We were all played gentlemen and ladies. It may as well have been a giant punk where they posted “lol we made the mole up” a week later for all the good it’ll do.

    If we want to fix anything in this country it starts with deconstructing the Ailes propaganda empire using whatever means necessary, and this was a total and complete waste. I wouldn’t be surprised if the dumbass at the center of this turned himself in just to get out of the company so he could get started doing his media rounds and writing his book.

    What a fucking disappointment this whole thing was. I can’t even begin to really explain just how much.

  313. jim said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:33

    What a fucking joke this whole thing was. Fuck Gawker and their lame attempt at whoring hits. We were all played gentlemen and ladies.

    QFT.

    Whoever decided to run with this guy’s stuff the moment they got it should be made to write “I will not blow awesome inside sources just to be a pathetic clickwhore” 1,000 times. With their nose. On the side of a dead beached whale on a California beach. In the summertime.

    As someone over on MetaFilter pointed out, Gloria Steinem went undercover at the Playboy Club for a full month & didn’t say boo until she had the dirt on Hef’s little creepazoid man-boy outfit. Journalism isn’t dead, but it sure the hell isn’t ready to run any Iron Man comps any time soon.

  314. Suezboo said,

    April 12, 2012 at 20:58

    bbkf, I feel your pain.
    I personally killed off Hyperbole and a Half and People Who, two excellent laff sites.
    Sigh.

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    June 27, 2013 at 16:08

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