Feb
23

Return of the Wah-Fail




Posted at 3:22 by Cerberus

How can I turn my most embarrassing life story into my defining character trait? By endlessly bitching about how these young flappers insist on the condamns and the vidjeo games, that’s how!

Ross Douchehat, The New York Fucking Times:
The ‘Safe, Legal, Rare’ Illusion

Oh Douchehat, as much as we try and pull away from your Chunky-Reese-Witherspoon fearing thought abortions, you keep pulling us back in with your attempts to make right-wing pablum and Vatican marching orders sound like actual coherent thoughts.

So this week’s column is about, what else? Abortion. There seems to be a certain type of guy who just can’t seem to get it up unless the woman is terrified they might get pregnant and as Douchehat has already written an entire post on that subject, he has turned his canny awareness of the fairer sex to the latest right-wing obsession.

That is how unfair it is that the attempts by the professional anti-woman league to branch out from “just being against the medical procedure of abortions (but only for those slutty women, you know who we are talking about) because of quote-unquote ‘teh babeez’” to being against all forms of contraception or non-conceiving copulation like the anti-sex psychotics they have always been have been mildly rebuked by the public at large.

It’s almost like it’s difficult to exploit people’s emotional connection to potential when you literally are trying to argue that every sperm is sacred. Who knew?

But still, Douchehat wouldn’t be as sad as he is if he didn’t still try and slam his head against the locked and barred uteruses of the world.

AMID the sound and fury of the latest culture-war battles — first over breast cancer dollars and Planned Parenthood, and then over the White House’s attempt to require that religious employers cover contraception and potential abortifacients — it’s easy to forget that there is at least some common ground in American politics on sex, pregnancy, marriage and abortion.

Yes.

I fully believe, to the depth of my soul, that both sides agree that there are such things as sex, pregnancy, marriage, and abortion… for now.

But give the right-wing another week and I’m sure even this pretense at common ground will be demolished to make way for the runaway crazy train.

Even the most pro-choice politicians, for instance, usually emphasize that they want to reduce the need for abortion, and make the practice rare as well as safe and legal.

Hah! Yeah, the moderate compromise position is indeed the “extreme pro-choice position”.

But yeah, we’ll concede that it’d be great for abortion to be “safe, legal, and rare”. In the same way that it’d be great for cardiovascular surgery to be “safe, legal, and rare” or for thoracentesis to be “safe, legal, and rare”.

Because we want to live in a world where we can prevent invasive surgeries as best we can through as much preventative medicine as we can preform.

Doesn’t mean we don’t still recognize there’ll be a need to drain the fluid from someone’s lungs and want such a service to still be there when its needed.

Of course, luckily we live in a world where just letting people turn their lungs into a swimming pool wasn’t treated as a “serious alternative” because some misogynist busybodies have a “deep and abiding faith” that doesn’t at all appear in their moral texts and seems to have been invented in the last 60 years.

But hey, I’m sure, if we could spin that as related to lady-bits, we could have a “moral lung” movement within the half-hour ranting about how those sluts shouldn’t have lived in neighborhoods with poor air quality or carcinogens.

Even the fiercest conservative critics of the White House’s contraception mandate — yes, Rick Santorum included — agree that artificial birth control should be legal and available.

Oh, well, thank you for that brave concession, Sir Douchehat. Truly the religious right is the most generous institution ever known, what with not yet openly attacking an issue that was settled at least 80 years ago.

Of course, I’d have to assume by “fiercest” you only mean those conservatives who are actively out as stereotypical TV homosexuals, because out here in the real world, there have been a plethora of pundits actually arguing against the notion that contraception should be legal and easily available and have been in fact shocked that random priests somewhere can’t ban its purchase from anyone they may have shaken hands with once.

This guy named Ross Douthat has been quite vocal about it for quite a few weeks. But you probably haven’t heard of him. He’s kinda a terrible writer.

And both Democrats and Republicans generally agree that the country would be better off with fewer pregnant teenagers, fewer unwanted children, fewer absent fathers, fewer out-of-wedlock births.

Well, of course, but that’s only because the Republicans want to shoot said people in the head.

Where cultural liberals and social conservatives differ is on the means that will achieve these ends.

See aforementioned head-shooting.

The liberal vision tends to emphasize access to contraception as the surest path to stable families, wanted children and low abortion rates. The more direct control that women have over when and whether sex makes babies, liberals argue, the less likely they’ll be to get pregnant at the wrong time and with the wrong partner — and the less likely they’ll be to even consider having an abortion.

I.e. the method that has been proven to work the most effectively and dramatically lower abortion rates as seen with every credible study ever done on the subject. The one that is particularly effective when combined with supporting women financially and socially and making abortion access easy and plentiful as well as providing easy access to all contraceptive and prenatal care also dropping maternal deaths due to childbirth? (Which hey, let’s not at all focus on how the US has nearly third world figures on that score, especially for non-white women).

(Slate’s Will Saletan has memorably termed this “the pro-life case for Planned Parenthood.”)

When you are arguing that Will Saletan is a liberal, something has gone dreadfully wrong…in your brain…because you are Ross Douchehat…and you are a lying pile of shit…I just like elipses okay…don’t judge……ah yeah, that’s the stuff!

The conservative narrative, by contrast

Argues that the Space God Zenu will stop abortions with his mind-rays.

What? If you are going to say that the way reality works is the “liberal vision”, you kinda wrote yourself into a corner sparky.

argues that it’s more important to promote chastity, monogamy and fidelity than to worry about whether there’s a prophylactic in every bedroom drawer or bathroom cabinet.

Why, yes, because no two people who aren’t giant poly-sluts cheating on each other repeatedly ever have to worry about unwanted pregnancies. Especially in the man-woman marriages that conservatives want everyone to have and engage in coitus with.

Okay, you know what. I’ll buy that. I’m betting the average conservative public figure doesn’t have to worry about unwanted pregnancies and not just because their wives have their maid and lesbian lover drive them to the clinic’s backdoor the instant a period’s late.

After all, there’s little chance of impregnating someone when you’re getting fucked by a man named Ronaldo in a dingy airport bathroom.

To the extent that contraceptive use has a significant role in the conservative vision (and obviously there’s some Catholic-Protestant disagreement)

Now, some people, if halfway through their nth article on the subject of how contraception is bad and all conservatives should join the sectarian fight to ban it, might look at the above sentence coming out of their computer screen and realize something has gone terribly wrong with their essay and that they’ve written something that only people who are repeatedly getting hit on the head and have broken scroll keys couldn’t see as transparent bad-faith horseshit.

And said people might feel a pang of guilt or a desire to delete what they’ve written and try again.

But not, Douchehat, he’s a maverick!

He just pastes a quick parenthetical and ships it off to the editor.

On that note, being this guy’s editor must either be the greatest or the worst job in the world. And it would entirely depend on whether or not he remembers to charge his time at the bar as “time spent editing” this drek.

it’s in the context of already stable, already committed relationships. Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.

Question! When I stretch monogamy over my penis, it seems to tear and turn into a social concept, where do I buy the sturdier monogamies? Are they in the trendy stores that sell “deep and abiding faith” and GAP clothes for children?

The problem with the conservative story is that it doesn’t map particularly well onto contemporary mores and life patterns.

Yeah, the only problem with the conservative approach is that it has nothing to do with reality or is in any way relevant to preventing unwanted pregnancies. And in fact to do so requires at least one of the couple’s members to violate honesty, openness and connection in order to pretend that “monogamy” is the reason their eggs never seem to drop.

A successful chastity-centric culture seems to depend on a level of social cohesion, religious intensity and shared values that exists only in small pockets of the country. Mormon Utah, for instance, largely lives up to the conservative ideal, with some of America’s lowest rates of teenage pregnancies, out-of-wedlock births and abortions.

Utah, you say? Well, why didn’t you say so?

But many other socially conservative regions (particularly in the South) feature higher rates of unwed and teenage parenthood than in the country as a whole.

Well, obviously, they must simply have the lowest levels of social cohesion, religious intensity, values, and other good conservative values. If only they had embraced constructing endless arrays of churches instead of all those stem cell laboratories, gay wedding chapels, and multicultural centers, this could have all been avoided.

So sad.

If only someone could have shown them the tacky tacky light.

Liberals love to cite these numbers as proof that social conservatism is a flop.

Those numbers, every other number, historical accounts, reality itself, and the fact that every time the right-wing has been allowed to do their wishlist, the unwanted pregnancy rate soars.

But yeah, mostly those numbers, they produce the best pitch of “bu-bu-bu” style whining to preform dub-step techno to.

But the liberal narrative has glaring problems as well.

Otherwise known as the “Nuh uh, you’re the poopyheads” defense.

So let’s spin the wheel and see what flavor of bullshit we get this week.

To begin with, a lack of contraceptive access simply doesn’t seem to be a significant factor in unplanned pregnancy in the United States. When the Alan Guttmacher Institute surveyed more than 10,000 women who had procured abortions in 2000 and 2001, it found that only 12 percent cited problems obtaining birth control as a reason for their pregnancies. A recent Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study of teenage mothers found similar results: Only 13 percent of the teens reported having had trouble getting contraception.

Yeah, it’s only 12-13% at the end of a 3-decade long campaign to make contraception use and sex education nigh-mandatory. I’m sure that number will sink like a brick if we make it really difficult to access alternative forms of contraception.

Oh.

Ohhhh.

You’re arguing that since lack of contraception isn’t the overwhelming source of abortions (much like lack of vegetables isn’t the overwhelming source of heart disease), then fuck arguing for contraception access.

Well, let’s see what some of the other reasons for aborted pregnancies are.

Science quote from his fucking linked report:

This report describes estimated rates of self-reported prepregnancy contraceptive use among white, black, and Hispanic teen females aged 15–19 years with unintended pregnancies resulting in live births. Approximately one half (50.1%) of these teens were not using any method of birth control when they got pregnant

Well, that’s awkward for his point.

But hey, let’s skip his link and go straight to the money shot he really wants to tackle. Reasons for abortion. If we cut out “lack of contraception”, then next up we get “contraception fails or is used inconsistently”. Which the conservative solution to is…”monogamy”. After that it’s “lack of financial stability or emotional hardship” to which the conservative solution is, er…”let ‘em die, the sluts.”. And then that pesky medical necessity bit from wanted pregnancies (cause you know aborting a pregnancy is a medical surgery and childbirth is historically dangerous and stressful on the mother and all).

Hmm, turns out, “because sluts love getting their uterus scraped out with cold metal objects” didn’t even make the list.

Very strange.

At the same time, if liberal social policies really led inexorably to fewer unplanned pregnancies and thus fewer abortions, you would expect “blue” regions of the country to have lower teen pregnancy rates and fewer abortions per capita than demographically similar “red” regions.

You would, wouldn’t you?

But that isn’t what the data show. Instead, abortion rates are frequently higher in more liberal states, where access is often largely unrestricted, than in more conservative states, which are more likely to have parental consent laws, waiting periods, and so on. “Safe, legal and rare” is a nice slogan, but liberal policies don’t always seem to deliver the “rare” part.

Huh, you seem to have forgotten to include the part of the point where you included proof that liberal states had more or as many teenage pregnancies.

I mean, you wouldn’t make that elementary of a mistake, because otherwise it would completely demolish your intended point, completely failing to take into account that lowered pregnancy rates would mean that those left who did would be from even more at-risk populations (incest victims, undereducated teens, and those without good contraception access) as well as those who got pregnant by accidental means (and thus even more likely to want to terminate), thus skewing the abortion figures in your favor.

I’ll take it as an honest mistake, but you need to be more careful. Someone might assume you were trying to make a desperate bad-faith argument to cover up the fact that you’ve probably gotten about a million statistical papers thrown in your face in the last few weeks over your crusade against contraception.

What’s more, another Guttmacher Institute study suggests that liberal states don’t necessarily do better than conservative ones at preventing teenagers from getting pregnant in the first place.

Except they do. That’s what pregnancy means. Number of pregnancies. The period between conception and birth wherein a woman’s body cannibalizes itself to grow a parasitical organism that in the cases where its wanted will hopefully produce a cute little sentient independent lifeform in 9 months (give or take an additional 2-3 years for the brain to grow).

Instead, the lower teenage birth rates in many blue states are mostly just a consequence of (again) their higher abortion rates.

Yeah, but we’re talking about pregnancy rates. You know, pregnancies.

The process that is aborted, i.e. stopped. Hence the origin of the phrase “an abortion”. What with it being the shorter term for the “cessation of the process of pregnancy by medical or natural processes”. Hence miscarriage or “a natural abortion of the pregnancy process”.

Do you even know what these terms mean or did you just assume that “abortion” means “the reason I keep throwing up when I see lady bits”?

Oh Bob, you did…

I’m so sorry.

Liberal California, for instance, has a higher teen pregnancy rate than socially conservative Alabama; the Californian teenage birth rate is only lower because the Californian abortion rate is more than twice as high.

Because everyone knows that taking the exception that proves the rule to argue for your counterfactual shock argument is the way REAL science is done!

Fuck your countless studies on the connection between access of contraception and lowered unwanted pregnancy rates, we’ve got wishful thinking and the magic condom of “chastity, monogamy and fidelity”! In your face, libs! USA! USA! USA!

These are realities liberals should keep in mind

Oh god, it’s the return of “we create our own reality” again. You know, I crave the days when “conservatives reject reality’s liberal bias” was our snark of them instead of the proud badge they wore. Though I’ll admit it certainly makes writing these a lot easier.

when tempted to rail against conservatives for rejecting the intuitive-seeming promise of “more condoms, fewer abortions.” What’s intuitive isn’t always true, and if social conservatives haven’t figured out how to make all good things go together in post-sexual-revolution America, neither have social liberals.

Yeah, screw the fact that that’s what is seen and the only reason that “red state” abortions are so low is that most red state women end up having to go across state lines into the blue states just to receive one. All I know is that wishing unwanted pregnancies away by taking a long weekend with the rent boy while your wife goes “shopping” in Canada should be given its chance…to be the mandatory thing we force you proles to live by. Maybe then you’ll have too many damn kids to have time to whine about how “the system is corrupt” and “why won’t the rich accept modest tax hikes to fix the Great Depression they caused”.

Fucking ungrateful whiners. These paid hacks don’t employ themselves.

At the very least, American conservatives are hardly crazy to reject a model for sex

Snrk.

, marriage and family that seems to depend heavily on higher-than-average abortion rates.

Proof?

My ass is goatse covered in Santorum. Case closed, move along, nothing to see here.

They’ve seen that future in places like liberal, cosmopolitan New York, where two in five pregnancies end in abortion. And it isn’t a pretty sight.

Well seeing as how 22% of pregnancies end in surgical abortion, 1 in 3 women get an intentional abortion to their pregnancy, 50+% of unwanted pregnancies end in intentional abortion, and about 70+% of pregnancy events end in natural abortion and miscarriage, we can only conclude that God is the biggest abortionist

OMG LIBERALS IS TEH DEVILS AND CONSERVATIVES IS CORRECT ABOUT EVERYTHING NEENER NEENER!

Well done, Douchehat, you’ve finally cracked the case!

If only we had listened to you before making that Vegan Multicultural Planned Parenthood made entirely of Marijuana leaves.

397 Comments »

  1. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 3:40

    Speaking of homosexuals, I’ve been wasting entirely too much time homotizing dead Mormons.

  2. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 3:40

    Here: http://alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com/

  3. RWW said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:00

    That was messier than a neck-beard after being sucked on by a Witherspoon look-alike.

  4. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:03

    So, his point is that putting obstacles in the way of abortion results in fewer abortions.

    In other insights, speed bumps make cars go slower, and beating up women for wearing pants increases the use of skirts.

  5. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:04

    Breaking The Law!
    ~

  6. Smut Clyde said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:09

    Even the most pro-choice politicians [...] want to [...] make the practice rare as well as safe and legal.
    I understand that Douthat would start the way he means to go on, i.e. by lying, but I was kind of expecting him to make an effort to do so less obviously.

  7. KeithOK said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:23

    BLUF: “If it weren’t for dumb fucks we’d have no fucks at all”

  8. wiley the thankful witch said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:24

    I’ve never stopped to feel thankful to all the men I’ve ever had sex with for not suffering any physical or psychic injury as a result of that sex. What strong and brave men have visited my lady bits! Thanks guys for not publishing pathetic stories about it and for getting over it. You’re all real troopers.

  9. Cerberus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:26

    Smut Clyde-

    Yeah, I missed that phrasing first go. But yeah, by shifting it around he got to imply that abortion wasn’t legal.

  10. Major Kong said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:29

    Hi Wiley.

    I contacted your researcher friend. Haven’t heard anything from him yet.

  11. wiley the thankful witch said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:41

    He hasn’t contacted me yet this week either. He’s probably busy, am pretty sure he has a day job and a list of people he’s already started interviewing. I asked him for permission to give his address to you and Fenwick , so I’m sure he’s not blowing it off. Did you put something in you subject line like “Cold War veteran”?

  12. Smut Clyde said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:41

    But yeah, by shifting it around he got to imply that abortion wasn’t legal.
    I didn’t read it that way… but he *is* claiming that compulsory-birth politicians don’t want to make abortion illegal. These being the same compulsory-birth politicians who are continually trying to overrule the supreme-court judgment that keeps abortion *legal*.

  13. Major Kong said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:46

    Did you put something in you subject line like “Cold War veteran”?

    Yes.

  14. wiley the thankful witch said,

    February 23, 2012 at 4:51

    Good. Hopefully he isn’t in some sort of bind or incapacitated.

  15. Dhalgren said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:07

    Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Guttmacher.

    He who links to Guttmacher does so at his own peril.

    Ross Douthat of the “liberal” NY Times. What a fucking waste of egg and sperm. Yes, I said it.

    A pussy doctor I know came up with that incredible insult. Use it.

  16. wiley said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:09

    When you say “a pussy doctor” ?

  17. Cerberus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:10

    Smut-

    Ah, right. Yes, it’s almost like there’s a pattern with regards to his relationship to the truth, but I just can’t put my finger on it.

  18. tigris said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:11

    Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.

    Because birth control stops failing like MAGIC once you go mono.

    And according to Guttmacher, 75% of abortions are obtained by women who say they can’t afford to have a child. Maybe that could present another, better line of defense? Nah. On the other hand, 28% of aborters are Catholic even though they they only make up 25% of the population, so I think we can all see what doesn’t work.

  19. Dhalgren said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:13

    I mean someone who the Right Wing would love to shoot in the head.

  20. Major Kong said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:27

    I mean someone who the Right Wing would love to shoot in the head.

    That’s a pretty long list, including, but not limited to by any means:

    Gays
    Muslims
    Hispanics
    Brown people in general
    “Inner City” people
    Liberals (of course)
    Democrats
    Atheists
    The French
    Environmentalists
    Anyone deemed insufficiently patriotic
    Intellectuals
    Hollywood
    “Union Thugs”
    Teachers

    I’m just saying you might need to be a little more specific.

  21. jim said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:28

    He’s got us on the glaring problems, you know.

    It doesn’t matter that at first it always seemed to just automatically be right, & it doesn’t even matter that you may have actually read it with your own two eyes on the InterWebs: “NEEDS MOAR LENSFLARE” is not always true.

    Too much of a good thing ISREAL.

    Oh god, it’s the return of “we create our own reality” again.

    Did that pop loose at some point then? I guess I must’ve been answering Nature’s call in the WC & missed it. Or perhaps it occurred while I was blinking?

    “if social conservatives haven’t figured out how to make all good things go together in post-sexual-revolution America, neither have social liberals”

    NO U!

    We haven’t done whatever dog-whistley Zippy The Pinhead Koan I just pulled out of thin air … but neither have you! Ha1 Ha! Ha!

    “If social conservatives haven’t gotten better at figuring out how to make all good people get along together in post-sexual-revolution America, neither have social lib- … no,wait … uh-oh … oops!”

  22. The Cult of the Uterus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:29

    Ross, GTFO.

  23. wiley said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:46

    Or stop trying to get in. Sheesh. Watching this guy tried to get laid while trying not to is entirely too much fucking information. Shouldn’t a kindly editor stop him before he hurts himself again?

  24. Anonymous said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:51

    The conservative narrative, by contrast argues that it’s more important to promote chastity, monogamy and fidelity than to worry about whether there’s a prophylactic in every bedroom drawer or bathroom cabinet.

    It does? It seems to me that social conservatives are far more obsessed with who has or doesn’t have a condom in their bedroom drawer than we liberals are. We figure everyone should have access to good birth control, etc. It’s reactionaries who obsess about “how dare people use the Catholick church’s money to obtain condoms”.

    So I chalk this up to yet more of that famous conservative projection.

  25. DAS said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:52

    Oops. Anonymous at 5:51, Sadly, No! Standard Time was me.

    Yours truly … pseudonymously, not anonymously,
    - DAS

  26. address my envelope, lips! said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:53

    I’m monogamous, and I’ve never had a kid.

    Oh, the fact that I’m infertile, have had a uterine ablation (look it up) (or don’t, it’s kinda icky), and my husband has had his tubes tied for 30 years has nothing to do with the lack of kids, nothing! It’s the monogamy, I’m telling you!

    My uterus threatens to go on walkabout without me every time I read a Douchehat column, so I’m afraid to click on the link, because she can kill. Do you hear me? KILL!

    I don’t want Douchehat cooties all over my uterus, either.

  27. Chris said,

    February 23, 2012 at 5:59

    Even the fiercest conservative critics of the White House’s contraception mandate — yes, Rick Santorum included — agree that artificial birth control should be legal and available.

    For a fairly odd version of “available,” subject to the whims of the Market-God.

    “Hey, Chris, I could really use someone to help me move to my new apartment. Are you available?”
    “Sure, I’m available, as long as you pay me $300 for my troubles,” I answer, knowing full well that he/she doesn’t have the money.

  28. N__B said,

    February 23, 2012 at 6:08

    Can I just say that Reese Witherspoon is not deserving of having her name connected with this rotting sack of tripe? Just because he dragged her into a discussion of his contraception-spawned* erectile dysfunction is no reason for us to continue the abuse.

    *heh

  29. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 6:19

    you know, i am so pissed off with the fucking obstacles in the way of getting some answers for hubbkf that i don’t know if i can read douchehat or not…i hate health partners insurance with the white hot passion of about a million and a half suns times infinity…and beyond…and the next smug asshole who tells me there’s nothing wrong with our health care system is going to get junk punched so fucking hard…

  30. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 6:30

    oh sure…i come on and rant and everybody is gone? what the hell? fine! i’ll read the goddamn douchehat so i have something pertinent to post…

  31. Major Kong said,

    February 23, 2012 at 6:31

    But! But! We have the best health care system in the world! That’s what the nice man on the radio said.

  32. Whale Chowder said,

    February 23, 2012 at 6:44

    I must’ve been answering Nature’s call in the WC

    HEY! Watch where you’re putting that!

  33. jim said,

    February 23, 2012 at 6:51

    NOW you see the violence inherent in the trickle-down theory!

  34. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 7:00

    argues that it’s more important to promote chastity, monogamy and fidelity than to worry about whether there’s a prophylactic in every bedroom drawer or bathroom cabinet.

    oh…so it’s okay for conservatives to change people’s behaviors to prevent unwanted outcomes when it comes to the sexytime, but ZOMG!!! obama is such a fucking hitler and michelle is a big fat hypocrite for suggesting that kids eat more veggies and get off their fat arses every once in a while?

  35. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 7:03

    But! But! We have the best health care system in the world! That’s what the nice man on the radio said.

    ahhhhh, yes! i have a conservative friend, who had to retire from his career as an accountant because of health reasons…he has like a gazillion things wrong with him, two or three of which are potentially fatal…he has insurance through his wife’s plan…she’s a teacher…guess whose group gets to pay super high premiums so he can go to the mayo every 6 weeks? he claims there is absolutely nothing wrong with the system…yeah, i can’t wait till they kick his puny ass out of their group…or will they not be able to after obamacare kicks in? oh snap! also, the more i think about it, the less i would refer to him as a ‘friend’…

  36. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 7:05

    My uterus threatens to go on walkabout without me every time I read a Douchehat column, so I’m afraid to click on the link, because she can kill. Do you hear me? KILL!

    no matter how many times i read this, i still laff aloud…well, done you!

  37. Angry Geometer said,

    February 23, 2012 at 7:28

    Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.

    So, the best method of birth control is being in a loveless marriage? Wow, that’s a new one.

  38. Whale Chowder said,

    February 23, 2012 at 7:43

    Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.

    Wait, didn’t that used to be abstinence?

    On the other hand, 28% of aborters are Catholic even though they they only make up 25% of the population, so I think we can all see what doesn’t work.

    Clearly, Catlicks suck at monogamy.

  39. Thread Bear said,

    February 23, 2012 at 8:02

    Mahogany, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.

    Wood! Not wood.

  40. John Revolta said,

    February 23, 2012 at 8:54

    Speaking of fail:

    Big Al to OPERA: What’s My Name, Bitchezz??

  41. Golem Heart said,

    February 23, 2012 at 9:13

    “Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.”

    Young Ross sounds inexperienced. I have been monogamous for over fifteen years, and it’s definitely the chemicals and latex that are keeping us childless and abortion-free. Definitely.

    I dunno why I mention it here, though. That paragraph could be a letter to the editor(s) of the NYT. If they want to print Douthat, they should print such a letter. Unless they want readers to get confused? Willfully confusing people is irresponsible. I’ll have no truck with it.

  42. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    February 23, 2012 at 9:42

    John Revolta said,
    February 23, 2012 at 8:54

    Speaking of fail:
    Big Al to OPERA: What’s My Name, Bitchezz??

    Yeah, I found that deeply unconvincing from the get-go.

    Of course, I felt the same way about all these “Hot Jupiters” they kept finding, and that the expansion of the Universe was accelerating, so who knows?

    (Spellcheck doesn’t want me to pluralize “Jupiter”. Ha!)

  43. cai said,

    February 23, 2012 at 9:50

    Actually, married couples only gained the right to birth control nationally 47 years ago. Griswold v. Connecticut. Unmarried couples, 42 years ago.

  44. Beth in OR said,

    February 23, 2012 at 11:08

    So why do social conservatives use healthcare at all? Doesn’t that interfere with their god’s decision about when they die? If they can’t interfere with the entrance, how can they in good moral conscience delay or avoid the exit?

  45. actor212 said,

    February 23, 2012 at 12:27

    AC/DC LIBEL!

  46. actor212 said,

    February 23, 2012 at 12:29

    So, the best method of birth control is being in a loveless marriage?

    Worked for me!

  47. Mat said,

    February 23, 2012 at 13:20

    For the Pope, it’s all about bareback.

  48. N__B said,

    February 23, 2012 at 13:34

    Griswold vs Connecticut was the least successful of the National Lampoon Vacation movies.

  49. steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 14:24

    Watching this guy tried to get laid while trying not to is entirely too much fucking information.

    Women’s prison

    Pocket full of pardons

    maybe

  50. Fenwick said,

    February 23, 2012 at 14:24

    I converted some dead Mormons to homosexuality. LDS heaven now has four more lesbians and two more stud muffins.

  51. Fenwick said,

    February 23, 2012 at 15:43

    Whale Chowder & Wiley: I want to pick up some of the dialogue from the last thread. (I wasn’t able to ketchup before this shiny new thread appeared.) I’ll add to that convo this afternoon or evening. I wasn’t ignoring you!

    bbfk: Let’s get tsam and his Awesome Blade of Righteousness on HCP’s case. [BTW, where are you, buddy?] Also, did you enjoy meeting the parents of yer daughter’s beau?

    Griswold vs Connecticut was the least successful of the National Lampoon Vacation movies.

    I wasn’t drinking anything when I read this, Ned. No harm done.

  52. Fenwick said,

    February 23, 2012 at 15:53

    So why do social conservatives use healthcare at all? Doesn’t that interfere with their god’s decision about when they die? If they can’t interfere with the entrance, how can they in good moral conscience delay or avoid the exit?

    That is quite a conundrum*, Beth. Imma gonna steal it !!!

    * ribbed for maximum pleasure

  53. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 16:10

    So why do social conservatives use healthcare at all? Doesn’t that interfere with their god’s decision about when they die? If they can’t interfere with the entrance, how can they in good moral conscience delay or avoid the exit?

    this is a question i increasingly ask myself…my seventy year old self involved mother has a deeeeeep faith in jeebus…well she claims to anyway…she can’t be arsed to go to church anymore and she obsesses and worries about her health (and everyone else’s…she pretty much has hubbkf in the grave) even tho she claims she DOESN’T worry because jesus will take care of her and if it’s her time and only he knows what he has planned and blah, blah, blah, blah…

    she is always at the doctor even though they don’t know what they are talking about half the time and they try way too many things that make people suffer, etc, etc…she is deathly afraid of dying…and i would think that she couldn’t wait to see my dad, my brother and her mom again….

    i know a lot of god botherers like this…so, i can only conclude that their ‘faith’ is a load of crap and even they know it…and they will never cop to the fact that their religion is just another addiction…

  54. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 16:14

    So why do social conservatives use healthcare at all? Doesn’t that interfere with their god’s decision about when they die? If they can’t interfere with the entrance, how can they in good moral conscience delay or avoid the exit?

    i only got to meet his dad but he seemed really nice and down to earth…his little brothers on the other hand were a hoot! they seem to be a very nice family….the kids live with dad in morris but mom lives in fargo…

    Griswold vs Connecticut was the least successful of the National Lampoon Vacation movies.

    I wasn’t drinking anything when I read this, Ned. No harm done.

    agreed…also agree with getting tsam on the case…fecking corporations suck!

  55. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 23, 2012 at 16:47

    OMG Cerb. Holy fucking shit that is one awesome post.

  56. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:02

    What’s more, another Guttmacher Institute study suggests that liberal states don’t necessarily do better than conservative ones at preventing teenagers from getting pregnant in the first place.

    You know, there’s a note at teh bottom of teh table (Table3.1) in teh Guttmacher Institute report which is a .pdf file he’s referring to. Lemme blockquote it:

    Even though abortions have been tabulated according to state of residence where possible, in states with parental notification or consent requirements for minors, the pregnancy and abortion rates may be too low because minors have traveled to other states for abortion services, and the rates in neighboring states may be too high.

    In fact, if he’s going to cite that Guttmacher study, let’s actually cite that study and find out what it says (pg 4, graf 2 of Discussion):

    By 1990 or 1991, the pregnancy rate among teenagers and young women had begun a steady and consistent decline. A decrease in both birth and abortion rates among these women signaled that both intended and unintended pregnancy rates were declining among these age-groups. Recent research concluded that almost all of the decline in the pregnancy rate between 1995 and 2002 among 18–19-year-olds was attributable to increased contraceptive use.1 Among women aged 15–17, about one-quarter of the decline during the same period was attributable to reduced sexual activity and three-quarters to increased contraceptive use.1

  57. DAS said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:04

    obama is such a fucking hitler and michelle is a big fat hypocrite for suggesting that kids eat more veggies and get off their fat arses every once in a while?

    It’s the “nanny state”. BTW — is it just me or is “nanny state” a dog whistle?

  58. smedley said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:09

    Why do we have to wait until the Mormons are dead to convert them into homos? Wouldn’t it be more fun to convert Orrin Hatch and Donny Osmond while they are still alive?

  59. DAS said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:10

    So why do social conservatives use healthcare at all? Doesn’t that interfere with their god’s decision about when they die? If they can’t interfere with the entrance, how can they in good moral conscience delay or avoid the exit?

    Maybe this is why they effectively want to restrict health care to the rich (e.g. via a “market outcome”)? Depending on their theology, (1)only the chosen (by the market or by the luck to be born into wealth) elect deserve health care (Puritan/Prosperity Gospel), (2) the poor, whose reward is heaven, shouldn’t be sullied by the immorality of health care that hinders God’s plan for them to go to heaven ASAP (Christian literalist) or (3) the “philosophers” may be smart enough to use health care effectively but since the poor, using health care, may interfere with God’s plan for them, the poor should simply not have access to health care (Plato and/or Gnosticism via Strauss as interpreted by the neo-cons).

  60. Suezboo said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:12

    Oh, thanks, Fenwick; now my converted Mormon lesbian will have someone to lust after.

  61. Jennifer said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:17

    What a tool. Monogamy doesn’t prevent pregnancy. Even in marriage.

    Well, unless you’re Ross Douthat, who married in 2007 and now, 5 years later, still has only one child. Which means that either Ross and wifey never “do it” or they’re using birth control.

    I vote for door number 1.

  62. Steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:19

    That whole “Mormon homo-necrophilia” thing is creeping me out a little bit, ’cause, y’know, Mormon…

  63. DAS said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:20

    Liberal California, for instance, has a higher teen pregnancy rate than socially conservative Alabama; the Californian teenage birth rate is only lower because the Californian abortion rate is more than twice as high.

    BTW, speaking as a recovering Californian myself (*), might I add that using California as your example of a liberal state is at least as boneheaded as using Will Saleten as your exemplary liberal?

    Yes, California has San Francisco and Hollyweird but it also has Orange County and the Inland Empire. How much ya wanna bet that the less economically privilaged, more socially conservative areas of, e.g., the California deserts, are a key contributor in the quoted teen pregnancy statistics for Cali?

    If so, then it would seem to me that the best way to lower abortion rates / teen pregnancy rates is to ensure that kids have ample economic resources and have hopes for a future for themselves rather than going out and having kids sooner rather than later because they figure that their kids’ doing better than they have done is the only hope they have?

    * it’s my experience that a lot of people back east have based their ideas on what Californians are like on the “ex-pat” Californians they know, such as myself, without thinking that maybe there is a reason why people like me left the state and only look back because we have family there?

  64. kg said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:23

    I vote for door number 1.

    That’s a door I prefer remain closed. And locked. With a deadbolt. Throw some chains on for good measure.

  65. Helmut Monotreme said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:34

    Why do we have to wait until the Mormons are dead to convert them into homos? Wouldn’t it be more fun to convert Orrin Hatch and Donny Osmond while they are still alive?

    I like to imagine Elton John beat you to that about 30 years ago.

  66. Golem Heart said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:37

    I rather like the Christians who think of baptism as a choice an adult makes. Baptizing a baby is a little off,* and Mormon baptisms for the dead are right out.

    So about choice. If some folks prefer to think being gay is a choice, perhaps it’s a choice others can make for you, as when we baptize an infant. It follows that Fenwick could choose to make dead Mormons into dead gays.

    *Baptism has been viewed as an affirmation of faith (in which case choice is important) and/or as a rite of salvation in which God does the important work. This is just my limited understanding refreshed by Wikipedia.

    In any case, you’re gay whether you like it or not, never by choice — at least not your own. It’s God’s choice, or sometimes Fenwick’s, and sometimes posthumously, which would seem to take the fun out of it.

  67. Major Kong said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:37

    So why do social conservatives use healthcare at all? Doesn’t that interfere with their god’s decision about when they die? If they can’t interfere with the entrance, how can they in good moral conscience delay or avoid the exit?

    There’s an old saying that “Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die”.

  68. RWW said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:44

    “Even the fiercest conservative critics of the White House’s contraception mandate — yes, Rick Santorum included — agree that artificial birth control should be legal and available.”

    Liar.

  69. Tom Allen said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:44

    Monogamy *doop-doo-be-doo-do*
    Monogamy *doop-doo-be-do*
    Monogamy *doop-doo-be-doo-do*
    *be-doo-do be-doop-doop-doodle do!*

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N_tupPBtWQ

  70. Lolly said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:46

    Yes–huge swaths of California were settled by folks fleeing the midwestern winters. At one point, I believe, the largest contributor of California migrants was middle-class white Iowans.

    People often divide California into northern and southern, but the real divide is coastal vs. inland (and yes, I do mean vs.)

    SF and LA have far more in common with each other, politically and culturally, than either has with Fresno, Bakersfield, or the Inland Empire.

  71. Major Kong said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:50

    People often divide California into northern and southern, but the real divide is coastal vs. inland (and yes, I do mean vs.)

    I lived in Merced (Castle AFB) for a while, and that was my experience.

  72. Golem Heart said,

    February 23, 2012 at 17:56

    Chastity is not in need of promotion. Conservatives see a too-sexy world; I see a conflicted culture (prudish yet hypersexualized media-wise) that is pretty chaste.

    Chaste and nearly-chaste adults are extremely common. We seem to have “a successful chastity-centric culture,” all over the place, contra Douthat. But my concern is what people want and whether they are fulfilled while also doing no harm. Chastity and sex are not ends unto themselves. I want a successful choice- and fulfillment-centric culture, so to speak.
    Teens suffer greatly from chastity. When we say they are not ready for sex, at most this means they have poor judgment and raging hormones. But these factors do not prevent a safe and healthy outlet beyond masturbation. I am never ready for sex that turns out badly for me. To say teens are not ready is really a conventional way of saying that their social status is low, subject to a conspiracy of disrupted opportunities, even for safe and healthy sexual outlets.

  73. Steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 18:34

    “Safe, legal and rare”..

    The only one of those he likes is “rare”

    And the only methods he proposes to achieve “rarity” are those that have been absolutely, unequivocally, scientifically and conclusively NOT to work.

    All you need to know.

  74. tigris said,

    February 23, 2012 at 18:56

    Guttmacher: “Marriage is no panacea”

    I guess Guttmacher is only useful insofar as their actual findings can be twisted to show what they don’t show.

  75. Steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:01

    All his high-falutin’ guess-I-work-for-NYT-now-so-I-better-use-fancy-language terms like “chastity-centric culture” and “monogamy” really boil down to the same crude “stick an aspirin between yer knees ya slut” jokes id10ts like Frosty-Freeze spout: If ya don’t want babbies, don’t go havin’ sex! An admonishment of stunning irrelevance to any warm-blooded mammal (let alone a permanently erect/lubricated teenager).

  76. tigris said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:01

    And according to that link, part of the problem is that women in their 20s often don’t have easy access to birth control because they don’t have insurance.

  77. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:17

    And according to that link, part of the problem is that women in their 20s often don’t have easy access to birth control because they don’t have insurance.

    i do not buy that as a valid excuse…they can get buttloads of free condoms at the local high school!!! and obama would probably give them some* because he is bound and determined that EVERYONE USES BIRTHCONTROL whether the pope likes it or not…get with it, would ya tigris?

    *i mean condoms, not a piece of ass! you liberals really are the racists!!`1111!!!

  78. Pupienus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:36

    I caught a bit of last night’s clown show. Enjoyed watching the cat fight but it was short on LULZ. Anyway, I heard one of the clowns – Rmoney? – say that “we” made it illegal to teach abstinence in the schools. Yeah, he said that. Aside from being factually worng I wondered once again how one could teach abstinence. I should think one could only demand it, there’s no teaching involved.

    That got me to watch a bit more. I was struck by how hard they tried to be seen as “conservative” and also fault the others for not being conservative. So I tried to figure out what this alleged political philosophy might actually be. Best I can tell, conservatism consists of being for whatever policy is currently the shibboleth and against any policy “our side” is for, even those which are unarguably good for the commonweal.

    Conservatism is a religion.

  79. Major Kong said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:41

    Conservatism is a religion cult.

    Fixed.

  80. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:43

    Anyway, I heard one of the clowns – Rmoney? – say that “we” made it illegal to teach abstinence in the schools

    *shakes fist* blasted obama!!!

  81. Pupienus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:44

    I want to ask Rmoney a question or two. He does keep going on about the debt being the single biggest problem (aside from Obama) the country faces AND about his experience running a business makes him best qualified to be Preznit. Two lines of questioning come to mind.

    Is the country a business? How do we measure profit and loss? What _is_ profit?

    You said the country should not have a debt, we can’t be borrowing money from china. Now in your business career did your company ever take on debt? Did you buy all those companies with your own money or was there borrowing involved? Do businesses expand without ever borrowing?

  82. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:51

    Aside from being factually worng I wondered once again how one could teach abstinence. I should think one could only demand it, there’s no teaching involved.

    Oh, you can “teach” it, all right. When I was married, my stepdaughter had to go through one of those farces. I remember that one of the assignments was to write a slogan to discourage kids from having sex. The one she came up with was “Sex is a hex.”

    There also was a series of lines girls could use on their boyfriends to deflect pressure. It was brilliant stuff, like “Then it won’t be hard for you to find someone else.” (Amazingly, most of the propaganda seemed to be directed at girls, not boys.)

    She proceeded to lose her virginity the following year, at age 15.

  83. Steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:54

    Good questions, Pup. Here’a a follow-up:

    You claim that a business tycoon has the necessary skills to pull the country out of its economic slump. Can you name any other successful president who came to office from the world of big business?

  84. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:56

    you may also want to ask him why it was okay for st. ronnie to raise the debt ceiling 12 times while he was in office…i’m sure he will have to give more of an answer than, ‘cuz obama’s black’…let’s hope, anyways…

  85. tigris said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:58

    “we” made it illegal to teach abstinence in the schools

    Jesus God, not only is it legal IT’S FUCKING FEDERALLY FUNDED. Talk about your money-wasting big government nanny-state bullshit.

  86. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 19:59

    There also was a series of lines girls could use on their boyfriends to deflect pressure. It was brilliant stuff, like “Then it won’t be hard for you to find someone else.” (Amazingly, most of the propaganda seemed to be directed at girls, not boys.)

    well of course it’s aimed at girls…we’re the sluttysluts who get knocked up and bear the brunt of responsibility…and boys will be boys…amirite?

    also, those ‘lines’ pretty much teach that abstinence is for good girls and the sluts who do give in to pressure are sluts…and deserve to go to hell…

  87. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 20:04

    Jesus God, not only is it legal IT’S FUCKING FEDERALLY FUNDED. Talk about your money-wasting big government nanny-state bullshit.

    this kind of stuff makes me want to tear my hair out or stab somebody in the eyes with a fork…how do these jokers get by with flat out fucking lying and never get called on it by their own party?!?!?!?!?!

  88. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 20:05

    You claim that a business tycoon has the necessary skills to pull the country out of its economic slump

    amurka shouldn’t need a business tycoon to save it…amurka should pull itself up by its bootstraps! why does amurka hate amurka?

  89. smedley said,

    February 23, 2012 at 20:06

    In their continuing effort to help Republicans, Politifact dumbs America down. Again.

  90. smedley said,

    February 23, 2012 at 20:13

    Shorter Politifact:

    Santorum got one of his two datapoints wrong thereby rendering his entire premise wrong, but since he got the other datapoint right, we rate it Half-True.

  91. Disco Ball Battalion said,

    February 23, 2012 at 20:21

    Sadlynauts: Knock knock!

    Ross: Who’s there?

    Sadlynauts: Uterus.

    Ross: Uterus who?

    Sadlynauts: Uterurst writer evah!

    Ross: No, seriously. Uterus who?

  92. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 20:41

    this keeps making me laff…

  93. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 20:58

    Conservatism is a religion cult.

    There’s a difference?

  94. tigris said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:07

    Ross: No, seriously. Uterus who?

    *snerk!*

  95. Interrobang said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:08

    If you look at the actual statistics, Utah is in the lowest grouping of teenage pregnancy rates, but only if you cut the grouping off right where Utah is, because it’s at the exact boundary. Yay, we’re the highest of the lowest! Mediocrity FTW!

    Also, I’m still trying to figure out how monogamy prevents pregnancy, even unwanted pregnancy. Sure, it might prevent “I dunno who the daddy is” pregnancies, but apparently it never crossed Douchehat’s mind that not very many of us want to be in a monogamous relationship and still walk around with our legs crossed all the time, or become the Duggars.

    I’m a bisexual feminist atheist in a complicated long-distance monogamous relationship, and I haven’t had sex in ages. I practically am his “chastity culture,” minus the religious devotion, but I’m still about 1000% pro-choice and pro-birth control. Also about 1000% anti-me-having-kids. I still use the patch because my work doesn’t have a “time of the month” time-off allowance.

    I have a full time job and a disability which means maintaining my body is a part-time job. I don’t have the time or the energy to have kids. I can barely keep my own shit together without having to take care of someone who was completely dependent on me. Those of them who’d say I’d be able to have kids if only I had a husband are either living in some kind of dream world where husbands routinely do 90% of the housework and childcare, or else they’ve never considered what being pregnant with a disability and a couple chronic conditions would be like. Or maybe both.

    Birth control. It’s what’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

  96. Arakasi said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:09

    DAS said,
    It’s the “nanny state”. BTW — is it just me or is “nanny state” a dog whistle?

    They really want to say “mammy state”, but they aren’t quite brave enough to take that step

  97. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:16

    I can barely keep my own shit together without having to take care of someone who was completely dependent on me.

    i became cognizant of this AFTER having two kids…i’m just glad that i didn’t eff them up too much…so far anyways…

  98. M. Bouffant said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:22

    LATE:
    LA is the Capital of Kansas: Painful Lessons in Post-New York Living

  99. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:23

    And why did Rcky and Newtie not have dirty forehaids?

  100. M. Bouffant said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:28

    Since you asked:

    Santorum Attends Church on Ash Wednesday; Gingrich Skips It
    One Catholic candidate will give up desserts for Lent, while the other will forgo Italian food.

    Newt sez: “Not Holy Day of Obligation.”

  101. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:31

    And why did Rcky and Newtie not have dirty forehaids?

    They did. It was hidden by Ash-B-Gone® makeup.

  102. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:40

    I just homotized Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

  103. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:48

    I just homotized Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

    since vs is not here, i’ll go ahead and say it: hawt!

  104. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:55

    I just homotized Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

    Does that mean you now have to find multiple husbands for them?

  105. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 23, 2012 at 21:55

    I just homotized Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

    I say you get Tim Tebow next. The not-being-dead problem can be solved.

  106. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:03

    Neat!

  107. Pupienus Maximus said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:04

    I say you get Tim Tebow next. The not-being-dead problem can be solved.

    We don’t HAVE problems. Only opportunities.

  108. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:12

    Neat!

    lol, blowjob @ 2:16

  109. The Malfunctioning Ross Douchehat Robot said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:12

    ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL! ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL! ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL! ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL! ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL! ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL! ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL! ungh, ungh, unghhhhhh…DAMMIT! It’s because of your BIRTH CONTROL!

  110. Steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:19

    I say you get Tim Tebow next.

    I don’t think St. Timmy is actually a Mormon, just a run-of-the-mill Evangelical, and a mediocre quarterback (at best).

    But with a name like T-Blow, you don’t have too far to travel, is all I’m sayin’

  111. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:22

    I don’t think St. Timmy is actually a Mormon

    You can Mormonize anyone, so…

  112. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:33

    You can Mormonize anyone, so…

    is that anything like simonizing?

  113. Steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 22:36

    is that anything like simonizing?

    Yes. Same lustrous glow, same undercarriage protection, IYKWIM

  114. Steerpike said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:12

    OK, so “undercarriage” is apparently the new secret thread-kill password. Who knew?

  115. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:15

    Free movie DENIED.

    JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) – Current and former aides to Sarah Palin lashed out Wednesday at HBO’s Game Change, describing the upcoming film’s depictions of her on the 2008 campaign trail as “sick” and inaccurate.

    None of the aides said they have yet seen the movie, which debuts March 10, and some said they had asked for an opportunity to screen the film but had been denied.

  116. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:19

    perhaps everybody is just too busy thinking about magic underwear?

  117. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:30

    perhaps everybody is just too busy thinking about magic underwear?

    I’ll be in my bunk.
    .

  118. tsam said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:30

    @bbkf

    There is nothing wrong with our health care system.

  119. Thread Bear said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:31

    I believe all American, women, business owners should get together and issue a statement that they will no longer pay for insurance that provides Viagra, Cialis, prostate exams, testicular cancer treatment or any other men’s health care practices. I see the press release stating something like, “Due to the alarming amount of spermicide that is supported by the funds we spend on these services, we feel morally obligated to stop funding this reprehesible activity.”

  120. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:31

    Yes, California has San Francisco and Hollyweird but it also has Orange County and the Inland Empire.

    And The State Of Jefferson secessionists up North. Also too.

  121. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:33

    “They don’t want to hear anything good,” she said, her voice full of passion. “We all know Palin sells and the dramatization of Palin sells even more. This is sick.”

    isn’t referring to her as ‘palin’ kinda dramatizing her? and sara didn’t ‘dramatize’ anything to gain political points? ever?

    “They mock Gov. Palin, you mock Gov. Palin, as weak and unable to cope and press forward,” she told reporters on the conference call. “And the movie and the trailer … say that. And yet look with your own eyes at what she and her family have endured and inspired over the last few years. Any lesser man would have hanged himself by now. So who’s weak?”

    apparently a frontal lobotomy was one of the requirements of working on the palin campaign…

  122. tsam said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:33

    I believe that Catholics and all those with any other creepy superstitions should be put down like nuisance animals when they try to tell me I’m not allowed to control the size of my family by some other method than not fucking.

  123. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:33

    @bbkf

    There is nothing wrong with our health care system.

    why do you insist on baiting me?!?!?!

  124. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:37

    ewwww…probably NOT the best field trip these kids will have…

  125. tsam said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:38

    why do you insist on baiting me?!?!?!

    Because I have the maturity of a 12 year old. Why?

  126. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:40

    Because I have the maturity of a 12 year old. Why?

    just wondering…feel like helping me junkpunch some insurance a-holes?

  127. Smut Clyde said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:40

    And yet look with your own eyes at what she and her family have endured and inspired over the last few years.

    All that nasty money.

  128. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:41

    And yet look with your own eyes at what she and her family have endured and inspired over the last few years. Any lesser man would have hanged himself by now. So who’s weak?”

    or…who’s really a man, baby?!?!

  129. tsam said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:44

    just wondering…feel like helping me junkpunch some insurance a-holes?

    YES! Of course I will. I’m not in the insurance business, by the way. OK?

  130. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:46

    From bbkf’s link:

    “Things are going very well, but a couple of kids were very distraught by what they saw,” he said.

    “The others were all like “ooh, that’s so gross! Y’wanna go to the mall later?” and “I dare you to poke it with a stick.” and “hey Billy, that guy killed himself because he got AIDS from YER MOM!”

  131. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:46

    YES! Of course I will. I’m not in the insurance business, by the way. OK?

    cool…i’ll text ya the deets…also, aren’t you some sort of engineery, buildey sort of guy?

  132. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:48

    “The others were all like “ooh, that’s so gross! Y’wanna go to the mall later?” and “I dare you to poke it with a stick.” and “hey Billy, that guy killed himself because he got AIDS from YER MOM!”

    omg…quit making me laff so hard!

  133. bbkf said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:49

    “The others were all like “ooh, that’s so gross! Y’wanna go to the mall later?” and “I dare you to poke it with a stick.” and “hey Billy, that guy killed himself because he got AIDS from YER MOM!”

    and it’s even funnier if you imagine it in the minnesotascandahoovian accent…

  134. Thread Bear said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:50

    ewwww…probably NOT the best field trip these kids will have…

    I don’t see the problem, the last bunch of kids that went on a field trip to see a dead body almost got run over by a train, not to mention the leeches.

  135. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:51

    the minnesotascandahoovian accent…

    I was imagining it in the even funnier 8th grade Minnesotascandahoovian accent… Like, honest, like LOL OMG.

  136. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:55

    I don’t see the problem, the last bunch of kids that went on a field trip to see a dead body almost got run over by a train, not to mention the leeches.

    I loved that movie when it came out. Filmed not far South from me between here and Eugene.

  137. tsam said,

    February 23, 2012 at 23:59

    That was a great movie. I still watch it if I stumble across it on TV. Forrest Gump too.

  138. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:00

    Also any Matrix movie and anything with boobs.

  139. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:02

    That was a great movie. I still watch it if I stumble across it on TV. Forrest Gump too.

    ME TOO!

    Also any Matrix movie and anything with boobs.

    but no to the matrix and not so much with the boobs…well, okay, sometimes with the boobs…don’t judge me! i learned how to be a model wife from michelle duggar and her helpful hints!

  140. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:02

    also, aren’t you some sort of engineery, buildey sort of guy

    I run a contract distributor business, so yeah, it’s something like that. I can build stuff. Sometimes I do.

  141. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:04

    well, okay, sometimes with the boobs…don’t judge me!

    This makes me judge you favorably.

    i learned how to be a model wife from michelle duggar and her helpful hints!

    I wonder what Michelle thinks of the contraception controversy…WAIT, NO I DON’T.

  142. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:04

    I was imagining it in the even funnier 8th grade Minnesotascandahoovian accent… Like, honest, like LOL OMG.

    like this?

  143. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:04

    i learned how to be a model wife from michelle duggar and her helpful hints!

    For the record, I do not want to see Michelle Duggar’s boobs.

  144. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:06

    And yet look with your own eyes at what she and her family have endured and inspired over the last few years.

    OW! My eyes rolled so hard I got a headache when I read this.

  145. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:06

    like this?

    Yeah, I knew what that link was going to be before I clicked it. Except with the Minnescandasotakotahoovian thing also too.

  146. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:07

    For the record, I do not want to see Michelle Duggar’s boobs.

    why do you think she wears long skirts?

  147. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:13

    why do you think she wears long skirts?

    The vagina. When it’s treated like a clown car, it tends to grow to the size of a clown car. At least that’s what I’m told. My vagina is high and tight.

  148. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:13

    why do you think she wears long skirts?

    Well played. Well played indeed!

  149. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:15

    The vagina. When it’s treated like a clown car, it tends to grow to the size of a clown car. At least that’s what I’m told. My vagina is high and tight.

    ewww! so gross…

  150. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:18

    Thread Bear said,
    February 23, 2012 at 23:50

    ewwww…probably NOT the best field trip these kids will have…
    I don’t see the problem, the last bunch of kids that went on a field trip to see a dead body almost got run over by a train, not to mention the leeches.

    “Barney…could you NOT poke the body with a stick, please?”

  151. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:20

    Wow. How come I didn’t write that vagina rhyme?

  152. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:22

    Liberals love to cite these numbers as proof that social conservatism is a flop.

    We also like to cite the numbers for amount of tax dollars paid and amount of tax dollars received as proof that fiscal conservatism is a flop.

    We also like to cite the numbers of dead and wounded soldiers and civilians as proof that foreign policy conservatism is a flop.

    Any other kinds of conservatism we can point out as flops?

  153. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:22

    Wow. How come I didn’t write that vagina rhyme?

    don’t do this to me…you know that i will now start trying to catch up on even older sadly threads!!!

    that pome is a thing of beauty…

  154. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:23

    Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:22

    well, thank goodness you’re alive! i was beginning to worry after the abrupt ending of tuesday night’s blahg post…

  155. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:25

    whoa…there are many assumptions to be made about one ‘a.j.’…and journalistic integrity is not one of them…although that line did give me a laff…

    also, since i was a deejay, can i call myself a journalist now? if so, watch out wingnuts!!!

  156. tigris said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:30

    I swear, she’d have to use a kiddie pool as a diaphragm. Bless her heart.

  157. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:44

    “Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.”

    He’s forgetting teh buttsecks!

  158. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:46

    Dr. Zaius sez, “Fuck you, Zira.”

  159. wiley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:52

    We can say that the national debt that was accrued with a war that was supposed to “pay for itself” is on the conservative tab.

  160. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:54

    Bozell examined his own organization’s insurance policy and was “horrified” to learn that MRC’s plan has long provided contraception (and abortion) coverage. Bozell asked his employees to stop using “contraception/abortifacient/abortion services” and promised to eliminate the benefits at once:

    What monstrous employees he must have. Why hasn’t he fired them all?

  161. RWW said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:57

    Where’s the John Edwards movie? Where’s the Fair and Balanced? Where’s the Fairness Doctrine? Who gave these media corporations personhood, free speech rights and unlimited spending ability? Sarah is much too busy writing and selling bestsellers and paying nannies to take care of poor Trig to be able to cope with all these scurrilous liberal attacks!!!1!!!1

  162. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 0:58


    President Obama, you do not speak for women. Stop claiming — you and other Democrats — that when you try to ram abortion-inducing drugs and contraception mandates down the throats of religious charities, schools and health care institutions, you are speaking for women.

    That’s the message of a new letter signed by hundreds of women at womenspeakforthemselves.com. It was organized by George Mason Law professor Helen Alvare and lawyer-turned-stay-at-home mom Kim Daniels.

    Hundreds I tell you! HUNDREDS!

  163. Smut Clyde said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:06

    lawyer-turned-stay-at-home mom Kim Daniels
    Who better to speak on behalf of employed women?
    “Ramming down the throats”, too.

    Bozell asked his employees to stop using “contraception/abortifacient/abortion services”
    YAY FREEDOM.

  164. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:08

    It was organized by George Mason Law professor Helen Alvare and lawyer-turned-stay-at-home mom Kim Daniels.

    That’s funny, the email she uses leads to some kooky political foundation.

  165. tigris said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:11

    A short(and not recently updated) history of requiring contraception coverage. This was never an issue with these idiots until now, and the ONLY thing that changed was removal of copays for preventative stuff. And holy fuck, nobody is shoving anything down anybody’s throat, morons, you still have to go to your damn doctor and ASK FOR A PRESCRIPTION.

  166. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:31

    Chiaroscuro Foundation

    I LOVE Fogo de Chao but jeez, I had no idea they were whingers.

  167. Smut Clyde said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:32

    This was never an issue with these idiots until now, and the ONLY thing that changed was removal of copays for preventative stuff.

    So Bozell never realised that he had the FREEDOM to deprive his employers of one form of health-insurance coverage, until now when the additional option arrived of shifting the cost of that coverage entirely to the insurance provider… and suddenly it is a principled religious stand against government encroachment. And definitely NOT just another purity test.

    If Bozell is robbed of this FREEDOM perhaps he will have to wind down his censorship lobby.

  168. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:36

    And holy fuck, nobody is shoving anything down anybody’s throat, morons,

    If these bitches keep trying to stop contraceptive coverage, this is the contraceptive they’ll be getting.

  169. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:42

    Hooray for 3D!

    PENIS.

  170. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:42

    President Obama, you do not speak for women.

    I suppose the author does, however? Hmmmm, NEGATIVE.

  171. Christopher said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:49

    …it’s in the context of already stable, already committed relationships. Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.

    Okay, seriously, how does even the New York Times let something that stupid be published under their names?

    “monogomy” does not mean “married and looking to have kids”. It is perfectly possible to be in a monogamous relationship and still have an unwanted out of wedlock pregnancy.

    This is one of those things I put in the category of completely wrong, like saying the sky is green. It’s not like the rest of his column, which is wrong if you know the underlying statistics or if you aren’t insane; this is wrong to anybody who speaks English.

    Why the fuck does the New York Times feel the need to publish it?

  172. RWW said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:49

    Karen Finney on The Ed Show last night had an interesting take on how the Theocrats have totally failed to control their womenfolk with religious dogma and the result is 98% of Catholic women at some point use birth control. Now, they want to use ‘freedom of religion’ to get the government to enforce theologically-based bans on contraception against the very women who have rejected the theology in the first place, not to mention everyone else as an extra added bonus. Another reason we need single-payer universal healthcare NOW!

  173. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:50

    Apropos of nothing, I found some moar Louise Burns on teh YouTubes.

  174. Smut Clyde said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:52

    Among its other creepy goals, the Chiaroscuro Foundation believes that government should step away from any social-welfare role because this role is “depriving the donor of the virtuous act of voluntarily helping the poor”.
    Government intervention to reduce poverty is a Bad Thing — poor people are *needed* for the not-poor to benefit from them by providing charity.

    When I name my religious lobby group after an artistic technique, it will be the Sgraffito Foundation, so I can write “FECK YOU” on the Chiaroscuro Foundation’s walls.

  175. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 1:57

    Who knew about this shit?

  176. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:10

    Oh I needs a moderne browser to have dynamicallish views does I?

    ESAD blooger.

    [...]

    Blooger LIES! I can see it jes fine. Thou why I would want to see that shit in the first place I have no idea.

  177. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:11

    Bozell asked his employees to stop using “contraception/abortifacient/abortion services” and promised to eliminate the benefits at once:

    Imagine the howls of wingnut outrage if a liberal vegan employer promised to eliminate Lipitor coverage in her health insurance plan.

    Karen Finney on The Ed Show last night had an interesting take on how the Theocrats have totally failed to control their womenfolk with religious dogma and the result is 98% of Catholic women at some point use birth control. Now, they want to use ‘freedom of religion’ to get the government to enforce theologically-based bans on contraception against the very women who have rejected the theology in the first place, not to mention everyone else as an extra added bonus.

    Yet, they would claim to oppose the imposition of sharia law!

    Another reason we need single-payer universal healthcare NOW!

    Yeah, this would be the answer- could you imagine the shitstorm if single-payer is instituted as a response to this nontroversy?

  178. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:11

    You know, I can’t help but think we’re responding to this whole thing teh wrong way. I mean, teh right painting themselves with teh anti-birth control brush is pretty LOLFOOTBULLET. You know, if they want to marginalize themselves even worseness than they OMG no taxes for teh überrich – that’s SOCIALISM – why not let them?

    OTOH, there’s is ALWAYS teh fear that teh Dems will cave. ALWAYS. Fucking cowardly surrender monkeys. I mean, yeah – the past few months have been pretty low in giving-in-ness, but that just means we’re overdue for Capitulation-A-Palooza. So it’s a pretty big risk – one that as a d00d and non-American I am pretty safely removed from.

    Anywho, just something I was thinking. That maybe instead we should be pushing folks like Ross to moar vehemently and prominently condemn t3h EVILS OF CONDOMS or wev.

  179. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:13

    Also too, yayys for Gay Marry-Land.

  180. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:13

    It fucks up my div tag adventures.

  181. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:18

    It fucks up my div tag adventures.

    And I see I can’t figure out how to link them in that view.

  182. tigris said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:20

    government should step away from any social-welfare role because this role is “depriving the donor of the virtuous act of voluntarily helping the poor”.

    Because charity is a zero sum game, the more charitable the government is the less is left for people who want to be charitable, forcing them instead to demand tax breaks for private jets.

  183. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:21

    You know, I can’t help but think we’re responding to this whole thing teh wrong way. I mean, teh right painting themselves with teh anti-birth control brush is pretty LOLFOOTBULLET

    At this point, they’re painting themselves with the anti-SEX brush, which is even more mind-bogglingly stupid.

    Hell, protected sex is one of the few entertainment options which the average person can still afford!

  184. Turbine Yukon Palin said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:24

    Liberals love to cite these numbers as proof that social conservatism is a flop.

    So . . . what numbers would, er, convince you, Ross? Other than, er, the actual, real numbers?

  185. Smut Clyde said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:29

    Hell, protected sex is one of the few entertainment options which the average person can still afford!

    Home fucking is KILLING PROSTITUTION.

  186. tigris said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:30

    When I name my religious lobby group after an artistic technique, it will be the Sgraffito Foundation, so I can write “FECK YOU” on the Chiaroscuro Foundation’s walls.

    The members of the Frottage Instutitue will rub you all out.

  187. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:31

    Home fucking is KILLING PROSTITUTION.

    Nah, there are plenty of GOP types who need to resort to the services of professionals.

  188. Smut Clyde said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:32

    With Chiaroscuro Foundation promoting Catholicism, the Sfumato Foundation would be the Rastafarian equivalent.

  189. Smut Clyde said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:42

    The Chiaroscuro Foundation have an interesting and creative exegesis of the Constitution in which the 1st Amendment is there to actively promote religious pluralism (rather than merely *tolerate* it), by which they mean “promote Catholicism”.
    They proceed to explain how this works in practice — i.e. the US government should not get involved in fields which religions have used in the past to entrench themselves (e.g. charity, education, fucking children).

    Imperialism is apparently OK, as a way by which this non-competition Concordat with churches can be “promoted world-wide”.

  190. RWW said,

    February 24, 2012 at 2:50

    Shhhh, if we overtly encourage the conservatards to keep driving the car toward the cliff, they’ll turn around and do the opposite. I say keep telling them how wrong they are and how they REALLY need to step on that break pedal now.

  191. Nils said,

    February 24, 2012 at 3:00

    Just in time for Lent:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zq3JHdQxnY&feature=player_embedded

  192. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 3:00

    Ah yes. Thanx RWW. I forgotted that teh primary motivator for conservatives is to do things which they think will piss off liberals. An excellent poin.

  193. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 3:01

    F.Y. Autocorrect. PoinT is too a real word.

  194. vacuumslayer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:05

    Home fucking is KILLING PROSTITUTION.

    I thought pirated sex was doing that. And by pirated sex I don’t mean sex where you wear an eyepatch and scream “AAARRRRRH, MATEY!” at the height of ecstasy.

    Something something something plank.

  195. tigris said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:10

    The safety phrase is “OH GOD NOT THE HOOK.”

  196. vacuumslayer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:14

    “that was hot. Sorry about your eye.”

  197. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:28

    So . . . what numbers would, er, convince you, Ross?

    I shall forego the SA2SQ response but merely refer you to the comments above.

    CTL-F cult

  198. tigris said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:33

    “that was hot. Sorry about your eye.”

    Eye patch: not just for cosplay. Anymore.

  199. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:34

    vs has made me think of PEGleg Pete. BAN HER!

  200. wiley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:49

    http://www.c-span.org/Events/Democrats-Hold-Hearing-on-Contraceptives-Womens-Health/10737428508/

    It runs just six minutes over an hour, but if anyone has time to hear the democratic hearing on women’s health, I highly recommend it. Near the end Ms. Pelosi looked like she wanted to cry with frustration. Not only would the Republicans not let a woman on their panel in their hearing, they would not let the Democrats use Congressional resources to record the hearing. It is only available to the public because CSPAN showed up.

    It’s put a chill in my bones that is hard to shake. These men who have a problem with women having choices NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. Equal protection under the law does not mean that women can be treated as if they don’t get pregnant and as if their personal sovereignty were secondary to anyone’s religious beliefs. Men do not have the right to limit our choices because they can’t get a boner without the certainty that a woman is required by federal law to submit to the judgments of random men.

    Please vote in every election including the midterms. This madness is brought to us by a House dominated by the wing-nuttiest Republicans from the wingnuttiest districts of the U.S.

  201. wiley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 4:52

    Fenwick, Mr. wit says he hasn’t gotten around to your post yet, but he’ll get there. He appears to be very busy.

  202. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 5:31

    OT – Teh shortlist for this year’s oddest book title is pretty awesome.

  203. jim said,

    February 24, 2012 at 5:59

    Okay, seriously, how does even the New York Times let something that stupid be published under their names?

    I was going to theorize that Teh Grey Lady got hooked on crack circa 2000 … but then I remember reading about how (for instance) they gave Poppy Bush a mulligan on blasting the living shit out of Panama City in 1990, or how they’ve always had a taste for corporate taint … so unfortunately such gutter-wallowing/dipshit-coddling isn’t quite as shocking as it may seem at first blush dry-heave.

    Home fucking is KILLING PROSTITUTION.

    Most. Leeched. Torrent. EVAR.

    Not only would the Republicans not let a woman on their panel in their hearing, they would not let the Democrats use Congressional resources to record the hearing.

    CYA Fail. Also, this is what assholes who know damn well they’re being assholes look like.Needless to say, CSPAN is viciously libelling the good name of the GOP by broadcasting all the ugly details of their Griefers’ Orgy.

    “Your neck is scuffing my jackboot! STOP OPPRESSING ME, LIBERAL FASCIST!”

  204. 'natch said,

    February 24, 2012 at 6:15

    Hell, protected sex is one of the few entertainment options which the average person can still afford!

    True enough. Plus I get a pretty good discount on wetsuits so I’ve got that going for me.

  205. jim said,

    February 24, 2012 at 6:52

    I get a pretty good discount on wetsuits so I’ve got that going for me.

    </teapartycaucusinteriormonologue>

  206. jim said,

    February 24, 2012 at 7:12

    bump!

    picnotrelated.jpg

  207. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 8:03

    I would just like to say that “an alliance to try to squeeze santorum out” may be the filthiest phrase ever spoken on television…

  208. wiley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 8:38

    Yep. That’s a graphic one.

  209. Major Kong said,

    February 24, 2012 at 8:45

    Could santorum be held in with a cork or something?

  210. wiley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 8:53

    If ya’ ask me, it needs to be sequestered in a bio-hazard container.

    Or laughed off the stage. The crazies are starting to get to me. It may always be darkest before the dawn, but the crazy keeps going until it’s smacked between the eyes with a 2X4.

  211. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 24, 2012 at 9:11

    the tale of a Japanese fellow who trained Yorkshiremen in the art of chicken sexing,

    Those Yorkshiremen will sex about anything, won’t they?

  212. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 24, 2012 at 9:13

    but the crazy keeps going until it’s smacked between the eyes with a 2X4.

    Or until the primary is over and they realize they need to try to win a few votes from normal human beings.

  213. wiley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 9:17

    Somebody’s got to do it. I did it with mice once. I helped a woman who was researching a drug to keep skin grafts from rejecting in the early eighties, by taking care of the mices and the ratsses and helping her wean a litter. There were patchwork mice with blocks of orange fur on black and vice-verse for the experiments. When sorting the males from the females, it’s better to err on the side of accidentally throwing a female in with the males than throwing a male in with the females. There was so much truth in that little exercise that it was profound.

  214. Major Kong said,

    February 24, 2012 at 10:03

    Just take the critter to a restaurant and see which bathroom it goes into.

  215. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 14:01

    Just take the critter to a restaurant and see which bathroom it goes into.

    It’s for one day old chickens. They’re still in diapers.

  216. smedley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 15:14

    “Just take the critter to a restaurant and see which bathroom it goes into.”

    I lost track. Chickens or mice? Cuz, chicken in restaurant = good; mice in restaurant = bad.

  217. kg said,

    February 24, 2012 at 16:07

    Could santorum be held in with a cork or something?

    That’s what antique brass buttplugs are for (I’m told).

  218. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 16:35

    For Major Kong,

    PENIS.

  219. smedley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 16:37

    Obligatory mouse in restaurant:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcJSvHyQG2k

  220. actor212 said,

    February 24, 2012 at 16:48

    Okay, seriously, how does even the New York Times let something that stupid be published under their names?

    Since 1967, The New York Times Company has been publicly traded and listed on the New York Stock Exchange by the symbol NYT.

  221. actor212 said,

    February 24, 2012 at 16:50

    Obligatory mouse in restaurant

    I see your Fawlty Towers and raise you rats in a KFC

  222. Snark Judge Number 26 said,

    February 24, 2012 at 17:06

    FOUL! KFC is not a restaurant.

  223. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 17:23

    Just take the critter to a restaurant and see which bathroom it goes into.

    It’s for one day old chickens. They’re still in diapers.

    Chicks use the girls bathroom. Duh.

  224. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 17:32

    What if they use the family room?

  225. actor212 said,

    February 24, 2012 at 17:51

    What if they use the family room?

    Then they’re named Pat, silly.

  226. Dragon-King Wangchuck, journalist said,

    February 24, 2012 at 18:08

    Teh intarnet is a strange and wonderful place. I really had no idea when I came up with “chicken diapers”, but lo and behold.

  227. THE Pope, yeah, that One said,

    February 24, 2012 at 18:20

    Silly libtards. I decide which restroom chicks use. Chicks are too stupid. They should use the ladies’ room. Send the little boys to my “special” facility.

  228. El Manquécito said,

    February 24, 2012 at 18:52

    Chicken diapers are a fitting subject for SN! because, as anyone that has kept chickens knows, they’re all about the POOP.

  229. Jennifer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 18:55

    Pupenius – I see you referenced Pegleg Pete upthread.

    Is it possible that I told the story of our suburban made-up boogeyman here in comments at some point back in the misty mists of time and you remembered it? Or is it another Pegleg Pete, one that up until now I’ve not been aware existed? Inquiring minds want to know.

  230. actor212 said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:03

    Jennifer, PegLeg Pete was a Disney character way back when Disney cartoons were actually funny.

  231. Jennifer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:04

    No shit? I did not know this. Apparently the older kids in the neighborhood were punking all us little kids! BASTARDS!!!!

  232. Jennifer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:12

    Ok, OUR version of Pegleg Pete was like a zombie-monster. It was a very detailed story, where at first Pegleg Pete is hiding out in a church belfry, and there are suspicions that something’s up there because they keep finding apple cores and squirrel skeletons on the roof (where Pete has thrown them after devouring them). Finally one day while the preacher is delivering his sermon, several drops of water fall onto his head because Pete is up in the belfry washing his hands and spilled some water.

    So Pegleg gets evicted from the belfry; how I do not know, because this is in the late 1960s and the Exorcist and The Omen haven’t come out yet. I think he slunk away in dead of night, knowing they were coming for him. Anyhoo, he runs off into the forest and finally comes upon this house out in the middle of nowhere; no one is home so he goes in, eats the cat, and hides under the bed. The homeowners come home later and as they’re getting ready to go to bed, the wife tells the husband that she hears the cat under the bed, so grab it and put it outside. The husband reaches under the bed for the cat, and Pegleg Pete grabs him and eats him. And that’s the end of the story.

    But it had its intended effect: all the little kids in the neighborhood were scared to crawl out of bed in the normal fashion, because Pegleg Pete might grab them and eat them. I know I spend several years of early childhood jumping from the bed as far across the room as I could get so I’d be out of Pete’s reach.

  233. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:15

    Belfry, huh?

  234. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:18

    Yah. vs brought up pirate sex. pirate sex makes me think of PEGleg Pete.

  235. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:21

    Shiver me timbers.
    Walk teh plank.
    Over teh yardarm.
    Stand and deliver.

  236. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:22

    Hoisting teh Jolly Roger

  237. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:23

    Pillaging booty

  238. Jennifer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:32

    I guess given that the rest of the story was completely made up by the kids in the neighborhood, the fact that they borrowed the monster’s name from a Disney cartoon isn’t that big of a deal. I forgot one part of it…part of the way they knew something was in the belfry is they would hear Pete’s pegleg thumping around up there. Which is about the only reason to have named him “Pegleg Pete” in the first place, because other than that detail, the pegleg is completely superfluous to the story. I mean, the dude would have eaten you even if he still had BOTH his legs, so, go figure. Kid’s logic.

  239. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:33

    Scuse mah pegleg!

  240. Thread Bear said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:35

    Not now son, There’s pirating to be done!

  241. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:38

    Related? A chiropractor named Lamer

  242. smedley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:48

    Growing up in Little Rock, I had an opthalmologist named Cross.

  243. Major Kong said,

    February 24, 2012 at 19:57

    But it had its intended effect: all the little kids in the neighborhood were scared to crawl out of bed in the normal fashion, because Pegleg Pete might grab them and eat them.

    Relevant:

    http://i41.tinypic.com/w39ef.gif

  244. jim said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:05

    “an alliance to try to squeeze santorum out” may be the filthiest phrase ever spoken on television

    For me, pretty much the only thing that could possibly top the ROMNEY’S SUPER-PAC POO-GUN ad would be if Willard’s posse were to respond with an ad of their own where they use CGI to morph’s Santorum’s face into a top-quality HDTV rendition of Goatse.cx, complete with ghostly levitating action-fingers.

    Who could ever have guessed that traditional family values = being a sick fuck?
    THE MOAR U KNOW!

  245. kg said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:28

    Pahrdon my peg!

  246. Thread Bear said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:29

    On the subject of sexing things… Does anybody here know a reliable way of sexing corporations? Corporations are people, right? So I’m thinking if I can find a gullible female corporation that I could talk into marrying me without a pre-nup I should be set for life.

  247. tsam said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:30

    Who could ever have guessed that traditional family values = being a sick fuck?
    THE MOAR U KNOW!

    …the MOAR U BLOW! w99t \m/>_<\m/

    QED.

  248. g said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:33

    then over the White House’s attempt to require that religious employers cover contraception and potential abortifacients

    Jeez, way to totally ass-backwardly characterize the issue. The White House’s
    “attempt” was to get all EMPLOYERS to provide women equal prescription drug coverage, while excluding religious organizations. The right’s fuss was because not ENOUGH organizations were going to be excluded.

  249. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:38

    I want to hear the Protestants screaming RELIGIOUS INTOLERANCE. At the kiddy diddler church. I want to see a HOLY FUCKING WAR!

  250. g said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:38

    . Monogamy, not chemicals or latex, is the main line of defense against unwanted pregnancies.

    Is that so? Let’s ask that couple over there, you know the ones who’ve been happily married for 25 years. Did monogamy make it so you could manage to have only the two kids you wanted, exactly three years apart?

  251. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:55

    Or laughed off the stage. The crazies are starting to get to me. It may always be darkest before the dawn, but the crazy keeps going until it’s smacked between the eyes with a 2X4

  252. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 20:58

    Or laughed off the stage. The crazies are starting to get to me. It may always be darkest before the dawn, but the crazy keeps going until it’s smacked between the eyes with a 2X4

    okay, i had a big long comment about how the wingnuts are always blathering about obama being hitler and we are going to BE JUST LIKE nazi germany, but i fear that actually the wingnuts are going to hitler us themselves, but FYWP ate it…sigh…

  253. smedley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:00

    “On the subject of sexing things… Does anybody here know a reliable way of sexing corporations? Corporations are people, right? So I’m thinking if I can find a gullible female corporation that I could talk into marrying me without a pre-nup I should be set for life.”

    Can’t help you much, but I would avoid “S.T.D. Contractors, Ltd.”

  254. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:04

    Can’t help you much, but I would avoid “S.T.D. Contractors, Ltd.”

    according the promotions on their van, ‘stiff nipples air conditioning’ did some pretty nice work…or, since i saw this in london, i suppose it would be their lorry? no, it was definitely a van…

  255. Anthony Weiner said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:05

    The advantage of sexting chickens is that, when you send them nekkid pictures of yourself, they’re less likely to forward them to reporters…

  256. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:08

    There is a good chance this corporation is a male.

  257. Thread Bear said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:25

    I figure getting divorced from a corporation should be a cinch. All I have to do is show in court that, while married to me, the corporation was still screwing millions of other people.

  258. vacuumslayer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:40

    Hey, it’s RMF–you can join in me DJing here!

  259. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:45

    Curiously, this one is not.

  260. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:46

    Hey, it’s RMF–you can join in me DJing here!

    As I recall, no I can’t. Cunt.

  261. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:51

    Hey, it’s RMF–you can join in me DJing here!

    That’s just mean, you know only twitfaces are allowed. I haz a sad.

  262. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:54

    From Pup’s link:

    Do you offer any discounts?

    We already offer the cheapest rates in town –$45 hookup fee and $3 a mile. But I’m thinking of running a promotion for ladies where I give them a ten percent discount if they show me their camel toe. But be careful ladies. If you’ve got a moose-knuckle, I charge a 25 percent surcharge.

    Moose-knuckle?

    That’s a fat girl with a camel toe. No one wants to see that!

    What a charming fellow.

  263. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:58

    What a charming fellow.

    i fear that the need for me to have to junkpunch certain d00ds…and after reading vs’ blog entry today…certain slutty sluts (NOT vs…christine keeler) will be never ending…

  264. vacuumslayer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 21:58

    Ouch, Pup. I can’t help it if turntable is ASS.

    That’s just mean, you know only twitfaces are allowed. I haz a sad.

    I’m still agog it is not available to the non-twitted and FBed. And not in agogged in the good way.

    I SAID “AGOGGED!”

  265. vacuumslayer said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:00

    That’s a fat girl with a camel toe. No one wants to see that!

    Wow! No fat chicking and camel toe-appreciation? Ladies–I bet he’s single!

  266. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:05

    I SAID “AGOGGED!”

    You mean like with a ball-agogg?

  267. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:06

    The whole of the video Thursday Afternoon. A friend of mine had this, but you were supposed to turn the TV on its side to watch it and his went all purple when you did that.

  268. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:32

    iTunes says I have now listened to my 60 minute Thursday Afternoon twenty-five times.

    What follows:

    The Whistling Song |||||||||| Meat Puppets
    Yodel 2 |||||||||||| Penguin Cafe Orcestra
    If You Call | Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings
    Pearly-dewdrop's Drops ||||| Cocteau Twins
    You Girls Smoke Cigarettes? ||||||| No Joy
    Rudie Can't Fail ||||||||||||||| The Clash
    Body Bag ||||||||||||||||||||||| Nomeansno
    Pretty Baby |||||||| The Hoosier Hot Shots
    Incubation |||||||||||||||||| Joy Division
    Not of This Earth |||||||||||||||||| Prong
    You Mean Everything ||||||| Drivin N Cryin
    Suffocation |||||||||||||| Crystal Castles
    Freddie Freeloader ||||||||||| Miles Davis
    Night Prowler |||||||||||||||||||||| AC/DC
    Red ||||||||||||||||||||||||| King Crimson
    Angel Flight ||||||||||||||||| Suzi Quatro
    Aikea-Guinea ||||||||||||||| Cocteau Twins
    Auto Mechanic ||||||||| The Building Press
    Life Is White ||||||||||||||||||| Big Star
    Le Freak |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Chic

  269. Smut Clyde said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:37

    Business Is a “Snatch” for Towing Company With Quirky Name

    I have previously mentioned my business plan for a tow-truck company with the name “Topless Towers of Ilium”, but that will not stop me from mentioning it again.

  270. Thread Bear said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:45

    I ca see I’m outclassed here, I was gonna go with Fawlty Towers.

  271. N__B said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:45

    My father and I have plans for a demolition company called Edifice Wrecks.

  272. Thread Bear said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:48

    Ivory Towers
    Towers of Virtue
    Missile Towers

  273. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:49

    Lovely Professional University.

  274. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:50

    The Ho took the day off and is subjecting me to his favorite DirectTV music channel. Right now I’m hearing The Flirts’ Jukebox. We had Wang Chung and The Call during lunch. I shall go do KY grocery shopping before Men Without Hats comes on. I hope.

  275. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:51

    HAH! Thank you autocorrect – “my” grocery shopping but thanks for reminding me to add lube to the list.

  276. Thread Bear said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:54

    I shall go do KY grocery shopping before Men Without Hats comes on. I hope.

    Literal Safety Dance

  277. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:56

    Towers de Force

  278. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 22:58

    OTOH they just played Tainted Love, Soft Cell’s long mix, so things could be worse.

  279. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:00

    Why Can’t I Be You! Caint hate on The Cure.

  280. Thread Bear said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:03

    The Brady Bunch

  281. bbkf said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:14

    i am proud of this piece of logic* my brain has regurgitated today:

    unless you no longer have a pulse, you likely know that women’s reproductive rights have been in the news lately because obamamussolini mchitlerpants is trying to force everyone to take birth control and get abortions even though the pope frowns on such things…sane people would see this as the state allowing families (and moreso, women) freedom in planning and raising their families…but of course there is a rather strong reaction from the religious right who want the government to give certain employers the right to opt out of this requirement…which would be the equivalent of the state interfering with a woman’s (or a family’s) rights to plan and raise their family…

    *yes, i am blahgwhoring…

  282. AGOGGED! said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:19

    My grocery shopping always has KY at the top of the list.

    Or the bottom of the list.

    Or somewhere in between.

  283. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:43

    I’m in a bit of a mood, so I think I’ll listen to this entire Floater playlist.

  284. Pupienus said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:44

    I’m actually partial to Boy Butter.

  285. wiley said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:51

    I see that you guys have moved on to other topics, but I, quite frankly, have yet to get over the chicken diapers. Who diapers their fucking chickens, for crying out loud?! Why?

  286. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 24, 2012 at 23:57

    Funny, I just tried to skip to the next song in that playlist on the ute oob, and got this:

    500 Internal Server Error

    Sorry, something went wrong.

    A team of highly trained monkeys has been dispatched to deal with this situation.
    If you see them, show them this information:

    (followed by a block of encoded stuff).

    I can’t remember the last time I saw a 500 error on the ute oob. I like the trained monkeys bit.

  287. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:00

    Why?

    Which is sillier, the diapers on the chickens or the diapers on the Republican senators?

  288. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:04

    Which is sillier, the diapers on the chickens or the diapers on the Republican senators?

    ‘silly’ is not the adjective that comes to mind…

    also, while perusing the wonkette story about vitter and his diaper fetish, an ad featuring an egg flashed on the screen…who weird is that?

  289. The Trained Monkeys said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:06

    That’s it. Just make fun of us. See what happens next time you get a 500 error.

  290. wiley said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:09

    Well, I think they’re both perverse. But the chicken is, at least, not married to a woman with which he’s had children. I guess it’s a natural progression for the kind of man who gets pissy during the holidays and children’s birthdays because attention is being paid to someone other than him.

    Yet, the chicken would not in a billion years think, “I feel sexy in a diaper.”

  291. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:14

    Did you guys see this?There is no such thing as Peak Wingnut. It’s NOT. A. THING. They are all FREAKS and they just keep getting freakier and freakier.

  292. Chicken In A Diaper said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:14

    Yet, the chicken would not in a billion years think, “I feel sexy in a diaper.”

    Don’t judge me!

  293. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:14

    soucheray opining on assholish behavior

    ‘how have these kids, who have had this garbage about ‘diversity’ and ‘fairness’ and ‘inclusiveness’ thrown at them constantly decided they can behave like this?!?!? because all that euphorian brainwashing ISN’T WORKING!!!

    yes, teaching kids to be nice to each other is bad…it has nothing to do with asshats such as yourself undermining and mocking that teaching…

  294. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:15

    You mean like with a ball-agogg?

    Oh no. I gotta keep the cakehole free, so I can be a mouthy, big-shouldered broad.

  295. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:16

    If You Call | Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

    What do you think of this song?

    Big Star, I think, was in the liberry of every dude I ever dated or crushed on. It’s some weird THING.

  296. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:17

    Chicken In A Diaper said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:14 (kill)

    Yet, the chicken would not in a billion years think, “I feel sexy in a diaper.”

    Don’t judge me!

    There’s nothing about this post I don’t like.

  297. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:19

    Sergio Mendes – Scarborough Fair
    Astrud Gilberto – The shadow of your smile
    Antonio Carlos Jobim & ELis Regina – modinha
    Filo – Por Amor – Various
    Joyce – London Samba
    Fogueira Tres – Fotografia
    Antonio Carlos Jobim – Tema Para Ana
    Nelson Riddle ft Orchestra – Lamento
    Maria Augusta – How Deep Is Your Love (Bossa Version)
    Stan Getz & João Gilberto – Here’s That Rainy Day

  298. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:19

    obamamussolini mchitlerpants

    This made me titter appreciatively.

  299. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:20

    This made me titter appreciatively.

    i attribute the term to cerbs…but i use it frequently cuz it is teh awesomest…

  300. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:21

    Did you guys see this?

    Maybe he “accidentally” searched for “girl scout” on redtube and his wife caught him.

    “Uh, no dear, see I was doing research, honest. Look at this piece of, uh, research I’ve been, uh, carefully examining — the girl scouts are promoting sex! Some of them even appear to be lesbians! And their uniforms are scandalous!”

  301. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:22

    Just something about Fridays makes me go all bossa nova.

  302. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:22

    soucheray now says that the afghans who are protesting the burning of the koran are idiots, are over reacting and and are incapable of self reflection…and really, the burned korans (which he refers to as ‘books’) were replaced…what’s the big deal?

    i think we all know the wingnut reaction to an inverse situation…

  303. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:23

    “Uh, no dear, see I was doing research, honest. Look at this piece of, uh, research I’ve been, uh, carefully examining — the girl scouts are promoting sex! Some of them even appear to be lesbians! And their uniforms are scandalous!”

    and some of them have weiners!!!

  304. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:24

    “Uh, no dear, see I was doing research, honest. Look at this piece of, uh, research I’ve been, uh, carefully examining — the girl scouts are promoting sex! Some of them even appear to be lesbians! And their uniforms are scandalous!”

    L–as the kids say–OL.

    “I better watch it again to make sure I have all the info I need.”

  305. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:25

    soucheray now says that the afghans who are protesting the burning of the koran are idiots, are over reacting and and are incapable of self reflection…and really, the burned korans (which he refers to as ‘books’) were replaced…what’s the big deal?

    Guh?

  306. Peak Wingnut said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:26

    There are rumors of a progressive cell within the NRA.

  307. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:27

    Be right back…I just got the Assless Chaps sky-signal , which means I have to go another snark blog and make a joke about them…

  308. Peaker Wingnut said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:28

    progressive cell

    This sounds sciencey to me! Are you some commie?

  309. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:28

    Guh?

    yes, assholey wingnuttery reigns supreme today!

  310. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:30

    There are rumors of a progressive cell within the NRA.

    ha…i read that ast nro and i was like, wha? there is nothing that will ever appreciably progress at america’s shittiest website…and if any cells are are progressing over there, it’s in a desperate attempt to flee their host bodies…

  311. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:34

    Chicken In A Diaper

    Chicken in a diaper, I know, I know it’s serious.

  312. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:38

    Be right back…I just got the Assless Chaps sky-signal

    Is there anything on under the chaps? AFAF.

  313. Smut Clyde said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:38

    Budgie nappies.

  314. Thread Bear said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:39

    i think we all know the wingnut reaction to an inverse situation…

    If you burn one little American flag they will immediately start calling for airstrikes!

  315. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:40

    caller just commented that the reason pundits continue to defend islam as a religion of peace is because they will be killed by al quaida for doing so, and since 911 we are not ‘allowed’ to make disparaging remarks about teh mooslims…

    obama is now taking a beating for talking about making energy out of algae…because ‘we need that oil that’s in the ground so we can figure out how to make algae into energy!’

    ooooh…the term ‘draconian mandate’ has just been used…i may have to shoot the radio…

  316. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:40

    Is there anything on under the chaps? AFAF.

    Ya know, maybe it’s sexist of me, but when I think of assless chaps I always think of dudes…wearing them. Anyway, I had to go make a joke about some dumbfuck homophobe…so there ya go.

  317. Assless Chaps said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:40

    The only sky signal you saw was a moon.

  318. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:43

    Assless Chaps said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:40 (kill)

    The only sky signal you saw was a moon.

    I chuckled audibly.

  319. Thread Bear said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:44

    but when I think of assless chaps I always think of dudes

    I thought assless chaps were English dudes with no ass.

  320. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:46

    Why Can’t I Be You! Caint hate on The Cure.

    The best Cure song was the one on which Robert Smith’s mailman sang lead vocals.

  321. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:48

    Ya know, maybe it’s sexist of me, but when I think of assless chaps I always think of dudes…wearing them.

    You mean you don’t have a Harley Barbie!?

    You should get one for Lord Chubbington.

  322. Assless chap said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:48

    I say, Cedric, someone has purloined my donkey.

  323. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:49

    i may have to shoot the radio…

    Just be sure to put it on YouTube.

  324. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:49

    Chicken in a diaper, I know, I know it’s serious.

    Chicken In A Diaper told me to tell you that link doesn’t work.

  325. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:50

    obama is now taking a beating for talking about making energy out of algae…because ‘we need that oil that’s in the ground so we can figure out how to make algae into energy!’

    I’ve been an algae biofuels nerd 4eva, though duckweed may be even better fuel source due to tolerance of low light levels. I think I would have cold-cocked that caller with a brick for dissing the pond scum, which has more worth than he.

  326. wiley said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:52

    That guy freaking out about the Girl Scouts has done much worse. Remember the hub-bub about women having to undergo the ultrasound before getting an abortion in Virginia (I think it was)? That’s already written into law in Texas and Indiana and possibly other states. The war is on full throttle.

    http://www.angryblacklady.com/2012/02/24/uterus-smash-by-thundarkitteh/#more-69049

    IMO these guys aren’t funny anymore. They’re winning.

  327. Major Kong said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:52

    You mean you don’t have a Harley Barbie!?

    Alex, I’ll take “Signs of the Apocalypse” for $500.

  328. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:53

    I have never seen assed (assful?) chaps. just sayin.

  329. M. Bouffant said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:54

    Harley Barbie w/ her motor running, headed out on the highway.

  330. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:54

    Chicken In A Diaper told me to tell you that link doesn’t work.

    Bastard being dumbassed, I know I know it’s serious!

    Although I have to confess, I prefer Mojo Nixon’s version.

  331. Thread Bear said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:55

    I just love these “we’ve got to make ourselves less reliant on foriegn oil by making ourselves more reliant on oil” idiots!!! Also, if they think there was a financial crisis when the housing bubble burst, wait till they see what happens when the oil runs out.

  332. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:56

    Fuck soucheray with a chicken in a diaper.

  333. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 0:56

    IMO these guys aren’t funny anymore. They’re winning.

    i KNOW! hence my earlier they are going to hitlerize us remark..

  334. Major Kong said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:01

    since 911 we are not ‘allowed’ to make disparaging remarks about teh mooslims

    I guess Pam Geller never got the memo.

  335. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:01

    I know I know it’s serious!

    That song is amusingly awful.

  336. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:03

    Fuck soucheray with a chicken in a diaper.

    i feel increasingly more so every day…i used to enjoy listening because there was usually some good humor…also, again, i worked at the radio station and had to monitor it 24/7 (and they wonder why i left) so, had to listen to it…there is rarely any humor and it’s all about how the right is right and the left are a bunch of liberal, clueless morans…

  337. M. Bouffant said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:03

    i may have to shoot the radio…

    Just be sure to put it on YouTube.

    Here’s a radio (& some other junk) getting shot.

  338. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:03

    I guess Pam Geller never got the memo.

    winz…

  339. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:04

    hey major…have you been to the brazilian carnival place in sioux falls? i’ve heard good things about it…hubbkf and i are heading there on thursday to see his neurologist again…i would like to try it out…

  340. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:07

    Who knew about this shit?

    Mosaic (and other) view(s)? I did.
    .

  341. Homer Jay Simpson said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:10

    I thought assless chaps were English dudes with no ass.

    I actually laughed out loud. If you make me laugh at another of your dumb jokes…

  342. Smut Clyde said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:18

    You mean you don’t have a Harley Barbie!?
    Alex, I’ll take “Signs of the Apocalypse” for $500.

    “GG Allin cover bands”. Also too.

  343. Oort Cloud said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:32

    “GG Allin cover bands”. Also too.

    Is there such a thing? (shudders)

  344. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:35

    First they came for the gargantuan spitting cobras, and I did not speak out because I was not a gargantuan spitting cobra;
    Then they came for the sea lions, and I did not speak out because I was not a sea lion;
    Then they came for the phantom shield-maidens, and I did not speak out because I was not a phantom shield-maiden;
    Then they came for the vapor rats, and I did not speak out because I was not a vapor rat;
    Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.

  345. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:46

    bbkf, I used to like to listen when he would talk sports with Reusse (sp?) from the strib (who always sounds like he’s half in the bag), but I can imagine he has gone full metal wingnut now.

  346. vapor rat said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:46

    This is why me must hide in restaurants. It doesn’t seem to be working out too well, but what the hell— we’re rats, right? Give us a cushy cage and a maze and we’re fine. Left to our own devices we tend to get exterminated. Why do they hate us? We eat, we poop, we breed. We’re just like humans. Is it the fur? The gnawing? What?!

  347. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:53

    Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to spend all afternoon listening to stuff like this when I was already pissed off.

    And pretty soon I have to go to a meeting. Who the fuck schedules a meeting for 4:30 on Friday? Gawdamfuckingfuckers. Grr.

  348. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    February 25, 2012 at 1:58

    I thought Harley Barbie was that fat dood that was governor of Mississippi, or something.
    .

  349. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    February 25, 2012 at 2:08

    Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to spend all afternoon listening to stuff like this when I was already pissed off.

    Perhaps a little easy listening music will placate you before the meeting.

  350. wiley said,

    February 25, 2012 at 2:17

    At least it wasn’t Ich will dich fressen. That’s just rude.

  351. Guerilla Voters Cadre 18 said,

    February 25, 2012 at 2:23

    there’s is ALWAYS teh fear that teh Dems will cave. ALWAYS. Fucking cowardly surrender monkeys. …. We’re overdue for Capitulation-A-Palooza.

    More than a ‘fear’. Based on the Democrats craven record over the last two decades on virtually all political issues, ‘certainty’ is far better word choice. Being a vertabrate, the donkey is a completely is a completely inappropriate symbol for for the Democratic ‘Party’.

  352. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 2:37

    Guerilla Voters Cadre shall be delivered a most strongly worded letter!
    I assure you sir !

  353. Fenwick said,

    February 25, 2012 at 3:05

    yayys for Gay Marry-Land.

    Yer welcome! Now there is mid-Atlantic base for spreading the wicked Gay Agenda to all the adjoining states! Delaware, Virginia, Pennsylvania, West Virginia will fall like dominoes….

    *sinister cackle in Charm City*

    Pup: Thanks for the wonderful linkie about the amazing miniature world in Hamburg!

    I once had an idea for a amazng train layout, loosely based on John Frankenheimer’s film The Train: Occupied France 1944 All the trains and rolling stock are dingy. The flatcars carry camoflagued tanks to the front, pulled by an armored engine. Troop trains headed to the front … and Red Cross marked trains filled with wounded returning from the front. Not your usual model railroad traffic!

    The main switchyard is defended by wire perimeters, guard booths, 88 AA positions; there are destroyed warehouses, bombed–and recently repaired–tracks. Huge crane in the process of lifting a locomotive blown on its side.

    The ‘quaint’ French town nearby would be all dingy and grimy, with a Nazi banner draped on the front of the hotel de ville, and vignettes of black-marketeers, Gestapo types meeting with a collaborator, Wehrmacht officers at cafes.

    Outside the town / railyard: RR bridges defended by pillboxes… vignettes of determined French saboteurs planting explosives. Also a huge ‘Anzio Annie’ rail gun housed in a tunnel. [This one is at the Ordnance Museum in Aberdeen Maryland.] Also a special narrow-guage with a small engine hauling munitions to a concete coastal bunker housing a 16′ naval gun.

    Weird theme for model railroading, huh? But a highly-distinctive layout, to be sure.

    If you have not yet seen The Train, you absolutely MUST rent from Netflix (if you have it). A brilliant piece of film-making, starring Burt Lancaster, Paul Schofield, and Jeanne Moreau.

  354. Fenwick said,

    February 25, 2012 at 3:14

    The Return of Tsam !!!

    Sub: Loved the Gingrich gif !

    I ain’t never gonna ketchup the thread. The futility is overwhelming me. I’m a slow reader and ya’ll type like bunnies in heat. In my despair, I’m going to wallow in the Netflix stream for a bit.

  355. tigris said,

    February 25, 2012 at 3:19

    Fuck soucheray with a chicken in a diaper.

    What did the chicken in a diaper ever do to you? Also, is that the second line of “Turkey in the Straw?”

    Re Girl Scouts, love the “a small amount of Web-based research.” Yeah? Exactly what *did* the TIMECUBE guy say?

  356. Guerilla Voters Cadre 18 said,

    February 25, 2012 at 3:33

    Please vote in every election including the midterms.

    A key principle of the Guerilla Voters Manifesto! Vote in every election! Cast a vote for every office and on every ballot iniative or referendum.

    We will publish the full Manifesto in September. Until then, Fraternal Solidarity with all who oppose both wings of the Corporate Party.

  357. Chaps said,

    February 25, 2012 at 4:31

    I’m “chaps”, ya buncha maroons! “Assless”, indeed! If I had an ass, I’d be…you know: PANTS!!

  358. vacuumslayer said,

    February 25, 2012 at 4:45

    “I’m “chaps”, ya buncha maroons! “Assless”, indeed! If I had an ass, I’d be…you know: PANTS!!”

    Hey, thanks, Chaps. I feel like such a maroon now! And I’m sure
    nobody knew what I was talking about even though “assless chaps” gets about a gazillion hits on google.

  359. El Manquécito said,

    February 25, 2012 at 4:52

    Phantom shield maidens, chickens in diapers, antique brass butt plugs and imaginary model train layouts, plus, today only, homotizing dead Mormon pirates wearing chaps. Got it.

  360. Major Kong said,

    February 25, 2012 at 5:01

    hey major…have you been to the brazilian carnival place in sioux falls?

    I have not. If you eat there let me know what you think.

  361. Thread Bear said,

    February 25, 2012 at 5:26

    we’re rats, right? Give us a cushy cage and a maze and we’re fine.

  362. vapor rat said,

    February 25, 2012 at 5:32

    Those lab rats have all the fun. The scientists were, no doubt, quite proud to see their rat cut the Gordian Knot, as it were. Chew through the walls in the woolly wilds of any urban landscape or a silo full of yummy grain and see what ya’ git. Hint: It’s not a piece of cheese.

  363. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 5:36

    bbkf, I used to like to listen when he would talk sports with Reusse (sp?) from the strib (who always sounds like he’s half in the bag), but I can imagine he has gone full metal wingnut now.

    yeah, i do like listening to sports talk…while souch has gone full metal wingnut, reusse still keeps him in his place…which is always awesome…

  364. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 5:38

    Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to spend all afternoon listening to stuff like this when I was already pissed off.

    i gotta say, ‘floaters’ is an awful name for a band…

  365. wiley said,

    February 25, 2012 at 5:50

    So, this sadlyno! page has been opened between the last vapor rat post and now. Clouds and I were working diligently in the living room, culling things. Suddenly, a Lysol ditty starts playing. Weird. Out of nowhere. It’s another window, for sure, but weird. Now I feel I need to close all the windows lest some bot try to sell me something.

  366. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 5:58

    wiley, i had a crazy ass virus on my work computer that would just randomly play shit from some online radio channel…very disconcerting…and then very embarrassing when i.t. had to work on my computer for like three days while i mentioned various times that i NEVER open unsafe links…

  367. Bitter Scribe said,

    February 25, 2012 at 6:12

    bbkf, that happened to me several times. Made me insane, esp. since I need the sound function on my work computer to listen to interviews. Luckily our (outsourced) IT dept. was able to wipe it out right away.

    What do those motherfuckers think they’re accomplishing with fucking viruses like that? “Oh, yay, some shithead infected my computer with sound I can’t turn off! I’m totally going to go out and buy whatever they’re advertising!”

  368. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    February 25, 2012 at 6:21

    i gotta say, ‘floaters’ is an awful excellent name for a band…

    Fixxored. And it’s “Floater” — singular.

  369. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 25, 2012 at 6:30

    Wiley is using Linux and so should be virus free…BUT Java and Flash can do funny things with browsers. I’m not sure what the equivalents are for other browsers, but for Firefox Flashblock and NoScript are good things (although the latter’s a pain in the ass because it shuts all kinds of site functions off until you permit them). Adblock Plus will prevent a whole lot of bullshit from loading in the first place.

  370. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 25, 2012 at 6:30

    I’m “chaps”, ya buncha maroons! “Assless”, indeed! If I had an ass, I’d be…you know: PANTS!!

    “assless” makes it funny.

  371. S. cerevisiae said,

    February 25, 2012 at 6:34

    AdBlock Plus and NoScript have been great in keeping my computers safe and stopping annoying ads. I recommend them as well.

  372. wiley said,

    February 25, 2012 at 8:16

    Wow guys. I’m not alone in this, and am using linux but I tried to load something Java today so that I could chat on an MS board, and after reading what ya’ll are saying I’ll tell Clouds about that so he’ll have a good clue to start with. It didn’t work for me to chat, but I’ll suspect it anyway; because it’s the only thing I’ve done lately that isn’t ordinary. As long as it doesn’t do anything else, I’m gonna let it ride because I’m going to spend a lot less time online for a bit— until I get somethings finished. Have to visit the sites, but won’t be posting anything on my website that isn’t directly related to what I’m working on . It’s time to get ready for spring.

    I’ll have him check out adblock and noscript.

  373. Hogeye Grex said,

    February 25, 2012 at 11:31

    I may post this again if we get a new thread, but fukkety-fuck with the fuckness.

    facepalm.jpg

  374. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 16:48

    Fixxored. And it’s “Floater” — singular.

    whatever! either way it’s gross…either poop or a corpse…

  375. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 16:50

    but I tried to load something Java today so that I could chat on an MS board

    i’m pretty sure mine came along when i ‘updated’ something on java…

  376. Major Kong said,

    February 25, 2012 at 17:13

    Speaking of assless chaps, I used to have a pair:

    I’m the one on the right.

    http://i42.tinypic.com/2m43xqq.jpg

  377. Substance McGravitas said,

    February 25, 2012 at 17:43

    Updating Java may also install shit like the Yahoo toolbar if you’re not careful. Bastards.

  378. bbkf said,

    February 25, 2012 at 17:48

    Updating Java may also install shit like the Yahoo toolbar if you’re not careful. Bastards.

    i know! they prey on technoboobs such as myself…

  379. Thread Bear said,

    February 25, 2012 at 17:55

    I’m “chaps”, ya buncha maroons! “Assless”, indeed! If I had an ass, I’d be…you know: PANTS!!

    Yeah, but you’d be crotchless pants.

  380. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 18:25

    Just use Opera. No more worries.

  381. crid said,

    February 25, 2012 at 18:49

    Voters Cadre 18 said,
    February 25, 2012 at 3:33

    All. One. Guy.

  382. Suezboo said,

    February 25, 2012 at 19:32

    Wow, Major, you look better in your flightsuit than GW Bush – a low bar, I know. In my younger and tauter days, I would have jumped your bones, for sure.

  383. Major Kong said,

    February 25, 2012 at 19:50

    [ blushing ]

    The “chaps” that I’m wearing are what’s called a “G suit”.

    When you maneuver the aircraft it inflates with air and squeezes your legs and your middle to keep the blood from in your brain (so you don’t black out).

  384. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 20:25

    You don’t wear a g suit in a Biffer, Shirley?

  385. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 20:28

    ‘Cause needing a g suit in a 52 would be really, really, really cool. I’ve got visions of a B52 pulling seven g turns! How cool would that be?

  386. Guerilla Voters Cadre 18 said,

    February 25, 2012 at 20:31

    crid said,
    February 25, 2012 at 18:49

    Voters Cadre 18 said,
    February 25, 2012 at 3:33

    All. One. Guy.

    You must be new here. Welcome to Sadlyville!

  387. rodert rudis said,

    February 25, 2012 at 20:33

    Pupienus, you live in Portland, Oregon, no? I’m asking because Iris and I have been thinking about a new place to live for a while (maybe a year or so), and we found this place called Coos Bay on the Oregon coast. Do you know anything about Coos Bay? Would you recommend it?

    This seems like a nice place: http://oregoncoast.craigslist.org/apa/2824828101.html

  388. Major Kong said,

    February 25, 2012 at 20:57

    ‘Cause needing a g suit in a 52 would be really, really, really cool. I’ve got visions of a B52 pulling seven g turns! How cool would that be?

    That picture was taken during my previous life as a T-38 instructor. The B-52 (like most large aircraft) was limited to +2/-.5 G’s.

  389. Major Kong said,

    February 25, 2012 at 21:09

    Here you go:

    http://i43.tinypic.com/2d8oz00.jpg
    http://i40.tinypic.com/yjbbm.jpg

    (theme from Top Gun playing in the background)

  390. Fenwick said,

    February 25, 2012 at 21:27

    Wiley: Mr. Wit contacted me today. We’ll be speaking by phone this coming week.

  391. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 21:53

    Mr. rudis,

    Coos bay is a pretty good ways from Portland. I don’t know the place well, just passed through on a number of occasions. We stayed there one night but after a long day on the motorpickles we just wanted to eat and sleep so didn’t learn much about it.

    I can tell you that the Oregon coast is nothing short of spectacular. There’s a bazillion outdoorsy things to do. Fresh, local seafood. It’s not real close to wine country but its not that far either.

    Coos Bay is about three hours north of the north end of CA redwood country. It’s about four hours to Portland. I know a few people who lived there who speak highly of it.

  392. Pupienus said,

    February 25, 2012 at 21:58

    Thanks major. I know very well what a T38 looks like. I know a guy in San Antonio who has more money than god. He has a B-17. He bought a surplus T38 which had been refitted as a personal sport jet. Some day I’ll tell the story of driving his GT40 (yeah, his car had finished second(?) at LeMans) around The south side of SA that might be the best car story EVAH!

  393. rodert rudis said,

    February 25, 2012 at 22:53

    Thank you Pupienus. Well, it sounds just wonderful. We sort of threw a dart at the map and it landed on Coos Bay, so we looked it up in the Wiki to learn more. We have to live near the coast because we eat fish a lot. Also, big cities are okay but not where we want to live. This past fall we went to N.Y. for a couple weeks and as much as we enjoyed our several days in Manhattan, we knew we couldn’t live there, and not only because it’s so expensive. Iris remarked about Manhattan that it felt like it “was crashing down on top of her all the time.” Pretty interesting take from someone who had never seen a building over three stories. Anyway, thanks for your reply. You just might have a sadly neighbor four hours to the south soon. Oh, not before August.

  394. Robert Waldmann said,

    February 26, 2012 at 6:14

    Douthat gets major milage out of a “mostly”. He suggests that conception rates are not lower in blue states than in red states. They are. Even if it is true that more more of the difference in birth rates is due to abortion rates, that doesn’t change the fact that conception rates are lower in blue states (they are). Innumeracy is not an excuse for bullshitting about statistics.

    Also he gets much milage from “promoting” this is an ambiguous word. It might mean trying to make something more common so attempting to promote is redundant. Or it might mean making it more common so successfully promoting is redundant. The point is that Conservatives think that the way to promote chastity etc is to reduce access to contraceptives and provide abstinence only sex “education.” They aren’t bothered by the absense of evidence that this works.

    Then Douthat uses the false choice. He says that Conservatives think something is more important than access to contraceptives. But he doesn’t argue that the huge cost of contraceptives and of the Conservatives attempts to promote chastity are such that we just have to chose between them. I oppose public chastity promotion, but it isn’t because I think that ending it is the only way to free up money to pay for contraceptives. That would be a crazy argument. Which is why Douthat doesn’t make the argument but just assumes it.

    What a douche.

  395. Oregon Beer Snob's phancy phone said,

    February 26, 2012 at 8:16

    Hey rodert, if you come check out Coos Bay, be sure to also check some of the other southern Oregon coastal communities — Gold Beach (at the mouth of the Rogue river) is my personal favorite…

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