Dec
20

I Usually Only See Those Team-Ups in My Nightmares




Posted at 21:25 by Cerberus


Sometimes a conservative has to go without unearned attention for minutes at a time. The experience is more painful than actual oppression could ever be. And you damn liberals don’t even care, do you? Bastiches.

America’s Dumbest Homosexual, Gay Patriot:
The Protestor as Person of the Year; It’s His Ideology, Stupid

So the wingnut cycle has worked themselves into a bit of a lather over “the protestor” being named Time Magazine’s cop-out, I mean, person of the year.

Now, the reaction of a sane person would be to go “who cares?” because Time hasn’t been remotely relevant for fucking years and the “Person of the Year” category especially has about the impact of a mosquito farting into a marsh.

But B. Daniel Blatt is no sane person and this meaningless acknowledgement that the OWS protests, the riots in Europe and the various protests still continuing in the Middle East, have occurred and had an impact is too much for his little mind to take.

In his post last week on Time magazine’s decision to name the Protestor as its “Person of the Year,” Ed Morrissey thought the magazine a “little late to ‘the protester’ story in terms of real impact“:

Oh right, Dan is busy trying to clamp down on the fail eruption of GOProud when one of the activists momentarily fell off the drug cocktail and realized “hey, our fellow conservatives are homophobes and some gay conservatives work against gay rights.” A moment I’m sure had the entire gay staff of GOProud (all three of them) shuffling their feet and whistling innocently. As such, he mostly links to Ed Morrissey (the inferior Morrissey), a man who can’t even get his web video show on PJTV and has to settle for Hot Air TV instead.

Some choice Ed Mangos:

In 2009, Time had the same opportunity to pick “the protester” when the protests were the Tea Party and Iran’s Green Revolution, which followed from Ukraine’s Orange Revolution, and so on. Who did they pick? Ben Bernanke.

Ah, that’s cute, they thought they were a real movement. Yeah, while the order came down from on high to high-speed fluff the Teabaggers and their 5 person rallies as the new hot flavor, I imagine Time Magazine’s gut choked on the thought of having to acknowledge them for all time.

And yes, how dare they pick a focus on the financial collapse rather than a bunch of racists having a freakout over Obama and the single pet Middle Eastern protest they decided to “adopt” as “their own” because a few conservatives switched their twitter feed to green.

When the Tea Party movement actually delivered results at the ballot box in 2010 in a historic midterm drubbing of Barack Obama’s Democrats — they lost 68 seats, the worst outing since 1938 — they could have hailed The Protester then, too. Who did they pick? Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.

Oh, that’s cute.

You mean the less than impressive traditional swing-back and conservative voting patterns we see in a midterm post new president election? The one that wasted a chance to take the Senate as well because of all the teabaggers deciding this was their moment in the sun. And all those Teabagger candidates now leaving the Republicans staring over the vast precipice of looming irrelevance while a guy with a stick pokes them and urges them to jump.

Yeah, you’re lucky that Time didn’t deconstruct that. And yeah, again, Mark Zuckerberg had a movie about him thus insuring people would pick up a Time Magazine with his face on it and it was Time’s last shot to honor Facebook before it started its slide into irrelevancy.

Now back to Dan’s mangos:

What impact, he wonders, “has ‘the protester’ actually had in 2011?

A lot? I mean, we’ve got the recall election in Wisconsin, the Occupy movement turning into a National franchise, those European protests and riots that got the EU to think twice about selling the farm to the 1% and those Middle East protests that didn’t just go away because conservatives decided they were bored with it and done changing their twitter streams green.

Has the Occupy Movement, such as it is, had any kind of ground-breaking impact on politics in the way the Tea Party did in 2010 and still does in this cycle?

Oh yes, the impressive snrk impact of the Hoverund 12. Yeah, I think OWS met that “impact” when the first doobie was passed around and someone said “hey, we should like totally Occupy Wall Street, man.”

And this is the problem when you believe your own bullshit. Yeah, the guys who pay your salaries did send out the marching orders to every news organization in the country to cover a small smattering of hardcore conservatives having a freakout over “black president” as if it was the Green Revolution, but it never was anything more than a media stunt, a desperate attempt to distract our mayflay attention public from the fact that the 1% were looting the remaining deck chairs before they get off the Titanic.

And then here came this genuine populist organization, which actually remembered who broke the economy and how time works (things that cause things happen before the things they caused). And despite the media and the police pulling out all the stops, the movement not only stayed but grew and became national.

I would say the way you and your owners shit their collective pants over how this wasn’t in the script says quite a bit about the impact it had on everything (though nice wording to focus only on election victories seeing as we won’t see the impact on that until next year).

Not even close, and even people on the Left have begun washing their hands of the literally pointless display.”

Ah, that’s the cutest thing ever. The fake movement is desperate to erase the real movement and has been fantasizing about how “it’s losing impact and will go away soon about five seconds after the first bongo drum solo (a fair reaction to bongos, I’ll admit). Yet it still wants to pretend it’s got a seat on the table.

I’m sorry fake movement, you failed your masters. The real populist message got through. The 1% have already deleted your numbers from their phone and decided to skip the middle man and just buy the police to take care of the problem.

Have fun on the unemployment lines with the rest of us.

I’m sure your vast skills will get you a job in no time.

Well, the folks in the various Occupy movements did chant the right (er, left) slogans (at least according to our friends in the MSM).

Yes…because of all that air time they got in the liberal media versus the complete silence the Teabaggers got. Why, even Fox News has been tripping over itself to cover every cities version of Occupy, hailing rallies of 5 people as the people’s voice finally being heard and trying to motivate the crowd to make them seem louder while panning away from any images that might speak poorly of the protestors. Meanwhile, the Teabaggers, despite having numbers in the thousands, had to fight for even a local news mention while cops tried to beat and harass them at every turn and whatever media attention they got was all about what violent lunatics they were because of what someone in the general vicinity of them did that was 20 times less awful than what was being done to them on a regular basis.

It was a harrowing time for Teabaggers, but it paid off. There has been a growing sense of outreach and the message has been received by many, tapping into the real populist worries that have been ill-served by a bought-and-sold media chasing fad astroturf movements like OWS.

Yes, you are absolutely right, America’s Dumbest Homosexual. It is an outrage and you have totally valid complaints that aren’t at all based in whiny complaints that your band of lazy ass mouth-breathers don’t get to monopolize the airwaves simply because your rich daddies bought the media.

Waaah! Oh wow, the unabashed IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION of that last statement knocked me into the Bizarro World for three paragraphs.

You might be many things this Solstice season, but you can thank your Pagan Gods that you aren’t Dan Blatt, America’s Dumbest Homosexual.

423 Comments »

  1. actor212 said,

    December 20, 2011 at 21:35

    So Blatt and Cap’n Ed are upset because the Teabaggers didn’t get props from the mainstream media?

  2. Chris said,

    December 20, 2011 at 21:38

    When the Tea Party movement actually delivered results at the ballot box in 2010 in a historic midterm drubbing of Barack Obama’s Democrats

    I know I’ve said this before, recently, but it bears repeating: the TPM isn’t the reason they won the House in 2010. The TPM is the reason they only won the House.

    The law of midterms + the shitty state of the economy (which has seen governments all over the world fall periodically no matter what party they were) alone guaranteed that the opposition party was going to win big in 2010, and no one needed a TPM “insurgency” for that. On the other hand, only TPM pressure could force the Republicans to put ideological purity above being in touch with constituents, and thus to lose Delaware and several other not-too-conservative states (and the Senate along with them).

  3. Chris said,

    December 20, 2011 at 21:39

    What impact, he wonders, “has ‘the protester’ actually had in 2011?

    The overthrow of three long-standing, decades old, firmly entrenched dictatorships all in the same year, potentially with more to come?

  4. actor212 said,

    December 20, 2011 at 21:46

    The overthrow of three long-standing, decades old, firmly entrenched dictatorships all in the same year, potentially with more to come?

    Yes, but brown people are cutthroat bloodthirsty savages, Chris

  5. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 20, 2011 at 21:49

    I’m penciling in some time to read this later this evening. bbl
    .

  6. Smut Clyde said,

    December 20, 2011 at 21:54

    Home fucking protesting is killing prostitution astroturf!

  7. Pupienus said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:15

    I haven’t visited GayPutzRiot in some while. Last I was there Eric Olsen had wrested the title of America’s Dumbest Homosexual from Brucie Dan Blatt. I am only half tempted to go see if the title has reverted to Brucie.

    Word of warning: Avoid the commentariat over there, they are all vile, toxic, hateful, st00pid fuckwads.

  8. actor212 said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:20

    Avoid the commentariat over there, they are all vile, toxic, hateful, st00pid fuckwads.

    Errrrr, when aren’t they, when S,N! has to link to the piece?

  9. Bozo the Cocksucker said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:20

    Funny thing, it’s not actually automatically a cop-out if it’s not a specific person. They couldn’t have picked a more deserving individual. It’s not as if they ignored the news altogether and picked “You” because of what they’d read about Web 2.0.

  10. Pupienus said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:25

    POOPCOCAINE.

  11. tigris said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:26

    Tea partiers didn’t “protest” so much as “rally,” and they didn’t accomplish much other than wrong-headed complaints. The Green Revolution also didn’t amount to much, unlike the Arab spring. But who cares? It’s a lame-ass pick by a lame-ass magazine, and still nowhere near the level of stupid that was the mirrored “YOU!” pick.

  12. bbkf said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:27

    Word of warning: Avoid the commentariat over there, they are all vile, toxic, hateful, st00pid fuckwads.

    DO NOT BAIT ME!!! i have actual work to do today…boring, boring event expense and income stuff…very boring…i’m on the edge, mr.!

  13. tigris said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:29

    Dammit, Bozo. GRRR.

  14. actor212 said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:33

    Besides, Bruce may get his wish next year, when Time picks “The Looter” as person of the year.

  15. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:34

    Hooray for the left-wing media and our comrades at Time magazine!

  16. kg said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:38

    congrats to tintin if he’s reading

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/12/20/DDST1MECJ8.DTL

  17. Mat said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:45

    At least he ain’t bitching that shaving pubes makes gay men sluttier.

  18. actor212 said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:48

    At least he ain’t bitching that shaving pubes makes gay men sluttier.

    What? Reveal one of his dating secrets?

  19. bbkf said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:58

    At least he ain’t bitching that shaving pubes makes gay men sluttier.

    but i bet he’s thinking it…

  20. Chris said,

    December 20, 2011 at 22:59

    congrats to tintin if he’s reading

    Haven’t seen it yet, looking forward to it.

    Bloody pity that so few Belgian graphic novels have made it over the Atlantic. Tintin’s one of the few.

  21. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    December 20, 2011 at 23:03

    teabaggers are nothing more than the repug bases, expensively rebranded.
    ~

  22. jim said,

    December 20, 2011 at 23:12

    Has the Occupy Movement, such as it is, had any kind of ground-breaking impact on politics in the way the Tea Party did in 2010 and still does in this cycle?

    X = “my sources say no”

    Given the ugly form of the question I’d say that’s a very lucky break.

    Subversion & reification of any truly dissident culture has been honed to a science if not an art. Successful strategies to overcome this are not abundant, nor are they necessarily a fixed stable set of choices.

    OWS ignited soldarity protests around the world – whereas the Tea Party has much prettier hats & Colonial drag to match them. Driftglass nailed it: the entire politcal brand is a kludge made from moonbeams & horseshit to distract from these being the same old Republican voters who voted for Commandante Codpiece, twice. A panicked orgy of Astroturfy table-tilting on behalf of their pet candidates in 2010 notwithstanding, the TEA-Jihad looks like a flash in the pan … one with unpleasant long-term side-effects.

    Net impact of Tea Partiers looks like the GOP sabotaging themselves in mid-recovery.

    Standards: it hurts to lower them once too often.

    Shamelessness is the only thing like political kung-fu they have left now. Even McCain’s lukewarm pudding of a 2008 campaign looks like Erwin fucking Rommel hitting Tobruk next to this shit. They ought to be knocking Obama down to Dubya-like microscopic approval-levels with such a grim unemployment & socioeconomic picture. Meanwhile a weak recovery is occurring which makes their odds even worse.

    Quelle surprise! Perhaps welcoming the Birchers to CPAC wasn’t quite the cunning plan it seemed like at the time after all.

    Usually the partisan audience itself isn’t a direct factor for either party in the pre-election season, but not this time. Repeated public displays of mass ethical morbidity have cost them votes, some of them for a generation or for life. Booing a soldier while he’s serving in a combat role? Cheering a needless death?

    As a silver lining, I guess they get some healing-points for subsequently toning the 1776th Armored War-Scooter Brigade down, sort of, maybe?

    An army of Ross Perots … GAETHER YOURE TEABAGGES!

  23. actor212 said,

    December 20, 2011 at 23:21

    Has the Occupy Movement, such as it is, had any kind of ground-breaking impact on politics in the way the Tea Party did in 2010 and still does in this cycle?

    The real question for Bruce is, did the Teabaggers have even half the political influence in their first year as they had in their third (2010)?

    Because the appropriate comparison would be to compare Teabaggers 2008 railing against the bailout…AND FAILING TO STOP IT…and the OWS protestors in 2011 trying to enlighten the national dialogue about inequality…AND SUCCEEDING.

    So imagine what they will do in 2012, a year ahead of the Teabaggers.

  24. Geds said,

    December 20, 2011 at 23:40

    Has the Occupy Movement, such as it is, had any kind of ground-breaking impact on politics in the way the Tea Party did in 2010 and still does in this cycle?

    The fuck is he talking about? The Tea Party couldn’t even figure out how to get the government to keep their hands off of Medicare.

  25. Interrobang said,

    December 20, 2011 at 23:43

    An army of Ross Perots…

    Nonsense. Ross Perot was saner than they are. Also, he’d done more with his life besides Cheeto his way into a mobility scooter.

    My admiration such as it is for Perot stems from one thing: During the televised debates, which I watched, he was the only candidate who ever mentioned anything about how US foreign policy — NAFTA, at the time — would affect people outside the US. That’s a little bit of broad-mindedness more US pols could use, IMNSHAF*O.

    The Tea Crackers don’t have a foreign policy, and they explicitly think that anything that hurts the rest of the world automatically benefits the US, so they ain’t that smart.
    ______
    * For “And Forin.”

  26. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 20, 2011 at 23:59

    An army of Ross Perots…

    Truly jar-heads.

  27. Steerpike said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:01

    Someone had a good compare/contrast the other day between “protest” and “resistance”. The former is a political statement; the latter is an act of defiance that involves actual risks to the the one engaging in it. Protest says “Not in my name”; Resistance says “Over my dead body”.

    The Tea Partiers had protest demonstrations; OWS is a resistance movement.

  28. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:01

    Nonsense. Ross Perot was saner than they are.

    That’s right. The CIA only infiltrated his daughter’s wedding.

  29. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:02

    Truly jar-heads.

    Given his ears, maybe “jug-heads” fits better.

  30. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:07

    OWS changed the conversation from “MUST CUT ENTITLEMENTS NOW” to “Let’s talk about income inequality.” People can pretend that’s not huge, but it is.

  31. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:08

    I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Ross Perot hadn’t been off his fucking rocker (and if he had chosen a legitimate running mate) in 1992. He had the really nice makings of a third party and had he scored a few electoral votes, he could have had a real impact on American politics.

    Think about it: the 1992, 1996, and 2000 elections all featured third party candidates who could have had a real effect on the outcome of the election (you can make a case ofr Nader, altho not in a good way). There’s a trend, tho: successive elections saw third party efforts pushed to the fringe and ridiculed.

    Meanwhile, the underlying fear never went away, and found a home in the Teabaggers, and to an extent, OWS.

  32. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:10

    The Tea Partiers had protest demonstrations; OWS is a resistance movement.

    good point…and it’s not even thought about in the public discourse, is it?

  33. Gary Ruppert said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:16

    The fact is, shut up and get a job hippys.

  34. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:16

    Time’s Person of the Year is Anja the Fire marshal
    Time’s Person of the Year is Drawled-Uppermost
    Time’s Person of the Year is Obstruct
    Time’s Person of the Year is Outlining the Mathematical Dwarf Banshee
    Time’s Person of the Year is Maudie Econometrica
    Time’s Person of the Year is Musicalsshoyque Anal the Marketer
    Time’s Person of the Year is Aunt Sheequwilma Fenton-Disruptive
    Time’s Person of the Year is Firm Asynchronous the Blonde Judge
    Time’s Person of the Year is Sherry Revived the Weary Pronghorn
    Time’s Person of the Year is Saint Bogus-Hamey the Big Cashier
    Time’s Person of the Year is Drooping Soygtaypcipr the Erroneous Iron Great Wyrm
    Time’s Person of the Year is Madaline Lith the Funny Seamstress
    Time’s Person of the Year is Marchelle Frames-Darwinizes the Philanthropist
    Time’s Person of the Year is Ms. Mortar Characterizing-Obscene the Computer Programmer
    Time’s Person of the Year is Leeayhafsayj Rapes-Earthman the Organic Artist
    Time’s Person of the Year is Tus Closenesses the Dogcatcher
    Time’s Person of the Year is Ewjusecr Inflicts the Police Officer
    Time’s Person of the Year is Edincurs Grandniece-Interchannel the Sun-dried Living Crystal Statue
    Time’s Person of the Year is Shoojeemoopr Quietly-Hiram the Quiet Tiler
    Time’s Person of the Year is Clemmie-Danelle Cattlemen-Criminal
    Time’s Person of the Year is Hana Adsorbs the Chain Pickerel
    Time’s Person of the Year is Lady Shoodfub the Priestess
    Time’s Person of the Year is Foowwoyrzeklu Blanking the Wonderful Vampire Hunter
    Time’s Person of the Year is Beenomevqueevvoux Isaias the Cancerous Numismatist
    Time’s Person of the Year is Onita Dike
    Time’s Person of the Year is Kludaxplibrun Yimecroued the Financial Manager
    Time’s Person of the Year is Presidentboy Bumble-Phillips the Dying Metal Spider
    Time’s Person of the Year is Koyaz Lorette the Leatherjacket
    Time’s Person of the Year is Moo Faces-Connoisseurs the Chemical Cop

  35. Pupienus said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:18

    what would have happened if Ross Perot hadn’t been off his fucking rocker (and if he had chosen a legitimate running mate) in 1992.

    GRIDLOCK!

  36. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:20

    GRIDLOCK!

    Gridlock might have been okay at that point as long as a budget could pass…

  37. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:23

    Time’s Person of the Year is Tus Closenesses the Dogcatcher

    is he related to dog the bounty hunter or pitboss? i forget…

  38. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:27

    Time’s Person of the Year is Leeayhafsayj Rapes-Earthman the Organic Artist

    You’d think rapists would not be up for Person of the Year.

  39. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:28

    Those kooky folks at Time will spring anything on you.

  40. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 0:31

    Time’s Person of the Year is Obstruct

    So the tea baggers WERE honored!

  41. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 21, 2011 at 1:51

    Seeing Mark Zuckerberg in the company of all that Hitler kinda makes me giggle.

  42. Gary Ruppert said,

    December 21, 2011 at 2:02

    The fact is, liberals are all like Hitler.

  43. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 21, 2011 at 2:32

    That’s dumb. My moustache is completely different.

  44. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 2:45

    Mine, too! I went for the Stalin-grand.

  45. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 2:55

    Well speaking for myself, I like children and dogs. See if Hitler can match THAT.

  46. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:15

    Well, he liked children, dogs, AND sausages, so I think he’s got you beat, though if you can add kittens and ponies you might give him a run for his marks.

  47. Lancelot Link said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:16

    You’d think rapists would not be up for Person of the Year.
    They had one for 1981, didn’t they?

  48. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:26

    Lech Walesa? Or do you mean 1982?

  49. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:35

    Did you know that all vegetarians are Hitler? It’s true.

  50. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:46

    Did you know that all vegetarians are Hitler? It’s true.

    We must eliminate the radish problem!

  51. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:52

    Or do you mean 1982?

    ERROR: ILLEGAL INTERFACE

  52. vs said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:54

    “Raped by a Computer” is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.

  53. N__B said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:56

    ILLEGAL INTERFACE

    We haven’t had an oral sex discussion in a while…

  54. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 3:57

    “Raped by a Computer” is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.

    Hooray everybody! It has happened!

  55. vs said,

    December 21, 2011 at 4:18

    Well, I may have to see that.

  56. vs said,

    December 21, 2011 at 4:19

    “We haven’t had an oral sex discussion in a while…”

    Has it been 20 minutes already?

  57. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 21, 2011 at 4:45

    The thing I remember most clearly about “The Demon Seed” was the expressions of Julie Christie and Whosis in the last shot. It was the clearest look of “WTF was I doing in this movie?” I’ve ever seen.

  58. N__B said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:11

    Has it been 20 minutes already?

    If I had a nickel for every time a woman has asked me that…

  59. Hogeye Grex said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:26

    My favorite Teaturd picture, from this past July.

    One of the Teapresentatives giving a speech that is being duly reported as Very Important, despite the media being the only ones interested enough to attend. It really sums up how tired and played out the “movement” had become even half a year ago. It hasn’t gotten any more relevant since.

    Sorry, Dan.

  60. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:37

    Well, he liked children, dogs, AND sausages, so I think he’s got you beat, though if you can add kittens and ponies you might give him a run for his marks.

    this made me laff super hard…

    now it is time to start the sauerbraten!!!

  61. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:38

    If I had a nickel for every time a woman has asked me that…

    you would have zero nickels?

  62. Snorghagen said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:42

    The ultimate Man of the Year for our time.

  63. N__B said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:44

    Yes We Have No Nickles

  64. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:44

    hey pups…the pickling spice i bought does not have juniper berries in it…mccormick’s is st00pid…anyhoo, i’ve heard i can add a splash of gin as a replacement…is this so? i bought some tanq just in case…

  65. Major Kong said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:47

    http://www.amazon.com/Frontier-Natural-Products-Juniper-1-28-Ounce/dp/B001NHCHXM

  66. N__B said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:51

    Juniper Berries, Og

    OG? Are those Crip juniper berries or Blood juniper berries?

  67. Major Kong said,

    December 21, 2011 at 5:54

    Must be Bloods, there’s red on the label.

  68. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 6:17

    http://www.amazon.com/Frontier-Natural-Products-Juniper-1-28-Ounce/dp/B001NHCHXM

    thanks for the tip, old bean…but even though i live in the middle of nowhere and have to miss out on good things, i refuse to order foodstuffs online…unless of course, somebody was willing to purchase me an entire case of cadbury crunchie bars…

  69. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 6:18

    also, too…i forgot to go to the granary this week to see if they have any…and it’s go time for marinading, so…i’m gonna punt with the tanqueray

  70. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 6:36

    srsly…where does everybody go at this time every night? is there a hot tub party i am not aware of?

  71. N__B said,

    December 21, 2011 at 6:44

    where does everybody go at this time every night?

    I’m burglarizing ZRM’s house.

  72. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 6:52

    I’m burglarizing ZRM’s house.

    Don’t bang your head on those fucking door-frames he designed.

  73. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 7:01

    god, you guys make me laff…
    .
    .
    .
    or maybe it’s the wine…i dunno…

  74. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 21, 2011 at 8:31

    Don’t bang your head on those fucking door-frames he designed.

    Leave it to a brain-eater to design a house with noggin-knockin’ features!

  75. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 12:45

    Leave it to a brain-eater to design a house with noggin-knockin’ features!

    Isn’t that counterproductive to his feeding scheme, tho? I mean, chase a meal, smack your head, drop o the spot…

    Or is it intended to drive out the humans?

  76. Smut Clyde said,

    December 21, 2011 at 12:55

    house with noggin-knockin’ features!

    Specifically targetted at the tall ones.
    Serves them right, some might say.

  77. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 21, 2011 at 13:19

    Or is it intended to drive out the humans?

    Nah, it stuns them, and tenderizes their branes.

    Specifically targetted at the tall ones.
    Serves them right, some might say.

    Ned’s a tall man, he’s about five feet, sixteen inches.

  78. Lancelot Link said,

    December 21, 2011 at 13:19

    Sorry, 1980.
    The cover date confused me.
    I apologize to Mr Walesa.

  79. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 14:14

    Nah, it stuns them, and tenderizes their branes.

    As the punchline goes, I had not correctly divined his attitude towards his tenants.

  80. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 15:01

    flipping the sauerbraten…

  81. Major Kong said,

    December 21, 2011 at 15:22

    It’s all good fun until someone gets their brain tenderized.

  82. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 17:00

    birthday pressie

  83. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 21, 2011 at 17:13

    Did you know that brains and intestines are the first things to rot after you die?

    Think of your own Teabagger joke here. I have to get to work.

  84. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 17:48

    It’s all good fun until someone gets their brain tenderized.

    You’ve been to White Castle, I see.

  85. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 17:55

    Did you know that brains and intestines are the first things to rot after you die?

    Thus confirming the “shit for brains” theory

  86. Pupienus said,

    December 21, 2011 at 18:44

    Yes, bbkf, use the Tanq. Though if you bought it specifically for that purpose you should have gone with Plymouth. Thats assuming you can’t get Dutch gin – that shit’s got the juniper! Just btw, gin works very well with pork too. And shrimp or scallops – sautE some shrimp or scallops on very high heat. Add the white part pf some scallions. Remove when they are almost done, keeping in mind it’s really easy to overcook that shit. toss a good glug of gin in the pan and flambé. Add a squeeze of orange juice and the green parts of those scallions, whisk in a knob of butter and drape the shellfish with the sauce. Make a fantastic appy.

  87. The Dark Avenger said,

    December 21, 2011 at 18:44

    I would imagine the high concentration of cholesterol that the brain contains, as well as the high degree of vascularity of that organ, is why brains would tend to rot first along with the intestines.

  88. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 18:50

    I would imagine the high concentration of cholesterol that the brain contains, as well as the high degree of vascularity of that organ, is why brains would tend to rot first along with the intestines.

    No doubt. But both organs tend to be full of shit.

  89. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 18:50

    Whisking the knob

  90. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:01

    Just btw, gin works very well with pork too. And shrimp or scallops

    tanqs, dude (see what i did there?) and really, what DOESN’T gin work with? hmmm…i have not heard of plymouth…must check it out…i just know that tanq is juniperier than hendricks…

    i cannot wait!!! y’all know i’m going to be obsessed with my sauerbraten until it’s all gone, don’t you?

  91. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:02

    whisk in a knob of butter and drape the shellfish

    also, too…i thought this said whisk the knob and ‘rape the shellfish’…

  92. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:09

    ‘rape the shellfish’…

    That’s while you’re waiting for the food to cook. If you’re in a rush, you can just grope the lobster

  93. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:17

    you can just grope the lobster</i?

    grope your lobster to
    the bone
    whaddya get?
    smeeeeellly fingers! smelly fingers!

  94. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:19

    yeah…i’m not sure how that tagfail happened…

  95. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:20

    but i DO know if time had a ‘tagfailer of the year’ cover, you would all know what i look like!

  96. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:20

    smeeeeellly fingers! smelly fingers!

    Stroke the shrimp?
    Canoodle the crayfish?

  97. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:27

    You grope sixteen lobster and what do you get?
    Another day older with your forearms all wet.

  98. Snorghagen said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:31

    Comfort the crustacean.

  99. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:34

    Prying open teh clam.

  100. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:37

    Plymouth is pretty tasty gin for folks who don’t liek fruity botanicals getting in teh way of their getting hammered.

    “Literary” trivia – Travis McGee drinks Plymouth.

  101. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:37

    You grope sixteen lobster and what do you get?

    Pinched. Also be careful raping shellfish lest you end up with crabs.

  102. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:40

    i bought some tanq just in case…

    Prudent. You never know when the olives might attack.

  103. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:41

    Prying open teh clam.

    Ur doin it rong.

  104. Rick Massimo said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:42

    They claim to detest that “everybody gets a trophy” mentality. But as soon as it’s THEM who don’t get a trophy …

  105. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:46

    December 21, 2011 at 17:00 (kill)

    birthday pressie

    Sweet! Even though it’s not my birfday, that is being printed as we speak and shall adorn the ceiling above my office door for all eternity.

  106. Major Kong said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:47

    This pisses me off:

    FAA Issues Final Rule on Pilot Fatigue

    http://www.xaeni.com/2011/12/faa-press-release-update_21.html

    All well and good up until this part:

    Covering cargo operators under the new rule would be too costly compared to the benefits generated in this portion of the industry.

    So if I land on top of a 747 full of passengers, hey at least the passenger crew was well rested.

  107. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:48

    sharing is caring

  108. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:50

    Prying open teh clam.

    Ur doin it rong.

    yeah…everybody knows that clams with their hairless labial palps are sluts!

  109. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:52

    So if I land on top of a 747 full of passengers, hey at least the passenger crew was well rested.

    I’m comforted.

    I haven’t flown since the new invasive screening rules started in late 2001. Don’t ever plan to, either. I hated flying before, and now that it seems I will never have a job that requires it again, I’m home free.
    .

  110. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:52

    Covering cargo operators under the new rule would be too costly compared to the benefits generated in this portion of the industry.

    now aren’t you glad i don’t order food online? then you would have to fly it to me…you’re welcome!

  111. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:53

    Rick Massimo nails it, I think. Also applies to the disdainful judgment of “sluts” of both sexes, because again these dudes ain’t getting the cup.

    You’re welcome, OBS. When’s your birthday so I can forget and wish you a happy late birthday a day early?

    And Major… holy crap, that is NUTS.

  112. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:56

    Snatching teh pearl from teh oyster.

  113. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 21, 2011 at 19:59

    So if I land on top of a 747 full of passengers, hey at least the passenger crew was well rested

    So- cargo aircraft aircrew fly airplanes that don’t cost millions of dollars, and use their own airports and sky uncrowded by passengers, and fly over a planet made of soft rubber that will be totally unharmed by a couple dozen tons of hot aluminum and burning jet fuel?

  114. El Manquécito said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:00

    Travis McGee had entirely too much influence on my teenage years.

  115. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:03

    Helmut, left you a birthday pressie above.

  116. Major Kong said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:04

    And Major… holy crap, that is NUTS.

    The back story is that UPS spent a ton of money lobbying congress to get this.

  117. paleotectonics said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:08

    bbkf,

    Aftre you pass out (seems like it should be shortly), I’ll be over to take the remaining sauerbraten.

    And, apparently, acid.

  118. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:13

    You’re welcome, OBS. When’s your birthday so I can forget and wish you a happy late birthday a day early?

    See here. You may not expect it, but I find that beer is an excellent gift.

  119. vs said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:25

    Soooooooo, Pabst Blue Ribbon?

  120. vs said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:27

    You know it’s good cuz of the BLUE RIBBON.

  121. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:40

    Pabst Blue Ribbon?

    Beer, not fizzy yellow hipster water.

  122. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:41

    The 12-year-old heartthrob of my junior high was named Pabst. Always wondered if she had any connection to the beer people.

  123. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:45

    relevant

    …original hipster

  124. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 20:46

    Aftre you pass out (seems like it should be shortly), I’ll be over to take the remaining sauerbraten.

    ha, ha…right now i am the job where drinking is frowned upon, so you may have to wait awhile…

  125. 59 Les Paul, union thug said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:03

    Didn’t Travis Mcgee enjoy quite a bit of Boodles, as well? not to mention the Tuborg.

  126. vs said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:10

    “Oregon Beer Snob said,
    December 21, 2011 at 20:40

    Pabst Blue Ribbon?

    Beer, not fizzy yellow hipster water.”

    Wha–?

  127. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:24

    ha, ha…right now i am the job where drinking is frowned upon, so you may have to wait awhile…

    Quit.

    Find a job where it’s benignly neglected.

  128. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:25

    Beer, not fizzy yellow hipster water

    It never ceases to amaze me how the beers that in my day were drunk by old winos who couldn’t afford Bud are suddenly “cool”.

    It’s almost like, I dunno, the world devolved. Next up, Brawndo!

  129. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:25

    right now i am the job where drinking is frowned upon

    Passing out would turn that frown upside-down!

  130. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:32

    A friend and I were talking about an American band that had massive quantities of Bud in their rider. Most of them didn’t drink it any more, but the Bud remained in the contract just because, so we got to drink it, free beer being the best kind of beer there is.

    It was hard to get drunk with, so that was an advantage, relatively speaking.

  131. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:34

    Passing out would turn that frown upside-down!

    Kinda depends on how one lands, dunnit?
    .

  132. Smut Clyde said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:38

    tigris said,
    birthday pressie

    Half-way through assembling Rob Ives’ Kochtopus but DISTRACTED NOW.

  133. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:41

    Rob Ives’ Kochtopus

    It’s like a little rape machine for tentacle rapists!

  134. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:47

    Kinda depends on how one lands, dunnit?

    Presumably, naked would help.

  135. Pupienus said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:48

    Passing out would turn that frown upside-down!

    Moving to the Antipodes would work too.

  136. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:55

    It never ceases to amaze me how the beers that in my day were drunk by old winos who couldn’t afford Bud are suddenly “cool”.

    It blew my mind when I moved out to AZ to finally finish my undergrad a few years back and PBR was the “cool” beer. I had to laugh because that was always the cheap stuff we drank up on the Rez, but now back home it has been replaced by Milwaukee’s Beast as the cheap swill of choice.

  137. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:58

    now back home it has been replaced by Milwaukee’s Beast as the cheap swill of choice

    Here, it’s Natural Ice, or if lucky, 24oz. cans of Busch (which I can get 2/$2.50).
    .

  138. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 21, 2011 at 21:59

    Presumably, naked would help.

    Makes it easier to label the gluts w/Sharpie with the instructions, “Insert Wood –>”.
    .

  139. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:05

    In Madison, PBR was the hipster beer of choice, because their marketing department decided that PBR must be $2 a bottle wherever it served. That made it the cheapest beer on the menu most places. They also went out of their way to sponsor lots of local/indie shows. It was a good strategy. When I was a ski instructor (in the Illinois alps) the cheap beer of choice was Keystone.

  140. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:08

    PBR, also Rheingold and Schlitz made comebacks.

    My dad used to drink Rheingold. He was an old drunk. It would have put me off the stuff even if it lasted.

  141. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:10

    now back home it has been replaced by Milwaukee’s Beast as the cheap swill of choice

    yes, and just a bit southeast of there it’s keystone…eck! but milwaukee’s beast makes a respectable appearance as well…as does busch light…

  142. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:10

    Is Stroh’s still around?

  143. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:11

    Makes it easier to label the gluts w/Sharpie with the instructions, “Insert Wood –>”.

    heh…my brothers always threatened to shave ‘welcome’ on hubbk’s back if he ever passed out…

  144. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:13

    chee whiz! fellas…i’m back to the sweater vest…so, sweater vests and sauerbraten are my new obsessions…

  145. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:13

    I feel like I’ve had this conversation before, but here goes: Is this really a thing? Drinking shitty beer to be hip? And Pabst Blue Ribbon? RILLY?

    I kinda feel like by saying it’s hip, OBS is secretly hinting that he wants some.

  146. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:13

    Is Stroh’s still around?

    *shudder*

    I needed therapy after a weekend with that swill.

  147. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:14

    so, sweater vests and sauerbraten are my new obsessions…

    Christmas sounds…Teutonic…in your household.

  148. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:14

    Half-way through assembling Rob Ives’ Kochtopus

    What the frick? That is so neat. Smut, you always link to the coolest stuff.

  149. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:16

    I already posted this at Sub’s place, but what the hell…you know it’s my obsession and you know I hafta share. MORE MILLIONAIRE BUTTHURT!!!

  150. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:19

    Christmas sounds…Teutonic…in your household.

    well, hubbkf’s side is some sort of prussian/pomerania/polish/german concoction and i’m half german and half irish, so yeah…

    also, sweater vests and sauerbraten would make a kick-ass polka band name…

  151. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:20

    We used to visit a bar in Huntington, WV, back when you could buy alcohol at age 19 in WV. The bar was called the 1896 Club, and was in an old castle-looking house. They served 8 oz. cups of Blatz for a dime on a certain night of the week, and we’d go get hammered and throw up all over the place, after. “Blatz” is exactly the sound a pitcher of it makes coming from gullet to sidewalk.
    .

  152. Pupienus said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:20

    Stroh’s, “the fire brewed” beer is gone. I believe Schmidt’s (remove every other letter starting with the c) is also a casualy,i believe. I remember when the Koehler (pour a Koehler collar!) brewery was closed and the famous glass lined tanks were retrieved and shipped to somewhere or other. And worst of all, Old Frothingslosh, the beer with foam on the bottom, hasn’t been produced in a damn long time.

  153. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:21

    I feel like I’ve had this conversation before, but here goes: Is this really a thing? Drinking shitty beer to be hip? And Pabst Blue Ribbon? RILLY?

    Yes. Rilly. I don’t get it either.

    I kinda feel like by saying it’s hip, OBS is secretly hinting that he wants some.

    That’s just hurtful. I haz a sad.

  154. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:21

    also, sweater vests and sauerbraten would make a kick-ass polka band name…

    Or twee emo hipsters

  155. Pupienus said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:23

    It’s been so long I forgot half the tag line, “the pale stale ale with the foam on the bottom.”

  156. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:23

    “Blatz” is exactly the sound a pitcher of it makes coming from gullet to sidewalk.

    Blatz….now that’s not a name I’ve heard since…

    *heads to chest to pull out lightstein*

    Your father wanted you to have this….

  157. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:24

    I remember when the Koehler (pour a Koehler collar!) brewery was closed and the famous glass lined tanks were retrieved and shipped to somewhere or other.

    It probably didn’t help, being named after a toilet.

  158. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:24

    It allows you to believe that four people congratulating you at your country club makes you a GODDAMN HERO OF AMERICA.

    hahahahah…this is exactly what i was thinking when i read that line!

  159. Major Kong said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:24

    The guys in my Air National Guard unit all drank Coors Light. I finally said “Admit it. You only drink this shit because you can drink 30 of them without getting full.”

  160. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:28

    The guys in my Air National Guard unit all drank Coors Light.

    Never got it.

    You want to know their target market? Guys too dumb to know when a beer is cold.

    I mean, really…how stupid do you have to be to need not one, but TWO blue lines?

    It’s not a fucking pregnancy test…

  161. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:28

    Ahhh, the Blatz Splatz. It makes that sound coming out the other end as well.

    VS, there is a bar in Corvallis that serves the most PBR in Oregon because it is $ 1.00 all the time. I must admit I’ll go have a few there when I am short on dough but I usually have a few good beers at home first. After the first six you really don’t care anymore.

  162. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:34

    S. cerevisiae said,
    VS, there is a bar in Corvallis that serves the most PBR in Oregon because it is $ 1.00 all the time.

    Which bar is this so I know to never go there?

  163. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:35

    You only drink this shit because you can drink 30 of them without getting full.

    I now understand why, a few years ago, when I asked my doctor (when I had one… y’know, job, mortgage, heath insurance… The Good Ol’ Days) to do a full liver panel on me, and he asked why, and I told him of my fondness of beer. After getting the answer to, “well, how much beer do you drink in a week?” he laughed, and said, “I have plenty of healthy — though overweight — patients who drink that every night.”

    I’m a lightweight. Eight beers in six hours is enough to make me hate my life the following day.
    .

  164. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:36

    i’ve gotten away from beer guzzling…it makes me too full and fizzy, so i usually go for the all-booze martini or whatnot…hubbkf is not much of a beer drinker either, but when we do it’s either surly or some other dark, hoppy concotion…the son has a housemate who works for surly and gets to bring home the bent and dents, so we always have plenty on hand…

    and you know what? you just can’t beat an ice-cold grain belt premium…

  165. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:38

    Which bar is this so I know to never go there?

    Which bar is this so I know to go there? Gotta get the car pointed in the right direction! Is there parking?

  166. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:38

    i’ve gotten away from beer guzzling

    I gave up drinking.

    I gave it up last night, and I’ll give it up again tonight, and possibly tomorrow night…man’s gotta sleep sometime.

  167. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:43

    Is this really a thing? Drinking shitty beer to be hip? And Pabst Blue Ribbon? RILLY?

    I blame David Lynch.

  168. kg said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:45

    I’m with bbkf. Beer is great and I love the craft beer explosion but when I want to get my grown-man on its all about the liquor.

  169. Stag Party Palin said,

    December 21, 2011 at 22:59

    I’m probably in a minority here, but it seems to me that posts as long as volume 23 of the Enc. Brit. put a damper on the snark. Brevity — soul of wit — and so on.

  170. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:00

    There is a time and a place for cheap beer. When you are going on a rafting trip, or floating down a river in an inner tube, cheap beer in cans is just what the doctor ordered. I drink better beer when the situation allows, but I can enjoy a PBR or a Coors light under the right circumstances.

  171. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:01

    *sipping herbal tea quietly*

    A vocal minority, Stag.

  172. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:01

    There is a time and a place for cheap beer

    Yes. The time is 3AM and the place is the front seat of my car after a stop at the 7-11 because the bars are closed.

  173. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:03

    OBS, it’s the Peacock and I love it because I’m a sucker for karaoke and sing some mean classic rock. The KJ is great and the sound system kicks ass. Sure it’s a dive but it’s a fun dive.

  174. Major Kong said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:17

    I thought karaoke was when people shouldn’t drink got together with people who shouldn’t sing.

  175. Smut Clyde said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:24

    tigris said,
    birthday pressie

    Sealing Cat now assembled and affixed to ceiling.
    Let’s see how long until the Frau Doktorin notices!

  176. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:27

    I’ve always wanted to try singing karaoke. Only way I’d do it is to be shitfaced.

  177. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:30

    Karaoke is very satisfying when you’re drunk enough and positively excruciating when you’re not.

  178. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:31

    I thought karaoke was when people shouldn’t drink got together with people who shouldn’t sing.

    And that’s just the tables for one.

  179. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:32

    Sealing Cat now assembled and affixed to ceiling.
    Let’s see how long until the Frau Doktorin notices!

    and once again, the talk turns to POOP!

  180. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:35

    I thought karaoke was when people shouldn’t drink got together with people who shouldn’t sing.

    Oh yeah, there are some cringe-worthy singers but there are some really good ones as well. I can nail Sultans of Swing and Cinnamon Girl (among a few dozen others) and there are some regulars there that are better than a lot of people who are on the radio.

  181. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:39

    I can nail Sultans of Swing and Cinnamon Girl (among a few dozen others)

    so, vs…you’re going to swing by and pick me up? this and buck pbrs sounds too good to pass up!

  182. tigris said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:41

    Let’s see how long until the Frau Doktorin notices!

    Hee hee, please share her response!

  183. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:42

    I thought Karaoke was a game. The object is to sing the worst song as possible as technically well and as sincerely as possible. You lose if the crowd figures out what you are doing. Much of the Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow canon is excellent for this game.

  184. bbkf said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:49

    I thought Karaoke was a game.

    i’ve always wanted to make it more of a game…like the gong show…when people really suck, they get gonged…but whoever is the gong-er has to a)finish the song or b) buy the gong-ee a beer

    i think it would add much, much enjoyment to the already beloved karaoke…(and i said ‘karaoke’ in a cheezy japanese accent, i will admit it)

  185. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:52

    This one’s never on the list.

  186. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:53

    I thought Karaoke was a game.

    It is, much like Russian Roulette is a game

  187. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:56

    Y’all will have to wait, I am out of town for a couple of weeks.

  188. actor212 said,

    December 21, 2011 at 23:56

    Y’all will have to wait, I am out of town for a couple of weeks

    Leave the key under the mat. You wouldn’t want to come back to a broken window

  189. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:01

    Y’all will have to wait, I am out of town for a couple of weeks.

    you place much faith in our navigating skillz…

  190. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:02

    S. cerevisiae said,

    OBS, it’s the Peacock and I love it because I’m a sucker for karaoke and sing some mean classic rock. The KJ is great and the sound system kicks ass. Sure it’s a dive but it’s a fun dive.

    Ah yes, The Peacock. I can’t knock the Peacock, I’ve spent many a fun evening there over the years. I didn’t know they did the $1 PBR thing though, which shows you how much attention I pay to PBR.

  191. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:05

    When you are going on a rafting trip, or floating down a river in an inner tube, cheap beer in cans is just what the doctor ordered.

    Life is too short to drink crap beer. And there are plenty of places that make good beer in cans for those occasions that bottles are a bad idea.

  192. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:08

    Life is too short to drink crap beer.

    i have a bar patron who is whizzed off because we don’t have old mil light in a can…most of our beers (cept for heinie, sam adams, corona, etc.) are the same frigging price! and we dont’ do cans…so, all i can surmise is that besides being a cheapass, he actually LIKES the taste of old milwaukee light in a can…derp…

  193. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:09

    Karaoke is very satisfying when you’re drunk enough and positively excruciating when you’re not.

    I imagine that goes double for the audience.

    so, vs…you’re going to swing by and pick me up? this and buck pbrs sounds too good to pass up!

    I’ll be there with bells on! (Where will be the surprise!)

  194. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:14

    I’ll be there with bells on! (Where will be the surprise!)

    i’ll be the one standing there waiting…

  195. Steerpike said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:22

    I like a good craft beer, or impert, but I’m not too picky. I’ll drink pretty much whatever is there if I’m thirsty enough, but I absolutely draw the line at Coors Light (CL, or Cheerleader beer, as they call it where I came from). Nasty, watery, tasteless, bleah!

    Absolutely the worst ads imaginable, too. I mean, seriously, the only feature of your product you can think of to feature in your multi-million-dollar NFL TV ads is that it is somehow…colder?…than other beers? Really? Are we never supposed to ask whether that might have something to do with, y’know, your refrigerator, maybe?

  196. Smut Clyde said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:24

    Hee hee, please share her response!
    THere is just enough room inside the See-Ling cat to conceal a webcam…

    it seems to me that posts as long as volume 23 of the Enc. Brit. put a damper on the snark
    The food here is no good! And the servings are so large!

  197. Smut Clyde said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:26

    What the frick? That is so neat.

    Rob does a Flying Spaghetti Monster too.

  198. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:27

    again with the relevancy: even BETTAR than karaoke!

  199. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:28

    I’ve always wanted to try singing karaoke. Only way I’d do it is to be shitfaced.

    WORST time for singing. Try enough of a buzz to open your legs and GO DO IT. It’s fun as hell. People who don’t like karaoke are bad at liking stuff.

  200. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:31

    also, i’m adding sir paul mctwatney to my list of people imma junk punch…the reason? simply this…if i hear it one more frigging time, there will be bloodshed…

  201. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:32

    Try enough of a buzz to open your legs and GO DO IT.

    wait? i thought karaoke was singing?

  202. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:32

    I need more than a buzz to open my legs!

    No, but tht actually makes sense to me, tsam.

  203. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:32

    Absolutely the worst ads imaginable, too. I mean, seriously, the only feature of your product you can think of to feature in your multi-million-dollar NFL TV ads is that it is somehow…colder?…than other beers? Really? Are we never supposed to ask whether that might have something to do with, y’know, your refrigerator, maybe?

    I especially like the cans that tell you how cold the beer is. See, I have no feeling in my hands due to a certain compulsion I have, and I really need a beer to tell me if it is cold enough to drink without barfing.

  204. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:33

    wait? i thought karaoke was singing?

    Yer doin it rong.

  205. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:35

    Yer doin it rong.

    oh, so…yer saying to get a slight buzz so that you can master the shania twain stance while you belt out her greatest hits?

    also, too…my radio is totes making up for making me listen to bad paul mctwatney christmas music by plaing josh groban’s o, holy night…

  206. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:37

    also, i’m adding sir paul mctwatney to my list of people imma junk punch

    Aw, come on…you can’t blame him for saying to himself “What if I wrote the single godawfulest Christmas song ever and released it as a single? You think the chumps would be dumb enough to turn it into an instant classic just because, you know, Beatles?”

    I mean, it *had* to be a joke on us!

  207. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:38

    oh, so…yer saying to get a slight buzz so that you can master the shania twain stance while you belt out her greatest hits?

    Just enough of a buzz to have the courage to sing, but still only see a single set of lyrics. By my experience, that’s the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness. I’m guessing it’s the same for wimmin.

  208. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:40

    oh, so…yer saying to get a slight buzz so that you can master the shania twain stance while you belt out her greatest hits?

    Just enough of a buzz to have the courage to sing, but still only see a single set of lyrics. By my experience, that coincides with the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness. I’m guessing it’s the same for wimmin.

  209. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:41

    Just enough of a buzz to have the courage to sing, but still only see a single set of lyrics.

    oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!? what kind of freaks are you people?

    By my experience, that’s the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness

    oh…people need booze to feel like that? i AM doing it rong!

  210. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:45

    tsam doubly horny now?

  211. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:46

    that’s the uber-horny phase of my buzzedness. I’m guessing it’s the same for wimmin.

    Boy, have YOU got a lot ot learn about life.

  212. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:46

    oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!?

    Where does she hold the mic, btw?
    .

  213. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:51

    Where does she hold the mic, btw?

    Just above the ballsack.

  214. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:53

    oh…people need booze to feel like that? i AM doing it rong!

    There’s horny…which all of us generally are, and then there is “bad decision horny”, where the ugliest and most annoying of people suddenly don’t look so bad after all.

    oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!? what kind of freaks are you people?

    I noticed and I immensely enjoyed it.

  215. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:55

    am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!?

    Wait…she sings when she does that?

  216. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:55

    There’s horny…which all of us generally are, and then there is “bad decision horny”, where the ugliest and most annoying of people suddenly don’t look so bad after all.

    STOP JUDGING ME!!!

  217. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:56

    but I absolutely draw the line at Coors Light

    Coors Light is like having sex in a rowboat. They’re both fucking close to water.

  218. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:56

    You just take some acid too and then everyone looks terrible but the music gets way more interesting.

  219. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:56

    Are we still talking beer? I rate for beer in cans. It’s a hippie dippy enviro less weight in packaging thing.

  220. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:57

    oh, come on! am i the only person here who has noticed that shania twain could only sing with her legs open?!?!?

    Once Shania Law is in place, we’ll all have to sing like that.

  221. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 0:58

    Wait…she sings when she does that?

    oh, sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you!

  222. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:02

    Wait. Acid trip karaoke?!?! OMG.

  223. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:04

    Wait. Acid trip karaoke?!?! OMG.

    You just sing the guitar parts from Neu songs.

  224. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:07

    Acid trip karaoke?!?!

    Do. Not. Want.

  225. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:12

    Acid trip karaoke?!?!

    better than acid wash jeans…

  226. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:12

    Do. Not. Want.

    Imagine the emotional power of a “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” duet.

  227. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:16

    tsam doubly horny now?

    Mayyyybe….

  228. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:28

    Hm. Thread killed by my horndoggedness.

  229. vs said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:33

    Nah, it was the acid-washed jeans. They ruin everything. THANKS, BBKF!

  230. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:33

    I prefer to blame the PBR.

  231. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:34

    Blaming the PBR. Also and too.

  232. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:38

    and as such…yer welcome!!!

  233. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:50

    katy perry’s rendition of ‘white christmas’ is killing more than my thread…

  234. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:53

    I say this all the time but “so I’m offering this simple phrase” just slays me.

  235. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 1:58

    fun fact: my son thinks christina aguilara is the ugliest woman in the world…

  236. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:00

    That’s rude. Ann Coulter is MUCH uglier than Christina.

  237. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:02

    Nah, it was the acid-washed jeans. They ruin everything. THANKS, BBKF!

    Yeah, THANKS, BBFK. Now my singing boner is GONE

  238. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:04

    Now my singing boner is GONE

    what about your singing mouth, tsam?

  239. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:05

    That’s rude. Ann Coulter is MUCH uglier than Christina.

    also, i don’t think he knows from ann coulter…and i’m not going to clue him in either…his faith in humanity is little to nil as it is…

  240. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:07

    Singing mouth needs moar drinks.

  241. vacuumslayer Googles that for You said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:13

    We will never know if Christina is ugly or not, because we will never know what she really looks like. Even by Hollywood standards she is overwhelmed with artifice, from the surgery to the make-up that would make a transgendered hooker blush. We’ll never know.

    One thing I do know is that even though she has an impressive range, her gratuitous vocal acrobatics make my ass want to work buttonholes.

  242. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:20

    When Christina was young, she was very pretty.

    Wait–work buttonholes? Please post pics, because I have no idea what this means.

  243. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:27

    Wait–work buttonholes? Please post pics, because I have no idea what this means.

    yeah…

  244. Jennifer said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:42

    There’s only one song to sing for karaoke: Stand By Your Man.

    Don’t even bother with anything else.

  245. Lancelot Link said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:44

    Not that this really matters, but my friends did some video work for Christina A and they say she was a very pleasant person, easy to work with, as opposed to certain other performers.

  246. Jennifer said,

    December 22, 2011 at 2:44

    And re: hipsters: there’s this commercial on Bravo with the shouting guy for some new show about some guy named Brad, and every time I’ve seen it my reaction has been the same – to say, aloud, “fucking hipster doofus.”

  247. Whale Chowder said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:03

    Fun karaoke story: In a past life, the boss was really into mandatory “fun” for team-building, so we traveled in buses halfway across the state to meet our hardware mfg bretheren from the other side at a crappy bar in a crappy little town (famous for a TV series associated with it), drink beer and sing karaoke. Two highlights from the show: 1) A director-level dude who cannot. sing. at. all. but loves karaoke singing some stupid song while my co-worker urged him to DIAF at the top of his lungs and 2) the boss and his secretary singing a duet of “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw”.

    The boss divorced his wife and married the secretary not long after.

    I’d rather have a root canal with no painkiller, thanks.

  248. Pupienus said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:08

    bbkf said,
    December 22, 2011 at 1:58

    fun fact: my son thinks christina aguilara is the ugliest woman in the world…

    tsam said,
    December 22, 2011 at 2:00

    That’s rude. Ann Coulter is MUCH uglier than Christina.

    Apples and oranges.

  249. kg said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:13

    +1 DKW, beer is great in cans and I’m glad we’re seeing more GOOD beer in cans now.

    speaking of…

  250. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:25

    OK—cheap beer. Around here if you go to a supermarket, the beer coolers are always along one wall, expensive stuff at one end, getting cheaper and cheaper as you go along. If you go past the cheap end, there will usually be a door where you can go in back behind the display case, where you will find stacks of cases of 11-oz stubby bottles for about the same price as a 12-pack of the cheap stuff in the front case. It’s never the same “brands” twice in a row, but they’re all Lucky Lager, because they have those little rebus puzzles on the inside of the cap—theory being, I guess, if you’re too drunk to figure them out, it’s time to quit.

    When we had “Beer” beer here (beer beer here…snerk) it was the same stuff. It’s not terrible, better than Budweiser or Coors for damn sure.

  251. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:28

    Oh, and I’m willing to drink pop out of a can, but I guess it’s the alcohol in beer that extracts that aluminum taste so effectively—just revolting.

  252. Pupienus said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:30

    It’s an odd thing, the way hipsters go for the PBR in fucking Portland fer chrissake. You can’t swing a cat in Portland without hitting a brewpub. A fine, fine, brewpub.

  253. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:31

    And here’s Troofy bragging about being a Kochsucker.

  254. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:34

    It’s an odd thing, the way hipsters go for the PBR in fucking Portland fer chrissake. You can’t swing a cat in Portland without hitting a brewpub. A fine, fine, brewpub.

    You follow the statistics, PM? I’ve lost track, but as of a couple of years ago, 25% of the microbreweries in the country were in Washington, and about 20% in Oregon.

  255. sparks said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:35

    I thought Karaoke was a game. The object is to sing the worst song as possible as technically well and as sincerely as possible. You lose if the crowd figures out what you are doing. Much of the Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow canon is excellent for this game.

    I knew an absolutely putrid early ’70s ballad (Precious and Few) that I could sing letter-perfect because it happened to be in the key I can sing best in. I couldn’t sing it with sincerity, though.

  256. vs said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:40

    Re: work buttonholes. I think that may be a Southernism I picked up from somebody else. I think it just means it makes your asshole pucker…which is not something I want to see illustrated.

  257. Pupienus said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:50

    It doesn’t matter how well one can sing. Volume makes up for quality. That’s what I keep telling myself.

  258. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:56

    Rev. Battleaxe, I saw that earlier and came over here to copy the famous “bookmark it libs!” post over there but I couldn’t find it. O’l twoofy is as obnoxious as ever and just as deluded.

  259. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 22, 2011 at 4:03

    Volume makes up for quality.

    I’ve learned this when singing Sweet Emotion and Black Betty, but the crowd loves ‘em.

  260. vs said,

    December 22, 2011 at 4:03

    I take it that’s “Veritas”

    He’s…a piece of work.

  261. N__B said,

    December 22, 2011 at 4:21

    He’s…a piece of work.

    Shoddy work, produced by child labor in an unventilated factory with no fire stairs.

  262. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 22, 2011 at 4:37

    I find the discarded can carcasses of all the cheap beers mentioned above in my woods every hunting season.

    Apparently, altho’ the hunters are not s’posed to be hunting on my land (as they have not asked, nor do I wish to be shot while planting daffodils by the stream), the huntin’ dawgs do like their cheap, cheap beer.

    And sincere karaoke? Awesome. SO and I karaoke on cruises*, and we always love the one person belting out “The Rose” so she can say she’s “performed” on a cruise. Last time, whomever was signed up to do it (I swear, someone does it every time) chickened out, so I did it, with deep, abiding sincerity. Then we ruined it by doing “I Got You, Babe” in our Sonny and Cher voices.

    (SO also does a great Willie Nelson, Bobby Darin, and most notably, Elvis. He’s 5’8″, with almost waist-length silver-white hair and a beard, and is going to look like Santa in a few years, but when he croons, middle-aged women swoon.)

    *These two stories may give people the mistaken idea we are rich. We aren’t, we’re just retired, with lots of time on our hands and living in a cheap part of the state.

  263. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 5:14

    I dunno what up with teh Xtina hate. Sure she was pretty hawt in that really slutty way in teh earlier days, but I find her much moar attractive now, after she’s had a kid.

    Okay, maybe her brutalizing songs with beyond extraneous and ludcirous vocal flares warrants some bashing. I’ve always been a fan of teh idea of “flaunt it if you’ve got it” but sometimes there’s just one high note trill flourish too many. Or maybe several dozen too many.

  264. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 5:40

    speaking of,,,

    Creemore is my go to lager because it comes in cans. Still looking for a good dark as teh Hockley Valley stuff doesn’t really do it for me. At home, I am still drinking Guiness as my stout – that draft-flow widget is pretty amazeballs – and Kilkenny and Newcastle Brown as my ales.

  265. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 5:43

    Also too, re:”so I’m offering this simple phrase” – Ultra Ninja has a sad. Srsly, what type of douchebag goes out of their way to exclude babbies having their first Christmases?

  266. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 22, 2011 at 5:53

    Ya gotta get loud for Metallica too.

  267. Lonny Martello said,

    December 22, 2011 at 6:09

    TEH FUCHING FERRETS DEMAND SATISFACTIEN AND WILL NOT REST UNTIL JOHN MCCANE AND SARA PALING GET THERE BUCKWHEATS.

  268. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 22, 2011 at 6:14

    Srsly, what type of douchebag goes out of their way to exclude babbies having their first Christmases?

    Drunk ones who don’t want their martinis knocked over by anyone but themselves? Embittered songwriters trying to concentrate? John McCain?

  269. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 6:21

    It’s kinda liek if at teh end of A Christmas Carol, Tiny Tim were to say “God bless us, every one! Except Peter. Just because.”

  270. N__B said,

    December 22, 2011 at 6:52

    Fuck Peter.

  271. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 7:28

    I find the discarded can carcasses of all the cheap beers mentioned above in my woods every hunting season.

    Drunk people with high-powered rifles. I mean really, what could possibly go wrong?

  272. Whale Chowder said,

    December 22, 2011 at 8:23

    OMG Lony Martello *swoon*

  273. Smut Clyde said,

    December 22, 2011 at 10:03

    MERRY FUCHING FERRETMAS TO LONNY MARTELLO

  274. wiley said,

    December 22, 2011 at 11:15

    One thing I do know is that even though she has an impressive range, her gratuitous vocal acrobatics make my ass want to work buttonholes.

    That is one charming turn of phrase there, vs. Can I borrow it?

  275. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 12:36

    Also too, re:”so I’m offering this simple phrase” – Ultra Ninja has a sad. Srsly, what type of douchebag goes out of their way to exclude babbies having their first Christmases?

    What part of “From one to 92″ excludes babies? “One” implies anything up to one year old.

    Now, 92 excludes your mom…unless someone leaves the pile.

  276. vacuumslayertse said,

    December 22, 2011 at 14:32

    I will be spending the next 7or so hours in the car. Many pigs will die.

  277. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 14:40

    I will be spending the next 7or so hours in the car.

    Are we there yet?

  278. N__B said,

    December 22, 2011 at 14:57

    vacuumslayertse said,
    December 22, 2011 at 14:32

    I will be spending the next 7or so hours in the car. Many pigs will die.

    I can’t believe your driving is that bad.

  279. vs said,

    December 22, 2011 at 15:19

    LOL

  280. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 16:35

    Many pigs will die.

    Mmmmmmmmmmm…bacon.

  281. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:07

    What part of “From one to 92? excludes babies? “One” implies anything up to one year old.

    Does not times one million no touchbacks. d00d, an eight month old is not one year old. It may be “almost one”, liek how a nine years and eight month old is “almost ten”. Ages are always rounded down – srsly, what do you say when you’re asked how old you are? Other than “none of your business” or “old enough to know better” or “is there a senior’s discount?”

    Also too, “from one to ninety two” is a very specific range. Liek how your little blue pills promise from two to four hours of functionality but everything starts drooping again after eighty minutes – that’s outside teh range and not normal for folks who haven’t developed a resistance from serious sildenafil abuse.

  282. Steerpike said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:12

    Re: work buttonholes…. I think it just means it makes your asshole pucker…which is not something I want to see illustrated.

    Just picture the opposite of teh goatse guy.

  283. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:40

    what do you say when you’re asked how old you are?

    a) “Old enough to be your father, if the dog hadn’t beaten me up the stairs”

    b) I round up, since it’s my x+1st year on the planet.

  284. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:40

    I think it just means it makes your asshole pucker

    In the Air Force we used the term “pucker factor” to describe how scary a particular situation was.

    If it was really scary we’d say something like “I was sucking the seat cushion up” or “It took them an hour to pull the seat cushion out of my butt afterwords”.

  285. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:41

    Just picture the opposite of teh goatse guy.

    Or any of the anal retentives around this place.

  286. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:45

    Also re:karaoke

    For all you haters out there, I fucking dare you to not sing along.

    Just a small town girl,,,

  287. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:46

    b) I round up, since it’s my x+1st year on the planet.

    You are teh only one that does then.

  288. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:49

    I fucking dare you to not sing along.

    The sound of a thousand cats* being run through an industrial wood-chipper would still sound better than my singing voice. So not gonna happen.

    *No actual cats were harmed in the making of this metaphor.

  289. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 17:55

    Sometimes it’s not about making music or creating art. Sometimes it’s just about doing stuff that feels good. When I sing, I’ve got Leonard Cohen’s vocal range combined with Celine Dion’s self-awareness and restraint – but they’re both Grammy winners so wev.

  290. N__B said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:03

    The sound of a thousand cats* being run through an industrial wood-chipper would still sound better than my singing voice.

    One of the ways you can tell Mini__B is a baby: he’s the only person in the world, including me, who wants to hear me sing.

  291. N__B said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:04

    Also, blogwhore: THOUSANDS DIE! COOL SEMI-RELATED PICTURE AVAILABLE!

  292. El Manquécito said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:05

    I like doing Leo Kottke’s arrangement of “8 Miles High” but I always remember his description of his singing voice as “goose farts in a cold north wind” and try not to sing that way.

  293. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:14

    You are teh only one that does then.

    Not really, altho most wait until after six months into the year to round up.

  294. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:14

    The sound of a thousand cats* being run through an industrial wood-chipper would still sound better than my singing voice.

    Kim Carnes? Is that you?

  295. Thread Bear said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:42

    Karaoke was originally just another opportunity for drunks to make fools of themselves in front of other people. It has sadly evolved into a mini version of American Idol where a few people with talent and a lot of people who think they have talent believe they are going to be discovered and signed to big recording contract. I’m not sure which is the more amusing, but the latter is certainly the more pathetic.

  296. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:42

    Not really, altho most wait until after six months into the year to round up.

    d00d, trust me on this one – you are teh only one. Even people two weeks shy of teh legal drinking age don’t round up. “Those three months means it’s only technically statutory rape” is not a valid legal defense. “Almost five” is still four years old. Thirty-nine years and seven months is most definitely not “in your forties”. I am adamant about teh last one – no particular reason.

  297. N__B said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:46

    I am adamant

    I liked him better when he was Adam and the Ants.

  298. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:46

    Thirty-nine years and seven months is most definitely not “in your forties”. I am adamant about teh last one – no particular reason.

    Farty forty, eh?

    I remember those days….sometimes…it’s getting dimmer…I seem to remember having sex more frequently…I seem to remember remembering more often.

  299. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:50

    Many pigs will die.

    Big pigs are very solid, small ones are very nimble and hard to hit. Unless you are driving a bulldozer, I don’t think your car could drive after killing a pig. If you are driving a bulldozer, a small car could probably get you there in less than 8 hours, and use lots less gas doing it.

  300. Concerened Freedom Lover said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:53

    You liberals are worse than Hitler. You want GOP to look bad over a nothing temorary freeze going away, but beat up job creators and make them want to leave USA for working hard and getting paid! Socialism is your downfal, and by the way, YES Fannie and Freddie and Barney Fag and CRA DID cause the financial meltdown as well as high salaries of public employees and giving money to poor folks to buy steaks. I hope you enjoy your extra $15 a month on your morgage to pay for deadbeats, libs!

  301. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 22, 2011 at 18:55

    The sound of a thousand cats* being run through an industrial wood-chipper would still sound better than my singing voice.

    I like my singing voice just fine. When I hear my speaking voice recorded and played back, It sounds like I was abducted to Fargo for a decade of midwestern dialog coaching, given a bad head cold, and made to speak into a microphone muffled by a wet washcloth. When I speak, I don’t think it sounds that bad, but any recording sounds terrible.

  302. Steerpike said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:09

    Oooh, new troll! How cute! Can’t wait ’til Actor jumps in and responds to it!

  303. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:10

    Many pigs will die.

    I’m pretty sure this is an Angry Birds reference.

  304. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:11

    I actually have a very good speaking voice. My instructors in pilot training always said I sounded like Jimmy Stewart when I talked on the radio.

    Just can’t sing to save my life.

  305. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:22

    i sounded like Jimmy Stewart when I talked on the radio

    Was it that your voice sounded like his or that you spent a lot of time talking about your six foot tall invisible rabbit friend?

  306. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:25

    The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    December 22, 2011 at 3:34 (kill)

    It’s an odd thing, the way hipsters go for the PBR in fucking Portland fer chrissake. You can’t swing a cat in Portland without hitting a brewpub. A fine, fine, brewpub.

    You follow the statistics, PM? I’ve lost track, but as of a couple of years ago, 25% of the microbreweries in the country were in Washington, and about 20% in Oregon.

    That very well could be.

    Teh wackypedia has a chart from 3 years ago that shows Oregon as higher than WA on a per-capita basis, whatever that means.

    What’s becoming really cool — in Oregon, you walk into any random restaurant and they’ve got five decent craft beers on tap. Just a few years ago that wasn’t the case. I imagine Washington is similar these days.

    And after walkingstumbling around downtown Portland after the holiday ale festival a couple weeks back, it does seem like there’s a brewery on every corner. Shit, Bend has at least 12 breweries now, and there are only about 50,000 people in that town. It’s good times for us beer folks.

  307. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:30

    Believe it or not, we even have a handful of decent brew pubs in Columbus Ohio.

  308. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:36

    Believe it or not, we even have a handful of decent brew pubs in Columbus Ohio.

    I easily believe it. We have some in Nashville (but NOT Jackalope — DO NOT WANT), and a lot of local bars and restaurants offer some of the local craft beers, too. Good times… or would be, if I could afford $4 pints.
    .

  309. Thread Bear said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:36

    Believe it or not, we even have a handful of decent brew pubs in Columbus Ohio.

    ‘Round these parts, the closest we can come is three overweight rednecks running a still back in the woods.

    Merry Sadlymas!

  310. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:36

    Oooh, new troll! How cute! Can’t wait ’til Actor jumps in and responds to it!

    Hey, you beat me to it! You’re no fun, all anal-retentive and shit…

  311. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:38

    My instructors in pilot training always said I sounded like Jimmy Stewart when I talked on the radio.

    Wall, wall, I’m, I say I’m not sure that was a, y’know, COMpliment!

  312. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:42

    a nothing temorary freeze going away

    i don’t know about the rest of you, but i HATE when my nothing temorary freezes…

  313. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:43

    My instructors in pilot training always said I sounded like Jimmy Stewart when I talked on the radio.

    If you fly on xmas day, I triple-dog-dare you to say “Merry Christmas, movie house!!!” over the radio.

    Optionally, “Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!” would work too.

  314. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:45

    i HATE when my nothing temorary freezes…

    Yeah, especially when they have to call the fire department and the cops to get you unstuck from the pole.

  315. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:45

    If you fly on xmas day, I triple-dog-dare you to say “Merry Christmas, movie house!!!” over the radio.

    Optionally, “Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!” would work too.

    must also be recorded for posterity and our listening enjoyment and/or ridicule…

  316. Thread Bear said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:45

    In fact, in my neighborhood, this is considered Craft Beer.

  317. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:47

    Optionally,

    i like that word at the beginning of a sentence…in fact, i am now going to say ‘optionally, that makes my ass want to work buttonholes!’ more frequently…as in possibly every conversation i have…

  318. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:50

    In fact, in my neighborhood, this is considered Craft Beer.

    Given your handle, I was expecting this

  319. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:52

    nothing temorary

    Sounds like a lawyer I know in Kuala Lumpur

  320. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:52

    In fact, in my neighborhood, this is considered Craft Beer.

    Ultimate hipster hat.

  321. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 19:52

    In fact, in my neighborhood, this is considered Craft Beer.

    omg…my mom had one of those…except hers was budweiser and was of the newsboy style…verr, verr classy…

  322. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:02

    must also be recorded for posterity and our listening enjoyment and/or ridicule…

    Everything said over ATC frequencies is recorded. Always fun when you forget you had the transmit button pressed and say something you really didn’t want the world to hear.

    Don’t know how you’d get the tapes, however.

  323. tigris said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:11

    Ultimate hipster hat.

    Is it a hat? I thought it was one of those classy TP covers you see on toilet tanks throughout the south. Grandma had one that was a plastic doll in a crocheted ball-gown.

  324. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:13

    Ultimate hipster hat.
    Optionally, ultra-classy TP cover.

    Fixed for both bbkf and tigris.

  325. Fenwick said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:17

    Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again? Or did he give up after Robin of Berkeley? I had much fun stuffing the ballot box as directed by the Sadly overlords!

  326. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:24

    Is it a hat? I thought it was one of those classy TP covers you see on toilet tanks throughout the south. Grandma had one that was a plastic doll in a crocheted ball-gown.

    zomg! those things are sooooo dreadful!

    Optionally, ultra-classy TP cover.

    thank you for that…

    Always fun when you forget you had the transmit button pressed and say something you really didn’t want the world to hear.

    ha, ha…this is especially humilating when working in very small market radio…it’s a mistake you only make once…well, okay maybe twice…

  327. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:39

    Kraft beer is good but that bright orange colour disturbs me.

  328. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:42

    Karaoke for advanced users: KAMIKAZE Karaoke.

    Here’s how it works.

    1) Have some alcohol, cuz shit’s about to get heavy.

    2) Pair off in your group, each person selects a song FOR the other person.

    3) ?????

    D) Enjoy.

  329. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:43

    Also, Freedom Lover is not new. He has been here before, bragging about all the freedoms he has fucked.

  330. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 20:45

    Also, Freedom Lover is not new. He has been here before, bragging about all the freedoms he has fucked.

    i like how he doesn’t use articles…makes him sound so foreign and exotic!

  331. Pupienus said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:02

    Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again?

    Good question! I can’t stand the place so I shan’t go look.

  332. Pupienus said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:03

    Also, thank you Major Kong for The Ho’s birthday gift arriving on time and for not pancaking your bird into a fully loaded passenger 747.

  333. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:07

    i like how he doesn’t use articles…makes him sound so foreign and exotic!

    He would contend that he only posts here for the articles.

  334. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:15

    Also, thank you Major Kong for The Ho’s birthday gift arriving on time and for not pancaking your bird into a fully loaded passenger 747.

    a sentiment we can all get behind…

  335. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:16

    bah!!! i just made a photocopy of nothing…and then scolded my copier…i need to go home…

  336. Major Kong said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:16

    Thanks Pup.

    Bye folks. I’m off to Grand Junction, by way of Casper Wyoming.

  337. Steerpike said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:21

    Teh most useful article here is “teh”

  338. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:26

    Via LGM an excellent piece of comedy:

    http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2011/12/gay_marriage_amy_koch_michael_brodkorb.php

  339. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:35

    Bye folks. I’m off to Grand Junction, by way of Casper Wyoming.

    happy contrails…

  340. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:39

    happy conchemtrails…

    FTFKucinich

  341. kg said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:50

    pancaking the bird?

  342. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:53

    Complicating the reversal.
    Impressing the stability.
    Confessing the outlining.
    Messing the love.
    Accessing the lover.
    Stuffing the bringer of joy.
    Eating the being.
    Ringing the great auk.
    Pinning the monkey.
    Getting the bringer of goodness.
    Unpacking the power.

  343. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:53

    2) Pair off in your group, each person selects a song FOR the other person.

    In Russia, karaoke song choose you!

  344. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 21:55

    pancaking the bird?

    Omletting the owl

  345. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:19

    VD Hanson:

    I am starting to feel as if I am living in a Vandal state, perhaps on the frontier near Carthage around a.d. 530, or in a beleaguered Rome in 455. Here are some updates from the rural area surrounding my farm, taken from about a 30-mile radius. In this take, I am not so much interested in chronicling the flotsam and jetsam as in fathoming whether there is some ideology that drives it.

    It goes on like that. Apparently people are poor and stealing the copper out of streetlights, and yet Jerry Brown wants to raise taxes on rich people!

  346. Ahoale two-12 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:20

    Pedantic nonsense is alive and well at the SN.com

  347. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:29

    I am starting to feel as if I am living in a Vandal state

    Great school, unless you dormed

  348. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:36

    Weaker Boener is broken

  349. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:41

    Shorter VD Hanson: Whocoodanode there would be consequences to gutting the social safety net and turning the country into Mogadishu?

  350. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:41

    Oopsies. Boehner fucked his own face.

  351. tsam said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:45

    fathoming whether there is some ideology that drives it.

    ***flips through Rolodex**

    OWS
    Unions
    Democrats
    Liberals
    Hitler
    Atheists
    Muslims
    Jews
    Hollywood
    Rock and Roll Music
    Satan
    Taxes
    Gays
    Tattoos
    The Dixie Chicks
    Bill Clinton
    Hilary Clinton
    Chelsea Clinton
    George Clinton
    Black people
    Mexicans
    Catholics
    Communists
    Socialists
    People who have sex
    People who don’t find a 12 year old boy attractive
    People who think rape really exists
    Nappy headed hoes
    ….

    Keep looking, VD.

  352. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:47

    Weaker Boener is broken

    this is so full of teh awesome! i love the smell of boehner tears in the morning…

  353. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 22:49

    Here are some updates from the rural area surrounding my farm, taken from about a 30-mile radius.

    i, sadly, cannot bring myself to visualize another comedic mis-travelogue from vdh…

  354. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:01

    i, sadly, cannot bring myself to visualize another comedic mis-travelogue from vdh…

    And this is Selma in front of the house…and here’s Selma coming around the side of the house, but you can still see the front. And here’s Selma walking towards the back of the house, but you can see the front and roof…

  355. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:04

    Fathoming the ideology

  356. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:07

    Boy, that VDH column is just full of the stuff to snark by.

    The Catholic church was just looted (again) of its bronze and silver icons. Manhole covers are missing (some of the town’s own maintenance staff were arrested for this theft, no less!). The Little League clubhouse was ransacked of its equipment.

    In short, all the stuff of civilization — municipal buildings, education, religion, transportation, recreation — seems under assault in the last year by the contemporary forces of barbarism. After several thefts of mail, I ordered a fortified, armored mailbox. I was ecstatic when I saw the fabricator’s Internet ad: On the video, someone with an AK-47 emptied a clip into it; the mail inside was untouched. I gleefully said to myself: “That’s the one for me.” And it has been so far. But I wonder: Do the thieves not like to get their own mail? Do their children not play Little League? Do they not want a priest at their funeral? Would they not like to drive their cars without worrying about holes in the street? Or is their thinking that a rich society can cover for their crimes without their crimes’ ever much affecting them — given that most others still do not act as they do?

    “Why are they not stealing bread, like good little poor people? Why do they steal easily fenced, valuable metals? Do they eat metal? And what is it with airline food? I’ll be here all week!”

  357. Smut Clyde said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:30

    fathoming whether there is some ideology that drives it.

    “Greed is Good”.
    Welcome to libertarian paradise!

  358. A manhole-cover thief said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:37

    I read somewhere that public utilities were inefficient, and would be better-managed under private ownership.

  359. copper wire thief said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:38

    I was merely maximizing the value and utility of the wire. It seemed useless, hanging over a street like that, doing nothing and wasting space.

  360. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:39

    “Greed is Good”.
    Welcome to libertarian paradise!

    Hey! Gimme that line back! I wasn’t finished using that!

  361. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:47

    Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again?

    Due to an unusually busy December, I have not yet had the chance to finalize the ballot for the most coveted crown in the blogosphere, the diamond tiara bestowed upon that distinguished blogress who commands the respect of gay conservatives, the Grande Conservative Blogress Diva.

    Uh, probably?

  362. Steerpike said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:49

    Weaker Boener is broken

    I think you misspelled “wanker”

  363. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:51

    I think you misspelled “wanker”

    Actually, not.

  364. Pupienus said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:52

    I shall abstain from posting the link to the photojournalist article I saw the other day, titled “what happens when you steal copper.” Very NSFL. I’m sure you can find it if you are into that sort of thing.

  365. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:54

    boehner tears

    also, i bet they taste like tang…

  366. Steerpike said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:55

    Actually, not.

    OK, then, you either misspelled “Boehner” or “Boner”
    Your call.

  367. actor212 said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:58

    OK, then, you either misspelled “Boehner” or “Boner”

    Actually, not.

  368. bbkf said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:58

    Is Dan going to hold the Blogress Grand Diva poll again?

    holy mother mary, baby jeesus and the heavenly father…ann outhouse won the crown one year?!?!?

  369. Steerpike said,

    December 22, 2011 at 23:59

    Actually, not.

    I know you are, but what am I?

  370. actor212 said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:04

    You presume it was not an intentional alteration

    I realize nuance is difficult for you, but please do try to keep up, son.

  371. Helmut Monotreme said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:05

    Settle down you two. Or I will turn this blog around and we will go straight home!

  372. Steerpike said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:16

    Sorry, Dad, I guess your awesome humor just whooshed right over my innocent lil’ head. Next time, maybe you can provide diagrams for those of us too gosh-durn slow to follow your awesome sophistimacation.

    Shall I go see if I can find another troll for you to masturbate to? You seem a bit…tense.

  373. Smut Clyde said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:20

    finalize the ballot for the most coveted crown in the blogosphere

    HA HA he misspelled ‘ballet’.

  374. actor212 said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:21

    Poor Steerpike.

    You are my troll now. In case you hadn’t noticed, things have been calm.

    Except for you being an asshole.

  375. actor212 said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:22

    Sorry, Dad, I guess your awesome humor just whooshed right over my innocent lil’ head

    Much like your daddy’s stream, no doubt.

  376. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:22

    Someone should nominate Knockers McCain.

  377. actor212 said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:23

    But I understand your slowness, Pike. After all, your mom swallowed the best DNA…

  378. actor212 said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:26

    I mean, even alec has been smart enought to stay out of my face, and he only recently learned how to Velcro his shoes.

  379. Steerpike said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:36

    Ow! Ouch! Oo! Got me! You win, Actor, please don’t hurt po’ Stee’pike no more. You WIN! I know how important winning is to you, an’ all.

  380. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:38

    No man also seweth a piece of the children of Israel: I will not turn into his hand is a virgin espoused to a nation as this? Then Esther bade them return every man with his coat of fine flour unleavened, mingled with oil, and dry, shall all the land of Midian: and he became very great: and let the Lord GOD hath given himself for the circumcising of the congregation of the ark of the chimney.

  381. Pupienus said,

    December 23, 2011 at 0:47

    actor212 said

    Can I get a tl;dr?

  382. tigris said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:04

    and let the Lord GOD hath given himself for the circumcising of the congregation of the ark of the chimney.

    A Christmas passage I see.

  383. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:06

    Esther bade them return every man with his coat of fine flour unleavened, mingled with oil, and dry

    Recipe.

  384. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:09

    A Christmas passage I see.
    well, that explains this!

  385. tigris said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:12

    Those flouries and their kinky ways.

  386. The Principal Contributt said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:15

    So I just saw the big orange boner on the CNNs (which is all that plays all day every day here at work in the breakroom, le sigh) coming out to announce that he finally taught some of the morons with a 1st grade reading level on his side of the aisle that raising taxes on the majority of the voting public and being seen as the major contributing factor to this was a BAD idea before an election year. So working stiffs like you and me will not be paying more taxes at least for a few months, which is good enough.

    Of course, being a republican, he can’t dare let anything not go his way without several hundred tons of bullshit to go on top of it, so of course this admission was paired with the usual crap about the “American People(tm)” and how the precious republicans were “trying so hard to do the right thing” and saying maybe 6 times how “doing the right thing is hard”. The BoB was looking cranky about the whole thing, but not nearly as conciliatory as he should have. I guess that’s just going to happen when you’re an overpaid shill who has nothing personally invested in his actions, one or two million of those dirty “others” suddenly finding themselves unable to make ends meet notwithstanding.

    Point? What point? I dunno, guess I’m just bitching. Though I’m honestly disappointed he didn’t burst into tears on the spot.

  387. tigris said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:15

    well, that explains this!

    Awesome.

  388. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:20

    Though I’m honestly disappointed he didn’t burst into tears on the spot.

    you and me both…what i want to know is how you resisted punching the teevee…you did resist, right?

  389. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:25

    Though I’m honestly disappointed he didn’t burst into tears flames on the spot.

    There goes MY fuckin’ Xmax.
    .

  390. The Principal Contributt said,

    December 23, 2011 at 1:26

    you and me both…what i want to know is how you resisted punching the teevee…you did resist, right?

    Yes, unfortunately I didn’t have much of a choice. I’m not terribly tall and the TV is mounted onto the ceiling so it would have been more trouble than it was worth.

  391. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 23, 2011 at 2:21

    Maybe this will restore your holiday spirits.

  392. N__B said,

    December 23, 2011 at 2:32

    DO NOT CLICK ON DK-W’S LINK. For the love of all that is not nauseating, do not click.

  393. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 23, 2011 at 2:40

    What? But it’s so festive!

  394. Anonymous said,

    December 23, 2011 at 2:48

    Direct quote from teh orange boner: “If you can get this fixed, why not uh, why not do the right thing for the American people – even though it’s not exactly what we want?”

    You rarely see them openly admit that they do not want to do the right thing for the American people. This is going to go into a thousand ads this fall.

    Not exactly what we want. FOAD.

  395. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 23, 2011 at 2:50

    and being seen as the major contributing factor to this was a BAD idea before an election year.

    That’s a pretty major tell that they don’t really give a shit.

  396. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 23, 2011 at 2:50

    oops, that last post was me.

  397. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    December 23, 2011 at 2:56

    oops, that last post was me.

    Nuh-uh!

  398. N__B said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:02

    All…one…bastard.

  399. tigris said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:03

    All. One. Guy.

  400. tigris said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:03

    Ooh, why you little!

  401. N__B said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:06

    HA! For once!

  402. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:07

    All. One. Sammich has gots vegetables onnit!

  403. N__B said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:13

    I’m sitting here eating dinner consisting of leftovers from Mrs__B’s company party. All. One. Meal.

  404. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:13

    Ya snuck that one in between (so to speak). I meant the anonymous, sorry.

  405. N__B said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:15

    Sneaking in the Bastard.

  406. S. cerevisiae said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:15

    I may be a bastard but I’m not that big and I have a long brown ponytail (OK there is some gray mixed in).

  407. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 23, 2011 at 3:19

    Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize people might be eating when I posted teh Holiday Greetings link.

  408. Pupienus said,

    December 23, 2011 at 4:45

    Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
    December 23, 2011 at 2:21

    Maybe this will restore your holiday spirits.

    Teh human Santapede! !

  409. N__B said,

    December 23, 2011 at 4:53

    For one scary moment I thought you said the Human Sadlypede. I like Subby and respect his Janusnode ability, but I have no desire to eat his dinner when he’s done with it.

  410. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 23, 2011 at 5:14

    Mmm, burritos.

  411. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 23, 2011 at 5:19

    Corn salsa?

  412. N__B said,

    December 23, 2011 at 5:20

    Laugh it up, Wangchuck, you’re going behind me.

  413. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 6:59

    Corn salsa?

    i can’t wait to use that one on my brother on christmas eve…

    Laugh it up, Wangchuck, you’re going behind me.

    in the santapede? or the bathroom?

  414. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 7:00

    in the santapede? or the bathroom?

    or your mom?

  415. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 7:02

    HIS mom…i meant….and also i meant use the phrase ‘corn salsa’ to refer to poop in a conversation with my brother…i’ve used an awful lot of cleaning products tonight and apparently they’ve affected my cognitivity…

  416. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 7:14

    the woman just can’t stfu can she?

  417. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 7:23

    once again, the onion correctly sums it up

  418. bbkf said,

    December 23, 2011 at 7:28

    POOP

  419. John Revolta said,

    December 23, 2011 at 9:59

    Well, this explains everything…………….

    NEW YORK (AP) — A federal judge has signed a default judgment finding Iran, Taliban and al-Qaida liable in the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

    Judge George Daniels in Manhattan signed the judgment Thursday, a week after hearing testimony in the 10-year-old case. The signed ruling, which he promised last week, came in a $100 billion lawsuit brought by family members of victims of the attacks. He directed a magistrate judge to preside over remaining issues, including fixing compensatory and punitive damages.

    Daniels signed findings of fact saying the plaintiffs had established that the Sept. 11 attacks in 2001 were caused by the support the defendants provided to al-Qaida. It also said Iran continues to provide material support and resources to al-Qaida by providing a safe haven for al-Qaida leadership and rank-and-file al-Qaida members.

    Don’t you see? It was really IraN all along!! Not IraQ…………..that was just a spelling error!!1!!1!1! Could happen to anyone!! IraN, IraQ…………….hell, they all look the same anyway. With those towels on their heads and all.

    Glad we finally cleared THAT up. Now, let’s go get them IraNi TalibaNs!!

  420. actor212 said,

    December 23, 2011 at 12:45

    Don’t you see? It was really IraN all along!! Not IraQ

    They are SO close on the keyboard, it’s totally understandable.

  421. wiley said,

    December 23, 2011 at 13:18

    That sounds familiar, Substance. It was’t Carthage, it was after the fall of the Soviet Union—- guards at nuclear missile sites were refusing to guard because they didn’t have winter uniforms and it was freezing outside. Since they weren’t getting paid, they started pulling up wires and stripping them to sell the copper. People also learned to be very careful in the streets because people were stealing the man-hole covers and selling them for scrap.

    Just goes to show ya— people get hungry and desperate enough they start making requisitions.

  422. Donny D. said,

    December 30, 2011 at 12:52

    Most of Eric Olsen’s blog items on gaypatriot.net seem to have been deleted. The only two I could find are dated July 7 and 8, and may have been his first two posts. His last comment there was to a November 28 item by another blogger. He’s still described on the site’s masthead as one of its bloggers. I haven’t yet found anything on the site that explains the disappearance of what look like almost all of his blog items, including the one referred to here:
    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/35466.html

  423. Donny D. said,

    January 6, 2012 at 12:04

    I just check at gaypatriot.net. At the time of my previous comment, Eric Olsen was still on the masthead of gaypatriot.net, I think as GayPatriotMidwest. I checked there just now and he’s not on the masthead anymore. Nor is there any other mention of him on the home page.

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()