Aug
4

Kristol Haz A Sadz




Posted at 11:54 by HTML Mencken


Above: ‘If it weren’t for this Death Star, all you idiots would be speaking Chinese.’

Shorter William Kristol
The Weakly Standard
“Decline is a Choice”

“‘A Somewhat Sinking Feeling’”

  • On the one hand, yay for the budget deal fucking people out of social security and medicare; but on the other hand, defense cuts weaken my precious, precious empire.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

48 Comments »

  1. N__B said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:00

    Now I want a 1980s Wham-style tee shirt that says CHOOSE DECLINE.

  2. actor212 said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:00

    Trusting the shorter and welcome back, HTML

    So having the single most powerful Death St– I mean, military on the planet, bigger than the next dix combined, isn’t enough????

  3. actor212 said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:02

    CHOOSE DECLINE

    *taking Decline gum out of mouth*

    You, um, misspelled “chews”

  4. kg said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:10

    I think Willie here and Joementum were on the same conference call.

  5. Christopher said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:29

    Kristol: This is a very bad outcome for modernization, force size, and training. America will not be able to meet its current commitments.

    2. This is the best day the Chinese have ever had.

    You know, I’m just blue skying here, but given that many, if not most, of our current commitments don’t involve the Chinese in any way, shape or form, maybe we could make up some of the shortfall by redirecting those resources to policing our deadly Chinese foes?

  6. Cerberus said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:32

    Your made up bullshit designed to plunge us even deeper into our Second Great Depression for cynical political reasons and so that our deranged overlords could begin siphoning the money from the few remaining tendrils of the safety net that are left is turning out to have unforeseen consequences for your side as well, including possibly a slight reduction in the money available for graft and the running of a failed empire?

    Scuse me while I play the world’s smallest violin.

    Oh wait, I can’t, I had to pawn it to afford FOOD this month!

  7. Cerberus said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:35

    Christopher-

    I don’t think he’s worried that China will be our enemy, but rather that they’ll be able to do better at the Empire game than us if we abandon our commitment to running the world by proxy. I mean, they’re already fucking with nearby countries. What if they beat us in the number of puppet states?

    Why our national manhood may lose valuable inches causing millions of war-mongering assholes to go home unsatisfied and unable to achieve release.

    Can you imagine anything worse than that?

  8. Smut Clyde said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:40

    “Decline is a Choice”
    It is, to be more specific, Kristol’s choice. Unless I am mistaken, hasn’t he been peddling this “An end to comfortable existence; neo-austerity will make us strong again” line for the last 20 years?

  9. Smut Clyde said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:44

    Alternative shorter Kristol: No-one could have predicted that we would have ended up unable to afford both guns and butter.

  10. vacuumslayer said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:47

    Enlist, Kristol. Enlist.

    It’s fun playing arm chair general when you’ve got no skin in the game.

  11. Keith Shit said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:51

    FUCK OFF KRISTOL

  12. N__B said,

    August 4, 2011 at 12:56

    It’s disgusting playing armchair general when you’ve got no skin. Lint sticking to the viscera, etc., etc.

  13. Smut Clyde said,

    August 4, 2011 at 13:00

    If you do have skin in the game then I recommend buying your cards from a more reputable source.

  14. vacuumslayer said,

    August 4, 2011 at 13:02

    N_B and Smut: BANNED.

  15. M. Bouffant said,

    August 4, 2011 at 13:23

    SKIN.

  16. Ted the Slacker said,

    August 4, 2011 at 13:33

    Yep, while the indigent go hungry Billy laments his neglected war-boner.

  17. vacuumslayer said,

    August 4, 2011 at 13:47

    “M. Bouffant said,
    August 4, 2011 at 13:23

    SKIN.”

    Sure, that’s nice, but will it top my booger collection?

  18. N__B said,

    August 4, 2011 at 13:51

    Sure, that’s nice, but will it top my booger collection?

    Most people want to top a booger, they use cheese and ketchup. McD’s has made a fortune with this.

  19. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:00

    HTML! Geez, you’re already onto new thread before I can even say Hi!

  20. Ted the Slacker said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:06

    McD’s has made a fortune with this.

    You’re not wrong, Supersneeze Me blew open that racket.

  21. General Pecker said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:09

    We must NOT allow a puppet gap!1!

  22. Chris said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:39

    “Decline is a Choice”

    We made the choice to decline when we embraced Thatcher/Reagan ideology, and we made it again this past fall when we decided to charge blindly ahead with it even after it had become painfully obvious that it was driving the country off a cliff. International relations is a Darwinian world. If your country refuses to recognize reality, someone who doesn’t live in your delusions is going to whip past you, especially on something as crucial as economics.

  23. Chris said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:43

    I don’t think he’s worried that China will be our enemy, but rather that they’ll be able to do better at the Empire game than us if we abandon our commitment to running the world by proxy. I mean, they’re already fucking with nearby countries. What if they beat us in the number of puppet states?

    I’m not a China fan in any way, shape or form, but actually, I’d be thrilled if we let them start “fucking with” Pakistan instead of us. I mean, they’ve got interests there too, they’re just as threatened by the idea of islamists taking over the country and getting the bomb, so if we pulled out of there, it’s not like they could afford to let the country collapse.

    Why not toss them the ticking bomb? “Here you go, boys. Have fun trying not to blow up.” And let them pour all that money and effort into trying to “stabilize” the country.

  24. DrDick said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:45

    They are stealing our precious bodily fluids!

  25. DrDick said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:48

    So having the single most powerful Death St– I mean, military on the planet, bigger than the next dix combined, isn’t enough????

    The US currently accounts for about 42% of all defense spending. If we cut our defense spending by 2/3, it would still be more than twice the next highest. That of course is totally inadequate and we clearly need to spend more than double the rest of the world combined.

  26. N__B said,

    August 4, 2011 at 14:49

    They are stealing our precious bodily fluids!

    And using them to make McFlurries!

  27. Chris said,

    August 4, 2011 at 15:04

    The US currently accounts for about 42% of all defense spending. If we cut our defense spending by 2/3, it would still be more than twice the next highest. That of course is totally inadequate and we clearly need to spend more than double the rest of the world combined.

    I hate to defend our level of military spending, but in our defense, no one else has anything close to our current defense commitments. We don’t just have to defend ourselves, we’re also protecting all of Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and a bunch of Asian democracies (that’s before you even bring the non-free world into it, e.g. the Persian Gulf kingdoms). Russia and China have nothing comparable on their plate. No one does, really.

    I’m okay with some of that, but I also think it’d be nice if some of the other major powers (chiefly in Western Europe) picked up a bit more of the slack.

  28. Geds said,

    August 4, 2011 at 15:16

    Chris: I hate to defend our level of military spending, but in our defense, no one else has anything close to our current defense commitments. We don’t just have to defend ourselves, we’re also protecting all of Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and a bunch of Asian democracies (that’s before you even bring the non-free world into it, e.g. the Persian Gulf kingdoms). Russia and China have nothing comparable on their plate. No one does, really.

    This, of course, leads to the obvious question: “Why?”

    As in, “Why are we fucking doing this?” and, “Why don’t we stop?” We don’t need to be the world’s policeman. We don’t need to be the sole superpower. All it takes is a long look at the latter days of Rome, Byzantium, and the European powers in Asia post WWII to see that nothing good comes of attempting to remain in control of the world with empty coffers.

  29. N__B said,

    August 4, 2011 at 15:16

    we’re also protecting all of Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and a bunch of Asian democracies

    Exactly what military threat are we protecting Canada, Oz, or NZ from? And Europe? Russia’s not invading anyone we would be willing to go to war to protect (as opposed to South Ossetia, where we haz a sad but did nothing.) Who are we protecting Japan from?

  30. Major Kong said,

    August 4, 2011 at 15:20

    2. This is the best day the Chinese have ever had.

    Allright Bill, you win, China’s evil.

    NOW can we stop moving our factories there?

  31. DrDick said,

    August 4, 2011 at 15:45

    We don’t just have to defend ourselves, we’re also protecting all of Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and a bunch of Asian democracies (that’s before you even bring the non-free world into it, e.g. the Persian Gulf kingdoms). Russia and China have nothing comparable on their plate.

    And exactly why don’t we just let them bear the cost of their own defense? As N_B points out, it is not like there is any eminent threat of invasion by a major superpower (other than us). I see absolutely no justification for maintaining an imperial military force while slashing programs to benefit our own citizens. We are well on the same path that brought down the Soviet Union.

  32. Ted the Slacker said,

    August 4, 2011 at 15:48

    I’m okay with some of that, but I also think it’d be nice if some of the other major powers (chiefly in Western Europe) picked up a bit more of the slack.

    No thanks, it will only encourage “the threats” to intensify their own militarisation.

  33. N__B said,

    August 4, 2011 at 16:05

    I see absolutely no justification for maintaining an imperial military force while slashing programs to benefit our own citizens.

    Fiqqst that for you me.

  34. tigris said,

    August 4, 2011 at 16:08

    The US currently accounts for about 42% of all defense spending. If we cut our defense spending by 2/3, it would still be more than twice the next highest. That of course is totally inadequate and we clearly need to spend more than double the rest of the world combined.

    Well duh, we have way more manufacturers who need government assistance(it’s only welfare if you’re poor!)

  35. Whale Chowder said,

    August 4, 2011 at 17:35

    Allright Bill, you win, China’s evil.

    NOW can we stop moving our factories there?

    That would be interfering with the Invisible Handjob.

    Why do you hate America?

  36. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 4, 2011 at 17:46

    Well, at least this makes me feel a little bit better about the debt deal. If Kristol, so famously wrong on every fucking thing ever, can’t stand it, it might not be all bad.

  37. Canada said,

    August 4, 2011 at 17:53

    If you want to stop defending us, yeah, we’re pretty much okay with that.
    We’ll give you a call if St.Pierre & Miquelon suddenly invade Newfoundland.

  38. Smut Clyde said,

    August 4, 2011 at 21:50

    we’re also protecting all of Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and a bunch of Asian democracies

    US protection will extend as far as the interests of those nations align with the interests of US companies, and no further. That US protection didn’t help East Timor much when Indonesia decided to invade, or the UK when Argentina wanted the Falkland Islands.

    No-one in the rest of the world asked for this protection, though we are used to hearing complaints about the ingratitude we show for it. The NZ experience from the days of the nuclear ban was that the US does not take kindly to its protectorates trying to reduce their military dependence.

    The UK made the mistake of “picking up a bit more of the slack” during Bush’s Excellent Wars by loyally sending UK troops into the Iraq meat-grinder; the UK armed forces are now borked.

  39. turdblossom said,

    August 5, 2011 at 1:09

    So happy that HTML is back, baby.

  40. Tehanu said,

    August 5, 2011 at 1:16

    Nothing to add; Smut Clyde said it all better than I could. Thanks. Oh, and welcome back HTML Mencken!

  41. Whale Chowder said,

    August 5, 2011 at 1:18

    The UK made the mistake of “picking up a bit more of the slack” during Bush’s Excellent Wars by loyally sending UK troops into the Iraq meat-grinder; the UK armed forces are now borked.

    To be fair, they’re also borked because the UK eagerly followed the US banking industry in flushing several economies down the toilet.

  42. Mentis Fugit said,

    August 5, 2011 at 1:34

    As N_B points out, it is not like there is any eminent threat of invasion by a major superpower (other than us).
    When you put it like that, it starts to sound like a protection racket.

  43. Hogeye Grex said,

    August 5, 2011 at 4:04

    When you put it like that, it starts to sound like a protection racket.

    “Nice country youse gots there. Shame if something should, ya know, happen to it.”

    Fuck. The Republicans love using this strategy at home so much. Why wouldn’t they export it?

  44. Non-Existent Patricia said,

    August 5, 2011 at 4:12

    Chris Said: I’m not a China fan in any way, shape or form, but actually, I’d be thrilled if we let them start “fucking with” Pakistan instead of us. I mean, they’ve got interests there too, they’re just as threatened by the idea of islamists taking over the country and getting the bomb, so if we pulled out of there, it’s not like they could afford to let the country collapse.

    Why not toss them the ticking bomb? “Here you go, boys. Have fun trying not to blow up.” And let them pour all that money and effort into trying to “stabilize” the country.

    But why would China do this when all they have to do is loan us the money and we’ll do it for them? It seems like a win-win situation for them.

  45. Lesley said,

    August 5, 2011 at 7:01

    Bill Kristol’s empire is crumbling crumbling…

  46. Robert Green said,

    August 6, 2011 at 1:42

    HTML BACK IN THE MOTHAFUCKIN HOUSE

    yes. and it counts.

  47. Ibn Thunder™³²®© said,

    August 6, 2011 at 3:28

    You got a link from Glennzilla, HTML.
    ~

  48. kc said,

    August 9, 2011 at 18:31

    HTML! Yay!

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