Sep
13

NO GIRLS ALLOWED!!1!!




Posted at 18:09 by Tintin

selwyn_duke
ABOVE: Selwyn Duke

Shorter Selwyn Duke, Ruhnoomerka:
When love was a warm toy gun

  • The world would be a better place if boys could play with realistic* toy guns (but only with other boys).

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*Selywyn’s bout of la nostalgie de la boue is prompted by a video of a 1960s toy commercial showing boys playing with toy guns, toy mess kits and the like. Selwyn says:

Every toy gun in the commercial looks (gasp!) realistic; there are no sissified colors, no orange plastic piece at the end of the barrel.

The reason for this, however, has nothing to do with the actual toy guns but probably with the fact that the commercial is in black and white.

357 Comments »

  1. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:10

    Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

    So when is Selwyn finally going to decloak from the cloak room?

  2. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:10

    The reason for this, however, has nothing to do with the actual toy guns but probably with the fact that the commercial is in black and white.

    This is funny, even if the guns were originally gun-colored anyway.

  3. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:11

    When love was a warm toy gun

    Obviously, he’s quoting that great Republican, John Lennon…

  4. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:13

    One of the most effective subway ads in NYC is this

    Selwyn Duke is an asshole.

  5. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:19

    Obviously, he’s quoting that great Republican, John Lennon…

    Now I’m confused. Is Selwyn a Lennonist, or a Marxist?

    Also, once you sell all your win, Duke, you have nothing but lose.

  6. DAS said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:20

    Yep Selwyn … police never shot any kids before kids started “playing with” cops.

    And no kid ever got into any sort of trouble in the good ol’ days when kids only played with other kids and never even interacted with strange adults. Because, as we know, most abuse happens at the hands of complete strangers …

    I ventured off the boat thinking I’d see a window into the mind of a closet case, but the mangoes turned out to be more of the Ned “I wish we lived in a place more like the America of yesteryear that only exists in the brains of us Republicans.” Flanders variety.

  7. Spearhafoc, who is changing his nym said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:22

    From the last thread:

    Is an autocad someone who just can’t help being a roue?

    Not sure what the “aut” refers to, but “OCAD” is my alma mater.

  8. vacuumslayer is not a moron, promise...just confused two wordsplusit'sHitler'sfault said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:22

    omg. I read that. I just read that. Someone pour bleach in my ear.

  9. bbkf said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:23

    there are SO MANY THINGS WRONG with selwyn’s latest attempt…it’s hard to know where to begin, so i’ll start with the most obvious:

    The reason for this, however, has nothing to do with the actual toy guns but probably with the fact that the commercial is in black and white.

    guns themselves changed in looks…i have not seen a model like that in the ad for lo, these many years…unless you are visiting a gun shop or looking at a personal gun collection…i have a girlfriend whose shotgun is pink…and i won one a couple of years ago that was camo-colored…

    win:
    One of the most effective subway ads in NYC is this

    Selwyn Duke is an asshole

  10. tigris said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:29

    The difference, of course, lay in the moral foundation that prevailed at the time. People were more likely to believe in objective morality, as the left’s favorite rationalization, moral relativism, hadn’t yet taken hold to the degree it has today. The last 40 years of the defining of deviancy downwards, however, has had its effect.

    The moral foundation that treated gays, blacks and women as lesser, that winked (if it bothered to suppress a cheer, that is) at police brutality against non-whites, that approved of infiltration of peaceful citizen groups even to the point of incitement and entrapment. You know what moral relativity is? Approving of stuff unless it happens to your tribe.

  11. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:32

    People were more likely to believe in objective morality

    Someone really needs to explain this to me.

    How is morality “objective”? It’s culturally dependent, from the get-go. Ergo, it is by definition, relative.

  12. tigris said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:37

    And if you think cops didn’t shoot kids in the 60s, you googled it with -negro

  13. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:40

    omg. I read that. I just read that. Someone pour bleach in my ear.

    Fuck that–pour bleach in HIS ear. He’s the fuckhead that wrote it.

  14. bbkf said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:43

    And maybe the Marx that once made millions of children happy can help counteract the Marx that today makes them twisted.

    i can almost picture the smugness on his face when he wrote this line…and i bet he will quote if oft in the coming weeks…

  15. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:43

    Yeah, go ahead and pour bleach in his ear. No self-respecting zombie would eat THAT brain.

    It’s obviously gone bad.

  16. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:44

    Commendable reporting job.

    Again, from the Christian Science Monitor.

  17. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:45

    It makes conservatives soooo happy when children play with toy guns.

  18. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:49

    It’s different when white christian kids do it! Whatsamatteryou?

  19. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:50

    Also, too plus I just have to say…

    TOY WOLVERINES!!11!!!!!11!

  20. bbkf said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:54

    from thread bear’s link:

    Pamela from NY:

    Hmmmmm who could this be?

  21. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 18:56

    Tax cuts, wars, free trade, union busting and deregulation.

    Thanks Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama. You’re all true patriots.

  22. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:06

    He’s a wingnut who misses much
    Do do do do do do- oh yeah
    He’s well acquainted with the touch of the cheetoed hand
    Selwyn leering through a window pane

    The man in the crowd with the multiccultural horrors
    On his hobnail mind
    Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
    Working overtime
    A soap impression of his world which he shat
    And donated to Ruhnoomerka

    Happiness is a warm toy gun
    (Bang Bang Shoot Shoot)
    Happiness is a warm toy gun, momma
    (Bang Bang Shoot Shoot)

  23. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:07

    Wait. Wasn’t this a Sean Connery movie?

  24. Jay Schiavone said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:12

    Oh yous of little faith. Dude can see colors in that commercial.

  25. LanceThruster said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:19

    In all truth, I miss candy cigarettes (cigars not so much as they were just gum). The really awesome ones had a food coloring red tip and the hollow had powdered sugar for a little wisp of smoke.

    Fun times.

    I never took up tobacco smoking btw.

  26. Christopher said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:26

    Duke: Amazingly, none of us ever shot up our school, either. It also never entered our minds.

    Kids were so well behaved back then.

    Anyway, besides that, toy gun technology has significantly improved over my lifetime.

    The Super Soaker, first sold around 1990, is basically the atomic bomb of toys; it forever changed the face of water based warfare.

    Meanwhile, that capgun set does look pretty damn fun, but compare to any given nerf commercial. For a fun game, count the number of girls appearing in that ad!

    Speaking of, a group called Wreck and Salvage made a great mashup of saturday morning ads from the last couple of years which clearly shows just how successful the liberal Marxist elites have been at removing heavily gendered ads from the airwaves.

  27. Kg said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:29

    Lance,
    once when I was 6 I happily puffed away onone of those candy ciggies while walking down the street with my mother. This old crone looked at me and clutched her pearls. We found it hilarious.

  28. Bitter Scribe said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:30

    The last sentence refers to “girly color guns.” I guess he means the orange tips that distinguish toy guns from real ones, because manly men (boyly boys?) don’t worry about sissy things like accidentally getting shot.

    In any case, I’d love to see him go to a U of Tennessee home game and explain to some Vols fans that orange is a “girly color.”

  29. yoyo said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:31

    Are these the same idiots who Have been advocating banning violent video games for kids (destroying the moral fiber of our children)?

    Plus, now it’s the 70′s that was the peak of good, moral kids?
    “You see, even when I was a boy in the 1970s, we were taught enough respect for elders to understand that a certain necessary wall existed between adults and children”

    What a fuckin idiot.

  30. All cathlick priests said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:39

    Wall between adults and children?
    Nooooooooooooo!

  31. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:40

    The Gung-Ho Commando Outfit is in fact a promotional tie-in to the movie. Which itself was based on an actual event. And with pre-emptive apologies for starting yet another all-WWII-all-the-time thread derailment, there’s this:

    Although the Marine Raiders succeeded in annihilating the Japanese garrison on the island, the raid failed to meet its other material objectives. No Japanese prisoners were taken, and no meaningful intelligence was collected. Also, no significant Japanese forces were diverted from the Solomon Islands area. In fact, because the vulnerabilities to their garrisons in the Gilbert Islands were highlighted by the raid, the Japanese strengthened their fortifications and defensive preparations on the islands in the central Pacific – one of the objectives of the raid, in so far as it would dissipate Japanese material and manpower – which may have caused heavier losses for U.S. forces during the battles of the Gilbert and Marshall Islands campaigns. However, the raid did succeed in its objectives of boosting morale and testing Raider tactics.

  32. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:42

    I never took up tobacco smoking btw.

    I did smoke and it WAS ALL BECAUSE OF THOSE CANDY CIGARETTES!

    Sadly, NO! It was because I was a fucking complete idiot when I was a teenager. I’m only a marginal idiot now.

  33. tigris said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:44

    Amazingly, none of us ever shot up our school, either. It also never entered our minds.

    University of Texas Massacre Austin, Texas August 1 1966 16
    Olean High School shooting* Olean, New York December 30 1974 3
    California State University, Fullerton massacre Fullerton, California July 12 1976 7
    Cleveland Elementary School shooting** San Diego, California January 29 1979 2

    * 17-year-old Anthony Barbaro, an honor student and member of the school’s rifle team
    ** [Brenda Ann] Spencer purportedly took an early liking to guns and also to stories that contained violence. For Christmas in 1978, her father Wallace gave her a semi-automatic .22 caliber rifle. Before parole board 1999, she said: “I asked for a radio and he brought me a gun.” To the question why he might have done that, she answered: “I felt like he wanted me to kill myself.”

  34. kg said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:45

    Sadly, NO! It was because I was a fucking complete idiot when I was a teenager. I’m only a marginal idiot now.

    baby steps

  35. tigris said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:46

    The last was not a student, but the second alone negates his moronic premise.

  36. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:49

    Blondwyn Pig.

    Wasn’t there a dood out west somewheres who shot his weenus off with a pink pistol, recently?
    .

  37. kg said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:51

    Wasn’t there a dood out west somewheres who shot his weenus off with a pink pistol, recently?

    Hilariously, yes!

  38. Ted the Slacker said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:53

    Someone’s obviously crying out for some manly manlove, so here’s someone he might want to date.

  39. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:54

    Hmmmmm who could this be?

    She’s credited further down

  40. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:55

    In all truth, I miss candy cigarettes (cigars not so much as they were just gum). The really awesome ones had a food coloring red tip and the hollow had powdered sugar for a little wisp of smoke.

    And I miss the candy hollow-point ammunition.

    Seriously, I miss wax lips. I loved me some wax lips

  41. tigris said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:56

    January 21, 1882 Red Bud, Illinois, United States James E. McBride, 17 1 dead While chastising student James McBride, teacher Robert Bailey was fatally wounded when the student stabbed him twice with a knife he was using to sharpen a pencil.

    Apparently there weren’t any killings by students in the 70s, I’ll give him that.

  42. Lurking Canadian said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:56

    People were more likely to believe in objective morality

    Objective morality: Torturing prisoners is wrong.

    Relativist morality: Torturing prisoners is wrong when they do it to us, but it FUCKEN RAWKS when we do it to them.

    I agree. The world could use a little more objective morality. Similar arguments apply to denial of voting rights, denial of free speech rights, detention without trial, denial of marriage rights, murder of civilians and so on, but I will leave those as an exercise.

  43. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:58

    Duke: Amazingly, none of us ever shot up our school, either. It also never entered our minds.

    Really?

    Tell that to these kids:

    University of Texas Massacre Austin, Texas August 1 1966
    Olean High School shooting1 Olean, New York December 30 1974
    California State University, Fullerton massacre Fullerton, California July 12 1976
    Cleveland Elementary School shooting San Diego, California January 29 1979

  44. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:58

    When love was a warm toy gun

    Don’t despair, Sel’Wynne! Go to the bathroom at any Republican Party event and you’ll find lots of boys who find love in warm toy guns!

  45. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 19:58

    damn you tig!!!!!!

  46. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:00

    Tell that to these kids:

    Well, he obviously means Real Murkin kids. Californians, Austinites and New Yorkers are practically commies. He’s probably talking about kids from, you know, Mississippi or Alabama or something, places where violence in the 60′s and 70′s was simply unheard of.

  47. El Cid said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:00

    I think the world went to hell when the lib-commies wouldn’t let us live in good patriot conservative black & white anymore and insisted we all have to live in ‘color’.

  48. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:01

    Go to the bathroom at any Republican Party event and you’ll find lots of boys who find love in warm toy guns!

    Ye gawts ta take a waid stanse ta fair mah gun

  49. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:01

    He’s probably talking about kids from, you know, Mississippi or Alabama or something, places where violence in the 60?s and 70?s was simply unheard of.

    Yea. I mean, nobody saw that Kurt Russel movie, I’m sure.

  50. vacuumslayer said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:03

    Fuck that–pour bleach in HIS ear. He’s the fuckhead that wrote it.

    True dat…and…

    Speaking of which, YouTube’s audience is quite young and liberal,

    Um, WHAT? Citation needed.

    Guns don’t kill people; liberals do.

    Don’t tempt me, fuckface. I know I’m a woman, thus not supposed handle guns unless they’re little and pink, but I reckon a little pink one will still do the trick. Yes, I know…violent rhetoric…bothsidesdoit…whatevs.

  51. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:05

    I know I’m a woman, thus not supposed handle guns unless they’re little and pink

    No one told you to marry an underendowed man.

  52. Mayor Big Bob said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:05

    I think the world went to hell when the lib-commies wouldn’t let us live in good patriot conservative black & white anymore and insisted we all have to live in ‘color’.

    Yeah, down with them coloreds!

  53. Lurking Canadian said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:06

    Speaking of which, YouTube’s audience is quite young and liberal,

    That raised my eyebrows as well. It’s probably a reference to the fact that they think smoking weed is OK.

  54. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:08

    Speaking of which, YouTube’s audience is quite young and liberal,

    Has this doosh ever read the YouTube comment sections? Jesus, it’s like a Klan meeting for the socially malformed. I’m thinking ‘liberal’ here is just code for “Don’t understand, too lazy to research, but fear and hate anyway.’

  55. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:09

    YouTube’s audience is quite young and liberal

    As usual, Selwyn is talking out his ass

    Over half their audience is over 35.

  56. vacuumslayer said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:10

    Has this doosh ever read the YouTube comment sections? Jesus, it’s like a Klan meeting for the socially malformed.

    Exactly.

  57. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:11

    The guy behind the Gung Ho Commando Outfit – while being conservative, militaristic as heck and in love with Eisenhower – would be drummed out of today’s GOP if not declared an enemy combatant and waterboarded until he saw the light.

    He and Idella now attend five or six classes a week at the New School and New York University in such courses as “American Political Parties” and “Psychology of Religion.”

    and

    Although Marx is an agnostic, both shifts belong to the Episcopal Church.

    Plus, the guy’s last name was Marx.

  58. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:18

    When love was a warm toy gun

    Don’t despair, Sel’Wynne! Go to the bathroom at any Republican Party event and you’ll find lots of boys who find love in warm toy guns!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    That was fucking awesome.

  59. vacuumslayer said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:19

    Shorter Sellose (see what I did there?) and every other wingnut in existence:

    You know I want to hang that black guy from a tree and violently harrass that hot woman at work, but those goddamn liberals and their moral relativism have RUINED MY FUN.

  60. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:20

    damn you tig!!!!!!

    Gonna be difficult…
    ~

  61. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:22

    Gonna be difficult…

    I’ll settle for a handjob.

  62. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:25

    Gonna be difficult…

    It’s been done before.

  63. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:25

    Dukey is right! I was a normal boy who, like all normal boys, liked to go out in the woods and shoot animals then eat the heart. Raw. Sometimes we would take a walk down the railroad tracks toward Ridgway with a sack lunch, a 12 gauge, a rifle, and a pistol and a metric fuckton of ammo, just to blast every sign, bottle, beer can, insulator, … Hey, let’s see how many shots it takes to fell that little tree!

    Then the Marxist liberal nanny state leftists made me wear a minimum of 24 square inches of sissy blaze orange when hunting AND IT TURNED ME GAY! True story.

  64. DrDick said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:26

    This boy clearly has serious repressed homoerotic issues, not to mention a massive penile inferiority complex.

  65. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:26

    Yeah well, when conservatives piss me off, I want the right to kick their remaining teeth down their throats. We all want stuff, buddy. Get fucking used to it.

    I know, violent rhetoric, concern trolls will be concerned–and yeah, both sides do it. I don’t fucking care.

  66. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:30

    Atrios is all about the death and killin’, today.
    .

  67. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:32

    would be drummed out of today’s GOP

    http://www.oregonlive.com/politics/index.ssf/2011/09/oregon_gop_removes_anti-gay_la.html

    I wonder when the national GØP will disavow the Oregon GØP.

  68. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:34

    Then the Marxist liberal nanny state leftists made me wear a minimum of 24 square inches of sissy blaze orange when hunting AND IT TURNED ME GAY!

    *whew*

    Thank god I only got parole. I can only imagine what an orange jumpsuit would have turned me into.

  69. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:37

    From reddit, What I think of every time I watch the Republicans debate.

  70. Bigby said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:39

    It was my understanding that Richie only waved that BB gun at the cops in New Grenada, Colorado in 1979 because he was high on weed and the damn adults had closed the Rec Center!

    But, you know, stoned juvenile deliquents? They deserve the death penalty!

  71. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:41

    I wonder when the national GØP will disavow the Oregon GØP.

    You know what? I got no snark on that. Credit when due, congrats to teh Oregon Republican party for taking a step out of the Dark Ages.

  72. Lurking Canadian said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:41

    Well, sure. You never know what mayhem the reefer madness might lead them to cause.

  73. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:44

    But, you know, stoned juvenile deliquents? They deserve the death penalty!

    Stoned conservatives on the other hand, deserve a syndicated radio show.

  74. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:49

    Credit when due, congrats to teh Oregon Republican party for taking a step out of the Dark Ages.

    I would give them credit if it were truly an indication of where they stand. It appears that the reality is they are just going to stop saying it out loud to increase the chances of getting elected. I’m guessing that if they manage to get enough Repugs elected all bets will be off.

  75. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:52

    Stoned conservatives on the other hand, deserve a syndicated radio show.

    remember, Glenn Beck was a druggie too.

  76. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:54

    remember, Glenn Beck was a druggie too.

    ‘was’?

  77. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:55

    I would give them credit if it were truly an indication of where they stand.

    Well I’m not saying that I’d vote R if I moved out to Oregon. And even if it was done with ulterior motives, the plain recognition that their hate speech is hateful is a positive step.

  78. 1. jim said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:55

    McCarthyism breeding social paranoia, a Cold War that looked like it would go hotter than the sun at any minute, the rise of prefab obsolescence & disposable B-Grade Kulturkibble, a racially segregated America – you know,

    … the America that, sadly, no longer exists.

    Oh Selwyn, Selwyn, Selwyn. The post profoundly offends my precious mind, because to this day I thoroughly enjoy my laptop wargame FUN & your perverting such a thing into yet another tarted-up clapped-out withered memetic whore for Team Taxcut is an insult to brain-cells. PROTIP: Even if your mindmap is not defective, you can not live on it as if it were territory.

    Guns don’t kill people; liberals do.

    The Killer Liberals’ live shows really sucked. Mighty fine second album though.

  79. Helmut Monotreme said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:56

    I’m guessing that if they manage to get enough Repugs elected all bets will be off.

    Yeah, they could follow the Wisconsin example, get elected on a center right campaign and then try to govern like they got elected on a ‘break the unions’ ticket. Of course they did get elected on a ‘break the unions’ ticket, they just didn’t bother to inform the electorate and only told their big donors about it.

  80. Hogeye Grex said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:58

    Plus, now it’s the 70?s that was the peak of good, moral kids?

    Yeeeeaahhh. Um, as I remember it, childhood in the 70s would burn this motherfucker’s face off his skull just from looking at it.

    Really though, regardless of the decade fetishized, these clowns are all full of shit. All they seem capable of is retreating into a mythical past that never was.

  81. Helmut Monotreme said,

    September 13, 2011 at 20:59

    Guns don’t kill people; liberals do.

    Yes who here didn’t lie awake at night, shaking in terror after Fox News broadcast their special one-hour report: ‘When Liberals Attack!’

  82. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:02

    Yes who here didn’t lie awake at night, shaking in terror after Fox News broadcast their special one-hour report: ‘When Liberals Attack!’

    The slapfights were terrifying!

  83. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:02

    All they seem capable of is retreating into a mythical past that never was.

    The reason it’s the 70′s now is because power is shifting from boomers to Gen X’ers, or at least the later boomers born in the 60′s. Wasn’t there some experiment in which people were asked what was the best era in modern American history, and their answers almost invariably were the years when they themselves were children, and remember it fondly because they weren’t so aware of the bad stuff?

  84. Bigby said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:02

    Btw, the movie, Over the Edge was based on a true story …but I guess nothing bad ever happened in the 1970s I grew up in.

  85. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:03

    Guns don’t kill people; liberals do.

    Oh, that reminds me, I have to kill 5 conservatives by Friday in order to make quota. Have all of you made quota? I’m obligated to report you to Soros if you don’t.

  86. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:04

    I wonder when the national GØP will disavow the Oregon GØP.

    Hey, the tsam appreciates progress, no matter how small.

    This is a good thing. Well done, OR GOP.

  87. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:05

    Oh, that reminds me, I have to kill 5 conservatives by Friday in order to make quota. Have all of you made quota? I’m obligated to report you to Soros if you don’t.

    I’ll gladly fill any tags you don’t feel like killing yourself!

  88. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:05

    Have all of you made quota?

    I’m sorely short, but Soros gave me special dispensation this week because I murdered a family of aliens from Procyon who were trying to recruit more Teabaggers.

  89. tsam said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:08

    Yes who here didn’t lie awake at night, shaking in terror after Fox News broadcast their special one-hour report: ‘When Liberals Attack!’

    I didn’t because I’m thin and probably taste gamey.

  90. Cerberus said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:12

    Plus, now it’s the 70?s that was the peak of good, moral kids?

    I believe the Daily Show pinpointed the real source of every “back in 19XX things were better” rant.

  91. 1. jim said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:12

    Mmmmm, MOAR OPTICS FAIL!

  92. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:14

    Have all of you made quota?

    I exceeded quota.

    But now I am putting on weight.

  93. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:17

    But now I am putting on weight.

    Do zombies jog? Is there a food pyramid for zombies?

  94. Lurking Canadian said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:19

    zrm, if you limit your attacks to conservatives, it’s a wonder you can find enough brains just to keep going.

  95. tigris said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:22

    Good God, you don’t eat THOSE brains, do you? The USDA was invented for people like you.

  96. Smut Clyde said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:23

    Duke: Amazingly, none of us ever shot up our school, either. It also never entered our minds.

    If… was from 1968. Just saying.

  97. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:25

    Do zombies jog?

    just the Rage zombies. But jogging is pretty much ALL they do.

    zrm, if you limit your attacks to conservatives, it’s a wonder you can find enough brains just to keep going.

    Well, I don’t eat just the brains. My doctor told me I should not eat the whole conservative, but once you get going….

  98. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:27

    Good God, you don’t eat THOSE brains, do you?

    well, it’s pretty easy to tell which ones are bad. they are soft. The eyes are usually pretty tasty though.

    And the livers of rich, wine-soaked conservatives will get you a pretty good buzz.

    Also, don’t bother with anyone that has a byline at Clownhall.

  99. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:29

    Well, I don’t eat just the brains. My doctor told me I should not eat the whole conservative, but once you get going….

    Well, THERE’S your problem!

  100. Smut Clyde said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:29

    The guy behind the Gung Ho Commando Outfit [...] would be drummed out of today’s GOP

    A name that recognises the collectivist accomplishments of Communist China? This will not go down well.

  101. Marion in Savannah said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:30

    My doctor told me I should not eat the whole conservative

    There are reasons for instructions like that, you know. The viscera is infected with highly toxic levels of stoopid. You already know that the branes are either stunted or non-existant. Your doctor should have told you to avoid conservatives entirely. At least you come here regularly for prophylactic snark and infusions of liberalism. Really, you should never, EVER ingest conservatives. T’ain’t healthy.

  102. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:31

    Do zombies jog? Is there a food pyramid for zombies?

    Yes. All your questions answered.

  103. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:32

    they are really salty though. And usually full of booze.

  104. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:34

    actually, with all the lurching and shambling, zombies usually have a pretty high-cardio lifestyle.

  105. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:38

    actually, with all the lurching and shambling, zombies usually have a pretty high-cardio lifestyle.

    I should think the inability to sleep coupled with the unending hunger and hunting down food would contribute to marathoner-type physiques.

  106. vacuumslayer is not a moron, promise...just confused two wordsplusit'sHitler'sfault said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:40

    OMG, Jesus has a glandular disorder!

  107. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:44

    Also zrm, I figure you are already aware of this, but I will post a link just in case you’re not.

  108. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:47

    A name that recognises the collectivist accomplishments of Communist China?

    Youbetcha. From a little further down that wiki page:

    The organization and discipline of the 2nd Raiders was modeled on that of the Communist Armies he had observed during his time in China.

    d00d was a commie hippie with teh get together to talk about your feelings type of guy.

  109. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:48

    And usually full of booze.

    Teh appeal explained.

  110. vacuumslayer is not a moron, promise...just confused two wordsplusit'sHitler'sfault said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:49

    What the fuckety?

  111. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:52

    Zombies demanding their “rights”.

    RoB has a sad.

  112. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:55

    Zombies demanding their “rights”.

    I have that second shirt. I was going to donate it to the “Sasquatch Isreal” guy when I meet him.

  113. eataTREE said,

    September 13, 2011 at 21:57

    I did not know the rosy origin of the term “Gung-Ho” before. Sadly, No has enlightenified me.

  114. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:06

    The eyes are usually pretty tasty though.

    Wait. OMG! What happened to “I mean no one’s going to eat your eyes“?

  115. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:07

    Also zrm, I figure you are already aware of this, but I will post a link just in case you’re not.

    Vampires. Pfft.

  116. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:08

    Wait. OMG! What happened to “I mean no one’s going to eat your eyes“?

    Dude was lying.

    Or he might have an allergy.

  117. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:11

    Dude was lying.

    OMG! If you can’t trust teh undead what with their unquenchable hunger for human flesh, who can you trust?

  118. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:15

    When was it news that a zombie would bite the hand that feeds?

  119. bbkf said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:28

    When was it news that a zombie would bite the hand that feeds?

    apparently before the 1980s when media overload began…before that, no real news was ever disseminated, thereby creating the nauseating nostalgia for days of yore…

  120. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:28

    Elizabeth Warren is challenging Senator Centerfold!

  121. vacuumslayer said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:33

    Jesus. Glandular disorder. Take two.

  122. vacuumslayer said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:34

    Zombies demanding their “rights”.

    That’s awesome.

  123. Hoosier X said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:43

    … childhood in the 70s would burn this motherfucker’s face off his skull just from looking at it.

    I LOL’d.

    I remember that shit too well not to.

  124. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:47

    Jesus. Glandular disorder. Take two.

    Holy Crappe.

    That’s enough to make me wanna smack Ghandi.
    .

  125. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:47

    Jesus. Glandular disorder. Take two.

    He’s going to take a chomp out of old Kris Kringle’s melon. Jesus is, after all, a zombie.

    I will let someone else make tasteless gay imaginary friend jokes.

  126. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:48

    Jesus. Glandular disorder. Take two.

    Imagine that painted by Thomas Kinkeade.

    Although I confess I might like to see Ralph Steadman take a whack at it.

  127. Steerpike said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:51

    What we need to know is, where is Jesus’ left hand in this picture? And why is he smirking?

  128. bbkf said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:52

    Jesus. Glandular disorder. Take two.

    omg…the comments at pharyng are pretty humorous…i also found this interesting artist info:

    Fran Lagana-Brooks is a self-taught artist who now shares her talents and sensitivity with art students of all ages. In recent years she has received numerous awards including “First Place” and “Best of Show”. Fran’s oil painting titled “The Storm In My Tears” is a touching portrait of the Desert Storm war. A print is scheduled to be displayed in the George Bush Presidential Library at Texas A&M University.

    The lithographic print of “The Weeping Santa” has sold in the thousands, attracting significant media attention, and prompted the artist to create the Christmas Series.

    Fran’s works have become widely accepted and are now found in many private and public collections throughtout the United States and Canada.

    make what you will of it…

  129. Smut Clyde said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:52

    I might like to see Ralph Steadman take a whack at it.

    The range of ZRM’s sexual fantasies never fails to impress me.

  130. M. Bouffant said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:52

    OK, too late to link to Over The Edge (Foster City: I did not know that part. What a land-filled shit-hole F.C. was!) & If (Very disappointed when I saw it again in the ’90s: The kill-all-the-toffs finale wasn’t nearly as violent as I remembered it. Maybe they just needed more money for larger explosions & more prop blood.) but points for those who linked!

    If Selwyn, Duke of Squirrel, is worried the United Snakes have become a nation of sissified girly-men who can’t handle a penis-substitute, he should keep up w/ this web log.

    Plus which, here’s some “fun:” An Architect’s Dress Code.

  131. bbkf said,

    September 13, 2011 at 22:53

    Jesus. Glandular disorder. Take two.

    you know what would take this to the next level of craptacularness? if it could play jackie deshannon’s ‘what the world needs now’….think about it…

  132. vacuumslayer said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:00

    The range of ZRM’s sexual fantasies never fails to impress me.

    Why do you think he hangs out at my blog?

  133. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:01

    Why do you think he hangs out at my blog?

    Because baby branes are a delicacy?

  134. vacuumslayer said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:01

    If Selwyn, Duke of Squirrel, is worried the United Snakes have become a nation of sissified girly-men who can’t handle a penis-substitute, he should keep up w/ this web log.

    About 10 seconds was all I needed to affirm that manliness of this country.

  135. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:11

    Selwyn, Duke of Squirrel

    Squirrels have working nuts.

  136. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:13

    Yet, in the times that it aired, you never heard of a child being shot after pointing one of these toy weapons at a policeman. You see, even when I was a boy in the 1970s, we were taught enough respect for elders to understand that a certain necessary wall existed between adults and children. You would never take the liberty of “playing” with an adult stranger in the street, whether he sported a badge or not. It never even entered our minds.

    Nobody did anything wrong in the 70s because people were too busy doing blow and disco dancing.

  137. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:15

    Nobody did anything wrong in the 70s because people were too busy doing blow and disco dancing.

    That’s right: the 70s, when men were men and our role models were the BeeGees and the Village People.

  138. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:19

    You would never take the liberty of “playing” with an adult stranger in the street, whether he sported a badge or not. It never even entered our minds.

    Maybe in the 70s, police weren’t being recruited from teh ranks of trigger-happy thugs.

  139. Smut Clyde said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:19

    a certain necessary wall existed between adults and children.
    Also, hole at waist height.

  140. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:21

    Also, hole at waist height.

    Glory holylelujah!

  141. Steerpike said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:23

    About 10 seconds was all I needed to affirm that manliness of this country.

    If it only took 10 seconds, no you didn’t.

  142. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:25

    Are there four horsemen riding over the hill? Is the Apocalypse coming?

    Jonah almost gets it! JONAH!

    Well, by almost, I mean, he’s within sight of the truth. If he stood on a giant’s shoulders and used the Hubble telescope.

  143. Thread Bear said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:26

    Toy gun legislation has been on the books in NYC since
    1955, New York State since 1970.

  144. actor212 said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:27

    Gee…I can’t imagine (Obamacare fail) how this (porkulus fail) will get spun

  145. Smut Clyde said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:27

    About 10 seconds was all I needed to affirm that manliness of this country.
    If it only took 10 seconds, no you didn’t.

    There is NO SUCH THING as premature ejaculation. There are only non-orgasmic partners.

  146. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:29

    their answers almost invariably were the years when they themselves were children, and remember it fondly because they weren’t so aware of the bad stuff?

    Must be it. I got feeling old recently seeing some goofball sighing on a comment thread somewhere that the 90s were “a simpler time.”

  147. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:39

    Why do you think he hangs out at my blog?

    Procrastination.

  148. LittlePig said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:48

    Jesus. Glandular disorder. Take two.

    Thanks, VS. The comments over there are priceless as well.

  149. Hob said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:50

    I’d love to see him go to a U of Tennessee home game and explain to some Vols fans that orange is a “girly color.”

    He should also explain this to Protestants in Northern Ireland.

  150. Whale Chowder said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:54

    There are only non-orgasmic partners frigid bitches.

    FTFY.

  151. M. Bouffant said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:54

    At last, a real man stands up & explains, using science, even:

    There is NO SUCH THING as premature ejaculation. There are only non-orgasmic partners.

  152. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:54

    Oh yeah, I think we need Selwyn Duke to do some more ‘splaining. That’ll clear everything up.

  153. Whale Chowder said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:55

    actually, with all the lurching and shambling, zombies usually have a pretty high-cardio lifestyle.

    I do find this surprising, seeing that zombies have neither circulation nor respiration.

  154. Anonymous said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:58

    For some reason, all the Shorter made me think of was this, which a) is really cool; b) shows a willingness to sacrifice on the part of the maker’s younger self; and c) makes neckbearded collectors cry bitter, orange-tinted tears.

  155. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:59

    The lithographic print of “The Weeping Santa” has sold in the thousands, attracting significant media attention, and prompted the artist to create the Christmas Series.

    Three Wolf Moon attracted a lot of attention, and I bet that’s the kind of attention being received here. And I like kitsch.

  156. paperbagmarlys said,

    September 13, 2011 at 23:59

    … the fact that the commercial is in black and white…

    I’m still chewing on that. It explains so much. Back in the 50s, things really were in b/w. And, doh, nothing was sissified. And, yes, suddenly, in the 70s, viola, colored people! Even the NYT is colored now.

    One confusing thing: Parts of Fox News are clearly color. I’m not talking about the b/w shows, like O’Reilly, of course, but some bits, say, Fox and Friends, are clearly in color. Do you need special glasses to see it all in b/w? What gives? Is Fox sissified?

  157. John Revolta said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:08

    “The Weeping Santa” has sold in the thousands,

    At fifty bucks a pop………………….

    Just. Fucking. Shoot Me.

  158. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:12

    there are no sissified colors

    Coral snakes- faggy!

    Poison arrow frogs- gay gay gay!

    Pansies? Uh… give me some time!

  159. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:12

    Just. Fucking. Shoot Me.

    [CLICK CLICK]

    Goddammit it’s some fucking kiddie toy the youngster left out.

  160. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:16

    The lithographic print of “The Weeping Santa” has sold in the thousands, attracting significant media attention, and prompted the artist to create the Christmas Series.

    Sure it has.

  161. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:26

    I will let someone else make tasteless gay imaginary friend jokes.

    Whatever one’s gay maginary friends might be, they can not, by virtue of being gay, possibly be tasteless. The very notion is absurd.

  162. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:28

    they can not, by virtue of being gay, possibly be tasteless.

    AHEM.

  163. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:28

    It makes conservatives soooo happy when children play with toy guns.

    Moar moral relativism.

  164. Another Kiwi said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:32

    Shoot me too, please. From the weeping Santa website

    This painting portrays HIS love . . . as a little girl leaving a pet store protects her new puppy from the cold. She is pictured against a winter wonderland, with the Christmas Star lighting the way to a small country church. Watching from inside the store is a sibling puppy with a tear in his eye, being consoled by a friendly kitten.

    Cats and Dogs will console each other!!!

  165. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:33

    AHEM

    WHAT LIBERACE WAS GAY!?!?! I will not believe it.

  166. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:38

    zombies (don’t) have … respiration.

    don’t be silly. We have to MOAN, don’t we?

    And just watch the blood spatter in documentaries like Dead Alive!

  167. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:39

    . as a little girl leaving a pet store protects her new puppy from the cold. She is pictured against a winter wonderland, with the Christmas Star lighting the way to a small country church. Watching from inside the store is a sibling puppy with a tear in his eye, being consoled by a friendly kitten.

    OMZG.

    Also, Dogs don’t cry.

  168. Chyron HR said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:43

    “The Weeping Santa”

    Keep caroling.

    Whatever you do, don’t stop caroling.

    Good luck.

  169. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:45

    Also, Dogs don’t cry.

    I have confirmed this with many many experiments.

  170. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:51

    NOT IN THE EYES!!!

  171. tigris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:56

    Yeesh, that art is awful. And apparently the “artist” thinks hobos are really clowns? That confused me.

  172. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 0:58

    WHAT LIBERACE WAS GAY!?!?! I will not believe it.

    I know, right? Like finding out this guy was gay.

  173. Another Kiwi said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:17

    Bow to santa, clown- hobo!! (clobo, hown?)
    I think the weeping santa lady has a real talent for drawing tears. Possibly she has CCTV in her art shows.

  174. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:27

    And apparently the “artist” thinks hobos are really clowns? That confused me.

    Maybe she grew up watching J. P. Patches? Like, well…me?

  175. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:28

    Bow to santa, clown- hobo!! (clobo, hown?)

    Hobo Santa leaves cans of beans and hip flasks of Night Train for all the good winos.

  176. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:36

    Backdoor shenanigans!

  177. M. Bouffant said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:41

    Rev. Battleaxe, remember Brakeman Bill on Channel 11(?) & his sidekick Crazy Donkey? That puppet was nuts!

  178. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:42

    Backdoor shenanigans!

    This is what I’d do if we were nekkid and you were a boy scout, thought Marcus.
    ~

  179. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:49

    At fifty bucks a pop………………….
    Just. Fucking. Shoot Me.

    I am not convinced about the long-term viability of this fund-raising scheme.

  180. Another Kiwi said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:49

    Backdoor shenanigans!
    “Now children, this is the difficult bit, the wife has to pretend that she is called Big Norbet and is in jail”

  181. Johnny Pez said,

    September 14, 2011 at 1:49

    Also, Dogs don’t cry.

    Depends on the dog.

    I, too, had been unprepared for life with a Basenji. Timmy had been found, abandoned, in a packing crate in the basement of an abandoned building in New York City. He was 3 months old. A young single woman at the time, I fell in love with him and his story.

    Soon after I adopted him, my beloved grandmother died. I was lying on the sofa, crying, when this little dog climbed up on my chest, put his face just inches from mine, screwed up his brow in that quizzical look, then began to cry along with me. Real tears began flowing down his face as he mirrored my emotions.

  182. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:04

    M. B.:

    Oh, I remember all of them. Captain Puget on channel 4 (I went to school with his son), Stan Boreson on channel 5 (where I acquired my love of basset hounds)—those were both just generic kiddie shows. J. P. Patches and especially Brakeman Bill, though, were aimed over the kids’ heads with a lot of topical humor only the parents would get.

    I know if I were forced to watch a lot of kiddie shows as an adult, I would prefer something a little less stultifying like that. Nowadays, it seems like they’re all relentlessly aimed at the three-year-old mentality, and if the parent’s brains turn into cauliflower as a result—oh well!

  183. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:13

    I know if I were forced to watch a lot of kiddie shows as an adult, I would prefer something a little less stultifying like that. Nowadays, it seems like they’re all relentlessly aimed at the three-year-old mentality, and if the parent’s brains turn into cauliflower as a result—oh well!

    We were lucky, we had a couple of really groovy young ladies hanging out in a trippidelic setting.

  184. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:19

    Also, Dogs don’t cry.

    I swear to God ours did once. Angstiest animal I ever met, and being a retriever she was just intelligent enough to have a concept of emotional theatrics, but not enough to keep it even a little subtle.

    She had this whole routine which was just “well, I’m sad now!”, which began with a series of highly exaggerated sighs and ended with her wedged beneath my parents’ toilet.

    Where she would greet anyone who came in by sighing some more.

  185. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:24

    She had this whole routine which was just “well, I’m sad now!”, which began with a series of highly exaggerated sighs and ended with her wedged beneath my parents’ toilet.

    At least she didn’t recite poems about her feelings.

  186. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:25

    this whole routine which was just “well, I’m sad now!”, which began with a series of highly exaggerated sighs and ended with her wedged beneath my parents’ toilet.

    typical evening for me.

  187. g said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:27

    ** [Brenda Ann] Spencer purportedly took an early liking to guns and also to stories that contained violence. For Christmas in 1978, her father Wallace gave her a semi-automatic .22 caliber rifle. Before parole board 1999, she said: “I asked for a radio and he brought me a gun.” To the question why he might have done that, she answered: “I felt like he wanted me to kill myself.”

    Wasn’t she the one the song “I don’t like Mondays” was written about?

  188. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:29

    At least she didn’t recite poems about her feelings.

    Well, I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but they were terrible poems. Just terrible. You know how people will throw in easy words like ‘moon’ and ‘June’, ignore meter, and call that poetry? Imagine that, but in dog.

  189. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:46

    For your amusement porpoises.

    But then yesterday, I read what is one of the most self-evidently inane posts the Internet has ever produced: this must-be-read-to-be-believed sermon from Mother Jones’ Rick Ungar condemning Krugman and demanding that other progressives join with him and the Right in these denunciations.

    Just for sheer entertainment, I really encourage you to read the whole thing; my favorite part is when Ungar decrees that 9/11 Day is “a day when Americans of all stripes should have been giving thanks to both President Bush and President Obama for doing whatever it is they do that has protected us from a tragic repeat of the events of September 11, 2001.”

    - Glennzilla

  190. paperbagmarlys said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:47

    Not LIBERACE! Was he straight when the show was in b/w? Is it safe to watch the old clips but not the sissified color youtube clips?

    ***

    I recommend taking a glance at The Duke’s Sept. 10 The New American column on, ahem, nudity in SF. It’s a more academic article than this one but it’s rewarding:

    “…the question is whether sanitary behavior — namely, posterior protection for public seating — should be required of nudists by law…”

    “…Why is it that those who feel compelled to parade about au natural never seem to be pulchritudinous young women or Adonis-like lads?…”

    It took me a while to figure out what he’s going on about, and Duke’s desire for “Adonis-like lads” to run around nude threw me, but apparently, he’s okay with unregulated nudism and a bit upset that the statists want naked people to use, um, a placemat or something when they sit on a public bench. Covering a bare butt on a public bench is, well, sissified.

    http://thenewamerican.com/opinion/selwyn-duke/8938-the-naked-truth-and-public-nudity-in-san-francisco

  191. Klaus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:48

    Wasn’t she the one the song “I don’t like Mondays” was written about?

    Yes.

  192. vacuumslayer said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:51

    Some study just proved that Spongebob Squarepants makes you dumber…which scares me because I LIKE it.

  193. tigris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:51

    Wasn’t she the one the song “I don’t like Mondays” was written about?

    The wikipedia article does actually mention that, which I had not known.

  194. vacuumslayer said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:53

    THIS is why people hate Kiwis

  195. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 2:57

    being a retriever she was just intelligent enough to have a concept of emotional theatrics, but not enough to keep it even a little subtle.

    Imagine trying to express your inner darkness when you’re stuck with blonde fur.

  196. vacuumslayer said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:02

    You’ve obviously never heard of Emo Retriever.

  197. RWW said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:03

    Selfworn Puke is too insipid to even make it on Fox where he once tried to pimp himself as “male eye candy”. What kind of shit fit would the conservatards be throwing if Muslim kids “in madrassas” were running around with toy guns?

  198. tigris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:06

    a study suggesting that watching just nine minutes of that programme can cause short-term attention and learning problems

    they said more evidence is needed to confirm that

    but after ten minutes they couldn’t be bothered to wipe away the drool and continue their study.

  199. Spearhafoc, who is changing his nym said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:07

    Imagine trying to express your inner darkness when you’re stuck with blonde fur.

    I don’t know about that. Betty Draper is pretty damn evil.

  200. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:12

    THIS is why people hate Kiwis

    Silly, you’re supposed to peel them before eating them!

  201. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:13

    You’ve obviously never heard of Emo Retriever.

    Sometimes they don’t retrieve any more.

  202. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:16

    In another test, measuring self-control and impulsiveness, kids were rated on how long they could wait before eating snacks presented when the researcher left the room.

    SpongeBob kids waited about 2 1/2 minutes on average, versus at least four minutes for the other two groups.

    On the other paw…
    ~

  203. Major Kong said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:21

    Not LIBERACE! Was he straight when the show was in b/w?

    I always thought Liberace was straight just because nobody could possibly be that gay.

  204. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:23

    What kind of shit fit would the conservatards be throwing if Muslim kids “in madrassas” were running around with toy guns?

    Your question is answered — see comments at 18:45 and 0:28.

  205. M. Bouffant said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:26

    J. P. Patches and especially Brakeman Bill, though, were aimed over the kids’ heads with a lot of topical humor only the parents would get.

    Yeah, I was 10 when I moved to Seattle, which explains why I never watched Cap’t. Puget or Stan Boreson.

    Nudity: People in nudist camps are expected to carry towels w/ them, should they want to sit down, esp. on upholstered seats.

    Imagine trying to express your inner darkness when you’re stuck with blonde fur.

    I do alright w/ that inner darkness stuff, ‘though my fur is tending toward white these days.

  206. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:39

    Let us take a moment to remember those lost to us on this day in 1999. Why does no one mourn for the lost heroes of Moonbase Alpha?

  207. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:44

    OMFG. I just figured out what Selwhine d00k meant with his crack about teh orange plastic pieces.
    What a douche. What a fucking massive tard. His fucking entire piece is about how toy guns were so much moar awesomer and cooler and moar realistic back in teh fifties as FUCKING COMPARED WITH AIRSOFT WEAPONS.

    Idiot.

  208. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:44

    “Muslims in Madrassas”: The ill-fated spinoff of “Bananas in Pajamas”.

  209. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 3:50

    DKW: I don’t know if that’s his intent, but it can’t be any better. Either he’s nostalgic for the days when kids played around with black powder revolvers or nostalgic for the days when you could use a toy gun to rob a convenience store.

    In the innocent days before statism.

    Also, girls with guns are gross, until they are hot, also.

    Honestly, nothing will beat Michael Savage’s fantasy avatar (award-winning AM radio host Michaer Sauvage) knowing how to take apart a Glock and “pick locks with the gun parts”.

    BONUS: Read gun as “penis”. Instant confused rant about sex education!

  210. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:02

    Oh, that’s his intent alright. Here’s teh exact quote:

    ,,,no orange plastic piece at the end of the barrel</b?,,,

    He’s complaining about teh sissified nanny-state-mandated blaze orange markings they put on Airsoft guns to keep teh cops from shooting kids with ultra-realistic BB weapons that fire full auto at 200 m/s. Because pansies.

  211. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:02

    Well not teh exact quote. Fucking tags.

  212. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:27

    actually, D-K W I think in America all toy guns, not just the Airsoft ones, need to have an orange tip or be entirely brightly colored, hence the “sissified colors” line.

  213. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:28

    ZRMcD expresses what I was getting at. Basically he either wants kids to get shot at / clerks to get fired because of the casual resemblance between a toy and real gun or he wants kids to maim each other with blasting caps.

    He’s a class act either way is my point.

  214. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:28

    …because I think there have been cases where children have been shot when a cop thinks the gun is real.

    But then, here in Milwaukee we had a cop shoot a guy who was holding his wallet, so what’s the diff, I say.

  215. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:29

    kids to get shot at / clerks to get fired because of the casual resemblance between a toy and real gun or he wants kids to maim each other with blasting caps.

    makes ‘em tougher.

  216. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:34

    And to be perfectly clear: by ‘maim each other with blasting caps’ I think I was being ambiguous. Those noisemakers which use strips of black powder are (a) smaller than actual guns and (b) either made of plastic or cast as a single piece. Like play money, there’s no way for them to be what they actually look like.

    On the other hand, through about the 70s there was a market in actual, working firearms with low-power rounds for children.

    Bonus also: the orange cap is only one of several standards, several of which toy manufacturers voluntarily meet at perceived levels of distinction higher than the federal standard. For instance: one of the most common types of toy gun as I remember it (having grown up in the 90s) was basically a fire-engine-red Desert Eagle.

    It is presumably Off-Message for Red, America’s Color, to be the color of the gay, but that’s neither here nor there.

  217. Bitter Scribe said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:34

    I think he finds the orange tips distracting. You know, during those times he’s all alone and crouches behind the couch cradling his gun* and pretending he’s on Seal Team Six…

    *OK, you try coming up with one that isn’t a VMR

  218. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:43

    *OK, you try coming up with one that isn’t a VMR

    fingering the safety.

  219. N__B said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:49

    Why does no one mourn for the lost heroes of Moonbase Alpha?

    We would have to stop laughing at them first.

  220. Another Kiwi said,

    September 14, 2011 at 4:57

    the lost heroes of Moonbase Alpha? Ah those brave souls Gilligan, The Skipper, Ginger, and the rest. What amiable lunacy!

  221. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 14, 2011 at 5:03

    Ah those brave souls Gilligan, The Skipper, Ginger, and the rest. What amiable lunacy!

    Close enough.

  222. Another Kiwi said,

    September 14, 2011 at 5:11

    After some weird mission was carried out, the two astronauts would be reunited with the spaceship and be off on their next mission. While there were some exceptions, most episodes were presented in this manner.
    Dick Cheney co-wrote some episodes, you say? hmmm.

  223. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 5:27

    I think he finds the orange tips distracting. You know, during those times he’s all alone and crouches behind the couch cradling his gun* and pretending he’s on Seal Team Six…

    Nah, he’s afraid the orange tip will break off in his rectum.

  224. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 5:33

    Nah, he’s afraid the orange tip will break off in his rectum.

    Well, I can see that. For him.
    .

  225. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 5:51

    Ok, this fuck needs to die.

    Secular statists (SS) — and that term is almost redundant — tacitly acknowledge as much all the time. It is precisely what they mean when parroting mantras such as “Don’t impose your values on me!” “That is your truth; someone else’s may be different” or “Right and wrong is a matter of perspective.” It is why they avoid the term “morality” and instead speak of “values,” which is more associated with human opinion.

  226. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:03

    Secular statists (SS) — and that term is almost redundant

    News for the libertarians and Randians.

  227. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:14

    It is why they avoid the term “morality” and instead speak of “values,” which is more associated with human opinion.

    I don’t avoid the term “morality”, I just don’t think it has anything with how you employ your genitals with consenting adults.

  228. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:15

    Uh, anything to do… uh, it’s been a long day.

  229. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:17

    News for the libertarians and Randians.

    I’ve never met a Randroid who will go farther than tactically coming out against mandatory school prayer for a secular audience. They’re so doggedly Overtonian that if Bachmann lead some kind of horrible Baptist coup tomorrow they’d be out there helping the cops shoot at suspected atheists.

    At best, they believe religion is beneath them. Not that it’s wrong – no, it’s perfect for the little people.

    Also, secularism is smug, don’t you know. Smug and elitist and Hollywood and OH GOD BEATING OFF TO SOUTH PARK FOREVER

  230. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:28

    It is why they avoid the term “morality” and instead speak of “values,” which is more associated with human opinion.

    Unless you are a values voter, or concerned about family values, or looking for a candidate with real true conservative values, or interested in Biblical values, or Judeo-Christian values.

    All of those? Direct from God. Science even proves it, or have you never heard that NASA tried to calculate the moon but got punched off the podium by a hooah.

  231. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:31

    What values prompt a state political party to raffle off a handgun like the one used to recently murder a bunch of citizens and to nearly end the life of a sitting congressperson?
    .

  232. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:34

    What values prompt a state political party to raffle off a handgun like the one used to recently murder a bunch of citizens and to nearly end the life of a sitting congressperson?

    Glockturday at Crazy Dmitry’s Cash And Carry Handgun Hut, of course.

    With savings that great you can’t afford not to assassinate a politician.

  233. Chris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:35

    At best, they believe religion is beneath them. Not that it’s wrong – no, it’s perfect for the little people.

    There’s an odd relationship between Republican Christians and Republican atheists (the latter tend to be more among the elites). The Randroids will usually talk up some vague praise about “Christian values” or “Christian origins” to our culture or whatever, and then strongly contrast Christianity with Islam (until they find another bogeyman) to demonstrate its obvious superiority and why we shouldn’t be so hard on it.

    The Christians look at that and go “ah, good. Finally an atheist who recognizes our superiority and demonstrates appropriate deference to us. This one’s okay.” While the atheists are going “okay, time to go toss out the yearly round of shibboleths to the rubes so they’ll give me my next round of tax cuts.”

  234. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:43

    Okay, I was unaware that teh orange tip was required on anything gun-like. Still, teh whole thing about teh orange tip is to distinguish teh toys from teh real thing. I mean Selwhine’s argument is that teh 50′s toy guns were so much cooler and moar realistic. As if. Like anyone is going to trade in their Airsoft assault rifle for a Gung Ho Commando Outfit. Well maybe a vintage toy collector, but wev.

    And that chick thing? Pfft, double as if. Liek Selwhine and his knuckle-dragging mouth-breather audience don’t already play with toy guns(VMR) at teh thought of chicks with toy guns(VPR).

  235. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:43

    Also too, you know you can take teh orange tip off after you buy teh gun, right?

  236. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:46

    I mean Selwhine’s argument is that teh 50?s toy guns were so much cooler and moar realistic. As if. Like anyone is going to trade in their Airsoft assault rifle for a Gung Ho Commando Outfit. Well maybe a vintage toy collector, but wev.

    Last year, when my grandfather died, I inherited an archaic Colt revolver. It had the trigger mechanism removed.

    My dad told me that was his toy gun when he was a kid.

  237. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:47

    Also too, you know you can take teh orange tip off after you buy teh gun, right?

    That takes work, which is socialist.

  238. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 6:54

    There’s an odd relationship between Republican Christians and Republican atheists (the latter tend to be more among the elites). The Randroids will usually talk up some vague praise about “Christian values” or “Christian origins” to our culture or whatever, and then strongly contrast Christianity with Islam (until they find another bogeyman) to demonstrate its obvious superiority and why we shouldn’t be so hard on it.

    The Christians look at that and go “ah, good. Finally an atheist who recognizes our superiority and demonstrates appropriate deference to us. This one’s okay.” While the atheists are going “okay, time to go toss out the yearly round of shibboleths to the rubes so they’ll give me my next round of tax cuts.”

    There are an awful lot of implications here. The troublesome one is the suggestion that either of these factions is capable of some level of complicated thought. NEEDS MOAR HATE

  239. Anonymous said,

    September 14, 2011 at 7:57

    Also too, you know you can take teh orange tip off after you buy teh gun, right?

    Has it ever been done the other way– someone putting a bit of paint on a legit weapon to make it look more like a toy at first glance?

  240. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    September 14, 2011 at 8:29

    In the 50s—or more probably the early 60s—we had toy guns that were actual guns. Everybody’s familiar with cap pistols of course; well, for a while there were peel-off caps you could put on the rear of plastic bullets, load them in the gun, and the cap would fire them out of the muzzle at a pretty good clip. I doubt if it could really hurt anyone, but the guns looked like the real thing, and with actual projectiles coming out of them, anybody being shot at by one of them could be forgiven for shooting back with a real gun and asking questions later.

  241. Another Kiwi said,

    September 14, 2011 at 8:31

    and with actual projectiles coming out of them, anybody being shot at by one of them could be forgiven for shooting back with a real gun and asking questions later.
    But you weren’t wussified like the modern kids!!!

  242. Spaghetti Lee said,

    September 14, 2011 at 8:38

    It is precisely what they mean when parroting mantras such as “Don’t impose your values on me!” “That is your truth; someone else’s may be different” or “Right and wrong is a matter of perspective.”

    Wow, this guy is just…wow. “Don’t impose your values on me?” I thought “Don’t tread on me” was kinda, y’know, the teabagger motto. Do the polysyllabic words throw him off? Also. Church. State. Separation of. Learn it, motherfuck. I bet this guy’s probably wanked out some “Liberals don’t understand the wisdom of the constitution” post before.

  243. Chris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 8:45

    Wow, this guy is just…wow. “Don’t impose your values on me?” I thought “Don’t tread on me” was kinda, y’know, the teabagger motto.

    No, the teabagger motto is “don’t tread on me,” spoken from the POV of a teabagger. “Don’t impose your values on me” is what’s spoken to a teabagger, usually by an uppity liberal who thinks he has a “right” (thanks Robin) not to be trod on by teabaggers. It all depends who the subject and object of the sentences are.

  244. Cerberus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 8:59

    Hmm, let’s see if there any good mangos.

    Despite this fact, watching it is hilarious. It is unabashedly politically incorrect

    As we know this is the important part. For a conservative to enjoy anything it must be seen as something liberals would hate. I can’t properly fathom how unfulfilling and empty such a life must be.

    Every toy gun in the commercial looks (gasp!) realistic; there are no sissified colors, no orange plastic piece at the end of the barrel. Yet, in the times that it aired, you never heard of a child being shot after pointing one of these toy weapons at a policeman.

    Until the cops did shoot kids and the law had to step in.

    Yeah, your authoritarian fetish objects screwed up and now there’s orange pieces on the fake guns. Fucking deal!

    You would never take the liberty of “playing” with an adult stranger in the street, whether he sported a badge or not.

    Horse shit. Unless kids got a complete brain change in the last 50 years, I can guarantee that kids played with adults. Fuck, the clean and sanitized comics of the post Hays code 50s and 60s regularly showed “proper family bonding” of parents and family friends of the parents playing games like cowboys and sterotype of native americans with “the kids”. I’m gonna guess kids have always been kids.

    Also love the little wink and nod that those damn dirty darkie kids what got shot were just not as “well-raised” as your white suburban ass and didn’t know the rules.

    Of course you held up cops when you were a kid. Except you were white and you lived in a “safe neighborhood” so no big deal. And if you were 20 years older, your daddy would have taken you along to the lynching.

    As for policemen, they could assume that a child wouldn’t target them with a real gun. And it was a safe assumption.

    Again, your authoritarian fetish objects fucked this up. They started assuming that kids with fake guns were threats and shot to kill. Again, take it up with them. They were the ones who started shooting kids and since we couldn’t punish or train the all-holy fetish object of the right-wing, we have orange plastic bits on the fake guns.

    DEAL!

    Also, why do you care? You’re long past the point when you’ve traded your old fake guns for more dangerous fake guns to act as your detached penis. What do you watch kids commercials as well?

    The commercial’s creators also didn’t feel compelled to include a girl in the spot.

    Ha, because girls weren’t people.

    Also, again, I’m wondering, why are you spending your time keeping abreast of kid’s television ads and scrutinizing them as penis replacements?

    I mean, you’re either admitting you have the intellect and entertainment range of a 6 year old or that you are a pedophile, so which is it Selwyn?

    And people instinctively understood that sex “stereotyping” is actually a good thing: It is simply a negative term applied to the process of cultivating each sex’s characteristic virtues.

    This is one of those phrases that should end with the person who says it being cut off from pussy for life…

    Wait, given the rest of his post and his desperate need for the world to reinforce his masculinity, I’m going to guess that’s already happened.

    The last 40 years of the defining of deviancy downwards, however, has had its effect. So the conclusion is obvious:

    Guns don’t kill people; liberals do.

    Ha! It’s a slogan.

    Also, crime rates have dropped like crazy these last 40 years.

    I know! Even with increasing poverty, lowered options for the youth and lower classes, and every good reason in the world to turn to a life a crime, the numbers have been dropping.

    Of course, fear of crime has been steadily climbing in the same period. It’s almost like some group of people is trying to justify their antipathy to positive social growth by claiming that there’s some growing problem that threatens us.

    Then, hopefully, a few of these Obama Youth will realize that it is the liberals who kill freedoms, kill cultures, kill goodness, kill futures and — as evidenced by girly-color guns — are killjoys.

    Yes, ladies and gentlemen.

    He’s literally arguing that today’s kids toys and commercials are killing his hard-on.

    There is no way to charitably interprete this. He thinks that things for kids should give him a chubby.

    Also, he seems to not realize that capitalism destroyed his fictional television based past. It’s a capitalist decision to make toys commercials have a few tokens. So that they seem like they are for everyone and thus more likely to be bought by everyone. Similarly, bright colors are in because they grab the small attention spans of children. Hell, that’s something discovered about 5 seconds after there was such a thing as color TVs.

    Not to mention, you know, that he’s complaining that the fictional reality known as TV has changed over the years.

    Hell, all of these nostalgic fuckers are all nostalgic for the same damn thing (the TV of their respective eras). I know your mommies hated you so much she let the TV raise you, but those Saturday morning shows weren’t fucking biographies.

    Also, how do they reconcile the whole “50s were pure and innocent” with the fact that a large amount of 50s media culture was actually pretty violent and about the alienation and delinquency of its youth?

  245. Cerberus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 9:08

    I also love that the comments thread is all “We Survived, therefore it was tout suite safe”.

    Reminds me of an Elvira Kurt comedy routine where she was talking about how she was amazed anyone survived her childhood days when they had toys like lawn darts, a functional javelin that you tried to throw at the feet of your friends as they taunted you.

    Also, the whole “overprotective suburban mom” phenomena is now supposed to be a “liberal” thing? Since when?

    Also, I love that they are apparently against some straw man liberal that says fake guns turn you into a murderer and in a nice froth about that and how they turned out fine no matter what they played with (they only became overly violent adult men who need brown people to be slaughtered by the truckload to get a hard-on and reflexively hate anything that can remotely be construed as “girly” which is pretty much anything).

    Especially since it doesn’t seem to be the liberal and certainly isn’t the fucking young they took time to slag who has been calling every youth pasttime for the past 60 years evil and a demonstration of degenercy that will destroy the nation’s moral fabric.

    Yeah, it’s those damn young liberals who claimed that rock music, heavy metal, video games, rap music, cassette tapes, etc… needed to be stopped before they turned kids into rampaging murderers.

    Also, seriously, love how every conservative is trying to beat back the claims that they are the old white fuckers still bristling over the passage of the Civil Rights Act when everything they say is just a variation of “kids today better get off my lawn!”

    Yeah, gramps, you sure are “with it”.

  246. Cerberus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 9:18

    Ooh, missed a great mango:

    In a way, commercials can tell you more about how we’ve changed than history books.

    Uh…huh.

    There is really nothing to add to that, it stands in perfect order demonstrating the conservative obeisance to their God the TV and the shallowest, least sincere products of human imagination (even more so than reality TV).

    Yup, things literally designed to present a fictional world are more worthwhile than stupid old history.

    Which isn’t to say that commercials can’t serve as a piece of history. Often they can serve as an illustration of how imbedded certain stereotypes or hatreds are when we can see how an era used them to literally try and sell shit. Heavily relying on archaic sexism and racism pointed out how endemic problems were.

    And hell, I ironically learned a lot about the cultures of the 60s and 70s as they were experienced in real time by reading the cultural satires in old MAD magazines.

    But none of these are a substitute for history.

    But of course for conservatives, this is completely false. They want the fictional worlds of advertising to be their real history. A world where smiling moms never drank in despair chasing down their “mother’s little helper” with a bottle of jack and instead had no worries other than to keep their little Jimmy’s jacket as clean as can be.

    Hell, modern commercials in that way haven’t changed much at all. We still get mom happily scrubbing a suburban home larger than anything anyone lives in these days without a care in the world or men drinking beer or spraying on Ax and getting free pussy. And there still is a paucity of brown and black faces though the demographics are finally starting to break through there.

    And the conservatives still look to it as the face of “real America”. Yup, the old conservative Madison Avenue folks create a fictional America they want to sell that the other old conservative fucks then look to to confirm that the Real America is still around and all of this social growth is just an illusion and really that female go-getter is sobbing every night into a bucket of Hagen-Daaz that she doesn’t get to shit out 12 kids and scrub the floors when she isn’t serving as personal cumdump for some fat conservative slob who masturbates to children’s television ads from the 1960s.

    Sadly, no.

  247. Chris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 9:19

    Also, he seems to not realize that capitalism destroyed his fictional television based past.

    Capitalism has an odd way of doing things that drive the self-proclaimed capitalists fucking bananas. Hollywood getting more “politically correct” over time because they’ve got a foreign market and a growing American-but-not-Angry-White-Conservative market to worry about. Television showing more sex and swearing than Bible programs. And of course all the ways in which the economy’s screwed them professionally when they were promised that this extra tax cut would fix everything.

    Of course, they can’t admit that capitalism has anything to do with it, so it’s just that much more opportunities to go hunting for Liberal, Politically Correct, and otherwise Un-American cabals working behind the scenes to corrupt us because they hate America…

  248. Cerberus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 9:27

    Chris:

    Yeah, it figures that this is the inevitable result of the tribal thinking. It’s not even really any ideology they reflexively hate because the people of the other tribe like it any more. It’s just, good equals my tribe, equals things I like. Bad equals other tribe, equals things I hate.

    So, if they don’t like it, it must be a liberal thing. And if it’s a liberal thing they must hate it.

    I expect if they get shot by the shocktroopers they create in the future police state, they’ll blame the shocktroopers and the bullets on liberals and say the solution is to create more shocktroopers to stop them.

  249. Chris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 9:27

    Which isn’t to say that commercials can’t serve as a piece of history. Often they can serve as an illustration of how imbedded certain stereotypes or hatreds are when we can see how an era used them to literally try and sell shit. Heavily relying on archaic sexism and racism pointed out how endemic problems were.

    And hell, I ironically learned a lot about the cultures of the 60s and 70s as they were experienced in real time by reading the cultural satires in old MAD magazines.

    Had a conversation on a similar topic recently with a friend who’s a movie/TV buff, the subject being spy fiction (a favorite of mine), and how espionage shows on television had changed in the last sixty years.

    None of the shows will tell you much about actual espionage, of course, but it tells you a lot about how mainstream culture (and by extension a hell of a lot of the public) perceived and related to the intel community. The changes from sixties to eighties to 2000s is pretty remarkable.

    Closing OT. Back to whatsisface…

  250. Chris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 9:32

    It’s just, good equals my tribe, equals things I like. Bad equals other tribe, equals things I hate. So, if they don’t like it, it must be a liberal thing. And if it’s a liberal thing they must hate it.

    Yep. Crazy, innit? Part of me wants to point out to them things like “your precious capitalism’s destroying your precious traditional culture, look!” but since facts have liberal biases, I know how that’ll end, and it’s just not worth the effort.

    I expect if they get shot by the shocktroopers they create in the future police state, they’ll blame the shocktroopers and the bullets on liberals and say the solution is to create more shocktroopers to stop them.

    You mean like how the people who “need them some Second Amendment in case the government gets dictatorial!” are the same guys who cheer for the Patriot Act, legalized torture, warrantless wiretapping and police departments armed like black ops units? Yeah, about that…

  251. lobbey said,

    September 14, 2011 at 10:23

    If Selwyn, Duke of Squirrel, is worried the United Snakes have become a nation of sissified girly-men who can’t handle a penis-substitute, he should keep up w/ this web log.

    Scarily bland website of murder and mayhem. Most disconcerting thing is the murder locations are linked to google maps.

  252. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 10:25

    Part of me wants to point out to them things like “your precious capitalism’s destroying your precious traditional culture, look!”

    It’s a corollary of Gresham’s Law. The values of the Free Market are incompatible with any cultural scale of values, and will inevitably corrode the latter in any country where the Market is regarded as untouchable.
    There’s a Someone’s Law to that effect but I can’t remember the name of the Someone.

    It is equally inevitable that the right-wingers who were so insistent on unshackled Market Forces will then blame liberals for the transformation of their country into a grim Blade-Runner dystopia.

  253. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 10:49

    There’s a Someone’s Law to that effect but I can’t remember the name of the Someone.

    Godwin’s law, I win this round, &c &c.

    In all honesty, and so as to connect that bullshit to the topic of discussion: the disparity between the reactionaries in power wanting greater deregulation and deregulation obliterating traditional cultures is these days explained in six letters, spelt S-O-R-O-S.

    Or three, if you’re nasty.

  254. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 11:00

    Anything to do with guns will never have an honest debate attached to it anyway, because one side of the argument is completely subservient to a marketing machine that convinces sedentary white suburbanites that they need a gunmetal dong to be respected by the silverbacks of the clan & that they do not unwittingly give nurture to Chad from Accounting’s seed.

    Anything that even suggests the kulturists’ hard single-action wing-wong will thus become an object of worship, immune to all scrutiny and logic. And this sort of sad creature, the kind who has bought a gun more than once and might even pretend to have intelligible opinions on bullets, shell loads, and calibers, but who has no concept of what ammunition even costs – they are in the full fantasy and will believe anything they blunder across.

    The AK-47 is an objectively inferior weapon to the M-16, and uses ballistic tumbling as a dirty trick besides.
    An armed public can somehow resist even a SWAT unit, let alone the First Cavalry.
    Obamar is going to take the white man’s guns away any day now.
    No shootings would happen if some hero had an automatic weapon, to stop uniformed badsmen.
    The orange trim on that gun Mom bought in 1981 is what put those ideas about Rick Scott in my head.

    World without end.

  255. kiki said,

    September 14, 2011 at 13:48

    Fuck that–pour bleach in HIS ear. He’s the fuckhead that wrote it.

    From Daredevil: Born Again by Frank Miller:

    “Were you a publisher, my employer would destroy your presses. As you are merely a writer and it would not be persuasive enough to destroy your typewriter…” *Sound of fingers being broken*

  256. N__B said,

    September 14, 2011 at 14:12

    An armed public can somehow resist even a SWAT unit, let alone the First Cavalry.

    Fat people on medical scooters are bigger targets than in-shape people on foot.

  257. Helmut Monotreme said,

    September 14, 2011 at 14:46

    Fat people on medical scooters are bigger targets than in-shape people on foot.

    Which partially explains the increasing scariness of zombie horror.

  258. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 14:48

    Has it ever been done the other way– someone putting a bit of paint on a legit weapon to make it look more like a toy at first glance?

    Apparently yes. But other than being a shit disturbing jackass, what would be the point?

  259. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 14:50

    Fat people on medical scooters are bigger targets than in-shape people on foot.

    N__B has been out of the dating scene for too long.

  260. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 15:17

    Uh, totes heterosexually.

  261. vacuumslayer said,

    September 14, 2011 at 16:22

    PON RAUL 20BLAARH!!ELEVEN!

  262. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 16:44

    Which partially explains the increasing scariness of zombie horror.

    And THAT reminds me….

  263. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 16:46

    Fat people on medical scooters are bigger targets than in-shape people on foot.

    What’s really cool is, if you hit the scooter just right, you can make them spin around and move in the opposite direction, just like at the arcade.

  264. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:05

    Folks.

    Scooter.

    Powerchair.
    .

  265. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:12

    No.

    Scooter

    Powerchair

  266. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:13

    Also

    Scooter

    Power chair

  267. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:15

    And

    Cooter/Powerchair

  268. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:18

    I’m writing you out of my will, actor212 (which as a scooter rider, will likely pay off sooner rather than later).
    .

  269. Thread Bear said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:22

    Reminds me of an Elvira Kurt comedy routine where she was talking about how she was amazed anyone survived her childhood days when they had toys like lawn darts, a functional javelin that you tried to throw at the feet of your friends as they taunted you.

    Lawn Darts are back! Alas, they now have safe, sissified tips on them just like toy guns.

  270. Thread Bear said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:32

    Shoot me too, please. From the weeping Santa website

    This painting portrays HIS love . . . as a little girl leaving a pet store protects her new puppy from the cold. She is pictured against a winter wonderland, with the Christmas Star lighting the way to a small country church. Watching from inside the store is a sibling puppy with a tear in his eye, being consoled by a friendly kitten.

    The Weeping Santa still didn’t sell as well as the Santa Playing Cards. This painting portrays His poker face…as Santa plays poker with several dogs. He is pictured raking in a large pot, with the glow from his stogie illuminating the straight flush he has laid on the table. A small puppy is seated at the right with the short stack. Watching from the side is a sibling puppy, who has busted, with a tear in his eye, being consoled by a friendly kitten.

  271. N__B said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:40

    Lawn Darts are back! Alas, they now have safe, sissified tips on them just like toy guns.

    French tips?

  272. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:40

    Santa Playing Cards

    Santa featured in several seductive poses, in fishnet stockings and peek-a-boo bra.
    .

  273. N__B said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:44

    Santa featured in several seductive poses, in fishnet stockings and peek-a-boo bra.

    GET OUT OF DK-W’S HEAD!

  274. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:44

    Scooter

    Power chair

  275. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:46

    Santa featured in several seductive poses

    You joke, of course, butt…

  276. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 17:47

    GET OUT OF DK-W’S HEAD!

    I blame this song.

  277. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 18:14

    Not that it matters, since Palin is irrelevant, but…

    So much for family values.

  278. Chris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 18:39

    So much for family values.

    How much more inspiring, then, that she turned her back on this sinful past and became the family values mom we now know!

  279. Thread Bear said,

    September 14, 2011 at 18:42

    So much for family values.

    See there, how much proof do you need that the Tea Party is not racist

  280. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 18:45

    I have to repeat: What values prompt a state political party to raffle off a handgun like the one used to recently murder a bunch of citizens and to nearly end the life of a sitting congressperson?
    .

  281. Helmut Monotreme said,

    September 14, 2011 at 18:53

    I have to repeat: What values prompt a state political party to raffle off a handgun like the one used to recently murder a bunch of citizens and to nearly end the life of a sitting congressperson?

    The not so subtle hope another ‘lone wolf’ will repeat the performance.

  282. Steerpike said,

    September 14, 2011 at 19:08

    I have to repeat: What values prompt a state political party to raffle off a handgun like the one used to recently murder a bunch of citizens and to nearly end the life of a sitting congressperson?

    This is an unfair question. The gun being raffled off is simply something that the area residents would consider valuable, and has no relation to the crime it represents. In an unrelated note: The HMS Titanic Memorial Society will be auctioning off a comemorative ice-cube tray, the Cass Elliot fan club will be holding a ham sandwich luncheon, and there are still a limited number of Auschwitz Ashtrays available for the serious collector…

  283. Thread Bear said,

    September 14, 2011 at 19:15

    The not so subtle hope another ‘lone wolf’ will repeat the performance.

    I think it is more to do with the confident knowledge that their base will spend big money for the item, which became far more covetted because of the shooting. Wether there is a repeat performance or not is truly of no concern to these people.

  284. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 19:18

    So, the value is hate, or love of violence.
    .

  285. Thread Bear said,

    September 14, 2011 at 19:21

    So, the value is hate, or love of violence.

    I think the overriding values are greed and the love of power. The hate is just a byproduct that allows them to justify to themselves that they deserve all the money and power.

  286. jim said,

    September 14, 2011 at 19:31

    So much for family values.

    PENIS WOLVERINES!

  287. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 19:41

    So much for family values.

    See there, how much proof do you need that the Tea Party is not racist

    McGinnis also reports of her coke use.

  288. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 14, 2011 at 19:44

    Relevant.

  289. alec said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:02

    Relevant.

    I LOVE TO RELOAD DURING A BATTLE

  290. vacuumslayer said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:08

    McGinnis also reports of her coke use.

    You should see what she did with the Pepsi!

    Holy shit. I think I was possessed by actor for a fleeting moment. Long enough to make that joke…

  291. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:12

    I think I was possessed by actor for a fleeting moment.

    I’ve had you, yes. So have many others here.

  292. M. Bouffant said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:37

    PECKER!

    POWER CHAIRS!

  293. M. Bouffant said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:39

    PENIS meets EEL.

    (Not for the squeamish.)

  294. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:47

    PENIS meets EEL.

    “Now make a wish and blow out the candiru”

  295. Hogeye Grex said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:51

    Elvers has left the building.

  296. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 20:59

    Hey, you know that hypothetical question that Ron Paul was asked the other night about the dead kid and no health insurance and how society should just let him die?

    Ummmmmmmmmm, turns out, it wasn’t so hypothetical and yes, Ron Paul let his own campaign manager die.

  297. paperbagmarlys said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:02

    So much talk of Weeping Santa…angry Santa feels left out:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPs3HMxQGG8

  298. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:16

    Ron Paul let his own campaign manager die.

    Jesus. That link’s a keeper, isn’t it?

  299. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:22

    Sounds like Ron Paul would make a great statesman.

    Paul Doctrine:
    The essence of freedom; Be rich or face the consequences.

  300. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:24

    That link’s a keeper, isn’t it?

    I’m betting Wolf knew and wanted to find a way to get it out there, but couldn’t exactly, you know, raise the issue during the debate.

    I wish he would have. It would have raised the image of journalism a notch.

  301. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:32

    Damn. If I had known that would be comment 300, I would have added “THIS IS SPARTA!”

  302. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:33

    Paul Doctrine:
    The essence of freedom; Be rich or face the consequences.

    Fitty Doctrine
    Be Rich or Die Trying

    Hey! That works too!

  303. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:44

    Ron Paul let his own campaign manager die.

    Glibertarian roasting in teh comments. Mentioning it because he brings up one of my personal peeves about Glibertarians. And I quote:

    I can sympathize that others have it worse than me, but that does not automatically make it my or the government’s responsibility. Good lord look at all the charities that exist to help others. I give thousands a year to those.

    Why can’t charities do it? Let me translate:
    Teh entirety of teh social safety net? Basically all of government services? Should only be delivered to people teh wealthy deem worthy of receiving it.

    That’s what this argument means. Medicare and Medicaid? Private charities can handle that! And that way I can tailor my charitable donations to make sure no member of some undesireable group* gets any of my precious dollars for life saving medical care. Social Security? I’m all for helping out the old and needy provided that I either know them personally or they can demonstrate that they voted for my favoured political party the past few elections.

    It’s not enough that the rich have the largest disproportionate control of the nation’s wealth since just before the Great Depression. Apparently they miss having complete control over determining who gets to have access to basic medical care and education. Food stamps!?! But teh rich need to be able to choose who gets to live and who gets to starve to death*! Yeah, sounds like Galtian paradise to me.

    * i.e. niggers. Not to say that this particularly glibertarian is racist. Maybe he only hates teh Ghey instead. Then again, maybe he has hate enough to spare.

  304. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:51

    Good lord look at all the charities that exist to help others. I give thousands a year to those.

    And yet, with all that largesse, we still have increasing poverty. Obviously, dickless, you ain’t givin’ enough!

  305. kiki said,

    September 14, 2011 at 21:59

    Good lord look at all the charities that exist to help others. I give thousands a year to those.

    I think the only possible circumstances under which this could be true would be if this guy knows several prostitutes called Charity.

  306. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:16

    Same old argument.

    If I ask a really dumb fucking question and do it with a snotty attitude and air of conceit and superiority, does that make my butt look big?

  307. Bitter Scribe said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:19

    Why do we need fire departments when there are all kinds of heroes out there who would love to rush into burning buildings and save people for free?

  308. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:21

    Wait–does that convince you that I’M RIGHT in being an obssessive/compulsive government hater and self-proclaimed constitutional scholar which all makes it ok to be a selfish fucking cunt but it’s not about being selfish…?

    Libertarians are maladaptive conservatives. They haven’t had a single good idea yet.

  309. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:22

    They haven’t had a single good idea yet.

    That whole “legalize smokeawanna” sounds okay, to me.

    The toll road that starts at the end of the driveway? Not so much.
    .

  310. tsam said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:22

    Why do we need fire departments when there are all kinds of heroes out there who would love to rush into burning buildings and save people for free?

    I say if you want to be a liberarian you have to make your own roads.

  311. RWW said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:29

    Whether real case or hypothetical doesn’t matter to these ghoulish fucks. They know the consequences for our lack of Socialized Medicine is that people who can’t afford to pay DIE. They can pretend we have the best system in the world and imagine charities saving everyone and blame the victim who gets sick, but the basic deal is that keeping medical care in private hands means people die so that others profit. End of.

  312. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:29

    I say if you want to be a liberarian you have to make your own roads.

    You built you’re own roads?

    LOOXURY!

    We had ta break our own gravel with our incisors!

    I swear, that’s exactly what glibertarians sound like to me.

  313. Chris said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:31

    I give thousands a year to those.

    Can I just go for the obvious, and say that I seriously doubt that’s true.

    Teh entirety of teh social safety net? Basically all of government services? Should only be delivered to people teh wealthy deem worthy of receiving it.

    Well yeah, that, and “should only be delivered when I feel like it,” also too. One of the many problems with relying on charity is that it tends to dry up in times of economic crisis (when everyone’s sitting tight on what money they have left), which happens to be exactly when it becomes more urgent than ever.

    More importantly, of course, that charity shit is far less effective than health care. If it wasn’t, there’d be more people dying in the streets now than there were in the Gilded Age, but lo and behold, that’s not happening.

  314. Hogeye Grex said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:41

    More importantly, of course, that charity shit is far less effective than health care.

    B-b-b-buuuuuut, I thought freemarketprivitization™ wuz teh answar too everything.

  315. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:44

    If next year, Obama doesn’t drop this trump card on Mitt Perry, I swear, I will have David Plouffe’s guts for garters.

    With malice toward none; with charity for all

  316. Thread Bear said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:54

    Good lord look at all the charities that exist to help others. I give thousands a year to those I left a couple dimes on the sidewalk.

    Slightly adjusted to match the wingnut way of (not)thinking.

  317. Helmut Monotreme said,

    September 14, 2011 at 22:55

    B-b-b-buuuuuut, I thought freemarketprivitization™ wuz teh answar too everything.

    It totally is the answer to everything. When you realize that ‘everything’ to which they refer boils down to ‘those people over there* aren’t living a savage life that is nasty brutish and short’.

    *’those people’ refers to everyone who isn’t a wealthy white anglo-saxon protestant male.

  318. Smut Clyde said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:09

    Power chair.

  319. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:12

    Poor Dennis.

    He used to be a fairly reasonable conservative, but then…I’m not sure. I think I embarassed him once.

    Anyway, he seems to ignore the fact that this “cherry-picked” comment sort of gains strength from, ohhhhhhhhhhh, I don’t know…an audience of Teabaggers cheering the death of a healthy young man with his future ahead of him?

    Just a, you know, observation….

  320. Helmut Monotreme said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:19

    He used to be a fairly reasonable conservative, but then…I’m not sure. I think I embarassed him once.

    I don’t think you were the first one that embarrassed him. I think you were probably beaten to the punch by genetics, economics, and the goat at the petting zoo.

  321. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:22

    Imagine how embarrassed Flirty Sanchez must be right now!

    You seem….preternaturally obsessed…with his name.

  322. Tehanu said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:22

    “No girls allowed,” fine. But what about us grils?

  323. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:22

    I think you were probably beaten to the punch by genetics, economics, and the goat at the petting zoo.

    I’d have been his dad but the orangutan climbed the steps faster.

  324. actor212 said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:23

    But what about us grils?

    Connecticut Wankees blog is ——————————————->

  325. g said,

    September 14, 2011 at 23:37

    Well, thanks for the Gawker link above, because the lead story is perfect for Sadly, no:

    http://gawker.com/5839808/how-to-poop-at-work

  326. Smut Clyde said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:02

    Power chair P00P.

  327. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:04

    I don’t get the “no grills” thang, either.

    After all, what’s a gun without a holster?
    .

  328. bbkf said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:06

    being a retriever she was just intelligent enough to have a concept of emotional theatrics, but not enough to keep it even a little subtle.

    Imagine trying to express your inner darkness when you’re stuck with blonde fur.

    funny thing: the town i live next to used to have a bus service for the elderly called ‘the golden age special.’ the bus was painted a really noxious gold color and it was henceforth known by the younger set as ‘the golden retriever’…yes, i’ll be here all wekk….

  329. bbkf said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:06

    or week…wevs…

  330. Jennifer said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:37

    RE: that Gawker POOP link: this is my favorite ever comment regarding pooping at work:

    EdnasEdibles 03:56 PM

    Sometimes when I at at the bathroom at work I have an overwhelming desire to pick the stall next to the pooper and whisper “I know what you’re doing in there. You’re disgusting” and leave. I don’t know why I want to do this. I kind of think it would be funny in a messed up way. But there’s a part of me that realizes it could be the CEO so I don’t.

    Jezebel, 7/15/10

  331. bbkf said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:45

    Oddly enough, Flirty Sanchez didn’t comment.

    But then again, neither did Glen Rice.

    That’s weird.

    okay, i don’t get it…did i read incorrectly or did flirty sanchez not say that they thought that libertarian point of view reflected by stigwhatever sucked?

    my branez no good today…maybe?

  332. Chris said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:49

    Sometimes when I at at the bathroom at work I have an overwhelming desire to pick the stall next to the pooper and whisper “I know what you’re doing in there. You’re disgusting” and leave. I don’t know why I want to do this. I kind of think it would be funny in a messed up way. But there’s a part of me that realizes it could be the CEO so I don’t.

    Very wise.

    I once called the guy in the stall next to mine an asshole for walking out without flushing. That was in middle school. “The guy,” of course, was my biology teacher. Not good.

  333. bbkf said,

    September 15, 2011 at 0:57

    http://gawker.com/5839808/how-to-poop-at-work

    zomg!!! my former coworker here had the most HEINOUS bowels imaginable…something to do with a gastric bypass gone wrong and some liver problem…my office at the time was located right next to the bathroom, which i immediately found out had whisper thin walls…again ZOMG! the flatulent noises were incredible…but then, she would inevitablys sashay into my office thereby sucking the indescribable odor of her rotten bowels along with her…i gotta give the old bitch credit tho, she totes knew you could hear everything through those walls, and there was no denying the stench (there was even a sign in the bathroom imploring others to leave the vent fan on FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!) but she stone cold brazened it out…

    one night when i was working late and she, of course, *had to use the little girl’s room before she left teehee.* shortly thereafter, one of our physical therapitsts’ two sons came running along the hallway…they opened the door to use the lav and almost fell over…for the next half hour or so, they took turns running up to the door, opening it and loudly marveling over the hang factor of that odious dump…

    hubbkf had to work with her before i did and can attest to her building clearing powers…

    anyhoo, i may have said to much, but everyone remember…bathroom etiquette in the workplace should be high priority for all…

  334. RWW said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:12

    Another astounding crash and burn by Dennis, flying as usual with 2 right wings. Flirty Sanchez in fact is the commenter who said he could never be a Libertarian. The commenter soulmate of Dennis was Stigmatard. Dennis can now explain to us how and why Stigmatard isn’t a worthy example of his brand and Dennis can provide us some other target for our fish-in-a-barrel shooting.

  335. bbkf said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:13

    also, too…selwyn, i can’t even begin to describe what an utterly dubmass twit you are…the fact that kids do not necessarily play with toy guns any more is based on something other than the evil lefties…had you had even gave a moment’s thought to something other than how to sound like a super smart conservative-libertarian-tea partier-randian or whatever the hell you are and to make your ideological opposite look like a bunch of whiny, feminizing socialists, you might have been able to come up with this one yourself…any maybe wrote a history of how, as warfare has changed, so have the games and toys of children…

    have you not noticed that our guys aren’t running around fitted out as they were in world war ii or earlier? hmmmm…did you think about how video games have kind of taken over the toy market? and that kids nowadays can realistically shoot the fuck out of just about anyone they want whilst playing these games? who the hell is going to run around their backyard with a lameass toy gun when they can get all the gut splatting violence they want on their game players?

    also, too…have you not heard of the paintball phenomenon? where you can use big ass guns and actually shoot somebody with a pellet of paint? and you can even pretend you’re actually on the front lines…or rambo or whatev…

    i’m pretty sure that even alec’s emotional retriever had enough intelligence and could have figured this one out it’s that easy, but i could not take another screen refreshing glimpse of selwyns smug stupid face without saying something…

    thank you all for your time and patience regarding my last two posts…perhaps saving all my posting energies for the end of the work day is NOT expeditious or advisable….

  336. Jennifer said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:14

    The solution is to be anal-retentive, like I am. I just never need to go unless I’m at home or in a similar private locale.

    Anyway, could this person smell how rank her dumps were? Because, that’s how you know when it’s really bad – when the smell even bothers you, and you made it.

  337. bbkf said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:14

    Another astounding crash and burn by Dennis, flying as usual with 2 right wings. Flirty Sanchez in fact is the commenter who said he could never be a Libertarian. The commenter soulmate of Dennis was Stigmatard. Dennis can now explain to us how and why Stigmatard isn’t a worthy example of his brand and Dennis can provide us some other target for our fish-in-a-barrel shooting.

    thanks for clearing that up for me…i thought i had perhaps inadvertantly damaged that part of my brain dealing with reading comprehension…

  338. bbkf said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:17

    Anyway, could this person smell how rank her dumps were? Because, that’s how you know when it’s really bad – when the smell even bothers you, and you made it.

    oh, i’m sure she could…people in the next fucking county could smell it…seriously, it was so bad that a co-worker literally gags any time this subject is brought up…

    also, too i can only drop the kids off at the pool in my own locale…except when i was in ireland…it is true what they say about guinness…but hilarity ensued when i was able to blame that one on my little sister…who was referred to as ‘stinky’ by the rest of the tour group for the remainder of the trip…

  339. RWW said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:29

    Oh, and what actor said to Dennis about the Teabaggers cheering. Spot on.

  340. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:40

    http://www.thestar.com/news/article/1053247–jewish-prof-forced-to-defend-himself-against-anti-semitism-claims

    Well, it appears that Canada has them too.

    Grunfeld said Tuesday she may have misunderstood the context and intent of Johnston’s remarks, but that fact is insignificant.

    “The words, ‘Jews should be sterilized’ still came out of his mouth, so regardless of the context I still think that’s pretty serious.”

    Grunfeld also expressed skepticism that Johnston was in fact Jewish.

    Asked directly by a reporter whether she believes Johnston is lying, she was unclear.

    “Whether he is or is not, no one will know,” she said. “. . . Maybe he thought because he is Jewish he can talk smack about other Jews.”

  341. g said,

    September 15, 2011 at 1:52

    Worked in a busy mutliple-venue event facility for eight years. I had a building master key. It was a true luxury, being able to excuse myself and go wandering down to the lower concourse or the upper balcony RRs on a non-event day.

  342. St. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 15, 2011 at 2:53

    I know new thread and all. Just I missed Dennis teh last time. And for a lark, I’m going to take him totes srsly.

    Uh d00d, what’s your point? Point man for teh glibertarian borg? Never said that, didn’t even imply it either. Maybe you’re new to Objectivist philosophy and teh Cult of Ayn, I dunno. He is spouting a specific line that you hear from Randroids all the time. Teh argument that all those social services that Government provids would be better off being provided by private charities. Cameron’s UK is playing with these ideas with their “Big Society” move.

    I have a problem with that bit of libertarian thinking, that not only can private enterprise do things better and moar efficiently than Government, but that by teh magical power of markets, they will do so. But there’s no reason to believe that this is true. I know I’ll nevar convince a glibertarian that there are goods and services which the State can provide much bettar than any industry – so my argument is solely on teh second part. That private enterprise, or private charities will fill teh social safety net gap.

    But what does that mean? That the decisions about who gets covered by teh new privatized services are made by private people – primarily by those with teh money. I mean otherwise, what’s the difference? Glibertarian Rex says it’s a moral thing because taxes are worse than Satan. Or something.

    It is a moral thing. Privately delivered social services can be denied to those that teh private enterpises think are unworthy. Churches used to fill this role historically. Take a look at teh Mega Churches of teh Talibangelicals across teh US right now. These are teh people that glibertarians think should be deciding who gets healthcare and social security. That makes me uncomfortable, but YMMV.

    Oh wait, you’re going to say some stupid shit about snark blog or wev. d00d, just drop it already. You’re not impressing anyone, not even someone as dumb as your own damn self. Yes, this is a snark blog, with teh comedy and teh irreverent commentary and teh juvenile jokes. It’s also chock-a-block full of some very intelligent folks who have interesting things to say. You want to disagree with someone, go right ahead. But if your entire basis for disagreement is “OMG you guys suck because I said so” don’t be surprised when it’s received for teh flailing about of some guy who thinks he has erectile dysfunction but really only has a tiny tiny weiner that gets hard at teh thought of poor people suffering.

  343. RWW said,

    September 15, 2011 at 6:26

    OMG. You went back to analyze this?
    ###
    uh yeah, it’s pretty fucking easy to call you out on your bullshit. Loser.

  344. actor212 said,

    September 15, 2011 at 12:02

    OMG. You went back to analyze this?

    OMG! You came back ten hours later to comment?

    How…um…obsessive of you! -1

  345. St. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 15, 2011 at 16:13

    Dennis,

    That’s a little better, but only by coincedence. “You can dish it out, but you can’t take it!” is a pretty good accusation – provided you ignore context. I guess you’re still pretty new here, but it doesn’t take much effort to notice that the vast majority of posters are a self-deprecating lot, yours truly included. We take shots at one another fairly regularly. Almost as often as I take shots at their moms. So, true to form, your dig is not only baseless but 180 degrees off teh mark. Generally speaking, we enjoy laughing at as much as with each other. My complaint wasn’t so much that you’re trying to pick on me or other posters here, it’s that you aren’t very good at it.

    BUT, your concern-trollery did flag something for me. I kinda assume that folks who read my commentary have an idea of my posting history. That they are have some knowledge about teh in-jokes and gimmicky schticks I indulge in. That’s not necessarily true, so thanx for reminding me that not everyone has teh proper context for understanding teh things I say. I don’t think it’ll change teh way I comment at all, but it is an interesting thing to ponder.

  346. actor212 said,

    September 15, 2011 at 16:42

    We take shots at one another fairly regularly. Almost as often as I take shots at their moms.

    Yes, but our shots at you don’t flop about limply

  347. jim, perennial wife-beater said,

    September 15, 2011 at 19:08

    it’s not cool to mock the mockers

    More like “it’s not cool to look like you have an overabundance of sand in your vagina when you try to mock the mockers.”

    My nym in this case refers to the adorable troll who, prior to flouncing, averred that surely I was only commenting between mercilessly epic beatdowns of my pathetic & slowly-perishing wife.

    I do not have a wife.

  348. actor212 said,

    September 15, 2011 at 20:38

    I do not have a wife.

    OMG! YOU KILLED HER!

  349. actor212 (the rest of this nym is available under attractive lease offers with a potential "rent-to-own option" for leases extending beyond five years but not more than ten, subject to local laws and full environmental review and I'm so sick of people who said,

    September 15, 2011 at 23:15

    ‘Conform and be liked’, Wang?

    Thanks for the tip.

    Leap to conclusions much, Dennis?

  350. RWW said,

    September 16, 2011 at 0:45

    Dennis likes to swoop in and lay a fart of an insult on the Sadlies, then if anybody takes notice or challenges him in the slightest, he whines “What’s the big stink? You must all be fart obsessed! Why must I conform to be liked!”

  351. St. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 16, 2011 at 2:33

    ‘Conform and be liked’, Wang?

    What does this even mean? Conform? I said that?

    Well Dennis, I guess I did say that if you were funnier or were actually contributing to teh conversation, then maybe people wouldn’t treat you like an odious little troll. Okay, I guess that does sum up my position on teh matter.

    If you hadn’t noticed, I’m making a serious attempt to engage and respond to your comments. To actually address teh criticisms you are making. But you are not giving me much to work with. You seem to abandon every previous thing you’ve said and taken each new comment as an opportunity to level a fresh accusation – unmoored not only from reality, but also from any of your previous attacks. Liek throwing shit against teh wall to see what sticks. But you know what Dennis? You’re still flinging POOP.

    Some of us are trying to have a conversation – heck some of us are even trying to have a conversation with you. But in order for that to occur, you’re going to have to step it up a bit. How abouts you start over with a catalog of grievances. Let me halp:

    - Sadlynauts are mean and say awful things.
    - They don’t mean anything they say so you can ignore them all.
    - They nutpick from comment threads and then grossly over-generalize mean mean mean things about others.
    - They can’t take criticism.
    - They demand that everyone behaves exactly as they do,

    That sum it up? You got anything to add to your laundry list of complaints?

  352. Substance McGravitas said,

    September 16, 2011 at 5:40

    anyone not of the far left persuasion.

    I have this feeling that many of the folks here are Democrats, so you might want to distinguish between them and any actual far leftists you spot.

  353. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 16, 2011 at 13:37

    Firstly, thank you. Instead of only spouting off one-liners that came off as lame attempts at insults, you’ve now actually said something. Was that so hard?

    re: Gawker. firstly, actor linked in because of teh post – an OT digression about Ron Paul, but teh nutpicking was me only. And here’s how I did it:

    Glibertarian roasting in teh comments. Mentioning it because he brings up one of my personal peeves about Glibertarians

    IOW, another OT digression. Not necessarily about that specific libertarian, but about libertarianism in general. And their ranting about “compulsory charity”. Don’t tell me that you haven’t heard teh argument from libertarians that taxes and social programs should be cut and that users of those programs wouldn’t be harmed because private charities can pick up the slack. This is not an argument I made up, it’s totes a real libertarian thing. That teh welfare state is immoral (because taxes) and those services could and should be supplied by private charities.

    You might not have recognized that because teh bulk of the de-bunking of this idea surrounds teh fact that there is no way that you’d get teh same amount of resources spent helping teh poor and needy if you just left it to charity. There’s an 18 page .pdf at mises.org that attempts to address this issue. which is premised on government waste being at least 70% therefore we ought kill Social Security. Meaning that they are claiming that the administration of social security costs $400 billion and teh benefits are $200 billion. Which is ludicrous. But wev.

    Anyways, that’s my personal peeve – the whole private charities thing. Lots of people have addressed the ridiculous notion that you’d get anywhere near the same amount of aid – but i’ve addressed the other bit, where we accept the libertarian position that you’d get the same number of $$$’s if not moar. That in this case, what happens is that the system still sucks and amounts to yet another stick for teh rich to beat teh poor with.

    But that doesn’t address your point – which was that I nutpicked from a Gwaker thread. Well Dennis, that one’s your problem. I did use that one guy making the exact same argument I’ve heard over and over again to directly address the argument he was making. One that glibertarians have as a central justification for their tax hating fantasy world. AND I indicated that I was doing so – that I was using this example of that morally bankrupted argument to debunk the morally bankrupt argument.

    Finally, with regards to conformity – I think you are at a minimum, overstating your case. I’m pretty sure everyone has folks they disagree with on at least a few things that they get along with. And sure not a lot of them talk about the working and friendly interactions with their politically disparate friends and relations (although let me point out that at least some of them do) – I’d have thought that you of all people would be sympathetic to the idea that it’s easier and more compelling to complain about the times it didn’t go so smooth.

  354. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 16, 2011 at 15:54

    Thinking a bit moar about it, especially teh weasel qualifier thing. I dunno. If someone totally odious suggests something you agree with, then the proper reply is to say that you agree despite his being totally odious. That certainly seems reasonable.

    So the question comes down to, are there conservatives or others where there is some overlap in views and opinions with teh S,N! commentariat, and teh remaining issues really are matters of difference in opinion as opposed to fundamental deal-breaking ideological clashes?

    Well firstly, unlikely that that type of conservative will be featured here. What with teh Children of teh NRO Corner, Clownhall, Teh Swankster, Newsblusterers and Malkin Smash! being so prominently featured. Perhaps the fact that this site has as it’s speciality teh ruthless mocking of batshit crazy insane people like Atlas Juggs and Kristol Meth is skewing your view.

    Some may argue that teh hijacking of teh conservative movement by ideologues like teh PNAC neo-con crowd a decade ago or teh Tea Party People now have so destroyed dissenting voices that anyone still self-identifying as a conservative is loony-tunes. And you gotta admit that that’s a pretty persuasive argument. But that’s an explanation about their rarity and not definitive proof of their non-existence.

    Still, I’m having trouble thinking of any. The examples I can think of are folks here cheering on “moderate” conservatives making fun of teh wingiest of teh loonies. But that’s mostly a “credit where due” citation because even teh “moderate” conservatives are genocidal warmongering shitbags that want to gut teh New Deal because tax cuts amirite!?! Not teh type you ever want to say nice things about.

    And again, this is about teh S.N! crowd – about how we are so purely partisan that we are unable to genuinely acknowledge good things from someone on teh “other side”. Lest it lower our standing here, or something.

    This is pretty old – but teh thing that finally came to mind which most directly addresses your commentary is this thread about Radley Balko. A libertarian at heart, but very true to teh civil liberties aspect about libertarianism. I have a lot of respect for his work attacking abuses of authority – but teh guy is unhinged with respect to teh delivery social programs. I never did find out what his position on teh Cranick house fire was. Anyways, he is both attacked and defended throughout teh thread. Comments that praise him are about equal in number to those that denounce. All despite teh fact that the main post itself highlights Balko being a total fucking tard.

    Maybe it isn’t a case that teh Tea Party movement has pushed whatever remaining reasonable conservatives out of teh room, so that all that’s left is a bunch of scooter/powerchair riding howler monkeys screeching about keeping Gubmint Outta Mah Medicare. Maybe moderate conservatives do still exist, but no one hears shit about them because OMG! Screeching howler monkeys on Hoverounds!

    TLDR version:
    1. Teh weasel qualifier is justified. Sometimes you need to endorse an argument without endorsing the person making it.
    2. Current political climate is so polarized that randomly selecting a self-identified conservative invariably yields someone you most definitely do not want to endorse.
    3. Teh selection isn’t even random. Teh purpose of this site is to highlight and mock stupidity, inhumane sociopathy and other stuff that makes teh people associated with it un-endorseable.
    4. So fucking what? What if people are meaner/harder on shitbags in teh comment threads at a comedy site? Are they “conforoming” in order to be liked? No, they are being relevant to teh conversation in context of teh audience and situation. It’s like not wearing sweat pants to a formal dinner party and then complaining all night long about how teh food and company suck.

  355. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 16, 2011 at 17:14

    Hey, since I’m hogging this days old thread anyways, lets’s blow teh fuck out of taht mises.org bullshat.

    So teh problem for teh libertarians is that eliminating social security and giving all those taxpayers back that money means by definition there is less money available for old folks. Because teh marginal dollar received is not going to be spent 100% on private charities. Therefore teh only way it can work is with this whole Gubmint inefficiencies argument.

    Remember that this is teh basis for their argument that specifically Medicare and Social Security should be cut. In their defense, they note that economies of scale and marginal steps means that it’s possible that there might be some room for public provision of social services – but teh optimal balance has way way way less public component than there currently is.

    So what’s their claim about inefficiencies and admin costs? 70% waste in gubmint (apparently justified by some other mises.org studies) versus 70% non-waste by private charities. And without this, it falls apart – there’s nothing to be gained in cutting social security and reducing taxes by teh matching amount. Also they argue that 30% waste by private charities is low and should be 25% or less.

    So what is teh actual administrative cost for Social Security? Pretty fucking low. Like, less than 1%. Therefore based on the mises.org reasoning we should be massively raising taxes to pay for Social Security increases. At a minimum until private charities either disappear or get their admin costs down into teh 1% range.

  356. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    September 16, 2011 at 17:24

    On teh Medicare front, controlling administrative costs was actually a driver and reason to go single-payer. Medicare admin costs are in teh order of 2%, where as private insurance is closer to 10% in teh best of cases. Makes perfect sense since there is a huge profit incentive for private insurance to deny claims, thus there is incentyive for corporations to spend significant resources administratively denying claims.

    BUT, even if you take teh flipping Heritage Foundation’s numbers as totes for reals – i.e. using teh glibertarian taxes-are-worse-than-Hitler numbers, you still only end up in teh same neighbour hood as teh best of private insurance. Around 12%. Still HALF TEH COST OF CHARITIES DOING IT. Thus, according to mises.org reasoning, so long as there are any charitable organizations providing health care, it would be cheaper and moar efficient to increase taxes and dump teh money into Medicare.

  357. chris prewitt is a pimp said,

    November 28, 2011 at 2:38

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