Aug
24

Totully! ;it’s BROkeded, are Wordz! N Fagz Dun it!




Posted at 14:26 by HTML Mencken

Shorter Dan Poop
Denuded Merkin
“Gay is the opposite of married”

  • Morality, politics, the English language — all broken beyond…BLARG! It’s like this doesn’t mean that anymore, and the whatzzit? Grr. Thanks a lot, gaywads!

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

513 Comments »

  1. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 14:29

    Somebody likes boys….

  2. Wayne Skylar said,

    August 24, 2011 at 14:32

    Don’t you think that’s totally spam! It’s lubricated! Well, I’m phasing.

  3. Mat said,

    August 24, 2011 at 14:37

    How many of you are reading positive hits on your gaydar for this sanctimonious fuckstick?

  4. lobbey said,

    August 24, 2011 at 14:45

    How many of you are reading positive hits on your gaydar for this sanctimonious fuckstick?

    i certainty am, the gentleman protests too much, I thinks……

    and here was I trying to avoid the mangoes….

  5. lobbey said,

    August 24, 2011 at 14:48

    oh fuck, and he tops it with the meme that I have been hearing for, oh, 35 years;

    “It originally meant, “carefree.” Specifically, it came to designate a person who wasn’t tied down with the responsibilities of married life. …. It also meant “debauched” or “dissolute.”

    do these tossers get paid, or what?

  6. lobbey said,

    August 24, 2011 at 14:54

    Conversely, maybe we could say, “Blessed are those who call things by their right names.”

    Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  7. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 14:59

    You know how I know you’re gay? You open with a quote that completely destroys the argument you’re trying to set up.

    How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. — Abraham Lincoln

    Calling it the opposite of marriage, however, DOES make it the opposite of marriage? Sadly, no!

  8. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:07

    More of this shit:

    sodomy, lesbianism, bestiality, pedophilia, orgies and casual “hookups.” Way over on the right side all by themselves would be celibacy and marriage.

  9. owlbear1 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:09

    Dan, language changes, evolves, adapts or it dies. I remember a time when the word “Christian” wasn’t a synonym for “Randian faux-patriot”.
    Not whining about it, just noticing the evolution.

  10. DrDick said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:22

    Proving once again that conservatives have the comprehension of a three-year old and the knowledge base of a rock.

  11. smedley said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:23

    Hither shalt thou nought tarry henceforth. Thy tongue shalt not progress evermore. Thus sayeth the knave.

  12. DrDick said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:25

    “It originally meant, “carefree.”

    And “awesome” and “awful” once meant the same thing. Your point is? That English is a living language and not dead, like Latin or Hittite, and therefor changes constantly?

  13. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:30

    I am happier for Dan Popp’s wife now that I know that Popp thinks marriage and celibacy are teh same thing.

  14. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:32

    Oooh, Bible fight!

    God created Adam, then formed Eve — not Eve, Rita, Mabel and Betty.

    Therefore the Bible promotes incest.

  15. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:35

    The point is that, even when our Creator allowed polygamy, He condemned same-sex sex.

    1 Samuel 18:1-4

    1And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

    2And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father’s house.

    3Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.

    4And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle

  16. Ted the Slacker said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:37

    “Blessed are those who call things by their right names.”

    Okay, what kind of Christian trades in half-beatitudes? At least finish this with something clever, “for they shall inherit the OED”…

    Still it’s genuine Life of Brian material to have Jesus kicking off the Sermon on the Mount with loads of unfinished thoughts… Blessed are the Meek. Just cos. Blessed are the peacemakers. Amirite? Blessed are the pure in heart. **thumbs up**

    And it’s beyond Monty Python to imagine that Jesus would give a shout out to the language police.

  17. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:38

    Conversely, maybe we could say, “Blessed are those who call things by their right names.”

    Okay. Dan Popp, you are a bigot. Also a stupid and ignorant asshole. And nobody likes you because you are such a smug and sanctimonious shitbag. Also because you smell funny.

  18. Ted the Slacker said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:40

    “Gay is the opposite of married”

    QED, straight is the opposite of celibacy? This would be a very troubling development for K-Lo’s wingnunnery.

  19. ckelly said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:48

    Who the fuck is Dan Popp and why do I give 2 shits what he says? I stopped reading when he conveniently put all those scary “immoral” behaviors on the left side of his paper and the pure, saintly celibacy and marriage on the right. Cause ya know, all them rightards are so pure – when they’re not cheating on their wives with women, men, young boys and goats. What a hack, what a tool, what a douche.

  20. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:52

    This is true whether we’re talking about Christian marriage, Muslim marriage or Hindu marriage. So inventing one’s own kind of living arrangement and calling it “marriage” is anti-theistic. It defies not only the biblical God, but the concept of any deity greater than Self.

    Hindu marriage, huh?

    The United Kingdom Hindu Council issued a statement that ‘Hinduism does not condemn homosexuality’, subsequent to the decision of the Delhi High Court to legalise homosexuality in India.

    Colonialism sucks ass, but India is slowly coming round to dropping this bigoted and backward relic of teh Raj. Soon Popp will have to pick another religion to use to prop up his anti-ghey homophobic frothy blather.

  21. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:53

    “Blessed are those who call things by their right names.”

    So instead of marriage, we should call it “government-recognized contractual arrangements between two willing adults that confer certain rights and privileges?” Yeah, no way gay folks could have THOSE.

    Also, has he ever called Creationism “Intelligent Design?” Ever called browbeating non-Christians about how they’ll suffer eternally “love?” Ever called a fetus a “child?”

  22. Wayne Skylar said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:53

    Also, verbing weirds language.

  23. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:54

    On the left side of the page would be sodomy, lesbianism, bestiality, pedophilia, orgies and casual “hookups.” Way over on the right side all by themselves would be celibacy and marriage.

    Nobody who has ever gotten married has ever done any of those other things.

  24. Mat said,

    August 24, 2011 at 15:58

    I bet you’d find this unctuous creep sneaking away from his wifey after church on Sunday on the ruse he’s “on a donut run,” but of course he’s really speeding to the nearest interstate rest stop bathroom where he’ll greedily blow any and all comers. And then afterwards he’ll come home to wifey with a box of jelly rolls and chocolate glazed donuts, she’ll squeal, “Oh Danny, you’re the BEST,” and they’ll plop down on the couch and watch “Glee” episodes that they Tivo’ed.

  25. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:05

    Sweet IPU! Teh comments are amazing. And not mouthbreather Popp-bigot amazing or rotten mango amazing, but actually honest to goodness awesomesauce amazing. I mean yeah, there’s a couple of kooks with their “OMG TEH GHEY!” – but wow.

    Normally I would strongly advocate staying in teh boat, but this time teh comments are worth it. My whole world is upside-down – I just read a comment thread on Renew! Renew! and now feel better about teh human race.

  26. ckelly said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:17

    Dragon-King,
    I didn’t see ‘comments’ at the site. where are they?

  27. LittlePig Latella said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:29

    “Gay is the opposite of married”

    Well, being married ain’t always a bed of roses, but there are some happy moments.

    Ohhhhhh. Nevermind.

  28. RWW said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:29

    The biggest absurdity would be a definition of “writing” that includes anything this assclown produces.

    It’s all the same regurgitated shit constantly put out by the Reichwing: Cherry-picked Bible quotes, stupid and arbitrary “on this side of the page” reasoning, ridiculous and subjective hierarchies of so-called morals, complete ignorance of how language is used and evolves over time, and then the headlong plunge into “theism” as if that’s the kind of “ism” we’ve all signed up for.

  29. Alex said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:31

    Dan Popp is the Pele of Trite & Stoopid.

  30. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:38

    Yeah, well I think everyone who doesn’t have wings and live in a flower is a piece of shit not deserving of her civil rights. I LIVE BY THIS BOOK AND IF YOU DON’T YOU’RE WORSE THAN A KAJILLION HITLERS!

  31. Mark D said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:38

    Why, oh why, did I head for the mangoes?

    To prevent the scurvy!

    If we were to write down all the sexual arrangements — excuse me, “lifestyles” — that could be named, and then organize them by similarity, marriage and homosexual behavior would be about as far apart on the paper as we could place them.

    They would be split up that way because SHUT UP THAT’S WHY! And ignore that dictionary over there—the meanings of words are liberally biased!

    On the left side of the page would be sodomy, lesbianism, bestiality, pedophilia, orgies and casual “hookups.”

    We call that “Friday” in our house.

    And nice job of him lumping in things like pedophilia and bestiality with being gay. Which makes sense, because we all know gay folks are just kid-fucking animals. Or something.

    Way over on the right side all by themselves would be celibacy and marriage.

    My dictionary’s antonym section haz a sad.

    In the English I use, the opposite of marriage is “single” and/or “unwed,” while the opposite of “celibate” is “promiscuous” and/or “popular and not forced to be celibate like that piece-of-shit fuckstain Dan Poop, who probably couldn’t get laid in Bangkok even if he had $10,000 in his pocket and Rush Limbaugh’s* bottle of someone else’s Viagra.”

    Ya know, it’s almost sad that pathetic little men like Dan have to break down their entire world into categories because they lack the mental firepower to understand things in a broader (and more humane) context.

    Whether it’s some “Top 10 Conservative Whateverthefuckitishere” list, a focus on culture war bullshit rather than the real issues facing our nation, or using the Bible to justify their bigotry while ignoring on all of that “helping the sick and poor” shit that Jesus actually preached, they have to break everything up into bite size chunks, lest their little heads implode under the weight of a reality that doesn’t match their narrow-minded ideology.

    Like I typed, it’s almost sad.

    Almost.

    (*Speaking of Limpballs: My wife met his sister a few weeks ago. The first words out of her mouth: “Yes, Rush is my brother. No, no one in our family likes him, either. He’s an asshole and an embarrassment.” So at least his brand of abhorrency isn’t genetic.

    And, yes, I just made up the word “abhorrency.” I’m a writer and I can do that. So there.)

  32. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:41

    where are they?

    At teh bottom, like normal – but it’s a Facebook app, so may be blocked. Note this means that comments are tied to your Facebook profile (i.e. your “real” name) and you can see how many folks “Like” teh comments. Here’s some worthies:

    When I read your post the underlying arguments that stood out as: homosexuals are sinners that are not as worthy as me and they don’t deserve respect or basic human rights. For me the tone of your message comes across as mean-spirited – not love – judgemental and arrogant. What would Jesus do? Do you really think he would write a message like this? Do you believe Jesus is proud o…f you for writing these words? Do you think Jesus believes this is the best use of your time to serve Him? To me your message is dangerously close to that of the Pharisees who tested Jesus, asking him to stone the adulterer. Did Jesus pick up the rock?

    20 likes.

    and

    Can you imagine how powerless this bigotry would be if I had equal rights under law? If my countries leaders said loud and clear that I am no different to any other citizen.

    I am blessed in my adult life to have the love and support of family, friends and my community and my loving partner of 17 years.

    Marriage Equality is important to me because it says to all Australians that people who are in love with someone of the same sex are not subhuman, that they are no less important than you. That they don’t deserve to be vilified or treated with less respect than other couples. Marriage Equality is the next step in a long evolution in ensuring future generation of young men and women don’t have to fear loving whom they love.

    8 likes

    and

    Okay, gays should be allowed to marry. They aren’t harming anyone or thing. I believe that God or Jesus are not judges. You don’t see gays hating on us, telling us what we think or believe is wrong. And people think just cause someone is gay means they are looking at you. They aren’t, get over yourself.

    6 likes

    and

    Dan, first off, I can’t believe you compared gays and lesbians to people into bestiality and pedophilia. First off, the child and the animal can not consent to sexual relationships, while adults can. Second, have you even looked at marriage between heterosexuals these days? The divorce rates? The cheating? Heterosexuals, even Christian ones also have involved themselves in orgies.

    3 likes

    and a handful of bigoted OMG FORGET TEH GHEYS, WHITE STRAIGHT CHRISTIANS R TEH REAL VICTIMS!!! comments. 0 likes.

  33. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:43

    Yes, hooking up and attending one of Caligula’s parties that got “out of hand” are two remarkably similar things.

  34. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:50

    Those were listed in order. I suspect if Fred’s comment was earlier, it would have a ton moar upfists. Here is a conversation near teh bottom of teh thread regarding separation of Church and State*:

    I meant the separation between church and state. Religion is supposed to stay out of politics, and the state is supposed to stay out of religion – but, of course, we know that’s not how it goes, and there are even times when it seems to be necessary to infringe on the other. I don’t see this as one of those times, though.

    comment is unloved.

    reply

    As I commented below, “You can get legally married as a heterosexual couple with a judge and absolutely no invocation of God and I haven’t heard anyone going after these people, declaring their marriages invalid because God wasn’t involved.”

    There are churches happy to perform a marriage ceremony for homosexuals. There are churches who aren’t. The only people who would be legally obligated to do so would be the government officials with the authority to perform these marriages.

    To claim that same-sex couples are looking to force the hand of religion seems to come from a place that fears revenge. I think, however, that people looking for a way to get legal recognition of their love don’t have much of revenge on their minds. Most that I know are simply interested in a little more “live and let live” or maybe more aptly, “love and let love.”

    two thumbs up.

    Further reply

    Stay out of politics? My relationship with Jesus Christ should impact my entire life. We are called to be salt and light to a dark world.

    comment has 0 friends.

    Nail in teh coffin

    It absolutely should. But your relationship with Christ is yours, and should not dictate how others live. Salt and Light are how Christians are to live, but only that others may observe and come to desire it themselves, not for Xians to enforce their beliefs on others. Christ was very clear that these are two different systems, giving Caesar his due and God His.

    +1 so far

    * I can’t believe these fuckers are suggesting that “Separation of Church and State” means that you use teh Bible to define Civil Marriage. Rilly?!

  35. N__B said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:54

    “Blessed are those who call things by their right names.”

    As in “pinnacle” versus “spire”.

  36. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 16:59

    “dildo” VS “vibrator”

  37. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:10

    So at least his brand of abhorrency isn’t genetic.

    And, yes, I just made up the word “abhorrency.” I’m a writer and I can do that. So there

    I refudiate this like that Shakespear guy.

  38. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:16

    On the left side of the page would be sodomy, lesbianism, bestiality, pedophilia, orgies and casual “hookups.” Way over on the right side all by themselves would be celibacy and marriage.

    Here we go with another ridiculous MAD FOLD-IN!

    Fold this section over Left/ Fold back so “A” meets “B”

  39. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:20

    OK, now that I am sitting my desktop may I just say that my son had and enormous, leaky load in his pants this morning. As I was changing him, it got EVERYWHERE. I had to throw out one of his onesies. It was poopdemonium. And, still, doing that was more pleasant than reading this pile of shit.

  40. noen said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:20

    “if homosexual commitments are to be called marriage, then there’s no reason to deny marriage to any collection of people, animals, or other beings.”

    Ahh yes, the famed Santorum Defense. Which involves smashing the chessboard and then licking your own testicles. Dan POOP is a very flexible man.

  41. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:22

    ‘Cuz, not only is it just incredibly dumb and bigoted, it’s also really POORLY-WRITTEN. Now some of you may be thinking to yourselves, “vs, have you ever READ your journal?” To which I’d say, “Yes, but nobody pays me to write about my hair color and which movies I think are funny and nobody looks to me as an authority figure on anything, except maybe the existence of unicorns.”

  42. N__B said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:24

    “dildo” VS “vibrator”

    Please, no abbreviations: “dildo” Vacuumslayer “vibrator”

  43. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:29

    Please, no abbreviations: “dildo” Vacuumslayer “vibrator”

    I just admitted I’m a BAD WRITER!

  44. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:31

    If we were to write down all the sexual arrangements — excuse me, “lifestyles” — that could be named, and then organize them by similarity, marriage and homosexual behavior would be about as far apart on the paper as we could place them.

    Do anybody but homophobic assholes call homosexuality a “lifestyle”?

  45. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:34

    Do anybody but homophobic assholes call homosexuality a “lifestyle”?

    Nope.

  46. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:36

    How many of you are reading positive hits on your gaydar for this sanctimonious fuckstick?

    Difficult to say – it melted just as I hovered my cursor over the link.

  47. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:37

    “dildo” VS “vibrator”

    I saw that movie, I was very disappointed that Sigourney Weaver wasn’t in it.

  48. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:40

    excuse me, “lifestyles”

    There’s no excuse for you, Dan. You’re a fucking crybaby, professiona butthurt fabricator and need to DIAF.

  49. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:43

    OT: If anyone wants to commit Comment Sepuku, I found this while lurking at Whiskey Fire.

  50. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:46

    tsam has been been on a tear for the last week or so. Did you just quit smoking?

  51. noen said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:47

    “Do anybody but homophobic assholes call homosexuality a “lifestyle”?”

    Self-loathing closeted Libertarian homophobic assholes.

    BTW, Dan POOP’s previous column – POOPpouri – which WP will not let me link to, is a veritable popouri cesspool of Dan POOPerisms:

    “We have a word for “designed,” but no word for “accidented.” That’s no accident.”

    “Self-flagellation is unnecessary; there are so many others willing to do the work.”

    “If loving commas is wrong, I don’t want to be, right.”

    “Careful: It’s a short step from lactose intolerance to lactose bigotry.”

    Dan POOP is the new Pastor Swank.

  52. Steerpike said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:51

    Yes, polygamy was condoned in the Old Testament, but if we take time to read the narratives we’ll learn that it invariably brought alarming consequences.

    I remember lots of parts in teh Bibble about OT and NT prophets, kings, judges and saints with multiple wives, but I don’t remember any “narratives” about the “alarming consequences” of these…quick! what’s a different word for “marriages”?

  53. noen said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:53

    From VU’s link to Jane Galt Megan McArdle

    “Even if you disagree, it is reprehensible to have a litmus test around empirical matters of fact.”

    Yes, scientist are evil because they discriminate against fiction.

  54. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 17:56

    re: Lincoln quote at teh top of POOP’s page.

    Apparently, calling a cow a dog makes it a dog.

  55. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:03

    Normally I would strongly advocate staying in teh boat, but this time teh comments are worth it. My whole world is upside-down – I just read a comment thread on Renew! Renew! and now feel better about teh human race

    ikr?! i also was amazed…kim hogg is the bomb!

  56. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:05

    tsam has been been on a tear for the last week or so. Did you just quit smoking?

    I quit like 3 months ago. That’s not the problem.

    The problem is that I’ve hit the wall with this whole fucking society. I feel like we’re losing a culture war we never started. I’m tired of the cognitive diahrrea that has become our accepted political discourse. I’m just not finding shit funny anymore. We aren’t laughing at harmless morons here–these fucking morons have sleepers running for president. It’s prime time for anybody but the incumbent to win, unless the economy magically gets better while the federal government is strangling it….

    I’m just very very angry right now–largely due to a feeling of hopelessness.

  57. Robert Green said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:08

    vacuumslayer

    when the world is enduring the horrors of our current stupidity (we know, but we don’t care) over climate change, i will be recommending loudly that we head on over to megan’s house for a “discussion” with “pitchforks”* and “a mob mentality”**

    * not actual pitchforks, that’s a metaphor. for semi-automatic weapons.
    ** not an actual mob mentality. it will be the sane thing to do, whatever it is i’m not suggesting.

  58. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:08

    Also, lifestyle = dogwhistle for icky fags. Especially when set up the way Dannyboy does.

  59. Hob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:08

    “Blessed are those who call things by their right names.”
    Okay, what kind of Christian trades in half-beatitudes?

    Probably the same kind who never bothered to read Matthew 5:22:
    “Anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”

    Jesus made it clear on other occasions that people often are fools, so I’d say there’s a pretty big exemption there from having to call things by their right names. One might call it the “Don’t be a self-righteous asshole” rule. Dan should look into it.

  60. Robert Green said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:11

    also, mcardle’s shitstorm is so much more important that Dan Poopy it’s not even close. she’s a representative of the actual powers-that-be, a useful idiot, and a pretend-smart person telling hideous lies of such perfidy and insanity…

    i always wondered what the fuck gary oldman’s character was going to get out of his villiany in The Fifth element. i mean, he was selling out the entire world, and he lived on it! it didn’t make sense. that’s how i feel about megan and her associated scum. dan poop is too easy–he’s on the wrong side of a debate as even his own readers of his quite crazy website are aware–low hanging fruit, dare i say?

    megan is the most evil person i can imagine, bringing darkness where there is light, clouding the pure with impurities, and obfuscating because she did well at debate FOR ITS OWN SAKE, not for the sake of truth. she is teh suxxor.

  61. Hob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:12

    Sorry if a redundant biblical comment appears above – SN! seems to be eating my posts and may or may not regurgitate them later.

  62. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:16

    marriage…is it a napkin? or a paper towel?

  63. noen said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:17

    “I’m just very very angry right now–largely due to a feeling of hopelessness.”

    To combat the feeling of hopelessness one could remind oneself that this crap has always been going on yet we survived anyway.

    Technological innovations are socially disruptive. The internet is a magnifying glass that brings you into direct contact with people you could have previously gone your entire life never knowing they existed. These people are pretty uniformly despised. They’re assholes and societies find a way to marginalize assholes sooner or later. It will take time but eventually the culture will simply move on and leave them behind.

    Same as it ever was.

  64. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:17

    Denuded Merkin

    Nonsequitor

  65. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:19

    Dear Mr. Poop,

    It’s a little bit of this and a little bit of that, that makes the world go round. Not all of us want to be mousy little white guys with small penises and bad eyesight.

  66. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:20

    Dan, language changes, evolves, adapts or it dies.

    I think I see the problem…

  67. noen said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:21

    “not actual pitchforks, that’s a metaphor. for semi-automatic weapons.”

    I like the French solution. Introduce a nice clean analytic break between C1 and C2 with a finely sharpened blade.

  68. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:22

    OK, now that I am sitting my desktop may I just say that my son had and enormous, leaky load in his pants this morning. As I was changing him, it got EVERYWHERE. I had to throw out one of his onesies. It was poopdemonium. And, still, doing that was more pleasant than reading this pile of shit.

    i would have rather have had dudeskull poopdemonium rather than have read…and i don’t even think you can call it a pile of shit…it’s worse than that even…maybe poop mixed with vomit…i don’t think words can even describe how odious this *column* is…which is kind of funny since that’s what his whole *thesis* is about…

  69. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:22

    nobody looks to me as an authority figure on anything,

    FALSE.

    If I had any questions about digital art or wanted examples of how it’s done, you’re the first person to whom I would speak.

    Also unicorns too.

  70. noen said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:24

    marriage…is it a napkin? or a paper towel?

    Marriage is a sanitary napkin. This is closely related to santorum, but not quite.

  71. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:24

    It was poopdemonium

    BORING CORRECTION: Poopapalooza….

  72. N__B said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:36

    Marriage is a sanitary napkin.

    I’ve witnessed some that were unsanitary napkins.

  73. Steerpike said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:37

    How about a POOPular, POOPtastic, POOPerific, POOPalicious POOParama!

  74. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:38

    How many of you are reading positive hits on your gaydar for this sanctimonious fuckstick?

    The gurl has *issues*, that’s all I’m saying.

  75. Arky said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:40

    Calling someone gay is wrong, because that’s not what it meant at one point in time!
    But calling two men or two women who are minding their own damn business evil civilization destroying baby rapers drool gibber bark is perfectly all right because words mean things.

    Christ, I’m beginning to think the barrel either has no bottom or the barrel is being punished like Prometheus. Every time the fReichtards scrape a hole in it, it is healed so the process begins anew.

  76. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:43

    And, still, doing that was more pleasant than reading this pile of shit.

    The difference is that we have good reason to believe Dudeskull will someday learn better. This guy Popp is irredeemable.

  77. Tehanu said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:46

    I remember a time when the word “Christian” wasn’t a synonym for “Randian faux-patriot”. Not whining about it, just noticing the evolution.

    Oh, go ahead and whine! You know you want to! And if you don’t, I’ll glady do it for you!

    Also, Mark D at 16:38: great comment.

    Also Steerpike at 17:51:

    Yes, polygamy was condoned in the Old Testament, but if we take time to read the narratives we’ll learn that it invariably brought alarming consequences.

    I remember lots of parts in teh Bibble about OT and NT prophets, kings, judges and saints with multiple wives, but I don’t remember any “narratives” about the “alarming consequences” of these…quick! what’s a different word for “marriages”?

    Well, let’s see … how about when Jacob finally married his wife Leah’s sister Rachel and started the Jews? Ya think Dan doesn’t consider that an “alarming consequence”?

  78. Major Kong said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:46

    How many of you are reading positive hits on your gaydar for this sanctimonious fuckstick?

    The needle on mine is spinning around so fast I’m using it as a fan.

  79. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:48

    If we were to write down all the sexual arrangements — excuse me, “lifestyles” — that could be named, and then organize them by similarity, marriage and homosexual behavior would be about as far apart on the paper as we could place them

    i think this is one of the things that pisses me off the most (and i may be wrong on this–if so, please enlighten):

    why there is such a big fucking deal about who and how people are fucking?!?!

    i would be mad as fucking hell and probably shoot a lot of people if my entire FUCKING LIFE were defined by what i do in the bedroom…

    hell, i don’t want to think about ANYONE having sex, and the fact that these cretins equate gay with sex is just demeaning and horrible…

  80. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:52

    why there is such a big fucking deal about who and how people are fucking?!?!

    But, but…if we let the gays marry, the next thing you know, your kid’s schoolteacher will be married to two manatees and an orangutan, and she’ll be bringing human/manatee/orangutan porn to class! Do you want that kind of example for your kids? WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

  81. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:52

    Whew, I’ll tell it’s not easy destroying DC with an earthquake, wiping out the eastern seaboard by hurricane AND breakediding the whole englisher lingwidge at the same time but WE ARE STRONG, WE ARE MIGHTY AND WE WILL NEVER STOP. WE ARE THE GAYS, FEAR US.

  82. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:53

    Denuded Merkin

    You prefer non-denuded merkins? Here ya go:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merkin

  83. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:56

    May I enlighten you, bbkf?

    hell, i don’t want to think about ANYONE having sex, and the fact that these cretins equate gay with sex is just demeaning and horrible… indicative of their gay sex obsession.

  84. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 18:56

    Whew, I’ll tell it’s not easy destroying DC with an earthquake, wiping out the eastern seaboard by hurricane AND breakediding the whole englisher lingwidge at

    You forgot 9/11. Never forget. You guys did that too.

  85. Arky said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:00

    why there is such a big fucking deal about who and how people are fucking?!?!

    Because someone, somewhere might be fucking in a way that is more pleasurable than the way they fuck.

    Seriously, it isn’t the fucking, it is the DIFFERENT fucking. Or more accurately the DIFFERENT part. If there were no different fucking (or loving or attraction) going on, shrivel-souled creeps such as Mr. Poop would be just as happy to tell us why people of different skin tones, national origin, religion, gender &c, &c are BAD BAD BAD double-plus ungood.

  86. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:04

    Because someone, somewhere might be fucking in a way that is more pleasurable than the way they fuck.

    In that case, Dan Poop should call his mother before he drops by for a visit. Just sayin’.

  87. Stag Party Palin said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:05

    There are over 1000 comments over at McArdle’s brush with sanity, but this is what caught my eye in her post:

    ” … threat of climate change doe snot … ”

    Is there *anything* that will not be affected by climate change??????

  88. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:11

    SPP, that’s such a common typo that I’ve got my word processor set to automatically correct it. Funny as hell, though, isn’t it?

  89. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:22

    I like the French solution. Introduce a nice clean analytic break between C1 and C2 with a finely sharpened blade.

    an old episode of Buffy had one designed to slice right through the old forehead, providing nice clean access to the whole brainpan….as well as a handy slicing tool for making Brain, Lettuce and Tomato sammiches.

  90. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:28

    ZRM, you would bring in a comment about brain sammiches… Didn’t Hannibal Lecter prefer Cervelles au Beurre Noir? More work than sammiches, though.

  91. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:32

    “If I had any questions about digital art or wanted examples of how it’s done, you’re the first person to whom I would speak.

    Also unicorns too.”

    Shucks, tsam. :D

    Don’t forget the POOP.

  92. Alex the Seal said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:33

    *arf! oorf.*

    [trans.: "weirding the language"]

  93. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:43

    Let’s put it this way,bbkf, this column smells like Bigfoot’s dick.

  94. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:46

    Hannibal Lecter was a foodie hipster.

    VS is also an authority on Top 40 radio.

  95. Bitter Scribe said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:46

    When I saw the headline, at first I thought it was a riff on the old joke, “Are you married?” “No, I’m happy.” Unfunny as that is, it would have been an improvement.

  96. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:47

    vs: Don’t forget the POOP.

    ZRM: VS is also an authority on Top 40 radio.

    Heh.

  97. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:50

    Also hitting zombies in the face with a shovel.

  98. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:50

    I only just realized that this is an opportunity for me to on-topic blogwhore.

  99. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:56

    Happy Happy Natal Anniversary PupMax!!!!11!!!!

    .

    From below, will be catching yup now!
    .

  100. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:57

    [prev thread]Belated happy birthday to teh Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus![/prev thread]

  101. Raspar Capac said,

    August 24, 2011 at 19:58

    From the Wikipedia page on Merkin:

    According to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language the term stems from a corruption of the obsolete word malkin, meaning a lower-class woman or mop

  102. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:03

    Dan, language changes, evolves, adapts or it dies. I remember a time when the word “Christian” wasn’t a synonym for “Randian faux-patriot”.
    Not whining about it, just noticing the evolution.

    This I like.
    .

  103. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:06

    *splash*

    What is it with the word salad people?

    Michelle Cobb Caltrider
    So changing words in the dictionary are “basic human rights” Wow I did not know that (yeah right!) and WWJD? He wouldn’t condone being homosexual. He would give you food & water, but would not condone “gay marriage” & plus Jesus did get upset and/or mad because in the Bible they were once trying to sell things in the sanctuary of the church & Jesus flipped the tables! So I don’t think Jesus would be passive, Plus teens in school aren’t accountable yet, & I’m not trying to terriorize anybody I am just saying that we should stand up for right & not wrong!

    How is saying gay is opposite of marriage “asking Jesus to stone gay people” it seems to me the people that are for being gay are just throwing stones at us Christians for standing up for good morals, just because they can’t get away with it! & the Government once had a role, but because of atheists now it doesn’t & it makes me sick! & the Bible HAS clearly stated that homosexuality is in fact wrong in the eyes of God, and quite frankly God comes before government any day! Plus you are condemning spirit also you are saying that he is judging an individuals soul but he is talking about the meaning of marriage in refrence to homosexualness.love the sinner & hate the sin

    .

  104. jim said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:06

    Comments there are indeed a thing of beauty – which tells me they’re going to become a memory at Reneuter Amerika before long. I encourage Sadlies with Facebook to upthumb at will.

    I trolled a teeny-tiny bit at McArdle’s “both sides are guilty” post (“jim2011″) & received exactly zero responses of substance.

    Funny how nobody ever seems very eager to get on a plane & patiently explain to the Palauans or the Inuit just HOW fat Al Gore really is. It’s almost as if deep down they know damn well they’re the current-day equivalent of the doctors recommending cigarettes to calm the nerves, but more global suicide-y.

    The problem is that I’ve hit the wall with this whole fucking society. I feel like we’re losing a culture war we never started. I’m tired of the cognitive diahrrea that has become our accepted political discourse. I’m just not finding shit funny anymore.

    Sounds like me circa 1988. Or 1998, come to think of it. At some point thereafter I noticed that my perma-rage didn’t actually do anything besides making me feel like shit … but getting rid of it as a daily habit was tough, & to this day I still keep a precious little ember of it handy, just in case.

    Not a Yankee nor in the GLBT camp, but if I was I think I’d have a hard time not ROFLing at the “losing the culture war” comment. Science & human decency are winning the culture war ahead of schedule (pro-same-sex comments outrating those of homophobes at fucking Renew Amerika isn’t a blip, it’s Teh New Normal). Avoid confusing shrillness with strength. They’re getting louder because they’re panicking, & they’re panicking because they know they’re screwed.

    It Gets Better – for you, I mean, not for society. We rock at changing abstract things like gay marriage, but not so much at concrete things like growing our own food or reducing our waste-stream, & Gaia doesn’t give automatic mulligans.

    Don’t let the bastards wear you down. Also, remember to enjoy & appreciate what you’ve got (very hard to maintain in a culture that equates B.O. with cannibalism & insists that you MUST have the newest smartphone/gerbil-dewormer/rototiller/tentacle-simulator or you are not quite human).

    Enjoy the ride while you can.

  105. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:13

    Thanks to all for the b’day greetings! <Mickey Rouke>To all my friennnnnds!</Barfly>

    They’re getting louder because they’re panicking, & they’re panicking because they know they’re screwed.

    Always remember, cornered animals are the most dangerous.

  106. jim said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:13

    Happy Afterbirthday, Pupenius Maximus!

    May The Farce be with you, always.

  107. Raspar Capac said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:18

    Not for those previously depressed by Megan Mc Ardle.

    Yeah, her craving for “balance” is appalling.
    On the “getting depressed by the news stuff, I feel a bit the same, but it could be a symptom of too many hours getting news from the Internet.

  108. Raspar Capac said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:19

    Tag issue (WP fail):
    http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2011/08/welfare-reform-the-downside/244073/

  109. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:19

    i would be mad as fucking hell and probably shoot a lot of people if my entire FUCKING LIFE were defined by what i do in the bedroom…

    Sounds like a date! Meet in the park. Bring a bag lunch.

  110. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:21

    Also hitting zombies in the face with a shovel.

    Needs moar Yakkity Sax

  111. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:21

    This
    i always wondered what the fuck gary oldman’s character was going to get out of his villiany in The Fifth element. i mean, he was selling out the entire world, and he lived on it! it didn’t make sense. that’s how i feel about megan and her associated scum. dan poop is too easy–he’s on the wrong side of a debate as even his own readers of his quite crazy website are aware–low hanging fruit, dare i say?

    and this
    Christ, I’m beginning to think the barrel either has no bottom or the barrel is being punished like Prometheus. Every time the fReichtards scrape a hole in it, it is healed so the process begins anew.

    The bottom of the barrel lies the wingularity. The closer you get to it the slower time moves. The journey from twelve inches to eleven will take a millennium. The journey from an eighth of an inch to bottom will take an infinity.

    That is why us rational types will never perceive peak Wingnut.
    .

  112. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:23

    Barfly

    I always read this as “barfly”, as in “I think I’m gonna hurl,” Tom said, barfly.

  113. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:24

    wingularity

    Oh, VERY nice. Very nice indeed.

  114. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:24

    i always wondered what the fuck gary oldman’s character was going to get out of his villiany in The Fifth element. i mean, he was selling out the entire world, and he lived on it!

    Did you not SEE Superman II?

    He gets Australia!

  115. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:25

    wingularity

    Oh, VERY nice. Very nice indeed.

    Otherwise known as the whitehole.

  116. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:25

    Denuded Merkin

    Nonsequitor

    Sheez, you’re an actor and have never heard of “bald wigs?”

  117. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:27

    Every marriage is a testimony to the fact that there is a god;

    I knew the state bureaucrats who sign marriage certificates are usually indifferently arrogant, but this is a bit of a stretch.

  118. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:28

    Sheez, you’re an actor and have never heard of “bald wigs?”

    It’s not part of my repetoire.

  119. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:31

    But few program changes are entirely win-win, and this was no exception. Even as many families have climbed out of poverty, some families have plunged deeper into it; as I understand it, mostly those headed by women with severe mental illness, drug and alcohol problems, or personality disorders.

    The “as I understand it” pretty much sums up the hole oeuvre.

    Just to think that this one is making north of 100 grand…

    OK need to load a bowl now, thankful that I do not have a gun to load…
    .

  120. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:34

    So inventing one’s own kind of living arrangement and calling it “marriage” is anti-theistic. It defies not only the biblical God, but the concept of any deity greater than Self.

    Brain. Hurt. Sense. Non. Whut?

  121. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:40

    As a goddess fan, I’m in thrall to umbilical deities

  122. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:43

    As a goddess fan, I’m in thrall to umbilical deities

    It’s a big enough umbilical, but it’s always me that ends up getting wet.

  123. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:45

    marriage and homosexual behavior would be about as far apart on the paper as we could place them.

    How big is the paper? I mean, are we talking notepad? Legal pad? And do we write width-wise or length-wise? And where on this paper of indeterminate size and orientation is polygamy?

    “We have a word for “designed,” but no word for “accidented.” That’s no accident.”

    He happens to be right! It chances that there is no word that doesn’t require intentionality! Maybe one will eventually materialize, actualize, come about, befall, emerge, evolve, turn up, or occur in some way, but until such a word originates we have to admit he’s lucked into being correct.

  124. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:47

    If there were no different fucking (or loving or attraction) going on, shrivel-souled creeps such as Mr. Poop would be just as happy to tell us why people of different skin tones, national origin, religion, gender &c, &c are BAD BAD BAD double-plus ungood.

    this makes total sense! of course! first it was teh wimmens having teh sex and talking about it, which made all sorts of white xtian men and women freak the fuck out, and now it’s teh ghey’s talking about teh ghey sex which freaks teh xtian white men and women freak the fuck out…

    so:
    first they came for the skin, but i didn’t speak out because my skin is white
    then they were granted freedoms and i freaked the fuck out…

  125. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:50

    This argument is that if the term “marriage” has no fixed meaning, then it has no fixed meaning

    “Dan” knows the meaning. If you don’t know what he “means” he will “fix” it so you do, if you get my “meaning”. ” ”

    “!” ” “

  126. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:52

    Don’t let the bastards wear you down. Also, remember to enjoy & appreciate what you’ve got (very hard to maintain in a culture that equates B.O. with cannibalism & insists that you MUST have the newest smartphone/gerbil-dewormer/rototiller/tentacle-simulator or you are not quite human).

    this is why i LOVE living out here in the sticks…much as i complain about some aspects and we do have the same b.o./smartphone crapola it’s just not x10,000…plus we know that we are at the ends of the earth out here which brings about a kind of fraternal feeling that we’re all in it together…

  127. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:53

    And where on this paper of indeterminate size and orientation is polygamy?

    In the far right margin

  128. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:53

    Maybe one will eventually materialize, actualize, come about, befall, emerge, evolve, turn up, or occur in some way

    Yeah, like that will happen.

  129. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:54

    If you may revise the English language to suit your lusts,

    What?

  130. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:54

    Every marriage is a testimony to the fact that there is a god;

    Mine is a testimony to the fact that in his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.

    it seems to me the people that are for being gay are just throwing stones at us Christians for standing up for good morals

    Every wingnut is a testimony to the fact that their god is a whiny asshole.

    Happy birthday, Pup. Hope you got all you wanted, early and often.

  131. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:55

    Sounds like a date! Meet in the park. Bring a bag lunch.
    “I think I’m gonna hurl,” Tom said, barfly.

    i hope you are NOT bringing tom on our date…

  132. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:55

    He happens to be right!

    Except we used to have a verb form of “accident”, which means language has changed…precisely voiding his argument.

    Origin:
    1350–1400; Middle English < Latin accident- (stem of accid?ns happening, present participle of accidere to befall), equivalent to ac- ac- + -cid-, combining form of cad- fall + -ent- -ent

  133. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:55

    i hope you are NOT bringing tom on our date…

    No way! I found out the hard way about his gag reflex…

  134. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:57

    I see where Poopie had a natal blockade yesterday. My apologies for missing it, sir.

  135. Mark D said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:58

    Totes off-topic, and not sure if it’s posted here yet, but … just … holy fucking shit.

    They’re nuts. Completely. Utterly. Off. Their. Clinically. Insane. Rockers.

    It’s not ridiculous that these clowns are serious contenders for public office, gaining adoration from all the Crazee and Kewl Kids at home and in the Village.

    It’s ricockulous.

  136. Mark D said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:59

    Hat tip for the previously-posted linky goes to John Cole and Co.

    Which I would’ve done in the original comment had WP let me.

    FYWPetcetcetc.

  137. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 20:59

    And where on this paper of indeterminate size and orientation is polygamy?

    you were not paying attention! dan says in the scheme of things polygamy is as close to “marriage” as it is far from “homosexualpedophilebestial” sex…

    i can’t blame you for missing that though…you were likely rummaging about looking for something sharp with which to gouge your eyeballs…

  138. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:00

    If you may revise the English language to suit your lusts,

    What?

    MOAR LABIAL FRICATIVES!

  139. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:05

    “Lou Engle [has spoken] at length about how one of his sons has started an International House of Prayer

    ooooh! i’ll have the rooty tooty fresh and fruity, please!!!

  140. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:05

    dan says in the scheme of things polygamy is as close to “marriage” as it is far from “homosexualpedophilebestial” sex

    So is lesbianism OK if they’re both married to some bearded patriarch? How about polyandry? How about spouse swapping or married foursomes? Just trying to figure out how this mapping thing works.

  141. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:06

    MOAR LABIAL FRICATIVES!

    much more fun than the voiced velar…

  142. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:07

    If you may revise the English language to suit your lusts, then on what basis can you say that others may not do the same? If a tail is henceforth to be called a leg, then a tongue surely is a kind of tail, and an ear will be discovered to be a tongue, and a dog is of course a rhinoceros.

    Not sure what Poppeel Pocketfisherman is lusting about, but I think it has to do with tongues and dogs. Or something.

  143. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:07

    Except we used to have a verb form of “accident”, which means language has changed…precisely voiding his argument.

    Origin:
    1350–1400; Middle English < Latin accident- (stem of accid?ns happening, present participle of accidere to befall), equivalent to ac- ac- + -cid-, combining form of cad- fall + -ent- -ent

    You take that egghedded OED and do something usefull with it, like smashing some walnuts, or something.
    .

  144. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:08

    <i.So is lesbianism OK if they’re both married to some bearded patriarch? How about polyandry? How about spouse swapping or married foursomes? Just trying to figure out how this mapping thing works

    well they are all icky and wrong, but if dan had his druthers, he would accept people bonking lots of people in male/female marriages, than two same sex people bonking only each other…

  145. M. Bouffant said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:09

    “I think I’m gonna hurl,” Tom said, barfly.

    “What we need is a guy who can hit 50 homers a year,” Tom said ruthlessly.

  146. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:09

    but I think it has to do with tongues and dogs. Or something.

    DO NOT LET DAN POOP BORROW YOUR JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER!!!

  147. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:10

    Not sure what Poppeel Pocketfisherman is lusting about, but I think it has to do with tongues and dogs. Or something.

    And if my tongue can gay marry a dog, my ear an antalope?

    What then people, what then?
    .

  148. UNE_TheBlackBarbarian™ProudlyPre-Cambrian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:13

    DO NOT LET DAN POOP BORROW YOUR JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER!!!

    He’ll return it alright! Just take my advice and don’t make any sammaches with it.
    .

  149. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:13

    and that he has revealed a solution to the social turmoil, disease, heartbreak and poverty caused by misuse of his gift of sex.

    Peanut butter?

  150. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:15

    “It’s New York. I can marry whomever I want” Tom said gaily

  151. andon said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:15

    Recently unprecedented cooperative efforts have been achieved in Isreal and Palestine. The oppressors of these nations have since increased the signal of the compellors utilized to create religious fervor. As nazi funding is being siezed, the purchasing compellors are now emitting subliminal and audible suggestions in regards to religiousity. Information techonology professionals assistance is needed. During a consultation with both Palestenians and Isrealites today clarified that although there is not a great deal of concern that this will derail efforts, it is an element of psychological torture, and the efforts of many are being stalled in this manner, in regards to peacable efforts.
    Sincerely, The Pacific Army.

  152. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:15

    Can an antelope? No, he cantaloupe.

    TAKE THAT, MR WORDS MEAN ONLY WHAT I SAY THEY MEAN.

  153. Anonymous said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:15

    There is a separation of church and state.

  154. Anonymous said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:18

    orientation day? Make it stop. Make it stop.

  155. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:22

    Think of every way you can describe a hero. They are brave, and strong, and smart, handsome and hard working. A little further down the list of virtues you have responsible, compassionate and caring. Next you’d have qualities like modest, lucky and clean. Bringing up the tail end of the list of virtues is pious. That ‘virtue’ sits on the end of the list like an ancient creaky caboose on the tail end of a bullet train.
    But that is the virtue all of these mouth breathers always latch on to. All of the other virtues require luck, and hard work and character to posses and maintain. These worthless scolds know they can’t compete in any kind of meritocracy. They hope their clinging to and trumpeting the virtue of ‘traditional family values’ will make up for their all-too-apparent shortcomings in all the other areas. These twerps would have been the last Aztec still calling for more human sacrifices to stop the invading conquistadors. These suckers wold have drank the fruit punch in Jonestown and complimented the flavor with their dying breath. Dan is just the latest lick-spittle in a long line of toadys.

  156. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:22

    “It’s New York. I can marry whomever I want” Tom said gaily

    that deserves a martini i said, drily.

  157. N__B said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:22

    And where on this paper of indeterminate size and orientation is polygamy?

    You must fold the paper to achieve polyorigami.

  158. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:24

    “There’s a separation of Church,” Tom stated.

  159. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:24

    Think of every way you can describe a hero.

    sammich?

  160. Anonymous said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:26

    kavica. 27.

  161. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:27

    You must fold the paper to achieve polyorigami.

    OK with Popp as long as the mountain folds only go into the valley folds.

  162. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:29

    Also, for anyone who is at all interested in learning more about the particularly odious brand of evangelical nonsense espoused by Perry, Bachmann, and Palin, I refer you to the website http://www.talk2action.org/ which is a cooperative effort to keep tabs on what the dominionists and other would-be theocrats are up to. It is updated several times a week and is well supported with references and link to original source material.

  163. Raspar Capac said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:30

    SmallFoot Isrealite.

  164. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:32

    “I’m wondering why opportunistic Intartrons vandals haven’t mangled Popp’s post yet,” Tom ejaculated.

  165. Anonymous said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:32

    Pink isn’t Alicia, she’s a Jessica. I’m the Alicia around here. Pink’s a not-sister. Suzanne, man. Image. Identity theft. Vaccuums.

  166. Anonymous said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:33

    We forgot a pop.

  167. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:34

    This is true whether we’re talking about Christian marriage, Muslim marriage or Hindu marriage

    Our BFFs the Saudis allow polygamist marriages. Ooops, sorry, only apllies to the “bad” Mooslims”" “.” “”

  168. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:35

    These worthless scolds know they can’t compete in any kind of meritocracy. They hope their clinging to and trumpeting the virtue of ‘traditional family values’ will make up for their all-too-apparent shortcomings in all the other areas.

    Except they too often fuck that up, too. How hard is it, really, not to cheat on your wife, or not to divorce your dying wife on her death bed so you can marry your secretary, or not to troll the bathroom at the bus station looking for somebody who also has a wide stance?

    One of the things Amanda Marcotte is often on about with her Nice Guy (TM) thing is that you don’t get brownie points for not being an asshole. I agree. But these people often can’t even manage the “don’t be an asshole” part and they still expect the brownie points. I don’t get that at all.

  169. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:35

    tigris delivered teh straight line, “OK with Popp as long as the mountain folds only go into the valley folds.

  170. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:36

    “What we need is a guy who can hit 50 homers a year,” Tom said ruthlessly.

    Oh, and the above was awesome.

  171. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:38

    Next, post, Popp, will, show, his, comma, “skills”.

  172. DrDick said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:39

    his is true whether we’re talking about Christian marriage, Muslim marriage or Hindu marriage

    Actually, that would depend on which flavor of Islam and the exact details. The Iranian Ayatollahs issued a statement endorsing sexual reassignment surgery for gays. They said that sex with men and marriage to them would then be halal.

  173. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:39

    ooooh! i’ll have the rooty tooty fresh and fruity, please!!!

    Since it’s a House of Prayer you’ll have to settle for the “rooty tooty fresh and completely vanilla without any possible interpretation that might lead people to think there was anything whatsover teh ghey about it” special.

  174. Pupienus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:39

    Talk2action sends me an email or two everyday with excerpts meaty enough that I know when I want to click through. Good resource

  175. Anonymous said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:42

    that’s not my name, and even after all the surgery, I’m still prettier. I said that.

  176. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:42

    “Look, at, all, those, commas!” Tom punctuated.

  177. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:49

    “rooty tooty fresh and completely vanilla

    No Frenchy stuff, Freedom Vanilla!

  178. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:51

    Except we used to have a verb form of “accident”, which means language has changed…precisely voiding his argument.

    Origin:
    1350–1400; Middle English < [...]

    actor said occidentally.

  179. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:52

    If mirage is proof of God, then does that mean St K-lo of the Sammitch really wasn’t canonized?!”!!!!!!!!!!!”"”"”

  180. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:54

    Precisely voiding his argument.

  181. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:55

    “I think I’m gonna hurl,” Tom said, barfly.

    “What we need is a guy who can hit 50 homers a year,” Tom said ruthlessly.

    “Get the point?” Tom said sharply

  182. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:57

    I once lent Iggy Pop a jar of peanut butter and the rest is history… my freckled sibling is an ellipsis…

    and my spazzy brother is hy-phen-ac-tive

  183. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:57

    Think of every way you can describe a hero. They are brave, and strong, and smart, handsome and hard working. A little further down the list of virtues you have responsible, compassionate and caring. Next you’d have qualities like modest, lucky and clean. Bringing up the tail end of the list of virtues is pious. That ‘virtue’ sits on the end of the list like an ancient creaky caboose on the tail end of a bullet train.

    You were beginning to veer into andon territory there.

  184. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:58

    The point is that, even when our Creator allowed polygamy,

    Changed His mind? Ruh-roh, Poppity-popp says God made a boo-boo and took a mulligan.

  185. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 21:59

    How hard is it, really, not to cheat on your wife, or not to divorce your dying wife on her death bed so you can marry your secretary, or not to troll the bathroom at the bus station looking for somebody who also has a wide stance?

    I’ll let you know after my next marriage.

  186. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:01

    I’ll let you know after my next marriage.” said actor while putting down the shovel.

  187. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:02

    Pink isn’t Alicia, she’s a Jessica. I’m the Alicia around here. Pink’s a not-sister. Suzanne, man. Image. Identity theft. Vaccuums.

    that’s not my name, and even after all the surgery, I’m still prettier. I said that.

    I once lent Iggy Pop a jar of peanut butter and the rest is history… my freckled sibling is an ellipsis…

    and my spazzy brother is hy-phen-ac-tive

    After this, I feel like I’ve wandered into a play by Eugene O’Neill.

    Pardon me while I have a strange interlude….

  188. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:02

    Putting down the shovel

  189. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:05

    Unless you’re wilding in Central Park, wielding a shovel in New York is like carrying a water filter in the Sahara.

  190. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:06

    wielding a shovel in New York is like carrying a water filter in the Sahara

    Clearly you’ve never been poor and in need of a sled in the winter

  191. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:07

    –However, I hear that a tree does grow in a certain borough…

    ‘Kay, speaking of shovels, time to get out for late-summer garden tasks.

  192. Steerpike said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:07

    We are the Chosen People, Tom said Israely

  193. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:09

    We are the Chosen People, Tom said Israely

    “And we eat matzo” said Tom judiciously.

  194. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:11

    “Stop! Stop! Don’t Hop on Popp!” Dan bellowed enSeussiastically.

  195. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:14

    “Death is no laughing matter” Tom said gravely.

  196. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:15

    “And we eat matzo” said Tom judiciously.

    “And drink squeezed oranges,” Tom said jusesly

  197. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:15

    “I’ll let you know after my next marriage.” said actor while putting down the shovel.

    “well, that will have to be rehearsed,” said actor after the coffin fell out…

  198. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:16

    “Listen to me sing harmony,” Tom intoned.

  199. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:16

    Who the fuck is Tom? I hope you don’t mean Mr. Anjerry.

  200. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:16

    “well, that will have to be rehearsed,” said actor after the coffin fell out…

    Damn stagehands….next time I work strictly union.

  201. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:16

    Squeezing oranges. For juice.

  202. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:17

    “Let’s make this fire hotter,” Tom bellowed.

  203. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:17

    (that was not an attempt to do what you guys are doing, btw)

  204. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:18

    Who the fuck is Tom?” asked tsam Swiftly.

  205. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:19

    Who the fuck is Tom? I hope you don’t mean Mr. Anjerry.

    TOM ISREAL! Steerpike said so.

  206. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:19

    Who the fuck is Tom?

    Tom’s dick is hairy. I thought everyone knew that.

  207. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:20

    “He sure seems to put himself on a pedestal” Tom said crossly.

  208. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:21

    “I’m going to need moar toilet paper,” Tom replied.

  209. Smut Clyde said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:23

    If you may revise the English language to suit your lusts,
    MOAR LABIAL FRICATIVES!

    I would like an ergative marker. Also, we have too many past tenses. Please abolish two of them.

  210. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:24

    “I can’t say this enough: I love this message board.” Tom riposted.

  211. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:24

    “This tastes best on a puff pastry,” Tom said airily.

  212. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:24

    “He sure seems to put himself on a pedestal” Tom said crossly

    That’s just rood.

  213. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:24

    “I’m going to need moar toilet paper,” Tom Dan POOP replied.

    fixxed for on-topicness…

  214. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:25

    I would like an ergative marker.

    Commie! Go back to Ergland where you came from!

  215. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:25

    Also, we have too many past tenses. Please abolish two of them.” Smut presented.

  216. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:25

    “I could eat beans at every meal” Tom said airily.

  217. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:25

    “Look at that Japanese-style artificial fish pond,” he said coyly.

  218. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:25

    “He sure seems to put himself on a pedestal” Tom said crossly

    That’s just rood.

    Momma said there’d be dais like this.

  219. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:26

    “I could eat beans at every meal” Tom said airily bubbled.

    FTFY

  220. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:27

    ‘it’s my birthday and i’m going to eat guts!’ pup said both awfully and heartily…

  221. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:27

    Presenting the tense

  222. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:27

    “Mr. Poop, please kiss my ass,” Tom said cheekily.

  223. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:29

    “I’ll have both the marinara and the alfredo” Tom said saucily.

  224. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:29

    That’s just rood.

    Momma said there’d be dais like this.

    Hey, my Martyr said the same thing.

  225. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:29

    parsing the sentence

  226. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:30

    That’s just rood.

    Momma said there’d be dais like this.

    Hey, my Martyr said the same thing.

    Mine told me I’d make an apse of myself

  227. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:31

    I would like an ergative marker. Also, we have too many past tenses. Please abolish two of them.

    Since we’re expressing wishes, I want a non-gendered singular pronoun, so we can quit it with the he/she/it stuff (Don’t get me started about they).

  228. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:31

    “I love camping,” Tom said intensely.

  229. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:32

    Mine told me I’d make an apse of myself

    But through no vault of your own.

  230. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:33

    I want a non-gendered singular pronoun

    Other than ze and hir, one presumes.

  231. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:33

    OK, I admit it: Both Spear and DK-W made me chuckle. With puns. Dumb puns. This place has corrupted me utterly.

  232. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:33

    i’ll do yer mom, dkw said easily…

  233. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:34

    I want a non-gendered singular pronoun

    I believe one has an optimal solution available to oneself, does one not?

  234. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:35

    Mine told me I’d make an apse of myself

    But through no vault of your own.

    With chalice towards none

  235. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:36

    D’OH! Damn you, DK-W!

  236. tigris said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:36

    I would like an ergative marker. Also, we have too many past tenses. Please abolish two of them.

    Smut’s lusts are weird and wonderful.

    The rest of you are naves.

  237. Smut Clyde said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:36

    Mine told me I’d make an apse of myself
    I aspire to reach the pinnacles.

  238. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:37

    I am disappoint that I let an opportunity to comment about actor’s mom go wanting for so long.

    Momma said there’d be dais like this.

    There’d be dias like this your momma said upliftingly*.

    *Her skirt that is. All nine yards of it.

  239. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:37

    “I think I’ve got a flu bug in my guts” Tom interrupted.

  240. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:37

    Ugh. bbkf’d.

  241. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:37

    The rest of you are naves.

    Aisle take exception to this.

  242. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:38

    There’d be dias like this your momma said upliftingly*.

    You might want to altar the spelling.

  243. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:39

    Ugh. bbkf’d.

    ‘i don’t know how to make tags,’ she said failingly

  244. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:39

    This place has corrupted me utterly.

    The thing about puns is that some of them only make sense when spoken out loud. Thus while puns corrupt (words), you must utter them to corrupt utterly.

  245. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:39

    I believe one has an optimal solution available to oneself, does one not?

    Sure, one does, if one wants to sound like one is a douchebag who ought properly to be stuffed into one’s locker after school.

    And anyway, that doesn’t work very well in a sentence like, “The student shall then remove his/her hat from his/her head and place his/her hand over his/her heart before reciting the Pledge of Allegiance”.

    I would accept ze and hir if everybody else agrees to use them too.

  246. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:39

    Ugh. Spelenigs and tag fail.

  247. Steerpike said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:40

    You can’t just make up words and have them mean whatever you want, Tom said contrubiately.

  248. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:40

    I want a non-gendered singular pronoun

    Non-smoking. Likes travel, shopping, moonlit walks. Must love dogs.

  249. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:40

    “I like to corrupt words udderly” said the cow*.

    *DK-W’s mom

  250. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:41

    Aisle take exception to this.

    pew!

  251. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:41

    You can’t just make up words and have them mean whatever you want, Tom said contrubiately.

    Exsqueeze me, but I believe he said that cromulently.

  252. jim said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:42

    “Anybody got a Kleenex?” Tom ejaculated.

  253. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:42

    “Baby, I haven’t been this excited in a long time” Tom said hoarsely.

  254. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:43

    The Students shall then remove his/her one’s hat from his/her one’s head and place his/her one’s hand over his/her one’s heart before reciting the Pledge of Allegiance”.

    There.

    Even fixed your syntax for ya.

  255. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:43

    “Anybody got a Kleenex?” Tom ejaculated.

    ha!

  256. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:45

    Aisle take exception to this.

    pew!

    That was pretty low to stoup

  257. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:45

    “I admit to covering the defendant in gold” Tom said guiltily.

  258. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:46

    Aisle take exception to this.

    pew!

    If the conversation keeps going in this direction, I’m afraid we’ll have to chancel it.

  259. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:46

    I want a non-gendered singular pronoun

    Non-smoking. Likes travel, shopping, moonlit walks. Must love dogs.

    ::blink::

    NICELY played, errr, one!

    *politely golf clap*

    Martini?

  260. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:47

    Thus while puns corrupt (words), you must utter them to corrupt utterly.

    Punning corrupts, while absolute punning corrupts absolutely.

  261. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:48

    “I did indeed, eat that window” Tom said painfully.

  262. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:48

    “I like to corrupt words udderly” said the cow*.

    *DK-W’s mom

    She’s more of a porcubine.

  263. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:49

    “I did indeed, eat that window” Tom said painfully.

    “You have an unnecessary comma,” Tom punctuated.

  264. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:49

    “What an asshole” Tom cracked.

  265. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:51

    OK, sorry to interrupt the pun time y’all are having here, but in case you didn’t fully Sepuku earlier, here’s a link to a podcast about the shrinking middle class. The long and short of is, though, that the CEO’s really have no vested interest in having a thriving middle class. See, with the global economy, they can make their money elsewhere. Lest you go sharpening your guillotines, know this: they are happy to LIVE elsewhere too. They really don’t give a shit about anyone who is not fabulously wealthy. They really don’t give a shit about this country.

    OK, sorry for being Debbie Downer.

  266. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:52

    “Please give me back my pants” Tom said embarrassingly.

  267. Steerpike said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:52

    If you keep making these lame word-jokes much longer, someone’s gonna get hurt, Tom said punitively

  268. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:52

    (Briefly in from shoveling)

    My long-bated breath is finally blown now that the inevitable ejaculation jest has reared its head.

  269. Pupienus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:53

    Ladies and germs, a cementitious comment:

    “Anybody got a Kleenex?” Tom ejaculated.

  270. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:53

    “Click on this link” vaccumslayer said depressingly.

  271. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:55

    If you keep making these lame word-jokes much longer, someone’s gonna get hurt, Tom said punitively

    but these puns are so gouda, tom said cheesily

  272. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:56

    “Look at the size of my pecker,” Tom said horsely.

  273. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:56

    OK, sorry for being Debbie Downer.

    You interrupted a perfectly good pun thread…WITH SWIFTIES!…for that????

  274. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:57

    Pupienus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:53

    Ladies and germs, a cementitious comment:

    “Anybody got a Kleenex?” Tom ejaculated.

    It annoys me that he beat* me to this one. Although I had:

    “I’m coming” Tom ejaculated.

    All ready to go in the box*, jim’s is way better.

    *Yes.

  275. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:58

    “I’m coming” Tom ejaculated.

    All ready to go in the box*, jim’s is way better.

    *Yes.

    this made me laff…i was going to go with:

    ‘here’s a pearl necklace,’ tom ejaculated

  276. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:59

    “He beat me to it” OBS said punitively

  277. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:59

    The long and short of is, though, that the CEO’s really have no vested interest in having a thriving middle class. See, with the global economy, they can make their money elsewhere. Lest you go sharpening your guillotines, know this: they are happy to LIVE elsewhere too. They really don’t give a shit about anyone who is not fabulously wealthy. They really don’t give a shit about this country. they said meglomaniacally…

    lol…what?

  278. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 22:59

    “That’s not what I had in mind” Tom said chokingly.

  279. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:01

    “Gimme that glue!” Tom huffed.

  280. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:03

    “Gimme that glue!” Tom huffed.

    “Hand over the LSD!” Tom said acidly.

  281. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:04

    “Gimme that glue!” Tom huffed.

    “Hand over the LSD!” Tom said acidly.

    “I can’t find your pipe,” Tom cracked.

  282. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:05

    –Damn, missed the chance to call it an ejaculation gag.

  283. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:05

    “Sorry I’m late” Tom said fashionably.

  284. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:07

    *Snort of derision* and a Coke to Actor

  285. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:07

    “Gimme that glue!” Tom huffed.

    “Hand over the LSD!” Tom said acidly.

    “I can’t find your pipe,” Tom cracked.

    “This Coke is great,” Tom snorted.

  286. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:08

    Oops, beat to the pun(ch).

  287. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:09

    Oops, beat to the pun(ch).

    “This heroin is strong,” Tom injected.

  288. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:11

    “What hurricane?” Tom asked breezily.

  289. Pupienus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:11

    “I beat him to it,” said Tom, sadistically.

  290. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:12

    Our Enemas will never rest at finding ever-more-degrading methods to pollute our precious bodily fluids with insidious drugs!

  291. bbkf said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:12

    ‘hey, i ejaculated!’ tom said spunkily.

  292. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:12

    “Nothing better than homemade doilies,” Tom said craftily.

  293. ckelly said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:12

    “Did Mr. Poop run this shit-stain article past the Pope?” Tom pontificated.

  294. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:13

    “We are now entering Death Valley” Tom said dryly.

  295. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:14

    “No, the correct answer to the question ‘what is the sum of 2+2 ?’ is four” Tom added testily.

  296. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:14

    “Don’t leave me hanging” Tom said pendulously

  297. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:15

    “We have just crossed over the Nevada border” Tom stated.

  298. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:15

    “This heroin is strong,” Tom injected.

    “But this other heroin is lousy,” said Tom crankily.

  299. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:15

    Our Enemas will never rest at finding ever-more-degrading methods to pollute our precious bodily fluids with insidious drugs! Tom said in a serious vein

  300. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:17

    “Bambi’s mother has been shot!” Tom cried.

  301. ckelly said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:17

    This place has corrupted me utterly.

    VS – then don’t be so easily cowed

  302. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:17

    “This grape juice is spoiled!” Tom whined.

  303. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:18

    Our Enemas will never rest at finding ever-more-degrading methods to pollute our precious bodily fluids with insidious drugs! Tom said in a serious vein

    “I am so done with this enema,” Tom gushed.

  304. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:19

    “I teach at the university” Tom professed.

  305. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:19

    Sheesh, drug puns today? I’m done with this horse shit.

  306. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:22

    “Teh gays are butchering the American language” Dan Poop said cuttingly.

  307. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:22

    Sheesh, drug puns today? I’m done with this horse shit.

    As long as you don’t smack us around.

  308. actor212 said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:24

    Sheesh, drug puns today? I’m done with this horse shit.

    As long as you don’t smack us around.

    Or get too lude

  309. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:25

    “I covered the tree” Tom barked.

  310. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:25

    Drug puns make me ecstatic.

  311. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:25

    Or get too lude

    And remember, we have the upper hand.

  312. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:26

    “I haven’t lost my sense of balance!” Tom stammered.

  313. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:29

    “What’s that hole for?” Tom asked gloriously.

  314. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:29

    “My doors of perception are squeaky,” he Huxxed…

  315. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:29

    “Who let the dogs out?” Tom muttered.

  316. Wyatt Watts III said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:29

    “I covered the tree” Tom barked.

    “It was a dogwood,” he added waggishly.

  317. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:30

    Apropos of nothing, why did this become this?

    It doesn’t seem healthy.

  318. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:32

    “I have an apartment in London” Tom said flatly.

  319. Pupienus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:35

    “I’ll insert the keystone,” said Tom archly.

  320. jim said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:36

    It’s true – I’m actually a werewolf!” Tom howled.

  321. Pupienus said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:37

    “I heat durg nups,” said Tom dislexically.

  322. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:40

    “That’s some cheap booze” Tom said groggily.

  323. gocart mozart said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:42

    “I don’t care what it says I wrote, I never believed that” Tom swaggered perrily.

  324. N__B said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:42

    “I’m actually an Arab,” Tom said.

  325. Steerpike said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:43

    Something about that picture of Michele Bachmann excites me, Tom said Corn-doggedly

  326. gocart mozart said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:44

    “Don’t play gotcha with me” Tom palined defensively.

  327. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:46

    “Is your last name Furter?” Tom asked frankly.

  328. gocart mozart said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:46

    “Clean that frothy mix up now!” Tom ricked.

  329. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:46

    In AFL International Cup news, the American Revolution upset the South Africa Lions to move on to the semi-finals where they fell to the Papua New Guinea Mosquitoes. The other semi-final match saw the Irish warriors defeat the New Zealand Hawks. The Revos will face the Hawks in a consolation game Friday and the Mosquitoes and Warriors will meet in the Grand Final on Saturday at the MCG.

  330. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:47

    “Do you have satellite radio?” Tom asked seriously.

  331. tsam said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:48

    Apropos of nothing, why did this become this?

    I think the saddest part is that if you polled 100 men, you’d likely find that about 90 of them prefer the body in picture 1.

    If you ask 100 women which body type they think is expected of them, about 80 of them would choose picture 2.

    It’s not healthy.

  332. gocart mozart said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:49

    “Put it in the bachmann, Marcus.” Tom micheled coyly.

  333. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:50

    I am shocked to learn men like enormous breasts.

  334. gocart mozart said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:54

    I vote for photo one also. The fashion industry is run by women and gay men, don’t blame us. (to quote the noted feminist Bill Maher.)

  335. vacuumslayer said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:57

    Meh. I’m not ready to be all “Yay, y’all are enlightened men!” yet. Now. Take the ENORMOUS boobies from picture one and put it on picture two. See the percentages change.

    It’s not really a “I like women to be at a healthy weight” thing it’s a “I’m sad the huge boobies went away.” thing.

  336. Thread Bear said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:57

    Yes, even if the breasts were the same size in picture 2 I would still prefer picture 1.

  337. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 24, 2011 at 23:59

    men like enormous breasts.

    Sadly, Not! in this case, except as atavistic appendages to marvel at occasionally

  338. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:00

    Yes, but the boobies are still enormous. I’d be curious to see if you all would be all “Be healthy, ladies!” if the experiment were with a woman with medium/small breasts.

  339. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:03

    Spearhafoc and tsam: It makes me viciously angry as well. It’s not healthy, and like you say, 99% of men would prefer the first picture. It’s been going on forever: After the first season of Maude, they told Adrienne Barbeau: “Lose weight or you’re fired.” She came back next season after treatments that involved among other things, injection of pregnant women’s urine, 20 pounds lighter and looking 30 years older. They did the same thing to Joyce De Witt in Three’s Company. It really infuriates me.

  340. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:03

    The mean is vulgar and coarse, so don’t conflate this crowd with a statistic, vs.

  341. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:06

    And no, VS: It’s not just the boobs. I don’t know how they manage to get their pelvic bones to compress—does it involve boards, like Mayan skull deformation?

  342. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:07

    Enraged, Spear aside—as he CLEARLY has a thing for cartoonishly large breasts (which is totalLY his prerogative and more power to him)–I would be pretty hesitant to lump this crowd in with your average schmo.

  343. Arky said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:09

    “Wow! That lava is really hot,” Tom erupted.

  344. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:09

    “English should have reflexive markers in noun morphology,” Smut said to himself reflectively.

  345. tsam said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:09

    Yes, but the boobies are still enormous. I’d be curious to see if you all would be all “Be healthy, ladies!” if the experiment were with a woman with medium/small breasts.

    Uncalled-for discount

    Whatever discount…

  346. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:10

    I am shocked to learn men like enormous breasts.

    Not all of us.

  347. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:11

    Now I admit I liked Sara Rue as Attorney General “Funbags” in Idiocracy, but the fact that her boobs are smaller is not the reason I’ve been bitching about these Jenny Craig commercials she’s been in lately. As I said before, I’ve loved her for nearly 20 years, through fat and skinny.

  348. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:12

    Does English have any glottal stops?

    –Uh-uh.

  349. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:12

    Smut can be counted on to react reflexively.

  350. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:14

    not all of us

    Easy for you to say, P-Max: your “us” is plural of… them.

  351. Thread Bear said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:15

    Meh. I’m not ready to be all “Yay, y’all are enlightened men!” yet. Now. Take the ENORMOUS boobies from picture one and put it on picture two. See the percentages change.

    Unfortunately, as you are right that most men will see it that way, I expect she will be getting the implants soon enough.

  352. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:17

    I use this as a signature on some forums that have that as an option: “Yes, I use they/them/their/their for 3rd person singular. Unless you use thou/thee/thy/thine for 2nd person singular, suck it up!”

  353. tigris said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:18

    Jesus, who cares which photo men prefer? Which does she prefer?

  354. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:20

    I solemnly swear as a heterosexual male that I greatly prefer small breasts, and fit, athletic (but not skinny) women.

  355. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:20

    My eggplants are finally sizing up, and the tomatoes are showing color at long last. It’ll be time for some wholly homegrown ratatouille in a few days: the delectable essence of summer, fleeting as it may be.

  356. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:23

    “I solemnly swear as a heterosexual male that I greatly prefer small breasts, and fit, athletic (but not skinny) women.”

    I think that’s awesome, OBS, though FTR, men should have the right to like big boobs, small boobs, skinny women, zaftig women etc.

  357. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:24

    I guess in my ideal world, men would find a range of figure types attractive.

  358. Steerpike said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:26

    OK, I’ll weigh in (see what I did there) on the before & after pics. Obviously the first one is of a healthy, attractive woman, and the second is an Auschwitz survivor. Can anyone really say they prefer the emaciated version? I mean, personally, I have always preferred my women a bit on the zaftig side: not obese, but plumper than the modern American ideal (keeps one’s balls off the cold sheets, if ya knowwhuddameean). Big bewbies aren’t really the issue. I think skinny women with no hips who’ve gotten huge pornstar jugz are every bit as much of a turnoff as Laura Flynn Boyle, post plastic surgery. It looks cartoonishly fake and not at all sexy.

  359. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:28

    And a gentle reminder that some women are just naturally very thin and lucky them! They get to be the Hollywood ideal!

  360. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:29

    vs, you already live in that idealized world! Doodz are sexually far-flung, but tend to answer surveys in what they perceive as the most mainstream response.

    Towel-snapping scars…

  361. M. Bouffant said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:30

    “What we need is a guy who can hit 50 homers a year,” Tom said ruthlessly.

    Oh, and the above was awesome.

    Thanks, Lurking, but it’s just the only (& probably best ever) Swiftie that I remember from those halcyon ’60s. (Think I read it in LIFE magazine, f’r cine out loud.)

    Can’t be arsed to look for it, but N_B showed his (short) tail a day or two ago. Here is the rest of the sequence.

    Helmut mentions talk2action, which is a good chance to pimp a link recently made thereto.

  362. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:31

    Someone said there were watermelons here.

  363. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:32

    I will add that the Limpette is a former ballet dancer with a still-sleek physique and quite petite mammaries– and that’s the the way I like it, uh-huh-uh-huh.

  364. Steerpike said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:34

    In France, it is said, a perfect woman’s breast fits in a champagne class. In America, it would clog a toilet.

  365. exford legs said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:36

    ‘The Lunacy!’ Tom said seriously.

  366. exford legs said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:37

    ‘And like that band from Devon’, Tom mused.

  367. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:38

    I guess in my ideal world, men would find a range of figure types attractive.

    Oh, we do! Personally, I’m quite open to all different shapes and sizes. But, like everybody, I have particular preferences.

  368. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:41

    And OBS you totally have the right to preferences. We all do.

  369. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:44

    In France, it is said, a perfect woman’s breast fits in a champagne [glass]

    Two words from AMERICA, FUCK YEAH:

    Big Gulp.

  370. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:47

    Karen Gillian is an example of a woman who’s naturally skinny and clearly healthy. That’s her body type, and she rocks it.

    Connelly’s body type is clearly curvy, but she’s trying to get it to fit the skinny look. It doesn’t work. It just makes her look sick.

  371. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:48

    Fred Meyer (Kroger) has more or less local eggplant on sale this week, buck each. Eggplant parm, moussaka, baba ghanouj, ajvar, stir fry and more have been or will be made in the Pupdom.

  372. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:49

    Counting on Smut.

  373. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:49

    People are still having sex, regardless of body type. Real life and media life are different. I, for instance, haven’t shaved my hump in years and I’m still gettin’ sweet love.

  374. Arky said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:51

    My eggplants are finally sizing up, and the tomatoes are showing color at long last. It’ll be time for some wholly homegrown ratatouille in a few days: the delectable essence of summer, fleeting as it may be.

    VGR!

    As for breasts, all I’ll say is Las Vegas has some scary ones and I find it very hard not to stare at the poor women upon whom they have been inflicted. (Yeah, I KNOW they’re not natural. They don’t LOOK natural. Ergo, scary.)

  375. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:51

    In France, it is said, a perfect woman’s breast fits in a champagne [glass]

    Champagne serving FAIL.

  376. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:53

    –Ooh, Thai basil eggplant coming up in just a day or two! I’ve often marveled at P-Max’s virtuostic food smut hereabouts– nearly as obsessed here but with a much more Southeast Asian slant.

  377. tsam said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:53

    I guess in my ideal world, men would find a range of figure types attractive.

    In my ideal world, we’d get more credit than assuming that because we like a little rounder face and some curves that we’re just all about the bigass funbags.

  378. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:55

    Champagne serving FAIL.

    Too bad that fell flat

  379. tsam said,

    August 25, 2011 at 0:57

    Kate Hudson. Gorgeous. Her mom too.

  380. M. Bouffant said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:03

    In AFL International Cup news, the American Revolution upset the South Africa Lions to move on to the semi-finals where they fell to the Papua New Guinea Mosquitoes. The other semi-final match saw the Irish warriors defeat the New Zealand Hawks. The Revos will face the Hawks in a consolation game Friday and the Mosquitoes and Warriors will meet in the Grand Final on Saturday at the MCG.

    Thread Bear, no one, not even American nobodies, gives a shit about the Arena Football League.

  381. rodert rudis said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:09

    “OK, I’ll weigh in (see what I did there) on the before & after pics. Obviously the first one is of a healthy, attractive woman, and the second is an Auschwitz survivor. Can anyone really say they prefer the emaciated version?”

    So you’re not the Night Porter.

  382. M. Bouffant said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:18

    I guess in my ideal world, men would find a range of figure types attractive.

    You know what (straight) men find attractive? Women who will “do it” w/ them, no matter what they (or the women) look like.

    And talk about breasts all you will, I’m more interested in nipples.

    Also “rescuing the Auschwitz survivor” role-playing. How’d Ms. Connelly’s gams look when she had the fleshier nutrition appendages? Her hair looks much healthier in the first photo, too. (Just who the hell is she, anyway?)

  383. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:24

    Can’t be arsed to look for it, but N_B showed his (short) tail a day or two ago. Here is the rest of the sequence.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

  384. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:30

    You know you’re in a hyper mood when Eschaton beckons for its faster pace…

  385. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:31

    EBL –

    Read the “Steve Jobs Resigns” threads on any Apple blog. It’s like mainlining Jolt.

  386. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:32

    How’d Ms. Connelly’s gams look when she had the fleshier nutrition appendages?

    This picture’s photoshopped like crazy, but it’s the only one I could find that show’s her pre-skinnified legs.

    Well, there were a few nude pictures that showed off her entire body. Normally I’d store those away for later use, but I’m having trouble getting this out of my mind.

  387. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:33

    I guess in my ideal world, men would find a range of figure types attractive.
    “Show up naked, bring beer”.

  388. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:35

    Tagfail.

    Meant to post this on the “This”.

  389. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:36

    I’m having trouble getting this out of my mind.
    What an extraordinary garment. That lady is trying to look like a scarab beetle. Was this Ladies’ Night at the Old Entomologist?

  390. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:37

    Champagne serving FAIL

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a breast into a champagne bottle?

  391. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:38

    I do feel like a jerk in this conversation, but it is, in a major part, about my own visual enjoyment/male gaze/whathaveyou. But the cult of skinniness does more than fuck up my personal wank fodder, it’s causing severe damage to a lot of real people.

  392. Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:39

    *because it is, in major part, etc.

  393. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:40

    Spearhafoc, who let the dogs out said,

    Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of web.

  394. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:47

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a breast into a champagne bottle?

    There is no safe way of answering ‘yes’ to this question.

  395. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:49

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a breast into a champagne bottle?

    There is no safe way of answering ‘yes’ to this question.

    The safe word is “cork”.

  396. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 1:51

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a breast into a champagne bottle?

    Embrace the aseptic box, wave of the future.

  397. Food pron obsessed Emperor of Portland Pupienus Maximus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 2:03

    Embrace the aseptic box, wave of the future.

    Not even after autoclaving it. With bleach.

  398. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 2:05

    Hard mother.

  399. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 2:39

    Not even after autoclaving it. With bleach.

    –Well, we ARE still talking about girly parts here, so I don’t blame you for that reaction.

  400. owlbear1 said,

    August 25, 2011 at 2:41

    “I’m not fit for the army!”, Rush insisted

  401. Jesus H. Christ said,

    August 25, 2011 at 2:53

    “Occasionally God really does shake things up as a sign to us of the consequences of disobedience and indifference to our Creator”, WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah writes of yesterday’s earthquake in an op-ed.

    Get over yourself, Joey.

    Fucking tardball.

  402. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:09

    Is this really the 21st Century? Well, it must be– I’d hate to subsist on the foods that were widely available during my parents’ iceberg-salad days. But sociopolitically speaking, ecch.

    Thanks heavens for the dusky hordes who’ve rescued us from saltine-cracker blandness.

  403. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:13

    You can’t make a wedge–or as hubby calls it: “Lazy Salad”– salad without iceberg.

  404. tsam said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:17

    You can’t make a wedge–or as hubby calls it: “Lazy Salad”– salad without iceberg.

    Is that what’s in this bag I’m about to open?

  405. Pupienus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:19

    Iceberg wedge with blue cheese is a sorely under-appreciated relic. It deserves a comeback. Along with Liptauer, crepes Suzette, steak Dianne, and others I won’t be arsed to list.

  406. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:19

    Iceberg, I hope!

  407. Humbolt said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:22

    “The sheriffs a n-CLANG!” Tom sniggered.

  408. Pupienus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:22

    Peas and lettuce, cooked together, that’s another.

  409. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:22

    Lauren Ambrose.

  410. Pupienus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:25

    Humboldt

    are you blue? If so, I was wondering about you recently, mostly while sipping a mocha in Eureka.

  411. Pupienus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:27

    Don’t fret it Spear baby – the future is where we’re going to spend our time anyway.

  412. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:30

    We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives! And remember, my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future!

    Alison Brie.

  413. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:33

    I planted four hills of scarlet runner beans this year, and they’re one of the few warm-weather veggies that have thrived noticeably in this subnormal-temperature summer.

    Discovered a couple of years ago that they make the most amazing “shell beans” when harvested after the pods have fattened but not yet dried: huge, meaty seeds with a great flavor and texture for chili, etc. I’ll parboil several pounds in a few weeks and hoard ‘em in the freezer.

  414. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:34

    re: Jennifer Connelly

    Pic 1 is from Mulholland Falls. She’s 25.
    Pic 2 is from The Day Keanu Reeves Stood Still. She’s 37.

    I will totally agree that Pic 2 shows her in a disturbingly unhealthy state and that dress is doing her no favours. But saying that she was hot when she was twelve years younger and is now some kind of old shrivelled up hag is a kinda shitty thing to do.

    Sure I think big tits and curvy curves look great on her – but she became a mom after pic 1.

  415. Pupienus said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:35

    OTOH, my dear metrosexual friend, do you really want to spur me to post beefcake pics?

  416. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:37

    Pup, the farmers’ market in Arcata was astoundingly countercultural when we were there a couple months ago: I can believe those stories about the area’s true agricultural riches.

  417. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:40

    As a steadfastly het dood, I’m proud to say that mine eyes are still unsullied by the comparative booby pics y’all keep referencing.

  418. tsam said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:43

    I will totally agree that Pic 2 shows her in a disturbingly unhealthy state and that dress is doing her no favours. But saying that she was hot when she was twelve years younger and is now some kind of old shrivelled up hag is a kinda shitty thing to do.

    I only said most (with no supporting evidence) men would prefer the curvy picture. I also said it’s not uncommon for women to strive for the emaciated look because that’s what pop culture tells us we want.

  419. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:44

    Say goodnight, Gracile.

  420. Humbolt said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:44

    are you blue? If so, I was wondering about you recently, mostly while sipping a mocha in Eureka.

    Sorry, no, just a flop-sweat soaked lurker that lacks Fenwick’s courage. I mainly just post to falsify the “All. One. Guy.” theory that any rational reader suspects after watching the S,N! hivemind at work for a few years.

    Hence the mispelling misspel*GONG!*

  421. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:45

    Alison Brie.
    Why is there no city or town called Thority where she can run for public office? I for one would totally be won over by the slogan “A little Brie for Thority!!”

  422. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:45

    OTOH, my dear metrosexual friend, do you really want to spur me to post beefcake pics?

    That would be OFF TOPIC.

  423. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:46

    Beefcake.

  424. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:46

    Ooh. Didn’t mean it as an age thing. I was unaware of the extreme differences in time (I have genuine trouble telling people’s ages. Asperger’s thing, apparently).

    From what I remember, she seemed to skinnify back in 2001. There was a huge difference between how she looked in A Beautiful Mind compared to she looked at the Oscars that same year.

    I definitely do not consider late 30s to be old in any way. Christina Hendricks is 36. Salma Hayek is 44. Sofía Vergara is 39. Etc.

    Anyway,

    Freida Pinto.

  425. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:48

    OTOH, my dear metrosexual friend, do you really want to spur me to post beefcake pics?

    Post away. Doesn’t hurt me none.

  426. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:48

    Sure, I love BOOBIES too, and she’s kinda freakishly thin looking in Pic 2 that it detracts from the obscenely ridiculous hotness that is Jennifer Connelly. I suppose that because it is Jennifer Connelly, I kinda have trouble assessing the pics without context.

    Anyways, since we’re skeeving out on hot chicks:
    Charlize Theron

  427. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:50

    Christina Hendricks is 36. Salma Hayek is 44. Sofía Vergara is 39. Etc.

    Whoa, did you take those bust measurements yourself? I’d be quaking too much to get an accurate reading…

  428. rodert rudis said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:50

    Skinny Legs

  429. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:51

    So, I have to go tomorrow to beg the chief engineer of the township to let me build my dream garage. If all you architects have some kind of patron saint of dealing with the building inspector, I’d appreciate your prayers.

  430. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 3:52

    If all you architects have some kind of patron saint of dealing with the building inspector, I’d appreciate your prayers.

    I’m not an architect, but I suggest using words of one syllable.

  431. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:00

    *sigh*

  432. M. Bouffant said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:01

    Beefcake, then & 2009. What happened?

  433. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:03

    patron saint of dealing with the building inspector

    Ben Franklin has always worked for me

  434. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:06

    Kristen Schaal.

  435. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:07

    Beefcake, then & 2009. What happened?

    Justice.

  436. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:07

    OK, Spearhafoc, you asked for it—I’m going nuclear! Ashley Williams.

  437. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:12

    I refuse to cede this place to the male gaze

  438. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:13

    *heart*

  439. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:14

    I refuse to cede this place to the male gaze

    What you have to do is supply BIG pics of BIG SWEATY MALE BODY PARTS. No thumbnails. And then the link text would be “I guess I have to admit that Megan Fox is kinda pretty here…”

  440. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:17

    Yielding to the mail gaze.

  441. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:18

    Megan Fox? Come on, give me more credit than that!

    Tina Fey.

  442. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:19

    “What you have to do is supply BIG pics of BIG SWEATY MALE BODY PARTS. No thumbnails. And then the link text would be “I guess I have to admit that Megan Fox is kinda pretty here…”

    Admittedly I have much to learn about objectifying people

    Megan fox=hawt

  443. Arky said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:20

    Would you believe no penises were harmed in the creation of this link? Naked College Dudes Jack Hiscock.

  444. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:24

    Admittedly I have much to learn about objectifying people

    Check out the BOOBS!

  445. tsam said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:24

    Team captain Jack Hiscock told KAKE news that the team is appealing the suspension, and mentioned that the photos were just meant to be fun.

    Heh.

  446. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:29

    Speaking of the Captain America movie…

    Hayley Atwell.

  447. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:30

    Captain AmeriCAN

  448. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:30

    Speaking of the Captain America movie, Hayley Atwell.

  449. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:33

    By the way, I would seriously do Chris Evans. Good-looking dude.

  450. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:33

    All right then. I give up.

  451. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:33

    Tits!

  452. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:35

    As long as we’re fantasizing, I’m watching Max Payne. (Mrs__B is out of town and can’t stand the movie.) Olga Kurylenko and Mila Kunis, everyone’s favorite Ukranians.

  453. M. Bouffant said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:36

    Oh, Bethany College, you say?

    And Mme. Slayer, you have no interest in guys who can afford or know how to use a razor?

  454. Spearhafoc, who is going to spend the rest of the foreseeable future perving out said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:36

    Oh God, 300 sucked.

    The Spartans insulting the Athenians with “boy lovers”? Hello? The Spartans had pederasty built into their military training. Frank Miller just wanted to stick homophobia in there despite it not making any fucking sense in the context of the time period.

  455. Spearhafoc, who is not feeling it anymore said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:39

    So…how about that popular music group? They sure do sing and/or play musical instruments.

  456. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:41

    The Spartans also didn’t go into battle clad only in helmet and speedos.

    They also didn’t break formation so they could strike a pose while dueling with elephants.

    THIS! IS! NOTWHATHAPPENED!

  457. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:44

    Next you’ll be telling me that the Persians didn’t have lobster claws.

  458. Spearhafoc, who is not feeling it anymore said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:44

    I’m also pretty sure Persia didn’t have an army of superhuman mutated freaks.

  459. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:44

    That’s why 300 is a great movie. Once it gets going it’s no different from a Roadrunner cartoon.

  460. Spearhafoc, who is not feeling it anymore said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:44

    Ah! Ninja’d!

  461. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:45

    HA!

  462. bbkf said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:51

    Uncalled-for discount

    Whatever discount…

    every time i say this, people look at me strangely…

    now back to the boobie debate…

  463. Spearhafoc, who is not feeling it anymore said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:55

    now back to the boobie debate…

    Clearly this is the best kind!

  464. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 4:57

    Lobster-clawed freaks = killing machines.
    Also noted for their brilliance as strategians.

  465. Spearhafoc, who is not feeling it anymore said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:03

    From Smut’s link:

    “A person like Grady, going by the name of “Lobster Boy”, appears in a Deadpool comic. Deadpool was hired to assassinate him, but fails when he figures out he is possessed by Xaphan, a fallen angel, and starts possessing the souls. He was later saved by the two Ghost Riders, but at the end is shot again in the head by Deadpool for being cruel to other freaks.”

    Ah, Wikipedia…

  466. owlbear1 said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:08

    Substance McGravitas said,
    August 25, 2011 at 4:44
    That’s why 300 is a great movie. Once it gets going it’s no different from a Roadrunner cartoon.
    ==
    Perfect!

  467. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:12

    Does the Persian ambassador hover above the bottomless pit, legs running wildly in mid-air, until he makes the mistake of looking down?

  468. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:13

    Also, do not buy an Acme elephant launcher.

  469. bbkf said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:22

    hey victor!

  470. bbkf said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:23

    goes without saying

  471. bbkf said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:25

    one more

  472. bbkf said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:28

    FINE! if no one wants to look at beefcake with me then i will just go up to bed and gaze at hubbkf…

  473. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:30

    Poor outcome from Acme elephant launcher.

  474. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:38

    Is it still beefcake if the dudes are fully dressed? Truly, your ways are strange and eldritch.

  475. Spearhafoc, who is not feeling it anymore said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:51

    None of the pictures I posted were nude or even semi-nude.

  476. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 25, 2011 at 5:58

    Everybody is very silly and banned.

    Good night, I said!
    ~

  477. Enraged Bull Limpet said,

    August 25, 2011 at 6:56

    Everybody is very silly and banned.

  478. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 25, 2011 at 7:03

    Poor outcome from Acme elephant launcher.

    Maybe I had this one figured wrong.

  479. Thread Bear said,

    August 25, 2011 at 7:43

    Thread Bear, no one, not even American nobodies, gives a shit about the Arena Football League.

    In this case AFL stands for Australian Football League which even fewer people care about :)

  480. Thread Bear said,

    August 25, 2011 at 7:48

    “Occasionally God really does shake things up as a sign to us of the consequences of disobedience and indifference to our Creator”, WorldNetDaily publisher Joseph Farah writes of yesterday’s earthquake in an op-ed.

    The only damage I’ve heard about so far is the pinnacles on the National Cathedral. Obviously God is four square in favor of the seperation of church and state!

  481. Thread Bear said,

    August 25, 2011 at 7:51

    now back to the boobie debate…

    Clearly this is the best kind!

    I disagree.

  482. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 25, 2011 at 8:38

    Check out the BOOBS!

    The redhead checking out teh buttocks is kinda funny.

  483. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 25, 2011 at 8:39

    Way late, but

    Momma said there’d be dais like this.

    No need to lectern everyone about it.

  484. M. Bouffant said,

    August 25, 2011 at 8:43

    In this case AFL stands for Australian Football League which even fewer people care about :)

    I knew (having checked your previous AFL comment, admittedly) just being a weenie for comedy purposes.

  485. Thread Bear said,

    August 25, 2011 at 9:22

    I knew (having checked your previous AFL comment, admittedly) just being a weenie for comedy purposes.

    Mostly I was trying to stir up something with AK or Smut since New Zealand and the US will be squaring off on Friday.

  486. M. Bouffant said,

    August 25, 2011 at 9:52

    They should be awake soon.

  487. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 10:04

    New Zealand and the US will be squaring off on Friday.
    I do not comprehend this ‘foopball’ of which you speak.

  488. Another Kiwi said,

    August 25, 2011 at 10:45

    New Zealand and the US? Really? Is it Competitive hotdog eating season already?!

  489. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 25, 2011 at 11:31

    Is it Competitive hotdog eating season already?!

    Did you not see the Bachmann v. Perry exhibition game?

  490. Suezboo said,

    August 25, 2011 at 11:44

    Smut, I just want to acknowledge (Thanks, actor) your comment about Brie. Were you also brought up on My Word from the BBC – Muir and Norden and all that? I believe they were exported to the colonies and that was one of their great pun stories. If you don’t know what I am going on about, never mind. Otherwise, great punning there.

  491. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 12:34

    I confess, I did spend a great deal of time a few years ago — in the course of a group canoeing expedition down the Wanganui River — trying to smuggle a camp stove aboard my shared Canadian-style canoe, purely so as to repeat the punchline about the inability to have one’s kayak and heat it.

  492. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 12:37

    OMG. Sip E Cupp is on Morning Joke.

  493. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 12:48

    OMG. Sip E Cupp is on Morning Joke.

    You have much to learn, grasshopper, about how to continue a BOOB discussion.

  494. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 12:55

    Hey, her name is CUPP.

  495. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 12:58

    I have no reason to believe that such a ridiculous person actually exists.

  496. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 13:01

    Lets pretend she’s not real.

    OMG, the sky becomes more blue, the birds begin to sing…

  497. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 13:25

    That’ll teach me to start the morning with Morning Joke and Sip E Cupp.

  498. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 13:46

    PENIS?

  499. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 13:47

    Oooh, this is neat.

  500. vacuumslayer said,

    August 25, 2011 at 13:53

    um, ok

  501. N__B said,

    August 25, 2011 at 14:01

    um, ok

    I can top that: Dr. Doom cries at the WTC site: http://goodcomics.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/villains36.jpg

  502. Smut Clyde said,

    August 25, 2011 at 14:05

    PENIS?
    “Wood, Fully Customizable”.

    Veiled body-mod reference.

  503. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 25, 2011 at 14:09

    What the heck?

    You’ve been unbanned?
    ~

  504. actor212 said,

    August 25, 2011 at 14:53

    OMG. Sip E Cupp is on Morning Joke.

    You have much to learn, grasshopper, about how to continue a BOOB discussion.

    I point out that Sipp E Cupp counts as a boob.

    But only one.

  505. actor212 said,

    August 25, 2011 at 14:55

    I’m also pretty sure Persia didn’t have an army of superhuman mutated freaks.

    Clearly, you didn’t see Prince of Persia.

    Along with seven billion other humans.

  506. actor212 said,

    August 25, 2011 at 14:56

    The Spartans insulting the Athenians with “boy lovers”? Hello? The Spartans had pederasty built into their military training.

    Look, what happens in boot camp stays in boot camp, a’ight?

  507. actor212 said,

    August 25, 2011 at 15:06

    The Spartans insulting the Athenians with “boy lovers”? Hello? The Spartans had pederasty built into their military training.

    Actually, the Spartans were dead-set against using homosexual relationships as a basis for creating fighting units, so Miller was spot on correct to have Sparta mock the Athenians for showing weakness in their ranks. It’s not homophobia (altho for Miller, that might have helped) but military strategy.

    Keep in mind that the entire story is told by Dilios to the soldiers in the next battle, and therefore was pure propaganda (right to the number of Persians, the Lobster-Boy, the skill of the Immortals, even the disfigurement of Ephialtes.)

  508. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 25, 2011 at 17:12

    Actually, the Spartans were dead-set against using homosexual relationships as a basis for creating fighting units

    Is that before or after they got their asses kicked by the Sacred Band of Thebes?

    BTW, thank you for all your architectural prayers! The planners have approved my garage idea, so now all I have to do is convince the township council to change the law for me! Nothing to it!

  509. Whale Chowder said,

    August 25, 2011 at 17:15

    A very nice answer to the original topic post: Smells Like Queer Spirit

  510. actor212 said,

    August 25, 2011 at 17:33

    Is that before or after they got their asses kicked by the Sacred Band of Thebes?

    Imma say “before”.

  511. Spengler Dampniche said,

    August 26, 2011 at 2:10

    You know how fuckin’ hard it is to catch up around here after an absence?

  512. Spengler Dampniche said,

    August 26, 2011 at 2:14

    Disembarked mango-ward. Fuck you, now my mind hurts.

  513. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 26, 2011 at 2:55

    You know how fuckin’ hard it is to catch up around here after an absence?

    There’s always poop to fall back on. And HA HA if you do.

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