What Else Do You Think He Learned In Medical School?


Peter Bleyer, M.D.

Shorter Peter Bleyer, M.D., The American Genius
Subsidizing Sex

  • There is no difference between prostitution and insurance payments for contraception because both force Catholics to have sex for money.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 116

 
 
 

Contraception has nothing to do with health? Who knew?

Glad to see you posting tintin. I was starting to think Irene had leveled Brussels or something.

 
 

Also: Moar shorter Peter Bleyer, M.D.:

“I would annex the vagina, if I could.”

 
 

I thought Catholics always only had sex for money?

 
 

There is no difference between prostitution and insurance payments for contraception because both force Catholics to have sex for money.

I do not think the word “force” means what they think it means.

Conservatives have always had trouble processing the concept of “consent,” of course…

 
esteev, from his phone
 

After I take a young lady out to dinner and a movie then have, you know, coitus with her, I call her a “whore” because, as the Good Doctor would attest, technically she did have sex with me for money.

 
 

Hey Doc, how much do you charge people to stick your finger up their ass?

 
 

I like how he provides breast cancer screening as a contrast, as if he didn’t know it’s included in the Affordable Care Act.

 
 

With a recent ruling by the Department of Health and Human Services, insurance companies will now be forced to provide women wellness visits, sterilization procedures and contraception, all without a patient copayment. The enormous cost of this decision will be unfairly borne primarily by those not desiring such services.

Why am I paying for all those people who get cancer? I don’t even have cancer! You can’t tell me that’s how INSURANCE is suppose to work.

 
 

There is no difference between prostitution and insurance payments for contraception because both force Catholics to have sex for money.

No way in hell will I look, but are you sure he doesn’t mean “force Catholics to pay money for sex?”

 
 

Those Catholics weren’t actually paying for sex; they were just paying to “talk about baseball.”

 
 

On the bottom of his post at American Stinker he is identified as the head of the “Blessed Clemens von Galen Medical Guild of South Carolina,” a orthodox Catholic group of MDs. It is a force to be reckoned with, no doubt.

Its membership has swelled to the untold, er, ones.

As in four.

AmStink knows how to pick ’em.

 
 

The Blessed being on the road to being declared a saint, of course. That’s what being a “Blessed” means.

He probably only has to perform a couple more attested miracles, and he’s IN!

 
 

Things I don’t want to pay for and yet do: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/bates-family-20-praying-children/story?id=14359053

“For the last 10 children, we have not had health insurance,” Gil said. “When there’s a medical emergency, we just go to the doctor and America’s been the greatest health care in the world. When you walk in the emergency room, I don’t care what your status of living, they give you the best care possible.”

 
 

He probably only has to perform a couple more attested miracles, and he’s IN!

My guess is he’ll end up getting arrested giving ad hoc hernia checks in a public restroom.

 
 

Wearing two wetsuits, of course.

 
 

You can’t tell me that’s how INSURANCE is suppose to work.

Besides, things just work better when poor women die of preventable and treatable diseases.

 
 

Things I don’t want to pay for and yet do

Vagina. IT’S NOT A CLOWN CAR, BITCH.

 
 

I don’t care what your status of living, they give you the best care possible.”

Perfectlly acceptable behavior for white people.

 
 

I bet he’s in favor of coverage for boner pills.

 
 

Boy, some archaic, fallacious arguments just never get old to these morons. I would gladly pay more taxes if there was a drug to make zealous muslims, christians, jews and all the other cultists STFU.

 
 

My guess is he’ll end up getting arrested giving ad hoc hernia checks in a public restroom.

Wow, doc, you can actually taste a hernia? That’s amazing.

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

I shall forgo the obligatory mention of forcing boy children to have sex get raped by those to whom the parents also GIVE their money. Oops.

 
 

Guess who those Bates freaks are palsey-walsey with.

Yep. The Duggars.

You know, it’s wrong to medically intervene in God’s decision for you to have more babies. Unless, of course, God has decided you have enough babies already. Then it’s hunky-dory to take hormones, avail yourselves of months in the preemie ward at taxpayer expense, & etc.

I wonder why when white Xtian families breed like roaches they show up on TV shows and specials, but when black or Hispanic families have lots of kids, it’s just another example of “lack of control.” I guess it’s because God only loves the white kids.

 
 

I particularly like this grammatical error, perhaps a Freudian slip:

“After decades of ignoring the Hippocratic Oath, I…”

 
 

Nobody ever mentions that the Duggars live largely on subsidies and charity, either. Talk about your welfare freeloaders! I don’t want to pay for you to have 29 kids; tie a knot in it already!

My Inner Fascist says that Michelle Duggar is a good candidate for a surreptitious Mississippi appendectomy by a doctor with a heightened sense of public decency and flexible professional ethics. Me, personally, I’d give that doc a medal, if only for the sakes of those older Duggar girls, who have spent their entire lives to date as their parents’ unpaid household slaveys. (Not to mention that the girls’ chores include things like doing the washing and cooking dinner for 20 people, whereas the boys’ chores include things like walking the dog.)

Speaking as a Canadian, I’m kinda glad Quiverfulls and other similar eedjits are thin on the ground up here.

 
 

Things I don’t want to pay for and yet do: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/bates-family-20-praying-children/story?id=14359053

Does it sound wrong and judgey when I say I find this sort of thing disgusting? I mean, like, physically disgusting?

 
 

Sex without babies is evil.

Also, you can’t be one of those people, and I’m sure you know who I mean.
~

 
 

(Not to mention that the girls’ chores include things like doing the washing and cooking dinner for 20 people, whereas the boys’ chores include things like walking the dog.)

Are you kidding? Jesus FUCKING Christ.

 
 

I never got over the way everybody celebrated Bristol’s knockin’ up. Can you IMAGINE the reaction to an Obama girl out-of-wedlock birth?

 
 

Oooooooooooh GOOOOOOOOOOOOD. i need some new music. Everybody tell me a song to download. I’m boredy-bored-bored with everything.

 
 

Personally…I’m just waiting with glee for the day when the first gay Duggar child comes out. You know there has to be at least one.

Though to be serious for a moment, I feel for that or those kids. It won’t be easy for them – they sure won’t get any support from their family.

 
 

Sure sounds like a better idea then subsidizing religion.

 
 

Oooooooooooh GOOOOOOOOOOOOD. i need some new music. Everybody tell me a song to download. I’m boredy-bored-bored with everything.

Ben Folds-y power pop, from right here in Nashville (yeah, I know… Folds is “right here in Nashville”… now)? http://www.parachutemusical.com — try the whole thang before you buy, even.
.

 
 

Oooooooooooh GOOOOOOOOOOOOD. i need some new music. Everybody tell me a song to download.

World Party’s “Ship of Fools”. Their only decent song and it’s damned good, not to be confused with Seger’s Ship of Fools, the Doors’s* Ship of Fools, or the veritable armada of fools out there.

*So, if the possessive is for a singular object that ends in “s” then it’s s’s. If it’s for a pulural object, it’s s’. Is this singular, i.e., a band called “The Doors” or, per Jim Morrison, is it plural (each of them represents a door to other realities)? I have no fucking clue.

 
 

FYWP.

That sort of thing really hurts, you guys! I’m trying my best here!

 
 

Ah, thanks, ereebodee. I have a legitimate reason to procrastinate before I start…you guessed it…painting hair.

 
 

He’s a Blessed member of the American Taliban, M.D. Division. I’d wager a Sharia Law M.D. would be making all the same points, but just substituting the word Muslim for Catholic.

 
 

Impromptu music-related poll: Is Neutral Milk Hotel the dumbest fucking band name in the history of the universe or is it just me? I mean, I almost don’t want to listen to their music because of the name. What if I listen and I really dig it, and then I have to go around telling people my favorite song is by Neutral Milk Hotel? GAH!!!!

 
 

So, everyone agrees that the Butthole Surfers is a better name?
~

 
 

So, everyone agrees that the Butthole Surfers is a better name?

There’s not even a scintilla of a doubt that it’s the superior name.

 
 

I foolishly tried to figure out what kind of logic he could have possibly used to come to that conclusion, and it was like seeing an impossible triangle buttfuck a Mobius strip. That way lies madness, fellow Sadlies.

 
 

the dumbest fucking band name in the history of the universe
ejaculating penis butterfly.

 
 

I decry feuilletonism.

 
 

decry

It takes well-toned ducts to work in reverse and suck the tears back in.

 
 

ejaculating penis butterfly.

I still say Neutral Milk Hotel is dumber.

But then I think my friend’s* band name, Vaginal Blood Farts, is better.

*more of an acquaintance, and his defense he was in high school.

 
 

I decry feuilletonism.
Veiled magister-ludi reference.

 
 

Must confess, the real reason I linked to Feuilleton was to distract VS from working.

 
 

Right now I can’t be distracted. Painting hair is the bitter pill I must swallow.

Wait. What I’m doing here talking to you plebes?

 
 

Al-Qaida’s No. 2 reported killed by US in Pakistan

How many times have we killed this guy already? He’s MAGIC!!

 
 

We’re killing people in Pakistan?

When did we declare war on Pakistan?

When did we stop sending military aid to Pakistan?

I won’t ask, “can’t anyone play this game?”, because the rules have obviously been changed.
~

 
 

Download suggestion: Shake a bone

 
 

Oh, wait, I geddit. There’s a different No. 2 every week.

Today’s quiz: Al-Qaida is stealing its plots from WHAT ’60’s BBC PROGRAM?

 
 

Al-Qaida is stealing its plots from WHAT ’60?s BBC PROGRAM?

Batman?

 
 

Programmme, that is. Sory.

 
 

A programme is better than a prodamn.

 
 

Al-Qaida is stealing its plots from WHAT ’60?s BBC PROGRAM?

The Avengers.

 
 

The Avengers.

I see what you did there.

But WRNOG.

 
 

Spearhavoc wins tha intertoobz!!

 
 

The publishers must have a pretty generous definition of ‘thinker’.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Is it not obvious to the solution to all this bitching about which medical procedures the government will and won’t pay for is for the government to pay for ALL OF THEM?

Too easy?

 
 

Questions for the NYC nauts:
Are you underwater yet?
Has the storm arrived?

 
 

the dumbest fucking band name in the history of the universe

The Jolly Fellows

(Brezhnev era government-sponsored Soviet pop band)

 
Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus
 

the dumbest fucking band name in the history of the universe

Pomplamoose?

 
 

Alt-Shorter: Syphilis, gonorrhea, cervical cancer & AIDS are God’s blessings on Amerika!

WHY DO LIBERALS HATE GOD?

After decades of ignoring the Hippocratic Oath, I see increasingly among my colleagues health care practices designed to meet patient wants, rather than treatment in their best interest.

Naturally, US docs being made to run their practises under the same model as a Burger King franchise has nothing to do with this whatsoever because JEZUS! Also, heh indeed – Dr. Caligari here probably should’ve read this sentence out loud before typing it.

Sadly, many physicians, especially those in the governing bodies of medicine, do not appreciate the ethical catastrophe that ObamaCare presents and appear poised to replace Hippocrates with Obama.

Doing slightly better at honoring the social contract = ethical catastrophe. Thanks for admitting you’re a fucking sociopath, Doc – now I know where NOT to get my next STD test done.

Every day I meet excellent parents desiring of more children but concerned about their ability to provide for them. Mr. President, subsidize the procreative sexual encounters of these people. Their children may not pay you back but they will resurrect America.

Whoa! Wingnut fail! Isn’t a “subsidy” for anyone who’s last name isn’t “Incorporated” just a more polite word for SOCIALISM???

Safe to say, “excellent” = “white” … & ain’t it funny how fast “get big bad govmint out of our private lives” swirls down Ye Olde Memory Hole the minute the subject turns to what people do with their naughty bits? Smaller government = DHS, wiretaps, & coming soon to a state near you – The Sacred Heart Uterus Police.

Bonus points for ZOMBIE AMERICA.

“Corporate gaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!”

 
 

Questions for the NYC nauts:
Are you underwater yet?
Has the storm arrived?

I am live-blogging my extreme boredom.

 
 

Sex without babies is evil.

I thought sex with babies was evil.

 
 

the dumbest fucking band name in the history of the universe

The other members of my band*, The Notable Exceptions, will be very pleased.

*I’m not actually in a band.** I just say I am to get chicks.***

**Why I made up such a stupid name for my fake band is unclear to me.

***It doesn’t work.

 
 

the dumbest fucking band name in the history of the universe

Creed

 
 

I’m going to trust that the shorter because really, after 12 hours with Irene, I’m cranky enough as it is.

I thought sex with babies was evil.

Only if you don’t have a special dispensation from Roman Catholic Church. It comes with a uniform but you gotta wear your collars backwards.

 
 

Did somebody say Creed?

No.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

This is obviously a pseudonym—look at the initials:

Shorter Peter Bleyer, M.D., The American Genius

A cover name for “Paul Blart, Mall Doc”. Gotta be.

 
 

I’m going to trust that the shorter because really, after 12 hours with Irene, I’m cranky enough as it is.

I’m spending the night with her, but I hope she doesn’t fuck me.

 
 

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Actual band name. Pretty fucking stupid.

 
 

Actual band name. Pretty fucking stupid.

They were probably Clap Your Hands Save Tinkerbell until Disney sued their asses.

 
 

In all fairness, it’s pretty goddamn hard to come up with a decent name for a band anymore, just because all the good ones have been used up years ago. I believe that in another few years bands are going to have to start recycling names. I’ve got dibs on:

U22
Sons of the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies
The Newer Riders of the Purple Sage
Televisionhead (see what I did there?)
Anybody else?

 
 

Joey’s opinions:
Neutral Milk Hotel like totally sucks. Totally Suck-a-toid.”
Vaginal Blood Farts? Same-old, same-old.”
The Jolly Fellows? Too gay.”
Pomplamoose! Shit! Why didn’t WE think of that?”

 
Fenwick who questions everything
 

Is Irene the dullest hurricane ever? When is Baltimore gonna see some drama instead of Armageddon rumors? So the peak storm has been passing over Clam City for, what, 4 hours now? And it main storm passes in about 3 hours?

So where is the banshee-shrieking wind? Where is the debris flying through the air and smashing stuff? Where’s the drama?

 
 

So where is the banshee-shrieking wind? Where is the debris flying through the air and smashing stuff? Where’s the drama?

We’re getting a shitton of rain here in the NY metro area. The wind was umbrella-killing, but not debris catapulting. I’ve been through Nor’easters worse than Irene, but it’s no picnic.

 
 

The Rats
The Bubble
Die Fledermaus
Jake Brussells
Hot Snot
Cadaver Synod

 
 

Thwarted by Carts
Man and the Rays
The I-Beams
The Eye Beams
Gort and the Sports

 
 

Norman Mailer’s Feet
Apartment House & The Salesmen
Fifty Million Phone Books
Spuzette Junior Seven

 
 

Neutral Milk Hotel, Apples In Stereo, Hawk and a Hacksaw, The Olivia Tremor Control, Beirut… all one or more of the same guys out of the same studio. Mufakas trying to be arty but, really, they’re just bad at naming shit.

 
 

Mufakas trying to be arty but, really, they’re just bad at naming shit.

Mufakas Nymfail would be a good name for a band…

 
Fenwick who questions everything
 

Is it too late to mention that the worst (of what there is) is due in Bawlmer in the 30 minutes between 8:45 and 9:15?

Also why can’t Baltimore plant some nifty palm trees down at the Inner Harbor so they could bend over dramatically in the wind? Would that be so terribly difficult?

 
Fenwick who questions everything
 

BBBB: How does a shitton compare with a fuckton?

 
 

BBBB: How does a shitton compare with a fuckton?

Fuck if I know that shit!

How are you faring with Irene?

 
Fenwick who questions everything
 

BBBB: You’re trying to make me stop writing questions, aren’t you? Why not drop by N_B’s place for a Baltimore update?

 
 

Joey is pissed that these names are gone as possibilities for the band:

Thwarted by Carts
Fifty Million Phone Books
Norman Mailer’s Feet

Joey wanted to try ‘Norman Mailer’s Feat’ thus pulling off an homage to some Baltimore rockers and also avoiding lawsuits.

I told him he was fucking crazy stoner and threw tennis balls at him until he went back to the garage. Joey can be such a pain.

 
Fenwick who questions everything
 

Is it safe to say that Irene is over in Baltimore? With only one possible squall line coming through at 8:30? Do I dare eat a peach?

 
 

I really liked the name Kalahari Surfers (real band, not good one).

 
 

Damn. Forgot Springbok Nude Girls.

 
 

… like seeing an impossible triangle buttfuck a Mobius strip. That way lies madness, fellow Sadlies…

And your point is?

Best hurricane clip so far…Fox reporter gives report covered in shit, tastes shit, says “It doesn’t taste so good”:
http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/fox-reporter-gives-update-covered-in-sea-foam-20110827

 
 

Thwarted by Carts makes me giggle.

 
 

My date, Irene is here now. I think she’s gonna overstay her welcome.

It’s not a wicked violent storm here in Western MA, but the lights have started flickering and who knows how widespread power outages may be. I am kinda hoping for a “no power” day tomorrow.

Be safe, Sadlies.

 
 

Thwarted by Carts makes me giggle.

Medieval traffic jams ARE NOT FUNNY.

 
 

BBBB: You’re trying to make me stop writing questions, aren’t you? Why not drop by N__B’s place for a Baltimore update?

Too busy getting my ass kicked all night long. I may end up crashing on the floor here at work- Director of Operations told me it would be kosher.

Be safe, Sadlies.

Yeah, you too Looch. I sure hope you’re comfortably ensconced in a snug home with a gaggle of supermodels.

 
 

Another vote for: Thwarted by Carts.

 
 

I read it as “Thwarted by Cats” and thought it was the best name ever.

 
 

I like “Thwarted by Cartwheels” but I am odd that way.

 
 

In all fairness, it’s pretty goddamn hard to come up with a decent name for a band anymore, just because all the good ones have been used up years ago. I believe that in another few years bands are going to have to start recycling names. I’ve got dibs on:

U22
Sons of the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies
The Newer Riders of the Purple Sage
Televisionhead (see what I did there?)
Anybody else?

The Grateful Undead
Madison Airplane/Starship
It’s A Beautiful Night
The Moody Greens
The Sex Rifles

 
 

Amon Düül II.I
The Rollinger Stones
Beta Blondie

 
 

I was going to say something about the (mis)placed participle in “After decades of ignoring the Hippocratic Oath” but someone already did that. So instead I will ask why, if this guy is so Catholic, he’s sworn an oath by Apollo, I mean, seriously.

 
 

So instead I will ask why, if this guy is so Catholic, he’s sworn an oath by Apollo, I mean, seriously.

I assumed it was because he didn’t want to swear an oath by Dionysus.

 
 

Amon Düül II.I
There is Amon Düül (UK)… does that count?

 
 

I’m spending the night with her, but I hope she doesn’t fuck me.

Coyote Date!

 
 

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