Birthermania, conservatives’ answer to Woodstock.
Monte Kuligowski, The Nice Folks at American Thinker:
Man, lately it has seemed that all my job is has been bouncing between outlandish conspiracy theories that want to claim that everyone and their mother is all in on the plot to keep an impossibility from being acknowledged as fact.
I guess it’s because the 2012 election season is looking to be little more than choosing a GOP goat for Obama to sacrifice on the altar for Soros (may He be praised always). So the conservatives are starting early on the whole “it was the schemes within schemes that stole this election from us” so as to try and obfuscate how deeply unpopular rooting for a return to 13th century values has been.
So, it’s nice. It really is a fucking refreshing breeze to see that while our good friends at the American Thinker have added full-on Birther lunatics to the blogroll, they’ve also pulled in a few saner voices to say, “no, that’s finally a bridge too far for us”.
Sure, it’s probably only for self-preservation and admittedly, I haven’t read anything but the title. But why should I? That title is a proud declaration that the Birthers are maniacs who no longer are in the good graces of the conservative movement.
It’s really the little victories. Now let’s dive in to what is surely a refreshing little jaunt.
Now that Sheriff Joe Arpaio has released his ten-page report on President Obama’s purported birth certificate
I am even more impressed with this fine middle aged man. Not only is he calling out the Birthers, but he’s even turning on conservative hero Joe Arpaio, who has been much beloved for figuring out a way to reintroduce concentration camps to America by calling them prisons and ignoring any judge orders.
I must admit that takes stones for a dedicated conservative and while I’m sure he’ll get flak in the comments, I salute this stand. Man, reading this is really bringing the spring back in my st-
we are witnessing the predicted response of the establishment national news media:
Hey, sure it looks bad, but he could be setting up a denunciation on how Birthers have been welcomed on multiple shows to defend their reality-ignorant worldviews instead of being given the same cautious disregard that UFO conspiracy theorists are.
yawns, sighs, and laughter — but little reporting.
No, it’s okay. I just wanted to dream for a little bit…
I’ll…I’ll just get the tinfoil hat. It’s okay… (whimper)
I just need a second.
(sing sadly to self) Yesterday/ All my troubles seem so far away…(/sing sadly to self)
Okay, sigh, let me read the whole thing and come back with the shorter.
- The fact that Obama disproved our loud racist temper tantrum with infinite grace and calm proves that we were right all along about the Time Travel Plot to Plant/Destroy his Birth Certificate.
So yeah, Joe Arpaio, on the list of people you constantly wonder why they’re not rotting in jail yet (along with luminaries like James O’Keefe and George Zimmerman) has apparently released a report that’s got the usual assortment of lunatics so excited that they can’t keep their hands out of their pants.
And lucky us, the dawning train-wreck that will be the 2012 election means that the Birthers are coming out of the woodwork in one giant explosion of disbelief that a mere 150 years after mean old Northerners helped set the slaves free, one of Them has managed to rise in accomplishment to become President of the United States.
And apparently American Thinker, much beloved humor mill that it is, has decided to go all in and join the solidarity movement with Wing Nut Daily.
Oh, happy day.
After the six-month investigation by a team of forensic experts, Joe Arpaio said there is “probable cause” to believe that forgery has been committed. Those are fairly strong words. Probable cause is the legal standard for arrest and forced production of documents.
Also, love the emphasis on words. Yes, he made sure that said words weren’t actually followed up with any actual attempted filed warrant for arrest, cause whatever remaining synapses are working through that fascist’s brain, he knows that filing a false report on the President would get his corruption investigation finished all the quicker.
Jeff Kuhner of the Washington Times discusses the potential bombshell Obama scandal and the scandal of media silence in his piece, “Forgerygate: Ignoring Arpaio’s Report is a Scandal in Itself.” Kuhner argues that the reason for the media blackout is fear — fear of a constitutional crisis. If Obama attained the high office through deception, then everything has done as president would be subject to annulment.
Yeah, remember when we actually had an impeachment trial on Nixon for the deceptive way he rose to high office, all that evidence we had collected that had pretty much his entire cabinet resigning, getting impeached, or going to jail.
Remember how that erased everything Nixon had ever done as president? How we had to wind back all the congress-passed legislation, all the federal appointments were rescinded, the budgets were in disarray as all the money was asked for back, and we immediately had a redo of the 1972 election with a formal apology to George McGovern?
Yeah, that was a crazy time.
The blackout by the establishment conservative press is likely also fear-based.
FOX News is Lieberal Media!
Ah, Rupert Murdoch, you sold what remained of your soul and years off America and the World’s lifespan and now your creation turns at last on you. Hope it was fucking worth it.
The cowards of the conservative media fear the Saul Alinsky tactic of isolation and humiliation. The narrative has already been established: all questions regarding Obama’s eligibility have been debunked, and anyone who questions the president has a personal vendetta based in some sort of pathology. Better to play it safe and appear intelligent.
Is it too late to point out that the “new evidence” from Joe Arpaio is actually an 8 month old report with a random scrawl about stamps added on to it?
An 8 month report that someone already wrote a point-for-point debunking for, because when the fish climb out of the barrel and beg to be shot, sometimes you just gotta pull the trigger.
But no, I’m sure, just like with the incoming gynocracy, the Girl Scouts defense of the Milkman’s abortion factory, and Bill Ayers’s 40 year plot to pass moderate reform, but only if Republicans don’t complain too much, the laughter you receive is just proof that the conspiracy is bigger than you ever thought.
But history, when far removed from the Obama phenomenon, will not view the cowardly as intelligent or even wise.
Well, no, I imagine they’ll have little to say about the average fucking saps whose only real claim was just barely avoiding embracing the most fringe and untenable conspiracy theory.
No, you on the other hand?
Hoo boy, there’ll be books deconstructing that for fucking decades to come.
The reason is twofold. First, there are too many oddities with Obama.
First, he’s black. I mean, wake up sheeple, can’t you all see that the president is a ni-CLANG!
Hey, don’t be rude to Crazy Man Johnson.
And second, in context of the manifold oddities, the reasonable thing for Obama to do is end all doubt. If he had nothing to hide, wouldn’t Obama want to quickly remove doubts and restore confidence?
Remember this line later. It will be retroactively hilarious. Trust me.
The only way to end all doubt is complete transparency. Complete transparency means actually releasing personal records, including his birth certificate.
And then he did, and whatever momentum the Bought and Sold Media could give your little freakshow shriveled up and died like the bad fever dream it was.
Ah, good times.
Actually releasing his birth certificate means making the original available for forensic authentication. With today’s forensic technology, all doubt could be laid to rest quickly. We have the ability to determine whether the original document is written on paper from 1961 and with corresponding seal, typeset, and ink.
OHHHHHHH. Not content with the President of the United States having to show his Birth Certificate to the world so you could get your rocks off on the power trip, nor the numerous birth announcements that must have been planted by time-traveling Bill Ayers, nor all the family friends who remembered his birth, nor the fact that you haven’t yet produced a shred of evidence that he was born anywhere else, you want to get your grubby little mitts on the original vault-sealed special uber original only copy of the Birth Certificate that doesn’t exist for any citizen of Hawaii or else it doesn’t count.
Even if Hawaii filed them like that, why in Hell would they let any insane racist with a death wish against the guy hold onto the only existing copy of something they are trying to disprove even when they are staring the real thing in the face?
I mean, you wouldn’t do that… or would you?
Hmm, can I just hold onto your social security card, passport, and banking information for… verification purposes? I just want to make sure you are a… American citizen… cause otherwise your investigation might not hold up.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
No doubt was erased by Obama’s “releasing” a belated birth certificate via internet posting — the internet meets no legal standard of document production. Try showing an image of your birth certificate on your laptop to the processing agent when applying for a passport.
And if your mom’s basement were a court of law, then that might mean something. But seeing as how your little 3-ring circus started their freakout long after Obama had shown all requisite proof to all 50 states to meet their requirements to be on the Democratic Nomination ballot, one might be forgiven for thinking, maybe, just maybe the burden of proof wasn’t on him.
And he still managed to make you all collectively look like the amateur hour chumps you were.
It is necessary to highlight some of the unique Obama oddities. For if the oddities did not exist, the protective response — No other candidate or president released his birth certificate for authentication, so why should Obama? — would make perfect sense. But Obama is no ordinary American.
I told you to remember that paragraph.
Why doesn’t he just show his birth certificate to lay all fears to rest? What, he did? Well, um, it’s not good enough! Um, er… Because! And besides, why would he release his birth certificate if he had nothing to hide?!? Got you again, loony libs!
Many Obama supporters claim that racism is the only explanation for doubting the president. But I’ve noted before that no one doubted the eligibility of Jesse Jackson, Alan Keyes, Al Sharpton, or Herman Cain.
Yeah, it’s almost like there was something different about Barack Obama compared to the other guys. Some sort of competition or nomination or something that he won that made him much more likely to be a danger of being the President of the United States and thus a source of legitimate concern among the KKK remnants of our country.
If only I could think of what it was.
Kenyan media publications never claimed that Al Sharpton was born in Mombasa.
I remember what it was! It was a pie-eating contest. Yup, definitely.
But several have referred to Obama as “Kenyan-born.” That doesn’t mean it’s true, but it is a little strange nonetheless. The words of Obama’s paternal grandmother and Kenyan officials also don’t make any Kenyan-born allegations true — but they are peculiar in light of the Hawaii claim.
And yet said Kenyan officials with their long-form birth certificate secret vaults were unable to prevent such evidence from being erased by the Time Bandit’s Destructo-Beam, nor prevent any and all witnesses to Obama’s “birth” atop the Vile Altar of Mount Evil Bad from being murdered in suspicious circumstances, seconds before they would have contacted Jerome Corsi with the bullet-proof evidence he needed to crack the case once and for all.
Herman Cain’s wife never referred to Kenya as Herman’s “home country.” Maybe Michelle didn’t mean to say “home country.” But it’s a little odd that she did.
During his candidacy, no one doubted that Jesse Jackson was born in a house in South Carolina. Most candidates have living witnesses of their births. Obama had none (except his paternal grandmother).
Bet you thought the shorter couldn’t have been true. That not even this monkey cage of fuckwits would be that transparently stupid and vile as to use their own hateful vendetta as “proof” that Obama’s Birth Certificate couldn’t be real.
Well, dear readers, I’m here to say, there is no bottom. One day, a subject of this blog will literally devolve into nothing but a paramecium of hate ranting about something that would make all sentient life wish for the cold embrace of death rather than share a world with it and someone would just come along the next week and top it.
I guess, what I’m saying is Happy Easter, you fuckers.
The Daily Kos did not somehow get the sealed birth certificate of Alan Keyes and post it online during his campaign. Yet, mysteriously, somehow the liberal website posted Obama’s “birth certificate” in early 2008.
It’s almost like there was some gibbering band of fucknozzles tripping over the death of Obama’s grandmother to sell their bigoted and impossible “theory” and Obama and all people with functioning consciences had enough and decided they wanted to shut you up once and for all.
Nah, couldn’t be that. Must have been that darn time-traveling Ayers again making sure that his flawless plot had no holes in order to make a bunch of poop-throwing professional racists look like the complete tools they are.
And on a completely unrelated note, good job securing Arpaio on your side. Definitely decreases how much your team resembles a poorly run Klan meeting.
At least, we were told that it was Obama’s birth certificate. We were told for over three years that Hawaii had no other birth certificate. According to the fact-checking sites, the “long form” was a conservative myth which simply did not exist in the Hawaii archives. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs assured us that the “birth certificate” was “right there online.”
Because it was.
Where you could download it and pour over it for hours and hours ranting about kerning and how a fair universe wouldn’t let what might as well be an escaped slave be elected president.
And now here you are, weeping into your sippy cups, unable to let go of the train wreck your life has become and the sinking certainty that as much as you blame the niggers for it all, the only one truly to blame is your own damn self…
Oh yeah, and writing for American Thinker. Congratulations on that, by the way. I’m sure things will turn around any day now and Obama will apologize for giving you that drinking problem and forcing you to hit your wife and kids.
So it was a little strange when a long-form birth certificate appeared out of nowhere on April 27, 2011 — on the eve of Jerome Corsi’s Where’s the Birth Certificate? book release and in the midst of Donald Trump’s table-pounding campaign over the bizarre secrecy of Barack Hussein Obama II.
You mean, when Obama released the same birth certificate again when Donald Trump decided to torpedo 20 years of unearned public regard revealing himself to be a particularly gullible trained seal who was a failure in every walk of his life?
Yeah, what happened to that guy, anyways?
Oh right, erased from time by time-traveling Bill Ayers’s sniper squadrons killing all 4 of his biological grandparents.
Rest in Peace, Donald Trump (Never – Who’s He Again?)
Early on, news sources couldn’t even agree on which Honolulu hospital Obama was born in — because of conflicting reports. And to this day, Obama has not released Kapi’olani Medical Center to give a simple yea or nay.
Because of patient/doctor confidentiality? Because they’d rather not be swamped by an endless horde of wingnuts taking resources from helping actual patients so they can scower the halls looking for evidence that the rooms have been photoshopped? Because they probably don’t bother keeping those records this long, especially as they sent all relevant information to the State of Hawaii the instant the kid was born as is the case with pretty much all hospitals? Because wingnuts still seem to fail to get that the little certificate some middle-class hospitals give you to make you feel all special for having a child isn’t the same thing as a legal birth certificate and if they tried to submit it as proof for anything, they’d get a polite letter back asking for their real birth certificate?
And now I want to see the last one, cause I imagine it would be hilarious. Shame these are the type of fucknozzles that don’t like going to the next town, much less the next country, so they’ll probably never have need to use their birth certificate to demonstrate anything.
Then there’s the curious 2008 passport breach and the missing passport and travel records. Missing from the archives are the 1961 passport records of Obama’s mother, Stanley Dunham.
What ho, the lesser spotted Durham conspiracy theory. The one where she randomly flies to Kenya at 9 months pregnant and can’t get home in time, because maybe then, despite being an American citizen by virtue of his parent, they could try and argue that he’s not natural born, so no presidency, and Sister Sarah gets elected Supreme Empress for Life.
Let us just crouch in the bushes and watch this majestic creature.
And one of the probing discoveries of Sheriff Joe’s team is that also missing are INS records for “airline passengers arriving on international flights originating outside the United States” in 1961. But the only records missing in August, 1961 is the week “Aug. 1, 1961 through Aug. 7, 1961.”
And see here as it shits itself and uses its shit to form its nest.
Yes, one of the four records, supposedly, in a single month was missing (or at least not given to a guy with a habit of illegally detaining suspected “illegals” and working them to near death or actual death). Context about other months? That might reveal how much of a not story this is. All you need to know is that in that month, our nose-picking staff couldn’t find it.
So let’s see here, we’ve got Time Traveling Bill Ayers, the State of Hawaii, the election offices of each of the 50 states, the medical center itself, a large number of family friends, the INS, the Kenyan government, the airline company that sold the ticket, the passport office, the newspaper companies at the time, all long before Obama had even thought about politics joining together to plant/erase all this evidence so that they could have a moderate black man as president and all managing a perfect conspiracy with no holes from which these brave men can use their god-like powers of deduction to find anything other than vague conjecture and suspicion after 4 wasted years of constant effort making themselves the laughing stocks of a nation.
Oh, yeah, and they managed to assassinate Breitbart and erase anyone who knew of his murders in Indonesia as well.
And you know that this is all true and this conspiracy is this big because of how little you’ve found.
He goes on for awhile more, about why we must discount all the evidence in Hawaii, but frankly, they just need to either come out and say that they don’t think any black can ever be a legitimate citizen or that they think he’s the Antichrist and that Satan is the one creating these perfect dinosaur bones to test our faith. Cause it’s the bullshit that’s the hardest part to wade.
So, now, the “highlights” of what remains:
It is not unreasonable to “trust, but verify,” or even to raise an eyebrow and verify. Mr. Obama apparently has something to hide. I tend to think that Stanley Ann Dunham wouldn’t have flown to Kenya so late in her pregnancy — but personal opinions are irrelevant. I don’t care that Anderson Cooper believes that Obama was born in Hawaii. I don’t care that a large percentage of Americans believe he was born in Kenya. This constitutional issue should be about not faith, but irrefutable evidence. And, the burden of proof is not on the people — it is squarely on Obama.
We don’t have to prove that he was born elsewhere! Obama has to prove that he was born here. What he did?!? Enough to demonstrate to all the election officials that he was a natural born citizen and going additional steps further regularly publicizing his publicly available birth certificate? Well, we don’t need to prove anything because, er… MOMEEEE! THEY’RE TRYING TO MAKE US DO REAL WORK! MAKE THEM STOP!
Also, I guess if you can get a small group of delusionals together, then that means you swamp the majority who are sane. Yes, I don’t care that Stephen Hawkings doesn’t think that aliens visit our planet to anally probe sexually repressed farmers, a large number of people believe it happens and it’s even more than the people who believe the president is born in Kenya! So Hawkings needs to devote his entire life to proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that its never happened and if he does, well, it doesn’t count, because reasons!
Another basis for the conservative establishment’s fear is the idea that maybe Obama is setting the “birthers” up. Maybe Obama wants to draw as many conservatives as possible into the “silly” eligibility issue. And then, at the right time, he will really “release” his original 1961 birth certificate for authentication. Boy, those “birthers” are going to have egg on their face. Those on the record as having questioned Obama will be discredited forever. Obama will win in a landslide.
You mean, like he did in 2008 and again in 2011 to sink Donald Trump’s career as conservative kingmaker so fast that Trump still doesn’t know what hit him?
And I don’t think it counts as setting up if you’re just watching your enemies trip and fall on their own faces all on their own.
Balderdash. Even if he does have an original, balderdash.
We do not have to fear a constitutional crisis. As adults, we can handle it. We do not have to fear name-calling. We do not have to fear that Obama has an authentic birth certificate but is playing political games.
We need to reorient our thinking on this issue — especially on fear number three, that Obama is setting skeptics up for humiliation.
No one should be humiliated but Obama. If he is playing games, what kind of person is he?
If Obama really had an authentic birth certificate all along, why did he allow Lt. Col. Terrence Lakin to suffer the pain of imprisonment in Ft. Leavenworth for six months? What kind of human being would allow Lakin to be unnecessarily imprisoned? Only to suddenly “release” the alleged document that Lakin had requested — at the end of Lakin’s prison term.
The profound and cold-hearted treatment of Officer Lakin alone should disqualify Obama from re-election. The fear should be not in the people, but rather in Obama himself.
Yeah, if he points out that we’re fucking idiots who can’t manage to figure out what publicly available means, then he’s a meanyhead meanieperson and can be impeached under Section A Article IV of making us look stupid which means no black president, Sister Sarah forever, Nyah!
Also, the fact that we got a few idiot REMFs to torpedo their military careers breaking the law and getting themselves court martialed for not following orders because they wanted to claim that taking orders from a black man is illegitimate anti-freedom, is also his fault for not…
Stopping them being idiots? Preventing them from torpedoing their own careers and freedom over something obviously, painfully untrue?
What’s that, conservatives? Is that the Personal Responsibility Fairy come to tell us that its not liberal’s responsibility that when you go out of the house, your shirt is tucked in and your pants aren’t covered in poopie?
Well, that certainly sounds like commie talk to me. WOLVERINES!