Dec
27

Tantrum in C for Strings and Harp




Posted at 22:37 by Cerberus


Cybermen will upgrade you. You will have no need for Social Security, Health Care, or Unemployment.

Christopher Chantrill, American Wanker:
Obama’s Sterilized Society

I’m going to start off serious for a moment. It’s actually kind of frustrating that of all of the things to get the Republicans in trouble, it’s a motherfucking tax cut for the middle class that’s sticking on them. They’ve been openly bragging about how they’ve been working for Party First and have openly sacrificed the only chances a lot of people have had to survive entirely to “deny Obama wins” and extend the Depression into 2012 to hurt Obama’s re-election chances and have abused every single legislative trick to basically ensure that the Democrats could pass nothing even if they wanted to, not even confirmations on Cabinet members and executive staff.

But no, what sinks them is them doing that “how will this hurt Obama” game to a middle class tax cut. Because tax cuts are sacred, don’t you know? Ending the Depression, keeping people from losing their shelter and dying on the streets? Pff. Small potatoes to our Holy God Lord Tax Cut.

But you didn’t come to hear me bitch. You came to hear wingnuts bitch and me mock them.

As you wish, dear reader.

Chalk one up to President Obama. He’s got a 2-month extension of payroll tax cuts in the teeth of opposition from those wascally Wepublicans

Aw, poor babies, did you get bitch-slapped so hard, everything you eat tastes of copper? Here let me give you some iodine to make it all better.

so that two months from now we can have the fight all over again.

Well, seeing as how your whole fight was just an attempt to hang Obama on “he raised middle class tax rates during a recession” in the 2012 election, you could just not fight it next time and thus not look like chumps.

Oh wait, we’re talking conservatives. It’s now going to be their “Right to look like a Chump” and they’ll fight to the death over the chance to do the same fail all over again just in case there was anyone left in the universe who didn’t notice that “we’re just against tax cuts” meant “we’re for giving all the money to the rich.”

I suppose that the president’s chief objective in this vicious little fight was to remind the voters which of the two parties was the Stupid Party.

Shorter Chris Chantrill: “It’s Obama’s fault we were stupid amateur chumps who knocked ourselves out on our own nunchucks.”

Count me as stupid, too.

Hey, he said it, not me.

I thought that the FICA payroll taxes were sacred to the memory of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and could not be touched.
We put those payroll contributions there so as to give the contributors a legal, moral, and political right to collect their pensions and unemployment benefits. With those taxes in there, no damn politician can ever scrap my social security program.
So, Mr. President, when you start monkeying around those taxes aren’t you desecrating the holy Trust Fund?

Yeah, sorry no. The time to have that debate was like a million times before. When Bush added this bullshit to make his massive tax giveaway to the rich look like a broad thing, you all cheered like little chipmunks. When we were trying to fix Bush’s fiasco, you fought to the death to extend Bush’s tax cuts to the rich and could have raised these issues then. Here, now that you’ve been made to look like a chump? No, it’s way too late to pretend you were principled.

You got schooled. You got schooled so bad the media couldn’t save you. I won’t lie. There’s shame in that.

So much shame.

And once the holy of holies has been violated, doesn’t it lose its totemic power to reduce Republicans to 98-pound weaklings?

Remember that one kid in school who when they would trip over the pavement, would immediately point to the nearest kid to them and claim they tripped them, even if they were nowhere near them?

I don’t know why I suddenly started thinking of that.

Imagine the wailing and the gnashing of teeth if President Bush had pulled a trick like this.

Oh, you mean when Bush did the thing you’re claiming to be principled about, seeing as how this was the middle class sweetener in the shit log of the Upper Class tax cuts?

And yes, imagine the shock and surprise we’d have if the Republicans ever did something to embarrass their enemies before an election, like passing the “Patriot Act” and other wishlist bills under threat of calling democrats unamerican in the elections. Or say, spending 3 years during a Depression sabotaging everything you can just to try and improve your electoral chances, including hardline attempts to screw Democrats that ended up blowing up in your face for the first time.

That’d be bad.

But at least you are tacitly admitting that the crushing taxes that Democrats have laid on the brow of labor are a problem. That is progress. For if swingeing taxes on wages are bad during a halting recovery, why are they any better at any other stage in the business cycle, Mr. President?

“Swingeing”?

As to your obviously well-informed question, Mr. Crying Baby. Maybe it has something to do with the “job creators” we have been “freeing to create jobs” with tax cuts not using it to keep wages rising with the tide, so the little people need a little relief to keep the whole edifice from crashing down around idiots like you.

I’ve suggested elsewhere that many marginal small businesses thrown up their hands with all the taxes and regulations and gone “off-the-books.”

Successful small businesses, often in the fields of distribution of small packaged goods or service professionals who cater to specific client problems that need direct professional attention. These street corner small businesses are what America is all about.

The government insurance programs like Social Security, unemployment, and worker’s comp. are terrible ideas, because they sterilize the workers’ savings.

We won’t give up, Mr. President, until every single social safety net is dismantled and its money poured down the gullet of our “Free Market” machine. And then, when the poor have no stake in the country and absolutely no guarantee to life, we’ll privatize the police and military as well and no ill consequences will ever occur.

What give them cake? That cake’s for my bichon frise, Princess. Let them buy their own damn cake.

If I contribute to Social Security starting as a twentysomething, my accumulated balance is useless to me until I retire. Same with unemployment: useless unless I lose my job.

Yeah, that’s the point.

When you have employment, you have money, you are getting more money regularly. The safety net is there for when you don’t have that coming in. When you need to survive until you got another job paying the bills or until you retire and have zero income because you are too old to work comfortably.

Do you think that people are immortal and that bad things can’t happen to them. That jobs simply are and continue into perpetuity with zero flux or need to plan for the future?

Are…are you a robot? Is that how it works for you and your robotic masters?

Hey, who cares? At least the money is there when I need it.
No, Mr. President. You just don’t get it. When a worker saves money for a rainy day, he does not segregate the money into “retirement” or “job loss,” he knows the money is available for any purpose. From the point of view of Americans looking for jobs, one such purpose is a very important one: starting a new business.

Yes, of course, why would you need to eat or retain shelter when you are without income or trying to live out your Golden Years? What’s more important is starting a new business and the ungodly amount of hours and risk that takes often requiring massive investment before you see the first paycheck and that’s if it’s successful.

Oh, Chrissy, you truly have your cold robotic mandible on the pulse of the American people.

In most stories about successful businesses, a common theme is that the startup capital often comes from the founder’s home equity. Right now, of course, with upwards of 40 percent of mortgages underwater, very few entrepreneurs can get the capital to get started. No home equity, no startup. No startups, no economic growth.

Yeah, here on Earth, starting a business depends on a safety net. If you’ve got a guaranteed government income that pays the bills and feeds the family and guaranteed government health care so that you don’t need to scramble to get employed by anyone just in case Little Tommy gets sick then you can take the risk of starting a new business.

And as we’ve seen, it turns out that countries with the most robust explosion of new businesses are those with the strongest safety nets. Unsurprisingly, these countries have the strongest economies as well.

But I suppose that wouldn’t matter to your Home Planet as your Steel Hearts have no need for food, shelter, or Biological Healthcare.

Now imagine if our budding entrepreneur could borrow money from his Social Security account, or his personal unemployment fund, because they were genuine savings that each worker owned and could borrow against.

I keep trying to imagine it, but I keep getting the same dystopian future. Should I try jiggling the antennae?

Imagine if the savings of the workers of America weren’t sterilized in government trust funds being spent by some damn politician on crony capitalist investments like wind turbines.

Ha! Yeah, those Big Liberal giveaways, like promoting a new industry of energy promotion instead of just shoveling trillions of dollars to an entrenched monopoly like Oil so they can get started really innovating and growing.

And you thought we were the stupid ones, well we’ll show you. MOMMY!

The economy would now be expanding briskly and you, Mr. President, would be looking forward confidently to reelection.

I don’t know why, but for some reason, I don’t trust him.

In my view, the sterilized savings problem is merely a poster boy for a bigger problem, that liberalism and the welfare state sterilize everything that moves.

I sense something in the air. We’ve already moved through two insane wingnut topics. But I sense another one on the way. Let me see, could be welfare queens, could be gay marriage, um, wait, I can get this.

Family is millions of people exchanging tokens of love and hope and bringing jillions of bouncing babies out into the world.

Oh, of course, abortion. Somehow dwelling minutes of his time on his party’s limp failure to screw the president reminded him of his own limp failures to screw and thus to the evils of woman and their filthy desires to be treated as full human beings.

But liberals like you, Mr. President, are opposed to all this. You want the economy sterilized and regulated by experts; you want society sterilized and equalized by bureaucrats; you want families sterilized, er, “planned” to save the world from “overpopulation,” and you privilege sterile sexual couplings by promoting “birth control” and “gay marriage.”

I’d like you all to appreciate this sentence. This is Pure Wingnuttery, untouched by logic, unfettered by sense, unbound by sanity. This is the raw stuff people, from which everything else is formed.

Also, remember a single person deciding what they are doing with their bodies or that they’d like to marry the person they love rather than the person they’re “supposed to love” means that everyone will be forced to do it as well.

So you may think that you don’t want to carry that rapist’s seed to term to form a child you hate or that you want to marry the man, but really, you want the entire country to be forced into barren gay marriages and forced abortions. You selfish bastards.

We will pull up here, and not mention the sterility of modern architecture, because that would be going too far.

Oh, I’m sorry, was there a single building built recently that didn’t resemble a dick? I’m so sorry the lack of phallic imagery made your dick wilt.

It all boils down to this: Conservatives are pro-life and fecundity. Liberals are pro-choice and sterility.
Never mind your class war, Mr. President. Let’s have a war on sterility.

Do I have nothing? Well, so what? I have bumper sticker slogans! Activate hind brain implants in Reptilian footsoldiers. Transmitting. “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” End Transmission.

Take that liberals. Now, we’ll see who are the real poopyheads.

234 Comments »

  1. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 27, 2011 at 22:51

    Aw, cover boy!
    .

  2. actor212 said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:03

    Who?

  3. Geds said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:06

    We will pull up here, and not mention the sterility of modern architecture, because that would be going too far.

    In the immortal words of Norm MacDonald, “Wait, what?”

  4. Pupienus said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:09

    I thought that the FICA payroll taxes were sacred to the memory of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and could not be touched.
    We put those payroll contributions there so as to give the contributors a legal, moral, and political right to collect their pensions and unemployment benefits. With those taxes in there, no damn politician can ever scrap my social security program.
    So, Mr. President, when you start monkeying around those taxes aren’t you desecrating the holy Trust Fund?

    Actually, sort of.

    1983 FICA tax rates were increased from 6.7% to 7% and the ceiling was raised by $2,100. For the self employed, the FICA tax rate went from 9.35% to 14%.[30] The FICA tax rate increased throughout Reagan’s term, and rose to 7.51% in 1988 and the ceiling was raised by 61% through Reagan’s two terms. Those tax hikes on wage earners, along with inflation, are the source of the revenue gains of the early 1980s.

  5. Cerberus said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:12

    Pup-

    My favorite part was how he claimed to be principled on this because they prevented people from monkeying around with or scrapping Social Security a scant couple of paragraphs before joining the wingnut choir in demanding that Social Security be scrapped because it “limits economic freedom”.

    The wingnuts can’t even sustain their bad faith concern trolling through an entire essay anymore.

  6. Spearhafoc, who is the drummer in the Ron Paul Revolution said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:14

    We will pull up here, and not mention the sterility of modern architecture, because that would be going too far.

    I admit I’m more a fan of Deco and such than I am of a lot of modern architectural styles, but I have no idea what this is supposed to mean.

  7. Stag Party Palin said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:21

    Get me re-write!!

    The mind (sic) of a a conservablogger is an amazing thing. It works (sic) as if one was to stick the Official Neocon Dictionary in a shredder and then paste up random strips of paper until one ran out of mucilage. Word salad doesn’t even *begin* to describe it.

  8. actor212 said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:31

    I admit I’m more a fan of Deco

    Are we not PoMo?

  9. actor212 said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:32

    But at least you are tacitly admitting that the crushing taxes that Democrats have laid on the brow of labor are a problem.

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but I planned ahead and started doing Arnolds with my brows in 2008 to keep them from being crushed.

  10. actor212 said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:35

    We will pull up here, and not mention the sterility of modern architecture, because that would be going too far.

    Look, if we don’t sterilize our architecture, you’ll have Johnsons crossbredding with Peis, and next thing you know, you’ve gota little of fucking little Frank Gehrys all over the place and those bastards can’t be put up for adoption for love or money.

  11. Suezboo said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:47

    Aw, JP, I hope you are making serious money as LarryElvis’s agent. He’s adorable.

  12. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    December 27, 2011 at 23:54

    Oh, I’m sorry, was there a single building built recently that didn’t resemble a dick?

    Well, there’s this. A little different for the town that features The Circumcision Tower.

  13. Pupienus said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:00

    We will pull up here, and not mention the sterility of modern architecture, because that would be going too far

    Ellsworth Toohey?

  14. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:01

    Aw, JP, I hope you are making serious money as LarryElvis’s agent. He’s adorable.

    He and Curly have both been well-tended this year. I am thankful for having so many great friends.
    .

  15. animus said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:05

    If modern architecture really were sterile, you wouldn’t need to pull up.

  16. The Dark Avenger said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:05

    next thing you know, you’ve gota little of fucking little Frank Gehrys all over the place and those bastards can’t be put up for adoption for love or money.

    Not only that, we’d be up to our tuches in Frank Lloyd Wrights without an effective strategy, like capture, neuter, and release.

  17. Smut Clyde said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:05

    It does not speak well for Mr Chantrill’s intelligence that he is arguing with the voices in his head, and still losing.

  18. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:06

    okay…this post took me a looooooooooong time to read…not because it is lengthy (after all, i clicked on the link to keep reading by my own volition), but because i had to keep laying my head down on my desk…

    hell, just recalling this mango-infested gibberish caused me to lay my head down on my desk…i find myself wishing for an officemate with a sledge hammer to put my out of my misery…

    really…wtf? as you know, it doesn’t happen often that i am struck speechless, but mother mary, baby jeesus and god our father, this is just a shit ton of dumb…

  19. Thread Bear said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:08

    In my view, the sterilized savings problem is merely a poster boy for a bigger problem, that liberalism and the welfare state sterilize everything that moves.

    See. Vote Democrat!!! Solve the abortion issue!

  20. jim said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:09

    From blocking payroll tax-cuts to fecundity? Teh long & blinding road.

    So sweet that he writes as if Obama will either see this piece of POOP or care!

    But you and I are above all that, Mr. President. You can cop a reference to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr and I can quote Ludwig von Mises with the best of them. So let’s talk ideas.

    Uh, a war on sterility isn’t an “idea” so much as “why all of my dates cancel at the last minute.”

    That good ol’ lizard-brain “declare war on problems” routine just never gets old for some folks, eh?

    It is a ghastly thing ——–> SOTFB.

  21. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:15

    Not only that, we’d be up to our tuches in Frank Lloyd Wrights without an effective strategy, like capture, neuter, and release.

    Bastards breed like van de Rohes…

  22. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:15

    “sterilized”? WTF?

  23. Lurking Canadian said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:16

    Is this just my foreigner’s ignorance talking, or am I correct in my belief that the president has very little, or one might say, no power to affec trends in modern architecture

  24. Lurking Canadian said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:18

    I swear that when I typed it, affect ended with a t and the sentence ended with a ?
    Wordpress just couldn’t pass up one last chance to screw me in 2011.

  25. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:21

    Is this just my foreigner’s ignorance talking, or am I correct in my belief that the president has very little, or one might say, no power to affect trends in modern architecture?

    In addition to being the chief executive and commander in chief of the armed forces, article 1 of the constitution names the president, ex officio, to every architectural jury in the nation. It’s why so many men in the job have been drunkards.

  26. Thread Bear said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:25

    But liberals like you, Mr. President, are opposed to all this. You want the economy sterilized

    Obama is NOMAD!

  27. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:26

    We will pull up here, and not mention the sterility of modern architecture, because that would be going too far

    I presume he is talking about the ‘mirrored glass box’ so typical in near suburbs.

    I will go ahead and mention that the big push towards the mirrored glass box and away from Deco and other more decorative styles, was primarily pushed by corporate entities who liked the so-called modern (and ostensibly cheaper) construction, supported by the financing structures created by the banking industry that did not support long-term investment in building construction.

    Y’know, the corporations and banksters whose knobs he is slobbering over.

  28. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:28

    Is this just my foreigner’s ignorance talking, or am I correct in my belief that the president has very little, or one might say, no power to affec trends in modern architecture

    CHICAGO SCHOOL, BITCHEZ!

  29. Steerpike said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:30

    If the architecture is sterile, why would you need to pull out?

  30. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:36

    If the architecture is sterile, why would you need to pull out?

    To make belly art, duh!
    .

  31. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:37

    WordPress just couldn’t pass up one last chance to screw me in 2011.

    There’s several days yet.

  32. Steerpike said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:39

    JP, see the receptionist to collect your internet. Wear it in good health.

  33. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:39

    Obama is NOMAD!

    To paraphrase Jefferson Airplane:

    NOMAD is an island!
    NOMAD is an island!
    He’s a peninsula.

  34. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:43

    another advantage mr. chantshrill cites for businesses who go ‘off the books’:

    They can collect cash wages and government welfare benefits at the same time. That’s what I call win-win, and game theorists call a “positive-sum” game. For the players.

    oh, goody! i finally get to do one of these!

    1. get paid in cash
    2. collect gov’t. welfare
    3. ???
    4. PROFIT!!!

  35. Spearhafoc, who is the drummer in the Ron Paul Revolution said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:46

    If the architecture is sterile, why would you need to pull out?

    You can still get diseases, especially if the building in question will let just anyone in.

    The Taj Mahal gave me, like, five different kinds of herpes.

  36. Major Kong said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:49

    The Taj Mahal gave me, like, five different kinds of herpes.

    Must….resist…urge….to…..make…..backdoor……joke…..

  37. Steerpike said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:53

    The Taj Mahal gave me, like, five different kinds of herpes.

    I don’t know about that, but there’s some real estate in NYC and Jersey that’ll give ya Trumpes

  38. Smut Clyde said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:53

    “sterilized”? WTF?

    I am sure that Mr Chantrill’s fact-free determination to link Obama with sterility is in no way driven by the concept of hybrid infertility.

  39. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:54

    from the fisking:
    “Swingeing”?

    from chantshrill’s commentors:

    I loved your use of “swingeing;” I don’t have the confidence to use a word like that in an article.

    merriam’s says ‘swingeing’ is a chiefly british term…aren’t the brits socialists? so, why are chantshrill and his crony thugs so enamored of socialist language? methinks it’s not the structure of buildings he needs to worry about as the structure of his own socialist sentences…

  40. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 0:59

    The Taj Mahal gave me, like, five different kinds of herpes.

    Well, if you’re a necrophiliac, you’re gonna have problems no matter what kind of architecture you’re dealing with.

  41. Steerpike said,

    December 28, 2011 at 1:00

    Also, I’m sure the author would consider standard American-suburban-wasteland-sprawlville crackerbox condo subdivisions to be the epitome of soulless, ugly, in his word “sterile” architectural style, and I would be the first to agree. Which is why I applaud the fact that most forward-thinking communities have been adopting liberal, socialist, job-killing regulations zoning and building codes to require builders to use more fertile aesthetically appealing designs for new construction.

  42. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 28, 2011 at 1:12

    As you wish, dear reader.

    God damn it, I keep forgetting to wish for more wishes.

  43. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 28, 2011 at 1:31

    We need more choice in architects.

  44. The Principal Contributt said,

    December 28, 2011 at 1:45

    Just once I’d love to actually see and experience this alternate universe that libertarians apparently live in. If anything it sounds like a very different and magical place and would be worth checking out just to satisfy my curiosity.

  45. Dazed and Confused said,

    December 28, 2011 at 1:58

    Successful small businesses, often in the fields of distribution of small packaged goods or service professionals who cater to specific client problems that need direct professional attention

    Dang- if the pushers and hookers have gone over to the darkside we’re in deep doo doo now ;)

  46. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:00

    Dang- if the pushers and hookers have gone over to the darkside we’re in deep doo doo now ;)

    I was thinking “small parcel couriers” and “psychotherapists.” Man, was I out in left field!
    .

  47. g said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:03

    We will pull up here, and not mention the sterility of modern architecture

    What, so Richard Meier is Obama’s fault too?

  48. Pryme said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:03

    Just once I’d love to actually see and experience this alternate universe that libertarians apparently live in. If anything it sounds like a very different and magical place and would be worth checking out just to satisfy my curiosity.

    I always pictured it as some amalgamation of OZ and Wonderland.

  49. Snorghagen said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:07

    It all boils down to this: Conservatives are pro-life and fecundity.

    Is he trying to say that he wants to get laid?

  50. Pryme said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:13

    Is he trying to say that he wants to get laid?

    Most of these rants can be boiled down to, “I’m not getting any, and it the Liberals fault!”

  51. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:25

    Conservatives are pro-life

    You can tell, because of all the capital punishment, bombing of other countries, and eradication of environment they support.

  52. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:27

    Just once I’d love to actually see and experience this alternate universe that libertarians apparently live in. If anything it sounds like a very different and magical place and would be worth checking out just to satisfy my curiosity.

    The curious do not fare well in Galt’s Gulch.

  53. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:53

    Obama is a GONAD? What?

  54. Snorghagen said,

    December 28, 2011 at 3:19

    Obama is a GONAD? What?

    No, wingnuts are gonads, because gonads are fecund and wingnuts are pro-fecundity. And they’re anti-sterility, which must mean that they’re pro-dirt.

    This seems to indicate that Republicans are now in favor of hot, sweaty mudfuck orgies with extra fecundity. Someone should notify Brent Bozell.

  55. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 3:27

    CHRISTIAN orgies are ok.

  56. animus said,

    December 28, 2011 at 3:27

    The curious do not fare well in Galt’s Gulch.

    Especially while it’s being fertilised by pieces of architecture.

  57. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 3:30

    No liberal anywhere ever had kids. Good to know.

  58. Pupienus said,

    December 28, 2011 at 3:39

    Since you are a gonad
    Oh you’re a better gonod
    Gonad. Gonad. Gonad.
    Before you see me cry.
    I don’t want you to tell me
    Just what you intend to do now.
    ‘Cause how many times do I have to tell you
    Darling, darling,
    I’m still in love
    With you now?

  59. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 3:41

    Especially while it’s being fertilised by pieces of architecture.

    Great. I don’t look forward to my dreams TONIGHT.

  60. Snorghagen said,

    December 28, 2011 at 3:53

    The government insurance programs like Social Security, unemployment, and worker’s comp. are terrible ideas

    Millions of deserving, worthwhile human beings saved from abject poverty… it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

  61. Major Kong said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:05

    No liberal anywhere ever had kids. Good to know.

    Apparently we were all cloned, or hatched from eggs or something.

  62. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:13

    No liberal anywhere ever had kids. Good to know.

    Apparently we were all cloned, or hatched from eggs or something.

    I came out of a wine cellar.

  63. Major Kong said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:16

    I came out of a wine cellar

    An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it could happen!

  64. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:16

    I came from a pile of oily rags.

  65. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:22

    Filmfest night 4: Watchmen.

  66. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:24

    Oh good god. Stop now before it’s too late.

  67. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:28

    If you can get past Malin Ackerman’s inability to act, it’s pretty good. Not as good as the book, but what can you do? Besides killing Zach Snyder, that is.

  68. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:35

    I came out of a wine cellar

    Why would you do that?

  69. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:36

    Oh. I thought it was awful. Just awful.

    Except the opening credits, which were actually really cool and the high point of the film.

  70. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:41

    But…it’s an alternate reality! With airships!

  71. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:44

    No lustful, gay Ron Paul though. You ALMOST had me.

  72. Spearhafoc, who is the drummer in the Ron Paul Revolution said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:46

    Yeah, stop after the opening credits.

    The movie somehow ruined the best line in the whole book.

  73. Snorghagen said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:49

    Apparently we were all cloned, or hatched from eggs or something.

    One of the pods had my face.

  74. Spearhafoc, who is the drummer in the Ron Paul Revolution said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:50

    If the movie had just been this sequence, I would have been very happy.

  75. Spearhafoc, who is the drummer in the Ron Paul Revolution said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:54

    Also, I thought Patrick Wilson did a good job as Nite Owl and Jackie Earle Haley was a great Rorschach.

  76. Spearhafoc, who is the drummer in the Ron Paul Revolution said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:55

    If you want to see a genuinely good movie with Patrick Wilson in it, watch both parts of Angels in America. It’s fucking brilliant.

  77. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 4:57

    Or Young Adult.

  78. Gerald Fnord said,

    December 28, 2011 at 5:38

    Sounds like a very Edwardian Passing of the Great Race panic—all that’s missing is pointing out the fecundity of the Savages in Our Midst and Surrounding Us.

    Or think of any cheap sci-fi flick in which they cry (to quote a comic cover, “Bizarre Sex” #3?) ‘Earthman, give me your seed!!!,’ because science and radiation and effeminising civilisation have rendered their males sterile or dead or impotent.

  79. Gerald Fnord said,

    December 28, 2011 at 5:41

    …maybe that‘s what Ron Paul was afraid of catching from that toilet seat.

  80. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 6:25

    okay, now i haz a confused…chantshrill claims that ‘conservatives are all pro-life and fecundity’…but wouldn’t it be fair to speculate that he would also agree that blackity blacks and messicans (who tend to vote democratic) are won’t to spill out many upon many of bastards and anchor babbies all in the name of sucking off the govt teat forever? so, wouldn’t they also be pro-life and fecundity? which would make them conservatives? which is why they vote democrat?

    cripes…it IS an alternate world!

  81. tensor said,

    December 28, 2011 at 6:26

    Just gotta congratulate our fabulous Overlady on another great post, *now with a “more” button* — yay! Less scrolling for awesomeness in Ghosts of Threads Past!

    Attention to detail counts too: I larfed when I moused-over on that great p-shop.

    I suppose that the president’s chief objective in this vicious little fight was to remind the voters which of the two parties was the Stupid Party.

    Actually, he was content with making you chumps look like the Silly Party. You guys already gave yourselves the sobriquet “teabaggers”, after all, so it would be tough to “make” you look stupid.

    How she slogged through all the rest of that whiny whimpering I’ll never know, but I needed a laugh today, and Sadly, No! continues to deliver. Thanks!

  82. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 7:00

    If the movie had just been this sequence, I would have been very happy.

    oh, hey…i think i watched some of ‘watchmen’…came into it in progress, knew nothing at tall about it and was therefore very cornfused…but i do remember thinking that i would like to watch the whole thing at a future date…

  83. Won %er said,

    December 28, 2011 at 7:06

    The government insurance programs like Social Security, unemployment, and worker’s comp. are terrible ideas

    But the FDIC, on the other hand, is BRILLIANT!

  84. Waterwitch Indeed said,

    December 28, 2011 at 7:21

    Delurking for just a minute. Doesn’t this face simple scream“fecundity”?

  85. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 28, 2011 at 7:28

    Doesn’t this face simple scream“fecundity”?

    If there were a pedophile Pope Turtle…
    ~

  86. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 7:32

    If there were a pedophile Pope Turtle…

    this screams ‘photoshop, plz!!!’

  87. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 7:34

    Doesn’t this face simple scream“fecundity”?

    it does if you mean it in a totally not-sexy or intercoursey way…say, perhaps referring to fertile sand…near an ocean…where eggs are buried…

  88. Snorghagen said,

    December 28, 2011 at 7:59

    The real question is whether this surging wave of Republo-Fecundity is powerful enough to take on the hyper-testosteroned cadres of militarized sex maniacs from the mysterious East waiting for a chance to pound Western Civilization into the ground with their mammoth Asiatic boners. *

    (* Greatest wingnut article of all time)

  89. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 8:12

    Snorg….whoah.

    I would ask for some of the drugs she’s on, but I really don’t think I need to up my paranoia.

    Also, very nice perverted shorter there.

  90. tensor said,

    December 28, 2011 at 9:03

    Greatest wingnut article of all time.

    Well, we call it “Wing Nut Daily” for a birtherific reason, now don’t we? They’re the original home of weaponized stupidity, after all.

    Let us recall that Peak Wingnut can never be achieved, because it is always being achieved. WND will bring even more crazy on the morrow.

  91. Fenwick said,

    December 28, 2011 at 9:35

    Snorg’s link is hilarious. It gets weirder and weirder as you read through it. The punchline is delightfully unhinged.

    Wonderful thread going on, btw.

  92. Derek said,

    December 28, 2011 at 11:10

    What the fuck? This post (like the rest of Cerberus’ posts) is just–plain and simple–BAD. It lacks style, it’s so (so, so very) poorly written, it’s got no wit, it has no comprehension of a (truly) liberal agenda, and it’s absolutely full of the same horrendous typographical, syntactical, and grammatical errors that we all like to pick apart in the posts of conservative dimwits.

    What we’ve got here is not merely a failure to communicate, but a linguistic and intellectual defection from liberal thought and/or insight to the dark side of Malkinisms, and Goldbergian writing.

    Goddamnit. I miss Gavin. Even Roy Edroso STILL hasn’t got shit on Gavin. And Roy Edroso is a badass motherfucker, both political-wise and prose-wise. Cerberus and Tintin–yer both just pikers in comparison. And it sucks, because what the left SHOULD do best is humor. You two oughta take a page from Gavin’s book of punitry, or from Edroso’s book of well-crafted cynicism. Youse twose are just sort of whiny, and you can’t even pull off the whining with the sort of panache that Edith Bunker had.

    Meh. I’m done with Sadly, No! It’s (sadly) no longer any fun, which is what any liberal project oughta be.

  93. Gerald Fnord said,

    December 28, 2011 at 11:38

    Snorghagen said:
    >Millions of deserving, worthwhile human beings[....]

    There‘s your problem: you don’t seem to understand that human beings are at root totally depraved, and really only worth anything if their net worth is high or they are useful to those so.

  94. Provider_UNE™LikeAttillaGhengisHannibal_SteepedInSunTzu&Machiavelli_A_RenaissanceBarbarianTea said,

    December 28, 2011 at 12:37

    Oil-Boi, don’t let the door hit yer ass on the way out.

    kthnxbai.
    .

  95. Totally genuine person said,

    December 28, 2011 at 12:41

    I too have never commented at S,N! before, and in a protest against Cerberus’ posts I will never comment here again.

  96. Provider_UNE™LikeAttillaGhengisHannibal_SteepedInSunTzu&Machiavelli_A_RenaissanceBarbarianTea said,

    December 28, 2011 at 12:46

    At the risk of sounding like a crazy person, I am driven to say I believe a civilizational collapse is near. Worse, I think it is too late to reverse. When this happens, abortion and population control will be major reasons why, alongside radical Islam. In fact, the three overlap and synergize one another.

    Aside from the first nine words the first two sentences actually make sense. Get to the third sentence and the first nine words make sense. In fact if the last two sentences were translated into lolcat one would find any adorability coated in hateful crap.
    .

  97. Interrobang said,

    December 28, 2011 at 12:56

    I hate to admit it, but quite often I can follow what passes for “logic” in wingnut writing. I mean, if you assume whatever fucked-up, contra-factual (they’re freedom fighters, honest) premises that they obviously believe, everything more or less follows from there, not unlike a trail of reeking liquid shit from the asshole of a diseased and staggering goat.

    This? I got nuthin’. I mean, it might be that I’ve been sick as hell for three days and I haven’t had anything like enough sleep lately, but I still can’t even visualise Planet Wingnut well enough to get from Point A to Point B on Chantrill’s mental map.

  98. Cole said,

    December 28, 2011 at 14:04

    zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 2:25

    Conservatives are pro-life

    “You can tell, because of all the capital punishment, bombing of other countries, and eradication of environment they support.”

    –not to mention all the organic-farmed, locally grown, sustainable agriculture conservatoids out there boycotting factory-produced crap sold in culturally homogenizing national chains like Walmart and Target.

    Viva la difference!

  99. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 14:16

    Are organic-farmed conservatives somehow less covered in manure than ordinary ones?

  100. Cole said,

    December 28, 2011 at 14:25

    MORE covered, of course–that’s how you can tell they’re locally grown when you see them stacked up on the roadside tables.

    Be careful, though, just like the “new car” in a can that used car salesmen allegedly use, I hear Safeway is spraying their tasteless produce with dirt and shit produced in China.

  101. mr. cranky shorts said,

    December 28, 2011 at 15:29

    i’m a little confused about the sterility of modern architecture and its connection to the barren nature of the trust fund.

  102. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 28, 2011 at 15:48

    About Snorg’s link – does she ever wonder about the logical outcome of millions of men thrust together with no other sexual outlet?

    China in the future will be fabulous!

  103. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 16:36

    i’m a little confused about the sterility of modern architecture and its connection to the barren nature of the trust fund.

    This discussion can be inscrutable, but I find it inconceivable that anyone would think it’s unbearable.

  104. Stupid article, or stupidest article? « The Odd Blog said,

    December 28, 2011 at 16:38

    [...] comment extensively on this phenomenally stupid article at the American Stinker, but S,N! already has it covered, and I’m suffering a cold, so I [...]

  105. Wallace Shawn said,

    December 28, 2011 at 16:50

    INCONTHEIVABLE!

  106. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:00

    i’m a little confused about the sterility of modern architecture and its connection to the barren nature of the trust fund.

    When you have to start dipping into principal to pay for your McMansions, you cut corners.

  107. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:01

    Are organic-farmed conservatives somehow less covered in manure than ordinary ones?

    Nope! It’s just that their shit don’t stink.

  108. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:03

    I hate to admit it, but quite often I can follow what passes for “logic” in wingnut writing.

    I see the problem right off…

  109. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:05

    Cerb, I want to add my hat-tip for the “read rest of this entry” addition. Thank you.

  110. Anonymous said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:21

    Conservatives are pro-life and fecundity.

    Did anyone else think of the opening sequence of Idiocracy after reading that?

  111. Willy said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:36

    Wait…WND means WorldNetDaily?

    I had thought all along it was Weapons of Neuronal Destruction.

  112. Mike’s Blog Round Up | SPH - Small penis humiliation said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:38

    [...] Sadly, No!: Tantrum in C for Strings and Harp [...]

  113. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:39

    Derek said,

    December 28, 2011 at 11:10 (kill)

    One of the WORST purity concern troll acts I have ever seen.

  114. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 28, 2011 at 17:41

    Wait…WND means WorldNetDaily?

    We’re NUTS! Derp!

  115. Steerpike said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:34

    Can you change “Read the rest of thei entry” to just say “Moar”? Cause that would add just a dollop of awesome sauce…

  116. jim, trying out for K-Lo's job said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:40

    Upon further consideration, I am VERY CONCERNED INDEED about this sullying of the glorious icon of Amerikin Mudderhood by cravenly using the uterine Grail of fecundity itself as a mere semantic MacGuffin to enable Chantrill to slap a coat of cooter-decanted whitewash over Boehner’s tax-cut EPIC ƒAIL.

    Plainly, it is a post that is anti-life & pro-terrorism.

    Christopher Chantrill is making Duggar Babies #62-78 cry!

  117. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:42

    About Snorg’s link – does she ever wonder about the logical outcome of millions of men thrust together with no other sexual outlet?

    China in the future will be fabulous!

    In America this is called “jail”.

  118. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:44

    I don’t understand why “overpopulation” is in scare quotes. I think that wingnuts think that if they put a problem in quotes it will simply go away.

    Let’s see if this works:

    “water shortage”

  119. Dennnis said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:49

    Cerb, I want to add my hat-tip for the “read rest of this entry” addition. Thank you.

    “Please, please like me, everyone.” – actor212

    Yeesh, how pathetic.

  120. Dean Booth said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:50

    I’ve seen some of these arguments before. Let me think…

    Oh, yeah, I’m reading a biography of Margaret Sanger, and these are arguments against her from circa 1912.

    Chantrill is lucky that these days he won’t be arrested for even mentioning birth control. A hundred years ago, maybe the scare quotes would have kept him out of prison.

  121. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:51

    Yeesh, how pathetic.

    Another fanboi. I’m thrilled I can keep you in suspense.

  122. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:53

    Sexism is the most ancient ism, identified in Genesis 3 when God foresaw that physically bigger and stronger man would dominate smaller and weaker woman as one consequence of sin entering the world.

    so, god’s an mra-er?

  123. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:53

    Christopher Chantrill is making Duggar Babies #62-78 cry!

    okay…hot coffee spewing out one’s nostrils? not. fun.

  124. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:54

    so, god’s an mra-er?

    the original, i meant…

  125. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:57

    I’ve said before the growing Chinese gender gap is perfectly suited to grow a Chinese military full of volatile men who will never marry, hyper-testosteroned, with no place to put it*

    *vgoatser?

  126. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:58

    *vgoatser?

    You have Mickey Kaus’ undivided attention

  127. Major Kong said,

    December 28, 2011 at 18:59

    I don’t understand why “overpopulation” is in scare quotes.

    Because the wingnuts are worried that the swarthy brown peoples (eeeek!!!) are outbreeding us.

  128. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 19:00

    Because the wingnuts are worried that the swarthy brown peoples (eeeek!!!) are outbreeding us.

    So white people are to blame for the abortion problem?

  129. Major Kong said,

    December 28, 2011 at 19:08

    You’re attempting to use logic. I’d recommend against that when trying to dissect right-wing policy statements. It’s a sure path to insanity.

  130. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 19:09

    It’s a sure path to insanity.

    And here I thought it was the peyote.

  131. wiley the intrepid go and get some mangos said,

    December 28, 2011 at 19:34

    The Taj Mahal gave me, like, five different kinds of herpes.

    Gee, spearfahoc— you weren’t supposed to fuck it. Even I know that.

    O.K., “word salad” doesn’t really cover this special screed because what we’re looking at here is a full-blown fugue state.

    I’ ve the maturity to accept that I may never catch up on all the sadlyno! comment threads or read all the posts now that our sadlyno! overlord of prolificness is being so prolificky— but I just have barely enough maturity to accept it.

  132. Smut Clyde said,

    December 28, 2011 at 20:08

    O.K., “word salad” doesn’t really cover this special screed because what we’re looking at here is a full-blown fugue state.

    There are so many clang associations, it’s more of a concerto for cymbals.

  133. bbkf said,

    December 28, 2011 at 20:24

    There are so many clang associations, it’s more of a concerto for cymbals.

    needs moar cowbell…

  134. tigris said,

    December 28, 2011 at 20:27

    I suppose that the president’s chief objective in this vicious little fight was to remind the voters which of the two parties was the Stupid Party.

    I think that was rather your party’s aim. Mission accomplished.

    I thought that the FICA payroll taxes were sacred

    Well, yes, they should be inviolate, and a better option would have been to raise both the floor and the ceiling, but that ship has sailed. The concerned act is cute, though.

    But at least you are tacitly admitting that the crushing taxes that Democrats have laid on the brow of labor are a problem.

    Dear God, crushing? Don’t conservatives long for the glory days of the post-war period? Or does everyone have a goatee in their reality?

    my accumulated balance is useless to me until I retire. Same with unemployment: useless unless I lose my job.

    Is this guy insured? Cuz guess what? And even though your 401k is your money, there are still restrictions on how you can use it. There are sneaky ways of investing it in your own company, but you’re really supposed to pay taxes on it if you use it for personal, non-emergency money. If you take a loan from it and then lose it all, you’re not only out the money but you definitely will have to pay taxes and a nasty penalty when you can’t pay it back. This is why they really really recommend you not do that. Like Cerb says, a much better way would be to make sure people don’t have to gamble their and their families whole futures.

    About Snorg’s link – does she ever wonder about the logical outcome of millions of men thrust together with no other sexual outlet?

    China in the future will be fabulous!

    China my China, I’ve wandered around and you’re still here
    (which I guess you should be proud of)
    Your walls have enclosed you, have kept you at home for thousands of years
    (but there’s something I should tell you)
    All the young boys are dressing like sailors

  135. tigris said,

    December 28, 2011 at 20:41

    Also, sterile buildings screed makes me laugh. I hope his doctor’s office reads his column before they waste those used gloves and tongue depressors!

  136. N__B said,

    December 28, 2011 at 20:49

    before they waste those used gloves and tongue depressors!

    As long as they have enough Elmer’s, construction paper, and glitter, there will be no waste.

  137. Willy said,

    December 28, 2011 at 20:53

    [a]s long as they have enough Elmer’s, construction paper, and glitter[...]

    and ponies.

  138. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 20:57

    The Taj Mahal gave me, like, five different kinds of herpes.

    Gee, spearfahoc— you weren’t supposed to fuck it. Even I know that.

    What a waste of the world’s greatest erection by a man for a woman.

    Little known fact: the Eiffel Tower is the world’s greatest erection by a man for a city.

  139. Zach said,

    December 28, 2011 at 21:20

    “Sterilized” – you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means.

  140. Smut Clyde said,

    December 28, 2011 at 21:31

    China my China, I’ve wandered around and you’re still here

    Tigris wins the Internet Tiger Mountain.

  141. El Manquécito said,

    December 28, 2011 at 21:55

    by strategy?

  142. tigris said,

    December 28, 2011 at 22:03

    So. Much. Climbing.

  143. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 22:04

    So. Much. Climbing.

    That’s what she said.

    Wait…what?

  144. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 28, 2011 at 22:19

    Boy Howdy!

    Y’all have pounded the POOP out of my pimp link, meaning (I theorize) that YOU REALLY LIKE MY KITTEH. :)

    So, if you need a 2012 calendar, that’s a good one. L.E. is also in the 2012 Balloon Juice calendar, albeit in a much smaller photo in the month of October. Both good causes, and LarryElvis was thrilled to raise more than $1000 for one of them with nothing more than a photograph.
    .

  145. Hogeye Grex said,

    December 28, 2011 at 22:22

    poop

  146. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 22:23

    poop

    Ah. See. That would explain this

  147. Howlin Wolfe said,

    December 28, 2011 at 23:28

    Official Neocon Dictionary in a shredder and then paste up random strips of paper until one ran out of mucilage. Word salad doesn’t even *begin* to describe it.

    I’d call it extremely high entropy.

  148. Spearhafoc, who is very concerned about Derek said,

    December 28, 2011 at 23:39

    What the fuck? Derek’s post, like those of most of our recent concern trolls (here’s lookin’ at you, Denny), is just plain boring. It’s long-winded, repetitive and completely lacking in the hilarious phrases we once enjoyed from Sadly Trolls.

    Whatever happened to classic trolling techniques? Gone are the days of “Bookmark it libs!”, “The fact is” and “adress my post”. I didn’t read a single meme-worthy sentence in that entire screed.

    Meh. I’m done responding to Sadly, No! trolls until they decide to up their game.

  149. actor212 said,

    December 28, 2011 at 23:46

    Gone are the days of “Bookmark it libs!”, “The fact is” and “adress my post”. I didn’t read a single meme-worthy sentence in that entire screed.

    Not even an “LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”

  150. The Principal Contributt said,

    December 29, 2011 at 0:26

    Ugh, I just sat through a lunch where 15 minutes were spent listening to Wolf Blitzer administer the most obscene interview-themed blowjob ever to Mittens-bot and his maintenance specialist-er wife. CNN should be fined for that displaying that in the middle of the day.

    I didn’t want to watch or listen to the tripe but it was like a massive train collision, I just couldn’t stop myself.

    Anything about running a campaign in a post-reality alternate universe that is on a platform of nothing but lies and half-truths? Or about whether he’s worried about the public secret that no teatard will vote for him? Hahaha, of course not, just puffy questions about home life and exciting horse race questions about responding to the Newticle, with plenty of openings for repeating his tired stump sound bites and total disregard for facts. Our goddamn liberal media.

    I need to start bringing a book to work.

  151. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 29, 2011 at 1:27

    I need to start bringing a book to work.

    …and throw it at the TV.

  152. El Manquécito said,

    December 29, 2011 at 1:47

    I need to start bringing a book to work.

    I use Burton’s “Anatomy of Melancholy” as my emergency book. Timeless wisdom, friendly authorial voice, heavy enough to throw at the TV. Also, too, available free to load on your phone for real emergencies.

    Considerably lighter in tone and subject is the mixerman diaries, available on your phone and good for a bunch of laughs if you’ve ever come close to the music industry.

  153. N__B said,

    December 29, 2011 at 2:01

    Via Crooks & Liars, the Ron Paul Newsletter, Twitter stream edition: http://twitter.com/#!/RP_Newsletter

    Wear your hip waders!

  154. Smut Clyde said,

    December 29, 2011 at 2:08

    A surge of Santorum!

  155. N__B said,

    December 29, 2011 at 2:12

    A surge of Santorum!

    The Yellow OFF-WHITE Tide!

  156. Whale Chowder said,

    December 29, 2011 at 2:21

    A surge of Santorum!

    New headline: The Iowa Caucuses Are Dripping With Santorum!

  157. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 29, 2011 at 2:30

    Ron Paul’s Holiday Newsletter

  158. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    December 29, 2011 at 2:31

    The OFF-WHITE Tide!

    Tide won’t get Santorum out.

  159. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 3:21

    If the pressure keeps up, Santorum could explode in the Iowa caucases.

  160. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 3:24

    Tide won’t get Santorum out.

    And now, Iowa’s gushing acceptance of teh Frothmeister! I think the only solution is hot water, vinegar and baking soda.

  161. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 3:28

    The CNN article said that Santorum is appearing in every county in Iowa.

  162. Looch said,

    December 29, 2011 at 3:31

    The CNN article said that Santorum is appearing in every county in Iowa.

    Good for the corn crop.

  163. tigris said,

    December 29, 2011 at 3:38

    So after using and tossing aside one sad, worn-out mouthpiece after another, teabaggers have finally decided to try out Santorum?

  164. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 3:41

    So after using and tossing aside one sad, worn-out mouthpiece after another, teabaggers have finally decided to try out Santorum?

    I’m sure that they’ll find Santorum more to their taste.

  165. N__B said,

    December 29, 2011 at 3:45

    Mouthpiece:Santorum::news:WND

  166. AChances said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:01

    [i]“The wingnuts can’t even sustain their bad faith concern trolling through an entire essay anymore.”[/i]

    The hell we can’t. Besides , who ever needed a mind numbed lefty robot around anyway, especialy when there are so many of them.

    Don’t any of you have jobs? Are all you Alinskites camped out in some city park somwhere as part of some deflating “movement?” Having a Happy New Year in that tent? What a bunch of whiners.

    I’ll tell you about movements.

    And no , there’s no reason to read pointless pinko essays.

  167. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:01

    Campaign buttons are available. Stick Santorum on your lapel.

  168. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:10

    The hell we can’t.

    You mean they can sustain their bad-faith trolling?

  169. Major Kong said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:11

    Don’t any of you have jobs?

    Get back to me the next time you’ve crossed a line of thunderstorms at 4:00 AM on your third leg that night and then shot an ILS approach to minimums.

  170. steerpike said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:17

    Things could start to get messy if the other candidates start to smear Santorum

  171. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:18

    I’ll tell you about movements.

    Having problems? Maybe you just need some leafy vegetables in your diet.

  172. Comrade Rutherford said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:28

    No one remembers that is was the Democrats that wanted a full year extension to begin with and it was the GOP that refused that, hoping to force the tax hike that way.

    When it was making the news that the GOP was trying to for a tax hike on the middle class right before the holiday season, only then did the GOP reluctantly allow a 2 month extension.

    And while Winston Smith’s job a the Ministry of Truth, in George Orwell’s book ’1984′, was to re-write history to match the whim of the Party’s decisions today, in America in 2011 Winston Smith is unemployed because no media outlet is allowed to remind of of anything that happened yesterday.

  173. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 4:53

    It’s only a matter of time before Santorum is swallowed by a wave of indifference.

  174. steerpike said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:08

    Santorum just tends to leave a bad taste in people’s mouths

  175. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:09

    It’s only a matter of time before Santorum is swallowed by a wave of indifference.

    You really think Santorum could get squeezed out?

  176. steerpike said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:13

    No matter what, Santorum will definitely leave a mark on the panty party

  177. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:27

    Santorum will certainly be in the minds and on the lips of conservative pundits.

  178. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:36

    (yeah, it’s not original – but I couldn’t resist)

  179. AChances said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:38

    Oh, a pilot for a big airline corporation? Buy more stock, save your money and become a conservative. I’ll watch.

  180. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:40

    You really think Santorum could get squeezed out?

    Between the twin butt-cheeks of public indifference.

  181. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:40

    can santorum really fill the needs of all americans?

  182. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:43

    Oh, a pilot for a big airline corporation? Buy more stock, save your money and become a conservative. I’ll watch.

    *grabs popcorn, soda, Junior Mints*

    I’m just sayin’, you may be waiting some time. You might have to break into the 2012 Apocalypse Doom! stores in your basement.

  183. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:46

    can santorum really fill the needs of all americans?

    Only in the face of a mass evacuation of the Republican nominees.

  184. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:46

    santorum is pretty slick…he just might pull it out…especially since newt peaked early…

  185. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:47

    *grabs popcorn, soda, Junior Mints*

    damn you! now i have the urge to break into the milk duds i found in my christmas stocking…

  186. steerpike said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:48

    Santorum has all the elements to be the new GOP flavor of the month!

  187. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:49

    Hee! I got chocolate-covered raspberry jellies, and a year’s worth* of Crunchie bars.

    *If I have one a month.

  188. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:50

    Nah, I’m sure Santorum’s momentum will come skidding to a halt very soon.

  189. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:53

    i don’t know…if he keeps his head in, he should come out on top…

  190. steerpike said,

    December 29, 2011 at 5:56

    Santorum has upped his game, so up yours!

  191. Whale Chowder said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:01

    Santorum is currently enjoying a frothy wave but like the other candidates he’ll soon be no more than a skid mark, washed out.

  192. wiley said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:01

    Our goddamn liberal media.

    My whole life, I’ve watched television extremely little. Once I bought one just to watch it so I could figure out what people were talking about and why their thinking was so stupid, and this stupidity was so pervasive. Believe me, if you don’t watch television for a long time, and then start watching it again, it is truly FUCKING BIZARRE— I mean bat-shit, bizarro, how-the-fuck-can-anybody-by-this?! WEIRD.

    It’s like three tabs of the brown acid.

    Television is the force that uses thousands of people that are both gifted in manipulation and empty enough to raise it to an art form for the sole purpose of making people shut-down their critical thinking and focus all their frustrated energies on wanting something that will surely disappoint them; and then fall for it again and again.

  193. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:06

    Television is the force that uses thousands of people that are both gifted in manipulation and empty enough to raise it to an art form for the sole purpose of making people shut-down their critical thinking and focus all their frustrated energies on wanting something that will surely disappoint them; and then fall for it again and again.

    Yes, but is it liberal and/or damned? Inquiring minds want to know! Or think they know! Or something!

    (I just saw an ad on TV for “Happy Pills”. I swear, it took me three-quarters of the ad to realize they were serious. I thought it was a parody ad. I love Teevee, but it’s as much for the ironic disbelief as the entertainment.)

  194. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:06

    There’s always the possibility that the Republicans could drop Santorum.

  195. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:14

    I love Teevee, but it’s as much for the ironic disbelief as the entertainment.)

    although we generally don’t watch the networks, hubbkf sometimes gets annoyed with me because i still find plenty to scoff and/or snort at…

  196. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:20

    although we generally don’t watch the networks, hubbkf sometimes gets annoyed with me because i still find plenty to scoff and/or snort at…

    Ah, I do this. When an ad for one of OWN’s programs comes on TLC, and suddenly there’s Oprah saying “everything you do in life can teach you a lesson”, and I say “Like, ‘don’t do that again’?”. Or when the ShamWow guy says “it’s made in Germany; the Germans make good stuff”, and either I or my SO say “Like uniforms. And camps. And invasions of Poland”.

    It makes the day go by like magic.

  197. N__B said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:23

    there’s Oprah saying “everything you do in life can teach you a lesson”

    “Next time, Ogg barbecue mastodon outside cave.”

  198. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:31

    Ah, I do this. When an ad for one of OWN’s programs comes on TLC, and suddenly there’s Oprah saying “everything you do in life can teach you a lesson”, and I say “Like, ‘don’t do that again’?”. Or when the ShamWow guy says “it’s made in Germany; the Germans make good stuff”, and either I or my SO say “Like uniforms. And camps. And invasions of Poland”.

    omg…we could totally watch tv together…i really crack myself up sometimes…oprah and reality tv are the EASIEST targets..

  199. AChances said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:32

    [i]“can santorum really fill the needs of all americans?”[/i]

    The question is can a sanitarium be built for all the mind numbed lefty robots, liberal nut jobs, and Democratic KOO KOOs.

  200. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:33

    The question is can a sanitarium be built for all the mind numbed lefty robots, liberal nut jobs, and Democratic KOO KOOs.

    omigod…stop! my side…it’s aching!

  201. N__B said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:39

    There’s a movement happening: SANTORUM!

  202. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:40

    Actually, the question seems to be “html…wtf?”.

  203. N__B said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:41

    Santorum is the answer! (When a dry-cleaner asks the question.)

  204. bbkf said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:42

    There’s a movement happening: SANTORUM!

    …there’s a kind of slush…all over the world tonight…

  205. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:43

    @bbkf: One of the things I love about my current SO is that he joins in on the snark, unlike my ex, who refused to find anything I ever said funny, even though I am completely hilarious (she said humbly). I love nothing more than an evening of comebacks at the TV, the more company, the merrier.

    I mean, it’s like the mangoes here; there’s just so much stupid out there, it seems a shame not to share it with as many people as possible.

    (But, having said that, it is my beddy-bye times. Sleep!)

  206. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 29, 2011 at 6:44

    Fuck, I can’t resist one more.

    Santorum! A waste is a terrible thing to mind!

  207. Snorghagen said,

    December 29, 2011 at 7:04

    The question is can a sanitarium be built for all the mind numbed lefty robots, liberal nut jobs, and Democratic KOO KOOs.

    So are you eager to stand by Santorum? Many Republicans feel an intense pressure to dump Santorum.

  208. Fenwick said,

    December 29, 2011 at 7:07

    “It is time to pinch out the Santorum jokes!’

    — unfamous revolutionary Go Tse Dung

  209. Fenwick said,

    December 29, 2011 at 7:11

    Santorum! A waste is a terrible thing to mind!

    The magnificent Envelope wins a shiny new Internet Toobz!

  210. The Dark Avenger said,

    December 29, 2011 at 7:27

    I think we’ve just wiped out any support for Santorum on this thread.

  211. St. jim, Patron Saint Of Bitchslapping said,

    December 29, 2011 at 7:44

    The question is can a sanitarium be built for all the mind numbed lefty robots, liberal nut jobs, and Democratic KOO KOOs.

    Wanna talk batshit insane?

    Not even “whackjob loonytunes” like Kucinich or Nader can match the sheer bugfuck-crazy factor needed to go on TeeVee & advocate repealing child labor laws … or scrapping entire federal departments overnight, “on principle” … or unilaterally attacking Iran because FR33DOMZ! Let alone fighting like a tiger to defeat Obama before he can ruin America by perpetrating the infamy of … the exact same same ideas you were advocating a few months, weeks or MINUTES ago.

    Someone’s got their little red wagon hitched to the Krazy Train.

    Enjoy the ride!

  212. Crissa said,

    December 29, 2011 at 8:01

    I had to look swingeing up, as I had no idea what it meant. Luckily, Macs come with an Oxford dictionary and it knew that word. It means extreme.

    I wasn’t under the impression this was an extreme cut, either.

  213. tensor said,

    December 29, 2011 at 8:38

    …part of some deflating “movement?”

    In the midst of a run* of santorum comments? I’m voting AChances for a brilliant parody troll of long-gone-and-hopefully-forgotten Art Chance.

    *yes, intentional. Santorum, by very nature, spreads** everywhere.

    ** required

  214. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 29, 2011 at 8:53

    So, Mr. President, when you start monkeying around those taxes aren’t you desecrating the holy Trust Fund?

    You campaign against the Democrats you have, not the Democrats you wish you had.

    The government insurance programs like Social Security, unemployment, and worker’s comp. are terrible ideas, because they sterilize the workers’ savings.

    What the hell does “sterilize the savings” mean? Also, he thinks that workers’compensation is a bad thing? Obviously, he’s never done a lick of real work in his life… he’s never considered the possibility that he could possibly be injured on the job, no matter how slim the chance? Sheeee-it…

  215. tensor said,

    December 29, 2011 at 9:15

    So, Mr. President, when you start monkeying around those taxes aren’t you desecrating the holy Trust Fund?

    The point of this sentence was to get a variant of “monkey” into the same phrase as “Mr. President [Obama]“. All else is commentary.

    … he could possibly be injured on the job…

    Paper cuts are theft!!1!

  216. Guerilla Voters Cadre 18 said,

    December 29, 2011 at 10:47

    Which Republican candidate would you like to see win the Iowa primary?

    (The comrades think a Santorum win would be the most entertaining result. The Santorum Surge!)

  217. John Revolta said,

    December 29, 2011 at 11:30

    Well, it may be too much to ask for, but I’M kinda pullin’ for old Crazy-Eyes Bachmann. The ensuing hilarity that would ensue would be hilarious.

  218. John Revolta said,

    December 29, 2011 at 11:35

    Go Tse Dung

    What you did there. I see it.

    *golf clap*

  219. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:14

    The point of this sentence was to get a variant of “monkey” into the same phrase as “Mr. President [Obama]“. All else is commentary.

    Damn, how could I have missed that dogwhistle air raid siren?

  220. Guerilla Voters Cadre 18 said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:15

    There is indeed much to be said for the comic possibilities of a Bachmann victory. The important thing is that the Republican Clown Car be as full of as many Bozos as possible as long as possible.

    The Democratic Clown Car has only one Bozo. No drama, but there will nevertheless be much high hilarity.

  221. Fenwick said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:19

    BBBB: I missed it too. Props to tensor!

  222. Smut Clyde said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:21

    Over at LGM, Warren Terra points out that the headline should have read “Santorum surges from behind!”

  223. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:24

    If you can get past Malin Ackerman’s inability to act, it’s pretty good. Not as good as the book, but what can you do? Besides killing Zach Snyder, that is.

    Is it as good as the Saturday morning cartoon?

  224. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:25

    Over at LGM, Warren Terra points out that the headline should have read “Santorum surges from behind!”

    “Santorum Leaves Mark on Iowa Caucus”

  225. actor212 said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:31

    What the hell does “sterilize the savings” mean?

    Take your ATM card, see, and boil up a pot of water…

  226. Major Kong said,

    December 29, 2011 at 13:52

    Oh, a pilot for a big airline corporation? Buy more stock, save your money and become a conservative. I’ll watch.

    I used to be a conservative. Then I got better.

  227. Spearhafoc, who is shopworn said,

    December 29, 2011 at 15:49

    Guys, can’t you see that all the Santorum jokes are making him sad and angry?

    He’s so sad, he’s crying. He’s so mad, he’s frothing at the mouth.

  228. Major Kong said,

    December 29, 2011 at 15:55

    Is Santorum the new Not-Romney of the week?

  229. actor212 said,

    December 29, 2011 at 17:27

    Santorum is spreading his message across Iowa.

  230. tigris said,

    December 29, 2011 at 18:01

    Hee hee, I love that the guy talking about others being mind-numbed can’t figure out the italics tag.

  231. LittlePig said,

    December 29, 2011 at 18:16

    Thread Bear said,
    December 28, 2011 at 0:25

    But liberals like you, Mr. President, are opposed to all this. You want the economy sterilized

    Obama is NOMAD!

    I knew it wouldn’t be too far into the comments. Thank you for restoring my faith in cyberspace.

  232. LittlePig said,

    December 29, 2011 at 18:48

    Smut Clyde said,

    December 29, 2011 at 12:21 (kill)

    Over at LGM, Warren Terra points out that the headline should have read “Santorum surges from behind!”

    Will Bunch must have read the same thing: Santorum Surges From Behind

  233. John M. Burt said,

    December 30, 2011 at 3:20

    I’m so sorry the lack of phallic imagery made your dick wilt.

    There is a reason that the building in their holiest of scriptures is called the Fountainhead.

  234. hector said,

    January 4, 2012 at 13:42

    hell yeah those dumb rePUGlicans got chess-mastered again! thank god obama is on our side. dude is unstoppable.

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