Oh god, what are you doing with that- Oh fuck no, I can’t unsee that… What do you mean you got the censored version? Oh you lucky sons of a BEEEEEEEEPPP.
Deroy Murdock, National Lean-To:
Careful What You Wish For
It’s been an awkward time for the wingnuts of the world. They’ve rubbed their withered hate erections until they’ve started to bleed over the various spurts of the right-wing id that have been unleashed since the election of the black president.
But it hasn’t been enough. True release has been denied to them like their access to the playgrounds of the world and so they’ve found themselves fantasizing larger and larger set pieces from which to imagine themselves skullfucking the universe from their tower of bones.
And now that I’ve ruined sex for half of you, let’s move on to the recent desperate fantasy of one National Review member as he rather pathetically tries to combine hate-fucking liberals with his love of necrophilia by resurrecting the spectre of “Obamacare”.
Jonah Goldberg is right. He makes an excellent point in his piece this morning on President Obama’s abortion-pill mandate. Conservatives, libertarians, and others who believe in medical freedom should make this argument much more often when engaging liberals: What happens if “the bad guys,” namely we right-wingers, win the next election, and now we get to run Obamacare? (Be sure to twirl your handlebar mustache as you pose this question.)
Yeah, unh, liberals, how would you like it if we took over your precious little disappointing mild reform to the global clusterfuck that is the American health care system?!? Bet you’d hate it and you’d be weeping on your knees, looking up at our manly protrusions with fear and UNGH! Damnitt, still not enough. Need more specific fantasies.
Imagine, as Jonah does, that Rick Santorum is elected president and becomes the reincarnation of Cotton Mather, just as Nancy Pelosi probably fears as she lays her coiffed head on her high-threadcount pillows every night.
Ah, yeah, tormented Nancy Pelosi. And not in one of those sissy bondage probably consented to before hand and using safe word way, but in the haunted to the very soul and an inability to say no is the same as a yes way. Ah, yeah, that’s doing the trick.
Imagine further that instead of repealing Obamacare, the former GOP senator from Pennsylvania decided to keep this law in place and modify it along much more traditionalist, even puritanical, lines.
Mmm, yeah, puritanical.
Santorumcare could involve — say — a federally mandated, five-day waiting period before women could have abortions.
Yeah, more hurdles to send women through to get legal healthcare…
Okay, I can’t do it anymore. Following the twisted libidos of these cretins is just filling me with a need to scrub myself with a wire brush just to get all the spots off me.
This parallels the original five-day interlude that potential firearms buyers faced under the Brady Law. How could the Left object to that?
Yes, because everyone rushes out to perform legal medically ethical surgery carefully thought out ahead of time to carry out the poorly-thought out murder of loved ones, annoying neighbors, or themselves.
But hey, don’t let the weakness of your analogy get in the way of imagining that liberals are as eager to masturbate about how waiting periods on guns make conservatives cry as you are to whack off to imaginary crying liberals.
How about a requirement that every American who receives free condoms from any federally subsidized health center first must receive 30 minutes of mandatory abstinence counseling?
How would that a) be at all related to Obamacare, b) not be the type of shit you keep on trying to add all the time, or c) be anything other than a reason to keep you and your ilk from any lever of power?
Is it too much to ask that your loud self-loathing induced session of self-abuse over how much you are turned on by the imagined suffering of liberals pertain with the proposed topic you tried unsuccessfully to attach it to?
I mean, doesn’t anyone have standards in their meandering bullshit anymore?
And why not a rule that those who visit Gay Men’s Health Crisis cannot accept any services until after completing a two-day course on gay conversion, so that they can be “cured” of their homosexuality?
Given the furious sound of slapping meat, I’m terrified to ask exactly what you think “cured” means for fear that it’s the right-wing euphemism for swallowing Santorum.
I seriously doubt that President Santorum (or President Brownback or President Palin) would do such things, but then I never envisioned President Obama ordering free birth control for any and every adult female who wanted it — regardless of income — and paid for under federal orders by health insurers, over the objections of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.
Yeah! Doesn’t he know the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops outrank the president (only applies when president is black or a Democrat)?!?
Also, if you are going to expand the anti-choice sex panic to include opposition of contraception, maybe you shouldn’t include it in a post that sounds this much like it was written entirely in the moment 15 seconds before ejaculation.
Our friends on the left should worry about what potentially could happen to their shiny new toy, if Obamacare ever became Santorumcare, Brownbackcare, or Palincare.
As a wise man once said: “Careful what you wish for.”
Yeah, see, here’s the problem with the constant right-wing argument that we shouldn’t fix things because Republicans are just going to make them suck.
They aren’t really arguments against the things themselves. Sure it always goes that we shouldn’t reform health care because Republicans will dismantle it or saddle it with their garbage. And it goes we can’t have a functioning government because Republicans will just drive it into the ground and staff it with failed horse breeders and graduates from Liberty University. And we can’t be married to the people we love, because Republicans will just take it away or make it invalid. And we can’t be bothered to live another day in this cruel world, because Republicans will just make our lives a living hell.
But those aren’t actually arguments against health care reform, government, equal marriage, or avoiding the hangman’s noose another day.
They’re more arguments for shooting all the Republicans into the sun.
Which is a shame, because I’d probably be distraught for months, crying liberal tears into my naughty hemp negligee, if that were ever to happen.