Aug
29

Yay Republitalibangelicals!




Posted at 15:24 by Tintin

douthat

Shorter Msgr. Ross Xavier Pius Douthat, S.J., O.P., O.F.M., S.S.J., Th.D+, The New York Fucking Times Pope-Ed Page
American Theocracy Revisited

  • Theocracy isn’t as bad as it sounds, at least as long as it doesn’t involve any wild-eyed Negro preachers.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

354 Comments »

  1. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 15:28

    West coast version

  2. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 15:41

    Shorter Chunky Bobo: God is a Republican.
    ~

  3. vacuumslayer is apparently WordPress said,

    August 29, 2011 at 15:43

    I’m getting a login page.

  4. hank said,

    August 29, 2011 at 15:47

    Time to bring back the Nazi Pope.

  5. Halcyon said,

    August 29, 2011 at 15:52

    Your link goes to the wrong article. Not that that makes Douthat less dumb, but the makes appear to be the wrong shade.

  6. Halcyon said,

    August 29, 2011 at 15:52

    Mangoes, makes, whatever. Same thing, really.

  7. Snarki, child of Loki said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:00

    Well, okay.

    As long as Douthat is the Guest of Honor at the first Act of Faith (aka “auto de fe”).

  8. Spearhafoc, who is Number 1 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:04

    Time to bring back the Nazi Pope.

    I’d rather have the Space Pope. Crocodylus Pontifex!

  9. Nameless Cynic said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:05

    Correct link

  10. Steerpike said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:06

    I wonder how Saint Neckbeard would react if Perry and his holy-rollin’ cronies were to succeed in their project to put the “God” back in “It’s our country, Goddammit!” and they proceed to lump Catholics in with Muslims, Mormons, Atheists and other heathen swine when it comes to who’s got a chair at God’s All-U-Can-Eat American buffet. The problem with theocracy isn’t that churches run the country, but which churches run it. Memo to Catholics: It ain’t yours.

  11. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:07

    The funny thing is either link fits.

    And that’s what the NYT is paying for these days.
    ~

  12. J Neo Marvin said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:08

    We believe in the Disco Pope!

  13. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:12

    Doesn’t Ross know that the NYT is on the evangelical hit list?

  14. Tintin said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:18

    Link fixed.

  15. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:19

    Thanks, Tintin.

    Will you be getting around to the economy next?
    ~

  16. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:23

    Theocracy isn’t as bad as it sounds

    Margaret Atwood agrees! Full employment in Gilead!

  17. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:25

    I’m getting a login page.

    I believe that’s teh NYTimes paywall you’re up against.

    I haven’t hit it yet, so I can’t vouch for these workarounds. Also too, The NYTimes is free to limit distribution of their material in any way they choose and I do not advocate for hacking their very expensive and very poorly though out DRM system, no matter how easy it is.

    Primarily because it’s teh NYTimes. OMG, full of fricking useless garbage that paper is. Douthat? Rilly? Sure it’s barely any effort at all to bypass the paywall, but even that is too much just for the sake of looking at Chunky Bobo’s latest POOP flinging.

  18. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:26

    Or I could refresh before pressing Submit. Nevermind me.

  19. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:39

    Refresh before submit?

    That’s fascist, man!
    ~

  20. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:40

    Refreshing before submitting.

    Or as Lily Tomlin put it: Do you feel sexually threatened by “yield” signs on the highway?

  21. owlbear1 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:42

    Finally, journalists should remember that Republican politicians have usually been far more adept at mobilizing their religious constituents than those constituents have been at claiming any sort of political “dominion.” George W. Bush rallied evangelical voters in 2004 with his support for the Federal Marriage Amendment, and then dropped the gay marriage issue almost completely in his second term. Perry knows how to stroke the egos of Texas preachers, but he was listening to pharmaceutical lobbyists, not religious conservatives, when he signed an executive order mandating S.T.D. vaccinations for Texas teenagers.

    So don’t worry, ‘cuz Republican candidates are just claiming religious beliefs they don’t actually believe, to get the true believers who do believe to believe they do actually are believers and the left should believe they won’t actually act out those beliefs?

    Really Ross?
    Really?

  22. lobbey said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:44

    Fenwick, et al,

    last thread o/t

    ok, so the consensus seems to be pluralise the fucker, looks odd, but I shall bow to my grammatical overlords…

    and I, for one, welcome the reign of such overlords…

  23. Spearhafoc, who is Number 1 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:47

    Wait, so Saint Neckbeard’s defense of Perry is that he’s a two-faced liar who says one thing and does another?

  24. lobbey said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:48

    i personally believe in the dope(d) pope

  25. RWW said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:49

    Douche starts his little narrative about the religious right at least 20 years later than he should have. Think Reagan. And, of course liberals just “decided” one day to be all askeered about creeping theocracy and then “forgot” about it so they could work on socialized medicine. Douche sure is an astute political observer. And, isn’t it funny Douche says Obama has “links” to extremists, but Perry’s are “supposed links” and should not be scrutinized. Read this as, “we already shot our wad in 2008 using that Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright bullshit against Obama but let’s get the message out now about how unfair the guilt-by-association game is (when it’s played against our side)”.

  26. DrDick said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:49

    Theocracy isn’t as bad as it sounds, at least as long as it doesn’t involve any wild-eyed Negro preachers.

    Or any actual implementation of the actual teachings of the Rabbi Yeshua bar Yosef al Nazarat (you know like the rich going to hell, helping the poor and needy, open immigration, pacifism, communal ownership of property, etc.).

  27. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:51

    Rabbi Yeshua bar Yosef al Nazarat

    Sounds like a Muslin to me.

  28. owlbear1 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 16:57

    Wait, so Saint Neckbeard’s defense of Perry is that he’s a two-faced liar who says one thing and does another?

    In a God-botherer’s paen, yes.

  29. tigris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:07

    If you didn’t spend the Jeremiah Wright controversy searching works of black liberation theology for inflammatory evidence of what Obama “really” believed, you probably shouldn’t obsess over the supposed links between Rick Perry and R. J. Rushdoony, the Christian Reconstructionist guru.

    On the other hand, if you opined about how important it was until Obama repudiated his pastor, and then still didn’t let it go, you should probably at least pretend not to preemptively dismiss it now that it’s white folks on your side.

  30. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:08

    Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

    So Ross, now religion haz a colour?

  31. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:09

    Or any actual implementation of the actual teachings of the Rabbi Yeshua bar Yosef al Nazarat

    You must be one them religioniticians…

  32. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:11

    This is the third anniversary of Sarah Palin’s introduction to national politics.

    To commemorate, I recommend peeing on McCain’s lawn.

  33. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:15

    Those are great catches, tigris (in a stinky fishy sort of way).

    I don’t read the Atlantic unless someone is making fun of Meegan, but that’s the kind of thing that ought to be slapped in Douthat’s face.
    ~

  34. Mat said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:17

    What a twisted, creepy, and unctuous piece of shit, Douthat is a fucking embarrassment to journalism. One the one hand he’s peddling disingenuous, right-wing, pro-theocratic sophistry, while on the other he tries desperately to prove he’s hip with the whole Age of Enlightenment thing.

    Look, Ross, if you want to hang out with the religious wackos, that’s fine, but if you accept their anti-intellectual, anti-science, anti-Enlightenment insanity, you can’t possibly hope to present yourself as rational, intellectual, and enlightened. We’re not buying it, you silly fuckwit.

    You see, fatboy, you cannot wrap all that madness you’re peddling into anything that resembles rational, informed, and enlightened thought. It just sounds childish and ridiculous trying to rationalize insanity.

    The Canadian philosopher and author John Ralston Saul said it best in his 1995 Massey Lectures, The Unconscious Civilization:

    If we are unable to identify reality and therefore unable act upon what we see, then we are not simply childish but have reduced ourselves to figures of fun—ridiculous victims of our unconscious. The conscious human holds happily onto a sense of his own ridiculousness.

  35. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:33

    You know what? I think I’m actually okay with some of Douthat’s suggestions.

    First, teh “large and complex” point. I agree. We should only demonize Christian conservatives as much as we demonized all Muslims this past decade. Conservative Christians shouldn’t be judged by the most odious members of their cult any more than the country of Iraq should be judged for the actions of a small group of predominantly Saudi terrorist extremists.

    Second, Republican hopefuls should only have their religious connections and beliefs scrutinized and publicly picked apart as much as the deranged three ring circus that surrounded Jeremiah Wright.

    Third, all the conspiracy talk. Just because the folks that Ross is defending normally talk every day about second amendment remedies and agitate for a new American revolution; just because they offhandedly accuse people of treason; just because they are ever so fond of eliminationist rhetoric; just because they openly joke about hunting people down like animals – uh, wait. Those aren’t good things. And having people running for high political office doing the same isn’t a good thing either.

    And finally – I think Douthat’s right about this one. The religious right is easily duped, and with Republicans constantly pandering to their worst tendencies, intentionally selling them down the river for Industry campaign funds, and them blaming everything on liberals – yeah, it kinda makes sense that they’d be angry and not civil. And since this is the real problem, I suppose Douthat has no complaints about excoriating right wing leaders for the pandering and scape-goating habits they have clearly become addicted to. Except that he’s Ross Shitbag Asshole Douthat.

  36. smedley said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:33

    “To commemorate, I recommend peeing on McCain’s lawn.”

    Considering that he has about 9 of them, we’re gonna need to drink a lot of beer.

  37. Hemuth Monotreme said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:45

    Ok, I haven’t been to church in years but isn’t one of the usual evangelical criticisms of Catholicism*, that it has abandoned the teachings of Christ in it’s quest for wealth and power? To the dominionists of today,it seems like their criticism of Catholicism, would be ‘they aren’t us’ and ‘move over you foreign has-beens, you’re impeding our quest for wealth and power’.

    *The other one being, that the veneration of Mary and the Saints is idolatry.

  38. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:47

    many liberal and secular Americans came to regard religious conservatives not merely as their political opponents, but as a kind of existential threat.

    We’re crazy to think that theocratic governments are a threat to civil liberties. We should be mocked like the bitches we are.

  39. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:49

    Considering that he has about 9 of them, we’re gonna need to drink a lot of beer.

    TIABT…H?

    (This Is A Bad Thing…How?)

  40. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:51

    To the dominionists of today,it seems like their criticism of Catholicism, would be ‘they aren’t us’ and ‘move over you foreign has-beens, you’re impeding our quest for wealth and power’.

    The enemy of my enemy stuff. Either they’ll win, and then there will be civil war, or they’ll become frustrated by the inability to push the overarching agenda forward (more likely) and start purity tests in their ranks, which will clear out the Papists quickly.

  41. Hemuth Monotreme said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:51

    (This Is A Bad Thing…How?)
    At least some of the houses are in Arizona and their lawns would probably be helped by the added moisture?

  42. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:52

    At least some of the houses are in Arizona and their lawns would probably be helped by the added moisture?

    Hm. Point taken.

  43. vacuumslayer said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:58

    many liberal and secular Americans came to regard religious conservatives not merely as their political opponents, but as a kind of existential threat.

    I can’t imagine why we’d feel that way.

  44. vacuumslayer said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:59

    Thank you, Nameless Cynic.

    And DK-W, for your moar naughtee link.

  45. vacuumslayer said,

    August 29, 2011 at 17:59

    Who WAS that nameless cynic?!

  46. Thread Bear said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:00

    Theocracy isn’t as bad as it sounds

    So Douthat is now in favor of Sharia Law? Hmm, go figure.

  47. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:02

    If you roll your eyes when conservatives trumpet Barack Obama’s links to Chicago socialists and academic radicals, you probably shouldn’t leap to the conclusion that Bachmann’s more outré law school influences prove she’s a budding Torquemada.

    Obama spent time in the presence of people who at one point in their lives said nasty things about America. Bachmann was educated by them and posted links to some of their books on her website.*

    Yeah, those two things are exactly alike, Ross.

    *(altho she’s taken down some of the worst ones, I hear)

  48. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:03

    Who WAS that nameless cynic?!

    Shame! Come back, Shame! [/little boy in the street]

  49. smedley said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:08

    “TIABT…H?

    (This Is A Bad Thing…How?)”

    Only because I am at work and such things are frowned upon.

  50. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:08

    From vacuumslayer’s link:

    Mother Teresa I’m sure lived a “good life,” but unless SHE got truly saved , it was all for nought – because she’s frying in hell right now with all other UNBELIEVERS!

    An interesting tidbit for potential Catholic “allies.”

  51. britbitter said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:23

    Catholocism is simultaneously the most successful and most ridiculous brand of christianity. Seriously, love those dresses you guys. You definitely gots the money and the style. Oh and cheers for that little bell ringing so we can know that the wine and crackers are now Jesus. Mystery my ass, you know I can test for that right? That’s some advanced theology you got there.

  52. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:28

    holy crap! how am i supposed to catch up with three fricking posts…can’t a girl go away for a couple of days and not come back to all this?!?

  53. Howlin Wolfe said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:31

    Rabbi Yeshua bar Yosef al Nazarat

    Sounds like a Muslin to me.

    ‘ceptin’ the aforementioned dude predated both muslinosity and Xtianisticism. The Xtianists excluded most of his teaching a while ago.

  54. britbitter said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:34

    Yeah you remember that time Obama organized that rally and invited Rev. Wright and Bill Ayers and all his pointy headed commie friends? Samey same.

  55. jim said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:35

    Vengeful Mango Virus strikes again!

    Chunky Reese’s Nemesis duly gets his e-peen slapped in the comments for his false analogy.

    “Socialist” Obama’s first big act as Ususrper is to ignore all the calls to nationalize the banks so he can bail them out, all the while whistling past the angry chorus of their victims demanding to see them model some pre-worn orange jumpsuits.

    “Moderate” Dominionist wannabe theocrats have called for total global fascism from Day One & continue to do so, with no signifigant or sustained chorus of disapproval in sight.

    Conspiracy A is empirically hosewash. Conspiracy B is as real as the clap.

    DOUCHEHAT PROTIP: You have been conned. Your rock contains no magic, & it will fail to repel a tiger at the worst possible time – the very moment you run into a tiger.

  56. Steerpike said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:36

    Catholocism is simultaneously the most successful and most ridiculous brand of christianity

    I dunno, teh Mormons are giving them a pretty good run for the title on both counts. Frankly, I think it’s a suckers game to try and figure out who’s got the wierdest belief system. They all sound pretty goofy when you peel away all the hifalutin’ language and spell out exactly what it is that they believe. I tend to lump all that gawd-talk together as nonsense, regardless whose cheese-pipe it’s spewing from.

    Bottom line: the universe does not care what you believe, no matter how hard you believe it.

  57. Thread Bear said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:49

    Bottom line: the universe does not care what you believe, no matter how hard you believe it.

    That is why I believe I’ll have another drink. Then, enentually, I won’t care about the universe either.

  58. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:52

    Obama spent time in the presence of people who at one point in their lives said nasty things about America. Bachmann was educated by them and posted links to some of their books on her website.*

    More importantly, one of them constantly denounces such people and the other endlessly panders to them. Applicable to pretty much the entire Democratic and Republican parties.

  59. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 29, 2011 at 18:57

    Once again, we see wingnut butthurt based on the premise that it is just NOT GODDAMNED FAIR to repeat what a conservative says in public if it makes him look bad.

    When I get my time machine working, I’m going back and giving Chunky Reese a shiv so she can stick it in Ross while he had his guard down.

  60. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:01

    ON topic

  61. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:03

    I dunno, teh Mormons are giving them a pretty good run for the title on both counts. Frankly, I think it’s a suckers game to try and figure out who’s got the wierdest belief system.

    That may be true, but FWIW, I gave the tiebreaker to the Mormons. They concocted all that bizarre shit about golden tablets and magic glasses in the 19th century, well after the human race stopped having an excuse for being so utterly gullible about myths and miracles.

    Scientology is the only major religion that can give them a run for the money in this regard. And IIRC, the weird origin myths of Scientology–something about a space lord nuking the righteous in a crater–are a big secret (or were, until they were leaked). To learn them, you needed to be an advanced Theta or whatever it is, heavily invested (in every sense of the word) in Scientology already.

  62. fish said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:08

    Perry knows how to stroke the Texas preachers

    There, fixxored.

  63. fish said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:08

    Stroking the preacher.

  64. fish said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:12

    Considering that he has about 9 of them, we’re gonna need to drink a lot of beer.

    I am pretty much okay with that.

  65. jim said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:15

    “Ususrper”?!?!

    O fick.

    JESUSPORNLADY (sfw!) goes here.

  66. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:22

    During George W. Bush’s presidency, many liberal and secular Americans came to regard religious conservatives not merely as their political opponents, but as a kind of existential threat.
    Teatards’ feelings on liberals are completely different, in that ALL of them regard us that way.

  67. Thread Bear said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:29

    Time to make a beer run, I’m drinking for nine now.

  68. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:31

    From now on, you shall be known as OctoBear!

  69. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:37

    But her campaign today denied she meant the comments to be taken seriously. “Obviously she was saying it in jest,” campaign spokesperson Alice Stewart told TalkingPointsMemo in a statement.

    o rly? two things: first did she not take god’s name in vain then? and second: zomg! she joked about god?!?!? why does she hate him?

    i am going to follow her campaign’s advice tho and not take anything else she says seriously…

  70. The Kid from Kounty Meath said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:40

    I’m sure the families of those 27* people who died during Irene will be relieved to hear she was only joking. (This is of course the Repub version of “joking”, that is, “stating your actual position but having people laugh afterwards”.)

    *so far

  71. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:40

    JESUSPORNLADY (sfw!) goes here.

    did she actually come out and ask ‘who likes white people?’?!?!?!?

  72. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:41

    JESUSPORNLADY (sfw!) goes here.

    and is she wearing orthopedic stockings with her sandals?

  73. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:42

    As I just remarked to a co-worker of the brown persuasion, white people don’t even like white people.

  74. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:49

    I’m sure the families of those 27* people who died during Irene will be relieved to hear she was only joking

    I’m sure they’ll all be really happy that this turned out to be no big deal–and that the preparation efforts were way overblown.

    Fucking assholes.

  75. Galactic Dustbin said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:51

    many liberal and secular Americans came to regard religious conservatives not merely as their political opponents, but as a kind of existential threat.

    As would anyone who knows ANYTHING about European and early American history.

  76. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:53

    Rumor has it that the actual quote refers to ‘wet people’.

    Whatevs, One L a complete loon. Perry, on the other hand, is a sleaze.
    ~

  77. DrDick said,

    August 29, 2011 at 19:56

    Sounds like a Muslin to me.

    All them semitical type folks look alike.

  78. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:00

    As I just remarked to a co-worker of the brown persuasion, white people don’t even like white people.

    so, that is what she said? holy crap…

  79. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:01

    When they filmed Leverage in the neighborhood it tied things up a bit. Mostly it was a problem for people wanting to park around here, all the on-street parking was preempted but didn’t affect me sho who cares? Today they’re filming Grimm. THERE IS NO STREETCAR SERVICE TO SOUTH WATERFRONT TODAY! Bastiges. I don’t even watch teevee, why should I have to pay?

  80. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:03

    Today they’re filming Grimm

    what is grimm? oooooh! is there a series based on mother goose and grimm? if so, count me in!

  81. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:04

    Bottom line: the universe does not care what you believe, no matter how hard you believe it.

    That’s the great thing about science – it’s true regardless of whether you believe it.

  82. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:04

    Today they’re filming Grimm

    You live on Yancey Street?

  83. Thread Bear said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:05

    As I just remarked to a co-worker of the brown persuasion, white people don’t even like white people.

    Hey now! Some of my worst enemies are white.

  84. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:06

    Also, Popocatapetl. I just wanted to say it, that’s all.

  85. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:10

    what is grimm? oooooh! is there a series based on mother goose and grimm? if so, count me in!

    Actually, in one more example of Hollywood group-think, there are two Grimm fairy tale-themed shows premiering this fall.

    One (the one called “Grimm”) is about a cop (or private detective, or something) who is some kind of descendant of the original Grimm brothers who solves fairy-tale related crimes.

    The second one (called “Once Upon a Time”, I think) is some bizarre thing about fairy tale characters catapulted into the modern world and trying to get home.

    In my house, we call them “the good one” and “the crappy one”. Which is which, I leave as an exercise.

  86. Thread Bear said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:10

    Popocatapetl – The Aztec word for smoking mountain.

    Ahh, so that’s where all the Acapulco Gold comes from. It’s mountain grown.

  87. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:21

    In my house, we call them “the good one” and “the crappy one”. Which is which, I leave as an exercise.

    both sound to me like they have the same chances of being craptastic…on the off chance that i am stuck viewing one, which is which?

  88. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:25

    That may be true, but FWIW, I gave the tiebreaker to the Mormons. They concocted all that bizarre shit about golden tablets and magic glasses in the 19th century, well after the human race stopped having an excuse for being so utterly gullible about myths and miracles.

    *koffkoffScientologykoffkoffKOFF*

  89. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:26

    From now on, you shall be known as OctoBear!

    So he’s not Pedobear anymore?

  90. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:29

    One (the one called “Grimm”) is about a cop (or private detective, or something) who is some kind of descendant of the original Grimm brothers who solves fairy-tale related crimes.

    I can’t wait for the tale of the missing blond girl on a tropical island “ripped from the headlines”. Heard there will be a picanick basket, yeayhee!

  91. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:30

    on the off chance that i am stuck viewing one, which is which?

    Early reports suggest that “Grimm” is more likely to not suck. The other one looks like over-the-top cheese, at least in the ads I’ve seen. Of course I will watch both, until I can decide for myself. I do not always agree with reviewers about the quality of pop cultural products.

  92. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:30

    But her campaign today denied she meant the comments to be taken seriously. “Obviously she was saying it in jest,” campaign spokesperson Alice Stewart told TalkingPointsMemo in a statement.

    If you read the transcript, even allowing for the joke, it still comes off as hateful, vindictive and meanspirited.

    PROTIP, Mickey Mouse Bachmann: Just say “I went too far” and apologize.

  93. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:31

    Early reports suggest that “Grimm” is more likely to not suck. The other one looks like over-the-top cheese, at least in the ads I’ve seen.

    Both sound like they could be “SyFy Original Series,” thus full of suckitude.

  94. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:40

    So he’s not Pedobear anymore?

    Sure he is. Just with moar tentacle pr0n.

  95. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:41

    the quality of pop cultural products

    They have quality, other than abysmal? Who knew…

    Of course, Mr. Marion in Savannah insists that I’m an enormous connoisseur of crap so I’ll probably have to watch, at least once, despite the fact that most new offerings like this make me want to gouge my eyes out with grapefruit spoons.

  96. smedley said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:43

    C’mon, people. Ron Paul outdid Crazy Shelly this weekend when he said there should be no FEMA and we should be just like we were in 1900. In 1900, a hurricane killed 6000 people in Galveston. Today, Galveston is represented by……………….Ron Paul!

  97. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:43

    despite the fact that most new offerings like this make me want to gouge my eyes out with grapefruit spoons.

    Actually, I saw that was on Bravo’s fall schedule…

  98. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:45

    Today, Galveston is represented by……………….Ron Paul!

    Nevermind that FEMA is already active today in Texas because of the drought.

  99. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:46

    I see there is someone with the ridiculous nym of “ben tripp” commontatering at TPM this morning. Too good for us, I suppose. Fine, we don’t want you anyway, “ben tripp” IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME.

  100. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:47

    Fine, we don’t want you anyway, “ben tripp” IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME.

    Isn’t he a cousin of the Dovers? Ben and Ilene?

  101. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:47

    despite the fact that most new offerings like this make me want to gouge my eyes out with grapefruit spoons.

    Pro tip: sporks work better.

  102. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:48

    In 1900, a hurricane killed 6000 people in Galveston.

    Bullshit. On 1900, a hurricane killed at least 6000 people in Galveston and maybe as many as 12,000.

  103. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:49

    So we just watched the first season of Dexter. We were both a bit disappointed at the wrap up, it was kind of cheesy. Wondering whether we should keep the second season in our queue.

  104. actor212 said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:53

    Way to kill a convo there, Poops.

  105. Thread Bear said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:55

    I can’t wait for the tale of the missing blond girl on a tropical island

    Hmm, Ginger was a redhead and Mary Ann was brunnette… Mrs. Howell? You can’t wait for tha tale of Mrs. Howell?

  106. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:55

    Actor: Yes, but as I went on to say in my post, at least the Scientologists had the good sense to keep their crazy shit under wraps (or try to).

  107. Steerpike said,

    August 29, 2011 at 20:56

    I see the Pacific Army has discovered psilocybin.

  108. Thread Bear said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:01

    Isn’t he a cousin of the Dovers? Ben and Ilene?

    You’re thinking of A. Sid Tripp.

  109. smedley said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:01

    “In 1900, a hurricane killed 6000 people in Galveston.

    Bullshit. On 1900, a hurricane killed at least 6000 people in Galveston and maybe as many as 12,000.”

    I call Bullshit on your Bullshit. You seem to have forgotten that we are talking about Texas, where everything is bigger. If the official record says “as many as 12000,” then you can rest assured that the actual number was 6000. I know. I am in Texas. And I have a 12-inch penis.

  110. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:04

    THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

  111. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:05

    Bullshit. On 1900, a hurricane killed at least 6000 people in Galveston and maybe as many as 12,000.

    some of which were nuns and children in an orphanage…why won’t ron paul think of the children?

  112. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:06

    AAA BBB CCC B BE BEE ACE Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right A B it’s the solution to the formula

    F1XX0R3d

  113. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:07

    You seem to have forgotten that we are talking about Texas, where everything is bigger.

    For once, I’m going to grant Tejas a break. In the last ten years, I’ve learned more about disaster response than I care to think about, and 6000 is probably low. Basically, that’s the count on the bodies they found.

    I am in Texas. And I have a 12-inch penis.

    You know how an undertaker buries a 300-pound Texan, right?

  114. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:08

    why won’t ron paul think of the children?

    Scary: I think he is.

  115. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:08

    effeminately rubbing elbows and exchanging doe-eyes, I was again anxiously watching my children hoping they wouldn’t ask questions. They don’t see Daddy do that with anyone but Mommy.

    gasp! it’s almost as if she has a hidden-camera in hubbkf’s and my bedroom!!!

  116. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:12

    effeminately rubbing elbows and exchanging doe-eyes, I was again anxiously watching my children hoping they wouldn’t ask questions. They don’t see Daddy do that with anyone but Mommy.

    gasp! it’s almost as if she has a hidden-camera in hubbkf’s and my bedroom!!!

    I have occasionally offered Mrs__B a grape. Offering her a deer’s removed eyeballs would probably result in me sleeping on the couch.

  117. Euphemonious Monk said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:13

    formulating the solution.

  118. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:14

    Blinding the deer/

  119. EuphemoniousCatholic MonkPriest said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:15

    Thinking of the children.

  120. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:15

    Can I do it until the deer needs glasses?

  121. Euphemonious Monk said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:16

    FYWP! The strike tag in the nym worked in preview.

    Striking the tag

    Working in preview

  122. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:17

    Can I do it until the deer needs glasses?

    The hooves are already hairy.

  123. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:18

    This is my community.

    No bitch, it’s NOT.

    I find myself unable to even leave the house anymore without worrying about what in tarnation we are going to encounter.

    No bitch, you don’t.

    We are responsible citizens. We live by the rules, we pay our taxes, we take care of our things. I’m supposed to be able to influence what goes on in my community, and as a voter I do exercise that right. But I’m outnumbered. I can’t even go to normal places without having to sit silently and tolerate immorality. We all know what would happen if I asked two men or two women to stop displaying, right in front of me and my children, that they live in sodomy.

    Yawn, yet another spoiled brat, self important, entitled fucking bigot angry because he/she has to share a public place with the kind of public she doesn’t like. Well fuck you, bitch. You just stay home and be mad and the rest of us will enjoy life outside of our own neurotic delusions of persecution. You ARE outnumbered, and we ARE trying to turn your kids gay, and we all have Satan at our command.

  124. Scott the Obscure said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:19

    The Horror indeed! Oh, no, I might have to have an uncomfortable conversation with my children! I might have to explain that different people are different! I might have to…GASP! PARENT!

    Honestly, I didn’t to have the “Daddy, what color am I?” conversation with my 2-year-old (answer: You’re pink, sweetie!). But I gritted my teeth and gave her an age-appropriate explaination of race and why not to get hung up about it. Well, the best I could. You know, like parents do.

  125. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:20

    Offering her a deer’s removed eyeballs would probably result in me sleeping on the couch.

    HA! I’ll bet you discovered this truth the hard way*

    *hung fast ball…

  126. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:24

    Said the gay couple:

    We are responsible citizens. We live by the rules, we pay our taxes, we take care of our things. I’m supposed to be able to influence what goes on in my community, and as a voter I do exercise that right. But I’m outnumbered. I can’t even go to normal places without having to endure the horrified stares of bigoted jerks who think they’re more entitled to public spaces than another tax paying citizen

  127. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:24

    During George W. Bush’s presidency, many liberal and secular Americans came to regard religious conservatives not merely as their political opponents, but as a kind of existential threat.

    Many, many people have commented about this odious piece of it, owing to its nice soft over-the-plate quality that makes it such perfect home run material. And frankly all of you who have done so deserve your kudos.

    But if I can get serious, this pile of shit is just fucked up.

    Oh, us, poor liberals just happen to view theocratic conservatives as an existential threat.

    Yeah, you know why?

    Because you fuckers have actually targeted people for outright discrimination and death. When you fuckers decide to get all “moral crusade” on women’s sexuality, women’s place outside the home, and everytime you limit a secular surgical option because you have decided use the soft skin of BABIEZ as some sort of freakish Leatherface-esque mask for your religious encroachment, you are taking about dead women in service to religious belief systems not shared by your victims. That would be a real world, current problem arising because of theocratic victories in the real world.

    Same lies true for LGBT citizens who have had their partners cast out of country, prevented from being there on death beds, been thrown out on the street or denied custody of children. In life threatening ways, they have been denied the right to take advantage of family plans on partner’s health insurance, dooming many to unnecessary deaths. Many others have been targeted for elimination by bible-quoting thugs. And self-identified Christian groups like the ones ROSS DOUTHAT SUPPORTS have been active in trying to deny even more rights and delaying even more wrongs because they want the right to deny all science and empathy and view such citizens as being “morally wrong” and “deserving of punishment” (and not trusting their omnipotent, totally on their side God to handle it in the afterlife). And hey, let’s not mention all the kids psychologically tortured by being sent to ex-gay camps, where some kids have suffered archaic treatments like electro-shock therapy, or the high rate of suicide of LGBT teens thanks to homophobic and transphobic bullying by classmates, peer groups, and most critically families trained to abandon their children by these same religious groups.

    And hell, black groups and the poor face the same existential threat from these fuckers, who believe in the Just World fallacy and so want to destroy every fucking rung would use to escape crippling poverty or a racist society, because of their religious belief that “God will provide” and “if you were deserving, you wouldn’t be poor to begin with”. Again, real science on what works ignored because of a religious conviction that needs to be enforced on non-followers. And again, a belief that costs real lives in its seeking of a point.

    Not some long off promise of elimination like Pastor Mike (though real life Pastor Mike’s do force atheist teachers to abandon their homes in small towns as they run from hails of gunfire and groups “viewed as atheist” have been gunned down by religious crazies multiple times in the recent past) or some “existential threat” yet to be enacted and must be in our deluded little heads.

    Actual real-world consequences where one group’s violent religious beliefs have interfered with secular rights or secular justice or secular survival, because that religious group viewed “punishment” of the infidels much more important.

    And that’s what he’s hand-waving away to make his little projection-heavy false-equivalence.

    And it’s not even like he’s waving away the actions of his allies. He personally has argued for strict restrictions on abortion and contraception access based on his personal religious delusions and argues people should vote accordingly. He personally supports the continued viewpoint of LGBT citizens as subhuman and “needing correction”. He personally argues for “Just World Fallacy” economic policies because he thinks he’s more deserving for getting the young conservative fast track to media relevance.

    These are his own crimes he’s trying to pretend don’t exist.

    Oh, my, silly liberals thinking religious conservatives are an existential threat, even though conservatives are trying to eliminate large groups of liberals because the conservatives can’t reconcile the existence of said groups in the world they want to acknowledge.

    Yeah, fuckwit, that’s what an existential threat means.

    Like with everything, this is projection gone wrong, an attempt to sell liberals as the deluded conspiracy theories for having enough brains to pay attention to the actual policies, actions, and speeches of their opponents and note what they seek to do.

    And it’s why I despise the horse race style of covering politics our media is enmeshed in. It makes it so easy for one side to rely entirely on projection as a defense. Because then it becomes a debate on “who is the paranoid one”, rather than noting that one side is telling the truth and the other is batshit insane and is killing real people in service to an ideology that can never correlate with reality.

    Sorry for the length and seriousness, but this shit is just heinous.

  128. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:25

    Hanging the curve.

  129. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:28

    THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

    LOL, that reads like satire.
    ~

  130. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:30

    During George W. Bush’s presidency

    No, we actually got tired of this right around the time of The Enlighenment. That’s why it’s called The Enlightenment. You guys lost, get fucking over it.

  131. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:31

    Regarding things as a kind of existential threat.

  132. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:31

    You guys lost, get fucking over it.

    Philosophy needs a mercy killing rule. If one side is more than five centuries ahead in thought, they win.

  133. smedley said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:32

    “You know how an undertaker buries a 300-pound Texan, right?”

    Vertically?

  134. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:34

    “You know how an undertaker buries a 300-pound Texan, right?”

    Vertically?

    Nope. Gives him an enema, then puts him in a shoe box.

  135. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:35

    I like this Cerberus character. He speaks well.

  136. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:35

    Writes well. Whatever.

  137. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:36

    Oh dear.

  138. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:37

    Are you missing a link, D-KW, or has the content of this site just reached your notice?

  139. smedley said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:38

    “and as a voter I do exercise that right. But I’m outnumbered”

    So, she admits that she hates democracy?

  140. Mat said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:38

    The pink fake cock is the new sammich of Sadly, No!

    Its copious use is greatly lauded!

    Ahem…

  141. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:39

    Pup’s link:

    And there’s the pudding of the proof. These people really simply can’t handle the idea that they share the world with people they aren’t prepared to acknowledge the existence of.

    If they can, they will segregate themselves deep into the suburbs, throw up every barrier of entry and only engage in “safe activities” and demand their children do the same.

    Which would be fine if dangerous, if they didn’t freak the fuck out, once one of “them” somehow found a way to infiltrate their safe spaces, and how dare they, no wonder I need to attack them, and blah blah blah.

    Yeah, that’s the thing about deliberate ignorance, it doesn’t change the world.

    Sure, you can watch only 700 club and only leave your gated community McMansion to drive your Hummer to the local Walmart, but eventually, you’ll be stuck in line next to some kindly black grandfather figure who offers to help you with your overflowing basket of junk food because he can see your panicked fat body starting to glow with sweat and exertion. Or you’ll see a People magazine talking about “Hollywood’s Power Gay couple”. Or see a young transsexual bagging groceries hoping that they can earn enough for hormones on sub-minimum wage before they receive a hate crime by one of their fellow employees or customers.

    And then, we get this constant rant. How dare we exist? How dare we have our lives outside of the frantic delusions they have about how the world works? How dare they have to acknowledge that which they don’t want to in order to correctly mold their child into the same hate-filled monster they are? How dare reality not bend to their every will and prevent any and all encounters with those they are trying to pretend don’t really exist as anything other than convenient others to blame all their problems on?

    And that’s the real “existential threat” that Can’t Get It Up Douchehat whines about. That they find it easier to simply try and make it impossible for us to live in any location they may ever stumble across or become aware of than acknowledge that we exist.

    In short, they want to eliminate us from sight and possibly life in order to protect their existential illusions about how the universe works.

    Those of us who receive the “how dare they” treatment are naturally perturbed by this.

  142. Tiny Texan said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:40

    We have met the enema, and it is us.

  143. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:40

    it’s the flower it’s the flower it’s the bloom it’s the perfume it’s the music it’s the bees it’s the sattelites it’s the fireworks it’s the airplanes it’s the outside air conditioners. AAA BBB CCC B BE BEE ACE it’s the solution to the formula

    yes she said yes she said yes she said YES

  144. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:41

    If they can, they will segregate themselves deep into the suburbs, throw up every barrier of entry and only engage in “safe activities” and demand their children do the same.

    Years ago, on the NYT religion board, I watched in horror glee as a fundy wingnut melted down over the idea that there was such a thing as “society” and that the welfare of all might be just a tiny bit important than his welfare. He then explained that he had moved to an exurb to escape society.

  145. jim said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:42

    You can’t wait for tha tale of Mrs. Howell?

    As brought to you by the makers of Summer’s Eve™.

  146. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:42

    I brought you a mango.
    ~

  147. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:45

    Teleegram for Mango.

  148. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:45

    Oh no, nothing at all. Nevermind me. Anyways, not my place to get all weird and shit about how well anyone speaks or writes.

    Uhhh, where was I? Right, Panda POOP.

  149. g said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:50

    If they can, they will segregate themselves deep into the suburbs

    Ah, well, there’s the rub, too. The suburbs are quickly becoming more diverse. There’s no where to run!

  150. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:51

    But yeah, also love how the privileged define “oppression” and “things they can’t do”. Encountering the mildest of response or having to acknowledge the existence of people who disprove your horse-shit by existing is totally oppression.

    Those stupid fictional bastards who need “life-saving abortions” for survival, whatever that is, or those selfish bastard gay moms who dare think they can engage in any sort of acknowledgment of the family they’ve put together in public, they certainly don’t know what oppression is like, compared to brave figures like Douchehat and the Every Sperm is Sacred mom who are physically impeded from leaving their houses or posting on their blogs owing to the existence of people they’d rather not acknowledge.

    Don’t they understand that these people are born special and thus the universe must bend to their every whim?*

    *Yeah, about that, if I may ask a serious question, how the hell are so many people growing up with a firm belief that if reality meets worldview and there’s a conflict with what they assume is possible, then the problem must be in reality? You’d think coming face to face with that which disproves your ignorant beliefs that that would at least be worth a good 10 minutes of existential crisis before rationalization rather than an instant trigger into “well, that will just have to go.”

  151. tigris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:56

    effeminately rubbing elbows and exchanging doe-eyes, I was again anxiously watching my children hoping they wouldn’t ask questions. They don’t see Daddy do that with anyone but Mommy.

    Her husband “effeminately rub[s] elbows” with her? Lady, the gay men at the park are the least of your problems.

    In Massachusetts we’re all gay! Giving your sister a back rub after she told you about the horrible day she’s had? Gay! Hugging the cousin you have haven’t seen in 3 years? Gay gay gay! Kiss of peace from the Parish priest? Yeah, well, you got me there.

  152. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:56

    N_B:

    Years ago, on the NYT religion board, I watched in horror glee as a fundy wingnut melted down over the idea that there was such a thing as “society” and that the welfare of all might be just a tiny bit important than his welfare. He then explained that he had moved to an exurb to escape society.

    Oh, that is so Cyutttteee.

    Yeah, one definite good thing for our future as a society is that the internet and our overall global culture is making it really hard for people to find “escape holes” for deliberate ignorance. Especially for their kids.

    And I speak from experience. I had a bunch of friends as a child who were raised fundie. Not only did I liberal them up simply by them knowing me, but they also ended up with other gay friends and multiracial friends, and knowing people of all different backgrounds both in “real life” and on the internet. Made it a lot harder for the “they are all demons trying to trick your mind” crap to sink in when it all just sounded like “hey, hate your friend Alex, he’s not supposed to exist”.

  153. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:58

    They don’t see Daddy do that with anyone but Mommy.

    That’s what he told them to tell you.

  154. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:58

    Made it a lot harder for the “they are all demons trying to trick your mind” crap to sink in when it all just sounded like “hey, hate your friend Alex, he’s not supposed to exist”.

    I was fortunate enough to grow up in a neighborhood without a majority ethnicity, race, or religion. I’m not even sure who was the plurality. It made all us kids very polite because – in adult-speak – we were all vulnerable to being othered.

  155. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:59

    In Massachusetts we’re all gay!

    The Bruins explained!

  156. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:00

    Oh, and verbatim crazy park lady:

    Case and point. I can’t even vent frustration on my Catholic blog without being harassed for objecting to immorality.

    This isn’t even me going to a public park and sitting quietly with my children – being offended but remaining silent to keep the peace.

    This is someone a) who knows I object to sodomy and b) to whom I have never once been rude intentionally clicking to my website just to punch a bunch of question marks and exclamation points to insinuate that I’ve simply lost my mind.

    Since you are here though…

    Could I ask you, please, to never kiss your boyfriend in front of children? (!)

    Cayunt, you FAEEEEEEL her PAIN?!?

  157. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:01

    Cayunt, you FAEEEEEEL her PAIN?!?

    I’m not touching anything of hers without a hazmat suit.

  158. tigris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:02

    The Bruins explained!

    If that’s all it takes, I demand more gay baseball and football players, too.

  159. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:03

    Also too, what with her pathological dementia about sodomy, Accepting Abundance is a poor name for Stacy’s blog.

  160. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:04

    I was fortunate enough to grow up in a neighborhood without a majority ethnicity, race, or religion. I’m not even sure who was the plurality. It made all us kids very polite because – in adult-speak – we were all vulnerable to being othered.

    International school in my case – same result.

  161. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:05

    EuphemoniousCatholic MonkPriest said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:15

    Thinking of the children.

    Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:15

    Can I do it until the deer needs glasses?

    reading these one after the other nearly made me spew water all over my keyboard…nicely done, gentlemen…nicely done…

  162. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:05

    The best part of STAY OUTTA MAH PARKS post? Right in teh middle:

    But I’m outnumbered.

    Yes you are. Very much so.

  163. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:05

    Another fresh mango from the crazy lady:

    Zach, honest question – if you are so happy why do you come to Catholic websites to tell us we are harming your life?

    Hmm, why would people facing active discrimination because of the religious beliefs of others come onto the blog of someone professing said beliefs and argue on behalf of their own humanity?

    Hmm, this is a tricky one. I’m gonna need to call a friend.

    Hey, Joe Pesci, what do you think?

    He thinks that we fucking need to goddamn speak out to these fuckwitted bigoted assholes because those cocktwizzling manatees are the ones preventing us from having equal rights owing to their deluded fucking belief that we are “inherent sinners” who must be ignored and fucking abused so that they can fucking feel better about the empty and fucking joyless lives they lead.

    Did I get that right, Joe? Well, close enough. Okay, Joe, phone calls over, you can stop now. Joe! Joe!

    Errgh, sorry about that folks. I’m just going to hang up now. Whew, that was actually a little embarrassing.

  164. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:05

    I demand more gay baseball and football players

    Who doesn’t?

  165. vacuumslayer said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:06

    You just stay home and be mad and the rest of us will enjoy life outside of our own neurotic delusions of persecution. You ARE outnumbered, and we ARE trying to turn your kids gay, and we all have Satan at our command.

    Oh, tsam, you are a national treasure.

  166. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:09

    Another fresh mango from the crazy lady:

    i read all the comments and am a much sadder person for it…

  167. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:10

    Oh snap.

    To all those who fear explaining things to your children, maybe you should have thought of that before stepping up to the plate and taking the responsibility entailed in having a child. It’s not easy, but it is your responsibility now that you have accepted it — or have you?

  168. vacuumslayer said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:10

    Case and point. I can’t even vent frustration on my Catholic blog without being harassed for objecting to immorality.

    This isn’t even me going to a public park and sitting quietly with my children – being offended but remaining silent to keep the peace.

    This is someone a) who knows I object to sodomy and b) to whom I have never once been rude intentionally clicking to my website just to punch a bunch of question marks and exclamation points to insinuate that I’ve simply lost my mind.

    Are people sodomizing each other at the park? She may have wanted to have included that part in trying to make her “I SEE GAY PEOPLE!” case.

  169. Euphemonious Monk said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:11

    If that’s all it takes, I demand more gay baseball and football players, too.
    I have heard rumors that next season they will be known as the Pink Sox.

  170. vacuumslayer said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:11

    i read all the comments and am a much sadder person for it…

    Yeah, well, quit fostering THE CULTURE OF DEATH, bbkf!

  171. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:11

    Crazy park lady’s BFF wants to get in on the mangos:

    Gay couples do not have ordered attractions. When they act on those attractions, they act against the natural law.

    Here’s the thing about things that are “against natural law”.

    They. Are. Impossible.

    That doesn’t mean that when it happens, it needs to be clamped down on. It means, that if something tries to do it, it physically can’t. When something is against natural law, that means the laws of nature and the universe make it impossible for such an action to occur.

    So, if people are able to bump uglies with a partner of the same sex, it isn’t against natural law. And frankly, the rather obscene number of homosexual and bisexual sex actions seen in the animal kingdom, as well as homosexual pair formation for the raising of children and mutual protection, means that it’s way more “natural” than say wearing clothes or living celibate lives of quiet desperation.

    Trust the catholics to throw around a phrase that couldn’t possibly mean what they intend it to mean.

  172. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:12

    Children also ask about what that bleeding fucking mess is doing nailed to that board with the stab wound and the thorns and all that shit. It’s a good thing tradition dictates that you have to lie about that one.

  173. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:12

    Could I ask you, please, to never kiss your boyfriend in front of children? (!)

    Wait, kissing is sodomy, now? Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and do that Purity Test again, because I think I’ll get a much studlier score with this new information!

  174. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:14

    That doesn’t mean that when it happens, it needs to be clamped down on.

    As seen on a very awesome T-shirt that I once coveted, but have not been able to find since:

    Maximum Speed
    300,000 km/sec

    It’s not just a good idea. It’s the LAW.

  175. Another Kiwi said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:15

    When next in the park
    Be it daylight or dark.
    I shall say after my drink at the spigot
    get fucked crazy park lady bigot

  176. N__B said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:15

    To all those who fear explaining things to your children, maybe you should have thought of that before stepping up to the plate and taking the responsibility entailed in having a child.

    It’s funny. I don’t fear having to do this in a while, when Mini__B is old enough to ask questions, but part of it depresses me. He is a happy, optimistic little guy – completely unlike his parents and grandparents – and part of my job will be to explain to him in as gentle a manner as I can manage that the world is worse than he thinks it is. I can actually muster sympathy for someone who feels that explaining the world to her children is fearsome. I find the scope of her fear is understandable, just as I find her bigotry nauseating.

  177. Euphemonious Monk said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:17

    Case and point. I can’t even vent frustration on my Catholic blog without being harassed for objecting to immorality.

    This isn’t even me going to a public park and sitting quietly with my children – being offended but remaining silent to keep the peace.

    No, this is you posting on the WORLD WIDE WEB. Which is nothing like remaining silent to keep the peace. Also, I’d like to point out that you DID vent your frustration on your Catholic blog, the problem you seem to have here is that someone else vented thier frustration on it as well.

  178. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:17

    DKW-

    Oh my, that is the perfect response to all those “no, no, not me, I’m just worried about my children having to learn and grow and that’s the real reason that the world must pretend that certain people and topics don’t exist” fuckers.

    Yes, Virginia, it is hard raising a child in this world with all these adult topics out there needing to be explained. That’s why you are there, to discuss them with it and help them understand, so they’ll be better equipped to handle an adult world, with all its complexities, instead of being a petrified little bigot, unable to cope with the existence of entire groups of people or even the mere act of people noting on your blog that hey, they exist and maybe she should start handling that in some adult manner.

    Of course, that’s the real point. These “family first” types really want the ability to raise their children as incapable and ignorant of the real world as they are and are thoroughly incensed by reality’s attempts to exist and demonstrate the flaws in the brain-washing.

  179. Another Kiwi said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:19

    There is teh gay in just about every species we have seen. It’s against nature? Well maybe nature should stop making some people look so hawt.

  180. vacuumslayer said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:20

    Case and point.

    and?

  181. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:23

    Cerb,

    There’s also <a href="http://www.acceptingabundance.com/2011/08/cant-even-go-to-park.html?showComment=1314644387773#c995230225557921804a moar polite one further down. Funnier too.

    So, that being said, here’s how you can respond to the “hard question” you’re anticipating from your children:
    Q: Why does that baby have two mommies?
    A: Because some women fall in love with other women.

    Boom, it’s like five seconds. Much easier than the “Where do babies come from” conversation you’re going to have to have with them.

  182. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:23

    Wheee! That’s an odd tag fail there.

  183. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:24

    going to a public park and sitting quietly with my children

    she is like the worst mother, evar!

  184. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:24

    but it is your responsibility now that you have accepted it — or have you?

    Wow, that’s a great point. I’ll bet they have an easier time rationalizing wars and slavery than homosexuality where it comes to explaining things to their kids.

  185. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:25

    Wheee! That’s an odd tag fail there.

    even i have not madt that tag fail yet…

  186. tigris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:25

    I can’t even vent frustration on my Catholic blog without being harassed for objecting to immorality.

    Quit yer bitching and allow only approved comments, or make commenters log in, or whatever if you don’t want to be “harassed.” (and harassed? Really? Weak.) And take your kids to the catholic school playground if seeing the public in a public park disturbs you.

  187. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:25

    And since, the mangos I’ve brought over before have been diseased and sickening things, may I give you some good old fashioned, satire flew over their heads.

    The setup:

    Subvet said…
    Good post. Every night I pray the rosary and every night I ask for the protection of my kids. Your post illustrates a lot of the reasons why. There are others, for example I wonder how soon it will be before those with special needs will be carted off in the night for the good of the state and because their “quality of life” is deemed deficient.

    That might sound paranoid, but even paranoids have enemies.

    Catholics could start forming their own ghettos. In the long run that might just make it easier when the time comes to round us up for the reeducation camps.

    Five years ago I’d have dismissed my own comments as “tin foil hat” thinking. But not lately. As I’ve told my 27 yr. old son, in 59 short years I’ve not seen things as bad as they are now. God’s will be done.

    The payoff from the crazy park lady:

    Stacy Trasancos said…
    Subvet, Amen! Thank you for praying the Rosary every night. I like the “ghetto” idea.

    But oh, it gets better. The crazy park lady’s BFF wasn’t going to let her go down Fail Peak without her warm fingers lovingly brushing her shoulder and pretending it is just friendly concern:

    Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said…
    I’ll join the ghetto!

    I bet you will, honey.

    Oh my, the forbidden desires do make tragic lives that are hilarious to watch from the outside because I’m a horrible person.

  188. tsam said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:26

    Casing the point?

  189. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:26

    Yeah, well, quit fostering THE CULTURE OF DEATH, bbkf!

    oh…my bad! i was told that was greek yogurt…

  190. Father Shenanigans said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:27

    And take your kids to the catholic school playground if seeing the public in a public park disturbs you.

    Yes, please do.

  191. tigris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:27

    Oh dear, I can’t wait until she has to explain why Father Paul is being sent away.

  192. tigris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:28

    Father Paul Shenanigans, of the Southie Shenanigans.

  193. bbkf said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:32

    my favorite:

    Surely seeing gay people in the park isn’t as much of a threat to your children as the possibility of your priest raping them every Sunday?

  194. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:32

    DKW-

    Nice! Yeah, it isn’t that hard, unless you’re desperately seeking a way to argue that the two women necking couldn’t possibly exist because God wouldn’t allow that and those women are just there as demons to tempt Mommy with their firm supple thighs and heaving breasts and Mommy is going to lie down for a while with the blanket pulled over her so you kids need to run off and play and don’t pay attention to any heavy breathing from Mommy, she’s just a little heat exhausted.

    tigris:

    Yeah, the conservatives bitch about how they want their segregated little facilities and no public utilities, so, fine. You’ve abused the system so much that private is pretty much guaranteed lily white and if that’s not good enough, you can label it “religious” and get even more free reign on oppression and segregation. Yeah, you’ll have to pay through the nose for it, but consider it a bigot tax. If you try and seclude yourself off from the world, you don’t get to complain when you step back into the real world and get an existential shock.

    My word gay people exist. My word, they even know how to use the internets! Is nothing sacred?

  195. vacuumslayer is apparently WordPress said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:36

    “Surely seeing gay people in the park isn’t as much of a threat to your children as the possibility of your priest raping them every Sunday?”

    Oh–as they say–SNAP.

  196. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:41

    Catholics could start forming their own ghettos.

    As I recall, that’s where most of them were until about fifty years ago, when the conservatives of that era were as terrified of them as they are of Teh Gheys and Hajjis.

    Fucking irony, how does it work?

  197. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:41

    And yeah, all over the mango patch is this intense inability to see any effect from belief systems or politics.

    Why are all these mean gays marauding on to her blog and oppressing her with their harsh words calling her a bigot, she did nothing wrong.

    It’s like they have no ability to even see any real effect from their actions. They haven’t personally assaulted anyone or told someone to die, so arguing that its an affront that gay people exist surely isn’t anything. I mean, they are sinnners, this is merely rote repetition of what they heard. It’s not like it’s real.

    Of course, they have to remain ignorant of the high suicide rates, be ever aware of any time an “illegal immigrant” or some “high school slut” gets away with anything they don’t approve of, but completely ignorant of every time some young queer person is beaten to death because their presence in public offended some god-botherer who wasn’t going to stand “meekly” as women were forced inside by this “blasphemy against God”.

    And there’s a complete inability to note that their “votes for morality” had or have any effect on real people just trying to live their lives, perhaps in a way that crazy park lady finds distasteful, but still, faced and still face dire consequences in how they are allowed to live their lives or what protections they are afforded because of how crazy park lady and friends vote.

    They seem wholly ignorant that they’ve had any effect on anything.

    What? There were these phantoms and I made a symbolic vote against the phantoms, but they didn’t go away, now I need to do more symbolic actions to make them go away. Hey, why are you acting like this hurt anyone, no one was really effected.

    And that’s the real crime religion has brought to politics, reducing it all to a game that doesn’t really matter. Who cares who gets hurt, because it’s about group identification, not anything important. Oh, except for all the people whose very lives depend on the serious issues being discussed while the dominionists play Fantasy Kingdom. Yeah, they might care.

  198. Euphemonious Monk said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:47

    Awaiting the second coming.

  199. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:47

    Five years ago I’d have dismissed my own comments as “tin foil hat” thinking. But not lately. As I’ve told my 27 yr. old son, in 59 short years I’ve not seen things as bad as they are now. God’s will be done.

    By the gods! A guy who’s old enough to remember the days when people were lynched for being black, but thinks living in a world where people of the same gender have PDAs is worse than that.

    Why am I completely and utterly unsurprised?

  200. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:47

    Chris-

    Yup, my grandfather and grandmother lived in the “catholic ghettos” complete with the regional equivalent of “urban street gangs” (the mafia with obstentious letters on their garages). That was where they raised my mother and my uncle under casual and sometimes not so casual abuse from their bigoted peers.

    Of course, by my time, said catholics had been embraced as necessary evils to retain the “white” crown of cultural dominance and so we get this.

    I personally love, how excited they are by the notion of ghettos.

    Oh, my, a world of nothing but catholic people, that sounds like paradise! The whole point of a ghetto and being ghettoized being the fact that you can’t ignore the dominant culture you are apart of, because you are genuinely being oppressed and must huddle for raw protection. You know, like gay people have done in all those “gay neighborhoods” you see in major metropolitan cities.

    But to these idiots, a ghetto sounds like a big slumber party. Yay, only having to acknowledge the existence of other catholics. And not the brown icky “illegal immigrant” catholic types, but other white catholics who’ll braid my hair and then rub my back and rub their white catholic breasts over mine. Sounds like catholic heaven.

    Someone’s been living in escapist suburbia too long.

  201. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:50

    Chris-

    I’m pretty sure that one was an attempt at some subtle satire (that falls prey to Poe’s Law). Cause, the author pretty much admitted it was the deluded rantings of a crazy person who loves the idea of being ghettoized for mass slaughter.

    Of course, the impact is lessoned, by the author and her “I’ll follow you into the darkness and pet your hair” sidekick eagerly agreeing to it as if it was serious.

  202. paperbagmarlys said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:51

    Thank you, Dragon-King Wangchuck!

  203. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 22:53

    And that’s the real crime religion has brought to politics, reducing it all to a game that doesn’t really matter. Who cares who gets hurt, because it’s about group identification, not anything important. Oh, except for all the people whose very lives depend on the serious issues being discussed while the dominionists play Fantasy Kingdom. Yeah, they might care.

    The thing that powers the uglier side of religion is that it doesn’t see this life, this existence we all have as all that worthwhile. Or, in a sense, entirely real. This entire world is just the entrance exam, whose only real purpose is letting them score points to get into the next world.

    When you look at it that way, who cares about, those lives, those people who get hurt, or, well, anything that happens in this lifetime.

  204. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:04

    Also I love the anonymous mango who kept “score” throughout the blog of all the most “hateful” things said by the detractors to the post, to demonstrate how it was the mean old gays who were the real evil hateful people.

    I also love that the things cited never once topped the things said in the initial post. But see, those don’t count, because they argued from a supposed religious standpoint, whereas someone getting a hothead and saying “I wish I could spit on you” were the real Satan.

    Again, a complete inability to put together the simple fact that this shit doesn’t occur in a vacuum. Just because you reiterate like a zombie the shit you hear on zombie, doesn’t mean it doesn’t impact someone.

    The entire right-wing has basically been pleading for special dispensation for awhile to be wholly free from consequence from their own actions and statements. Sure, they said that all muslims must die and Europe was being taken over and have worked with fascist groups in European countries to “spread their message” but that doesn’t mean they are responsible when someone reads their words and reacts accordingly to them and shoots up a bunch of “raghead lovers”. Nor is it their fault when someone takes them up on their “second amendment solution” blather. Or when someone notes the strong eliminationist sentiment dripping off their post and objects or when the liberals note that hey, the entire republican leaderboard right now doesn’t actually like the idea of democracy and prefers an Iran-style theocratic dictatorship.

    Now, we’re even to ignore their speeches and direct actions, because, hey, everyone knows it’s bullshit, right?

    You know, what, fine, you can go back to being deluded morons we don’t give a shit about the day you promise to never again seek to influence political or social power in this country. Let any non-ideology having children leave, refuse to vote in any election, and let us run our country according to proven principles and teach the kids in public schools an unaltered history and that their classmates are not evil and we’ll let you fuck up your subcultures all you want in your cloistered little fantasy kingdoms.

    But when your batshit beliefs keep fucking up us here in the real world, yeah, we kind of have to swing the Cluebat 9000 around and introduce a little reality into your Palaces of Delusion. Because you inept twits are killing us and that’s not going to stop until you learn some empathy the hard way.

    Don’t like that? Well, then you shouldn’t have tried to wipe us off the face of the planet when you thought we were small and powerless, dickcheese.

  205. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:05

    Chris-

    Yeah. That’s pretty much it, but at that point, they really need to petition for “early graduation” and leave the rest of us in peace.

  206. RWW said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:08

    Future shorter Msgr.Douchehat: All hail our new theocrat overlords! As a trusted member of the media, I can be very helpful turning over my fellow Catholics to be “perfected” in your enhanced interrogation Star Chambers. I know Ann Coulter has already paved the way for that with our Jewish friends. He-he-he.

  207. Chris said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:11

    Yeah. That’s pretty much it, but at that point, they really need to petition for “early graduation” and leave the rest of us in peace.

    I wish, but unfortunately, the way they earn points in that next world is by doing all the things that make life impossible for the rest of us.

  208. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:12

    And yeah, I know that’s why the dominionist religions have “strong consequences” against suicide.

    It’s also the reason why the Rapture is so popular. “Early retirement” to Heaven before sin can get in without the penalty flag for self-snuffing it and a chance to make a good show about being on Team J before it all doesn’t matter.

    Hey, that’s like every rationalization you’d need to live like a selfish judgmental asshole who cares more about society conforming to the way you expect it to than actually ensuring humanity survives in any way.

    Also why so many predominantly catholic countries seem to have such “high problems with alcoholism”. Drinking oneself to death was the original cheat to getting to Heaven faster without fucking up in any conscious way here on Earth or “technically” committing suicide. Also why wars were popular. Get to die for God and get early admission into the real show and kill some brown foreigners or believers of another God. Talk about win-win-win for the psychotic among us.

  209. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:13

    Don’t like that? Well, then you shouldn’t have tried to wipe us off the face of the planet when you thought we were small and powerless, dickcheese.

    Here, have an internetz. Don’t spend it all in one place.

  210. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:14

    I wish, but unfortunately, the way they earn points in that next world is by doing all the things that make life impossible for the rest of us.

    But it’s not an existential threat and you liberals are paranoid and the real conspiracy theorists for noticing that.

  211. Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:17

    Pup-

    I wish the internetz could be spent on a medicine that could knock out this cold and let me focus on the poem I need to be writing or the apps I could be sending out instead only giving me the miniscule amount of coherence I need to slam wingnut arguments against the wall.

    Head colds suck*.

    *But where? Oh my.

  212. ckelly said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:31

    These “family first” types really want the ability to raise their children as incapable and ignorant of the real world as they are and are thoroughly incensed by reality’s attempts to exist and demonstrate the flaws in the brain-washing.

    Yep, also known as “home schooling”.

  213. Smut Clyde said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:32

    a kind of existential threat.

    That’s when John-Paul Sartre says he’s “Feeling a bit nauseous” and starts looking around for a hat to throw up in.

  214. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:47

    the poem I need to be writing

    If you go out to the park today
    You’re in for a big surprise.
    If you go out to the park today
    You’d better go in disguise.

    For every gay that ever there was
    Will gather there for certain, because
    Today’s the day the kissing gays have their picnic.

  215. RWW said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:48

    Claiming someone else views something as an “existential threat” is the new way to dismiss that viewpoint as outlandish and crazy. The same way labeling something a “conspiracy theory” immediately negates any inconvenient truth contained therein.

  216. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 29, 2011 at 23:57

    That’s when John-Paul Sartre says he’s “Feeling a bit nauseous” and starts looking around for a hat to throw up in.

    Or he can’t find the exit.

  217. M. Bouffant said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:00

    Note to all clever dicks:

    B.J. is having a name the upcoming Michele Bachmann “bio” contest.

  218. Smut Clyde said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:01

    Existential threats.
    Kingubu started it:

    And WTF is an “existential threat”, anyway?

    Its when Nietzsche shows up at your door with a hammer, brandishing his giant mustache and muttering ominously about what nice idols you have and how it would be a shame if something were to happen to them.

  219. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:07

    Battle not with gays, lest you become gay. And if you gaze into the bukkake, remember the bukkake also gazes into you.

  220. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:08

    RWW:

    Somewhat diminished when it turns out that you actually are threatening your opponents existence.

    One of many problems were projecting onto your opponents and then trying to “get revenge” on your opponents by turning around the projection and accusing them of it ends up making them look like complete idiots.

    Sort of like how trying to call Hurricane Irene “Obama’s Katrina” just reminded everyone of how terribly Bush handled that hurricane at every level while Obama has managed to do well just by doing everything textbook.

    I’d say they need to drop the projection, but it’s really all they have left.

    They are the Second Grader Eternal locked forever in a loop of saying “Nuh uh, you are!”

  221. RWW said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:19

    Cerberus, I agree. Just noticing that I’ve been seeing more and more of that phrase thrown around by the Reichwing lately. To be sure, it’s a blunt weapon, and with any blunt weapon in the hands of an idiot, it’s likely to result in many self-inflicted wounds.

  222. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:21

    And IIRC, the weird origin myths of Scientology–something about a space lord nuking the righteous in a crater–are a big secret (or were, until they were leaked).

    Mormonism also has an extraterrestrial component. It’s odd how Scientology really comes across as an update of Mormonism that inexplicably appeals to “hip” people (celebs, natch).

  223. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:24

    RWW:

    I find it almost hilarious that they’re using that as a blunt weapon.

    I mean, they rant like loons that gays were an existential threat to them, that more gay people would equal the extermination of straight folk. That doesn’t happen and some liberal people notice, hey, the side actually threatening the existence of the other is the christians threatening the existence of gay people. How about that? So the loons go, ah shit, um, ooh, crazy liberals are claiming we’re an existential threat. Isn’t that crazy? You know it’s crazy because it’s something we…rant about…all the…time…

    Sonuvabitch.

    Also ranked up there with the wingnuts arguing that the liberals were mocking teabaggers by noting how stupid wingnuts were to name their group after a famous homosocial humiliation ritual.

    So I guess shorter is:

    Wingnutz is stupid.

  224. RWW said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:26

    Smut Clyde:
    And WTF is an “existential threat”, anyway?

    Its when Nietzsche shows up at your door with a hammer, brandishing his giant mustache and muttering ominously about what nice idols you have and how it would be a shame if something were to happen to them.

    Ahhh, I’d rather have the ol’ Hagelian layer cake any day.

  225. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:36

    B.J. is having a name the upcoming Michele Bachmann “bio” contest.
    for those of you who can’t be arsed to go over there some of the winz:

    “eyes wide shut up”\
    “i’m okay-you’re not gay”
    “crazy arse: the spirit of a nation (submitted by our own a.k.)
    “To Have and Have Not, But Mostly To Have”
    and last but not least, from m.b.”
    “Dominionism & Submission”

  226. RWW said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:37

    Cerberus:
    Look at the all internal contradictions the wingnuts constantly have to ignore in service to their corprofascist overlords. Even the brand of religion most of them claim to practice is an Island of Dr.Moreau horror monster hybrid of Love Jeebus and hate everything else. The pathology there runs much deeper than the stupid.

  227. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:42

    Cerberus said,

    August 29, 2011 at 21:24

    Not some long off promise of elimination like Pastor Mike

    And Ross, baby? Pastor Mike and his ilk see you in very nearly the same light as they see atheists: burning in hell. Eliminationalists are an existential threat to you as well. You, however, write incomprehensible screeds of apologia for them. Sigh.

    I’ll just reiterate my amazement from last thread about why certain also hated groups go around with their tongue up the fundies’ ass, apparently unawares that they too are seen as subhuman. The op ed is a perfect illustration of my bewilderment. Makes me think of this.

  228. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:45

    Did someone say Existential Threat?

  229. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:55

    Hogeye-

    There are always “good” (insert name of hated minority group here)s ready and willing to join the master’s table for the perceived safety of being in the dominant group and gaining the protections thereof, up to and including the point where they are fucked over almost as badly if not as badly.

    And there are always members of the previous hated minority group gaining up on the next hated minority group unaware that if they actually succeed in anything more than slowing down political gain for that group, then the next target is them.

    I think its the same thing that drives most conservatism in general.

    That is, the illusion of safety that lies in perceived conformity. If you’re in the “in-crowd” and aren’t an obvious outlier, then the hammer of oppression can’t come down on you.

    People seem unable to process that if we make being an outlier less of a fraught thing, genuinely improve ourselves and make it harder for one to be hammered down at all, that we get to live our lives as we are AND gain additional protection. It just seems like it would be safer clinging to whoever has power and hoping the shrapnel and collateral damage is kept to a minimum.

    It’s basically like high school where you see the kid sacrificing every ounce of his dignity and self to try and get in good with the bullies in the hope that they will only make fun of him in the “chump” role rather than the “bullied” role and then sadly shake your head and just eat lunch with the other “freaks” while the 6’0″ butch lesbian of the group conveniently keeps away all the bullies with the threat of actual retribution if they want to start something.

    And then the bullies get together and whine how its oppression and they’re not allowed to go down that hallway without the lesbians oppressing them by staring back at them as they walk past.

    And then one of the bullies gets turned off by the presence of a condom, blames his intense psychosexual disorder on liberal social policy and writes apologist bullshit for the New York Times.

    My analogy may have fell apart somewhere in the middle there.

  230. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 0:59

    There are always “good” (insert name of hated minority group here)s ready and willing to join the master’s table for the perceived safety of being in the dominant group and gaining the protections thereof, up to and including the point where they are fucked over almost as badly if not as badly.

    Every time I see Eric Cantor’s mug on TV, I ask out loud “How’s it feel to be a Kapo, douchebag?” He has yet to answer me.

  231. tigris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 1:03

    Epicenter of earthquake? Eric Cantor’s district. From this we should deduce God hates gays and loves Republicans.

  232. Fenwick who questions everything said,

    August 30, 2011 at 1:31

    pluralise the fucker,

    What’s with the ‘s’? Don’t you know how to spell English? Would you use a ‘c’ in ‘defense’?

    Perhap using BDWs as a plural will also make possessives (BDW’s or BDWs’) easier? Would that work?

  233. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 30, 2011 at 1:40

    The smell of mangoes from that odious catholic woman’s site is drawing me in, but before I dive in, there’s one item from last thread that must be rectified:

    lobbey said,

    August 29, 2011 at 7:23

    Screw it, growlers are $4.00 off on Sunday so I am going down to fill mine with this: http://block15.com/beer/ridgeback-red and enjoy a couple glasses of this: http://block15.com/beer/ferme-de-la-ville-provision

    you, my friend, are man of taste and class. (but what is a ‘growler’?)

    A “growler” is a refillable half-gallon jug that you can get filled at a brewery.

    I am looking forward to filling and refilling several of them on a trip through Southern Oregon and Northern California’s brew country next month. At last count there were 23 breweries scheduled for stops, but we’ll see if we make it.

    And if S. cerevisiae is around: Lagunitas tasting at the Brew Station on Thursday starting at 3:00…

  234. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 1:44

    New age existential threats: hippies punching people in their auras.

    Also too, I have a dry socket. Yippeeee! More Vicodin! Martini time tonight is going to be just swell.

  235. tigris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 1:50

    Also too, I have a dry socket.

    Gay peoples, always with the oversharing in public. GET A ROOM!

  236. vacuumslayer said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:09

    New age existential threats: hippies punching people in their auras.

    That’s incredibly funny. I’m taking the Internet away from everyone who “won” it today and awarding it to you.

    My aura is a dull brown today; could use a punch.

  237. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:09

    I am now drunk with the sweet nectar of delightful mangoes. That woman is getting a righteous reaming in the comments.

    Not drunk enough though — time for beer!

  238. vacuumslayer said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:09

    Gay peoples, always with the oversharing in public.

    I hate it when they go out in public…LIKE TO PARKS! Disgusting.

  239. vacuumslayer said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:10

    oooh, oooh, share, OBS. OBS, you’re our only hope.

  240. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:17

    Reaming the righteous.

  241. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:25

    My analogy may have fell apart somewhere in the middle there.

    Or, y’know, not.

  242. kingubu said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:38

    A certain three-headed guardian of the underworld deserves extra steak bones and belly-rubs today. Well said on all counts.

  243. Smut Clyde said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:44

    Exit Stencil threat.

  244. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 2:59

    andon’s meds are kicking in or he’s now off them?

    Vicodin ingested. One minute to tini time. Yays!

  245. kingubu said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:08

    Vicodin ingested.

    Did you bring enough for the whole class? HMMM???

  246. Fenwick who questions everything said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:12

    May I express my appreciation to the Food Pron Obsessed Emperor for bringing the Crazy Catholic SuburbanMom to S,N in the first place, generating thereby a terrific strand in this thread?

  247. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:15

    ooh, oooh, share, OBS. OBS, you’re our only hope.

    thank dog…my expedition there this afternoon was exhausting…i can’t wait to see what he brings back, cuz they were all up in her confessional grille earlier and i am agog with wonder at what more they can throw at her…

  248. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:16

    Oh no! It’s the Thread Bear!

  249. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:16

    One minute to tini time. Yays!

    lucky you…i am still in the midst of cooking peej’s pommes…then it’s tini time…

  250. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:18

    Maybe that poor woman can become the next St. Sebastian, with pixels instead of arrows.

    Or e-mails instead of arrows. Or…Twitter feeds…

    OK, it needs work.

  251. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:20

    Wait. You don’t drink while you cook? I don’t understand. Doesn’t that greatly lower the odds of setting the kitchen on fire?

  252. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:23

    Doesn’t that greatly lower the odds of setting the kitchen on fire?

    For the mentally deficient tsam, this is a foregone conclusion, generally speaking. I figure you might as well get drunk enough that you don’t panic when the fire erupts, right?

  253. Another Kiwi said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:28

    bbkf said,some of the winz:
    “ (submitted by our own a.k.)

    Shucks m’am. That’s nice of you.

  254. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:29

    Wait. You don’t drink while you cook? I don’t understand. Doesn’t that greatly lower the odds of setting the kitchen on fire?

    hubbkf is a volunteer fireman, so the thrill of a hose putting out the fire isn’t quite what it used to be…

  255. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:30

    hubbkf is a volunteer fireman

    FINALLY, we get to the cosplay.

  256. Another Kiwi said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:30

    My aura is a dull brown today; could use a punch.

    Wolf mommy is tired. Put down the steak and walk away.

  257. Smut Clyde said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:36

    Wolf mommy is tired.

    Q: What do you call an Alpha Hemophiliac?
    A: Bleeder of the pack.

    Needs work.

  258. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:41

    peej’s pommes

    ? Tell me more – I crave adoration.

    To my dear Fennick, I aim to please. vs left a notably succinct and very sweet mango over there. It appears that it’s now ALL OVER TEH INTERDUCTS. I eagerly await the same sex kiss-in in front of her house and the subsequent Faux Noise shows dedicated to showing how teh eebil gheys are STALKING AND PERSECUTING HER. Okay, “eager” might not be how I really feel.

  259. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 3:43

    Sadly, it’s not vs’s mango swarming the toobz, it’s crazy lady’s blog post.

  260. vacuumslayer is apparently WordPress said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:08

    People…talking about me…me me me…getting the attention I so desperately crave…Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!

  261. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:12

    Q: What do you call an Alpha Hemophiliac?
    A: Bleeder of the pack.

    Please allow me to be canid. Needs more flowery, lupin(e) language.

  262. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:13

    People
    People who need VS
    Are the Sadliest people
    On the net

  263. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:17

    People…talking about me…me me me…getting the attention I so desperately crave…Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!

    YAY attention!

    This is hilarious because at this moment, I’m watching Chicago again. I read that during Amos’ soliloquy–the cellophane song…

    Ok, this was a strange little digression. I now return you to your regularly schedule coherence.

  264. Another Kiwi said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:17

    ARGGGHHH it iz Jeehayd agenst pore Stacy Teh gey Jihad against Stacy

    The mangoes, they burn
    If it weren’t for Christianity, you wouldn’t have a rich body of art, science, technology, music, and literature. But people of your ilk are also busy destroying much of that. You hate anything that is true, good or beautiful, that raises humanity out of the depths.
    Your and your damn ilks

  265. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:19

    FUCK YEAH–WE GOT A REAL WAR GOING NOW! Maybe that dick with ears Donohue will get involved!

  266. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:20

    at this moment, I’m watching Chicago again

    “People don’t even say “whoops” when they’re passing their gas / Whatever happened to class?”

  267. vacuumslayer is apparently WordPress said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:21

    Coherence is for chumps and people who dont have the Chud-spa to get tipsy.

    Also, N_B again made me chuckle.

  268. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:22

    Oh. My. Gawd.

    Science and technology are a gift of teh CHURCH! Galileo haz a sad.

  269. Another Kiwi said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:29

    Plus the good music and literature they banned stopped from harming you

  270. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:29

    Also, N_B again made me chuckle

    She had it coming, she had it coming.

  271. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:38

    peej’s pommes

    ? Tell me more – I crave adoration.

    z.o.m.g. these are amazing…hubbkf even offered up a ‘good!’ when asked…most foodstuffs rate an ‘okay’ or ‘pretty good’ from him…he also had three helpings…which is rare…

  272. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:41

    Another Kiwi:

    Shorter Repressed Lesbian: LEAVE STACY ALONE!!!!

    Hee hee, I love the photo she chose for her post. Children of the Damned enough?

    I believe it is important at this time for the Catholic blogosphere to come to her aid by offering support in the form of encouragement and in the form of condemning the tactics of the ‘gay rights’ movement against people of faith who simply would like to take their kids to the park without having to risk exposure to depravity, not to mention who would simply like to write what they think about things on a blog.

    Yes, those mean old gays, showing up in a public park and being visibly existing, instead of doing the right thing and politely ceasing to exist whenever some Catholic Quiverfull wants to push her 7+ children around the park. Why aren’t gays kind enough to be quantum locked like Weeping Angels?

    I also love the final aside. “She should be free to write things on her blog!”

    Huh, didn’t realize that “teh gays” blew up her internet connection and locked her blog away from her. I certainly don’t approve of cyber-terrorism as a protest mechanism and…

    What? Oh, she is perfectly capable of writing whatever she wants? Then why?

    Oh. Right. The right-wing Calvinball rules by which someone else using their first amendment rights can respond to whatever you say or write in their own forums or the same if allowed is the same thing as robbing the initial speaker of their first amendment rights and blocking them from speech.

    It is a testament to privilege that so many right-wingers seem to be wholly convinced that the First Amendment reads in its entirety: “You have the right to say whatever you want without criticism. P.S. Go whatever religion you belong to and boo to all others.” I hate to break it to you guys, but it doesn’t work that way. She has the right to publish stuff that makes her look like a complete fear-driven idiot poisoned on bad theology on her blog. And the internet has the right to comment on how horrible that is and mock her complete inability to handle the world that is.

    But yeah, for a group so horrified at the idea of lesbianism or even female closeness that can be seen as lesbianism by the easily spooked, they sure can’t get the fingers out of each other’s cunts in rapid-fire agreement.

    it’s like the Stepford Wives if the Stepford Wives wasn’t a horror movie, but rather a farcical comedy encompassing entirely of a giant orgy of women where the participants constantly talk (when their mouths aren’t full) about how awesome it is they aren’t gay like the dirty sinners outside their doors.

  273. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:46

    z.o.m.g. these are amazing…hubbkf even offered up a ‘good!’ when asked…

    Yes, fine, wonderful. But WTF are they? I’ve shared SO many culinary bits here, I just want to know what I’m gloating about!

  274. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:51

    My dear Cerberus,

    You know this, but I must say it anyway: they conflate loss of hegemony with oppression. Cornered animals are the most dangerous.

  275. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:51

    I never really realized that calling somebody a dumbassed bigot was taking away their right to continue being a dumbassed bigot.

  276. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:53

    lesbianism or even female closeness that can be seen as lesbianism by the easily spooked, they sure can’t get the fingers out of each other’s cunts in rapid-fire agreement.

    HAWT

  277. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:53

    By the by, it is interesting that the major subtopic in this here thread fits completely with Msgr. Douchehat, the original topic.

  278. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:54

    If it weren’t for Christianity, you wouldn’t have a rich body of art, science, technology, music, and literature. But people of your ilk are also busy destroying much of that. You hate anything that is true, good or beautiful, that raises humanity out of the depths.

    Yeah, that one is awe inspiring in its cluelessness.

    I know he’s arguing about that period of time where for anything to be done in any of the arts, it had to be approved and usually ordered by the Church. It’s often cited as a huge waste of talent, seeing as how so many great minds and abilities were wasted by the needless narrowing of potential talents and potential subject. Thus, we got great religious art (usually made by people subtly taking the piss out of it and inserting large amounts of gay iconography seeing as how they were all queerer than a three ducato piece) and shit all of anything else.

    Indeed, great discoveries were either barely saved by friends of the discoverer disregarding direct orders for the safety of the discoverer’s family or simply unable to find perch with anyone who could further elaborate on the significance (like the discoveries of Mendel). The modern university format fixed many of these issues and allowed the fields to flourish again and slowly allowed minds that had been shut out for “ill-disposition” to the Church such as rival religious adherents, those of swarthy or female dispositions and those aforementioned gay folks who create art so well.

    Not to mention, that little old, not worth mentioning time called the DARK AGES where Mother Church almost single handedly wiped out nearly every modern advancement of the Greeks and Romans, set back progress on a huge number of scientific and artistic discoveries, made extinct any number of fine Greek works of artistic merit, and overall prevented anyone but the Church any access to works of scientific merit thus keeping them out of the hands of anyone who could do anything with it.

    And this eventually was reversed by some Muslims having the presence of mind to retain enough fragments of the old in order to kickstart that whole “Rennaisance” that this fucker wants to borrow the credit from in order to support the Church most responsible for the single greatest loss of culture in recorded history.

    Yeah, we have the problem with things that are true, good, and beautiful.

    Also love the deliberate literalism all of the apologists have over “hate”.

    Yes, I imagine that the response by an oppressed group will be quantitatively “angrier” in tone than the dominant group demanding the erasure of their existence. That’s because pleasant sounding isn’t and there can be a huge amount of utter contempt for one’s humanity contained in something that sounds in tone like a grandma baking you a fresh apple pie.

    And that’s something these people should know a lot about since they claim to come from Texas where the “Fuck You”s usually sound sweeter than the “Good morning”s.

  279. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:57

    tsam:

    You have no idea.

    Stacy, I’m still here, reading the ignorance in these comments attacking you. Hang in there. Remember, these charges are all jewels in your crown. The Blessed Mother has you in her care.

    All that’s missing is the boom-chicka-wow.

    Especially when you note that this author has a greying avatar photo while “Lisa’s” does not.

    Blessed mother, indeed.

  280. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 4:58

    I am disappoint. I made a double (possibly triple) pun and NO ONE HAS PURSUED IT. FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

  281. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:02

    tsam is a dumb ass liebral. There! I’ve taken away your right ability to be a dumb ass liebral!

  282. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:04

    This could be on topic.

  283. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:05

    Really tsam, we just have to have a few beers or mixedy drinks sometime. Unless you’re worried about catching teh ghey. In which case we’ll just fuck your lights out and you won’t remember a thing in the morning.

    Satan r000lz!

  284. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:07

    Ooh, this mango is a nice ripe one that will make a nice splat against someone’s bat:

    Ryan,

    “I wish the Catholic Church would stop focusing so much on the issues of homosexuality”.

    Funny how the homosexuals want to make everyone accept their immoral lifestyle and then claim we are focused on homosexuality. When you all try to subvert the will of the people through the courts by making up a “right” to be married, whom is the one forcing the (non)issue?

    Yeah, damnitt. We’re not focusing on the issue. Homosexuals are by demanding legal rights that don’t affect us at all except that our religion randomly thinks of it as immoral and as needing to be snuffed out no matter the cost to actual human lives.

    Wait, doesn’t that exactly restate the aforementioned claim that their religion is focused on homosexuality?

    Well, that doesn’t matter to Captain Cognitive Dissonance, as he’s really upset that people are “thwarting the will of the people”…about an issue affecting the civil rights of a minority of people. And the bigots are currently in a tizzy about New York which was voted on by a majority and in a tizzy about California, even though a majority of elected officials voted for marriage before but it was subverted by then Governer “I value family rights so much I knocked up the help”. And yeah, we totally believe that this argument won’t be thrown out the window in favor of “why doesn’t the supreme court step in” the fucking nanosecond the first state votes in gay marriage by ballot measure.

    Again, the brain must keep spinning, but moving too fast, degenerating to word salad. “Special right”, making up stuff, not fair, moving too fast, we demand a do-over until we can figure out a coherent reason you can’t exist.

    whom is the one forcing the (non)issue?

    Yeah, he showed us, by not at all addressing it, but shut up, you’re the ones who exist and force us to acknowledge your existence and that’s oppressing us somehow. Like that one time the conservative conference happened to notice that a transwoman conference was sharing the same amorphous conference center where they may have thought about bringing children one day and that was the most oppressive thing that ever happened to them, so they hid in the bushes and video taped 10 minutes of transwomen entering the women’s bathroom (and only transwomen entering the bathroom) as if it meant something.

    Yeah, it’s really not hard to deny you’re obsessed about another group. You go “What?”. It lets you be just as privileged and passively oppressive as you want and it has the bonus of making it look like you haven’t just quickly clicked close your gay porn in order to write a hastily written “I’m not obsessed about your cute dimpled butt”-esque comment.

  285. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:08

    Hogeye Grex said,
    August 30, 2011 at 5:04

    This could be on topic.

    Oooh, cute boys! Gad, I feel so old. Rock on youngens, rock fucking on!

  286. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:09

    tsam is a dumb ass liebral. There! I’ve taken away your right ability to be a dumb ass liebral!

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo!

    I would love to have drinks with you and teh HO. I will work out a trip to Portland sometime. I need to have a beer with Whale Chowder too. He came through my shitty little town and I wasn’t here.

    Oh, yeah, didn’t you see me admit the whole internet that I was watching Chicago (and loving it)? I’m not worried about catching the ghey.

  287. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:11

    If it weren’t for Christianity, you wouldn’t have a rich body of art, science, technology, music, and literature. But people of your ilk are also busy destroying much of that. You hate anything that is true, good or beautiful, that raises humanity out of the depths.

    Yah.

    Also, too: Don’t tell her who it was that held on to math and science through the dark ages, that we got it all and more back from afterwards.

  288. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:14

    Hogeye-

    Oh! That is fucking beautiful right there.

    Ugh, the jihad post has the usual Scott Lively Pink Swatsika posters, who aren’t even funny. Especially since they don’t ever seem to use health arguments for any other “moral danger” in our society. I mean, cigarettes are way more unhealthy than buttsex, even if we used their horribly inaccurate made-up statistics, but I don’t see God’s Great Avengers demanding that smokers be prevented from marrying or holding jobs with children.

    I mean, fuck, “lifestyle kills them” is an argument for granting them health care, not denying them rights.

    Though I love crazy park lady’s revelation on how she thinks:

    As Catholics, we rely on the guidance of the Catholic Church to understand what is immoral and what is not immoral. The Catholic Church’s teaching has always been very clear on this issue. Just review the Catholic catechism. It’s available online. It’s not a debatable point.

    Shorter:

    I am literally a Stepford Wife.

    And the priest says cock makes Little Timmy’s breath fresher.

  289. Caliph Garrett said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:19

    Grrrrrrrrr, PC bad! Until somebody calls them what they are: bigots, racists, homophobes. Then we get the didactic lectures about how devout they are in preserving their prejudices culture/religion/society, and how dare we violate their rights by using such hurtful words, etc.

    The idiots don’t even realize the extent to which they bend PC to their advantage.

  290. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:24

    Though I love the Scott Lively quoter being taken seriously and having a cogent thought out response delivered to him on what the fuck this has to do with romantic civil rights and just flat out hitting the abort key.

    If using reason and science is futile in showing you the light, then I’ll stop here and adhere to St. Thomas Aquinas’ timeless wisdom

    Now that is one classic flounce.

    Also love how all their arguments end up making me, an asexual transwoman in a polyamorous relationship with a same sex partner basically at least twenty times holier than they could ever be in their entire lives.

    Yup, just by being born without a sex drive, I win instantly in their “God’s biggest obsession” roulette and get to cast sad eyes at their failures to live up to MY holy standard in the same way they get their rocks off talking about how much “more moral” they are than gays for being born with heterosexual attractions (or by burying their homosexual attractions under boulders of shame and denial).

    Also, I love how all their arguments are about sex, but the topic is entirely about gay parents existing in the same general physical space as her. No one pulled out their breasts and asked her to help double-team the women’s volleyball meet or started fisting her under the maple tree, they just vaguely acknowledged each other’s existence in some of the most tepid and asexual methods they could have. Rubbing elbows, staring into each others eyes, smiling at each other, maybe even some light hugging. My word, will someone stop these gay vigilantes and their attempts to ruin the park and cover it in gay ejaculate that will infest her if she takes a single step.

    My god, think of the children.

    The mental children who claim to be fully adult beings we let operate highly dangerous motor vehicles.

  291. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:29

    Back in the day I faced opprobrium for wearing my “A day without civil rights is like a day without orange juice” she tirt.* Am I an angry old fag? Yes, yes I am. Always have been (angry but not old). I’ve been accused of everything eebil that EVAH happened. I am personally responsible for the downfall of civiiIzation. I am to blame for every “problem” that you couldn’t deal with. I am demon incarnate. Thank dog, I shall revel in it.

    A rant seems in order. Fuck you, fuck you all. I have had it up to fucking here with being the excuse for your inability to be happy with your pathetic little lives. I’m twenty+ years not-married and we are good people. We have done far more to help those those less fortunate (that’s called “being Christian”) than
    any of you fucking worthless fucks. Fuck off and die alredy. *I* am a better Xian than you.

    It’s a good thing I have vicoden and gin, else I would be upset. Better living through chemistry works for me.

    *You kids will hafta look it up.

  292. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:35

    Fuck you, fuck you all. I have had it up to fucking here with being the excuse for your inability to be happy with your pathetic little lives. I’m twenty+ years not-married and we are good people. We have done far more to help those those less fortunate (that’s called “being Christian”) than
    any of you fucking worthless fucks. Fuck off and die alredy. *I* am a better Xian than you.

    I’LL FUCKING DRINK TO THAT!

  293. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:39

    And back on the dominionist angle, I present this mango:

    Timothy, the question was on what grounds do we say the homosexual lifestyle is immoral. The answer to the question is that our Catholicism is the grounds for it. You don’t have to be Catholic. We’re Catholic. That is our “grounds” for saying the homosexual “lifestyle” is immoral. We will still be Catholic tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that….and forever.

    Yes.

    Yes it is.

    Your reason for thinking its immoral. And if you wanted to just terrorize the members of your own religion and not bother anyone else, you’d probably be thought of by general society about as much as the Shriners.

    But see, you want to affect public policy. Secular public policy of how people who don’t hold your religious beliefs and how their lives must be affected so you can believe in your hogwash without ever having to think about it on any real level.

    And that’s the point where “we’re catholics, we don’t have to explain it” ceases to be an argument. Yes, we know you are arguing from religious bigotry, but that first amendment you don’t understand means you aren’t actually allowed to use that to negatively impact someone’s life. If you want to deny non-worshippers their free right to live what you consider “immoral lifestyles” you actually need to come up with a secular reason why your life is negatively impacted by them living a nice happy life on Earth and eventually getting whatever their “due reward in the Afterlife” after the fact.

    Fuck, you’re Catholics is an argument for your own damn repression, maybe. But all it means is that anyone else gets to mock you for being an idiot. What you want is the right to punish everyone on Earth for being non-Catholic, because you’re scared that God won’t get it right in the Here-after.

    Which shows a huge idiocy. The dominionists as many have already pointed out would have no problem mixing the Catholics with the queers and the atheists. And that’d be the easy way out. Yeah, we all want to live in a world where say, the Christian Scientists had as much say on medical policy as the Catholics do or where Pastor Mike got to decide who has rights.

    Or fuck.

    I’ll create a religion right now, called Cerberusism. Its sole religious tenet is that it is the greatest immorality to live a judgmental and repressed “lifestyle” that denies the rights of other people for religious reasons. Fuck, in this culture of religious over-reach, I imagine I could get a shit-ton of converts, especially since I am generous and ask for no tithe nor charity.

    Now, if we take over, we could remove your right to marry or see loved ones and we will demand the right to harass you whenever you assemble and we will constantly complain about how we can’t go to parks because there was some evil harpy with a crucifix necklace who was probably one of those pushy religious types.

    Or you can shut the fuck up about whatever IAmCatholic.exe is kicking up when you boot up your Stepford Wife software and you can recognize that all that gives you the right to do is sit down and shut up while the rest of us get to live a little.

    Fuck if you care anyways, you think we’re going to be spending all of eternity in a lake of fire, so why not let us have a few decades of peace and quiet unless you’re really scared that you’ve wasted your life on meaningless sacrifice designed entirely to deliver your children into the hands of pedophiles.

    Seriously, how can anyone who claims to be Catholic want to do anything other than shut up and tuck into a ball and hope people don’t notice them whenever “moral” issues come up. That’s like going into a bullfight wearing an all red suit with a “I hate bulls, they smell” insignia and smelling faintly of the bull that cockblocked the one in the ring last night.

  294. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:41

    I love a righteous rant–especially the ones that leave people agape, paralyzed, wondering if a gun is about to come out.

  295. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:55

    But WTF are they? I’ve shared SO many culinary bits here, I just want to know what I’m gloating about!

    ooops…here ya go:

    PeeJ’s pommes: slice potatoes on a mandoline, lay in a baking dish with diced shallot and some herbs – thyme, savory, Herbes de Provence, whatever you have handy – then pour some stock in about halfway up. Diced Swiss cheese on top. Do I need to say salt and pepper? Cover with foil and bake in a hot oven. After a while (fuck, you can figure it out yourself) remove e foil and return to the oven until the top layer is crispy and the cheese bubbly.

  296. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 5:59

    Note to self: Vicoden, gin, and seriously sharp kitchen knives are NOT a good mix.

    Nah, I’m ok. It’s just a scratch! Really, I have a Sauerbraten’ed chuck roast in teh frigdgerabiliator which i was going to do up tonight with Spaetzle and Rotkohl. But I caint chew. So we’re having tuna melts (canned not-dolphin, celerous, diced oniononionyo, homemade mustard, minced cornichon, bit of tarragon, sel, poivre, et fucking cetera. Awesome aged cheese of some sort. And potato chips from a bag. Which I hafta go easy on.

  297. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:04

    Ooh thanks bbkf. Ain’t it wonderful? Play with it, make it your own. Gawdam, I love being helpful.

  298. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:04

    I’ll create a religion right now, called Cerberusism. Its sole religious tenet is that it is the greatest immorality to live a judgmental and repressed “lifestyle” that denies the rights of other people for religious reasons.

    needs moar spaceships…

  299. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:05

    Note to self: Vicoden, gin, and seriously sharp kitchen knives are NOT a good mix.

    also, too…another reason why i cannot drink and cook at the same time…

  300. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:05

    One final mango:

    The orthodox of every major world religion (which span many cultures) teaches that homosexuality is immoral. Why do you suppose that is?

    Hmm, nice job qualifying that as “orthodox”. I would argue that that is because whoever is calling themselves “orthodox” at any given time tends to be whatever “return us to the Dark Ages” throwbacks of cultural evolution that are around still nursing their drink about how people in their class used to own living people and how cool that was if we could just return to it.

    Yeah, funny thing, if you get the most archaic conservative wastes of space of any religion together they tend to have the same bass-ackwards view of the world and hate all the same people.

    Now why do you suppose that is?

    Also, I don’t think Jesus, or even Aquinas were members of the “orthodox” sect of their religions at their respective times.

  301. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:07

    Heh, tried to poke the badgers a little at “LEAVE LISA ALONE!”. Of course, my comment is “in moderation” which we all know is wingnut shorthand for “no way, jose”, so I’ll let you in on what I was going to say to them:

    Hey, everyone.

    Hey, just wanted to ask everyone if they yet realize that it doesn’t matter one iota what “catholics” good or otherwise think about homosexuality. It really doesn’t. And frankly if you wanted to obsess and only repress your own fellow religious mates, then you’d probably be thought of about as much as the Shriners.

    But see, you want the right to dictate your admitted sectarian religious beliefs on non-believers and society at large. And well, you just can’t do that. That’s the whole point of the First Amendment. That no religion gets to carte blanche decide that their religion’s viewpoints on abominations or absolutions gets to decide public secular policy.

    Whether or not you view homosexuality as abhorrent owing to the fact that your religion says it is and you can quote some statistics from Scott Lively (yeah, funny thing, all those statistics are made-up and laughably wrong), doesn’t matter as to whether you can dictate how the lives of people who don’t affect you in the slightest live their lives.

    A gay person getting a secular marriage or taking their kids to a public park or kissing their same sex partner on public streets or existing in ways that force you to acknowledge that they exist and not in the “demons under the bed” way, but in inconvenient real person just like you ways is not something that gets to be decided or even influenced by your religious opinions.

    If you want to influence the rights and locations that gay people can congregate and exist, no matter how immoral you view them, you must come up with an entirely areligious and secular reason why them having full access to the types of protections you take for granted somehow DIRECTLY affects YOU.

    And since there hasn’t been a court yet where you’ve been able to make even a remotely cogent argument on that score, I’m going to go with you don’t have anything and you need to kindly practice proper Christian principles of silent contemplation.

    Oh funny thing, first amendment also means that gay people can respond to a post defaming their existence and calling for their lack of existence in any public square. That means they can get as “angry” and “unfair” as they want in response, can even point out to the whole internet what’s going on. Can even laugh and mock your religious beliefs as poorly thought out, unnecessarily invasive and abusive, and a horrifyingly depressing way to live one’s life. May not be kind or gentle or conducive to the whole passive-aggressive fake nice thing you all got going on here, but that’s the ugly truth of the First Amendment.

    Free speech does not mean freedom from response. Say something that unwittingly seeks to erase the humanity of a good 10+% of the population and that 10+% is going to go, hey, yeah, I exist, sorry if that inconveniences you or forces you to grapple with difficult religious quandaries about my non-existence.

    And less you think that’s a problem, that’s a very good thing. Catholic respectability is at an all-time low right now. They’re presiding over a worsening AIDS crisis in Africa, are kicking out raped little girls and letting in Holocaust deniers, and have been raping an ungodly number of little boys and girls around the world and trying to cover it up from everyone including their poor suffering followers. And on top of that, they’ve gone all in trying to be the one of the loudest forces against secular gay rights in the Western world and have been directly interfering in medical issues over sectarian issues for a good long while now.

    In short, they are not really viewed the highest and their stock is dropping daily. You do not want to be arguing that whatever sectarian group with the power and the numbers can rule over the rights of another lest you find that Catholics are the group blocked from recognized marriages, kept out of the hospital rooms of their loved ones, or denied medical treatment because another religion viewed the actions that might have led up to it as immoral.

    I say this with all due sympathy, because I pay attention to those who want to break down the barriers of church and state in this country and frankly, they view the Catholic “lifestyle” as just as immoral if not more than you view the “homosexual lifestyle” as immoral.

    Also, P.S. not to rub salt in the wound, but awesome of you guys to create a religion where I am more moral than you are, simply by being born. I was born asexual, which means I have never experienced sexual attraction of any kind my entire life, which means no lust, no “dark temptations”, no “unnatural appetites”. While you guys have struggled with some variation trying to find the “acceptable outlets” for your desires, often feeling great guilt, I’ve gotten the fast track to Heaven by your argumentations. Amazing that some transwoman is automatically twenty times holier than you guys, isn’t it?

    Anyways, take care, good luck on your counter-jihad and good luck coming up with that mythical secular argument for why gay people living “immoral lives” affects you in any meaningful way. I believe in you guys, even if you will never reach my personal level of God-given morality.

    And yes, I was indeed trying to poke so hard it caused an aneurism. Why do you ask?

  302. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:11

    You don’t have to be Catholic. We’re Catholic.

    i am so glad they are being catholic for me…as a lapsing congregationalist, i KNOW i’m going to hell…but it’s good to know someone else is being holy AND appallingly bigoted 24freaking7 so i don’t have to…

  303. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:16

    Cerberus said,
    August 30, 2011 at 6:07

    u r awesome…

  304. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:16

    No, really. Bringing something good to the table makes me happier than I can tell you.

    In German there are two different words for “eat,” depending on whether animals or humans are doing the eating. Essen und fressen. Humans celebrate the act – isn’t “breaking bread” a Jungian if not Campbellian thing? – which seems a bigger distinction than all the other supposed “human versus animals” bullshit.

    Aw fuk, I’m spifflicated and The Ho wants me to join the family yooonit.

    G’night all. You assholes help keep me sane. Or at least, non-criminal.

  305. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:27

    Seriously though, this place is much more standard depressing with the mangos.

    One poor kindly soul tried to give them an inch and approach them from the middle and is just being gangraped with comment after comment of “of course, we can dictate public policy over morality, we’re catholic and it’s just immoral, because” and “at what point does sex and love become gross, because we’re just working on emotionally stunted triggers here. Ooh, 32 person marriages, it only sounds stupid because we’re idiots who can’t imagine say a very open commune working together to raise the children, take care of each other when they fall ill, need help, and so on”.

    Yes, you repressed lifeless Stepford Wives have gotten so used to being continually raped by priests and husbands that you’ve convinced yourselves that sexual joy is inherently a sin, but I can tell you, anyone who can live their lives not like that does so.

    Fuck, they even argue that there is no such thing as gay rights and no such thing as Christian oppression against gay people.

    Well, yes, that’s because they don’t really fully believe in gay people, instead thinking of them as some sort of dark faerie race lurking on the edges of consciousness to tempt the True Believer instead of real people who just happened to fall in love with a partner with similar packages beneath the cotton as it were.

    That’s kind of the point of Crazy Park Lady. That she and her allies are offended at the very existence of actual real gay human beings. That they aren’t cartoonish devils prancing around a made-up stage that they can feel smugly superior to from afar. But actual living people that are even in the white-bread Confederate-ass suburbs these retrobates have escaped to.

    That’s the point of all of us standing up on everything. They want a world where they can pretend that gay people, trans people, women who aren’t immediate family members, poor people, atheists, scientists, nature, black people, latin@ people, muslims, non-white people in general, people of other christian faiths, and so on are merely vague actors of the delusions of their minds. To play the bit parts of villain in the grand story of Pleasantville where the milk magically appears in the refrigerator and you don’t have to encounter anyone who thinks differently than you or challenges your belief about the universe.

    And well, that’s actual lives they are trying to play dolly with, and actual human suffering they are treating as a game. Yeah, they are all sad we exist and need actual addressing and thus “rights” because they denied them to us.

    Well, gosh, gee whilikers, not to repeat myself, but YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE! Fuck, you still have the right. No dominant group has ever actually suffered in losing hegemonic power. The grudges actually fade a bit replaced only with the grudges caused by the dominant group whining about how they used to have even more power. No revenge sprees, no, let’s take away whiteys right to drive cars or men’s right to votes, or straight people’s right to teach.

    So if the heat is getting too much for baby, you can shut up and let us have our “nonexistent rights” (fuck, if they are so meaningless, why not just let us have them, you cocktwizzler) and we’ll stop pointing out how the Catholic Church is a bunch of repressed child molester apologists who don’t have the moral authority to call Hitler bad. Fuck, they haven’t even done that and Hitler was one of theirs.

    Yeah, I’m throwing the wet suit in biohazardous waste and calling it a day. This new crowd is just the scum of conceited catholic vileness allowed to curdle freely. And once the joy of repressed lesbians faded into the sickness of catholic men again doing what they do best (rob the world of all joy), there’s just no more merriment to be made.

    Though, hey, we get the connection between the Douchehat and these vomitous wastes of space on Team “Yeah, how dare the gays exist where we can see them”.

    That’s…

    something.

  306. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:36

    No, seriously, that’s where the discussion is right now. How there is no such thing as gay rights or any oppression of homosexuals by Christians.

    What about the Christian jihad against gay rights?”

    Non-existent.

    What about the Christian jihad against gay rights?

    You mean clerks having to resign from their jobs because there is no protection of conscience or religious freedom?

    There is no such thing as “gay rights”. The correct term has always been and will be forever “homosexual license”.

    Society and culture is fighting back to take back the word “gay” and return it to its rightful meaning and soon Christians will take back the rainbow and bring it back to its sacred meaning, that is the symbol of hope and life, not of the Culture of Death.

    Fuck these fucking fuckers so much.

    And not just for those of us on the outside who are suffering, but the many on the inside suffering like the fucking author of the post, pent up in lezzy rage that they dared sully her fair maiden’s honor or the countless number of friends I have who were raised fundie or catholic and ashamed and thus still to this day live in abject terror of facing the rather obvious fact that they couldn’t get more gay if they tried (and I don’t mean in mannerisms, I mean, in full out puppy dog love and lust with a same sex member in front of my and other friends’ faces).

    It’s a sad tragic way to live one’s life and I’m tired of people needlessly bottling up their potential and throwing it out to sea because of what a bunch of douchewad middle age hacks thought would be the best way to keep a bunch of uneducated peasants from rising up and slaughtering the people stealing their food.

    Control of the population trough what is for 99% of people a perfectly naturally occurring biological aspect of being human, that is to say sexual attraction of any sort, is a sick and twisted, but sadly effective means of control. The more years lost in wasted potential of sexual release or exploration, the more people will rationalize why it was all necessary and the harder they will cling to more bat-shit ideologies.

    We’re talking immoral?

    That’s what real immorality looks like.

    The lost potential of a life squandered to an unnecessary ideal thanks to an accident of birth.

    That’s real immorality.

    This other shit is penny ante projection. Same as every other wingnut claim throughout history.

  307. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:37

    And after that, we could use some mood lighteners, so:

    SPACE COW

  308. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:43

    The orthodox of every major world religion

    Yes. Deciding what is and what is not morally acceptable should be based on the degree of success one group has had in killing off every other competing group.

    Is that the faint squeak of the Albigensian Crusade I hear in the corner?

  309. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:51

    Hogeye-

    Fuck, orthodox just usually means conservative, not necessarily more numerous. Sort of like how “orthodox” Catholicism is outnumbered by Liberal Catholics and “orthodox jews” are outnumbered by Reformed Jews.

    Yeah, they get the call to originality and the authority of old, but that’s intentional. Fuck, the liberal versions of religions are usually perfectly happy taking the religion name that sounds “newer” because they are usually busy arguing that they are the nice kind version of the religion rather than the religion that tried to eliminate now largely recognized human group X years ago.

    So, yeah, orthodox usually just means the guys proud of the old campaigns of genocide and who wonder why they don’t keep doing that these days.

    So, yeah, it’s not moral authority by the bloodthirstiest, but moral authority by the whiny fucks feeling oppressed because not enough people are on-board with celebrating the bloodthirsty days anymore.

    Also, wow, there are a lot of Catholics literally pining for Pre-Enlightenment days. I thought that was a humorous oddity, not the dominant belief of many of these conservative catholics. Damn, did the revelation of child molestation rip out anyone with a moral center from the faith, or what?

  310. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 6:54

    SPACE COW

    Is that a picture from the Moooooooooon landing?

  311. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:00

    Fuck, orthodox just usually means conservative, not necessarily more numerous.

    Actually, I was going for the “major world religion” part more than the orthodoxy, though the orthodoxy tends to be the descendant of the whole “Kill ‘em all” (seewhatididthar) mindset that made them more numerous than their neighbors by default.

  312. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:05

    Hogeye-

    Serious post response: True. Yeah, but they had to specify the “orthodoxy” because a lot of the liberal branches of the “major world religions” have fled screaming from the debate fearing an all-in approach could do some major damage to people’s perception of religion as a whole. You know, like it has, thanks to the dominionist asswipes. But your point is definitely very true and awesome sauce.

    Goofy post response: Also, that’s the real reason the moon is made of cheese.

  313. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:16

    You don’t have to be Catholic. We’re Catholic.

    That’s so wonderful. We don’t have to be Catholic. Apparently though, we do have to live our lives as if we were Catholic, because Catholicism is the ultimate arbiter of morality for everyone everywhere because SHUT UP THAT’S WHY!!!

  314. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:24

    You don’t have to be Catholic stupid. We’re Catholic. stupid

  315. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:32

    Yeah, orthodoxies tend to be the more atavistic flavors. The various other factions don’t generally get much traction until the bulk of the mass killing is over, for obvious reasons.

    I was just trying to say that being able to justify mass murder to your followers is not necessarily the best qualification for judging the morality of others. The most effective, perhaps, but not really the most objectively defensible.

  316. Another Kiwi said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:41

    Space Cow: Captain Frees N. Holstein. Commander of the “Jump Over the Moon” Mission

  317. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:46

    I’m trying to figure out how to phrase this one, but it works into the whole “We don’t want to see what we can’t accept” thing that you’ve been talking about, Cerb.

    A friend of mine and I were having a chat and the whole Adam and Eve / Genesis thing came up. I expressed my wonder at how people could reconcile the whole bit about where the mates for the second and third generation spawn might have come from, as there were no other human beings to be found. My friend said that it had been explained to him once more or less thusly: God told them to go to their neighbors and take wives, so they did. Still confused I mentioned that there were no people there, eh? He said the explanation was that, indeed, because the neighbors were not “Of God” they were not people. They could be a source for wives, however.

    And that, folks, is how to settle inconsistencies in the Bible and justify dehumanization of others in one fell swoop.

  318. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 7:50

    Space Cow: Captain Frees N. Holstein. Commander of the “Jump Over the Moon” Mission

    Eh. They never went to the Moon. It’s all a bunch of bull. They only got as far as low Earth orbit.

  319. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 8:13

    Hogeye-

    I was just trying to say that being able to justify mass murder to your followers is not necessarily the best qualification for judging the morality of others. The most effective, perhaps, but not really the most objectively defensible.

    No arguments there. Hell, the ability to get your followers to rationalize the truly vile and see as vile the completely natural seems to be the main recipe in creating the followers who are the most devout and zealous as there is too many sunken costs to risk letting the cognitive dissonance win.

    It’s easy to go, eh, boring sunday service gone and I live my life. A bit harder to go, I used to dream about the fiery murder of friends and neighbors, bathe in the blood of innocent children, and have denied myself a lifetime of meaningful connections with other people, what kind of monster have I become? In the latter case, it’s easier to just go, my religion, its good, I no think now.

    Probably why the crazy catholics have gotten more intense not less with all the molestation scandals. More to rationalize.

    And yeah, 100% to your point as well. That these people think they have the moral authority to judge toast is such a twisted joke that it’s unbelievable.

    He said the explanation was that, indeed, because the neighbors were not “Of God” they were not people. They could be a source for wives, however.

    And that, folks, is how to settle inconsistencies in the Bible and justify dehumanization of others in one fell swoop.

    Wow. Just wow.

    I know that’s the unsaid portion of that rationalization. But well, I’ve never heard it said out loud before.

    I wonder how they rationalize that with the basic revelation that they would thus be the product of demon spawn (though I fear the answer would essentially be, well Europe was the purebred original stock and the rest was the various combinations of demon mutts).

    Yeah, no, I’m actually a bit dumbstruck by that one, but yeah, they really do have a hard time believing that a majority of the people that exist around in our society are real and aren’t some sort of combination of demons and random television images of fictional locations.

    I guess, all I can say is that these are terrible terrible people.

    Not novel, but what else do you say about that?

  320. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 30, 2011 at 8:56

    I think the answer was that the wives became human when they were blessed into the tribe and became God’s creatures. Well, became as human as women can get for these fuckwits, anyhow.

    Yeah, it took me a moment to process the implications. I was seriously slackjawed by the whole thing. Then I realized that yeah, that is actually how they think. It explains an awful lot.

    If you are not in the tribe, you are not human. You are X, therefore you cannot be in the tribe. Seems to cover a good 80% of their output.

  321. owlbear1 said,

    August 30, 2011 at 9:59

    HOAX!! HOAX!

    http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html

  322. Fenwick who questions everything said,

    August 30, 2011 at 9:59

    Has the topic been thoroughly mined? If not, can TinTin get some combat engineers in here, pronto?

  323. M. Bouffant said,

    August 30, 2011 at 10:33

    Yezz, I’d never heard that “other sort-of people” not from “The Garden” before, but read it recently at Randy Andy Sullivan’s in a discussion of “mitochondrial Eve.”

  324. owlbear1 said,

    August 30, 2011 at 10:39

    Wait, so dog created “Adam, Eve, and some breeding stock” is the new Eden?

  325. Chris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 10:53

    I think the answer was that the wives became human when they were blessed into the tribe and became God’s creatures. Well, became as human as women can get for these fuckwits, anyhow.

    I think that part’s the key. Women are neither people more demons so much as just war trophies that the “people” get to take away from the “demons” as a reward for having done God’s work.

    Like you said, sick people. But we already knew that.

  326. Chris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:09

    Wait, so dog created “Adam, Eve, and some breeding stock” is the new Eden?

    That’s nowhere in the Bible, and I don’t even think most fundies believe that – they just haven’t thought about it at all. The story above sounds like one person or group of persons’ rationalization once the question was put to him.

    Like the question about how dinosaur fossils older than 6,000 years can exist. Some say that they were put there by God to test us, some say they were put there by the devil to draw us away, some say the dinosaurs died in Noah’s flood. There’s no solid universal answer, you just kind of bullshit your way through as it comes.

    You could make a solid case that asking them those kinds of questions actually makes them dumber, because being lost in a fantasy world and unable to acknowledge any evidence that they’ve been told is a liberal plot, when they start looking for answers whatever they come up with (either through their own convoluted thinking or by searching the Internet for “Christian” answers) is just going to add another layer of stupid to their thought process. This isn’t just limited to Christian conservatives or to religious or religion-related questions, also too.

  327. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:21

    loss of hegemony

    “I’m not just the president of the Hegemony Club for Bigots, I’m a member, too.”

  328. owlbear1 said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:26

    – they just haven’t thought about it at all.

    Just plug it in and it works!
    How?
    I don’t care!!

  329. actor212 said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:39

    Wait, so dog created “Adam, Eve, and some breeding stock” is the new Eden?

    That’s nowhere in the Bible, and I don’t even think most fundies believe that

    Actually it is. After Cain kills Abel, he’s banished from the Garden, where he meets his wife.

    Huh?

  330. actor212 said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:42

    And WTF is an “existential threat”, anyway?

    Either you clean up your room, or I’ll make you read Sartre…AGAIN!

  331. Chris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:45

    Actually it is. After Cain kills Abel, he’s banished from the Garden, where he meets his wife.

    I thought the wife was his sister, though? A story of redneck-level inbreeding, but in keeping with the “we’re all descended from Adam and Eve” thing.

  332. M. Bouffant said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:46

    Yo, Chris: The “Int’l. School” you atteneded? Not the EAB in Paris, was it?

  333. Chris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:46

    Either you clean up your room, or I’ll make you read Sartre…AGAIN!

    If only my poor mother had thought to use that threat on me. My room wouldn’t have had a speck of dust in it for the rest of my life…

  334. M. Bouffant said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:47

    You can see what it did for my speeling abilities.

  335. Chris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:49

    Yo, Chris: The “Int’l. School” you atteneded? Not the EAB in Paris, was it?

    WOW.

    Actually, I met the French int’l school in Washington – we moved around a lot, but that’s where the last five years of education were, also when I started paying attention to politics and formed opinions like “yeah, multiculturalism’s not actually the end of the world, is it?”

    But I did do the EAB in Paris before that. Three years, 7eme through 5eme. When were you there?

  336. actor212 said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:51

    I thought the wife was his sister, though?

    It’s implied that he married his sister (Gen 5:4) but not specified. All Genesis says is “he took a wife.”

    This is a question where the flip answer is unsettling, and the settling answer is disconcerting and unorthodox. While marrying a sister in ancient Israel was not unusual (particularly if she’s your brother’s widow), today it provides an answer to the Cain dilemma that is disturbing.

    Except to Alabamans.

  337. Cerberus said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:55

    Actually it is. After Cain kills Abel, he’s banished from the Garden, where he meets his wife.

    Huh?

    Well, at the time that the books were written (the OT books, that is), it wasn’t at all assumed that God was monotheistic in the sense of being the only God-like being in the world, but rather was monotheistic in the sense of being in a pantheon of one to be worshipped all by his lonesome (much like the patron gods of various tribes that would be absorbed into larger regional pantheons in other regions).

    That’s why the famous commandment reads “Thou shall have no other Gods before me”, which is a really awkward phrasing unless it’s assuming the existence of other competing contemporary Gods.

    Which yeah, leads to a lot of weird incongruities. Even more if you treat the Book of Lilith as in canon which is where we get the world is full of half-demon creatures created by Lilith fucking the known world.

    But yeah, it seems like it was about God just creating the “chosen people” and then they mixed with the creations of other Gods who weren’t as shiny and cool as God and totally drove much less awesome cars and didn’t go to the right hipster coffee house. It was more of a New Testament thing to try and argue more strongly for the whole single god theory, which at that time of writing, would have been more viable as there had been more movement in the region towards the consolidation of pantheons even to one god. Egypt had had a bad reaction to the idea, but Rome had been consolidating roles with little negative reaction.

    Indeed, the way the writing mirrors contemporary religious and literary customs rather than timeless morals is one of the key reasons why the literal reading of the Bible is one always doomed to fail. It simply isn’t built correctly to work that way. Especially once one tries and cobble together the collected texts that make up the OT and NT.

    Which is probably also why those who try and read it “literally” also insist on reading it completely different from any other text, jumping around wildly without context and then having the meaning explained to you, by a “literalist Bible scholar”.

    Frankly, I could probably find the literal real-world historical veracity in Lord of the Rings if I read random sentences out of order and then explained with 5 pages of bullshit why they are perfectly analogous to the real world. See, there is a big forest in Germany and Tom Bombadill is Adolf Hitler and…

  338. M. Bouffant said,

    August 30, 2011 at 11:57

    1969 & ’70. Seconde.

  339. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 13:51

    Sure sounds like yeares to me.

  340. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 15:10

    Yezz, I’d never heard that “other sort-of people” not from “The Garden” before, but read it recently at Randy Andy Sullivan’s in a discussion of “mitochondrial Eve.”
    wtf? never heard this one before…and what is mitochondrial eve? sounds familiar, but again, wtf?

    Wait, so dog created “Adam, Eve, and some breeding stock” is the new Eden?

    wtf?

  341. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 15:27

    and brought me to the mental hospital,

    finally!

  342. Ted the Slacker said,

    August 30, 2011 at 15:42

    Not wishing to interrupt our regular trolling, but… Important mystery solved.

    Why K-Lo needed extra batteries during teh hurricane? She was enjoying Dick Cheney’s memoir.

  343. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 15:50

    Why K-Lo needed extra batteries during teh hurricane? She was enjoying Dick Cheney’s memoir.

    I’ve heard of being wrapped up in a book, but this is the first time I’ve heard of someone being waterboarded by one.

  344. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:01

    Why K-Lo needed extra batteries during teh hurricane? She was enjoying Dick Cheney’s memoir.

    gads…no wonder she needed a supply of batteries…reading about dick apparently make her want to rub elbows and exchange doe-eyes with him…

  345. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:01

    enjoing dick cheney’s memoirs…

  346. tigris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:05

    Maybe that poor woman can become the next St. Sebastian, with pixels instead of arrows.

    Or e-mails instead of arrows. Or…Twitter feeds…

    Mouse cursors.
    If it weren’t for Christianity, you wouldn’t have a rich body of art, science, technology, music, and literature. But people of your ilk are also busy destroying much of that. You hate anything that is true, good or beautiful, that raises humanity out of the depths.

    Look, I’m someone who loooooves western pre-enlightenment art, architecture, and music, but even I recognize the “you wouldn’t have such a rich cultural context” argument is bullshit. Art prospered LONG before anyone ever thought up cloud-king YHWH, and still flowers in cultures that pay him no mind. Art is a function of being human, not being Christian. And please don’t name check truth, beauty, goodness, or “raising humanity out of the depths” to justify lie-based bigotry, hateful injustice, or dragging us back. It’s unseemly.

    The orthodox of every major world religion (which span many cultures) teaches that homosexuality is immoral. Why do you suppose that is?

    Nice job spelling out exactly what you would accept. Anyway, assuming for a moment your highly qualified statement to be true, because those haven’t died out yet?

  347. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:06

    Sowell lays a Repig egg.

  348. tigris said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:06

    I’ve heard of being wrapped up in a book

    Vice versa.

  349. bbkf said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:07

    i am just enough of a dork to find this amusing…

  350. N__B said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:12

    The operative phrase in bbkf’s dorkiness: “costing more than 16 times as much.” Yeah, better design is what it’s all about.

  351. tsam said,

    August 30, 2011 at 16:14

    The orthodox of every major world religion (which span many cultures) teaches that homosexuality is immoral. Why do you suppose that is?

    I don’t know, you dumb whore. Maybe it’s for the same reasons you can actually turn on your TV and find hundreds of idiots spouting off about seeing ghosts and flying saucers and angels.

    Orthodoxy is conservatism as it pertains to religion. IOW, clinging to archaic values and traditions out of fear of modernity. It is, as far as my observations go, a living anachronism. Since you quit burning heretics and witches (well, ok, you were forced to quit), maybe you can let up on the homosexuals just a little bit?

    You might be careful that about grouping your own orthodoxies with that of say, muslims (who would agree that homosexuality is immoral). You’re proving us right when we say you’re not much different from the Taliban or any other fundamentalist zealot.

  352. Makhno said,

    August 30, 2011 at 19:15

    The Book of Jubilees says all the offspring of Adam and Eve married their sisters, so no need for demonspawn. It was all right, just like Abraham and Sarah being half-siblings was ok, because incest only became wrong when God told Moses it wasn’t allowed any more.

  353. Smut Clyde said,

    August 30, 2011 at 21:39

    The orthodox of every major world religion (which span many cultures) teaches that homosexuality is immoral. Why do you suppose that is?

    Lady, you believe that all but one of those major religions is either delusional idolatry or inspired by Satan. Why do you care what their more rule-bound, authoritarian members think? Unless you admire obedience to an arbitrary rule-book as a good thing in itself, whatever game they’re playing?

  354. Anonymous said,

    September 1, 2011 at 8:48

    I wonder how they rationalize that with the basic revelation that they would thus be the product of demon spawn (though I fear the answer would essentially be, well Europe was the purebred original stock and the rest was the various combinations of demon mutts).

    Welcome to the wonderful world of Identity Christianity.

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