‘Cuz It Worked So Well In Iraq And Afghanistan

Shorter Jeannie DeAngelis, Ruhnoomurka:
Can the bagpipes and catch the terrorists?

  • The appropriate way to commemorate 9/11 is not having a bunch of weepy memorials; instead, we should commemorate 9/11 by invading a few countries and killing more Muslims.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 306

 
 
 

Also with fried foods. Don’t forget the fried foods.

 
 

The best way to commemorate 9/11 is with a good scotch.

 
 

The fucking whore even names victims.

Brave men like the late Lieutenant Vernon Richard of Ladder Company 7 would almost certainly be perplexed over a memorial service given in his honor being attended by a President who makes speeches about the tragedy of that fateful day, but refuses to seriously address the problem of radical Islam in a world in which the lieutenant’s son still lives.

Then there’s Jeanmarie Wallendorf, a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. How would Jeanmarie feel about having her name read at a memorial while over at the Pentagon, Joe Biden misrepresented all the soldiers who died in the war on terror by calling them “fallen angels?”

I’m sure the families of the victims would totally approve.

 
 

What does Obama have to do to get these guys off his back about terrorism? Kill Bin Laden or something?

 
 

“The fucking whore even names victims.”

Needs moar magic dolphins.

 
 

What does Obama have to do to get these guys off his back about terrorism? Kill Bin Laden or something?

Hah, my first thought as well. She apparently doesn’t keep up with the news all that much.

 
 

I bought a new IPad on 9/11. Suck on that mooslems!

 
esteev, from his phone
 

” Kill Bin Laden or something?”

That might help but Obama would still be black so he must KILL THEM ALLLL!!!11!! WOLVERINE!!!QQ1

 
 

She also has an excellent cow about a “radical Islamic cleric” dining at the Pentagon “months” after the attack. She fails to note that this is mere “months” into the Bush administration.

 
 

And what’s her beef with “fallen angels?” I think that kind of rhetoric is incredibly stupid, but it should be right up her alley.

 
 

I’ve got a good mind to log in my facebook and give that hooker a piece of my mind.

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

I had the same thought tsam but just realized “falling angels” could be taken as SATAN.

 
 

“radical Islamic cleric” dining at the Pentagon “months” after the attack.”

This upsets me. Dude prolly hates teh gays, abortion and feministers. Bastard!

 
esteev, from his phone
 

If only Obama went over to Iraq and Afghanistan and personally took out each terrorist with only his mits and a machete would this whore be pleased. Until she found out “machete” is kinda wet-back-y.

 
 

I mean SERIOUSLY. WHO FUCKING DOES THAT? Name an ACTUAL victim and then ponder that victim’s possible response to his/her memorial service????? Again: There IS NO BOTTOM.

 
 

“What does Obama have to do to get these guys off his back about terrorism? Kill Bin Laden or something?”

Ha ha, that’s a trick question. Everyone knows that Obama didn’t kill Bin Laden but he did personally fire that stinger missile that killed the Seal Six team in order to keep them quiet.

We’re down the rabbit hole people!!

 
 

I” mean SERIOUSLY. WHO FUCKING DOES THAT? Name an ACTUAL victim and then ponder that victim’s possible response to his/her memorial service?????”

Peggy Noonan?

 
esteev, from his phone
 

Tsam, I’m afraid you don’t realize that what this whore thinks someone would think if they could no long think is exactly what they think.

 
 

tigris – I think she’s hearing “fallen angels” to mean “devils” like Lucifer aka/dba Satan in Christianspeak.

 
 

“There IS NO BOTTOM.”

Oh I think you misunderestimate a Tea Bagger’s ability to bottom. They’re pros.

 
 

“We’re down the rabbit hole people!!”

We’ve gone down the rabbit hole so many times that we finally decided to break down and get the windshield transponder for the toll booth….

 
 

Well, isn’t it, like, the ultimate safe argument? If she claims that this is what the victims would have said or would have thought, she can get away with it ’cause it’s not like any of them are in a position to contradict her.

Wait, this sounds really familiar… something about promising something you know you’ll never have to deliver, and getting money for it… something about exploiting fear and uncertainty for selfish gain… where have I heard this before?

Damn it, THAT is going to REALLY bug me. Probably all night.

 
 

“Peggy Noonan?”

Only after 2 and a bottle of scotch w/ vicodan.

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

I” mean SERIOUSLY. WHO FUCKING DOES THAT? Name an ACTUAL victim and then ponder that victim’s possible response to his/her memorial service?????”

Every fucking reichwing blogger EVAH?

 
 

THIS TIME IT’LL BE DIFFERENT, PEOPLE! PROMISE! Here, have these flowers.

 
 

“where have I heard this before?”

Congress?

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

There IS NO BOTTOM.

Trust me hon, they are plentiful.

 
 

It was the Pegster who “read” Wellstone’s mind from the grave and pronounced that he would have been ashamed of his memorial service or am I confusing my wingnut ho’s?

 
 

Hey vacumm, didn’t see your DeviantArt page before, nice. Especially drama hands Evan. What a doll. 😀

 
 

Hey, I’m totes with this lady. I don’t like bagpipes either.

 
 

I prefer to think of “bag pipes” as a sentence the coroner will say after Daniel Pipes’ tragic accident.

 
 

teh stoopid is strong in dat one

teh photoshop is awesome though I am thinking impure thoughts now

 
 

I think she’s hearing “fallen angels” to mean “devils” like Lucifer aka/dba Satan in Christianspeak.

Yeah, I think you’re right, based on her idiotic Bible verse link. Jesus, lady, those who die in war are often referred to as fallen, it’s not the fall from grace they’re talking about.

If given the chance to speak

I think those people would say she’s a hypocritical, soulless, bloodthirsty moron. Then they’d break a foot off in her ass.

it seems that memorials are just another reminder of how tragic it is for a nation at war to be more concerned with symbolism than it is with substance.

Then she fills her column with florid prose pictures and ventriloquizing with dead people. And seriously,if she were at all honest this column was due when Bush and co. were having “let’s kill Saddam!” hoedowns as memorials, so I call bullshit that she prefers substance over symbol.

 
 

One of the rare cases in which the shorter does not capture the true awfulness of the article. Apparently, every one of the 9/11 dead, if they could talk today, would support Jeannie’s looney-fringe World Net Daily conspiracy theories.

Also:

Everyone knows that Obama didn’t kill Bin Laden but he did personally fire that stinger missile that killed the Seal Six team in order to keep them quiet.

Dear Jesus tell me that is not a real thing.

 
 

John Boehner Is A Socialist

Proving that there is no bottom a Tea Bagger cannot bottom.

Ten to one he’s home schooled too.

 
 

What about this mango:
“What compounds the situation is that we presently live in a culture so saturated with political correctness that many fail to notice that those who murdered our brethren now occupy seats of honor at their funerals.”

What specifically does “political correctness” have to do with this? And is this moron’s next column going to reveal the murderers’ names and an explanation of why the Justice Department under W didn’t file charges?

 
 

“is this moron’s next column going to reveal the murderers’ name”

Oh that’s easy, you can tell who the murderers are just by looking, they’re mooooooslims!

 
 

ventriloquizing with dead people

I was going to steal Chris Hitchens’ line but tigris got there first. PLAGIARISM.
Dead people are always useful as one’s personal sock-puppet.

 
 

murdered our brethren
What about the murdered cistern? Do they not count?

Also I have tried ventriloquising with dead people but I think you need smaller hands for it to work properly.

 
 

mmy said
“Dear Jesus tell me that is not a real thing.”

It’s only half true. Alex Jones believes that Obama did not kill Bin Laden and the whole thing was a hoax. He also does believe that the helicopter filled with Seal commandos that was downed recently was shot down “by the globalists” in order to prevent them from revealing the secret. However, to Alex’s credit he doesn’t appear to believe that Obama personally fired the missile. That’s why he’s considered a top right wing intellectual.

 
 

John Boehner Is A Socialist

TMP has a mug-shot of the Teabagger in question. Smirk-to-face ratio greater than one!

 
 

Personally, I’m impressed that there was a shorter at all. I had so much trouble parsing the piece for something resembling semantic content that I finally gave up and decided it wasn’t actually written in English.

 
 

I was going to steal Chris Hitchens’ line but tigris got there first.

Future crime!

 
 

When Glenn Beck made his debut on CNN, he was going around to other radio talk shows to pimp his upcoming special on the Muslim Threat. When a host asked him, “Well, what do we do with all these Muslims in the world who hate us?” Beck squealed out, “We have to KILL THEM ALL!”. That told me all I needed to know about Beck.

 
 

I prefer to think of “bag pipes” as a sentence the coroner will say after Daniel Pipes’ tragic accident.

I wish you could hear how fucking loudly I laughed at this.

NICE

 
 

“What compounds the situation is that we presently live in a culture so saturated with political correctness that many fail to notice that those who murdered our brethren now occupy seats of honor at their funerals.”

What specifically does “political correctness” have to do with this? And is this moron’s next column going to reveal the murderers’ names and an explanation of why the Justice Department under W didn’t file charges?

What you’re not getting is that political correctness killed the nine-eleveners, and then did their funerals, because it is politically correct to mourn instead of finding someone, anywhere, to claim vengeance on.

Naw, just playing. There were black people at those funerals is all.

So you did taste my ratatouille.

For breakfast it is one brick or nearest equivalent remaindered freeze-dried ice cream in white vinegar, with special 2007-vintage price/ingredients Slim Jim “Footlong” en reduit de catsup W, la seule catsup pour les Americains.

 
 

There IS NO BOTTOM.

Trust me hon, they are plentiful.

Pretty sure I’d prefer that they wash occasionally. Just as a prerequisite. Also, flannel bad.

 
 

Stop insulting whores. They render a useful service.

This useless piece of crap on the other hand…

 
 

Someone needs to start a line of business in charging warbloggers hundreds of dollars to channel the ghost of a sol-dier killed in a war they like. You pretty much just have to use lines from 300 and they will think it is authentic.

Sideline with regular paranoids and victims of the terrars, done in exactly the same way, because being part of America’s forever war means that the restless ghost of a stockbroker wants to kick a black guy down a hole for freedom by default.

Bonus authenticity: be sure to mention that the Rapture is a real deal.

 
 

However, for forthcoming 9-11 anniversaries, it’s probably high time America eased up on the symbolism and instead chose to emulate the substantive actions of Jeremy Glick and Todd “Let’s Roll” Beamer who, along with fellow passengers on United flight 93, sacrificed everything to defeat four terrorists headed straight for our nation’s capitol.

uuuuhhhhh, jeannie? how is all the passengers getting killed *defeating* the terrororists? don’t get me wrong, these dudes are heroes of the highest order, but the terrorists weren’t defeated that day…and they won’t be as long as wingnuts like you scream ‘lets kill all the mooslims!!!’ twenty eight hours a goddamn day, we never will…

you can’t even figure out the food plate jeannie, nor do you have any conception of self control…why don’t you just let the big boys do their jobs and you just stfu…

 
 

John Boehner Is A Socialist

Wow, is he terrible. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen quite that mix of nervous discomfort and creepy smarminess before.

 
 

you can’t even figure out the food plate jeannie

Mittagessen ist Dachhase wegen des Austeritäts.

 
 

What specifically does “political correctness” have to do with this? And is this moron’s next column going to reveal the murderers’ names and an explanation of why the Justice Department under W didn’t file charges?

“Political correctness” = dog-whistle for “all that’s wrong in America,” much like “multiculturalism,” “liberal elitism” and all kinds of other things. The things they say don’t have to make sense, in fact it’s preferable that they don’t. Just throw enough buzzwords out there and the base’ll get the point that there’s much out there to be outraged about, even if they’re not entirely sure what.

 
 

However, for forthcoming 9-11 anniversaries, it’s probably high time America eased up on the symbolism and instead chose to emulate the substantive actions of Jeremy Glick and Todd “Let’s Roll” Beamer who, along with fellow passengers on United flight 93, sacrificed everything to defeat four terrorists headed straight for our nation’s capitol.

What we can NOT emulate is the unions (lazy, parasitic, overpaid thugs, doncha know) who called for reinforced cockpit doors before 9/11 and were dismissed as silly by their Galtian betters. Because, apart from the disastrous precedent of “employees’ safety > corporate bottom line,” if we’d done that, why then Jeremy Glick and Todd “Let’s Roll” Beamer would never have had to sacrifice anything, and 3,000 people, give or take, might still be alive! And then where would we be?

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

Pretty sure I’d prefer that they wash occasionally. Just as a prerequisite. Also, flannel bad.

And

Also I have tried ventriloquising with dead people but I think you need smaller hands for it to work properly.

Those comments for some reason make me reminisce about New York ca. 1980. Course, they were live “dummies.”

 
 

What compounds the situation is that we presently live in a culture so saturated with political correctness that many fail to notice that those who murdered our brethren now occupy seats of honor at their funerals.

That’s odd. I would have thought they all died when the planes hit. If they can survive that shit maybe we shouldn’t be messing with them.

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

I can not express how disappointented I am that google does not have a TLAP logo today.

 
 

Political correctness is the wingnut mind appears to boil down to this: People are sometimes appalled by the disgusting things I say, and though no one is taking away my right to say these disgusting things ZOMG CENSORSHIP!!0ne11

 
 

Heh; Comment from uh the John Boeher is a Socialist. Link. Um. Link.

God, this guy is like? the stoned roommate that just won’t shut up about something he doesn’t know anything about.

 
 

Wow, is he terrible. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen quite that mix of nervous discomfort and creepy smarminess before.

Having this guy hit on you must be a woman’s worst nightmare…

 
 

Political correctness is the wingnut mind appears to boil down to this: People are sometimes appalled by the disgusting things I say, and though no one is taking away my right to say these disgusting things ZOMG CENSORSHIP!!0ne11

Censorship is when someone thinks you should feel bad for saying abhorrent things. And when you are incapable of an emotional response when it is pointed out what a horror show your life has become? That is oppression.

Unless it’s a particular kind of horror which need not be described, in which case, racism.

This is in The Road to Serfdom, maybe??

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

People are sometimes appalled by the disgusting things I say

That word, “sometimes” – I do not think it means what you think it means. Oh wait, you weren’t speaking about yourself. Sorry. Never mind.

 
 

God, this guy is like? the stoned roommate that just won’t shut up about something he doesn’t know anything about.

Which is weird. For me, this has always been a deplorably undereduated waste case trying to make a coherent plea for me to take up arms against the Federal Reserve because…well they dont’ really know why. It’s JUST BAD, MmmK?

 
 

A Paulbot should be somewhere in that stupid shit I just said.

 
 

Ah! According to Neil Cavuto name-calling cab only be “over the top,” when the person being called names is a conservative. Fox: so fair, balanced.

 
 

“Having this guy hit on you must be a woman’s worst nightmare”

Like this guy has ever emerged from his mother’s basement.

 
 

Like this guy has ever emerged from his mother’s basement.

Oh great, now I gotta go back and see if the camera caught the wall of canned food behind him.

 
 

THOSE AREN’T PEACHES IN THOSE JARS!

 
 

Nope, looks like they used the rec room. Also: thank god for mute.

 
 

There.
Happy now?

 
 

Putting words in the mouths of dead people and thoughts in their heads is so disgusting. Fuck her.

 
 

Fuck her.

I would prefer not to.

Oh great, now I gotta go back and see if the camera caught the wall of canned food behind him.

Tea is tamarisk over Ritz crackers ground fine, with a “moms’ carbomb” of a shot glass dish soap in bag wine.

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

Such an obvious shotofop. That is clearly and definitely a European toilet – LOOK AT THE PEE / POOP BUTTONS and theyre in the wall Not on the terlet where they belong and Jeannie would NEVER go anywhere outside the yoo ess AY. I call FAKE.

 
 

THOSE AREN’T PEACHES IN THOSE JARS!

And for supper it is the Custom of the Sea.

 
 

Isn’t today anthraxiversary?
.

 
 

“Political correctness” = dog-whistle for “all that’s wrong in America,” much like “multiculturalism,” “liberal elitism” and all kinds of other things.

They’re pining for the Good Old Days(TM), when a ReaLAMErican could insult and assault anyone who was different and be a hero.

 
 

This cute story comes to me via Half Walter Simpson:

Doody Black, the ninth child of Wanda and Hurley Black (the Seminole County Blacks), is a great fan of Glenn Beck. When Fox News cut Beck loose, Doody planted a four by six foot sign in his Havana, Florida front yard that read:

“Starting this day formard, I hereby and slomenly swear I won’t never watch Fox News Again! Join me neighbors and Americans against the Muslims who are destroying the fabric of our Freedom”

Because Doody didn’t get anyone knocking on his door to join his protest, he decided the problem with his sign wasn’t the wording, but its location. He was partly right of course, since only six cars pass in front of his trailer on an average day, the three going into Havana early each morning, and the same three returning from Havana each evening.

So Doody pulled up his sign, threw it into the back of his rusted out Isuzu Pup and drove to the nearest bridge crossing Interstate 10. Doody parked the Pup on the shoulder, carried his sign to the middle of the bridge and held it over the handrail, an hour first to the west bound traffic, then an hour to the east bound traffic. Doody had added to the bottom of his sign: “Honk if you heart Glenn Beck”.

After a couple of hours of holding his sign, during which time no car had honked, Doody grew frustrated and decided to wrap his head with an old dirty bath towel he kept under the hood to check the oil in his truck. Doody said he was trying to see if having a Muslim extremist on the bridge would scare people enough to make them blow their car horns.

After about twenty minutes a Florida State Patrolman pulled up behind Doody’s Pup and parked. The Trooper walked onto the bridge where Doody was pointing alternately at his sign and at his turban. The officer ordered Doody to lay his sign down and turn around and place his hands on the handrail. Doody told the officer, in his own words, “I knew you guys would back me up. Y’all are about the only real Americans left. Hey, Glenn Beck rocks, right?”

 
 

…it’s probably high time America eased up on the symbolism and instead chose to emulate the substantive actions of Jeremy Glick and Todd “Let’s Roll” Beamer who, along with fellow passengers on United flight 93, sacrificed everything to defeat four terrorists headed straight for our nation’s capitol.

Nobody tell Jeannie that one of the “fellow passengers” who fought back against the hijackers was a gay man. On second thought, I hope somebody does tell her because I’d like to see her head explode.

 
 

THOSE AREN’T PEACHES IN THOSE JARS!

i have been watching koq every time it’s on to finally catch this episode!!!

 
 

I must have missed it-can someone point me to where Jeannie said that she herself would take substantive action, in any way whatsoever?

I know it’s been said before, but man, this whole wingnut welfare thing is such a gig. Plant your ass down at the computer, fart out some shit about declining moral standards and encroaching secularism, throw in a little libel and name-calling and bam, there’s your workday. Whee-oo!

 
 

robert rudis said:
snip

That’s a remarkable joke. Let me tell you one of mine.

THE STORY OF THE TALKING SNAKE

Once upon a time a man was walking along in his field, inspecting his prosperous crop and contemplating the light hand with which his sovereign collected tax. At once, he was confronted by a snake, which cried out piteously.

“Snake,” said the man, “what do you want of me? I will not let you poison me.”

“I am dying of cold, and need to stay in an orifice,” said the snake. “Any orifice will do, but it must be an orifice.”

And the man said, “I will let you stay in my coat, but what will I have in return?”

The snake, whose name was Strife and who was the author of war and discord, snapped, “No! It must be an orifice!”

And this is how the man came to bear the viper Strife home in his mouth. As all snakes are liars, the man did not believe its promises not to bite him, nor its grandiloquent declarations of permanent loyalty, nor his promises to grant wishes. At his first opportunity, he spat Strife directly into the anus of a passing cow; and by the blessing of mighty Helios was his aim uncanny true.

And the cow confronted him, saying, “Why did you do that? I am not your cow.”

The man told the cow that the kingdom of men had contingencies for such things, and demanded that she discuss the matter with her owner. And so she did, and was told it was a lie; such a thing had never happened before in the history of men. A panel of elders would have to be appointed to judge this case, but it could only be done after the snake had recovered, for fear of its life, over which the whole matter revolved.

In fury at the man’s bait and switch, ruing his new accomodations up a cow’s anus, the snake called for help, and got a friendly goat-man, the satyr Pan, to seduce his wife in return.

And so he did, and the man coming upon them in the intimate act screamed and swore revenge. He went to the town and made such a clamor against the snake that a jury had to be assembled at once to beat them all: Strife, man, wife, Pan. But no one could decide who bore the most blame, and so they invented then and there the system of ostracism: the men of the town, having established they wished to hold an ostracism, were passed ballots of ostrakons, or potsherds, and wrote names thereon, and whosoever had the most of these names would have to leave ancient Athens (for it is here our story takes place). The sum of the votes went to the seducer, for all agreed he did nothing but enable Strife in his grim labor.

The godling in his fury cursed the hapless Athenians to a thousand years of democracy, and fled Hellas to his home away from home, the 1960s. There, a medically shambolic sex addict held court in Camelot, and a bitter young man dreamed of escaping his banal life in favor of the adventure of communism. The satyr whispered words in Greek, the only language he knew, to a certain shipping magnate; and through his subtle motions the man with the bad back came to symbolize all that the embittered young defector now saw as wrong with not only America but the world: successful without working for it, fashionably liberal without favoring any particular reforms in a deeply damaged society, and willing to push the world to the brink of nuclear war.

And at last the disaffected young man, whose name was Lee, shot the sex addict, whose name was John, and was in his turn shot by the shipping magnate’s man in New Orleans. And as the shipping magnate took the sex addict’s handsome wife as the prize of the Olympian gods for his part in their schemes, the two sixties men went through the whirlpool, passing through the stages of limbo and falling from the Eternal Wheel.

The elder man, after some eternal time, was approached by a veritable mountain of a man. Daniel Webster, in what answered for one hundred years, had gone blind and insane, wearing his hair in a beard that covered his etherial pubis and constantly trying to contrive matters of law to occupy his unusable time.

At last in John he had a client, as John’s time in Camelot had left him with much to want of life and left him embittered that some young fool had cut it short. Neither knew of the roles of Strife nor Pan, or the wife nor the man, who had gone on to oblivion with all other creatures that had lived by then.

It was a civil suit John waged against Lee, for the maximum allowable amount of eleven trillion trillion dollars Hell Money. John expected Lee to settle for significantly less to get out of the trouble of defending himself in court, as many a genuinely aggrieved litigant has. Lee did not have that kind of money, but it would be garnished from his paycheck as a collar starcher.

But he was not expecting the full extent of Daniel Webster’s degeneracy, for with great care did he conduct the voir dire for the court’s nine-man jury. He seated as jurors Compte Auguste de Guillotin, Sophie Scholl, Charles II by the Grace of God King of England etc, Abraham Lincoln, Bud Dwyer, an anonymous Maina big-man baptized Domingo, Pompey Magnus, John the Baptist, and Adolf Hitler.

Some old Welsh prince presided over the trial, and for some untold and untellable time the court was occupied by the mere Herculean task of causing any word one man spoke to be understood by another. But after that time it came to be understood that there would be a mistrial; for in Webster’s time it was acceptable to pack a jury – as he had indeed done with these sad head cases – but the law in its wisdom is always advancing. No one understood the words that came from Domingo’s tiny, leathery head, but all took away their essential meaning: the excitement of the case was at last over and all were to return home.

Outside of the courthouse, Lee approached Kennedy and frowned in an apologetic way. He did not mean any harm, he meant to say, and he wished John all the best. He never meant for all this to come of it, though. But he couldn’t, not like this, and all he could do was wrap an arm around Jack’s neck, animated by a cameraderie against all.

Without any rancor or hesitation, knowing at last all of it was over, Jack, the man who had once had sex with a movie star and now lived as quiet as a mote of dust in the coldness of space, laughed his sad laugh and draped his own arm over the younger phantasm. “Oh Lee, Lee, my dear boy, I’d go through what I went through a million times just to have what we had again, when we had it, down there, together, every last one of us.” And Lee’s throat caught for words and they wept in one another’s arms together, finding human contact for the briefest moment between eternities of solitude.

MORAL: Batson v. Kentucky, 476 U.S. 79 (1986).

 
 

murdered our brethren

What about the murdered cistern? Do they not count?

Smut Clyde wins.

 
 

rodert: I enjoyed your story. As always.

 
 

Speaking of political ads shot in a rec room:

 
 

What about the murdered cistern? Do they not count?
Smut Clyde wins.

Plagiarised Recycled Kliban jokes always win.

 
 

I know it’s been said before, but man, this whole wingnut welfare thing is such a gig. Plant your ass down at the computer, fart out some shit about declining moral standards and encroaching secularism, throw in a little libel and name-calling and bam, there’s your workday. Whee-oo!

I must admit that I’m horribly jealous. As soon as I figure out how to get rid of my intellect, conscience and soul, I’m ALL OVER THAT SHIT.

 
 

This cute story comes to me via Half Walter Simpson:

That cracked me up.

“The legend of Doody Black…black…black..black
Will never die like a rebel yell…..”

 
 

It’s classic country night! I’m drinking whiskey out da fucking bottle and listening to Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Merle Haggard and whatever else I stumble across. YAY. Tsam is a nerd.

 
 

Good god. If you don’t like this, you’re bad at liking music.

 
 

fuck you dead thread

 
 

Keep talking. You’re quite the entertainer.

 
 

Ha–reveal yourself, benevolent web personality!

 
 

Mama sez:

That’s the night that lights went out in Georgia…

Or George, if you’re searching on Youtube. Why are people so fucking dumb. That’s a STATE IN OUR NATION FFS. How do the lights go out in George? Do you think that hurts, or feels good?

 
 

Note that I left the question mark off one of the sentences. I rule.

 
 

Jeanie C Riley: Harper Valley PTA. Ahhh memories.

She’s a cutie! I think her guitar player is Quentin Tarantino.

 
 

<em.Getting Off… said,

September 20, 2011 at 7:22

…The Boat?

Yay! I don’t remember this. I like it. Thanks for sharing!

 
 

Nancy

Great song, gorgeous girl. Too bad every nasty ho at karaoke abuses this poor song to death.

 
 

Sorry. I meant… SCROTUM.
.

 
 

Pourin’ myself another whiskey. Who’s up with the TSAM? Who’s DOWN WITH THE TSAM?

 
 

Good lord. What’s the point of a free, unmoderated website if it’s not jammed with creepy, insane insomniacs?

 
 

YOU’RE ALL BANNED YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

 
 

hee. This will be a bit embarassing tomorrow morning, yes?

 
 

See, the trick to killing a thread is to hog that motherfucker. You just post and post until it stops struggling.

 
 

The important question is, WHAT KINDA WHISKEY YOU DRINKIN’??

 
 

News analysis: Tax plan not class warfare, Obama insists

When I was a little bit younger, I used to say dumb shit like: “Boy, I sure am glad I live in this time period. Those Middle Ages and stuff were just weird, with all their feudalism and divine right to nobility and shit. I’m glad this period is nothing like…”

OH FUCK.

What happened to humanity. We were on the right track in the 60’s, no?

 
 

Way, way up in the thread tsam mentioned this particular ripe mango:

Placing a wreath at the Flight 93 National Memorial means nothing to those who perished if things are so lax that radical Islamic cleric Anwar Al-Awlaki, with his connections to the 9-11 plot and the Ft. Hood shooting, could be invited to a luncheon by the Pentagon and dine compliments of those that Flight 77 targeted and destroyed.

Okay, the article she linked to says Al-Awlaki dined at the Pentagon “months” after 9/11, ie during the Bush administration.

So, how has Obama’s new administration coddled this radical monster (And, incidentally, American citizen)?

A missile strike from an American military drone was aimed at killing Mr. Awlaki in May 2011 in a remote region of Yemen, where he is believed to be hiding. The attack does not appear to have killed him, but may have killed operatives of Al Qaeda’s affiliate in Yemen.

He’s on Obama’s short list of American citizens who are now being targeted for assassination. Not capture, Obama has overtly and unilaterally revoked all of the man’s rights and is currently attempting to murder him with Terminators.

Short of declaring war on Yemen, Obama’s response to Al-Awlaki literally could not be more hostile and aggressive.

I mean, I’m used to wingnuts being detached from reality, but Jesus, this is bad.

 
 

The important question is, WHAT KINDA WHISKEY YOU DRINKIN’??

Today I’m drinking moderately good whiskey called Tangle Ridge. It’s made in Calgary, Alberta, CA. Not too bad poured over ice.

 
 

Oh, by the way, here’s a bit from the Times’ overview:

The notion that the government can, in effect, execute one of its own citizens far from a combat zone, with no judicial process and based on secret intelligence, makes some legal authorities deeply uneasy.

Others, however, can’t imagine what the problem is.

It’s a wonderful time to be alive, isn’t it? I mean, as long as the government says it’s okay.

 
 

Short of declaring war on Yemen, Obama’s response to Al-Awlaki literally could not be more hostile and aggressive.

Yes. As I was just complaining… A while back, indiscriminate warfare and weapons would mostly be beneath the USA. WTF?

I’m such a liberal pussy.

 
 

Others, however, can’t imagine what the problem is.

It’s a wonderful time to be alive, isn’t it? I mean, as long as the government says it’s okay.

We’ll quote a past president: If the president does it, it’s LEGAL.

Shorter Nixon: The preznit is ABOVE THE LAW. SUCK IT LIBZ!@

 
 

You know–It deeply saddens me in these moments. I lived during 9/11. I lived in a time when a small group of angry reactionary religious fanatics pulled off a miracle and coordinated an atrocious attack on my home nation. I also lived to see them accomplish their goals. We have completely disregarded The Constitution. There is no 4th or 5th Amendments anymore. We have dumped trillions of dollars into the war machine to fight brush wars in foreign nations. We have kept the fact that we’re building military bases in the Middle East a secret so that we can fight it out for the last of the black gold in the planet so that we can hold the record for the most atmosphere and ecological systems singlehandedly destroyed. Yeah, I guess I’m glad to be alive now, but I’m deeply distressed by the idea that a corporation is now a person. We like to pat ourselves on the back for locking up other sociopaths. In fact we cheer at killing them as long as they’re actual persons. When they’re corporations, we build an influental political party to protect them…

Geez. No wonder I have a chronic headache.

 
 

As long as it ain’t Old Smuggler.

As regards the ’60s (and ’70s), I really believe that we scared and pissed off so many people with teh Free Love and teh Commynism and teh Niggerlovin’ that a bunch of people got together and decided to slowly & inexorably put things “right” for good and all. I mean, we didn’t believe half the shit we said but enough of the right people did.

Yes, in a sad way, “I blame myself”(/georg festrunk).

 
 

There is no 4th or 5th Amendments anymore

HOLY SHIT.

There is nothign worse than being guilty of your own pet peeve. Well, except for all that shit I mentioned in my rant. But this is a close…next.

 
 

As regards the ’60s (and ’70s), I really believe that we scared and pissed off so many people with teh Free Love and teh Commynism and teh Niggerlovin’ that a bunch of people got together and decided to slowly & inexorably put things “right” for good and all. I mean, we didn’t believe half the shit we said but enough of the right people did.

You didn’t? God I’m going to commit suicide.

 
 

Stay tuned for President Perry, Tsambasis.

 
 

As long as it ain’t Old Smuggler.

No sir. And it’s not that goddamned Jack Daniels either. This stuff is above the cheap stuff (R&R, Black Velvet, etc), but below the top shelf stuff. I’ll take it. It’s good for getting wasted like all my country heroes.

 
 

Stay tuned for President Perry, Tsambasis.

No. This clown CANNOT GET ELECTED.

I called Romney earlier.

Obama is so out. Poor centrist Clenis wannabe. He waited too long to start acting like he’s the fucking boss.

 
 

Sadly said,

September 20, 2011 at 8:15

Stay tuned for President Perry, Tsambasis.

Who ARE you? No Sadly, No!. ???

 
 

ONE MORE WHISKEY. Tell me somebody is matching me. Or up and drunk at 2321 PST.

 
 

23 minus 8 equals…um…

15. I’m + 15 hours GMT?

 
 

GUH.

Somebody TALK TO ME

 
 

Use ta drink Jack, back when it was 90 proof……………..then moved up to Maker’s Mark mostly.
Nowadays I’m mainly about teh Wine……………….Mrs. Revolta knows what’s good & cheap. (Shut up).

 
 

I’m finishing a cheap beer. Then going to bed.
.

 
 

Footage of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds…Wow.

Makes me want to smoke again.

 
 

then moved up to Maker’s Mark mostly.

That’s good stuff!

 
 

I’m finishing a cheap beer. Then going to bed.

Where da FUCK YOU BEEN JEFFRHAM?

 
 

gOOD lORD i’M hAMMERED

 
 

Ok, I’ll shutup now. Sorry for the torturous bullshit, sadlynauts, Good night, brothers and sisters.

 
 

You know–It deeply saddens me in these moments

It mostly saddens me that I’m a terrible writer.

Also, PLEASE check out Nick Cave. One of my recent discoveries–of which i’m totally proud.

 
 

I’m a musician–and this is what I would be doing if I were doing it. This and anything by Pink Floyd after David Gilmour joined the band. Except for that Wall shit. It’s great, but not me. Dark Side? TOTALLY ME>. Would be all up in it.

 
 

This is the good part of what punk rock left us

 
 

Given the turn this thread took, a little something from RK Milholland.

 
 

That’s the night that lights went out in Georgia…

The lambs are going “Aah!” to Oliver Yarrop. Also.

 
 

Given the turn this thread took, a little something from RK Milholland.

Remember, kids, Sideways for sympathy; lengthwise for mortuary.

 
 

so I call bullshit that she prefers substance over symbol.

No need to disturb Bullshit over something so trivial. I mean, what if they’ve just sat down to dinner or something?

Dead people are always useful as one’s personal sock-puppet.

One does have to change them regularly though. They don’t hold up very well.

New York ca. 1980. Course, they were live “dummies.”

A friend related a comment today from somewhere that went something to the effect of “I don’t think Jim Henson gets enough credit for putting fisting into the public consciousness.”

 
 

Recycled Kliban jokes always win.

Never eat anything bigger than your head.

 
 

Putting words in the mouths of dead people and thoughts in their heads is so disgusting. Fuck her.

With a cage full of hairy spiders being pushed by a Garden Weasel.

 
 

Can the bagpipes and catch the terrorists?

For some reason the phrase “I’m gonna open a can of bagpipes on your ass” never made its way into popular culture.
I hope this bagpipe cannery is dolphin-friendly.

 
 

tsam said,
fuck you dead thread

Consult Jeannie DeAngelis. She will tell you what the thread is thinking.
Also I blame Orson Scott Card for fostering the idea that “Speaker for the Dead” is actually a legitimate job title.
[Note clever use of “Is Orson Scott Card a tosser?” gambit for reanimating thread]

 
A Ventriloquised Dead Person
 

Gottle o’ geer! Gottle o’ geer!

 
 

Dead Thread is the messenger of tsam’s doom and his destruction
He is the one who will set tsam up as nothing
And he is the one who will look at tsam sideways
His particular skill is leaving bombs in people’s driveways

Dead Thread has a memory that’s as cold as an iceberg
The only time he speaks is in incomprehensible proverbs
Dead Thread is the siren, he’s the air-raid, he’s the crater
He’s on the menu, on the table, he’s the knife and he’s the waiter

 
 

For some reason this seems appropriate

 
 

Smut! Oliver Yarrup ! Gotcha.

 
 

Oliver Yarrup ! Gotcha.

OLD.

 
 

I might agree with this comment:

“How can we face the enemy when this administration is kissing there butts?”

I dunwanna see no butts.

 
 

tsam, when you wake up and sober up, check out Nick Cave’s “Murder Ballad’s”; sick, sick, sick, but in a good way

 
 

Dammit! Tsam was holding a whiskey party, & I never saw no invite. The bottle of booker’s is now coming down off the top shelf. In honor of the new Palin/Nader ticket over at Tboggs.

 
 

the new Palin/Nader ticket
Dunning / Kruger 2012!

 
 

“Mama sez:

That’s the night that lights went out in Georgia…”

“…the day that Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge.” Nuthin’ like 70’s Southern Gothic soft rock. Relatedly, ANGIE BABY is still one of the creepiest songs out there.

 
 

Say. You think Jeannie will volunteer to fight this time? The sight of her might scare a few Muslims off.

 
 

Motherhood means sleeping when you can and missing out on epic drunk-posting by S,Ners. I’m super-bummed.

 
 

tsam, I hope you didn’t barf up an internal organ and you’re feeling ok this morning.

 
 

Porn in the morn
Starring me and cutlery
Lush veggies in the eve
Won’t make tsam heave

Last night I made this really chunky ratatouille. Eggplant, zucchini, yada yada…Really rustic. And I served it over rigatoni with homemade garlic breadcrumbs made from leftover bakery bread. I just toasted them in a pan with garlic and olive oil. So rigatoni, then ratatouille, then breadcrumbs, then a freshly-grated Asiago. OMFG

 
 

Also I blame Orson Scott Card for fostering the idea that “Speaker for the Dead” is actually a legitimate job title.

Let’s just say that there exists a jury which is out on that.

Personal take: he played an inept SF-custodial role for a book written by people at a prestigious temple publication he had previously worked with. Whatever inane culture game Card was a conduit for, after the evangelicals stopped automatically leaving the Mormons behind when they went off to fight their culture war, he was basically obsolete even without the heat his inability to read his own book had brought on this pointless little conspiracy.

Which is why Xenocide was nearly unreadable shit, like everything else he’s done; why it left a bunch of loose ends clearly being set up in the earlier books loose as ever; and why it took him long enough to slide into irrelevance.

(It wouldn’t surprise me to learn the same thing is true about Stephanie Meyer, either.)

One last link on the best boy, who had to kill everyone for their own good, and then on to what we’re all waiting for: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Gay.

 
 

Motherhood means sleeping when you can and missing out on epic drunk-posting by S,Ners. I’m super-bummed.

In many ways like trauma medicine, to hear my father tell it: sleep when you can, piss when you can, and never fuck with the pancreas if you can help it.

(So especially so if motherhood involves a jaunt into endoscopic surgery.)

 
 

Chunky Ratatouille really grinds Ross’ gears.

 
 

Hair of the dog for tsam.

I’m not a big rye drinker, but I rate for Tangle Ridge. It’s been years since I’ve seen it at teh LC. Are they still bottling it in those fancy stopper top bottle thingies?

 
 

In my stupor, I nearly forgot that, as per usual, I am honor-bound to punish Sadly for its foodie habits, that it may learn:

Last night I made this really chunky ratatouille. Eggplant, zucchini, yada yada…Really rustic. And I served it over rigatoni with homemade garlic breadcrumbs made from leftover bakery bread. I just toasted them in a pan with garlic and olive oil. So rigatoni, then ratatouille, then breadcrumbs, then a freshly-grated Asiago. OMFG

For dinner it is a full pound Black Angus ground beef, 95% lean, microwaved until room temperature and served on a bed of salt-washed local stones (organic). Wine suggestion: Prosecco bottle, empty no less than one year, boiled in drawn butter and served in a champagne flute, as champagne. Vegetable course: eleven packets Pizza Hut™ Hot “Peppers”™, served in their own juices.

Choice of desert: it is Smirnoff Ice filtered through Marlboro-brand tobacco rods, lightly drizzled on a “flan” of wet dog fur and room-temperature Cool Whip, a la Heston Blumenthal; or it is tailings of dinner frozen with high-fructose corn syrup. Garnish either with a penny no younger than 1990.

And at last, for digestif it is Bud Lite™, America’s only ketchup.

 
 

Yeah, I guess I’m glad to be alive now, but I’m deeply distressed by the idea that a corporation is now a person.

Posted on the Democratic Underground (and then on my facebook wall yesterday): “I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.”

 
 

I am not the biggest fan of corporate personhood, but it strikes me as a bit of windmill-tilt the way Internet lefties bat it around. America’s plutocrats managed to do all right casually murdering workers attached to their dignity before they could engage in the farce of pretending to be a corporate superperson.

It is just a little suspicious to my mind that one is supposed to look at the Koch brothers and focus mainly on their habit of getting together in an office and making believe they are a real boy.

 
 

alec, as far as foodie-ism goes, i think I’m considered bush league around here.

Chunky Ratatouille really grinds Ross’ gears.

That is hilarious.

And Peter Griffin don’t like it much either.

 
 

OMG!

9-11
~

Sadly, when you get wingnut blogs that shorter you only really need the one.

 
 

alec, as far as foodie-ism goes, i think I’m considered bush league around here.

There have been entire threads dedicated to what Kris Straub memorably describes in tweetform as “seared ahi with chipotle mango reduction ooh hoo! i totally deserve this #bestmealforme”, and I contended against them in vain.

If nothing else, those of us who are going home to microwave ourselves a dollop of butter and then that is it until dinner must occasionally be reminded on this modern Internet that we are not alone in the universe, and that somewhere out there for fourthmeal it is a pound bag uncheesed Nachos.

 
 

Stupid whiskey.

 
 

alec said,
September 20, 2011 at 15:08

As much crap as Orson Scott Card gets for the genocide in Ender’s Game, I always thought it was the most realistic part of the book (and a welcome change from Star Trek’s “oh, we’ll just stumble into an alien race and in a couple years start interacting with them just like we do with each other back home.”) Humanity has hostile first contact with another species, there’s lots of human casualties, we can’t communicate with or understand the other species and one of the few things we know is the location of their homeworld – yeah, I can completely see us reacting through extermination, if we had the weapons for it.

After all, it’s not like they’re people or anything… right?

On the other hand, this defense by OSC in your link

“The humans in Ender’s Game never imagined that they were obliterating another species; rather they thought they were destroying an invading species’ ability to make war. Genocide was the result of not understanding the effect on the buggers of the death of the hive queen.” 15

is complete nonsense. Of course they knew they were obliterating another species, and they say so. That’s the whole point. Us Or Them.

 
 

Motherhood means sleeping when you can and missing out on epic drunk-posting by S,Ners. I’m super-bummed.

btw, vs, it gets much easier. I would imagine young Dudeskull will be sleeping through the night soon. It gets really cool when they start doing more stuff, too, like walking and talking. lil’g is spouting new words and finding new ways to be adorable every day. /gah, I’m one of those parents/

 
 

kg, he’s 4 months now, so it’s not quite as overwhelming as it was when he was a newborn. He’s sleeping through the night. He’s just a high-maintenence kid who demands almost 24-7 stimulation and holding etc. Sometimes a 20 second pee break causes chaos. Then again, he is an angel…so I don’t have much to complain about.

I’m really looking forward to the walking/talking. The cooing is already so funny and cute.

 
 

/gah, I’m one of those parents/

I think we all are. 🙂

 
 

I always thought it was the most realistic part of the book,,,

I see what you’re saying about human nature and killing teh “other”, but wouldn’t a moar realistic version would have had teh buggers confined to reservations and running all our casinos.

Anyways, speaking of realism – a technologically advanced race that is casually mopping teh floor with teh best and brightest humankind can throw at them, but they have THIS ONE HUGE GLARING WEAKNESS that is invisible to everyone except one snotty-nosed brat whose only redeeming quality apparently is that he is a ruthless fucking asshole? Also planet destroying weapons? Uhhh, there’s parts of the scenario that weren’t completely thought through.

 
 

I didn’t read Ender’s Game until I was in my twenties, so maybe my being outside of teh target audience colours my view. Still, I had figured out that OSC was an idiot during the introduction on the 1991 version of the book – something liek three pages in. I still read teh whole book and am a sadder and sorrier person for it. What a load of shite that was.

 
 

Last night I made this really chunky ratatouille.

So did I! And then I flushed it.

 
 

I am not the biggest fan of corporate personhood, but it strikes me as a bit of windmill-tilt the way Internet lefties bat it around.

Look, if it’s good enough for Adam Smith to get his panties in a twist over it, then we might as well panic too.

 
 

Chunking the ratatouille

 
 

This is an easy game to play: How dare we waste our time with (X) when we haven’t solved the problem (Y)! (where X and Y are completely unrelated issues):

Why are we spending our time posting cute cat videos on the Net when so many animals are abused and neglected by their owners?

Why are we worrying about homeless cats and dogs when there are so many needy people in this country?

Why should we spend our money on programs for homeless Americans, when so many millions of people literally starving to death around the world?

We shouldn’t concern ourselves with worldwide poverty unless we can address the issue of overpopulation in those countries.

Overpopulation in third world countries will never be solved without improvements to education and economic conditions in those parts of the world.

Economic aid to poor countries is meaningless unless we eliminate the oppressive regimes that have perpetuated the conditions that create the need for aid.

And on and on…

This construct gives the complainers perfect cover for ridiculing anyone who is trying, in his or her own small way, to make the world a better place, while justifying doing nothing themselves. And any gesture of respect and reflection for a past tragedy can be dismissed as meaningless because it doesn’t address the issue that the troll considers more important.

 
 

How dare we waste our time with (X) when we haven’t solved the problem (Y)!

How dare we waste our time with D-KW’s mom when we haven’t solved the problem of Gary Ruppert!

Wow. It works!

 
 

Why should vacuumslayer listen to Steerpike when she has a baby to take care of?

 
 

btw, vs, it gets much easier. I would imagine young Dudeskull will be sleeping through the night soon. It gets really cool when they start doing more stuff, too, like walking and talking.

…and standing by your bed at three in the morning, staring at you from about two inches away, wearing wet pajamas.

It does NOT get easier until they’re twenty and they piss their pants because of booze.

 
 

Why should vacuumslayer listen to Steerpike when she has a baby to take care of?

Why should Smedley care when actor212 just told the funniest anecdote of the day?

 
 

Ultra Ninja update. We started her on solids this past week and teh feedings have been both good and bad so far. But teh diapers. OMG.

 
 

I came back to see if tsam survived. Yay.

 
 

“It does NOT get easier until they’re twenty and they piss their pants because of booze.”

It’s these sort of memories I’ll treasure.

 
 

Ultra Ninja update. We started her on solids this past week and teh feedings have been both good and bad so far. But teh diapers. OMG.

You ought to be used to all that from changing your mom.

 
 

It’s these sort of memories I’ll treasure.

I bronzed baby’s first breathalyzer.

 
 

I’m alive and feeling surprisingly well today. Maybe I need more whiskey.

Why do we drink so much whiskey when there are dishes to be done and an ever dwindling supply of brain cells that need protection rather than carpet bombing?

 
 

I’m super-bummed.

So many jokes I could make…

I can’t pick one!

 
 

So many jokes I could make…

Friend, the old gag about having had a train run on one by Supertramp is a golden oldie, I will grant you, but it only works with dudes.

 
 

Just wanted ot be 200

 
 

Why do we drink so much whiskey when there are dishes to be done and an ever dwindling supply of brain cells that need protection rather than carpet bombing?

Same reason we bombed the hell out oa country had nothing to do with 9-11.

It’s fun!

 
 

Also, PLEASE check out Nick Cave. One of my recent discoveries–of which i’m totally proud.

he has been one of hubbkf’s and my favorites for a few years now…we also got number 1 son turned on to him…he went to see ‘grinderman’ last year in st. paul and got me a kick ass t shirt…

also, nick cave is great driving music…especially if you are buzzed and driving fast out in teh middle of nowhere…

which i don’t condone: safety first! and everything in moderation!

i always say…

 
 

Also, PLEASE check out Nick Cave.

1984 is calling. It wants the Bad Seeds back…

 
 


Just wanted ot be 200″

Youll never reach Sparta with that attitude.

 
 

Nobody here nominated me?

I haz a sad.

 
 

“Just wanted ot be 200?

Youll never reach Sparta with that attitude.

I’m happy with Spar.

 
 

I’m really looking forward to the walking/talking. The cooing is already so funny and cute.

this is when things get dangerous…be warned…it is also the marker of when the years suddenly fly by* and you find yourself at high school graduation…do not wish the baby stuff away too fast…

btw, vs, it gets much easier. I would imagine young Dudeskull will be sleeping through the night soon. It gets really cool when they start doing more stuff, too, like walking and talking.

…and standing by your bed at three in the morning, staring at you from about two inches away, wearing wet pajamas.

It does NOT get easier until they’re twenty and they piss their pants because of booze

truer words have never been written…

 
 

Same reason we bombed the hell out oa country had nothing to do with 9-11.

Goddamnit, that’s good enough for me!

 
 

Friend, the old gag about having had a train run on one by Supertramp is a golden oldie, I will grant you, but it only works with dudes.

Do you know how old Spear is? He may not even know who Supertramp is.

Spear: it’s not a nickname for DK-W’s mom.

 
 

Hey, look! A beaver as old as D-KW’s mom’s!

 
 

Stupid whiskey.

truer words have never been written…

besides those…

 
 

It only gets easier if you stop caring about them, and that’s not an option.

Why not? They stop caring about us around age eight.

 
 

I’m not a big rye drinker, but I rate for Tangle Ridge. It’s been years since I’ve seen it at teh LC. Are they still bottling it in those fancy stopper top bottle thingies?

Weird that you haven’t seen it up there. I don’t think it’s especially popular anywhere. It’s not a top shelf, but it doesn’t come in a plastic bottle either. Those blend types (we call them Canadian blends down here) are my favorite type of whiskey. They make me question the need for the existence of atrocities like Jack Daniels.

The bottle is nicer than your average, but doesn’t have the stopper top. Just a plain old screw on cap.

 
 

Nobody here nominated me?

I haz a sad.

Donalde tried to, but he got your sekrit identity wrong again.

 
 

It does NOT get easier until they’re twenty and they piss their pants because of booze.

What about when they’re 25, college grads, and are moving back in after getting laid off from their first job?
~

 
 

this is when things get dangerous…be warned…it is also the marker of when the years suddenly fly by* and you find yourself at high school graduation…do not wish the baby stuff away too fast…

forgot the disclaimer: *the years between 14 and 18 years of age may will drag on interminably if you have a boy…i cannot answer for girls, since having a daughter who is handicapable and causes no teenage drama or angst was not part of my parenting experience…

 
 

What about when they’re 25, college grads, and are moving back in after getting laid off from their first job?

wouldn’t this be considered a golden opportunity for payback?

 
 

Do you know how old Spear is? He may not even know who Supertramp is.

You kids today and your music.

 
 

What about when they’re 25, college grads, and are moving back in after getting laid off from their first job?

Don’t forget about when they’re 28 and getting a divorce and moving in with their kids.

 
 

i cannot answer for girls, since having a daughter who is handicapable and causes no teenage drama or angst was not part of my parenting experience…

It absolutely does not drag on with girls. Aside from them being catty with each other and their mother, they aren’t bad to be around. I love hanging out with my girls. Boys are different. Moody, sullen, too cool for every damn thing. Now I know why my parents tried to kill me all those times.

 
 

tsam, sorry to bail on you in your hour of need, last night. I was in a foul mood.
.

 
 

What about when they’re 25, college grads, and are moving back in after getting laid off from their first job?

Depends on how hot their girl friends are.

 
 

Moody, sullen, too cool for every damn thing. Now I know why my parents tried to kill me all those times.

oh, yes…number one son and i barely made it through this lovely phase when they are as charming as a barbed wire fence…he was also (and sometimes still is) a drama queen…once he turned 18 though, it was like a switch was flipped and our lovely son was returned to us once again…i wish he didn’t live hours away from me, though…i totally LOVE hanging out with him…

 
 

They make me question the need for the existence of atrocities like Jack Daniels.

HEATHEN!

There is no drink more likely to get a date drunk than Jack and roofies…

 
 

tsam, sorry to bail on you in your hour of need, last night. I was in a foul mood.

prolly cuz you were drinking cheap beer…that always does it for me…

 
 

Don’t forget about when they’re 28 and getting a divorce and moving in with their kids.

Depends if they can score good weed

 
 

prolly cuz you were drinking cheap beer…that always does it for me…

This may explain my prolonged joblessness and inability to make rent.
.

 
 

This may explain my prolonged joblessness and inability to make rent.

my son’s girlfriend is right: i totally SHOULD be a life coach!

 
 

i cannot answer for girls, since having a daughter who is handicapable and causes no teenage drama or angst was not part of my parenting experience…

Y’know, the problem I had with mine is that I raised mine as gender neutral as possible. She had Barbies and a wicked curve ball.

So teenage years were more unfun than most dad/girl relationships. We survived them, tho, but only after she flunked out of college and got my message.

 
 

tsam, sorry to bail on you in your hour of need, last night. I was in a foul mood.

No worries dude. What I really needed was to take my dumb ass to bed. Once I got too bored and drunk to type, off I went.

 
 

There is no drink more likely to get a date drunk than Jack and roofies…

Roofies not needed. Long Islands, derailers and vodka tonics get the job done quickly and efficiently. Then you don’t have to feel like such a skeeze when you take advantage of them cuz shit, you didn’t have to resort ot roofies, amirite?

 
 

What I really needed was to take my dumb ass to bed.

And what did you do with her once you had?

 
 

Then you don’t have to feel like such a skeeze when you take advantage of them

That’s half the fun!

 
 

how about when they are a hypochondrial, self-absorbed, self-indulgent 70 year old who passively aggressively hates her husband, refuses to not only make friends her own age…/

Ya want I should rub ‘er out, bwoss?

 
 

actor: I dunno how old this Spear fellow is, but the wife and I had barely started high school when Ben Landen did his thing in the day. Book, cover, Duke Ellington, &c; I simply aim for the universal joy of a good multilayered hobo pun + this being what a grown adult’s sex life looks like.

 
 

And what did you do with her once you had?

[CENSORED] and then I [CENSORED] her with one of those [CENSORED] and a bottle of bleach, an axe, a badger, and all the leftovers from the refrigerator. It was [CENSORED], but I have a lot of chafing.

 
 

Ya want I should rub ‘er out, bwoss?

do. not. tempt. me…

 
 

ENUF WITH THE SUPERTRAMP!!! they are possibly the group i despise the most…besides foreigner…and i AM NOT xenophobic so SHUT UP THAT”S WHY!!!

 
 

ENUF WITH THE SUPERTRAMP!!! they are possibly the group i despise the most…besides foreigner…and i AM NOT xenophobic so SHUT UP THAT”S WHY!!!

Racist.

 
 

this being what a grown adult’s sex life looks like.

Turning Japanese?

 
 

they are possibly the group i despise the most

When I was young, it seemed that life was so logical…

 
 

When I was young, it seemed that life was so logical…

if i could get my hand through my computer monitor right now, i would slap you silly…

 
 

Racist.

ha! pointing out that i am a racists makes you the racist, so there!

 
 

Racist.

ha! pointing out that i am a racists makes you the racist, so there!

So doesn’t that make you a bigger racist for pointing out that he pointed out your racism?

 
 

So doesn’t that make you a bigger racist for pointing out that he pointed out your racism?

don’t try to hide the facts with your logic, mister!

 
 

Moody, sullen, too cool for every damn thing. Now I know why my parents tried to kill me all those times.

TELL ME ABOUT IT. YOUNG ZOMBIE IS SIXTEEN.

 
 

TELL ME ABOUT IT. YOUNG ZOMBIE IS SIXTEEN.

i shudder for you…

 
 

I’ve been an ardent anti-Card for a loooong time. The best thing I’ve seen to date is, Orson Scott Card has always been an asshat.

Also, from John Kessel’s essay mentioned at the link:

These paragraphs are full of obfuscation. First, the phrase “destroying an invading species’ ability to make war” is a careful parsing of language that obscures what happens in the novel: the buggers are unable to make war because they are exterminated. Characterizing this as destroying their ability to make war is like characterizing cutting off someone’s head as eliminating his ability to whistle.

 
 

destroying an invading species’ ability to make war

That’s kind of like how the Luftwaffe staged “terror-bombing raids” while the RAF “de-housed the workforce”.

 
 

PLEASE check out Nick Cave

Which one?

This one

or This one?”

 
 

cutting off someone’s head as eliminating his ability to whistle.

Which should be mandated by law.

 
 

Which should be mandated by law.

Oh come on, this is awesome.

 
 

Ooooo, I like the 2nd Nick Cave better.

 
 

“cutting off someone’s head as eliminating his ability to whistle.”

You can still whistle through the bloody stump.

 
 

Greta Van Susteren vs Tucker Carlson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcIKOosRev4

I am detecting dissension in the ranks.

 
 

Hey, I just identified a oddity that happens to me a couple of times a year: Ophthalmic migraine.

Painless, but disturbing for about 20 minutes every time.
.

 
 

Y’know, you’re thinking, “brain tumor” the whole damned time.
.

 
 

God that Carlson such a slimy, smarmy little puke.

 
 

Y’know, you’re thinking, “brain tumor” the whole damned time.

WHISKEY! STAT!

 
 

WHISKEY! STAT!

Something for which I never had a taste. It may have to do with early childhood life. 🙂
.

 
 

Vodka, drano, whatever.

 
 

Y’know, you’re thinking, “brain tumor” the whole damned time.

Its not a tumour!

It’s a lesion.

 
 

Vodka, drano, whatever.

Cheap beer.

Nah… coffee will work.
.

 
respectable a vegetable
 

watch what you say
or they’ll be calling you a radical
a liberal

oh intellectual, cynical

[lyrical genius! I knooooooow it sounds absurd….]

 
 

It’s a lesion.

They’re pretty sure it’s a vascular thang, but the cause is not well-understood.
.

 
 

WHISKEY! STAT!

tsam, I’d expect you of all people to recognize that a painless migrane is probably not improved by application of whiskey. Given your experiences of last night, I mean.

 
there are times when you feel you're part of the furniture
 

it’s pe-cu-li-ar

 
 

Jeffraham, let this be a lesion to you.

 
 

respectable a vegetable said,

Hey, are you in these?

 
 

Jeffraham, let this be a lesion to you.

HIs followers are lesion

 
 

Of course, this whole “50% of people suffering ophthalmic migraines lose sight in one eye” isn’t a pretty thought.
.

 
 

Of course, this whole “50% of people suffering ophthalmic migraines lose sight in one eye” isn’t a pretty thought.

You know the old saying, “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.”

So you could always become Republican

 
 

So you could always become Republican

I don’t think my asshole can be enlarged that far.
.

 
 

I don’t think my asshole can be enlarged that far.

*sipping herbal tea quietly*

 
 

Well, can I at least make the one-eyed man king until I need glasses?

 
 

*sipping herbal tea quietly*

The gloves are ON!
.

 
 

tsam, I’d expect you of all people to recognize that a painless migrane is probably not improved by application of whiskey. Given your experiences of last night, I mean.

Yeah, one would reasonably think…remember who you’re dealing with, here. I’m good at playing the guitar, selling doors and hardware, and making poor decisions.

 
 

I’m of course referring to the selling of doors and hardware.

 
 

and making poor decisions.

Me too. If only I could get paid well for it.

 
 

So you could always become Republican

I would, but my last few remaining shreds of self respect prevent me from doing so.

 
 

I don’t think my asshole can be enlarged that far.

How did Rick Perry do it?

 
 

How did Rick Perry do it?

Utility pole auger, I hear.
.

 
 

I am detecting dissension in the ranks.

“He’s a convicted rapist. You could have asked him a tough question, Greta – & you didn’t.”

OH SNAP!

 
 

and making poor decisions.

Me too. If only I could get paid well for it.

So you could always become Republican

The juxtaposition of these comments is significant, I think.

Helmut, your wingnut welfare check awaits!

 
 

I’m of course referring to the selling of doors and hardware

I figured it was the poor decision making

 
 

I would, but my last few remaining shreds of self respect prevent me from doing so.

Why should you be different than the rest of us? We don’t respect you.

 
 

I am detecting dissension in the ranks.

“He’s a convicted rapist. You could have asked him a tough question, Greta – & you didn’t.”

OH SNAP!

Me too. If only I could get paid well for it.

 
 

Me too. If only I could get paid well for it.

Getting shopworn!

 
 

We don’t respect you.

That’s OK. I have a cat, so I’m used to not being respected.

 
 

I’m of course referring to the selling of doors and hardware.

Hooks ’em every time.

 
 

re: Canadian blends

Tangle Ridge is a pure rye. It’s a delicate blend of one grain. CC is a blend of whatever grains Hiram had left over when he crossed the Detroit and teh “Canadian” label was foisted on him by fellow American whiskey makers. So it’s kinda funny – “Canadian blend” whisky got its name from Americans about whisky made by an American and Tangle Ridge which is a single grain straight whisky (although I’m not entirely certain if its single malt) gets called blended because it’s from Canada.

Anywho, while I sympathize with teh denouncing of JD (although I have still had to taste teh Gentleman Jack), I rate for bourbon. I’m still on teh lookout for Big Bottom (I cannot lie) – but Bulleit is my will of choice and it’s pretty rye-heavy. It’s not quite like what I recall of Tangle Ridge from all those years ago, but if you like Tangle Ridge, you may want to give it a whirl. Bulleit also make really nice glasses.

 
 

How did Rick Perry do it?

Million Man March.

 
 

Then there was April

 
 

Ugh. Typos aplenty. Probs on account of all teh whisky.

 
 

Everybody put down their whiskey and proceed to the new thread in a drunk and disorderly fashion.

 
 

How in the hell do you guys know so much about whiskey and beer? I don’t have half the ambition it takes to educate myself on that shit.

 
 

I bronzed baby’s first breathalyzer.

It’s so adorable when the toddler burns herself on the crack-pipe.

 
 

Whiskey I’ll cop to, but beer? Mostly I drink “do you have anything local on tap?”

 
 

Ophthalmic migraine.
Painless, but disturbing for about 20 minutes every time.

Fortification illusions and all? It’s kinda cool to get down to hardware level and see the visual-cortex machinery at work.

and never fuck with the pancreas if you can help it.
Great design decision, innit? “Right in the middle of all the vital organs, let’s put this bag full of cell-dissolving enzymes that will ooze them everywhere if damaged.”
Fucking the gallbladder is sanctioned by tradition, however.

 
 

How in the hell do you guys know so much about whiskey and beer?

Some of us ain’t lightweights.

 
 

I’m still on teh lookout for Big Bottom (I cannot lie)

Chateau Sunoco?

Try Woodford Reserve.

 
 

Mmmmm Woodford. That was my preferred bourbon before I found Bulleit.

 
 

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