Mar
20

What Women DO NOT WANT!




Posted at 8:21 by Cerberus

Helen-Bot Cannot Process Input Legitimate Female Concern, Switching to Paranoid Delusion Default Mode Instead

Dr. Helen, PJ Media Lifestyles Section:
What is the Equivalent of Abortion for Men?

No, wait, hold up.

Oh we’ll get to the complete WTF of the title and the fact that this so-called advice column was penned by the malfunctioning robot dating the malfunctioning robot known as Glenn Reynolds in a second.

Pajamas Media has a Lifestyles section?

Pajamas Media has a Lifestyles section?!?

WHY?!?

The average Lifestyles section of a newspaper is a blinking red tombstone, a gaudy testament to the archaic views of the octogenarians running and reading it. The half-formed sexist thoughts of the not-yet-decayed as they try and imagine what dem dere girls would want to read what with the big bad words of the News sections being too hard for their little woman brains to deal with.

So why in Hell would you want to duplicate the format online and worse yet, why would you ever let the depraved wingnuts of the world have a venue to approximate what they think women want to read?!?

These are people trying to make rape a part of gyno exams and arguing that the rhythm method is the only contraceptive women should be allowed access to. Do we really want to hear them try and pull a Mel Gibson and give us a nightmare version of “What our Stereotypical Idea of Women Want”?

No, no one in the entire cosmos wants this and yet it exists.

Ugh, fine. What’s today’s post about?

  • Ha! You say women are in the rape stirrups of our ongoing war against women?!? Well, fool to you, liberals, for it is truly the man who is the Jew of Liberal Gynofascism!

Alternate More Literal Shorter:

  • Guys having to pay Child Support is infinitely worse than whatever those slutty womenfolk whine about.

Ah, right. So, Dr. Helen, the robot wife Glenn Reynolds is always going on about wanting decided to try and tackle the inconvenient fact that conservatives have been trying to eliminate all sexual freedom for women by the good old-fashioned tactic of IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION.

Allow me to demonstrate.

I read with amusement the article entitled “Women are Facing Sexual McCarthyism” at Politico making the rounds in the blogosphere:

Guys, I’m thinking it’s hard for you to imagine what it’s like to have your most private decisions made for you. By women.

Let’s put it this way: Imagine that you need Viagra. Imagine that a law passed by an 80 percent female Legislature mandates that to obtain a prescription, you have to procure an affidavit from a sexual partner verifying that you are indeed incapable of an erection.

Or maybe, before obtaining a vasectomy, you have to undergo an ultrasound on your testicles — wherein a technician must apply gel and press a hand-held transducer on your private parts.

Wingnuts have a damned hard time with snark. And an even harder time with facts. And the hardest time of all with clear comparisons that demonstrate hypocrisy and unfair treatment.

But, the cold robot beeps unfeelingly, that’s the point. Designated inferior group is inferior and wrong for being designated inferior group, whereas we are right and true by virtue of our belonging in designated superior group. Why if we didn’t enforce that separation, it whirs while raising its metal claws to the Heavens, there’d be total anarchy as designated inferior group viewed themselves as somehow equal and as valid as designated superior group. A sad beep echoes its hollow tin voice chamber. And I was not programmed to handle such a case.

I have to laugh because over the past few weeks, I have been writing a chapter for my new book on the lack of reproductive rights for men.

Really? I wasn’t aware that men had cripplingly expensive contraception that was actively being battled against by powerful political forces and churches and which is only available after long and regular doctor visits where a woman violently jams a cold metal spreader up their ass and pokes around? I also wasn’t aware that after a random variable of sex sessions, men found themselves with a growing and unwanted parasite, which they then had to overcome a thousand obstacles and hurdles entirely placed there to make the process of getting their body back as humiliating as possible because of what a bunch of old child-molesting women thought about the sinfulness of their junk? That a major source of prostate health care was attacked because of a connection to “controversial” yet legal penile health care practices like Viagra? Or that men were expected to be raped as part of the new testing procedure for paternity?

That’s the best part of this job. I learn new things every day!

What the writer of this Politico article should be stating instead is:

“Girls, I’m thinking it’s hard for you to imagine what it’s like to have your most private decisions made for you. By men and women.”

… Uh…

Okay, Hellen, I’m gonna level with you. I know IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION is a ground state with you wingnuts, but you need to be careful with it. Sure, it’s all well and good to argue say, that blacks are the real racists, but you got stop there. Once you start trying to “twist” arguments around and argue things like “black people don’t understand what it’s like to be owned as chattel by another race of people” then you open yourself to moments like this one.

Yes, Helen, women sure do have a hard time imagining what it’s like to have their private decisions made for them by other people. That is to say on the magical Fairyland you apparently live on where that even begins to make sense.

Women have absolutely no concept or understanding of the lack of reproductive choices that the average guy has in this country.

Yes, because men… no, they don’t have their bodily autonomy and safety violated against a legal and biologically ethical procedure because of the viewpoints of OTHER people with regards to fetal ensoulification… and no on having their contraceptive choices routinely held hostage by any given assholes views on “dem sluts”… and they even have Viagra so they have control over even the biological limitations (over the counter too for extra convenience)… so I don’t-

OHHHHH. Nearly missed that there. Of course, Helen, you’re absolutely right! Women have as little understanding of the lack of reproductive choices to the average male as they do the mating patterns of winged unicorns.

Amazing how being fictional affects how well known something is!

Maybe, if they came up for air from every once in a while from their narcissistic quest to turn the country into a female-centric one (congrats, it already is), they would have a bit of empathy for how the other half lives. But don’t count on it.

Damn Gynocracy, living it up with their automatic social regard and dominance of all major forms of power!

On a completely unrelated and purely speculative note, I’ve always wondered how MRAs and other delusionals rationalize their views of the Gynocalypse with the fact that men hold overwhelmingly dominant positions in all positions of power. I mean, if men are really so hard done, shouldn’t they use their overwhelming political, economic, social, etc… standing to overturn it or at least make it more known than the deranged ramblings of some internet basement dwellers.

I guess the idea that every world-wide hall of political power, every scientific organization, every university, every community, and everyone they encounter is in the Conspiracy shilling for Big Gyno than it is to accept that maybe men have had a sweet gig and its time to stop whining about the bitches wanting up for air in between all the forced blowjobs.

Imagine, if you will, that you are a 13-year-old boy and the 34-year old lady down the street decides to seduce you or the 25-year old babysitter pushes herself on you against your will or with your blessing–doesn’t matter. And she gets pregnant. What’s the outcome?

She goes to jail for statutory rape? I mean, that’s the point of all those age of consent laws.

Not sure how this relates to your proof that blocking abortion and contraception access ain’t shit compared to the Dudebro Holocaust.

You are stuck paying child support for at least 18 years.

Bullshit.

Pretty much every state in our nation does not hold minors liable for child support payment arising from provable rape and since there’s a birth certificate proof of rape, no liability.

And seriously?!? That’s your trump card? The apparent scores of vampiric cougars roaming the countryside raping little kids just so they can get that sweet sweet child support gravy train?!?

I’ve read conspiracy theories on Manboobz that weren’t this out there. I’m not sure that scenario has even occurred once and we’re a society that turned two women consuming each others’ vomit into an internet sensation.

Don’t believe me, check out Professor Michael Higdon’s paper: Fatherhood by Conscription.

Yessss… The “paper” by a hack so immense that he seems to be unaware that a legal research paper should include reference to actual court cases on the dockets using the full names of the claimants unless legally stricken from the court record. Where he instead decided to give vague reference to a Nathaniel and a Ricci who engaged in illegally consented to sex (rape by statutory rape). And outlined a case that a) I sincerely doubt was what he claimed, b) only a single case that he used to make a sweeping argument that we need to add… what is already the existing law on statutory rape and child support, and c) at worst was an easily appealed decision based on the failure to bring up the statutory rape circumstances at a hearing for child support between what was then legal adults.

Wingnuts hate science and its focus on facts so much, but want its seductive respect so bad it’s killing them.

In his research, he found that not one court let a kid off the hook, even if the woman committed a felony by having sex with a young boy.

Child support is waived all the goddamn time. And again, existing law on rape and child support.

YOU FAIL! Good day ma’am. I SAY GOOD DAY, MA’AM!

Imagine if a 13- year-old-girl was forced to have a baby by the courts against her will.

Oh, you mean that thing that happens all the goddamn time thanks to those vile “parenthood notification” laws and “parental consent” laws with regards to abortion, so that vindictive or abusive parents can force their underaged daughters to go through potentially life-threatening pregnancies to “teach them a lesson”?

And not to knock the impact that child support payments can have on a person but a little different say, medically than what you are trying to actively dismiss. Not to mention that child support isn’t the court’s way of saying “Men must Die”, but are a way to make sure that a child brought to term is taken care of financially enough to survive to adulthood.

Also, women pay child support too when they are not the dominant parent or their child becomes ward of the state.

But when has that ever stopped a misogynist from whining that Child Support is Rape Factory Times 1 Trillion?

All hell would break loose.

Snrk. Heh. Hee hee hee. Ho ho HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA! Wooee. Ah.

Thanks Helen, I needed the laugh. All hell breaking lose when women’s bodily autonomy was violated by outside interests. Oh, where do they come up with these jokes?

But boys, no one cares.

Well yeah.

If it was the MENZ, the whinier half of the internet would be on this like poorly chosen tribal tattoos on douchebros.

But boys? Pfft. Come back when your balls drop, little man, and then we’ll talk.

After all, they have no feelings or rights and most of all, no lobby.

No lobby minus the conservative movement, the “pro-life” movement, the Father’s Right movement, the entire Republican Party, the entire Republican Party’s social propaganda apparatus, the Catholic Church, the vast majority of Evangelical churches, the Church of Mormon, and a number of other large and powerful forces.

But except for all of them, completely alone, yup.

Now imagine you are a guy who finds out that a baby you thought was yours is found through DNA evidence not to be.

Then you could dispute the child support?

Easily?

Like way easier than getting the Morning After Pill after being like raped raped by some fuckwad spiking your drink at a party.

Think you off the hook for child support?

Yes. Yes, you would be.

For people so obsessed with child support law, you seem to be routinely oblivious to even the most basic information of how it works.

Of course not, you will be using your body for the next 18 years to pay for that child. The law says so

The Courts are forcing men to literally prostitute themselves to pay for Child Support?!?

Well, fuck. Robo Helen is finally on to a real tragedy. I don’t know why we allow our laws to deny men any other means of payment than being forced to walk the streets picking up stray Johns. This is an outrage and I will not rest until-

What’s that?

Ah.

Apparently it’s just another dose of bullshit hyperbole that is yet again openly dismissive of say the hordes of women who legitimately are hard-pressed to ignore sex work as the only means to pay for their education or to support a child on their own.

Hooray.

and there is no one to look out for you and while you toil and spend your time paying for this betrayal, society will make sure you pay up. If you don’t you will go to jail against your will.

Yes.

That’s how it works.

If you don’t pay someone the money you owe them you go to jail.

If say, I decide I don’t want to pay my electricity bill because my electric company is a fucking criminal organization whose negligence nearly burned down my neighborhood? Then, the electric company will demand the payment and go to collections. And if I still refuse to pay out, I will go to jail. Because they provided service and I refused to pay.

And in Child Support, the primary parent is providing out of their hard work and their lost wages and their diminished ability to work due to being the sole caretaker for the child, the service of raising that kid to adulthood.

Not paying for that isn’t a heroic stand, it’s stealing someone else’s hardwork because you felt that “condoms kill the mood, dude” and you didn’t want to pay for a society where women have access to and aren’t socially shamed for using multiple forms of backup contraception themselves.

Don’t like it? Try voting for candidates that aren’t trying to make every form of contraception outside dime store condoms illegal.

There are up to 50,000 men on any given day in jail right now on child support arrears, the majority poor and destitute, but no one cares, only women matter.

Because they didn’t pay Child Support. Because they broke the motherfucking law.

And not in a “they tried and failed to immigrate legally from a country we shitcanned with our exported economic policy” law-breaking way. But in the “taking goods without paying for it” way.

And you know what, most of the men who bail on child support don’t tend to be “destitute”. It’s just the poorest ones end up getting imprisoned for it (and not for terribly long sentences).

Also being glided over by Helen Bot 3000? That the women robbed of necessary support also tend to be destitute themselves, but don’t have the option of “just not paying for the upkeep of the child” because that is criminal neglect, which is given a much harder penalty with much longer jail terms.

So again, this weep for the MENZ runs into the problem that every one of those men in jail left a woman overburdened with child care often far beyond their means to the point where they are working 3 jobs and only seeing and raising their kids in passing, just so they can make enough to keep said kid alive. Many of said women often forego eating and basic self-care to make sure of this.

But hey, men have slightly smaller paychecks that can be waived for economic necessity.

And that’s the real crime.

I can go on and will go on when my book comes out but the main point I want to make is this: Women have reproductive choice, men essentially have none.

I can go on and will go on when my book comes out but the main point I want to make is this: Liberals are the real fascists, while conservatives are the Jews of Liberal Fascism.

Apparently, we are all Jonah Goldberg now.

In a perfect world, there would be laws that would give men the reproductive equivalent of abortion.

Damn straight. Stop forcing dudes to carry pregnancies in their bodies to term! Make their contraception easy and affordable to access, like sold at Drug Stores and given away at various clinics! And heck, even allow them some means to overcome biological limitations so they can be biologically able to consensually engage in sexual relations on their and their partner’s terms!

So, I ask readers, what would that be, if women have abortion, what should men get so that we don’t have sexual McCarthyism for men?

Um… everything?

I mean that’s the big central problem with this post. Well not the big central problem. That’s just the general space between keyboard and chair. But a major one nonetheless.

There isn’t really an equivalent, because men don’t have their bodily autonomy and reproductive freedoms assaulted like women do.

To get serious for a minute, there’s a reason that every one of these “nuh uh, gynofascism” posts ends up having to circle around essentially paying your bills and various conspiracy theories and made up problems surrounding it (oh yeah, we really need to get cracking on the flood of women getting pregnant and gaining the huge expense, time sink, and emotion sink that is raising children just so they can steal child support. That’s so very much a bigger problem and a more common problem than scared women with an unwanted pregnancy or a septic wanted pregnancy, who just want to take advantage of their legal medical rights.)

Because it’s literally the best they can do. And it really shows how shitty such a comparison is when it’s made so ham-fistedly blunt as this. Child Support versus Being Forced to Carry an Unwanted Pregnancy to Term. Last I checked, Child Support had no biological impact on any person who had to pay it. It doesn’t leech the nutrients from their body. It doesn’t wash the person in potent mood-altering chemicals. It doesn’t impair ability to earn one’s livelihood for months at a time. It doesn’t physically alter the body and put it at extreme risk which is mitigated only to the extent of one’s ability to afford comprehensive health care.

Child Support can have a financial impact, yes. But I’m sorry.

I refuse to put up with the crocodile tears of the people who have fought tooth and nail against any and all safety nets, any and all programs to allow a motivated individual to easily change class, and any and all universal care program that would remove the need for a former partner to provide support. I.e. the things that would legitimately decrease the financial hardship of additional bills rather than just being a smokescreen for punishing the women who escape these horrible people and their cheerleaders.

These things could be very easily taken care of with a robust safety net, with programs to aid mothers in real money, which provides a safety net and paid leave for all mothers and fathers regardless of social class or marital status.

And it’s not the mean old feminazis who have been fighting these every step of the way.

And that’s before we note the real elephant in the room, which is that Child Support is shit all in real money. Anyone who has ever received Child Support or been the child of one who has, knows that when the non-primary parent even bothers to pay, that it fucking pales in comparison to the bills that the kid racks up for the primary parent. It might help ease some of the desperation points, but it’s hardly even a solid half.

So, even if we were to ignore how shitty a comparison Child Support is to anything right-wingers have been doing to women to deny them access to the legal medical services they are entitled to…

It’s still a shit analogy, because the primary parent is still suffering way WAY more financial hardship than the person “suffering” Child Support.

So, like with all wingnut arguments, even if we were to ignore the massive projection, the factual inaccuracies, the outright dismissals, and the complete lack of even an approximate analogy…

They still fail.

117 Comments »

  1. John Revolta said,

    March 20, 2012 at 8:33

    FRUST!!

  2. Another Kiwi said,

    March 20, 2012 at 9:08

    O O

    The venn diagram shows the relationship between the real world and Dr. Helen’s Altair planet.
    She got a book out of it? There is hope for those of us would fancy ourselves as scribblers, then.

  3. hells littlest angel said,

    March 20, 2012 at 9:33

    I thought I’d hop in here and make some awesomely sarcastic witticism, but then I read the whole thing, and… that woman is just a totally fucking rotten shit-head.

  4. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    March 20, 2012 at 9:40

    Oh, shirt.
    .

  5. Joe Max said,

    March 20, 2012 at 9:58

    It’s about time the Helen-bot got the Cerb treatment. Bravos.

    As a teenager I was raised by my single mother, and I knew how much my father paid in support, and it was nowhere near what raising three kids cost my mother financially. And she’s going to devote a whole book to defending manboobs? I so hope she gets it out before the election, it’s a sure way to keep pissing of women voters (and a good chunk of men voters, including me.)

  6. Joe Max said,

    March 20, 2012 at 10:33

    It’s like all the darkest thoughts of wingnuttia are suddenly being given voice. All the thoughts of misogyny, racism, zealotry that crackle through their skulls are finally being paraded around for all to see. Peak wingnut is upon us.

  7. Karl The Crap Blog Detective said,

    March 20, 2012 at 11:11

    Peak wingnut is upon us.

    Hahaha, no. They can always get worse.

  8. N__B said,

    March 20, 2012 at 12:14

    Does bodily autonomy mean my body gets to make its own decisions regardless of what I want? Because that would suck.

  9. vacuumslayer said,

    March 20, 2012 at 13:25

    I have a category on my blog called “Are the pats on the head from mysogynists really worth it?”

    Well, are they?

  10. Lurking Canadian said,

    March 20, 2012 at 13:49

    Will no one think of the men? Especially the white men? Must their plight go so long ignored? Who can look around, in the halls of Congress, on the trading floor on Wall Street, in the halls of academia, and not be moved to tears by their awful suffering?

  11. AlexDe said,

    March 20, 2012 at 14:21

    Obviously the way to liberate men from the Gulag of supporting their children is to make contraception and abortion services more difficult to obtain.

    Also: Wolverines!

  12. jurassicpork said,

    March 20, 2012 at 14:24

    Sometimes Lightning Does Strikes Twice. Please help a fellow liberal blogger stave off eviction in 2 weeks.

  13. Asymptotes of exponential functions said,

    March 20, 2012 at 14:36

    Peak wingnut is upon us.

    Bwahahahaha!

  14. Anonymous P. Hancock said,

    March 20, 2012 at 14:47

    Shoter All Wingnuts Everywhere All The Time:

    Being metaphorically raped is way worse than being literally raped.

  15. Golem Heart said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:09

    “Or maybe, before obtaining a vasectomy, you have to undergo an ultrasound on your testicles — wherein a technician must apply gel and press a hand-held transducer on your private parts.”

    So Politico broaches the subject of invasive things one could do to men, without mentioning catheterization or anal probes? On the one hand, I wanna say “thanks,” but also, “bad job.”

  16. tigris said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:12

    Women have absolutely no concept or understanding of the lack of reproductive choices that the average guy has in this country.

    He has the same choices we have: either grip that aspirin between his knees and stay pure or get married at an unhealthily young age because GOD demands it.

    And Jesus H, idiot, if men want a surgical solution to child-bearing, I got one for them RIGHT HERE: get it snipped. Freeze a sample or two beforehand and you’re set for all eventualities.

  17. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:22

    “Peak wingnut” is a theory for which there is no evidence.
    ~

  18. Major Kong said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:31

    “Peak wingnut” is like the speed of light. It can be approached but never achieved.

  19. Mat said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:36

    Pajamas Media has a Lifestyles section?

    But of course!

    After all, the wingnut lifestyle is a fascinating read! All that gobbling of psychotropic meds to alleviate the bipolar mood swings! All that virulently irrational and cuckoo-nuttily incessant spite, hate, and malice that drives their inner being to the very core. Their complete lack of reason, compassion, and common sense, their inability to process facts antithetical to their insane ideology…why, it’s a veritable feast of human pathologies, this wingnut lifestyle.

    Wingnuts make malevolence SEXY–at least in their fucked-up minds.

  20. g said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:39

    And seriously?!? That’s your trump card? The apparent scores of vampiric cougars roaming the countryside raping little kids just so they can get that sweet sweet child support gravy train?!?

    As an older, professional woman myself, I know that the best way to get myself a little more folding money to buy a new Prada handbag is to target a kid with a newspaper route income, get knocked up, spend nine months carrying a baby, pay for delivery of said baby and then pay a lawyer to go after a teenager. Simple and profitable!

    Jesus, are these people idiots?

  21. g said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:43

    You’d think, given Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfessor’s concern for the gennelmums’ who might be unfairly charged with financial support for unwanted babies, that she might – just might – weigh in on the side of making contraception more accessible…..you’d think.

  22. Mat said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:43

    Jesus, are these people idiots?

    Short answer: yes.

    Long answer: hell yes.

  23. Major Kong said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:43

    Jesus, are these people idiots?

    To ask the question is to know the answer. – Buddha or Mark Twain or somebody.

  24. actor212 said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:46

    What is the Equivalent of Abortion for Men?

    Bukkake, Dr. Mrs. Perfesser.

  25. actor212 said,

    March 20, 2012 at 15:48

    It’s like all the darkest thoughts of wingnuttia are suddenly being given voice.

    I suspect there’s a hand behind all this.

  26. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 16:12

    and there is no one to look out for you and while you toil and spend your time paying for this betrayal

    I imagine it’s a given that she is anti-union.

  27. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 16:25

    There are up to 50,000 men on any given day in jail right now on child support arrears and at least one similar deadbeat in Congress.

    So, I ask readers, what would that be, if women have abortion, what should men get so that we don’t have sexual McCarthyism for men?

    Is she endorsing infanticide?

  28. That Girl said,

    March 20, 2012 at 16:29

    Jesus, she is too stupid to breathe.

    I’m not getting out of the boat, but I’m confused about what “rights” men should have in this instance? Does she mean that they should have the “reproductive right” to refuse to pay child support? (As tigris mentioned, no one is attacking the right of a man to get a vasectomy. Also, I’m pretty sure condoms are okay FOR MEN. Sandra Fluke can’t use them, though, because obvs she’d be requiring conservatives to buy them for her.)

    If so, that is rich. They don’t want us to have access to birth control, abortion or single payer health care. Now, they want to take away child support, too? Yeah, men are the victims. Sure.

  29. Dot said,

    March 20, 2012 at 16:46

    Please tell me those two don’t have children.

  30. Nice Guy(TM) said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:17

    Women have absolutely no concept or understanding of the lack of reproductive choices that the average guy has in this country.

    I found this to be true in college: most of the young ladies could have any guy they wanted … talk about reproductive choices! Meanwhile, so many Nice Guys(TM) had absolutely no choices because all the gals were busy sleeping with Assholes(R). Of course, all the gals who had me in their Friend Zone(C) didn’t get how they had all these choices that I didn’t.

  31. Bitter Scribe said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:18

    Just the other day, I saw the 34-year-old lady down the street wandering around with a sign that read, “Will rape young boys for food.”

  32. Pupienus Maximus said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:18

    In his research, he found that not one court let a kid off the hook, even if the woman committed a felony by having sex with a young boy.

    Don’t be so mean! That is technically true. It would be more accurate to say he found not one case where a young boy victim of rape was sued for child support but we don’t need to go picking nits, do we?

  33. Pupienus Maximus said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:23

    Pssst Cerberus – we don’t really have debtor’s prisons anymore. You won’t actually go to jail for non-payment of your electric bill. Not to pick nits or anything …

  34. kg said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:28

    Scumbag Joe Walsh is running in my district. I hope to help send that asshole packing.

  35. Bitter Scribe said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:36

    kg, just curious–with the recent Ill. redistricting, had Walsh been your congressman before? My first-term godbag Teabagger got moved out of my district in favor of an equally objectionable third-termer (Roskam).

  36. tsam said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:50

    I have a category on my blog called “Are the pats on the head from mysogynists really worth it?”

    Well, are they?

    Doesn’t that depend on the size of the misogynyst’s penis?

  37. tsam said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:51

    asshole packing

    Heh.

  38. N__B said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:55


    I have a category on my blog called “Are the pats on the head from mysogynists really worth it?”

    Well, are they?

    Are they pats of delicious butter? Because then the answer is not so clear.

  39. tsam said,

    March 20, 2012 at 17:57

    Well, now that women are in on the act, all wingnuts are validated. White males are officially an oppressed minority now.

    Q. E. D. Looney libz.

    Also, Dr Helenslut, WHERE ARE YOUR SEX TAPES? Rush wants to see them. Purely for research purposes, of course.

  40. Spearhafoc, who's back, apparently said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:00

    I found this to be true in college

    Yeah, Cerb, you’re ignoring the real problem in our society: women won’t sleep with me. It’s obviously an insidious form of eugenics against squinty-eyed guys who spend all their time watching cartoons and Doctor Who, which makes all women everywhere the real Hiltre.

  41. kg said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:12

    BS : No, previously I was represented by Roskam. Now its going to be Joe “Scumbag” Walsh vs either Tammy Duckworth (Rahmbo’s fave) or Raja Krishnamoorthi depending on today’s primary.

  42. Dorothy said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:19

    “So, I ask readers, what would that be, if women have abortion, what should men get so that we don’t have sexual McCarthyism for men?”

    How about the right to refuse to donate blood, bone marrow, or an organ to your child?

    It’s not just “reproductive freedom”: it’s bodily autonomy. Men are never forced to subvert their bodily autonomy to another individual’s benefit. Women are, all the fucking time.

    If we applied the same “rights of the fetus trump all others” rule to children who are already born, parents should be jailed for smoking, feeding their children junk food, withholding any medical treatment, keeping an unsecured gun in the house, etc.

    But case after case has reasserted that no, parents have rights to do all sorts of things which are known to be dangerous to their children. Unless they are pregnant women. Then they cease to have their own individual rights much less any parental rights.

    So until there’s an equivalent problem for men, Dr. Helen can just go fuck herself.

  43. boconn13 said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:37

    Well Done! Even over the internets a spanking like that has gotta hurt! Somewhere there is a Model 3000 with a very chap ass.

  44. Steerpike said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:41

    Copypasta troll is back proudly showing it has no original thoughts of its own.

  45. Spearhafoc, who's back, apparently said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:42

    I don’t know, guys, he’s got my number.

    All hail the great and powerful Recycle Bin!

  46. Anonymous said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:43

    Ha ha stupid libs, recycling bins are just like churches because, um, they’re full of trash?

    No, wait, let me start again.

  47. S. cerevisiae said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:44

    OT, but you gotta see this: http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2012/03/19/president-sends-daughter-to-secret-mexican-terror-madrassa/

    A taste of mango:

    Malia Ann Obama.

    – M A O –

    Coincidence? I think not. Especially after all that I have learned about Mr. & Mrs. Barry Sotero and Sistah Souljah over the last 3.5 years.

  48. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:45

    Stupid copypaste troll can’t even stay on topic!

    I love the fact that these morons think that humanity is somehow outside of, and above, nature. Good luck surviving tornado season, fucknut!

    **ENGAGE KILLFILE**

  49. Thread Bear said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:50

    OT, but you gotta see this: http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2012/03/19/president-sends-daughter-to-secret-mexican-terror-madrassa/

    Do you suppose it’s the same secret Mexican terror madrassa that the Bush girls went to on their spring break?

  50. Major Kong said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:51

    There is no prayer, but there are self-sacrificing rituals that are not particularly useful, such as recycling.

    My grandparents recycled during World War II. It’s not something the hippies invented in the 60s you dipshit.

  51. Bitter Scribe said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:53

    Recycling paper to save trees, for example, makes no sense since the effect will be to reduce the number of trees planted in the long run.

    WHAT?

  52. Marion in Savannah said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:56

    rituals that are not particularly useful, such as recycling

    Which is why when I lived in Germany in 1967 EVERYTHING that possibly could be was recycled. Glass, sorted out by color. Cans, washed, both ends taken off and flattened. Paper. Cardboard. About the only real garbage was food scraps, and most neighborhoods had composting for vegetable waste. And everyone knows how the Germans love to do useless, time-wasting stuff…

    Whotta maroon.

  53. Robert M. said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:56

    When I was in high school in the late 90s, a male friend’s mom (conservative Catholic Navy wife) sat him down in front of me and explained to him that he had to be very careful about dating, because women would try to seduce him in order to force him to pay child support. Even at 14, I was able to identify this as a bullshit story designed to scare him away from teh wimminz.

    (My friend is straight, but a couple years after this conversation happened his mom also decided he was gay and briefly committed him to conversion therapy. Even at 16, I was able to identify this as a cause-and-effect sort of situation.)

    Therefore I’ve come to the conclusion that Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser is the online identity of either a thirteen-year-old middle schooler or a poorly educated fifty-something Florida housewife. It’s the only reasonable explanation for why someone would actually write that post in a publicly accessible place.

  54. S. cerevisiae said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:57

    Oh dear lord, one of TBoggs commenters linked to this:

    The Communists, through their scientists, educators and entertainers, have contrived an elaborate, calculating and scientific technique directed at rendering a generation of American youth useless through nerve-jamming, mental deterioration and retardation. The plan involves conditioned reflexes, hypnotism and certain kinds of music. The results, destined to destroy our nation, are precise and exacting.

    You have to see it to believe it: http://conelrad.com/books/spine.php?id=354_0_1_0_C

  55. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 18:58

    Christ wept, it gets worse:

    Malina probably secretly traveled to Mexico to get an abortion. This is why Obama was so concerned about birth control pills. Mechelle Obama also had an abortion two years ago. Everywhere around the world foreign newspapers including India were congratulating the First Family on the good news… then nothing.

    They’re speculating about an underage girl’s sexuality now.

  56. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:01

    I’m not sure that scenario has even occurred once and we’re a society that turned two women consuming each others’ vomit into an internet sensation.

    And one I had artfully dodged since that sensation first came out. I just never wanted to know, knowing instictively that is was some sick and vile shit.

    Well at least I didn’t have to see the video, but until now all I knew about the thing was the title. I’m presuming this to be a reference to two girls, one cup, correct?
    .

  57. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:02

    (My friend is straight, but a couple years after this conversation happened his mom also decided he was gay and briefly committed him to conversion therapy. Even at 16, I was able to identify this as a cause-and-effect sort of situation.)

    I’m surprised she didn’t think a stint in the Navy would straighten him out.

    “Seaman Staines, take a sounding.”
    “Forty fathoms of phallus, Captain!”

    The Communists, through their scientists, educators and entertainers, have contrived an elaborate, calculating and scientific technique directed at rendering a generation of American youth useless through nerve-jamming, mental deterioration and retardation. The plan involves conditioned reflexes, hypnotism and certain kinds of music

    That explains the runaway popularity of Red Army Chorus records among the youth.

  58. Pupienus Maximus said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:02

    You have to see it to believe it: http://conelrad.com/books/spine.php?id=354_0_1_0_C

    no way am I going to endanger my precious bodily fluids by going over there.

  59. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:04

    Well at least I didn’t have to see the video, but until now all I knew about the thing was the title. I’m presuming this to be a reference to two girls, one cup, correct?

    It was the short-lived Palin/Bachman 2012 campaign- 2 Girls, 1 GOP.

    I know I’ve written it before, but I can’t just give that joke up.

  60. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:06

    You’d think, given Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfessor’s concern for the gennelmums’ who might be unfairly charged with financial support for unwanted babies, that she might – just might – weigh in on the side of making contraception more accessible…..you’d think.

    That would be a logical solution, therefor a wingnut is obliged to run screaming in the other direction as soon as possible.
    .

  61. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:11

    I know I’ve written it before, but I can’t just give that joke up.

    Iood one, had not seen or heard of that one.

    I know how you feel, i had to retire my “What? Jeffraham’s got cats? gag awhile back, but least I was pretty sure I was only amusing myself…
    .

  62. DAS said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:11

    Is Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfessor just jealous that the menfolks get to mess with women’s bodily autonomy? Does she want an opportunity to oppress men? It’s only fair. And given how right-wingers like to view feminism, it’s also projection … yet again.

  63. DAS said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:13

    everyone knows how the Germans love to do useless, time-wasting stuff…

    You know who else was German? See, recycling is fascism!

    Can I haz Koch brothers’ wingnut welfare now?

  64. tigris said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:23

    Environmentalism as Religion said,

    [LOGORRHEA ADVISORY] March 20, 2012

    My environment remains unsullied thanks to Fred Ludd, but I’m curious if C&P mentions “the Earth is the LORD’S” and that we’re just stewards? Ok, I’m not really.

  65. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:23

    I know how you feel, i had to retire my “What? Jeffraham’s got cats? gag awhile back, but least I was pretty sure I was only amusing myself…

    I’m sure it amused Jeffraham and the kittehs.

    Is Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfessor just jealous that the menfolks get to mess with women’s bodily autonomy? Does she want an opportunity to oppress men?

    Nah, she just wants to suck on that big ole wingnut welfare teat.

  66. Bitter Scribe said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:25

    The Germans didn’t stop with making recycling easy. They charge producers of packaged goods a fee to support the recycling system, denoted by a Green Dot (der Grunepunkt) that has to appear on the package. It’s part of the “producer pays” principle: You create the mess (or the packaging that eventually will become a mess), you pay to clean it up.

    Of course, any such suggestion on these green (hah) shores would be met with screeches of TAXES!!!1!!11!!SOCIALMALISM!!11!!!!!11!!!!

  67. DAS said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:35

    Bitter Scribe,

    Would you-know-who call that Green Dot the Yellow Star of liberal fascism?

  68. g said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:40

    All hail the great and powerful Recycle Bin!

    It’s the Holy Trinity – Recycle Bin, Composter and Dual-flush Toilet.

  69. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:40

    I’m sure it amused Jeffraham and the kittehs.

    At first, but then i got the impression that he was over it, so I put it in the C&D file. Still cracks me up everytime I think about it though.
    .

  70. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:41

    Of course, any such suggestion on these green (hah) shores would be met with screeches of TAXES!!!1!!11!!SOCIALMALISM!!11!!!!!11!!!!

    I know, aren’t we cute that way?
    .

  71. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:45

    In other news, I think we topped 83 freedom defrees on the last day of winter at 39 degrees north Latitude.

    Wooooohooooo! Al Gore, is stheir nother your girth can’t accomplish?
    .

  72. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:46

    What is the Equivalent of Abortion for Men?

    Having my vestigial twin removed, which is not so bad because he bites me.

  73. Generalissimo Franco said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:50

    Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

  74. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 19:53

    What is the Equivalent of Abortion for Men?

    Whatever it is, the “goatse” guy could tell you.

  75. gocart mozart said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:16

    De Niro-Gate!!!!
    http://politics.blogs.foxnews.com/2012/03/20/gingrich-robert-de-niro-should-be-ashamed-himself

    Bob tells the most racist joke ever, to wit:
    “Callista Gingrich, Karen Santorum, Ann Romney — now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?”

  76. gocart mozart said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:18

    In retrospect, I suppose he should have said “adulterer”

  77. Pupienus Maximus said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:19

    Relevant?

  78. tigris said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:20

    You have to admit the funniest line of that piece was Gingrich’s: “that is where De Niro missed the whole point”

  79. El Manquécito said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:21

    Having your own intertronz acronym (DMOP) is really an achievement but being the onliest go to goatse guy in the whole world, well, that’s something.

  80. tigris said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:25

    Returning to a moment to being green, someone please remind me to wear gloves next time I clean copper. It looks like I got a Martian manicure.

  81. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:27

    Maybe, if they came up for air from every once in a while from their narcissistic quest to turn the country into a female-centric one (congrats, it already is), they would have a bit of empathy for how the other half lives. But don’t count on it.

    That’s why federal law in the US gives new mommies a year off to deal with their babies, unlike any other country in the world.

  82. Bitter Scribe said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:28

    From the Fux News link:

    President Obama’s election to the White House was heralded as a racially transcendent moment, but the issue of racial acceptance continues to bubble up in the public sphere, employed by both the right and the left as a means to score political points.

    But we all know who the real racists are, don’t we?

  83. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:35

    Relevant?

    i got about half way down the page, got squicked out and bailed.
    .

  84. Provider_UppityNegroEmbigulator_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:37

    employed by both the right and the left as a means to score political points.

    That was seasoned with just the proper amount of false equivalece.

    Does the AP style guide require false equivalence as a matter of course these days?
    .

  85. Chyron HR said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:39

    President Obama’s election to the White House was heralded as a racially ransendent moment, so who put this “Don’t re-elect the Nig” bumper sticker on my car, huh, libs?

  86. kg said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:46

    I wonder how many of those dickwads even know that the bumper sticker is a play on the word renege? Wait. It is, right?

  87. tigris said,

    March 20, 2012 at 20:49

    Wait. It is, right?

    I assume so, but it doesn’t make sense, does it? It’s like they can’t even pun without doin it rong.

  88. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:10

    Does the AP style guide require false equivalence as a matter of course these days?

    Elements of Denial

  89. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:14

    Elements of Denial

    Stuck-Up and White

  90. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:28

    Now imagine you are a guy who finds out that a baby you thought was yours is found through DNA evidence not to be. Think you off the hook for child support? Of course not, you will be using your body for the next 18 years to pay for that child. The law says so, and there is no one to look out for you and while you toil and spend your time paying for this betrayal, society will make sure you pay up.

    And thuh wimmens just sit there doin’ nuthin!

  91. kg said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:36

    And thuh wimmens just sit there doin’ nuthin!

    exactly. now we know who the real fascists are

  92. Marion in Savannah said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:37

    Stuck-Up and White

    This made me cackle in a most unladylike fashion.

  93. tigris said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:45

    Now imagine you are a guy who finds out that a baby you thought was yours is found through DNA evidence not to be. Think you off the hook for child support? Of course not, you will be using your body for the next 18 years to pay for that child.

    Actually, several states have laws preventing this, including the one she lives in and in which her husband teaches law, and several more are considering such laws. Of course, Republicans decided instead to push to make sure women can’t get abortions OR contraceptives.

  94. 'natch said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:53

    Of course not, you will be using your body for the next 18 years to pay for that child.

    Sure, if you’re a he-man Village People construction type. If you’re some sort of egg-head philosopher then you’ll be using your brains.

  95. Bitter Scribe said,

    March 20, 2012 at 21:59

    If you’re some sort of egg-head philosopher then you’ll be using your brains.

    But your brains are attached to your body.

    If you’re a right-wing egghead philosopher, of course, the attachment is in a certain place.

  96. Pupienus Maximus said,

    March 20, 2012 at 22:38

    http://www.freedomtomarry.org/press/press-release/former-president-jimmy-carter-supports-the-freedom-to-marry

    I don’t know if that’s good for our cause or not. :-/

  97. wiley said,

    March 20, 2012 at 22:44

    Tigris, be sure to wear gloves the next time you clean copper so you don’t look like you had a Martian manicure.

  98. Hogeye Grex said,

    March 20, 2012 at 23:11

    So, yeesh. Against all better judgement, I went a-lookin’ for the source of one of our pastatroll’s bits of clip”art” from last thread.

    And found a wellspring.

    I’m not sure what is worst about this particular steamer. The sheer verbosity of it? I haven’t made it all the way through yet. The tilting at strawliberals? Perhaps. The complete and utter misunderstanding of almost every concept he tries to discuss? Definitely in the hunt. The projection? Ah, that might do it.

    My favorite bit might be in the comments, where a bunch of pseudointellectuals rail against the intellectualigentsia. Fucking amazing. Might be worth mining for wingnut of the month.

  99. tigris said,

    March 20, 2012 at 23:14

    Aw, thanks Wiley. I also smell like a giant penny.

  100. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 20, 2012 at 23:24

    But a GOOD penny.

  101. Smut Clyde said,

    March 21, 2012 at 1:27

    If you’re some sort of egg-head philosopher then you’ll be using your brains.
    But your brains are attached to your body.

    Not necessarily.

  102. Bas-O-Matic said,

    March 21, 2012 at 3:45

    I’ve read conspiracy theories on Manboobz that weren’t this out there. I’m not sure that scenario has even occurred once and we’re a society that turned two women consuming each others’ vomit into an internet sensation.

    Ummmmm. That wasn’t vomit.

  103. ahem said,

    March 21, 2012 at 5:38

    DMOP’s schtick is heading towards a singularity where she offers herself up to be gang-raped by the MRAs who make up her commentariat, then writes about how it proves something bad about liberal women.

  104. Re: the renege pun-failers said,

    March 21, 2012 at 5:45

    Next up:

    Denigrate the office!

  105. The Rip-Rappin' Malfunctionoin' Glenn Reynolds Robot said,

    March 21, 2012 at 15:49

    Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety!Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety! Heh! Indeedy! I gotta take a sheety!

  106. Jay Schiavone said,

    March 21, 2012 at 19:41

    Curious how quick conservatives are to invoke “McCarthyism” when they are called out on their dreadful behavior. Besides, they fucking love McCarthy and think there’s no such thing as “McCarthyism.”

  107. soullite said,

    March 21, 2012 at 21:23

    Liberals and feminists: Standing up proudly for the notion that only women should be allowed to control their futures.

    That’s the problem for you all: right now, women get to make all the choices. If they choose to have a kid, you have to pay for it, even if doing so will prevent you from being able to pursue your hopes and dreams. But if they get knocked up? They want to the right to get rid of it and pursue their own hopes and dreams. They get to choose when to become parents AND they get to force us to become parents. That shit isn’t even kind of right and it damned sure isn’t ‘equal’.

    And what do they usually say if you point out the hypocrisy and inherent injustice? Nine times out of ten, something that’s the equivalent of an anti-choicer telling a pro-life woman to ‘keep you legs closed’.

  108. Substance McGravitas said,

    March 21, 2012 at 21:25

    That’s the problem for you all

    Let’s borrow the standard soullite logic: that isn’t really a problem for me, soullite, and I don’t give a shit about what happens to you.

  109. pat said,

    March 22, 2012 at 18:19

    All children have a mother and a father (leave aside artificial insemination and rape for the purpose of this discussion, since Helen does not bring them up). Both parents should be required to be named on the birth certificate. Both parents should be required to provide child support. Mother has first right to keep or waive custody; father must assume custody or decide on adoption if mother waives custody.

    DOMP is right that men are not part of the current discussions – why, it’s almost as if those slutty women are having sex and getting pregnant all by themselves! Time to share the consequences of sexual activity.

  110. aran said,

    March 22, 2012 at 19:36

    Minor correction: Under the US Constitution and most state constitutions, you can never go to jail for failing to pay a debt, child support is actually an exception to this general rule.

  111. Lawnguylander said,

    March 23, 2012 at 17:39

    jurassicpork said,
    March 20, 2012 at 14:24

    Sometimes Lightning Does Strikes Twice. Please help a fellow liberal blogger stave off eviction in 2 weeks.

    No.

  112. Howlin Wolfe said,

    March 23, 2012 at 21:32

    i go downtown and look around. Everywhere I look i see nuthin but skirts skirts skirts. Where are the suits? I look up the street. I look down the street. Any suits? Nope. Damn gynocracy!! Gotta go, my overspouse is calling.

  113. Illuminati Repton said,

    March 25, 2012 at 20:04

    …the mating patterns of winged unicorns.

    If you’re interested…
    http://askprincessmolestia.tumblr.com/

  114. Sadly, No! » Ah C’mon Right-Wing, You Know You Want to Call Them Sex Traitors said,

    May 19, 2012 at 8:18

    [...] no wonder with sections like the “PJ Tatler”. I was boggling a scant two months ago that PJ Media carried a fucking Lifestyles section. And now, we have a section named after a [...]

  115. Sadly, No! » Patriarchy Inc. said,

    April 3, 2013 at 8:10

    [...] into point sharp spikes as a Pavlovian response. Anyways, we’ve seen various terrible “for women” sections in wingnut media, but this may, BY FAR, be the worst yet. The whole section is festooned in pink [...]

  116. Cheap Diablo 3 Gold Asia said,

    June 20, 2013 at 19:23

    Blizzard to go f2p =/… we’ll just have to investigate how it goes, but i doubt they must ever do that until something (maybe aion) takes there crown. I think they probably will cut subscription fees via 30-40% before they ever take into account the f2p option.

  117. rencontres coquines said,

    March 18, 2014 at 9:23

    Hello! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok.
    I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.

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