Aug
17

K-Lo’s Recipe For Rotten Mango Daquiris




Posted at 20:25 by Tintin

k-lo-cocktail
ABOVE: K-Loaded

Shorter Miss St. Kathryn of Bologna, Headline Bistro
Sex in an Iowa City

  • Here’s what Michele Bachmann should say the next time some reporter asks her about her views on the gays: “All homos are incapable of true love. Indeed, it is this false idea that they can love one another that is causing the taxpayers to pay Planned Parenthood to kill innocent babies.” But if she actually said this the gays would do what they did to Santorum and savagely turn her last name into an unspeakable perversion.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

379 Comments »

  1. Spearhafoc, who is in Edmonton for a brief stopover said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:31

    Let’s see how fast I can type on this Blackberry Tablet!

  2. Pupienus said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:34

    unspeakable perversion

    Should her name not match her character?

  3. Spearhafoc, who is in Edmonton for a brief stopover said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:34

    With this and the “are women capable of feeling love?” thread on Man Boobz, I’m feeling almost bad for some of these people.

  4. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:36

    With this and the “are women capable of feeling love?” thread on Man Boobz, I’m feeling almost bad for some of these people.

    I was just gonna say…

  5. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:38

    It was Bachmann night last night, but I was so caught up looking for your mom’s hymnal that I forgot teh lube.

  6. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:39

    Anyways, I tried to Bachmann your mom but freaked out when she told me to turn teh stick sideways.

  7. stinkfoot said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:40

    That meanie David Gregory kept trying to get Michele to admit she was saying what she was recorded as saying. Leave her alone!!!

  8. Dan Dan said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:40

    Gladly, my cross-eyed bear.

  9. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:41

    Speaking of Bachmanns, that Dyson Ball technology really makes it easier to get those hard to reach places.

  10. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:41

    With Michele Bachmann as candidate for the Republican nomination for president, we’re hearing a lot about marriage. Her marriage. Same-sex marriage. Sexuality itself.

    OK, I’m starting to get hot…GO ON.

  11. Luthe said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:41

    And now I’m trying to figure out what disgusting sex act a Bachmann would be. It would have to be something lesbian, for symmetry…

  12. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:42

    Speaking of Bachmanns, that Dyson Ball technology really makes it easier to get those hard to reach places.

    DK-W’s on a roll.

  13. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:42

    OK, I’m starting to get hot…GO ON.

    [oneLtwoNs]This one time, there was a corndog, and my husband…[/oneLtwoNs]

  14. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:44

    Anyways, I tried to Bachmann your mom but freaked out when she told me to turn teh stick sideways.

    She calls that teh Bachmann Turner Overdrive.

  15. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:45

    I had never heard of Headline Bistro, so I ventured out of the boat just long enough to realize the entire island is populated by professional God-botherers. I screamed like a little girl and ran for my life… There were no mangoes on the beach yet, and I wasn’t about to wade into the swamps looking for them.

  16. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:45

    “David, there is a reason I’m happy to talk about my marriage and the need for mutual respect and spiritual leadership. Because I’m all too aware of the alternatives. Just look around. We’re tripping over the alternatives as we seek instant gratification instead of genuine love. I said what I said about homosexuality, and if I were running to be pastor-in-chief I’d be talking to you about it every day, along with the fact that all too often we have no clear vision of what love truly is.

    People who think like this are so weird. I think they’re projecting because they divide sex and love. They act as if people who maybe hook up for a night aren’t capable of love. Or that hot sexy sex and love are always incompatible. Or that people who maybe just looking for hot sexy sex one day may not look for hot sexy monogamous sex sometime down the road. It’s all or nothing with these asshats. And I’m sorry but human emotions and sexuality just don’t work that way.

  17. Personal Failure said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:46

    I’m doing it, I’m putting on my biohazard suit and hunting mangoes! Surely no mango is that rotton!

    *jumps overboard*

    David, people are free to live as they will, but when they insist that apples are oranges and that we must all agree to pretend that’s fact and teach our children that and operate our businesses as if it were true, that is where we have a problem.

    How can our supermarkets function when apples are mistaken for oranges? How can we live in a world in which apple pie is sometimes a little too citrusy? The horror!

  18. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:47

    I have to riff on this…

    Bachmann Turner Overdrive.

    Bachmann Turn Her Overdrive

    Bachmann Turner Ovarydrive

  19. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:47

    What hymn does she prefer? This one.

  20. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:49

    Deeper, Jesus, deeper!

  21. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:51

    Anyways, despite the exceptionalism of your mom’s Bachmann skillz, we’re still looking for some way to get to teh next level. And then we came it came to us. Swiffer Wet Jet.

  22. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:52

    My mom is a FREAK!

  23. Thread Bear said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:52

    Bachmann Homo Overturn?

  24. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:53

    A neat freak apparently. I mean, I have to commend you guys for keeping your freaky sexy so clean and tidy.

  25. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:53

    Swiffer gives reaming a whole new meaning.

  26. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:55

    ROFL!

    I can do that because the floor’s so clean.

  27. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 20:58

    K-Lo is on board with teh new definition of Bachmann.

    Bachmann is having it here and there, just skirting something deeper.

  28. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:00

    K-Lo tells us her Bachmann fantasy:

    My fantasy version of that conversation would move forward with the interviewee responding early:

  29. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:00

    We’re never going to have a sensible conversation about same-sex marriage without having a much more fundamental one about marriage itself, about the purpose of sex, and about what love really is.

    Sorry, St Kathryn of the Bologna Sammitch, all of the points in this sentence are merely ideas to you, they have no bearing on your actual life experience You have no place in “We’re”.

  30. tigris said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:01

    Gladly, my cross-eyed bear.

    You just knew the furries had to get in there somehow. So to speak.

    all too often we have no clear vision of what love truly is

    Jesus, she doesn’t even have a clear vision of what “we” means, since she doesn’t include herself in that blurry-eyed group.

  31. N__B said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:05

    I was so caught up looking for your mom’s hymnal

    By definition, moms don’t have hymnals.

    Okay, maybe BVM.

  32. M. Bouffant said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:07

    “There ain’t no such thing as love/No angels singing up above today”

  33. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:07

    We’re never going to have a sensible conversation about same-sex marriage without having a much more fundamental one about marriage itself, about the purpose of sex, and about what love really is.

    Shorter Foreigner K-Lo

  34. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:08

    My fantasy version of that conversation would move forward with the interviewee responding early:

    “The voices are back! Speak to me Baby Jaysus!”

  35. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:09

    I knew there was a new thread. slowly but surely I am acquainting myself with the ways of sadly.
    .

  36. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:10

    With Michele Bachmann as candidate for the Republican nomination for president, we’re hearing a lot about marriage. Her marriage. Same-sex marriage. Sexuality itself.

    With K-Lo as editor we’re hearing a lot about fragments. Sentence fragments. Silly sentence fragments. Grammar itself.

  37. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:11

    More than seven weeks, smoke-free!

    More than three years without a steady paycheck!

    Let’s win this thang for Jeffraham! Yay, me!
    .

  38. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:14

    Wonder if Santorum is a franchisee of Jiffy Lube?

  39. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:15

    With Michele Bachmann as candidate for the Republican nomination for president, we’re hearing a lot about marriage. Her marriage. Same-sex marriage. Sexuality itself.

    Did this come out of whatever it is that the stuff J-Lo writes comes out of? If so, I think Imma gonna need a third wetsuit.

    /splash
    .

  40. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:16

    Yo Jeffraham!

    .

  41. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:20

    Hmmm, Bachmann on the k-lo?

  42. Gotta kick something said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:26

    So I guess I’ll kick some gays.

    I hope those liberals don’t see this: http://weeseeyou.com/2011/08/16/progressive-angst-and-president-obama-its-not-him-its-you/

  43. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:27

    The only way that conversation could have truly progressed would have been if it was allowed to go way deeper. Something tells me a political adviser would rather it had just shut down. My fantasy version of that conversation would move forward with the interviewee responding early:

    “David, people are free to live as they will, but when they insist that apples are oranges and that we must all agree to pretend that’s fact and teach our children that and operate our businesses as if it were true, that is where we have a problem.

    “I’ll stand by what I said and I’ll go further: We’re living in a culture that is enslaved. We live in a country where an invented right to privacy is more precious to us than innocent human life. Yes, David, I believe we are at a critical moment where we are choosing on a whole host of fronts who we will be as a people. Will we be a people that continues to spend like there will be no comeuppance – including on the abortion industry, which is what we do when we allow Planned Parenthood to receive taxpayer funding? Will we be a people that stands by as we remake our laws on marriage?

    “David, there is a reason I’m happy to talk about my marriage and the need for mutual respect and spiritual leadership. Because I’m all too aware of the alternatives. Just look around. We’re tripping over the alternatives as we seek instant gratification instead of genuine love. I said what I said about homosexuality, and if I were running to be pastor-in-chief I’d be talking to you about it every day, along with the fact that all too often we have no clear vision of what love truly is.

    Whew, and one can nest blockquotes.

    K-Lo allowing something to go way deeper with her fantasy version of a conversation about gay folks and sex between oneLtwoN’s and David Fucking Gregory has had an actionable and antagonistic effect on my sex drive.

    /shudders
    .
    .

  44. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:29

    Hmmm, Bachmann on the k-lo?

    LOL, as the kids say.

  45. DAS said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:32

    Our Political Discourse –

    Social Conservative: teh ebil sechs is ebil and gummint should get out of the boardrooms and into our bedrooms

    Interlocutor: so what do you feel about sex?

    Social Conservative: my personal feelings about sex are none of your business. don’t you know sex is very personal? and what is with the obsessions you liberals have with sex? don’t you think about anything else?

    *

    Of course, this is true in general and not just about sex — witness the flap that occurred when people dared quote things Rick Perry actually said. They were deemed shrill and unfair for quoting him (and in context pretty much too).

  46. Brett said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:33

    I TOLD YOU I was freaky.

  47. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:38

    Quoting what people Republicans actually said, and in context is the new higher tech form of lynching.

    It is tantamount to a Lynchocaustocalypse
    .

  48. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:39

    Dear Headline Bistro,

    I never thought that this would happen to me…

  49. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:41

    People, there are no comments on the article…yet.

    I do have some extra wetsuits if anybody needs one.
    .

  50. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:45

    People, there are no comments on the article…yet.

    I am in moderation.

  51. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:47

    People, there are no comments on the article…yet.

    You know what you doing.

  52. tsam said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:48

    We’re tripping over the alternatives

    Bitch be trippin

  53. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:48

    DKW, you’ll probably be in moderation until hell freezes over (or until the 9th circle thaws, depending on how you view hell).

  54. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:48

    Do the wetsuits still have the.ahem.. one way device?

  55. M. Bouffant said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:51

    Ah yes, The job-killing Apples ARE Oranges & You’d Better Run Your Business That Way Bureaucracy Act of 2011. I remember it well.

  56. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:52

    Apparently the first Bachmanns were with flashlights:

    Keep Thou my all, O Lord,
    Hide my life in Thine;
    O let Thy sacred light
    O’er my pathway shine
    ;
    Kept by Thy tender care,
    Gladly the cross I’d bear
    Hear Thou and grant my pray’r,
    Hide my life in Thine.

  57. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:52

    Moderation is like the Purgatory of the Internets.

    It is also worse than a thousand Hitlers.

  58. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:52

    Seems like St. Kathryn the Bovine is getting all “nudge nudge wink wink what’s it like?” about gay sex.

  59. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:55

    Do the wetsuits still have the.ahem.. one way device?

    They are purely optional. Depending on one’s level of threat assessment they can be made available, boiled and bleached, for hygienic porpoises.
    .

  60. tsam said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:56

    I have decided that oNeL2Ns sounds EXACTLY like Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Or at least she did when she wishing hambone a happy birthday on the anniversary of his (good riddance) death.

  61. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:57

    I am in moderation.

    How many rosaries does a brother have to buy to slip one past the KoC goalie?
    .

  62. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:57

    DKW, you’ll probably be in moderation until hell freezes over

    Probs. It was a fairly tame comment. I said that it seemed that K-Lo had wished that Bachmann used the opportunity to denounce not only ghey marriages, but any marriage that didn’t meet some arbitrary standard she calls “genuine love”. And that if this were the case, perhaps K-Lo could explain what that “genuine love” standard entails.

    Incidentally, it’s teh Knights of Columbus website, so I expect that “genuine love” can only mean teh personal spiritual connection one has with God and teh Church. Other than freaky-deaky roleplaying with your spouse dressed as a nun, I’m not sure how Catholic “genuine love” relates to marriage.

  63. tsam said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:58

    Moderation is for people who can’t commit to addiction. You know, losers.

  64. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 21:58

    We invite polite commentary and insights on this article. Postings are monitored.

    I wonder what the monitors get paid?
    .

  65. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:00

    I wonder what the monitors get paid?

    Indulgences.

  66. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:02

    Moderation is for people who can’t commit to addiction.

    I believe in moderation. But only in moderation.

  67. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:04

    I pray that I may never see K-lo in a sexy nun costume.

  68. Fenwick said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:07

    skirting something deeper.

    VwimminsfunR ?

  69. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:10

    Just in case anyone needs a rotten mango image for some project or other…
    ~

  70. Smut Clyde said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:11

    I believe in meanration and medianration.

  71. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:11

    Srsly, attraction/love/sex are pretty complex things. It makes me think she’s never experienced any of these things, which is sad.

  72. tigris said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:12

    I wonder what the monitors get paid?

    Nothing, but each gets a ruler and jurisdiction over commenters’ knuckles.

  73. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:16

    so I expect that “genuine love” can only mean teh personal spiritual connection one has with God and teh Church

    For St Bovinity that would be Holy Mortification of the Flesh and Buttocks. Vigorous and sustained penance with instruments of Holy Discipline are called for to reach true spiritual love.

    Or as she calls it “Date Night”

  74. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:19

    aaaaaaand there went the cookies I just ate.

  75. Fenwick said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:20

    tigris stoled my brilliant comment! (Actually hers was much better….)

  76. tigris said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:25

    It was sitting there all new and shiny after I scraped all your name tags off it, I couldn’t resist.

  77. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:34

    I pray that I may never see K-lo in a sexy nun costume.

    This comment has had an actionable and antagonistic effect on my sex drive.

    I’m thinking a class action lawsuit might be in order.
    .

  78. Jennifer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:34

    Way to go, Jeffreham!

    I’m at the 3 month mark meself, as of tomorrow. So far I’ve saved some ridiculous sum. How ridiculous I don’t want to say except…over $1,000. I’ll never buy those damn things again, ever.

  79. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:37

    I’m thinking a class action lawsuit might be in order.

    A little glass action may do you more good.

  80. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:37

    Just in case anyone needs a rotten mango image for some project or other…

    I mentally superimposed K-Lo’s nice round face, wearing a habit on that one.

    Thanks VS.
    .

  81. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:38

    DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting alight
    to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is grail-shaped. It’s not the
    first time we’ve had this problem.
    GALAHAD: It’s not the real Grail?
    DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty
    person, and she must pay the penalty — and here in Castle Anthrax, we
    have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You
    must tie her down on a bed and spank her!
    GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
    DINGO: You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you
    may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.
    VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me.
    And me.
    And me.
    DINGO: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
    GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
    DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex.
    GIRLS: Oral sex! Oral sex!
    GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a BIT longer.

  82. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:39

    Galahad was always unfailingly chivalrous.

  83. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:40

    LAUNCELOT: We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.
    GALAHAD: I don’t think I was.
    LAUNCELOT: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.
    GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
    LAUNCELOT: No, it’s too perilous.
    GALAHAD: Look, I’m a knight, I’m supposed to get as much peril as I can.
    LAUNCELOT: No, we’ve got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!
    GALAHAD: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?
    LAUNCELOT: No, it’s unhealthy.
    GALAHAD: Bet you’re gay!
    LAUNCELOT: No, I’m not.

  84. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:41

    It was sitting there all new and shiny after I scraped all your name tags off it, I couldn’t resist.

    My laptop is happy that I did not have a mouth full of liquid when I read that.

    A little glass action may do you more good.

    Your gonna have to keep them coming, interspersed with shots of rye.
    .

  85. Whale Chowder said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:43

    A little glass action may do you more good.

    Given the context, this was not the glass action I was expecting.

  86. noen said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:45

    Oh goody, fresh thread. But… I gots nuttin’…. maybe… telling gays who have been in committed relationships for years they can’t marry because they don’t know what love is is pretty damn funny coming from a Catholic spinster.

  87. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:46

    I knew there was a new thread. slowly but surely I am acquainting myself with the ways of sadly.

    indeed…but once again, i left some of my best stuff at the end of the last thread…

  88. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:48

    More than seven weeks, smoke-free!

    well done, my man! i have forgotten how long it has been for me…sometime in may? a week behind jennifer i am sure…how are tsam and jennifer doing as smoke-free sadlies?

  89. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:49

    indeed…but once again, i left some of my best stuff at the end of the last thread…

    I saw them. Thought about dragging them up here.

    I did too
    .

  90. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:52

    how are tsam and jennifer doing as smoke-free sadlies?

    ahh, yes! i see jennifer has checked in…tsam?

  91. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 22:54

    Her marriage. Same-sex marriage.

    how come one l, two n-s can ghey marry but nobody else can?

  92. tsam said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:02

    ahh, yes! i see jennifer has checked in…tsam?

    Still not smoking. Still huffing the fakecigthing.

    I’m pleased to report that despite a soul crushing, thankless piece of shit of a job at a company I am nearly officially an officer of, girl problems, 3 teenage daughters, and gaining about 20 lbs, I’m still not really even tempted to start up again. I’m pretty proud of myself. Proud of all you other quitters too.

  93. vacuumslayer said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:05

    bbkf–lol

    tsam, yay! On the no smoking thing at least.

  94. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:06

    Still not smoking. Still huffing the fakecigthing.

    yay! we have a big party weekend coming up, and drinking with a group of smokers is still difficult for me, so i’m not really looking forward to it because i do not want to backslide…

    tsam…get diabetes, go on victosa, and those 20 lbs will disappear…

  95. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:07

    tsam, yay! On the no smoking thing at least.

    yeah…that’s what i meant…

  96. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:10

    K-Lo, before you start your momentous conversation, might want to reread the Bible.

    Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
    1 Corinthians 13:4-8a:

  97. Steerpike said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:11

    bbkf–regarding your response to the beer rant on the yesterthread (really, can’t you people try to keep up with the rest of the group?): I couldn’t agree with you more about Keystone/Keystone Light, which are both made by…? Anyone? Yes, that’s right, Coors Brewing Co. I can drink a Coors regular if that’s all there is, but really about everything else that comes from that company is absolute shite.

  98. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:12

    Or at least she did when she wishing hambone a happy birthday on the anniversary of his (good riddance) death.

    *GASP!*

  99. bbkf said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:13

    Anyone? Yes, that’s right, Coors Brewing Co. I can drink a Coors regular if that’s all there is, but really about everything else that comes from that company is absolute shite.

    indeeeeeeed…do you like a hoppy beer? if so, you should get your hands on some surly…little brewery in st. paul…some pretty good shit…

  100. Bay Gargarian said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:14

    I looked in the mirror and thought I looked pasty today.

  101. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:16

    Other than freaky-deaky roleplaying with your spouse dressed as a nun, I’m not sure how Catholic “genuine love” relates to marriage.

    I thought you wanted to do ‘the woodchopper and the shepherd!’
    HOW MANY COSTUMES DO YOU THINK I CAN PACK?

  102. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:17

    I know someone will get that.

  103. Citizen_X said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:17

    unspeakable perversion

    Greatest black metal title evah.

    …OK, not black metal. Grindcore.

  104. Provider_UNE said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:34

    unspeakable perversion

    Greatest black metal title evah.

    …OK, not black metal. Grindcore.

    I’m thinking Troll Metal.
    .

  105. Smut Clyde said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:38

    unspeakable perversion
    The Abominations of Yondo was their best album.

  106. M. Bouffant said,

    August 17, 2011 at 23:41

    So, M.B. (NO RELATION!!!) is not running for Pastor-in-Chief?

    Then why all this:

    (CNN) – Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann will hold a meeting with pastors in Florence during her three-day visit to South Carolina.

    The Thursday afternoon gathering with religious leaders, which is closed to reporters, is being organized by the Florence County Republican Party and the Florence County Tea Party, according to a copy of the invitation obtained by CNN.

    That’s not the only effort she’s making to appeal to Christian conservatives during her trip to the state, which holds the first primary contest in the South.

    On Tuesday night, the Minnesota congresswoman attended a low-dollar fundraiser in Greenville at the home of Steve and Geri Warren, a prominent couple in the Bob Jones University community.

    Bachmann will also meet with religious leaders in Rock Hill on Thursday morning, according to the Rock Hill Herald.

  107. Major Kong said,

    August 18, 2011 at 0:25

    I can drink a Coors regular if that’s all there is, but really about everything else that comes from that company is absolute shite.

    The guys in my National Guard unit were all heavy drinkers and pretty much all drank Coors Lite.

    I finally told one of them “Admit it, you don’t drink this shit because you like the taste. You buy it because you can drink like 30 of them.”

  108. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 0:40

    okay, since we are still talking beer here, i will relate my sad tale from the last thread:

    sad/lame sidenote: my radio station has a ‘sports’ show every friday morning featuring young new sports guy who is very opinionated, dumb and worst of all dull, dull, dull. his cohort is a runty little guy with a whiney voice who is pushing 60…retired accountant who also coaches a town ball team, so considers himself a sports expert…anyhoo, last friday, young guy started a new segment called ‘a six-pack of questions’ which is lame in itself because it is not sponsored by a beverage company, nor do you win any beverage related items…but, this got him started on beer. he said his ‘beer of choice’ is miller lite…then runty ron pipes up with, ‘mine’s ultra!’

    i wept…and then turned the radio off…

  109. The Books of Parmadil (Volume 12) said,

    August 18, 2011 at 0:54

    Alurazor
    Malzakhad
    Zimiltarik
    Khamul
    Durslag
    Gothmog
    Boabadin
    Ishrubal
    Rapashur

  110. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 0:55

    Related to M. Bouffant’s delightful Zappa reference up thread, and completely on topic with oneLtwoNs — Zappa’s Dong Work For Yuda from Joe’s Garage:


    He took a little walk to the weenie stand
    (John’s got a sausage)
    (Yeh man)
    A great big weenie in both his hands
    (John’s got a sausage)
    (Yeh man)
    He sucked on the end ’til the mustard squirt
    He said, “Ya’ll stand back ’cause you might get hurt”

    You’re welcome.

  111. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 0:57

    The guys in my National Guard unit were all heavy drinkers and pretty much all drank Coors Lite.

    I finally told one of them “Admit it, you don’t drink this shit because you like the taste. You buy it because you can drink like 30 of them.”

    +1
    I admit it.

  112. Fenwick said,

    August 18, 2011 at 0:58

    Fuckety-fuck-fuck you WordPress. Tried twice to make a comment. Shows in preview, but it’s not going through to the screen. FYWP.

  113. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 0:59

    I finally told one of them “Admit it, you don’t drink this shit because you like the taste. You buy it because you can drink like 30 of them.”

    I worked with a guy like this a while back — he was fresh out of college and only really cared that he could down a half-case of whatever light-swill was cheap. (I never got the appeal of the slight buzz accompanied by constant peeing, but whatever.) We had poker night at my place one time and he was completely shitfaced after quickly downing two of my IPAs.

  114. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:02

    Still no comments on the J-Load piece.

    I think I figgered out where the steel curtain and purple people eaters are spending their time in retirement.

    (and if I was much of a hockey afficianado, I would have added the all time greats at goalie)
    .

  115. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:03

    (I never got the appeal of the slight buzz accompanied by constant peeing, but whatever.)

    ahhh…this is why i stay far, far away from 3.2 beer…

  116. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:16

    Related only to the last thread — Pupienus’s next motorcycle.

  117. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:27

    Related only to the last thread — Pupienus’s next motorcycle.

    Dude looks all sexy in his dress up clothes!

  118. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:30

    We had poker night at my place one time and he was completely shitfaced after quickly downing two of my IPAs.

    I love high gravity hopped up bears. I worked at a local microbrewery that has a hombrew contest every year, the winner gets to make a small batch (50 barrels or so) using the equipment under the guidance of the head brewer.

    One year a dude knocked one out of the park (at least as far as I was concerned) with a Double IPA hopped up beyond all sanity and with a abv north of 9.5. To this day I regret not purchasing a cornie or two. Taste being subjective and all, I would recognize that shit in a new york minute if it ever passed my lips again and demand to acquire as much as I could carry…best beer ever.

    Bad Penny IPA.

    Some of the employees who weren’t so keen on the overt hoppiness of the product were very happy with the results of mixing a third to a half with the breweries wheat ale, and so for a while there was the wheat penny.

    I would kiss Marcus Bachmann on the lips, post corn-dog if I could get some of that sweet sweet nectar in my hands again.

    I could polish off six pints and pass a field sobriety test, nine and I could still safely ride home, 10, 11, I could successfully stumble home.

    Funny thing, never enjoyed a hangover even if I managed to get 12 or more down.

    Of course we are talking about several hours (6 to 8) occasionally running around chasing soccer balls or playing wiffle ball, but mostly just chilling in the smoking section.

    God I loved that beer and I drank as much as I possibly could while I had the chance. I took down a half barrel/ aka keg (15.5 gallons) at least.

    In any event OBS, thanks for the memories.

    .

  119. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:34

    tsam…get diabetes, go on victosa, and those 20 lbs will disappear…

    Are you advising me to go on an all Baconator diet? Cuz I fucking will. In a strained, cholesterol choked heartbeat.

  120. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:35

    I HATE IPA.

    Tastes like butt.

  121. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:36

    I love high gravity hopped up bears.

    But beware the claws and the teeth!

    Heh.

    I dig good strong hoppy beers, but we get so much of that stuff around here these days I tend to brew milder stuff myself — standard English fare — Brown, Pale, Bitter, Porter, Stout, and yes, English IPAs. Doesn’t mean I don’t down a double IPA as often as I can, just that I like my home taps to be a bit more subtle.

  122. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:36

    I would kiss Marcus Bachmann on the lips, post corn-dog if I could get some of that sweet sweet nectar in my hands again.

    **slides WAAAAAY down the bus stop bench, fidgets uncomfortably**

  123. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:37

    Me like Belgians, Hefewiezens, stuff like that.

  124. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:40

    Me like Belgians, Hefewiezens, stuff like that.

    I’m a huge fan of Belgian beers, especially Lambics. I’ll take a Belgian Wit over a Hefeweitzen any day. Just not a fan of the German beers usually.

  125. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:41

    And evidently I can’t even spell “Hefeweizen”

  126. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:49

    All this talking to myself is making me thirsty for beer. Time to head across the street — have a grand evening folks.

  127. Lurking Canadian said,

    August 18, 2011 at 1:56

    It’s times like these that I wish K-Lo and Douthat would marry each other and then never speak in public again. Seriously, “apples are not oranges”? Well, yes, I freely grant that my brother-in-law’s twenty-year stable relationship (they’ve been married as long as it’s been legal but they were together way before that) is not like Britney’s twenty-hour marriage, but I know which one represents genuine love, and it’s the one without the fake boobs.

  128. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 2:07

    **slides WAAAAAY down the bus stop bench, fidgets uncomfortably**

    I larfed but good at this one, fell over onto the bed on which I am sitting I did!

    Tastes like butt.

    Moar for me!!!!11.

    As I said previously the palate is a very subjective thing.

    But beware the claws and the teeth!

    I like to live on the edge, and while I am certain that a fast motorcycle would send me to my ruin, every time I step on a plane I secretly hope that a stewardess will come out and ask if any one can fly the plane at which point my hand will raise simultaneously with a shouted “I’m the guy you are looking for.”

    I really do not hope that it happens, but prepare myself for the possibility. I do thrive under duress, have taken control of a couple of single engines in flight, and believe that if the shit hit the fan, I could land one of the big ones.

    I am also that freak that if given an opportunity to ride in a fighter jet would ask the pilot to try to make me lose my lunch.

    I’ll just stop now.
    .

  129. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 2:21

    And evidently I can’t even spell “Hefeweizen”

    I sincerely hope my spelling doesn’t make you think you’re doing it wrong.

    This was just my best guess at it.

  130. Crissa said,

    August 18, 2011 at 2:22

    I kept getting ‘Please remove all special characters from comment field’ when I tried to comment.

    I think the comment needs to be under 250 characters and not include words of three syllables of greater, because that’s the only kind of comment I could get it to accept. You know, words like ‘equality’ and phrases like ‘first amendment right’

    …Did you ever notice that sadlyno shows a gravitar down in the preview?

  131. Maddog said,

    August 18, 2011 at 2:28

    Words of Wisdom
    “People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.”

    Back to the topic at hand.

    It seems like it’s *always* the dysfunctional ones who so lightly write off whole swaths of the population as being unable to experience the same emotions as themselves…

  132. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2011 at 2:47

    …Did you ever notice that sadlyno shows a gravitar down in the preview?

    Yeah, & I keep complaining it doesn’t show in post-view. I like to bitch & moan ‘though.

    I love high gravity hopped up beers. Try some of this, gravity-lover!

  133. aravind said,

    August 18, 2011 at 2:56

    I still don’t understand how people like this can lump together an anti-choice screed and a homophobic screed into some sort of wingnut turduckin. Let’s complain about abortion and the sexual groups least likely to ever get abortions. Critical thinking, they lack it (such a surprise!).

    Also, too:

    VS: Moderation is like the Purgatory of the Internets.

    It is also worse than a thousand Hiltres.

    Fuxxx’d it for you.

  134. on an on said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:08

    The purpose of sex? Is there just one? Maybe she meant the position of sex, since for some there is just one. Like a long time ago I dated this beautiful woman who would do it only

  135. Major Kong said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:11

    I am also that freak that if given an opportunity to ride in a fighter jet would ask the pilot to try to make me lose my lunch.

    I got to give several people rides in the T-38 when I was an instructor. It was pretty common to get airsick on your first flight in a high performance jet. We’d show them how to shut the intercom off so we wouldn’t have to hear them puking.

    However, we had an admin clerk in the squadron, a very petite little blonde girl, who once won airmen-of-the-quarter which came with a T-38 ride.

    Once we got up to altitude I offered to let her fly the jet but she didn’t want to. She just told me to fly it to its maximum capability.

    I did every aerobatic maneuver in the book, 6 G turns, loops, rolls, vertical climbs and dives.

    She kept asking “You’re not going easy on me are you?” while I was practically making myself airsick.

  136. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:20

    I still don’t understand how people like this can lump together an anti-choice screed and a homophobic screed into some sort of wingnut turducken.

    It’s not really a wing-nut screed, it’s a Catholic screed. You notice there wasn’t anything about child-molestation in there, ’cause Jesus & His Pope (Allegedly.) like that sort of thing.

  137. Smut Clyde said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:20

    Teh Economist discovers the “At least we’re better-off than the people under the next bridge who don’t even have a curtain-rod for roasting their rats” principle of competitive poverty:

    In keeping with the notion of “last-place aversion”, the people who were a spot away from the bottom were the most likely to give the money to the person above them: rewarding the “rich” but ensuring that someone remained poorer than themselves. Those not at risk of becoming the poorest did not seem to mind falling a notch in the distribution of income nearly as much. This idea is backed up by survey data from America collected by Pew, a polling company: those who earned just a bit more than the minimum wage were the most resistant to increasing it.

    Poverty may be miserable. But being able to feel a bit better-off than someone else makes it a bit more bearable.

    (h/t Boig Boing).

  138. Spearhafoc, who is back in LEAFS SUCK said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:21

    What hymn does she prefer?

    One that’s unbroken until after marriage.

  139. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:28

    Omfg. Fantasy Baseball draft tonight. Hubby could not be disturbed while I made dinner. Bad night to grill lamb chops. The kitchen was so filled with smoke… So I’m trying to cook and keep Dudeskull happy at the same time. At one point–swear ti DK-W’s IPU–I was actually holding him in one arm and flipping tomatoes on the grill with the other. The smoke alarm kept going off. Pandemonium.

  140. Smut Clyde said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:28

    ‘Please remove all special characters from comment field’

    What do people have against special characters? Uncle Norbert never hurt anyone.

  141. Smut Clyde said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:30

    Speaking of gravtars, GRAVATAR FOR TIGRIS.

  142. tigris said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:35

    It’s like looking in the mirror!

  143. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:36

    That is horrifying. I prefer zombiekitten, whose insatiable lust for branes is adorable.

  144. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:48

    Omfg. Fantasy Baseball draft tonight.

    guh? The season is like, almost over.

  145. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:49

    I was actually holding him in one arm and flipping tomatoes on the grill with the other

    You were doing all this while he sat and made fantasy selections?

  146. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:51

    Whoa–Rick Scott…

    “He’s a replicant. Isn’t he?”

  147. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:53

    why do you all run away when I show up?

  148. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:53

    Wait–don’t answer that.

  149. Nom de Plume said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:53

    Omfg. Fantasy Baseball draft tonight. Hubby could not be disturbed while I made dinner.

    I’m so very sorry. Fantasy sports ruins the world, and makes even interesting people duller than fuck.

  150. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:54

    Nom da plum! Howz my homey?

  151. Nom de Plume said,

    August 18, 2011 at 3:56

    Hey tsam, how are things on the south side?

  152. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:02

    She kept asking “You’re not going easy on me are you?” while I was practically making myself airsick.

    Yup that would likely be me, and where is this lady ’cause I’d like to marry her!
    :)
    .

  153. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:07

    Poverty may be miserable. But being able to feel a bit better-off than someone else makes it a bit more bearable.

    Which not only makes me haz a sad, but tracks with my thesis that the existence of African Americans are the greatest gift to the plutocracy on this side of the pond.
    .

  154. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:11

    Hey tsam, how are things on the south side?

    Stodgy and sanctimonious like always, brother.

  155. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:12

    Try some of this, gravity-lover!

    If I find some I will, however, I have the distinct feeling that it is shiite.

    If I can purchase a onesie I’ll check it out.
    .

  156. Spearhafoc, who is back in LEAFS SUCK said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:14

    Well, as you can see, I’m back home. Did y’all miss me?

    I got a well-fitting three-piece suit for five dollars in Kelowna. Dark blue with white pinstripes. Pretty snazzy.

    Also, one of the flight attendants on one of my flights today had the most beautiful blue eyes I think I’ve ever seen. Too bad she had an engagement ring or I would have…I’m not sure. What the hell is flirting, anyway?

  157. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:20

    Once we got up to altitude I offered to let her fly the jet but she didn’t want to. She just told me to fly it to its maximum capability.

    I did every aerobatic maneuver in the book, 6 G turns, loops, rolls, vertical climbs and dives.

    You have described my perfect dream!

    I would have taken the stick without hesitation, and after a minute or two of figuring out if I could fly straight and level, would have started peppering you with questions concerning the barrel roll we would be commencing…then after that discussing stall speeds…you do know how to get at t-38 out of a tails spin, I presume.

    :)

    I’d suggest you give me the controls at 15,000 feet which would give you 10,000 to sort whatever nonsense I’d gotten us into, out.
    .
    .

  158. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:23

    An extra s and the lack of a capitalized Y marred my last comment.

    /bows head and slinks backwards out of the room.
    .

  159. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:24

    Nuh uh, those mangoes look like they could take your leg off. I’m staying in this boat, thank you very much. I need my brain very much unexploded, thank you.

  160. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:25

    Omfg. Fantasy Baseball draft tonight.

    Are you sure that you are not talking about the Fantasy *Football* draft?

    .

  161. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:31

    Hubby could not be disturbed while I made dinner. Bad night to grill lamb chops. The kitchen was so filled with smoke… So I’m trying to cook and keep Dudeskull happy at the same time. At one point–swear ti DK-W’s IPU–I was actually holding him in one arm and flipping tomatoes on the grill with the other. The smoke alarm kept going off. Pandemonium.

    That sounds like an adventure. I genuflect to your skill and acumen.

    Flames, babby’s and Klaxons. Would make a nice reality show!11!
    .

  162. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:34

    Whoa–Rick Scott…

    “He’s a replicant. Isn’t he?”

    He vaguely resembles Mitch Daniels, my hack ass in chief.

    This shit is beginning to make sense.
    .

  163. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:40

    I’m so very sorry. Fantasy sports ruins the world, and makes even interesting people duller than fuck.

    Agree entirely. Watching people that have to deal with the point where they have to root for a dude on the opposing team, never made a lick of sense to me. That and the fact that everyone involved fancies themselves worthy of a ticket to espn.

    One thing that does make me slightly happy is reading a piece, some time ago, long forgotten, that equated these “jocks” with D and D players. That made that particular nite.
    .

  164. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:40

    Comment re: RonPaul

    Ron Paul’s stance on the Federal Reserve and their phony monetary system are what’s keeping him of the airways. The media treatment of Ron Paul as some kind of whacko or no coverage at all will continue because we have no real journalists these days.

    The very fact that the Federal Reserve exists and most know nothing about it and its operation is do to the media’s failure.This post mentioning the Federal Reserve will probably be deleted

    Dude, DO NOT answer your door for a few months.

  165. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:41

    Allrighty then, I will attempt to stop the killing of the thread…
    .
    xoxox

  166. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:44

    Agree entirely. Watching people that have to deal with the point where they have to root for a dude on the opposing team,

    I will fight a motherfucker for that.

    Once, I was in a bar drinking and watching a Seahawks game. (yes, they’re my team. They’re suckass losers, but they’re MY suckass losers…_)

    Opposing team running back hits an 18 or 20 yard run. (That happens to the hawks a little too frequently) This fucking jackass jumps up and says “YEAH! that guy is on my fantasy team!”

    I did find out that it’s exceptionally difficult to throw tortilla chips for any distance or accuracy. I told him to sit down and shut the fuck up, which drew thunderous applause. I was all ready to scuff him up, but he left. Bitch.

  167. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:46

    Haha–all those NASCAR cunts are all trying to fight each other after they crash now.

    Ok…have another 23 pork chops you goat fucking hillbilly dirtbags…

    NASCAR sucks.

  168. Nom de Plume said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:48

    tsam, you’re my fucking hero. The next time I’m in your neighborhood, I’m gonna leave your favorite scotch on your porch.

    Just don’t shoot me.

  169. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:52

    God I loved that beer and I drank as much as I possibly could while I had the chance.

    you need to get some surly beer…

  170. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:53

    Moderation is for people who can’t commit to addiction.

    I believe in moderation. But only in moderation.

    Damn, you beat me to it! I was a member of the Temperance Society at uni: the slogan was “Moderation in all things, especially moderation”. The team sport was drinking to excess. Quelle surprise.

  171. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:54

    Fantasy sports ruins the world, and makes even interesting people duller than fuck.

    Yeah, it’s getting toward that time at my office. I’m a little surprised that the interminable chatter about it hasn’t started yet among the techie libertarian manly-mans in the next row of cubes over. But lately they’ve all decided that they’re going to do a bunch of weightlifting and then bullshit about that at work. Which is all fine, and some of them could use the workouts (though on the whole they’re in good shape for a bunch of techies) but it grates after a while because all of them have to be the smartest guy in the room about everything.

    Still, it’s better than when they talk politics, and so will be the fantasy football horseshit.

  172. Nom de Plume said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:54

    Haha–all those NASCAR cunts are all trying to fight each other after they crash now.

    This is a plea for attention. NASCAR shit itself when the NFL lockout ended. They thought they’d get ratings clear into September for once.

  173. tsam said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:58

    Just don’t shoot me.

    I would NEVER!

  174. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 4:59

    I did find out that it’s exceptionally difficult to throw tortilla chips for any distance or accuracy. I told him to sit down and shut the fuck up, which drew thunderous applause. I was all ready to scuff him up, but he left. Bitch.

    After the debilitating laughter, I have to say that I would love to share a pitcher of your favorite micro with you.

    BTW i am a die hard Reds fan (baseball) and Vikings fan (football). My favorite professional sport is Baseball and I am a fans fan. I am so sorry that I have not had the opportunity to appreciate the genius that is Ichiro Suzuki.

    I have gotten into arguments about whether Ichiro or Roberto was the better right fielder.

    200 hits for 10 straight years is unprecedented in the history of the game, and while I was a fan of Johnny Bench growing up (played catcher last couple of years of little league) I have to say that at this point Suzuki and Clemente are my all time favorites.

    So if you have any stories…
    ;

  175. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:03

    Vikings fan

    OH! and here i thought i liked you!

  176. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:06

    for all you hopheads

  177. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:12

    OH! and here i thought i liked you!

    Ouch!!!
    .

  178. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:13

    Ouch!!!

    really? you like the vikes? c’mon…at least go for a winning mn team!

  179. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:18

    oh, okay fine! i like you…and everybody else…if that means i’m not the only one here…

  180. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:30

    However, we had an admin clerk in the squadron, a very petite little blonde girl, who once won airmen-of-the-quarter which came with a T-38 ride.

    You have to watch those. A dear friend of mine from high school, poodle-headed and 95 lbs soaking wet, once required five of New York’s Finest to remove her from the pool table at Sophies where she was very intent upon dancing after drinking half the place under the table.

    Needless to say, I will love her forever.

  181. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:35

    really? you like the vikes? c’mon…at least go for a winning mn team!

    Yep, watched them lose three super bowls and three NFC championships. I am loyal and stupid. I was only six or five when they lost the first super bowl to the chiefs, but grew up with a Tarkenton jersey. Given my love of purple and the fact that the half of my family that is not African American, emigrated from Sweden, and my general embrace of losers…
    That ’98 team was something, though losing to atlanta in the not NFC championship was a heartbreaker.

    Fortunately the Reds and IU basketball have done pretty well for me so…

    even if the last of their championships was 1990, I was around for 6 betwixt them.
    .

  182. Alkonholics Anonymous said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:47

    I fucked K-Lo in…

    Wait.

    No.

    Ew.

  183. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:55

    Crap! Randy Moss, Robert Smith, Randall Cunningham, Gary Anderson, John Randle and Chris Carter. Jeebbus.

    Randle remains one of my favorite players ever, but the rest were amazing as well.

    That team should have won a superbowl.

    In finishing 16-2 that team lost both games that year by 3 points.

    I am gonna have some bad dreams tonight.

    Prior to a real appreciation of disappointment mixed with frustration and sauteed in a pan of fail, I see now that that year that team was the start, or represents the start of the change in my fortunes…A change that could be considered for the worst.

    So yeah, I am a Vikings fan, and if denying that fact, would bring me riches, I would tell you to fuck yourself.

  184. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 5:58

    oh, okay fine! i like you…and everybody else…if that means i’m not the only one here…

    /Kisses bbkf on the cheek.
    .

  185. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2011 at 6:09

    Provider, do not try Steel Reserve , it is cheap drunk is all, & doesn’ttaste that good, ‘though still not as bad as my standard for Worst Beer in Human History, Mickey’s Big Mouth.

  186. Fenwick said,

    August 18, 2011 at 6:13

    Fantasy sports ruins the world, and makes even interesting people duller than fuck.

    Word.

  187. Fenwick said,

    August 18, 2011 at 6:19

    One thing that does make me slightly happy is reading a piece, some time ago, long forgotten, that equated these “jocks” with D and D players.

    Very fine. The analogy holds up well, based on what I’ve seen of both groups, which fortunately isn’t much: On RP game; one Fantasy baseball season. S-U-X.

  188. hells littlest angel said,

    August 18, 2011 at 6:41

    Bachmann: the faint, unpleasant odor that issues from a frequent recipient of Cleveland Steamers.

  189. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 18, 2011 at 6:50

    Yo Jeffraham!

    UNE, my friend and brother(-in-arms; I don’t wanna get too personal)!

    I’m at the 3 month mark meself, as of tomorrow. So far I’ve saved some ridiculous sum. How ridiculous I don’t want to say except…over $1,000. I’ll never buy those damn things again, ever.

    That’s very good news, Jennifer. I find the Safe Cig has made the whole process damn near painless, for me… and boy-o, is it ever cheaper than smoking, in any case! After I finished off the last few packs remaining from the last carton I had when the kit arrived, I never had a moment’s temptation to go buy cigarettes. I was really ready to quit, I have to add — I felt like shit in the morning after having a few beers, as I smoked twice as much, I’m sure. Now, I have a few beers, and wake up just fine, and able to breathe!
    .

  190. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 18, 2011 at 6:56

    And… what an idiot I was to assume The Public could see my Google+ hangout, tonight (no one could, so it was a spectacular flop!).
    .

  191. Whale Chowder said,

    August 18, 2011 at 8:08

    Yay for all y’all who are still not smoking.

    I read Alison’s name as “Alison in just a red velvet hat” and thought RAWR!

    SeaChickens might be good this year. They sure as hell got bigger.

    Don’t go dissing D&D. I never could get into it but watching my son do the dungeonmaster thing made me realize it’s pretty creative stuff.

    G’night, all.

  192. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 8:19

    Haha–all those NASCAR cunts are all trying to fight each other after they crash now.

    Kinda hard to throw down while strapped into a six-point harness.

  193. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 18, 2011 at 8:59

    Yay for all y’all who are still not smoking.

    I slipped about five weeks ago, long enough to take two drags off the real thang. The mechanic offered (with eyes as red as the devil’s dick), and I had to see. I nearly launched lunch.
    .

  194. MogHoz said,

    August 18, 2011 at 9:05

    M. Bouffant said,
    August 17, 2011 at 21:07

    “There ain’t no such thing as love/No angels singing up above today”

    Damn I miss Frank!

  195. AChance said,

    August 18, 2011 at 10:31

    Hey how’s it going you mind numbed lefty robots?

    Yeah, it is I, he who puts the Last Frontier’s extremely corruptable unions in lockstep with the political appointees. No complaints allowed, lawbreaking okay.

    Remember me, you Mind-Numbed Lefty Robots?

    This is going to be a 1k response just because you now have a REAL troll who can dance with mind numbed lefty robots for the whole 15 rounds.

    See who I am if you din’t know, robots!

    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/25429.html


    Damn I miss Frank!

    You’re teling me, dude. You do mean Murkowski. Good thing his offspring kept his seat and the dream of hedons and tyrannists alive in AK!

    FrankenLisa is unstoppably corrupt. Yeah for Alaska! A real state unklike Noo York.

  196. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 18, 2011 at 10:50

    Yeah for Alaska! A real state unklike Noo York.

    A real parasite state, sucking on the teat of NY, y’mean.
    .

  197. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 10:55

    After fake Art Chance, I think I miss Adnon- I hope she isn’t chopped up into little pieces and buried under Saskatoon.

  198. Provider_UNE said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:26

    After fake Art Chance, I think I miss Adnon- I hope she isn’t chopped up into little pieces and buried under Saskatoon.

    Given all the bodies buried in the underground tunnels, there simply might not be room, however the Canuckistanis are an ingenious sort.

    On another note, I have thought about a personal austerity measure, forgoing a meal a day because it might help to feed a starving corporation, because, they are people…Maybe my charity will be noted by the ISB (invisible sky buddy), who might be inclined, as a result of my example to do more for corporate suffering.

    .

  199. actor212 said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:51

    Wait…she seriously makes the case that gay marriage causes abortions?

    Um. How?

  200. actor212 said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:51

    Remember me, you Mind-Numbed Lefty Robots?

    Who?

  201. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:52

    On another note, I have thought about a personal austerity measure, forgoing a meal a day because it might help to feed a starving corporation, because, they are people…

    Just make sure Sally Struthers doesn’t eat the food you leave in the fridge.

  202. actor212 said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:53

    I believe in moderation. But only in moderation.

    I believe in moderation in all things. For you.

  203. actor212 said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:54

    On another note, I have thought about a personal austerity measure, forgoing a meal a day because it might help to feed a starving corporation, because, they are people…

    Just make sure Sally Struthers doesn’t eat the food you leave in the fridge.

    Screw that, she;s working on a Soylent Green formula, I heard.

  204. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:54

    Wait…she seriously makes the case that gay marriage causes abortions?

    Um. How?

    Forget it, she’s rolling.

  205. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 11:55

    Yo, FinnFinn, you back in the States?

  206. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 13:53

    You were doing all this while he sat and made fantasy selections?

    Yeah. I guess it’s hard to leave the computer when things are getting hot and heavy during these drafts. (Which was a football, not baseball one, I guess. I don’t pay attention. Have I mentioned I’m not a sports fan?) It was my own damn fault. I should have made something much more simple or let him fend for himself. I feel like I still got kind of a comical visual out of it, though…smoke-filled house, smoke alarm went off about 5 times, trying to keep baby happy, flipping lamb chops and pita and tomatoes…good times, good times.

  207. N__B said,

    August 18, 2011 at 13:57

    smoke-filled house, smoke alarm went off about 5 times, trying to keep baby happy

    On that note, blog whore time: check out the rogue’s gallery. Specifically, B^4 with an alien face-grabber a half-Life headcrab Mini__B.

  208. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 14:02

    Specifically, B^4 with an alien face-grabber a half-Life headcrab Mini__B.

    C’mon Mini__B, let’s go to the Thunderdome!

    He’s a really, really mellow little fellow.

  209. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 14:05

    I feel like I still got kind of a comical visual out of it, though…smoke-filled house, smoke alarm went off about 5 times, trying to keep baby happy, flipping lamb chops and pita and tomatoes…good times, good times.

    The visual is even funnier if it involves a dermatological “mudpack” and a head full of curlers.

  210. N__B said,

    August 18, 2011 at 14:18

    Ignore the misplaced apostrophe at 13:57.

  211. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 14:23

    B^4, will a ponytail and blouse w/spit-up on it do?

  212. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 14:24

    Ignore the misplaced apostrophe at 13:57.

    Only if you ignore my tagfail.

  213. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    August 18, 2011 at 14:25

    B^4, will a ponytail and blouse w/spit-up on it do?

    Rule 34!

  214. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 15:10

    he ISB (invisible sky buddy),

    okay, this is enough to make me overlook the vikings fandom…i’m just a diehard twins fan…i woulodn’t be the least bit sad if the vikes left…and randy moss = one of my least favorite people of all time…

    also, too…i suspect it’s the vikings that prevent other sadlies from visiting mn…

  215. exford legs said,

    August 18, 2011 at 15:37

    Two girls Ns, one cup L

  216. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 18, 2011 at 15:50

    Ignore the misplaced apostrophe at 13:57.

    Are you claiming not to be a rogue? I call shenanigans.

  217. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 16:41

    hey n_b…how involved were you in implementing the new website for your company?

  218. Whale Chowder said,

    August 18, 2011 at 16:46

    Pupienus’s next motorcycle.

    Perfect for the weekly ride to Starbucks and the tavern.

  219. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 16:53

    Starbucks

    i just read an article about being in the know about the off menu items at starbucks…good dog, i hope i am never such a tool that i would a)frequent starbucks b)be in ‘the know’

  220. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 16:54

    being in the know

  221. kingubu said,

    August 18, 2011 at 17:02

    Further up yonder Teh Smutster said:

    Teh Economist discovers the “At least we’re better-off than the people under the next bridge who don’t even have a curtain-rod for roasting their rats” principle of competitive poverty.

    Reminded me of the same thing and I copypasta’d Davis X. Machina’s original curtain rod comment (with attribution, it’s in my QOTD file) when someone linked to that piece in our company IRC channel. Deserves repeating:

    The salient fact of American politics is that there are fifty to seventy million voters who will volunteer to live, with his family, in a cardboard box under an overpass, and cook sparrows on an old curtain rod, if someone would only guarantee that the black, gay, Hispanic, liberal, whatever, in the next box over doesn’t even have a curtain rod, or a sparrow to put on it.

    Damn skippy.

  222. Steerpike said,

    August 18, 2011 at 17:33

    …Roasting rats on the ol’ curtain rod…

  223. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 17:37

    …Roasting rats on the ol’ curtain rod…

    ah, yes…good times…good times…

  224. N__B said,

    August 18, 2011 at 17:40

    hey n_b…how involved were you in implementing the new website for your company?

    Very. I told the designer exactly what I wanted technically and, being competent and talented, she delivered on my vision and made it good looking.

  225. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 18, 2011 at 17:41

    Given all the bodies buried in the underground tunnels, there simply might not be room, however the Canuckistanis are an ingenious sort.

    They have to grease the bodies up and get a running start to jam them in these days.

  226. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:04

    Very. I told the designer exactly what I wanted technically and, being competent and talented, she delivered on my vision and made it good looking.

    my board moved last night to cancel our contract with our current website designer/host and instead take advantage of free website designed by our local economic development authority. i believe it will be a wordpress site…i’m also going to be using an online giving platform called givemn.org to handle our online donations instead of going through a merchant services provider which is costing us way too much…anyhoo, i’m wondering how to get started with all this…i’m concerned with keeping our current site while the new one is being designed…do you have some guidance on some sort of timeline i could follow with all this?

  227. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:04

    They have to grease the bodies up and get a running start to jam them in these days.

    oh, so that’s what they are going to do with all the corpses floating in the public drinking water system…good to know…

  228. N__B said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:12

    bbkf –

    It took our designer about three months to learn WP from scratch and adapt her earlier hard-coded HTML site to the new platform. Our ISP allowed us to have WP and regular pages running simultaneously, with the WP returning an error message, until we switched, so we had zero down time.

    My public email’s at my blog if you want to continue this OT elswhere.

  229. kg said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:12

    kingubu said,
    August 18, 2011 at 17:02

    A bullet from the back of a bush took Medgar Evers’ blood
    A finger fired the trigger to his name
    A handle hid out in the dark
    A hand set the spark
    Two eyes took the aim
    Behind a man’s brain
    But he can’t be blamed
    He’s only a pawn in their game

    A South politician preaches to the poor white man
    “You got more than the blacks, don’t complain.
    You’re better than them, you been born with white skin,” they explain.
    And the Negro’s name
    Is used it is plain
    For the politician’s gain
    As he rises to fame
    And the poor white remains
    On the caboose of the train
    But it ain’t him to blame
    He’s only a pawn in their game

    The deputy sheriffs, the soldiers, the governors get paid
    And the marshals and cops get the same
    But the poor white man’s used in the hands of them all like a tool
    He’s taught in his school
    From the start by the rule
    That the laws are with him
    To protect his white skin
    To keep up his hate
    So he never thinks straight
    ’Bout the shape that he’s in
    But it ain’t him to blame
    He’s only a pawn in their game

    From the poverty shacks, he looks from the cracks to the tracks
    And the hoofbeats pound in his brain
    And he’s taught how to walk in a pack
    Shoot in the back
    With his fist in a clinch
    To hang and to lynch
    To hide ’neath the hood
    To kill with no pain
    Like a dog on a chain
    He ain’t got no name
    But it ain’t him to blame
    He’s only a pawn in their game.

    Today, Medgar Evers was buried from the bullet he caught
    They lowered him down as a king
    But when the shadowy sun sets on the one
    That fired the gun
    He’ll see by his grave
    On the stone that remains
    Carved next to his name
    His epitaph plain:
    Only a pawn in their game

  230. kg said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:13

    OMG I’m a copypasta!!!

  231. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:13

    <i.My public email’s at my blog if you want to continue this OT elswhere

    thank you sir, i will

  232. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:13

    after i address my tagfail…sigh…

  233. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:14

    They have to grease the bodies up and get a running start to jam them in these days.

    We were taught how to do it by Whale Chowder’s mom.

  234. lurking furry said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:23

    I read the headline as “Sex in Iowa City”, of which I have fond twisted memories. Thankfully K-Lo’s not talking about that. Unthankfully, she’s still talking.

  235. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:28

    Hey, comments are up! Wow, mine actually looks as mild and moderatedly moderate as I can moderably moderate. Moderate.

  236. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 18:32

    Hey, comments are up!

    wow, your’s is pretty moderately moderate! i admit i was hoping for a bit of war criminal…anyhoo, this comment made me laff more than moderately:

    Why not do things to help progress your lifestyle and finding a Catholic mate for yourself as God intended?

  237. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 19:24

    Ooh, ouch. K-Lo’s outnumbered.

  238. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 19:31

    Ooh, ouch. K-Lo’s outnumbered.

    sounds like you are initiating the discussion on the role of sex…

  239. kg said,

    August 18, 2011 at 19:41

    thanks. I doubt I’ll eat again.

  240. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 19:43

    Gah! Out bad visuals! Out!

  241. N__B said,

    August 18, 2011 at 19:58

    . K-Lo’s outnumbered.

    I thought she was legion.

  242. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 20:20

    Sorry, can’t talk here…I’m making smartass remarks at your blog.

  243. Steerpike said,

    August 18, 2011 at 20:46

    She’s in yr base, killin yr doodz…

  244. N__B said,

    August 18, 2011 at 21:10

    She’s in yr base, killin yr doodz…

    Only got one dood, but he beat up B^4 the other day…

  245. Whale Chowder said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:18

    SCENE: Mid-afternoon. Exterior of a dusty western town.
    *tumbleweed rolls across the road*

    Bart: It’s quiet here. Too quiet.

  246. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:23

    People, quit your mind-deadening, soul*-killing jobs & spend all your time posting from the library!

    *Figure of speech, does not actually exist. Maybe “psyche” would’ve been a better choice.

  247. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:23

    Bart: It’s quiet here. Too quiet.

    i know…i keep checking to see if there’s a new thread in town…n_b’s place has had a lot of traffic, maybe that’s it…

    did you hear the one about the 3 legged dog who rode into town?

  248. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:23

    <i.*Figure of speech, does not actually exist

    hey! we’re not republicans!!!

  249. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:24

    i’m a tagfailer!

  250. Pupienus said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:30

    PENIS?</a

  251. Steerpike said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:51

    Shoot low, Sheriff, they’re a-ridin’ shetlands.

  252. vacuumslayer said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:53

    Iffin yer bored and gots nothing better tA do, here’s some blog/baby-whoring!

  253. Pupienus said,

    August 18, 2011 at 22:57

    I deliberatley failed that tag, in honor of bbkf. Honest, I meant to do that. .

  254. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2011 at 23:00

    PeeJ takes one for the team!

  255. bbkf said,

    August 18, 2011 at 23:16

    did you hear the one about the 3 legged dog who rode into town?

    he was looking for the man who shot his paw…

  256. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 18, 2011 at 23:53

    [taptaptap] Is this thing on?

  257. Fenwick said,

    August 18, 2011 at 23:59

    kg said,

    OMG I’m a copypasta!!!

    Which is totally okay if you copy great stuff. As you did.

  258. Whale Chowder said,

    August 19, 2011 at 0:08

    [taptaptap] Is this thing on?

    I could talk about my 1970s motorsickle: a ’72 Suzuki GT 380 J, a 2-stroke 3 cylender bike boasting drum brakes and all of 38 HP. It was fucking bulletproof though, which was a good thing as I dint know nuffin and abused it badly, maintenance-wise.

  259. AChance said,

    August 19, 2011 at 0:09

    Deserves repeating:

    The salient fact of American politics is that there are fifty to seventy million voters who will volunteer to live, with his family, in a cardboard box under an overpass, and cook sparrows on an old curtain rod, if someone would only guarantee that the black, gay, Hispanic, liberal, whatever, in the next box over doesn’t even have a curtain rod, or a sparrow to put on it.

    HA HA, how you even gonna have any sparrow without a Mossburg?

    You urchins in the boxes out there on the sidewalk found a way to log on to someone’s wi-fi?

  260. Whale Chowder said,

    August 19, 2011 at 0:21

    You urchins in the boxes out there on the sidewalk found a way to log on to someone’s wi-fi?

    Yeah. Did you manage to hack into a bear’s location transmitter signal?

  261. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    August 19, 2011 at 0:25

    I could talk about my 1970s motorsickle: a ’72 Suzuki GT 380 J, a 2-stroke 3 cylender bike boasting drum brakes and all of 38 HP. It was fucking bulletproof though, which was a good thing as I dint know nuffin and abused it badly, maintenance-wise.

    Was that an air-cooled little brother to the 750 “Water Buffalo” (no relation to K-Lo) then? Those old two strokes were pretty great for abuse, as long as you remember to put the oil in the fuel…

    Don’t know if you saw at the very end of the last thread, but along with the Thruxton, I’ve got a ’72 Honda CB500Four. Those little cylinders at 10000 rpm sound delicious.

  262. gocart mozart said,

    August 19, 2011 at 0:50

    A bachmann is the orifice that leaks santorum after a strange sex act commonly referred to as a dirty K-Lo.

    I would go into greater detail, but this is a family blog.

  263. Whale Chowder said,

    August 19, 2011 at 0:51

    The 380 and 550 shared engine and frame components. Don’t think it was related to the 750 but to be honest I wasn’t paying that much attention back then.

    Don’t know if you saw at the very end of the last thread, but along with the Thruxton, I’ve got a ’72 Honda CB500Four. Those little cylinders at 10000 rpm sound delicious.

    I did see that. I’d love to have one of the late ’70s CB400Fs, the cafe racer bikes. A friend had one back in the day and it seemed like a great little bike. It’d compliment the big ST bike, something I could commute on and maybe be a track bike. Mmmm.

  264. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 1:14

    Those RD-350/400s and the CB400F are two of my favorite bikes I’ve never owned. I have often thought about snagging a ratty old one and making it wonderfyul again but The Ho is very leery about my doing such things. I got that X-1/9 FOR HIM and did he even appreciate it? Well, if I had ever gotten around to making it run he would have, let me tell ya.

  265. Spearhafoc, who is back in LEAFS SUCK said,

    August 19, 2011 at 1:38

    but this is a family blog.

    Whose family? Charles Manson’s?

  266. tigris said,

    August 19, 2011 at 1:39

    Charles Addams.

  267. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 1:52

    Charles Addams.

    He was Quincy’s son, right?

  268. tigris said,

    August 19, 2011 at 1:58

    It’s pronounced Quinzee.

  269. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 1:59

    It’s pronounced Quinzee.

    Still better than being named Athol.

  270. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:15

    I read Alison’s name as “Alison in just a red velvet hat” and thought RAWR!

    Thankee, Whale Chowder, that’s the nicest comment I’ve received in quite a while. But I think if your version were correct, my boss might have something to say about it.

    But fuck it, he’s in China, so let the good hat times roll. ;-)

  271. tigris said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:26

    Still better than being named Athol.

    Yeth it ith.

  272. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:26

    It’s pronounced Quinzee.
    I had pronounced quinsey once but a course of antibiotics cleared it up.

    Teh Google informs me that a quinzee is a variety of snow-cave. I was not previously aware of that.

  273. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:27

    N_B, purty bebbe you got there. Kid’s not bad either (yuk yuk).

    They have to grease the bodies up and get a running start to jam them in these days.

    Helmut, your monotremey-ness makes this a very worrying comment indeed. See a psychologist and/or a good proctologist immediately (is there such a profession as ‘treme-ologist”? If not, there should be.).

  274. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:27

    But fuck it, he’s in China, so let the good hat times roll. ;-)
    No excuse to keep the non-hat-related clothes on, then.

  275. vacuumslayer said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:27

    He was Quincy’s son, right?

    All I know is he fought tirelessly to end slavery.

  276. Spearhafoc, who is back in LEAFS SUCK said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:33

    Women look good in bowler hats.

  277. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:33

    I am sad-face and mournful that Just Alison never visits us at Riddled.

  278. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:42

    Smut ain’t happy with the incessant drunken zombie BOC-lyric slurring visits?

  279. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:47

    Re vs’ baby-whoring: another cute bebbe, with an astonishingly large braincase. Is that wee child doing integral calculus yet, or just differential? Cuz he looks like he’s gunna take over ze vurld before puberty (then he’ll lose all interest and just chase gurls).

  280. Major Kong said,

    August 19, 2011 at 2:48

    Smut ain’t happy with the incessant drunken zombie BOC-lyric slurring visits?

    Needs more cowbell!

  281. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:00

    Hey, Smut, I’ve visited Riddled, but never (until now) commented. And I’ve always wondered: was the eusa part of the name based on Riddley Walker? Because that’s one of the finest of all books, even given that the author apparently turns out to be a short podgy bloke with a high-pitched silly accent. Just goes to show that the packaging doesn’t necessarily match the goods (which also relates to your mummy post).

    Heh. Unwrapping the goods.

  282. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:02

    Smut ain’t happy with the incessant drunken zombie BOC-lyric slurring visits?
    There have been no comments involving zombies or slurred BOC lyrics for several days (drunkenness, perhaps). Clearly Riddled needs more serious posts on art history.

  283. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:04

    I make a killer Quincy jelly. Much more enjoyable than rotten mango daiquiris.

  284. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:13

    Buggeration: why, oh why, did my post disappear? WordPress, we’ve always been friends before, why fail me now?

    Anyways, was just reassuring Smut that I’ve visited his lair before but never felt brave enough to comment. This has now changed, so be warned.

    And always wanted to ask: was the eusa part of the name taken from Riddley Walker? Cuz that’s one of the bestest ever novels in the history of novelicity ever.

  285. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:17

    Why, oh why, is WP persecuting me like this? I let it have the couch and the best plates, what more does it want?

  286. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:30

    Just honing my thread killing skilz.

  287. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:31

    Ho Lee Fuk! I just noticed – S,N! time is now just like the rest of the world’s time. This is not necessarily a good thing.

  288. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:38

    Time test (I gotta see to believe)…
    .

  289. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:38

    ZULU!
    .

  290. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 3:53

    I am sad-face

    I can cure that with my newfound and yet remarkably accurate photo-altering skills!

  291. the conspiratist said,

    August 19, 2011 at 4:26

    Middle of the Pacific ocean?

  292. kg said,

    August 19, 2011 at 4:40

    Speaking of being in China and wearing hats… you might want to avoid wearing a green hat while visiting that communist paradise lest you be laughed at heartily.

  293. kg said,

    August 19, 2011 at 4:48

    hey, my beby’s haid is huge too!!!

    s’right bithes, watch me walk for like the 2nd time

  294. Blinking Emoticon said,

    August 19, 2011 at 5:17

    Honolulu time. Sweet!

  295. Blinking Emoticon said,

    August 19, 2011 at 5:18

    The Nymtukc people have 23 different words for snow cave.

  296. rodert rudis said,

    August 19, 2011 at 5:27

    Tina Fey: “It costs more to have someone born than to have someone killed.”

  297. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 5:56

    Jackie Chan, rooftop cinema at NW Film Festival. August in PDX is suhweet. Excellent pulled pork sammies w/ fab Cole slaw. McTarnahans pouring lotsa good (not great, but very good) brews. Suck it beochtes!

  298. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 6:05

    Beotches, also too. And free Decemberist tickets. Beotches!

  299. Fenwick said,

    August 19, 2011 at 6:11

    I got nothin’.

    another cute bebbe, with an astonishingly large braincase. Is that wee child doing integral calculus yet, or just differential? Cuz he looks like he’s gunna take over ze vurld before puberty (then he’ll lose all interest and just chase gurls).

    + 1

    Blog pimping: Loved the Dudeskill and Mini-B photos via VS’s and N_B’s places…especially Mini_B taking a ride on a Big Bag Bald Person. See ‘em if you haven’t.

  300. Just Alison in a red velvet hat said,

    August 19, 2011 at 6:40

    Oh, WordPress, have you forgiven me yet? Please say yes, or I’ll cry myself to sleep…

  301. Fenwick said,

    August 19, 2011 at 6:52

    I’ll bet the gulz will be chasing him…

  302. M. Bouffant said,

    August 19, 2011 at 6:57

    ZULU!

    Naw, it’s ZULU +2, but after Summer Time Stops it will be +1 again.

  303. aravind said,

    August 19, 2011 at 7:35

    Wait, we’ve seriously lost the wonders of Sadlytime?

  304. paramedicx said,

    August 19, 2011 at 7:35

    “I make a killer Quincy jelly”….SAM!!! I think it’s MUURRDERRR!!!

  305. aravind said,

    August 19, 2011 at 7:36

    Oh… it’s on Eastern Standard? I see how it is. Just because y’all have got most of the people… and universities… and money.

  306. Whale Chowder from his phone said,

    August 19, 2011 at 7:46

    But fuck it, he’s in China, so let the good hat times roll. ;-)
    All I ask is that next time you’re with Mr. Alison (or Ms. Alison…whatever floats yer boat), wear just the red velvet hat and think of me. Well,maybe a younger, skinnier, more handsome me, one that sends tingles up your leg. I’m sure I’ll feel it.

  307. Whale Chowder from his phone said,

    August 19, 2011 at 7:49

    Although if you’re in the customer service biz perhaps teh velvet hat alone might be a plus.

  308. Anonymous said,

    August 19, 2011 at 8:05

    Okay, this Rick Perry investment article is pretty funny. It’d be screamingly funny if it turned out Movie Gallery was more gay-porn oriented.

  309. aravind said,

    August 19, 2011 at 8:19

    From Anon’s link:

    If you’re still slightly confused as to why the AFA isn’t calling Rick Perry out, and how conservatives can ignore such glaring hypocrisy, it’s because they worship at the altar of a political movement based on belief in authoritarianism and a sense of entitlement for “the Chosen”. Anything that Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, or Sarah Palin do is OK. God said so.

    Welp, that’s the past ten twenty thirty how many years in a nutshell…?

  310. aravind said,

    August 19, 2011 at 8:21

    Oh wait, it’s not Eastern Standard time… it’s GMT?

  311. Fenwick said,

    August 19, 2011 at 8:59

    “I make a killer Quincy jelly”….SAM!!! I think it’s MUURRDERRR!!!

    *golf clap*

  312. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:16

    According to latest messages at Riddled, FYWP has prevented Just Alison from leaving comments at SN, so you can harass her now without fear of retribution.

  313. M. Bouffant said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:17

    Oh wait, it’s not Eastern Standard time… it’s GMT?

    Ahem!

  314. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:19

    Naw, it’s ZULU +2, but after Summer Time Stops it will be +1 again
    Zulu time? We’re gonna be all Alpha Bravo Charlie here next.

  315. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:22

    Naw, it’s ZULU +2, but after Summer Time Stops it will be +1 again
    First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.

  316. actor212 said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:33

    I HATE IPA.

    Tastes like butt

    Presumably you compared them side by side.

  317. M. Bouffant said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:34

    Up/down here, time indeed stops after summer.

  318. actor212 said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:38

    Jackie Chan, rooftop cinema at NW Film Festival. August in PDX is suhweet. Excellent pulled pork sammies w/ fab Cole slaw. McTarnahans pouring lotsa good (not great, but very good) brews. Suck it beochtes!

    Sunset over Caracas, Venezuela. Ice cold Amstel….not the prissy “lite” shit, the real stuff that you can’t buy in your neck of the woods…in hand, munching on the catch of the day– barbecued shrimp in a garlic butter sauce, Adirondack chair facing west, Oakleys and boat shorts on, barefoot, after a day filming sea turtles that came thisclose to the lens…

    Oh, man, I’m sorry…you were enjoying lording your little (air quote) movie over the rest of us. Please. Do go on. It’s *yawn* fascinating…

  319. actor212 said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:39

    FYWP has prevented Just Alison from leaving comments at SN, so you can harass her now without fear of retribution.

    That hat looked fucking ridiculous

  320. actor212 said,

    August 19, 2011 at 11:42

    The Nymtukc people have 23 different words for snow cave.

    Big deal.

    The Nip/Tuck people have 46 episodes on boob jobs.

  321. Major Kong said,

    August 19, 2011 at 13:03

    Sunset over Caracas, Venezuela.

    So how is Caracas? My experience in Venezuela has been limited to stopovers at the airport in Valencia.

  322. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 13:13

    So how is Caracas?

    Despite their popularity in certain circles, not really a good replacement for the basic rhythm-section instruments.

  323. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 19, 2011 at 14:48

    ,,,you were enjoying lording your little (air quote) movie over the rest of us.

    Hey, don’t you be dissing Jackie Chan (who isn’t dead). Unless it’s one of the ones with Chris Tucker.

    Anywho, in a chair at a desk, “almost” daylight flourescents, cold stale office coffee. Beat that.

  324. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 14:48

    Can’t beat it with a stick.

  325. Provider_UNE said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:06

    time test

  326. Provider_UNE said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:16

    Zulu + 2 is correct.

    Don’t get me started on the idiocy of DST on the western edges of time zones.

    Also, too, as a recently former Ham Radio operator with over 120 countries in the log books we always use GMT time for contact information.

    The servers hosting our friendly banter are likely located in Paris where it is around 3:16 in the afternoon.
    .

  327. Provider_UNE said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:19

    I do wonder if the location of our Parisienne server farm might have a troll prophylactic effect.
    .

  328. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:31

    Can’t beat it with a stick.

    I see you’ve also tried to stir office coffee. This is why I “drink” mine black.

  329. Provider_UNE said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:32

    So Perrvy invested a few grand into a movie rental distributor cap operation that trafficked in Pron, what business of that is ours…

    Who among us is not occasionally moved to sit on a public toilet seat with a wide stance (to keep our feet out of the pee on the floor, [which if Craig was a smart man would be a defense that might actually fly])…

    Who among us does not have a couple of wetsuits and a freshly bronzed corndog from the Iowa state fair, in our roomy closets…
    .

  330. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:42

    a troll prophylactic effect

    I, for one, applaud the effort to prevent the captive breeding of trolls.

  331. Felonious Monk said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:43

    “Luthe said,
    And now I’m trying to figure out what disgusting sex act a Bachmann would be. It would have to be something lesbian, for symmetry…”

    I believe it involves a corndog.

  332. Helmut Monotreme said,

    August 19, 2011 at 15:49

    Who among us does not have a couple of wetsuits and a freshly bronzed corndog from the Iowa state fair, in our roomy closets…

    Actually, given the perpetually cold water in my state, I have a dry suit in my closet for when I go SCUBA diving.

  333. Substance McGravitas said,

    August 19, 2011 at 16:13

    I am disappointed that nobody has yet mentioned BareBachmanning.

  334. Provider_UNE said,

    August 19, 2011 at 16:15

    Actually, given the perpetually cold water in my state, I have a dry suit in my closet for when I go SCUBA diving.

    I find the the lack of a mention of a freshly bronzed crondog, in this comment, disturbing.
    .

  335. Provider_UNE said,

    August 19, 2011 at 16:19

    I am disappointed that nobody has yet mentioned BareBachmanning.

    /tips hat

    Sometimes the most obvious gags are the most elusive. Nice work sir.

    Sometimes we are stupified by imagery that links K-Lo with discussions of sex.

    Some of us are distracted by the fact that our libido was Vacuumed up and Slayed by certain parties up thread.
    .

  336. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 16:59

    Some of us are distracted by the fact that our libido was Vacuumed up and Slayed by certain parties up thread.

    Speaking as a friend, if you have a crush on ZRM you should just tell him.

  337. anonymous for good reason said,

    August 19, 2011 at 17:36

    I once had a crush on a zombie, in fact it was quite a torrid affair, but it ended sadly when the rotten cunt split on me…

  338. Whale Chowder said,

    August 19, 2011 at 17:50

    BareBachmanning.

    If the rumors are true (I heard it on the Internet!), I believe this is a specialty of Mr. Bachmann.

  339. kg said,

    August 19, 2011 at 17:51

    has anyone seen zrm? i’m kind of worried…

    http://mlkshk.com/p/69H1

  340. vacuumslayer said,

    August 19, 2011 at 17:58

    That is completely AWESOME

  341. N__B said,

    August 19, 2011 at 18:07

    That is completely AWESOME

    They need a cake-top zombie to go with the bride and groom.

  342. vacuumslayer said,

    August 19, 2011 at 18:11

    Rofl. Of course.

  343. vacuumslayer said,

    August 19, 2011 at 18:16

    Also, a belated sorry to Provider. It’s vacuums I try to slay, not libidos.

  344. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 19, 2011 at 18:37

    They need a cake-top zombie to go with the bride and groom.

    Like this?

  345. bbkf said,

    August 19, 2011 at 18:43

    once had a crush on a zombie, in fact it was quite a torrid affair, but it ended sadly when the rotten cunt split on me…

    goodness…

    i will now attempt another lame joke in this thread:

    why don’t lepers play hockey?

  346. Steerpike said,

    August 19, 2011 at 18:53

    I’m gonna guess something-something “face-off”?

  347. Steerpike said,

    August 19, 2011 at 19:14

    Apparently lame, gross jokes are to comment threads what machetes are to zombies…

  348. Robert Green said,

    August 19, 2011 at 19:16

    first of all–Sunrise over LA, view of the pacific ocean out the window. bee-to-the-otchs.

    second, the level of offensiveness that K-Lo (de)generates when she says we are “living in a culture that is enslaved.” is chart topping.

    who are the slave masters in this analogy? and what kind of drudgery and brutality do the slaves face on a daily basis over the course of their shortened lives? what is the cultural middle passage? where is africa (or egypt?) in this?

    i think, but i can’t prove it, that BTO is the soundtrack to the middle passage. YMMV.

  349. Griptape Slim said,

    August 19, 2011 at 19:21

    First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.

    You silly, twisted boy, you.

  350. Johann Sebastien Bachmann Underdrive said,

    August 19, 2011 at 19:41

    Thread needs moar PARENTHOOD-PLANNIST LIB-LOVE BRAINWASHING MAKES PEOPELE KILL INNOCENT PRE-AM3RIKANS!!!

  351. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 19:41

    actor212 said

    Sounds nice, “Tintin” but I got there for free, by streetcar, in 15 minutes. Phtphptphphttphpt.

  352. tigris said,

    August 19, 2011 at 19:44

    second, the level of offensiveness that K-Lo (de)generates when she says we are “living in a culture that is enslaved.” is chart topping.

    I wonder, how long did she sit in her comfy, padded chair staring at that line on her over-sized flat panel display before she reached for another bonbon and the glass of sugar-cubed champagne?

  353. M. Bouffant said,

    August 19, 2011 at 19:59

    Actor hates America. (And Canada, it appears.)

  354. bbkf said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:05

    I’m gonna guess something-something “face-off”?

    heh…yes…there’s always a face off in the corner…

  355. vacuumslayer said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:11

    Speaking of gay abortions, has everyone seen this?

    This is getting boring. Why can’t the Republicans throw us for a loop? Get caught with a grown woman for once? Jesus! Let’s mix things up, Repukes!

  356. bbkf said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:15

    Get caught with a grown woman for once?

    newt gingrich heard you loud and clear…

  357. Johann Sebastien Bachmann Underdrive said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:17

    “living in a culture that is enslaved”

    Theocracy For Liberty is just as sensible as Shitting For Constipation.

    History class was K-Lo’s naptime?

  358. Robert Green said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:24

    going back HUNDREDS of comments:

    GREAT MASSACHUSETTS JOKE NO ONE ELSE NEED READ

    we had a governor named endicott peabody once upon a time. we have a town named endicott and a town named peabody,

    joke: There are three towns named after our governor: endicott, peabody, and athol.

    thank you and goodnight, see you all tomorrow at the Falmouth portugese fair!

  359. Pupienus said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:25

    Already down the memory hole in the media, vs. Some of the more amusing aspects not mentioned by PZ are the top urban dictionary entry for “hinkle,” the bit with the wife (look up the whole story – priceless) and that the kid refused to have sex with him when he found he was a legiscritter and Hinkle attempted to rape him.

  360. Johann Sebastien Bachmann Underdrive said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:38

    has everyone seen this?

    Lolz for teh L0LG0D!!

    Also, sheesh!

    Let’s see – Zirkle was the guy who did a speech at a birthday party for HILTRE, whereas Hinckle is the anti-non-hetero law guy chasing rentboy action on Craigslist … you better look out for a guy named Schmungle with a penchant for covering aardvarks in mayonnaise next.

  361. Johann Sebastien Bachmann Underdrive said,

    August 19, 2011 at 20:50

    *tumbleweed rolls by*

  362. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:00

    The flagon with the dragon…

  363. Marion in Savannah said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:06

    Has the brew that is true…

  364. Steerpike said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:21

    The chalice from the palace…

  365. LittlePig said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:27

    BURMA-SHAVE!

  366. Spearhafoc, who is not a Nazi but he plays one on TV said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:36

    Homophobia is so gay!

    Now of you’ll excuse me, I need some water. My mouth is drier than KLo’s vagina.

  367. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:40

    Does anyone here mind some very off-topic cat blogging?
    .

  368. tigris said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:43

    Spearhafoc, I pray you get eaten last by Cthulhu. And chewed slowly.

  369. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:43

    And I was wrong! ZULU +2!
    .

  370. tigris said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:49

    Sweet kitty!

  371. Arakasi said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:53

    you better look out for a guy named Schmungle with a penchant for covering aardvarks in mayonnaise next

    What’s so strange about that? It’s a perfectly normal expression of youthful hormones. Absolutely no harm done, I assure you.

    STOP JUDGING ME!

  372. bbkf said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:53

    My mouth is drier than KLo’s vagina.

    i hope you DO kiss yer mother with that mouth, cuz that would make it gay which would make k-lo feel icky…

  373. bbkf said,

    August 19, 2011 at 21:53

    also, too…EWWWWWWW!

  374. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 19, 2011 at 22:02

    PENIS.

  375. Fenwick said,

    August 19, 2011 at 22:24

    New thread.

  376. Smut Clyde said,

    August 19, 2011 at 23:24

    They need a cake-top zombie to go with the bride and groom.
    Also helpful.

  377. actor212 said,

    August 20, 2011 at 4:29

    Sounds nice, “Tintin” but I got there for free, by streetcar, in 15 minutes. Phtphptphphttphpt.

    Really? You’re lording a freebie over the rest of us? Really?

    Wow. I mean, gee, for free, I played with a turtle today. Waxing the shell.

  378. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 20, 2011 at 4:48

    I played with a turtle today. Waxing the shell.

    Hey, me too.

    Oh. You meant an actual turtle.

    Never mind.

  379. Sadly, No! » Delusion of the Day said,

    November 28, 2011 at 21:54

    [...] Danno, here’s a polite suggestion. If there is a one woman in the world, and that includes K-Lo or even J-Dough Loadberg in a dress, that expresses even faint interest in connecting with you, [...]

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